#tell me she loves me too

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

#writeblr #this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol #by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations #and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me #& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what???? #like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it #''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother #and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!'' #yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious #anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it #it's seen as the only important thing #even if ur gay #and it's a nuanced thing idk #and while rn i i.d. as lesbian #like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like . #sexuality is fluid... #don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label #they're like GET in the BOX #if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me. #(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)

[buggachat]

(random s5 finale musings) tbh I don't think Marinette chose to keep The Secrets™ from Adrien because Gabriel asked her to. I feel like Marinette keeping secrets like that is so consistent with her character; she hates giving people bad news, she hates rocking the boat, she hates upsetting people, she always chooses to keep any 'controversial' information to herself for as long as she can get away with (examples: bubbler scarf, telling Queen Bee she was benched, confessing to Adrien, warning Chat Noir about Scarabella or Rena Furtive, never told Chat Noir about Chat Blanc, etc) that I just totally believe she would've done it either way. She was even already having nightmares about Adrien hating her for finding out she defeated his father, so I feel like Gabriel's request was moreso giving her a go-ahead than it was a primary deciding factor, yknow?

#ml s5 spoilers #tbh half the time when thinking about it I forget that gabriel asked her to do it at all #because it just feels like such a Marinette™ thing to do to me lol #to be fair maybe I'm downplaying it? I do think Gabriel's plea struck some emotional chord with her too and helped push her that direction #but again I. totally believe she'd do it either way #and I do strongly believe that her decision is moreso ''I don't want to hurt Adrien'' than it is ''I want to honor Gabriel's final wish'' #she loves to avoid verbal/emotional problems and hoooo boy idk a worse verbal/emotion problem than #telling your boyfriend that his entire life is a lie and that he's not entirely human and that he was abused and controlled and puppeteered #all his life and also that his father was a terrorist and that she saw his mom's corpse in the basement #I mean. I don't think I'd have the emotional maturity to break that to someone either and I'm not.... FOURTEEN.... LOL

[ladyofsilverr]

borat voice: 'my wife!' 💕

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #karlach #aartyom #necroticpetals #userarklay #userbrujah #usercynti #usereivorwolfsmal #userredacted #usersteelport #swordcoasts #userwolfkissed #when i tell you i love her its an understatement #she goes hand in hand with shadowheart for me and i love shadowheart too #also yes sorry i removed her other mod it just had a really bad neck seam

[fruutes]

maybe don't name ur plane-loving husband's daughter after a dead pilot...

Dude the way my jaw dropped. The gasp I gusp.

Listen!! Listen. I thought it was SO clever ok!! It's dedicated to him and Emily!

Maybe it's a prophecy... love u Amelia it was nice knowing u.... or maybe I should just make her build a habit of refueling as often as possible...

#sdv #sdv harvey #don't look at my kind of demented looking baby #i don't know how to draw childrn.... #be distracted by the dilf #i worked so hard on her ok she's like my baby frlz #Amelia Sodbuster my darling baby #no i don't have a favorite child #the other ones called Apollo i had him as a jumpscare it was so funny wait I'll tell u later #i love him too #they both look nothing like me #whose white ass babies are these #lol anyway right tags #stardew valley #sdv fanart #stardew fanart #stardew harvey #sdv farmer #sdv oc #that's it right? #ok bye love u #lol um #Amelia Earhart #i guess #i hope my child doesn't get eaten by crabs #my art #harmony sodbuster

[royalarchivist]

Mine: Refer to me however you want!

Mike: Yeah, for me too. I think I use all pronouns too.

