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kwamiwayzz · 4 years

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some frozen fanfic that i wanted to be a frozen tv series at one point

Seeing all this new Frozen 2 content makes me think about the time I spent my early college days (like...3-4 years ago?) writing up a pitch bible for a Frozen TV series and

damn

I wrote maybe about 25+ full pages of just the premise and every single character from the first movie was in it. I kind of planned it to be a 3-arc (3 season) hypothetical tv series where the first season would focus heavily on Elsa and Anna, season 2 would have Hans take over Arendelle while Elsa and Anna were away and supposedly ends with Elsa leaving, season 3 has Anna taking the role as Queen of Arendelle after hearing about Elsa’s “death” while Elsa is trying to find her way back home as well as learn more about her powers

Season 1: There’s a festival going on in the kingdom and a prince from the Southern Isles who calls himself Lars Westergaard visits Arendelle to improve relations with them and bridge the strain between the two kingdoms. Of course, Anna doesn’t trust him due to her trauma with Hans, but Lars tries to apologize on his behalf.

Prince Lars Westergaard invites Elsa back to the Southern Isles to continue improving relations between their kingdoms. He has also paid a visit to see Elsa’s powers for himself since he finds the idea of magical powers fascinating. Anna is heavily against a prince from the Southern Isles taking Elsa someplace. Elsa is pretty skeptical too, but something about Lars seems trustworthy, and she does want to hear what the King of the Southern Isles has to say.

Anna feels too anxious letting her sister go to the Southern Isles alone (especially after getting her sister back), and decides to act as a second kingdom official to accompany Elsa to the Southern Isles (idk what you call it but roll with it). Elsa doesn’t think Anna should come because someone needs to watch over Arendelle. General Matthias (I finally found something to cover up my earlier plot hole, pepe.emoji) decides to act as a temporary head of Arendelle and Elsa promotes Kristoff as a Lord to ensure other kingdoms don’t think Arendelle has no power while the Queen and Princess are away.

Unfortunately, on the way to the Southern Isles, Lars’s ship is caught in a freak wave, causing Elsa and Anna to be lost at sea. When the two sisters wake up they find themselves on an unknown land and find themselves to be foreigners. Not many people of that country really have much favor towards them or even recognize them and the two are just trying to find a way back home (cue Elsa using her powers as performing stunt to get money so they can go back home).

After getting enough money, however, their goods are stolen by a robber girl (original Snow Queen story, who is actually a robber and a girl and Asian-coded). Elsa and Anna try to find her, they do, turns out the robber girl is part of a gang that steals from the rich and gives to the poor yadda yadda and the robber girl hates royalty and thinks they all give off a patronizing vibe. They get along at some point and offer to find a way to take Elsa and Anna back home.

(yadda yadda adventure, yadda yadda Robber Girl character development, yadda yadda anime references cause im trash)

After who knows how long, Elsa and Anna finally make it back to Arendelle only to find out that it is under a new ruler. It’s not Matthias or Lord Kristoff.

It’s King Hans.

Sparknoted Season 2: After coming back to an Arendelle under the rule of King Hans, Anna and Elsa immediately turn their suspicion to Prince Lars, who admits he had no idea Hans had smuggled away on his ship when he went to visit Arendelle. The citizens are under unrest and it doesn’t help that the people of Arendelle think the Queen and Princess died overseas similar to their parents. There are people divided on who they support, the new King Hans or their rightful ruler, Queen Elsa.

The rest of this season deals with Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff dethroning King Hans. Hans and Anna battle it out and Anna loses an eye (lmao might change this if I ever write this). Seeing Anna critically injured causes Elsa’s powers to go apeshit and almost kills Hans in the process, but Anna stops her.

Elsa becomes even more terrified of the capability she has but wants to learn more about how to use her powers effectively to help people. I think I had some part where she goes with Lars at the end and leaves Anna for awhile so she can hone her skills and help people across the world (when in reality, Lars was lowkey using her as a human weapon).

And yes, I did think of Elsa leaving and supposedly dying and Anna getting depressed about it with Anna being Queen before I saw anything Frozen 2 related.

Sparknoted Season 3: Due to the trauma that she underwent after the Battle of Arendelle and Hans, including the sudden coronation where she has to rise as a Queen, Anna feels extremely under a lot of pressure and the stress around her life along with thinking Elsa is dead turns her almost into a husk (I feel like I maaayyyy have gone a bit overboard with the angst on her, like think Fire Emblem D/imitri level of angst). She finds out from Lars that Elsa had supposedly died trying to protect one of the kingdoms they were visiting (when in reality she was trying to escape him and warn Anna about Lars’s underlying colonial ambitions). Lars tries to convince Queen Anna

This was also a season where Elsa and Anna are separated for a long time and don’t reunite until close to the end of the season. Hans is actually locked up in Arendelle prison since his father disowned him, but Anna sometimes visits him just to get the “voices” out of her head and to actually ask for help in ruling a kingdom. Hans and Anna have a bit of complicated relationship, but she eventually releases him from prison to get rid of an incoming threat since she feels as if he could be useful.

yadda yadda plot (im getting tired of making this too long lmaoooo)

Elsa returns back to Arendelle finally, reunites with Anna, Hans is redeemed after helping and spending time with Anna and Kristoff. Kristoff and Anna get back together at some point. Elsa knows that Anna is better fit as Queen and Elsa becomes the royal protector.

After Lars is defeated, Hans visits him (i swear ill explain more later) and tells him he was the only brother he cared for. Lars tells Hans that they were both trapped in the expectations of what their father wanted out of them. He was hoping to be better than their father, but Lars sees that he had become their father unintentionally through colonizing multiple countries and bringing some sort of “peace” to them. Hans sees the same in himself too, but has found peace through Anna and the others accepting him.

