#that a man deciding you weren’t lovable would hurt your feelings but you’d be over it in a few months

[when-did-this-become-difficult]

.

#the really funny thing is that my behavior didn’t change at all once I started thinking I was bi. other than going on a few dates which #like truly the main difference between the genders for me is that women are far more terrifying #because men could kill me but women could make me feel like shit like #dating a man would be like trying to be American Ninja Warrior Champion #it’s still impossible for me physically mentally spiritually emotionally and I would not make it to the end #but it’s full of recognizable obstacles that I have seen many other people take on before and sure most of them have failed #but like. I know what the obstacles are #whereas dating a woman seriously would just be like asking a magic eight ball #“for what reason do I not deserve to be loved today #and just like. getting a deeply personal answer akdjshjdjdjjdhhsjd #no I’m serious bi people only but if anyone is reading this which I’m half hoping somebody is #do you ever feel this way too? #that a man deciding you weren’t lovable would hurt your feelings but you’d be over it in a few months #but a woman deciding you weren’t lovable would cripple you emotionally for like the next entire decade #every now and then I see people who know a lot about adhd talking about rejection sensitive dysphoria #and obviously I am a know nothing child but like. that’s how being rejected by a woman would feel #I swear that the one woman I went on multiple dates with like. I just felt like I was doomed to disappoint her and she was always kind #but I still feel guilty for even wastin her time by asking her to go on dates with me #guys. not to overshare but since this is tumblr and you’re in MY tags this is clearly content you want #you ever just sit there thinking I’ll never get married and I’ll never even be a bridesmaid because there’s nobody within two decades of me #who like #cares??????? #*bangs on the glass of my enclosure* #god. god you Bastard. come in here. I just want to talk #to delete

[astranva]

Just You.

Word Count: 7.6k

Category: Fluff & Angst

Warning: Shia Labeouf being a jerk, swear words

Summary: 13 years apart, Chris and Y/N are everyone’s favorite couple until Y/N stars alongside Harry Styles in Don’t Worry Darling and Chris gets insecure over how good they look together.

Or

“Hi:) idk if you’re taking requests for fics but can you do one where it’s like angst/ hurt? / fluff where actor! reader good friends with harry especially after like filming don’t worry darling. Then at the premiere reader end Chris show up and then Chris is like kinda hurt? or feels some type of way that the reader is Harry’s age bc he sees how close they are but then doesn’t realize Harry’s already dating Olivia who is around Chris’ age. Idk if this makes sense lol thank you if you do this! Have a good day!”

A/N: reader is 27 here, and so, very much adult. i was comfortable enough with this age gap because it didn’t feel wrong and i never want to romanticize 40-year-olds being with 20-year-olds.

..

“A child prodigy” is what countless articles have called you ever since you were a kid.

You were a dramatic child, not in the sense that you’d cry and whine, but you knew how to act. Your parents would go as far as to say you knew how to act since you were an infant-- “You always pretended to sleep then open one eye and laugh!” They’d say.

The school’s drama class was your second home, so much that by the time you graduated, you had played roles of almost every age group; a toddler, a middle-schooler, a teen, a grumpy principal, a strict mother, the list was full.

You were talented and lucky enough to get cast in a movie when you were only 11, and that was when your life changed.

Awards lined up your home, from New Star of the Year to Best Actress, sure, but so did picture frames of those you cared about.

Being in the entertainment industry meant a ton of connections of all positions and backgrounds, but it also meant that the people you trusted and genuinely enjoyed being around were very few, and always ones you appreciated to no end.

While you were a successful actress with a strong fanbase, you were also deemed as “the most uncelebrity celebrity” as your fans liked to call you. You were natural--a trait that was praised by the audience and sometimes frowned upon by some critics, but nonetheless, you embraced it.

You had family and friends who helped keep you sane and grounded, and treated you like no actress, but just someone with an interesting job.

It was what drew Chris into you.

Chris was known for being lovable; a man whose name could get mentioned among a group of people and you’d almost never find anyone badmouth him or call him out for being a jerk. He was an absolute goofball who also happened to work an interesting job.

You had met through Lizzie Olsen, who had decided to play matchmaker and managed to make it work, because there you were, having been in a relationship for a year and a half.

“Chris, I’m home!” You alerted as you took off your shoes before locking the door behind you, tired from the long day but excited to finally end the day with your boyfriend who told you he’d wait for you at your house, water your plants, and stay over.

The last part was unnecessary to mention because you and Chris practically lived together, you just haven’t made it official yet but at that point, you weren’t sure you needed to.

“In the kitchen!”

And it made sense because you could be nose-less, and you’d still be able to smell the amazing aroma of whatever food was being made.

Despite the smell, you were confused because you knew Chris couldn’t cook anything other than pesto eggs.

But there he stood, a towel draped over his shoulder as he faced the stove, stirring whatever it was in the pot.

“There’s no way you’re cooking,” you joked, wrapping your arms around him from behind.

“Not exactly,” he admitted with a smile, turning to peck your lips, “Got some groceries,” he pecked your lips again, “And Sadie promised to help me if I helped fix her TV remote,” another peck, “Apparently, you can be a real ass hero to 75-year-old grandma neighbors if you change their remote batteries.”

“You didn’t,” you giggled, “Bless her.”

Chris hummed, “She just helped me with the sauce. I boiled the pasta myself.”

“My hero,” you breathed out, smiling when Chris laughed.

“Should be over in a minute. Think you can eat then take a shower? Don’t want it to get cold.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you nodded, “Let me just go wash my hands.”

Soon enough, you and Chris were sitting side-by-side at the kitchen table.

You looked at the plate of creamy tomato pasta with a fried chicken breast on the side before pouting, leaning into Chris, “Thank you for this.”

Chris resorted to kissing your head before wrapping one arm around you, squeezing you into a side hug, “Now tell me about your day.”

You chewed before turning in your seat to look at him, “So you know how I was meeting up with Olivia? Olivia Wilde?” You asked, Chriss nodding, “She’s directing a new movie and she wants me as the female lead.”

Chris’s eyebrows went up, “You love being in movies with female directors.”

“I do,” you grinned before taking a bite of your food, chewing and swallowing, then going on, “She told me about it and gave me the script. It’s called Don’t Worry Darling,” you said, “And guess what?”

“What, baby?”

“Psychological thriller.”

“Shit, no way?” Chris grinned, “What did you say?”

“Well of course, in my head, I was like, ‘yes, yes, yes!’ but I felt like I needed to take some time, you know?” You asked him, “To read the script, see if I’m actually fit to play the character.”

“That’s good. You did the right thing, but,” he held up a finger, “You’re someone who can play any character.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“No, seriously!” He chuckled, “I’m not bullshitting you right now, I mean it. So it’s not about seeing if you fit the character, it’s about if you like the character enough to want to do it.”

“Whatever you say,” you joked, but smiled as your heart fluttered at his words, “I’ll read it tomorrow though. I think I just want to cuddle tonight.”

“Whatever you want, baby.”

You had an amazing team; something that was hard to have in the industry. They were supportive, accepting, and understanding of your choices and needs, but something about having Chris to confide in and talk to was different.

Chris wasn’t just a supportive boyfriend; he was a man who’d choose to clap from the sidelines as you basked in all the spotlight. He loved showing you off, praising you for your work, and he loved bragging about how good you were at what you did anywhere he went.

The online world called him a lot of things, “simp” and “fanboy” being two of them and that man wore them like a damn sash across his chest.

The following day, you lied on the couch, head resting against your fluffy cushion, your feet resting in Chris’s lap as he had a Zoom meeting for ASP, and you reading the script Olivia had given you.

It was an interesting plot to say the least, and you loved working on projects that exciting. While you didn’t know who could play Jack, the male lead and husband in the movie, your eagerness to star in the movie had you wishing it was someone you could have great on-screen chemistry with.

A squeeze to your foot snapped you away from the script, looking at Chris who nodded at his screen, “Thank you so much for the talk,” he smiled, “It was a pleasure. You, too. Have a great night. Bye.”

You put the script down on your stomach, looking at him as he clicked on his laptop before shutting the lid and putting it on the coffee table. He turned to you, and in one second, Chris lied on top of you, making you shriek out and laugh.

“I don’t think I can breathe.”

Chris giggled, peppering soft kisses to your collarbone before shifting so he was lying on his side and squeezing you, his arm wrapped around you, “Are you done?”

“Almost,” you carefully held the script so it didn’t get crumpled before turning on your side to face him, “Did you have a nice meeting?”

He hummed, leaning forward to nuzzle his head in your neck, “It was fruitful.”

“Fruitful,” you repeated, “That’s something a history teacher would say.”

You squealed when he gnawed on your neck, both of you laughing at each other. “Don’t mock me because I’m 40.”

“I never did. But if you say ‘fruitful’ again, you have yourself to blame.”

“Fine, fine,” he jokingly rolled his eyes, “What do cool kids say these days?”

“I wouldn’t know,” you giggled, “I can’t believe we’re that millennial couple people make fun of online.”

“People love us,” he smiled, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to your nose, “People love you.”

You hummed, “You should see what they post about you on TikTok,” you scrunched your nose, “I don’t think you realize the kind of power you have over all these people.”

Chris bashfully chuckled, his hand beginning to softly caress you, “How’s the script?”

“I made up my mind,” you said, “I’ll take it.”

Olivia was ecstatic when she heard back from you, and it didn’t take long before the entire cast was set.

Your on-screen husband was none other than Shia LaBeuof. You hadn’t known Shia before meeting him for a meeting, but you knew he was an exceptional actor, despite the questionable reputation.

..

“No, that doesn’t work with me,” Shia said as you all were gathered in a meeting to decide on when exactly to start filming, “I can’t start for another 2 months.”

“Oh,” Olivia frowned, “Why?”

“I have a trip planned,” he said before looking at you, “You can start filming your bit.”

He was nonchalant, almost like he would rather be doing anything else other than this movie and being in the same room as the rest of you.

You had stayed quiet, trying to maintain your peace as Olivia handled it, but he was only being more and more difficult to deal with.

“Y/N could literally just film-”

“How am I supposed to get into character of being a wife when I don’t feel like I have a husband?” You cut him off.

Shia stayed quiet for a moment before leaning back in his seat, “It’s called acting. Thought you’d know more about it.”

Your frown deepened and you opened your mouth to reply, but Olivia’s hand was on your arm in a second, “How about we end this meeting? I’ll email you, Shia.”

That was what it took for Shia to put on his sunglasses and leave the room with a “see you!”

You gave Olivia a look, to which she sighed at, “I know.”

“If I didn’t trust you, I would’ve seriously done something about that attitude of his,” you said.

“He’s been like that with everyone,” she groaned, “I’ve received so many complaints.”

“Look,” you sighed, leaning forward, “It’s your movie. You get to decide if that’s someone who can make your vision come to life or not. I’m willing to stick because I trust you, and I love the plot. Just,” you paused, “Maybe have him meditate or something.”

But that wasn’t at all what you told Chris when you went home.

“He’s a prick!” You exclaimed, “I don’t want to kiss that!”

Chris cringed, but he let you rant as much as you wanted that night.

..

“Harry Styles?” You repeated through the phone, “Harry Styles? The singer?”

“He does a lot of things,” Olivia said, “He starred in Nolan’s movie, Dunkirk.”

“Nolan?” You gasped, “Wow, I didn’t expect that.”

“He’s very nice,” she said, “Incredibly nice. He said he was a huge fan of yours, watched all your movies.”

“Wow, that’s a stroke to my ego,” you giggled, “I think people will eat that up. My young cousin can pass out if I told her I’ll do as much as breathe the same air as him.”

Olivia chuckled, “He’s a really good actor, you’ll be surprised. And you two will look great together, I think your chemistry would be great.”

“You’re the boss,” you teased her before you felt someone tap your shoulder, making you turn to face two girls who looked like they were so nervous they could pass out. You instantly grinned behind your mask before raising a finger, “Hey, Liv, I have to go now but text or email me, okay?”

“Alright. See you later.”

“See you, bye!” You hung up before giving your attention to the girls, “Hi, how are you?”

“Oh my God,” one of them breathed out, “We just wanted to tell you that we love you so much.”

“You’re an idol to us, you literally saved my life,” the other said.

Your eyes couldn’t not get tearful, “I wish I could hug you right now,” you said, “I hate this pandemic, but I love you, too, so much. Thank you so much.”

“We also love you and Chris together,”

“Yeah, you’re literally the cutest couple.”

“Oh, thanks!” You laughed quietly, “I’ll make sure to tell him that. What are your names?”

“I’m Alyssa, this is Sierrah.”

“I’ll tell him Alyssa and Sierrah think we’re cute,” you said, “That’ll make him feel too good about himself,” you joked before they laughed.

Your phone began ringing, you glancing quickly at it, “Speak of the devil,” you joked as you declined his call, “Do you want a picture?”

The two girls stood in front of you, maintaining distance as you stood behind them with one of your hands thrown up in a peace sign.

After exchanging goodbyes, you were quick to call Chris back.

“You’ll never guess who will play Jack.”

..

It took two weeks for the media to know about Don’t Worry Darling’s cast.

It took two weeks for the media to already think of theories.

It took two weeks for the media to start shipping the two leads of the movie--you and Harry.

You knew how it was. You were no stranger to getting shipped with so many people, or even the absolutely crazy fan theories that would suggest that you were in fact in a relationship with whoever they decided it was you were seeing, despite you and Chris being public.

Chris wasn’t overprotective nor was he someone who easily got bothered by any stirred-up drama and rumors over you, and maybe it was because Chris himself was always caught up in the same fishnet with so many celebrities.

He’d laugh at it with you if the rumors ever came up.

“I can’t believe you’re cheating on me,” he’d say as he pretended to sniffle and sob, “What happened to our son?”

You appreciated it, and you appreciated it even more because none of your past partners were understanding of this sort of rumors and drama.

You were on Twitter when you saw how ironic it was. There, was a thread of pictures of you and Harry “being each other.”

A picture of you meeting fans, your mask on, standing behind them with a peace sign, was placed beside one of Harry’s who posed in the same manner.

A picture of you from the cover of a magazine, sitting on a chair in an all-black outfit, as you didn’t smile at the camera. Harry happened to have a very similar, if not the exact, picture.

A picture of you in heart-shaped sunglasses, arms in the air as you laughed, and another picture of Harry wearing the same pair of sunglasses.

It was a long thread of no less than 14 pairs of pictures.

What was ironic about it was that right above that thread, were pictures of you and Chris with Dodger from the previous day as you were sat at the park; one of the both of you walking as you held hands while Chris held on to Dodger’s leash with the other hand, another one of you mid-throw of Dodger’s frisbee and Chris lying on the grass, and another of the both of you lying on the grass with your arms around each other.

It wasn’t long before you were getting ready to meet up with Olivia, Harry, and some people from the crew.

“You ready?” Chris asked. He was meeting up with his brother, Scott, and told you he’d drop you off and pick you up instead of you driving.

“Yeah,” you replied, tying your shoelaces.

“You found Dodger’s toy,” he smiled, “Saw him sleeping with it,” he pointed back.

“It was in the guest room for some reason,” you told him, “Poor baby went crazy without it.”

Chris hummed, smiling before leaning to press his lips against yours, “I love you.”

“I love you,” you repeated, smiling at him.

The honeymoon phase wasn’t just a phase when you were in love with the right person, and Chris was enough proof for you.

You and Chris never felt the need to fill any silence, it was always relaxing as much as it was bonding, but you were a talkative couple.

So many times, you and Chris would discuss the latest political updates, or that new recipe you saw on Instagram, or even some celebrity gossip that made you laugh or cringe.

There you were, talking about your new project as he drove.

“Olivia keeps telling me that he’s a nice guy,” you said, talking about Harry Styles, “And Chris Pine, when I saw him the other night. He told me he met him.”

“I think I’ve seen people online talk about him,” he said, “He has this slogan; treat people with something.”

“Kindness,” you giggled.

“Kindness,” he smiled, “Sounds nice.”

You hummed, “He’s the only one I don’t know in the cast. I feel comfortable with the fact that I already know all these people I’ll be working with.”

“I’m happy for you, baby,” he reached to squeeze your thigh, leaving his hand there.

Soon enough, you arrived and you were unbuckling your seatbelt, getting ready to get out, “Want to come say hi to Pine? He asked about you.”

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” Chris nodded, unbuckled his seatbelt.

You both wore your masks before meeting at the front of the car, you reaching to hold his hand before you walked towards the café where everyone was meeting.

“Y/N! Here!”

You spotted the group at an outdoor table, smiling behind your mask as you and Chris walked towards them.

“Blue eyes!” Chris greeted Chris Pine as the both of them laughed.

Harry stood, hands clasped as he seemed to be smiling from behind his mask before reaching out to shake your hand, “Hi, I’m Harry.”

“Y/N,” you eagerly shook his hand, “Big fan of your music. You have a good amount of songs in mine and Chris’s roadtrip playlist,” you chuckled as you touched Chris’s arm.

“Hey,” Chris smiled, shaking Harry’s hand, “It’s true.”

“It’s a pleasure, thank you so much.” Harry politely replied.

Chris’s hand touched your back, “I’ll head out now, baby,” he said quietly.

You nodded, taking a few steps away from the group, “I think I’ll be done in like, two hours. Will that be okay with you?”

“Yeah, baby, just call me,” he rubbed your back before taking off his mask and moving yours to place a kiss to your lips, “He has an accent.”

“Who?”

“Him,” he smiled, “Harry.”

You giggled, “He’s English after all.”

“You’ve always said you love my Boston accent, you better not switch to English, now.”

“No promises,” you teased him, “I love you. Drive safely, yeah?”

“Will do, baby. I love you.”

..

‘Y/N Y/L/N and Harry Styles getting along with the rest of the Don’t Worry Darling cast!’

‘Filming for DWD hasn’t even begun and we’re already swooning over Y/N Y/L/N and Harry Styles being a married couple!’

‘The hottest A-List, fan-favorite celebrities are starring together as a married couple: everything we know about Olivia Wilde’s Don’t Worry Darling so far.’

The media was eating up the cast, to say the least.

You were a sought-after actress whose work never flopped, dating an iconic actor whose work was considered a national treasure, and starring with someone who has been admired since he was 16; people were eager.

When you began filming, and pap candid photos were released, it was trending—along with Harry’s sweatpants.

Harry was as lovely as his reputation.

You were quick to become friends; laughing, joking, and teasing each other like a couple of friends who met years ago.

The teasing was about everything and anything, but the most you teased him about was his blossoming relationship with Olivia.

“So?” You elbowed him one day as you both stood in your costumes; him in a brown suit and you in a blue flowy dress, “Will I be getting free tickets to any show of yours in the future?”

“What? You can’t afford it?” Harry joked.

“I like free stuff.”

He laughed, “I’ll make sure to send you a ticket.”

“Make them three.”

“Get in spot!” Olivia called out.

You both walked inside the house and by the opened door.

“Get set!”

Chris approached the set, making sure to stay quiet as his eyes fell on you, a smile already on his face behind his mask. You looked beautiful.

“Action!”

You and Harry—Alice and Jack—walked outside the house, Harry’s strides being quick before you called for him, making him turn and approach you quickly before you recited your lines.

Harry—Jack—leaned down and pecked your lips before turning and walking to the vintage car, you slowly walking behind him as you watched him turn on the car and back out of the driveway.

“Cut! One more time, guys!”

Your eyes went to Olivia, only to fall on Chris who stood behind her.

You grinned, holding your hand up to eagerly wave at him and watched him as he waved back.

After two times of filming that scene, you were free for a 15-minute break, and were quick to approach Chris and hug him.

“Hi,” you muffled against his chest, “I missed you.”

Since filming started, you were seeing Chris less; you had to get up too early and leave too late, and between your work and Chris’s, you were lucky enough to squeeze in a good face-to-face conversation and not through your frequent phone calls and texting.

“I missed you, too,” he replied, “Are you almost done?”

You nodded, “Just one more scene.”

“Think we can grab something to eat after that?”

“Aw, baby,” you looked up, “I promised Harry and Olivia to go back to Harry’s and get sushi,”

“Oh,” his eyebrows were raised, “It’s okay.”

“I’ll ask them if you can tag along, I-”

“No, no,” he shook his head, “You have fun with your friends.”

“No, it’s okay, I can just reschedule.”

“Baby,” Chris enunciated, “I’ll be home and I’ll be waiting for you. You have fun, yeah?”

..

Chris used Twitter a lot.

It was mostly for politics and activism, but every once in a while, he caught the memes and fan culture.

And right there and then as he scrolled through it after being done with yet another meeting for ASP, it was one of those days.

Hundreds of tweets about you and Harry’s short kiss stared back at him after a fan had posted a low-quality video of it, and hundreds of memes.

Normally, Chris would pay no mind to it; another day, another tweet about you.

But there were certain tweets that did it for him;

“I love Chris Evans but I support Y/N being with Harry because of their age.”

“Sure Y/N and Chris look hot together but something about vintage!y/n and vintage!harry kissing makes me wish they can just date. bonus point: same age”

“Y/N Y/L/N: 26 years. Harry Styles: 26 years. Chris Evans: 39 years. Now I’m not saying Y/N and Harry should date but…it makes more sense.”

He didn’t like it, despite the fact that he was no stranger to the age-gap-mentioning tweets and talk. You were 13 years apart, and Chris was reluctant about that fact when he first saw you, but you weren’t a kid.

You weren’t young. You were old enough to make decisions and old enough to be in a relationship while not only using your heart, but your mind as well.

Chris wasn’t a manipulator nor was he someone who used people, let alone someone he had feelings for.

It took you both one actual, deep talk one night two years ago for Chris to feel okay and make sure that you were comfortable with the age difference.

He knew that not a lot of people saw that, and he heard a fair share of “the age difference is too much” but it was your relationship, and only you could decide.

But knowing that people were shipping you with your co-star for being the same age gave Chris a bitter taste, and it didn’t help that people were praising the chemistry you seemed to have with Harry.

He swallowed it. He put the thought into a bubble and he imagined it fly away.

But the bubble never popped.

..

Filming was wrapped up, and while you enjoyed every minute of it, you were ready to stay at home more, despite knowing that you’d be itching for a new project soon and knowing that it’d only take you a week before you were reading new scripts and auditioning for new roles.

“Hey,” you groggily said as you woke up, a smile making its way to your face as you squinted before opening your eyes, looking up at Chris whose arms were wrapped around you.

“Hey,” he replied, “Good sleep?”

You hummed, “And much needed. You, too?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, one hand reaching to softly graze your cheek with the back of his knuckles, “What do you want to do today?”

You shifted, inching closer to him before pressing your face to his chest, “Can we just stay home? Do absolutely nothing?”

“Yeah, we can d-”

Chris was cut off by the sound of the doorbell.

“Did you order anything online again?” He asked.

You giggled, “No. I didn’t.”

He chuckled before getting out of the bed, reaching up to run a hand through his hair as his feet padded on the floor, out the room, down the stairs, and towards the door.

Chris opened the door, eyebrows furrowing in confusion before they were raised.

“Good morning,” the courier said, “Delivery for Y/N Y/L/N.”

Chris took the large arrangement of flowers, glancing at the note attached, “Thank you. Do I need to sign anything?”

“No, it’s alright. Thank you.”

“Have a nice day, man,” Chris said before walking inside and shutting the door.

‘Y/N/N,

Thank you for everything!

Love, H’

“Who is it?!” Chris heard you call out.

He went up the stairs and to your room, watching as you tilted your head in confusion, “Some H sent you flowers.”

“H?” You sat up, taking the flowers from him and looking at them before cooing, “It’s Harry. That’s so nice of him.”

Chris didn’t reply nor did he get in bed again, only walked to the bathroom.

When he walked out, he was greeted with you laughing at your phone as you FaceTimed someone.

“No seriously, thank you for the flowers,” you smiled, “You should be receiving my gift tomorrow.”

Why would you get Harry a gift? Chris thought.

“You’re too kind,” he heard Harry reply, “Thanks for helping me choose an outfit. My mind went blank.”

“No problem, H. Have fun, and tell me all about it!”

“Will do, love. Thank you. Talk to you later.”

“Later. Bye!”

Chris took a harsh breath in after grabbing his phone and as he was about to walk out the room and to the kitchen.

“Hey, you,” you called him, “Come back to bed.”

He looked at you, staying quiet for a moment before scratching his jaw awkwardly.

Your eyebrows furrowed, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, “I’ll be in the kitchen,” and he was quick to leave.

It took you 10 minutes to join him after going to the bathroom to brush your teeth and freshen up.

Chris sat at the table, eating cereal as he scrolled through his phone.

You warily eyed him before approaching him, putting one hand in his hair and scratching his scalp, “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Chris chewed slowly then swallowed before putting his phone down. He took a deep breath in before sighing, “It’s a little weird that he’d send you flowers.”

“Why?” You asked, moving your hand away from his hair, “He sent flowers to everyone.”

“He asks everyone to help him choose an outfit? Calls everyone ‘love’?” He looked up at you.

