"You Don't Know Who I Am?" Colin (Not Okay movie) Imagine- Part 2
Part One
You woke up much later than the usual time you would to go to work, had a small panic when you realized the time, only to have it set in shortly after, that you were unemployed and needed to go out and find a job. The only problem, was you had no skills. You couldn't go get a customer service job, you had a degree in journalism, and working at your local CVS wouldn't pay rent, never mind the other bills you had. You took a quick look online for job listings, maybe a personal assistant or another magazine needs an apprentice, but the search wasn't coming up with much.
After you took a shower, you realized you missed a call from your mom, and decided to give her a call back. You decided it was a bad idea to tell her what happened, and to just keep it to yourself until you find a new job. The conversation went just how you expected it. Your brother got a big promotion, oh, and guess what, his wife is pregnant, and "honey, you're 22, when are you going to find someone?". Then your other, younger brother is going to basic in 2 months, and they're having a big party, "you just have to come back home, honey, we miss you so much".
"Yeah mom, I miss you guys too" you said sadly. You wished you missed them more, but truthfully, living at home was miserable, and your achievements were never as good as your siblings. It was very likely, you wouldn't be going home to see them, you didn't even have a car.
"Alright mom, yeah, I'll try to find the money for a flight. Love you too" you ended the call and sighed deeply. A part of you feeling empty. You had no one. No boyfriend, no friends, no job, and no family to support you. A tear rolled down your cheek and you wiped it away quickly, deciding in that moment to go for a walk.
New York always felt safe to you, but that's probably because you've been here so long, you don't even care anymore. The smell of the trash, the urine in the streets, none of it really bothered you anymore.
The local Starbucks was filled with tourists, the line leading out the door. Thankfully, there was a local coffee shop across the street that seemed to have a very short line. You didn't come here often, but whenever you did, the barista was always kind, and the coffee was always fabulous. It was expensive, but who knows how long your savings will hold up, might as well enjoy it today, you definitely needed a pick me up.
As you walked down the street, you noticed a couple of people standing on the edge of the sidewalk, looking across the street with a grin. Thinking there was some sort of celebrity around, you decided to take a look, maybe they needed a PA. The cloud of smoke gave it away. "Colin!" someone screamed and waved, almost falling into the street.
"Yo!" you heard back, Colin throwing up peace signs. You rolled your eyes and kept walking, enjoying the views of NYC like a tourist would.
It was 2 PM by the time you got back home. You had no luck finding a job, but then again, how could you in this market?
Most of the time, you paid no attention to the people on the streets. It wasn't like you to make eye contact, your anxiety was far too high for that, but the cloud of smoke that was Colin kept following you since you saw him this morning".
"Hey, shorty" he smirked as you got to your door to type in the code.
"Hi, Colin" you said simply.
"You never hit me up on Insta" he took a drag of his vape, "I thought we had a connection".
You rolled your eyes, "drop the fuck boy act, and maybe we can find that connection" you smiled back, walking into your apartment complex and over to the elevator. You could see his face through the window from the elevator, he was standing still, his mouth slightly open, shocked that I would say such a thing.
Rage was still boiling in you from yesterday, you had to find a way to get back at Cindy. You had a small blog that you hadn't posted on in months since Cindy was keeping you so busy with bullshit articles. The blog only had a few hundred followers, but you decided to write about how and why you got fired, purposely putting Colin's name in there, maybe he'll spark some more views. You scrolled through Instagram in the mean time, looking at your successful friends on their lavish vacations, feeling both envy and rage. Colintheweedman popped up on your suggested. You must have said or typed his name so many times, the system heard you.
His profile was all pictures of him in a bathing suit on lavish vacations, or in obnoxious clothes smoking a obnoxiously large blunt. How did he even get this famous? you thought to yourself. He was very good looking, and you had to admit, his sleeve, made you feel ways you have never felt before, but his alter ego that he plays up on, was so annoying. You hit the follow button anyway.
It was time for dinner when you finished the rough draft. There was no food in your house due to the fact that you usually stayed late at work and got something on the way home.
"Sup" you heard the familiar voice as you started walking down the street, the blonde catching up to you.
"Are you stalking me or something?" you asked, starting to get concerned that he was always around you.
"Nah, I've been staying with a friend around here, I'm not a fan of being cooped up all day" he took a drag of his vape.
