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cookinguptales · 1 year

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So a few days ago I finished listening to the last of (the public episodes of) Old Gods of Appalachia. It was... honestly kind of a weird and personal listening experience, and I had to go slowly because I'd be lying if I said it didn't pull up some stuff from my childhood that I didn't enjoy.

I loved writing of the show and most of the voice acting! Most of the storylines were so, so, so good. I wish I could write like that. But the best writing in the world is still a very strange experience when it has ties to a life you left behind a very long time ago.

(cut for length! don't want to spam the poor tag)

Mama's side of the family is from that part of the country, and I have never had a good relationship with any of them. Same old story. Pentecostal/Baptist/Church of God. Enough said, right? lmao. I'm a queer disabled woman with a strong interest in magic and folklore so you can probably guess how well all that went. I'm NC with most of them now, very LC with what's left, and most of what I hear about them is through Mama, who still tries to talk to them as much as they abuse her. Last I heard, they were mostly Q.

Old Gods is an incredibly accurate show when it comes to depicting that part of the world, to the point where I had to stop even just that first episode several times to just kind of. Sit there with my thoughts and then let them go. Even just hearing Mamaw and Papaw made me thing about my gramma and my paw-paw and the uh. Very complicated relationship we "enjoyed". I feel like memories cropped up at the strangest things, like when he talked about copperheads out in the woods and I remembered that Easter when the egg hunt was canceled because one of the parents went to put an egg in a hole in the ground and found a whole nest of baby copperheads. I remembered the woods out there on the Tennessee side of Bristol twenty-five years ago when Mama would still let me visit my grandparents.

He'd say "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" and I'd be right back there at Gramma's kitchen table, seven years old and reading through every verse the Bible had on witches as punishment after Gramma found a Harry Potter book in my suitcase.

But listening to the podcast was also a deeply surreal experience because so much of it was familiar that shouldn't have been. My family never would have taught me magic or local folklore. Not ever. Well -- they had their own folklore, as we all do. Laying hands and the like. But the stories that were there before them. Oh no. Not ever.

When I was finally turned loose on the world when I was 18, I was frustratingly liberal for my own family, but annoyingly conservative on a college campus. I had a lot to learn very, very quickly. Thankfully, I did -- and I learned it through taking classes that I never, ever would have been allowed at home. I went from being unwilling to be in the same room as a tarot deck to collecting them myself. (And I have a very lovely collection now, too.) I went from being sort of fascinated if afraid of concepts of magic to taking classes on it.

I've always had a particular interest in cunning magic. It came up in my first class on the history of witchcraft, and something about it... I don't know. The combination of folk magic and mainstream religion and the elevation and degradation of them both. I ended up learning a lot about British cunning folk, but particularly quite a bit about those up in Scotland. (Just ask my Sleep No More friends. They'll vouch, probably with a laugh and a shake of the head.)

I never learned much about Appalachia, though. Not about folk magic. So imagine my confusion when I understood all the references made to folk magic in this show. Some of it, sure, was from my childhood. Haints and the lord, etc. But other things, witch bottles and charms and running water, none of this was stuff my family would have taught me. This was the stuff I'd learned in school. On my own, once I graduated. This was the Scottish folk magic which had always called to me in my classes.

And then, y'know, they mentioned it explicitly in the show. That whole Scotch-Irish thing that Appalachia's got going on. And I thought... oh, I've heard Mama talk about that. But I never felt like any of that had much to do with me; I don't have strong familial connections with either side of our family, Mama or Dad's both, and so why would I feel connected to their family history? I feel like an orphan and a mutt most days.

But oh. Of course they did. Of course they brought Scottish and Irish traditions with them when they came, and of course they weren't too dissimilar from the things Scotland had before and after they'd left.

God. Imagine how I felt when I realized that I'd spent over a decade studying the exact subject that my grandmother had always tried to keep from me. I'd come to it a roundabout way after that day sitting at Gramma's table, feet too small to reach the ground and puzzling through verses of the Bible that I've learned since were about necromancy, but I'd done it by accident all the same. I studied the traditions that my family would have had before they picked up the snakes, so to speak, and I'd done it by going right back to the source.

How perfectly fucking bizarre.

And that, all that took some getting used to. But I got used to it. I kept listening, glad that at least that part of my childhood was something I'd managed to put to bed. I could listen to the rest of the show without being hurled back to my infancy.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I mention that Dad's side is Pennsylvania Dutch? :')

Who the fuck has characters who are Pennsylvania Dutch?

So then all that's happening in the show, and I'm thinking about when I went to Alsace just before the pandemic hit, when I spent Christmastime there and I was inundated with traditions that had been passed down to me from my father. How strange it was to finally light candles for an advent wreath and know exactly from whence that tradition had come. When I was in Strasbourg, our tour guide was genuinely psyched to meet someone whose family was Pennsylvania Dutch because, well, he knew exactly where my family was from. It was such a very weird experience.

And now! Fuck! Here it is again! And I'm thinking about advent wreaths and baked butter beans and Braucherei and hex signs... all things that, again, I'd had to piece together myself in absentia. All traditions that I had received piecemeal, and ones that I'd had to confront when I myself moved up here to Philadelphia for school.

It's... like going to a family reunion, I guess, where they all recognize you but you don't speak the language. It's the strangest feeling.

But, I mean. I didn't grow up with all this. Mama and Dad went up north, much to the disappointment of her family. (They got upset when she married a Yankee, but then they moved and oof.) So okay, listening to this podcast is a weird trip for me, but it's not that reminiscent of my actual childhood. It's not like there's a character who left her family in Appalachia to go have a baby in Cincinnati, Ohio and what the fuck is going on here? lmao

(Though thankfully, my mama didn't die in childbirth with me. It was just awful close and I was one blue baby.)

When I tell you I had to turn the podcast off and go for a fucking walk!

Like... look. Old Gods of Appalachia is a good podcast. Not every arc and character landed for me, but there are certain episodes that I still marvel at. (The Boy oh The Boy.) Ways of weaving together threads that I really wish I could do as an author. The storytelling is fantastic and the production design nearly impeccable. There are transcripts, which as a woman where we passed down both haints and sign language I very thoroughly appreciate. It's perfectly creepy and the worldbuilding is fantastic.

Those vibes hit is what I'm telling you.

But it's also a podcast that felt in some ways like a history of my family that I had never learned on my own terms. I actually ended up going to my parents and talking about our ethnicity and history and traditions a few times while listening to this show, and I actually ended up learning a lot about my own background. Which... I still feel isn't totally my own to claim, but perhaps I came around to it my own way. It was honestly one of the strangest listening experiences that I have ever experienced.

I'm going back and forth on being a Patreon backer so I can listen to those episodes, too. It's not that I've never backed Patreons before. It's not even that I've never backed podcasts! (I backed TMA back in the day, at least before it changed course a bit and I lost interest.) But, and you are not allowed to judge me for this, damn. Did they have to call it tithing? I just. I know it's just a bit, I know it's not real, but I apparently still have just enough religious damage that I can't make myself do it. It's so dumb. But man. I don't fucking tithe.

We'll see if I make it over that particular hurdle. I'll probably be able to design some mental gymnastics to get me through it. Maybe.

They'll be in Brooklyn the day before my birthday and. idk. Maybe I'll go, if the venue is accessible. Book a trip to Sleep No More as well, make a fun little trip of it.

But... hell. I can't help but notice that the first stop is in Columbus, Ohio, where I once wore a little tiger mask at the zoo, and the last stop is in goddamn Bristol, Tennessee.

#ah here I go again #this is largely a personal post this time I'll make posts later engaging with the actual content of the show #I guess I just have to get through this weirdness before I can do anything like write meta or have discussions #old gods of appalachia

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poolsidescientist · 2 years

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How I Almost Became an Evangelical

I’m not American but as someone who a) watches the news b) knows people in the US and c) is capable of basic compassion the Roe v. Wade overturning is deeply disturbing. The American Supreme Court has six members responsible for (including other rulings such as preventing gun control, etc.) more loss of life than even the most prolific of serial killers. And it only feels like the beginning of the hard-fought rights they hope to overturn. They’re able to do this because the right, especially Evangelicals have fought for it so hard for so long. I’ll never forgot how I almost became one of them.

Unlike many, I wasn’t born into an Evangelical family. I actually have an interfaith background (half-Jewish and half Christian). I had family on both sides but only a handful of them were in any way reliable and/or in the area. Both my parents were treated kinda terribly by their siblings and we didn't really have a religious or ethnic community aside from a few family friends and my grandparents. My dad’s family was Jewish but not religious and we spent the Jewish holidays with a few family friends but the few times I went to the synagogue I found it stifling (I hated the whole women sitting in a separate box thing) and because my mom wasn’t Jewish I wasn’t really part of that community unless I went out of the way to convert which kid me, was not really into. My mom’s parents never really went to church. We had our ethnic Christian traditions but weren’t Protestant or Catholic like all the other Christians around me. I wasn’t the right kind of white person. I learned this early on. I also learned to tic whichever box on the Protestant/Catholic form that the people around me valued most.

When I was around 8-9 my mom and I started going to church. It was pretty liberal and accepting and honestly, that aspect of it was great. I really wanted to learn about Christianity and connect with people, especially as I grew into a teenager. People were nice but nobody really cared and again, I felt like I was the wrong kind of person. I tried to get involved and tried really hard to find a way for them to value me. It was a brick wall. By my teen years there were several serious illnesses in my family and a lot of instability. I desperately needed support and thankfully I had a few nice neighbours but overall it was empty. I was there physically but with all the other stresses in my life I was a mess. I was a good student, I worked hard in my extracurriculars and to help my family out but it was never enough.