You stared at him, a smirk starting to take place on your face, “Are you jealous?”

“Y/N, I’m being serious.”

His tone surprised you, and it caused the smirk on your face to falter.

“He actually calls everyone ‘love’,” you said, “And we’re friends.”

“I never said you weren’t,” he said, “You’re just,” Chris paused, looking back at his bowl of cereal, “Too friendly.”

“Oh my God,” you chuckled, “There’s no way you’re thinking like that,” you shook your head, “He’s literally just being nice. It’s how he is.”

He stayed silent.

“You met him, Chris. You know how he’s like,” you sat beside him, “Hell, you even said he seemed like one of the kindest people you’ve met.”

“I’m not saying he’s an asshole,” he said quickly, looking at you, “But what am I supposed to think when he’s delivering you flowers, getting you coffee on set, picking you up when you were too lazy to drive and I was busy?”

“You’re not supposed to be thinking anything,” you frowned, “It’s nothing special. He’s just being a decent person and I already told you he does this stuff to everyone. It’s not like he got coffee for just me, he got coffee for the entire cast.”

Again, Chris stayed silent, only this time, it was because he began to feel stupid.

“Whatever, Chris. I’m done justifying and repeating myself.” You stood up, “Come find me after you think about what I said,” and walked out of the kitchen and up to your room.

“Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath, leaning back in his seat.

..

It didn’t take Chris long before he was on his feet and going to you.

Yes, he was jealous. No, he didn’t need to be.

It was true; Chris got to meet and hang out with the cast, and he got along with Harry, enough to tell you that he seemed like a kind and cool guy as you drove home.

At that time, even Chris wasn’t sure what made him act up, but he knew he was being stupid.

He knocked on the door before slowly opening it, peaking inside to find you in bed, scrolling through your phone as you were cocooned in a ball. “Can I come in?”

You glanced at him before looking back at your phone, “Yeah.”

He went inside before gently sitting on the bed and approaching you. Chris propped himself up on his elbow as he lied down behind you, his hand reaching to softly rub your arm. “I’m sorry.”

You stayed quiet for a moment before you let down your phone and turned to look at him, waiting for him to say more.

“I was being jealous,” he admitted, “And I’m sorry.”

“You realize that Harry’s not doing anything special?”

“I do now,” he nodded, “We should’ve talked about it instead of me getting mad.”

You nodded.

Chris leaned down, softly pecking your lips, “I’m sorry,” another peck, “That was a shitty thing to do.”

You scooted closer to him, reaching to gently cup his face, “It’s okay,” you kissed him, “Thank you for taking the time to understand on your own.”

And that was the last time you talked about it.

For a year and a half.

With the pandemic, schedules, release dates, and announcements weren’t finalized, and with the uncertainty of things, so many dates were postponed, until the release date of Don’t Worry Darling was finally set and released.

September of 2022.

That year was packed for you and Chris; you with Don’t Worry Darling and two more projects you had finished throughout the year, and Chris with the animated movie, Lightyear.

At some point, you, Chris, and your young cousin had seen Harry on his tour--a night that was absolutely wild from start to finish; Harry was a true performer, and fans were chaotic when they knew Y/N Y/L/N and Chris Evans were at the show.

With that came some tweets that jabbed at the age difference, but Chris, again, decided to not pay mind to them and imagined the same damn bubble float away.

It seemed like the moment another year began, you and Chris were destined to be as busy as ever.

You were his date for the premiere of Lightyear, and you still stood by his side for the premiere of The Gray Man, and then you seemed to be talking to each other through screens more than you did face-to-face.

Soon enough, Don’t Worry Darling’s first-showing premiere came, and with it came the tiring days of press.

You were sat beside Harry at the theatre among press and fans, your phone dimmed as you frantically texted Chris.

‘i hate seeing myself on screen’

‘I’m so nervous’

‘What if i was complete trash’

‘Oh shit it’s starting’

‘Noooo even my voice is making me cringe who do i think i am’

Chris was busy, but he still managed to make you smile with just a few words:

‘You’re a fucking legend.’

The media was quick--Chris knew that. It was why as he sat in a meeting room with his publicist and team discussing plans, he was on his phone to catch the reactions of the first, general premiere of your movie.

The grin on his face was unmatched as he scrolled through Twitter, watching a short video of you being given a standing ovation and you laughing as you wiped your eyes.

@randomuser:

'SOMEONE JUST SCREAMED “KISS” AT Y/N AND HARRY WHEN THEY WERE TALKING'

Attached to the tweet was a video.

You were standing between Harry and Olivia, holding a microphone as you talked, “And I want to thank Harry for being-”

“Kiss!” A fan screamed.

You had paused in shock before, looking around the room, “Anyway,”

Chris knew that movie had a lot of kissing. Hell, it had more than that. He knew it had a sex scene between you and Harry, and he even saw the teaser they had released of the movie, it including a second-long scene of you and Harry making out.

It was work--a job. Chris was an actor himself, so nobody else could understand better than he did, but he’d be lying to say he was all that pleased with how that seemed to only make people think that you and Harry should get together in real life.

He sent you a text, closed Twitter, locked his phone, and he swallowed it. Again.

‘I’m so fucking proud of you. I love you so much’

..

Red carpets were nerve-wracking. It didn’t matter how many times you had to walk on those, it still made you nervous; only that day, you were at least assured with the fact that you had Chris by your side.

You and Chris were matching, and it didn’t matter how cliche that was, it always made you excited.

The car you were in stopped, and you took a breath in before looking at Chris.

“You okay, baby?” He asked quietly, leaning his forehead on yours before softly kissing the corner of your mouth, “You okay?”

“I’m so nervous,” you admitted shakily.

“That’s okay,” he nodded, “It’s natural,” he kissed your cheek before looking at you, “I’m right here, yeah? You’re doing so well, baby.”

You nodded, looking at him.

“Yeah?” He smiled, “I love you so much.”

“I love you,” you repeated, “So much.”

“Are you ready?”

You nodded, and in a moment, the door was opened and Chris was helping you out.

Screams and flashes erupted like wildfire; your name was shouted in different pitches, camera shutters sounding everywhere.

Chris rested his hand on your back, looking at you to make sure you were okay before softly pressing a kiss to your temple before the both of you started to move along the carpet to have your pictures taken.

You had to smile and pose for everyone, but whenever it got too overwhelming or bright, you turned to look at Chris, whom you’d instantly find was already looking at you.

Soon enough, you had taken your solo shots and shots with the cast before meeting back with Chris, your arm instantly reaching to hold him.

“Press!” Someone pointed at you then towards the interviewers, letting you know that you had to talk to a few before heading inside.

Chris’s arm was around you as you both walked towards an interviewer on the side.

“Y/N! Chris! You both look amazing!”

“Thank you,” you grinned, looking down at yourself, “So do you!”

“Thank you.” Chris politely and excitedly replied.

“It’s been a busy year for the both of you, hasn’t it?”

“Oh yeah,” you laughed, looking up at Chris.

“Definitely,” he nodded as he chuckled, “What is sleep at this point?”

“But it’s been successful,” the interview said, “How do you feel about Don’t Worry Darling?”

“I’m very excited to watch it,” Chris answered, “The cast is absolutely great, Y/N is phenomenal.”

“Oh, stop it.” You jokingly shrugged, grinning when they laughed.

You were interviewed a few times before you and Harry were being interviewed together, the fans screaming behind the interviewer at the sight of the both of you.

“How do you feel about the fans shipping you two together?”

You laughed, Harry stifling his before scratching his nose. “You know I have a boyfriend, right?” You jokingly asked the interviewer.

“But the fans are dying for it. We have so many tweets about it,” they said, “One says that they want you and Harry together, and Olivia Wilde and Chris Evans together because of the age.”

You were always stunned at the bluntness of the press, and more often than not, you felt second-hand embarrassment for them.

“Oh, I hope no one is really dying,” Harry said, looking at you, “That would be terrible.”

“Right?” You asked, “Unless you think dying from how great the film is, then yes, we can talk.”

While you and Harry dodged every question that hinted at the both of you getting together, Chris wasn’t expecting to be asked about it as he was interviewed.

“Are you aware of what the internet is saying about Y/N and Harry Styles?”

“Well, I wish all good things,” Chris laughed, “They gave their all in this movie.”

“Yeah, but people are saying they are secretly together. How do you feel about that?”

Chris rolled his eyes with a chuckle, “Dammit, why didn’t I know?” He joked.

The interviewer laughed, “How does it feel to have your girlfriend star along someone the public considers a sex icon? Especially someone who’s her age.”

That was the final jab.

Chris forced a smile as he looked around uncomfortably before replying, “Y/N is an amazing actress, and Harry’s a great actor, and I believe they fit the vision Olivia Wilde had for the movie. Thank you.”

Chris was quick to move along, looking at you as you and Harry laughed with linked arms.

..

It was a fulfilling night that filled you with contentment to the brim.

You were showered with enough praise and appreciation to last you a few good years, and it made you giggly as if you were drunk.

An afterparty was in favor, and although you were sleepy, you promised to show up with Chris for an hour or two before going back home.

Your head was on Chris’s shoulder, holding onto his arm with your eyes closed. “Thank you for being here.”

You expected Chris to reply in any way; if not verbal, then a kiss would have sufficed, but Chris stayed quiet and it took you a moment to realize how tense his arm was.

You looked at him, finding him staring out of the window with his elbow perched up under it, hand on his chin, and in thought.

“Earth to,” you joked, touching his face and watching him look at you. Normally, he would have smiled, chuckled, or laughed--he would’ve done anything but give you that look he gave you.

It was as if he was trying to tell you a million things he didn’t know how to say, eyes staring at yours and letting you know he had something on his mind.

Your smile faltered, “What’s that look? What’s wrong?”

He only looked at you for a moment before looking towards the driver, “Can we stop the car for a moment?”

You were confused to say the least.

You felt the car stop at the side of the road before Chris got out. You turned around, watching him unbutton his blazer before unbuttoning a button from his shirt, too.

You got out, slowly approaching him, “Are you okay? Are you having a pa-”

“We need to talk.”

You instantly closed your mouth and only stared at him in surprise.

You watched Chris begin to pace for a few seconds with his hands on his hips, looking down and in thought, before he looked at you while keeping distance.

“Do you want to break up with me?” He asked.

Your eyes widened, “What?”

“Do you,” he took a breath in, “Do you want to be with me, Y/N?”

“What the fuck?”

“Answer me, Y/N.”

“Yes, I want to be with you, where is this coming from?” You asked.

“Why me?” He asked, not answering you, “Why do you want to be with me, Y/N?”

“Chris, you’re making me worried.”

He sighed, taking a step closer to you, “I’m 13 years older than you.”

You frowned, “And?”

“And there are a million of people out there who aren’t,” he reached his arm out, “You can literally be with Harry and it’d make everyone happy.”

“Is this about-Chris, what? Why is this about Harry? What is going on?”

“I’m fucking 13 years older than you, Y/N!” He shouted, “And I’m reminded of it every single fucking day and of how good and appropriate it is to be with another man who isn’t me!”

You stayed quiet, too stunned to utter a word.

“Watching you on screen with someone your own age made me think of how-” he stopped.

“How what?” You were getting angry as you asked, “How what, Chris?”

“How wrong it feels for you to be with someone that many years older.”

“Or how wrong it feels for you to be with someone younger,” you said, “How you think us being together is wrong,” you shook your head, “How wrong two fucking adults can be together.”

“You can be with someone your age.”

“Can you stop treating me as if I’m some fucking child?!” You shouted, “What the fuck is this about? Are you trying to break up with me?”

“No,” he instantly said, his shoulder slumping, “I just don’t understand how you can be around someone as fucking perfect as Harry is, and get to see how everyone wants you together, and still choose to be with me.”

“Because I love you,” you said, stepping closer, “I love you, not him, and not any other person. I don’t give a single fuck about the age,” your eyes grew tearful, “And it fucking sucks how you think I might be immature or a kid.”

“I don’t think that,” Chris shook his head, “I love you. I love you so much, you’re the most intelligent and most amazing person I know.”

“But?”

“But I’m so fucking insecure, Y/N,” he breathed out, “By how good you looked with him.”

You approached him in quick strides, hands reaching up to cup his face, “Listen to me,” you said quietly, “I love you. Only you. I see how good you look with women your age, how much chemistry you have together, but I never feel like I’m not worthy of you,” you said, “Like we’re not worthy of each other. I’m an adult, Chris, and I can do anything I want, and I want to be with you.”

Chris looked at you, and despite that he was quiet, you knew he was absorbing your words.

“Older, younger, or my age, no one else matters. Just you and me,” you said, “And Harry’s literally in the same situation.”

“How so?”

“Harry and Olivia are together,” you said, “They get shit for it, too, but they’re making it work. Just like us,” you leaned into him, “I don’t give a fuck about what anyone says,” you caressed his cheeks, “Just you.”

“Just me,” Chris breathed out, lips grazing yours, “Just you.”

You nodded, closing the distance to press your lips against his, “I love you.”

“I love you,” he repeated, “So much.”

“Let’s ditch the party, yeah?” You asked.

“Baby, you’re the lead o-”

“Let me rephrase that,” you pecked his lips, looking at him, “We’re ditching the party.”

#chris evans imagine #chris evans x reader #chris evans one shot #chris evans angst imagine #chris evans fluff imagine

[chrisevansjellybeans]

Ransom x fem!Reader

Warnings: none (yet) some swearing

Part One

You’ve never wanted to punch somebody in the face so bad until you met Ransom Drysdale. The smug, arrogant, jerk-face had been a thorn in your side since grade school. You both grew up in the Boston area, your parents sending you to the same private schools all the way through high school. You had run in similar crowds but no matter how much your mutual friends tried to get the two of you to get along you never could. For good reason though.

Your family owned and operated Cloak and Dagger Publishing, the direct rival of Ransom’s family’s publishing house, Blood Like Wine. Unlike you and Ransom, your families liked to keep the rivalry in business and not in life. Your father, Jackson Y/L/N and Harlan Thrombey were actually great friends who just liked to rib each other when it came to business, but were proud of the other’s success regardless.

But for some reason you and Ransom could never get to that level of friendship. And you weren’t in any rush to fix that.

Especially when he was pulling shit like this.

You groaned as you opened the door to your office only to see the smirking son of a bitch sitting in your chair, feet propped up on the desk and your favorite fountain pen twirling between his fingers.

“Maria, you’re fired.” You joked to your assistant who nervously looked at you from her desk right outside your door.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N! He just-”

“It’s fine. I know.” You sighed before walking fully into your office, letting the door close behind you.

“Good morning, honey.” Ransom’s voice was sickly sweet.

“Is it?” You snapped. You walked around your desk and pushed his feet off. “Get up.”

“You’re not being very kind to your guest, Y/N. What would dear daddy say about your terrible manners?” Ransom teased but stood up nonetheless. You glared up at him as he stood to his full height.

“Guests are usually wanted and invited, Ransom. Neither of which you are.”

“Honey, you hurt me.” Ransom feigned pain as he gripped his chest. You wanted to stomp your expensive Manolo Blahniks on his toes every time he called you that. It started your junior year of high school and maybe if it was anyone else you would have thought it was a term of endearment but he said it in such a condescending tone you knew it was anything but.

“What do you want, Drysdale?” You let out an exasperated breath.

“Is it so hard to believe that I just wanted to visit an old friend?”

“Ransom, please. Unlike some people I actually have work to do.” You moved around him and sat down, pulling out your laptop. You looked up at him as he watched you with intense blue eyes that made your stomach flutter, annoyingly so.

“I’m actually here for business and not pleasure, honey.” He smirked as he sat down at the chair across from you. “I’m here to formally and personally invite you to Bleeding Hearts.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. Bleeding Hearts was the Thrombey annual charity gala that they hosted at Harlan’s expansive, hidden mansion. Your parents had been going every year since Harlan first hosted it and you had started going about five years ago. You would never tell Ransom, but you loved Bleeding Hearts. It gave you an excuse to wear a beautiful ball gown-albeit rented-and to feel like a beautiful princess like the ones you had read about growing up. Harlan always hired a full orchestra to play the most beautiful classical pieces throughout the night and it was like stepping into a time machine. You didn’t understand why Ransom had to come all the way down to your office just to invite you to something that you were already going to.

“I’ve already had Maria send in my RSVP and donation, Ransom. So thank you for the courtesy, but it really wasn’t needed.” You rubbed at your temples, a tension headache now forming from all this ‘excitement’ so early in the morning. And before you’ve even had a sip of your coffee.

“I know. And you gave a nice amount this year. Did daddy finally up your monthly allowance?” He smirked.

Just one punch. Just one and then I’ll be satisfied. Technically he’s trespassing, it could be called self defense.

“Goodbye, Ransom.” You blocked him out as you opened your email and began typing away. You got about two sentences out before you felt your laptop being shut against your hands.

“I wasn’t done.” Ransom whispered, you didn’t realize how close he was until you looked up. He was now leaning over your desk, one hand on your laptop and one hand on the edge of the desk closest to you.

“Shame.”

“I’m here to ask if you wanted to come...as my date.” You snorted out a laugh and laughed even harder as a look of annoyance crossed over his face. He stood up and straightened out his shirt almost nervously.

“God, you’re funny. Now please leave. You’ve already wasted so much of my time with this little joke.” You rolled your eyes as you opened your laptop again.

“I wasn’t kidding, Y/N.” His words were sharp and his eyes blazing.

“Neither was I. Get out of my office, Ransom. Or I will call security.” You glared right back at him.

Ransom looked like he was about to say something but decided against it. He tapped his fingers against your desk and gave you a mock salute.

“See ya around, honey.”

“Close the door on your way out.” You muttered.

You clenched your fists as he left your office, leaving your door wide open. You could hear him laughing his ass all the way down the hall.

Damn you, Ransom Drysdale.

“Y/N, I am so sorry. He just kind of walked in.” Maria rushed into your office, almost tripping over her far too high heels.

“Ria, it’s fine. I know how he is.” You waved her off, giving her a sympathetic smile. “Please, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay…” she said nervously. When you gave her another reassuring smile she relaxed her shoulders. “I have to say though, he is really sexy.”

“Maria.” You sighed. “Get out.”

“Sorry.” She squeaked before exiting your office, closing the door fully.

You leaned back in your chair and let out a long breath. How had today already been the longest day and it wasn’t even nine?

“Good afternoon, sweetheart.”

“Good afternoon, dad.” You smiled as your father snuck his way into your office.

You and your dad had always been close. When you were younger he called you his “little shadow” because you loved to follow him around throughout his day. You would sit in on meetings and you loved when he would let you pretend to lead the team briefings in the morning. It was only natural that you would follow in his footsteps and work for Cloak and Dagger.

Your father always pushed you to be your best. He didn’t let you take shortcuts to get where you were today in the company. You worked your way up and proved your worth and made your father proud.

“What’s this I hear of Ransom Drysdale stopping in this morning?” He sat down across from you.

You rolled your eyes. “Because he doesn’t have anything better to do than irritate me.”

Your father laughed as he slid in his glasses up to the top of his head and then pinched the bridge of his nose. “You two have been fighting like cats and dogs since you were kids. Will this feud between the two of you ever end? And can it be soon? I made a bet with Harlan that you two would finally stop by the time you were twenty-five.”

“Glad to see that my torture has been amusement for you and your little buddy.”

“Just teasing, sugar plum.”

“Please, let’s talk about anything else besides Ransom Drysdale. I’m begging you.” You gave him a warning look over the top of your computer.

“Fine by me.” He clapped his hands together and leaned forward. “How’s it going with Brooke Archer? Has she committed to C&D yet?”

Brooke Archer was an upcoming mystery novelist. Critics called her “the Agatha Cristie of our time” and rightfully so. You had read her first two novels and finished them within a day, completely entranced by her style of writing that had you guessing till the end. She was notoriously self-publishing but now that her books were blowing up she had finally made the decision to sign with a major publishing house. And your father had tasked you with landing her.

“I have a lunch meeting with her tomorrow. I think this could be the closing meeting.” You said confidently.

“Good. I’m proud of you, sugar plum.” He tapped his fingers on your desk. “And please text your mother back. She’s freaking out over what to make for dinner tonight.”

Confused, you pulled your phone out of your bag. You sighed when you saw that you had thirteen missed texts from your lovable but definitely eccentric mother.

“You’d think she’d know what I like by now.” You joked.

“What can I say, she’s a perfectionist.” You dad laughed before saying goodbye and exiting your office.

As you were typing out a response your phone dinged with a new message.

I hope you’re thinking about my proposal from earlier. Wasn’t kidding around this time honey.

Your thumbs hovered over the screen. How the hell had Ransom even gotten your number?

And like I said earlier, neither was I. The answer is no.

He responded only seconds later:

No ugly colors, don’t want to clash with my suit.

You had to give it to him, the man had tenacity.

You’re annoying.

Ransom only responded with a winky face. You shook your head as you exited his chat and went back to responding to your mother, barely noticing the smile that was covering your face thinking of that annoyingly handsome pain in your ass.

#ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale imagine #daddy ransom #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfic #chris evans smut #poison and wine

[earlgreydream]

therapy.

| dark!bucky x reader | smut |

requested by @fitzfiles​ 

cw: infidelity, dub-con, ethical violations

“How is it going so far? Is it helping?” 

“Yeah, it’s going well. He’s... a little intense sometimes.” Your confession left your lips with ease. Too much ease. Parker always knew how to pull the honesty out of you.

“I think the best therapists are supposed to be.”

His loving smile spread warmth through your chest. It was so unlike James’ cold eyes. Everything about Parker was warm, inviting, and friendly. He was your best friend, your roommate, and more recently, your boyfriend. You loved him, and he was perfect for you. Parker was the sunshine in your life, the bright spot that broke through shades of grey. 

“I’m really glad that he’s helping, Y/N,” Parker’s gentle touch on your arm was followed by a sweet kiss. 

You shouldn’t have pictured someone else’s face when his lips touched yours. 

“Me too.” 

“Let’s order food from that Romanian place you like in uptown,” his fingers laced in yours, pulling you to the couch. You couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your face; he knew what you needed. 

“Even dessert?” you asked hopefully, your head dropping down onto his lap.

“Of course,” he grinned, opening his laptop to order your dinner. He let you pick the movie playing while you dug into Romanian take-out, and Parker had you laughing until your sides split.

Parker was perfect. He knew what you needed without being told, and he balanced you. He was patient, bright, and lovable. Parker was a giver. You couldn’t have asked for anybody sweeter and more loving.

“Baby,” you murmured, crawling on his lap as the movie credits rolled.

His hands went to your waist, and he gave you a delicate kiss. You tried to deepen the kiss, but it felt innocent, even as he kissed you harder.

“Parker,” you murmured, leaning back.

“Let’s have sex.”

“Are you sure? I know you have to be up early in the morning,” he asked, and you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth.

“Of course I’m sure, you’re my boyfriend and I want to.”

With that, he picked you up and carried you to your bedroom, ceremoniously undressing you and kissing your body so gently it was almost hard to feel.

He moved into missionary, his elbows on either side of your head, his body flush against yours. Little kisses were peppered to your face as he slowly rocked into you. His thrusts were slow and shallow, and he rubbed your side as you tried to pull him deeper or push up against him.

“You feel so nice, honey,” Parker said, pecking your lips.

You hated yourself for growing discontent, finding yourself just wishing he would hurry up. You nearly praised when his fingers went to your clit, thinking it would finally be enough. You weren’t so lucky, his gentleness extended even to the filthiest of his actions. He was caressing you so slowly it was just as useless as if he wasn’t touching you at all. You finally gave up and faked an orgasm, moaning softly and increasing your breathing, holding him close to you as you shuddered.

He pulled out and came in the condom, rolling off of you and getting up for a towel. You stared up at the ceiling, feeling utterly discontent.

You sat up when Parker returned, and you kissed his cheek and told him you’d clean yourself up, and take a quick shower before bed. He didn’t seem to object, and you shut yourself in the bathroom, desperate to get some space.

You cried silently, your tears and sniffles drowned out by the stream of water. It washed over your muscles, surrounding you with warmth and easing the tension. You eventually resided yourself to getting back in bed with him, feeling suffocated as he spooned you. You didn’t understand how it was possible to adore him so much and want to run as fast as you could out the door.

The weather was terrible. If the view out your window and the sound against your roof wasn’t enough, the news channel murmuring softly on the television confirmed it. The city was being drowned in a thunderstorm, the streets flooded with rainwater. The sky was almost black from the clouds, and you struggled not to let your mood darken along with it. You felt stormy on the inside, your stomach twisting with doubt and discontentment. Parker being home that morning made you feel impossibly worse, and you were willing do get soaked in order to have some freedom from his attention.

“Do you want a ride to the office, Y/N?” Parker offered, frowning as he looked out the window.

“No, I’ll take the subway. No sense in making you late for work. I’ll see you later, okay?” you kissed him before heading down the street underground to catch the train. 

