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#tbh you could also say *his might is gone*
quin-ns · 10 months
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Fake Blood (Ethan Landry x Reader)
Word count: 5.6K
Summary: spoiler: the blood isn’t fake. alone in your apartment after your friends had been attacked, you ask ethan to stop by. he does in an unexpected way and you get more than you bargained for
Tags: (18+), friends to lovers, minor violence, knife tw, flirting, making out, virgin!ethan, virgin!reader, fingering, unprotected p in v sex, the ghostface robe stays on during sex, denial ab ethan being a murderer :) (if bad why hot?)
A/N: just watched scream 6 for the first time only a few days ago and couldn’t get this psycho out of my brain (tiktok edits didn’t help lol). timeline might be a little wonky but tbh it’s not relevant. also this follows the theory that ethan did the big apartment attack. I really wasn’t expecting this to be this long but it’s worth it yall I promise
cross-posted to ao3 • scream masterlist • main masterlist
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As much as you liked Mindy, if you knew becoming friends with her would lead to you being integrated into her friend group of past and present serial killer victims, you might’ve thought about asking someone else to partner up with you for a presentation in your film studies class.
When you’d asked her, it was mostly to avoid having to accept an offer from a guy named Jason, who had always stared at you during that class and brought up the ‘Stab’ movies whenever he could (this was before you knew your friends knew him, but you still got a weird vibe from the guy).
She’d been excited to hang out with you after you two gave your presentation, and that’s how you wound up spending most days with her and her tight knit group of friends.
You were probably closest with Mindy, but you liked her brother too. For a guy named Chad, he was actually pretty chill. You got along with Tara as well, who was in a bit of a rebellious phase after being attacked and nearly killed, which you only learned about once they trusted you enough. Her older sister Sam was mostly cool too, but a bit overprotective. There was a gloomy aspect to her, but you supposed it made sense given that she was betrayed by her murderous boyfriend and now the internet peddled theories that blamed her for a series of killings in their home town of Woodsboro.
They had a tight bond, and even though you grew close with each of them, you knew you’d be an outsider. Like Tara and Sam’s roommate Quinn, Mindy’s girlfriend Anika, and Chad’s roommate Ethan. You all had shared multiple conversations about their trust issues. It must’ve been hard to even start to trust people after all that.
Out of all of the other “newcomers” as Mindy once put it, you got along with Ethan the best. He was a little quiet and sorta dorky (which your friends would tease him about a little—all friendly, of course) but he was fun to talk to. You guys liked a lot of the same stuff, including horror movies, and it didn’t hurt that he was cute.
In your opinion, with his curly dark hair and eyes to compliment, the whole “shy guy” thing was part of the appeal.
You wondered if he’d ever make a move, or if he even knew you were curious about him in that way. You wouldn’t go so far to say it was a crush for your ego’s sake, but you wouldn’t send him running off with his tail between his legs like you did with most guys.
Like that guy Jason from film class, who, just before Halloween, was killed alongside his roommate by a masked killer.
“Didn’t he have a thing for you?” Mindy asked you as you were all gathered around the TV, finding out the news together.
You were sitting crammed in a chair next to Ethan since the others had all taken up the couch space. He didn’t seem to mind, but it did unfortunately make it easy for them all to look your way and stare. You didn’t like the attention.
You were in shock at the news, especially when the anchor revealed Jason had also killed your film professor. Ethan pointed that out, saying if the guy was crazy enough to do that he might’ve even gone after you.
“Maybe the killer who killed him did you a favor,” Quinn suggested in response to Ethan.
The thought terrified you. You looked around the group. “Do you guys think he really would’ve hurt me? He seemed weird, not psycho.”
“We talked not that long ago, nothing seemed off,” Tara revealed with a grim look. “He asked if you and Sam were gonna come to the party.”
You hadn’t planned on going—what the hell would’ve happened if you had?
You exchanged a look with Sam, who seemed to have the wheels in her head turning.
You zoned back into the news as the reporter explained the mask found was a ghostface mask—like from the Stab movies. And of course, the actual Woodsboro killings.
“Pack a bag,” Sam told her sister, springing up to move around the apartment building.
Sam and Tara argued, which was a little weird to witness. You tried to sink back into the chair, while Ethan looked at you like he wanted to say something.
Hopefully it wasn’t “get out of the chair” because you didn’t think you could move.
The night ended with you going back to your little apartment alone. Your roommate was out of town and so your anxiety was on high alert.
A lot had happened that night apparently, including Sam and Tara getting attacked in a convenience store and them being questioned by the cops.
As much as you cared about them, you feared what would happen if you were with them.
That’s why the next night when you were invited over, you had been hesitant. A government paper was the perfect excuse, but you had FaceTimed with them so you all could keep an eye on each other.
You sat at your little desk, your laptop opened to work on your paper, and your phone propped up on your cup so you could talk to them hands free.
Apparently everyone was together at the apartment except Ethan, who told you he was studying in the library when you texted to ask him. You responded that you were working on a paper and that if he wanted to come over to keep you company, he could.
You’d spent some time alone with him, but not a lot when you really thought about it. It was always in the group—who were all murder suspects, according to Mindy’s movie rules.
You knew you weren’t the killer, and you had absolutely no motive. The others were still suspicious of you so that hurt a little (maybe that was another reason why you were keeping to yourself), but you did your best to understand that they weren’t just suspicious of you.
Everyone was a suspect, and no one was safe.
You felt even less safe when Mindy said she’d call you back. You didn’t know why she had to hang up so urgently, but you had a feeling it had to do with the emotional conversation Tara and Sam had been having in the background. You couldn’t make out most of it clear so you avoided mentioning it.
You sighed and checked your chat with Ethan. He hasn’t responded to your text. You were getting nervous now that you weren’t video chatting with your other friends anymore and the thought of being home alone didn’t bring you much ease.
You thought about just going over to the Carpenter’s (and Quinn’s) apartment, not wanting to bother Ethan further. Maybe he was ignoring you on purpose.
However, it was a far walk there. You didn’t feel safe making it alone at night—especially with a killer on the loose, likely targeting your friends. If you had a car, maybe, but you were a broke college student who could barely afford a place to live.
You sucked it up and double texted Ethan, this time asking if he could come over and that you were worried.
When he didn’t respond right away, you gave it a few minutes.
A little while longer passed and since you now couldn’t focus on your paper, you tried to call Mindy back. Then Tara. Then Chad. Then Sam. Then Quinn. Then Anika.
Not a single one of them answered.
You took a deep breath. Then, you went to double check that your door was locked.
You tried to call Ethan, but his phone went immediately to voicemail. It must’ve been dead or powered off.
That left no one else to call, and you felt more alone than ever.
You sat down at your desk and tried to focus.
You ended up going to your bedroom, putting on sleep clothes, and watching a comfort show under all your blankets instead, paper completely forgotten.
Your phone dinged from your bedside table and when you looked at it, you saw a message from Ethan. Only a few hours late, but he said he was on his way up.
That was sudden. You tried to not overthink being alone with Ethan too much.
A few moments later, there was a knock at your front door.
You climbed out of bed, not really caring that you were wearing sleep shorts and a baggy shirt. Your friends had seen you go to class in about the same when you had all night study sessions.
When you got to the door, you got a little nervous. But you knew it had to be Ethan, so you tried to push the anxiety aside and unlocked then opened the door.
You were met with shock and horror.
Towering over you in your doorway stood a figure in a black robe… and a ghostface mask.
You tried to slam the door, but the person caught it. You choked on a scream when they shoved their way in, holding a knife. There was a small stain of red on the metal blade and a darker, bigger mass on the robe.
Blood. Blood was red.
You scrambled back and tried to think of where to go. None of the doors in your apartment locked, not even the bathroom door.
Your heart and mind raced and suddenly you were spewing words.
“I don’t know what to say to make you not kill me, but I please don’t,” you rushed out.
The person—the killer—moved closer to you after shutting and locking your front door.
You ran, but there was really nowhere to go. The killer ran too. You tried to lure them to the bathroom and shove them in, but they dodged and had you almost within their grasp.
They didn’t slash the knife, though.
You ran for the front door, but the killer grabbed you by the arm. You were shoved back against your hallway wall and pinned. Your back slammed against the wall, but not hard. They held the knife to your throat—not too close, but it was still there and still kept you frozen.
“Are you gonna kill me?”
The words came out before you could stop them. You internally scolded yourself. That’s the kinda shit the girls who got murdered asked.
There was a laugh, and then a familiar voice.
“I’d never do that.”
By the time the killer reached for the mask and pulled it off, you still hadn’t processed your shock.
“Ethan?” you gawked up at him while he gave you a cheeky smile. He let the mask drop and the hand holding the knife fell to his side.
“You should’ve seen your face,” he said through a smile, excited eyes scanning your face for realization.
“Is this… is this a fucking prank?” you questioned, finally comprehending. “Ethan, what the fuck!?” You shoved him back by his shoulder, admittedly a little pissed. “You’re covered in blood!”
He stayed standing in front of you.
“It’s fake, I promise. It was just a joke,” he reasoned, looking a little guilty. “Y’know, cause Halloween and… alright, maybe my timing isn’t great.”
You scoffed out a laugh at that. “It’s terrible timing. There really is someone after us.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Ethan apologized with a small, apologetic smile. You stared at him, still surprised. He looked so innocent for someone that could pull off, let alone come up with, such a messed up prank.
“Is this where you’ve been? Dressing up to mess with me while there really is a killer after us?” You questioned, raising your brows and crossing your arms.
“Y’know, if there really is a killer after us, we probably shouldn’t let each other die virgins,” Ethan stated in a flirtatious way he easily could’ve played off as a joke. Maybe it was entirely a joke, but you played along in a different direction.
You scoffed. “And you’re just assuming I’m a virgin?”
He shrugged, the long fabric of his costume rustling. “I see how you are with guys. They want you, you never want them.”
“So what, I’m a tease?” you guessed, used to hearing that but a little disappointed to think it would come from him.
“No,” he clarified quickly. “But they’re just never good enough for you and you know that. Like that jerk Jason.”
You cringed a little at the mention of him, and then felt bad about that. The guy had been murdered, after all.
“Don’t say that, he’s dead.”
“So what?” Ethan asked plainly, surprising you a little. “He was a killer too. He could’ve gone after you, you should be grateful to whoever did it.”
You furrowed your brows. He was starting to sound like someone else. “Grateful?”
“It’s okay, you’re allowed to be.” Ethan’s expression as he spoke was one of reassurance. “You could’ve been next, you never know. He was one of those guys who couldn’t take a hint that he was beneath you.”
You had no idea he thought that way about you—that there were men he deemed unworthy. It was enough to distract you from the shift in his demeanor.
“And what? You’re saying you’re one of the guys who’s good enough for me?” you couldn’t help but wonder. You never thought about your dating history (or lack of) like that.
“Hell no,” he said, surprising you yet again. You were expecting a ‘yes’ with the way he was coming onto you all of the sudden, but what he said carried even more of a self-depreciating brand of charm. “But I’m hoping maybe you’ll pity the loser who’s had a hopeless crush on you for a while now and give him a chance.”
“You’re not a loser,” you said before you registered the rest of his words. When you did, you were taken aback at the confession. “But you’re not usually this… bold, Ethan.”
You wanted to ask him if something was wrong, but there was a lot wrong these past few hours.
“What can I say? I’ve been feeling more confident recently.”
You hummed, understanding that in a way.
“Maybe it’s the whole ‘we could die any second’ thing,” you ventured a guess.
He smiled to himself, like you’d just referenced an inside joke you weren’t a part of.
“Could be,” he agreed. He laughed a little and looked down at himself, then met your eyes again. “Sorry about scaring you. It was in poor taste. We both like horror movies… I don’t know, it was stupid.”
You scoffed, but you weren’t really mad anymore.
“I like horror movies, I don’t want to be in one,” you told him, eyeing the knife he held loosely in his right hand. “Is the knife real?”
“What?” Ethan asked, feigning confusion. He lifted the knife and examined it. “This knife?”
“Yeah, that knife,” you parroted back his playful tone. “You said the blood is fake, but is the knife real?”
A devious look crossed Ethan’s face. He held it to your throat slowly, holding it horizontally. You didn’t flinch, much to his pleasure. He seemed almost impressed.
“Gotta be authentic, right?” he mused, eyes flicking to your parted lips as you breathed steadily. “Can I kiss you?”
When his curious eyes looked back at yours, you couldn’t help but notice he still held the knife. The rush of excitement you felt scared you more than the fear of him letting it slip forward.
“What’s the knife for?” you asked with a surge of confidence, taunting him a little. “If I say no?”
Ethan laughed at that. He pulled it back and let it drop to the floor. It clattered against the wood, and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. But it wasn’t from fear—it was from anticipation. Maybe your curiosity was a little more than that after all.
“You’re safe with me,” he assured. “Promise.”
His words felt layered, but in a way you couldn’t define.
Perhaps it was his way of saying he’d protect you. Maybe it was strange, especially given his entrance, but you found yourself feeling exactly that with Ethan. Safe.
Nothing was going to hurt you, certainly not him.
“About that kiss…” you started, giving him the indication that he was looking for.
Ethan took the hint and ran with it, lips crashing into yours in the blink of an eye.
His lips were soft, but the kiss was needy and hungry. You tried to move your lips in sync with his, but he was much more dominant.
A joke that you’d never say flashed by about him practicing.
It was easy not to laugh when Ethan’s hand threaded into your hair and his tongue began to explore your mouth.
The leather glove felt strange. It made you pull back a little, which you almost couldn’t do with the way Ethan eagerly chased your swollen lips with his own.
You glanced over his costume again. It looked really legit—when did he have time to get it? Was he actually gonna wear this for Halloween? You swore you remembered him and Chad talking about some other costume he made out of cardboard for the frat party.
Before you could spiral down that path, Ethan pulled the leather gloves off quickly and cast them aside. It was like he could read your mind. Both hands went to your face, pulling you to meet him halfway in another searing kiss.
You didn’t know what was coming over you, but whatever it was was causing arousal to stir in your belly.
You figured out the answer to that pretty quickly.
It was want. You wanted Ethan.
“Is the other offer still on the table?” you uttered softly when you and Ethan had to part for air.
He grinned, unable to contain it.
“Thought there was no way in hell that would work,” Ethan admitted a little breathlessly. “Thought I never stood a chance with you, but I liked you anyway.”
Ethan had a boyish charm about him usually, but now that was combined with a streak of deviance that you finally now noticed.
You weren’t expecting to be as intrigued by it as you were.
“Give yourself a little more credit,” you told Ethan, raising your hand to cup his cheek. He leaned into your touch a little. One hand rested on your shoulder and the other fell to hold your hip, tucking under your baggy shirt and rubbing your skin beneath. “You are pretty cute.”
Ethan’s smile only grew, but when you leaned in to kiss him again his lips met yours.
He wrapped his arms around your waist and guided the two of you to the ground with your back leaning against the wall. He was in front of you, on his knees, with you in his lap.
You ran a hand through his curly hair and you guided his lips back to yours. From what he’d revealed, Ethan hadn’t had a lot of experience with girls. It was a damn shame, because the boy was a great kisser.
His hand caressed your thigh as he trailed upward. You gave him a soft sound of encouragement when his fingers found their way to the waistband of your shorts.
