#that Nanami is a lesbian who had *feelings* for Utena that made her uncomfortable and lash out be misdirected in her affections | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thoughtfulfangirling · 3 years

Text

I just rewatched the Matrix recently, and of course there’s so much metaphor and symbolism in the movie that each re-watch, it’s fun to overthink everything. I’ve already had a couple of viewings in which I’ve focused on how Neo’s story is a trans narrative and how him ‘being the one’ in many ways is about him discovering himself. It’s a narrative that I think easily stood up before the Wachowskis confirmed it, but obviously is generally easier to spot and analyze with their confirmation.

This time however, I found myself focusing more on Trinity and the romance plot. Let me first just make a disclaimer that this is me reading super into the movie and that I know that in a surface reading, none of this stands up. But if we say... go down the rabbit hole a little of what these themes in the movie could be... well, I obviously feel there's some grounding for it.

In many ways, the romance in this movie is fairly traditional, but in other ways... it's just not. Neo never pursues Trinity in any way. In fact, he generally seems completely oblivious to the possibility that Trinity could be interested in him. Contrast that to Cypher, who feels entitled to Trinity, I think it's worth noting how there's an implication that at some point, he thought he could be The One. He clearly also knew what the Oracle told Trinity about her relationship to the one. And yet while he pines, there's this feeling that he is acutely aware that it's impossible that she would never be interested in him.

Not only though does Neo seem almost to imagine Trinity could never be interested in him and Cypher has a resentful belief that she would never be interested in him, even Trinity acts arguably strange about the whole thing herself. There's an air to her reaction to the concept of 'The One' and her prophecy that while she wants it to be true and believes so much in Morpheus she will, it seems truly impossible to her. She holds it close to her chest and struggles so much with accepting how she feels, that there just feels like there's more going on under the surface. And with the narrative of knowing that Neo can stand in as a metaphor for a trans woman, I couldn't help but read in this viewing that Trinity is a lesbian. She's a lesbian who was told by the oracle that The One would be the man she falls in love with. The Oracle names things as they are in the moment, telling Neo he's not the one. So it makes sense when she saw Trinity that she would refer to him as he sees himself in that moment. But if being The One is also the story of him coming into realizing trans-ness, then it's no longer so strange that a lesbian would fall in love with The One.

Neo discovering himself as The One is the culmination of many things. The battles to get Morpheus back, to fight the agents, but also even Morpheus saying to Neo after he gets rescued, "There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path" is a reiteration of the Oracle's statement that he has it in him to be The One, but it seemed he was waiting for something. He has to choose to embrace it, to live it, and he starts down that path at least by the time he faces Agent Smith in the subway tunnel, declares his name is Neo.

But if we imagine for a moment that Neo was aware that Trinity was a lesbian (she strikes me as the type who wouldn't hide it) or even assumed as much, it would make sense he might just assume that like gravity keeps one grounded, her romantic disinterest in him was obvious. But the moment she whispers to him that he has to live because she loves him, one might see how validating, how solidifying, that could be. How he could start a new life.

I think it was the scene where Cypher had her on the phone, revealing his betrayal, that the headcanon solidified. She cares so deeply for these people, and the actor so well manages to convey her despair as her friends begin dying, but she remains so steady and calm on the phone. She has this steel in her and an unwillingness to let Cypher see how much he's breaking her. And he takes a new tact. He taunts her about the prophecy, seeming to mock her for this destined love. It almost seems to say 'do you really even know yourself?' He's questioning her very sense of self because he wants to hurt her for not making herself accessible to him. He wants to punish her for making room for Neo and not him.

(*The spouse pointed out after watching that it struck him in this scene how Cypher is literally on top of Trinity, speaking to her, looking at her, making her his entire focus, whereas to Trinity, Cypher is just a voice on the other end of the phone. To Cypher Trinity takes up so much space, but it's the opposite for Trinity. Just a neat observation. )

In less tangible ways too, there's something about the way Trinity is played and filmed that felt queer coded. That could just be that it was written and directed by queer people though I admit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

To be fair, I will also admit here that I was happy to look for something that made the romance plot more palatable. To be fair to the movie, I do think it's done in a way that feels fairly organic to the plot, like it's saying something. But on the surface, it can feel pretty par for the course cinematically. So I found it enriching to go looking for a way that the romance would be saying something bigger than what other movies use it for, that further added to the metaphor, and this is how I parsed it for myself to make that work, and I felt like sharing in case anyone else would find it enriching too. Okay mostly to explore these thoughts more fully, but hey, if someone else finds this heightens their enjoyment, then hell yeah.