Bon Iver filled your ears as you waited for your train, nervously tapping your feet. The heat and dampness made your clothes stick to your skin, and you felt suffocated. Your anxiety spiked, and you pulled at the sleeves of your windbreaker, about to snap when the train made stale wind whip through your hair. 

You covered your face with your hands, wiping the tears away that had escaped. Overwhelmed didn’t even begin to crack the surface of how you felt, and emotion came rushing up in your chest faster than the train sped down the rails.

People flooded out onto your station, clearing the way for the new passengers to board, everyone rushing to get to work, or school, or far away from whatever haunted them.

You took a deep breath and stepped onto the train, trying to calm down. Your therapist would have a field day if you turned up at his office this anxious. The prospect made you shudder.

A few months ago, you had began seeing your therapist, James Barnes. After repeated anxiety attacks in the presence of your boyfriend, he had encouraged you to go to a therapist for help. You’d finally agreed to take him up on it, deciding it would be helpful to talk through some of your issues. James was a highly praised therapist, recommended to you by several people. Your acquaintances sung his praises, and you decided it wouldn’t hurt to try.

You definitely had not been prepared for what you were met with. A young, gorgeous man with intimidating steel eyes, who got you to spill your secrets and insecurities was the last thing you expected. All it took was looking into his intense gaze for the honesty to fall past your lips.

 James Buchanan Barnes tore the truth from you effortlessly. 

You stepped onto the subway platform, ascending the stairs and pushing through the small crowd of wet people trying to catch their trains. You pulled your hood up as you ran across the street to the office. The beautiful glass building reached the sky above you, holding the offices of many self-employed New Yorkers, including James. 

You walked inside the modern lobby, the secretary nodding at you as you took the elevator up to the seventeenth floor of the high-rise. The glass and tile were all grey in the light of the storm outside, fog obstructing the view outside of the windows. You were trapped in a grey bubble. 

“Y/N?” James stood as you entered the office, the door open and inviting you in. 

“Hi, sorry I’m a few minutes late, the storm is really bad,” you apologized.

“Of course, it isn’t a problem in the slightest. I expected it. Go ahead and have a seat.” 

His voice was deep and smooth, and his slight smile eased some of your nerves. You sat down on the couch, across from the dark blue chair he stood from. You watched him move, and his hand brushed your elbow softly as he walked by. It was like when Parker touched you, but it felt distinctly different. 

“Can I get you some water?”

“Please,” you nodded, your eyes wide as you watched him lean over a drink fridge. 

His hands flexed as he twisted the cap off of a water bottle for you, the action making you blush slightly. You lifted it to your lips, hoping the water would calm down your nerves a bit. 

James sat down across from you, stirring a cup of tea and waiting for you to speak. When he realized that you weren’t going to start on your own, he set down the tea and leaned forward. 

“Want to talk about what is on your mind, Y/N?”

Your eyes traveled from your lap to meet his gaze. You took a deep breath before speaking. 

“I’m uncertain about my relationship,” you finally admitted. 

“Your relationship with Parker? I thought it was going well,” James head tilted a bit.

“It is going well. It’s perfect, in fact. Parker is too perfect.”

“He’s too perfect, or too perfect for you?” James asked, and he wondered immediately if he was too harsh. He noted the way your hands squeezed the bottle of water you held.

You startled at the question, feeling exposed. He was your therapist, but you didn’t like to be called out.

“It’s not like that!” your voice came out sharper than you intended. 

“What’s it like then?” He asked in a much softer tone, attempting to understand what you were trying to tell him.

You hated how patient he was, keeping his voice even. Those steel eyes gazing deep into your soul. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap... It’s just that I guess I think he’s too perfect for my taste. It’s not him, or his fault, even, I’m just bored. I feel like that makes me a terrible person,” you sighed, dropping your head into your hands.

“You don’t need to apologize for expressing your frustration. So, Parker isn’t your taste, that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person. If he’s not it then he’s not it.”

You weren’t convinced.

“Why does he bore you? This is recent.” James had noticed he seemed less fond of Parker recently, but he was surprised by your confession. He didn’t expect you to so openly admit you had tired of him, especially when you’d repeatedly mentioned that he was the stable, gentle force in your life.

Your face flooded with embarrassment, and James’ curiosity was killing him. He could’ve guessed by your reaction to his question, but he waited for you to speak.

“Does this have something to do with him being ‘too perfect’?” He pressed.

“I guess you could say that. He is so sweet, he really is. But he doesn’t satisfy me sexually...”

“Because he’s kind?”

“I want something, someone, more dominant. It’s stupid, but Parker is too vanilla. It feels like a high school fairytale, and I want something fiery and intense. I want things he would never do,” you confessed the truth, and it sounded horrible in your ears when you said it out loud.

“So the problem is your sex life.”

James’ insidious curiosity was getting the better of him. He’d immediately taken notice of you over his other clients, admiring you in tight jeans and short skirts. You were charming, and you completely enraptured him.

He had never been so enamored, and he felt devious for feeling the way he did. He imagined you when he touched himself in the shower, your sweet voice and shy blush, innocence pouring through you as you confessed your deepest secrets.

James studied your reaction to the statement. Your fingers nervously pulled at your sleeves before coming up to your soft lips. A rosy pink spread across the apples of your cheeks and tips of your ears, warming your face.

You grew shy, unable to escape his steel gaze. You wanted to sink into it, get lost in him, instead of swimming and struggling for air in your empty relationship.

You shouldn’t have these thoughts about your therapist.

You shouldn’t imagine his lips on yours.

You shouldn’t imagine his hands on your body.

“Y/N,” James spoke, calling your attention back to his question.

The problem is your sex life.

“Yes, he doesn’t pleasure me,” you forced yourself to answer.

“I’m sorry to hear that. What is it you’re looking for? Is it something you can discuss with him?” James asked, wanting to hear your fantasties. 

Your face was burning, but the truth spilled out of you.

“Tell me what you haven’t told anyone.” It was a command. 

“I want something rough, and desperate and needy. I want to feel wanted, like he couldn’t survive without touching me... I have to control every aspect of my life, and I want to be dominated, and just... let go of that control. I want to be held down and roughed up, and I want it messy and explosive,” you confessed, your fantasies pouring out of you, filling James’ mind with filthy fantasies of fuckign you over his desk. 

Before James could answer, the electricity cracked, plunging the two of you into complete darkness. You screamed, jumping out of your seat. Your heart was pounding, startled by the shock that snapped the tension in the room.

“You don’t need to be frightened, not with me,” James’ voice was soft, and you felt his hands on your arms and his breath against your face.

Your heartbeat stuttered in your chest, the air catching in your lungs. His touch overwhelmed your senses, and all you could see in the dark was the silver eyes that pierced into your mind.

“Y/N, it’s alright. Hey, are you okay?” He turned on a battery powered lamp, soft light spilling into a small circle around you.

“I’m fine, just startled,” you stood up.

“I’m sorry we were interrupted-”

“Not your fault. But I’m going to head out,” you interrupted.

You were embarrassed and shaken up, and the large office felt suffocating. He caught your hand as you went for the door, his hands much larger than your own, making you feel small. You hesitated, gazing into molten steel as he tried to keep you in his safety.

“At least let me walk you out,” he said, turning on the flashlight on his phone. 

James never ceased to surprise you.

He opened the door for you, letting you slip by him. The building was dark, and the lack of power turned the two of you toward the stairs. You watched your steps, his hand on your back as he guided you through the dark stairwell. 

You halted on a landing, and James looked to you. 

“Turn off the light,” you whispered hoarsely, your fingers wrapping around his wrist. He did as you asked, darkness swallowing the two of you.

It wasn’t just a metaphor anymore.

“Y/N?”

“James.”

Before you could give it a second thought, you grabbed his navy blazer, pulling him into a rough kiss. He pushed you up against the wall, his hands going to either side of your head. His lips were heavy against yours, and he kissed you like he was starved for you. This was what you craved, heated, fiery intimacy. 

Your fingers slid up his chest to thread through his dark hair. One of his hands went down to your hip, squeezing you and pushing his knee between your thighs. James overwhelmed all of your senses, filling your mind as you breathed him in. His tongue slotted against yours, swallowing your moans as your hips rolled forward against his. 

When you finally broke to catch your breath, your head felt like it was spinning and the floor swayed under your feet. 

“I can make you feel desired, I can make you forget everyone who came before, until my name is the only one you can remember, the only word that leaves those gorgeous lips.” James’ words were hot against your cheek, his lips ghosting along your jaw as he spoke. 

Heat washed through your body, and you felt like you could collapse. Your phone rang in your back pocket, and Bucky’s presence was suddenly gone from your body, leaving you alone in the dark. 

His flashlight turned back on, and the two of you silently went down the rest of the stairs, until you made it to the lobby.

“Next week, Y/N?”

“Next week,” you nodded before the door slid shut. 

You hesitated before going out into the pouring rain, hanging back in the lobby. Your phone rang again, Parker’s second call. You stared at the caller ID for a moment before answering it, putting the phone up to your face. 

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked, fighting to keep your voice as calm as possible. Your nerves were all sparking, and your heart raced in your chest, still in the aftershocks of your brief intimacy. 

“The power is out here, are you alright there?”

“No, we ended the session early. Total blackout.”

“Okay, baby, do you need me to come get you? Otherwise we can meet at home?” Parker asked, worrying for your safety. You held in your sigh, rolling your eyes up at the ceiling. 

“Let’s meet at home. The subways are still running.”

“See you soon,” Parker said cheerily before the line went dead. 

You slid the phone into your pocket before braving the storm, quickly taking cover in the crowded subway station. Your hand went over your mouth, and you watched the stations whiz by as you tried to process the last hour. 

Your fingers traced your lips, the feel of James’ kiss burned into your skin. 

Your hands were shaking so bad you could hardly get the key in your front door to unlock it. When you finally kicked it open, you left your raincoat and boots in the foyer, shaking out your wet hair. Parker called your name, a bright smile on his face, and a New York-style pizza box in his hand. 

You knew you should’ve felt guilty, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it as you were faced with the relationship that had long lost its momentum.

“I grabbed some lunch, because I figured there wouldn’t be power to cook here.”

You thanked your boyfriend, taking a slice and sitting down in the kitchen, praying the power would return soon and you could distract yourself with netflix. His kiss tasted like novocaine. 

You desperately wished that Parker’s arm around your waist belonged to James.

It was the slowest week of your life. Every spare second, your mind wandered to James, and his lips on yours. He consumed your thoughts, and the ghost of his touch lingered on your body. When Parker was inside of you, you imagined it was James just to make the sex tolerable. 

One moment had gotten inside your mind, and shattered the facade of your romance. 

James was no better. Thoughts of you pried into his mind as he worked with other patients, and he suddenly found them insufferable. He longed to hear your voice, to see your beautiful eyes darken with lust as you bit your lower lip. 

James found himself wondering if you knew how much you turned him on. The mere thought of you aroused him, and your name was the one he moaned into the sheets as he fucked his hand. 

He wished it was you.

Your stomach was practically in your throat as you rode the subway to your appointment with James. A week had passed, a week of sexual frustration, anxiety, desire, and longing. 

His words echoed repeatedly in your head, filling your thoughts with filth and pooling arousal in your sex. 

I can make you feel desired, I can make you forget everyone who came before, until my name is the only one you can remember, the only word that leaves those gorgeous lips.

You’d worn a short dress that was cut low in the front for your appointment. Parker was gone to work before you were even out of bed, and your thoughts were entirely on your therapist as you showered and dressed for the day. 

Your desire clouded your mind, throbbing deep in your core and making you ache with raw need. 

You stepped into James’ office, the heavy door falling shut behind you. 

“Y/N,” James practically cried, satiated by the sight of you. 

His eyes trailed up your body, on sexy display in your revealing dress. You pulled your lip between your teeth, driving him absolutely mad. Your steps were silent as you dropped your things, walking around his desk to stand in front of him.

“You’re all I’ve thought about.”

“I’ve been dying to touch you,” James growled, flipping you around and pulling you back against his chest. 

You felt how hard he was, pressed tight against your ass, and his hand slowly snaked around your throat. His other hand slid up the inside of your thighs, trailing higher until he cupped you through your thin panties, his mouth devouring the breathy moans that escaped your lips. 

His fingers dipped beneath the lace, feeling how soaked you were just from thinking about him. He smirked against your jaw, nipping lightly at the skin, making your breath hitch. 

“You’re soaked, doll,” James’ voice was deep, making another wave of arousal wash over you, only adding to the wetness that was spilling from you. He let go of your neck to slide the straps of your dress off of your shoulders, letting your breasts fall free into his gaze. 

“Beautiful.”

His fingertips circled your clit a few times before sliding through your folds, and you sank back against him, your knees weakening from the lightest touches.

“James please I can’t take waiting anymore!” You begged, desperate to feel him inside of you. Your hand hand moved behind you, feeling him through his pants as he continued to grind against your ass. You moaned loudly when his hand cupped your breast, teasing your nipples as he pushed two fingers in your slick heat at the same time. 

“Make me forget about everything else.”

James didn’t prolong the teasing any longer, fearing he wouldn’t be able to hold out himself. His tailored shirt and pants were stripped from his body and your dress discarded on the floor along with your panties. He laid you on top of the desk, positioning himself between your legs and pinning your wrists above your head, dominating you just as you desired. His mouth moved from your lips, down your neck and chest, all the way to your abdomen. 

“James!” His name echoed off of the glass walls, your scream shooting all the way down his spine, straight to his dick. He buried himself all the way inside of you, swearing at the way you accepted him without resistance. You were tight and warm around him, and he shouted your name as he began to fuck forward into you, railing you on top of the desk as you chanted his name in blinding pleasure. 

Your body accommodated him, the throbbing ache satiated as he filled you more than any partner had in the past, ripping all of the memories from your mind, leaving you with only thoughts of him. 

He let go of your wrists, leaning over you so he could pull your hips down to meet his thrusts, railing you harder and faster, sending white-hot pleasure through you, your nerves fraying and sparking like a live wire. 

“It feels good, doesn’t it? To let it all go?” 

“Yes, yes!” you cried, your legs shaking around his waist and your fingers pulling roughly at his hair.

You dragged your nails down his back, moaning loudly into a heavy kiss, your mind melting from his lips moving against yours with raw passion. The coil in your abdomen was wound so tight that your body was writhing under him, his fingers on your clit dragging you closer to an orgasm at lightspeed. 

“Come for me, I want to hear you scream my name!” James ordered, and all the pressure and tension inside of you shattered, fire radiating through your body as you screamed James like it was the only word you knew, the only thing that kept you clinging to existence. 

The sight of your ecstasy had James filling your cunt with his own release, continuing to roll into you as he rode out his high, dragging yours with him. Overwhelmed tears escaped your eyes, and you blinked them away as your vision slowly started to return from the white sparks that had blinded you. 

James eased out of you, leaning on the desk and catching his breath, gingerly kissing your lips and grounding you back in reality after your mind-blowing orgasm on the desk. 

Your chest rose and fell, your back still arched off of the desktop, and you turned your head to gaze up at the gorgeous man beside you. He brushed stray hair from your face before pressing his lips to your forehead. 

“That’s what it’s supposed to be like.”

“I want to get addicted to you,” you breathed, losing yourself in molten steel.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, doll.”

#bucky #bucky barnes #dark!bucky #dark!bucky x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x reader smut #winter soldier #fatws #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #falcon and the winter soldier #dark!bucky x reader smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader smut #dark!bucky au #bucky smut #bucky barnes smut #avengers #avengers au #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #marvel #marvel au

[soldierswar]

Kobik - Chapter III

Bucky X Reader

Mostly angst for this chapter

Chapter 2:

Chapter summary: You're learning that the extent of Kobik's power is far more intricate than you could have ever imagined. And you quickly learn that you're going to have to get used to it a little longer than you would have expected.

...................................

“Does she eat?” you asked Bucky in hushed tones standing by the fridge while watching Kobik contently watching tv.

“I don’t know,” he sighed.

“You could just ask her.”

You felt a mild shudder travel through you. Whatever reservations that you were feeling towards her earlier amplified times 100 after waking up to her cries last night.

When you had been woken up, by the time you reached the living room you walked into an entirely different room. But not nearly in the way that you had expected. There wasn’t a giant hole in a wall, there weren’t papers flying around the room, or any broken pieces of furniture.

No. It was an entirely different room. Or rather…science lab. When you had first seen it you thought you were dreaming. This had to be some type of nightmare or trance. But when you pinched yourself multiple times, it was clear that this wasn’t in some way, shape, or form unreal.

When Bucky finally followed you into the room, that was when you spotted Kobik crying in the corner looking helpless, and scared. And yet, Bucky was surprisingly if not eerily calm. He didn’t even look surprised.

He sat down in the corner with her rubbing her back and assuring her that she was safe and that it was just a nightmare. When she finally started to feel better, he convinced her to turn everything back to normal. And before your eyes, everything shapeshifted back into place. In fact, everything looked even more organized than before.

When she went back to sleep, Bucky explained to you that one of her powers included being able to shapeshift, and even create new surroundings. Her changing the living room into the place that she had grown up around was some kind of uncontrollable trauma response brought on by some nightmare flashback. Something that you were both familiar with.

That didn’t really deter how freaked out you were about it.

“Y/N she isn’t going to murder you if you just ask what kind of food she likes.”

He really had to say the M-word.

“Hey, Kobik!” he shouted looking you dead in the eye as he waited for her to come over in an inhumanely short period of time.

“Yeah?” she responded giving a beaming smile. It was infectious enough to make him smile fondly. Keyword, him.

“What do you usually like for breakfast?”

She paused and thought about it.

“Pizza!”

“Pizza?” Bucky questioned.

“Pepperoni.”

“Specific,” you muttered.

“How about cereal,” he suggested and pulled out a box of Coco Puffs.

Kobik shrugged and walked over to where the bowls were in the cabinets. When she realized that she was too short to reach them, she jumped from the floor onto the counter in one swift movement from surface to surface without even using her hands to climb up. Couldn’t she at least try to act like a normal child?

Bucky used the back of his hand to close your agape jaw. You might have thought about walking away again, but you were starving.

Bucky had suggested that you try to get used to her and that she was actually a really sweet kid. And here you were hoping that she wouldn’t be around for much longer for you to even need to get used to her.

But you decided that it was time to challenge your own stubbornness and at least try for your poor husband’s sake. At least a little bit.

You sat on the opposite side of the small table from her. You could feel Bucky’s eyes burning a hole through you somewhat afraid of what you might say or do. And you shot him a small facial expression that said,

“You have no faith in me.”

“Hey Kobik,” you started while grabbing the cereal box and pouring yourself a pile of Coco Puffs.

She seemed kind of surprised that you were talking to her. Part of you wanted to be offended…But her reaction was fair.

“Hm?” she replied with her mouth full of food.

“How old are you exactly?”

She thought about it, raising her eyes up to the ceiling. After a few seconds, she raised four fingers up.

You automatically thought about what Bucky said, and how strange her answer was. Bucky said that he had known her for at least a year and that she was that age already.

“Kobik, how long have you been that old?”

They thought about it again counting on her fingers. 2, 3, 4…And stopped, giving you the four fingers again. She had been like that for that long? Was she always going to be like this? Could she choose to get older if she wanted to? Or did she just like being the way that she was?

“Kobik’s happy the way she is right now, aren’t you kid?” Bucky added.

Kobik nodded and gave him a huge grin.

Suddenly Bucky’s phone began to ring. He looked down at his phone and stepped away into your office to answer. You knew this had to be serious.

“Do you like coloring books?” Kobik asked you, making you snap out of whatever thoughts you were having about this phone call.

“Hm?” you answered.

“Do you like coloring books?”

Her little voice was so chipper, and she was so happy asking you this question. Part of you started to feel a little bad about your aversion to her.

Almost.

Again, you were still incredibly freaked out about what happened not even 8 hours ago.

“We don’t have any here, but I think we can—”

Suddenly cupped her hands slightly and delicately and hovered them over the table and made two coloring books and a huge box of crayons appear out of thin air.

…You were just going to tell her to use the iPad.

Bucky wasn’t there to make you close your mouth again.

“You make that face a lot,” she pointed out.

You closed your mouth and then tilted your head.

“And that one.”

You tried your best to make your face neutral as she reached for a crayon and began coloring while using her other hand to continue to shovel cereal into her mouth.

“Y/N?” Bucky said softly signaling you to come over to talk in private.

You followed his direction and comfortably rested your back against the wall crossing your arms.

“You won’t believe what she just did,”

“I’m sure I can…Listen,” he began.

“I just got a call from Sam. They need me to come along.”

“Where? Back to Norway?”

He shook his head.

“Evidence is pointed to them having some base in Germany. I think it’s going to be a couple of days.”

You froze. By the look on his face, you knew what he was about to say.

“I need you to watch Kobik.”

You wanted to say no. You really really wanted to say no. But you knew that you couldn’t. But you still wouldn’t let yourself shut your mouth.

“What if something happens again?” you replied in very hushed tones. You had no idea how good her hearing was.

“Like last night…” Your heart skipped a nervous beat thinking about how reality almost completely bent before your eyes.

“Y/N…I know it freaked you out—”

“Freaked me out?” you shrieked.

“Bucky,” your continued hushing your tone again.

“Freaked out is a complete understatement. Did you not see what happened?”

“But she didn’t hurt you.”

You crossed your arms.

“And what makes you think that it can’t happen? We don’t have just me to think about now.”

“Y/N,”  he said soothingly, softly resting his hands on your upper arms.

“She’s a kid. A kid who wants to feel safe. If she sees you as someone that she can feel comfortable around she’s one of the most lovable human-manifested sources of cosmic energy that you’ll ever meet.”

You snorted. This man could convince you to jump off a bridge by making you laugh and you’d still somewhat trust him.

“Okay,” you sighed and let him envelop you in his arms.

“She has never hurt anyone that doesn’t want to hurt her. You might even have a little fun. Do you trust me?”

You looked up at him, resting your chin on his chest giving him a soft smile as you nodded.

“Okay.”

Note: Okay I can not thank everyone enough for all the love that this is getting. It makes me so happy that people are enjoying it since I'm so freaking attached to Kobik in the Thunderbolts comics. I love you guys <3

Note #2: I know, what a bitch, right?

Tags: @teenagedreams-bucky @typicalnerd98 @veroxloki @white-wolf-buckaroo @acciosiriusblack @pastel-boy-sungjae

@flightsandfantasy

#Bucky x reader #bucky x reader angst #bucky x reader fluff #Winter soldier #Bucky Barnes #Reader #Kobik #Sam Wilson #Falcon #Thunderbolts #bucky x pregnant!reader #dad!bucky #Winter soldier x reader #bucky x female reader #sambucky

[outerbankspreferences]

Caught Pt. 2 - JJ Maybanks

Caught Pt. 2 – JJ Maybanks

Word Count: 1952

MASTERLIST

JJ’s movements stop at the sound of his full name. No one used his full name. JJ looked back down at her. “I thought you said he wasn’t getting home until tonight.” He spoke while pulling at of her causing you hiss at the over stimulation. “I thought he wasn’t, he said he had to work and then he was going to Sarah’s.” Y/N spoke trying to find your underwear JJ had thrown across the room, “where did you throw my underwear?” She whispered as if they weren’t already caught. JJ tossed her a new pair out of her dresser along with some shirts and his t shirt.

Once the two of them were dressed JJ reached for the door knob. “Now or never” he chuckled to small girl behind him. What he couldn’t see was the anxiety rushing through her. Nether had ever talked about what it was they were doing. Nether confirming whether they were together or not. They had been hooking up for a couple of months now but that was it ever was. It her Y/N every time he came over, would sleep with her and then just leave. She would never tell JJ but it always made her feel worthless, like she was nothing more then the tourons he would normally hook up with.

 What she didn’t know was that JJ was head over heels in love with her. When the two of them started hooking up, he stopped meeting up with tourons. he didn’t realize he was in love with her until after their first time. For her to trust him that much meant something to him. When the two of them were together everything was different. It was like he could finally something good in his life. He wanted to keep this to himself for the fear that she might slip away form him if everyone knew.

 The two of them walk out of her room and down the hallways. The floor boards creaking beneath the weight of their feet. The floor had been making the same sound earlier, expect the young couple were eager for what awaited them then, not so much now. Y/N was practicing her speech repeatedly in her head. She could feel the anxiety bubbling in her chest and she went to grab JJ’s hand for comfort to find him already reaching out for hers.

 The two made it into the kitchen to find John B taking a very large shot of whiskey before glaring at the both of them. He scowled at them holding hands, and Y/N could already tell he wasn’t taking this very well. She was the first to break the ice, speaking in calm voice, “we never meant for you to find out this way.” John B just raised his hand to cut her off, looking over at who he thought was his best friend. Now he was questioning it, John B trust JJ with his life, and especially his little sister, never did he think he would cross this line. “How could you do this?” He asked the blonde, “I’m sorry, but I love your sister John B.” JJ spoke up and you gasped.

