#that and her link to her soul partner is lost

[cryptidghostgirl]

Make You Wish Chapter Two -- Where Is She

Pairing: Alastor x Reader

Warnings: really super mild versions of cannon violence.

Word count: 2,072

Previous Part: Make You Wish Chapter One -- Seven Years

Master list link:

Master Lists 

Hazbin Hotel Master List 

Make You Wish Master List

A/N I accidentally posted this before I was ready tooo ahhhh!!! it's fine. Everything was already written I just had to format it properly and stuff.

Alastor had been at the Hazbin Hotel for only a few days and was already enjoying his time there greatly. It was an entertaining place, to say the least, and now that he had his feet under him, he was intent on making it even more so.

Charlie was pacing around the sitting room, stressed beyond belief. She had gone to speak to Adam the previous day to try and get his support for her plan, only to wind up with the news that the next extermination was coming in six moths, rather than the usual twelve. Alastor watched her duress in amusement as he sauntered into the hotel lobby, side stepping Angel, Charlie, and Vaggie to take a seat at the bar.

"It's nothing we can't handle," Charlie was explaining, trying to convince herself as much as anyone else in the room, "just angels cutting our timetable in half. But who needs a whole year to save souls? Am I right? And next time, when they cut the time in half again and again, we'll just handle it, right?!"

Vaggie got to her feet, grabbing her girlfriend by the shoulders and stopping her from her relentless pacing.

"Yes, we will." she confirmed.

"Oh please," Angel cut in from the couch, his eyes fixed on his phone, "ya had less than half a chance when you started all this salvation bullshit. And now...? Ain' no silver lining this time, toots."

"Sure there is." Charlie turned to him, "We just have to look a little harder for it."

"Well, while you're lookin', the rest of Hell is going nuts."

Angel turned his phone to Charlie, showing all the news headlines of terror he'd pulled up.

"People are already freaking out about the news. Look at what's happening in the Doomsday District."

He scrolled down to a video of a burning town just as a text notification popped up.

"Uh, what is a 'donkey show'?" Charlie asked in confusion, having read the text.

"Ah, heh, nothing." Angel pulled the phone from her line of sigh, trying to come up with a quick lie, "My boss, Val, is just freaked out about the news too. Like I said, everyone's losing their shit."

"Yeah, that is true." Vaggie hummed thoughtfully, a hand to her chin, "Sinners are desperate. Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape extermination?"

"Speaking of sinners," Alastor said, drawing the attention in the room to him as he turned towards Husk who was busying cleaning glasses, "I think it's time I look up my old partner in crime."

"And what do I have to do with that?" the cat demon gruffly replied, not sparing Alastor a glance.

"Your partner in crime?" Charlie asked, taking a step towards the bar, "I always thought you... you know, worked alone?"

Alastor's grin widened.

"Oh never you mind, dear." he replied, throwing her a glance over his shoulder, "Just a lost soul I'm acquainted with is all."

"Yeah. You've been trying to get her to sell you that soul for what, the past seventy years is it now?" Husk scoffed.

Alastor's eye twitched slightly at the implication of his failure.

"If I wanted it, I would have it." he hummed threateningly, and Husk backed down.

"That's great!" Charlie exclaimed, "So she's a friend of yours? Do you think she'd help with the hotel? Oh! Or maybe that she'd want to be a guest?!"

"Charlie-" Vaggie began but Alastor quickly cut her off.

"I don't see a harm in asking." he cheerily replied.

"And you know her, Husk?" Charlie asked.

He looked up as he placed a clean glass on the shelf, shooting Alastor a glance before nodding.

"Do you think she'd be a good fit?"

He sighed, crossing his arms as Husk turned to face Charlie fully.

"She's a sweetheart, I think you'd get along well." he admitted, "But she's trouble, just like him."

Husk gestured towards Alastor and Charlie's smile widened.

"Well, with all Alastor has done for us so far, I think we could probably use more trouble like him."

"Oh you flatter me." Alastor waved her off, looking away in a false show of humility.

"No really." Charlie insisted, "You-"

"Show yourself, Alastor!" a dramatic call cut Charlie off mid thought.

----

"Um. Alastor?" Charlie hesitantly began, peeking out from behind his shoulder as she watched the havoc he was wreaking on the snake shaped sinner, "I think he's had enough."

Alastor cackled joyfully, not even watching as his shadows destroyed the air ship.

"Nah, he's got a few more hits in 'im." Angle disagreed, enjoying the show immensly.

The shadows tilted the ship forward, dropping Sir Pentious out through the broken windshield. He hit the ground with a thud, right before Alastor's feet. Stopping in his fit of laughter, he looked down at the man, spinning his microphone like a baton.

"Thanks for another forgettable experience." he teased as one of the egg creatures fell from the ship, splattering on the ground beside Charlie who took a step away.

"Thank... you..." Sir Pentious began, his voice pained as he raised his head slowly, "for letting your guard down!"

Almost before Alastor could register what was happening, the snake had grabbed onto his coat with his tail and torn a piece from its hem. Alastor took a menacing step forward, his eyes narrowed.

"Oh shit." Pentious' triumphant laughter died out.

Slowly, Alastor sprouted a pair of shadowy horns. With a snap of his finger, the ground under the snake detonated, throwing him up into the air and far away from the hotel with a scream. He watched as Pentious flew away, retracting his horns and standing with a hand behind his back. Once the snake was out of sight, he at last turned to Charlie and Angel, as well as Husk and Vaggie who had come out to join them.

"Well, it looks as thought I need a visit to the tailor." he hummed, "Husk?"

"Yeah?" Husk grunted.

"Where did you say she was again?"

"I didn't."

Husk crossed his arms defensively and Alastor took a step towards him, his smile a little smaller than normal. There was an odd air between the two of them, a tension every one present could feel biting into their skins.

"Whats that?" Alastor asked lowly, his head cocked slightly to the side.

Husk sighed.

"Last I heard she was working for some imp in Pentagram City." Husk reluctantly admitted, looking away, "As an assassin or something, I don't know the details."

"An imp, you say." Alastor thoughtfully replied, his expression unreadable.

"Look, Alastor." Husk turned back to his master, "Don't fuck this up for her. She seemed pretty happy last time I saw her. You disappearing like that wrecked the poor girl."

"Just means she'll be all the more happy to see me."

Alastor turned, beginning to walk away. At the sound of Husk speaking again, he paused, keeping his back to the quartet.

"Alastor, ju-"

Alastor turned his head, shooting Husk a critical look over his shoulder. It shut the cat demon up almost immedeatly.

"Best of luck, chums!"

"Wait, you're leaving?" Vaggie exclaimed, taking a step forward.

Irritation prickling beneath his skin, Alastor turned back to them once again. It had been seven years, he didn't know how much longer he could wait. Sure, he'd had time in Hell on his own, nearly twenty years of it. He didn't need her per-say, she just made things more interesting, more enjoyable. It just felt odd for them to be parted.

Sure, when they had first met, he had thought she was just an easy steal of a soul. Young, naive, frankly undeserving in his opinion of eternal damnation. But smart, smarter than she looked. Y/n had refused any and all deals with the man and so, he had taken it as a challenge. What had begun as a game: Alastor trying to gain ownership of Y/n's soul ended up as an after-life long friendship.

Alastor would never admit it to anyone but, in his absence, he had even missed Y/n the smallest bit. She kept things interesting, he told himself, that was all. Always causing discreet mischief, always quick with a joke. A true pleasure to have on the show, as he always used to say.

"Alastor, we need your help. We need you to do your job." Vaggie continued.

"We need a wall." Angel finished for her, gesturing to the portion of the hotel Sir Pentious had destroyed in his attack.

"Of course." Alastor replied, keeping an irritated remark at bay, "Can't let my new project fall into disrepair already. What would the papers say?"

With a snap of his fingers, minions made of shadows pulled themselves from the ground at his feet. So as not to give anyone another chance to stall him further, he quickly turned on his heel and walked off.

Alastor was a man of image, he kept his pace slow and firm. Couldn't have any of them getting any ideas in their heads about the nature of his relationship with Y/n. That had always been trouble in the old days. The minute people saw the pair together, they started assuming things. He had already decided he was going to be more careful about that this time around and this was the first step.

There was a slight bounce in his step as he headed into the city's center, an odd anticipation fluttering in his chest. Alastor pushed it to the side. It was simply the thrill of being back in his old stomping ground that was to blame. It didn't matter he'd already been back a few days and it should have worn off by now, he should just feel lucky to still be so entertained by this place he'd known longer than he'd even been alive. Right?

----

Y/n was sitting at Blitzo's desk, reading through paperwork he had neglected to fill out or file correctly. It wasn't like any one in Hell really payed their taxes, but the mess still stressed her out. She let out a sigh, leaning back in her chair and rubbing her eyes in irritation. She had never had to do this type of work before, not since she'd been alive anyways. How the times had changed.

Noise of Blitzo and Moxxie fighting filtered in through the closed door. It wasn't anything special, anything new. The pair were always at one another's throats, she wasn't worried. What would be worrying, was if things were quiet. This was just the way life sounded now: inelegant and brazen. Nothing like it used to.

The buzzing of her phone on the desk beside her pulled Y/n from her reveries and she picked it up. The collar lay heavy around her neck as she read the message. Y/n had made some bad choices along the way, figuring out how to be on her own. She wasn't pleased with them, but it was what she had had to do. Back then, she hadn't had the need to fight for herself in over sixty years. It was the only thing she could think to do.

She double tapped the text, marking it with a thumbs up before shutting her phone off and leaning her head down on the table. There was no point in wishing for things to be different than they were but, it was just that time of year and the text had pushed her over the edge. A few stray tears trickled out of her eyes.

"Goddamnit, Al." she sighed into the empty room, "Where the hell are you."

Silence pressed its hands against her ears, blurring her perception of the world around her. Y/n had a few seconds, a few nearly peaceful moments before, again, her thoughts were interrupted. This time, not by her phone but by Blitzo calling for her from the other room.

"Y/n!" he yelled and she lifted her head off the table.

"Yeah?" she called back through the closed door.

"Get your ass out here!"

"Why? A client? Can't you handle it?"

"Y/n!" he insisted again, a sense of urgency to his voice.

If this was anything less than an absolute emergency, he was never going to hear the end of it. She was not in the mood for his games today.

"Fine." she groaned and pulled herself from the chair, "I'm coming."

----

Next Part -> Chapter Three -- A Reunion

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[cry4mina]

Take Me Back To Eden - Aqua Regia (Part 3)

(Nayeon x fem!reader)

Take Me Back To Eden - Choke Hold - Part 1

Take Me Back To Eden - Granite - Part 2

Word Count: 5.1k Angst/More Angst/Angry Fluff/A secret fourth thing? Summary: Reader has the name of the person who wrote the note and decides it's time to let the culprits know how they feel. TW: Mentions of drinking, confrontations, trapped in a small space, sitting in the rain, mentions of food, intimate moments sprinkled in there (Not sex, but like something you'd only do with your partner, if that makes sense??). Reader is half way on a war path, but is overwhelmed by their own emotions, lost of confusion. Let me know if I missed anything! A/N: WELP, this is the end of my first series. I do really appreciate all of the support shown and I look forward to posting more content for everyone in the future! If you haven't read the first two parts of this, they are linked above the word count! Thank you for reading<3

***after hearing feedback from everyone this will NOT be the end of this series! Stay tuned****

Reminder: My asks/requests and DMs are always open!

You stare at the screen of your phone in absolute disbelief as you read the singular name texted to you. Blood boils through your skin as your fear turns to anger.

The phone starts vibrating in your hand as Nayeon calls trying to get a hold of you again. You throw your phone across the room in a fit of rage. It continues to vibrate against the floor, refusing your want for silence.

You are dumbstruck and livid, fighting the water that threatens to fall from your eyes. Your feet are flat on the floor, elbows resting on your knees as you hunch over, head in hands.

You’re too angry to even begin to decipher exactly what your body needs as the trauma sinks its teeth into your bones. Cold poison taints the warmth of your soul.

You’ve spent years unearthing and healing old scars, only for the person who helped you through it to completely undo all the hard work.

You quickly stand up and retrieve your now shattered phone as it rings, making your way back to the couch when you see a cable tucked until the cushion.

You raise your eyebrow, placing your phone on the arm of the couch before tugging on the wire to reveal Nayeon’s ipad hiding between the seats of the love seat you plopped on.

“She’s probably pissed she forgot this.” you smile at the thought wishing for inconvenient things to happen to annoy her for the remainder of the day.

You’d never wish actual harm on her, you still loved her. You are definitely upset enough to wish for one of her nails to break enough to make them look uneven, or for her shirt to be caught on a door handle while walking through it.

You swipe up to unlock it but it reveals a keypad for a passcode. You hesitate. Was this something you really wanted to do? You no longer had any trust in her but would you breaking her trust make it any better?

You punch in the first code and the screen shakes. It’s not her birthday. You try your birthday, the lock shimmies back at you asking for another set of numbers. You think for a second before trying your anniversary and it opens.

A deep breath in, and you click on the messages. Searching for the name of the person who accompanied your partner in betrayal.

You notice in the sidebar your name with a heart and the banner underneath your name swiftly changing as it synchronizes with the pinging of your phone.

You fixate on the other names in the list. Momo, Sana, Mina, a few Twice group chats when the name pops up to the top of the list.

“Are you alright?”

You seeth knowing the hands that typed that message are the hands that touched Nayeon. You see the text bubble start to move and then stop only to start up again.

“No, I’m flying back home tonight instead of tomorrow. I’ll call you later.”

Great. You think about packing a bag and heading to Momo’s but this was your apartment. Why should you have to leave? You think about how long you have until Nayeon arrives.

You phone goes back to buzzing as she’s panic texting you. Telling you that she will be home later tonight and you can talk it through then. She begs you not to leave the apartment. You scoff.

The ipad pings again.

“Okay, just checking in. My plane just landed back home and I have a meeting. I should be home after that. If you need a place to stay, just let me know.”

Your stomach churns at the offer. Hands that aren’t yours trailing Nayeon’s body weighs heavy in your stomach. This person can’t be offering this to her. What if she says yes? You fixate on the screen as the chat bubble pops up.

“I really do appreciate that but I don’t think that y/n would want me to stay with you.”

“A little too late, no?” You say out loud annoyed that she’s trying to assert a boundary with this person. Knowing full well it already happened.

“So she knows now? When you said you got into an argument, I didn’t think it was about that…”

You grit your teeth. You hear your jaw crack under the pressure as your eyes widen, seeing the acknowledgement of the deed with your own eyes. It has your sights on red.

“Yes. I know now.” You type into the virtual keyboard hitting send immediately and tossing the ipad to the side. For a brief second, silence fills the room. No notifications, no pinging of text tones. Just pure silence.

You stand up hastily, leaving your electronics behind, not wanting another text notification or phone call. Grabbing your keys and wallet before walking out the door. You’ve got a meeting to get to.

-

You hop into the driver's seat and put your car in reverse and pull out of the parking spot and into the road. The tires are recklessly screeching behind you as you swerve through traffic

. You run through the red lights like they’re nothing. Not even blinking as you speed onto the freeway in silence. You know exactly where the meeting is and you plan on being present for it.

You get off on the exit, and pull up to the JYP building, parking in Nayeon’s spot knowing she wasn’t going to be in today. You rip the keys from the ignition, hear the scrape of the metal as you push the car door open and slam it behind you.

The fresh rage in your body physically manifests as you speed walk through the cold air, steam rising from your arms as you start to walk through the side entrance close to the elevators.

As you walk past the security guard. He stands to greet you and informs you that Nayeon isn’t in today. You look at him and he sees the absolute fury in your eyes, “Carry on, Y/n” and seats immediately back at the desk.

You return to your pace, reaching the elevator and slamming the “Up” button with your hands, probably too hard as it starts the woman also waiting.

You cross your arms; heart racing with your jaw and fists clenched, leaving the taste of copper in your mouth and indents in your palms as you “patiently” wait for the elevator to come down to pick you up.

You hear the ringing and snap your head up to see none other than Park Jihyo standing inside, about to get off when your eyes connect. Her smile fades quickly when she realizes what’s about to happen.

She tried to take a step out and greet you, but you put your hand on her shoulder and shove her lightly back into the elevator. The woman you previously startled hesitates so come in.

“Would you mind taking the next one?” You hiss at her. You don’t wait for an answer, hitting the button for floor 7, and turning to face the doors as they close.

The lights are bright and threatening as you ascend up. You count the floors as they pass, Jihyo silent behind you nervously playing with her hands when you reach out and hit the “Stop” button.

The elevator grinds to a halt between floors. You turn around to face Jihyo, eyebrows creased and lean against the walls of the 6ft wide box.

“When were you planning on telling me, Hyo?” You spit at her loudly. Your hands rise to pinch the bridge of your nose. She flinched at the tone and volume of your voice.

You weren’t going to hurt her, she knew that. She’s just never seen you like this before. She takes in your demeanor and slowly runs her eyes up your body taking note of your unkempt clothes, the bags under your eyes, and lack of jacket.

“Did you speed here after seeing that conversation?” She quizzically inquired while tilting her head at you. You roll your eyes, uninterested in the question. You feel like she’s challenging you, even if it is innocent.

“Here’s what we are going to do.” Firmly enunciating your words as they sputter out of your mouth.

“I’m going to ask you the questions and you are either going to answer them or we are going to be in this elevator for a very long time.”

Jihyo nods her head, understanding that this isn’t the time for her to try to ease the tension with playful banter. She does pity you though, knowing that she was part of the cause makes her eye shift to the floor as she begins to speak. Her empathy is losing its meaning in your apathy.

“Listen Y/n, I know that this is a lot and I can’t imagine what you are going through and feeling right now. I need you to know that it was a one time thing and it has never happened again. We were both drunk out of our minds.”

She lifted her head up to try to sneak a look at your face. She sees your eyes spilling over and winces. She hates this just as much as you do but you’re unsure of if it’s because the conversation is emotionally charged or just uncomfortable.

“It was a stupid mistake. We were going to tell you but we were trying to avoid this. It was years ago. I didn’t even know she was seeing someone until she told me the morning after. She was inconsolable. She was so scared to lose you that she couldn’t stop crying and shaking…I wrote her that note and stuck it in her wallet the night of thinking it would be funny to wake up too. I thought she would’ve thrown it away by now.” Jihyo sighed heavily, searching your face for signs that you were absorbing her story.

“I can tell you this much. I’ve never seen Nayeon look at anyone the way she looks at you. The way her eyes light up when she talks about you is something other people dream about when they think of love.”

You choke on your emotions. Dropping your angry mask to reveal the truth behind your eyes. Suffering. You squat down and hold your knees to your chest as you sob. Jihyo quickly follows, placing a hand on your back trying to console you.

Once you have some semblance of calm, Jihyo speaks again. “Do you remember the night that I called you from Nayeon's phone?” Hyo smiles at the memory. It lives happily in her brain too

. “I didn’t know how into you she was until she started crying about missing you…and when you got to my house and she almost tackled you in the snow, it only solidified how important you are to her. It was my idea not to say anything…”

You glare at her waiting for her to finish.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I really am. I just didn’t want to shatter something that was just starting. Look at the beautiful relationship you’ve built with her. I could tell when I saw you both together that you were meant for each other. I felt bad for it then and I feel even worse about it now.”

You feel yourself melting into sadness, once more. A heavy breath leaves your mouth when you realize you were so wrapped up in what was happening that you forgot you were in a stopped elevator.

You calmly stand and brush yourself off. You hit the stop button again and the elevator groans to the 7th floor. The doors open and a few people file in, not realizing the emotionally charged conversation that had just taken place, though you’re sure it’s displayed across your face.

A man in a suit pressed the “Ground level” button and the elevator descended to the lobby.

Once the doors open, you swiftly walk past security. Trying to leave behind the anger fueled attempt at a conversation, even if you didn’t say much.

The friendship you developed with Jihyo allowed her to know exactly what to say so keep you calm despite that being the first appearance of your unadulterated anger.

You leave JYP through the front doors, and start walking down the sidewalk through the rain. “Where are you going?” You hear Jihyo shout from the front of the building. You don’t even turn around, you just keep walking.

You find yourself in a park by a river and sit down on the wet bench. The light drizzle that threatened rain all day opened up and washed over your skin.

You should’ve brought a jacket, you think as you let the cool drops land on your back completely soaking you. You reach in your pocket, forgetting that your phone is at home.

The words “Missing something?” Unearths itself out of the rain with a black umbrella and sits next to you on the bench, shielding you from the downpour. “Didn’t want to be bothered by the constant ringing?” You sit in silence not wanting to interact with Jihyo.

She knows you well. You’ve been around each other for long enough to pick up on the little things. You roll your eyes wishing it wasn’t someone who could reflect you back to yourself. “Look, I know this is overwhelmin-“

“No, you don’t” cutting her off with a tone that could dissolve the strongest on metals.

Your face contorted with exasperation as you spew out the words, “You have NO idea what it’s like to look at the person you’ve spent the last 3 years with and question whether or not they are who they say. You don’t know what it’s like for that same partner to hide things behind your back with someone you consider family. Please tell me about a time you’ve experienced this level of betrayal, Hyo. You’ve got no clue what I’ve been struggling with these past few days and don’t you dare say that you have!”

Your words were harsh and she accepted them.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She calmly states while holding eye contact with you.

You're more upset that she’s so polished in her responses. You maintain your angry demeanor turning to face the river in front of you.

The rain continues to fall as you sit in silence, Jihyo just sitting next to you waiting for you to speak.

“Why are you still here?” Annoyed at her presence.

“Because I’ve made you upset with my actions and you’re my friend.” The emotional whiplash your body is projecting is infuriating. Overwhelmed by the notion that two things could be true at once. On one hand, you’re livid with Jihyo and Nayeon. On the other, you respect the accountability of the person in front of you, even if it only instills anger in you further.

She’s sat here in silence with you, in the middle of a thunderstorm only to be yelled at.

“If I would have known this was the result of keeping it a secret, I would’ve told you years ago. I wouldn’t have convinced Nayeon not to say anything. Hell, I barely remember any of it, neither of us do. I really am sorry.”

Her words make you think about Nayeon. If she didn’t remember…if she wanted to tell you.

Nayeon had never broken your trust before. She was always honest, even overly honest. She would answer anything you asked her. You had trusted her with every detail of your life.

Every scar that ever calloused over your heart was shown to her. Whenever they started to ache again, she would kiss the wounds and soothe you. You crave that same comfort now, undecided if you are going to go and get it, reeling at the potential falsehood of it all.

Jihyo watched the cogs move in your head as you sorted through the information and filed it away where it belonged.

She stands up and looks over, “do you want a ride back to your car? The rain is only going to get worse from here.” You nod your head yes and walk back to the car, getting in the passenger side. You sit in silence the 4 minute drive back.

Your stomach starts to growl as you approach the JYP building. You wished you brought your phone with you so you could order something and have it be at the house by the time you got there.

“If you ever want to talk, please know I’m here for you” she says as you get out of the car in silence and close the door behind you.

You ended up stopping at a local cafe to get something to go. The girl behind the counter widening her eyes as she watches you walk in, absolutely drenched. You ordered your usual sandwich.

“Anything else?” The girl behind the register asks, still looking at you like you’ve got something on your face other than rain and tears.

“Yeah, actually. Can I get that one salad you guys have with the apples in it? I’m not really sure what it’s called.” You only know it by “Nayeon’s favorite”.

The girl rolls her eyes and punches in the order. You pay for it, and twiddle with your thumbs while you wait.

Pulling up to the apartment felt different this time. No people waiting for Nayeon outside, no cars blocking you from making a swift escape into the building. You wonder if she’s home yet as you get into the elevator.

The kitchen is lit up upon entry. You left all the lights on. Phone and ipad are still on the love seat but the sectional is occupied by a sleeping Nayeon.

She’s wrapped in the blanket you’ve been using and laying on your pillow. You quietly walk in and place the food on the counter and quickly step into the bedroom. You let out a light sigh, and decide it’s time you take a shower. Feeling grimey from the rain.

You emerge from the bedroom in sweatpants and a cropped tank top, hair still wet. You tie it up into a bun and quietly pull plates down from the cabinets.