“Is this okay?” Ethan asked, which made you want to grab him and kiss him again.
“Yeah.”
His hand slid into your shorts and your underwear.
One finger—you guessed middle—pushed inside of you. A small gasp escaped you at the intrusion and he watched your face.
Ethan was making sure the sound wasn’t of pain, which it wasn’t, and you appreciated that.
He withdrew the digit, then pushed in again. He repeated the motion a few more times before adding his index finger.
Ethan’s breathing grew heavy as he felt you squeeze around his fingers. He thrust and curled them inside you with rhythm. He managed to find one pretty quickly. That plus his thumb rubbing at your clit, you were falling apart in mere minutes.
Your brief orgasm rocked your whole body, leaving you clenching his fingers and quivering.
Ethan muttered things to you, but you could hardly hear over the sound of your own heart pounding in your ears.
Your head rested back against the wall as you caught your breath, still trembling from the aftershocks. Ethan withdrew his hand from between your legs and out of your shorts.
Your eyelids felt heavy, but in between slow blinks you saw him lift his fingers to his lips. You watched breathlessly as he placed them into his mouth and moaned at the taste of you.
No words would come out of your mouth, but he took rendering you speechless as a compliment.
“I’ve thought about that,” Ethan started, voice a little ragged. He was watching you, but his hand had moved off to the side. “What you’d look like… what you’d sound like… what you’d taste like.” The awe in his eyes as he spoke left you swooning.
“And?” you managed, sitting up a little straighter.
With the change in your angle, you could feel the bulge in his pants, even though the added layer of the costume he had yet to remove.
“You’re better than I ever imagined,” Ethan finished.
A scrape against the floor alarmed you. You looked to the sound and saw Ethan grabbing the knife off of the floor.
You watched as he brought it between your bodies. He first tucked it through the leg of your shorts, the cold metal sliding against your skin as it caught under your underwear as well. Then, he pointed the sharp side facing out. Finally, he sliced up through the fabric. You gasped a little as the cold air of the room hit your newly exposed skin. He did the same with the other leg, then pulled the tattered material away from your body.
You did the honors of pulling off your shirt. You didn’t have a bra underneath and you almost laughed at the way Ethan gawked at your fully naked body when you cast it aside.
“Your turn,” you told him. You were completely undressed, while he still wore the long, black disguise.
“Actually,” Ethan said a little eerily. There was something in his eyes you couldn’t quite pinpoint. “I was thinking I could leave it on?”
It was a question, there was room for you to say no. Maybe you should’ve, it was a little weird. But you weren’t really thinking about that. You were more focused on how badly you wanted Ethan to fuck you, and that clouded your brain.
“As long as you don’t put the mask back on,” you relented in a joking tone.
“You’re so fucking cool,” Ethan rushed out before slamming his lips into yours. The knife was cast aside again—you didn’t see it happen, but both of his hands were on your face.
You laughed a little against his lips, dazed and drunk on arousal. You didn’t really care about the logistics of it.
His hands moved down, but you were distracted by his lips dominating yours.
You heard the sound of his zipper being undone and he moved a little—you guessed shoving his pants down his thighs.
There was no time to look down because in a rush, Ethan was pinning you back against the wall with his body. One hand gripped your waist, holding you in place for him. The other was presumably guiding his cock to your entrance.
You gasped a little against his lips when he started to press forward while simultaneously pulling you down into his lap. The fabric of the costume draped over your thighs, blocking your view.
The stretch of his cock pushing into you was more intense than you could’ve predicted, but your whole body trembled with pleasure at the feel.
Finally, he either got too excited or lost his patience, and guided you down the rest of the way until he was fully sheathed inside of you.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Ethan cursed to himself, body straining to keep from moving. His head dropped to your shoulder, heavy breaths hitting your neck. He leaned against you, forcing you against the wall.
His cock twitched inside of you and his body tensed, trying to hold back.
You panted slightly, trying to get your breath back. You ran a hand up his back and you felt him shiver. Your hand moved up the back of his neck and into his mess of curls.
You always liked Ethan’s hair.
You gave a small, barely qualifiable tug, but it had an effect. His body jerked, causing him to move inside of you. You gasped a little, but the motion felt good.
He lifted his head to look at you. His face was a little flushed and the lust blown look in his eyes made you quiver.
“You can move,” you whispered out, not trusting your voice.
Ethan didn’t need to be told twice. He secured the arm around your waist a little tighter and he put the other hand on the wall, giving himself leverage.
The slow drag of him moving out of you made you gasp for breath. The thrust back in knocked the air out of your lungs.
He set a quick pace after that, hips slamming eagerly into yours as the pleasure and excitement overwhelmed him.
It felt good, really fucking good.
Neither of you knew exactly what you were doing, but you were sure you’d figured it out because your whole body tingled with pleasure.
You cried out his name, which only spurred him on.
In a jarring movement you could hardly track, Ethan dragged you from the wall to the floor. He put himself on top of you, never once withdrawing from inside of you.
He watched your face as he pounded into you. Ethan had more leverage this way, able to grip your hip in one hand while the other held the top half of him off of you by being planted on the floor near your head.
You wrapped your legs around his waist, which you couldn’t see because the bottom half of your body was covered by the black costume. You hardly paid any attention to that aspect. You didn’t care that he wore it, not when you were this caught up in pleasure.
(In hindsight, you should’ve).
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” Ethan breathed out, hips starting the stutter with every thrust.
The knot in your belly started to tighten as he buried himself into you over and over.
You couldn’t speak, your breathing was so labored as you reached to cling to him.
His head dropped down to your shoulder as he allowed more of his body weight to fall onto you. You found yourself enjoying the feel of him truly being on top of you.
You hardly noticed the fake blood smearing onto your bare skin. When you did, you were too gone to care.
You bucked your hips, meeting his stuttering thrusts. He was getting close to his edge and so were you. You moaned beneath him as his forceful thrusts sparked pleasure through your entire body.
“I’m close,” you managed to moan out against his ear.
“Oh, fuck,” Ethan groaned out, cock pulsing inside of you at the thought. He lifted his head enough to be able to watch your face. “Come again for me, please,” he panted out, nearly falling over the edge at the mere anticipation.
The begging was hot, and your body was already ready to give him what he wanted.
You noticed his eyes flicking down your body, seeing the red stains on your skin. That was quickly forgotten by you when your whole body began to tense and quiver. You held onto him tight as waves of ecstasy crashed over you.
You didn’t see his eyes linger.
Ethan couldn’t hold it together, not with the way your body tightened around him as your orgasm rocked you.
He collapsed on top of you, holding you against him as his forehead pressed to yours. His eyes were clenched shut as he frantically shoved his hips against yours, burying himself deep. His cock twitched, his whole body shivering as he spilled himself inside of you with a moan.
The sound of him alone was enough to prolong your pleasure as you rode it out, but the extra movement and the feeling of him filling you was an added bonus.
He kissed you hard on the lips, effectively pulling the air from your lungs.
After a moment, he found the strength to roll off of you, only to then drag you to his side.
“I can die a happy man, now,” he joked morbidly.
You shoved him a little by the shoulder like you had before, but not enough to actually make him go anywhere.
“Don’t say shit like that,” you argued weakly.
He flashed you a brief grin. “I meant it as a compliment.”
You rolled your eyes and did you best to laugh it off.
You lost track of how long it took you to move from the floor to your couch. The same thing happened between the time it took for you to get from the couch to your shower.
It was a tiny shower that couldn’t fit two people, so you rinsed off as quick as you could. You were tired, and your legs felt weak, and you knew you’d be sore in a way that would make it hard to keep calm tomorrow.
Whatever he had used for the blood, at least it washed off fast. You were able to finish up in a matter of minutes.
You threw on new pajamas and crawled into your bed, managing to tell Ethan to take however long he wanted and that he could stay over if he wanted.
You found yourself hoping he would.
You were nearly asleep when the shower shut off and Ethan finally joined you in bed. He was only in his boxers and a black t-shirt, which he must’ve been wearing under the costume robe.
A thought nagged at the back of your mind about the costume, wondering why he’d gone through all of that just to mess with you for a minute—albeit a terrifying minute. It didn’t seem like him, but then you remembered you’d only met him a few months ago.
You were so exhausted you fell asleep in his arms, not awake enough to care about all of the weird details. In fact, the only thing you could think about was how much you liked falling asleep with Ethan’s arms around you.
In the morning, you found out your friends had all been attacked.
You showed up with Ethan after the feed on your college’s chat app blew up with images of cops swarming and ambulances outside of Sam, Tara, and Quinn’s apartment.
Mindy seemed relieved to see you, but not so much when she realized Ethan was with you. Maybe she’d cleared you as a suspect in her head.
She yelled at him to stay back, accusing him of being the killer. Nobody was taking Quinn’s death well, but Mindy was especially heartbroken over Anika.
“Stay back!” Mindy yelled at Ethan, who did as she commanded.
Everyone turned on him then, even Chad. Everyone except you. They demanded his alibi.
“How do I know you’re not the killer, roomie,” Chad spit at him, amped up.
“I was with Y/N last night,” Ethan defended, holding his hands up in a small show of innocence, before you could say a word. “We were… preoccupied, alright?”
You wanted to elbow him for how he worded it, he couldn’t have been more obvious if he tried. It might’ve been on purpose, you weren’t sure.
He wasn’t close enough to do that, though, and now all eyes were on you.
“Yeah, he was with me,” you backed Ethan up.
You weren’t going to leave him hanging because it was the truth, but you knew what that implied, and so did your friends. They all shared subtle—but not unnoticeable—looks. Your face felt warm, while Ethan bit back a prideful smile.
“So you guys, um…”
“Chad, stop,” Tara scolded him before he could point out the obvious.
“Point is, we had nothing to do with this,” Ethan stated.
We?
They were suspicious of him, and now he was lumping the two of you together. There were always two killers in the movies—you began to doubt if the alibi would ease their anxiety or only spike it.
You thought back to when he had showed up to your apartment in that costume. He’d scared you, but you accepted it when he told you it was a joke that he mistakenly took too far.
It made you wonder. What if it was him?
If he wanted to hurt you, he easily could’ve. That didn’t seem to be his intention. What was? Seeing how much he could scare you? Get your heart rate up? Seeing if you wouldn’t believe him?
Or was it seeing if he could put the evidence right in front of you and have you ignore it because of a crush?
Fuck. Maybe it was some weird combination of all. Were you that gullible? Or were you overthinking it now?
Your brain struggled to come up with a conclusion.
You wanted to believe Ethan was innocent. You really, really did.
It was easier than believing you had slept with a killer. Or potentially worse, that you had feelings for one.
Ethan gave you a slight, assuring smile.
Your head told you one thing, but your heart told you another.
Maybe you shouldn’t have, but you kept your mouth shut and gave him one back.
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julilovesyou444 · 8 months
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my first ~ tom kaulitz
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background ~ love confession that leads to something else, all from Tom’s point of view.
warnings ~ no proofreading, mentions of drinking, mentions of smoking, smut, p in v, praise, oral fem receiving, breeding ig? idk tbh but it’s naughty sooooo🙉🙈 be prepared LMAO
a/n ~ heres a small blurb, writers block is going insane rn. also someone called my writing “corny” or something… like if you don’t like it, then DONT READ‼️what do u want me to say? sorry??? nah. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME EVER WRITING ANYTHING LIKE THIS BESIDES HEAD SO PLS BE NICE IDK WHAT IM DOING. I learned everything from here and wattpad so don’t blame me😓 thanks for the love too
~
I was sitting on some raggedy couch, girls practically throwing themselves at me. we had finished a concert about an hour ago, and i insisted that we partied to celebrate. I had no idea I’d be so miserable. I slowly sipped my drink, looking around. girls were saying all kinds of things to me, touching me, but they were all so incoherent. I didn’t care about them right now. I couldn’t focus on them while I was looking for her.
my eyes continued their search throughout the crowded room until they found what they were looking for. there she was. standing off to the side, drink in her hand, smile on her face. bill and I had met her right before we started our band. she had always been so close with bill. i had been so jealous of that. i wanted to be as close to her as she was with bill, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let myself. the feelings she made me feel were so unfamiliar, and they scared me. I hated not being in control, and whenever I was around her, I lost complete control over myself and my thoughts.
she looked so beautiful, tonight. of course I would never tell her that. it wasnt my place. we didn’t talk to each other like that. even though I wish we did, at least sometimes. I adored how her clothes hugged tightly to her figure and how confident she acted without being cocky. bill had invited her on tour with us. I was reluctant, I didn’t know how I would feel with her being with us all the time. but I didn’t want to be the only one to object, so I accepted.
it was always fun with her, she knew how to electrify a room and light it up instantly. i avoided time alone with her. I hoped she didn’t think I was doing it because I didn’t like her. i just got… nervous.
I watched her from the couch until her eyes connected to mine. I thought she would look away, but she didn’t. She brought her cup to her mouth and took a slow sip, her eyes never leaving mine. the lights from the party flashed in her eyes, making them sparkle as if diamonds were encrusted in them. I could stare into them all day. I couldn’t read the look on her face. I couldn’t tell how she was feeling about this; about me.
Some random girl shoved my shoulder, causing me to look over.
“Can you stop being so boring? I think i might get another drink…”, she complained and slurred , clearly drunk. I rolled my eyes and sat her on the couch, getting up as I did so. My back was turned to the party and I tried to get this hammered girl to calm down. Eventually, I was able to get her to just chill out on the couch. I turned around, wanting to see if she was still watching me. To my disappointment, she was gone. I looked around. I looked around the party some more, and again, and again.
“where the fuck did she run off to?”, i muttered to myself, slowly turning myself in a circle, trying to locate her possible location. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted her.
That’s when my eyes landed on a set of stairs that led upstairs. I walked over, randoms saying hi to me as i did. music was blaring and the room had cans and solo cups lining the floor. it reeked of bad weed and alcohol. I made my way to the top of the stairs. I came at a stop when I got to the upstairs. it was still loud, but definitely not as loud as it was downstairs. there was a single long hallway, lined with tall doors, and at the end of the hallway was a big bay window that faced the back of the house. no lights were turned on, but the moon shone brightly and dimly lit up the corridor. I saw her, sitting down on the little cushions by the window, gazing out. she didn’t know I was here with her. the moonlight danced on her skin, illuminating her so perfectly.
I walked slowly over to her. As soon as I came in her eyesight, I noticed she was a bit startled, but relaxed when she saw it was just me.
she gazed back up at the night sky, the millions of stars reflecting onto her pupils. she looked so ethereal with the moon light dancing on her skin.
“the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”, she softly asked, as she interrupted my thoughts. she looked over at me with the sweetest smile.
I wasn’t even looking at the moon, just at her.
“Very…”, I mumbled.
She smiled at me and looked back towards the window.
“What are you doing up here? I thought you were enjoying yourself.”, she said. I scoffed.
“I usually enjoy these parties, but tonight, I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it I guess.”
“Really? You had so many girls all over you… I would’ve thought that you’d be in heaven.”, she laughed. I smiled and shook my head a little.
“I don’t know what’s going on with me… I just didn’t want them like I usually would’ve.”, i shrugged.
“Is anything bothering you?”, she asked, looking genuine.