"Thought this was the slums" you mocked him, not bothering to look at his reaction.
"Bruh, it is, I've seen the inside of those apartments, they're small as shit" he made a face of disgust. You nodded in agreement, "Where you headed to anyway?"
"Probably CVS, get some dollar stuff for dinner" you said is a sarcastic, mock happy tone.
"Shit babe, you're that broke?" he said, the smoke cloud obstructing your view again.
"I don’t have a job, and don't know when I'll find one, so just trying to make sure I can still pay rent" you shrugged, looking down at the ground.
"Nah, you ain't eating the shit, come on" he said waving you to go across the street with him, "there's a nice place up here we can stop at".
"What, like a date" you cocked an eyebrow, "a date with fabulous Colin" you batted your eyelashes.
"Hell yeah, baby, would you like that" he bit he lip and got closer to you. The gesture making you feel tingly and excited, but you came to you senses in time to keep to your word.
"That's okay" you stepped back, "I'll stick to my original meal".
This time he coked an eyebrow at you, "have a good night, Colin", and you knew he was watching you walk away. You heard a frustrated little grunt and then footsteps coming up beside you.
"Wait, girl" he swaggered in front of you, "you don’t want to go out with me?"
He was trying to be seductive again, probably feeling that you were intrigued the first time he did this.
"Not when you're 'Colintheweedguy'" you said his insta name in a mocking tone.
"Fine" he scoffed, "I got plenty bitches waiting for me". He shouldered past you. You shook your head not really caring, and kept walking in the direction of CVS.
You're sure he wanted you to chase him, but that simply not something you would ever do, besides, if he really liked you, and wanted to go out with you, he could just not be his alter ego and be a normal person for once. He showed it to you yesterday until he spotted his fan boys from afar and had to put the act back on, he can do it again.
Thankfully it was late enough that not a lot of people were on the street and the lines at CVS weren't long. You picked out a soda and a water, some popcorn and a few ramen packs to last you a few days, totaling to about $15 bucks.
"Thanks" you said to the cashier, grabbing your bag and heading out.
As you walked out, you noticed it was starting to get dark and your stomach was suddenly growling, it was such a nice night to walk around, and you would love to go to central park, but you hadn't eaten all day and felt a little faint. Last thing you needed was to pass out on the side walk again.
"Hey" a stranger said behind you. You ignored it and kept walking, thinking this person was either on their phone, or talking to someone else.
"Hey" they called again, catching up to you. He was wearing a plain black hoodie and a black hat. It was getting dark, and you didn't have your glasses, so you couldn't quite make out who it was, but for sure you didn't know them, and they were about to mug you. You continued to ignore them, "It's Colin" he said normally, taking his hat off.
"Oh shit" you gaped, "sorry, didn't recognize you without your neon clothes and the cloud of smoke."
He smirked, "ha ha" he said dryly.
"So you're normal now?" you asked haphazardly.
"Want to get some dinner?" he asked in response, eyeing your CVS bag full of ramen.
"No thanks, I have a date with some Netflix and noodles" you smiled, coming up to your doorway, "unless you want to enjoy some ramen with me" you offered jokingly.
"Yeah sure" he said almost instantly, "I haven't had that type of ramen in… shit… years"
"Oh" you didn't expect this "uh, yeah, okay, uh, come on up then". You typed in your door code, holding the door open for him to follow.
You were a little unsure of this situation, you barely knew the dude, and didn't know what his intentions were, but part of you felt safe and secure with him, so you decided not to let it bother you. Instead, you texted your friend from back home just in case she doesn't hear from you in a couple of days, to notify police. The ride in the elevator for silent for the most part, you weren't sure what to say, or do, and were suddenly extremely aware of how you looked and how messy your hair was. You took a good look at him, he might portray himself as this unkempt, stoner sort, always wearing baggy, bright clothing, but looking at his facial hair, it looks tidy and kempt, like he just trimmed it up this morning. He didn't smell like weed either, you weren't sure if he went home and showered before he came and found you, but even thinking back, you never got that smell from him, not even his vape. His cologne was very enticing, you wished he was walking in front of you so you would be able to smell it more strongly.
You unlocked the door and let him go through first, he started checking out the artwork on your walls. He nodded as he looked around at them. A few band posters caught his eye, and he noticed one of them was signed.