I think I was 15 when I ended up going to some Evangelical convention for some reason. It was silly, ideologically a bit empty but I remember doing something I had yet to do at a church before. Make friends. So, I ended up going to my friend’s church and youth group. It was in the area and I didn’t know anyone. I had no baggage and honestly, the youth group was great and part of me is forever thankful for it. I learned that I could be funny, and charming, and outgoing. I got to be a teenager. I didn’t have to perform or prove I deserved to be there. It was one of the few places in my life I actually let myself have fun. And I wasn’t alone. I made friends with my friends parents, we shared jokes and baked goods. When my mom was late as she always was picking me up one of the youth group leaders would stay and chat with me. I did activities at my other church and I spent a lot of time alone in the parking lot. Here, I wasn’t left out in the cold. I wasn’t left out at all.

I would go to that church and sometimes it would be amazing sermons but other times there would be homophobic or anti-abortion/sex education rants. A roll of the dice. But at the same time people would make sure I was okay or bring food if my dad was in the hospital. Everything they stood for was against my values, but they loved me whereas the good people with the good values didn’t. Maybe I didn’t deserve the love of good people and this was all I could ever hope for. This was the community I could get. I loved them. And in spite of everything, a part of me will always kinda love them.

One of my youth group leaders, the one who waited for my mom with me, died on my 20th birthday. I still think of him sometimes. The funeral made me sick. It wasn’t about him. It was an infomercial about becoming an Evangelical. I’m surprised it wasn’t a hotline. I think that was the first big crack in my thinking that caused me to reevaluate my life. I loved the church enough to live with but not die for. But on and off I came and went from both places. A year later my father died. The good liberal people came to the funeral but the Evangelicals were the ones who really showed up. In spite of everything I could still talk to them. The next few years were back and forth. I tried a new church on for size. I finished my bachelor’s degree. I job hunted. Everything was back and forth. I did a Master’s degree. I made friends in all the places. I couldn’t commit but I couldn’t let go. Somehow I’ve learned enough diplomacy to have everyone like me but nobody be too attached to me. I’ve kept their politics from being my problem. If someone had fallen in love with me I would have stayed and never looked back.

I think the turning point was getting into my current field of study as a PhD student. At this point being an Evangelical is bad for my career but honestly, it’s more than that. I’ve made friends from so many different backgrounds. They are filled with their own loves and fears and hopes and dreams and I cannot commit to a community which sees them as less than human. They deserve better, not just because I love them but because they are people. I also have enough education, enough social support, enough of a career potential that I can step forward. I’m still a Christian, I still believe in God but I can do better. I have to do better. I know now that I can.

So, you might be at the end of this novel asking what this has to do with Roe v. Wade and the Evangelical right? Well, the thing is, they’re successful because they let people in. At least in my experience, and I’m not speaking for anyone else, my experiences probably aren’t anywhere near universal and I have my share of privilege, they want you to be one of them. With those churches I didn’t hit the brick wall of not having the right family or right ethnic background or was good enough to deserve love and support. No. They encouraged me to join in their beliefs and share their community. They called and brought food and listened and put effort into raising their youth. The Evangelical right, cruel as they are support their community. If you don’t take care of people’s basic material and social needs nothing you have to say matters in the end. And they know this. And they are consistent. If hadn’t gotten into grad school, or had someone fall in love with me, or I was just a little more vulnerable I would never have left. And there’s always someone just a little more vulnerable.

#such is life #religion #politics #christianity #boy howdy did I write a lot #I don't usually share this much #but I guess I had so much to say so uh #here it is

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blehfundiesims · 1 year

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Updates on the other siblings! just felt like checking back in on the others.

First is Carley's family. Their kids are standing oldest to youngest left to right. Kenneth, Salvador, Maxwell, India, Gracie and youngest Nicole who was born right before this picture was taken (just in game play lol) Carley was worried about being able to afford having so many children so fast. But as the church they attend and work for has grown they've thankfully been giving Trent consistent raises and it's not as much a worry anymore. Kenneth has been giving his parents trouble recently has he's been more focused on his homeschool co-op's soccer team rather than his actual homeschool work. Maxwell has also been reprimanded several times for stealing toys from others houses. Trent and Carley are praying feverishly for the watcher to break these behaviors. The rest of the children are doing well and are fairly boring

Asher and his little family are doing great they have a great work-life balance at their current teaching jobs, and emma goes to the same school. They are finally looking towards buying a house. Their daughter Emma has very limited interaction with both of their families, but they do make the drive to San My to hang out with Rebecca from time to time. They also adopted a dog, and her name is Emma2, and can you guess who named her? Things are going well for them, and they are still progressive watcherists.

Rebecca and Annabel are still living their best lives! They've been able to move into a very swanky apartment and are enjoying being child free. Annabel is one of 3 hosts for a popular fashion talk show, and Rebecca has just sold a screenplay that is expected to do just as well as her last 2, which became very popular movies. They are both so happy that they escaped their fundie upbringings and even talk about it in interviews from time to time. They are most of all happy and lucky to have each other.

Leah and Ismael are getting closer to having their first kid, and that's all.

Malachi is loving his life as a physical trainer at a popular gym. For now, he's just living alone. But he has been going on a ton of simda dates

Dayton and Denise have settled nicely into there new lives in San Sequoia they have both been experimenting with their looks and enjoying more freedom at their new church. They've met up with Rebecca and Annabel a few times and while their relationship isn't as close as it used to be but their working on it. They have also just found out that they are expecting their first child and are so excited!

#hess fam #gen 1 #gen 2 #fundiesims #fundie sims #quiverfull sims

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cultleads · 2 years

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casually monologuing my experience as a LGBT / mixed race person growing up in a heavily religious household as a child, sticking it under a cut & tagging cause y’know justin case, perfectly understandable trigger in all honesty. I guess I just wanna know if there’s people out there who relate, or maybe I can make somebody with similar experiences feel not - so -alone

It’s really such a bizarre thing when I think about it. Replying to mine & my fiancé's rp thread just now it got me thinking about my own experiences. Like most Amuricans I was raised in a Christian household so like... full church experience, endless nonsense shoved down my throat from the moment I was born. It was always wild to me how church (and as I entered my teens, youth groups and church camps etc) were the places I met some of the most vicious, judgemental, awful people I’ve ever known. I was told some pretty awful shit as a child and it’s a place where I experienced a lot of rejection & exclusion.

I had the standard queer kid upbringing where I knew my parents knew I was different, but they didn’t know in which ways, so instead I was constantly silenced, “corrected”, and told to be and do this n that. You know... YOU CAN’T DO X CAUSE YOU’RE X, YOU SHOULDN’T BE LIKE X BECAUSE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE X, YOU CAN’T BEHAVE THAT WAY AROUND X GENDER BECAUSE YOU SHOULD SHOW INTEREST IN X GENDER (even as children so like...funny how they accuse Lefties of being gr**mers when they literally say that shit and encourage heterosexual interactions between kids because believe me THAT DID GO ON), blahblahblah.

It was absolutely WILD to me that later in life, I found out the church allowed in a previously convicted p*doph*le and let him teach the SUNDAY SCHOOL WHICH I WAS IN, and he was forgiven because he “found god”, yet my brother and I were treated like crap because we are (mostly) latinos and were the only people in the church who weren’t 100% white and we were both born with last names that align with our Mexican-Navajo heritage. Like...we were kids, dude??

Also absolutely wild to me that my mother’s best friend in America (my mother is Scandi-British) could forgive her husband who served 25 years for murdering a 16 year old (the perp was an adult btw!) but absolutely could not look me in the eye, ‘forgive’ me, or accept me any longer after my mom told her I am LGBT.

I don’t get all these people who told me and millions of others like me that we were wrong somehow, for wanting to be our authentic selves and live in peace. For just being who we are, loving who we love... And punishing us for it. Because even as a child, none of that felt wrong to me. What felt wrong was the hypocrisy and the madness I could see in the church even from a young age. They could forgive the p*doph*le and the murderer but they hated me & everyone like me for being LGBT, and then later belonging to a single mother who had no money and they let us be homeless.

Thankfully after moving to the UK to get help from my British grandmother (and flee my ‘father’) when I was 11 my mom’s religious discipline started to go down the drain especially after she was treated with disdain for divorcing my “father” who is...downright evil. I’ll leave it at that lmfao! I think when her “friends” abandoned her over it, scolding her for “going against god” rather than putting up with his evil for any longer, she started to see religious cultism for what it is. Not to mention that my bio “father” after committing a HUGE crime (I can’t say what it is, sry for no deets) apologized TO A REVEREND ABOUT IT, not to my mom, the reverend said “you’re forgiven, your only crime is marrying a woman who left you for your sins” LMAOOO There’s so much nuance and torment growing up in a heavily chri*sti*n household. Especially if you are / later realize you belong to a marginalized group they don’t like. Like I haven’t even touched the tip of the iceberg with any of this, but y’all get it. There’s a reason both my brothers and myself grew up to be heavily, heavily resentful of Chr*sti*nity. But truthfully? Peoples’ faith is not my business. As long as people aren’t using it for oppression or bigotry, I truly do not care or hold against them what they believe. I just have A LOT of trauma and fear surrounding it and I feel myself become ferally aggressive when nearing a church. But the most insane part of it all is that to this day, when backed into a corner and when in a dire situation or one of desperation, I still find myself praying for help & mercy. THAT is how ingrained this shit goes lol.

I will forever lack understanding as to why something so vague and non-scientific can rule the lives of so many, and why it’s used as such a driving force for evil. Religion is inherently not good. It is separate from faith, that I do believe. Quite literally it is cultism and that’s it. I think my stance & views born from my experiences are easily summed up by this lyric (sorry to quote this guy but it’s an accurate line) : I never really hated the one true God but the God of the people I hated

#✧ ⭒　𝚒𝚛𝚕　𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚝　𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛　╱　ooc #religion cw #I just thought it was relevant to current events #and y'know it's the inspiration behind this character too #but I wanted to remind people of similar upbringings that there's so many of us out here

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luxenna · 5 months

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Well, after 3 years, it's finally over.