You glance over to see Nayeon still asleep and notice that her phone is in her hands. She’s probably waiting to hear from you. Plating the take out, you quietly bring the dishes over to the living room and place them lightly on the coffee table.

You return to the kitchen and grab another bottle of wine from the refrigerator and a set of glasses. You pop the bottle open, and freeze as you hear a shift coming from the couch.

You don’t look back at the sound. Continuing pouring the wine into the glasses you had already set out. You hear a light gasp as she notices the food on the table. You hear the smile in it and fight back the upward pull of your lips.

Anxiety sets in as you remember what you’re walking into. You feel your fingers locking up as you reach for cutlery. It rattles in the drawer, drawing Nayeon’s attention. She stills as she feels her brain turn on, remembering what had happened hours beforehand.

Picking up the glasses and bringing them to the table, her eyes follow your every move. You place a glass down in front of her and hand her silverware. “Eat.”

She’s moving very cautiously through this unnavigated territory. Not only in the sense of “walking on eggshells” even her usually fluid movements were slow and strategized.

You take the sight of her in as you pick at your food. It looks like the nap she took was the first ounce of sleep she’s had in days. Eyes bloodshot and half lidded as she chews. She sets her fork down, takes a large sip of the wine and looks down at the floor.

“...Y/n…” she briefly looks up to see you already present and focused on her. You’re waiting for your explanation that she owes you.Her eyes return to the food in front of her to avoid adding discomfort to herself.

Her face beams a shade of red as her eyes close. It twists in a way you’ve seen many times before and she tries to hold it all together. Pools of tears start to collect and shed as she continues. Her words muffled underneath a thick layer of guilt.

“I made a mistake, a really bad one, at the very beginning of our relationship.” You wince at the sound of her voice cracking. The sharp edged subject matter slicing at you in the same way finding that note did.

“I need you to know that I do not remember any of it. I was that drunk and so was Jihyo.” Another twist of the knife in your chest. You remember to breathe and continue listening.

“Nothing has happened since, and nothing like this would ever happen again. I wanted to tell you but the person I was then and the person I am now are two completely different people. Even that version of myself would never dream of hurting you in such a way. I allowed myself to be convinced that not telling you was better than you leaving. Please understand that I would do anything to remove this from my past…our past.”

It all becomes too much as you shoot up from your seat and bring your plate to the kitchen and put it in the sink. Faucet on, you scrub the plate like it’s caked in dirt. Nayeon, who is still in the living room, stands up and follows you to the sink.

She’s sniffling behind you, covering her mouth with the sleeve of your sweater she was wearing. You tilt your head to face her, taking in the pure shame she was already putting herself through for the act that she committed. You turn the faucet off and dry your hands with the towel hanging on the oven’s handle while turning to fully face her.

You pitch the bridge of your nose trying not to break again. Wide eyes looking at you, studying your body language trying to determine what you’ll say…if you’ll say anything. She can see the stress emanating from you

“Please say something.” She breathes, reaching out to touch your shoulder in hopes to bring you back to the present. Hoping it’ll keep you from emotionally shutting down.

It sends a shock to your nervous system, almost jumping out of your skin as the soft familiar hand glides down your arm to your hand where she leaves it.

“I don’t know what to say, Nayeon.” You are battling yourself. You are both angry and so in love with this beautiful human in front of you. Even with tears in her eyes, she was magic to you. Effortlessly, stunning even in the face of fear.

You are endlessly baffled by the mistake made because she’s always been so attentive, so patient, so tender and caring that even her admitting it to your face felt like a lie. You know that’s not who she is, right? Wrong. You don’t know anything for certain. Logic and emotion argue as you stand there silently. Trying to figure out where to go next.

She reaches out and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, the other hand still in yours and tears still falling. You don’t want to let go of her hand, but you don’t want to tighten your hold on it either.

She’s patiently watching your eyes as they animate the war in your head. The two sides were fighting and you were standing on the fence of the choice you had to make. You ponder what life would be like without her and what life was like with her. Do all of those amazing moments count for nothing? Were they a waste of time?

You take a deep breath and look Nayeon right in the eyes. She feels almost violated by how deeply you are looking into her.

“I am devastated.” Your shoulders are feeling slightly lighter as you continue.

“I can’t believe you did this and didn’t tell me. For our entire relationship to be built on this foundation absolutely shatters me and everything we’ve ever built together. I feel like I don’t know who you are.”

The last sentence knocks the wind out of her. She’s gasping for air and holding back sobs.

“I just never expected this from you…” you said shakily while you watched her try to collect herself.

You rotate and sit down on the floor, sliding your back down the flat doors of your cabinets. She follows but on the other side, feet between yours. Trying to muffle the cries because she can’t bear the fact that she has caused this damage.

You feel the exhaustion take over. Your physical body has been tensing to hold the weight of the situation for days now. You yawn, Nayeon regulates her breath as you try to gain the energy to continue the conversation.

She stands up and lays her hand out for you, wordlessly. She doesn’t let go of it as she leads you to your shared bedroom, a bed left untouched sits right in the middle.

You are thinking about how great sleeping in your bed will feel after being on the couch for days. She’s out of the room as quickly as she brought you here.

You start to feel warm under your clothes. You remove them and fling them into a corner. Crawling under the comforter and settling in.

Nayeon returns, your pillow in hand. She notices you’re missing your tank top and shifts her eyes down out of respect. Not knowing if you wanted her to see you this way anymore.

She bends down and unplugs her phone charger and grabs her pillow. “I’ll sleep on the couch, I know how your back gets. Please get some rest.” She kneels on the bed for a second and leans in but hesitates.

Was it her place to kiss your forehead still? She took the risk and quickly walked out of the room.

-

You lay in bed for what feels like hours. Uncomfortably tossing and turning in the lonely sheets. You open your eyes and stare at the ceiling, getting lost in the patterns of the texture.

Exhaustion is no match for your mind and you really don’t want to be in this bed alone right now. You sit up, comforter falling to reveal your chest.

You think about how Nayeon is on the couch by herself right now. Probably overthinking everything and stressing herself out, no sleep in sight. In a moment of weakness, you stand up and saunter into the living room.

She lay splayed out in the sectional, phone in hand scrolling mindlessly in the warm light. A useless distraction, you were all that filled her mind.

You take note that she removed the sweater and was only in a sports bra now. You can’t help but daydream about how her skin feels on yours.

She notices you standing in the doorway, arms crossed, holding yourself. She looks away from her phone to acknowledge your presence, locking it and laying it on her chest.

“Having trouble sleeping too?” You nod and bite the inside of your cheek.

You take the risk, slowly wandering to the front of the sectional and climbing into the blanket with her. She’s surprised by the action but lifts the blanket so you can get comfortable, making sure you're covered.

“You’re so cold” she whispers as you press your face into her neck and wrap your arms around her causing her to shiver. You don’t have the same compulsion of not wanting her to touch you. She feels like Nayeon. She feels like home.

She starts tracing patterns on your shoulder as she leans her face on the top of your head. Both silently enjoy each other's comfort as you drift off to sleep.

-

Awoken by the sound of humming in the kitchen, you smile before you even open your eyes. You know what’s happening before you are even half awake.

You’re still wrapped in the soft blanket on the sectional taking up more space that you originally were now that the other person was up and about.

“Shit.” A whispered voice rings through the apartment.

“Too much creamer again?” You slyly say from the couch. You hear her jump, she must’ve not realized you were awake.

“I didn’t mean to wake you, ba-“ she stops herself from saying the pet name, not knowing what the boundaries were anymore.

“You didn’t wake me. I should be the one apologizing, I was the one who scared you.” You chuckle, getting up and stretching before throwing on the sweater, laid across the couch’s back, to cover up a little before you start your morning rituals.

When you turn around you see her cheeks fill with red. “You okay?” You ask her, grabbing the black mug, taking a sip.

“I think so…” she says slowly, unsure of her next step. “I think I just want to know what the next step is…for us.”

Her eyes flicker to your face waiting for a response. You start to walk over to the bedroom.

“Well, we usually shower next, have you forgotten our routine already? It was only a couple of days” Trying to make light of the situation.

She giggles “you know what I mean…I just need to know if I can mend this. To fix this. Falling asleep with you last night was the calmest I’ve felt… ” You interrupt her before she can cloud your brain with sweet things. She always knew how to break you with that.

“I’m still angry that you hid it from me” stoically expressing the truth. Both truths.

“But I love you.” She smiles, hopeful of what’s to come, walking towards you with her arms out. Wrapping them around your neck and pulling you in for a soft peck.

After a few more quick kisses, foreheads connected as her arms slid down to your waist.

“But I need to make it very clear that I cannot do this again. So if you’re hiding anything else, please tell me now.”

She cups your face in her hands and brings you in for a long kiss that makes you a little weak in the knees. “I’ll never hide anything from you again. Ever.”

“Good, will you start the shower then?”

She happily skips into the bathroom.

You start to pick out what clothes you’re wearing for the day when you hear a phone vibrate in the kitchen. Walking over to the counter and picking up the closest phone to see which one it was. It’s Nayeon’s phone with a message from Jihyo.

Your face drops as you read “Did she believe you or do we actually need to stop seeing each other?”

Take Me Back to Eden - Ascensionism - Part 4

#twice angst #twice imagines #twice nayeon #nayeon x fem!reader #nayeon #im nayeon #nayeon x reader #twice fic #kpop x fem reader #kpop x reader #twice x y/n #wlw #lesbian

[det-loki]

I’ve always toyed with the idea of an x reader where you knew Loki in his youth, got split up for whatever reason, and found each other again because you both went into law enforcement :0 If that interests you I think you’d do a great job of fleshing it out :D

love this! thank you, and I'm sorry for the delay. hope you like it 🖤

tw: blood and panic attack mention

Children are born with an innocence, an ignorant imagination and concept of the world. sticky fingers dig through the mud, catching under their fingernails. Dark crescent moons of dirt signified a good day.

Now, the dirt caught under your nails made you physically ill. Hours ago, the frozen ground seemed to be your only life line as you heaved and gasped into the dirt, dried brown grass caressing your palms. Death was a violent lover. It clutched at you and held you until it swallowed you whole. Leaving only an imprint of what was.

You met him when you were a kid. Only innocence never got to be yours. At three years old, you went into foster care for the first time. Floated in and out since then. The facility you frequented the most was nestled right next to the Huntington Boys Home, a chain link fence the only divider. Conyers liked to advertise itself as a quiet community for the perfect family. The poor, lost souls of society were cornered away on the outskirts of town, unseen and unheard.

The year you turned thirteen changed everything for you. You met a boy along the fence line, dark hair overgrown and blue eyes piercing, he introduced himself as David. Parents were no good, he said. Lived with an uncle, didn't work out, he said. The boy smelled like cigarettes, blood long dried and caked over his bruised knuckles, his mouth tasted like whiskey and his eyes were stormy. And you loved it all.

Time changes things. At 18, you aged out of foster care and entered the world. Once unseen, unheard and unwanted, your soul burned with anger and spite. You were going to be seen, and they were going to hear you. You lost David at 16. One day, he just disappeared without a trace. You heard whisperings of assault charges, military school, and prison. But the story changed weekly. You had accepted his disappearance. He was just gone. And that was that.

You fell into the police academy haphazardly. An old social worker on your case had wormed her way into your head, telling you that you could help people the way you never were. Make a difference. Understand in a way most couldn't. Change things. Ten years later, you think she's full of shit.

Folders were piled high onto your desk, your badge digging into your skin as you were slumped over the paperwork. Eyes bleary and head pounding, David approaches from behind you. His hands tug at your office chair, the wheels screeching as he turns you to face him, "Go home."

"No. I'm busy." You try to turn back towards your desk but David's arms are caging you in, halting the chair from movement.

"You've been here since 4am. The only thing I've seen you eat is one granola bar, and you're doing that thing you used to do when we were kids."

You looked down to see your throbbing bloody thumb, an old habit you hadn't kicked. You picked and picked and picked until it was raw, bloody and infected. You noticed blood smudge on the corner of the papers at your desk and smeared into the fabric of your blouse. Shoving hands into the socket of your aching eyes, "Fine."

A glimmer of satisfaction washed over Loki's eyes, a smirk tugging at his lips, "I'll see you at home."

Home. After finishing the police academy, you were employed by the Conyers Police Department. A year on the job, and David reappeared. A police officer with cropped hair, a stony face, and the same stormy eyes. You two had been partnered together, Captain O’Malley unknowing of the history you two had shared. Not many words were spoken between you two until a close call that ended up with you in the hospital with a gunshot wound. David moved in that night after you were discharged from the hospital.

Years later, you two became the youngest detectives on the force. And the best. But you kept that quiet, the gnawing self doubt ate away at you, berating you constantly.

Unlocking the door to your home, you dropped the duffle bag at the door and toed off your boots. Making your way to the kitchen sink, you plunged your hands into too hot water and scrubbed away the dirt and blood until your skin was red. Your throat was scratchy from crying, your head pounding from exhaustion. The case you were working on was eating you alive. Two missing little girls. The latest lead had been a loss, a house full of scribbled mazes, a sink full of pigs blood and buried mannequins.

Showering did little to ease the tension in your body, the cheap beer and greasy pizza sprawled across the coffee table in front of you staved off the impending collapse another day longer. By the time David came home, your brain was fuzzy from the alcohol and you were falling into his embrace nestled into the couch.

The boy you met at thirteen was your savior, and 16 years later he still was. The world was crumbling around you, this case was consuming you, but David was with you. And tomorrow will always be there.

#jake gyllenhaal #detective loki #prisoners #detective loki imagine #jake gyllenhaal imagine #detective loki x reader #jake gyllenhaal x reader

[napswithwolfie]

LU Pokemon AU

bro the strength it took not to give him a full dog team

Wolfie is still a regular wolf. Not a mightyena, an absol, or even a lycanroc, just a plain regular wolf, and it weirds everyone out because no one has ever seen a creature like wolf link. 

Oh and if his team feels split, well that’s intended. Which half suits him better or does the full team represent him well ;DDD 

Time Sky Warriors 🐶Twilight Wild Legend Hyrule Four Wind

Team descriptions under the cut 👋👀

🐶Poipole: Midna, or his memory of her. So Poipole doesn't join Twi's team until the end of tp after the mirror is shattered. I imagine Poipole is born from the remains of the shattered mirror’s dust, suffused with the negative ‘other worldly’ energy of the arbiter's grounds. 

When Twilight hears giggling in the mirror chamber, he doesn’t think much of it. He has spent too many moments since their separation reminiscing about her. Even now, he decides to humour his heartbreak, imagining some lighthearted quip about how far he has fallen for her to stoop to hallucinations. He chuckles at himself and his imaginary conversation with Midna.

🐶Hisuian Typhlosion: in this au ghost types are the only pokemon unaffected by the Twilight. If anything, they already exist between worlds as, well ahem, ghosts. 

There's even that nostalgic weight leaning on his shoulder... Wait... Twi realises he's down bad, but even this is ridiculous! He whips his head over his right shoulder, and there, face to face, is a creature unlike anything he's seen before, wearing an all-too-familiar grin. They zip up and away, hovering nearby with playful curiosity in their eyes, waiting to see his next move. At his bewildered and stunned reaction, they let out that chiming giggle he heard earlier

---

You don’t have to look far to find where Poipole’s gone. If they aren’t hitching a ride on the back of any of their teammates, then they’re off causing trouble together with Time's mons.

🐶Incineroar: Twi didn’t get a choice when this little litten chose him in the alleys of Castle Town, though as a cat man he doesn't mind this one bit. 

Typhlosion first encountered Twilight when he was miserably lost in the Twilight zone of Death Mountain. Pretending to be one of the wandering souls, unaware of the blanketing twilight, Typhlosion carefully ambled in their direction to get a better look at the strange creature. They could feel a rich and powerful soul within Twilight, and noticed how the twilight both welcomed and repelled it. Even odder was their partner sitting on its back. Typhlosion knew dark energy when they sensed it, and that imp's soul was a pool so dark it threatened to swallow up the light - hrm, now there's an interesting thought. 

---

Just because you don't catch Typhlosion causing trouble doesn't mean they're not as much of a prankster as the others—actually, they're worse. Typhlosion has a knack for roping in carefully selected allies into their mischief. Despite their playful nature, they often go missing, staring out at seemingly nothing. As a ghost type, they're attuned to wandering spirits, and will spend much of their time listening to them and helping them pass on whenever they can.

Incineroars are excellent with children, and you can't change my mind. They're not named the 'Heel Pokemon' for nothing! They love playing with kids, pretending to be the villain to defeat, staging extravagant fights with spectacular victories for the heroes. Twilight's Incineroar is particularly protective of its family. Despite aiding 'The Hero,' they are anything but honourable in battle. They're not afraid to employ unfair tactics, from small actions like throwing sand in their opponents' faces to targeting eyes and joints, even going after the enemies' allies. They are unflinching in the depths they will go to achieve victory. 

🐶Mudsdale: Epona but buffer. Twilight's first companion, Mudbray would happily tackle the world together with all the confidence of an unstoppable 8 year old.

🐶Volcarona: Twilight was given a pokemon egg after restoring Faroe's light. It was terrifyingly cold when Twilight first held it, so chilling that even Midna thought it might be a morbid joke from the light sprite. Despite this, Twilight insisted on keeping the egg. 

With each zone of Twilight lifted from Hyrule, the Light Spirits would bestow a ‘boon’ onto Twilight’s team. Cryptic as always, Twilight had no clue what help he received. Steadily throughout his quest the egg grew warmer, almost scalding by the time the last zone of Twilight was lifted; and upon receiving the final sprites boon the egg hatched. 

Volcarona can be quite aloof. It lives at its own pace, exuding a divine presence that others cannot easily disrupt.

🐶Garchomp: I wanted a brutish pokemon that reflected (heh mirrors) his curse and it was a difficult decision between Garchomp and Kommo O.  

It was nothing short of a miracle that Twilight survived the encounter with Garchomp. The Twilight Blighted Pokemon was already an apex predator in its territory, its strength bolstered by the dark magic of the twilight. Twilight doubted he could defeat them. Forced to sneak around, he found that being a hero seemed to attract unwanted encounters - Garchomp suddenly stomped its foot, shaking the earth violently the ground threatened to topple Twilight, as sharp pillars of earth tore across the terrain toward his hiding spot.

Fight fight fight and somehow Twilight lives, Garchomp faints, dark mass is dispelled and happy happy cat meme goes here.    

Garchomp sometimes loses itself in battle, with adrenaline accidentally triggering a mega evolution that sends it into a rage. The aftermath leaves Garchomp feeling deeply ashamed, as it struggles to accept its own savagery.

---

Notes: twi’s team gave me the hardest time istg. There were too many mons to try and squeeze in, aaaaahhh a total nightmare: Exhibit A (scrapped idea)

But fr not a single dog in twi's team??? Yea well about that… Have Midna's team:

[Necrozma: The rest of the chain aren't aware he has a sixth pokemon at all. He just tells them he technically counted as one during his quest, satisfied that the lie works.

So nezzie here is a nod to the fused shadow that twi does accept in the manga. I have this idea that he has forced guardianship over the fused shadow, as a punishment, but also his duty as the hero. Twis conflicted regarding nezzie - On the one hand he is comfortable with what it represents but there's a deep fear of shame to admit to others he has formed a bond, though tentative, with nezzie.]

In a dungeon chest Twilight finds a Fire Stone. He gives it to Midna saying how it reminds him of her hair.

(No gogoats for twi. Sadge) 

🔂Time 🐥Sky 🌹Warriors 🐶Twilight 🏹Wild ✌️Legend 🍃Hyrule 🧩Four 🌊Wind

🔴 Partner pokemon: Poipole 

⚪ Smaller team: Poipole, Mudsdale, Incineroar

#linked universe #Lu #lu au #pokemon #pokemon au #lu pokemon au #legend of zelda #loz #loz au #twilight princess #twilight princess au #tp #tp link #link #wolfiesscrawlings #lu twilight

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma In-Depth (Part I): Per Manum, and Waking Up to Miracles

Waking Up to Fatherhood - The Past

Before Mulder's abduction, there were two brief times that Scully almost became a mother.

Both were linked to her stolen ova; but one little girl was born weak and sickly, her only purpose to be a lab rat for her government and to be loved in-between these tests by her adoptive parents. Mulder could not be a father to this hybrid, having failed to be a brother to a clone once already. And, sadly, in spite of all of Scully's training and all of Mulder's attempts, little Emily Sims could not be put back together again.

Later-- we will never know how much later-- he finally told Scully about her other remaining ova, the ones that didn't work. But she wanted to try, anyway.

So, before Mulder's abduction, there was a short period of time where he almost became a father.

It was a simple ask from her partner; and one that Mulder took time to contemplate-- whether by his request or hers or mutual understanding we will never know. But ultimately, he'd made his decision back in Home, Pennsylvania-- "I never saw you as a mother before" (though he'd later covered that intimacy in the motel with a biting "Night, Mom.") The donation was a mere formality.

It's established in a Per Manum script here and here (thanks @dunhamhairograpy and @x-files-scripts) that Scully was rushing into the process faster than Mulder, not having taken the time to think far enough down the road. But her partner-- whose mind was more often engaged elsewhere in the hunt for the Truth-- had. He'd thought about work, and he'd thought about them. But mostly he'd thought about the answer being "yes."

Scully cracked, crumbling in desperate joy and clinging to Mulder in sheer happiness. Her eyebrow popped up as self-preservation and distance engaged, doubts swirling at all the calculations, the changes, the unsaid conversations; but Mulder continued to hold her, luxuriating in the rich satisfaction of granting his partner her greatest wish.

When he was assured that Scully wouldn't step back just yet, Mulder lost his focus in daydreams, a secret contentment spilling out of his beautiful soul. Thrilling hopes and dreams of his own little Mulder-Scully poured from his eyes; and a softer, more paternal smile settled onto his mouth. This is the face of a man who accepted, fully, the anticipation and responsibility of fatherhood-- it's a heartbreakingly tender moment that he treasured to himself, as he had (until Amor Fati) never shared his deepest joys and sharpest pains completely with Scully.

(Side note: This is why I set the IVF arc before S7: Mulder still acted on his trademark guarded manner here, an aspect of himself that is set aside after Amor Fati--another post for another time. That revelation changed his outlook, his life, literally his mind. Here he was still reclusive, reluctant, shy-- all things that were swept away in the aftermath of listening to the world and realizing he only wanted to hear Scully.)

Scully still clung, hoping against hope she was reading this-- him-- right; and finally, finally she stepped back, doing her best to project an air of nonchalance. Anything to keep this-- this IVF this-- as low-key as she could, perhaps so as not to spook Mulder or perhaps not to spook herself; but her delight could not be wholly contained.

Her partner saw right through her, giving a little twist of his lips even as his eyes fixated on her flashing emotions.

To relieve Scully's sudden jitteriness, he quipped "At that part I'm a pro" and dipped, leaving her with the solitude she craved to pull her scrambled pieces back together.

However, despite his overthinking and her underthinking, both are a tad overwhelmed-- Scully noticeably so, though Mulder still shrugged off the moment and released a tense sigh before turning his enthusiastic smile back at his partner. There was no fear or reluctance in his posture, and only heightened reservation in hers; so it's safe to assume Mr. and Mrs. Spooky would have relaxed naturally into their impending parenthood long before Spooky Jr. arrived. Both wanted this, yes; and there would still have been some awkward bumps ahead, but it would have led them closer together. They were partners, after all.

Alas, that was not to be.

In the last IVF flashback, Scully walked back into her apartment, quiet and glum. When Mulder popped up on her couch-- having fallen asleep (and still trying to take up as little space as possible on her little people couch, even when unconscious)-- she is surprised to see him there.

Mulder explained, still a little slurred, "Scully? I must have dozed off. I was waiting for you to get back." Ever the gentleman, he offered a reasonable explanation for his presence in her space: even if he owned (and owns) a key to the place, Mulder wouldn't use it without a good reason or life-saving crisis (see post here.)

Her eyes were red-rimmed with more tears on the way; and the top of her hair was messed and staticky, likely having rested on her car steering wheel as the first onslaught of tears struck (as she'd cried before in Elegy and The End.)