"I love them" he grinned, pointing at the poster, "fuck, they're like my favorite band".
You grinned, "really? I didn't think someone like you would be into alternative music".
He rolled his eyes, probably annoyed that he's showing his true self and you're figuring it all out.
"Where are you from, anyway?" you asked, filling a pot with water for the ramen.
He paused a minute, not sure if he wanted to make something else up or reveal himself again, he sighed, "Maine".
Your eyebrows raised in surprise, "I would have never guessed that". You started to walk over to sit on the couch while the water boils.
He chortled, "Why's that?"
"You? A farm boy republican? Doesn't seem to fit your personality or the alter ego you pose as" you shrugged, falling into the couch.
"It's not really bullshit, you know", he offered, sitting down next to you, "It's just more exaggerated".
"I don't know, you seem pretty arrogant when you're being Colintheweedman, when you were just Colin, you held my box, held the door open, had a nice conversation, and with you're alter ego, all you do is hit that vape, and stay high at all times" you shrugged, watching for his reaction.
He nodded slightly and sighed, looking out the window next to your couch, "yeah, I'm not really high all the time, I actually only take edibles to go to sleep at night, smoking makes me so fucking tired".
"So what's in the vape" you asked, curious.
"It's just flavored smoke, there's not even nicotine in it" he stated, taking it out and handing it to you.
"Oh" you analyzed the vape and took a drag, it tasted like watermelon lip balm.
"I don't even inhale it" he smirked, sucking in and letting out a cloud.
You laughed, "So it really is an alter ego", you got up to go put the ramen in now that you could hear the water boiling.
"I guess" he shrugged, following you over to the kitchen and leaning on the counter, "It's still me, it’s just the part of me that doesn’t have any anxieties" he paused for a moment, watching you put the ramen in the water and stir it around with a fork, "I can be as stupid as I want, and they still love me".
"Not a bad gig, I guess" you said, watching the noodles come apart from the brick.
He shrugged, coming over closer to the stove, standing behind you, slightly off the right so you could still see him in the corner of your eye. He was looking around at your kitchen, eyeing all the pots and pans.
"You like to cook?" he asked. You shut off the burner and portioned the ramen into two bowls.
"When I can afford it" you half laughed, strange question to answer when you're putting two packs of $0.58 ramen into a bowl, "do you want broth in yours?"
He stared at you, like you were crazy for asking, "uh, yeah, it's not ramen without it" he dragged on.
"But if you have broth, there's like no flavor from the packet" you stated.
"That told me more about you than talking to you ever did" he smiled down at the bowl you handed him.
You scoffed, "like what?", you asked as you walked to the couch, Colin following your lead.
"That you’re a psychopath" he chuckled, twirling his fork in the noodles.
"You have an alter ego that smoked eight joints at once, and talks like he grew up uneducated, and I'M the psychopath?" you glared at him, a small smirk on his face.
"Fair" he grinned, "and hey, you made great ramen".
"Thanks" you smiled back, "I'm a pro, been surviving off them for years".
He snorted a bit, trying not to laugh with his mouth full. There was a comfortable silence as you two ate, The Office playing in the background, although neither of you were paying attention. Your thoughts were wrapped up on whatever what going on here, and thinking about whatever he might be thinking about. You were sure that's what was on his mind too. Bowls were empty, you felt relatively full and leaned back onto the couch. Colin was positioned in the corner between the arm rest and back cushion, so he was facing you, but his eyes were on the TV. He looked so calm and normal in his every day clothes, you couldn't help but wonder who else knew this side of him, and which one he preferred.
"What?" he smiled. Fuck, he caught you staring.
"Sorry" you blushed. He was still smiling at you.
"Hey, so" he cleared his throat, "I'm really sorry you lost your job, but I know of an opening in Depravity if you're interested"
Your eyes light up, you were suddenly wide awake with excitement, "Are you kidding? Holy shit, what is it?"
He chuckled at your excitement, "I mean" he waved his hand a bit, "It's probably no the best job, but it’s a job" he offered.
You eyed him suspiciously, "What is it?" you asked cocking your head slightly to the side.
He laughed, his hand anxiously rubbing his now blushed face, "It's uh" he stammered, "you'd be my assistant".