Thinky thoughts

#headcanons #I have a feeling this isn't particularly new #but it is to me! So I'm writing about it #Also Utena spoiler here but -- definitely I felt prepped to read into Trinity this sort of dynamic after seeing people's headcanons #that Nanami is a lesbian who had *feelings* for Utena that made her uncomfortable and lash out be misdirected in her affections #It's far from a one to one but media literacy often feels like an exercise in connections made in other things #But yeah this movie is so fun to overthink #Oh also please note that I don't think the metaphor of this being a trans narrative for Neo is meant to encompass all experiences or even #the most common #And my interpretation of how this played out to validate that journey wouldn't be the same for everyone but has been for some #lesbian!trinity #trans!neo #thinky thoughts #the matrix #trinity

80 notes · View notes

houkagokappa · 4 years

Text

Favourite anime of the decade

Although I only began watching anime in 2013 and thus didn’t think I could make a post like this, I started to think about which shows I would pick if I would make it, and before I knew it I had it composed. I chose the anime that meant the most to me and I feel a strong connection to, not necessarily the ones I think were the best of each year (though in a way they are the same).

The anime for 2010-2012 are series I watched after they originally aired and the anime I picked for 2013-2019 are all series I watched as they aired.

Under the cut because this is super long and incredibly self-indulgent. You’ve been warned.

2010 - Katanagatari

What better way is there to start this list than with Katanagatari, an epic that took the entire year to air.

I watched Katanagatari with my university’s anime association in 2014-2015. I didn’t know anything about it beforehand, which is why I like attending our anime meetings. They’ve introduced me to a lot of great anime I otherwise never would’ve watched (or in this case wouldn’t have discovered until much later).

I love the colourful world and the interesting characters, the banter and all the twists. The ending to Katanagatari is one of the best endings to any anime ever. It’s a great story with a good structure and an amazing conclusion. Nanami is the best girl and we need to treasure her. That’s all.

2011 - Mawaru Penguindrum

What better way is there to continue this list, than with my favourite anime ever?

After watching and falling in love with Utena, I had Penguindrum on my radar, but I didn’t feel rushed to watch it anytime soon. Then one day, about half a year later I saw a gif of Ringo with the burning diary on my dash, which looked super cool and I took it as a sign to finally start the series.

I watched all of Penguindrum over a long weekend in November 2014 at my parents place. I remember being sick, just as I had been when I first watched Utena, which is a weird coincidence and possibly something needed for additional effect. I saw half of it on my laptop in my bed and half of it on our TV in the living room, which I regret, because turns out it’s not the kind of show you want your parents to get glimpses of. I still remember the fear I felt when episode 14 rolled around and my dad was sitting with his back to the TV and I PRAYED that he wouldn’t turn around to question me or why I was watching some animated lesbian bondage infused attempted rape scene... I also don’t know why I thought Penguindrum wouldn’t throw something like that at me, I had seen the previous 13 episodes...

Anyway, that’s my favourite anime of all time, ever. I love all of its themes to death, and it’s such a beautiful and emotional series. I think the first episode is one of the best first episodes of any anime ever and I love how the ending ties back to the very first scene.

I could write an entire essay on why I love Penguindrum and why it’s the best series ever (well, competing with Utena for that title), but I think anyone reading this already knows why, so I’ll leave you with the funny anecdote above instead. And if you haven’t seen Penguindrum yet do yourself a favor and go watch it NOW. This is the Ringo gif for you!

2012 - Nisemonogatari

I love the Monogatari series. I love the unique animation and visual style, the amazing characters and the fun dialogues. I also really love Nisemonogatari in particular and I’m sad how it’s often dismissed for being the least interesting season or for being nothing but fanservice. I watch Monogatari specifically for the dialogue (and visuals). I don’t care about the plot as much as I care about the character interactions and Nisemonogatari delivers with those. More specifically I appreciate how well it divides the time spent with each girl. Later on in the series there are long breaks where some of the characters don’t appear at all and I end up missing them, but with Nisemonogatari we get a little bit of everyone (of those who have appeared so far). Of course it’s also great how Nisemonogatari introduces us to some new characters and upcoming plot points and contains a lot of cool foreshadowing, but that’s beside the point. All I want is the dialogue. I don’t even care what they’re talking about, Monogatari manages to make anything interesting.