Realizing she'd been irreparably caught, Scully shrugged into an acceptance of her grief, pulling her mouth tight in a shallow attempt to placate her partner's concerns. Tears still barely held back (not having expected Mulder to be there to catch her in the act), she slowly walked forward, stoically (if uncomfortably) willing to give Mulder his fair and equal share in this failure.

Nothing escaped her partner's wild, wide-eyed stare, realization sinking his tentatively celebratory feelings. For a moment he just observed, eyes falling before sweeping back up to ask ,"Didn't take, did it?"

"I guess it was too much to hope for," Scully replied, pain cracking through at Mulder's overt disappointment. Her "Starbuck" guilt rose up to accuse her: when Scully loses, she's "failed"; and this personal failure went deep. Discouraged-- and not strong enough to fully engage with Mulder's pain, though she knew it was there-- Scully gave up hope.

Mulder was having none of that-- the same facial expression, too-- as he swept Scully up in his arms, not allowing her guilt to add to the burdens on her back. It's a zany comfort all Mulder's own: none of that, Scully, of course it wasn't too much to hope for; sure, we might never get that wish, but that didn't mean it was worthless to hope all the same.

But, again, his deeper disappointment cracked through once Scully could no longer see and blame herself for his pain.

"It was my last chance," Scully keened, straining with everything in her not to lose control, not to completely despair.

The brittle brutality gripped the both of them; and Mulder tightened his hold, rocking them into a calm only two souls united in this grief could experience.

His strength and comfort allowing her to settle back into herself, Scully pulled back just before being hit with a fresh wave of hurt; but Mulder settled that, too, with his special brand of soothing: a forehead kiss.

"Never give up on a miracle," he intoned in accents he'd never used before: solid, unshakeable, unwavering faith tempered by fully matured love.

It was almost too much for Scully; but she dodged last minute to plant a kiss on his cheek instead. (Another reason I believe this took place before Amor Fati: Scully had claimed her right to forehead kisses after his dream confession and revelation. Here she is still too tentative and unsure. Another discussion for another time.)

Mulder consumed her like the ouroboros on her back; and the two closed the loop, clinging to each other-- reclaiming their life and future even with the death of their dreams.

Waking Up to Miracles - The Present

Mulder spent the last three months being split open, pulled apart, and screaming for Scully's help.

Then one night, he stopped waking up.

When awareness does slowly return, his eyes open in a hospital, groggy and sluggish... and he can't remember what happened to bring him here. But that isn't unusual in his line of work; and he knows memory will return with time.

As usual, Scully is stationed by his bed, hesitantly blissful in the face of-- what he considered to be-- another of his mundane recoveries.

It's too tempting to take advantage of her eagerness; and his playfulness gets the better of him. "Who... are you?"

After he's deemed she's had the proper reaction-- shock and a possible heart attack-- he mischievously beams back at her, resuming their usual cheerful hospital camaraderie.

But... her reaction is stronger than usual: a sudden whoosh of relief, swept-aside bedside manner leaving room for open, intimate glee. Her haunted eyes almost speak for her-- "Do you have any idea what you've been through?"-- make him more serious, contemplative.

"I know what I see in your face." Feeling cared for, comforted, to the pit of his soul as his partner begins to stroke his hair, he mouths "I love you", lighting her face up with trembling gratitude.

And him knowing her, still, and loving her, still, melts Scully. He watches as she sinks down in weighted grief and heady relief by his side, soaking her tears in his hospital gown. Although he tries to move closer to comfort or cradle her, his body, he finds, is unyielding. His sober mood turns somber, trying to catch at the greater mystery snagged under so much heartache. Despite the sleep of recovery tugging at him, there is no way he can rest without making her feel better.

"Anybody miss me?"

His partner's choked laugh and her sturdier grip assure and relax him more than any reply; and he drifts off, content.

Mulder misses, however, the severity of his injuries, the signs of his partner's advanced pregnancy, and the shadow of her new partner lengthening the doorway.

But those wait, lurking, with his nightmares.

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

#txf #Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma #In-Depth #Part I #Per Manum and Waking Up to Miracles #analysis #S8 #PTSD #DeadAlive #Mulder #Scully #IVF #Per Manum #mine #x-files #xfiles #xf meta #meta #the x files

[opalwhisker]

So I’ve seen a few people say they hope Pearl shows up on Impulse and Bdubs’ doorstep in double life and I cannot agree more, just--

Pearl is cold. And tired. And heartbroken. She’s been scorned by her soulmate and abandoned and blamed for wrongs she didn’t commit by the only other person who she’d thought understood her. 

She’d considered going to Scott and trying to plead her case, to apologize, to offer the resources she’d managed to gather on her trip with Martyn... but she also knew Scott well. He didn’t take kindly to disloyalty and had a vindictive streak a mile long. Trying to explain herself would only be like trying to talk to a brick wall. 

“Well Tilly, looks like it’s just you and me against the world, huh?” She buries her hand in her beloved dog’s fur, trying to ignore the way her voice wavered and cracked. The pup looked up at her with sad eyes and licked her hand, sensing her distress. Suddenly Tilly’s ears perked up and she growled at something behind Pearl, barking once before bounding into the trees after whatever she’d seen.

“Tilly!” Pearl shouted, sounding a little more distressed than she realized as even her dog ran off without her. “Tilly, come back!” Scrambling to her feet, Pearl chased after her dog, she couldn’t risk losing her only friend now. Unfortunately the sun was setting and monsters were beginning to emerge from their hiding spots. 

Pearl quickly lost sight of Tilly in the darkness, distracted as she fought back zombies and skeletons, flinching with guilt each time one of them scratched her and she could feel the wound begin to heal. She could almost hear Scott’s voice complaining about her recklessness with each blow.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry--” She muttered to him under her breath, as if she could send her remorse and regret through their link so he could understand-- But it didn’t work like that. Because otherwise, Scott would have known that she hadn’t meant to upset him, he would have heard her apologies with each injury she’d taken in the nether, he would have known how much her heart ached right now. 

Blocking another arrow with her shield, Pearl finally caught sight of Tilly in the distance, attacking a skeleton across an open field. Glancing over her shoulder at the army of mobs following her in the woods, Pearl decided she had better chances making a break for it, sprinting across the fields over to Tilly and cutting down the skeleton with a satisfying crit. But she didn’t have the time to catch her breath, scooping Tilly up with a grunt and continuing to run from the mobs chasing her. 

Her lungs ached as she ran, eyes desperately searching for someplace safe that she could finally rest when she caught a glimpse of light in the distance. She didn’t know what was over there, but light meant safety, and at this point that was all she cared about. She didn’t dare stop until she felt the warmth of the torchlight around her, finally setting Tilly down and collapsing onto the grass to catch her breath, chest heaving. 

Once she’d finally caught her breath, she took a moment to take in her surroundings. She recognized this area, she realized. She’d passed through here with Martyn earlier in the day. A small crop field and a surprisingly well-built house nestled into a hillside. She laughed despite herself, because of course Bdubs would still build a pretty house in a world so focused on survival as this. She felt a pang of sadness as the thought left her. She’d seen Impulse and Bdubs. Soulbound and protective of each other and happy. 

When they’d parted ways it had left Pearl feeling even more excited to finally meet up with her soulbound partner and experience those things for herself. Now, here she was, back on their doorstep hours later, heartbroken and alone, the only soul she could say she was bound to being that of her faithful pup. She knew that if she knocked on their door Impulse would gladly welcome her into their home with warmth and kindness, but still she hesitated. Would it be right for her to intrude upon them? Would it be fair of her to impose herself on them? But even as she hesitated, Tilly began to bark, growling at the encroaching shadows.

Pearl grabbed for Tilly’s collar, to keep her from running off again, and swore under her breath. She thought she’d shaken the mobs that had been pursuing her, but the rattle of bones and the moans of zombies in the distance told her she hadn’t done a good enough job.

“What’s with all that racket?!” Pearl jumped a little as Bdubs’ shouted from inside the house and Tilly barked again. “Whose dog is that?!”

“Pearl? What are you doing out there?” Light spilled from the open door as Impulse came to check on what was going on. “Oh jeez-- That’s a lot of mobs!”

“Impulse, I--” Pearl began but yelped as an arrow narrowly missed her.

“No time for that, get in here!” Impulse waved her over frantically and Pearl leapt to her feet, still holding Tilly by the collar to keep her from running off as she hurried through the door. Impulse slammed the door shut and locked it behind them, and Pearl finally heaved a sigh of relief at being somewhere safe.

“Pearl, what’s going on? Where’s Martyn? Did you find your soulbound partner?” Impulse asked worriedly.

“Oh, Pearl, it was you makin’ all that noise out there?” Bdubs asked before he was immediately jumped on by Tilly, who was wagging her tail fiercely. “WAH-AH-HEY-- NO, BAD DOG--ptthbb ptbh ack-- Pearl! Tell your dog to stop lickin’ my face!”

“Hang on Bdubs, I’ve got you--” Impulse whistled softly to Tilly to grab the dog’s attention and coaxed her over to him, rubbing her head and petting her energetically until Tilly calmed down a bit.

“Thank you, sweetie.” Bdubs kissed Impulse’s cheek affectionately and Impulse giggled a little at the pet name.

Pearl watched the whole scene silently. This is what soulbound partners should look like, she thought. Looking out for each other, caring for each other, helping one another... Her mind went back to that moment as Scott and Cleo walked away from her, the icy disdain in Scott’s eyes as he cast her aside. 

“Woah, hey! Pearl, are you okay?” Impulse’s warm hand on her shoulder snapped her from her thoughts and Pearl realized she’d started crying.

“I-- I...” Now that she’d started, Pearl couldn’t stop the hot tears that spilled from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. “I’m alone, Impulse-- S-Scott wants nothing to do with me, a-all because I didn’t try to find him first, and-- and--” She choked up, unable to say out loud that Scott hated her. She squeaked a little as Bdubs hugged her tightly followed by Impulse, holding her tight and not saying anything until her sobs melted into sniffles. Gently, the two men released her, letting her wipe her eyes and catch her breath before Impulse gently put a hand on her knee. 

“I think you could use some soup.” He said with a soft smile, and Pearl laughed despite herself.

“Soup sounds wonderful, Impulse.” 

“I’ll get the mushrooms!” Bdubs announced eagerly, getting to his feet to rummage through their chests. 

“Don’t forget to put a few aside so we don’t use them all!” Impulse called out, but didn’t leave Pearl’s side just yet. He looked at her worriedly and rubbed her back soothingly. 

“You aren’t alone, Pearl. You can stay here with me and Bdubs. There’s nothing in the rules that says you have to stay with your partner.” Pearl sniffled one more time and nodded silently. 

“Yeah! Forget Scott!” Bdubs agreed enthusiastically. “He’s a big dummy for refusing to team up with you!” Bdubs snorted indignantly as if he’d been the one Scott had cast aside. 

Pearl smiled weakly up at them, grateful for their support, happy to find someone who did care about her, after all.

“Thanks you guys, I promise you won’t regret letting me stay with you.” 

“We would never regret that!” Impulse squeezed Pearl’s shoulder reassuringly. “I’m going to help Bdubs with the soup. Why don’t you just take the time you need to settle in, okay?” Pearl smiled and nodded in return and watched as Impulse walked over to help Bdubs. 

Pearl revels for a moment in the warmth of the scene, the way Impulse and Bdubs laughed together and smiled at each other, the way they worked so well together... For the first time that night, she felt warm, too. She might not be soulbound to either of them, but in that moment, Pearl felt an overwhelming sense of loyalty and spite bubble up inside her.

Fine then. If Scott, the one person who should care for her won’t do it, then she would devote herself to caring for the people who did. And she resolved in that moment that if that meant dying for Impulse and Bdubs, she’d do it. And if that made Scott mad? Even better.

#double life smp #double life smp spoilers #impulsesv #bdoubleo100 #pearlescentmoon #this was JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A SHORT RAMBLING THING #but then i blacked out and oops its a fic i guess #my writing

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai x Odasaku!Sister

Chapter 2 "I Could Really Go For Some Curry"

Summary: After Dazai lost the previous bet, he is now officially Odasaku's little sister's boyfriend. But does she really know what she's asking for? How could she want to date a demon?

Warning: Self destructing Dazai, Odasaku death mentions, slight bsd wan content mention, manipulative behavior from both sides. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter two of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. )

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long) Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 5k

----

Walking down the long port mafia corridors, Dazai placed his hands inside of his pockets before tuning out the world around him in order to fully envelop himself in his own dark thoughts. 

Last night's events appeared a moment later, causing the boy’s eyes to narrow with distasteful memory. He didn’t mean to agree to Odasaku’s sister's foolish request for him to be her boyfriend, it just sort of happened in the moment. 

And the longer he got from that moment, the more Dazai Osamu regretted it. 

Now don’t be mistaken, it wasn’t like he actually cared about the girl. The mafioso knew he was incapable of such a thing. Sure, he was enticed but it was surface level at best. The truth was, if she was anyone else Dazai would’ve already broken her for fun. 

But it was the fact that she was Odasaku’s sister that made him hold back from such a desire. He knew deep down that his old friend wouldn’t have wanted her to be destroyed, especially by his fingers. Hell, the boy knew he wouldn’t have wanted Dazai anywhere near her. 

That’s what Ango said, why Oda had kept her a secret, why he kept her out of Yokohama and by giving into her request he knew he was already dishonoring his memory in the worst possible way. 

But try as he may, Dazai just couldn’t walk away, knowing that a piece of his precious found family was still here in this world. He had wished for it, craved it with his entire soul as he grieved his death. 

And like a miracle, Asagao had appeared to answer his prayer. 

That’s why he agreed, it wasn’t because of her, it wasn’t because he had grown a heart suddenly, it was to use her. It was to keep Odasaku in his life no matter how small. 

He was selfish, so unbelievably selfish, wanting more than he deserved.

But even the brutal port mafia executive knew that his reasonings were fucked up. He knew that he shouldn’t be manipulating such a pure soul into his own whims. But how else was he supposed to do it? Dazai only knew how to exploit and control.

Pushing his fingers to his chin in silent thought, Dazai paused his steps. He supposed he could play the part of a devolved lover while using her. That’s what she wanted anyways, right? She did ask him to be her boyfriend. But how could he do that without being manipulative and underhanded in order to not shame Odasaku?

He then thought back to his past “relationships” before frowning to himself. Now that he mentioned it, the boy never did anything besides that. He always just used women when he saw fit and left them crying once he was finished with his physical needs.

Well that wasn’t gonna work. 

Damn it, being a good person was harder than he thought. 

Although that’s when a familiar voice broke through his personal bubble as a flash of annoying orange crossed his vision. “Hey, shitty Dazai. What are you doing standing in the damn way like that? You finally figure out how insufferable you are?” 

Already feeling a sense of dread in his throat, Dazai then looked up from his solitude in order to focus on his idiot partner in front of him. And just like that, any deep thought flew from his mind in order to participate in his favorite activity. 

Pissing the kid off. “Wooow, that’s a big word for you Chuuya, I didn't know you had it in you, considering you’re so small..”

Already seeing his eyes twitch in response, Chuuya’s face filled with anger in order to reach forward and grab onto Dazai’s jacket with a rough shout. “Ha?! I dare you, say that to me again jackass and see what happens!!” 

The boy only smirked though, enjoying the pure reaction he got. Chuuya never failed to bring him entertainment. He was the best toy around. Every word that got under his skin was like music to the demon’s ears.

And although he wouldn’t ever admit it, Dazai knew that his partner brought life to the boring mediocrity of his sad pathetic life, if only for a moment. They were the closest thing each other had to the term “friends”, in a fucked up, manipulative, forced to be together kinda way. 

Yet even so, Dazai couldn’t help but enjoy poking fun at the boy. Perhaps it was because Chuuya was so human to him while he was the opposite? 

Turning his head up in challenge, Dazai then indeed dared. “What, am I too tall for you to understand me the first time? Can’t hear me all the way from up here, Chuuya? Or should I say petite mafia?” 

Then all at once, Dazai reveled in the boy’s face, his eyes practically bulging from his skin as he tightened his grip on the bandaged boy with unmatched fury. “P-Petite?! Who are you calling petite, you social misfit!”

Shaking the boy around a couple times, Chuuya then seemed to realize the manipulation before roughly letting go of his shitty partner with an aggravated sigh. “God, the first thing I have to see once I get back is your shitty face? Talk about bad luck.” 

Dazai only nodded in response though, his shoulders moving in a disgruntled shrug. “You’re telling me. I was enjoying my day until you came along and ruined it.”

And for once, it seemed like the boy’s agreed on something, Chuuya’s eyes immediately moving past the bandaged annoyance in order to shove his hands into his pockets. “Well that makes two of us, shitty mackerel. Now get out of my way. I gotta go inform the boss about the mission. Do me a favor and go kill yourself while I’m gone.” 

Yet that’s when Dazai’s eyes sparkled with pure joy for his partner’s dark request, lifting his hands up in an excited and bubbly wave. “Say less!” 

Realizing his words had the opposite effect, Chuuya then paused for a moment before closing his eyes with an exasperated mutter. “Such a pain in my ass, I swear.” 

Of course he’d be happy about that kinda request, the sick bastard. 

And as Chuuya started to leave, Dazai couldn’t help but lower his eyes in silent thought. What would his partner say to Odasaku’s odd request to be good? Would he laugh at him, would he tell him that it was impossible? The boy didn’t know. 

Chuuya was always so real and human, surely he would be able to treat Oda’s sister with the care that she deserved. If he was in Dazai’s position the boy would’ve probably had a million ideas on how to go about Asagao’s ridiculous request. 

But he wasn’t Chuuya, he wasn’t human, he was something else entirely. 

Something wrong.

Dazai knew he didn’t have the capacity or ability to carefully hold Odasaku’s greatest treasure between his fingers and not crush her. He was inadequate and insufficient in every possible way.  

Allowing his voice to escape a moment later, Dazai turned towards the red haired kid slowly. “Hey Chuuya..” 

The boy only expected another insult though, his shoulders immediately going rigid in order to turn back with a high pitched short. “What?!” 

And for a moment, Dazai remained silent, willing the words to his mind. How do I be good? How can I honor Odasaku’s wish when I’m so defective? How can I be more human like you?

Pushing his lips together in order to suck in a heavy breath, the boy then dropped his hands before giving Chuuya a tight forced smile. “Nothing, never mind.” 

Chuuya paused at that though, his head turning at the strange new atmosphere only for Dazai to add playfully. “I was just going to say that your outfit today is super tacky. Where did you get it from again? The emo bargain bin?” 

Then all at once, all the concern seemingly drained from Chuuya’s face in order for it to be replaced by pure visceral hatred. “You..that’s it you bandaged wearing freak! I’m gonna make you regret that!!” 

And as he watched Chuuya stalk over to him in order to wash the unpleasant feelings and emotions from his mind the boy smiled bitterly. Who was he kidding? He could never ask such a ridiculous thing. 

Dazai knew the answer already anyways. 

He knew that anything other than this was impossible for him. 

Asagao would be disappointed in him also, just like he knew Odasaku was. 

-----

Humming to herself, Asagao skipped through the kitchen, mentally making a checklist of everything in her mind before turning towards the clock on the left in order to physically jump and try to hype herself up. 

It was almost time, everything had to be perfect.

The girl then frowned to herself in order to place a hand to her head in confusion. There was something she was missing. But what could it be? It’s like it was on the tip of her tongue. 

Rubbing her face, Asagao’s face then lit up with realization before quickly grabbing the large framed glasses by the counter in order to shove them back on her face.Then all at once, the familiar blurry sight reappeared like magic causing her to sigh in relief.

Ah, that was a close one.

The last thing she wanted was to ruin this with her freakish clever eyes.

Just then, she heard the doorbell ring only for Asagao to quickly hurry to the surface and throw it open with an excited gasp as she beamed. “Osu! There you are! You really came back! Ah, I’m so happy! Come in, come in, make yourself at home!” 

The boy himself felt rather whiplashed by the sudden joy, his fingers reaching up to the doorframe and leaning forward with a cocky smirk in order to invade her personal space. “Ah, Asa-chan. You missed me that much? I’m flattered, really.”  

He expected her to blush at the distance yet the girl only nodded her head like the answer was obvious to her. “Of course! I’ve been thinking about it all day. This is the first time someone’s actually come back when promised they would. Why wouldn’t I be happy about that?” 

Her words were rather sad but it didn’t show on her face, causing Dazai’s eyes to watch her curiously. It was like she didn’t allow the reality of her words to fully register inside her brain. Was that some kind of coping mechanism or something? It certainly seemed like it. 

She did that a lot, with Odasaku’s death and now with that depressing revelation. 

So much so, Dazai couldn’t help but tease her about it, not knowing how to do anything else. Sure, a good person would’ve felt pity or tried to reassure her about it, but that wasn’t something that the boy was capable of. 

Turning his head in fake sympathy, he mocked. “What a pitiful little thing you are, darling. I bet you were so lonely back home, what with no friends or family. My heart is bleeding for you.”

He hit her where it hurt, knowing that it would garner a reaction of some sort. Perhaps once she realized who she was letting into her home then she would rethink this entire ridiculous agreement and run away like she should’ve in the first place. 

Yet Dazai was certainly surprised when Asagao replied a moment later with absolutely no annoyance or sadness. No, she only looked rather unbothered about it. “Your bet is correct! To put it plainly, everyone back home hated me. The minute I stopped masking and took off my glasses they ran for the hills!” 

He then watched in stunned silence as she gave a carefree girlish giggle of unbothered misery in order to turn around from Dazai and walk back into Odaskau’s old apartment. “Now what are we standing out here for? Come on, the foods gonna get cold if we wait anymore..” 

Watching her disappear into the room, the boy couldn’t help but remain quiet, feeling his fingers fall from the doorframe and down by his side. He thought for sure she’d get mad at him or cry about his little comment. 

But it was just like before, she didn’t register his words, like her mind didn’t allow her to. 

Damn it, she was the complete opposite of Chuuya. She wasn’t hot headed or pathetically reactive. This was new territory, something he wasn’t used to at all. 

Because of that, the mafioso then frowned before forcing himself into the familiar apartment with unsure and uneasy steps. He didn’t like this, the feeling of not being in control. He needed to get it back and fast. 

Yet the further he got into Odasaku’s place, he felt his heart twist with familiar pain and grief. The ghosts of the past were back, circling around him as he reluctantly sat at his usual place, his fingers touching the cold wooden table with a sigh. 

It was just before, everything felt empty here. 

Although that’s when the fifteen year old looked up only to find a steaming bowl of curry in front of him as his eyes couldn’t help but widen in memory, recalling Odasaku’s last words to him. 

Holding on for dear life, Dazai felt his knuckles turn white as he watched his only friend, the only man who understood him slip from life. “People live to save themselves, it’s something they realize before they die, huh?” 

Then the boy watched as Oda’s lips formed into a small smile as his eyes fluttered close, his voice hoarse and hauntingly final. “I could really go..for some..curry..”

Blinking back to reality, Dazai stared at the seemingly mundane dish before his fingers curled against the table with unexplainable emotion. And if the boy knew how to cry or even what that concept was, he knew he’d be sobbing at this very moment. 

Luckily though, the suffocating feeling was overtaken when Asagao slid into the spot across from him before smiling happily in order to pick up her chopsticks. “I hope you don’t mind, Oda’s letters didn’t say what your favorite food was so I just picked mine. Ah, I’m so excited. I could really go for some curry right now.” 

And the moment the words left her lips, Dazai’s head immediately snapped up with anxious desperation he couldn’t hide. She had just said the same thing Odasaku did, she just said his last words. Didn’t she know the weight they had?  

Just hearing them again, it felt like he was here right now. It was like his best friend was telling the boy that he was still around in her eyes. It was overwhelming, the empty hole inside his heart suddenly becoming full with a feeling he thought was lost the day he died. 

Asa seemed to notice his silence though, her head turning in concern. “Do you not like curry? Ah, sorry, I didn’t ask first. If you tell me what you like I can make it next time. I’m a pretty good cook, you know?” 

Dazai only shook his head though, feeling the very familiar fifteen year old pathetic kid overtake him in order to whisper back a sad broken reply. “N-No…I like it…” 

And thankfully, Asagao didn’t point out the uncharacteristic tone, her head only nodding in confirmation before changing the subject, something that Dazai was incredibly grateful for. 