I went to the sentencing last Saturday. During the whole legal proceedings, I didn't attend because

1. I was not called as a witness, but my parents were, oddly enough

2. My sister didn't want me to go because it would be harder for her to speak about what happened.

Of course, I understood - but it was difficult for me to not be there for her. Thankfully, her boyfriend was there with her and I'm just glad she had someone. But I can understand where she is coming from. If the roles were reversed, I would have a difficult time having my family there explaining everything and reliving those moments. For a while, I had to grapple with the feelings of being an inadequate older sister, especially since I felt like I failed to protect her back then.

The whole process was super frustrating and anxiety inducing, so I had to really suppress my feelings during the whole thing, mainly because I wanted to focus on my sister and my family. But now everything is over, I feel... very depressed.

That day went by really quick. We went to the courthouse - me, my sister and her boyfriend, and we were both full of anxiety the whole time. Once we entered the building, it still hadn't really hit me how real everything was. The entire time, I had no reason to be in the courthouse, so this was my first time being there for this case.

I was told by her advocate that we could say statements before the judgement handed down his sentence. It was 15 minutes before the sentencing. My sister reassured me I didn't have to, but I said, "Yes, I want to," immediately. I took out my phone and wrote this up:

"My name is ___ and I'm the older sister of ___. I am also a former student of ___. After I had heard the news from my sister, I was heartbroken and devastated. ___ taught me, my brother AND my sister. Growing up, I had full trust in him because he was my teacher, and when you're in a vulnerable and impressionable position, there's no other conclusion to make but to trust those who are supposed to guide and protect you. Not only has he failed and broken my sister's trust and dignity, but also mine. I trusted him fully to protect my siblings once I left middle school, and I am heartbroken that this is the outcome. [Addressing him], I looked up to you and respected you and I am so disgusted that you did this to one of the most beloved people in my life. As an older sister, I thought I had failed to protect her, but as time passed I realize it was YOUR responsibility to protect, guide and serve, and you took advantage of your position to hurt not only my sister, but our family."

The court room was smaller than I expected, not the grand and large ones that you see on TV. There were a few folks on his side, no doubt from his church community or family. I couldn't help but wonder what they thought. Did they think he was innocent? Do they think he did a bad thing? Do they think he's worth God's forgiveness? Do they have any sympathy for our family and what he's done to my sister?

It doesn't matter. He's guilty and deserves to be punished.

It was just the three of us, and her advocate on our side. My sister's lawyer was very kind and down to earth. There were also a couple folks there too, I think one was in training and I'm not sure who the other person was, but they wanted to be there for the sentencing. I was glad she had all those people on her side. They treated her with respect and care at all times, and I could tell they 100000% believed her. Meeting them made me feel so relieved that she had people like them on her side.

I finally saw him come in handcuffs and prison clothing. I couldn't look at him. I only glanced at him and couldn't bring myself to fully look at him. I felt instantly sick. I felt like the world was falling on me. But I still held my sister's hand and looked straight, not allowing myself to cry - suppressing my emotions as I had done all these years.

The proceedings began. Each side presented their side - her lawyer introduced me, her bf, and my sister. On his side, the lawyer had everyone on his side introduce themselves. There was a good amount. I briefly wished we had more people on our side, but it didn't really matter. He had already plead guilty, and I wouldn't want my parents to go through any more pain and stress they already had by testifying.

We were given an opportunity to provide statements to the judge. My sister and her advocate walked up, and her lawyer read out my sister's statement. My sister stood behind her lawyer and her advocate, and I could see her visibly shaking. I had to take a deep breath. I couldn't cry yet. I didn't allow myself to.

After her statement ended, the judge asked if there was anyone else wanted to give a statement. I stood up and I instantly felt like I had tunnel vision. All I could see was the prosecutor's desk and the mic I had to speak into. Her lawyer whispered, "Here, you can use this mic so everyone can hear you."

I pulled up my note I wrote 15 minutes before the sentencing and took a deep breath, and it felt like that breath lasted forever. And I spoke.

I started out confidently, as if I had practiced, if I had been sure what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. I even was able to make eye contact with the judge as I read it. When I got to the part where I addressed the coward directly, tears instantly flowed out of my eyes. My voice broke, and my vision dimmed. All I could see was my phone, and my now shaking hand as I struggled to get through the rest of my statement.

"Thank you." I managed to look at the judge one last time. I turned around, and sat down.

Me and my sister hugged, we were both crying. "I love you," I said, through my tears. I couldn't stop crying. "I love you too," she said back. She was still shaking. I held her hand for the rest of the proceedings.

The judge asked if the defense had any statement to make. His side stayed silent. They had wrote letters in lieu of a verbal statement. Sometimes I wonder what was in those letters. Was it full of Christian sentiments? Talking about how good of a person he was? Did it really matter when he did such an egregious thing?

The proceedings continued after the statements were made. The judge asked him to stand up for his sentencing and honestly, I can't remember everything he talked about. I took this opportunity to actually look at him. I don't know if that was a good idea or not. He looked frail, old, and sick. Actually looking at him made me feel nauseous. It was hitting me hard. Yes, this was him. Yes, this is real. Yes, this is happening. At this point, my face was stone again and staring straight ahead.

The judge tried to sound impartial as possible, as I'm sure judges need to do. But at the end of his decision, he mentioned how horrible the crime was, and what he did to my sister. I felt disgusted listening to it, even though I knew. He was sentenced a little over a year in prison, plus multiple years probation. Not even close to enough to what he deserves, but because of how this trial has gone, I am glad he will be in jail for some time.

After the sentencing, there was some official business needed to be done. Getting signatures, getting fingerprints. We sat there awkwardly. I wanted to go home, I'm sure my sister did too. And after a while, it was finally over. We all got up, and I never looked back at that disgusting man.

We chatted her legal team a bit after the sentencing. We were all glad it was over, and I expressed my gratitude that they helped my family so much.

Once we got home, I fell asleep for hours. I had plans later in the evening, so I couldn't hermit the rest of the day, even though I wanted to.

The day after that, I had a breakdown. I cried so hard my chest hurt and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like a failure. I felt guilty I couldn't protect my sister. I could feel my heart breaking. I felt angry, frustrated, and nauseated. After three years, I allowed myself to break down. It was over. I didn't feel like I needed to protect my sister or be strong for her as much as I have been.

I feel a little better these days, but I had to take the day off from work because I haven't processed things fully or properly. I was up last night replaying the sentencing in my head. Not because I thought I did anything wrong or I wished things went differently, but the sentencing made everything feel so surreal. I was so detached from the whole thing to protect my own feelings and sanity, and being there, seeing him - it hit me so much harder than I thought.

So I had to write this all up and really lay my feelings out. I feel like my own healing can really begin. I don't feel the heavy responsibility on my chest anymore. It's over, but it's also not. There's so much more work to be done for our family to heal, but I'm so glad we have each other.

After feeling incredibly guilty for being a bad sister, my sister was texting me the other day, obviously having a good night at a party with her boyfriend. She was saying I was the 'best sister 10000000000000000/10.' I laughed, but it made my night.

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maceingeweihter · 8 months

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a lot happened the past 6 days. i've not been able to blog much.

6 days ago, 8/11/2023 i left the house after finding my dad is a Mason. (although he claims to be Christian, fornication (prostitution) is forbidden in the "church" of CHRIST. and although he thinks he has the Gospel, the Masons do not allow TRUTH/

my dad IS a Mason. he used the 666 (Penis hand sign) 5 to 6 times in many angles. and one more time before he left the conversation.

uncle ZACHARIAH is also a Mason, but Adept hand sign. he pulled me outside to show it off.

large (golf ball sized hail) started to fall as the conversation started. LYDIA and uncle ZACHARIAH were there.

left with $20 dollars. (technically my parents owe me nothing for raising me...BUT...technically $1700 of money was supposed to be cashed out from my referee gig. at the very least, $700)

was able to greet and play with the children out in front of the house. removed my hard drives and computer the first day and brought them to an acquaintance house. (suspect after the fact that he is Mason) suspect part? he works with computers. bad call. he also had access to my journal which included Design Ideas worth potential billions to countries

slept under bridge on GOLDEN VALLEY ROAD.

my birth dad used the "GRAND DISTRESS" signal in Masonry. either that or the THELEMA "EARTH" symbol. (later that night 50 squad cars came down the street. must be some attempted Damage Control on the Masons in the area. returned to pick up some items and to visit the children. i didn't stay long because I was under the influence of Marijuana. (my mother told me not to be around them so I let her know i only wanted to gather a few more things and head out.)went to MCDONALDS and had a cook and cigarette. went to ROBBINSDALE to sharpen a dagger. (they worked on it for 30 minutes and handed it back to me unsharpened. i didn't have to pay the $10. (at the end all of them stood around in a circle before i left and the woman said, "Are we good?" a few people said yes and the others remained silent. it was a little strange. bought a box of LITTLE DEBBIE cookies with Oatmeal. revisited the suspected Mason who had computer. he's a bit effeminate i notice more. (he didn't offer me a place to stay the first night. nor the second night.) his "pastor dad" was there for dinner the day before. did gay daddy sell his gay son to advance his greedy life? when i retrieved the box the wife quickly drove around to pick him up. (next time i will ask him more directly and watch his hands to see if he is with them) visited children for around 2 hours? outside in the front of course? it was really refreshing. especially having NOLAN hang out with me. the children offered me food but i only accepted a can of PRINGLES. slept outside on a picnic table in the BUTTERFLY GARDENS. did a role play that CHUPACABRA was in the woods. thought at first that it was a little boy child who was trying to have fun pretending to be CHUPACABRA.

stopped by the parents house first. my birth dad was outside in the garage. ( i really didn't want to see him. he made a clubbing motion with his open palm and hammer. he was wearing a red bull dog cap. i wondered, since he had threated me recently, "i want to rip your head off) was really thinking of "trying to" kill me?

the children offered me food again

spent a lot of time skating and by the river. my child asked me to visit later, (but i forgot i smoked! i ended up going to ROBBINSDALE again. i passed by after my high was done and thankfully they were there!

they offered me dinner that my birth mom cooked. (i was pretty interested in the tasty food, but i declined. i felt physically nauseous, both because finding out my dad has a WICKED(S) and because stingy people make you want to throw up.