 Nether of you had said those three words in the 3 months you’d been hooking up, and you had wondered if JJ was feeling the way you had. JJ took another deep breath before speaking again, “I know in my head that it’s wrong. She’s your little sister and I’ve known her since she was a little girl, but she makes me feel things I don’t always understand, but they’re good things JB. When I see her happy and smiling, she makes my day just a bit better. When she says something stupid and then starts to laugh, I realize that I want to hear that laugh everyday. And it’s killing me because she’s your sister man, I didn’t mean for it to be her, but it is and I can’t say that I’m sorry about the way I feel.” JJ pleaded with the brunette, hoping he could hear the truth in his words.

 The two men looked between each other almost having and internal conversation that Y/N had to witness. John B was trying to see everything with reason, but Y/N noticed how red his face was getting, she was also keeping an eye out for the tell tale signs of his hidden anger. She squeezed JJ’s hand to acknowledge she heard every word he said, silently encouraging him to continue.

 He was about to speak again when John B’s fist connected to his face causing JJ to let go of Y/N hand and stumble back words cursing. “John B!” Y/N exclaimed rushing over to JJ, “are you crazy” She hollered at him. JJ pushed her out of the way before taking a swing at John B, pushing him into the wall. Before she knew it the two boys were fighting on the floor. At one point JJ was on top landing a punch to John B., and John B. would tackle him down to the ground. She had seen the two boys fight before, but nothing like this before.

 She was lucky that Pope and Kie had decided to stop by and could hear the yelling from the driveway. Pope moved Y/N out of the way, and pried JJ from John B’s death grip, “hey-hey, let go man! What the hell is going on here?” He shouted at them, and all three of you shared the same look. She stood in between the two boys, John B was fuming his face red and contoured to anger. JJ looked like he was on high alert, not sure if his friend was going to take another swing at him. “Oh yeah JJ, go a head. Tell them how I just caught you sleeping with my sister.” John B spoke in a matter of fact tone, and then stomped out the door slamming it behind. The loud bang made Y/N flinch and heart drop to the bottom of the floor. “You what?” Kie was the first to speak but she wasn’t surprised. She and Sarah had their supposition about the two of you.

 She pushed past Kie to follow John B outside ignoring the protest from their friends to give him some space. “John B wait. Just let me ex-.” She tried to speak before he cut you off. “There’s nothing to explain Y/N! I know what I saw.” He hollered at the younger girl. JJ was coming up behind him. “She’s not ready for this and you know that. You are not going to break her like you do every other girl on this island. She might tell you that it wont bother her, but it will. When you break her heart, you will break her.” John B yelled at JJ.

 It was like the two boys were talking about something else. Y/N really didn’t understand what John B was saying but JJ knew. John B had confided in him multiple times about how losing your dad had hurt you. How not having a mother hurt you, and how he was scared that when you found love, that it might not be requited and he wanted to keep you from that hurt. It was a big reason JJ started hanging out with the younger girl more. He wanted to help his friend keep an eye on you and at first he thought it was because he loved her like a sister but he soon discovered that wasn’t what was going on. He fell in love with her like a lover, there wasn’t a time he didn’t want to be around her. “I’m not going to hurt her. Not because she’s your sister but because I love her. I don’t know what I would do without her man. She makes everything so much better and I’m not really sure why. Maybe it’s because she’s always so calm, or maybe she’s got a great sense of humor, hell man I don’t know. I do know when I try and think about how much I love her it scares me. It scares the living shit out of me that one day she might leave. So maybe your worried about her, but I don’t think you need to worry about your sister man, I think you need to worry about me. Because if she leaves me John B. I know I won’t survive without her.” He took a deep breath looking at his friend.

 All five people were silent. Everyone taking in the words that JJ just spoke. It was one of the few times JJ had an outburst of emotion like that, and the first time he’s ever had that kind of emotion towards a girl. “I’m sorry that it was your sister man, but I’m not sorry about the way I feel about her.” JJ almost whispered like he didn’t want anyone to know what he was saying. Y/N could have sworn her heart dropped at hearing those words. She always loved JJ, and just assumed that it was a puppy love crush, she would move on sooner or later, but she never did. Y/N kept looking between the two boys, waiting for one of them to speak. “I don’t need your permission JB. Don’t let this get between our friendship.” The younger girl spoke up.

 John B thought over all his options. His sister was right, this could potentially ruin not only his friendship with JJ but his relationship with his younger sister. He had noticed the change in her behaviour lately. She wasn’t always moping around the house depressed and sad like normal. She had a little of her normal lovable attitude back thanks to JJ. “Okay but no more sleeping in the same bed. And no PDA, I don’t want to see you macking on my little sister.” Both Y/N and JJ let out a breath of relief looking at each other. Both you and JJ giggled to each other already excited to break John B’s rules.

 JJ motioned for you to follow him to the end of the dock were things were a bit more private. The two of you walked awkwardly together slightly bumping shoulders. You both sat on the rale of the dock looking into the water not speaking to each other. “I meant what I said Y/N.” JJ spoke but you didn’t look over. JJ admired the way you looked in the sunset. The colors compliment your skin tone that was just starting to tan in the spring heat. The way your hair moved in the breeze that had picked up. “I know.” The young girl spoke and JJ started to panic. Maybe she didn’t feel the same way for him as he did for her. Maybe he just completely embarrassed himself in front of their friends for feelings that she might not even have.

 “I love you too JJ. I always have. I thought you were just with me for the sex.” She spoke, and JJ cringed at the reputation he had. JJ took her hands in his and she looked at him, “never once was this ever just ‘sex’. I fell for you so hard, and I don’t think I want to see you with anyone else.” He spoke in a serious tone. He moved a little closer to her, putting his hands under her chin to lift her face towards his. Their faces were inches apart when Y/N closed her eyes waiting for the kiss to come, “John B. said no PDA.” JJ whispered to her. “Oh to hell with John B.” She spoke pulling him in for a deep kiss.

TAGLIST:

@drewstarkeysbitchh @lemur46 @jjmaybankzz @taylathornton

#jj maybanks #jj maybanks x reader #jj maybanks x you #jj maybanks imgaines #jj maybanks x yn #jj maybanks outerbanks #jj maybanks obx #jj maybanks one shots #jj maybanks fluff #jj maybanks angst

[jenomark]

DECEMBER

➔Pairing: Doyoung x Reader (Female) | Jaehyun x Reader (Female) ➔Other Members/ Characters: -.- ➔Genre: Plot (ft. smut, romance, angst, fluff etc.) ➔Warnings: Vaginal penetration, cheating, angst etc. ➔Word count: 3,317

➔Summary: You are dating handsome and lovable Jaehyun. You stay at his apartment all of the time, along with his roommate Doyoung. Doyoung has feelings for you, which he doesn’t quite understand. What begins as an innocent crush changes the lives of all three people over the course of seven months.

AUGUST SEPTEMBER OCTOBER NOVEMBER

-Sorry it’s so late!! January & February will be up sometime soon! 💚

  The very first time you had crossed over that threshold, it was to embrace Jaehyun. With your first date jitters, you nearly collapsed into his arms, tripping over your own feet in his doorway. Luckily, he found the idea of you quite charming, even if he had to stop you from breaking your nose on the first date.

  Your old work friend had set you and Jaehyun up on a blind date. You almost didn’t show up, using every excuse under the sun as to why you couldn’t go. Truthfully, you weren’t ready to be in a working relationship with anyone, especially not a blind date. Upon seeing him and letting him, quite literally, sweep you off of your feet, you were happy you went through with it.

  Your first impression of Jaehyun was that he was drop dead gorgeous. You could hardly speak eloquently around him, but that didn’t matter, because you liked the way he led the conversation. He wasn’t perfect, but he made up for the things you lacked. He was a little clumsy, just like you, which gave you a breath of relief. You were almost too happy when he accidently knocked his beer glass off of the table with a switch of his elbow, his pretty face flush with the embarrassment that seemed to follow you all your life. He made you feel you were not alone, which might have been the very reason you held onto him. He was everything you needed at the time: a fun, beautiful distraction. 

 Though you were no longer friends with the people who set you up, you decided to keep Jaehyun as yours. His job was stable, the sex was great, and he was someone you felt you could pass the time with. Though the relationship itself lacked a lot, it felt like the right thing to jump headfirst into. You weren’t expecting much, honestly. Liking the feeling of falling for someone was enough for you, and you hoped it would be enough for him.

  You definitely weren’t expecting to grow so attached to crossing the same threshold time and time again. You spent more time with him than you had with any of your exes from past relationships. You were having sex with Jaehyun on a daily basis, staying the next morning's at his apartment, digging through his snack cabinets and avoiding his hermit-like roommate. You were someone’s girlfriend. You liked the way it felt having a place to come back to when you were feeling lost, to watch movies in, and to take a shower using all the hot water. It felt a little bit like coming home, which made you realize how much you had been craving closeness with someone.

  It only took you a few months to realize that the person you had been coming home to wasn’t exactly Jaehyun. It might have been clear from early on that Jaehyun wasn’t as right of a fit for you as you had originally thought, that you both stuck together because it was easier, and the sex was enough to entertain the idea of more. They say ignorance is bliss, after all. You both got something out of the relationship, so it was much harder to break-up for good. So, you kept it going, and because you kept it going, you started falling in love with someone else.

 The truth was always much harder spoken than not.

 You couldn’t stop finding the humor in everything. Doyoung set you down after kicking in his bedroom door, his eyes searching your face for acceptance. The sound of the door opening and hitting the opposite wall replayed in your mind, the clumsiness of the situation warming your heart. You could hear it echo a thousand times, each time seeming more comical than the last. You cupped your hand to your face, tilted your head back and let yourself laugh until you were hot in the face and near tears. 

“What is funny?” he asked, though he was on the brink of laughter, too.

“I don’t even know.” you said. “I just have this uncontrollable need to laugh. I’m really nervous. I think I love you.” 

 You laughed loudly, nearly bending over because your stomach hurt so much. When you felt a stab in your side, you pressed your hand to it and unfolded your body until you were standing straight. You tried keeping your face stoic, but you were failing miserably. Doyoung was staring at you, not completely sure what planet you were from.

“Let’s just fucking do this.” you said.

 You crossed the gap between you, letting your body knock into his, and you kissed him. You were still giggling a little, but as Doyoung’s kisses turned more serious, you swallowed it. You grabbed the back of his neck and felt the edges of his rain soaked hair tickle your fingers.  The passion struck you both again, coming full-force like it had never left. 

  You started rubbing the front of his pants, hoping to rouse him. Doyoung took your hand and clasped it with his, bringing it away. You wanted to feel his bare skin on yours, so you tried removing his shirt, but Doyoung grabbed your other hand and brought it away. You stood holding hands and kissing, Doyoung leading you.

“Let me touch you. “ you said, trying to pull away from his grip.

  When you yanked your hands away, there was no trace of laughter on your lips anymore. You felt like you were staring into his soul when you looked into his eyes. You stood facing him, your decisions hanging between you, weightless and certain. 

   Doyoung stood still as you placed your fingers against his chest. You moved them underneath his shirt, his skin warm to the touch. You felt him, as if he were going to disappear after a few minutes, the spell having been broken. When you were finished, Doyoung’s hand was waiting for you. You placed your hand inside of his and let him hold it. You led him to his own bed, sitting down on it and stretching your body across it. 

 The light in the room was dim and romantic. Though things started off with a bang, you and Doyoung were moving slowly. You made out with him, with his body on top of yours, and your hands scratching up his back. You couldn’t stop getting excited whenever you touched a new part of him. All of the sensations were firing off signals in your brain at once, the serotonin making you come alive. All of the memories of your lives together were replaying over and over again. There weren't  any thoughts spared for Jaehyun. It was just you and Doyoung, building up to the layers of clothes between you. 

  Doyoung pulled his shirt over his head. From there, it felt like time had unfrozen. At last, you were together. You were intentionally in his bed, your fingers feeling for his belt buckle, and his hand making a home against your hip. He was looking at you, his eyes not shying away from yours. His lips were on your neck, his lower body pressing against yours. You opened your legs and invited him inside.

 “I love you.” Doyoung whispered before putting his lips to your lower belly.

 He lifted your shirt over your head. He stripped you naked, stopped only to look down at your body in all its glory. You wished you could get inside of his head to find out what he was thinking, to see if you were everything he wanted. Kicking off his pants, Doyoung knelt down on top of you and pushed the hair from your face. You could feel the old laughter wanting to tear itself up your throat, and you accepted it as happiness wanting to bubble out.

“I love you.” Doyoung said. “And it’s madness.”

 He slipped inside of you. Doyoung was gentle with your body, moving slow, and holding your head to make sure he didn’t hurt you. You wanted him all over you, but you loved the way it felt to be wrapped up in his arms safely, not knowing what type of future you’d both have from that moment forward. You felt like you were free falling.

 You couldn’t catch your breath. Feeling Doyoung fill you up was overwhelming. You wrapped your legs around him to bring him closer. You bit down on his ear for a second before releasing it from your teeth and moaning loudly. You let him tease your body with his tongue before moving inside of you again, the Doyoung of the past being laid to rest inside of his sheets. 

   You had never cheated on anyone before. You didn’t know it was possible for you to be with someone and entertain the idea of someone else. You weren’t that kind of girl, or, you weren’t that kind of girl, in the beginning. 

  When you first met Doyoung, he mostly kept to himself. Hooking up with Jaehyun meant sneaking around when Doyoung wasn’t home. You think the excitement of it all was the foundation of your budding relationship with Jaehyun. It was all simply too fun to give up. When Doyoung was home, he hardly came out of his bedroom the first few weeks. You thought it was his idea of being independent or keeping a low profile, or maybe it was a respect thing, but you’d never met a man that was so conspicuous. Whenever Doyoung moved, your eyes followed, like you knew he wanted them to. It became a bit of a game to meet him when you stepped out of Jaehyun’s bedroom, to see how far he would go to not look at you. And even though you were sure he hated your guts for interrupting his perfect existence, you couldn’t stop yourself from the obsession of getting him to like you, to talk to you, ot to want to be around you.

 The first time Jaehyun tried breaking up with you, when you had talked to Doyoung in the kitchen and you had linked your pinky with his, was the very first time you had really felt anything for another person that extended past “Fun”. Most of your relationships were just full of ideas of what you and the other person could be, how good they appeared on paper,  and what was worth keeping and what was worth throwing away. With Doyoung, he had laid everything out on the table in a way that made you feel seen. After awhile, you realized that you didn’t care that much about Jaehyun breaking up with you, but you were more worried about losing Doyoung.

 It was wrong. You knew it was wrong in every way your brain tried to spin it around. You had fantasies about fate, little red strings tying your fingers to his. You were falling in love with what was meant to be, and what means you would go to in order to find the truest form of that love. You thought of many excuses that felt like bad writing in the movies. If it was so wrong, why did it feel so right? Why would life choose to throw him into the mix without it meaning anything? All of those things spun around and around in your mind until you started to believe them, and gradually, until they were all too powerful to ignore.

  It was wrong. It is wrong. It will always be wrong. Jaehyun might not have been a storybook perfect love, but he was human, and he treated you better than people thought. And yet, kissing Doyoung couldn’t help you remember what was morally correct, or what kind of situation you were really in. You made the choice to kiss him. You could have made the choice to stop, but you knew you never would. December would come and go, the sex being even better than you imagined, and January would knock you on your ass.

    In the back of your mind, as you tried to grapple with your decisions, all you could hear was the bang of Doyoung’s door.

  The mistletoe hung from the doorway, like a scene in a foreign movie. You let Jaehyun pass under it first while you stood back a little, hoping that no one would notice neither of you wanted to be caught underneath it together. You looked up at the green mistletoe, its red ribbon falling apart, and you thought it was a perfect metaphor for your current situation. As you passed under it, Jaehyun’s mother's voice chimed in, her idea of romanticism beginning and ending with her son and his girlfriend of nearly half a year.

“You must kiss!” she said, clapping her hands together. “It’s Christmas! Jaehyun, don’t stop loving your girlfriend because we’re around.”

  Jaehyun’s family never felt like yours. As they all stared at you, you realized how badly you’d always wanted to reach that part of him, the part that made him who he was. They were nice people who treated you kindly, but you were still a stranger that didn’t belong in their family quite yet. You blamed it on Jaehyun’s inability to take your relationship seriously enough to introduce you to his mother sooner, but got rid of those thoughts as soon as you remembered what you had done to him. It was an odd feeling being in such a personal space during a holiday without feeling like your existing relationship was the whole truth.

  Quickly, only to please his mother, Jaehyun took your elbow and pulled you underneath the doorway. He kissed your cheek lightly, his eyes never meeting yours. He let your elbow go and walked further into the kitchen, leaving you behind. The Christmas party continued, his family tearing their eyes from you and going back to whatever they had been doing.

  The weird feeling between you and Jaehyun had been happening for a week or so. It had nothing to do with Doyoung and everything to do with the fights you were both having. Jaehyun said you weren’t appreciative of how hard he was working in his personal life, and you were annoyed he paid attention to you so little that he had no idea you were a part of that life, too. Your days consisted of watching Jaehyun storm off into the night after a fight, you crying alone in his room, and then letting Doyoung rub your back until you fell asleep. Then, the next day would reset and all of the mystery resentment would start again.

  Doyoung, during all of this, was patient. He didn’t push you towards breaking up with Jaehyun for good, even though you felt he had every right to, and even though it’s the course you both knew you wanted to take. He didn’t involve himself in the petty arguments between you and Jaehyun, he just made his presence known in case you needed him. He was supportive for someone who had to watch his roommate and the girl he was in love with give each other brisk kisses some days and shoot daggers at each other the next.

    You leaned against the kitchen counter and waited for Jaehyun to talk to you, to show you that he knew you were there. You thought coming to the party would make you feel better mentally. The Christmas holiday was always your favorite, but you had gotten into an argument in the car on the way over, and the jollyness of the season had been sucked out of your soul.

“I don’t know what we’re doing anymore.” Jaehyun had said in the car, as soon as you pulled up in front of his parents house.

 You watched his fingers grip the steering wheel before you spoke. “If you want to break up with me, just do it.”

  You wanted him to be the one to say it, to break it off because you knew you were too cowardly to do it. Your mind was made up. You wanted Doyoung, but you were dealing with the guilt of adding him to your life and subtracting Jaehyun. You didn’t want Jaehyun or Doyoung to lose their friendship either, so you kept yourself in the misery of waiting for someone else to make the first move. It was a terrible habit to have. 

    Jaehyun shook his head, as if he were shaking out bad thoughts. You could see snow flurries hit the windshield and melt against the heat of the glass. They kept your own thoughts at bay, though they were frantic. There was a time when the image of sitting in front of Jaehyun’s family home at Christmas would have pleased you. Now, it made you feel sick to the stomach, especially when you remembered that Doyoung had nowhere to go for Christmas. You tried not to picture him sitting home at alone, bundled up in his soft blue robe, his lips so pouty and kissable.

    You blinked away the memory of an hour ago from your head and focused on where you stood in the kitchen. There should be no moments but the present. Jaehyun’s dad was kind and offered you a plate of food, which you accepted but didn’t eat. His aunts and cousins tried their best to invite you into their conversations, but you felt like you could never relate to any of them. After going through the motions of trying to enjoy Jaehyun’s family’s Christmas traditions and ignoring the sadness invading your brain, you asked if Jaehyun would take you back home.

“Now?” he asked.

“I don’t feel well.” you lied.

“I want to stay for another hour.” he said, his voice rising. “I haven’t seen my family together in a long time.”

  You put your hand on his arm and tried to portray that you were apologetic, but you just felt desperate. Your eyes were glassy, like you might cry. You didn’t want to guilt him into making a decision, that wasn’t your motive, but you couldn’t help feeling emotional.

Jaehyun sighed. “I’ll get my jacket. I guess I can drive you home and come back.”

  You decided to wait on the front steps alone while he got his jacket, the snow flurries landing in your eyelashes. When Jaehyun came back outside, you could tell that he was thinking of something to say. You could feel what was about to happen, so you braced yourself against the coldness Jaehyun had a habit of releasing when he felt backed into a corner.

“You’re not happy with me.” he said. “And I’m not happy with you.”

  You could feel a little sting in your chest when he said those words out loud, because the truth always hurts. The girl you used to be was clinging hard to the idea that maybe Jaehyun was where you were supposed to be, that maybe he could take those words back. There was no part of you that wanted him, but you couldn’t keep yourself away from the What Ifs. They clouded your mind and often made you feel confused.  

Jaehyun continued, “I don’t want to say things that will hurt your feelings on Christmas, so I will keep it short. We’re not good together. You’re not the person I see myself with in the future. You’re nothing like what I imagined. I don’t even know why I held onto you for this long. It feels...cruel. I think we’re a little too codependent.”

   The tears that fell were both natural to your emotional state and to the cold biting at your cheeks. You listened to him, your eyes not knowing where on his handsome face they should focus. When you spoke up to tell Jaehyun you agreed with him, he cut you off.

“- I cheated on you.” he said. “I cheated on you that night I went to the bar without you.”

#doyoung #kim doyoung #nct #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct 127 #nct fanfiction #nct doyoung #doyoung fanfiction #jaehyun fanfiction #doyoung smut #doyoung fluff #forgive typos and stuff please ty ly

[anotheronechicagobog]

Jay Halstead x Reader

The Return

Written by @anotheronechicagobog

Warnings: swearing, pregnancy, birth, medical jargon that may not be accurate, Erin Lindsay bashing

Meeting detective Hailey Upton had been more nerve wracking than meeting Jay’s brother Will. He and Hailey were just closer, they had the same job, saw the same things, and had an irreplaceable trusting bond. You never, at any point felt threatened or worried by her presence or relationship with Jay. It was because of their bond that you were nervous, it was important for her to give you the stamp of approval.

You’d all met up at a nice family owned Italian restaurant. You’d all talked about movies, the blackhawks, and food before finally coming to a crucial topic; work. You were an OR nurse at MED while putting yourself through med school, you’d seen and operated on enough cops to know what you were getting into. It could happen at any point, it could easily go south, and you would not be alone in the waiting room if it happened. Miraculously you passed with flying colours, becoming good friends with her.

After that you met the rest of the team when they all went to Adam and Kim’s place to watch the cubs game. Kim was glowing, pregnancy going well aside from her vicious morning sickness, and she took to liking you as well when you made sure she got to eat first. Adam, Kevin, and yourself bonded over your love of puns and bad jokes. Vanessa and Antonio started speaking in rapid Spanish with you, creating a quick and lovable bond. Hank just shook your hand and nodded at you, you weren’t sure what that meant but Antonio assured you it was a good thing.

——————————————————

You were putting the finishing touches on your ensemble for the CPD Chief’s gala when Jay appeared behind you. “Hey hon, are you ready to- holy fuck you’re gorgeous.”

“Thank you Jay. You look handsome.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

——————————————————-

You made your way to Vanessa who was talking with Kevin with a distressed look on her face. “Hey! What’s wrong? We’re at a party with an open bar, what’s with the long face?”

“Uh....... Nothing? You know what, let’s find Hailey. And bug her about Dr Bekker.” You already suspected something was off but knew for sure when you felt Jay go completely rigid. “Jay?” You’d turned to look at him and he was completely pale, looking like he was seeing a nightmare. You followed his eyes to a gorgeous woman standing next to Hank and arguing with Kim in a sleek black dress. “What is she doing here? Why is she here?”

“Who? Who is she Jay?” Kevin and Adam came up to try and support Jay, move him into a chair. The lost and betrayed look in his eyes made it all click in place for you. “Erin.” It was as if she heard you from across the room, she turned and looked at Jay before meeting your eyes with a guarded look.

————————————

You were all seated at the same table and it was fucking awkward. Jay had his arm or hand on or around you the whole time. Erin was clenching her jaw and looked like there should’ve been steam coming out of her ears. Food was served and speeches were made and it was clear that Erin was still unhappy. Despite the fact that she was seated across from him, Jay refused to look her in the eye. It wasn’t nerves, those had worn off, he was pissed. And rightfully so. Voight invited her as his plus one. He didn’t tell anybody, didn’t warn anybody. Everyone was exchanging funny stories, barring Jay, Erin, and Voight. Jay wasn’t opening his mouth except to eat, Voight was glared into silence, and Erin was always cut off by Kim or Hailey.

“So, Y/N/N, any funny patient stories for us?” Erin perked up at Adam’s question. “Oh, you’re a doctor?”

“No, I’m an OR nurse at Chicago med.”

“Hmph. Not smart enough to be a doctor, then?”

“I just couldn’t afford medical school at the time I went to university. I managed to save up enough and get enough scholarship money to start medical school and stuff a few years ago. So now I’m working part time in the OR and I finish medical school this year. As long as I do well, I’ll get a placement for my residency in three months.”

“Oh.”

“So, to answer Adam’s question, last week we had to surgically remove a brand-new toilet brush that a man had shoved so far up his own anus, that it looked like he had a bunny tail.” Kevin choked on his water for a moment before spitting it out all over the centrepiece flowers. “Hahaha, oh my god! Are you serious?!”