“the tom I know would never not be enjoying the fact that so many girls were all over them.”, she added.
“I don’t know… it’s just that, I’ve been dealing with some shit and I don’t know how to handle it.”
“maybe if you tell me, I can help. I know we aren’t like best friends or anything but you know I’m always here for you, right?”, she asked, looking up at me and placing her hand on my arm.
“yea, yea, I know… I think it’ll feel good to finally tell someone. I know a lot of the times I get perceived as a guy who only likes girls for things like sex and their bodies, and to be honest, it’s somewhat true. there’s just this one girl, this one girl, that I like way way way more than that, and I don’t know what to do or how to tell her.”, I vented.
“does she like you back?”
“that’s the thing… I don’t know.”
“oh, c’mon Tom, everyone likes you, im sure she does too.”, she tried to reassure me.
“you think?”
“positive. uh… sorry if this is invasive or something, but who is this girl? just curious…”, she said quickly. I cocked my head and smiled at her curiosity.
“Why do you wanna know?”, i asked.
“Um… nevermind, forget it. I don’t know why I wanted to know…”, she looked away from me.
“well i can tell you something about her…”, I started. I decided it was now or never. I had a feeling that my feelings were mutual.
“Hm?”, she said, looking back to me. I leaned down and let my mouth hover by her ear.
“she’s standing right in front of me.”, i said, just above a whisper. I could feel her tense up. I looked at her face. her eyes her wider and her mouth, slightly agape.
“what?”, was all she said. I stood up straight.
“You heard me.”, i said.
“you can’t just say that and not say anything else.”, she protested.
I shrugged.
“… are you being serious?”, she asked in a hushed tone. I looked over at her and was met with her big eyes.
“dead serious.”
“So you actually-”
“Like you? Mhm, yep, surprised me a bit too.”
She didn’t say anything and just stood there silent for a moment, processing everything I just told her.
“how does that make you feel, hm?”, I asked.
she didn’t say anything for a moment, but I watched her previous face turn into one of confidence.
“good, tom. it makes me feel good to know you feel the same way I feel about you.”
i smirked.
“you already knew that though, didn’t you?”, she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“pfft. Of course I did.”
~
I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind us. as soon as I turned around, she was all over me. she pulled me by my neck down to kiss her, and i let her. her hands moved to the sides of my jaw, pulling me in as if I could get any closer. I pressed my hands on the small of her back, bringing her body flush against mine. my hands found a comfortable position on her hips. we kissed so much, I felt I was floating. her hands roamed my body as we did, feeling my skin where-ever she could. I used my hands to back her up against the counter. I moved them to be under her thighs, and she quickly got the memo. I hoisted her up so she was sitting on the edge of the counter. this way, it was easier to get to other places i wanted to explore.
I pulled back admired her for a second. sitting on the counter, just waiting for me to come back. I couldn’t stay away for long.
I moved my lips to her neck, leaving little soft and short kisses all over. I began to lightly suck, and as time went on, I starting going harder. she gave me the exact reaction I wanted, her little gasps and panting motivating me to do more.
I traveled from her neck, to her collarbone, then to a little lower. my hands found the bottom hem of her shirt. I looked up at her.
“can I?”
she quickly nodded and that was all I needed to see. I took her shirt off.
I felt my breath get caught in my throat. she was wearing a small lacy black bra.
“holy…”, I breathed out.
i snaked my hands around her torso and unclasped it, never breaking eye contact.
“you’re so beautiful, y’know that?”, i said huskily.
“thank you.”, she said, blushing. she looked away from my eyes as I peeled the bra off of her.
“hey, don’t be shy now. I’ve always thought you were beautiful, always wanted to tell you that. I’m glad I can now.”, i said, reassuring her. she looked back at me and smiled. I kissed her, much softer and gentler than I had been. my hands made their way to her boobs, massaging them slightly. I felt her breathing pick up a little. I kept kissing her, but I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss at her reaction. i played with her nipples between my two fingers, simply trying to get a reaction out of her. I successfully did just that, little noises escaping her throat as I continued. I pulled away.
“you like that?”
her eyes were screwed shut as she fastly nodded. I looked at her body as I kept playing with it. she was so hot. so so hot. I was so turned on, just at the sight of her.
“I wanna take care of you. Can I do that?”, I asked, my hands tracing up and down her thighs.
“please.”, she said. i smirked. her desperation made me want to pleasure her all the much more.
“I don’t do this that much, but for you, I will. you’re special.”
she opened her eyes and watched as i moved down to my knees. I used to hands to ride her skirt up, and then placed them on her knees to slowly open her legs. I loved teasing her. she was wearing light pink underwear, heavily contrasting the bra I had just taken off. There was already a little wet spot on them.
“Awwww, you’re already so excited, princess.”, i cooed, my fingers lightly brushing over the spot. she breathed in quickly at the contact. she lifted her hips and let me take her underwear off. I stuck them in my back pocket and refocused myself on the sight in front of me. I feverishly left kisses on her inner thighs while mumbling praises to her.
“so…so… pretty.”, I murmured.
I kept getting closer and closer to the place she needed me to touch her most. I could tell she was getting needy.
I ran my fingers down her slit, collecting all of the wetness that had formed. i stuck them in my mouth and watched as her mouth fell open due to my actions. i put my head back in between her legs and started licking her clit. my hands were gripping her thighs, keeping them all the way apart. she gasped and threw her head back as I kept going. I used one of my hands to put one of my fingers in her. I looked up and saw her eyebrows knit together and her nose scrunched up. her mouth was slack and so many pretty noises were leaving. her one hand gripped the edge of the counter while the other one tangled itself in my hair. after a good couple minutes, I decided to switch it up and moved my tongue down to her hole and my fingers rubbed her sweet spot. this did things for her, and I could tell how much pleasure she was receiving. she started repeating my name, over and over again. I started to pick up the pace, and her moans grew louder. I was thankful for how loud it was outside, but I also wouldn’t have cared if people could hear us.
I felt her legs tighten around my head, and then begin to shake. her chest was heaving, up and down, uo and down. she kept telling me she was close, but it was hard to hear her because she was so out of breath. I kept the pace I had, fucking her with my tongue, as she rode out her high. as she came, I made sure to lock up every last bit. she managed to open her eyes and watch me as i did.
“you’re so hot.”, she panted out, catching her breath. I stood up, now wanting to get a little pleasure for myself. I took her off the counter and spun her around so her backside was against me. I lowered my head to her ear.
“you were so good for me, love. I love seeing you come undone, can we do that a second time?”, I asked, my lips pressed to her ear.
“mhm.”, she nodded, making eye contact with me in the mirror. with that, I bent her over the counter and unzipped my pants. I pushed her entire skirt up all the way so I could get a look at her entire ass. she was bent over, waiting for me. if I was able to take a picture, I would’ve. she looked so incredibly good. I didn’t think she knew how much I had dreamed for this moment.
I ran my tip through her fold, teasing her a bit. she was already wet from her previous climax, so I didn’t need to prepare her too much. I pushed myself into her, but not the whole thing. I watched her face in the mirror. she gripped onto the counter top, and her jaw was slack once again. I let her get comfortable before pushing myself in further, all the way until i bottomed out. she moaned, letting her head fall. I waited a moment for her to get used to my size before I began to steadily move. her head was still down, facing the counter. I used my hand to grip her chin and move her face back up. I started to move a little faster.
“I want you to watch yourself.”, i said. she started to watch all the faces I was making her do in the mirror, and I was going crazy over it. my eyes kept darting between her face and then down, to see myself pound into her.
“mmm, you’re taking me so well, baby. you’re being so good for me, right now.”, I groaned out. during the whole thing, she was a moaning mess. I loved it. I loved how vocal she was about how good I was making her feel.
my arm wrapped itself around her and found her clit again, rubbing figure eights on it. I watched the pure ecstasy spread across her. I kept going all the way in, and almost all the way out before pushing my length back into her at such a fast pace, I knew she would be a mess in minutes. I knew I would be too.
And I was right. after only a small amount of time, she was having trouble keeping her head up.
“Tom! im- im so close again-“, she cried out as I didn’t let myself slow down.
“I know baby, I am too-“
I let my other hand massage her ass, slapping it a couple times too.
I wasn’t lying when I told her I was close. I had been for a while too, but I was holding out for her. I felt the knot in my stomach keep growing and growing, but I could feel it starting to become undone.
“Tom- im, im coming-“, she panted out. her boobs bounced every single time I went in and out.
“me too”, my eyes screwed shut as reached my climax. I felt her reach hers right before me, her legs shaking and a string of moans in the air. that pushed me over the edge, and I felt the knot become completely undone. I groaned as I released into her, my seed dripping out of her hole. I rode out my high for a little, but eventually stopped moving. she was catching her breath.
I pulled over and quickly cleaned myself before zipping my pants back up. I grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned her up too as she resteadied herself. i insisted on helping her get dressed again, despite her saying she could do it on her own. I put her bra and shirt back on. we kept giggling as I did. high off of life. I had wanted to keep the panties i pocketed, but she begged for them back. they were her favorite pair. she put them back on and then readjusted her skirt and hair in the mirror. I leaned against the wall, observing as she did.
“I didn’t think i would ever tell you I liked you.”, I admitted.
“why not?”, she asked, still fixing her hair.
“I think I was too nervous… you know I feel like your the first real crush I’ve ever had.”
“awww, im your first???”, she joked around.
“yes, you’re my first.”, I rolled my eyes playfully. I crossed my arms across my chest.
she turned around and hugged me, placing her head on my chest. she was smiling so big at my confession. I loved her smile. I loved everything about her.
“it’s okay tom, you were mine too.”, she said.
“Wait what?”, I hugged her back with a confused look on my face.
“I’ve liked you since I was like nine, silly. that’s why I was always so close with bill and not as much as you, I was always too like scared to be around you because I had a crush on you.”, she confessed.
“Really??? How did I not know this??”, I asked, shocked.
“I don’t know, you’re just really oblivious, I guess.”, she teased.
I laughed and looked down at her.
finally, i got what I had wanted.
her.
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ariachaos · 6 months
Note
hi! i love your Hc!! would it be alright if you could make a little sister hc canon but she's a hopeless romantic?? being in love with mikey, i know it probably sounds cringe but i would really appreciate it! if you choose noyt to thats totally fine! don't feel forced to! have a wonderful day!
this is so cute, i couldn't resist answering this one lol
reader is fem! reader
ˡⁱᵗᵗˡᵉ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ ⁱˢ ᵃ ʰᵒᵖᵉˡᵉˢˢ ʳᵒᵐᵃⁿᵗⁱᶜ!!
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being chifuyu's little sister includes...
chifuyu loves you very much, and he will gladly lie down and die if that's what you wanted him to do (not that you would ever, but still).
he also knows how hopeless you are with romance, and has tried to help you cope with it by reading romance manga together, but that led to you getting even more sad when you realize you might not be able to experience a romantic relationship yourself.
so he dragged you out of your house to have you touch some grass and talk to real people instead of sitting at home reading manga like a nerd.
for a while, you simply sat back and watched chifuyu hang out with his friends and barely talked to anyone. the most people you talked to were baji and takemichi, but no one else bothered to talk to you much.
that was until you showed up with a bag of dorayaki, and mikey was persistent on getting one.
literally just went up to you and asked if he could have one like the two of you were friends or something.
draken immediately dragged him away and apologized in his stead for being so rude for asking for your food without even knowing your name, while mikey was thrashing around and whining.
a part of you still felt bad for lowkey rejecting mikey, so you had chifuyu slip one over to him while draken wasn't looking (mikey got caught eating it and was scolded again).
after that, mikey seemed to cling onto you more, saying you're his friend now because you gave him food (can't blame him tbh i would too)
the two of you hit it off and go about your friendship pretty well while you try not to see mikey in a romantic light in the case he would never see you the same way
which the biggest lie in history because my guy has basically seen you as his wife since the day you MADE him brownies for his birthday.
like sure, he likes dorayaki more, but he would be a dead man caught lying if he said the brownies didn't slap hella hard.
and surprisingly, he legit confesses to you out of nowhere in front of a DORAYAKI STAND
deadass goes, "y/n, i love you" while the poor food stall man is packaging y'all's food.
you and the food stall man is so thrown off about it the man almost drops the bag of dorayaki out of shock.
and you're left a stuttering mess trying to process what the hell is going on because ain't no way manjiro fucking sano just said he loves you while the two of you are starving in front of a food stall
news flash: he did and the more you stay quiet the more he's sinking in embarrassment for being so random.
was about to walk away and get a breather when you whisper in his ear that you like him back and he's just
laeflealefawneaohii
i'm sorry you've officially broken him. he's gone now. rip mikey
but seriously, this is the one time you'll see him fucking blushing like a man in the 1800s seeing a woman's ankle for the first time in his life.
when the two of you arrive at your doorstep mikey just gives you the rest of the dorayaki, gives you a hefty smooch on the lips, and dips.
when he gets home, i promise you he's screaming into pillow, kicking the air like a school girl, and acting all flustered.
no seriously emma sent you a video asking what the hell happened to him
so now you're a hopeless romantic for your boyfie, and honestly, he's not even fazed
mikey takes it in stride and is like "yeah my girl's a simp for me, but i'm a simp for her so stfu"
y'all's relationship is just so cute like
man
i want to be run over with a train
and yes, before anyone asks, mikey does get cuteness agression with and bites you anywhere and anytime (has 100% bit your ass cheek)
nicknames for mikey <3: boyfie, love, pookie (canon event i cannot interfere), dear, my hero, sweetie, honey, and sweetcheeks (he hates this one and loves it at the same time).
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misc-obeyme · 7 months
Note
Congrats on the followers!!!! WOOOOO!!!
could I request “I really want to kiss you right now.” with Beelzebabes please? something about him just saying that out of the blue…ugh. it fuckin GETS me. NSFW af please (the naughtier the better ;) lol), and if I could request AFAB but gender neutral pronouns for reader?
Also if it’s not asking too much could you avoid using the word “cunt?” Just a personal turn off, tbh.
btw i’m @libidinous-weeb on here! (side blog) and your smut writing skills are top tier!!! you’re sooo good, i’m a huge fan! <3
Hello hello!
Ahh thank you so much!! I'm still not very confident in my smut writing, so it means it a lot to hear that you like it!!
Okay, so hopefully this one turned out okay... I love Beel so much I think he would just be really sweet the whole time lol. I didn't really end up using pronouns aside from you/yours, so hopefully that's okay, too. But MC is AFAB! As it turns out, I don't like using the word "cunt" either so I didn't, but I would also like to say that it is absolutely never too much to ask me not to use a word like that. I am happy to accommodate any such preferences!
Thank you for participating!
1,000 Followers Event!
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AFAB!MC x Beelzebub with prompt "I really want to kiss you right now."
NSFW MDNI
Warnings: face-sitting, penetration (reader receiving)
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You had been flirting pretty blatantly with Beel all day, hoping against hope that he'd pick up on your meaning. It wasn't as though he didn't already know how you felt. You had already spent several nights together, all of them mind blowing. But you found yourself wanting more and more. And it had been too long.
It was a slow afternoon and most of his brothers were out of the house or otherwise occupied. For once, you didn't really have anything demanding your attention. It was the perfect opportunity to spend a little quality time with Beel. He seemed happy enough to do whatever you wanted, but he didn't seem to be picking up on exactly what you wanted.