i felt that this was the day it rained. it rained all night!

had an intimate emotion in my mind for a special lady i had met on IG and OF. (realized i don't want to listen much to what my dad hates and doesn't hate. there should be more info below on the special lady...but...the specifics involved rainfall and me walking out on our wedding. in my dream, my dad's DEMON whispered in my ear that "She in not the nice one." reality? she told me her friends say that she is nice but i didn't believe her.

to try to make it right, i forced myself to imagine running after her and calling her name. "EM!" wait! agent LOUIS, "Come back." yelling, "wait! please! running faster." i said how i was sorry and i hope she would forgive me.

retrieved Red, Yellow, and Blue jersey from birth parents homestead. I chose to wear red.

i brought the children groceries from the food stop and had a picnic on the sidewalk in front of my birth parents place. (so delicious. i felt like i was dying. i also felt one of the council tell me, that, THEY had been "looking forward to this moment." e my first real meal in 4 days.

i left a bit early because i don't like being around my birth dad. he was holding a hammer in the garage looking at me and pounding the hammer down to catch it with his palm. i jokingly asked him if that was another HERMETIC ORDER sign. it's like he was a different person. Mood swing? no, his bigger DEMON was always there. hiding.

sat by the river and smoked. venting about the situation to myself and to my audio journal. i pronounced a judgement into reality of time and space. With an unknown tongue i prayed, "Justice is coming. you stay the HELL back!" i threw it metaphorically in the direction of the Orange Monster in my dream. i have a feeling that this one is the MONSTER God showed my 5 years ago.

went down town later for dinner and realized the location PEACE HOUSE was a *MASONIC (*Mason, Whore of Babylon, Hermetic Order) building. i asked the woman outside of she was mason and she hit me with the Penic (OK) and the Hail Satan (Bull Hookems). (i guess she "knows" a person who can perform oral sex or someone who will let your borrow their Snake for sex)

we left without having peace

ended up downtown and slept on the bench at MCTC.

Wore yellow jersey this day.

I had a nice travel most of the day. No big highlights until late that evening.

big highlight (or lowlight) of the day was travelling to the golf course later afternoon. arrived at TRAILHEAD lodge right after smoking the dried flower. it's basically right by one of the gayest places in MINNESOTA, "Bare ass beach."

lots of teenagers outside. was singing a song about "Mom's" for some reason. and about DONALD TRUMP being a closet gay. (the inside of the place felt spiritually filthy) i left instantly

went outside to charge my phone.

remembered the verse about avoiding the appearance of EVIL so decided to stand up.

the parking lot had a few people moving things around. I could sense something was up. I started talking and asked out loud if anyone out there was MASON. a female and a male both flashed masonic signs. 666 (means they want to suck or have dick?) or, they know someone who does. i said I am not a Mason, to clear myself from their crew. i left the place but it actually dawned on me, they are everywhere!" but i still wasn't understanding, what do the hand signs mean? i thought it was all for their meetings.

slept at MCTC but was harassed until 3am. I relocated off the main street and things died down.

Blue Jersey yesterday.

briefly saw children because Mason guy was there again. told him that i didn't feel safe around him and wanted to return when the birth mom was home from work. She was the one who said i could visit as much as often (just not when i'm on marijuana) boarded to ROBBINSDALE PD sober. I may have saw an angel on the way that told me to hold my hand over my chest. the day before i realized that i was doing this other "gangs" hand sign, but what did any of it mean? I felt that the cops would be required to know.

the police captain answered my concerns about masons. he invited another office (who i was assuming is a Mason) i didn't want to get into their hands signs, but in front of both of them, two women in the reception, and the ILLUMINATI on the CCTV cameras, i let them know that i wasn't a Mason. I had my hands crossed over my heart and stood their for about 10 - 15 seconds. the Captain looked at the other guy and asked if it was fine? I heard a "beep" from his CB radio and he said some code 0-18. before i left the chief said MASONS are more active in COLUMBIA HEIGHTS and FRIDLEY. (it literally started feeling like a Gang war) i told him this is why i never joined a gang, because if you make a vow you can die if you break it.

stopped for marijuana but ended up finding something else. the entire council of the GHOSTS (SPIRITS) the HOLY SPIRITS. i will instruct on each of them, but not now, because of the pig SPIRITS (the DEMONS prefer to be in, i believe, cops and security) reported 911 emergency / crime against my dad for all the recent threats. he should go to jail

cried for my mom. i thought that she has blasphemed the HOLY SPIRIT with the Catholics, but, i'm not sure yet if she really has ever misused the name of the HOLY SPIRITS (besides their prayers before meals) if she is guilty of blasphemy she will be judged accordingly. it's the worth place in hell.

i was moved and i've realized this. if men love their wives, they should answer all of their questions. a woman should never teach on God, because when they do, they risk being judged the same as a man. equal rules equal tools (punishment) i slept under the bridge but was far too tired to think of one of the ladies. i wanted to think of JESSICA but i felt asleep 10 minutes after arriving.

Woke up today and it wasn't nearly as cold.

skipped the free meal and NORTH POINT. i felt sick after finding a note that one of my parents or family ordered an order for protection against me. they are trying to flea the city. i know what's going on now with this HERMETIC ORDER of prostitutes.

i'm amazed now. i realize that so many of these people on the streets have been selling themselves and their loved ones into prostitution through the "not a gang", the MASONS.

i arrive at the school and they ask if i want to file a report. something is really fishy about the both of them. the guard ends up being Mason. he tells me my best option it to file in the city. i ignore him.

at the library posting most of the recent files. i'm not afraid of death but i want to try not to lose any of this recent audio records. i will most likely have to hustle my dad in a court of Law. I hope that he goes to jail. these closet creeps stay active into their older years. and he's undoubtedly guilty of crimes which Masons practice. but...i'd rather save the children the embarrassment of having to snitch their relative as a Mason who is recruiting / grooming them when i was not their.

but bet

will grandparents in HERMETIC order groom their relatives to join the prostitution gang? if so, he needs to be outed immediately by the police. Orange jump suit really would suit him, and, i'll pay for the process. just need to restore the account.

that's it. i will most likely file down at the Government center. their people would be best to be respectful to me, but inside this town, i will NOT find honor. it doesn't matter. i will be unyielding in protecting my children.

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ajokeformur-ray · 10 months

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OMG I'm literally crying 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm imagining an 8yo child being like it buuurnsss!!! *unholy screeching* like some scene from The Omen lmao! This made my evening! But tbh I have no idea why the priest said that?! Mom took me to church (I don't remember how old I really was) to baptize me and they asked for some info (like names of parents and where we live etc.). He takes one look at paper and asks "You live at (neighbourhood name)? And the father's name is _?" And mom was like"Yeah?!" And then he says something like 'anyone who lives there is going to hell! And your child is a satan!" Mom was super offended, called him a d**k and left😂. The neighbourhood where I grove up was known for gangs and stuff and also my dad is a muslim and that priest was known for, what's the word, hating-any-religion-that-isn't-yours, so I guess any of that could be a reason 🤷.

Thank you thank you🤣I still don't know where the "it burns" came from because I didn't see a demonic possession film until I was about eleven, so I guess the power of Satan compelled me to stand up for myself.🤣🤣🤣

Really??? Goodness me, 'condemning' a newborn baby based off geographical location and name seems a little... strange to me💀Your mum was right to insult him on the way out; he clearly wasn't a very good priest if he's making judgements like that. Priests are supposed to be the total opposite of how he was behaving!!! Did you ever get baptised somewhere else?

Thankfully, I was never baptised. That was one fight my mum DID win against my nan. My nan started it, and I finished it.🤣🤣🤣

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studioweus · 1 year

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hello frankie!!!

aah i'm glad you received it! tumblr often eats up asks or notifications so i'm not too surprised lol

i had a feeling you already knew day6 since you like kbands lol shoot me is just so good. as for btob, missing you is just one of those songs i can't skip it's been on my top 100 tracks for like 3 years (so since the first time i heard it lol) and i really recommend their most recent music (as a quartet and then as a full group).

i hope you've had time to listen to the songs, i enjoyed discovering the ones you mentioned 🥰 i actually already had flowering by lucy and hoppipola's cover of creep but i hadn't listened to them in a long time so it was nice to go back to them (i love that hoppipola makes long songs it's so rare). the guitar solo in montage is insane and i have a mutual who's really into yonghoon and he really has an amazing voice so i ended up listening to the whole album!

the dreamcatcher's concert was my first kpop concert (and it was so fun even if i was on my own)! i started listening to kpop like a year before covid hit so by the time i was enough of a fan of groups to consider going to their concert they had stopped touring (or they did online concerts which were technically my first concerts lol) - hopefully there'll be more! what about you, have you been to any concert?

oooh i knew hweseung could play guitar well but i had never seen that performance, it's so nice! i love their lol medley too (love the vid and that dongsung got to sing) but aside from that my faves are probably their live don't cry cover and their don't start me now and leave the door open covers, i really wish they could be on spotify so i could listen to them more easily (seunghyub and hweseung also have great solo covers!) but i think it's already really cool that they have full videos for them with different sets and styling to fit the song, it's liek they really make the songs theirs

as for my holidays traditions, i celebrate christmas 🎄 when i lived with my parents we used to put up the christmas tree together with my brothers but now that i live on my own i don't have enough space to have a tree lol so i'll be going back to my family this weekend to celebrate together 🥰 and other than that i took part in a christmas market at my church (we sell handmade cards and other stuffs as well as some food so that's always nice) and i also really like finding presents for everyone in my family in the weeks leading up to christmas. when it comes to new year's eve i used to do a movie evening with my family but i'll be working that day so i won't go back and i don't know yet what i'll do probably a movie evening of my own! what about you?

and now it's already time for my last question (next time you'll get a notification from me, it'll be your gift!): if you went to an nflying concert, what are the songs you'd like on the setlist?

your secret nfia ✨

i know what you mean 😔 it's a gamble sending asks sometimes. haha but thankfully i got the last ask, and this one too!