“Unfortunately.”

Erin’s bitter voice broke through the hyena-like laughter of the rest of the table. “Saying the word ‘anus’ is a bit uncouth don’t you think?” Kim stared at her, regarding her in disbelief as she mouthed the word ‘uncouth’.

“Not particularly, no, considering it is the medical term for that part of the body and part of the name of a planet.” You shrugged her comment and mood off. It was pretty damn clear why she was behaving like a bratty spoiled child, and it said a lot more about her than it did about you. Besides, it felt like it would be a complete waste of energy to entertain her need for a verbal martial arts battle. She just wasn’t worth it.

“She’s got a point, besides Lindsay, if you make what she says dirty that’s really on you and not her.” Jay shrugged and kiss the top of your forehead.

———————————————

You were encompassed in the warmth of Jay. Low jazz was playing through the speakers as the two of you swayed softly, your head on his chest soothed by his steady heartbeat. At some point Jay had started to hum along to the music and you felt all the stress and anxiety buried deep inside of you just melt away. Nothing but you and the man you love existed. You were in your own glowing golden bubble of warmth and love.

You moved your head up and kissed him on the side of the mouth, humming along with him. He spun you around, tugging a joyous laugh from you throat before tugging you back and leaning his forehead against yours. You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, his around your lower back. Your noses moved around one another as your dancing slowed to a stop. It didn’t matter that you lived together, or that you’d been dating for four years, your heart was beating faster than it had the first time you kissed Jay. Suddenly your bubble had burst, you screamed and jumped away from Jay when you felt cold and wet all over your exposed back. The warmth was gone, replaced by a pitcher of ice and water that had been dumped on you courtesy of one Erin Lindsay.

———————————————

The floral smelling bath bomb you’d decided to finally use was just the thing to treat yourself to after your boyfriend’s ex decided to dump ice water on you at a public and major gala right before being called into an emergency at work. While your boyfriend had jumped into action, moving you towards the bathroom to dry up and offering his coat, your newly-made friends jumped to help you and defend you. A very angry and very pregnant Kim escorted you to her car with her husband while Voight made Jay and Erin ‘have a talk’. The only person who didn’t scowl at that news was Erin. Adam kept looking at you and asking if you were okay in the rear view mirror. “Adam, I’m okay. Annoyed, fuck yes, but I’m okay. And I know Jay will be too. I’m not worried.”

“You’re not? Even with their history?”

“No, I’m not worried. We talked about her when we started getting serious actually. She was an incredibly important person in his life, and she turned into a very vicious skeleton in the closet. I’ve got my own skeletons, too, everyone does. I know that he was hurt. Little shocked when he saw her at first, but Jay didn’t talk about everything that happened with her in depth with anyone but me. So I know what’s going on in his head, and I have a pretty good idea of what he’s going to say to her.”

You’d only been home (and dry) for half an hour before you got an ‘all hands on deck’ page from MED. Hastily pulling yourself together and running the three blocks between your apartment and the hospital. There had been a collision which caused several others, leading you to the OR for back to back surgeries for a total of fifteen hours. You’d been dismissed with the promise of forty eight hours off and an impressed nod from your boss.

You’d missed Jay because he’d had to go into work but smiled at the loving note he’d left on the fridge, along with a container of your favourite take out. Your heart absolutely soared at the thought of him.

Stepping out of the tub you patted yourself dry and dressed in soft shorts and sweater. Padding down to the kitchen, excitement at the thought of food bubbling up. The smell of your favourite take out wafted out of the container as you moved it onto a plate. Exhaustion was creeping up and taking hold of you as you shovelled food into your mouth. You welcomed the exhaustion and went to bed, leaving your dirty plate in the kitchen, something you wouldn’t normally do.

———————————————

When Jay returned to your shared apartment well into the evening you could tell that he was worn out. “Tough case?”

“No, actually. It was pretty straight forward, it’s just that Erin kept trying to call me. Since we were in the middle of a case Voight wouldn’t let her up but she kept calling me and Voight kept giving me these looks... I’m just glad that the case is shut, the day is over, and that I got to come home to you.” He gave you a peck on the lips, you could feel the soft smile that he had. “Dinner’s almost ready, would you mind setting the table?”

“Not at all.” You sat across from him at the small table pushed to the side of your kitchen, really looking at him. He looked tired, weighed down, but the tension gripping his body did seem to be lessening the more he was home, the more he ate, and the more he spoke. His eyes were light and happy, truthfully he looked a bit like a puppy. “I have time off tomorrow. Would you want to head up to the cabin?”

“Just for the day?”

“I know that it would be a lot of driving just for a day trip, but yeah.”

“Just to get out of the city for a bit?”

“Exactly.”

“You know it’s not that late, if we left now we could be there in a couple of hours, pick up some groceries on the way, we won’t need much. Wake up there, drive back in the evening.”

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“On a regular basis. And I love you too, so, so much.”

“How about you pack the necessities and I’ll clean up the kitchen?”

—————————————————-

You and Jay were on the road in forty minutes, just leaving Chicago as dusk started to dissolve into night. Jay’s secret country playlist was winding its was out of the speakers, the silence between the two of you was peaceful. The cooler bag filled with quick meals and leftovers Jay whipped together, removing the need for a grocery store. The coolness of the night encompassed you both, and the further you got from Chicago the heavier your eyelids got. A deep chuckle left your boyfriends throat. “Get some sleep, I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

——————————————

Jay Halstead was a dirty liar. He didn’t wake you up when he got to the cabin, instead he went in ahead to put the power and water on, put away the food, changed the sheets, dusted quickly, and then carried you in and put you in bed. And when you woke up and realized what he did, he even put on your pajamas for you, all he could do was kiss your nose and tell you how adorable you were when you pouted. Leftover stir fry was breakfast for the both of you. You were miffed that he did everything alone last night, and in the back of your mind you knew it was because he felt guilty about Erin showing up, but you couldn’t be mad at him. Not when he’d made your favourite food while you were packing last night. “Are you wanting to fish at all today or just swim?”

“Just swim around, we’ve missed the part of the morning that’s best for fishing and honestly I’m not really in the mood for it, unless you want to fish. I can take the boat over to the marina and pick up some bait if you want.”

“I’m okay for today too, Jay. But I think it would be nice to take the boat over to the marina and get ice cream before we leave.”

“Ooh, yes. I’ll go check to see how much fuel we have for the boat.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you out on the dock in a minute, I’m just gonna deal with the dishes.”

“That’s a funny expression, ‘deal with the dishes’ you sound like your going to ground them for throwing a baseball through a window or something.”

“Haha, I guess it does.”

——————————————

The bottom of the lake was brown, a result of the rocky bottom, but it didn’t matter that it didn’t look like the perfect insta post. It was fresh, and clean, and stunning, even with the mosquitos the size of a dog. And that’s how the morning was spent, swimming around the lake and laughing, enjoying the lighter air and the refreshing feeling from swimming around underwater amongst the algae and skittish fish. Carefree joy was a good look on Jay. The image of him throwing his head back as he tread water with the lake glistening around him, the sun enhancing the beauty of all the trees, plants, and cabin on the shore far back behind him as birds called out to each other was one that captivated you. “What?” His shoulders were sagging back to their regular position and Jay tilted his head slightly at you. You swam a few strokes closer and kissed him. As deeply as you could while both of you were treading water in the middle of a lake. Your legs kicked each other’s as you worked to stay afloat without your arms. You gripped onto each other, just reveling in the love you both shared. It didn’t last long unfortunately, because neither of you could tread water entangled in another persons limbs and without your arms. “Have I told you how much I love you?”

“On a regular basis. And I love you too. So, so much.”

——————————

Lunch had been absolutely delicious. What could be better than your favourite food, with your favourite person, in your favourite vacation spot, after a breathtaking kiss in the middle of a lake? Absolutely nothing. That’s what. What made the day even better was Jay taking you both over to the marina in the boat to get locally made ice cream. “Halstead, it’s good to see you again.”

“You too, Martin.”

“And who’s the lady you’ve brought with you?”

“This is Y/N, my girlfriend. How have you been? I didn’t see you the last couple of times i was here.”

“I was retired in Florida. Didn’t like the heat though, so I came back. I’m living in the old O’Reilly property, they needed something bigger cause it’s only one bedroom, but it’s perfect for a retiree like me.”

“So you’re back to micromanaging Josie?”

“No, she’s run this place better than I ever did, it’s in the best possible hands. What are you guys here for? It’s too late in the day for bait.”

“Ice cream, we’re driving back to Chicago tonight cause we both have to work tomorrow.”

“Shame, how long have you guys been up here for?”

“Oh, just today, we drove up last night. Just needed a break from the city, you know?”

“I do. Well I don’t want to keep the two of you from ice cream, but you’ll have to give me a holler the next time you or Will are up here, we’ll have dinner or something.”

”Definitely. I'll see you around.”

”And you should come too, Y/N, I have plenty of stories about your boy from when he was wee.”

”Oh, well, I would not miss that for anything.”

”What? No, come on, you don't want to listen to embarrassing stories about me.”

”I really, really do.”

”They have mint chip.”

”One day, I will hear those stories. One day.”

”I like you already, Y/N.”

-----------------------

You were a little sad to leave the cabin, even though you'd only really been there for 24 hours. It had been a nice escape of reality, and Josie had been more teasing than her father. As you packed the rest of the bags in the car, there had only been three in total, really, you let out a bit of a sigh. The crickets we're playing a concert and the dreaded mosquito dogs had come out to hunt, but the aura was something you'd miss, even though you and Jay could come back.

The car ride back was filled with soft rock this time, and you felt yourself mouthing along to the songs.

---–--------------–

You were both a bit groggy the next day but it wasn't anything either of you couldn't handle. You arrived to your shift relaxed and we'll rested. ”Good morning Y/L/N. You look well rested, I take it the 48 treated you and Jay well?”

”Yeah, it did.” Your bubbly mood was it short though, when Dr. Bekker stormed into the prep room, clearly angry. “Well I should hope so, considering the rest of us had to pay for it.”

“What? There are other OR nurses, and I didn’t think either of you were scheduled for that time either.”

“No, it we did go to Molly’s. And do you know who else went to Molly’s?”

“Ava-“

“Erin Lindsay.”

“Oh no.”

“Damn right. She spent hours pulling on people’s arms and shouting about how you’re a whore-“

“Excuse me?!”

“Ava, really-“

“Okay!” She stopped her ranting for a moment. She leaned on the metal basin, completely ignore the suds on her arms and that she’d have to wash them again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak to you like that. It not your fault and you’re not a whore, no woman is. I just- it was the first time Hailey and I have been to Molly’s together since we started dating and your boyfriend’s cow of an ex had to ruin it.”

“I’m sorry, Ava. I- it’s not my place to handle her or anything. She’s not my ex.”

“No, but she is Jay’s, and the reason she was unhappy at Molly’s is because Jay apparently told her that they’re never getting back together.”

“Yeah, she was screaming at everyone, mostly intelligence that Jay had to still love her and all that. She got pretty hammered, Voight had to be called in to take her home.”

“What do you think- they just rolled the patient in, time to get in there and repair his left ventricle.”

———————————————

Your day was long and so was Jay’s so you decided to eat out, at a great Thai place Jay had introduced you to. “Erin wants me to move to New York to be with her, I don’t want to and I’m not going to, I just figured I should let you know.”

“Okay... I have to be honest Jay, I don’t know what to make of any of this.”

“Erin just got out of a bad relationship and I guess she remembered the good times we had together, and forgot that we had more bad times. It was both of our faults really. We both lied, and omitted, and kept things from each other. Our relationship wasn’t healthy, and it took me a long time and therapy to realize that. I don’t have anything against her and I wish her well, but I don’t feel the need to have her as a significant person in my life anymore, or be one in hers. I think that our story ended four years ago and that she’s just in a bad place right now, like I was when I dated Camila.”

“Okay. That doesn’t make her behaviour okay-“

“Oh absolutely not-“

“But I get it. I’ve been in that place too, so I get it.”

——————————————

Erin wasn’t as ready to let go of the subject as Jay, apparently. Voight remained quiet on the subject, something that infuriated you because he brought Erin back into everyone’s lives with no notice and no concern for their well being. Kim was still mad, so angry that she had banned Erin from meeting her newborn baby. “I deliberately never said a word about you to her all this time bec- ahhhhhhhhh.”

“Okay, Kim, I get it. You were a good friend and didn’t tell her anything about my life since she left because you knew I wouldn’t want her to know, it seriously, please stop focusing on an unnecessary apology to me when you should be focused on breathing until we get to the hospital.”

“Adam will meet us there?”

“Yes.”

“You promise you’re not ma-aaaaaaaaaaaaadddddd!!!”

“I promise, you never did anything wrong. Okay we’re here.”

“I can’t believe you’re having a baby with ruzek. He’s kindof annoying-“

“KEV! Let’s focus on getting Kim out of my truck and into the hospital so that she can have her baby in a sterilized environment, okay?”

“Right, let’s go girl.”

Kim hadn’t needed to worry about epidural as it turned out, the baby went into distress almost immediately after she passed through MED’s doors, causing her to go into distress, and resulting in her needing an emergency C-section. You weren’t part of the OR team for that surgery because of how close you were, it you knew everyone who was and knew she was in good hands. You had been put in charge of giving the anxious police officers updates.

“They just finished the surgery, it went amazing. Kim’s in recovery and they baby’s getting checked out as we speak. And, Adam didn’t faint. He did very well, actually cut the cord.” Grumbles filled the waiting room as money was passed to Hailey. “Come on guys, you really had that little faith in him?”

“No one will be able to see Kim or the baby until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest, but it might be longer. They both need time to recover.”

A few days later the waiting room was once again filled with police officers, this time some of their relatives were in attendance. You sat beside Jay, in regular clothes this time, waiting to be given the all clear to visit. You two were called over with Hailey and Ava, clutching a homemade blanket for the baby and a homemade meal for the parents. They were immensely grateful, Kim especially since she’d just been told that she could go back to non-hospital food. You were sitting on the recliner cradling baby Eliza, who was cooing in your arms when there were shouts and crashes in the hall. Everyone turned towards the door. The cops who hadn’t given birth less than a week ago, Hailey, Jay, and Adam, went into tactical mode, Kim stopped eating and took Eliza back, Ava grabbed the hospital phone to figure out what was going on, and you stood in between Kim and the door as the three cops made their way slowly into the hall. You’d locked the door after they left, peeking out of the small window. “I don’t see anything.”

“Erin.” You turned towards Kim, who just looked tired. “I talked to hospital security when she first got here, said that I didn’t want her to be able to see me. Or the baby. I just... I don’t trust her anymore. I spoke to her the day before she flew down here, I actually asked if she was ever coming back to visit. She said ‘no’. And then she just showed up at the gala... I feel pretty betrayed by her, honestly. She never initiates contact. Ever, it always falls on me. She’s spent years trying to get me to say something about Jay every once in a while, but I’ve always just said that she left him, you know? She left and didn’t say good bye or call or text so she doesn’t have any right to know anything about him now. And she’s been acting like a spoiled brat, you know she’s used the excuse of hanging out with me to try and get information about you and your relationship. I don’t feel like I’m her friend anymore. I feel like I’m her tool. And I just had a baby, a tiny human who relies on me, I don’t have time for toxic friends who make me feel like that. So I told her not to come and for security not to let her in.”

“Do you feel a bit better now that you’ve said all that out loud and to someone who isn’t Adam?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Okay, well, if you don’t want to see her, you don’t have to. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks.”

——————————————-

Erin had burned pretty much every bridge she had in Chicago in the two weeks she was there. She lost a lot of people’s respect after the incident in the hospital. When it became clear that some of her once closest friends were done with her, people felt it was okay to voice their grievances. After being shunned at 51, MED, 21, Molly’s, and her mother’s house, she showed up at your and jay’s apartment. A last ditch attempt at... Something.

“Please Jay, I love you.”

“No Erin, you don’t. You haven’t even seen me in four years. You’re just in a bad place right now. Go back to New York, okay? Your life is there now.”

She’d been in tears when she left, ugly crying, her face blotchy and make up running, as horrifying sounds ripped out of her throat. Jay just looked sad as he called Voight to pick her up.

———————————————

TWO WEEKS LATER

You were in stitches beside Jay, trying to breathe while laughing so hard. “Seriously?!”

“Hey, I was seven!”

“And I was five! Just listening to my idiot older brother!”

“We couldn’t believe it, the two Halstead boys running across the marina docks completely naked, and covered in blue paint!”

“Hey, I thought it was funny, and I ended up a doctor Jay, and I’ve stitched you up a few times, I’m not so much of an idiot, huh? Nat, c’mon, it’s not that funny.”

“Yes it is!”

“Y/N.”

“What? It is!” Another round of laughter peeled out from you, Natalie, Owen, and Martin’s daughter Josie as Martin continued to make gestures. “It took us a good minute to round them up. Me and Miriam, mind you, Pat just sat in the boat. Your mom was laughing so hard by the time we caught you both.”

“Please tell us more stories, Martin. That was REALLY funny.”

“Owen! You want to hear more embarrassing stories about me?”

“They’re funny!”

“Alright, well you heard the little man, Martin, more stories.” Will and Jay sighed, tried to relax, and resigned themselves to their fate. Their girlfriends and surrogate son/nephew were going to hear every single embarrassing story that Martin had. Which was a lot considering he was their father’s childhood best friend, had spent most of their summers around him, and he had a memory like a steel trap. “Don’t worry Jay, I’ll still love you after this, I promise.”

#one chicago #chicago pd #chicago med #jay halstead #jay halstead x erin lindsay #jay halstead x reader #baby burzek #burzek baby #burzek #adam ruzek x kim burgess #kim burgess #adam ruzek #hailey upton #ava bekker #vanessa rojas #kevin atwater #will halstead x natalie manning #will halstead #natalie manning #manstead

[tbtssstuff]

BTS reacting to kissing in the rain - Maknae line

+RE-POST+

AN: (っ◔◡◔)っ 💜 Same trope, different boys. Now the lovable Maknae line!

Masterlist | Hyung line

-TJ / TacoAdmin 🌮 

Jimin

Jimin finally had a couple days off and he decided to plan the perfect day for the two of you. He was fixing his hair in the mirror when he heard you knock. He rushed down stairs and threw the door open.

“(Y/N)! I missed you!” He pulled you into his arms and kissed every inch of your face, causing you to laugh.

“Jimin come on, you’ll ruin my makeup.”

He pouted. “You look beautiful even without it.”

You smile and kiss him again, this time for longer. Jimin hummed and slid his hands up and down your sides, causing you to shiver.

“Chimmy.. if we don’t… go… we’ll never… leave..” You said between kisses and pulled away from him.

Jimin pouted, but nodded, intertwining your hand with his. After that Jimin had taken you to lunch at a place you would normally have to book months in advance, which you really weren’t dressed for, but Jimin kept insisting you looked fine, then you two went to the park to walk around.

“And then when I turned around Tae was already running.” You laughed at his random story.

“Looks like you had to face Yoongi by yourself.”

“No way I ran too, I wasn’t dying!”

The genuine scared look on his face made you laugh harder. You two continued to walk around until Jimin stopped suddenly, making you snap back to his side.

“Jimin?”

He smiles at you, his eyes turning into cute crescents, and starts leading you somewhere. You quickly noticed a crowd of people and in the center was a bunch of dancers. You smiled watching Jimin stare in awe of the young dancers.

“Why don’t you join them?” You nudged him and he shook his head.

“I don’t think they would let me.”

“Let you? Chim it’s a dance circle, I’m pretty sure they won’t turn you away, besides you’re so much better at dancing. Why don’t you school them?”

After hearing your praise Jimin went to the middle of the circle and started dancing. All the kids stepped aside and everyone was cheering for him which only spurred him on.

After five minutes of Jimin’s amazing performance, it started to drizzle then full on rain. The crowd one by one started to leave, all except you and Jimin. He continued to dance his heart out to the music he had started playing and you were mesmerized by him.

Once he had noticed everyone had left he shrugged.

“Looks like our fun is over.”

“Not quite yet.” You extended your hand to him and smiled.

“May I have this dance Jimin?”

He blushed, a small smile on his face and took your hand, pulling you closer. The two of you started slow dancing in the rain to a song that was definitely not for this kind of dance, but you two didn’t care.

You looked up at him lovingly and got up on your toes to kiss him. He quickly kissed you back and held you as close as he could to his body.

This really was the best date ever.

Taehyung

It had finally happened. After 6 months of secretly dating BTS’ V or as you liked to call him, your tae bear, you two had broken up. The press had caught him and some female idol out together which caused a lot of fights between the two of you. You couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with him.

“I can’t do this Tae… I’m tired of hiding…”

Taehyung frowned and tried to step closer, but you stepped back from him. “(Y/N) please. I told you she’s just a friend.”

“That’s not what the pictures said! You didn’t even deny it when they came out! How can I trust you?”

You could tell he wanted to argue, but the tears pouring down your face stopped him.

He could see how much he was hurting you, how much being with him hurt. Hurting you was the last thing he wanted to do. What else could he do but let you go?

It had been a month since the break up and you weren’t doing so well, but you didn’t want people to know. You cried most nights, but during the day you went out with friends, even a date or two, but nothing was the same without Taehyung. He was the love of your life and now he’s gone.

You were curled up in bed once again, listening to the storm outside, when you heard knocking at your door. Who was crazy enough to be in this rain? Well whoever they were if you ignored them they would go away eventually. Right? Wrong. The pounding went on for five minutes.

You decided to go see who was at the door and probably strangle them.

“(Y/N)! Open the door!” You froze in your entrance. Taehyung? No way.

“I know you’re there. (Y/N) please open the door.”

He sounded so sad and broken. Hesitantly you opened the door and were heartbroken by the sight. Taehyung must have ran all the way here because he was out of breath and soaked to the bone. He looked liked a lost and kicked puppy.

“Taehyung, what are you doing here?”

“The more I thought about this the more I realized that this is stupid. I didn’t do anything wrong (Y/N). I should be mad at you, you broke my heart into little pieces… but damn it I still want you and only you.”

You rolled your eyes, trying to fight back the tears that wanted to fall.

“Yeah right. Well I don’t want you.”

“You’re lying.”

“How do you know?”

Taehyung gave you a small smile. “Because I know everything about you. You can’t look at me which means you're lying.”

He looked at you so hopefully that you almost gave into him, but quickly shut the door in his face. You couldn’t go through that kind of heart break again.

“Go away Taehyung.”

“I’ll stay out here (Y/N). How ever long it takes.”

You scoffed, knowing he would get tired and go home eventually. You went back to your room and laid down on the bed, closing your eyes and finally falling asleep.

A couple hours later you woke up and went back down stairs. There was no way he was still there, not when it was still pouring outside. You heard a loud sneeze from your front porch and stopped in your tracks.

Taehyung was still there and by the sounds of it he was getting sick. Quietly you opened the door to see Tae sitting on your steps, the rain hitting his head, and shivering. The sight pulled on your heart strings. He really was the stupidest man you’d ever met… but that’s why you loved him.

Shutting the door you went to stand in front of him, hands on your hips.

“Aren’t you tired?”

He gave you his signature boxy smile and stood to take you into his arms. “I’m tired of not having you by my side.”

You wrinkled your nose. “God can you sound any cheesier?”

“Way more.”

You smiled at him, leaning up to kiss his lips. “Promise me you won’t go out with other girls?”

“I promise and I don’t want to hide you. I want to come out and tell the world that you are my girl.”

“I love you Taehyung.”

“And I love you more (Y/N).” He leaned in and kissed you, melting all your worries away and replacing them with nothing but love.

Jungkook

Jimin and you had been best friends since you were kids, being younger than him had made him super protective. Which is why when you came to Seoul to meet his band mates, he told you dating one of them was absolutely forbidden, but that didn’t stop you from falling for Jungkook.

He was so shy and cute at first, but then once you got to know him, he became the crackhead you fell in love with. Not that anything could ever happen between you two and he didn’t see you that way anyway.

Or so you thought.

The boys were throwing a beach party and most of them were getting wasted. You and Jungkook sat on the sidelines while you watched the rest of the members play a game. You yawned, getting really tired and Jungkook noticed.

“Hey Jimin! (Y/N) is getting tired, I’m going to take her home okay?”

Jimin looked up from his solo cup and nodded. “Take good care of her kookie!”

“Come on (Y/N).” He took your hand into his and helped you up.

Jungkook held your hand the entire way to his car and it stirred so many butterflies in your stomach. Why did you have to like him THIS much when he was so off limits? The drive home was cut short by a sudden downpour that made it too hard for Jungkook to see.

“Hey I’m going to pull over for a bit. I know a good place to wait it out.”

You could only nod in response as he pulled off the side of the road. You were so shocked when he turned off the car, hopped out, and started running.

“Ah hey! Wait!” You got out and followed behind him.

The two of you ended up in a beautiful glass gazebo, soaked completely through.

“Jungkook, why couldn’t we have just stayed in the car?”