You asked him to join you in your room to watch some TV. Sitting together on your bed was the perfect situation. You could cuddle with him, maybe kiss him a bit, and if he still wasn't getting the message, you might need to just say it directly.
But when you were there, cozied up to his side, you found the TV so boring and his presence so relaxing that you felt yourself getting a little drowsy. Being cuddled up with him like that was so comfortable, you forgot all about your earlier attempts at flirting, your eyelids actually starting to get a little heavy.
"MC," Beel said.
His tone was so serious, you sat up straight to look at him. "What is it?"
Beel met your eyes. "I really want to kiss you right now."
You blinked in surprise for a moment. And then you were no longer sleepy. You turned off the TV, climbed into his lap, and kissed him.
Beel's hands went to your waist and when you opened your mouth for him, he took the invitation readily. You felt the hot spike of desire that ran through your body at the feeling of his tongue against yours. The kiss got hot and sloppy, your motions growing desperate as all the neediness you had been feeling previously returned to you full force. When you felt his erection stirring beneath you, you took the opportunity to grind down on it.
Beel moaned low in his throat, his lips still on yours, his hands running over your hips and your backside. You broke away to pull in a breath, leaving Beel to put his lips on your neck. He sucked and nipped just a little, which made you gasp and grind down on him again. The throbbing need between your legs was almost too much to bear as you gripped Beel's shoulders.
Beel ran his hands under your shirt, breaking away from you so he could pull it over your head, exposing your chest. You tugged on his, too, and it was gone in moments, both of them forming a little heap on the floor. And then Beel's mouth was on one of your nipples. You clutched at his bare shoulders, nails digging in enough to leave little half moon indentations in his skin.
And then you felt Beel's fingers tugging on the waistband of your pants. You slid off of his lap to remove them yourself along with your underwear, too eager to let him do it for you.
Before you could do anything else, though, Beel was lying down on your bed on his back. You frowned at him because he was still wearing his pants.
"Um, Beel," you said.
Beel tugged on your hand and you let him pull you back up onto the bed. His hands guided you until you were straddling his face, your knees on either side of his head.
"Beel," you said again, a note of uncertainty in your voice.
"Is this okay? You can trust me, MC," Beel said, his hands resting on your hips.
You nodded your willingness to let him take the lead and he pushed gently on your hips. You lowered yourself down, holding onto the headboard for balance.
The moment Beel's tongue made contact with your hot flesh, your body clenched and you were thankful you were already gripping the headboard. You held on as he plunged his tongue inside of you before pulling it up to swirl around your clit. You moaned, feeling the wetness dripping from you, imagining how it must be dripping down his chin.
Beel moaned into you and the vibration of his deep voice made you shudder. Beel pushed down on your hips again, making you sink even lower. You had a vague thought about potentially suffocating him, but it fled as soon as he began to suck. He was moaning continuously now, clearly doing it on purpose because of the way you were reacting to it.
You held on to the headboard with both hands, not sure how long you could last like this. The sweet hot feeling gathered deep within you, building and building. You moaned Beel's name as you could feel yourself getting closer and closer until your orgasm finally burst upon you, rolling through you and making you see stars.
You couldn't stop yourself from moving your hips as you rode out your high, not even able to think about what that might be doing to Beel's face.
When you were able to think clearly again, you moved back, half sitting on his chest because you didn't have the strength to go anywhere else.
Beel smiled up at you and your stomach fluttered at the sight of your cum on his lips. He licked them and you nearly orgasmed again just from that.
You leaned forward, letting your head fall on his shoulder. "Beel, you're making me crazy."
Beel rubbed your back. "Do you want me to keep going? Or is it too much?"
You looked at him and smiled. You didn't say anything, just sat up, moved so you were sitting next to him on the bed, and tugged at his pants.
Beel took the hint. He got up from the bed to discard them on the pile of all your other clothes.
This freed his massive cock and you wondered briefly if your eyes were shining excitedly at the sight of it. You could feel the thrill that ran though you as you reached out to touch it.
Beel let you stroke it for a little bit while he stood beside the bed, biting his lip and trying not to groan.
After a minute though, he looked down at you. "MC…"
There was a note of desperation in his tone that sent a stab of desire spiking up your spine. You instantly lay back on the bed, scooting yourself toward the edge. Beel helped you by pulling your legs up to rest on his chest, but paused with the tip of his cock at your entrance. He looked down at you, a question clearly on his face.
"It's okay, Beel," you said. You pushed yourself closer to him. "I want you inside me."
Even with this permission, Beel went slow. You knew it was because he was aware of his size and didn't want to hurt you in any way. You were already so wet, but you were also sensitive after having orgasmed on his face moments ago. Every inch of him that entered you shot sparking sensations through your entire body. You were already squirming and moaning beneath him by the time he was fully inside you.
You reached up to grab at his hands, which were resting on your hips, as he began to slowly move in and out of you. It was almost agonizing how careful he was being.
You arched your back and said, "Faster, faster, please…"
Beel always listened to you and this was no exception. He immediately picked up the pace, pounding into you hard and fast, hitting that sweetest spot deep inside you and making you cry out with the overwhelming pleasure of it.
Beel seemed to be just as lost in sensation as you were, his thrusts becoming frantic, your name spilling from his mouth in a repetitive mumble.
You were already nearing your climax again. It was only a matter of a few more hard thrusts from Beel and you were clenching around him, everything tightening as you did your best not to scream. Your hands clutched at the sheets beneath you as Beel kept going. You squirmed, rocking your hips with him, the feelings running through you so intense you couldn't help the praise spilling from your lips, telling him how good he felt, how amazing he was, how full he made you feel.
It seemed hearing you saying such things, even incoherently, was the last push Beel needed. He groaned as he filled you up with his cum, his hands clenching on your hips, his thrusts stuttering and then slowing.
The two of you stared at each other for a moment, both of you breathing heavily. After catching your breath, you would clean each other up, carefully and sweetly, before returning to your bed. You pressed yourself into Beel's side, his arm circling protectively around you and pulling you closer. The feeling of his skin against yours was so nice, you found yourself filled with a sense of happiness. It wasn't long before you both fell asleep, completely exhausted.
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1,000 Followers Event | masterlist | Thank you for reading!
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eightstarr · 6 months
Note
omg hello my favorite writer!
now that we know how doctor abby x reader, we gotta know the lore with loser!ellie <333
hello my favorite girl! here is the origin story <3
ellie's in the middle of facetiming jesse (they call each other during their lunch breaks every single day, they're like each other's human version of a youtube video to eat with) when she sees you walk behind him, notice his phone and lean down to flash her a quick smile with the cutest wave she's ever seen and then promptly disappear. ellie flinches and straightens her back. her hand shoots up, holding the phone at what she thinks is a more flattering angle than the way she'd been holding it basically on her lap before. but you're gone before she could even wave back.
jesse raises his eyebrows at her pale face. "did you just realize you have to shit or something?" 
"shut the fuck up," ellie hisses, her voice in a rushed whisper even though jesse is wearing headphones and you're clearly not around anymore. "who was that?" 
"what? oh," jesse introduces you by name, says something about knowing you from high school. "she started working here like a month ago, so that's been fun."
ellie can't believe that he's known you for that long and hasn't mentioned you once before. "what the fuck is wrong with you?" she asks him. and she'll keep asking him periodically for the next several months— which she spends stalking your instagram, squinting her eyes at the background behind jesse everytime he calls (in case you're there) and casually visiting him at work when she's feeling bold.
she has her first real conversation with you one summer when you're both at a party on some guy's backyard. you compliment her jorts and tell her she's funny and ellie thanks god that she's just drunk enough to be cognitive and herself but also not overwhelmingly aware of every single thing that's happening. she leaves with your number on her phone (oh my god) and your gloss sticky on her cheek (oh my god????)
i'm sorry to say that you don't actually kiss until at least a whole year later though!! ellie's convinced that you just wanna be friends and she loves being your friend so so much, she wouldn't change it for the world! but also she does think about kissing you every night but she won't even hint at it until she thinks that you might be interested.
and she's really so fucking good at hiding it! ellie can be sneaky and i think we should talk about it more. like you don't even know if she fucks tbh but she has to be fucking, right??? she's so hot?? there has to be someone and she's just not telling you about it. it's not until you know her really well that you realize she's more open with you than she is with most people in her life and if there was someone she would tell you and now that you think about it why does she always always always make time for you, that's crazy!! what does that mean!!! you don't know because she's insane and doesn't register the way you look at her with hearts in your eyes as anything but friendly, so she's determined to respect your wishes and keep being your friend. you definitely end up kissing her first. it's worth it though <3
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hwanghyunjinenthusiast · 11 months
Text
✨️1K Followers Celebration Day 5: BTS bias wrecker - Jungkook✨️
To the victor
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AN: Jungkook might just be my strongest bias wrecker, so this one hurts more than the others. This was supposed to be posted a while ago, but life was lifing. Either way, I hope you enjoy my suffering. (Also, I know next to nothing about boxing and boxing related injuries so, just walk with me here lmao.)
Synopsis: Jungkook lives to box. The ring is practically his home. However, watching him become all bruised and bloodied isn't exactly easy for his girlfriend, no matter how much he wins.
Heads up: Jeon Jungkook x Fem! Reader, established relationship, Non-Idol AU, Boxer! Jungkook, boxing (duh), mentions of bodily harm, mentions of blood, hurt and comfort elements, pretty fluffy overall tbh, dry humping, hair pulling, nipple play (f. receiving), facesitting, unprotected piv sex and creampie.
Word count: 2867
I will block you if you are a minor and/or have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.
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You wouldn't be surprised to find blood on your hands from how deeply your nails are sinking into your skin at the moment. Your heart hammering against your chest as you watch Jungkook dodge another punch from Mingyu like it was nothing.
Kim Mingyu is no small man. From the bruises that are already beginning to form across your boyfriend's torso, you know his hits carry a great deal of weight behind them. Still, Jungkook has that gleam in his eyes. He's going to win. No matter what, he is going to walk out of this ring as the winner.
An opportunity presents itself when Mingyu leaves himself wide open and, Jungkook wastes no time landing a painful looking blow to the larger man's ribcage. You even can't help but, cringe just watching the impact. Mingyu falters and that's when Jungkook unleashes a barrage of hits so quick that neither his opponent nor the audience could keep up with. While Mingyu has raw strength, Jungkook is faster and his hits, while not carrying the same impact as the other man's, are nothing to scoff at.
Sometimes, in the quietest corners of your mind, it scares you to see the person he becomes in the ring. He's unyielding and brutal. Not stopping until his opponents are bloodied heaps on the floor of the ring. Sometimes you struggle to reconcile the man in the ring with the man who still gets too shy to tell you he loves you at times.
Relief. A feeling that's fast become your confidant over the past three years courses through you when Mingyu finally falls and the bell rings out. The cheers of the crowd are deafening but, all you can focus on is him. Jungkook turns to you, blood smeared on his jaw and sends you the brightest smile. "I won," he mouths only for you to see.
This is probably the second worst part. Watching the medic patch him up. When all of the adrenaline is gone and, you can only watch helplessly as the aches and pains and throbs settle themselves deeply into his very bones.
"You're very lucky, Mr Jeon. Fortunately you only have two cracked ribs and some tissue damage," the medic says, finishing the tightening of the gauze around his torso. He winces but, otherwise seems to be taking this all well.
"Thank you, Siyeon," he says sincerely, as you two watch her pack up her equipment.
"No worries. Just be careful, your ribs can only take so much more damage,"
"Yeah, I know," he sighs, running his hand through his hair.
The silence is poignant when you two are left alone. A frown marring your face as you take in the nasty bruises across his torso, even with Siyeon's expertise. The bruise on his face and his raw knuckles not helping to ease your concerns either.
"You're upset," he mutters, tired brown eyes meeting your own.
"I'm not upset. I'm just...I'm just worried," you respond, leaning against his locker.
"Is there much of a difference?" He smiles but, there's no joy or humour behind it. You hate taking away any of his happiness from a win. It's not fair. Especially when he's the one who got his shit rocked.
"I'm sorry. It's really hard watching you in there sometimes but, I'll be fine. You deserve to celebrate tonight,"
"Come here,"
You blink at him but, he watches you patiently. You're not sure what he's thinking but, regardless, you make your way over to him. Completely caught off guard when he pulls you into his lap.
"Hey, a warning would've been nice!"
"You need a warning to be on my lap?"
If he wasn't injured you'd punch him.
You soften when he laughs. Full and happy and, a much better expression than the sullen one from moments ago.
"Thank you for worrying about me," he says once he calms, the intensity of his gaze warming your face considerably.
"You don't need to thank me for that,"
"No, I do. I think with all the wins it's easy to forget sometimes how much all of this makes you feel. I know you know that boxing is my life but, that doesn't mean your feelings don't matter to me. I know it would twist my heart all the time seeing you in my position,"
For a man who's usually not the best with his words, he sure does know when to make you feel overwhelmed when he wants to.
"It's just hard sometimes, Kookie. I think today was just a really, really hard day but, you did such a great job. I'm so proud of you," you breathe, cupping his jaw and pressing a delicate kiss to his forehead.
"I think hearing you say that means more to me than any sized cheque or trophy ever could," he responds while his fingers draw patterns you can't decipher along your hips.
"Are you just trying to make me cry tonight?" You ask with a joking scowl on your face, the weight on your chest so much lighter now.
His dimples make an appearance from how hard he grins at you, "Maybe."
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Getting home after a fight is always a mission and a half. Usually, Jungkook isn't too badly injured but, the two of you have to be careful and sometimes you need to help him manoeuvre his way around.
"I'm fine," he says as you two make your way to your front door.
"Yeah, that's why you're hunching over right now. Totally fine," you mutter, fumbling with your keys momentarily before finally stepping into your apartment. Jungkook limping after you.
"Okay, I'm mostly fine," he responds, heading to your bedroom.
You try your absolute hardest not to roll your eyes, "Do you need anything or do you want to head straight to bed?"
"Nah, I'm good. I cleaned up after the fight and Siyeon said she patched me up for the night so, I should be fine," he yells.
Honestly, you don't blame him. You're pretty exhausted too and you weren't even the one in the ring.
After making sure your door was locked, all your windows were securely shut and all of the lights were turned off, you join him. Air stills in your lungs as you take in the sight of him in nothing but, his boxers. Worry and anxiety had been clouding your mind earlier but, to say Jungkook is hot would be the understatement of the decade. Even with all his current injuries and scars from past fights sprinkled across his body, he's a sight to behold.
"I thought you'd be asleep," you say in a desperate attempt to distract yourself from the lecherous thoughts taking hold of your mind.
"I think I have too much left over energy," he sighs, large hands dragging along his muscular thighs. Focus. You need to focus. He's injured. Now isn't the time.
"Oh, do you have thoughts of how to get rid of it maybe?"
Anticipation and white hot desire coil in your gut when his gaze turns heavy and mischievous, "I can think of a few ways."
"Jungkook," you chastise, ignoring the dull ache building at the juncture of your thighs, "You're hurt. We can't."
"We can just be extra careful. Besides, don't you want to celebrate my win tonight with me?"
This man.