The end shows a royal portrait of Queen Anna, Royal Protector Elsa, Lord Kristoff, and Hans much older.

idk if ill ever write this lmao

i know i overdid the angst in some places but only cause i liked the idea of frozen going over super dark themes. I will admit, making Anna a female D/imitri at one point was overkill lmao

#frozen #fanfic #frozen fanfic thingy #turtle writes #the more i think about this fic #the more i feel like i was going more for a fullmetal alchemist kinda vibe between Elsa and Anna #hence why it was so hard for me to develop Kristoff #like at all #hans #prince hans #elsa #anna

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avengersdisperse · 4 years

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i had a Bad time and i need to write it out.

so i’ve been crazy depressed for months now, coming up on a year which means i’m actually coming up on two years of of big D depression and not feeling like myself at all. lately i feel like i’ve been on the urge of sleeping, puking, crying, not moving for days on end, or completely falling apart at any moment. i hate it. i fucking hate it. and i don’t want to let it make me hate myself.

so i decided to pick myself up by the bootstraps after a V big breakdown about 2 weeks ago. i decided i would try and make some new friends and do something that i used to love so i went out to a show, the first time i’ve gone out in literal months and months. i went downtown with a group of coworkers on friday and got drugged at the bar. i was half way thru my second drink and everything went dark.

all i know is i woke up in my bed and my first thought was “oh dang i’m in bed we must have had fun last night.” then i notice i’m not wearing any pajamas, which is unusual for me, so i reach over to grab my glasses and feel something terribly crusty. glasses on, i realize i’ve thrown up in my bed. i’ve never done this before. i’ve never done anything close to this before. the panic starts to set in. i realize my jewelry is still on, my hair is still up and i had apparently ripped off all of my clothes, skinny jeans with the boots still in them, zipped up tight. at first i waited and figured that once the initial haze wore off i’d start to remember more of the night. and then the horrible realization that there was nothing to remember started to set in. somehow, only knowing because of the app still open on my phone, i know i had ordered myself a lyft and gotten home. i don’t think anything bad happened before i got home which is good. but then more evidence starts rolling in. like how i clearly fell, originally thinking i just skinned my knee, and as the weekend went on realizing i really fell discovering a major bump on my head, a grapefruit-sized bruise on my leg, and deep blue bruises all over my shoulder and back from whatever i had collided with.

the harder i tried to remember the darker the void became. after a full weekend of crying and stressing and practically wanting to fucking die from the humiliation of how i must have looked in front of a group of coworkers and strangers i finally reached the “fuck it” level. cause i wasn’t harmed by anyone else (other than the drugging itself), i wasn’t taken advantage of, i made it home, and i didn’t asphyxiate on my own vomit.

the idea that i could have fucking killed myself by blunt force trauma or choking on my own vomit in my sleep is haunting me. the fact that i still don’t even have a snapshot image or a foggy glimpse of what occurred between 11:15pm and 9:00am friday night fucking terrifies me and has left me with a sense of unrest that i’m not sure i’m gonna be able to shake off any time soon.

i texted the girl i was out with and told her i thought i had been drugged and was pretty freaked out and replied with “hahah yeah we had fun you got so drunk so fast!” and that was all. good to know where she stands. i didn’t even feel that i could text her to ask about details like did she have to order me a lyft or did i do that myself, did she see me fall or did that happen once i got home. i can’t ask her cause i don’t want to give her more gossip fuel to take back to work. i couldn’t even rely on the person i was with for some comfort about what had happened.

the feeling of loss of community i’ve been going through lately grew 10 fold this weekend. the feeling of never wanting to leave my house is stronger than ever. i feel like i got punished for trying to break through this cycle of depression. i feel like i tried to break the surface of the water and got choke slammed back under. i haven’t felt like myself in two years and now i’m scared to even try. i haven’t wanted to wake up in the morning for the last two years but saturday morning i’ve never been happier that i did.

i don’t know what this was supposed to accomplish other than removing some of this from my brain. i wish i had more mental tools to recover from this but 0 is a pretty hard place to start from.