Mostly because he knew he was falling apart by the second. “Since you’re here, I thought we could talk about our agreement last night. Like go into specifics and such..” 

Shoving down the unruly emotion in his throat, the boy recalled back to his statement before pushing his head up with forced interest. What was she talking about, what did she want him to do? Because whatever it was Dazai knew she was looking in the wrong place. 

A loyal boyfriend, a lovesick fool, a cheesy romantic? Yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen. Sure, he could fake those kinds of things but only for so long. She was so passionate about wanting him last night. What a delusional girl. 

He already knew he wouldn’t be able to offer anything of value. 

Turning his head in fake flirty intent, Dazai lowered his eyes sensually, hoping it would make her uncomfortable. “Specifics? Ah, Asa-chan you're so dirty. What did you have in mind?” 

Asa only put her hand up in response though, stopping whatever depravity he was implying. “Now, I don’t want you to be mistaken, I know I asked you to be my boyfriend but I wouldn’t expect you to do any of that mushy touchy stuff or anything like that. I know that’s not your style anyways and I don’t wanna force you into something uncomfortable.” 

At that, the boy couldn’t help but drop the act, his eyes turning in confusion. What? If she didn’t want that mushy crap then why did she even ask for all this in the first place? She said that she had fallen for him. Was that a lie?

Although that’s when Asagao shrugged her shoulders plainly. “I mean let’s be honest here, the only reason you're here is because you’re using me.”

Feeling his fingers pause on his chopsticks, Dazai paused in order to look up at her innocently in order to try to fool her. “Oh, am I?” 

Asa wasn’t fooled though, the girl only humming back. “Mhmm. I’m useful to you because I’m related to Oda and if I was anyone else you wouldn’t have ever agreed.” 

Then all at once, Dazai felt his stomach drop in guilt for his own black soul.

Shit, she had read him. She had seen through his real intentions so quickly. Well of course she did, Odasaku did say that her world spun as fast as his. But then that begged the question, if Asagao knew about his cruel intent, why was she still humoring him?

He received his answer a moment later, watching as Asagao simply placed her chopsticks down in order to turn her eyes back at him with cruel and calculating vigor. 

“Ah, don’t worry about it. If you must know, I’m using you also, Osamu.” 

And even though her eyes were blocked by the large rimmed glasses on her face, Dazai already knew what kind of expression was underneath. She was looking at him just like last night back in that alley. He remembered it in an instant. 

That cruel hollow look she showed him before, it was the same now. He knew it was.

It was like she was eying some kind of prey, and unlucky for him Dazai seemed to be the one on the menu today. So they both had plans to use each other? That was her play? How interesting. 

Allowing her to continue, Asagao then lifted her hands up before speaking with precise precision. “We both want what each other can offer. We both are searching for my brother in different ways and think we can find it in each other. That’s why I suggested our partnership in the first place. Because it would be mutually beneficial.” 

Twisting her lips into a sly calculating smirk, Asagao then placed her fingers underneath her chin in order to lean forward and finish. “Besides, once I found out how connected you two were, I knew I wasn’t going to let you go. I’m sure it’s the same for you, right, Osu?” 

And it was, it was the exact same, so much so that he didn’t want to admit it. Odasaku was right, they did have the same minds. They both saw each other as chess pieces on a board and collected each other for their own personal games. 

They both had plans to use each other in order to will Oda Sakunosuke back to life. 

So much so, Dazai felt his entire tone shift, allowing the demon prodigy to overtake the conversation and his eyes to darken with sickening glee. “Ah, you got me Asa-chan. Nothing gets past you, does it? What do you suggest then? What can you offer to me?”

Asagao didn’t seem to mind though, her entire demeanor calm even though she was making a deal with the devil. “You come over every once in a while and tell me stories about my brother and in exchange I’ll show you a letter in return for each one. That way we both keep him in our lives.” 

Waving her hand away, the calculating aura then dissipated slightly in order to smile sweetly in the direction of his hollow empty eyes. “And once I stop becoming useful to you then you are free to throw me away and move on. Although, I do ask that when you decide to do so, you don’t tell me. I absolutely despise endings. I like to live more in the moment then think about the horrors of the future.” 

Her offer was tempting to say the least, with it he would be able to use the girl as he pleased for his own desire while she did the same. He wouldn’t have to change his underhanded and manipulative ways because Asagao would be fully aware of what he was trying to do. 

It seemed perfect, too perfect actually. Was Odasaku’s sister really okay with them using each other and then throwing them away when the time was up? Sure, he would be able to do it no problem but Dazai wasn’t sure about her.

What if in doing so he managed to crush her accidentally? He didn’t trust himself not to. Not at all. Hell, Dazai knew the damage he could do if left to his own devices. 

Pushing his hand underneath his chin in silent thought, the boy’s lethally dangerous gaze then followed her as he made his way around the table and into her space.“And what if I shatter your poor little heart in the process? Like I said, I’m not a good man, sweetheart. I know you said you’d be fine with me breaking you, but have you really thought about what that really means?” 

Yet try as he may, Asagao was not shaken, her shoulders simply shrugging to his very obvious threat in order to turn and meet him halfway. “If you’re trying to scare me it’s not going to work.”

The boy only hummed though, his fingers reaching forward in order to trail a calculating line across her cheek. “Isn’t it? What if I told you that your big brother wouldn’t approve of you hanging around me so much?” 

And for a moment, Asagao froze, but it wasn’t because of his touch, her eyes moving down before answering back less confident than before.  “.. I don’t believe that. My brother wouldn’t have written about you so much if he didn’t want me to know about you.” 

She believed that with her whole heart, knowing that Oda’s letters held so much love and care for the fifteen year old boy. If her brother didn’t want her to find Osu then he wouldn’t have ever said anything. 

He must have known how much it meant to her, to have someone to relate to after so many years. Of course she’d never actually know though, considering Asa never had the opportunity to ask him. Everything was just an assumption, but this was one assumption she was actually confident about. 

Dazai didn’t seem to think so though, Ango’s poisonous warnings still fresh in his ears. 

“You asked why Oda never mentioned her to you. It’s because destruction and corruption follows you everywhere, Dazai. He knew how black your soul is and what you could do to her if given the chance. The demon prodigy has no place out of the darkness, and I'm sure you know that also.”

He knew his best friend more than anyone, even more than her. Of course he didn’t want Dazai near her. If he did then he would’ve told him about her years ago. And here he was, dishonoring his memory because he was too god damn selfish to live in a world without him. 

So much so, he urged for her to understand how wrong she was. 

Trailing his fingers down, Dazai then darkened before latching his thumb and forefingers onto her chin in order to force her head towards his with a rough display. He felt the tips of his nails dig into her pretty pink cheeks in order to dip his head down until they were mere inches apart. 

Then all at once, the port mafia executive allowed every bit of evil to show in his eyes before speaking cruelly across the space just above her lips with a cruel hovering smile. “Yes, but hearing about me and actually being here are two completely different things, darling. I’m sure Odasaku didn’t expect you to be near so much danger so willingly, so eager to give yourself to the darkness.” 

He left her there in the madness, in that helpless controlless position, waiting for her to break away or cry for his rough movements. No, she needed to walk away, she needed to go because he wasn't going to. He didn’t have the strength to do something so kind. 

Feeling his fingers dig further into her flesh with unsaid desperation, Asagao’s lips then began to move between the space underneath his, her breath coating the distance as she spoke. “You don’t have to do this, Osamu. I already understand. I understand that you don’t want to lose the last piece of my big brother you have left. You’re scared, scared that you’ll be left with nothing again..” 

Dazai's eyes then flashed with anxiety before pulling away only slightly in order to see Asagao’s warm reassuring smile. “Have some faith in me, Osu. I’m not as fragile as you might think.” 

Feeling his heart twist and turn in every single unpleasant direction, his fingers started to turn numb between her skin. She already knew what he was trying to do, she knew he was giving her a way out and still wasn’t taking it. 

That’s when Dazai felt his entire body tense as he felt her fingers reach forwards in order to cover his hand with her own before closing her eyes in equal emotion to what he was feeling. 

And when she spoke, it was so sincere and honest, shaking him to his entire core. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Almost immediately, he felt his fingers snap back from hers, not liking the close contact before he leaned away with wide eyes. What was she saying?

 Touching someone else was child’s play for him but he never liked it when someone did it back. It was too vulnerable, too exposed. And it was the same here, the boy trying his best not to show the pure panic on his face.  

What she just said, she didn’t mean it anyways. She couldn't have. Everyone always disappeared from him, everything eventually slipped through his fingers. How dare she make such a ridiculous promise. How dare she give him hope that it will be different this time. 

It wasn’t different with Odasaku and it won’t be different with his precious little sister. 

Because of that, Dazai’s voice couldn’t help but come out bitter, knowing better than anyone how unfair the world was to him. “You don't know that.” 

Asa then paused before putting a finger to her lips in silent thought before answering back with a nod of understanding. “Well no, I guess I don’t. I can’t predict the future or anything. But why do we gotta think that far ahead? Why can’t we just enjoy the time we have right now?” 

Oda’s sister then closed her eyes before thinking about the meaning of her own words. Perhaps Osamu was right, perhaps things would turn out bad for them in the end. But if that was the price she had to pay to finally get closer to her brother, she knew she would gladly take it tenfold. 

Besides, if there was a possibility of things ending horribly then that meant there was also a possibility that things could do the opposite. And whether it was foolish or not, Asagao chose to focus on the impossible odds that this could work out okay. 

Then she opened her eyes before smiling softly. “For today, all you have to worry about is being yourself and I’ll do the same. It’s as simple as that.” 

Picking up her chopsticks once more, Asagao then beamed before purposely changing the subject before he could disagree with her positive statement. “Now go on, tell me a story about my brother. I’m dying to hear one!” 

But for Dazai, the boy felt his fingers curve into his bandaged arms with an emotion he didn’t know he possessed. He thought that Oda’s sister would’ve been disappointed by him and maybe that would be true in the future but today it seemed that wasn’t the case. 

And that was enough to make him strangely happy, feeding into the delusion automatically in order to look down at the curry on the table. “Well, one night we were talking and Odasaku thought I mentioned curry so I told him that we should cook one night and make one all together..”

He then watched as Asagao leaned further into the table, absolutely entranced by his every word like it was her life support. “Oooh what kind were you going to make?” 

Feeling his lights start to light up with memory, Dazai recalled the conversation with ease. “Well at first I suggested that we all bring something and put it in a pot, but then I got the idea to make my world famous special superhuman stamina hot pot! It’s made with leftovers from my last superhuman hot pot that I accidentally burned mixed with vinegar and tabasco that’s wrapped and concealed with kindness and love!” 

The boy then chuckled to himself as Asagao gasped in pure awe. “Wow, that’s a lot of ingredients!” 

Nodding back happily, Dazai beamed. “I know, right?! But out of all the ingredients love is the most important part. You can’t forget that!” 

The girl then pushed another bit of curry into her mouth before swallowing with an excited reply. “Wait, what did my brother and Ango say about it though?”

Pushing his hands on the table, the boy let another chuckle escape his lips, remembering the conversation clear as day. “Ango said that it wouldn’t be good but when he asked Odaskau he said..” 

Asa then watched as his words gave out completely, his eyes softening in order to slump down back into his seat with a sad grief filled smile as she pleaded back. “What did he say?”

The air was solemn, coursing through both of them immediately before Dazai spoke again, except this time it was far quieter than before. “He said… Why wouldn’t it be good? Dazai said so ..”

His face showed with so much admiration and unexplainable sadness that it caused Asagao to soften as well before smiling at the bond the two shared that she would never understand. “It sounds like Oda knew a good hot pot when he heard it.” 

Then all at once, she watches the fifteen year old boy’s face light up with pure joy at Odasaku sister’s words, that small giddy excitement coming back tenfold. “He did!! I mean why wouldn’t it be good?! It’s eye-meltingly, cheek popping-ly good! So Odasaku promised me that he would try it! Ango looked like he wanted to die though! It was so funny..and then..”

And as he spoke stories of his old friend, he couldn't help but soak in Asagao’s responses, her eyes never leaving him even for a moment as he spoke about Odasaku so honestly for the first time since his death. 

She reveled in it just as much as he did, hanging on every word like they were the only things that mattered to each other. And they were, Odasaku’s memory was the most precious thing either one had. 

So much so, Dazai couldn’t help but feel his shoulder relax for the first time in weeks. Feeling that same calm, comfortable peace he did whether he was at Bar Lupin. 

And for a couple delusional moments, Oda somehow felt alive again. 

#bsd dark era #bsd dazai #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai osamu #fanfic #bsd chuuya #bsd odasaku #dazai x odasaku!sister #oda sakunosuke #odasaku sakunosuke #bungo stray dogs odasaku #oda sakura #pm dazai #dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai x y/n #dazai x fem reader #dazai angst

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

MidnightsWithDearKatyTSPB’s Recommendation List: March PT. 2

Welcome to part 2 of March’s recommendation list. Down below, you can find the link to take you back to part 1 featuring Peaky Blinders, Frankie Morales from Triple Frontier, Frank Castle, and the works that I posted. I still have some specialists that I’m traveling to go see, so there might not be 32 links this time around, but we’ll have to wait and see. The goal for March is to write another chapter In This Heart and rewrite The Spark. If you are interested in having your writing challenges featured here, or your stories, or even just your blog, please feel free to tag me in your works, message me, or use the hashtag MidnightWithDearKatyTSPB. I hope you are having an amazing March and you didn’t have such a hard time springing ahead. 

☘️ March '23 Pt. 1

April '23 Pt. 1 🌸

Masterlist

37 of 44 Years (Moodboard) ... Dedication to my parents.

All For You My Daisy (Moodboard) >> Garret Hedlund, Pedro Pascal, and Tommy Shelby

Begin Again (Moodboard) >> Ted Lasso x OFC!Penny Fletcher | Moodboard made for @teds-mustache-wrangler story Begin Again.

Innocence and Sadness (Moodboard) >> Arthur Shelby ... dedicated to @cillmequick

Peaky x Lana Challenge (Moodboard) >> Alfie Solomons x Reader x Tommy Shelby | “I’ve got a black limousine and two gentlemen who escort me through these halls.” 

Two Broken Souls (Moodboard) >> Tommy Shelby x OFC!Estella Holland | “Come, Josephine in my flying machine. Going up, she goes, up she goes.”

Update//Calm Down by All Time Low (Moodboard) >> Garrett Hedlund, Luke Grimes, and Pedro Pascal

ONE-SHOTS:

As His Daughter by @sneakyblinders >> Dad!Tommy Shelby x Reader ft. Daughter!Kate Shelby - Summery: As Kate Shelby becomes an older sister yet again, she realizes she doesn't really know her father. Her mother is on a mission to change that. | You'll go through the emotions with this one, I promise. For those who need the warning, there are mentions of childbirth!

Loving Girl by @valentine-in-my-quinjet >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: You've always known you would be a better partner for Tommy. After Grace died, you had to reassess your motivations for being close to Tommy because he needed a friend more than ever before. | You will need a tissue with this one. TW: Suicide Mentioned

Make Your Heart My Home by @look-at-the-soul >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summery: Y/N hasn't had the best life. In fact, she's physically running from it into the physical arms of one Tommy Shelby, who saves her. | Read this, get a little emotional, but fall in love with its ending.

Mr. Girraffe by @teenwolf-theoriginals >> Dad!Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Florence's giraffe gets lost in Johnny Dogs camp. | The family dynamic in this is quite adorable, and I love how sweet Tommy is as well.

The Perfect Team by @runnning-outof-time >> Arthur Shelby x Reader - Summary: Arthur's ability to reason with (Y/N)'s child has them realizing that they work rather well together. | This is absolutely adorable and light-hearted, definitely recommend reading it.

'Teach You a Lesson by @celticmelody >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: you’re soon to marry Thomas Shelby, the infamous horseman amongst the gangsters in Birmingham. however, when he finds out you’ve never ridden before, he makes it a task to teach you… amongst other lessons that unravel afterwards. | If all riding lessons with Tommy were to end this way, I would take them every day as well. 🥵

When One Heart Breaks The Other, Follows by @little-diable >> Tommy Shelby x Reader | Summary: Tommy has been at war for months, and the only thing the reader can cling to is the letters he kept writing. Until the day when he no longer writes to her, when she no longer knows if he's alive or not. All until one last letter finds its way to her. | I've been emotional lately, okay? So did I need tissues when I read this? Yes! But was I smiling by the end? YES!

SERIES:

*A Different Sort of Man Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 by @evita-shelby >> Tommy Shelby x OFC!Eva, Canon!Tommy x Grace Burgess - Summary: Or where Eva plays around with magic, and Tommy wakes up in a universe where Grace is his wife. While in that universe, Tommy discovers just how different his life would have been if he had pursued the pretty witch in 71 Watery Lane. | My mother always warned me growing up to never fiddle with magic, but this just makes me want to... Only two chapters in, and it's so good. The switching of points of view is everything I could have asked for.

The Photographer // Part 13 by @midnightmagpiemama >> Modern!Tommy Shelby x Photographer!Reader - Summary: Hired to take pictures of your boyfriend's cousin's wedding, you are excited to spend the night in the presence of your boyfriend doing what you love. The night, however, doesn't go as according to plans. Or, the one where Gina and Micheal get married, Gina sits Lizzy at Tommy's table. And people have opinions on your relationship with Tommy. | Erin is such a fantastic writer, and I truly love this series. In this chapter, she just captures Tommy and Polly so beautifully.

A Royal Wedding of Small Heath Part 1 // Part 2 by @sneakyblinders >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Tommy is getting married in what the newspaper is calling The Royal Wedding of Small Heath with the announcement of their engagement. It's fitting, as his wife is his Queen. | If I had to picture my wedding to Tommy, this is exactly how I would want it to go. I love how some parts came straight from the TV show. It was just perfect.

Welcome to Downtown, Mr. Shelby by @notyour-valentine >> Tommy Shelby x Crawley!OC - Summary: He was born on a boat, with neither of his parents sure of the date after the fact, unregistered and unlisted until he went to fight for his country. Her birth had been celebrated with the ringing of church bells, champagne toasts, and announcements in newspapers on both sides of the Atlantic. Their worlds could not have been more different, and perhaps that was why, when Thomas Shelby looked at Lady Charlotte Crawley, he saw more than her title, more than her looks- he saw an opportunity. | Enjoyed reading this and emerging myself into this little world, and look forward to what is to come for Charlotte and Tommy.

SERIES:

*Push & Pull // Chapter 4: Coming Of Age by @milkymoon2483 >> Frank Castle X Plus Size Jewish OC Hannah Friedman - Summary: You’re going back to your small town for your father’s funeral and Shiva. You know you’re about to face family drama, but what worries you the most is that you’re going to see HIM, your dad’s long-time friend and probably the most attractive man you have ever met.  When Frank finally sees you and realizes that you're all grown up, he struggles with accepting his budding feelings for you. | This chapter had me feeling so many emotions. You start with a stomach drop, then you feel so sad, and then you end it on a great high, needing a tall glass of water to cool down. Anna knows how to make you feel every emotion that the main character is going through at every moment of the chapter. That is a true talent.

Triple Frontier:

🍑 Appeteaser Benny Miller + Shower Sex by @dameronscopilo >> Benny Miller x Reader - Summary: Benny comes home after a long day and enjoys some time with his girl. | Let me just say this is really hot, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Here With Me by @pasukiyo >> Frankie Morales x f!reader - Summary: When your husband promises it will only be one week, your gut tells you it won't, you beg him to stay if not just for you, but for your family. (Horrible summary by me) | This starts off so sad and emotional, and it ends on a spicy note. It's perfect.

A Proposition by @dameronscopilot >> Santiago "Pope" Garcia x f!reader x Benjamin "Benny" Miller - Summary: Benny returns to Florida after six months of backpacking his way across Australia, and the surf and sun have treated him well. Very well. You can't help but notice. ...Santiago thinks that maybe it's time for the two of you to change things up in the bedroom. Because if he's going to share you with anyone, it's most certainly going to be Benjamin Miller | Is it just me, or is it really HOT in here right now? 🥵 I think I better go open the window after reading this one.

Untitled Sick!fic with Benny by @dameronscopilot >> Benny Miller x Reader - Summary: benny knows exactly what you need when you're sick—in more ways than one. | If Benny ever wants to come to take care of me like this when I'm sick, or now even, he's more than welcome.

"Wear whatever you want, I can fight." by @plaguedoctorsmistress >> Benny Miller x Reader - Summary: When your boyfriend can’t seem to do anything but whine about your outfit, Benny’s jealousy finally gets the best of him, and he takes matters into his own hand. | Benny can defend my honor any day and call me princess all he wants.

*The Wedding Party by @goodwithcheese >> Frankie Morales x f!reader - Summary: Series Summary: A combined bachelorette/bachelor party introduces you to a brown-eyed pilot. | I loved this series so much that I read it in one night on AO3 when I came across it. I'm so glad it came up on my dashboard so I could share it with you guys here. It's both fluffy and sexy!

You Again?! by @theunbearableweightofpedropascal >> Benny Miller x Reader - Summary: You keep running into the guy you had sex with in an airport bathroom. | If you looking for some good spiciness and a mixture of giggles, this one is for you.

CILLIAN MURPHY:

Chances Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, & Part 4 by @creativepawsworld >> Cillian Murphy x OFC!Paige - Summary: A single mother meets an unlikely lover after a concert. Putting herself out of her comfort zone. Can she find herself a mate for life? | The story has everything in it, fluff, a little bit of angst, and some spiciness.

Quicky by @peakyscillian >> Cillian Murphy x Fem!Reader - Summary: Cillian just can't wait. | If you are looking for something romantic, hot, and with a dash of laughter, this is it.

GERALT OF RIVIA:

Late Bloomer by @cherienymphe >> Alpha!Geralt x Omega!Reader - Summary: Geralt of Rivia saves you from more than just a werewolf attack. | Sometimes, a one-shot is so good you share it twice with your followers. I'm pretty sure I shared it when I first started doing recommendations, and I'm sharing it again.

PEDRO PASCAL CHARACTERS:

Chokehold by @psychedelic-ink >> Joel Miller x Reader x Ezra - Summary: Joel’s frustrations run deep; to him, you were a twisted source of purity; touching you forced him to think, forced him to feel. But not Ezra. With him, he could do anything. A scary yet also exhilarating feeling. Or alternatively: You wake up to Joel and Ezra having sex. | The emotions you feel while reading this are just too good for me not to share.

I Forgot About Time and Space by @psychedelic-ink >> Ezra x Fem!Reader - Summary: You cook for Ezra's guests, and seeing the sight of you being so domestic awakens something in him. | The smut in this *chef's kiss* and the plot in general. Please read this when you are alone. You'll thank me later.

*The Infinity Cube by @littlemisspascal >> Marcus Pike x Reader ft. Various Pedro Characters - Summary: When you play with a strange cube, you’re transported out of your current reality with your boyfriend Marcus into brand new ones starring alternate versions of your boyfriend who look and act entirely different every time. With each encounter, you start to wonder if you’ll ever make it back to your real universe? | Such a good use of the Multiverse and it introduced me to characters that Pedro played that I haven't yet watched. Rae does an amazing job keeping you at the edge of your seat and passing off such deep emotions. It's a must read for Pedro Pascal fans.

*Meet The Millers by @musings-of-a-rose >> Joel Miller x Benny Miller x Will Miller x f!reader - Summary: Moving into the Boston Quarantine Zone after nearly 20 years on the outside takes some adjusting. A misdirection one night guides you to the 3 men who will change the course of your life. | This series has a little bit of everything from drama to love and spiciness. There isn't much more you could ask for out of this series other than wishing for more.

When You're Reading Me by @psychedelic-ink >> Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: If you had to make a list of things Joel Miller might buy you as a gift— nipple clamps would not be a part of it. | *Internally screams* This was really hot, and I think I'll go grab a cold shower now.  

STRANGER THINGS:

The Grief of Losing Eddie Munson by @eufezco >> Steve Harrington x Reader - Summary: Best friends with Eddie Munson, the reader goes through the stages of grief of losing her best friend with her family at her side. | Someone pass me the box of tissues. This was so good. I cried through almost the whole thing.