[They high-five and fist-bump each other]

Mine:

[via @barbmine]

#Mine #Barbmine #Mikethelink #Mike #I LOVE THEMMMMMMMMMMM THEY'RE SO FUNNY #Mine funniest person alive fr #also YOOOO LETS GO?????? #I didn't know Mike was ok with any pronouns #and Mine too??? that's awesome! #Also for those who don't know: Mine is Mike's wife! #They're both bi #They're so cool I wanna have a silly sweet partnership like this someday *clenches fist and stares off into the sunset* #As per usual: not a native Portuguese speaker so can't translate the full thing #please feel free to hop in with translations and/or corrections! #Though I'm pretty confident about these. Wouldn't post it if I wasn't #I'll be real idk how to translate viado LMAO #It's like. Not what google translate will tell you it means #idk imo I think ''homo'' sounds right but ONCE AGAIN: I'm not a Portuguese speaker #Poor Mine I laughed when she first posted this image ages ago and I replied to her saying it gave me a good laugh and she was like #''WAIT I PROMISE IT DOESN'T MEAN WHAT GOOGLE TRANSLATE SAYS IT MEANS'' #it's all good Mine I'm bi too I am not phased lmao #I don't personally use that word but I do not care when other queer folks use it

[theises]

Just as a reminder to those hyped about side order, this is Nintendo’s official opinion of Agent 4 from the Splatoon website:

Look at her face. Does she look like a pushover? Someone who is just a little wacky? No. This is a teenager who fought an entire Empire. And *won*. People I know keep saying she’s not as impressive as Three or Eight and like?? Just because she did the same thing as Three makes it no less impressive you ding dongs. In fact, she did it with less help than Three had, AND kicked Octavio to the curb WHILE HE HAD CALLIE ON HIS SIDE. She’s practically a force of nature. And it’s not like the Splatoon devs to forget something like this.

No matter what your hopes for side order are, don’t expect Four to be some damsel in distress or anything similar. Remember what the contents of the Splatoon 2 campaign were. Remember that Four is not a member of the New Squidbeak Splatoon because “someone has to be Agent 4!!!” Because I can almost guarantee the devs haven’t forgotten. I say with complete confidence that their definition of Four being “pushover” is a red herring. She’s going to kick our ass on February 22nd.

Get ready.

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #agent 4 #side order #sorry for ranting but so few people tell me that Agen 4 is their favorite #appreciate my girl. She’s been through so much. She deserves your love too :( #I’m so mentally stable about splatoon btw

[aquapede]

thinking about gardevoir and gengar being pen pals after everything. she'll always have time for her favorite insane little guy

#pokemon #pokemon mystery dungeon #pmd #pmd explorers #pmd rescue team #team charm #gardevoir #medicham #lopunny #gengar #scribbles #i think it was just gardevoir that was sending letters first #checking in. telling him about her adventures. rt hero was in contact with her a lot so she felt like she should reach out to him too #she sent them for quite a while before gengar actually responded to any of them #(partly out of guilt) (partly out of loneliness) (partly out of boredom) #i havent played super yet so if this is contradicted by something in that: i refuse to acknowledge that. they ARE friends. to me #(also yeah medicham is the same one from rt in my mind and she thinks its hilarious to imagine gengar sending anyone love letters)

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Bruh fam yall I just had this idea instead of exiting the shower!

Danny and Dani are never seen together. Like ever by any other Hero.

It starts off as just Danny working with the others and then he goes home to tell Dani all about it. Or OR Dani really wanted to tag along with Danny to meet the others but hearing about how Superman was Danny is worried for her safety so it’s a “you can’t show yourself but you can come. If you promise me to stay hidden the entire time. Please” so she agrees and tags along. They both are probably very worried about the Justice League (since the ecto acts and the League aligned with the government)

Danny doesn’t join up per-say but he is like on call if they truly need help. Though normally he just shows up if they need him. They have no idea how he knows. Cut to one day Danny is unable to go so Dani goes in his place. Shes always gone with him so she knows everything he does right? Lord is Danny super worried about her, his protection obsession going into overdrive. He trusts her though and she goes.

Thing is shes also a bit worried about the League. She just shows up and tries her best to stay out of their way and get the job done. Then it happens. Shes called over with a “HEY! Phantom!” A deep breath to calm herself and she flys over. ‘It’s ok Dani they haven’t attacked Danny once. You ate gonna be fine’ kinda deal. Shes putting up a mask or smiles like Danny always does. She has seen him interact with the League tons of times so she can imitate his behaviour with them to a T.