so far, i've listened to btob's newer releases (i just let the eps/albums play while i was working earlier!) some of the nct 127 songs - namely favorite and simon says - were familiar! i feel like i listened to parts of those songs. i love the chill vibes for gold dust 🥺 i also got the chance to listen to kihyun's ep, and ended up loving youth too 💛 i'll probably end up listening to the rest of the song recs while i work again. thank you for the recs 🥺💛

i also love that hoppipolla has longer songs too! i feel like it really lets the instrumentalists play around and showcase themselves more~ whoa that's cool! o: and i agree, yonghoon's voice is just *chef's kiss* was there a particular song that left an impression when you listened to the album?

aww that's a bit of poor timing getting into kpop 😔 but i hope the pandemic/quarantine period gave you the time to get into other groups! i actually attended one of the seventeen stops in north america this year during their world tour, and that was my first concert ever. it was so much fun 😭 i also hope there will be more opportunities to see seventeen again / and other groups of course! you said you saw dreamcatcher in their europe tour so i'm assuming you're from there/near europe 👀 unless you traveled to see them ofc. have there been any announcements for n.flying near you? i know they announced a north america one this january! as much as i want to attend, the nearest stop is still a bit far from where i live ;-;

i had to look up the don't cry cover and wow??? their vocals are insane, and hweseung's range is 😲 the rock vibes were very strong. i love don't start now too!! the bass line is so good 😭 leave the door open was great too! haha it's hard to choose fave covers because n.flying always does above and beyond with their arrangements.

it's always nice to spend time with family during the holidays 💛 sorry about the tree LOL the christmas market sounds interesting!! what gifts did you get your family! ah it sucks when work gets in the way of festivities 😔 i also spend christmas with the family! we normally have a big extended family party, but we held off on that during the pandemic so this will be the first time we'll be doing something big in a long while.

hmm setlist... i would definitely want video therapy on there, just because of that one live clip. everything down to the special effects was just great, i would love to see that live! moonshot as well, and of course their recent cb i like you! mainly because that's my first comeback with n.flying as a proper n.fia ☺️ how about you? o:

i can't wait to see the gift!! thank you for the fun conversations 🥺 i hope your week is going well 💛

#replies #secret nfia ✨

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noteguk · 3 years

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bad behavior | jjk | m

This is in the same universe as “bad influence.” It can, however, be read as a stand-alone.

— summary; in which staying late to volunteer at a self-help meeting was the best decision you made in a while.

— contents and warnings; smut, the endless adventures of badboy!jk x goodgirl!reader, public sex (in a church…), dirty talk, fingering, degradation (name calling) but also praise, unprotected sex, clothed sex, creampie, cum play, there is a window and also reflections, rough sex, cockwarming, jk being a lil shit because that’s his main personality trait, jk smokes (only mentioned), enemies to fuckbuddies: dawn of the first day

— words; 8.2k

— author’s note; for the anon that asked how their first time was like ;) join me as we explore the lore of this godforsaken couple

It was your mother’s idea for you to find a new place to volunteer. According to her, it had been a long time since you experienced “the invigorating energy of community work” — last time was when you were trying to level up your college application — and it could really “soothe your anxious soul” during the trying times of college finals. Apparently one tutoring program and two research projects weren’t enough to distract you, but you could see where she was coming from.

In the end, you accepted. The old places you used to volunteer in had either shut off their programs or were just too far away from college for you to consider. At first, you decided to follow your mother’s suggestion and tried to work with children — “small miracles”, as she called them — in a local daycare. Which ended up being a terrible idea.

You liked giving back to the community, you really did, but it wasn’t long until you realized that working with infants hasn’t been your wisest decision, and that children weren’t miracles at all. You got tired of going home covered in paint and with pieces of playdough entangled in your hair, and that was when you weren’t unlucky enough to get hit with other, less clean fluids.

So you eventually gave up — both on the daycare and on the faint idea of one day going into pediatrics — and searched for a new place. After having to yell your way through retirement homes, and getting fed up with washing people’s sidewalks, you finally settled in a program that was flexible and light enough for your intense college hours: preparing (and then later cleaning up) a room that was reserved in a local church for weekly meetings.

The entire ordeal took about two to three hours off your day, and more than half of it was spent as free time: waiting for the meeting to end, cramming piles of information in a small room next door. You didn’t really know what the meetings were about since they changed practically every month — they were, at first, a support group for teenage mothers, then it became an AA meeting, then a group for drug users trying to quit. Lately, you were starting to think that the church just gave away the room for whoever had the money to rent it, so it wasn’t a surprise when it was reserved for a motivational speaker to give confidence lessons.

You had researched the guy, some old dude with an unpronounceable name and a sketchy background, and found exactly the type of person you had expected. Yes, you were in the house of Christ, but you were still being heavily judgmental of the fact that he was giving those talks when he had no qualifications whatsoever, and was probably making bank off all the self-help books he regurgitated at least twice a year to prey on vulnerable people. You did share your worries with the administrative office of the church, but they ultimately fell on deaf ears, and you gave up on the idea of kicking his ass out of the holy grounds anytime soon.

It was after one of those pseudo-motivational talks that you walked into the empty room, ready to clean everything up before rushing back to your place, where your roommate had promised to greet you with some wonderful takeout. The chairs were still placed in a circle on the center of the room, where they had been since forever, and you made sure to align them perfectly before you moved on to the litter that had been thrown around the place.

One good thing about those self-help meetings was that they were a lot cleaner than a lot of other attendees, so the “picking up the trash until your back started to hurt” part passed by surprisingly fast. You had just moved on to the snack table, analyzing what you could still save, when your soul almost left your body.

“Hey, you,” you heard a known voice behind you. “What are you doing in here?”

You swiftly turned around, heart thumping violently against your ribcage. You didn’t know how you hadn’t let out the biggest, most blood-curdling scream ever, but that was just the first of many miracles of the night. “Jesus Christ,” you wheezed out, taking one hand to your chest. “You shouldn’t sneak up on people like this.” You swallowed dry, some part of your brain recalling that he had asked you a question. “And I’m volunteering here.”

“I didn’t sneak up on you, you’re just jumpy.” Jungkook scoffed, leaning against the doorframe with that stupid playful smirk curling up on his lips. You didn’t know they allowed demons inside the church. “And of course you are.” He rolled his eyes.

Maybe a few months back, his mocking tone would’ve stung a bit more. However, you had been tutoring Jungkook for about three months then, suffering through endless sessions of his whining and complaining, and you’ve grown used to his passive-aggressive antics already. You learned that Jungkook was a shark seeking for blood, waiting for any crack that would allow him to jump into a perverse little joke — about how you behaved, your priorities, or even the color of your highlighter. You, of course, always stood your ground and threw his comments right back at him — which was his initial plan, as you’ve come to realize. Jungkook enjoyed playfully arguing with you, and you thought that it was another level of strangeness and masochism you simply didn’t have time to dissect.

Still, Jungkook (shockingly) wasn’t the terrible person you once thought he was. Every once in a while — when he was trying to talk you out of teaching him — the conversations you two would have were actually mostly pleasant, and he wasn’t awful to hang around when he dropped the whole badass persona to act like a real human being. You would even dare to say that Jungkook could be actually funny at times, and not in the bitter, sarcastic way he usually was. Sometimes, you dared to think, he could actually be reasonably nice. And also kind of cute. Even hot.

But you would never actually admit any of that out loud. Or even to yourself, really.

“And you?” You asked, turning back around to face the table full of half-eaten food. That looked like a battlefield, and you could already tell that there were only a few survivors left standing. “What are you doing here? Repenting?”

Jungkook chuckled dryly. “You wish. My parents want me to quit smoking,” he said. You could not see him, but you could hear him walking closer to you as you fumbled with the large Tupperware. “We settled on this crap instead of a forced intervention.”

You scoffed. Most of the food before you was unsalvageable — some of the cupcakes had been bitten once and then placed back, and you wondered how someone like that could function in society. “You don’t seem very motivated to quit,” you mumbled.

Jungkook clicked his tongue. “I don’t really care.”

His voice was much closer to you, and you felt the air leaving your lungs for a pitiful instant. You convinced yourself you had only gotten scared again. “You should care about the growing possibility of lung cancer.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But it’s not really on the top of my list of priorities at the moment.”

“And what is?” You asked.

“Amongst other things…” he trailed off and, suddenly, he was standing besides you, pointing at the chaotic pile of sweets. “I actually came back to grab another one of those cupcakes. The chocolate ones are great.”

You didn’t know why, but his comment broke the odd tension that you didn’t even know that was there, clicking you back into your previous mentality — the one that you just wanted to finish cleaning up so you could leave soon. “All yours,” you told him, “grab as many as you want.”

Jungkook hummed in satisfaction, reaching out to grab one special brown cupcake — an untouched one, thankfully. “I love when you talk dirty.” He almost moaned before shoving the cupcake inside his mouth, taking a huge bite off it. Dramatically, Jungkook rolled his eyes and sighed in delight. “These are fucking great.”

You chuckled, glancing at his direction. Jungkook was dressed in all black, like he usually was, and you were starting to recognize a newfound admiration towards his constant use of leather jackets. What? He looked good. “I’m glad the self-help sessions are paying off,” you commented, swiftly placing the cupcakes inside the transparent container.

Jungkook was paying attention to your actions now, like he noticed you were there working for the first time. “What are you doing with the rest?”

“The church will probably donate it, give it to the homeless or something.” You shrugged. “Or they’ll eat it, I don’t know. I just clean up the place and leave.”

Jungkook laughed at that, taking another monstrous bite from his cupcake and throwing himself on one of the nearby chairs. Your eye twitched a little at the thought that he had ruined your perfect circle, but you’d have to fix that on your way out. “Sounds absurdly boring,” he sang. “And they’re not even paying you.”

You sighed. “After all the places I’ve volunteered in, boring is a blessing,” you told him. You had just placed five hot dogs in the container, and you were starting to wonder if it would be a good idea to feed people in need with those suspicious sausages. “But, yeah, you probably don’t care about any of that.”