I watched all of Monogatari during my spring break (lol) in 2015. I also watched it at my parents place, on the TV in our living room, which was great because Monogatari deserves a bigger screen. This time around I was older and wiser and didn’t have my parents around. It was just me and my sister and although Bakemonogatari impressed me so much I tried to make her interested in it, I wasn’t successful with that so I got to watch it in peace (peace). (In hindsight, with consideration for what was to come, that was probably for the best).

As another fun fact I should add that although I was super impressed with Monogatari, I didn’t consider myself a die-hard fan until a year or so later. I was happy to watch Owarimonogatari in the fall, and glad to see the announcement for the Kizumonogatari movies that came after it, but I wasn’t over the moon thrilled about it until I actually watched the first movie. It had to grow on me a little bit, which isn’t unusual when it comes to my favourites. I loved Utena the first time I saw it, but it took months for my obsession to build and grow and fully develop. Maybe because they’re both shows that leave the viewer with a lot to think about, so you only realise their full brilliance later on?

2013 - Kill la Kill

I began watching anime in the spring of 2013, when Shingeki no Kyojin, Free! and Dangan Ronpa began airing, because Homestuck went on a hiatus and that’s what the content on my dash changed into. I also began attending conventions and in January 2014 I went to Yukicon. At the con I ran into an acquaintance of mine and joined her gang, who decided to go and listen to a panel called “Kill la Kill - is this how Trigger saved anime?”. I would never had gone there on my own, since I wasn’t watching Kill la Kill or interested in starting it, but I’m glad I did because that was my first proper introduction to Kill la Kill and what ultimately sparked my interest for it.

When I tried the first episode I didn’t like it a whole lot. I hated the style, it was so sketchy and ugly and the fanservice made me uncomfortable. However, the first episode was really good at setting up the story and I was curious to see how it would continue so I kept watching. I didn’t love the following episodes either, but there was something that compelled me to keep watching and 4 or 5 episodes in I began liking it once the story and Ryuko’s personality had managed to fully suck me in. I binged the first half until I was caught up with the airing episodes and then I had fun waiting for the new episodes each week. I don’t remember much more about my initial reactions, but because it’s one of the first anime I ever saw and one of the first airing anime I ever followed it’ll always have a special place in my heart.

I’ve since rewatched Kill la Kill multiple times and it still holds up. I love the crazy energy, all the different personalities and characters and the amazing twists. I also grew to love the style, it’s very distinct and now that I’ve seen more anime I appreciate it all the more.

Having loved Kill la Kill and hearing so much about Trigger, I started to follow them and make sure to watch everything else they would put out. I like to think that we both started out at the same time, because this was their first anime as a new studio and one of the first anime I followed. Trigger has a special place in my heart as much as Kill la Kill does.

2014 - Selector Infected WIXOSS

Battoru battoru!

Selector Infected WIXOSS is probably the least known anime on this list. I was introduced to it by a friend who at the time watched everything that aired. She sold it to me as a Madoka-ripoff (knowing I was a huge fan), which it kinda is, but also not at all and people should stop using that phrase. It’s about girls who make wishes and suffer, but that’s where the similarities end. It’s also very much what I’m into, I love a good show with dark and somewhat taboo topics, lesbian undertones and all that jazz. It got a second season which concludes the story, but any continuation past that is not worth anyone’s time.

It was written by Mari Okada and made to sell cards. I own a set and I’m still waiting for the day when I get to play with them.

2015 - Hibike! Euphonium

Hibike! Euphonium is another anime that I watched and liked, then loved, then became absolutely obsessed over long after it had already ended. I picked it up only because it was a music anime and I had just finished Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso and was in the mood for another similar show. (I also picked up ShigaUso on a whim, because someone I followed on tumblr was hyping it up as a music lover). I’m not a musician, but I loved the series regardless and ended up relating to Kumiko and her struggles like I’ve never related to anyone before (even though the specifics of our struggles are somewhat different). Hibike! Euphonium is one of the first pieces of media that made me cry, not over a sad scene, but over a emotionally charged one when Kumiko realises she wants to succeed, she wants to win and get better and put her whole heart into her playing. (I vividly remember telling my friend about how an anime made me cry and being super embarrassed to reveal which one, because it was so new and personal to me).