This of course caused some confusion among the League “are you a girl?” And just like that she gets an idea. A great Idea! If they don’t know that there are two of them then one will always be able to save the other. Plus it would be funny. So she goes full ham into the bit. “Oh yea hehe its just how i feel.” Time to put on the sheepish Danny act of rubbing the back of her neck and looking away “I uhh hope you guys don’t mind me being a girl”

Bam they all bite. Saying stuff about being who you feel you are or whatever. Accepting her on the spot. Well accepting the fact that Danny can be whoever he feels right being. At least they aren’t complete assholes. Though The Batman is giving her this look. She decided to use that to her advantage. Better the team think the bat is homophobic than to get on her case. It works of course. If she learned anything from Vlad it’s how to put on an act. As she flies off she can even still hear the team berating The Batman for his old fashioned backwards ways. Takes everything she has not to giggle as she goes, can’t have Superman hearing that.

When she tells Danny about it he just giver her a wicked grin. It’s been ages since the gremlin duo had this kind of fun.

#danny phantom #dp x dc #dpxdc #dani phantom #I know a lot of people like her name as Elli or whatever and I like that too but I can’t use it #are you gonna sit there and dead ass tell me they wouldnt wanna have as much fun confusing people as possible #yes im Danny and this is Dani #kills me #sure she would wanna figure herself out and reinvent herself without Danny in mind but can’t let this joke go it’s a too much fun #god I love messing with batman so much it’s so funny #his kids are gonna be teasing him for months about this

[ohlexa]

AVA SILVA + getting ready to kick ass (more or less)

#avasilvaedit #warriornunedit #wngifs #wnedit #ava silva #warrior nun #albabaptistaedit #alba baptista #avatrice #myedit #*23 #something something she's smol but fierce #and i love her so fucking much #(am i making too many wn edits. please tell me to stop.) #ava silva +

[trobeds]

i know the hunger games isnt about romance i know it isnt a love story but. theres just something so beautiful in the way peeta is the personification of what it means to heal and he /is/ the dandelion and the bread and the hope that things can be better even if they wont be fixed. even if the nightmares dont stop he will still hold her. wake her up and tell her shes alive. shes safe. and when its over and done and theres no more saving or protecting or trying their absolute hardest to die if it means keeping the other alive, the horrors dont stop. but katniss will still find that comfort in peetas arms.

#and peeta Goes Through It too but hes there!!!!!!!! hes always there and hes kind and artistic and peaceful and good and everything that #the games could never destroy (the hijacking couldve but he found his way back. he still wonders whats real sometimes but he knows. he know #who he is. a painter a baker and a boy who loves. she reminds him of that love too) #anyways :( katniss longs for peetas arms and nobodys been this gentle with her since her father died and she stopped letting her mother #hold her. and peeta does #something about the way he holds her so so gently with so much love and care despite all the destruction and how peeta counteracts the fire #in katniss. the one that tells her she needs to protect and defend and prioritize keeping her family alive and keep her guard up. but hes #there to comfort her and hold her and protect her and those r all the things katniss doesnt get the privilege of thinking about because she #always thinking about who she needs to protect #its so personal to me. god i am Not okay rn #i have a rehearsal before school tmr and i am sooooo sleepy but. insane thoughts can never wait #everlark #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #peeniss #< the real ship name #the hunger games #thg #late night thoughts & all that jazz #🫀

[llamagoddessofficial]

Hello hello! This is Relating to the prison au and the idea suddenly came to me but how would it differ if the mc was a a lot younger like an intern? I tried searching more if it was even allowed to be a med student intern in a prison but I dunno I just thought it was a neat idea, like if she appeared like an optimistic platonic younger sister more than a romantic interest? Aaaa sorry English isn't my first language I hope the idea got through ^^'

I want to congratulate you, anon... you're the first person in a long time to ask something related to prison au that has never been asked before!