“You don’t know what I care about,” Jungkook said matter-of-factly. You didn’t know if he was trying to tease you, but his voice came out so soft and monotone that you couldn’t really be mad about it. It was true, after all: you didn’t actually know what he cared about. Sometimes you thought that he could read you better than you could read him. “Want me to stay here with you? This place is probably empty already.”

You could not hold back your laugh at that, turning around so you could look at him. “Are you offering to be my bodyguard? In a church?”

Jungkook pouted. There was a thin line of chocolate on the side of his lips, which he quickly licked clean. “I’m trying to be nice.”

You giggled, turning back towards the disgusting food. The rest was mostly trash, but you were happy enough with the amount you had managed to find in a good state. “That’s new.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked. “I’m always nice.”

“Always is a strong word.” You smiled, closing the lid of the Tupperware. You had managed to fill three small containers with the leftovers and, honestly, that was a big victory. “But you can stay or you can leave, I don’t mind. I’m almost done anyways.”

He frowned. “Is that your answer?”

You turned around. “What? You want me to beg for your company?” You smiled. “You’re mistaken if you think I’d ever do that.”

“I’m staying.” Jungkook crumpled up the piece of cupcake wrapping and threw it in the trash can besides your body. He watched you for a moment as you started to throw the leftovers away, your back turned to him and a distracted look on your face. When he broke the silence again, you were throwing the last piece of bread in the bin. “Why are you volunteering?”

“Because I like giving back to the community.”

Jungkook sneered at your words. “Seriously now. Don’t lie, we’re in a church.”

“I do, actually,” you stood your ground. There was a vague sound of crickets coming from the half-open window and the low buzzing of the fluorescent lights above you, but, other than that, the city was covered in absolute silence. Perhaps that was why you felt so at peace. “But my mom told me it would be a good thing to keep myself relaxed. You know, take my mind off college stuff.”

He hummed, and you heard him getting up from the chair. “You always do what your mom tells you?”

You met his gaze. “Didn’t your parents make you come here?”

He smiled. “Not the point.”

Before you could hold yourself back, your lips were curling up. Again: Jungkook wasn’t absolutely awful to be around when he actually acted like a human being. “When she says something I agree with, yes,” you told him. “My ego isn’t bruised when it comes to following someone’s idea.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re saying that mine is?”

“I didn’t say that.” You smirked and turned back to the table. You started piling up the used plastic cups, already eyeing all the used plates, forks and knives that you’d have to throw away. The daycare had better eating manners than that. “Thought we were talking about me.”

“We were,” Jungkook agreed. One of his inked hands moved to the table, and you were about to tell him that he could eat more of the cupcakes when you realized that he had started to reach for the discardable plates, throwing them away. You really didn’t think he’d help you. “Finals are coming up, though, and you care about that shit. Shouldn’t you be using this time to study or something?”

“I study while you’re out here listening to becoming your real self or, I don’t know... waking up the giant within,” you said. “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

He hummed, his nose cringing up at the disgusting remains of food that stuck to the plastic forks. Jungkook seriously didn’t know how you could do that for fun. “You know there are better ways to relax than cleaning up a dusty room, right?”

“Probably,” you agreed. The cups were already in the trash, alongside with the plates, and there were only a few crumpled up napkins to get rid of before you tasted the sweet nectar of freedom. “But here I am. That’s what I chose for myself.”

“Literally any other option would’ve been better,” Jungkook pressed on. “Isn’t that obnoxious friend of yours in cheer or something?”

“Who? Jisoo?” You smiled at him. No one had ever called her obnoxious, but you couldn’t say that the title didn’t fit. Jisoo could be really… intense when it came to standing up for what she believed in. “She is. She invited me to join her already, if that’s what you’re gonna ask, but it’s not really my thing.”

“It’s a shame,” he mumbled, leaning against the table. It was a beautiful miracle how clean that room had become just by getting rid of the piles of gross food, and you had proudly thrown the last piece of paper inside the trash bin when Jungkook spoke up again. “You’d look really hot in that outfit.”

You stopped in your tracks, taking a second to digest the claim he had so mindlessly thrown your way. Just like all-things-Jungkook, a pleasant conversation could not last long, so you weren’t even surprised that he managed to ruin that talk with such a fuckboy-esque comment.

Also like all-things-Jungkook, he managed to awaken a reaction out of you that you didn’t even know could be there. With a faint heat in your cheeks and a frown blossoming amongst your features, you actually felt a little bit of... satisfaction with the fact that he thought that you’d look hot in that skimpy outfit. At the same time, you wanted to slap yourself for falling into his charms so easily.

In that conflicting turmoil of emotions, all you could say was a monotone, “You cannot be serious right now.”

Even if you kind of wanted him to be serious.

“I’m being dead serious,” Jungkook didn’t back down, much to the elation of your ego. You felt like a schoolgirl being recognized by her crush, and the idea alone made your stomach curl onto itself. What the hell were you even thinking about? Yeah, Jungkook was pretty hot, but he was also kind of a douche and you didn’t want to get involved with that mess of a person. Or at least that was what you were trying to convince yourself of. “I mean…” he continued, “you’re even rocking this knee-level dress right now, can’t even imagine how you’d look if—“

“You can shut up now, Jungkook, thanks,” you interrupted him. Because you didn’t know how to act when he was so blatantly flirting with you, you switched back to the same passive-aggressive behavior that you had given him for the past three months. Call it self-preservation, call it panic, but your mind simply didn’t know where to go from there. “And I’m also done here, so you can skidaddle back to whatever swamp you came out of.”

“Awn, don’t be mean, princess.” He pouted. Jungkook was a master at getting you worked up, and you had just given that to him on a silver platter. Maybe if you had mock-flirted back, he would’ve baked away. You would never know. “I was just fucking with you, you’re too easy to tease.”

You pressed your lips together, hip touching the corner of the now empty table. “You were pretty much harassing me,” you said playfully.

“I was not.” Jungkook smirked, shoving his hands inside the pockets of his pants. When had the two of you gotten so close? There was barely any space between your chests. “But it’s okay, I’m not gonna compliment you anymore, don’t worry. You don’t have to be so defensive.”

“I’m not being defensive,” you said, defensive.

“What, is it the church setting?” He raised his eyebrows, taking a look around. “Is it making you uncomfortable?”

“No,” you answered, crossing your arms before your chest. Jungkook followed the movement and his gaze got stuck on the shape of your breasts for a second too long, making a newfound wave of heat rise up to your cheeks. “Not as much as you’re trying to make me uncomfortable right now.”

He chuckled. “You do look cute when you’re shy,” Jungkook teased, taking a step towards you, and you took another one back, pretending you were just going to lean against the table. You sat on it in a weird diagonal position, with one leg still on the ground and the other dangling over the edge. Jungkook was so close that, when he spoke again, voice just above a whisper, you could feel his breath on your skin. “If you don’t want me here, just ask me to go and I’ll go.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but no words came out. The atmosphere was filled with electricity, your body drowning in the warmth of his presence, the sharp seriousness in his dark eyes, and you could not bring yourself to say anything. Did you want him to leave?

No, you realized in a rush of adrenaline, you didn’t want him to leave at all.

Jungkook raised one of his eyebrows. “Hm? Nothing?” He smirked, placing himself between your legs. Every nerve of your body was screaming for you to touch him, to just wrap his mouth with yours, and you simply could not respond to any of its commands. “You’re full of surprises.”

You found your voice at that comment, heart hammering against your chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re a smart girl, you can figure it out.” Jungkook placed one strand of your hair behind your ear, his gaze flickering down to your chest. From where he stood, he could see the beautiful mounds of your breasts peeking under the fabric, licking his lips at the sight. “Can I at least say that I like your dress?”

Jungkook’s palm slithered up your knee before you could even react, moving towards your inner thigh and raising your dress along with it. His touch was electrifying, and you found yourself craving more of it, a sigh caught on your throat at the tenderness of his hot skin.

“Something tells me that your compliment isn’t so innocent,” you told him, leaning your head back slightly so you could hold his gaze. “Aren’t you gonna complete that and say that I would look better without it?”

Jungkook chuckled. “The idea is compelling, I’ll admit it,” he said, rubbing soft circles on your skin. His other hand slithered around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “But don’t need to take it off to fuck you.”

Your eyes grew wide at that, brain short-circuiting. You frankly couldn’t believe that was happening — the fact that Jungkook was so shamelessly trying (and honestly succeeding) to initiate sex with you. In a fucking church too, of all places. “What- what did you say?”

“You heard what I said.” His stare didn’t falter. Jungkook was looking at you like he could eat you whole, and you seriously wouldn’t mind if he tried to. You'd deal with the social and psychological implications of that another time. “Just tell me to stop and I’ll do it, princess. No hard feelings, promise.”

This time, you spoke out and the firmness and certainty in your voice surprised even yourself. “I don’t want you to stop.”

“No?” His voice sounded like honey, so deep and melodic even through the thick layers of his sarcasm. You had never heard him get so serious, so focused, and the thought that it was all for you was igniting a fire inside your guts. “You wanna get fucked in a church?”

You bit your lip, blinking up at him. The point was: you wanted Jungkook, of all people, to fuck you. The fact that it was in a church was just the cherry on top, and you didn’t care about it as much as you should — your mom would be weeping blood if she knew what was going on, but you weren’t planning on telling anything to anybody. “And what if I do?” You asked back teasingly.

Jungkook smiled, knocking the breath right out of you. You could only hope that you didn’t look as horny as you felt, because your pride was still on the line. “Told you that you were full of surprises.” He pushed one of your legs open, making you lose your support on the floor. Now, both of your feet were dangling off the edge, body trapped between his strong arms and thighs on either side of him. “Are you a virgin, baby?”

You shook your head, and your voice reached you a bit later. “No.”

“Naughty,” Jungkook said, leaning in. He stared at you like a lion stalking its prey, his gaze lingering on your parted lips before, at last, he tilted his head to the side, deciding to move towards your neck instead. “But if you have the taste I think you do, you probably had some lame missionary sex with some goodie-two shoes.”