MOODBOARDS:

My Luck by @forgottenpeakywriter >> Tommy Shelby x Reader

My Sun, My Moon and All My Stars by @zablife >> Tommy Shelby x OFC!Aurora Sabini | Lee puts together a breathtakingly beautiful moodboard for a what-if scenario in the Peaky Blinders universe. It leaves you wanting to read more and more for the couple.

Your Bread by @forgottenpeakywriter >> Alfie Solomons x Reader

Your Eyes by @forgottenpeakywriter >> Tommy Shelby x Reader

You Like That by @dearshelby >> Tommy Shelby x Reader | Tall glass of cold water to cool down, please!

@psychedelic-ink - SIL, is such an amazing writer, writing most recently for Pedro Pascal's characters and sharing her amazing works with us here. Her masterlist includes more than just Pedro's characters, having written for the MCU and Oscar Isaac, to name a couple. I love the emotions you feel through every piece of writing she puts out, and I have yet to find a piece I don't like. I think you'll find you like or perhaps love her writing just as much as I do.

@shelbydelrey - Isa is a Peaky Blinder writer whose work I enjoy reading and love seeing the moodboards she puts out as well. I would definitely give Isa a follow because she brings positivity to your dashboard with her reviews and welcoming spirit.

#fanfiction recommendation #ktk recommends #ktk rec #midnightswithdearkatytspb #alfie solomons x reader x tommy shelby #alfie solomons #tommy shelby #alfie solomons x reader #benjamin miller x reader #benny miller #frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #peaky blinders #cillian murphy #cillian murphy x ofc #ted lasso x ofc #ted lasso #arthur shelby #arthur shelby x reader #alpha geralt of rivia #geralt of rivia x reader #grace burgess #tommy shelby x grace burgess #tommy shelby x eva smith shelby #pedro pacal #joel miller x reader x ezra #joel miller x reader #joel miller x ezra

[countrysidefaggot]

'captain&firstmate'

made a zolu playlist that lulls me to sleep every night (real) i wanted the music to sound soft, like we're floating on the sea. with sometimes moments lost in the night & sometimes brighter in the day and of course the lyrics all express how i see their relationship at different moments yay + spotify link's in the title but for pple who don't like that, i wrote down the list its like 13 songs ✧

Piensa en mí (Luz Casal) ✧ Careless (FKA Twigs) ✧ Hypnotised (Years&Years) ✧ Tennessee Whiskey (Chris Stapleton) ✧ Thank You (Bonnie Raitt) ✧ Neptune (Sufjan Stevens) ✧ Beyond (Daft Punk) ✧ Sometimes I Cry (Chris Stapleton) (again) ✧ C'mon Baby Cry (Orville Peck) ✧ Sunlight (Hozier) ✧ This Feeling (Alabama Shakes) ✧ Can't Stop (Red Hots) ✧ Fragments of Time (Daft Punk)

read more is for if you wanna dig arnd my brain and understand why i picked each song ily have fun

Piensa en mí - Luz Casal the instruments feel so joyful and soft, her voice is Strong and kind of desperate + the imagery of the divine, and of accepting to die by your lover's hand, wanting to be there at any of their worst moments, not wanting to live w/o them. yeah

careless - FKA Twigs ft Daniel Caesar the music is a bit more low&quiet, this feels like reading zoro's heart to me, like the things he wouldn't say but feels so deeply. + 'you can be careless with me' with the softest tone ever, and the lyrics about trusting & being so infatuated that it just has to get out even if you don't know how or until when

Hypnotised - Years&Years the whole reason this playlist exists tbh. the ship imagery of course, 'surround me body and soul, pull me into your glow, make me blush' dare i say more. yes, i dare, 'unbound me (literal huh), spin me in gold. as the story unfolds in your touch'. the whole,, a boy who offers you life and takes you far away. mmh.

Tennessee Whiskey - Chris Stapleton so huh, alcohol imagery with a deep rough voice, right ? a strong feeling of zoro's chaotic cowboy-ish pseudo pirate hunter life before meeting luffy and how he would reflect on his life now. 'but when you poured out your heart i didn't waste it, cause there's nothing like your love to get me high' so sweet

Thank You - Bonnie Raitt i've always loved this song since i found it, it's so gentle. 'you came into my life, always like you knew, that time was runnin' out, oh i came runnin' home to you' // 'yeah i'm afraid they'll come and take away this precious dream of you' - speaks sm about trusting your love (i use love for partner/lover/whatever they are to each other thank u), fearing that death can take them from you, but still being thankful you met & shared this life in the first place.

Neptune - Sufjan Stevens (& others) (its long sorry) my apologies for i am queer and sad a lot, and this is very much about some type of religious comparison, it's bittersweet, but. it brings a feeling of peace, of : i need your love, no matter the shape, as long as it is there. 'so if you won't hold me, i have no objections. so if you won't please me, i make no commands. so if you don't trust me, it's best if i drown.' mmh. feeling me on this ? yes ? thank you

Beyond - Daft Punk this music, the drums and intro, reminds me so much of the anime's big brass focused & happy soundtrack, but it turns into a song about love. how pretty is that ? so pretty. 'it speaks of places never seen, your home's a promise long forgotten, it is the birthplace of your dreams.' i see this song as really the 'beyond love, come alive' of their relationship and how they exist together with the crew, on the ship, in their adventures. it's an understanding, a promise, a dream.

Sometimes I Cry - Chris Stapleton i'm such a fan of this man how is his voice so full of deep emotions, he sings through my soul. this is very much the separation in different islands arc for me, it reeks of loneliness and the more it goes on you can feel the mask of being strong slipping into accepting fully the misery. lovely.

C'mon Baby, Cry - Orville Peck yeah, lots of cowboys, i know. but this one's Different. i love the cheerfullness of it, i feel like it's really about two boys who get each other and one of them wants to help this time. this is more luffy's side of the cowboyness of this playlist in my head, but it cld be either way. the 'i got an hour or so' bit always makes me laugh, it's kind of funny like 'i love you, show me your pain, i'll nurse for a while, then we move.'

Sunlight - Hozier huh stole this one from someone who recced it on tumblr dot com thank you friend you're so real for this choice. there's smthg abt the choir that just gives you that extreme intense feeling of rising above or fighting. the sun metaphor this playlist lacked, from light to flames to pain to death to falling into the sea. ah, beautiful.

This Feeling - Alabama Shakes might as well come out and say this but softly strung guitars are a very zoro&luffy's sound to me, a quiet texture that flows so smoothly you know. i see this song as kind of a look into luffy's heart, of being afraid of being left alone, or having spent a long time alone. it feels simple, going from a hard time to a good time to a fun time, like someone full of trust&love for life wrote this i can feel it. and it's very protective too, you shouldn't take this feeling from him, it's his. his happiness and (to me, in this pl) the quiet understanding of his feelings for his first mate.

Can't Stop - Red Hot Chili Peppers happy bright sonnng i didn't lie. 'this punk, the feelin' that you stay for. in time, i want to be your best friend' // 'the world i love, the tears i drop, to be part of the wave, can't stop.' lalala i love this song it's so huge and fast paced, it gives me luffy-brain with zoro running behind and living through the entire world

Fragments of Time - Daft Punk ft Todd Edwards such a cosy nostalgic feeling 'our only plan is to improvise, and its crystal clear that i don't ever want it to end.', such a kind adventure driven song about loving every day and the memories you make with pple you love

anywaysss thats it for now maybe ill add more when i come across a song i feel fits bye thank you have cool day

#pov u are queer aro & lowkey obsessed w zolu #thank u queers for the musical recs you all shared before now that im checking them all out in the zolu tags #cause you guys listen to a lot of diff music from me so im curious #zolu #zoro #luffy #one piece #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #its embarassing to post stuff actually i dont like it idk dont witness this too much ? but i hope if u do u like the songs #spent a stupid amount of time writing&formating this wtf sorry for any typo anyway bye

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

I think the bonds making both parties stronger/smarter is really cool! A mutual benefit.

I think that its more a neuteral magic thats not a specific branch. I mean branches have a trunk a trunk has roots. I think its more of a unrefined clunky trunk type of magic than the branches are bc its a linking of souls a linking of magics which reach beyond their branch. Im thinking bonding with creatures has been around for a WHILE I mean the solacion ruins are a thing. 'Life touches Life to Create Something New and Alive' and That predates the clans I think. So bonds might predate the life manipulation magic branch or something.

I do think the life manipulation mages do it more tho! Its just a tendency and they form them better (I think it should be VERY hard to unconsentually do a bond like that, its is a matter of Souls after all. maybe it requires some form of divine, maybe for mortals to do it they need a divine instrument of some sort *looks at the orbs the clans have guarded for years that Irida has access to*) Tho a life manipulation mage could Absolutely block someones magic that sounds cool and its fitting but poor Ingo.

Wait if Ingo has his memories lost and Magic blocked can he summon his friends!! DOES CHANDELURE (Which might be a pun name or something idk) COME WITH HIM? IS SHE STUCK IN HIS TATOO?? WHAT ABOUT HIS OTHER FRIENDS?? NOOO THAT MAKES ME VERY SAD!!

oh i really like the idea that these bonds are like, a primal thing, magic agnostic, similarly to akari's powers. i do feel like this veers towards making pokemon a central part of the world again but i'm not actually averse to it in this way? since like, the wardens are gonna be here no matter what lol so bonding with animal companions is gonna Have to be here as a thing no matter what. (also this suggests to me that akari should have some sort of special familiar. creation starters v2?)

oooooh also at the idea that it's a specifically divine thing. which for the draconids would probably be via meteorite or mega stones? and would mean it could only be done by the lorekeeper and other high-ranking individuals, which is very fitting for their societal structure and the control they have over the swordguards. meanwhile for the clans it would be irida and adaman. it fits really well! also Yikes at the maybe-implication that somebody could steal the adamant/lustrous and use them to force a soulbond.

re: ingo's companions... hmm. i'm not really sure if the twins would even have the full teams that they have in canon, in this world? if soulbonding is such a special divine thing, it feels like maybe they would only have their aces, or something. + the fact that they can fight primarily with their own magic & so a big group of familiars isn't necessarily needed. orrr maybe they have pokemon companions, but only chandelure and eelektross are properly soulbound? with the rest being support/companions that help them with whatever their job is, but not to the same degree of intensity as a soulbond is. which i guess answers the second question: at most ingo would have access to chandelure, he'd have absolutely no way to contact the rest.

...hmmm... but then you've also got the fact that chandelure is sort of a partner to both ingo and emmet in their subway teams, so i sort of lean towards the idea that she's still with emmet, and can maybe sense her soulbond's location, but can't reach him. so then emmet's stuck deciding between going on a road trip with chandelure to try and chase him down, or staying and trying to actually do their jobs. maybe he sends chandelure by herself or with another companion to find him, bc he can't leave himself.

...alternately to all of this: whatever happened to ingo also snapped the soulbond he had with all his companions, which is also why irida didn't find any of them when she did her own warden-noble bonding on him. which would also mean that not only would they not really be able to track ingo, emmet and chandelure wouldn't even know if he was stil alive. what if the soulbond broke because he died?

#the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #anonymous #ley lines au

[rey-jake-therapist]

Lost Souls chapter 8

If you missed the beginning

Chapter 7 on AO3

SUMMARY CHAPTER 8

We're back in the present. Jake hasn't forgotten the night he spent with Mina, but she seems determined to keep their relationship platonic. Sasha and Ari are already making bets about Jake and Mina, while Jake doesn't know how to behave with Tess. Notes: I just want to say that to those who don't like Tess very much because of what she did at the end of Sweetbitter season 2 not to worry: as I'm telling the story from Jake's point of view, who still knows nothing about what she did, I'm still cuddling her... But I promise that when the day of revelation comes, she'll get her due!

AO3 link to chapters 8, 9 and 10 if you prefer reading them there

New York, February 2019

Despite a rocky start, Mina quickly proved to be a competent and efficient partner for Jake. As they navigated the lunch shift together, he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at her unfamiliarity with some basic aspects of bartending. Her lack of knowledge about cocktails in particular surprised him, considering her years of experience in a high-end Los Angeles restaurant.

Their shift coming to an end, they went out to smoke a cigarette. Jake chose this moment to  voice his concerns but she responded defensively, claiming that in L.A., her role had been more specialized and she hadn't been required to work behind the bar often. Her irritation was palpable as she brushed off his questions.

Jake let out a chuckle, breaking the tension. "No need to get so defensive. Howard was probably desperate to find a replacement for Nicky, or..."

"Or what?" Mina prompted.

"Or he had some ulterior motive when hiring you," Jake mused.

Taking a step closer, he couldn't help but be drawn to the curve of Mina's neck. Leaning in, he whispered near her ear, his voice low and playful, "Not that I blame him..."

Mina shot him an irritated look, her cheeks tinged with a blush, and her breath slightly hitched. "I'm sure he did a background check before hiring me back. Now back off, playboy. Your girlfriend's watching," she retorted, nodding towards Tess, who was indeed keeping an eye on them from a nearby table she was cleaning.

Jake let out a sigh, his playful demeanor fading. He wanted to respond with something witty, but Tess's gaze held a mixture of pain and unrealistic hope that gave him a pang of guilt. He had hoped that Tess might have been too high the night before to remember the confession of love she had made. He could choose to pretend that he hadn't heard anything, but that might not help if Tess decided to bring up the subject again.

"And the other woman, the one who didn't bother to say hello but instead quizzed me about wines during the... What do you call it? "Family lunch"?" Mina inquired.

"Family lunch, yep, we've got family dinner too. That would be Simone. She loves terrorizing newcomers, asking them wine-related questions," Jake explained with a touch of amusement.

"Oh, I thought she was probably that Simone," Mina replied, casting a curious glance at Jake. He suddenly realized he had mentioned Simone to her before, multiple times even. Anxiety crept in as he couldn't recall everything he might have said.

Mina continued, her tone sly, "She kept giving me those death stares when she came to the bar later. Quite the welcoming party. Did you spill the beans to her already? I could practically feel the jealousy radiating off her."

Jake frowned, taken aback by Mina's assumption. His response carried a casual tone, though he was slightly unsettled. "Nah, you've got it all wrong. Simone couldn't care less about who I fuck. Our relationship is... different. And no, I haven't told her anything about you."

"But she knows something happened, right? You two seem pretty close, the type that shares everything," Mina probed, displaying an unexpected astuteness that caught Jake off guard. Not ready to delve into the topic just yet, he subtly gestured toward the wedding ring adorning Mina's left hand.

"I see the ring's still on… Is your husband coming to New York?" He inquired.

Mina, taken aback, fiddled nervously with her wedding ring, sliding it up and down her finger as she responded with evident anxiety, "Johnny, in New York? Good Lord, no. He has never left California, probably never will! I needed time far away from him, and I think he felt the same way about me. Hopefully, we can figure it out! We probably just need time."

Jake suspected that she was trying to convince herself that her marriage was not over yet, but he didn't feel that it was his place to tell her otherwise. Even if he had wanted to say something, he wouldn't have had the opportunity because Sasha, a Russian server with a distinctive accent, burst onto the scene, his voice loud and slightly high-pitched, and interrupted their conversation to complain about Howard. Throughout the shift, Sasha had been somewhat rude to Mina; Jake assumed it was likely due to the stress of the job.

Others had also shown a mixture of curiosity and skepticism toward Mina as she stepped into Nicky's former role. Mina was still unaware that they were mourning Nicky's absence due to his wife's illness. Only Heather and Tess had welcomed her, with Heather being a mutual connection through a friend who had tipped Mina off about the job opportunity.

Sasha's interruption continued as he exclaimed, "Awwww! Pussy Cat and Baby Jakey! Taking a little break together, huh? Did I catch you two in the act?" He grinned suggestively at them before lighting his own cigarette. Jake rolled his eyes at Sasha's teasing, refusing to take the bait. Mina, on the other hand, simply shrugged and responded with a mix of annoyance and curiosity, "We were just smoking. And what did you call me?"

"You got a problem with Pussy Cat? Prefer Big Whore? What's your preference?" Sasha shot back.

Mina grumbled, "I don't know, do I look big to you? You could just call me Mina, that's my actual name, but whatever."

Sasha didn't seem to take a hint as he continued his teasing, "So, when's the big event happening? Need to know so I can win my bet against Ari. I could use some new shoes, but I have no money!"

Jake groaned, a mix of annoyance and amusement. The topic of his romantic life had been a favorite subject of speculation among his coworkers for years. He retorted, "Screw off, Sasha," though his tone held more exasperation than actual irritation. They were all behaving like children, he thought.

Mina's response jolted him, making him feel like he had stepped on a landmine. "Been there done that already! You won your bet, go tell her!" she declared, her face deadpan and seemingly unfazed.

Both Sasha and Jake stared at her, their expressions a mix of surprise and disbelief. Jake, in particular, felt his heart skip a beat. He wasn't prepared for the world to learn about him and Mina like this, especially from Sasha, of all people.

Sasha couldn't contain his excitement. "Really? That was fast!" he exclaimed, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

"Yeah, you know, just a quickie in the locker this morning! Jake is just that irresistible," Mina retorted, a playful tone in her voice.

Jake immediately realized that Mina was joking, and his tense shoulders relaxed. He decided to play along, trying to mask the relief in his voice. "Why the surprise, Sasha? That's me!"

Sasha squinted at them suspiciously, sensing their exchange of complicit looks. "You guys are messing with me!" he accused, his tone a mixture of amusement and annoyance.

Mina giggled while Jake playfully blew a puff of smoke in Sasha's direction. Sasha responded by blowing a playful kiss back at Jake.

Sasha then offered Mina a piece of advice, "I should probably warn you not to get involved with this slut. He's dating Tess, and Tess is my friend. But honestly, I don’t care."

Mina stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray, moving closer to Sasha with a mischievous smile. "What a caring friend you are! But don't worry, even if it were your concern, you'd have nothing to worry about," she replied, her gray eyes fixed on Jake, a hint of challenge in her gaze. "I don't sleep with coworkers."

We'll see about that, Jake thought, while keeping a straight face.

Mina then walked back into the restaurant with a confident stride. Jake's attention was momentarily drawn to her graceful movements before he realized Sasha was still looking at him.

"You're not planning to let this go, are you, Baby Jakey?" Sasha asked with a sly grin.

Jake sighed. "Does Tess know about your bet?" he asked Sasha, his concern evident.

"Nah, we're not assholes! But she knows who you are. We all do!" Sasha replied.

"Yeah, everyone thinks they've got me all figured out," Jake muttered under his breath. But the truth was, nobody really understood him.

As he finished his cigarette, he flicked the butt into the ashtray and headed back inside the restaurant. Upon entering, he spotted Howard conversing with Mina in the dining room. Jake could feel Howard's eyes on him, assessing the situation. When he walked by his boss, Howard didn't say a word to him.

Jake wasn't just joking about the possibility that Howard might have ulterior motives for hiring Mina. He had once viewed Howard as a tightly-wound, overly serious man and a hopeless romantic mourning his wife's death for years. However, the revelation of Howard's affair with Becky, the previous manager, had cast a different light on his boss.

The way Howard had treated Becky was repulsive. After seducing her, he had orchestrated her transfer to the Smokehouse, a barbecue restaurant with TVs plastered on its walls. For Becky, it had felt like a downgrade even though the wages were rumored to be better there compared to what they offered at the 22W. Still infatuated with Howard, she had continued seeing him until it was painfully apparent that he was using her. At least, this was what the grapevine said; not much was heard from Becky after her departure from 22W. There were whispers that she had recently left the Smokehouse as well, but Jake wasn't invested enough in her personal drama to keep up with the latest gossip. He had never been particularly close to Becky, despite having shared some heated moments with her a few years back. Their interactions had been more physical than verbal. After a few weeks of casual encounters, she had ended it with him, citing a "serious" relationship with a guy she had refused to name. When Jake had later learned about her affair with Howard, he had wondered if Howard was the same guy she had dumped him for. The timelines seemed to align.

Not wanting to appear nosy, Jake decided to head to the locker room. Inside, he found Heather and Tess preparing for a shopping trip with Ari waiting for them outside.

"Hey, handsome!"

Tess called out to him, her arms encircling his neck as she placed a tender kiss on his lips. Seeing the affection in her eyes, Jake felt both touched and uneasy. Gently pushing her away while he loosened his tie, he responded,

"Hey, princess. What's going on?"

Tess sounded casual, but there was a hint of fading happiness in her smile, as if she had sensed his hesitation.

"How's the new girl doing?" Tess asked, keeping up the pretense. Her smile was fading, a mix of curiosity and worry flickering in her eyes.

"Fine, I guess," Jake replied, maintaining the facade. "You can ask her yourself when you see her. She's still talking with Howard."

"Really? What are they talking about?"

Jake detected a slight flinch in Tess's eyes, but she quickly brushed it off, murmuring that she was just curious. He wondered if Tess was worried that Mina might outshine her as a server. She had mentioned previously that she was hoping for a promotion from Howard.

Offering his professional analysis, Jake quipped, "If you want my expert opinion, she's about as good at bartending as you were at waiting tables when you started." This made Heather laugh, who chimed in,

"Oh, she's that bad?" 

"Hey!" Tess playfully protested before joining in the laughter.

"Honey, nobody thought you'd last a week," Heather confessed.

"I didn't even think I'd last two days," Tess admitted with a grin.

Jake found himself reminiscing aloud, 

"I remember the first time I saw you. You surprised me."

Why did I say that? Jake immediately questioned himself. It had just slipped out, but now he was second-guessing his choice of words. He remembered Tess's arrival vividly. At the time, he hadn't thought much of her, aside from noticing that she seemed as innocent and vulnerable as a deer caught in headlights. She didn't seem to fit into the atmosphere of the restaurant. Yet, he couldn't deny finding her cute. He had seen the way she looked at him, a mix of curiosity and attraction, and he had known that winning her over wouldn't require much effort on his part.

Tess responded with a soft smile, gazing at him fondly as he changed into a black shirt. "I remember you too." The memory brought a smile to her lips. 

"You liked that oyster, didn’t you?" Jake teased. Tess had once shared that while tasting the oyster he had offered her, she had wondered if his kisses would be as salty.

As their playful banter continued, Ari's impatience finally interrupted them. Her head popped into the locker room, her voice laced with annoyance.

"Are you done? Where's Sasha?"

Ari's attention then shifted to the entrance of the room, and she adopted a sultry tone. "Oh, hello there, new person!"

All eyes turned toward Mina, who made quite the entrance, her embarrassment evident. With a soft-spoken "Hey!" she slipped into the room, throwing Jake a fleeting glance before heading to her locker. Unaware of Ari's appreciative look as she scrutinized her from head to toe, Mina's focus was elsewhere. Jake couldn't help but smirk at the situation. He had a hunch that Ari might soon make her move on Mina – a pattern she had followed with other newcomers, those who were backwaters like her at least. Ari liked to regularly remind her friends about not dating coworkers who had a different position in the hierarchy.

Frankly, Jake found that logic hard to grasp. Among his friends, like Tess and Simone, the distinction between being a server and a backwater was a big deal. It wasn't just about the better pay at month's end; they believed it gave them a certain status. Simone believed that  her extensive wine knowledge and her 15 years at the restaurant made her indispensable. Jake thought it was a naive error in judgment. No one was truly irreplaceable, especially in a place like 22W. Customers and the director saw no real difference among servers, bartenders, and backwaters – all were just serving staff to them.

Heather extended an invitation to Mina, inviting her to join her, Tess, Ari, and possibly Sasha for a shopping trip. Caught off guard, Mina glanced hesitantly at Tess and Ari, both awaiting her response. Ari seemed enthusiastic, likely sensing a chance to uncover more about Mina's sexuality. For what felt like an eternity, Jake held his breath, fearing Mina might accept. It was clear that she had no intention of revealing their intimate connection established just a week ago at the Omega Lounge. But Ari had a knack for reading situations. If she sensed their secret, Jake was certain she'd spill the beans to Tess, driven by her bet with Sasha and Scott that Jake and Tess would break up within a month.