Sans: Unfortunately, he'll be even worse. More manipulative, more possessive... more evil. With an older Mc he might see her as easy to manipulate, but he still absolutely views her as her own person- he'd do bad stuff but he (at least) would still respect her opinions and choices. When she's young, he does not respect her opinions and choices. She's just a kid who doesn't know better, someone who needs him to make the big decisions on her behalf.

The worst part is, once he attaches, he sees her like a little sister. It really fucks up his mind- all of those messy, dark, painful feelings about Papyrus, all that unresolved grief from losing one younger sibling... he doesn't care what happens to anyone. Or anything. So long as he doesn't lose any more family.

He's kind to her; oh-so-kind, a sweet and goofy older brother figure who makes terrible puns and chats to her for hours about her favourite videogames. But he's a terrifying empty creature, and he's absolutely going to use her youth and inexperience to his advantage, to make her trust him more than everyone else. Nothing is off the table.

Red: Red adores her. Much like Sans, he ends up in something of a 'big brother' role- the difference is that Red's connection with her is a lot healthier and gentler, with a decent amount of friendly 'fighting' (tossing harmless insults at each other). He turns into a different person around her; he minds his language somewhat, he manages his temper better, although he teases her his teasing never has any venom and he'll drop jokes that upset her. He was built to be a big brother, and he misses his Papyrus a lot- it feels good to have a bond like that with someone again.

(Speaking of Papyrus- he loves Mc too. He sees the effect she has on Red and he absolutely wants to encourage the positive growth. Also... he always wanted a younger sibling.)

Red makes jokes about giving her contraband or getting her in trouble, and her presence in his life has put her firmly on the inmate no-touch list. Red may be a criminal, and he may associate with people who have done terrible things... but he reserves the worst of the worst punishments for those who hurt kids, and his family. Let alone both.

She's been adopted by the mob.

Skull: Skull's intense feelings about Mc in the prison aus aren't really specifically romantic or platonic in the first place. It's his Soul crying out for love and connection after so long alone. They're just Skull Feelings- so a platonic Mc would see the same degree of insanity, desperation and clinginess from our darling cannibal as her older nurse counterpart.

But... I think he would be a bit better with her, overall. Mc being noticeably younger, in his eyes, makes her more 'fragile'- both emotionally and physically. That nagging thought of i need to be careful and responsible would centre him a little more, make him more aware, gentle and slow. In the same way he wouldn't want to frighten a small child, he doesn't want to frighten her; he moves like hes trying not to spook away a small animal. He'd be better at smiling.

... He would still get moments where he can't help himself. Moments where he snaps out of restraints and grabs her, moments where he attacks other staff for getting too close to her. But he tries.

#llamagines #prison au #i can never escape it #not that im complaining #love this au #sans 24/7 manages his image so she'll always come to him first... he's so silly and easy to speak to #she tells him everything and he 'tells her everything' too #meanwhile red is like ''hey shortie. short lil hobbit. you keep talkin' to me like that and ill put knives in your bag to get you fired.''

[vaguely-concerned]

merrill dragon age really reverse engineered an eluvian from first principles in a cave with a box of scraps and one single blighted shard. and STILL she gets no respect for it from anyone but potentially hawke, at least in a confused yet well-meaning 'are ya winning son' sort of way on the friendship path. dark days for women in STEM

(really though it seems the equivalent of a person in the middle ages putting together a nokia phone from rocks and sticks (and one coaching session from a spirit, fair enough) and then just not being able to figure out how to turn it on even though it is fully functioning. magically at least merrill is inarguably a genius. the tony stark of kirkwall. well not really that comparison falls apart pretty quickly but you see what I'm saying here lmao)

#dragon age #dragon age 2 #merrill #of all people aveline actually seems to pick up on just how brilliant she is #but she only ever tells merrill so out loud so that she gets to tell her she's also an idiot with the next breath fhsadkfhsa #ah would it really be DA2 if that wasn't how that conversation went tho #anders has his head way too far up his own ass (affectionate) about anything she does to really consider what she's achieved #but one day I'd love to see some mages studying merrill's work like 'how?? how in the fUCK did she do this it shold be impossible' #hawke standing over on the side like a proud yet bumbling older brother like 'uh. it involved some sort of really special knife. #I punched a varterral about it. do not ask me any more questions'