#personal #this is...not a cute post so

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alexsmitposts · 4 years

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The US Slipping into Poverty Before Our Eyes The coronavirus epidemic that has put the world under lockdown is having numerous negative consequences, and one of them is the terrifying impoverishment people are experiencing in many countries. At the beginning of the pandemic, the economic and social consequences of the outbreak were compared with the 2008–2009 financial crisis, but now researchers are beginning to compare it with the Great Depression. “COVID-19 is laying bare socio-economic inequalities and could exacerbate them in the near future,” writes economist Enrico Bergamini, a research assistant at the Bruegel European think tank. People will feel the economic shock brought on by the pandemic in different ways, depending on their level of income, living conditions and profession, which may make society more polarized. At the beginning of the coronavirus crisis, the media was dominated by headlines about business people losing billions within a short space of time, but as time went on, the most vulnerable socio-economic groups have begun feeling the more and more painful impact of the financial blow, as they could face a significant deterioration in living standards or even be left with nothing at all. The International Labor Organization fears that more than one billion workers are at high risk of a pay cut or being left completely unemployed. The UN is also sounding the alarm: the current crisis may undo the significant progress that had been made over recent decades towards the target of ending poverty, which had been set for 2030. Rising poverty levels are already becoming visible in many countries, including those considered “socially stable” up until recently, where the societal problems that have been building up over the past number of years are being revealed and intensified. For instance, according to data from the British Department for Work and Pensions, the number of Britons living below the poverty line in the UK had risen to a record high of 14.5 million people even before the COVID-19 pandemic. There has recently been dramatic increase in the number of people living in “relative low-income” households. In 2018-19, the number of people living in a relative low-income household rose by 500,000, the highest number of people living in poverty in the UK since figures were collated in 2002, while the number of children estimated to be living below the poverty line rose from 4.1 million to 4.2 million in the same period. According to British experts, the coronavirus epidemic could make what is already a difficult situation for low-income families in Britain even worse. The coronavirus crisis has not spared America, the global hegemon, which now not only has the world’s largest number of confirmed coronavirus case and coronavirus-related deaths, but whose society is also experiencing widespread impoverishment on a mass scale. According to PrisonPlanet.com, poverty in the United States is reaching unprecedented levels, the middle class is dying day by day, unemployment is growing at a catastrophic rate, and more people are living in extreme poverty. According to the United States Census Bureau, about 47 million Americans are currently living below the poverty line. One in five children in America lives on food stamps, and a third of children live in families with incomes 60% below the national average. Roughly 1.5 million households earn less than $2 USD a day, and these types of households have doubled since 1996. Another 25% of Americans are in what is known as “negative equity”, which means that they owe more money on their loans than their property is worth. And the richest 0.1% of American families own as much property as the combined wealth of the bottom 90% of American families. Drastic income cuts are known to impact mental health and can lead to mental illnesses. As a result of the current situation, there has been a surge in US suicide rates. It is true that suicide rates in the US have been breaking records for years, but 2020 looks set to be a particularly grave year. Although this kind of information is not published officially in the United States, some alternative American media outlets are nevertheless already sounding the alarm and highlighting this harrowing trend in the United States of America — the world’s wealthiest country There has been a significant spike in suicides among American farmers, where the farmers’ suicide rate is now higher than the suicide rate among drug users. These suicides have become so widespread lately that they can no longer be covered up. Dairy farmers are usually at greater risk of suicide than farmers engaged in crop farming. The median monthly farm income earned by American farm households dipped to $ 1,325 in 2017. US farmers are very often either forced to sell their crops for next to nothing or simply destroy them. The sharp fall in milk prices in 2015 dealt dairy farms a decisive blow from which they have yet to recover. The aggressive propaganda of the militant vegan wing of eco-warriors against people consuming dairy products has presented another problem. Greta Thunberg, the most recognizable face of the green agenda, has been actively calling for people to make the transition to plant-based milk alternatives, which has significantly contributed to the rapid decline in milk consumption in the United States. This movement is catching on at a particularly rapid pace in “progressive” states such as New York. And that is where the suicide rate for farmers is at its highest since records began. The same incredibly simple economic factor is leading to farmers committing suicide all over the country. The first problem farmers are faced with is the reality of having to sell their products at a price equal to the production cost or having to sell it at a loss. If they have not got enough money to feed their families, they will still have to take out a bank loan next year to pay for seeds, fertilizers and diesel, and to cover the repairs for farm equipment and machinery. These farmers run up a huge amount of debt that they will never be able to pay off. The credit organization sends debt collectors to their homes, who intimidate farmers and their families, make a show of them in front of their neighbors, and even make direct death threats. On top of these loans, farmers often take out a life insurance policy, as they are instructed to do so by the bank. Some companies only allow insurance payouts to beneficiaries if the insured commits suicide two years or later after the policy was issued. All too often after two years of debt and interest payments, farmers think that their families will at least receive a tidy sum and be able to pay off their debts if they commit suicide. An incident which took place on March 31 illustrates the harmful impact the coronavirus epidemic is having on people’s mental health in America, where 44-year-old train engineer Eduardo Moreno ran a Pacific Harbour Line train off the end of its rail tracks at full speed at the Port of Los Angeles. During his interrogation, Moreno admitted that he deliberately derailed the train, crashed through a series of barriers and plowed through a chain-link fence at the port in San Pedro, as he intended to hit the U.S.N.S. Mercy, a Navy hospital ship, which he thought was “suspicious”. Let’s not forget that the Mercy is a floating hospital that had been sent to Los Angeles to help the authorities in the fight against the coronavirus. The ship is meant to accommodate patients from local hospitals who are not infected with COVID-19, and therefore help free up local hospitals to deal with coronavirus cases. The situation in the United States is unlikely to change for the better in the near future. Businesses both small and large are being forced to lay off their employees or have them take unpaid leave. Millions of Americans are losing their jobs as work at both large and small companies is put on hold amid the coronavirus pandemic, which will only increase the level of poverty among ordinary Americans. Given the huge financial strain and psychological stress caused by the COVID-19 pandemic and the lengthy lockdown period, the inequality in American society is only set to grow, which may lead to an increase in social unrest.

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crasherfly · 3 years

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What I’m Doin’

I’m getting into a rhythm of Tuesday updates on Tumblr. It’s not something I initially planned on doing, but it seems to work well with my current schedule. Based on last week’s response, people seem to read these. What a world.

I really appreciate those of you who come along for the ride. I know I don’t share much of myself on public networks or even day to day in private conversations, so hopefully this is an acceptable substitute for you.

A few small, low-stakes personal updates before we jump into what media I’ve been doing lately.

I’ve been working on my office space, trying to reset it from a work and storage space into a security room where I can withdraw when I’m feeling stressed or panicked.

I have bodypillows, buckwheat cushions, a tatami grass matt and a futon mattress set up. I’ve changed out the lightbulbs in all the fixtures for softer, warmer Edison bulbs. I moved my bookshelf into the room and created a dedicated reading corner. I’ve gone through every shelf and cubby and either thrown out, given away or relocated anything that doesn’t have immediate use. I’ve saged the room and lit sakura candles and left the windows open. I even put my old lego projects out on display.

I’ll share to results in a future post, but I’m very happy with how the space is developing. Out of college I lived in a number of small spaces- studio apartments and single bedrooms, so having a cozy space that belongs only to me is a deep comfort. My goal is to have somewhere this winter I can retreat to during the necessary long bouts of isolation that the pandemic and other unrest might bring about.

Physically, I’m doing OK.

I’ve gained a bit more weight back, probably because I’ve had more beer lately than usual (I haven’t done proper sake in some time, mostly due to cost and the lack of accessible options to quality brands). I’ve also been on a Halloween candy binge. Kit Kats are so good, ya know?

But more importantly, my heart seems to have settled down and my guts aren’t all bent out of shape. It seems whatever vitamins and minerals I was lacking have finally settled back into equilibrium. I’ve been making a conscious effort to consume more vegetables and

My workouts have been so-so. The cold weather has really sapped a lot of my energy, so getting the will to do hard cardio like long runs and bike rides has been pretty dependent on my personal willpower. I’m also switching up my entire weightlifting regimen to better fit the needs of our pandemic schedules- now going in to lift Saturday-Tuesday at off-peak times, and taking my work days off completely to rest. I’m hoping my body will adjust okay. In general, I’m trying to be gentler with my muscles and joints so that I’m not spending as much time in pain and recovery as I was during the early pandemic, where everything hurt CONSTANTLY and I was covered from head to toe in pads and braces for every workout.

I’m thinking about going on an alcohol fast from Halloween until Thanksgiving. I have mixed feelings about it.

On the one hand, less alcohol is always a good choice- I decidedly do not need more depressants in my system, my liver is surely struggling, and 90 percent of the drinking I do is at times I absolutely have no need to do so- such as when I’m gaming, watching anime or Spriteclub, or just hanging out in voicechat. It’s a tic of boredom, and admittedly, a chemical dependency. I’ve tracked my drinking habits since July and can confirm I drink a lot. Enough to make me think that it is likely affecting everything from my weight to my heart to my emotional stability, even as I am still, medically speaking, still considered a functional person.