When he started kissing your neck, you almost forgot to give him a response. You had to bite your lip to suppress a moan, instead producing a low, shaky sigh. “And if I did? What’s the problem with some lame missionary sex?”

“No need to get mad, I’m on your side here,” Jungkook said, one of his hands navigating up your waist, between the valley of your breasts, before grabbing your boob. That time, you couldn’t hold back the whimper that escaped you. “Did he make you cum?”

“Sometimes,” you said, slightly flustered. You didn’t think you’d be discussing your sexual history with Jungkook, but, well, there you were. “He was alright.”

“Only sometimes?” Jungkook chuckled, the vibrations of his deep timbre vibrating through the sensitive skin of your neck, his thumb grazing your nipple. The heat between your legs only grew, your entire body practically begging to feel more of him. “That’s a shame, I could do better.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t start getting cocky.”

“I never stopped being cocky,” he responded without hesitation. Well, he was right. “And I do have a good track record.”

“Doubt it,” you said, the ghost of a smile lingering on your lips. You knew that you were playing a dangerous game, pressing right at the weak spots of his inflated ego to see how he would react. Perhaps you’d be luckier trying to poke a bear with a short stick. “You wouldn’t know the difference between a real and fake orgasm even if it hit you in the face.”

Jungkook leaned back and looked at you for an instant. You knew he had caught onto your challenge straight away. He liked it as much as you did, there was no doubt about that. “Let’s see, shall we?” he asked. There was no denying the devilish aura that was all around him now, suffocating you with its tempting heat. “How long do we have?”

“I’m locking up the room tonight,” you said, watching as his eyes sparked with an emotion you could not decipher. “But I wanna get home before ten. Have homework.”

You could see him fighting against the natural urge to ridicule you for saying something like that at such an odd time, but, at the end, he managed to avoid it. “More than enough time.” Jungkook placed one hand on the back of your neck, gaze darting hungrily toward your lips. “Come here.”

And then his mouth was on yours, and everything else was white noise. Jungkook kissed you much slower than you had anticipated, taking his sweet time caressing your mouth with his; hands exploring the curves of your body and teasing their way underneath your dress. He sighed heavily against your mouth when you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss, his soft tongue poking out and entering your mouth perfectly. Jungkook was a good kisser, you had to admit it, and he got your knees weak sooner than you’d like.

His body was hot and firm against yours and you could feel the outline of his abs underneath your fingers as you trailed your hands down his torso; his quick heartbeat drumming on your palms. Jungkook’s breathing got heavier as you hooked your fingers on the hem of his pants and tugged him toward you. Instantly you noticed the outline of his hard cock against your inner thigh.

Then, something switched. Just as you had reached out to touch his hardness, squeezing it lightly underneath your fingers, Jungkook groaned against your mouth and bit down on your lip. You had barely any time to react before he was pulling away from the kiss, gaze darkening.

“Such a tease,” he mumbled hoarsely, his breath hitting your mouth in soft waves. His hand was hovering over your heat, his middle finger pressing down on your sensitive nub, making you whimper. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

Jungkook was much quicker than your thoughts and, within a second, the motion of your panties being pushed aside made you fumble closer to him; your hands holding tightly onto his shoulders when he finally decided to touch you.

“Fuck,” he groaned next to your ear, making your mind go blank for a split second. The teasing motions of his digits brushing your entrance were enough to make you whimper, hips thrusting forward in a failed attempt to make him move further. “Look at this, you’re soaking my fingers. Wanna get fucked that bad?”

But he didn’t let you respond. The sudden intrusion of two fingers inside your pussy made your back arch, nails digging in the leather of his jacket as Jungkook opened you up. “I—” you tried to speak, but it was hard to think when he started pumping his fingers in and out of you. The sounds of your wetness were a filthy symphony filling the quiet atmosphere. “Jungkook, what—”

“God, that’s so tight,” he groaned, speaking through clenched teeth. His voice was enough to shut you up at the spot, a frail moan dripping from your lips. “Relax, baby, you’re too tense. Let me take care of you, alright?”

You nodded, eyes drifting shut as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of you. You hated to admit it, but Jungkook was already winning against your ex by a long shot: the way his digits brushed inside you, gradually moving apart to stretch you, got you searching — begging — for more. You were sure you could cum around his fingers and, when he curled them up and they dragged against your sweet spot, the idea became a lot more palpable.

“Jungkook, you’re taking too long, I’m gonna cum like this,” you complained, chest rising and falling under the waves of your upcoming orgasm. You could feel it building up in your stomach, ready to snap, and you didn’t want it to happen around his fingers. “I wanna feel you.”

Jungkook breathed out at your needy request, placing a kiss against your jaw. “I’m just getting you ready for my cock, baby,” he said. A loud moan dripped from you when he unceremoniously added a third finger, your legs trembling on either side of his body. “I don’t know if you can take it.”

You scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself,” you said, only half aware of the fact that your voice sounded more like a whimper than a serious comment. “I can.”

He smirked wickedly. You really were pushing his buttons. “We’ll see about that,” Jungkook responded.

Within a second, right as your orgasm was about to wash over you, he removed his fingers from your pussy. The frustrated moan you let out was quickly swollen by him, his mouth rogue against yours and the sweetness of his tongue intoxicating you — probably those stupid cupcakes, you thought.

“Turn around for me,” he asked.

You quickly did as he requested, putting your feet on the ground before turning your back to him, hands leaning on the table. Jungkook placed one hand on the curve of your spine, pushing you down until you had your chest against the surface, ass perked up and pussy in full display for him. There was a gush of cold air against your flesh when he pulled up the fabric of your dress and tossed it over your waist, exposing your lower body for him.

The boy hummed at the sight, one of his legs kicking your feet apart so he could position himself in the middle of your thighs. “You’re pretty all around,” Jungkook commented, one of his palms grazing your asscheek before grabbing it. His motion was harsh, needy; earning a whimper from you. “Knew you would be.”

Through the dense clouds of your desire, there was still some part of you that managed to make fun of that situation. “You spend your free time thinking about my ass?”

“Won’t answer until I have a lawyer present,” he joked.

You felt his fingers hooking around the fabric of your panties, pushing it further to the side so you had your cunt fully exposed for him to see. The drumming of your heartbeat almost drowned out the low groan he produced at the sight of your flushed heat.

“Princess, your pussy is dripping so much…” Jungkook trailed off, one of his fingers tracing a line between your lips. He felt the urge to eat you out, to lick you completely clean and make you cum on his tongue, but he decided that would have to wait for a different time. “Is this all for me?”

“Yeah, all for you,” you said, weak. There was a thundering exasperation building up inside you, motivated from your denied orgasm and from the way that Jungkook was taking his sweet time.

“Good girl,” he mumbled and your chest was filled with pride. “Can’t wait to fuck it.”

“Then don’t wait,” you practically begged. “Just rush.”

He removed his finger from your heat. “Shh… be patient,” Jungkook told you and you swore you could practically hear the smile in his voice. You could hear him shuffling behind you, the sound of his zipper opening echoing around that still room. “I’m gonna give you whatever you want.”

You whined at the abrupt feeling of his warm cock rubbing between your folds, its tip hitting your clit after every languid thrust. “Fuck,” you cried out, shaky. Jungkook wasn’t lying when he said that he was big, his length was so thick that you were starting to get second thoughts whether you could take it or not. Not that you would ever admit it out loud. “Just put it in, Jungkook.”

But Jungkook was having way more fun just teasing you. “Pussy’s so wet for me.” He breathed out, his hands tightening around your hips. You felt him throb between your folds, and the sensation got you searching for air. “You’re soaking my cock, baby. You want it that much?”

“Y-Yeah.”

Jungkook hummed, leaning in so he could place a kiss on your shoulder. “I’m gonna fuck you like you deserve to be fucked, princess,” he promised, his length still rubbing between your folds. He was so hard and heavy that your mind was spinning, your lungs drowning in expectation. “Gonna fuck you so well that you’re never going to forget it. Do you want that?”

“Yes,” your voice was a pathetic moan, and you hated your body for betraying you so easily. “Yes, please.”

After another pec on your shoulder, Jungkook leaned back. “Be loud for me, alright?” He asked. “Can you do that for me?”

You swallowed hard — what were the chances that someone would hear you? You had no idea. “Yeah, whatever you want, just fuck me.”

“Whatever I want? That’s a dangerous thing to say.” He moved around behind you, making you flinch when you felt his cock align with your dripping entrance. The anticipation was driving you insane. “Might have to see if you’re up for it another time.”

There was an answer somewhere in your mind — you could swear there was — but it was quickly forgotten the second that Jungkook pushed himself inside you. The drag of his cock was a delicious torture, streching you out and filling you up to the brim until you were shaking under his touch, both of you moaning at the sensation.

“Oh my god.” You breathed out, hands turning into fists on the table. Your cheek was pressed against the polished wood, hot breath creating small white clouds on the surface.

Jungkook released a shaky sigh when he felt you clenching around him, your body desperately trying to move closer to him. “Fuck, baby,” he hissed, his hands holding onto your hips for dear life. Gradually, he moved himself away from your pussy just so he could slam back inside, marveling on the way you trembled at the feeling, crying out his name in the prettiest of whimpers. “Your pussy is so fucking tight. Squeezing my cock so well.”

Took you only an instant to realize that you were absolutely addicted to the feeling of his cock inside you, the heavenly push of his hardness in and out of you as he slowly started to set a pace. “Oh my god, I’m—” a pitiful hiccup interrupted you, turning your voice into a sharp cry. “That’s so good, Jungkook.”

Jungkook chuckled behind you, his thrusts starting to pick up speed. Your eyes closed in endless bliss, every part of your brain focused on the sensation of his fat length stretching you up. “Told you I’d be, not my fault you didn’t believe me,” he said, but you could tell that his confidence had started to wear itself thin — he, too, seemed to be much more focused on the way that your bodies met. “Do you touch yourself, princess?”