[spitinsideme]

So since demon Ragatha is cat-coded, does she knock over things intentionally? Like I can see her swatting something with her hands for attention, but I can also picture her just kinda turning around and accidentally knocking a glass over with her ass since she’s so thick lmao.

obviously !!! shes a bitch on purpose, she wants nun pomnis attention 24/7 becaus3 why would nun pomni chopse to get on her kne3s to pray when she coukd be on her knees for othet things !!! teuly terrible for demon ragatha, so she has to get her attentoon somehow

#pomni x ragatha #buttonblossom #ragapom #jesterdoll #tadc fanart #pomni #tadc pomni #the amazing digital circus #pomni fanart #tadc ragatha #ragatha x pomni #the amazing digital circus ragatha #ragatha tadc #ragatha #ragatha fanart #pomni tadc #the amazing digital circus pomni #pomatha #demon x nun au #demon ragatha #nun pomni #shes literlly just an annoying bitch #pomni lookd at her like STOP ... DONT ... GET YOUR FUCKING HAND AWAY FROM THR STATUE OF THE VIRGIN MARY #and ragatba would say some corny shit like “well just becayse marys a virgin doesnt mean you have to be too #i can change that right now ...“ #and pomni would blush and tell her to shut the fuck up #lovingly #tjeyre soulmates #trust me #love giving demon ragatha cat coded behavioirs

[maraudersandtears]

Lily's too hot for one ship, fight me

I just can't

There's Jily, Jegulily, Pandalily, Marlily, etc. etc.

And I sit here and wonder 'why can't I ship her with all of them and myself' and suddenly I'm a multishipper who's also in love with Lily Evans

#jegulily #jegulus #pandalily #marylily #lily evans #tell me she's not hot? #marauders era #marauders #the marauders #dead gay wizards #Is this too much #I can't help it if she's a beautiful ginger queen! #i love her anyway

[florallylly]

i've seen model steve harrington aus. i've seen child steve harrington aus. i present: child model steve harrington

note: this came from my own desperate need to see this conceptualized and i SWEAR i've searched, i just can't find any content with child model steve so. :(

bc little steve harrington was remarkably cherub-like. his large brown eyes and soft pout ensured endless cooing and fussing from his mom's friends. and when he blushed and ducked his head in shyness, they only complimented him more. when he got home that day, his mom smiled at him.

so steve decided that he would put up with the cheek pinching and the squealing. he sat upright in his chair, sitting on his hands so he wouldn't fidget and ruin the image. because he'd do anything to keep his mom smiling at him. if he was being particularly good that day, she'd let him lay his head on her lap on the drive back home.

but everything changed at his father's birthday gala. a nearly eight year old steve harrington sat prim and proper in his seat, but a smile lit up his face--his cheeks round and his dimples showing up. he raised his hand up to cover his giggle, but he couldn't help but laugh at some silly old man with a loose toupee. then he sees his mom approaching, and his face quickly smooths over, going back to the more polite smile he usually adopted when it came to these events.

he'd ruined it. he hadn't continued being the sweet boy his mom wanted. but then, she smiles at him. and introduces him to the man behind her, who says he's a designer. the man holds out his hand, but when steve puts his hand into his palm, he doesn't shake it. the man simply holds his hand, his eyes scanning steve's face. steve tries not to squirm under the attention. but the man nods and smiles at his mom, and he gives two brief cheek kisses to steve, whispering in his ear "you're going to be a star, darling." steve looks at his mom, confused, but she waves him off to continue talking to the man.

a few months later, steve's mom whisks him off on a trip to france. and steve is so excited to go, nearly vibrating in his seat as the airplane prepares to take off. but instead of the eiffel tower and the seine, steve is taken to a studio. he's posed and changed. once again, he's being fussed over, but instead of wealthy socialites, gossiping make-up artists squeal over him. he's "perfect for the shoot" and "the most darling little boy." steve doesn't understand, but his mom is still smiling, so he lets the nice ladies brush powder over his face.