Hibike! Euphonium is a beautifully made, incredibly touching anime. It’s done with so much care and so much love. I also have a lot of precious memories attached to it; I went to Kyoto for a student exchange and took the opportunity to spend an entire day in Uji, where Hibike! Euphonium takes place. I visited most of the locations seen in the anime, cried about how ridiculously realistic everything is, sat on Kumiko’s bench by the river, randomly met up with some Japanese fans and ended the day on top of Mt. Daikichi, as seen in episode 8. It was one of the best days in my life!

2016 - Doukyuusei

I was introduced to Doukyuusei through the Penguindrum tag on tumblr. Either tumblr was broken (very likely) or someone was spamming it (also very likely), but there were a couple of posts promoting Doukyuusei that showed up in the tag CONSTANTLY. They weren’t terribly out of place because the director of Doukyuusei (Nakamura Shouko) was previously known for her work on Penguindrum, but I should add that there were so many of those posts, actual Penguindrum posts (which there weren’t many of to begin with) disappeared among them, which made me quite annoyed with Doukyuusei.

Then the trailer came out and I watched it and it seemed pretty cool. I think I even glanced at the manga, but I didn’t think much of it. Then the anime came out and everyone was sharing gifs from it and they looked so good I watched the movie as soon as I could. Even though the quality of the first stream I found wasn’t great I loved it and watched it again as soon as I finished it the first time, and then again the next day when a better stream came out.

By reblogging Doukyuusei a mutual started talking about it with me and our conversation made me pick up the manga again, mainly since I found out that there’s a continuation to the story. Now that I properly read it I really fell in love with it and Nakamura Asumiko’s artstyle. I also find it funny how when I looked her up in order to find out about her other works, I realised I had looked her up before thanks to her joint project with Ikuhara. Back then I wasn’t in the mood to read Nokemono to Hanayome and I didn’t care for “some BL mangaka” to continue checking her out, but now that I’d found her again it all came back to me. I think it’s really neat and funny how I’ve been introduced to her through Ikuhara several times over!

Back to Doukyuusei, I love it a lot because it’s a very sweet and simple story. It feels realistic. I like the flow of time, or rather how it skips forward a lot and we only get small glimpses of the more important moments in their relationship, along with some of the small cute ones. It’s not an amazingly unique story, but it feels very refreshing, maybe because of how basic it is. I’m not sure how to best describe it, but at the end of the day it’s a very wholesome story about two boys who fall in love and there aren’t that many of those, especially not any that have gotten anime adaptations.

It’s quite short for a movie, which makes it very easy to watch. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve seen it. During my exchange, I spent 10 days in Tokyo at an Airbnb that asked me not to stream anything, so in order to have something to do in the evenings I downloaded Doukyuusei and watched it every other night. I also used to watch it at least every month for more than a year and as a general pick-me-up whenever I was feeling down. I know the entire movie by heart by now.

2017 - Owarimonogatari 2nd season

I already shared how I got into Monogatari and why I love it so much. Yet, or precisely therefore it shows up on this list again (though all things considered it should be a bonus instead of an entry). The second season to Owarimonogatari is an amazing conclusion to an amazing series (not that it’s the conclusion at all). Hachikuji is my favourite character so it was great to see her again after so long (see my comments about Nisemonogatari) and I’m still crying over the brilliance of her kamimashita gag. It was also very rewarding to get an end to the mystery that was Ougi.

The anime came out while I was on a field course in Tvärminne. I remember it well, because I had the luxury of having a room to myself and an entire afternoon to chill there. I began watching it and had a really good time doing so until a classmate of mine came knocking on my door, asking me to join him in some game and I had to choose between being social or watching the long awaited new season of Monogatari. It was a tough choice to leave Hachikuji behind (I’M SO SORRY), but I ditched her and joined them. After that I didn’t have enough time to finish the series, until it was time for us to leave. I couldn’t get a car ride all the way to Helsinki, but I managed to get one to the Inkoo library and my dad to pick me up from there maybe an hour or two later which was the perfect time and perfect place to continue watching Monogatari. I really haven’t learned anything when it comes to watching possibly questionable anime with other people around. Luckily no one lives in Inkoo, so I got to watch it entirely undisturbed. Good memories indeed.