Finally, Jake suppressed a sigh of relief as Mina diplomatically replied, "Sounds nice! But I promised Keisha I'd babysit Zahra so she could hit the hair salon. Can you believe she hasn't had time to cut her hair since the baby was born?"

"Oh, poor thing! That's exactly why I'm in no rush to have kids. They're amazing, but say goodbye to your free time," Tess chimed in.

Mina nodded and bid them a pleasant shopping trip before Ari declared she wasn't waiting around for Sasha any longer. Mina's smile seemed sincere, yet Jake couldn't quite gauge if she was truly disappointed to miss out on the outing. He wondered about her typical social dynamics at work – was she more of a loner like him? She felt different from the Mina he met at the Omega Lounge a week ago, appearing more reserved, even cautious. 

As Tess left the locker room with Heather and Ari, Jake and Mina were finally alone. Lost in his thoughts, he watched her as she undressed. With her back turned, he caught a glimpse of her cherry tree tattoo running down her spine and felt a sting of desire.

"I know you're ogling, you perv," Mina playfully called out, still facing away from him.

"Not my fault the men and the women’s lockers aren’t separated," he retorted in the same teasing tone. Shrugging into his leather jacket, he added, "Besides, I saw you sneaking a peek while I was still sans pants. You naughty girl."

Mina giggled, slipped into a white tank top and black jeans, and quipped with a grin, "What can I say? You were just in the way!"

As she untied her hair, Jake's desire surged, ignited by the tantalizing perfume that wafted from her. The room was empty, everyone else seemed to have left – so what was holding him back? Closing the distance between them, he took a few steps towards her, observing her reactions intently. She maintained an artful pretense of not noticing, retrieving a gray pullover from her locker. When he gently brushed her hair aside to gain access, she momentarily froze. The absence of protest encouraged him, and as he let a finger trail down her alluring neck, he detected the telltale quickening of her breath. The attraction was mutual, he knew it. His lips hovered tantalizingly close to her neck...

"Don't."

The single word, delivered with a cold and resolute tone, landed on him like a bucket of ice. He immediately stepped back, though he inquired, "Why?"

"Earlier, I was serious. I don't date coworkers. Especially not you," Mina retorted sharply. "I have enough problems of my own; I don't need to deal with yours."

"Understandable," Jake conceded reluctantly. "But who said anything about dating?" 

He craved physical contact. Feeling a surge of boldness, he slipped his hand under her tank top, grazing the velvety skin of her back. He knew he'd found a sensitive spot when she shivered beneath his touch. She eluded his grasp quickly, pulling on her pullover. Gazing into his eyes with an unwavering resolve, she issued a clear statement, "No dating, no sexing. Just work."

Jake's jaw clenched, and though he yearned to assert that he didn't care – a blatant falsehood – he was interrupted by the abrupt intrusion of Sasha, his demeanor sour.

"Is it just you in here?! Where are the other bitches?" Sasha blurted out angrily.

"They left already. Where were you, anyway?" Jake responded, equally irritated by the Russian's untimely intrusion.

"I was on the phone, damn it! I swear, Baby Jakey, they're going to pay for this!" Sasha raged.

"Baby Jakey…" Mina echoed, thoroughly amused.

"That's my nickname for him; no one else can use it! Still need to come up with a new name for you," Sasha quipped.

"Anything but PussyCat works for me…" Mina countered. While Jake stewed in his grumpiness, Mina seemed to relish Sasha's entrance, effectively breaking the thick tension that hung in the air. She mentioned she was running late, exchanged a quick farewell, and hurried out of the locker room.

Sasha's giggles rang out as he taunted Jake, "Oops, let me guess – you were about to fuck, and I ruined it?"

Jake managed a wry chuckle and retorted, "You're the one in this room who needs to get laid, Sasha."

"Oh Baby Jakey, sweetie, that's sweet but you know we're incompatible!"

Jake slipped behind Sasha and replied with a teasing voice, "Your loss… Anyway, I've got to run. I promised Chris and my goddaughter I'd meet them after my shift."

Without a parting word, he exited the locker room, ignoring Sasha's playful complaints, "Yeah, sure, just abandon me here, like the others!"

Want more? Chapter 9.

@sylverfaeland

@endlessbittersweetdreams

@ladyredstar1991

@writing-for-life

@deloftheendlessdrama

@dear--lady-disdain

#sweetbitter #jake sweetbitter #tom sturridge #jake x oc #fanfiction #sweetbitter jake #ao3 link #fic update #jake

[thaliasandy]

Slightly smutty Hellcheer headcanon:

"Studies have linked violent behavior to the game, saying it promotes satanic worship, ritual sacrifice, sodomy, suicide, and even... Murder."

They're sitting in the back of Eddie's van, the radio's playing in the background; It's comfy, there are blankets and a couple of cushions and Chrissy feels herself blush wondering what he usually does in here. While he's expertly rolling a joint, she picks up the magazine with the Dungeons and Dragons article and reads it, when she closes the magazine again she's kind of fidgety almost nervous.

"Spit it out, Princess, What is it?"

He asks, taking a drag from the joint before passing it to her.

"Oh um...is it true what it says in here?"

She inhales the smoke deep into her lungs like he'd shown her and tries not to cough.

"Well I don't sacrifice innocent little virgins, now do I?"

He gives her an evil teasing grin and she playfully slaps his chest.

She gets chatty when she's high and the last time they smoked together she'd embarrassedly told him that she didnt go all the way with Jason yet, not for lack of trying on Jason's part though.

Eddie was far from an expert at sex himself, he'd made out with a couple of people, lost his virginity to Tammy Thompson two years ago, saw his fair share of porn magazines and videos and got a blow job in his car, from a flirty college girl that had somehow got lost at the Hideout with her friends a couple months ago;

So he'd reassured Chrissy that there's nothing wrong with waiting for the right moment ,with him, he thought, not with Carver, knowing that that would never happen, that The queen of Hawkins High would never let a trailer trash, drug dealing, DnD playing loser like him defile her.

"That's not what I meant! That other thing..."

"Huh? The murder? Yeah haven't killed anyone either...yet"

He still smirks, the deep pink blush spreading all over her face tells him exactly what she's refering to but he enjoys teasing her a bit too much.

"Stooooop! You know what I mean...isnt that....like...really painful?"

She leans in close and is almost whispering as if anyone can overhear, despite them sitting in his car, next to lovers lake, while it's raining outside and not a soul is in sight.

"I mean I've never been on the recieving end... or the giving for that matter, but I guess it can feel really good for both partners if the guy is careful and knows what he's doing..."

He feels his own face burning now and doesn't know if it's the weed making him lightheaded or his blood flow being diverted away from his brain. He adjusts the way he sits, hoping she doesn't notice.

"But maybe don't ask Jason to...you know, do that with you..."

"You think he wouldn't know how to make it good for me?"

She looks at him with her big blue innocent eyes as if she didnt just ask him about anal sex.

"Pfff I'm sure he doesn't know how to make you feel good in general but can we please stop talking about Carver fuck-...about this asshole doing anything with you?" 

"Sorry...didnt wanna make you angry"

The mood just went from playful to ice cold. He holds out the joint to her but she's staring at her hands, fiddling with a loose thread on the hem of her cheer skirt.

Eddie gently brushes his knuckles along her upper arm and offers her the joint again when she looks at him.

"Hey I'm not angry...just don't want to think about you having sex is all."

She stares at him, bottom lip quivering, hardly able to hold back her tears, swallowing the lump in her throat and Eddie's confused how they ended up here, things were going so well and now she's almost crying and he's not even sure what he did wrong.

"I know I'm not much to look at but you don't have to be so mean about it."

"Oh shit! Chrissy, that's not what I meant!" He can't help but chuckle at the absurdity of this situation,

"Look, I'm a simple man, you keep talking about getting' and he lowers his voice and leans in as if he's letting her in on a secret, the way she did earlier' "some back door action, I'm going to think about it and I'll have a bit of a problem here..."

He vaguely gestures towards his crotch. Chrissy's eyes go wide when she realizes.

"Oh...oh!!!...you mean...Oh my god I'm sorry...wait...because of me?"

"Yeah... you're driving me crazy, isnt that obvious?"

"So you ARE into that?" She giggles and he's just glad she's not crying anymore.

God he loves the sound of her giggling, he runs his hand over his face shaking his head.

"Chrissy Cunningham, people would think you're a real freak if they knew about your new found interest in sodomy"

He says the last word in this deep, almost growl- like voice he sometimes uses when playing DnD , and he didn't expect that kind of reaction but he's delighted to see the shiver that runs through her. Eddie leans against the back of the driver seat, one of his long legs streched out in front of him the other slightly bent, still trying to not put his semi hard dick too much on display.

"You're not going to tell anyone, right?"

"Of course not, Princess, it's our dirty little secret."

He was just trying to be funny but her breathless little gasp and the way she looks at him, like this is the most exciting thing that ever happened to her, her pupils dilated so far her eyes almost look black, before she crawls over and snuggles against him like a fucking kitten, like they usually do once the high sets in, make him realize he probably could get into her proverbial pants right now, if only he was a bit more of an asshole.

"Do you...do you need help with that?"

She murmurs into his Hellfire club shirt, her fingers trace a path down his chest until they're dangerously close to waistband of his pants.

The frustrated groan that slips out of his lips before he gently grasps her hand and links their fingers together, sends another shiver through Chrissy's body. He doesn't want to turn her down... HOLY FUCK does he want to feel those dainty fingers wrapped around his cock but everything about this feels wrong, not in a hot, 'doing something forbidden' kind of way but in a 'she might regret this later and never speak a single word with him again' way.

"We shouldn't be doing this, Sweetheart,  not tonight... but if you still want to ...next time we meet, we can. Is that alright for you?"

She looks up into his mesmerizing brown eyes and nods excitedly, this is so wildly different than what she's used to with Jason she can feel herself fall head over heels in love with this boy.

#hellcheer #eddissy #chrissy cunningham #eddie munson #chrissy x eddie #chrissy #eddie #headcanon #smut

[television-overload]

Tiva in Every Episode (fanfic)

Well, here it is. The first (and second) chapters of my return to Tiva fic writing.

Summary: A Tiva-centric episode-by-episode fic marathon filling in gaps, peeking behind curtains, and reading Tiva into episodes with little or no Tiva... This should be a fun ride. Each season will be one fic, a chapter per episode.

May contain: missing scenes, internal thoughts of characters, and much much more! If you have suggestions, send them to me in an ask!

This first chapter is something of a prologue. The tone is a little different than what the bulk of these stories will be, but it's not without reason.

---

Kill Ari: Part I

Read on AO3

Ziva David did not scare Tony DiNozzo. He was not intimidated by her, nor was he intrigued by her. She did not unsettle him. She did not confuse him. She was just a blip on his radar, someone whose name he would forget as quickly as he had learned it. Why should he remember her? Why should her entrance into his life mean anything in the grand scheme of things? He had just lost a partner, a friend. He wasn't looking to fill any gaps, and an emotionally unavailable Israeli assassin was not high on his list of desired new partners, friends, or anything more than that. Their meeting was a fluke, it never should have happened in the first place.

But in that moment, with her slouching provocatively in that chair across from him, something monumental shifted. He didn’t know it then. Neither one of them could have seen it coming. But these two souls, two ships passing in the night, were destined for something far greater. All the universe had conspired to bring them together, to this exact time and place, and from here on out, nothing would be the same.

There would be pain. There would be heartache. There would be suffering. But they had also just found the person that would understand them more than anyone else in the world. The person they would move heaven and earth to protect, and who would do the same for them. A love far greater than they could have imagined, or ever believed themselves worthy of. A mother or father to their future children. Their life's greatest happiness. Lasting peace after a life of tragedy and turmoil.

So maybe Tony DiNozzo was scared. Maybe he was intimidated. Maybe he was intrigued and unsettled and confused and everything in between. But it's not every day you meet the person you're meant to go through life with side-by-side. And somewhere deep, deep down, a part of him must have known that. Something in the air telling him pay attention, this is important.

No, he didn't know then what this wild young woman would come to mean to him. Nor did she see past the juvenile young agent he was. But this was where their destinies became inextricably linked. This was the beginning of something bigger than the both of them that would shape and mold them for years to come.

This was the beginning of the story of Tony and Ziva.

---

Kill Ari: Part II

Read on AO3

If Ziva had known that opening up to Special Agent DiNozzo about her sister would result in him following after her like a lost puppy, she never would have done it. As it turned out, that was just the thing he needed to stop keeping her at arm’s length. Overnight, he appeared to have gotten over the healthy fear of her that she’d happily bestowed upon him at their first meeting, despite the fact that his suspicions of her had not ceased.

A pity. She liked it when a guy recognized how dangerous she was.

Now he was under the assumption that they were friends or something of the sort. Not friends. But he was far too comfortable around her for her taste, and it unnerved her. The moment the elevator doors opened and he spotted her entering the bullpen, his face lit up with the promise of lively conversation.

He talked too much for her taste, too.

“Ms. David, how nice to see you back here in our humble abode,” he said, dropping his feet from where they rested on his desk. As if the welcoming committee wasn’t bad enough already, he then stood to his feet and jogged to meet her in the middle, smoothly turning to walk alongside her the rest of the way to their desk area.

“Where is Gibbs?” she asked, tossing her bag behind one of the desks and plopping into the swivel chair.

“Now hold on,” Tony spoke, taking a seat on the edge of the desk. “You haven’t told me why you’re here. Spill.”

Was he always this annoying? Ziva wondered. Just once, she’d like to find the person she’s looking for without him standing in the way.

After a moment’s deliberation, she decided that keeping silent would only lead to more aggravating inquiries from the agent, which she didn’t have the patience for.

“Fine. I am here because Director Shepard called and asked that I come in. Happy?”

The man flashed a grin. She found herself equal parts charmed and irritated. And then even more irritated by the fact that she was charmed at all.

“Exceedingly,” he answered.

Ziva mentally added sarcasm to the list of languages she knew him to be fluent in.

“So what does our new Director need from you?” he said, deftly lifting a pencil from the pencil cup on the desk.

“I am not sure,” she responded. Best to keep the answers short to discourage further questioning. If it was even possible to discourage this man.

She suspected it wasn’t.

“You know, Gibbs was just here,” Tony continued, twirling the pencil between his fingers. “Had a real humdinger of a clue from Agent Fornell. Met him in a park in the rain, being all cryptic and stuff. You know, wink-wink, nudge-nudge. That kind of thing. It’s a classic FBI move, I wish I could have seen it. Would have been better too, ‘cause Gibbs didn’t have the slightest idea what he was referencing.”

Somewhere amidst all that babbling was an actual piece of relevant information, and it piqued Ziva’s attention. “I am confused—”

“Well, Gibbs really only watches old black-and-white westerns, see,” DiNozzo interrupted, “that’s why he didn’t get it at first—”

Ziva huffed in annoyance. “No, what I mean is I thought you found your terrorist. It is over, why would the FBI be passing information to Gibbs?”

He quirked a half smile again and shook the eraser tip of the pencil in her direction. “There’s something you need to know about the Gibbs gut. It’s rarely wrong.” He stood, pacing the small patch of carpet uselessly in a circle before adding, “And I only say rarely because it sounds crazy to say a man’s gut is never wrong. But it’s true.”

Ziva sighed, barely suppressing an eyeroll, and the chair squeaked as she leaned back. “Forgive me if I do not share your confidence.”

DiNozzo stopped again and raised his eyebrows, fixing her with that half-serious stare he seemed to have perfected. “You can be a non-believer all you want, Ms. David, but I’ve seen it in action. I am a disciple of the Gibbs gut.”

“Well, I’m Jewish,” she answered back with a mocking smile.

That earned a laugh, or at least something like one. Ziva wondered how often Agent DiNozzo found himself outmatched in a battle of the wits. She enjoyed knocking him down a peg, even if she wouldn’t admit it.

“The point is, Gibbs said it wasn’t over, and now it’s looking like he might have been right.”

Finally, they were back on topic.

“The clue—What was it?” Ziva asked.

“Oh, it was brilliant,” DiNozzo began, smiling dreamily as he sat back at his desk. “He did this whole bit, about suggesting Gibbs go see a movie, it was genius. And then of course Gibbs had to come ask me, since I am the resident expert on all things ci-ne-ma.” The last word he enunciated in Italian. Needlessly, she might add.

“What was the movie?” Ziva asked even more forcefully, turning a few heads from other areas in the bullpen. She’d had just about enough of his meaningless drabble, if he didn’t get to the point soon, she’d shake it out of him herself.

“The Peacemaker!” he answered excitedly, seemingly oblivious to how close she’d come to wringing his neck. “George Clooney, Nichole Kidman? Directed by Mimi Leder? Made it in ’97, it’s a real action flick.”

This man couldn’t sit still, that much was clear. He hadn’t even been seated for a minute before he came back to encroach on her personal space, sitting this time directly in front of her on the desk. She shook her head and closed her eyes to maintain composure, momentarily pressing her fingers to the bridge of her nose.

He continued, “Clooney and Kidman have to find this stolen nuclear weapon before it’s used by terrorists, I can’t believe you never saw it!”

So now nuclear weapons were somehow involved? She’d like to see their sources for that, if she was understanding his implications correctly. This conversation was getting her nowhere, she needed to talk to someone who actually knew what was going on, and it was evident that that person was not Anthony DiNozzo.

“Where is Gibbs?” Ziva asked again, this time letting her impatience show through.

For an infuriating second, Agent DiNozzo merely stared at her, an extremely punchable expression on his face. The non-answer that followed was equally frustrating.

“You know, that’s the first question you asked me when we met,” he said, crossing his arms smugly in front of him.

Without blinking, Ziva fired back, “No, the first question was, ‘were you having phone sex?’”

She allowed herself a tiny smirk at his nervous laugh, at the way his posture tensed up. She had gotten under his skin, just like she wanted. Now it was her turn to look smug, narrowing her eyes at him and holding eye contact until they were interrupted by Director Shepard’s voice.

“Ziva.”

She waited just a second longer before breaking eye contact and standing to face the stairs.

“Deputy Director David is on teleconference for you,” her old friend finished, looking down at them from the balcony. Just as quickly as she’d put up her mask of confidence, it slipped away, replaced by an underlying current of dread.

Just as she’d suspected, Agent DiNozzo was quick to catch on. She hurried away, grabbing her bag as she breezed out of the bullpen with DiNozzo tailing her close behind.

“Ooh, Deputy Director David…” he said, jogging after her, “Wouldn’t be daddy, would it?”

Oh, she wanted to tell him to shut up, but he’d see through her right away.

“David is a common Israeli name,” she answered instead in an as unaffected a tone as she could muster.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

He rounded the corner to the stairs to follow her and she braced herself for what would inevitably be another prying question, but it never came. To her great relief, his path had been diverted by Agent Gibbs.

It irked her that he would likely soon know her secret, or at least be reasonably certain of it, but she had bigger things to worry about right now. Namely, what her father wanted to talk to her about, and what it had to do with nuclear weapons. Something didn’t feel right, and she didn’t like it. Unlike Gibbs, she preferred to use her brain to make sense of a situation, not her gut.

But if he was right about this, and she dearly hoped he wasn’t—she knew he wasn’t. He couldn’t be.

But if he was—then she’d have to be a believer.

---

This is an ambitious project, I know, but since it has been a while since my last full-scale rewatch of NCIS, I wanted to do something like this as I go. Which means time between updates may vary, but I hope to keep it going. Your support will mean a lot!

On Tumblr I recently hit 1,000 followers, so I wanted to finally get back to my roots and take another whack at Tiva fanfics. Because Tiva is a ship that does not let you go once you've been consumed by it, which for me happened *ten years ago* when I was fourteen. It doesn't seem like it has been that long.

So, I hope there's still lots of Tiva fans out there. I have hope that one day we'll get a happy conclusion to their tale on-screen, but until then, we have fanfiction. And this one goes out to all of you!

Tagging: @earanemith @benedettabeby @putthekettleon @loudlooks

#ncis #tiva #ncis fanfiction #tiva fanfiction #my fanfiction #the prodigal fic writer returns #jk no one missed me lol #but i sorta missed writing it #i got lost in the x-files sauce #still am tbh hahaha #but here i am #tiva in every episode #season 3 #ncis season 3 #tony dinozzo #ziva david #tony x ziva

[chickensarentcheap]

Lost and Found -Chapter Six

Fandom: Extraction

Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Drummond (established OFC. Although you do not need to read the others to understand this one)

Warnings: angst, brief mentions of blood and gun violence

Tagging:  @tragiclyhip @secretaryunpaid @youflickedtooharddamnit @thesirenrealm @residentdormouse @asirensrage @munstysmind @muchadoaboutcj @starryeyes2000 @karimac @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @occommunity @themaradaniels​

My tag list is OPEN. Just give me a shout if you’d like to added :)

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43179357/chapters/115132501

******

FOUR AND A HALF YEARS LATER

The Continental Hotel, New York City

*****

Esme watches her daughter as she sleeps; the child’s dirty blond messy and wild, her long and lanky frame clad in a pair of Incredible Hulk pyjamas pants and a My Little Pony top. The clothes she’s been wearing when they’d been forced to flee into the dead of night; leaving behind all of their belongings save for whatever could be stashed in a single duffle bag and the little one’s favourite doll and stuffed animal. Even in slumber, Millie’s fear still lingers; a thumb tucked securely and comfortingly in her mouth and her nose still stuffed from the amount of crying she’d done. She’d been hysterical; terrified by the sounds of gunshots and the cries of injured and dying men and the sight of the corpses that lay strewn in the darkened hallways. Her world suddenly turned upside down; forced to abandon all her possessions aside from Posie and Franklin and the patchwork quilt from atop her bed.

The four-year-old had settled easily upon arrival at the hotel; comforted by Charon’s quiet voice and gentle demeanour and the cuddles he’d given her as he carried her up to their suite. She’s been there before and knows it’s a safe place; no harm can come to her when she’s behind their walls. She’s surrounded by people that love and protect her; Auntie Nik and Uncle John and Abuella; the woman who’d been posing as Millie’s nanny but had secretly been placed within the home to keep a watchful eye on both mother and child. And she has her momma of course; sticking tight to Esme's side and needing more reassurance and comfort and physical contact than usual. She’d manage to crack a smile and offer up a giggle when ‘grandpa Winston’ arrived; bringing with him Millie’s favourite storybook a handful of chocolate chip cookies and a glass of warm milk he’d ‘smuggled’ from the kitchen. And when sleep finally began to claim her once more, she had become uncharacteristically whiney and demanding; wanting comfort from no one but her mother and insisting that Esme cuddle with her. Even an hour and half later she still doesn’t have the heart to move the little one; her fingertips repeatedly drawing slow, methodical patterns on Millie’s back as she remains snuggled tightly into her side.

She is everything that Esme could have ever wanted. Beautiful and intelligent, intuitive and curious, compassionate and gentle, yet possessing a fieriness and tenacity that simmers just under the surface. Full of both giggles and sass; endlessly optimistic and finding joy in even the smallest of things, yet not afraid to stick for herself or others. She had spent years dreaming about being a mother; what her baby would look like, how their voice would sound, what their likes and dislikes would be, and all the things they could experience and enjoy together.

Even during those darker days after her marriage to Mark had disintegrated, she’d held onto the tiniest fragments of hope. Moments where she dared to think about meeting someone else and settling down and having a family. Musing about the day she’d have the courage to once again hand over not only her body, but also her heart and her soul. And despite vowing she’d never again possess that level of trust, there was always the thought that maybe…just maybe…there was someone incredible out there just waiting for her to cross their path. A true partner; a companion, lover, and best friend all rolled into one. Who’d pick her up instead of pushing her down and keeping her there; who would aid in repairing her trust issues and her shattered self-esteem and help her re-discover her voice and her independence. Someone to love and protect and have love and protect her in return; someone strong and resilient that could accept all her faults and blemishes and see past all of her quirks and eccentricities.