You'd be a bold faced liar if you said you didn't want him right now. Maybe that's what prompts you into succumbing to your baser instincts without much more of an argument. You pointedly ignore the smug grin that's spread across his face when you settle yourself in his lap.
"You're so annoying," is all the warning you give him before your mouth is on his. The kiss is frenzied and desperate from the offset. Hands running along each other's bodies needily, his settling on your hips and dragging you along his hardening cock while your own tug and fist at his hair.
He does have a way of bringing out the most desperate parts of you.
"We still have to be careful," you mutter, shivers running down your spine from the hot, open-mouthed kisses he pressed along your jaw and throat. His large hands snaking their way down to grab generous hanfuls of your ass.
"You worry too much," he pulls back enough to respond, smiling against your skin when you squirm in his hold as he lightly nips at your sensitive skin.
"You don't worry enough," you're impressed by your ability to quip back fast enough considering how quickly muddled your mind is becoming. Moaning when he finds your clit through your respective clothing, your panties sticking to you.
"Maybe you're right," he responds with glint to his usually soft eyes, tugging your shirt off of you so quickly that you barely have time to process what happened.
"But, life's too short," he finishes, glazed eyes intensely taking in the vision you make in just your bra.
His skillful fingers waste little time. Getting you out of your bra in what you're sure is record time and enveloping one of your hardened nipples in his warm, wet mouth. You're not sure who moans louder. Your nails biting into his biceps as he all but, crushes you to him. Losing himself in your tits while the two of you grind against each other to find any relief you can.
"Jung-Kookie ah," you cry out from a particularly hard suck. Goosebumps rising on your skin when he playfully runs his teeth along your nipple. His eyes meeting yours through his messy bangs while he continues to suckle on you to his satisfaction.
"I want you to sit on my face," are the first words out of his mouth when he unlatches himself with an obsence pop.
"I forget how demanding you can be on nights when you win," you laugh breathlessly, cupping his jaw in your hands and kissing him more gently than before. The two of you savouring each other and letting unadulterated affection be your guide.
Jungkook is about to whine when you pull away and get off of his lap, but his words quickly die on his tongue as he watches you wiggle out of your shorts and panties. His cock throbbing harshly in the confines of his boxers while he drinks your nudity in.
"Well? What're you waiting for?" You ask with a quirk of your eyebrow. Biting back a smirk at the mystified look on his pretty face.
"Oh, right. Sorry," he says, shifting upwards and laying on his back. Restless hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
It feels nice to leave him a little flustered and desperate for once.
Jungkook's eyes are laser focused between your thighs when you shift to straddle his face, understandably so. You're beyond wet for him, and based on the way his lips part and his impatient hands grip your thighs and drag you onto his face, he's more than ready for this too.
The first lap of his expert tongue at your clit forces a moan louder than you anticipated out of you. Your shaky hands clutching your headboard for some semblance of stability as Jungkook licks and sucks and kisses with increasing frequency and intensity. The vibrations from his quiet moans and chest deep groans only serving to add to the toe-curling pleasure, rendering your body slack above him.
His hands move you on his tongue. Helping you ride his handsome face and, his tongue lapping out as much of your wetness as he can in his current position while his nose stimulates your sensitive clit. All you can do is mindlessly grind against his face and take everything he's willing to give you. Your orgasm building and the knot in your core growing increasingly tight with every flick of his tongue and nudge of his nose.
It's all over for you when he forces you against his tongue, hard. His fingers harshly gripping your plush thighs as he sucks and licks at your clit. All muddled mix of his name and moans and pleas fall from your lips while you ride out your release. Jungkook doesn't relent in the slightest. Continuing to tongue at you through it all, even when one of your hands drifts downwards to entangle itself in his luscious hair.
"Kookie, too-too much," you whine, using what minimal energy you have left to move off of his face. Shaky thighs supporting you as you hover above him.
Even though you quite literally just came, a flushed Jungkook covered in your release certainly could get you there once more if you pushed hard enough. He blinks up at you as if to escape some sort of trance he was in. Tongue poking out to lick up whatever traces of you he can.
"I wasn't done," he complains, his eyes on full bunny mode and his bottom lip jutting out in a pout. Light reflecting off of his piercing.
You roll your eyes, moving off of him altogether, "Well, I was. It was getting to be too much."
If you'd let him, Jungkook would happily spend the entire night with you over him. Forcing orgasm after orgasm out of you until you're close to blacking out. However, you think you're both too tired for all of that tonight. Even if he'd disagree.
Before he can complain further, you lean down to kiss him. Smiling into him when he gasps as your hand leisurely runs down his muscular chest. Palming him over his boxers, your walls throbbing, and the painful feeling of emptiness beginning to settle in. Maybe you can muster a little more energy.
Jungkook watches you in a daze. Realisation settling in when you hurriedly pull down his boxers and, his flushed cock slaps against his toned abdomen.
"Still complaining?" You tease, looking down at him. Taking him in your hand and reveling in the visible quiver you see run along his body.
"No," he groans, "Please,"
Fuck. He's so fucking unfair. How could you ever say no to him when he sounds like that?
Your lashes flutter, and you grit your teeth when you begin to sink down onto him. The stretch is borderline overwhelming but, so deliriously good that you soldier through. Your hands resting on him for purchase while you gain your bearings.
Jungkook, for his part, seems to be struggling just as much as you if his hold on your hips is any indication. Quiet moans reaching your ears when you he's fully sheathed inside of you. God, he always fills you so deliciously. Nestled so deeply inside of you that it makes your head fuzzy.
"Kookie," you chastise with little bite behind your words when he fucks up into you.
"Sorry, can't help it," he groans, his cock pulsing inside of you as the two of you remain unmoving.
"Always so impatient," you tease, slowly rising off of him before sinking back down. Your eyes rolling into the back of your skull from the earthshattering pleasure that courses through you.
Fortunately, it doesn't take you long to find your rhythm from there. The sounds of skin slapping against skin and your combined sounds of pleasure ringing out throughout your bedroom.
He always looks so beautiful underneath you like this. His inky locks sticking to his sweaty forehead, a faint blush colouring his cheeks with his lips parted. His glassy eyes taking in every part of you can.
"I love you," you mutter, leaning down to kiss him. It's messy and all spit and tongue, but you couldn't care less. Your rhythm growing increasingly sloppy as your second orgasm creeps up on you. One of your hands reaching between your overheated bodies in search of your clit.
"I love you too," he moans, his hands helping you along. A breathy 'fuck' falling from his bruised lips when your slick walls tighten around him. Practically begging for him to cum inside of you.
Jungkook forces you onto his cock when his orgasm slams into him. Your name and a symphony of groans all he seems to be capable of. You wouldn't be surprised if there were bruises on your hips in the morning.
Between the sensation of his thick, warm cum flooding your pussy, your fingers drawing frenzied patterns on your clit and watching his face contort in pleasure, it's no wonder your own release is triggered.
It takes everything in you not to just collapse onto him. Your muddied brain somehow still aware of all of his injuries. You both shudder as you gradually move off of him. Your combined releases leaking down your thighs and, likely smearing your sheets but, you're too tired to think about cleaning up right now.
"Come here," he mutters sleepily, making grabby hands at you.
If only everyone could see their champion now, you muse. Nuzzling into his side and wrapping your arm around his waist lightly. Trying your hardest not to aggravate any of his injuries any further.
He melts into you. Not taking long to slip into slumber, the slow rise and fall of his chest a welcome sight. It has been a long day, after all, and even the greatest need their rest.
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sssigil · 11 months
Text
PRETTY WHEN YOU CRY
summary: you came to this party to drown your tears away with alcohol and a curly haired angel cant seem to take his off of the sad girl, you. basically love at first sight^_^
warning: use of alcohol, so so cheesy n tooth rotting
might make a part 2 tbh
Ethan Landry x reader
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You felt the crisp cold air hit your skin as you walked out the frat house. The college party you used to drown all your sorrows away with the alcohol provided long gone, you felt tipsy and tears had began to fall down to your soft cheeks slipping down your neck. Fuck you mumble softly in a broken voice sitting down on the grass outside the house.
You observed the people coming in and out the party with tears in your eyes, they all looked so happy I mean fuck its halloween, why cant u just enjoy yourself. You let out a small whine as you felt another wave of tears start pouring out your eyes. You lift your hands up from where they were laying to wipe all the new incoming tears, you knew your make up was getting ruined but you didn't care you just had to let these feelings spill until there was nothing.
Ethan noticed you, he noticed you when you first came into the party in a cute little white lace babydoll dress and your hair was in two low pigtails which were being held with white bows, you glowed under the dim lights. You look ethereal, so so beautiful. He watched every step you took he just couldn't keep his off of eyes on you, such an angel he thought to himself. but he noticed your behavior didn't match your presence, you had been drowning down the alcohol left to right that was until you ran out the house with tears in your eyes. who on earth hurt you that bad.
He was quick to follow slowly after you not wanting to seem weird or creepy, he needed to know what was wrong. It took him a while before he finally did make his way to you after watching you sit on the green grass the moon illuminating on your skin your tears shinning down your face like diamonds, he wanted to comfort you.
"hey are you okay" Ethan spoke in a soft but loud voice, he didn't want to scare you. He felt himself start to lower in front of you so he could be, or try to be, face to face. Ethan swore he heard you say something softly but you didn't budge you did not want to look at him. You kept your small hands on your face as more and more tears spilled after you heard him ask you that stupid questions. does it look like I'm okay you thought to yourself groaning before finally looking up at the boy.
You noticed the way his big brown eyes softened once he got a good look at you, some of his curls fell just perfectly on his forehead and he had the sweetest looking face you almost felt your mouth slightly agape when looking at the boy. he's so.. beautiful you felt your worry, anger and sadness leave you once your eyes met his dark doe eyes.
"how -you began- how come I've never seen you around" you said almost breathless, you felt as if air had been sucked out your lungs when staring at this new face. A face you never want to wish to forget. You tilt your head to the side just wanting to look and analyze every inch of his face, oh did his eyes just sparkle? you felt your hand lift up to his face, as if it had a mind of its own, and began to rub your thumb softly against his cheekbone.
Ethan felt starstruck as he felt your soft hand caress his cheek. Never in his life has he felt so nervous but also in euphoria with another person. He could feel his cloudy mind start to settle with the shape of your face, the way your bangs sat nicely above your thin brows. How your eyelashes were curled and was that silver glitter all over your top lid? your lips were red and glossy and a little chapped with how much you've bitten them. He could see all the flaws on your soft face all the things you'd think are ugly but in reality just perfect for him, you looked as beautiful as a renaissance painting, even more.
"I'm sorry, I'm Ethan'' he revealed still admiring you, just taking you all him. He could feel your breath hit his face softly, he just wanted to breath you in, hold you in. He could see the twinkle in your eyes shine just perfectly, he could almost hear a piano softly playing just like in the movies when the main character finally finds. the one. god he's cheesing for someone he knows nothing about someone he met just now but he will learn every single thing, every thought, every saying just to be with you.
"Hi Ethan, why does it feel like I've known you for a long time" you uttered, tilting your head to the side, but you didn't let him answer you.
"I want to get to know you" you muttered out faster than the speed of light. He nod his head not trusting himself to speak, he was too nervous. You giggled softly missing the way his eyes glazed at the sound of your laugh. Ethan heard you mumble out your name finally, he repeated your name softly to himself. He held your name on his tongue, chest blooming with nothing but warmth after finally learning your beautiful name.
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a-random-weeb · 5 months
Note
Yandere Chuuya, Dazai, and Fyodor with a s/o who fight back and escape a few times. Quite rebellious?
Ignore this if you can't
I absolutely can!
TW: Fyodors one is incredibly dark, like, incredibly dark and disgusting, even I cringed while writing it. Ik yandere is supposed to be dark, but god, Fyodors is dark
Disclaimer: yandere stuff is never ok irl, I am not romanticising it. But always remember, as great as it is in fanfictions, it's definitely never ok in real life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
「 ✦ Chuuya ✦ 」
•He hates how rebellious you are
•He's trying to give you a life of luxury, why the fuck are you trying to run?!
•He tries to avoid physical punishment, but he will lose his temper sometimes and beat you til you pass out
•Dont get me wrong, when you wake up it'll be in his arms while he mutters apologies, planting butterfly kisses all over your face
•If you try to push him away while he's comforting you
•If he's being mean or beating you up, fair enough, but he's being nice you spoiled brat
•You get to sleep on the floor of the basement for a few days, and don't expect food
•He loves you, but he's gonna have to teach you manners
•By the time you're put of that basement, he ignores you, and keeps your hands tied together
•At least he's feeding you again, right?
•After a few days, he'll give you all the affection in the world
•He guilts you into staying, saying how much he loves and needs you, saying all he does for you and how ungrateful
✩°。⋆⸜\✮☆⋆。𖦹°‧★✩°。⋆⸜\✮☆⋆。𖦹°‧★✩°。⋆⸜\✮☆
「 ✦ Dazai ✦ 」
•He loves how rebellious you are
•Not only is it amusing for him, it gets interesting. Your contouring/figuring out escape plans, punishing you, your wild spirt, he loves it
•He loves the look of horror on your face when you realise you failed and it's time for punishment
•If he does manage to break you, he'll be nicer
•But, since you insist on being disobedient, this is the treatment you get
•He mocks you while you're crying on the floor in misery
•He laughs, kicking you and being a total asshole
•He loves you, but you have to be obedient
♡.˖. ༶ °˙+•♡.˖. ༶ °˙+•♡.˖. ༶ °˙+•♡.˖. ༶ °˙+•♡.˖. ༶ °˙+•
「 ✦ Fyodor✦ 」
•He hates your disobedience
•He hurt you so much when you try to run, mocking you when you fail
•He already knows your plans, and already knows how he will stop you
•He'll starve you, and sometimes not even give you water
•If you piss him off too much or try to escape too many times/actually escape (Which he's definitely caught you and brought you back) he'll kill someone incredibly close you you, showing them their head
•If you've been incredibly bad, he might kill one of your parents or best friend and make you eat some of them, he'll force part of their brain or something disgusting down your throat as well as force you to drink some of their blood
•He won't give you a part of the body that could kill you, and he'll only do this if you push him over the edge. But tbh you're probably already too broken from his past punishments or killings of your friends for him to do this
•He might also r*pe you, as well as physically hurt you incredibly badly. He might stab the inside of your ear and make you feel pain (he'll only stab one ear, he doesn't want you deaf for convenience purposes. He's disgusting)
•The punishment I talk about is only after a few years, you've been nothing but bad and annoying and you push him over the edge
•He uses his psychology knowledge, he gives you the world, then takes it all away, then gives most of it back, then before you know it, it's gone again
•Fyodor is will treat you how you behave, if you're a good girl you'll have the world, if your bad... Well... Yeah... He'll make your life a living hell
✰★☆✧✰★☆✧✰★☆✧✰★☆✧✰★☆✧✰★☆✧✰
Apparently people are too nervous to comment on most posts, so I'll just say comment whatever the fuck you want idc, I'll probably even respond
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tycarstairs · 2 months
Text
ready to fight for my life for ty blackthorn when twp is released because the way people are already infantilizing and patronizing him bc he’s autistic is so….
no one asked for this but i’ve seen a lot of people have weird takes on his autism so as an autistic woman i need to clear some things up ok 😭 so buckle up, this is gonna be a long one (seriously, it’s long)
the main arguments i’ve seen are: (i’m paraphrasing here btw)
“ty didn’t cry when livvy died but he did cry when kit said he wished he’d never known him so it’s clear that he does love kit.”
and
“ty clearly loves kit because he cried when they argued and it’s hard for autistic people to cry.”
and
“ty gets on my nerves because he didn’t react at all when kit told him he loved him”
like. i do get what you’re saying (with the first one. not the second one, that’s a stereotype, and also not the third one bc that’s just weird), because it does show that ty cares but like. obviously? all his actions before that showed that he cared too.
saying “he cried when him and kit fought but not when livvy died” just comes off as acting like he’s more upset about kit leaving and insulting him than he is about kit dying and that just rubs me the wrong way.
i know this is not common knowledge but autistic people often have delayed processing, especially when we’re grieving because it can be so overstimulating and even when we do grieve, it’s not gonna look the same as when an allistic person grieves.
so, delayed processing:
delayed processing in autism is where you are recording/aknowledge events as they happen, however that information is stored elsewhere in the brain and isn't taken in.
once the brain is ready or has capacity the information is suddenly taken in. this could be hours, weeks, days or even months later.
an example (from justkeepstimming_ on instagram):
An autistic person whose mother died at quite a young age. At the time, when his father was grieving, it did not appear the autistic son was upset.