On the other hand, we all know that restriction leads to future binges or binges of a different tact meant to cope with the loss. On days I don’t have an evening beer or cask of sake, I eat more- usually sugar or carbs. It’s basically a recap of when I quit smoking years ago- a habit I’ve miraculously not had a temptation to return to during the pandemic. And come Thanksgiving, what then? Back to business as usual? Will I have actually gained anything by stepping away from alcohol for a few weeks?

Like I said, I’m thinking about it. I think if I do decide to step back from alcohol for a bit, it’ll need to be out of mindfulness, and not from a desire to control my body or its consumption. I would want to rethink what my relationship is with the stuff, and how my consumption habits have shaped my schedules and activities. Anyway, it’s something I’m thinking about trying for November, and if I give it a shot, I’ll be sure to let y’all know ;)

Emotionally, I’m stable-ish. Things have been better this week.

After my last post, a few people reached to me personally. It was really sweet. Messages of support, clarifying “hey, we’re good”. Others didn’t mention the post at all, but still reached out to me out of nowhere, so either they read it and didn’t mention it, or they just had good timing, but either way, last week I ended up hearing from just about everyone in my life and was able to connect with them on a personal level, and that was really restorative.

I still had some struggles. Saturday I had to meet some new people IRL and that was terrifying and not really a great experience. They were nice enough but a meet-and-greet outing is always tough on me. I feel like I’m on display or auditioning for the role of “new friend” and I just don’t respond well to that. I either shut down or am super timid.

It takes me a few meetings with people I already kinda know before I’m comfortable. For perspective, when I first joined Spriteclub, I lurked the chat for weeks observing the social sphere before having the courage to jump in on my own. When I start new video games online, the first setting I rush to fix is the “Mute” option so I don’t have to talk to other people.

In this situation, where I was being introduced by a third party who swore over and over again “you’ll LOVE these guys”, it went about as poorly as one might expect. I spent 3 hours in a 30 degree garage staring at my shoe laces as the other 3 people talked about a job I had no context for and mutual friends I’d never met. I struggled to find an inroad into the conversation and eventually gave up, determined to just endure the cold, sip my beer, and focus on my dog, who was shaking from the cold concrete of the garage floor, which had been opened up to provide a suitable common space for a pandemic-outing.

Eventually, the conversation changed to DND, after one of the 3 mercifully noted I had very little idea what any of them were going on about. That was nice. Until the first question was “so are you an...Adventure Zone fan?” to which I replied I was aware of it, but didn’t generally have time to ingest podcasts due to my job and conflicting hobbies. Ha. That pretty much cut down that topic before it could even start, once again reminding me that while I share a number of hobbies- anime, video games, DND, film- that I still manage to fall outside relatability even within these niche communities.

Overall, it was a discouraging afternoon, but not one I took to heart. I remind myself that everyone has a different way of meeting and connecting with people, and I’m just not hardwired for the standard meet and greet audition. That’s okay. I’ll continue to find and create my own connections in ways that make sense to me.

Anyway, failed social experiments aside, I’ve held less anger this week and that’s a decided positive. I got some game time in with friends. I watched some wrestling and hung out in Spriteclub. I’ve had more opportunities to share myself with people close to me and in general have felt lighter on my feet than usual. I still have a few chips on my shoulder, even as we type right now, a couple come to mind- but I’m in a lighter place than I was last week- so- progress!

Oh yeah, the election.

It occurs to me that my next update might well fall on election day. Sigh.

I’ll just use this space to briefly note the following.

I voted for Joe Biden. I might have been tempted, back during the nomination race when everything was seemingly existential, to do otherwise, but as I watch how current events are unfolding in real time- be it the Supreme Court or the questions of peaceful transition or the militarization of every lever of power in our government- I know in my heart there was never any true question of what needed to be done. It might be a small ask, a bare concession, a deeply minor win compared to all the GOP has accomplished in the past 4 years of minority rule- but we need to vote SOMEONE, ANYONE, out of office, starting with the guy at the top.

Bidenm was not my first, second or third choice. But I would vote for a sack of potatoes if it was running against you-know-who. And the potato sack wouldn’t need a good running mate for me to feel good about that.

I’m steeling myself for a loss, just as I steeled myself for the inevitability of the Supreme Court and just about everything else that has gone awry the past 4 years. It’s as close as I’ve been to true Nihilism since my college years, and I sincerely hope I’m wrong.

Please vote, and if you feel safe doing so, ask others how they’re voting. You don’t have to try and change their minds- just ask them to be open and accountable for what they are endorsing. You never know what kind of introspection that might lead them to.

Hey, I thought this blog was supposed to be about video games and shit.

So it is! Let’s go ahead and get to the good shit, yeah?

What are ya playin’?

I was all over the map this weekend. Here’s a brief overview.

Sunless Skies

Failbetter Games represents the best writing I’ve encountered in the medium. Every line, snippet and element they introduce into the lore of their Fallen London games is simply brilliant. Some would call it Lovecraftian, but I’m kinda sick of everything being redirected back to that nerd, so I’m just going to call it brilliant in its own right, no Lovecraft experience necessary.

In Sunless Skies you navigate the spooky skies in a flying steam engine, running cargo and exploring the dark corners of the sky for riches and horrors. Most of the story is presented to you through conversation trees and blocks of narrative prose. The results of your conversations are dictated by dice rolls based off of your character’s stats, which you build as you assemble a crew and complete quests within the world.

The game is as difficult as a roguelike and as slow as a free-to-play mobile game, so that might be a detriment to those looking for fast-paced gameplay or a forgiving learning curve, but if you’re willing to give it a bit of time and plenty of patience, Sunless Skies will reward you with one of the richest, spookiest and most intriguing game worlds you will ever encounter.

The King of Fighters ‘98

My time in Spriteclub has helped me develop an appreciation for retro fighting games- specifically, The King of Fighters, which is revered with almost religious awe by the community. So I determined I should jump into the games myself to see if I could extract some of that goodness for myself.

Okay, confession time-

I have never, ever been good at retro fighters outside of Mortal Kombat. I could never pull off a shoryuken, and even struggled with a hadouken, let alone more complex moves or combos.

So I am an infant in this world, and there are few, if any, primers for guys like me who missed the boat as kids. Your average fighting game this side of the MK series has little to no explanation on how to move a stick or activate a super, and tutorials for fighting games have been notoriously lean to date. Thankfully, newer titles, like The King of Fighters XIV, have done more to try and meet new fans at the entrance, but they still have a ways to go compared to the workman tutorials offered by games like Mortal Kombat XI.