And somehow, she’d managed to find that. A man who had suffered immense trauma and loss, yet still had so much love left to give. Who, despite the horrors he’d witnessed both as a soldier and a mercenary, possessed a humanity and softness that she’d never encountered on the job before. He didn’t take pride in his work; killing was merely a means to an end, a way of securing his survival over that of his adversaries. His reputation as one of the ‘legends’ in the business hadn’t come with a tremendous ego; he never boasted about the length of his ‘kill sheet’ or share gruesome details of the brutality he’d inflicted. And he most certainly didn’t ‘name drop’; never speaking of the world leaders, drug lords, organized crime bosses, and weapons and human traffickers he’d single-handily taken down. Shockingly, he’d been a source of light in a dark and unforgiving business; surprisingly well-spoken and read, refreshingly quiet and unassuming, and stoically confident as opposed to nauseatingly cocky.

Admittedly, he’d been far from perfect. Filled to the brim with self-loathing and plagued by many demons; suffocating under the immense weight of sorrow, guilt, and regret. Waging a daily battle against his addictions; slowly killing himself with each dangerous mission he took and potent cocktails of booze and oxycontin. A heartbroken and grief-stricken man that believed that the debt left behind by one bad choice…one horrible decision…had to be paid with his life. Yet he’d given her access beyond those walls he’d built around his heart; allowing her to see past the tattered edges and the haunted eyes and the scars that littered his body and testified to a life lived on the edge. Opening up to her in ways he’d never been able to with another; Yet in the deepest and darkest recesses of their personal struggles and in the midst of the unpredictability and danger, they’d found one another. Two damaged and weary people somehow finding solace…and love…in the most unexpected place.

*****

“Millie okay?”

Nik poses the question when Esme joins her in the living room; the latter taking one last peek at the slumbering child before softly closing the bedroom door.

Nodding, she pads towards the sitting area; dropping heavily onto the couch across from her long-time friend. “Took a lot of extra cuddling and kisses and tons of reassurance, but she’s finally asleep.”

“You should be asleep, too. It’s been a hell of a night.”

Esme sighs heavily, then places her elbows on her knees and pushes her hands through her hair. “I can’t seem to shut my brain off. Just so many thoughts and they’re all going a mile a minute. It’s going to take a miracle, I think. To relax enough to sleep.”

“There’s some tea if you’re interested.” Nik nods towards the coffee table; gesturing towards a tray of china mugs and small containers of milk, cream, and sugar, a carafe of the beverage in question. “Decaf. I can’t fall asleep, either. But I also don’t want to be up for the next twenty-four hours, so….”

Leaning forward, Esme pours herself a cup; her hands still tremble as she selects two wedges of lemon as opposed to milk and sugar and drops them into the steaming beverage before She leans back on the couch; legs bent at the knee, feet on the cushion, and her eyes riveted on the gas fireplace across the room. Transfixed by the flicker flames and the faux acoustics; the sound of crackling wood piped through Bluetooth speakers placed strategically around the living area. It should be enough to relax her; the ambiance, the company, the assurance that she’s safe and sound behind The Continental’s four walls. But she’s still on edge; her body bruised and battered from fighting back against her assailants, exhausted from both the hasty escape and the restless hours with Millie following it.

“I am so sorry, Nik.”

Her friend glances up from the laptop on her thighs. “What’s there to be sorry for?”

“I don’t know what happened. I’ve been so careful. Eight months. That’s how long I was able to pull it off. No one suspected a thing. I never gave them a reason to. Everything was going so smoothly. And I was close…so close…” She chews pensively on her bottom lip. “...I don’t know what went wrong. Where I screwed up.”

“It wasn’t you, Esme. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything RIGHT. You’re the reason things went so smoothly for as long as they did. It was a security breach. Through what I’d assumed was a secure server. A VERY secure server. All it took was someone with the time and the patience and they were to access every piece of personal information we have on you.”

“But why would they even be looking? It must be someone connected to the family. Have must have given them a reason to question who I REALLY was. Why else would they start digging? I had to have slipped up. Somewhere along the line.”

“You’re NOT to blame,” Nik stresses. “It wasn’t something you did or didn’t do. We’ve been watching and listening all this time; you never once gave them a reason to suspect anything. You were IN. You were part of that family. They were planning your wedding to their son. They were PAYING for everything. That’s not something anyone would do if they suspected their future daughter-in-law was up to no good.”

“So what could it have been? I had to have attracted attention somehow. They wouldn’t just randomly hack into your server and go looking for me. Something had to have triggered them. To look into me. There had to be something I did or something I said or….”

“The only thing we can think of is that someone saw you on the street. With Alessio. Or even with other members of the family. Someone caught sight of you, thought you looked familiar and took things from there.”

“How long? How long do you think they’ve known?”

“The family itself? Likely less than two days. The tip that they were going to make a move on you came almost thirty-six hours ago. We had to stay on our toes; be ready to go at the drop of a hat. It was only an hour between when we got the final call and when I contacted you. To let you know what was going down.”

“Why do you think they waited? Why didn’t they just act as soon as they got the info?”

“They needed time to get something together. Formulate a plan. Had it just been as easy as wanting to kill you, it would have taken one person. That’s it. You don’t need an army of men to take down one woman. A bullet to the head would have sufficed. They definitely had other things up their sleeves. Horrible things.”

“They were going to grab both of us, weren’t they. Not just me. Millie too.”

Nik nods. “The threat was for both of you.”

The harsh reality causes her to shiver. The thoughts of the horrors that would have awaited them chilled her to the bone; nauseated at the thought of what they would have done to her daughter. People with no conscience or moral compass wouldn’t think twice about harming a child. And would not doubt inflict the most unimaginable, gruesome pain upon them.

“The thought of them getting a hold of her.” Emotion chokes at her and she struggles to hold back tears. “The things they would have done to her, Nik. Horrible, disgusting things. To a little girl. MY little girl. She’s my everything. My entire world. And if anything ever happened to her…”

“Nothing will happen to her. She’s safe. You both are.”

“I can’t help but hate myself for all of this. For getting her caught up in it in the first place. I swore I wouldn’t go back. I promised myself ‘behind the scenes’ and that was it. I wouldn’t put myself in danger, I would put a target on my back or on hers. I said I would just work on the down low and keep my face and name out of the circle. I didn’t want her mixed up in all this. She deserves better. So much better.”

“Esme, you’ve always done what’s best for her. You’ve always put her first. You’ve devoted your entire life to Millie. To make sure that she’s happy and healthy and well taken care of. You said it yourself; no one could have seen this coming.”

“I shouldn’t have taken the job. I should never have brought her into this life. I should have just stayed behind the scenes and stuck to being a mom. Now look. Look at what she’s been through. In only one night! If I’d just said no…”

“I was more persuasive and overbearing than I needed to be. I came on way too strong. Bullied you into taking it. If anyone should be apologizing, it’s me. I never thought things would come to this. If I had, I never would have brought on board. I would never…ever…put you or Millie in danger. Especially Millie.”

Nik has been by their side since she’d left Australia; hastily arranging a flight out of the country and back to the states, hiding her away - in various safe places - from the High Table while John Wick and The Bowery King went to war against them. Supporting her through the pregnancy and faithfully attending doctors' appointments and ultrasounds; giving her the strong and unwavering support system she so desperately needed. Eventually helping her get back on her feet when the smoke finally settled; getting her and a then infant Millie settled in a brownstone apartment in Queens and bringing her back into the job. And keeping her whereabouts and her daughter’s existence a secret from the one person who deserved to know both. Vehemently arguing against Esme’s insistence to stay under the radar, but ultimately keeping her mouth shut.

“Like you said, there’s no way anyone could have known how badly things would go. And it had been so smooth! Up until now. I just don’t understand; how quickly things went sideways. I was so close, Nik. I was so close. To getting everything you needed.”

“In a way, this happening is a good thing. He messed with one of ours. I can go after him just for that alone and STILL collect on the payday. The client doesn’t need to know. That things went off the rails. But right now? Right now all that matters is you and Millie. And keeping you safe.”

“If it hadn’t been for you and John, we wouldn’t be. I hate to think of where we’d be right now. What they’d be doing to us. What they’d be doing to Millie.”

“Try not to dwell on it. I know that’s easier said than done, but you’re safe now. You both are. No one can get to you here. They can’t even get close.”

“It can only be a short stay. You heard what Winston said. With no real ties left to the place, it’s five days and that’s it. And then what? Where do we go from there? There’s no way this is going to be over by then. The DiTomasso’s are going to want a war.”

“Then that’s what we’ll give them. AFTER I get you and Millie out of the country and to somewhere safe. With someone that can keep an eye on both of you. Until things are taken care of here and you can come back.”

“Maybe this is a sign; all of this happening. That it’s time to move on. Maybe I’m being sent a clear message that New York City just isn’t for us. Not for the long term, anyway. Maybe we need something smaller. Quieter. Away from all the hustle and bustle. Somewhere where we’re not suffocated by things and people. Maybe that’s the kind of life Millie and I are both made for. I mean, I had that life before. And I liked it. Loved it, actually.”

Nik scowls. “I don’t think I like where you’re going with this…”

“I never wanted to leave. I had every intention to spend the rest of my life there. And if I’d been given any other choice, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. None of this ever would have happened. And Millie would be living her best life with BOTH her parents. Instead…I don��t know…instead of THIS.”

“You’ve given her a great life. You’ve…”

“People broke into my house in the middle of the night. ARMED people. And had they gotten a hold of us, they would have done horrible, horrible things to her. To a little girl. MY little girl. How is that giving her a great life, Nik? Having to bundle her up and escape in the middle of the night while people are shooting at us? That is far from a great life. For anyone! Never mind a little kid.”

“You didn’t know what was going to happen. You didn’t…”

“It doesn’t matter if I knew or not. I know the ins and outs of the job, I know how quickly things can go sideways. Just like how dangerous people can be. I did a stupid thing; putting her at risk. I never should have said ‘yes’ knowing what the DiTomasso’s were caught up in and just how bad things could go. Millie is completely innocent. She’s four years old. She doesn’t deserve to have a target on her back.”

“There was always going to be one. Considering who her father is and the number of toes he’s stepped on and the bridges he’s burned…”

“He was going to give it up. We talked about it. How once we got settled and started a family, he’d totally walk away. He’d find a regular job. Whether it was firefighting or construction or anything where he could work with his hands. It wasn’t going to be forever; being a mercenary. We had plans. Tons of them. And we were happy, Nik. We were happy and we were healing and….”

“And then the job caught up with you. And it always does. No matter how far you think you’ve run or how much time has passed. It finds you. One way or another.”

“But we still deserved a chance. At a normal life. And even if the job did catch up to us, Tyler would have been more than capable of protecting us. ALL of us. That’s all we wanted. A chance.”

“And you think you have that now? A chance. It’s been almost five years, Esme. Millie’s four years old. You had all that time to tell him. That he was a dad again. And I told you many times…even when you were pregnant. to do it; to call him or text him and let him know about her. And you always brushed it off and said ‘soon. I’ll do it soon’. Only ‘soon’ went from being weeks to months to YEARS.”

“I couldn’t tell him about her until after things settled down and The High Table were no longer a threat. And by that time, Millie was almost a year old and I was scared. I was too afraid to contact him. All I could think about was that he’d be too angry and too hurt to want anything to do with me. That he’d even turn Millie away in order to punish me.”

“Tyler never would have done that. He may have been hurt and pissed off, but not enough to deny the existence of his own kid. Especially after losing Austin. And I told you all of this back then. That even if he couldn’t get past the anger enough to let you into his life, he’d never shut Millie out.”

“And I should have listened. I fucked up. Big time. I’m not denying it. I am OWNING it. And I’m trying to make amends. To make things right. We talked about this, Nik. About my plans. That I was going there once the job was over. That I was going to call him or show up on his doorstep and just…I don’t know…re-introduce myself into his life. It wouldn’t have even mattered if he didn’t want me. As long as he wanted Millie. That’s all that mattered to me. Because he deserves to know her. And she deserves to know HIM.”

“And now…”

“And now things are really messed up. But she’s still his daughter. And he’s still her dad. She’s got a long life ahead of her. There’s a lot of time left for the two of them to know one another and be part of each other’s lives.”

“You think it’s a good idea? Just showing up out of nowhere? Disrupting his entire life? He’s moved on Esme. Finally. He’s firefighting full time and he’s got his little side business doing renos. And he’s seeing someone. She seems nice. I don’t know how serious he is about her, but…”

“I’ve kept Millie from him long enough. He deserves to know he has a kid. And she deserves to have a dad. And not just any guy off the street that can fill the spot. Her ACTUAL dad. Why are you so against this? You were the one that was always trying to convince me to contact in him the first place. Now all of a sudden it’s a bad idea?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want you to go all the way there expecting things to go back to the way they were…between you and Tyler…and have him completely slam the door in your face. I know you, Esme. Better than you know yourself sometimes. And you can tell me until you’re blue in the face that this is only about Millie deserving to know her dad, but we both know there’s more to it than that. That you never got over him. You never stopped loving him.”

“I didn’t,” she admits. “I probably never will get over him. Or stop loving him. But Millie is at the top of my priority list. Would I like things to work out between Tyler and me? Do I still want a life with him? Of course. But I’ll cope if that never happens. If we all can manage is being friends and co-parenting together. My daughter deserves to know her father. And her father deserves to know her. She’s been a secret long enough.”

Nik nods slowly, considering the words. “So what now? Now that things went to hell? The main priority now has to be getting the two out of New York City and somewhere safe. WITH someone safe.”

“And you have someone in mind or…?”

“I’ve got a list. Of very skilled and reliable guys. Each and every one of them is capable of taking care of you and Millie. And of anyone that gets remotely close to you.”

“I don’t trust them.”

“You don’t even know them. I wouldn’t put you and Millie at risk by assigning someone that isn’t up to the task. I wouldn’t…”

“It has to be him. It has to be Tyler. No one else.”

“Esme, we just talked about this. He doesn’t even work full-time for me anymore. He’s got a life of his own. He…”

“He still picks up jobs here and there. He’s still on your payroll. And he’s who I want. This is my choice, Nik. My money. I want Tyler. And ONLY Tyler.”

“You can’t be…”

“I can’t trust just anyone with this. If it was just my life, I’d go along with whoever you picked. But we’re talking about Millie. My daughter. HIS daughter. That’s why it has to be him.”

“Hell of a way for him to find out he’s a dad again, don’t you think? If you were worried about him being angry before…”

“I’ll deal with that when it happens. I don’t want anyone else on this, Nik. I want Tyler. And I’m the client and I’m the one paying the big money. So it’s my choice to make. I want him. It HAS to be him.”

Nik relents; nodding slowly in agreement and understanding. Opening her mouth to speak and then finding herself interrupted; the bedroom door clicking open to reveal Millie standing on the threshold. Her treasured stuffed koala tucked her arm and her beloved doll clasped tightly by its hand.

“Momma?”

Esme offers a soft, comforting smile. “What’s wrong, sweet pea? Why…?”

“I woke up and you were gone. It scared me.”

“There’s no reason to be scared. No one can hurt us here. Come on; come and get a snuggle.”

“Posie and Franklin too?”

“Of course. You’re a package deal.”

It’s so bitter sweet; how quickly she’s growing. All long legs and torso and big feet; much taller and slimmer than an average four-year-old. And surprisingly nimble and athletic; excelling in dance and gymnastics and on the soccer pitch.

Millie climbs onto the couch and into Esme’s lap. And she consents to be held for several minutes; as tight as she possibly can stand it as her mother rubs her back and showers her cheeks and hair with kisses. Whispering words of love and comfort and praise; speaking of how brave and strong Millie is as she slowly and rhythmically rocks both their exhausted bodies back and forth. And once settled and content, the four-year-old stretches out on her side next to her; knees drawn into her chest and head on her momma’s thigh.

Grabbing the the throw off the back of the couch, Esme tucks it tightly around her daughter; softly humming as she combs her hand through her hair and a fingertip repeatedly traces the lines of her nose. A trick she’d discovered when Millie was just an infant; following a path down the bridge and around each nostril. Not ceasing the tender caresses until Millie’s eyes close and her breathing slows as she settles into sleep once more.

“It can’t be just anyone,” she stresses; tears sparkling in her eyes as she addresses her friend. “It HAS to be him.”

******

BROOME, WESTERN AUSTRALIA

He still dreams of her.

Of surfing lessons and walks along the beach; the smell of salt water hanging heavily in the air and the sand smooth and cool beneath their feet. The breakfasts enjoyed out on the deck at the place in The Kimberley; the comfortable and companionable silence as they sat by side -their arms and thighs touching- sipping at their tea and coffee. The clear, cool nights; lounging by a campfire, her tiny frame engulfed by his arms and both their bodies draped in a solo, unzipped sleeping bag. Those lazy afternoons; each taking up their own end of the couch, her feet tucked under his leg as she indulged in a book and he busied himself on the laptop resting on his thighs. And those stormy nights spent in bed; caught up in a mess of tangled sheets and naked limbs. Her head on his chest and his fingers repeatedly moving through her hair as they listened to the rain patter against the weathered and rusted tin roof.

So many memories. Shockingly vivid and clear. As if she’s still a part of his everyday life. Able to recall the sound of both her voice and laugh; the initial roll of the eyes followed by a hearty chuckle when he’d tease her about her height or that little squeal and the childish, musical giggle when he pinched her sides or slapped her ass. Her smell; that sweet and inviting mixture of milk, coconut, and honey lingered so perfectly in her hair and on her clothing. And the taste of her mouth and the touch of her hands. The remnants of strawberry gloss that transferred to his lips as her hands wandered explored his shoulders; fingernails marring the smooth, tanned skin.

It’s bittersweet. To remember those things with such intensity, yet know you’ll never experience them again.

He was awake well before the alarm. Torn from sleep by a throbbing pain in his right shoulder; taking root under the middle of the scapula and then sending poker-hot agony up to his neck and down to his fingertips. Severe arthritis the doctor had said; a souvenir left behind from the many injuries suffered during his years in the military and as an active mercenary. On the good days, it’s bearable; nothing more than a dull ache that doesn’t interfere with work or exercise and is easily combated by over-the-counter medications. But when things are bad, they’re downright horrible; limiting his range of motion and forcing off to call in sick and forcing him to turn to the much stronger and more potent prescriptions he’d been given. He tries his best to avoid such drastic measures; refusing to fall victim to his oldest and most dangerous of vices and doing whatever it takes…even suffering needlessly…to avoid slipping back towards addiction.

For an hour he’s laid in bed; flat on his back with a forearm tossed across his brow and a lengthy ‘to-do’ list weighing him down. It’s his own fault; keeping his schedule filled to the brim in hopes to avoid spending too much time inside his own head. The memories seem to surface the most when he’s idle; those quiet, inactive moments when he easily slips back to the way things were. Becoming easily obsessed with re-living their last morning together; the lazy, sleepy kisses and the slow and attentive lovemaking and that playful banter and teasing as they made breakfast together. Esme had busied herself with packing while he had prepared for the trip to Broome; a four-day excursion that enabled him and Koen to tend to the remaining renos that needed completion before move-in day.

Everything had seemed fine between them, and despite feeling under the weather, she’d been her usual self. Bubbly and chatty from the moment she opened her eyes; talking his ear off during that first coffee of the day and her wit and sarcasm as quick as ever. Her personality had always been a breath of fresh air; intoxicating and infectious and way too big to be contained by her tiny body. And shockingly out of place in their world; a lingering innocence and optimism that hadn’t yet been tarnished by the darkness and the danger.

With the reliving comes the dissecting; the obsessive need to thoroughly poke through and investigate every action, every word spoken. The search for something…anything…that would shed light on just why she’d felt the need to leave without even so as much as a warning. What was it that he said that sent her running? What had he done that forced her to make such a hasty escape? He’d stayed clean and sober exactly like he’d promised; fighting through every craving, every desperate need for relief from both the physical and mental agony he continued to endure. Ready, willing, and able to battle his demons as long as it meant she was part of his life. Accepting not only a stint in rehab, but therapy to control his anger management issues; anxious to get to the root of his trauma and learn healthier coping mechanisms.

Last but not least, the second-guessing settles in; every sentence he’d uttered, every decision he’d made before walking out the door. Nothing ever seems out of place; no harsh words exchanged, no disagreements indulged in, no doors slammed out of frustration or anger. The morning had been relaxing; they’d simply enjoyed their time together and talked about her plans for decorating their bedroom and what kind of vegetables and fruits and flowers she’d plant in her gardens. He’d teased her about her wish for a ‘she shed’; a little place all her own that she could escape to when his own schedule kept him out of the house. She’d mused about hanging white and yellow gingham curtains in every window and adorning the eavestroughs with wind chimes found at the local flea market. She’d stock the little place with craft supplies and books and liven it up with colourful pillows and Australian wildflowers. And she’d laughed when he’d called it a ‘bitch barn’; agreeing to build it for her as long as she agreed to hang up a ‘welcome sign’ that called it EXACTLY that.

He never finds a reason. Nothing even remotely horrible that could have caused her to leave. And he often thinks of how he should have done more. Electing to stay home knowing she was sick; helping her get through the stress and anxiety that such a big move and life change was causing her. He should have cancelled his plans with Koen; listened to his gut when it screamed at him to just stay behind. His instincts were never wrong; he’d made an extremely successful living by trusting in them. And the one time he didn’t…

Three hundred and sixty-five days. That’s how long he spent looking for her. Travelling to countries he knew she often frequent during her time on the job; showing her picture to strangers on the street and people in bars and restaurants and employees at hotels, train stations and airports. Calling in favours in order to track down ‘associates’ she had within the circle; meeting informants in back alleys and subway stations and abandoned car parks in hopes someone had come in recent contact with her. But he’d always find nothing but a dead end; not even a single sighting or even a whisper that she’d returned to the fold. Not even Nik -with all the resources and money at her disposal- had any luck; keeping her ear to the ground yet never hearing any chatter that Esme had reentered the game.

When that strategy hadn’t worked, he’d gone a more personal route; flying to Colorado and showing up on her parents’ doorstep and inserting himself into her brothers’ lives. No one had heard from her; not since she’d decided to stay in Australia. And they hadn’t seemed particularly concerned that she had apparently disappeared off the face of the earth; alluding to toxic relationships and troubled teenage years in which she’d rebelled and run away from home several times in order to escape. Neither her folks nor siblings saw a cause for concern; it wasn’t the first time she’d made a hasty decision and likely wouldn’t be the last. After all, hadn’t she given up her old existence for a new one with him? Maybe it had happened again; perhaps meeting someone in another faraway land that could provide her with a much better life than he ever could.

In the end, it had been Koen that had finally gotten through to him. Sympathizing with his broken heart, but reminding him that while Esme was gone, he was still very much alive. Maybe he’d never get the answers he was so desperate to find; spending the rest of his life wondering just what went wrong and where she had ended up. And whether she left on her own accord or someone had forced her into the decision, maybe it was actually for the best. Perhaps in the end, they would have spent years together before their relationship finally met its demise; a marriage disintegrating and a husband and wife relegated to merely learning how to co-parent their brood. If he was suffering that badly after only ten months, imagine the agony if she’d taken off after ten YEARS? Maybe he’d actually been spared; the universe interfering sooner rather than later.

He’d moved on. But barely. Somehow managing to stay clean and sober despite the immense hole in his heart and spirit; stepping away from mercenary work and instead throwing himself headlong into firefighting. Keeping himself busy on his days off by punishing his body in the gym and starting a business of his own; providing cheaper-than-average home renovations and handyman work for low-income families. With both body and mind preoccupied, he had very little time to dwell on the mess that was his personal life; desperately missing the woman that had quickly become the centre of his universe and grieving the loss of the future that they’d planned together. He would never get that close to someone again; finding that level of trust and comfort and acceptance surely just a one-time thing. And a small part of him had still held out hope that she’d contact him just as quickly as she’d left; letting him know her whereabouts so he could catch the first flight and bring her home.

Where she belonged.

******

“Tyler?”

He stiffens at the sound of her voice and the touch of her hand; her breath warm against his skin as she presses a kiss to his shoulder. It was a mistake bringing her here. Into the home he’d purchased with the woman; the one he’d planned to make a family with and had already devoted his entire life -and future- to. It is a closeness and an intimacy that he isn’t prepared -or ready- to give; sharing a bed and seeing another’s possessions littering different rooms. His home is his safety net; the one place where he could be alone with his thoughts and unleash his demons. He isn’t quite ‘there’ yet; sharing the ugly parts of his past and his deepest and darkest secrets. With Esme, it had come so easily; quickly opening up to her in ways he’d never experienced with another. With Delaney, he feels as if he needs to close himself off even more; learning his lesson the first time around when it comes to just handing out trust.