However, one year after his mother's death, he suddenly processed that she was gone (permanently) and only then started the grieving process.
that example is pretty much exactly what happened with ty in qoaad.
partly, ty didn’t cry when livvy died because he didn’t accept that she was dead. he was so sure that he was gonna bring her back and for a long time, he probably didn’t even consider the fact that he might fail.
after livvy dies, kit says this:
“Everyone had been terrified. Ty would fall apart, they’d thought. Kit remembered Julian standing over Ty as he slept, one hand stroking his brother’s hair, and he’d been praying—Kit didn’t even know Shadowhunters prayed, but Julian definitely had been. Ty would crumble in a world without his sister, they’d all thought; he’d fall away to ashes just like Livvy’s body.”
if ty were allistic, he probably would have reacted like this immediately. and he does react like this eventually when his brain fully processes that the ritual didn’t work, that livvy is actually not coming back:
“Livvy!” Ty didn’t scream the word so much as it was ripped from him; he curled up, hugging himself, as if desperate to keep his body from shattering apart.”
this is when ty actually processes that his sister is gone. so saying, “ty didn’t cry when his sister died but he cried when him and kit fought” as if it’s some really romantic thing that he was sadder about kit leaving than livvy dying (which is not true) is just iffy because it’s such a stereotype and a misconception that autistic people don’t seem to care at all when people die, and way too many people from this fandom are feeding into that so much.
and ty does show is grieving throughout qoaad but because it’s not in the allistic way, a lot of readers don’t recognize it.
(i was actually so positively surprised to see that cassandra clare, an allistic woman, wrote the grieving process for an autistic character—and everything else about being autistic tbh—so well but it gives me so much hope for twp)
for example, autistic people (this is obviously not all autistic people as all autistic people are different but i'm just listing the signs i've seen in ty in qoaad) when they're grieving might show their grief gradually in more subtle ways by hurting themselves, emotionally or physically, which ty does do:
"The only person he was unkind to, Kit thought, was himself."
and we also see in gotsm that ty is continuously punishing himself because he is still grieving. livvy is simultaneously there and dead, and ty has to live with both the grief of her death and the guilt of her being stuck as a ghost.
there's also the fact that kit observes that ty starts keeping secrets and doing things alone, which is also common when trying to process emotions that haven’t fully caught up yet:
“In the past days, though, since Julian and Emma had woken up, Ty had been harder to find. If he was working on something, he hadn’t included Kit in it—a thought that hurt with surprising intensity.”
like. ty is pulling away because he is trying to process everything that’s happening. him excluding kit is very likely a symptom of some kind of delayed grief because it’s very unlike him to exclude kit from anything, as we can see when he says multiple times outright that he doesn’t want to do things without kit.
just because it’s more subtle than breaking down into tears doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel it at all. it’s more likely that he simply feels too much and is shutting down because of it.
and of course his grief is gonna be subtle when he hasn’t even accepted and processed the fact that she’s dead yet.
and yes, he cried when kit told him he wished he’d never met him but that is so different because there was no room for denial. kit told him that word for word, the processing wasn’t delayed this time because there wasn’t really that much to process.
ty truly believed right away that his only friend wished he had never known him, and when livvy died he didn’t accept that she was dead. those things are different and pitting them against each other is weird.
so, onto the second argument/misconception i’ve seen that:
“ty clearly loves kit because he cried when they argued and it’s hard for autistic people to cry.”
this is a misconception stemming from the stereotype that autistic people are emotionless. yes, some autistic people might have a harder time crying because of shutdowns etc. but generalizing it to it’s hard for autistic people to cry is just wrong, especially because this has never been implied about ty in the text.
in fact, it’s the opposite:
“Ty heard everything twice as loud and fast as everyone else. The headphones and the music, Kit sensed, were a buffer: They deadened not just other noises, but also feelings that would otherwise be too intense. They protected him from hurt.
He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to live so intensely, to feel things so much, to have the world sway into and out of too-bright colors and too-bright noises. When every sound and feeling was jacked up to eleven, it only made sense to calm yourself by concentrating all your energy on something small that you could master—a mass of pipe cleaners to unravel, the pebbled surface of a glass between your fingers.”
so implying that it’s harder for ty to either cry or feel sad is just wrong. kit notes that “every sound and feeling was jacked up to eleven”, and this includes ty’s grief. him not crying when livvy died has nothing to do with how much he may or may not be feeling and everything to do with how delayed his processing was.
and the third complaint of ty is frustrating because he didn’t react when kit told him he loved him.
first of all, i don’t know if it’s my autistic ass not understanding allistic people but is it not normal to be in shock when someone tells you they love you in the middle of a necromancy ritual???
and second of all, this scene from city of heavenly fire where julian says “i know it’s hard to understand, ty, but we love you” like it’s supposed to explain their actions and ty reacts like this:
Ty looked at him blankly. He knew what “I love you” meant, and he knew it was good, but he didn’t understand why it was an explanation for anything.”
ty looking at kit blankly in surprise in qoaad is not him “not reacting”, it’s him trying to process 1) what that has to do with anything and 2) why that would be an explanation or an argument as to why ty should stop the ritual.
(it is probably also partly because ty thought kit had feelings for livvy at this point but that’s just speculation so i won’t get into it now)
to kit, this was probably his way of saying that because he loves him, ty can stop the ritual and kit will help him with the aftermath.
to ty, kit’s confession made no sense in that moment because why would kit loving him mean that he should stop the ritual? and this was most likely also the moment when his grief was really starting to kick in, so that just adds to it.
yeah idk if anyone made it to the end but as you can tell, i have a lot to say and i’m tired of people romanticizing ty’s grief.
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zzleeper · 2 days
Text
Good.
Jason Todd x Nurse!Reader
MAJOR hurt/comfort
authors note: tbh i do not put as much effort as i should when i write these fics so pls forgive any errors. ty to the internet for providing me with tutorials on how to heal burns :)
ALSO this happens after the end of under the red hood. if you dk what happens basically the building everyone is in explodes and jason is probably incredibly emotionally vulnerable
CW: wounds and burns
words: 2227 . playlist/vibes
.
There’s the squeak of your window opening, and despite the fact you know it’s Red Hood, you pick up the baseball bat you keep beside your nightstand. 
You had met Red Hood at a side job of yours. As a nurse in Gotham with dogshit pay, sometimes you’ve got to have some more questionable sources of income. You were stitching up some criminal who’d been beaten to half a pulp by Batman in the back of some sketchy club/drug dealing front, and he had caught your eye. Later, you realized he was probably there to fuck with the guys in the area once the men you were patching up started muttering about “The Red Hood” like if they spoke too loud he was going to hear them.
He’d played into your advances, flirting back with as much enthusiasm as you had arrived with. It was flattering having such a fine-ass man show interest in you. It didn’t matter how genuine it was since he had proven how good a lay he could be a week after that when you two had found each other again at another base of operations for another gang.
Every other time he always found you. He probably knew where you lived before you brought him back to your apartment. And he never took the mask off. It was a little weird, how attached to it he was, but it’s Gotham, and you’re fucking with a criminal. You’re lucky that, as far as you can tell, he’s not an escapee from Arkham. He didn’t touch the mask, and you didn’t say anything. Maybe he was super disfigured or something. You didn’t care; he looked good and fucked good, so nothing could’ve been that bad.
Red Hood always left before you’d even fallen asleep. The post-orgasm haze was enjoyable until he untangled himself from you and left without saying goodbye. It was always a silent affair every time he left. He was so committed to leaving that he refused to stay the night during a thunderstorm, deciding to brave thunder and rain instead of sleeping in the same bed with you
It didn’t hurt, but it was a little disappointing. You had never defined your relationship with Red Hood, but you knew he wasn’t interested in anything but sex. You were, though. The dull ache in your chest every time he left was nothing unexpected; catching feelings, or at least thinking you are, is a natural progression of fucking someone once every week or two. It’s a pattern you’ve found forming every time you’ve tried to have a no-strings-attached sort of relationship, even if you haven’t even seen his face before.
Creeping out of your room with socked feet, you shuffle toward your window and flick the light on.
Your bat clatters to the ground, and you can see Red Hood flinch slightly.
“Oh my god, what the fuck happened?” You gasp in shock at the state of the man who’s just broken into your apartment. Red Hood is beaten and bloody and clutching his side. You can see blood oozing out from the gaps between his fingers, but that might just be from how burned his hand is. His mask is just gone. But he’s still wearing a domino mask over his eyes. Bruises bloom everywhere on his face; his eyebrow is sluggishly bleeding into his eye, which is puffing up under the mask. He’s leaning against the wall beside your window, looking more like he collapsed. 
He groans quietly in response as you rush over to him, collapsing on your knees next to him, “Got in an–” He coughs quietly, that’s not good, “An explosion.”
You want to suggest a hospital, but you know that he would immediately refuse and–if he could walk–probably just leave. Talking to Red Hood in vulnerable moments was like coaxing a feral cat.
“Okay,” You mumble, “Okay,” You know how to do this. Maybe with more people and more hospital equipment and not in your apartment, but you know how to do this.
“Alright,” You shuffle next to him and wrap an arm around his torso, maneuvering his arm to rest on your shoulders, “I’m going to lift you on one, okay?”
Red Hood nods, his eyes fluttering closed.
“Hey,” You snap, nudging him with your shoulder, “Stay awake–and deep breaths, alright?” Shuffling into a crouching position, you adjust him slightly, “Three, two, and one,” You both grunt in unison as you lift him up and off the floor, “Up we go, come on.”
Stumbling to the bathroom, you nudge the door open with your hip and carefully sit Red Hood on the toilet with you crouching between his legs. He droops in a way you’ve never seen before. Red Hood has always been so confident, holding himself high, but right now, he looks bone-tired, something sleep can’t fix. 
He feels raw and broken open, something thick with sadness and tragedy oozing out of him, and that’s not just the blood. You cup his cheek to make him look you in the eyes, “Tell me what hurts, honey,” You say, the endearment slipping out as if you’re talking to a patient. Or someone you love.
Red Hood pushes his face into your hand, making your heart squeeze in your chest, “I think I broke a few ribs, definitely a concussion too,” He lifts his hand, it’s bloody and burned, blisters forming in spots that make you cringe, “And my hand is burned like crazy,” He rasps, “Shot my gun with some shit blocking the barrel.”
“Okay, can you take off your shirt, or do you need help?” You ask, standing up to start running the water and grabbing two cloths made from old t-shirts from the hamper next to your tub. Red Hood shakes his head and pulls off his shirt in your peripherals. Glancing over, his chest looks just as bad as you thought it would, with bruises scattered everywhere. It makes your stomach drop just a little more. At least there aren’t any deep abrasions anywhere. 
Once the water warms up enough, you wet the cloths and offer one to Red Hood, resting the other one down on the sink countertop, “Wrap that around your hand and keep it there. I’m going to go get some ice for your ribs,” You say quietly, leaving the bathroom to walk over to the kitchen. 
Why was Red Hood even here? He’s the most secretive person you know, and doesn’t he have an entire gang to patch him up? He must have a lieutenant or something somewhere. You grab the towel you keep in your kitchen and stuff it with ice, heading back to the bathroom where Red Hood awaits you. Honestly, fucking one of the most dangerous men in Gotham and a notorious crime lord was not your brightest idea, but patching him up after he got into a fucking explosion? What the fuck.
This isn’t what you two do, especially with Hood being so vulnerable right now. He’s breaking the boundaries he had firmly set completely on his own.
“Hey,” You say, Red Hood’s leaning back against the toilet, his eyes closed, “Wake up, I’ve got your ice.” Thankfully, he opens his eyes and takes the makeshift icepack with his good hand, pressing it against his ribs with a slight grimace. You pull the t-shirt-cloth off the counter and stand in between his legs to clean his face.
Nudging his chin with your hand to make him look up at you, you peel off the domino mask with some hesitation, but Red Hood just closes his eyes. He rests his head in your hand when you carefully grip his chin to nudge his face in the direction you want. Starting to clean the cut on his eyebrow, you think about how familiar he looks. His eyes look like those you’ve seen before, but you have no idea where.
“What happened?” You ask, wiping the blood off his face as carefully as you can. You know he won’t answer honestly, the few times you two had talked about anything close to emotions he had fled or changed the subject as soon as possible.
“I told you,” Red Hood responds like the avoidant fuck he is, “Explosion.”
You tut, whacking him lightly with your t-shirt-towel, and he huffs good-naturedly, “You know what I fucking meant, dickhead.” You scold, but he just shakes his head minutely in response, a furrow forming between his brows. 
You swipe your thumb over it, soft in a way you two have never been, “You don’t have to tell me, Red. If this is the best way to help, then I’ll fix you up and send you on your way.” 
He takes a shaky breath, and his eyebrows scrunch together more. You’re scared he’s going to stand up and leave your apartment, but he pushes through your hands and presses his forehead into your stomach. He falls apart against you. You can’t tell if he’s crying, but it’s something close.
“Oh, sweetheart,” You mutter, curling a hand into his hair. 
You both stay like that until he calms down, the sobs wracking his body slowing to a stop. Cupping his face in your hands, you push until he looks up at you. 
You don’t have to push very hard. Wiping away the tear tracks with your thumbs, you smile sadly down at him. There’s a small wet spot on your shirt.
“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” You crouch down and start wiping the dirt and blood off his chest, pushing him until he leans against the back of the toilet. Repeating this on his back as well, you try to soothe as best you can with a hand stroking up and down his side with the least bruises.
Once you’re done you pull him around to face you, “I’m going to wash your hair, bandage your hand, and then you’re sleeping for a very long time.”
Red Hood visibly tenses at that, and you level him with an unimpressed stare, “Stay,” You say quietly, resting your hands on his biceps and avoiding his gaze, “I want to watch you if you have a concussion, and I can’t do that when you’re having a seizure in an alleyway because it’s given you brain damage.”