You blushed harder than you were before and definitely harder than he was. Not only would be able to hang out with colintheweedguy, you would get normal Colin in the down time. You could see where he lives, go on trips with him, take pictures of him for his insta, and possibly, even meet other celebrities, he had quite a few following him. You were beyond excited at the thought, but you weren't sure if you should show it.
"You mean like, do you laundry and remind you of appointments?" you scoffed, Colin's face going red.
"I mean, yeah I guess" he rubbed the back of his neck, "Sorry, I thought it would be a good gig and it pays good".
The atmosphere was suddenly a little weird, and you didn't want him to leave quite yet, or pass up an opportunity to have a job and not eat ramen every day until your savings run out.
"Sounds like fun" you smiled, "tell me more".
"Oh", he loosened up a bit, seemingly taking a breath, "yeah, so, like, you would get dry cleaning, make and keep my appointments, give me reminders of them, if my manager needed to schedule anything, any sort of promotion, they would go through you and you would be in charge of my schedule and making sure I'm where I need to be, basically".
"Sounds easy" you smiled a cheesy smile, "when can I start?".
He smiled back, looking relieved, the atmosphere settling, "How 'bout you come to my place tomorrow, I can show you my schedule and what my life normally looks like"
"Okay, sounds good" you smiled and leaned back into the couch. The rest of the night was casual conversation and jokes. Poking fun at each other, and Colin eyeing your decorations and making a comment on them. Occasionally, The Office would make you laugh. Colin actually made a comment about the show that had you in tears laughing. Eventually, you got into watching funny YouTube videos, the animal ones were clearly both your favorite.
"Alright" he stood up eventually, stretching, "I have to go, but here" he reached into his pocket giving you his phone, "put your number in there and I'll text you the address".
You added your name and number, and took a quick picture to put as your contact ID. Colin smiled as you did that.
"Alright, I'll text you everything when I get home, and let me know if you need a ride, I can have someone come get you" he smiled.
"Thanks" you smiled, following him to the door, "seriously, thank you"
"Not a problem, shorty" he said in his alter ego tone, and gave you a quick hug as he walked out, "I'll hit you up later, baby" he called down the hall, causing you to roll your eyes.
The smile was plastered on your face, you weren't getting rid of this very easily. Every time you thought of the night, you smiled. His stupid jokes, his dumb, cute smirk, his laughing, him being able to make you laugh until tears. It was like a dream. It was one of the best nights you've has in New York since moving here. You started to clean up and do your bedtime routine. Cleaning your face, brushing your teeth and hair, and made for bed. It was late, and you had to be up in the morning to get the details from Colin and get to his house whenever he woke up, which you were guessing was often late in the morning, but still, you wanted to be ready.
As you drifted off, you hoped you had good dreams about how your day would go tomorrow.
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"You Don't Know Who I Am?" Colin (Not Okay Movie) Imagine
AN: I did a thing!!!!! Haven't had the itch to write in a bit, but DOB always sparks it- love that man- let me know what you think, I might make a second part!
New York was a special place, full of.... special people. Tourist look at these streets like their dangerous and they will get shot if they look at a vendor the wrong way, or that food poisoning is common among the street food vendors, but in reality, these streets were your home, and you felt safer than ever here.
It was definitely expensive though, your 500sqft apartment in the city was close to $3000 a month, and you didn't make enough to cover that and other expenses, such as food, you ate a lot of ramen and chips. Cars were a luxury, but the good news about New York is you can pretty much walk anywhere. You had a crappy job interning for a magazine that didn't pay you nearly enough for the abuse you took. Writing columns in that ended up in the tiniest font on the very last page that no one cared about or bothered to read, about things you weren't even passionate about. Your parents liked to tell you, you were lucky to have this opportunity, to stick it out and see where it gets you, but it's been two years, and your boss still calls you by the wrong name, and you have to fix it every time you review the piece before it was published.
You woke up with a start, your boss was calling you before your alarm even went off, "hello?" you said sleepily, looking at the time. 6 AM, great.
"Where the hell are you?" she exclaimed, clearly frustrated. You sat in silence for a second while your stomach hit the floor, what day was it, were you supposed to be in the office early today? "If I have to repeat myself, you won't have a job."
"S-sorry" you stuttered out, about to vomit, "I didn't know you wanted me to come in early".
"Are you fucking kidding me!?" You could hear hand hit the table, "If you're not here in the next 10 minutes, you're fired- no don't give me an excuse, I don't care how far you live, get your ass in here".
