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#teacher was talking abt how we need to make sure our sketchbooks have good work in them
mars-ipan · 3 years
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we were talking abt submitting ap exam stuff this in art class and i got hit with. the Strongest wave of imposter syndrome. so i don’t feel the best rn
#marzivents#teacher was talking abt how we need to make sure our sketchbooks have good work in them#and how we need at least a couple good sketches mixed in with the rough ones#and like. this year's been garbage for my mental health right#so my work isn't the best i've done#plus i'm in drawing so i have to try to do a little realism#but i'm much more suited for stylized work which is. far from realistic#so i end up feeling out of place and like i'm not as good of an artist as my classmates#and it just. feels bad man. i just wanted to save 2d for later bc like. i love 2d i enjoy using the elements of art in creative ways a lot#but i'm now worried that because A. i'm not really a realism person and B. this year Sucked i won't get the college credit#bc my art won't be good enough for it and i just. i'm feeling invalid ig#blegh. perfectionism sucks this shit's so tough to overcome#i gotta give myself a break. i got into this class for a reason. my friends think i'm good at art and i trust their judgement#my teacher believes in me. i'll be okay. she's only here to help#and if i cry in front of her? it's okay. she's an art teacher for crying out loud i doubt i'd be the first#besides. plenty of people don't get into art until their twenties#just because i'm surrounded by kids who have been seriously pursuing art since grade school doesn't mean i'm behind#i'm technically ahead of the course considering i may earn college credit#i'm okay. or i will be. even if everything goes wrong i'll be okay
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artificialqueens · 5 years
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we’ll get there [pt. 2] (plastique/brooke) - scheherazade
A/N: part two !! if you haven’t read part one yet, you should because then, this wouldn’t make sense (and i would appreciate it v much if you will !! :“>) plastique finally appears in this one !
(also, i have depicted college to my best knowledge and i apologize in advance for any oddities regarding it)
Summary: Brooke and Vanjie break up and Brooke is thrust into the aftermath where there are broken friendships & inner turmoil to be found. She gets by with a little help from an old friend.
Brooke opened their dorm room door with a flourish and a smile on her face. Inside, Nina laid on her bed with a laptop and looked at her hopefully.
"What’s got you so happy?”
“Eve and I talked.” Nina looked at her earnestly, urging her to continue. “And there was forgiveness and cupcakes.”
“Why do I sense a but there?”
“But, she told me that forgiveness didn’t mean forgetting so I have to work on building our trust and friendship again. And I’m willing to.” Brooke plopped on her bed. “Oh, before I forget, Shuga wanted me to deliver these to you.” she pulled out cookies wrapped in plastic with a little bow tying it.
“Aw,” Nina cooed, accepting the treat. “Is she still working? I might come by.”
“I think so? Her mom is sick or something so she’s managing the bakery along with that one girl.” Brooke waved her hand.
“Kim?”
“No, no. The one who mostly always wears pink? The girl my ballet teacher has a weird crush on?”
“Oh, Trixie!”
“Yeah, that one.”
“Katya’s still pining huh?” Brooke nodded in response. “Anyway, I’ll go visit Shuga and thank her for these.” Nina shook the bag of cookies. “And I need a break from this.”
“What’s that?” Brooke leaned over and looked at Nina’s sketchbook filled with doodles of various clothes.
“Our project. Ms. Velour wants us to make a whole line that’s ‘pure camp’ or something.” Nina explained, using air quotes. “Anyway, I gotta go.”
“Take care, have fun!” Brooke called out as the door closed. She thought about her own project and the mystery partner that she was going to meet tomorrow.
Turning over to lay on her stomach, Brooke recalled her conversation with Yvie. After she had ordered pastries and drinks for the both of them, Brooke fumbled with starting the conversation. Yvie, ever the direct one, set her straight.
“You knew that I don’t have a good relationship with A'keria much less Silky, right?”