He deflates, but still rolls his eyes, “It’s not that bad,” He argues, “I’ve been through worse.” How bad, he doesn’t say, but from the amount of scars on his chest and back, you can pretty much tell.
You patronizingly pat his cheek, “That sucks for you,” You tease, your hand sliding down to wrap your fingers around his wrist, avoiding the burns on his hands, and gently tug him towards the shower. He follows without protest, and you both sit against the tub as you wait for the water to warm up. It’s calming, sitting beside Red Hood, your sides pressed together.
Once the water is at a heat you deem acceptable; you pull down the showerhead and maneuver Red Hood to kneel over the tub, still icing his ribs, and start washing his ashy hair with generous amounts of shampoo and conditioner. You can feel his breathing slow next to you as you massage his head with your hands, suds falling into the tub under him.
You wring out his hair with a towel and push him back up into a sitting position. Kneeling on the ground, you lean over to pull open the cabinet under your sink and carefully take the first aid kit from its precarious balance on top of your medicine hoard.
Wrapping his burn is easier than you thought, Red Hood pliant and willing under your hands. You do a once over of him and judge him fit to sleep. You lead him out of the bathroom with a hand on the small of his back.
“Sorry, I don’t have any underwear for you,” You whisper, scared to break the quiet vulnerability you two are sharing.
He smiles at you for the first time since he arrived, which really means it’s the first time ever. It’s soft around the corners with exhaustion, and he looks at you for a little while before responding, “It’s okay, I didn’t expect you to,” He whispers back, just as hushed as you.
You chuckle at his late reply, “Your concussion must be pretty bad if it takes you that long to process words,” You goad, slipping under the covers. Red Hood goes to follow after setting his icepack down on the nightstand, but you hold out a hand to stop him, “Pants. Off. I’m not getting your grime and soot all over my clean sheets.”
He smiles brighter, “Well, you could’ve asked nicer,” He huffs, unbuckling his utility belt and letting it fall to the floor. He undoes his real belt and kicks off his cargo pants, nestling down into the sheets with a groan that’s half pain and half satisfaction.
You’re lying on your stomach, your face smushed against the pillow facing Red Hood, who’s lying on his back, as he fucking should, staring up at the ceiling, “Good?” You mumble, more at the pillow than the man beside you, and he laughs slightly, turning his head to look at you.
“Yeah,” He whispers like a secret in the dark of your bedroom, “It's good.”
133 notes · View notes
astermath · 10 months
Text
sweet like you🍓pt. 2
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pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader
summary: carmen helps you out with perfecting your pastries to present them to your boss. you spend time getting to know each other in the place he knows best; the kitchen. things take a slight turn when you get back to your apartment.
word count: 3.1K
PART 1
notes: I really enjoy writing carmen tbh, I guess writing him is my way to giving his character some peace outside of his usually extremely stressful life. this got suuuper long im so sorry sdfgshj i got kinda carried away.  let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for further carmen berzatto related content!
warnings: mentions of suicide/death, addiction, use of alcohol, cursing
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Carmen hated nights.
At least during the day, he was forced to do things, be productive, talk to people, keep his mind occupied. But at night, it was just him. Alone with his thoughts. The only thing keeping him company his cynical mind and deranged dreams.
That night was no different.
Carmen woke up in a cold sweat, hand clutching at his chest as he sat up. He nearly gasped for air, and upon noticing how shaky he was, got up to splash his face with cold water. That didn’t help much either, so he went to his balcony (if one could even call it that), and lit a cigarette. The sun was already coming up, and he knew he wasn’t getting much sleep again feeling like this.
He sighed, smoke emitting from his nose as he pulled out his phone. You’d replied already, even given a time. Reading your words made him feel slightly more at ease, slightly more... Real. A reminder of his obligations to the people around him, but also, and he’d never admit this, something to look forward to.
[carmen]: absolutely, see you then
Your next shift went by smoothly, as per usual. The French themed café you worked at had become such a big part of your life, not that you minded, you were in love with it. And as much as she’d deny it, you could tell the owner had taken a liking to you. You heard from the barista that most waitresses would get fired within a month or so, but you’d stuck around for three now. 
“She said you have a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’... I think you remind her of her younger self.” Your colleague said while pouring out a cup of coffee. 
“Right,” you took a tray and readied another order. “You sure you didn’t imagine that? I don’t remember Odette ever saying something nice to me before.”
“Not to your face, no.” She grinned, putting the cup on your tray. “I’m sure you’ll get her to put some of your stuff on the menu, she just has to warm up to it.”
“Yeah, just,” you grabbed the tray, balancing it with ease. “Give me a few decades to work her through that.” You both chuckled as you walked off to continue your work.
Carmen stood across the street, looking through the window of the café. Shit, he was way too early, and that wasn’t even usually like him. He’d left the Beef over to Sydney while he was gone, telling her he had something important to take care of. And although that wasn’t entirely untrue, he wasn’t sure she’d agree if she found out he was hanging out at some café.
He slipped into the place rather sneakily, deciding that if he was gonna have to wait, he might as well do it in there. It had been a while since he’d been inside, usually just to get a quick coffee or something, and he’d never paid much attention to the décor before. He was kind of impressed, despite being smack dab in the middle of Chicago, the café had a true Parisian feel too it. Sure, he’d never been to Paris, but he could imagine this was pretty close.
He sat down at a booth near a window and stared outside. He felt a bit uneasy just... waiting. There were so many things he still had to do, so many debts to pay off, things to consider, to change--
“Carmen? Is that you?” 
Your voice snapped him out his train of thoughts, it almost felt like a ray of sunshine breaking through a dark cloud. He turned and saw you holding a menu, dressed in a cute dress and an apron. 
“Yeah, I uh... Got here a bit too early, my bad.” He gave an apologetic, halfhearted smile. 
“It’s no worries,” you handed him the menu. “You can just enjoy a coffee or something while you wait! What would you like?” You pulled out a notepad and a pen.
“Oh, uh... Christ...” His eyes squinted as he scanned the laminated menu. “Am I goin’ crazy or is this all in French?”
“Nope,” You chuckled. “It is. When I told you the menu hadn’t changed, I meant really, nothing has changed.”
“Fuck, alright, uhm... Just a regular coffee then.” He handed the menu back. “Please.”
“Comin’ right up!” You chirped, and he watched you make your merry way back into the kitchen. He could’ve sworn you damn near floated by how excited you seemed. He didn’t really understand it. You worked a waitress job where you weren’t allowed to change anything, you had to work early on Saturdays to help your family out and he could have guessed you probably still had time to maintain a healthy social life. It almost annoyed him how well balanced you seemed.
But someone as cute as you couldn’t possibly annoy him. 
He received his coffee not long after, thanking you and admiring the porcelain for a moment. The more he noticed about this place, the more... Uneasy he felt. He didn’t realize why, and he kept mulling it over until long after he’d finished his drink.
Ah.
Because the Beef looked like a garbage dump compared to this.
And he owned that garbage dump.
He hated himself a little for comparing the two, they weren’t comparable at all besides both serving food and drinks, but the fact that you were only two blocks away didn’t help. And he was about to be helping you too, his competition.
The crew would kill him if they knew where he was at.
You worked on closing up, cleaning a few last cups and arranging them neatly before walking back to Carmen’s table. “Hope you enjoyed your coffee my good sir, but I must request you to join me in the kitchen, for I have prepared a mighty array of desserts for thou.” You grinned.
“Alright, alright, I get it.” He got up, ready to follow. “Don’t I gotta pay for that coffee?”
“S’on the house. Come on, we’ve got pastries to try!”
The kitchen closely resembled the rest of the establishment, although much more homely. It was small, doable, but just a little cramped. 
You pulled out two stools for the two of you to sit on, before going to the fridge and taking out a tray. “Alright, so...” You put it down on the counter. “Here we’ve got classic cheesecake with a cinnamon cookie crust,” you pointed at each dessert, “a cream strawberry tart, and last but not least,” your fingers fluttered in a ‘jazz hands’ way, “tiramisu topped with fresh strawberries.”
Carmen scanned the tray before him. The presentation was immaculate, but he found that often with these types of desserts the looks were better than the taste. He hoped that wasn’t the case.
You sat across him, more nervous than you initially expected to be, as he tried each of the desserts. He had some notes about each one, as expected, you were just an amateur cook, but you could tell his eyes lit up a little when he tried the tiramisu. 
“Mm,” He hummed, putting his spoon back in for another bite. “Shit, that’s fire chef...”
“Chef?” You raised an eyebrow. No one had ever called you that before.
“Sorry,” He swallowed, “Freudian slip, my bad.”
You chuckled. “No, no, I don’t mind... The tiramisu is a family recipe, actually. My nana used to make it all the time.” A nostalgic smile graced your face. 
“Those are usually the best.” He thinks back at the food him and Mikey used to make when they were younger, and somehow, it makes the tiramisu taste even better. “So, anything else you wanna add?”
“Oh!” You were a little caught off guard by his question. “Uhm, well... Now that you mention it, I’d love to add macarons, to play into the French theme of the café. I’ve just never been able to get them right, and trust me, I’ve tried.”
Carmen puts away the empty glass cup. “Do you want me to teach you?”
“Huh?” You were sure you misunderstood at first, but the look he gave you was telling you he was at least expecting an answer. “Uh... Sure, yeah! I’d love to! I think we still have all the ingredients here from my last attempt too.”
“Great.” He got up, clasping his hands together. “Let’s get to bakin’, chef.”
The two of you stood next to each other at the counter. His jacket was off, now replaced with a baby pink frilly apron, supposedly the only one you had. You’d been relatively quiet, mostly focusing on taking his advice and following instructions. But as he was sifting almond powder, and you were beating egg whites, he had this strange urge to fill the silence. It was weird, usually he preferred working quietly, but it was almost strange to hear you not talking when you were there.
“So... You’re not from Chicago, are you?” He kept his eyes on the sifter.
You grinned, still whisking away. “What gave it away?”
“You smile a lot,” he took the bowl from you and held it upside down to check the consistency of the egg whites, “and I haven’t seen you light a single cigarette.” He put the bowl back and started weighing off some sugar. “So either you’re not from here, or I want whatever drugs you’re taking.”
You chuckled at his remark, finding his self deprecating humor quite amusing. “No, you’re right. I grew up on my parents’ farm, though it’s not too far from here, I never really came close to the city. Moved here about three months ago, so I haven’t explored much.” You took the sugar from him and gradually started adding it to the egg whites. “What about you? Born and raised?”
“What gave it away?” He joked back. “Born, raised, moved away for culinary school, worked in New York, now I’m back.” He sighed. Being back in Chicago was... Strange. Because after not having seen his brother for literal years, he was now constantly confronted with everything that reminded him of Mikey. Including his business.
“Interesting.” You started working together the mixture, sneaking glances at his face every now and then to gage his reaction. “So... What brought you back?”
A longer silence followed your question, and you could tell his hands even stopped moving for a moment. Suddenly he seemed tense, and you worried if your question had struck a cord. 
He swallowed, eyes fixated on the ingredients before him. “My brother.”
“Oh! Well, I’m sure he’s happy to see you back.” You offered a kind smile.
“Yeah, I uh... I’m not sure he would be.” He glanced at you, eyes quickly darting back to the vanilla extract he was measuring out, uncomfortable with eye contact when he talked about Mikey. “He died.” His eyebrow twitched slightly. “Suicide.”
You stop whisking for a moment to look at him, and you can tell his face had reddened. You feel awful for pressing him on such a sensitive subject, but you had no idea.
The two of you continue to prepare the batter in complete silence for a good minute. Both of you feel bad. Him, for dumping this information on you, and you, for even asking about it.
“I’m sorry,” you speak up, filling up a piping bag with batter, “I had no idea.”
“S’okay,” He runs his hand through his hair, a nervous tic, almost. “I’ve been trying to talk more about it. Especially since I kinda run his business now.”
“Well, if it counts for anything,” You give him another sweet smile, and this time, it does actually make him feel a little better. Silently, he wished they could put the feeling your smiles gave in pills, so he could take those instead. “I think he’d be proud of you.”
He doesn’t reply. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because he doesn’t know if he agrees. He doesn’t know what Mikey would think, and from what he’s heard from Richie, he’s not even sure if he would recognize the person his brother had become through his addiction. But the possibility is there, and you reminding him of it was enough. For now, at least.
He noticed you struggling with the piping bag and got behind you, hands sneaking over yours to help you hold it correctly. “There we go.”
Carmen doesn’t seem to notice how close he is to you. Or how warm your face had gotten. Or how the way he smelled was distracting you from listening to what he was saying. Cigarettes, coffee and sandalwood... A strange, but not unappealing mix of scents. 
You turn your head just a slight bit and catch a glimpse of his blue eyes. They were so bright, piercing almost, but they held such a profound sadness behind them. You wondered what else they held, what other stories he struggled to talk about.
Carmen noticed you weren’t watching what you were doing and looked up, accidentally meeting your eyes now. And then he realized how close he was, cheeks growing flushed like a teenage boy as he let go of your hands and took a step back, clearing his throat. “Shit, uh... My bad.”
You chuckled nervously. “It’s fine, I appreciate the help.” You leaned down to preheat the oven.
“Yeah… Anytime.”
A while after, the two of you were presented with perfect, pink tinted macarons. You smile proudly, hands on your hips as you admire the final product in front of you. “Man, we really nailed those, huh?”
Carmen smiles, a little sleepily. It was starting to get dark outside and he hadn’t even had dinner yet, but he felt bad about having to interrupt your baking session. Usually when he was in the kitchen he was focused, collected, he was making a product that he had to be proud of. But he’d been open to you, he’d laughed, he almost felt… Relaxed. Maybe that’s why he was feeling sleepy.
That, or the insane lack of sleep was catching up to him once more.
You looked outside and noticed that the sun was going down. “Shit, how long have we been here?” You checked the time on your phone. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, I had no idea it already got this late... Uh, if you want I’ll drive you home?”
“Yeah, that would be--” His sentence got cut off by the sound of his stomach growling loudly. The two of you stayed quiet for a moment as Carmen put a hand over his abdomen, clearing his throat, a little embarrassed. “Sorry, I uh... I haven’t eaten anything today besides those desserts earlier.”
Now you really felt guilty. Not only had you kept him at the café for way longer than you should have, but you were nearly making the poor guy starve. “Tell ya what,” You handed him his jacket and took off your apron. “How ‘bout you come back to my apartment and I’ll make us both dinner. I’m no expert chef like you, but I can cook a mean pasta!”
He hesitated for a moment. He hadn’t been to someone else’s apartment in so long, let alone someone he was interested in. But he supposed it was better than being alone in his apartment again, probably heating up a shitty frozen meal because he was too tired to cook.
Your apartment was nice. Well, nicer than his at least, although that probably didn’t mean much. For only having lived there for three months, he could tell you’d really added your own touch to the place.
“Welcome to mi casa!” You playfully bowed, allowing him to enter and closing the door behind you two. You tossed your keys onto the counter and took off your coat, ready to get to cooking. “You can settle on the couch, put something on, I got Netflix if you want. I’ll have dinner made in just a sec!”
Carmen moved with caution. This was... Unknown territory. He knew you were probably just being friendly, but this was a pretty big step for him. He had his boundaries, his walls firmly set, and you were jumping over them like it was nothing. It was just... Easier with you, somehow. To open up, to talk.