Your entire body went numb, trying to think back to when she said she wanted you in the office early, you panic looked through your text messages with her, there was nothing in there, you even searched it in the search bar. Reality set in again, you jumped up , grabbed your bag and ran out the door, not bothering to get ready or dressed up, you couldn't afford to lose this job. The door closed and locked behind you. As you were waiting for the elevator you decided there was no time and took the stairs, already starting to sweat, you swung open the front door to the building, in to the cool, garbage filled air of New York, smacking face first into a bright yellow shirt and falling on your ass.
"Aye, shorty, you okay?" The blonde stranger asked, but you had no time for this. You gathered yourself together, grabbed your bag and jumped back up.
"I'm fine, sorry" you muttered frustrated. 8 more minutes or you're fired.
"Yo, you're bleeding" the stranger called after you. You looked down to see red running down your leg. "Fuck" you exhaled, starting to feel the tears of panic creep it's way out, your breathing suddenly rapid. Blood always made you feel faint.
"Oh, shit" you heard before you felt your body on the ground again, your vision a little blurry, "you good, girl?".
"I have to get to work" you gasped out, realizing you might actually lose consciousness, "call my boss", was the last thing you remembered before passing out.
Gasping for air, you woke up on the side walk, the blonde stranger kneeled beside you, your phone in his hand, "please don't steal my phone" you said, trying to take it out of his hands, but not having the energy to.
He smirked, "I don't need an iPhone 5, shorty". You rolled your eyes, seeing the glint of his Rolex in the process. "Is that the time?" you asked, suddenly alert, sitting straight up, your head was spinning, but you ignored it.
"Yeah" he said eyeing his piece, "6:07".
"Fuck" you yelled, grabbing your phone out of his hand and trying to break into a run, but your knee was hurting so badly, you had to settle for hobbling. The stranger seemingly shrugged and took a drag from his vape, turning to walk in the other direction.
You made it to the building at 6:15, 5 minutes later than what you boss had said, hoping she would just be grateful that you were here so quickly she would let the 5 minutes slide. However, in the 2 years you have been here, she has never let anything slide, and remembers everything like her life depended on it. She was waiting in your cubicle when you got there, a box next to her.
"I told you 10 minutes" she tapped her heel.
"I know" you gasped, swallowing hard, feeling the panic creep up again, "I ran out the door as soon as I got off the phone" you stated, showing your obviously poor bedtime attire, "I fell and ended up passing out for a few minutes, before I got back up and ran here", you pointed to your still bleeding leg that ran into your shoes and stained the tongue. You swallowed hard again, waiting for answer, your face burning red from both running and feeling so anxious and embarrassed. Co-workers were looking over their cubicles, their eyes wide with interest and fear.
"Y/N" she sighed, shaking her head. She knew your name? "When I say 10 minutes, I mean, 10 minutes, not 10 minutes and 3 seconds. 10 minutes. This isn't the first time we have had problems. You can pack your stuff and leave" she gave you a satisfied, fake sad smirk.
You felt rage bubble up in you, and you couldn't stop yourself, couldn't hold you tongue this time, you've been tiptoeing around this bitch for too long.
"You're a fucking joke, Cindy" you spat, " I have done nothing but walk on eggshells around you, for two years. I have submitted to every stupid request you give me. Worked overtime every week because you didn't like the way my column was formatted, or you didn't like the topic, even though that same topic was posted by someone else in this trashy magazine, a week later, and it went viral. You didn't even tell me you wanted me in early, you never even told me that you had any problems with me, so how in gods name was I supposed to know to be here at 6 AM?"
She smirked, knowing she won, "you have 2 hours to pack your things, or they will be thrown out, just like every column you ever gave me".
She walked away after that statement, her heels clicking matter of factly.
"When this magazine burns, I hope you know it was because of you" you muttered, shooting daggers into her back. You gave one last frustrated huff, and started packing your things, not letting her get the satisfaction of seeing you cry. However, you did make sure you left a nice bloodstain on the carpet when you knelt down, something to remember you by, or something to cost her money. Both would be better.
It took longer than expected to pack everything, you only expected to be there for 20 minutes or so, but turns out, you had a ton of crap here, all over the office, it took you over an hour to get everything neatly into the box Cindy gave you. Unpacking and repacking several times to make it all fit.
