Hihi! This is the same anon who sent the yandere Yuta with pregnant reader ask and the breakup ask so if it’s fine I’d like to be known as ☺️, cause I got some reason have always associated that emoji with being shy and I’ve always been perceived as a shy person upon first glance even though I’m quite the opposite haha
Had another late night Yuta thought last night—
Imagine a loner, friendless, closed off Yuta scrolling on Twitter or something, and he finds the most beautiful, toe curling, breath taking SMUT poem he’s ever read. He reads it, along with your previous works, on repeat late every night, when it’s so quiet even the crickets shut up, when he’s all alone in his room with a bottle of lube and a head full of fantasies, imagining the sweet moans of a woman he doesn’t even dare to imagine with every pump he delivers to his impatient dick. He stalks the account constantly, lingering on every single tweet no matter how stupid it is, whether it’s a repost, a rant, or one of those lustful poems you write every now and then, making sure he keeps his night free every single time you post a new one, carrying a hard on in his pants all day.
All it takes is for you to post ONE picture of your hand, all small and perfectly manicured just the way he imagined it would be when wrapped around his pretty cock, holding a coffee cup and showing off the scenery, the order plastered on the back of the clear plastic cup in a big white sticker. He immediately bolts out the door— he knows that park. He knows that coffee shop. He knows he can finally find you, finally make all the fantasies you’ve shared with him, written for him, made for him, a reality.
He frees up all his afternoons from there on, parking at that coffee shop every single day for hours just to see if you were a regular, if you’d come back, staring at everyone’s hands like a madman to the point where people may think he may have a fucking finger fetish. Just as he’s about to give up one day and figure out another tactic, you finally walk in, his ears immediately perking up the second you recite your order, your usual he deduces since it’s what you ordered last time, smiling at the undeserving barista as you grab a straw with those damn perfect hands of yours that finally helped him find you and stare at your pretty face.
He had found you. You were his—and he made sure of it the second you sat down when he spilt his coffee all over his table, ‘shyly’ blaming it on clumsiness as with an faux embarrassed smile as he asked if he could move to your table instead to work away from the mess, cock already hardening when you shot him, the one who actually deserves it, that pretty smile as you said ‘yes’ in the very voice he knew he’d imagine later that night in bed.
OKAY SORRY FOR MY LONG ASS RANT HAHA THX <3
-☺️
hiiiii my love, ofcourse you can have that emoji it’s so cute i love that one :,) ahhhh anon this had me totally gripped !!! yuuta is 1000% the type who would totally internet stalk you i swear, the way i forgot i was even reading an ask because i was so hooked on it hehehe this was aaamaaaazing ^^ such a genius idea, you always bring me the best stuff !! you have blessed me with another big brain thought + now i’m going to be thinking about this for the rest of the night hehe ৎ୭ ₊ ˙ ⊹ .
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THESE TAGS ON THE SCARS COMIC ARE GONNA MAKE ME CRY... /POS 💖
I can't tag op in this unfortunately, but if you see this post you'll know who you are!
----
Writing this fic was a deeply personal endeavor for me. I wanted to portray the situation as healthily and tenderly as I could because that's how I want my Excel to be treated.
The backstory I came up with for him is tragic and heartbreaking. He has found some measure of happiness and acceptance now, thankfully; but he's suffered with his trauma, both physical and emotional, for much longer. He used to deal with that by guarding himself, closing himself up. There weren't many people he could trust with the truth of his pain, either. He wants to protect everyone still in his life and is willing to do that by staying silent forever, even if he's being tortured by what's inside. So much of his life has been spent trying to run away, to ignore and forget the past...
But in Scars, I wanted to give him someone who could understand, who could relate, and who could ultimately be there for him in whatever way he needed. Basically, I wrote Amber saying everything I would hope to say to him if we were face to face. Which makes sense, since Amber and all my s/is are pretty much me anyway, with the exception of their outer appearance (I get gender envy from them all the time too 🥲).
Still, your tags mean so much, op! Saying that this fic is an example of a healthy relationship makes me feel so relieved and happy. I'm glad that I truly comprehend, even if only partially, the emotional struggles involved with something so complex and serious... and it comforts me that I may be able to say something that can be considered helpful and supportive in such a scenario.
Also, since Excel is my oc, there are many, many parts of him that echo who I am on the inside. Amber talking to Excel is a mirror reflection of me talking to myself, and the fact that I can be so patient and accepting with this traumatized, hurting Addison is further proof that I can still love myself, even after years of isolation and self loathing.
Honestly, loving Excel has helped me to heal in ways that I never remotely expected. Everything that I mentioned about him above happened unconsciously, too. I didn't write him that way on purpose. I never tried to examine myself so thoroughly until I started examining him first. And now that I've been doing it from a place of love for... damn, it's nearly coming on two years now... I can say that I like who I am for the first time, and I mean it. I've become a better, stronger person thanks to my love and understanding of my beloved husband. He's given me so much security and safety when there was none, and I doubt I'm ever going to stop selfshipping with him.
He is my life partner, my precious treasured one, and my heart is his and his alone.
Rockstar Cookie too, but that's an essay for another post lol
Art: @/onedumbazz
Anyway! Op, your tags made me realize a few very important things that I overlooked before. I'm so glad you said that and made me see just how far I've really come with Excel by my side ☺️💖
And adding on to this sentiment a bit, to all of the incredible friends and mutuals I made during the couple years I've spent working on this blog and my ships... I care so much about all of you! You've been here for me whenever I need a boost, and I always appreciate even just a simple kind word sent my way. You are all so generous in so many ways. I hope you know that I consider every person here irreplaceable. I have lapsed a bit, I have stumbled. I've purposely avoided opening up at all, out of some similar instinct to protect everyone, much like Excel did. But I'm always going to be grateful that I committed to selfshipping because I not only gained a soulmate, but a friend circle that I never thought I ever would or could have. I love you guys, man. I really do. 🫂💖 /p
Heh, and I'm looking forward to another new year with you and Excel, and so many more days of selfless, unconditional love shared with each other 💖✨️
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preeby dark clouds?
OH THEY ARE SO PREEBY!!! 😍😍🤩
No but actually there is something so enchanting yet eerie about dark clouds that I cannot help but be drawn to them sometimes. Like damn who gave you the right to be that mysterious AND beautiful?!?
And they way they're spread out in this picture?? 10/10 would be cloud watching with you 👉👈
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It’s time for team building! 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼 like before, it’s for tickets to attend weibo night. tho we don’t know yet if they are gonna be there, most likely they will, but anyway — it’s time to help out our fansite sisters!
if you have a weibo account with at least 600 points, just go to the links below and follow the steps.
无尽夏 ( link )
限时狂想 ( link )
反驳遗憾 ( link )
无须修图 ( link )
洛洛山河 ( link )
click the link per fan site above cause they have their own unique vote links. click on it and then give them your vote. only the first 30 will be able to win. you all know how much i appreciate the fansites & this is a way to show support and thank them. i think the closer we get to the ceremony, other sponsors will open ticket draws based on likes and reposts which will be much easier. will post about that when the time comes. these sites are currently 3, 4, 15, 17 & 18 and they should stay that way or move up. 💪🏼
THANK YOUUUUUUU!!!!! 🤍🤍🤍
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