Brooke had nodded. They were—for the lack of better wording—mean. She had never been on the receiving end of their attitude but she had a friend who had been. They spread rumors like wildfire and if you’re unlucky, you get burned. But they weren’t bad people.
“I had no problem with you and Vanjie together. Honestly. The bitchiness that I had towards her was just me projecting my anger. She’s a nice girl and god knows why she’s friends with those two,”
Brooke had experienced first hand what it was like, being in their group. The three had undeniable chemistry.
“I had no problem when you became friends with them, as well. I mean, it was kind of inevitable. You were in the same circle. I didn’t care even if you were associating with people that spread bullshit about me and others because you were my friend. But,”
“But then, you suddenly weren’t.”
“It started small. You didn’t eat with us anymore. Nina was like, 'she just wants to spend time with her girlfriend, let her be’. And it was fine because you were happy! Then you stopped hanging out with us, barely even slept in your own dorm room. Nina and Shuga took full advantage of that by the way,”
They what?
“Then you sat with us one day, like a miracle. I was…happy. Up until you decided that A'keria, Silky, and me in one table was a good idea. Didn’t end so well didn’t it?”
Brooke remembered the disaster. She thought she could bring her two worlds together. It began with snide quips from Silky about Yvie and Scarlet and A'keria fanned the flames. Scarlet compared opinions to assholes but Yvie full-on clapped back. Somewhere in there, someone was called talentless. Silky and A'keria walked out and Vanjie followed. Yvie walked out as well. Guess who Brooke followed?
“The next day, I go to class to hear rumors about me. They were ridiculous and untrue but that many? Still hurt.”
“I knew who they came from. Because obviously. Nina tried to stop me but she eventually just ended up following me. She said that she knew she couldn’t stop me because I was the same kind of hard-headed as you are.”
Brooke remembered the confrontation that happened in front of her locker. That time however, Silky and A'keria had come prepared and hit where it hurt.
“They said so much bullshit and you know me, I’m not one to let that get away. But it just, it hurt so much. I–I looked at you and you did nothing.”
Brooke gritted her teeth. She knew what came next. A'keria had pointed out that if Brooke wasn’t defending Yvie, Brooke who was her best friend, then maybe all those rumours were true.
“You said nothing. You just stood there like your batteries died or something. I hated you then. I thought, I knew what friendship was and this wasn’t it.”
“Then you walked away with them.”
Brooke had tried to apologize…eventually. It took Vanjie for her to do that and even then, it was a shitty apology.
“It was crap. Beauty gurus could do better apologies than that so you know you’re fucked.”
Yvie didn’t accept her apology then. So Brooke never tried again.
“When you never followed up, I thought it was my mistake that I didn’t accept your apology. But as much as I wanted to have my friend back, I didn’t want this B-rate version of her.”
“Then you fully detached from us for almost half a year. You came back when you broke up.”
A thought sprung up in her head. No matter how much she was able to push down her feelings about the break-up during the day, it always came back to haunt her at night. Brooke was unsure about how she truly felt about it. She knew that anger was what she projected but it was only a surface emotion.
We don’t have time to unpack all of that, she thought to herself and resolved to take a quick nap before going to the ballet studio and teasing her teacher about Trixie.
The next morning, Brooke woke up to Nina and Yvie having breakfast in the living room. She joined them and ate waffles and drank coffee. They walked Brooke to Ms. Visage’s room. Thank god she wasn’t late today.
Turns out, she was too early. There was only one person in the room and it was someone Brooke wanted to avoid. Vanjie had her earphones in and hadn’t seemed to notice her so maybe she could just come back—
“Hey Brooke Lynn!” Too late. Vanjie beckoned her over and like a puppy, she followed. “Can we talk?”
“Well, you’re talking.” Even with the distance of about three chairs between them, Vanjie probably heard the bite in her voice. She was good in noticing those little details in Brooke. Too good in fact. That’s a part of why Brooke loved her.
Some of the fight went out of Vanjie’s shoulders but there was still that desperation. But what for?