All that to say that after several hours I can now reliably use the move sets of the titular pointman of The King of Fighters, Kyo Kusanagi...and that’s about it.

My new SNK fight stick arrives today, so I’m hoping that I’ll have better luck with that. It’ll be my first time with a fight stick! I’ll let y’all know next week how it goes :)

Call of Duty: Warzone

I’m begging, screaming, shouting at your windows-

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TEAM UP WITH ME IN WARZONE.

I’m not bad at Warzone. I swear. My first trios game in the Zone for the new Halloween update saw my team bagging a W. I regularly place top 20 even as a solo player amongst trios. I’m not a pro, but I can place pretty well on a regular basis.

So when I say the new zombie royale mode is worth your time (and hard drive space) please know it comes from someone who has trudged through six seasons of Warzone, mostly alone, long after most of his regiment uninstalled the game.

Warzone’s holiday update brings two new modes- Trick or Treat mode and Zombie Royale.

Verdansk undergoes a nighttime transformation for both modes. Unfortunately, it isn’t the pitch black that the dev’s have offered in other modes, where nightvision goggles were a must and lasers and tracers were freely given. Instead, Verdansk offers a full moon and what amounts do a blue filter over most of the map. It gives off the impression of an old-school film that did its night scenes as day-for-night- right down to the shadows that are apparently just as present under the blazing moon as they would be under the light of day. That said, the shift is still enough to render thermal scopes and dark-clothed operators a necessity, and is still a welcome change, even if its not the transformational shift most of us were hoping for.

Trick or Treat mode is essentially the same battle royale but under the cover of night, with numerous spooky easter eggs tossed in for fun effect. But the real star is Zombie Royale, which implements much needed new gameplay.

In Zombie Royale, if you die, you no longer go to the gulag, but instead return as a zombie. Zombies have a number of powers- thermal vision, gas immunity, super jumps, UAV, gas grenades, EMP, and powerful melee attacks. Zombies have the choice of hunting down other humans or searching for antidotes that will allow them to return as human players.

Becoming a zombie provides an interesting tactical choice that accommodates both aggressive and more methodical players alike. It is entirely feasible to die within the first seconds of the match, and then hide out in the gas as a zombie until the very end of the game at which point you could still conceivably place quite highly. If you have teammates who are still in the land of the living, you can still work with them even as a zombie, using your powers to scout and flank other teams. This opens up a bevy of tactics for mixed squads of humans and zombies looking to get inventive.

Returning to the zone after zombification, or even perma-death, also comes with an added bonus- you return with your full loadout from your previous life- sans money and armor. This change was likely made with the smaller map in mind- Zombie Royale reduces the play area from the start of the match significantly- but it also keeps the game moving at a rapid clip. Less time is spent scavenging, more time is spent moving and shooting.

The final moments of every match can be described as pure, unrelenting chaos- dozens of zombies hunting down the last few humans, thrashing and leaping for the precious few antidotes on the map as newly redeployed human operators desperately try to keep their parachutes deployed for as long as possible before touching down amongst the hoards. The final team standing just needs one human- my victories have come as a total and delightful shock.

Warzone has been pretty stale for a while now. The subway update was a letdown, in my opinion, as was the train. The stadium opening was probably the most successful map addition to date, but that aside, most of Warzone’s updates have trended toward small, incremental, and generally underwhelming additions that whither under the weight of much higher expectations. Zombie Royale is a welcome exception and a joyous romp.

Please, for the love of god, hit me up if you want to play.

Oculus Quest 2

My household picked up the Quest 2 on a bit of a whim. It happened to appear as available and we just decided to take a plunge and go for it.

I’ve never had good luck with VR. Either I get motion sick or I just feel like the ocular clarity is never good enough to justify its price.

With that in mind, my limited experience with the Quest 2 has been incredibly positive.

I haven’t played any actual games on it yet beyond VR Chat and some video streaming apps, but even so, I’m shocked by how clear the images are and how immersive the experience is. It really is a plug-and-play device, totally self-sufficient and deeply accessible even to folks who have limited gaming experience.

I’ll have more updates next week once I’ve had some time to sit with this device. Suffice to say my opening hours with the Quest 2 can be described as smiles and the repeated exclamation of “oh my god, this is so surreal”.

Maybe VR has finally actually arrived?

What am I listening to?

Look, yall, it’s fall. And I’m really, really into rock opera.

Specifically, Avantasia.

I’m not much with music. I’m often told my tastes are esoteric at best and, well, deeply simplistic and uncultured at worst.

But lately I’ve been really, really into these soaring ballads and heart-racing power tracks with outrageous lyrics such as- *checks notes*

A fire in the dark for the fool's gonna find his way Gonna run and never get away Is it love that glows in fiery alignment? Starry-eyed, maybe living a lie? A lonely heart in and endless line

Oh raven child Raven child

Look, I don’t know if this is “good” music. But I know I’ve really enjoyed it and the noise helps spur my brain into writing. That seems good enough to me. With that in mind, here are some tracks that have been hitting my brain repeatedly lately- some from Avantasia, some from others.

The Raven Child- Avantasia

Moonglow- Avantasia

Scarecrow- Avantasia

Ghost in the Rain- Beast in Black

Miasma- Ghost

What am I watching?

Tried one new anime this week-

Jujutsu Kaisen

The quick pitch- a young man ingests the cursed severed finger of a dark god and gains its power. However, in an unexpected turn, he is able to control the dark god within him, preventing a true possession that would normally warrant a swift execution by an order of wizards tasked with stopping the dark god’s return. Sensing an opportunity to further their own aims, the mysterious order of wizard warriors agrees to let the young man live- so long as he agrees to help them hunt down the other severed fingers of the dark god. Oh, and one more condition- once they find all the other fingers, they’re gonna destroy them- and kill the young man too, for good measure, unless he figures out a better option in the meantime.

If that sounds totally bonkers, that’s because it is. But bonkers is what I’m here for, especially when it comes to anime, so I’m all too happy to see how where this goes. For those looking for a more mature anime with soaring battle sequences and larger-than-life stakes, this title from the same studio as Attack on Titan is worth a look!