and he looks in the mirror. his hair is a little more tousled and his lips have a slight tint to them and his eyes seem to take up much of his face. he's put into new clothes, and he feels like a doll in their hands. and when he's put in front of the camera, he simply follows the photographer's directions. afterwards, he's bundled into the car and his mom can't stop gushing about how good he was.

apparently, he's a natural. and then she goes back to fussing over him, focusing more on appearance than his behavior now. but she takes him out shopping and they eat at an upscale restaurant along the champs-elysses. and steve is happy.

and then they go back home, and his mom is so much stricter than before. she has him try out all kinds of different hair products, determined to find the best combination to keep it looking shiny and soft. she controls his food intake and what he wears and makes him use weird creams and serums on his face. but this is what makes his mom happy, so he's happy to let her.

his mom is also on the phone a lot more lately, whispering harshly about the quality of brands and steve just assumes she's being picky about the clothes she buys. later, his mom picks him up and holds him, and asks if he'd like to move to italy. she looks at him intently and it's obvious what answer she wants, so steve nods. she smiles and holds him close, and it's the most loved steve has felt in a while.

so they move to italy, and suddenly steve is a lot more busy. he's put in front of more cameras for more people he doesn't know. but he's smiling and pouting and doing whatever they want him to do. his compliant attitude and polite nature have photographers and designers alike singing his praises, and steve always looks to his mom for approval. but she's been arguing with his dad a lot lately, so she's upset more often than not. but that's okay, the make-up artists are always kind to him.

but then one day, his mom takes a phone call in the middle of the shoot. and when it finishes, she's gone. steve goes back in, close to tears, but the make-up artists still hanging around look after him until a car is sent to pick him up. this becomes a trend. and eventually, steve goes alone to his shoots. he's always taken care of by the crew and someone is always there to pick him up, but it's not fun without his mom there.

but he knows that she's always enjoyed him taking pictures, so he continues to do so, hoping that she'll come watch him again sometime soon. and he busies himself with befriending the chatty make-up artists and the bossy photographers and the eccentric designers. and he's such a cute little thing that they can't help but dote on him.

steve is never catapulted into child stardom, as his mom is picky with his jobs, only choosing luxury brands and well known designers for him. but within the industry, they call him the "little prince."

and then steve is catapulted into puberty, but his intense skin regimen prevents him from getting acne, save for the occasional zit. and his diet and religious exercise schedule help maintain his look. and he's still doing remarkably well, especially now that he's fully aware that he is a Model.

and steve has truly grown into his looks. with time, he's grown more comfortable in front of the camera and made numerous friends. nearly all of them are older than him, but they're fun and loud and it fills up the space that normally surrounds him. and they're the ones who get him hooked on american movies. steve remembers living in america, but he's been in milan so long that everything he recalls is vague.

but he watches them and falls in love with the american high school experience. so when he finally catches his mom off the phone and actually in the house, steve asks if he can go to school in america. and his mom laughs. but steve keeps asking, which devolves into begging. and his mother snaps, slapping him across the face and calling him ungrateful. she cries and begs for forgiveness, cowed into shame by steve's desperate attempt to hold back tears.

and so she lets him go to school in hawkins, indiana. an odd choice, but his parents just so happened to own a property there. (in truth, both of his parents expected him to change his mind within the year). but steve finds his place at hawkins high, because even though nobody in hawkins has ever heard of versace, steve is pretty. he's pretty and charming and he knows the right thing to say. after all, he's spent his whole life perfecting his mask.

and even if his mom ended up moving back home with his dad, leaving steve all alone in that big empty house, steve is happy. he's finally hanging out with people his age and high school is so far removed from the glitz and glam of the fashion industry. and he's settled and content with tommy and carol by his side. while he misses his friends back in milan, steve finds himself longing for the clothes more often. hawkins was certainly the opposite of milan, what with the nearest mall being two hours away and only equipped with a macy's and jcpenny.