He laughed and shook his hands through his hair. God he was beautiful.

“Where would the fun in that be? Plus look,” he pointed outside at the beautiful view, “isn’t that the best view you’d ever seen?”

“No…”

“What?”

Crap did you say that out loud?!

“What’s the best view you’ve seen, (Y/N)?”

“Umm well it’s actually a guy.. that I really like.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows shot up. “You like a guy?”

You nodded shyly, completely missing him, growing mad and sticking his tongue in his cheek.

“Who is it?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Hey come on we tell each other everything!”

You scoffed and rubbed your arm. “Not everything.”

Jungkook stepped closer to you, eyebrows furrowed. “What’s wrong? You seem off.”

“It’s because every time I’m with you my heart feels like it’s going to explode.”

And now it was out there. There goes your friendship with Jungkook.

“So.. you like me?”

You glanced up to see his bunny smile. He looked so happy. You blushed and tried to turn away from him, but he grabbed your arm and spun you back around.

“Hey no don’t hide from me. I like you too (Y/N). Like a lot.”

Your heart felt so full and in that exact moment you didn’t care about anything. Not Jimin or how he was going to react to this. Not how this was completely wrong. The only thing you wanted to do was kiss him.

You grabbed Jungkook by his shirt and crashed your lips into his. The kiss was perfect. The moment was perfect. You two could deal with Jimin and his tiny fury tomorrow, but for right now you kept kissing and kissing.

#bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts reactions #bts x reader #bts imagine #park jimin #park jimin x reader #kim taehyung #kim taehyung x reader #jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook x reader #tbtsstuff #tacoadmin

[chrsuwu]

the color yellow.

soulmate!chan x soulmate!reader

summary: your boyfriend’s best friend, chan, sees yellow too.

a/n: this was inspired by the color aus on tik tok but i hope you guys like!!

words: 2,454

warnings: fluff, angst(sorta?), kinda cheating? but not really?, swearing

initially, when you started dating felix, you weren’t expecting to find your soulmate. honestly, your soulmate could be anywhere, so you kinda fell out of the idea of finding ‘the one’. felix was the first person you felt any romantic feelings towards, as it turns out it’s possible to love someone who isn’t your soulmate. as soon as you two were partnered for a project in your freshman year of college, you felt an instant connection. felix did as well, and he felt it was safe to assume you also saw pink. felix saw pink. sure you felt guilty for lying to felix, but he never really brought up the ‘soulmate’ idea, and you were too scared to lose your boyfriend so you just went along with it. 

it was 4 months into your guys’ relationship that felix started talking about his best friend. chan was coming back from australia soon and felix was so excited and told you all about how he and chan are like brothers. felix mentioned he almost went back with chan as well but got stuck with finals. you’ve never met chan before, but you’ve seen pictures. one thing that caught your attention was chan’s tendency to wear yellow. he would be wearing a yellow wrist band, or maybe his shirt was yellow in pictures. yellow was your color. it was also your favorite, seeing as you couldn’t see anything else.

“hey, babe! do you wanna come with me to pick up chan tomorrow?” felix asked you. you thought about it before deciding you were curious about this ‘chan’ person.

“yeah! what time?” you asked.

“probably like 7, you can just spend the night here if you want,” felix told you.

“sounds good!” you replied.

for the most part, you two spent your time watching movies until you both fell asleep on the couch. you couldn’t stop thinking about that detail about chan. he always wore yellow, and maybe it was coincidental, but what if it wasn’t? you shook your head and tried to sleep again.

the airport was crowded with people, and had you not been holding on to felix’s arm you definitely would have gotten lost. felix scanned the area looking for his friend, until suddenly his face lit up. “chan!” he called, waving his hands in the air. the familiar man from pictures suddenly came jogging towards the two of you. you almost froze. he was wearing yellow. the hoodie he was wearing was yellow, and his tennis shoes were too. felix let go to hug chan. 

“felix! i missed you!” chan said. 

“i missed you too bro!” felix replied. the two let go before chan looked at you.

“and i take it you’re y/n?” chan asked. you smiled and nodded.

“nice to meet you, i’m felix’s girlfriend,” you said.

“let’s go get some breakfast!” your boyfriend suggested.

upon speaking to chan you found out he was in college, but dropped because he wanted to focus on his music producing. he made music with two of felix’s other friends you knew, changbin and jisung. though you didn’t know those two well either yet. during this time, you watched chan in glimpses. you couldn’t lie, he was definitely attractive. “y/n has always wanted to see the song creating process, you should show her sometime,” felix said, bringing you into the conversation. chan looked at you. 

“that sounds cool! just tell me when you’d like to come over,” chan told you. you smiled and nodded. felix nudged your side.

“stop being so shy, y/n, it’s just chan,” felix said, “sorry she’s been so silent she’s a little shy.”.

“well i know it’s been a while since you two saw each other too! so i wanted to let you two talk,” you explained. chan laughed. it was over for you. his laugh was so pretty.

“so y/n, if you’re so interested in song making, why are you in the teaching department?” chan asked you. you took a sip of your coffee.

“while i’d love to pursue music, i’ve always wanted to be a teacher so i guess i just tumbled into it,” you answered. he nodded. •••••

you looked at your closet. felix had invited you to a simple get together with a few of his friends, including chan, too. you looked at your favorite dress, it was yellow with flowers. you knew some of the flowers were pink because felix had mentioned it before when you wore it. you loved it because of the yellow, and it happened to be super comfortable to wear too. you put it on and continued getting ready. about half an hour later you heard a knocking at your door, and you assumed it was felix, so you answered it. sure enough, it was your aussie boyfriend, but he came with chan. “i really need to use the bathroom,” felix said, speeding past you to go to the bathroom. you and chan laughed before looking at each other, you couldn’t see the exact color of his eyes, but you could tell they were a dark color. you felt like they were probably the most beautiful eyes you’d ever seen. 

“i like that dress,” chan commented. you focused your attention back to the conversation.

“thanks!” you replied.

“it’s yellow,” he told you.

“i know,” you instantly replied without thinking. you froze, and chan looked at you suddenly puzzled.

“what?” he asked.

“i meant, i know that that’s the color you see, felix told me,” you said, trying to not blow your cover. and that was when you knew it. chan was your soulmate. what would you tell felix? you couldn’t tell felix. you love felix, right? 

“oh! yeah,” chan replied, “yellow is my favorite color, actually i’m making a song about it, maybe tomorrow you can come over? i can show you how i make my songs.”. you smiled and nodded.

“definitely,” you answered. felix came out of the bathroom and the three of you headed for the get together.

 you had tried to enjoy the get together, but you couldn’t. you were so focused on what chan told you. he had to be your soulmate. how could you tell felix? you love him. you would never want to hurt felix either. you spaced out until felix gently tapped your shoulder. you shook out of your thoughts and looked at him. “hey, you good?” felix asked.

“uh yeah, i just need to take a step out,” you said, getting up to go outside. you looked at the sky, thinking about how to go about this. what if chan didn’t even think of you like that? why would you think that you don’t like chan? though you couldn’t lie, his kind nature and quirky personality were so lovable. your train of thoughts ended as you heard someone else open the door. you looked up expecting to see your boyfriend, but to your dismay it was chan.

“are you okay, y/n?” he asked.

“uh yeah,” you answered. he closed the door and took a seat next to you.

“it’s so nice out,” chan commented, “the night sky is so beautiful.”. you nodded. chan scooted closer to you.

“lighten up y/n!” he said. you chuckled.

“i know, i just have a lot on my mind,” you lied. 

“like what?” he asked. of course he had to ask. 

“uh, just school,” you said. chan got up.

“how about i take you somewhere to get it off your mind?” chan asked.

“uh, like as friends?” you asked.

“yeah! i mean we are friends right?” chan replied. you smiled and nodded. he stood up and reached his hand out. 

you stepped out of chan’s car, and looked and realized you were at a park. chan walked towards the swings, and you quickly followed after. as soon as you two sat down, chan began to lightly swing himself. “so, tell me y/n where are you from?” chan asked. 

“(country name),” you answered.

“what brings you here then?” chan asked. you chuckled.

“i was originally apart of an exchange student program, but i ended up really liking it here so i moved,” you said.

“it is super pretty here,” chan said. you nodded. “i could see why you wanted to stay, my music is inspired by this area,” chan told you. you nodded.

“that’s so poetic,” you said.

“i mean, in a way i have to be right?” chan asked. you laughed. 

“you’re right,” you said, “i also considered music more of a hobby of mine, but i love teaching.”.

“that’s cool too, you’re still chasing after what you want,” chan said. you nodded.

“thanks,” you said.

“anytime,” chan replied. a silence fell between you two, but it felt more natural. like, almost as if you two didn’t need words to acknowledge you’re enjoying the presence of each other. “felix talks about you a lot, i can tell he really likes you,” he said, breaking the silence.

“really?” you asked.

“yeah, he always talks about how hardworking you are, and how caring you’ve been towards him,” chan said. you felt your stomach drop. you felt guilty. you felt like you should tell felix the truth, but yet you knew it would crush him. you yawned. “you getting tired y/n?” chan asked. you nodded.

“yeah, i think it’s close to bedtime,” you said jokingly. chan laughed. god, that laugh was like music to you. you could literally hear him laugh for hours and be amused.

“let me take you home, i’ll pick you up tomorrow around 11,” chan said, standing up. you stood up as well and walked with him.

the drive home was silent but calming. he walked you up to your door. “thank you for this, chan” you said.

“it’s nothing,” he replied. you two stood there just staring at each other for a minute, smiling. ou heart was beating so loud surely chan could hear it. you shook away from your gaze and headed in.

the next day you got ready and picked your outfit precisely. you decided you’d put a yellow bow in your hair, wanting to get some sort of reaction out of chan. once it was around 11, you head a knock on the door. you answered and saw chan, wearing the same yellow hoodie, with a yellow wrist band. “you ready?” he asked. you smiled and nodded. 

his studio was amazing, to say the least. it was so cool to see a real studio. chan sat down and started to type on his laptop. you watched as he started to mess with the program. he looked so focused, and you loved it. he looked so into it and you were just taking in the view. he gave you one of his earbuds so you could hear what it was about. the song was called, ‘the color yellow’, and it was about how much chan yearned to find the one. this hurt so much, and felt so awkward for you. you wanted to tell him. you really, really, wanted to tell him. you wanted to kiss him, you wanted to feel him, you wanted everything that had to do with the curly haired man. that was when you realized. you had fallen for chan. he really was your soulmate. you had to tell him. there was no other option at this point. 

“chan,”

“y/n,” you both spoke at the same time.

“you first,” you said.

“uh, no you go first,” chan replied.

“no i insist,” you said. he took a deep breath before taking your earbud out along with his.

“i need to be honest, i don’t know when or how, but ever since i met you in the airport i’ve felt drawn to you,” he confessed. you looked at him shocked. not quite sure how to explain. “and i know, you’re felix’s soulmate but-”

“i like your hoodie chan,” you told him, cutting him off. he stopped to think. before looking at your bow. he looked back at you with shocked eyes.

“y/n, you’re-” 

“a filthy liar,” felix stated, bursting through the door. you both looked at felix before you stood up.

“felix please-”

“i don’t want to hear it y/n, you’ve been lying to me this whole time?!” he exclaimed, “i feel so stupid, and you!”. felix pointed at chan. “you started liking y/n, thinking she was my soulmate? what the fuck! i trusted you. BOTH of you,” felix said.

“felix please just hear me out,” you said. felix huffed.

“not today, not right now. i need some time alone,” felix replied, before storming out of the booth. •••••

days had passed and you hadn’t heard from either felix or chan. you tried reaching out to felix, but he would only leave you on delivered, turning read recipes off. chan had been silent too. you felt so hopeless. you had somehow managed to lose both of the guys. it was your fault too, you should have came clean about your soulmate from the beginning. you suddenly heard your phone go off, and you leaped to look at it. it was a text message from chan, asking to meet up at the park.

you wore a yellow hoodie with some leggings and left. you saw the familiar man wearing a similar outfit, and approached him. “hey,” you said. he looked up at you.

“hi,” he replied. you sat on the swing next to him like you did that night.

“chan,” you said.

“yeah?” he asked.

“i’m sorry,” you replied, “i should have come clean, but i honestly never thought i’d meet my soulmate, and let alone did i think it would be felix’s best friend.”.

“i should have said something too, i suspected you saw yellow from when i saw you in that dress,” chan said.

“i ruined things between you and felix, and i understand if you don’t like me,” you told him. chan chuckled.

“i can’t not like you y/n, you’re stuck with me. i can’t be mad at you, it’s like my heart wants you too much,” chan told you. you looked at him.

“so you’re not mad at me?” you asked.

“no,” he admitted. he got up from his swing and walked in front of you. he cupped your cheeks and got close enough to kiss you. you could feel his gentle breaths. “can i kiss you?” he asked.

“please kiss me, chan,” you answered. suddenly, his lips were on yours and nothing ever felt more right. finally, after all the trouble, you found him. the kiss was full of passion and made your heart beat harder. you finally let go, gasping for air. “we need to make things right with felix,” you whispered. chan nodded.

“let’s do it, together,” chan said. 

#bang chan #chan #chris bang #chris #straykids #stray kids #chan au #chan imagines #bang chan imagines #chris bang imagines #chan scenarios #bang chan scenarios #chris bang scenarios #chan fluff #bang chan fluff #bang chan soulmate #skz #skz imagine #straykids imagine #bang chan angst #chan angst #chan soulmate #kpop #kpop scenarios

[imagine-jjba]

the jojos when they first meet you!

jonathan ;

he’s very open to talking to you! he noticed you sitting by yourself during his school days. you looked lonely, so he decided to talk to you so you didn’t feel too lonely.

of course, he was very interested in what you had to say. he was taken aback when you started talking. your voice was beautiful, to him. he was very attentive with what you had to say when you finally talked back.

he found you to be stunning, really. he’s a very kind soul, after all. wanted to spend his time with you for as long as he could, before you two had to get to your own classes. though, he made sure to keep what you said in mind, just in case you two had talked again.

he’s very polite when he talks to you as well! always calls you by proper names (or, at least tries to) and always refers to you how you’d like to be referred as. he’s bound to forget sometimes, though. he likes to create little cute nicknames in his head to better remember a person. might slip up once or twice.

he also thinks that you have a beautiful name! he’ll say that you do, maybe as a brief compliment. but when you push him farther on the topic of him calling you cute, he’ll go silent with a flustered face.

jonathan would make sure that you feel a little less lonely, maybe tell a few jokes that he knows of, or let you talk to him about your feelings. he’s a very nice man and offers this to everyone he knows, even in passing conversations with those that aren’t so nice to him. he just wants to make you comfortable.

when he finally says he has to leave, he’ll definetly be sure to mention that you can always hang out with him anytime you want to. he’s always open to new friends!

joseph ;

if you were doing something he didn’t like (probably something he was jealous about), he would make sure to say it loud and clear. everyone around you (including yourself) would be able to hear how judgemental he would be.

however, if you were just by yourself, he would just try to start a conversation so things weren’t awkward. it really would depend on the setting where you two would meet. in this case, we’ll go with you meeting him in an american restaurant.

if you were outside, he would mention how cold/hot it was.

if you were inside, he would probably find you to be pretty and would want to flirt with you. so, the natural course of action for him is to come up to you and make some weird conversation.

starting a conversation with this guy is a lot harder than you’d think. he’s outgoing in a confidence sense. he isn’t afraid to speak his mind, which is why he can tend to be a bit obnoxious sometimes. he also takes interest in things such as the latest and weirdest movies and comics. he also always knows random information about the things he likes. he’s definetly use it in conversation.

once you get past the beginning stages of talking to him, it’s quite simple to hold a conversation. he’ll go with the flow of it, following a lead that you give him. if you mention that you like something that he doesn’t have much knowledge of, he’ll ask for your opinion on it. he’s good at talking, but he’s also good at listening.

once you two nerd out together, you’ll find yourselves lost in the conversation. soon, time feels like it had gone by so fast. when you need to get going, you make sure to get joseph’s name. he’ll also find his own little ways of catching you again.

jotaro ;

jotaro doesn’t start conversations with strangers on the street. he’ll only do it if he absolutely needs help with something. you would be the one to most likely start a conversation.

of course, he wouldn’t respond too much for basic chit-chat. he’s not a talker, really. he’d most likely be irritated that you’re even talking to him in the first place. he tends to find others very annoying.

however, if you started talking about something that he enjoyed, his interest would start to peak out. he wouldn’t sound as angry or as irritated. especially when it comes to science related things. he’s always been fond of science and nature, ironically.

depending on how much you know about science, the conversation could either be mostly dead or skyrocket from there. if you knew facts about nature that not many others did, jotaro would be impressed with your knowledge. after all, he didn’t think that any normal person would just know all these things. good thing you’re not as “normal” as you seem!

he starts to talk about his own little facts about nature and science. although it’s unnatural for someone to be so interested in talking to him, he finds a sense of familarity in talking to someone about his interests. like his grandfather, he’s als a nerd. you just have to hit the right cords and he’ll get started.

when he has to go, you make sure to give him your phone number. it’s the least you can do when he’s so interesting. of course, he says that he doesn’t want it, but at least you don’t see him throw it away. he makes sure to keep it with him, just in case he actually does want to talk to you. (he does, he just isn’t sure if it would be socially acceptable to want to talk to someone who he’s only spoken to once).

josuke ;

he’ll most likely talk to you while you’re at school! you’ve been grouped together for a project of some sort, most likely related to math.

if you’re interested in math, he’ll try to follow along with what you’re saying, but he’ll really have not much of a clue. if you’re not interested in math, you’ll pretty much both be stuck together. you two would have to study a lot!

delving into the former path, he’s very interested to work with someone who’s good at this. school is boring, but you somehow make it seem interesting (and a bit cute). from his perspective, math is just things for nerds, something that he isn’t interested in. however, he seems to learn a lot from you.

after you two start talking about other things besides your project, you start to connect. you realize that he’s just a lovable dork, really. he’s very laid back and will also go with whatever you want to talk about, but will also give his two cents. though, he’s very respectful about what you’re saying. not like his dad, in any case.

he also likes to talk about his friends and how much he appreciates them. he says that he wants to treasure them and it’s very sweet to you.

eventually, he ends up dragging okuyasu into the conversation as well. you three start talking eccentrically about things you recently bought and such. depending on your hobbies, josuke might say that he even takes an interest in them!

once you two have to leave for your next class, you pack your things and get josuke’s phone number. after all, you’ll have to talk over the phone for more details about the project, right?

giorno ;

you’re apart of tean bucciarati, so of course you’ll meet him when bucciarati brings him in. you’re not very interested in talking to him at first, as all the others were. but when your capo said that you should respect that he was there, you decided to talk to him.

once you introduced yourself, you were planning on ending it there. however, something caught your eye. it could have been the way that he styles his hair or the ladybug charms on his shirt. you’re not sure about it yet, but you do have some interest about his appearance.

so, you ask him about these quirks in his appearance. he’s very polite and uses proper language, which is very weird to you. it sounds nothing like the way mista or narancia might speak to you, or the way that bruno might coddle you like. he’s understanding in the way that his appearance looks. he doesn’t fuss over it and diligently explains whatever you’re interested in.

after this, he asks you a question that you’re not really ready for. maybe it’s something about your appearance as well, or maybe it could be about why you’re in this gang in the first place. of course, depending on the level of importance to you, you could either explain these things to him or not. he’s a listener more than a talker, but he does have his way with words.

when you two are talking, he finds that you seem interesting. the way you seem to carry around your confidence is, in a way, amusing to him. it sounds like you know what you want, to him.

you don’t speak that much when you first meet him. it’s sort of awkward, in a way. you’re not very sure what to say, but when you do come up with something to say, you’re very confident in your words. you want to be sure you’re saying something that’s not hurtful in anyway.

you two finally stop talking when one of the other members of the team cuts in, starting to make small talk with the blonde. you let them have at it, of course. stepping back, you sit farther in the back, the perfect spot to watch him carefully.

jolyne ;

you two met in prison, of course. you were placed in the cell next to her, so you could hear her talking, whenever she did. after being there for a couple of hours, she started to talk through the walls, just to see if someone would respond to her.

you most likely wouldn’t ignore her after a few times. you’d be bored as well, so you might as well have a listen to what a fellow inmate has to say. she seems like she’s thinking about things, maybe ways to escape? you don’t have much hope for that, but at least you have something to not bore you.

you start talking back to her, finding out things about her that you wouldn’t expect for someone in prison. she tells you why she’s in prison in the first place. she’s not ashamed of it, anyway. but it sounds very interesting, so you ask for more details about her case.

when she tells you more about it, she seems nonchalant, like she’s tired of telling the same story over and over again so, you tell her your story. after all, it’s only fair, you decide. it’s not like she’ll find it more interesting than her story.

turns out it is more interesting to her. she’ll start to ask you questions about it. and you answer. she can get nosy about it, but once she realizes that you’re uncomfortable with a certain topic, she’ll leave it alone.

you two don’t talk about much else after that, but it’s nice that you got to talk to someone about your situation and why you ended up in jail in the first place. it’s a burden lifted off your shoulders. plus, you’re somewhat interested in figuring out what the girl on the other side of the wall looks like. you’ll definitely have to talk to her some more. she’s a very interesting gal!

#jjba #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo kimyou na bouken #jonathan joestar #joseph joestar #jotaro kujo #josuke higashikata #giorno giovanna #jolyne cujoh #x reader #jonathan x reader #joseph x reader #jotaro x reader #josuke x reader #giorno x reader #jolyne x reader #headcanons

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

Hello! I was wondering if you could perhaps do a fic with Jask x reader x Geralt? (If you do trios, that's is) But reader likes Jask more even tho she's known Geralt longer, she just doesn't see him that way, and that makes Geralt really jelly, so he gets into a fight with Jask and reader gets really angry at him and he then regrets it? I dunno if that's too specific or not, also you can have it end with some understanding or not, it's up to you! Have a great day, love your writing!!!

Fandom: The Witcher Pairing: Jaskier x Reader x Geralt Word Count: 1,327 Rating: T Taglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock @magic-multicolored-miracle @writingstudent @mlleecrivaine @coffee-and-stories @ultracolorfulnerdcollection @astouract @your-not-invisible-to-me @kemmastan @mycat-is-mylove @amirahiddleston a/n: I felt like an understanding was the best way to go because it sounds like this isn’t an OT3 of yours (since you said reader didn’t like Geralt that way) so I tried to finagle it and I hope it worked. Thanks!

They called you “their girl” and you loved it.

Jaskier had been calling you ‘goddess’ and ‘angel’ and all sorts of endearments, trying to find the one you liked as you wrinkled your nose and laughed at each. Geralt of all people had come up with it. One day you’d been trying to stay awake, incredibly sick but protesting that you weren’t, and Geralt had turned to Jaskier and said, “come on, we’ve got to get our to bed.” He’d seen the little smile you made at the sound and since then it had stuck. And it was true, you were theirs as much as they were yours and you called them ‘my boys’ and enjoyed the way they lit up (though Geralt tried to play it off). You’d known Geralt for far longer and were very close but the bard who joined your travels had charmed his way into your heart swiftly. He was endlessly lovable and you tried to make him feel it.

As you grew closer to Jaskier, Geralt saw hints of something more than friendship and an ugly feeling burrowed into his heart. He had been happy to share you with Jaskier when he knew you were all friends, but watching this man who hardly knew you make your eyes soften and your cheeks blush was sometimes more than he could bear. You had gone to market for healing supplies, leaving the two men at the inn with the promise you’d be back later. When it grew dark Jaskier turned to Geralt and said,

“We should go find our girl.”

“My girl,” Geralt bit out before he could stop himself. Jaskier eyed him curiously.

“What?”

“She was mine first,” he said.

“Well she’s ours now,” Jaskier argued.

“What do you think she sees in you? Past the pretty voice and face?” Geralt snarled. The barely held back anger slipped through in a rush and Jaskier stood directly in its path, stubbornly unrelenting.

“I make her laugh,” Jaskier answered, “And I listen to her and I make her feel safe.”

“You make her feel safe but can you keep her safe, Jaskier? You and your lute?” Geralt snapped. Hurt flashed in Jaskier’s eyes at the words, probing at a deeply guarded anxiety.

“That’s not fair,” he argued, his voice quieter than before and lacking some resolve, “Where is this coming from? What did I do, Geralt?”

The witcher didn’t have a good answer for this because he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong. Nothing but be loved in a way that he could never be. Not by you.

Jaskier didn’t wait for a response he knew he wouldn’t get and instead got up and left. Geralt tried to call after him to stop, already feeling ashamed for his outburst, but the bard didn’t look back.

Geralt was alone in his room when you found him later that evening and though he looked appropriately awful when he opened it, your anger wasn’t cooled by it in the slightest. You walked in without an invitation and when he turned back around after shutting the door you were giving him a cool, assessing look with your arms crossed over your chest.