2017 BONUS - Eromanga-sensei

Look. I couldn’t honestly write this list without including Eromanga-Sensei. I unironically like the series. It began when I read the LN just to pass the time and have something to laugh at. Then the anime got announced and I knew I’d watch it, but I wasn’t really into it yet (the LN’s aren’t that good). Then they made a figure of Sagiri and I got it because I really love her design and then I started to look forward to the anime more, because I began having certain expectations for it and suddenly I’m here blogging about my first impressions of it (which are now lost forever, yay!).

I actually find the story to be quite touching and I got emotional watching the anime. Sagiri and Masamune have lost and gained their families multiple times over and now with all their parents dead it’s just the two of them left, both desperate and scared and unsure, wanting to find and create a new family and sense of belonging for themselves. It’s also a really well-made series, all the production values are top notch, the animation is fluid, the music is nice and the voice acting is great. It’s pretty funny and although none of the characters are particularly likeable, it’s an enjoyable series to watch. You can’t take it too seriously though. I had a really fun time with it, mostly because I made myself have a good time with it. I didn’t care about any of the memes and I got made fun of by all my friends, but that’s what I mostly remember 2017 anime for. I can’t wait for the second season, which we will inevitable get!!

2018 - 3-gatsu no Lion 2nd Season

3-gatsu no Lion is another anime that grew on me over time. I had difficulties watching and finishing both seasons, because at times it’s a really slow series, but I still consider it one of my favourites and one of the best series ever made. The second season was even better than the first and I sincerely hope we’ll get a third, and a fourth and a fifth or however many are required to finish the entire story.

Shaft has again done an incredible job with the visuals. I love the entire production, the music and voice acting and the overall feeling. The bullying arc was amazing, super emotional and raw and I love how it dealt with the aftermath and how there wasn’t a simple solution and how everything didn’t get fixed overnight, because that’s not how it works in real life. I love how Rei got a lot of personal growth. I love seeing him starting to rely on others more and become more comfortable with himself and what he likes and wants. It’s incredible how all the characters are multifaceted and how 3-gatsu makes me care for them (I’m cheering on you, pidgeon-man!). The Kawamoto family emits so much warm and positive energy I can’t help but cry everytime I see them. In fact, I used to prepare for each episode by making myself a nice, often Japanese styled meal, since there’s such a huge focus on delicious looking food in the anime I would always get hungry watching it, and a packet of tissues because I would cry every. single. week. It was ridiculous.

It’s not an easy series to get into, but probably the only series I feel the need to recommend to everyone I meet, just because it really is an amazing series that explores the human psyche and an incredibly rewarding watch once you get into it.

2019 - Sarazanmai

Do I even need to write something here? Anime of the decade, no question about it.

There’s something really special in being able to follow an anime project you’re passionate about right from the start and I’m glad I got to do it with an Ikuhara project, because his anime is on a whole other level and speaks to me in ways no other media does. This was also the first time I took on such an active role in the fandom, which has been incredibly fun, but a bit taxing as well. However, if there is an anime that gets better once you share your thoughts on it with others each week, it’s Ikuhara’s.

Sarazanmai ended up being what I expected and nothing like it. I don’t know how, but it managed to exceed my expectations, even though they were skyhigh and I was worried about getting let down, especially since Yurikuma Arashi didn’t live up to my expectations for it. Sarazanmai however, was everything I wanted and more.

I love the story and themes, I love the characters, I love how there was so much going on, but they managed to make it work and have a satisfying ending. The musical numbers were insanely good and I love all the crazy shirikodama shenanigans. Watching Sarazanmai is like being on an emotional rollercoaster, with just the right amount of everything. I can’t wait to see what Ikuhara comes up with in the next decade!!

---

If you’ve read this far, thank you for your time. I hope you enjoyed this and I applaud you for getting through all of it. If you feel like it, please share your picks with me, I’m curious to see what they are!

27 notes · View notes