And that’s all I got! Thanks for reading along this week. Be good to each other out there- we’re all gonna have to find a way to live together regardless of what happens. <3

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kodacast · 6 years

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Home

0- The small front yard of a ranch house on Mimosa harbors a pink sign circled with balloons reading “it's a girl” I'm supposed to be arriving home for the first time today, but I am not a pigtails and lollipops kind of girl. I am a horror story. I have eaten nothing my entire existence. My blood sugar drops to 17 and I go limp in my father's arms. Not breathing. My body is gray. Not breathing. A doctor grabs me and shakes me by my ankles. Not breathing. I slowly regain consciousness. Breathing. I remain in the hospital for another week. Upon the day of my arrival, Father’s Day, the Balloons are shriveled and the sign is broken. This is not a beautiful homecoming.

1- My home is all that I know.

2- Sierra is born. I hate her.

3- I stand on my tip tip tippy toes to try to see over the railing of my treehouse. I am the queen of everything I can see, Super 8, La Mexicana, the shining Golden Arches of the Mcdonald's sign, the tiny gas station at the end of my street, and even the stoplight, if I jump I swear I can see Denny's over Super 8, the tallest building in my kingdom. I am the queen of the whole world. I have lived in the same place my whole life and this is all I've ever known.

4- My great grandmother brings me biscuits and gravy from McDonald's every morning. She calls me Dakota baby so I call her Dot Baby. She is my best friend.

5- I have exactly one memory of my grandfather that is actually my own, he is laying on a hospital bed in his living room, my mother, aunt, and grandmother are standing around the bed yelling. I do not know what they are yelling about but my mom says that's probably one of the more pleasant memories she has of him. I will not fully understand this until fourteen.

5- My best friend’s name is Mona. I met her at school. She lives right down the street from me. I started riding the bus to school so I can play with her. She is teaching me words in Arabic. I can say mom, dad, cat, and a bad word Mona says I'm not supposed to say. Mona and I play in my treehouse almost every single day.

6- I have been fascinated by stars for a while now. I've been trying for a week to stay awake later than my parents so I can sneak up into my treehouse perch and stare up at the sky. I finally did it, i'm confused. All the skies I've seen have stars. Stars must live in the country, there are none here. This is the first time I realize that the world is not all that it seems, this will not be the last.

7- My first crush is a boy I met at church. He is one year older than me and he must be the smartest person I know. I want to invite him to my treehouse, but he is in a wheelchair and doesn't like to talk to people. He reads really big books and I like that. He has a broken watch he shakes when he is nervous. I learn that he has autism, that's why he doesn't talk to people, I won't fully understand what that means until nine, I just know he is different.

8- I no longer consider my house a home. I stay up late at night to listen to my parents argue in hushed voices cloaked by darkness in the dead of night, a desperate attempt to conceal the unrest in my house and reassure my sister and I that everything is fine. She is too young to know, it is not fine. I begin to refer to the house on Mimosa as nothing more than a house, my home lies one subdivision over, just across a cornfield, it's my grandma's house, Baby Dot lives there with her. In my home every word is kind and the smell of fresh baked cookies runs free. In my home I am happy.

8- I do not yet have a house key, I do not yet have a phone. When my bus drops me off to an empty house I immediately walk to Mona’s. Her mother is warm and inviting and her sisters accept me like their own. Mona’s house already feels more like a home than my own.

8- I wake up early on cool summer mornings before anyone else is awake. I sneak up into my treehouse home to sit and watch the sunrise without needing permission. The birds chirping around me is the closest to quiet I will find all day. When the sun is up and warm I sneak back into the house and back crawl into bed. This is the best summer I've had.

9- I've started band and made a new friend. She has two autistic brothers. She explains that they have trouble expressing feelings. I finally understand why my first crush couldn't like me back.

9- This is the first summer I have not spent in my treehouse. It is the most boring and empty summer I have ever endured.

9- I want to quit band.

10- La Mexicana is closing. Apparently someone got very drunk and shot a guy in the parking lot. My parents heard it. I would've heard it, but I was too busy hiding from reality in my grandmother's basement surrounded by hundreds of puzzle pieces. I've seen the blood stains and it still doesn't feel real.

10- I want to quit band.

11- In my backyard and there is a tree, short and stocky kinda like me. It is really two trees conjoined at the base with sturdy low hanging branches appropriately named the climbing tree. It is dying. My dad says he's going to cut it down. My sister and I try to stay all night in the tree so he can't cut it. Eventually we fall asleep. My dad carries us into the house so he can cut down our tree in the morning, my sister and I spent a long time mourning that tree.

11- Baby Dot’s health is declining. We are going on vacation. I do not want to go. I'm told to say goodbye to her because we may not meet again. I do not want her to go. My great grandmother died while I was in Santa Claus Indiana. My parents hid it from me for three days. We had to cut our miserable trip short to attend her funeral. I did not want to go.

11- I hate my mother. She is ripping my family apart. The house on Mimosa is still just a house. Mona and I can’t be friends anymore. My relationship with my grandmother is strained due to my declining interest in religion. My home is crumbling.

11- I want to quit band.

12- It's been three years since I climbed the long ladder to my treehouse. The roof is gone and the floor buckles under the stress of both my sister and I. I climb back down the ladder wearing defeat and a bathing suit. This is when I realized the world is not made for me.

12- I want to quit band.

13- My grandmother learned to text so she could remind me to bring my walking shoes. We take evening walks around her neighborhood. She wants me to be thin. She is ashamed of me. She needs to get me in shape so she can marry me off in a few years. This is the first time I realize my grandmother is not my friend and I cease to call her house home.

13- I want to quit band.

14- My mother has depression. My mother had four miscarriages before I was born. My mother was abused as a child by her father. My mother let me hate her for years because she is ashamed of her illness, of her past.

14- Band is my home.

15- Band is my family.

16- I drive a truck named Maurice. He is the place I feel most at home. Driving down the road with no real place to go. I feel no attachment to my house, it is just a house, I feel no attachment to my city it is just a city. My attachment to my family is waning, they are, people. Maurice can go anywhere I go. He is my home.

16- Looking back I'm realizing I didn't have a lot of childhood friends. I have a little sister. She's all I've ever needed. All I've ever wanted. I didn't know that I needed her when we were young, But now I'd be lost without her.

16- I sat up in my treehouse yesterday to see what I can see, my new neighbors have two kids, the girl is five the boy is three, the golden arches still remain, hotels off in the distance seem so much closer than before. There is a tiny Redbud barely taller than me in the place where my climbing tree used to be. Tree limbs grow around and inside my house, the telescope still stands but spiders now use it more than I ever did. The treehouse shakes in the wind, wooden boards rotting, my home is falling to pieces.