“So he ran and tattled to you,” Geralt muttered, instantly hating himself for saying it. He always found a way to make things worse. He wondered sometimes if that was part of being a witcher as much as the yellow eyes and superhuman abilities.

“I had to pry it out of him, actually,” you replied, “He refused to say anything for a long time until I began guessing and his eyes gave him away. You utter, complete, thick-headed… jerk.”

“I know,” Geralt sighed.

“No, you don’t! Jaskier has said he won’t be traveling with us anymore,” you said. Geralt looked up at you, startled. He had lost Jaskier once due to his sharp tongue, he’d promised it would never happen again. And yet…

“Y/N I never meant…”

“I’m not going without him,” you announced. The words were like cold water in Geralt’s face.

“What?”

“You heard me. Make this right with him or continue on alone. Or find new companions,” you said. You moved to head to the door but Geralt grasped your arm and pulled you back to face him.

“No,” he said, his eyes pleading though his voice was demanding, “I don’t want to lose you. Either of you.”

“Well you have an odd way of showing it,” you snapped, “Geralt why… why would you say those things? You’re not cruel, why would you hurt him that way?”

Your disappointed incredulity was harder to face than your anger. Almost harder than admitting what he had to right now.

“I was jealous,” he admitted.

“What? Why?”

“Because…” Geralt’s voice trailed off as he tried to force himself to say the words. Vulnerability did not come easily to him and there was nothing more vulnerable than confessing his love for someone who had never shown the slightest hint of feeling the same way.

“Because he’s in love with you.”

You both turned to find the door had opened and Jaskier stood there watching you both, a miserable expression on his face.

“Jaskier don’t be silly,” you argued, but Geralt was noticeably silent. “Geralt?”

“Go ahead, Geralt. You might as well say it,” Jaskier prodded, closing the door behind him.

“Geralt is this true?” you demanded.

“Yes,” he bit out the word and it lingered in the air, tension growing thicker with every passing moment.

“It’s ok, Y/N,” Jaskier said, “I want you to be safe and happy and I understand.”

“Understand what?” you asked.

“You’ve known him for longer and you had a life before I entered it,” he explained.

“Jaskier, no,” Geralt protested, “You and Y/N… it’s hard for me to admit it but of course this is how it should be. You do make her happy and she can have a life with you she couldn’t with me.”

“What the actual fuck is going on right now?” you exclaimed and both men turned to look at you. “Gods, ok, let’s just… ok let’s just rewind. Geralt, I love you with my whole heart but I do not love you in that way and frankly I can’t say for certain that you do either or if I’m just a convenient place for your affection to land when you and Yennefer are on the outs. Jaskier, you absolute nutball, I am very much in love with you and do not appreciate you shunting me off onto other men you’ve decided I should love. I didn’t let my father do it and I’ll be damned before I let you do it no matter how blue your eyes or sweet your tongue. I love you both, very deeply, in different ways. I want to continue as we have been but if this is going to be something that doesn’t work we need to admit that now.”

Your words were braver than you felt, your heart aching at the idea of saying goodbye to Geralt but your mind taking control as it needed. The men exchanged a long look and you waited a little breathlessly as they talked through look alone until finally Geralt nodded his head.

“Our girl has a point,” he said to Jaskier meaningfully, “We’ve both been asses.”

“Well our girl is used to that I’m afraid,” Jaskier replied, also meaningfully. A weight lifted off of your chest and you released a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. You propped your hands on your hips and shook your head exaggeratedly as the blue and amber eyes gazed at you lovingly.

“Alright, well if we’re quite done with all of this, we need to get some sleep,” you announced, flopping down in the middle of the bed as was tradition. Jaskier climbed to the right of you and Geralt took the left, blowing out the candle before pulling the blanket up over you.

“Goodnight my boys.”

#mycat-is-mylove #Jaskier x Reader x Geralt #jaskier imagines #geralt imagines #reader request

[xxxtrouvaillexxx]

Paper Cranes

 A/N: I swear that I’m working on the first chapter of LSaD, I plan to have it out by THIS Saturday! I promise that it’s coming! In the mean time, I’ve been working on this piece for a hot minute and it’s kind of just been sitting around in my drafts and in the back of my head. So~ while you wait, here is a little something something to keep the waters calm. And I needed a little something to deal with quarantine. 

Pair: Bucky x Reader (platonic)

Synopsis: Y/N is an empath... More specifically, a healer with empathic abilities, which leads to from very severe trauma for y/n but you’d never stop helping your team for the world. Even when that trauma leads you to spend a night on to roof in tears and a very heated talk with your best friend Bucky.

Masterlist

Warning(s): angst (I’m a sucker for it...), an alarming amount of fluff, as usual.

Word Count: 3,931

The Tower has been bustling with life ever since the city closed down, or more aptly, the world as it seems. Every single one of the Avengers, other than Barton himself, was closed up in the same building for the last three weeks, and the air was becoming more restless every day. And the more anxious it became inside of these walls, the world was still doing worse for wear. 

You, feeling all of that, felt all of your own worries too. Not that you let anyone in on that little fact. You’re the personal on-site doctor to the Avengers along with being one of the hero’s themselves, though you had no real special power to name in the ways of fighting. You simply were rather good at kicking bad guy butt and were a rather well-known assassin with the Black Widow herself.

And though the two of you are as close as sisters, she doesn’t even know about your ability.

“Lady Y/N!”

You whipped your head around so quickly at Thor’s booming voice, you could have sworn that you’d given yourself whiplash, but you managed to give the large man a large grin and match his excitement.

“Thor!”

Laughing, he scooped you up and off of the floor in a tight hug as if you were light as a feather. If there was anyone who, throughout the entire time of being shut up in a building with the worlds most lovably irritating heros, could keep spirits high, it was Thor. The man was like a giant teddy bear, to be frank. You could swear that the only time you ever see him get intensely serious about an issue is during a mission, and it surely wasn’t anything you were going to start complaining about now.

Letting you down again to stand on your own feet, he grinned widely and with mischief.

“I require a bit of aid, I’m afraid. Sparring with the two super soldiers seems to be only a tad bit more interesting without the use of powers.”

“Don’t let him fool you, doll. We pummeled him and he doesn’t want to admit it,” Bucky said from the doorway. Steve was coming up from behind him with a smile too.

“Well, it seems you boys have had an eventful morning then.” The humor was obvious in your voice and they all laughed, Thor of course boomed.

“Indeed!”

“Well, how can I assist you three then?”

“Just Thor today, actually. He thought it would be funny to go easy on us old geezers. Lessons learned,” Steve said grinning as he passed you with a pat on the shoulder to the kitchen.

Thor after, another, belly full of laughter, showed you the bruises that now littered his arms and torso. There were no major wounds, and it looked like it was just hand to hand sparring, though if it were anyone other than Thor the damage would have been far worse coming from the two super soldiers.

Shaking your head, you smiled and pointed him to the couch. “You might as well get comfortable while we do this. You’ve got enough bruises to keep me busy for a week,” you joked and sat down beside him. “You know the drill, eyes closed and deep breaths.”

He followed your orders without complaint and you rested your hands against his chest first and matched your breathing to his and felt the steady stream of power flow through you. It was light, airy and cool, shining a beautiful gold from your fingertips in waves. But as gorgeous as it looked, this amazing power to heal the injured was a double-edged blade.

As soon as the marks on his skin began to fade and return to its normal color, images of their match flashed in your mind. Every punch and kick that Thor received felt like a blow of your own. Needless to say, you figured it hurt a lot more for you than it had for the god in front of you. Even if you knew that you didn’t physically attain any of the damage, it didn’t dull the sharp pains that coursed through your body.

The reason you always made them close their eyes before healing them of anything, an illness, battle wounds, haunting dreams, or trauma, was because it was easier than trying to force down every wince and grimace. Sometimes it just seemed impossible, which is also the reason you tried to keep healing sessions like this to more personal settings, not that that was always possible.

After a few measured deep breaths to match with Thor’s, you moved onto his arms and repeated the process. It didn’t take long, and by the time you were finished the sharp pains had faded into something of a dull throbbing. Though you didn’t imagine that would stop anytime soon.

“I feel like a brand new man! Thank you, Lady Y/N!” He grinned and launched himself into another suffocating hug before turning to the men in the kitchen. “I will remember to not pull my punches with you two the next time around!”

“We’ll look forward to your next challenge then. But don’t go crying to Y/N next time you get your ass handed to you,” Bucky hollered back.

“Hey! Language!” You exclaimed with a laugh when you heard Steve grumble and say something about needing to forget that moment ever happened… Not that any of you ever would, of course.

You all sat around for a while before Steve went off to speak with Tony about something or another and Thor decided to find and pester his brother. ‘Which I’m sure I’ll have the pleasure to hear about later from Loki himself’, you thought with a chuckle. And soon enough it was just you and Bucky left in the kitchen sharing a peaceful silence and tea for several minutes.

The two of you had grown particularly close over the time since he’s come to the tower and in Wakanda. He was one of your closest friends next to Natasha. Because of that, you took extra care of him not that you’d ever tell him that. You took extra time with him in the evenings and during routine checkups to help him with his nightmares and the general horrors his mind puts him through. You’d be sure to brush your hand across his skin periodically throughout the day subtly to draw out any built up worries and anxieties and he usually stayed pretty close by when he was feeling extra tense.

Of course, there was a part of you that dreaded his checkups and the late nights. Not because that you didn’t want to help him, but the pain that it caused you was sometimes almost to much for you to handle. His memories that flooded through your mind when you touched, the phantom pains you’d feel... You couldn’t understand how anybody could ever do something so absolutely horrible, least of all to another human being. And it was almost incomprehensible how Bucky had managed to survive so long after all of it, but you had managed to tie that to the fact that he was the strongest man you knew.

But no matter how much you may dread those visits and the things that followed, you would never stop helping him. And you would never tell him the truth about your power. You doubted that he’d ever let you continue if he knew what it did.

“I think everyone is going out for joyride tonight, you plan on joining?” He interrupted your thoughts with a warm voice and kind smile. 

“Not likely. I think I’ll just take the evening for myself. If everyone goes out, it might actually be quite around here for a change,” you chuckled. “What about you?”

“I haven’t decided yet, but Steve is trying pretty hard to get me out this time around.”

“So, probably then?”

He laughed and nodded, “Yeah, probably.”

“Where do they plan on going, anyway? Everything is shut down right now, so there isn’t much to do,” you asked. And it was true, with a global pandemic going around, everything was basically closed down until further notice everywhere. 

He shrugged and looked to the ceiling, “Who knows. Stark thought it would be a good idea to get the quinjets out and running before they sit around to long and need a toon up. And he thought it would be good for moral if we weren’t all cooped up in the tower again for another night together.”

You guffawed and shook your head. “Oh? And having everyone cooped up in the jets is going to be so much better for team moral, huh? Tell me how that works out for him.”

                                          »»-———————-««

It was roughly 11:30 now, and everyone was still out of the tower and flying around Lord knows where and you were in the tower alone. It had been nearly two months since these halls last ran silent except for the sound of your own footsteps. Nearly two months sinces you could freely express all of the pent up rage, and fear, and pain, and anxiety that has been building up inside of yourself.

On most if not all occasions, you were a very happy person. You enjoyed your work and the people you work with. You loved your family and friends, and the world even with all of its problems... And there were a lot of problems. And normally it would just be enough to spend a day to yourself with a book or a blank canvas and paint to release everything. You tried to always look toward the brighter side of things, but recently- without a way to vent out everything you’ve been taking in, things were to much. 

So you found yourself up on the towers roof at almost midnight with tears running down your cheeks and finding it hard to catch your breath. Your chest ached. The instant that the door closed behind you and you were hit with the cool night air it was like everything just rushed out in waves. 

You screamed, and wailed, and cried. You let yourself feel everything that you had been burying. Every last punch, kicks, knife and bullet, nightmare. It all came out in coughs and harsh please and grief. For yourself and for the people who went through it all. 

“It’s not fair,” you cried. “It’s not fair!”

After what felt like an eternity and your throat was coarse from the yelling and sobs, you felt like there was nothing left to cry. You’d gotten it all out and let go of everything, finally. And you knew you would be able to face everyone tomorrow as yourself rather than the shell of a person you have been until now. 

What you didn’t know, was that Bucky was there to witness it all.

                                         »»-———————-««

When you woke up the next morning you felt a great deal better than you had the previous night. Let alone the previous week. In a rather bright mood, you woke early and decided to make breakfast, nothing special because let’s be frank- you weren’t any Gordon Ramsey. But you could make a mean stack of pancakes and eggs.

An hour later, the kitchen was flooded with tired heros and grumbled good mornings. Though you were aware that Bucky seemed to linger in the doorway a little to long and continued to stare at you throughout breakfast. You could practically feel the discomfort and tension poor off of him. He didn’t mention it though so you assumed he wasn’t ready to come to you yet.

It wasn’t uncommon for Bucky to try and handle himself first, be it a nightmare or his own thoughts he tried to take care of it first. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. But you never wanted to try and take that chance from him, so you let him be until he decided for himself.

They all happily ate their share of pancakes, gave thanks in some form or another; hugs, verbally, a slug to the shoulder, the usual. And then everyone dispersed to go about their own day. 

By the time that a week went by, you started to become genuinely concerned about Bucky. He was still tense and sticking close to you, but he wouldn’t let himself get close enough for you to touch him and draw out whatever it was that was causing him to be so worried. But he never left your side either. Everytime you left a room, a few minutes later he would follow. It was becoming so apparent that even Natasha said something over dinner, but Bucky didn’t bother to respond.

You didn’t want to take away the option of helping himself if he felt like he could, but he’s never gone longer than two days before saying something to you. It started to make you wonder if you had done something wrong or if he really felt like he didn’t need your help anymore.

Either way, you had to figure it out. The worry was beginning to choke you if you thought about it for to long. So after dinner, you excused yourself from the table and waited in the hall for Bucky to follow. 

Sure enough, after a minute he started down the hall too searching for which way you disappeared to.

You showed yourself to him and ignored his apparent surprise, “Are you okay, Bucky? Did something happen?”

His face changed, he looked hurt and sad. Like he couldn’t really bring himself to say anything or absorb what you asked. You waited patiently while he grapled for an answer. 

“What?” Was all that he managed to get out. 

“Well, you’ve been following me around a lot recently, and you only really stick to my side like this when you need to talk or help with something. But it’s already been a week and you haven’t said anything yet so I was starting to get worried that it was worse than usual or that maybe I did something wrong or that you-”

“That’s supposed to be my line!” He exclaimed, efficiently cutting off my nervous rant and giving me a turn at being confused. 

It must of been written all over your face because he quickly continued, “I was there. I saw- I heard you last week on the rooftop! How can you possibly be asking me if I’m alright!?”

Your heart stuttered to a stop at his words and you could practically feel the blood draining from your face. You didn’t even know where begin to explain why or what happened last week.

“Oh...” you trailed off and stepped back. “I didn’t know you were still here. I thought you went with Steve,” you have a humorless chuckle. “I don’t know why you’re so worried about it, I’m alright. Can we just forget about it?”

You knew it was a pathetic attempt to get him to let the problem go, you knew that there was no chance he was going to now that he’s been thinking about it for a week. 

“You were begging out there, Y/N. Begging! You can’t just tell me you’re alright and expect me to just let it go like this is nothing!”

You were silent for a long time, taking deep and long breaths to keep yourself calm before taking the corner of his sleeve and dragging him to your room. “We should go somewhere private so we can talk freely.”

He followed you without question.

                                        »»-———————-««

The two of you sat silently for nearly half an hour in your room. You felt completely uncomfortable in the situation. Usually, you were the one who was patiently waiting and comforting someone else while they thought over what they wanted to share or compose themselves. You were used to that, but being on the opposite end of that was new and something you came to learn within the first five minutes that you weren’t particularly fond of. 

Finally, Bucky decided to break the silence. “Why do you have so many origami cranes hangin’ in here?”

Your room decor was a bit unconventional, compared to that of everyone else in the tower that is. The room was covered in your own oil paintings, all the ones you deemed should never see the light of day but didn’t get rid of, couches and chairs, bookcases, and of course, countless bunches of paper cranes you’ve hung from the ceiling. Unconventional, maybe. But you loved it anyway. 

“There is a myth,” you nearly whispered it but you were sure that he caught the words anyway when he turned toward you. 

“Tell me about it?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. “It’s an old Japanese legend. It says that anybody who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish by the gods. Some of the old stories even say that you are granted happiness and eternal good luck instead of a wish. But you can use the wish on anything, a recovery to illness or injury for example. Usually they’re made as gifts for special friends or family.”

Standing, you grabbed one of the many strings of cranes and gave it to Bucky. “Cranes in Japan are considered holy creatures and supposedly live for a thousand years. That’s why a thousand cranes are made, one for each year of their life. And there are some stories that even say that all have to be folded within a year and strung together on the same string by the one who is making the wish for it to actually work.” You drifted off and smiled at the strand he held and shrugged. 

He stared at you for awhile before he looked around your room again. “All of them are stung on one sting.”

“So the legend goes,” you answered. 

“But you have at least a hundred of these hanging around your room,” he awed and shook the his gently. 

“53 to be exact. There are 53,142 cranes in this room. I’m working on another one now,” you laughed as his face grew in een more amazement. 

The strands all hung next to each other. Currently you had two rows of 25 and one of three. Honestly, it was rather beautiful in your opinion. It created a sort of curtain on one of your walls filled with different colors and stories. 

“Why?” He asked softly.

“Because I have a lot of wishes?”

“No. Don’t dodge. You wouldn’t have gone through all of this effort,” he waved toward the curtain, “for yourself alone. So why? How long have you been doing this for?”

“Nearly 15 years? I usually try to fold 10 every night before I go to sleep. You would be disgusted by how much I spend on paper,” you joked but he didn’t break. You groaned, “Fine! It’s because I didn’t know what else to do, okay? People were sad and hurting and scared, I felt it, and I didn’t know what I felt like there wasn’t anything I could do to help them. And so I started to make wishes for strangers mostly, people I felt needed it.”

“Felt?”

You bit your bottom lip and nodded hesitantly. “Or saw depending on the person. And it’s not like I’d ever do it on purpose, I’d just bump into someone and see everything! And I wouldn’t be able get it out of my head. I felt like there wasn’t anything I could do, Bucky. So I wished and wished and wished for them. For everyone.”

He looked at you incredulously, “Y/N... What do you mean, “See everything”?”

You blinked rapidly a few times and grabbed three more of the strands from the wall. “These,” you handed them to him, “are yours. These are the wishes I made for you. And before you say anything, just... Don’t freak out, okay? I didn’t make all of those to upset you, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I’m a healer, that’s always been who I am. But for me to be able to use that gift, I have to make physical contact with my patient. And I’ve been blessed to be able to mend body and mind! There isn’t anything in the world that would make me want to give up that gift, Bucky. But when I... touch people- anyone, Wanda, Nat, Thor, a stranger... You- I can see exactly how they got hurt mentally or physically. And I can feel the hurt too, like it were my own.”

You could barely bring yourself to say that last part, and it was barely a murmur as it were, but you knew that he heard it by the way that the color drained from his face and he slouched back a bit.

“Bucky,” you reached out for him but stopped when he flinched away from you. You swallowed harshly and continued, “I don’t hate it Bucky. I prefer it this way, really! It makes it easier for me to understand who I’m helping and more than anything else it brings me closer to them. I’m okay, Bucky.”

“Stop telling me that you’re okay! How could you possibly be after-” he paled more if that were possible as he looked at the four rows of cranes he carried now, “Oh my God. Four years, you’ve seen everyth- You’ve felt everything for four years! Y/N, I-”

“Don’t you dare try to apologise or regret coming to me, James,” you interrupted in a hurry. “If I can breathe then I’m fine. And I will never regret helping you when you needed me. You’ve never done anything wrong. And what you saw last week wasn’t usually how I deal with... Well, everything that gets piled up. Usually I go out for a day to breathe and just let go. It’s just that with everything closed down right now, I hadn’t had the opportunity in months. It got to much, that’s all. It had nothing to do with you, I promise.”

Everything you said seemed to go in one ear and out the other with him. He simply grasped the cranes tighter and refused to make eye contact. 

“Bucky,” you whispered again and reached for him one more time and this time, he didn’t turn away. His wave of emotions hit you hard, there were to flashes of images or memories, just feelings of regret and horror and shame and fear. “It’s okay,” you breathed and raised to give him a hug. “It’s okay Bucky.”

Slowly he calmed down, and his emotions subsided into ripples rather than waves. His regret eased along with his fears. He pulled away from you eventually and offered a weak smile, that didn’t necessarily confirm any suspicions that you may have that he was lying or otherwise. 

He held up the cranes and smiled, “Thank you, so much, for these.Y/N I can’t ever thank you enough for these, let alone everything else that you’ve done for me. I understand why you would’ve kept this to yourself, if I’d known sooner I’d never had come to you. But because I did- God, I can do things without begin afraid. I can go out with Steve and not freak out, or go through the night without nightmares. I’ve you to thank you for that. You’ve done more for me than I could have ever asked you, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that but-”

You smiled and shook your head, “This, Bucky, is plenty.”

#bucky #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #james barnes #james imagine #james barnes x reader #james bucannan barnes #marvel #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #40's bucky #piece by piece #imagine #x reader #james x reader #reader incert #james buchanan barnes imagine

[honeyhenry]

Brother Bubba

this was my first piece of writing so I'm extremely nervous posting! pls be kind if offering any feedback. also this took way longer to write than I intended so I’m sorry if anyone has been waiting for it! 

word count: 2k+

warnings: pregnant!reader, lots of fluff, copious amounts of Dodger Evans

enjoy!

Chris sighs as he pulls the large BMW into the driveway. He had of course, ensured that the journey from the hospital was cautious and careful - completely different from the journey taken from home to the hospital only 2 days ago. In his defence, you had yelled at him, telling him to “step on it, I refuse to have this baby in a car Chris I swear!!” 

So this time, on the journey back to the large 5-bedroom house, he stays vigilant despite being away for most of the last 48 hours, wary of every turn on the drive home, holding the most precious cargo that at one point he could only possibly dream of. His wife and newborn son. 

His family.

For the majority of his career, Chris had been known as one of America’s finest bachelors. Sure, he had friends to hang out with, and a schedule that led to a series of relationships burning out, or indeed them lighting his house on fire with him trapped inside. Metaphorically, of course. And so it had been just him, until one life changing moment a few years ago. Suddenly, it wasn’t just him, anymore. 

Because then came Dodger.

Chris’ best friend in the whole world and someone who he could rely on for company, loyalty, and comfort. Chris wanted the whole “picket fence” life, and had thought that he may as well be a step ahead with adopting a fun energetic dog. There had been an instantaneous love and trust between the two, and so Chris reckoned that anyone who he wanted to keep in his life for the long-term, had to pass the Dodger test. Anything less than love and respect shown by and towards the sweet dog, was a small but still quite blaring red flag. 

But Dodger had taken to you, almost instantly in fact. He saw you as wholesome and trustworthy, even when Chris himself was still working out what your relationship was blossoming into. Whether Dodger’s adoration of you was due to your character,  or the fact that you always loved to sneak him some treats whenever his owner wasn’t looking, Chris couldn’t be sure. But he was glad of Dodger’s approval even during the awkward “what exactly are we?” stage in the beginning.

It was safe to say that the pup had in fact deduced your character, as even though the treats had eventually been halted - ”Y/N, he’s getting a bit of a belly and we’re running low on treats” - Dodger made sure to have a toy or pillow just to give to you when you started going round to Chris’ place more. You were so good to Chris - you made him question if he’d ever fully lived before meeting you, and so Dodger didn’t mind that he was kept out of his owner’s room every now and then. As long as it was made up for in the morning with snuggles that Dodger knew he could get from you. Whenever Chris would leave to go to the bathroom, he’d come back to find that you’d let Dodger in to cuddle and pet him.

“You’re gonna replace me with Dodge, Y/N? Really? My own mutt?” he’d ask, mock hurt while you giggled from between the sheets, stroking Dodger’s soft fur. 

“Well it’s hardly my fault you Evans boys are so whiny for cuddles”

And so, after two happy, loving years spent with Chris and his closest buddy, navigating through this new life you’d created together, Chris knew you were the one.

He’d have told Dodger the proposal plans, alongside a couple of your and his own family members.

“S’not just gonna be you and me anymore bubba; but that’s a good thing I promise. Gonna make sure you have lots of friends to play with though, a bigger house and a bigger yard to run around in. Mom and I are gonna be forever bubba, and you’re always in the picture, i promise.”

And he fully kept his promise, only delighted to do so when you cried and said yes as he had got down on one knee. The wedding was held a year on from that night he proposed, and only a month following your honeymoon, you found out that Dodger would have a little friend to play with after all.

During your pregnancy, Dodger was incredibly protective of you. Sometimes not even Chris was allowed past Dodger, particularly after a day at work when he’d been working and ended up smelling or looking different to his normal dusky scent and fresh face. Dodger liked to bark and growl at whoever got what he deemed to be too close, to make sure you weren’t left vulnerable and alone with nothing but a belly full of Evans.