through it all, steve is determined to be normal. he laughs along with jokes he doesn't quite get and rolls his eyes at carol's cue, and he joins the swim team. and he joins the basketball team. and he goes to parties and kisses girls and wears dumb little polos with his letterman jacket and does everything that he saw in the movies.

but nancy wheeler is different. steve can't forget his time in italy and who he is and was, and he's reminded of his old life in everyone and everything in hawkins. but not nancy wheeler. she's all hawkins and all his. and then the upside down happens.

and then nancy wheeler breaks his heart.

even after three years, his parents continue to ask when he'll go back to modeling, but he's different now. the upside down and billy hargrove beat that starry eyed little kid who thrived in the spotlight. and nancy wheeler proved that adoration and love is fleeting, so what would even be the point of trying anymore? his dad was a little more approving of steve's retirement/hiatus, saying that steve must want to go to college so he can take over the family business.

but when steve doesn't get into college, he's once again badgered by his mom to go back. but he's grown and changed and he's not sure that he can pretend anymore, so he says no. and they cut him off. enter: scoops era.

the measly scoops salary is not nearly enough to cover all of the new bills and expenses steve has, but he's not willing to leave hawkins. so he reaches out to his friends back in italy, and they refer him to their american connections. steve doesn't model at the same level as before, but he poses for a couple of zines and one artist who got a little too handsy at his exhibition. but he's able to make it through until the mall blows up.

this routine continues and he starts working at family video with robin at his side, but he keeps his side job a secret from the kids, using the excuse of visiting his parents to leave town for his shoots. he's not ashamed, but he knows he wouldn't "be normal" anymore if they found out.

but how does he explain his near mental breakdown at the sight of his healing demobat scars. they're raised and ugly, ruining what should have been a perfect body. and even though he uses scar cream everyday, they refuse to fade away completely. and how could anyone stand to be near such an ugly thing when all his life, steve was meant to be pretty? after all, love and adoration is fleeting.

#steve harrington #give me grace i literally do not know how to verbalize all of my thoughts about this #child model au #imagining them finding out bc jonathan or will was interested in some photography art exhibition and steve is literally the centerpiece #everyone FREAKING OUT #robin knew bc OFC robin knew #steve feeling too self conscious to keep his old ads but he knows his mom keeps a record in her office #dustin screaming crying punching the wall YOUVE BEEN FAMOUS THIS WHOLE TIME... AND DIDNT TELL ME.... #mike wheeler feeling ill bc is steve actually kind of cool.... #italian steve harrington #because OF COURSE italian steve harrington #eddie munson asking steve if he'd ever consider doing playboy #steve going into a very serious answer about his career projection and actually that's an insult eddie. do u know who i am #and eddie is like yeah ur the centerfold in my heart baby #and then steve gets it #to be so clear. steve's mom DOES love him but she's also extremely selfish #that's why she feels bad when she slaps him and concedes to his request #but once she gets over the initial guilt she's like but he was a STAR i was the mother of a STAR

[mispatchedgreens]

more of xu da's internet activity, placed thoughtfully (to me) in the reincarnated band au, featuring the most beautiful woman alive, one bug person crouched on the rooftop of the recording studio while ouyang is being Fussy downstairs, and the rarest creature ever to be caught on film: grumpy bitch ass smiling. permission to imagine esen, chin to chest, flopped on the couch, staring at ouyang's photo, ablaze with jealousy at all of his interactions with xu da, while wbx rubs at his temples in preparation for yet another oblivious, nonsensical sibling conversation.

#the radiant emperor #she who became the sun #he who drowned the world #ma xiuying #zhu yuanzhang #general ouyang #xu da #my art #yes another installment of me making you look at my handwriting #also last time i drew ma in this context she was way too thin and i did my self reflection and Fixed my mistake #i love this au okay i'm not giving up on it #xu da is their mixing guy and jovially goes along with both whatever 'original analog sound' bullshit ouyang wants to use #and with zhu asking for re-recordings only to change the whole thing without telling anyone bc she wasn't 'vibing'