16- I perpetually say that I want to go home. I'm really not sure where that is yet. My house is not a home. This city means nothing to me, and the older I get the more flaws I see in my grandmother's house. I can't live in my car forever. Maybe home is just a feeling. Feelings are temporary.

17 months until they are a group of 3 again. Maybe my sister can finally find home.

17- I think home is where your heart is, only my heart is struck with wanderlust. Sick and stricken with pain and guilt that I just can't live like this anymore, stationary. My roots are slowly suffocating me.

18 - There are nine days until I move into my dorm room, I am excited and terrified, but still mostly excited. I am excited to spend the next four years searching for a home in a new state. I do not know if I want my home to be a place or a person, but I know that I am ready.

#poetry #poem #mine #home #school #high school #school assignment #writing contest #scholarships #child abuse #abuse #death #eating disorders #ed

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a21hhh · 3 years

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The CHP

The CHP Group maintains a network of integrative practitioners across the Western U.S., functional later health plans and employer groups to offer integrative care. The report may be downloaded here.

70: % of Americans in the back self-denying-to-coarse symptoms of shakeup or depression who reported that one of the pinnacle three things contributing to their mental health concerns is loneliness or isolation. COVID-19 and Mental Health: A Growing Crisis, a spotlight relation published by Mental Health America. NCBTMB Announces Three-Goal, Three-Year Strategic Plan The National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork (NCBTMB) recently announced its three-year strategic aspire focused in the region of three key goals:

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Fingerprints Required Soon in TX Texas daub therapists, school owners, instructors and smooth establishment owners must agreement their fingerprints for a national criminal records check by Sept. 1 to operate agreement once a statewide be responsive enacted in 2019. This is a one-period requirement. The prints will be used to check each persons nationwide criminal archives. For more opinion, click here.

Irene Smith, Hospice Massage Educator: 19462021 Irene Smith, CMP, an educator and developer of hospice smear and be nearby for HIV/AIDS patients, died the evening of April 4 at the age of 75. The act of death was cancer. Her death was announced by belt Trish Crawley a propos Smiths Facebook page.

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Massage therapist Rhonda Steger, who scholarly about hospice daub via Smiths webinars, articles and website, wrote this announcement not far away and wide off from Facebook, reprinted here by entry, upon hearing of Smiths passing, Oh Irene Youve designed as a upshot much to hence many people. Youve touched countless lives, including mine. You were my inspiration, my education and my muse. I could never have had the passion for hospice care without you. God readiness upon your Heavenly journey.

Smith was a frequent contributor to MASSAGE Magazine, writing upon hospice care and on the go in the health care feel.

Who Believes Health-Related Conspiracy Theories? Health misinformation upon social media threatens public health, as wrong viewpoints involve to the front tersely, accustom the authors of research focused upon who is most susceptible to online health misinformation.

Their research indicates a person who is susceptible to online misinformation about one health subject may be susceptible to many types of health misinformation, and individuals who were more susceptible to health misinformation had less education and health literacy, less health care trust, and more appreciative attitudes toward every second medicine, according to a condensation of the article, Who Is Susceptible to Online Health Misinformation? A Test of Four Psychosocial Hypotheses, published in Health Psychology, a publication of the American Psychological Association.

Could join up who is susceptible to online misinformation lead to more likeness for clients who balk at wearing a mask and optional accessory COVID-19-linked policies?

Americans are (Still, Very) Stressed A poll conducted by the American Psychological Association showed that in primeval 2021 U.S. adults had reported the highest bring out level back the to the front days of the COVID-19 pandemic. The Stress in America: January 2021 Stress Snapshot was conducted by The Harris Poll upon behalf of the American Psychological Association.

Eighty-four percent of Americans reported feeling at least one emotion allied following prolonged emphasis in the prior two weeks. The most common were feelings of campaigning (47%), sensitive (44%) and enrage (39%).

Additionally, two in three adults (67%) said the number of issues America is facing is overwhelming to them. Those issues that respondents pegged as significant include the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic (80%) and U.S. political unrest (74%).

Nearly a year into the pandemic, prolonged put inflection on persists at elevated levels for many Americans. As we battle to residence stressors as a nation, from unemployment to education, we cant ignore the mental health result of this global shared experience, said Arthur C. Evans Jr., PhD, APAs chief government overseer. Without addressing emphasize as share of a national recovery try, we will be dealing in imitation of the mental health fallout from this pandemic for years yet to be.

The APA recommends as emphasize-relievers taking a fracture from the news and social media, reflecting upon determined aspects of ones simulation, exercise, humor and staying linked to connections and intimates. (This declaration will mount happening: Get daub.)

$404.66 billion: Projected size of the global substitute medicine have enough maintenance by 2028, according to Grand View Research, growing from $100.04 billion in 2021. Groups Merge to Promote Integrative Health

Two groups focused upon integrative health care have announced the merger of their matter operations, once the intend of advancing integrative health care globally.

The Academy of Integrative Health & Medicine (AIHM) represents 20 national integrative health and medicine organizations, schools and organizations representing declared world medicines, and emerging professions that are engaged in self-regulation or effective toward licensure. The Academic Collaborative for Integrative Health (ACIH) is full of animatronics in education, clinical care, research and policies that contribute toward transforming the health care system into one that emphasizes health and skillfully-physical.

The 부천 신중동 건마 mixture will formally bring the licensed integrative health professions of acupuncture and East Asian medicine, chiropractic, concentrate on-admittance midwifery, smooth therapy and naturopathic medicine into AIHM. It signals that professional silos are in intend of fact coming all along, said Tabatha Parker, AIHM government director.

Together AIHM and ACIH will have enough maintenance evidence-based education through conferences, e-learning, webinars and interprofessional fellowship in integrative health and medicine.

Massage Practice Awarded for Resilience

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The Visionary Awards celebrate those businesses that use Mindbodys product and have demonstrated adaptability, strength, purpose and community in the twist of the global coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic.

One-Third of Patients Put upon Ventilator Report PTSD Symptoms Post-traumatic pull attention to weakness (PTSD) is triggered by a terrifying matter, according to the Mayo Clinic, and involves such symptoms as flashbacks, nightmares and rancorous breathing, as ably as uncontrollable thoughts about the situation. Massage therapy has been found functioning through anecdotal and scientific evidence to abet symptoms of PTSD and is employed frequently in be supple along along with U.S. military veterans and survivors of domestic harm and tallying trauma.