You held your head high as you walked to the elevator, hitting the down button and waiting impatiently for the doors to open. Cindy was looking at you as got into the elevator and turned around, you made sure you held eye contact until the doors closed. You hit ground floor, but it ended up stopping at level 2 for another person.
He glanced up from his phone at you and then back down to his phone. It took him a minute to side step you and press ground level, even though it was already lit up. He glanced over at you above the ray bans he was wearing.
"Aye, shorty, your the girl that passed out on the street this morning" he chuckled, chewing his gum and showing his perfect teeth.
"That's me" you groveled, not interested in having a conversation.
"You good?" he asked, taken a little aback, furrowing his eye brows.
"Got fired" you muttered, holding your box a little higher.
"Shit, that blows" he stated, then looked back at his phone. You wondered what he was doing here, did he follow you?
"Do you work here or something?" you managed to ask.
"Yeah, baby" he grinned, "I'm Colintheweedguy".
You're not sure if he expected you to know who he was, and you weren't one to hurt another's ego, so you just said "oh, cool".
His face dropped, he eyed you over his sunglasses again, and the door opened up to let you out of the elevator. He looked a little shocked and you didn't know what to say, so you just awkwardly smiled and walked away.
Colin walked out behind you, you could feel his eyes on your back.
"Aye, Colin" someone called, your turned around quickly for a peak to watch him dap up a friend and then make eye contact with you. Your whole face turned red, and you quickly turned around so he wouldn't see, and hurried to the door.
"Wait up, girl" he called and jogged up beside you, holding the door open that you were trying to shove open with your foot, "did you work here?".
"Yeah" you said as you tried to reposition your box so it wouldn't fall.
"And you don't know who I am?" he asked, a confused smirk on his face.
"No" you stated flatly, once again, not interested in conversation.
"Who'd you work for?" He asked, offering to grab your box for you, which you refused.
"Cindy on the 4th floor" you huffed, still trying to position your box so it was comfortable to carry for 10 blocks.
Colin took it out of your hands "Ha" he shook his head, "shorty's a bitch".
You were taken aback a little but relieved he agreed with you, and you instantly felt a little more comfortable in his presence. You chuckled, smiling for the first time today.
"That's who I was telling you to call when I was passing out" you stated.
"You couldn't pay me to call that girl" his demeanor suddenly changing. You didn't see when, but his sunglasses were no longer on the tip of his nose so he can look over them, but instead in the right place, he wasn't walking with a swagger anymore, and he lost the fuck boy accent real quick. You decided not to mention it.
"Where do you work?" you asked.
"Depravity" he stated, still speaking normally, "second floor".
"Ah" you nodded, "so you're a social media star".
"Hell yeah I am, baby" he said proudly, the accent coming back. He handed the box back to you and started to walk with that swagger again. You cocked an eyebrow at him as he took a hit from his vape.
"Colin!" you heard someone scream, "Aye, yo, Colin!". He looked around and found them across the street as he blew the smoke out of his mouth and nose, basically blinding him, he waved.
"Sup my dudes" he yelled back, lowering his sunglasses again like he was Mike from Jersey Shore. You rolled your eyes and kept walking. His little fan boys went away, and he caught up to you, "they love me out here".
"I can see that" you stated, raising your eye brows, "your demeanor changed real quick when you saw them and thought I knew who you were".
"Nah, I'm the same person, I ain't fake and shit" he looked offended.
"Okay" you stated, not continuing this conversation, "this is me".
"Shit, girl, you live in the slums" he chuckled, taking another hit on the vape.
"Thanks" you rolled your eyes and typed in the code to your building.
"Hit me up on Insta" he called as the door closed. You shook your head, confused about this day.
You hit the button to go up to your apartment, allowing yourself a moment of silence on the ride up, letting the events of today sink in. The bell dinging brought you out of your thoughts. The building was seemingly empty, everyone was at work, which simply reminded you, you were unemployed. You kicked the door open after unlocking it and placed your box on your counter, sighing deeply and heading to your bed.
You weren't sure what the next few months would bring, you didn't have money saved up to stay here, and your parents weren't the most inviting people. You let a quiet sob out, tears hitting your comforter, and crashed back. You'll figure it out, you always do., but for now, it's okay to mourn a bit.
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