I thrive off of knowing that I’m slowly deteriorating my own body. Having my hair fall out, under eye bags from lack of sleep, getting up to feel dizzy and lightheaded, not thinking straight, being shaky, random bruises on my body, being on the verge of passing out, stomach aches, all of it. I know I feel like shit, look like shit but as sad as it is this self hatred that is buried inside me is working hand in hand with me, to give me a sick sense of euphoria. I’m coming to a point where I’m not sure If can stop, not sure if I can get better. This mental and physical destruction is becoming addictive and it’s toxic.
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