She’s a good woman. Quiet and kindhearted. Patient and understanding. Never forcing him too far out of his comfort zone; accepting that he isn’t outwardly affectionate or emotional and that he has skeletons in his closet that he’s not quite ready to reveal. Never delving too far into his past and both accepting and respecting his boundaries; knowing he isn’t in any position to commit to anything more serious than monogamous dating. No living together, no talk of marriage, no chatter of a family or the future. He’s quick to shut those topics down before they even get fully off the ground; making it very clear early on that he was nowhere near ready for that. And didn’t know if he ever would be.

Despite being given every opportunity to walk away and find what just what she’s looking for, she continues to stick around; holding out hope that one day he’ll change his mind and be the man that she wants, needs, AND deserves. He’s certain she’s taken last night’s events as a sign that he’s beginning to soften his stance; allowing her into his space a sure sign of vulnerability. And that’s the last thing he wants; her inserting herself too far into his life and investing way too much time and energy into something that may never happen. If marriage and children are on her radar, she’s going in the wrong direction; a wholesome and beautiful woman deserves far better than a man whose dead inside. There are many out there that would make much better partners; those who are more than willing to squeeze themselves into the perfect little mould that she’s created in her mind.

But he’s NOT it.

“Been up long?” Delaney inquires, as she slides closer to him and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“A little while.”

He isn’t in the mood for chit-chat; a notorious morning person that can barely function before that first cup of coffee. Esme had always chided him about adding three shots of espresso; calling it his ‘rocket fuel’ and laughing about how he’d be ‘hopped’ up for the entire morning and the better part of the early afternoon. It’s those moments that he both thinks about and misses the most; the quick-witted banter and the flirtatious comments and the playful teasing. And those quiet, late-night conversations while wrapped in each other’s arms and a mess of blankets; their bodies spent and saded and glistening with sweat. They’d often be up until the early morning hours; spilling both secrets and sharing confessions and laughing sleepily. That doesn’t exist with Delaney. While he enjoys her companionship and she’s intelligent and well-spoken, the level of comfort just isn’t there. And he doesn’t know if he even WANTS it to be.

“Last night was nice,” she muses, as she rests her head on his chest; blue eyes sparkling up at him. “You realize we reached a milestone, yeah? It’s the first time we ever spent the ENTIRE night together. You usually sneak out of my place before I even wake up.”

“I get up really early. To hit the gym.”

The excuse sounds lame, even to his own ears. He hates that he feels nothing; unable to get past the loss of loneliness that had crept in sometime overnight. It had been months since he’d dreamt of Esme; her voice so clear and the way she’d kissed and touched him so vivid, that he’d reached out for her in his sleep. And snapped awake when he discovered another’s body next to him; filled with nothing but frustration and disappointment upon encountering the scent of jasmine and vanilla instead of coconut and honey.

“We should go together sometime. I’ve been wanting to shape up a little bit. Tighten a few things up. Especially if we’re going to go on that cruise next month.”

He doesn’t remember agreeing to the trip. In fact, he distinctly remembers lamenting…albeit half-assed… that he wouldn’t be able to get the time off on such short notice. It all seems too serious to him; planning vacations, meeting her family, and allowing her to stay overnight. And while he enjoys the companionship and the brief escape she gives him from the misery of being alone, he isn’t quite ready to be at anyone’s beck and call.

“I want to be able to wear a really…really…really….sexy bathing suit,” she muses, peppering his jaw with kisses as her hand wanders his chest; a fingernail tracing a perfect circle around one nipple, then the other. And when she attempts to take things further, he puts a quick stop to it; laying a hand over hers and stilling her movements. The disappointment on her face is palatable; her eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed as she pulls back to look at him. “What…?”

“You wanna wear something like that in front of your brother?”

It’s how they met; her older brother Josiah a member of the same department. The only fellow firefighter he’d managed to form any sort of friendship with when he’d first joined; years spent living on his own and fending for himself in even the most dangerous of situations had made his desire for companionship nearly non-existent. He’d had colleagues in the mercenary world; Nik and Yaz and fellow soldiers for hire that he could commiserate and share battle scars with. But no one had really made an impact until Esme had wandered into his life; showing up unexpectedly on his doorstep and turning his entire world upside down.

“Tyler and Esme against the world.”

He can hear her voice as clear as day. See the sparkle in her eyes and the smile curving her lips. Perched at the side of his hospital bed in Dhaka with a damp face cloth in one hand and a cup of water in the other; tending to him after a nightmare had startled him awake and caused a panic attack. Her hands had been so gentle; possessing a patience and a tenderness unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. And he can remember thinking how youthful she appeared; years younger than twenty-nine with no makeup gracing her features and her hair pulled back into a simple ponytail. And she’d been wearing one of his t-shirts; her tiny frame drowning in what seemed like miles of cheap cotton.

He squeezes his eyes shut; throat and chest tight with emotion.

The fingers of Delaney’s free hand push through his hair. “You okay?”

He forces a smile. “I gotta get up. Already slept in. Won’t be able to get a workout in today.”

“You can skip one day. I hardly doubt it’ll make a difference. You’re still going to have the biggest muscles in the department. Hell, in the entire TOWN”

“I just don’t want to get lazy. Skip one day, you start skipping others.”

“Maybe you could call the station? Tell them you’ll be a bit late? This IS a special occasion after all.”

He arches a quizzical brow.

“You realize we’ve never had sex here before? Not once? In the last seven months? And we’ve never spent the entire together. Not even at my place. This is a big deal for us, Ty. This is huge.”

He cringes at the nickname. Its use brings up memories of his mother; her tragic and untimely death shortly after his ninth birthday and the monster that had been left to raise him. She’d been the first to call him that; leaving her lips with adoration as she smoothed his hair out of his eyes or when praising him on his latest test scores or his progress on the surfboard. His father had used it to mock him during the early stages of grief; throwing the nickname in his face as he mercilessly beat on his only child or locked him -for days on end- in the backyard shed as a form of punishment.

“Let’s stay in bed just a little while longer.” Her mouth finds the side of his neck; lips warm and soft as they trail kisses along his jaw. “We don’t have to take our time. If you’re THAT worried about being late for work.”

His body betrays him; eyes closing and a long, ragged sigh escaping his mouth. It feels good; the brush of smooth, soft skin against his own, the brush of her against his flesh as she slowly makes her way down his body. The sex is good; above average and enough to keep him coming back for more. She’s a beautiful woman with a spectacular body; tall and tanned and legged with short blond hair that calls attention to sculpted cheekbones and vibrant eyes. And maybe in another life there could be more; a time and a place where he wasn’t so broken and despondent and could put the effort into making a stronger and more permanent connection. It happened once before; a lust and a love that were so powerful and all-consuming that they nearly brought him to his knees.

The memories return. Of his hand around her throat and his much bigger, heavier body pinning her against the wall; defiant dark eyes staring up at him as his fingers bit into her supple flesh. Of the battle he’d been waging inside; desperately wanting to give in to the hunger and the need, yet screaming at himself to walk away and spare her the disaster he would surely bring into his life. He’d been dead inside for so long; attempting to numb both the physical and the mental agony with booze and pain meds. Years spent wishing a snippers bullet would cut him down; not brave enough to do the dirty work himself. And in that dirty, cramped hotel room Dhaka he started to feel alive again; that tiny little brunette gathering up his broken pieces and attempting to mend what he thought was beyond repair.

She made him feel. And he both hated and loved it.

Suddenly it’s her lips trailing kisses across his stomach and her hair that his fingers are sliding through. Every intimate moment they’d ever shared rushing back to him; the taste of her mouth and the smell of her skin and the way she breathed his name when his calloused hands slowly and methodically explored every inch of her.

His entire body tenses; bile rising in his throat and his stomach clenching. And he offers no apology or explanation as he hastily Delaney away from him; hurrying for the bathroom and then shutting and locking the door behind him.

******

Tyler doesn’t acknowledge her presence upon entering the kitchen; her eyes burrowing into his back as he tosses open the fridge door and rummages through the contents. He had been hopeful that he’d come downstairs and find an empty house; both annoyed by her presence and embarrassed by the way he’d reacted. She’s a good woman that means well; patient and understanding, compassionate and sweet. And he does enjoy his time with her; date nights that involve dinner and movies, humouring her when she wants to tour botanical gardens and play tourist at zoos and other popular attractions. It’s a companionship with ‘benefits’; a pleasant and beautiful partner that can help fill the loneliness in both his heart and his bed.

Even if both are fleeting.

She deserves better. In the same way Esme had. The latter he’d wanted he’d wanted to protect; his life such a godawful shitty mess that he didn’t want her getting tied up in and then having her heart -and her expectations- completely decimated. With Delaney, it’s a matter of stringing her along when she’s worthy of someone that would make her the centre of their universe; not wanting a permanent and serious commitment with her, yet not wanting to be alone at the same time. It’s needy and pathetic as fuck and he knows it; unable to completely cut the cord because she makes him feel worthy of love and adoration.

“Are you feeling a little better?” she inquires, his back still towards as he sips orange juice straight from the carton. “That was a…odd. How you reacted. In the bedroom. You’ve never done THAT before.”

“Just got a lot going on. Things I need to work through. And I’ve been putting in a lot of hours at the station and I’m taking on more clients with the reno business. Starting to wear me down a bit.”

“Which is exactly why you need a vacation. It’ll be good for you. To get away for a couple of weeks. I made some coffee.” She nods in the direction of the freshly brewed pot on the stovetop. “Didn’t add the espresso yet but…”

“I can do it.” It sounds harsher than he attended, and a sheepish, apologetic plays on his lips as he turns to face. “But thank you. I….”

His words trail off; rendered speechless and almost immobile by the smallest and most mundane of circumstances. The mug clasped tightly in Delaney’s hands brings back swift but not necessarily unwelcome memories; a shopping excursion during a trip to Sydney more than four years ago. A quick browse in a second-hand shop that had turned into a long and arduous -and highly entertaining- treasure hunt. Esme’s entire face lit up with each masterpiece she uncovered and excitedly showed him. Including an enormous and gaudy handmade coffee cup bearing a poorly crafted Hello Kitty; complete with a rainbow in the background and iconic character flipping the middle finger. It was the first time he’d ever witnessed Esme’s signature move of pure and utter contentment; that little squeal and the bounce on her heels.

Delaney frowns. “Tyler? Are you okay? What…?”

“Where the hell did you find that?”

She blinks; taken back by his snarl. “Find what? The mug? It was the only one left. The cupboard was empty so I went searching and found this one. On the top shelf. Tucked wayyyy back.”

He forces himself to move; throwing open the door of the dishwasher, snagging a clean mug, and then crossing the kitchen in three long strides. “Give me that.”

“What are you doing?” Delaney gives a startled, uncomfortable laugh as he wrenches the cup from her hands. “What’s the big deal? It’s a damn mug!”

“It’s not…” He briefly closes his eyes; taking in a deep breath before slowly releasing it. “It’s not just a mug. I put it away for a reason.”

“What reason? What…?”

“You don’t need to know why I did it. Why I don’t want you using it. Just don’t, okay?” He hastily dumps the drink from one cup to another; ignoring the coffee that trickles down the sides and splatters on the tiles. “Don’t use it again.”

“Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you? It’s a mug. Some cheap thing. It can be replaced. It can be…”

“No. It can’t. I can’t get another one. I can’t get another…”

He almost says her name; biting down on his bottom lip before it can escape. He has never spoken of Esme; never offered up any personal information other than a failed marriage and the death of a child. It finds it easier to speak of those things; his grief and his guilt are no longer as profound and painful as it had been. But he can never bring himself to mention HER. Four and a half years later and it’s still too fresh. The lingering sadness and the heartache. And an anger he just can’t shake.

“You’re unhinged,” Delaney informs him. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but…”

“Just don’t touch it, okay?” Handing her the coffee, he moves towards the sink; gingerly washing and drying the Hello Kitty mug before putting it back in its resting place. It’s the only thing he has left; a cheap piece of porcelain to remind him of the last time he’d been truly happy. “And while you’re at it, don’t make yourself too comfortable here. Don’t walk around like you own the place. Or that you even live here. Last night wasn’t an open invitation to start moving your shit in.”

“Okay, you’re obviously not having a good morning. For whatever reason. I don’t know what I did that was so horrible that you think I deserve to be treated like this, but…”

He’s saved by his cell phone; vibrating within the confines of the back pocket of his jeans. And he frowns when he sees the number and name that’s plastered across the screen. “I gotta take this.”

“Right now? Right while we’re in the middle of….I don’t know…whatever the hell this is? They can leave a message. You can call them back. You can….”

“I HAVE to take it,” he insists, pausing before he steps past her. “We can talk about this later, yeah?”

“What makes you think I’ll even want to speak to you later?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I didn’t mean to freak out on you. I just…I can’t talk about it. Not right now.”

“Not right now as in this instant or not right as in the foreseeable future?”

“I don’t have time right now. I really have to answer this. I am, you know. Sorry.”

“You should be. You should be…”

“Later, alright? We’ll talk later.”

The promise is weak. Insincere. But he offers up a reassuring smile and presses a fleeting kiss to her temple; not looking back as he heads for the kitchen’s sliding doors and steps out onto the back deck.

#Tyler and Esme series #Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction fan fiction #Extraction #Tyler Rake x OFC #Chris Hemsworth #Chris Hemsworth Extraction #Tyler Rake fan fic #Extraction fan fic #Tyler and Esme #Esme Drummond #Esme Drummond-Rake

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder Loses Children While Scully Frees Them

In S1, Mulder clings to the nightmares and recovered memories of his sister's abduction, warping his life around finding her again. Scully spends S1 mitigating his fervor, especially when he pushes other children beyond their limits to find the Truth (Ruby Morris in Conduit and Michelle Bishop in Born Again.)

(The EVE twins, D.P.O., and the Calusari child don't count because they were villains.)

In S3, Mulder loses Amy Jacobs briefly before Lucy Householder dies in her place, both incidences creating a heavy blow to his self-belief. Scully tries to reconcile him to that loss; and later protects and saves Kevin Kryder, reigniting her own version of faith.

In S4, Mulder vainly tries to cling to a clone of his sister; but listens to and is comforted by Scully's attempts to help him let go of this failure-- which later leads him to draw parallels between their shared present and their could-be future in Home: "I never saw you as a mother before."

Continuing on with S4's Samantha wounds, Mulder loses two more links to his sister: a possible lead with Roche and another fractured but faulty memory of the family secrets. The pieces of his shattered losses are, again, up to Scully to help gather put back together.

S5 Mulder loses Emily, which he believed (then) was the last chance for Scully-- and by extension, him-- to have a child; but Scully lets her die, seeing it as the only way she can protect her little girl.

Scully also frees Polly Turner from her cursed doll

before returning to her daughter's tragic arc in All Souls, where she finally releases Emily (and Paula), listening to her daughter and giving up that last tie to her girl.

Mulder, meanwhile, cannot accept the comfort of a peaceful visitation, waiting another two years before his star-dusted sister brings him her heavenly closure.

(Gibson Praise doesn't count, either, because both Mulder and Scully lose him and reunite with him in later seasons, null-and-voiding their interactions and failures.)

The IVF arc fits here somewhere, with Mulder losing another chance at a family (but unwilling to give up that hope, as usual) while Scully lets the dream go for her peace's sake.

In S6 Mulder loses the demon baby that Scully (and he) had inadvertently allowed to escape; and Scully protects Trevor from his psychotic (but adoring) father.

In S7, Mulder almost loses his inner child until Scully calls him back to himself, her efforts freeing him from the delusions of his fading mind. He fails to save brains-eating Rob and the speedster teens--

but is given a short but unburdening reprieve when meeting his own lost girl aglow in afterlife stardust.

Unfortunately, it doesn't last long; and Mulder is swept along in the final heavy losses of S7: Chimera Ellen Adderley's baby, Theresa Hoese's baby, and his own baby-- all three taken from their children and locked up, perhaps permanently, far away.

S7 Scully, as mentioned, saves Mulder's inner child; and she's also busy reuniting Frank Black with his daughter, loosely helping Ritchie Lepone get well (through a corroborative effort), and saving Nan Wieder from a magic man bent on revenge. The last and most personal of these rescues is happenstance: coincidentally protecting her own child (from who knows what possibility) by staying in D.C.

S8 in redemption for them both: Mulder breaks his pattern by not losing another child-- despite almost losing their son by either his reckless actions (getting abducted, getting "killed", getting executed in the DOD, getting trapped with alien ooze on an oil rig, and almost getting shot by Alex Krycek) or his inane choices (sending the baby and Scully far away from his protection.) Scully has learned in Mulder's absence that some things cannot be given up or "freed", adapting her partner's ways into her own by filling his shoes. The decisions she made for Emily are vastly different than the ones she makes for her son (and her work and her partner.)

At the close of Existence, the family is whole: Mulder has, at last, justified his capabilities to himself (his fear at the FBI vs. his complete confidence back in Scully's apartment) and Scully has proven her own strength to herself in the face of possibly paralyzing loss, beating it back ("It's MINE") and triumphing with their miracle still in her arms.

She hands off William to her partner, proving her complete trust in him; Mulder holds William comfortably, loosely, at ease and unafraid of his family's future.

William is proof: of their love and their ability to overcome.

(...And, of course, S9 does not happen to eradicate their progress by repeating the pattern of Mulder losing another child and Scully letting another one go....

And of course, the Revival does NOT happen to double back and reinforce that pattern, again, with Mulder losing and Scully giving up the SAME child that was purged from their life twice in favor of their newer, younger model.

Because that would undermine the progress of the original arc, now wouldn't it?

And that would be a shame.)

#txf #meta #xf meta #x-files #xfiles #mine #the x files #Mulder Loses Children While Scully Frees Them #Mulder #Scully #S1 #S2 #S3 #S4 #S5 #S6 #S7 #S8 #S9 #S11 #William #Jackson van de Kamp

[multi-lefaiye]

God Died With Wooden Bones Re-Intro

So this isn't really a full re-intro and it's not gonna be one of those fun aesthetic ones with cool banners, I mainly just want to establish the new premise and the main cast <3

Premise:

In June of 1975, the small, isolated town of Owl’s Haven, Virginia disappeared without a trace. Overnight, hundreds of people vanished, leaving behind only ruins that were slowly overtaken by the forest. Searches were conducted to find the missing townsfolk, but no one has ever found a single trace of them. As the years passed, Owl’s Haven was eventually forgotten, quickly becoming nothing more than an urban legend to tell around the campfire.

Then, twenty years later, in July of 1995, a young stranger named Shiloh travels to the ruins of Owl’s Haven, chasing rumors as they search for their missing mother.

Vibes: Sacrificing everything for someone who will never understand. Stories told in hushed whispers. The dying magic of abandoned people and places. Embracing the unknown rather than shying away from it. Finding beauty in the monstrous. Brittle bones carrying a fragile soul. Flowers blooming in the empty eyes of forgotten skulls. Knowing something is wrong but not knowing how to explain it.

Characters under the cut! Picrew link: [link] (image ids in alt)

Shiloh Rose - 24 - they/them - 6'0"

Shiloh was born in the town of Owl's Haven, though their father left with them and their brother when they were only three years old. A mysterious accident from their childhood resulted in them losing their left leg from the knee down, which they wear a prosthetic for.

However, they don't remember what happened the day they lost their leg, and they struggle to believe it really was an accident like everyone says. It's been twenty years since Shiloh last saw their mother, but they have a nagging feeling in their heart that she has to be alive, and they're determined to find her.

For the most part, Shiloh is rather soft-spoken and doesn't like to be the center of attention. They have a deep-seated, burning curiosity that drives everything they do, though, and if they believe something is wrong, they're going to investigate it.

Jonah Rose - 28 - he/him - 5'10"

Jonah is Shiloh's older brother, who has been protecting and caring for them since he was young. He blames himself for their accident and projects his guilt onto Shiloh, believing that they must secretly hate him. So, he has decided to make it up to them by protecting them, whether they want him to or not. Over time, this has caused a lot of conflict between them, and their relationship is very strained.

As far as Jonah is concerned, his mother is dead. She died many years ago, and Shiloh is stupid for refusing to believe that. He never really let go of the mentality that he has to be the smart older brother to his foolish younger sibling, and part of him struggles to accept that Shiloh is an adult and their own person who can stand on their own.

Generally speaking, Jonah is a very stern, serious man who struggles to connect with others, especially his sibling. He is very lonely, but he would never admit it. Instead of seeking out the human connection he craves, he throws himself into his work.

Joan Spencer - 47 - she/her - 5'8"

Joan is a frequent attendee of a support group that Shiloh goes to every other week. Currently, she is coping with the loss of her partner, who was killed in a car accident three years ago, leaving Joan to raise their daughter (Annie) alone. She and Shiloh have become friends through the support group, and they've made a point to support each other as much as they can. So, when Shiloh asked Joan to come with them to find the ruins of Owl's Haven, she agreed out of a desire to be there for her friend.

Since her wife's death, Joan has been trying and failing to move on, to the point where she struggles to even say her partner's name. She has always been very repressed and conflict avoidant, and the best way she knows how to cope with her grief is by not. Even at the support group, Joan rarely speaks up. To this day, Shiloh is perhaps the only person she's actually opened up to about her grief, and she still struggles to tell them anything.

Like Jonah, Joan cares a lot about Shiloh, though she also trusts them enough to take care of themself without her help. In this regard, Joan actually really dislikes Jonah, as she thinks he undermines them with his over-protectiveness. How can they succeed if he won't let them try?

The Rat King - ??? - she/they - 6'2"

The Rat King is a strange figure, known throughout the area where Owl's Haven once resided as a bit of a local celebrity. She's loud, brash, and completely unapologetic about everything she does. Everything about her is a mystery, even her name--she insists only on being referred to as The Rat King or Your Highness, and she won't respond to any other name. Even her age isn't very clear--most assume she's in her early thirties, but she's looked that way for quite a long time...

When Owl's Haven disappeared, The Rat King was unknown in the area, but in the years following, she has become rather notorious. Often, people see her wandering barefoot into the woods, often spending hours there before reemerging. When asked, she says that she's keeping the ghosts away, though no one quite knows what she means by that. Most people assume that she's just strange and leave it at that.

Generally speaking, The Rat King is a chaotic character who's willing to do whatever she has to in order to survive and keep those she cares about safe. She freely trespasses, damages property, and steals, though she's never been formally charged for anything. It's rare to see her without a goofy grin on her face and a spring in her step.

Elliot Jackson - 35 (?) - he/him - 5'11"

Elliot Jackson is a local celebrity in the town of Deerpath, the closest neighbor to Owl's Haven. His origins are mysterious, but his natural charisma has made him a dear friend to many of the people in town. He has so much influence, in fact, that he's practically the mayor, with the actual mayor becoming more of a figurehead who leans on Elliot for advice. This is exactly how he likes it, but he can't help but crave more.

When Elliot heard that people were looking for what remained of Owl's Haven, he decided to take a personal interest in the story. He isn't going to stop them, but he's made it very clear to Shiloh that, if they find anything, he wants to be the first one who knows about it. After all, imagine how much renown would come to the person who finally solves this mystery? Elliot wants in on that action.

Personality-wise, Elliot is a very charming, friendly man who is incredibly skilled at manipulation. He only keeps up close relationships with people he believes can be useful to him, especially once he ensures that he has appropriate blackmail on them. Perhaps unsurprisingly, he doesn't get along well with The Rat King, and he resents her for refusing to accept any of the generous offers he's extended her way.

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And there's one more character I'm still reworking, but I don't think I'll share them just yet ;3c

Aaand okay!

I forget if there was ever an official taglist, so I'll tag folks who I think may be interested (if you'd rather I not tag you in things like this going forward, just lmk!!): @paradisiacalshroud @wherearetheplants @nicola-writes @albatris @abysslll @astralrunic @skitzo-kero @funky-writer-man

#multi makes text posts #god died with wooden bones #wip intro #technically i suppose!! #though this is more of a uh. wip re-intro haha #anyway yeah we got a PLOT now babeYYY