You never had to complain about a lack of love or protection - not with your two boys almost fighting over you for cuddles or kisses. Most nights, Dodger would put his big fluffy head on your stomach and rest there, being as close as he could to his growing friend. It was fair to say that Dodger’s big head and Chris’ hands fought for who got to feel the baby move around the most. 

Baby Evans would be completely impartial of course, rolling around for anyone who brought a sense of comfort. Nobody missed out - you were all family.

Therefore, as Dodger has truly been part of so much of your life, it was only fair that Chris felt bad for leaving him for the past 2 days. Of course, his sister had come over to feed him and play with him, however Chris wanted to make sure that his bubba knew he’d not been forgotten by you or him.

But leaving had been worth it, as this time, you and Chris now return to your family home with someone brand new for your lovable dog to meet.

After parking the car, he turns to face you in the backseat as you gaze fondly over the tiny person wrapped up and buckled into the big clunky safe car seat. Your little angel, your honeymoon baby who was most definitely conceived in the villa you’d rented out for 3 weeks in The Bahamas for your honeymoon.

Your husband smiles at you, watching you interact with your son. You feel his gaze on you and you look up to him, not even the impact of the sheer exhaustion you felt course through your body, could change how lovingly he looked at you. It still makes you blush.

“I love him so much.” You whisper, to Chris, to yourself, to anyone who will listen. “ And yes, before you ask, he’s totally fine, still hasn’t woken up. he’s even clutching his tiny teddy.” Chris looks at you the same way you’ve been looking at your newborn son. In utter adoration.

However he soon springs into action, helping you out of the car, using his strength to lift out the baby carrier from the backseat. He gently fixes the blanket on top of his son’s tiny body, a blanket knitted for the newborn Evans by his Chris’ own Ma - now a Grandma to his own child, not just his nieces and nephews. He smiles at the thought of his whole family getting to meet his son, and his son getting to grow up in a huge family full of love and laughter. Putting the carrier next to you at the front door, he retrieves the rest of the luggage, before he grabbing his keys to open the door.

He hears a bark. Then another. And then, a few excitable, louder woofs.

You can both hear Dodger jumping up at the door and so mutually decide for Chris to enter first, going straight to the mutt, cuddling him and letting him jump around in excitement. Chris fluffs his pup’s ears as he laughs at Dodger’s rambunctious behaviour, getting all his pent up energy out while you try to sneak past the two of them having their moment, taking the baby carrier to the living room.

“Hey Dodge! Yeah it’s me, your old man, and Mom is here too!!! Yeah Mommy’s here!! And we have a big surprise for you - we’re gonna introduce you to your new brother! Your baby brother huh, yeah that’s right bubba!” Chris smiles, still laughing and talking away to Dodger who he’s missed just as much the past couple of days. It makes you so happy to see the bond between your man and his ever loyal dog.

Before you know it, Dodger has lost interest in Chris - “Sorry Chris, I guess I’m his favourite now” you had said when you first got together - keen to see you and whatever the new smelling thing is that you’ve brought home.

Finally, the momentous occasion had arrived. the first meeting of Chris’ special boys. You had both been a little nervous for the newest arrival to be introduced to Dodger, given how loving and excitable he could be. But you both trusted him, and your gut instincts, and decided that if you wanted everything to be as normal as possible, then Dodger was going to be with you all from the first day you bring the baby home, and start their sure to be close bond from then.

You take your son out, cradling him close to your chest. From Dodger’s viewpoint, he can see Mom, but also two tiny socked feet. Chris is holding his bubba’s collar, but only loosely as Dodger settles down beside you quickly and quietly.

“Okay easy bud, we’re gonna introduce you now to someone really special. Good boy, Dodge, nice and calm.” Dodger sits patiently, still sniffing at the new smell, but can tell that whatever is happening is important.

You smile, thankful that your pup is staying true to his kind nature. “It’s ok Chris, he’s fine. Dodge honey - this is CJ.”

You lower down your sweet baby to your lap where Dodger can see. CJ is a small, delicate bundle, with a soft mop of dark hair, while his long delicate lashes rest on soft cheeks. You’ve only seen his little peepers once today as you changed him before you left the hospital, but it’s only when Dodger nudges a foot with his nose that CJ opens his eyes again. You smile, and Chris breathes a sigh of relief as Dodger makes no plans to act suddenly or nastily.

“Yeah sweetheart” you address the bundle on your lap, “that’s Dodger. That’s your big brother. He’s been looking after you so much already, and you’re gonna have so much fun with him.” Dodger rests his head on your lap by the sweet boy and sniffs at him, while CJ slowly flutters his big eyes, sleep planning to take him once more.

“Good boy Dodge...good job buddy” Chris pats Dodger, as he watches the scene before him slowly unfold, just as it had in his dreams. Dodgers big eyes are just staring at the baby, and apart from the odd sniff now and then, he doesn’t move. Already, he wants to make sure that his little buddy is good.

You turn to Chris. “See, I told you he’d be fine”.

CJ closes his eyes ready for some more sleep and Dodger turns to look at Chris, which makes him laugh softly.

“Yeah bud he can’t play right now, not like your old man here. But give him a little while and he’ll be chasing you round the garden like nobody’s business.”

Chris goes to give his oldest bud more pats, wanting to let him know what a good job he’s doing already, but quickly Dodger rushes off, only to return with his favourite toy lion, planting it on your lap right next to your newborn son.

“Ohhh thank you bubba”, you nearly cry at the sweet gesture. “What do you say CJ? We say ‘Thank you Dodger’”.

Chris smiles. He’ll take the hospital stuff upstairs later but for now you’re his priority. Well, not just you now, but baby CJ too. His family.

He looks at Dodger resting his head by his lion and CJ, knowing already that the loyal pup would do anything for his little brother. He made no mistake in starting this family with a loveable, trustworthy dog.

He couldn’t have chosen a better best friend and protector for his son, Chris reckons.

---------------

let me know what you think!

i am also taking requests for drabbles & lists!

#chris evans x reader #chris evans writing #chris evans au #dodger evans #daddy!chris evans #daddy!chris #chris evans #my writing

[lambcaey]

Cuphead: A Transgressin’ Question

Despite having just defeated the Devil, the guilt from his sin is still plaguing Cuphead's mind. There's one more question over the matter that he's dying to have answered, but can he break his feelings to Mugman before the feelings break him?

How'd you like to blow your top Dig yourself some fine ree-bop Hi-de-hi, he-de-he Oh, the hi-de-ho man, that's me! Yes sir, there was nothing quite like a little "Hi De Ho Man" to bring life to any party in Inkwell Isle. This was especially true of this particular party, and its particular guests of honor: Cuphead and Mugman. It was the highlight of the brothers' victory party over the Devil. The two were enjoying every second they spent cutting a rug with their friends at Elder Kettle's house. There was so much music and merriment in the atmosphere that you'd swear the little cottage was itself was swaying its hips to the beat. Even the guests that were too big to fit inside found a way to enjoy the party from outdoors. The brothers had taken center-stage of the living room, swinging to the big band jazz to their young hearts' content. Their friends had formed a crowd around them, cheering and clapping to the beat of the music. After a minute or so, Cuphead decided to finish the dance by twirling his brother a few times, and then, with a mischievous smile, release him across the room. This sent Mugman spinning like a top until he bumped into the snack table, causing the entire punch bowl to pour on his head. Everyone, including Cuphead, gasped in alarm,as though they worried the little mug was hurt. Fortunately, Mugman's goofy grin returned, and he licked off his entire face with one slurp. "Mmm! Strawberry!" Everyone burst out laughing, with Cuphead giving a sigh of relief. It was nice to see that, despite having just gone to literal Hell and back, that Mugman was still the lovable goofball he always had been. At that moment, as he watched Mugman giggling and dripping with punch, a new set of gears started turning in Cuphead's mind. His expression slowly changed from a relaxed smile to a gape of terror. In the place of a fun party with their friends were a towering wall of flames, and imps dancing around Mugman's shattered skull. The punch was also starting to turn a much brighter shade of red... Mugman dried his face off with a white towel, then turned to face his brother. "Oh Cuphead, that was swell....Cuphead?" The others had noticed Cuphead's sudden change of demeanor as well. Cup quickly noticed everyone staring at him with concern, and he promptly rubbed his eyes, grinning sheepishly. "Shucks, Mug, I'm fine. Nice to see you're still bein' a good sport." Cuphead playfully nudged Mugman's arm. Mugman smirked. "Hey, somebody's gotta be one b'tween the two of us." He then nudged back before walking off to the kitchen. "I'll go get us some more punch." Cuphead gave another nervous smile as his brother left. Normally, Cup was the most optimistic person he knew, finding the bright side of things even when there wasn't one. He was now realizing that even a happy-go-lucky fellow like himself was capable of having chills sent down his spine. Whatever he just envisioned was enough to do just that, and then some... The troubled cup made his way to the washroom, hoping a splash of cold water would wake him up a little. As he dried himself off, glancing at his reflection, he couldn't help noticing that, if one didn't know any better, it looked like his face was covered in tears, similar to when... MUGMAN, PLEASE, GET UP!!! I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE DON'T DIE!!! GET AWAY FROM MY BROTHER!!!! No matter how many times it happened, Cuphead never truly got used to seeing Mugman getting killed. It felt especially terrifying in the beginning, when the boys were still getting the hang of their powers, including how to resurrect each other. As if it wasn't sickening enough seeing his little brother shatter to pieces, what made it feel worse was the fact that this was practically Cuphead's own doing. He brought Mugman to the casino; he made the deal; he rolled the dice. He sold both himself and his little brother to the Devil, and it repeatedly cost the life of the person who least deserved it. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! Cuphead snapped out of his trance, rubbing his eyes to prevent a single tear from falling. "J-Just a minute!" For the rest of the party, Cuphead made sure that everyone around him saw nothing but a cheerful, smiling little boy everywhere they went. His troubles certainly hadn't ended, but the last thing any fellow wanted at a swinging party was a Grade-A Debbie Downer. He especially didn't want to ruin the fun for his genuinely-happy little brother. He'd suffered enough at the hands of the Devil and his debtors; the very least the kid deserved was a fun night with no worries. Now, for better or worse, Cuphead had a tendency to underestimate Mugman's sense of insight. Something Mugman had noticed (that Cuphead hoped he hadn't) was how full his brother's head was getting throughout the night. At first, he dismissed it as just a quick drink of water, but it progressed by a few gallons as the party waned on. Unlike himself, Cuphead wasn't fond of drinking from his head, so it seemed unusual that he'd carry around this much liquid without taking a single sip. It was also becoming more obvious how forced Cuphead's smile really was, especially as he declined any more offers for a snack, drink, or even another dance as the party went on. There were even moments where it looked like the poor cup was feeling sick to his stomach, ocassionally seeming him trying to stifle a whimper or lump in his throat. Mugman had his suspicions, but it was also likely he was just tired from such a harrowing day. It seemed best not to bother his big brother about it. The rest of the party ended on a positive note, and Elder Kettle sent the boys off to bed while he stayed up to clean. With the Devil now gone, this was surely the happiest day in the history of Inkwell Isle. To its saviors, however, it seemed their troubles still weren't finished yet. ------- "Ngh...n-no, no..." Mugman's face grimaced on reflex. He had been lying peacefully in his wooden bed until the slurred speech had broken the silence. "No, no please..." Mug's face winced again as he put his pillow over his head. Who in the world could be talking at this hour? Suddenly, Mugman fully woke up when he realized that that wasn't just someone's slurred speech; it was sobbing. "...N-No no, please don't leave me...." Mugman sat up, ready to tell his brother to keep it down, but what he saw behind him made his entire expression drop. Cuphead was still in his bed across the room, but tossing and turning in it like a sweat-soaked jumping bean. As usual, his head sat rested on his nightstand, but it sat there wincing and sweating bullets in distress. A puffy, white thought bubble sat floating just above, playing as scene as though it were a movie screen. The bubble projected a montage of flashbacks of the boys' first few battles against the debtors. They mostly consisted of all the brutal ways Mugman had been killed. Cagney hitting him with an acorn bullet; Hilda smashing his plane with her laughter; Goopy’s tombstone slamming on top of him. With each brutal death scene, the dream version of Cuphead raced across the screen, trying in vain to race to his brother before he’d get hit. The harder he tried, the worse it got, and the more distraught the poor cup was in both his dream and reality. At one point, the montage cut to Mugman standing under a spotlight in the midst of pure darkness. Dream Cuphead smiled in relief, bounding toward his brother with his arms out wide. Just before the two could share a warm embrace, a giant clawed hand covered Mugman with its grasp. The hand moved up, and the darkness faded, revealing it to be that of a fifty-foot Devil, standing on a craps table the size of a football field. At this image, the real Cuphead started whimpering and shaking violently. Rivers of sweat ran down his body while the liquid in his head overflowed onto the floor. With a malicious smile, the Devil rolled out his hands across the table. Where Mugman should’ve been sat a pair of “snake eyes.” The dream Cuphead dropped to his knees, burying his face in his hands. “OH NO! NO NO NO, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!!” The Devil bellowed a maniacal laugh that roared like thunder. For the real Mugman, enough was enough. He rushed toward his brother’s bed, shaking him gently, but firmly. “Cuphead! Cuphead, wake up! Snap out of it! I-It's just a dream! Wake up!” No reaction; this was a much deeper sleep than he'd thought. Mugman anxiously looked around the room, and then grabbed a stray top that was sitting near the toy box. He stuck it inside his straw with the pointy end facing out, resembling a makeshift spear, and used it to pop the dream bubble as though it were a balloon. ”AHHHH!!!” Cuphead jerked awake, gasping for breath while his body continued dripping with sweat. Mugman carefully placed his brother's head back in its body, and gave him the warm, protectigve embrace he was about to receive in the dream. "It's ok, Cuphead. I'm here. I saw the whole thing. No Devil or nobody's gonna take me anywhere." Cuphead sat there with his eyes wide open, his mind still trying to process what had just happened. "Mug? How did you...? I-I thought you were..." At that second, it dawned on him that he was no longer dreaming, and that his dear brother was very much alive and well. Overwhelmed and shaken, poor Cuphead buried his face in Mugman's shoulder, revealing the contents in his head to be none other than a waterfall of tears. The pain that Cuphead had been repressing all night had manifested physically as well as emotionally. The relief of finally letting them both go was enough to make the poor little cup cry further. Mugman didn't pay any attention to how wet he was getting from his brother's breakdown. He just kept holding Cuphead close, gently rocking him as if he were the younger brother. "Shhhh, there there. It's ok. Just let it all out. I'm here for you." Cuphead nearly choked on his words. "Thank goodness..." A few minutes later, once Cuphead felt he'd gotten everything off his chest, he sat back up, and looked at his brother straight in the eye. "Mugman, I-I gotta ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me, ok? D-Don't try to lie to me just to make me feel better." An unusual request, but Mugman obliged. "Of course, Cuphead. What is it?" "W-W-Well," Cuphead swallowed hard, trying not to let voice break again. "Mugman....do...do you hate me for what I did to you?" Mugman's eyes and mouth went wide. "Cuphead, what...what kinda question is that? You're my brother; of course I don't hate you." "Well, even if I weren't your brother...say I was some humdrum son of a gun who went and took your life for granted. Would you still find it in your heart to forgive me?" Mugman paused for a second, making sure he was careful, yet earnest, in how he answered the troubled cup. "...If you still fought alongside me as if you were my brother, then yes. But you are my brother; I know you'd never forgive yourself if anything should happen to me. Is that why you were acting so strange back at the party?" "Mm-hmm. I didn't want ya t'worry." Mugman was a bit put off by this at first. Then he gave him a soft smile. "Actually, I was feelin' the same way about you." For the first time in what felt like ages, a genuine smile returned to Cuphead's face. Mug then gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "From now on, let's not feel like we gottta hide anything from each other, ok? We're brothers; we need each other, no matter what. I don't want you to feel like you can't come to me when you need help." "Same with you, Mug. I'm your big brother; what kind of fella would I be if I didn't protect you?" Mugman smirked again. "The kind of fella who'd get easily hoodwinked by the Devil's cheap tricks?" Cuphead smirked back. "Oh c'mon now, that's below the belt." "You sure could use one with how much you keep pullin' up your britches." The boys laughed, and Cuphead finished drying his eyes. "Thanks, Mugman. I really needed this." "No problem, Cup. It's what I'm here for." "I just hope these visions and night terrors I'm havin' don't become a regular occurrence. They've been scaring me something awful all night." He then fidgeted his hands in nervousness. "I-In fact, Mugs, this might sound strange comin' from me, but d-do you...do you think maybe....a-at least for tonight, y-you could-?" "Move my bed a little closer to yours?" "Y-Yeah. It'll be easier to go back to sleep knowing I've got somebody with me in case the night terrors come back." "No problem. Don't think that just because I'm younger than you I can't help you with things like bad dreams. Big brothers are allowed to be scared too, you know." "I know. I gotta stop being so afraid of looking weak in front of other people. I mean, who can call either of us weak after we just defeated the doggone Devil?" "Well, Devil or no Devil, you’re still strong in my book, Cuphead.” Cuphead and Mugman shared another warm hug. Before long, they were sound asleep in their makeshift queen bed, their heads resting on the adjacent nightstands. There was one large dream bubble floating over their heads, depicting the brothers enjoying another round of swinging to the "Hi De Ho Man" song. The End

#cuphead #cuphead and mugman #mugman #cuphead fanfiction #fanfiction #fan #fic #fanfic #cuphead angst #angst #feels #comfort #brothers #sad

[dizexplainstheuniverse]

The daddy, the issue and what’s so great about walking into the fire.

The daddy

When I was 10 years old, my father broke my heart.

As I watched him marry his third wife, I burst into tears as he declared his love for her in front of our entire family and friends. It was as if my heart fell from my chest into my stomach and Lucifer’s hand reached down my throat, wrenched it out and threw it down onto the floor in front of me – “You won’t be needing that”, he said.

“You may now kiss the bride”, I stared across the room at them, broken and confused, as my heart lay limply pulsating at my feet.

I remember my older sister laughing at me and asking me why I was crying. I couldn’t tell her it was because the man I loved so deeply, the man I so desperately craved the love and affection of, the man who abandoned me when I was 6 years old, the man who – as it turned out – didn’t hug me until I was 16 years old and to this day I can still count on one hand how many times I’ve felt his awkward embrace, the man who was so far from the definition of a father you’d assume we weren’t related had just married a stranger.

I told her I was crying with happiness.

The issue

The joys of being self-aware and invested in the business of self-development often means that I can spot the reg flags in a potential relationship pretty early on. I can smell the avoidants and dismissive from a mile off and yet their alluring scent draws me in closer to the fire. I gaze longingly into it, knowing if I get any closer I will definitely get burnt – I’ve got a million burns to prove it. It never gets any less painful, and yet, like a moth to a flame, I flutter on into the blaze.

Ouch, that hurt. I knew it, why did I do it AGAIN?

I know exactly why I do it. I do it because I’m idealistic, romantic and my inner child desperately craves validation and approval from a particular type of person because of the deep wounds my abusive father left with me with. (It’s unfortunately an all too familiar storyline for many of us.)

I’m always looking for a do-over. Always chasing the kind of love only a father has for his daughter. The “I’d die for you” kind of love. Even when I think I’ve found it, it’s never quite enough. So I keep on searching, I keep on pining after the men who don’t seem to give me enough attention. I keep on craving their approval, needing so furiously to be desired, to be everything they’ve ever needed and more. I need it to feel powerful, I need it to feel safe, I need it to feel loved.

Even if I do succeed in capturing their attention, it still feels like something is missing. I become restless, there must be something wrong… and so the craving sets in once again.

I’ve spent much of my adult life trying to heal through practicing self-love, doing the work, nurturing to my inner child work, facing my shadows and releasing my embodied trauma. This shit takes time and whilst we’re healing, inevitably we sometimes end up repeating some of the same mistakes, more than twice. We try not to judge and punish ourselves, we show ourselves compassion, we forgive ourselves and we continue to grieve the loss of the love we didn’t get from our parents. It’s exhausting.

There’s an interesting moment in time in the healing process when our unhealthy habits and coping strategies no longer work for us – they seem entirely pointless. But equally, our new coping strategies are really fucking tough because they’re these new, weird, inconvenient tools that we don’t really know how to use yet and we aren’t quite seeing the pay-off from the expensive investment that we’ve made in ourselves. We’re stuck in limbo. We’re in an incredibly transformational period; so close, and yet so far. We see clearly the patterns of behaviour which are no longer serving is. We see very clearly the habits that are preventing us from growth. But, we just can’t seem to shake them.

For me, this is particularly true when interacting the ‘popular’ types. You know the ones, the shiny, extroverted, sun-shines-out-of-their-arse types. Someone I’d perceive to be more attractive than me and more successful. These aspects are quite specific to the areas in my own life where I believe I’m a failure – likely because these were the areas that I felt if only I was better or special in some way and then maybe, just maybe, my father would finally acknowledge me and show me he loved me. This all very much drives my perfectionism and my insanely critical inner voice.

So, these types really stab me in the ‘daddy’ shaped hole in my heart.

Thankfully, after a little chat with my inner child I can usually spot the signs that I’ve been triggered. If they aren’t responding well to my yearning, the rational thing to do would be to turn the ship around and save myself the aggro of falling for yet another avoidant dismissive and having my heart wrenched out of stomach after feeling rejected or abandoned. These types make it very difficult for me to remember my worth, to keep myself grounded, to remind myself I am enough, I am safe and I am lovable. However…

I just can’t help myself. It’s honestly an addiction.

And what’s so great about walking into the fire

This was a question that up until very recently, I had never considered. I’d always assumed the reason I did it was because I didn’t respect myself enough – I think probably to begin with that was true. I’ve often wondered if it’s because I don’t love myself enough, or maybe I do this because feeling unsafe is all I’ve ever known. But that’s not true, I have had very healthy, very loving and very successful relationships and I really do care for myself now. I stopped judging myself, I forgave myself, I learnt to love and accept myself. I let go of the layers of shame and guilt that smothered my ability to fully express myself. I even learnt how to have boundaries. And yet, those flames still really, reallyyyyy titillate me...

But whyyyy?

I decided to sit down and I write out a list of things that draw me towards the fire:

First of all, I live in an absolute idealistic and romantic fantasy (most of us do!). Thanks to innumerable trashy rom-coms, I have ridiculous expectations of what love is supposed to look like and the things people will do to win the affection of their beloved. Maybe this time it’ll all work out? The shy wallflower will finally be acknowledged by the tough jock when he realises how wonderful she is and they’ll live happily ever after?

Never.

Secondly, it’s exciting. There’s risk involved in potentially (inevitably) getting burnt. It’s much like any other risky addictive habit; gabbling, drugs, sex with your best friends ex when he explicitly told you not to. Maybe the rush of it will be worth it this time? It definitely won’t be. The low, the regret, the guilt and the self-loathing is ALWAYS horrendous. On the other hand, maybe you already feel pretty shitty so, what have you got to lose? Might as well, ey?

Nope.

And finally, I honestly find everyday life seriously mundane. I constantly crave intensity and losing myself. Routine is boring, change is exciting. The fire offers me the perfect distraction from the monotony of the day-to-day snooze fest. I used to believe I was trying to escape something, trying to run away from my problems by filling my time with a chaotic love life just so I had something to talk about other than the files that Susan lost when the auditors came to… GAH! To begin with, this was true. But I’ve done a fuck tonne of work on myself since then, I no longer find solace in my old coping strategies because they simply do not work. I gave them up, I started actually taking care of myself and tending to my needs and wounds instead. So what was it?

I then realised something very important. Wanting excitement, thrill, ecstatic joy, bliss, celebration, partying, romance, love, sex, creativity, playfulness and adventure is in no way a bad thing. It is in no way a sign of weakness or an indication that I’m trying to escape something. It tells me I am human, that I’m alive, that I’m a social being. It tells me I want more than this average life we get sold by the system, that I won’t settle for this bullshit, that I deserve more, I am worthy and – I am the fire.

I already embody all of the things I so desperately crave. I am everything that I need. I have everything that I desire. I’m drawn to the fire because it’s calling me to be seen. My attachments and wounds have left me feeling dismissed, unacknowledged, invalidated and deleted… But I AM the fire. We all are. Whether or not another human experiences you in this way is irrelevant. We do not need anyone else to approve our existence and worth. Even if it is never seen or shared with anyone, the fact still remains true that you are indeed already burning effervescently.

No permission.

No recognition.

No validation.

No attention.

No acknowledgement.

And you will still remain the brightest light in the universe.

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#daddy issues #validation #self-worth #self-development #self-love #attachment injury #attachment styles #love #heartbreak #abandonment #rejection #wounds #healing #grief #ptsd recovery #trauma recovery #personal development #personal growth #spirituality #spiritual path #spiritual journey #spiritual awakening #spiritual growth