You almost didn’t know how to answer him, a deep heat rushing up to your cheeks. “W-What?”

“When you’re alone, baby,” he practically hissed. You were bouncing on the table then, your body jerking up and down as he fully pistoned his cock inside your heat. “Do you play with your little pussy?”

“Y-yes,” you stammered, embarrassed. “S-Sometimes.”

“Show me how you do it,” he requested in-between huffs, lust dripping from every syllable. Jungkook spoke to you like a siren, effortlessly inducting you to comply with everything he wanted. “Come on. Don’t be shy, I wanna see you play with yourself for me.”

You didn’t even know if what you were feeling was shyness, but there was a veil of hesitation that covered your actions. As your hands moved downwards, one of them clenching around the fabric of your dress and pulling it up while the other trailed over your mound, you felt strangely vulnerable, exposed. At the same time, you wanted to do what he asked you to, wanted him to wash you over with compliments until your mind was going blank.

So you closed your eyes and focused on the sensation of two of your fingers coating themselves in your wetness, then their pressure on your clit. You whined at the feeling, pleasure exploding in your veins as you started to rub yourself, tracing small circles on your sensitive spot. There was no way you could ever reach that sensation again, the sweet motions of your fingers combining perfectly with the thrusts of his hard, fat cock inside you. You were doomed.

“That’s it… just like that, baby,” Jungkook whispered, obsessed with the sensation of your walls fluttering around him. You had gotten so tight that he thought he would see heaven at any second now. “Feels good?”

“Y-Yeah, so good...” you struggled to get out, “feels amazing, Jungkook.”

“So perfect for me,” his praise shot straight up to your core, making you mewl under him. God, the way that you were tightening around him was going to drive him insane. “You feel so fucking good, I can’t stop fucking you.”

Jungkook took one of his hands to your neck, using it to guide your body upwards until you had your back pressed against his chest; his hot lips assaulting your neck. The new position made it so much easier for his cock to drill inside you, reaching even deeper and hitting sweet spots you didn’t even know you had. It wasn’t long before you were moaning out, eyes fluttering shut as the pleasure overtook you.

“Just take a look at that, baby,” his voice broke you out of your hypnotized state. “Look at you. Such a good slut, just taking everything I’m giving you, touching yourself for my cock… fuck. Could watch you like this forever.”

You had to take a moment to understand what he was talking about, and then you saw it: the window. It stood silently across the room from you, half open, and the glass combined with the darkness of the night gave a perfect reflection of the two of you. You could see yourself, the mess you had become, as Jungkook pounded in and out of you and your fingers worked on your clit; the darkness of his hungry gaze as he followed the motions of your body against his.

Even if you cried out at the sight, your body freezed up a little at the thought of someone walking by and seeing that private spectacle. The possibility itself was minimal — the window gave way to the side of the land, where a big, thick fence separated it from the nearby houses; most of the ground covered by large trees and bushes — but it wasn’t zero. You couldn’t even begin to imagine the humiliation that would come from being seen like that.

He, of course, noticed your change of demeanor right away, and you could see in the faint reflection that he had smirked at that realization. “What is it? Are you worried someone is going to walk by?” Jungkook almost groaned against your ear. His cock continued to pump ferociously in and out of you, and you couldn’t even understand your own thoughts for a moment. “That someone is gonna see you get fucked like a good slut?”

“It’s not—” a moan cut your sentence short. Not like you knew where you were heading, anyways.

“No one is gonna see you like this, know why?” Jungkook was grunting, his fingers tightening around your throat. You cried out at the feeling, your cunt clenching around him in a way that got him fucking you even harder. “Cause this is all for me. Just for me.”

Then he was pushing you back on the table, your chest crashing against the wooden surface and his hands yanking you by the waist. Jungkook was fucking you so hard that your worries left you as soon as they arrived, your mind a turmoil of desires and broken exclamations that didn’t give space to anything else but him.

“You look fucking gorgeous like this, stuffed with cock,” he marveled at the sight. There was a known wave of pleasure hovering over you, ready to crash at any given moment, and you stopped rubbing yourself just so you could prolong its arrival. “Wanna see you cum for me, make a mess for me, baby.”

The words left you in a confusing, broken order, “Jungkook, I can’t… too much… can’t...”

“Shhh, you can,” he was slowly easing you into your orgasm, his cock drilling in and out of your pussy. Jungkook fucked like a machine, fast and precise, and you didn’t think you’d be able to forget that anytime soon. “You told me you could take it, so now you’re gonna take it. Don’t you wanna be good for me?”

“I- I want to… I’m so close,” you cried out, pressing your forehead against the table. You didn’t know how it hadn’t broken yet, with the way that Jungkook was fucking you so mercilessly hard. “I’m so, so close.”

“Cream my cock, baby, come on,” he urged you on, his member throbbing inside you at the thought. Your legs were so weak that you knew you’d fall facedown on the floor if he wasn’t supporting your weight with his strong arms. “Be a good girl and cream my cock for me.”

And that was it. That was all that you needed to push yourself over the edge, submerging you in ecstasy and making you squeeze him so deliciously. “J-Jungkook!” You moaned out his name again and again, unsure of how loud you were being, but also not caring as much as you should. Jungkook realized he loved hearing you call his name more than anything else. “Fuck! Oh my god!”

“That’s it, baby,” he moaned back, his thrusts a sloppy, uncoordinated mess. He was hypnotized by the view of your cunt hugging him, your wetness dripping down your thighs as you rode out the last seconds of your orgasm. “Pussy’s so fucking tight, so fucking perfect— gonna cum too.”

You gasped out at the sensitivity that was starting to spread, every movement shaky as you tried to push yourself against him. “Yes, please.” You looked over your shoulder, meeting his hooded gaze. Jungkook looked like a god, his dark hair sweaty and messy and his lip trapped between his teeth. That image would plague you forever. “Cum inside me, please.”

He groaned loudly, eyes closing for a second. “Fuck, that’s so fucking hot,” he hissed, chest heaving with anticipation. You knew he was close, everything pointed to that, and all that you wanted was to see him reach his high, using your body like it was just a doll for him to fuck. “Didn’t know you’d want to be filled up with cum, princess.”

“I’m full of surprises.” You smiled — a pretty, fucked-out smile that got Jungkook grunting like a madman. “I want your cum inside me, Jungkook, please.”

“Gonna fuck you full of my cum, don’t worry— Shit.” The sounds he was making were heavily: those breathy, high-pitched moans that echoed all around you; broken by deep grunts that had your thighs shaking. Jungkook fucked himself in you like he was meant for it, throwing his head back and closing his eyes as he finally found his orgasm. “Fuck! That’s it, fuck—”

Jungkook called out your name and mixed it with praises and curses when he came, spilling himself inside your pussy. You sighed at the feeling, taking in the blissful sensation of having his hot cum spilling out of you, dripping down your legs as he continued to thrust inside you, milking out his orgasm.

At last, he started to wince from sensitivity. His body collided against your back, his heavy breathing fanning your neck as he tried to collect himself. “Fuck, baby,” he mumbled, “you’re amazing.”

“You’re not so terrible yourself.” You could not help the smile that appeared on your lips, nor the way that you melted against the surface of the table, drowning in his heat.

Still, you couldn’t stay there for much longer: it was already a miracle that no one heard the chaos going on in that room, and you weren’t trying to push your luck for the night. Especially since you had a pile of homework (and possibly — now cold — takeout) waiting for you at home.

You raised your body, leaning against your elbows. “I have to leave,” you told him, taking one of your hands to lay on top of his tattooed one, trying to ease his grip from your waist. “Now if you could just…”

“Shhh, shhh,” Jungkook hushed, unrelenting. He was much stronger than you, and your muscles were too weak for you to try and do much, so you eventually gave up. “Stop moving. Let me feel you around me for just a bit more.”

You frowned. “Why?”

“I like it,” he said simply. His breath was a faint caress against the skin of your neck, and you didn’t have much fight left in you. “We all have our tastes.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re so weird.”

“Don’t kinkshame.” Jungkook pouted, then pressed a kiss against your shoulder. “You just begged me to fuck you in a church, remember?”

“Yeah, I guess I don’t have much place to judge.” You laughed dryly, then looked over your shoulder. “Why is your cock still hard? How long is this gonna take?”

Jungkook groaned, clearly annoyed. “Shut up and enjoy the moment.”

The so-called moment lasted about two more minutes (which was kind of impressive, you thought) before Jungkook softened and slipped out of you. You hated to admit but you kind of liked the feeling of having him still inside you, completing you as his lips danced around your neck; fingers tenderly playing with your hair. You never thought Jungkook would be so gentle after fucking you like that, but you guessed that you weren’t the only one that was full of surprises.

Jungkook, apparently, also liked to admire his work. After he had slipped out of you, he made you sit back on the table just so he could stare at his own cum dripping out of you, a glimmer of satisfaction in his dark gaze. He had pushed his white release back inside you and smirked up at you, asking, ever so kindly, for you to go home like that, filled with his cum.

You, of course, promptly accepted it.

“By the way,” he called when you two had already stepped out of the church, enveloped by the coldness of the night. There was only one solitary light pole illuminating his features, making him look like one of the saints in the chapel — nothing but fake advertisement, in your opinion. “Wanna know how much I got in that immunology test?”

“How much?” You asked.

“Eighty two.” Jungkook smiled brightly then, and you found yourself joining him. “Never saw a grade so high in my life. And that counts all the times I’ve cheated too.”

“Seems like the tutoring sessions are paying off.” You crossed your arms before your chest, the hem of your dress swirling around your knees. The night was weirdly peaceful after everything that had taken place.

“They are.” He nodded. “I’m looking forward to the next one. Helps that my tutor is kind of a hottie too.”

You scoffed. “So I’ve heard.”

“And, by the way?”

“Yeah?”

“You would look better without it.” He pointed at your dress, a sly smile already sprouting on his lips. “Hope to see it next time.”

“Good night, Jungkook.” You rolled your eyes, already turning around — yeah, like there would ever be a next time.

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