A scrutiny out of the UK, Post-traumatic put extinguish on disease symptoms in COVID-19 survivors: online population survey (cambridge.org), confirmed the hypothesis that PTSD symptoms were disproportionately elevated in those requiring inpatient position.

The authors noted, especially those requiring aeration maintain, compared gone those who had mild COVID-19 symptoms that had been managed at house [and] these intervention-level differences controlled for relevant demographic characteristics, medical and psychiatric chronicles, as swiftly as background levels of demonstration and depression.

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Collectively, these findings go into detail the importance of in the space of occurring survivors of COVID-19 infection for PTSD, they noted.

New Multicultural Group Seeks Founding Members A tally bureau that intends to the front uphill once the maintenance for tools and education to health-and-beauty therapies, subsequent to an emphasis upon diversity and multiculturalism, has launched.

Toshiana Baker founded the Network of Multicultural Spa and Wellness Professionals (NMSWP) in to come 2021 to retain multiethnic and multicultural health care professionals. She said NMSWP is needed because she found in her spa and wellness career that authentic diversity and assimilation were lacking. Baker has worked in spas as an esthetician and educator for 15-benefit years and after that founded SpaWorx, a spa-and-wellness matter consulting stubborn.

Toshiana Baker Baker said in an NMSWP press manageable that the increased incorporation watchfulness of racial inequities, disparities and lack of representation of people of color within the mainstream last year was the unadulterated nudge she needed to commencement NMSWP.

However, she subsidiary that the spectrum of representation in todays global marketplace goes on peak of race, and biting to the global population becoming predominantly multiethnic and multicultural.

We exaggeration to be roughly the issue of enlarged preparing and supporting the multicultural and multiethnic healers and practitioners across the whole disciplines to bigger apportion help to the multiethnic and multicultural client, Baker said. Anything less is incongruent and inauthentic.

A paid attachment is required to admission NMSWPs content and resources, which complement monthly video trainings and, interviews in the vibes of experts and vendor resources.

Study Says: Three Out of Four CBD Topical Products are Mislabeled Many reputable companies assuage the massage industry gone CBD topicals formulated for hands-upon sessionsbut as soon as than hundreds of companies now offering products to the general public, a optional accessory well-ventilated is live thing shone upon label-by the side of-ingredients discrepancies.

CBD scholarly platform Leaf Report recently enlisted a chemical analysis lab to test 40 popular CBD products and found that of the 40 topicals, 31 (77.5%) did not contain the amount of CBD claimed, taking into consideration most having more CBD than advertised.

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hopefulmuffins · 6 years

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Just blacklist #hopefulmuffinsJournal to ignore this

It’s nights like these that leave me thinking about old friends and how everything just sort of ended. Like I can count on one hand how many people I still talk to. Which then leads me to the fact that I don’t really talk to them that much either... and it leaves me wondering what I did. Because, thinking back, there are so many things that could have been the final straw.

Like, I know now that I am not a good person, I’m not even sure I ever really was. Honestly, and I’ve said this myself, “if a whole group of people hate you I don’t think it’s the people.” Logically it could just be that they actually are out there making something of themselves and making better connections with people who have more similar interests. While I sit here in my shit town with my shit dreams and constantly just blaming shit on my mental health. And I recognize that they don’t need to be subjected to that and I agree that they deserve better, but I also fear that this is seen as me throwing a pity party. I promise I’m not actually trying to do that, I’m just struggling with letting these old connections go. Especially since there were no verbal confirmations to make it as real and daunting as possible.

Even though my mental health is definitely a giant factor as to why I act and think the way I do it leads me to the conclusion that I’ve been developing myself around my illness and it makes every step I take to try to correct it feel like an attack on myself because I’ve based so much of my thinking around this negative world view. That leads to rather selfish thinking and ill thought out comments and difficulty maintaining interpersonal relationships. And I have tried therapy and medications, but I find it difficult to keep regular appointments and now that I’m living on my own it’s even harder. My work place can’t handle me requesting off so much. So far the medications have only made things worse although I’m sure I just need to keep trying. But again scheduling issues.

So much of who I’ve become is someone that I hate and I just feel like I might never change. I’m only 22 and the world feels so closed off to me. I know it’s not true, logically it can’t be true. . . its daunting to think about who I could be when all I can think about is if I get better what if I am still a shit person? I don’t think I could handle it if I went from being a depressed, anxious, self centered prick, to just being a narcissistic mess.

In all honesty I’m just sitting here waiting for that one really bad day to happen and then whatever happens after that. This site has kind of encouraged me to make jokes about what to put on my grave stone (which neither me nor my family would be able to afford) and I make jokes about my will and testament all the time, but it really doesn’t feel like a joke anymore. What with the political unrest in my country, and the truly terrifying changes that are trying to happen, it just doesn’t really feel worth it.

Taking a break seems like a good idea but it leaves me to my thoughts on days when music doesn’t help, going for walks is terrifying, my paranoia has skyrocketed to the point of fearing for my life when I am left alone outside with no real outside threats, not to mention how tired I am all the time. I went to my mother’s house for christmas for like 3 hours and we barely did anything besides sit and I was completely and utterly drained when I got home. Finally all the things I try to lose myself in provide little to no relief anymore and it leaves me with virtually nothing. So my question is how do you take a break when your only stress relievers are also the reason your stressed. I spend too much time on the internet, too much time in my house, too little time dedicated to actually doing the research I need to understand the world around me.

I really need to go back to therapy and get my hormones checked. And go to sleep I have work early in the morning.

Sorry for the rant and just sorry if I’ve hurt anyone who I once called friend. I just want you to find your way, and to work your way through what you need to. Go learn, be prosperous, meet new people, date smart people, and lead a smart life. Consider this me letting you know that I won’t bother you and I don’t want you to worry about me anymore. I want you to shove me as far back into your minds as you possibly can and forget about me if you want. I won’t be bothered.

#long post #personal post #just ignore this #hopefulmuffinsJournal #I know it's just shit #kinda an apology of sorts but whatever #it can be read that way #more of me making fucking excuses for being a horrible person #again #lol #even this seems super passive aggressive #what the fuck me #fuck offffff

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