“Brooke, I didn’t want to end it that way. I don’t want this to be messy. I ain’t ever want to be messy and you know that. But before I could say more, you just ran away. Gone like poof,” she made a motion with her hands.
“Why would I stay? You made your point clear. I wasn’t enough.”
Brooke really wasn’t ready for this conversation. She felt cornered.
Vanjie looked at her sadly. “You’re angry. Brooke, we weren’t happy,”
“I was!”
“No you weren’t.”
“How can you decide that for me? You made it clear you didn’t want anything to do with me when you told me that it’s over!”
“Brooke you—”
“That’s just like you isn’t it? You make decisions and string everyone along.” Brooke barreled on and let her mouth run, something she rarely dif. “Maybe you never even loved me. You just—”
“Stop.”
“No, I’m tired of listening to you.”
“Then listen to yourself! You’re smart Brooke, you know what you just said was nonsense.” Vanjie put her earphones back in. She looked upset. Brooke felt…guilty? “When you’re ready to understand, talk to me. I don’t want us to end this way.”
Brooke wanted to move but she felt stuck. Something was wrong. What she said was wrong. Those accusations she said… Even if she didn’t understand what Vanjie saw in their relationship that was unsatisfying, she shouldn’t have—
Brooke sighed. Maybe, maybe it was time for her to let this go. If they already fought like this because Brooke wasn’t willing to listen, then maybe they weren’t meant to be together. Brooke was adaptable, if nothing else.
“Look, I’m sorry,” she said and hoped that Vanjie listened despite having her earphones in. “I didn’t understand so I was angry, but I’m sure you knew that. You always knew me best. And I want to talk, I’ll listen this time I promise. But, I need time to myself first to process all of this.”
With that, she gingerly walked away and sat in the back row. She felt something stuck in her throat but she ignored it.
••
Time passed quickly with Brooke struggling to put a lid on her thoughts. She was going to process it, like she promised, but not during class. And not without supervision either.
She just hoped Nina and Yvie would be available later. Just to make sure, she took out her phone and texted Yvie.
BLH: I need help. R u and Nina free to talk later?
Oddly Enough: nina asks if you’re okay ??
BLH: Yeah, thanks for worrying :) just need some advice
Oddly Enough: abt what ?
BLH: Vanjie
Oddly Enough: Do you need us to bring some comfort food? -Nina
BLH: Yes! Whatever your gf can give us
Oddly Enough: I’ll tell her :) -N
Oddly Enough: congrats u just gave the a reason to interact
Oddly Enough: c u later
With nothing else to do, Brooke listened to the chatter that gradually increased as more students trickled in. Most of it passed from one ear to another until she came upon talk regarding the new student.
Brooke almost forgot about her.
“So there’s really a new student coming today?”
“Yeah, I saw her enter the Principal’s Office.”
“What does she look like?”
“She seems familiar, I just don’t remember from where. Pink-dyed hair and Asian. Very pretty.”
“Ooh,”
“I also heard Shangela was coming back!”
“Why? Is she repeating a year or something?”
“Idiot, no. She’s gonna work here I think.”
“Damn—wait, that means Laganja’s back in town too?”
“Ms. Del Rio is gonna shit bricks. Thankfully she’s not a student anymore. Do you remember that smackdown when she was in second year?”
The Edwards were coming back? Well this was news indeed. Alyssa had been Brooke’s previous dance teacher and she owned the studio that Katya taught her in. She trained ballet with one of Alyssa’s adopted daughters Laganja, who was a year older than her. They moved somewhere during Brooke’s first year of college. Her spirits lifted at the thought of reuniting with her previous teacher.
Just then, Ms. Visage came in with a girl in tow, her pink hair styled into waves. She had long lashes and wore a touch of make-up. She wasn’t pretty—she was gorgeous.
She also looked very familiar.
“Xin chào các bạn, I’m Plastique Tiara. I studied here shortly during first year and now I’m back,” she smiled hesitantly.
Oh flip.
Plastique.
Plastique?
[tbc]
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