Not long after he’d chosen something to watch, you arrived with two deep plates of pesto pasta with mozzarella and diced tomatoes. “There we go, I always make this when I don’t feel like cooking.” You handed him a plate and a fork, before settling down next to him. Your couch wasn’t that big, so your shoulders were touching the entire time.
The two of you were watching a cooking competition, something you didn’t realize would revitalize Carmen so much. Not because he liked it so much, but because he was so focused on the mistakes the contestants were making, and felt the need to point every single one of them out to you. Your two plates stood empty on the coffee table, along with a bottle of red wine and two, very empty glasses. 
“Now, see this,” he pointed at the TV, “can’t believe they’re even allowed to air this, this is a disgrace to cooking. The fuckin’ idiot hasn’t touched a single spice this entire episode!”
The both of you were both kind of tipsy, and you were leaning against him now, smiling to yourself as you tried to withhold laughter from every serious comment he made.
“And now--” He looked at you and realized you were hanging on for dear life not to break out in giggles. “What’s so funny?” He asked with a grin.
“N-Nothing, nothing!” You chuckled, leaning away from him so he wouldn’t see your expression.
“Ah, so now we’re shy!” He poked your side, the wine doing wonders for his confidence. “Come on, let’s hear those laughs then!” He continued poking you, and you couldn’t take it anymore, the ticklish sensation making you squirm. You grabbed his arm and pulled it away from your abdomen, making him fall forward onto the couch. He caught himself, hand resting on the armrest, now leaning over you.
You looked up at him, and god, maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but you swore he’d never looked hotter. Leaned over you, curls framing his face, strong arms surrounding you. His gorgeous blue eyes staring down into yours, tension growing between the two of you.
So you couldn’t help yourself.
You leaned up, capturing his lips in yours, a hand coming up to rest on the back of his head to pull him in further.
He froze, eyes only fluttering shut after a few seconds, melting into the kiss as his hand came down to rest on your waist. His mind ran blank, nothing plaguing his mind anymore, all besides one thought;
“Damn. She tastes even sweeter than those strawberries.”
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tag list <3
@beebslebobs @thatone-brightstar   @spr3id   @deadandstill  
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sewermageboy · 6 months
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obligatory "i love gale, I promise i'm not shitting on gale" comment before I start, but:
I feel like with a lot of the "he was groomed" narrative for Gale, people assume it's a given that Mystra came to him when he was a child, right? He says that she was his teacher, his muse, and then his lover, so I can see why people think that she must have been with him since he was a child.
But (I've been going down a Forgotten Realms lore rabbit hole, and found that) Mystra was killed around a hundred years before BG3, and only returned to life in 1479 DR, around 13 years before the events of the game. So unless we're saying that Gale is 30 years old (and in my mind he's more like 35-45), he would have been an adult by the time they met, even assuming that she immediately reached out to him after returning to the Forgotten Realms.
So why is the "groomed from childhood" narrative so prevalent? I think most people (rightfully) have better things to do with their time than reading about the fckn Spellplague on the Forgotten Realms wiki, but apart from that.
I think, especially with how many people (on tiktok especially, as far as I've seen) seem to hate Gale for being "too pushy" or whatever bc of the romance bug, there's an inherent instinct for Gale enjoyers to justify their liking of this character, by explaining away his flaws and his idiosyncrasies by saying "he is the way he is because he was groomed by the goddess of magic", and therefore his flaws aren't his own fault/don't matter, whatever.
It really bothers me when people explain away his flaws like that. He's braggadocious, yes, and he's arrogant, and he's filled to the brim with hubris. Does he have his reasons for that? Yes, of course! But that doesn't mean that his flaws are any less present, and just as much of a part of him as all the good parts. It bothers me when people do this with any of the characters tbh, like saying that all of Astarion's shitty behavior is due to his trauma at the hands of Cazador (which much of it is! But he's also just kinda a shitty person, and that's okay!!)
Like, if we look at Forgotten Realms lore, and say that Gale is around 40, Mystra would have approached him as a young man in his 20s - and honestly, that version of events is still just as fucked up to me as "he was groomed". Here you have this brilliant wizard, who lives for magic and manipulating the weave, and the goddess of magic herself begins to mentor him, teach him, inspire him, and eventually becomes his lover, too. Then, after she keeps showing him magic that will forever be beyond his reach, telling him to be content with his lot, he goes too far - and is discarded in the process, left alone to deal with the Orb in his chest despite Mystra being able to heal him instantly if she wished. And not only does he have to deal with a bad breakup and a nuclear bomb in his chest, no, he's also never able to truly be free of her, as long as he wishes to still do magic - something that is basically second nature to him, and that he could never give up.
I've also seen people conflate his Early Access story (Mystra discarding him first and for no reason, and him ending up with the Orb in his chest as a result of trying to win her back) with his full release one (Him trying to prove to Mystra he was worthy of being shown magic beyond any other mortals, ending up with the Orb, and Mystra discarding him as a result of that), and I feel like that comes from the same place as the insistence on him being groomed - trying to justify his behavior and sanitize him as much as possible.
I understand the instinct to defend Gale from people who shit on him needlessly bc of the romance bug or whatever, I really do. I adore Gale, and I think he's one of the most fascinating characters in the game! But I also think it's a disservice to him to not acknowledge the negative parts of him, or to explain them away as being caused by trauma he might have gone through.
The shitty parts, the ones you can really sink your teeth into, are what make most of the companions so interesting to me!!! And Gale's arrogance, his clumsiness when he flirts and how quick he is to fall in love, his hubris and his anger are all part of that!!
Edit: just wanted to clarify that I have no issue with the interpretation that Gale was groomed by Mystra from a young age in and of itself!
As @galedekarios rightfully pointed out, Larian often plays fast and loose with the timeline, so Mystra's death and her return to the forgotten realms only factor in so much. There's ample evidence in the game for the grooming interpretation, and it's also super fascinating to me, I just don't like that a lot of the discussion of Gale's character seems to boil down to: "but he was groomed, so it doesn't matter", or that many people seem to view it as the only valid interpretation of his character.
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aether-starlight · 1 month
Text
Lovely - Xavier
Pairing: Xavier x Reader
Warnings: Mentions of grief and kitchen fires.
Summary:  After you begin spending more time with Xavier, you strike a deal.
Word Count: 1.6 K
Note: This is my first time writing Xavier, I'm still getting a hold on his personality and voice tbh. Hope this is not too oc.
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You liked your job. Loved it, even. 
It was also the main reason why you had very little life outside of hunting. 
When Grandma and Caleb had passed, you had felt incredibly bitter about it. Extra hours, missions outside of the city, late nights studying, the list went on.
It all seemed so insignificant compared to the time you could have spent with them, rather than being a hunter.
Now they were gone, and people seemed to avoid you on principle. Whispers about the connection between your profession and the unfortunate fate of your family followed you, so they preferred to stay away. 
Even fellow hunters remained away, with Tara being a blissful exception.
But there were only so many days off you could hang around with Tara without feeling like an imposition, which led you to hang out with the next person who didn’t seem to be phased by your reputation of a bad luck charm: Xavier.
Your hunter partner.
You really couldn’t escape your job even if you tried.
“Maybe I’m not likable,” you had mumbled to yourself, sitting on Xavier’s snug, worn-out couch. 
It was beige, spotless despite its age, only noticeable in the softened texture and armrests colored in a lighter shade from years of limbs brushing against them.
Xavier laughed, and on anyone else, it might have sounded cruel, but in the gentle baritone of his voice, it felt warm, intimate even.
“Who wouldn’t like you? You’re lovely.”
He said it as if commenting on the weather, something obvious and not embarrassing at all to mention. If you were him, your cheeks would have been aflame before even opening your mouth.
Because you had thought about it. 
He was lovely too. 
His tousled hair and bleary eyes so late in the morning made your heartbeat quicken, something fluttering in your stomach, similar to the feeling when an energy fluctuation surged.
Xavier laughed again, this time coming closer to you, dish in hand as he bent down to look into your eyes.
“Oh my, you’re redder than the tomato sauce I made for you.”
“How do you expect me to react when you say such things so easily?” You complained, unable not to smile back as soon as his lips curled, a flash of perfect teeth.
He had a great smile, you thought, contagious.
“It’s the truth. Now, eat up before it gets cold.”
“Bossy,” you teased, already digging into the tousled eggs with spinach and a delicious homemade sauce on top.
“I wouldn’t say that,” he chided gently, setting his plate at a low table in front of the sofa, sitting by your side. “I’m just looking out for your health.”
“And the integrity of your apartment?” You joked.
It wasn’t the first time you ate together. 
After visiting to find out more about your Aether Core, and then running into each other at The Nest, you had started hanging out outside of work. 
It started with borrowed books, truth or dare, a night watching the stars, then occasional movie nights.
Then your relationship experienced a drastic evolution when you accidentally activated the fire alarm of your whole floor because of a bowl of fried rice gone wrong—on fire—, and he offered for you to cook together. 
At first, you were not sure why he had even proposed it in the first place, but then you realized he was another God of destruction in the kitchen. Turned out that two wrongs could make one right, as incidents decreased considerably once it was both of you cooking.
Now it was a sort of ritual for you, to have breakfast together on your days off. 
“What are you thinking about?” Xavier asked, propping his elbow on the table and resting his cheek against his hand. 
Sunlight burst from his window, half hidden by an ocre curtain, just enough to highlight his eyes and the bridge of his nose. Reflections from the relic he used as a teapot littered the walls, yellow against copper.
Everything about his home felt cozy, warm…safe. 
Meanwhile, there were piles of boxes still unopened in your apartment. 
You had recently moved in when the explosion turned your world upside down. You had been supposed to open them with Caleb that weekend.
Now it didn’t seem of much importance. Not if you couldn’t do it with him.
“How do you make your apartment look so…homely?” 
The question was blurted out of you, and you instantly felt stupid for needing to formulate it in the first place.
Xavier’s eyebrows raised, chopsticks halfway to his mouth, caught off guard. 
“Make it look homely?” He pondered, food lowering back onto his plate.
Another thing you liked about Xavier? 
He was deliberate about things, every detail mattered, and he knew there were answers not worth rushing on. 
“I just…buy things I enjoy. Something that makes me feel happy to look at. That reminds me of…” he trailed off, a crease surging between his eyebrows.
You didn’t push. You had known him long enough to realize that once he shut down it was final, and even if he did answer, it was always elusive and hard to believe.
Instead, your focus drifted back to his initial statements.
You supposed it made sense. His apartment felt like sunlight. All warm and light tones, plush surfaces, and rows of books carefully organized upon oak bookshelves. 
Vintage furniture and artifacts were littered in a way that was both organized and stylish. A forest green vinyl player at the corner of the room, a mysterious wooden chest beside it. 
It was lived in.
The curtains of your apartment were always closed, plunging it into darkness, and the only picture you had kept close to your bed, on your nightstand. It was a photograph of you, Grandma, and Caleb smiling by the beach. 
It had been your first family trip, and even now you could remember it vividly, the rough sand beneath your feet and humid air closing around you, even through your shorts and a t-shirt.
You had an expensive holo-projector that you never used and sofas that you had sat in enough times to be able to count with one hand. 
You had considered getting a cat but then had been deterred by the thought that it would probably feel pretty lonely, considering your frequent missions and late-night arrivals.
When you focused back on Xavier, he was already studying you. 
You imagined your face must have been quite the picture. It was something incredibly frustrating about you: everything showed on your face, from happiness to sadness, to anger. It couldn’t be helped.
“I could help you decorate. If you’d like,” he suggested suddenly, looking as if the proposal had been stuck in his throat for a while now. 
You smiled to yourself, hiding your hands between your thighs, feeling terribly seen.
“Really?”
He nodded, lips curled in that gentle smile of his. 
“Yes. It’ll be fun. Just promise me we’ll host more reunions in your apartment once it’s done.”
A surprised laugh rose from your chest.
“At my place? Why?”
He looked to the side, almost bashful.
“I would like to use your holo-projector.”
It took a second for you to correct your sudden staring. He had never struck you as someone who watched holodramas.  
“Okay. Under one condition.”
Xavier leaned forward, a silent inquiry.
“You let me train with you.” You paused, deep in thought. “At least once a week.”
Somehow, Xavier always managed to wriggle his way out of it, and you were not sure why.
It was almost ridiculous, that you were hunting partners and hadn’t trained together once. What was more ridiculous was how you were turning the situation in your favor, considering he was the one offering you aid.
“You offer a tough bargain.” He huffed, resting his shoulders back on his seat with a slight pout to his lips.  “But sure, I’ll agree under a condition of my own.”
This time it was your turn to be surprised. You pulled back in suspicion.
“I have a feeling I’m not going to like it.”
Xavier was relentless. It never failed to astound you how he could switch from lazy to laser-focused in a heartbeat.
“Show me more of what you write.” His eyes seemed to darken, eyebrows lowering. You didn’t know when he had turned his chair so he was facing you from a closer distance.
Your head shook in automatic.
“That would imply that you have read any of it already.”
“I heard your slam poetry. I liked it, it was good.”
“You’re just buttering me up,” you whined. “And it was an accident, I definitely didn’t intend for you to hear it.”
He tilted his head, finding your gaze like a lost puppy. It seemed that he was pulling out the big guns once decisiveness hadn’t worked.
“Please?” He had leaned forward so you were watching him from above, an aggravating strand of blond hair out of place, the tips of his bangs too close to his lashes.
Before you could think any better of it, you brushed them back, fingers grazing his ear as you set it in place. 
The strands were soft and reminded you of a nighttime story someone used to read to you, about a prince and a fox.
He leaned into your touch, lips parted. 
Your fingers dug into the silky strands, easing out a knot.
He didn’t relent, celestine irises trailing after your movement, and your fingers trembled. It may not have seemed like it, but you were the prey in this scenario.
“Fine,” you breathed out, feeling lightheaded. “It’s a deal.”
He smiled, something playful flickering in his gaze. At that moment he was too pretty for his own good.
“Now, it’s your turn to do the dishes.”
You groaned, your daze broken in favor of dread.
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rosepascal · 8 months
Text
Venom || Joel Miller x Reader
summary: Joel says things he doesn't mean but he's might have pushed it too far this time.
warnings: Joel says mean things, sad joel, insecure joel, arguments. Happy ending? kinda depends on what you view as happy tbh.
a/n: I've been writing too much fluff lately I gotta go back to my roots for some angst to fluff. Also this is for the Pedro Pascal Cinematic Universe Server event!! If you want to participate just join the server and write any drabble about any Pedro character!! Join below!!
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Fighting with Joel was exhausting. It didn't happen often which is surprising given his intense and standoffish nature. Maybe small disagreements or stupid petty arguments that ended with silent apologies. Neither of you had the time to hold grudges. Not when the two of you relied on each other for survival.
But in Jackson you don't. need each other anymore. Or that's what Joel thinks in his own fucked up way. You two were together for survival. He's worn down. He's too weak, deaf in one ear. What kind of settled down life could he give you?
But he's selfish. He's so damn selfish because when he wakes up with you in his arms and you smile that sweet smile, he doesn't want to let go. He wants you. To be everything to you. But he knows deep down that he can't be. It's only a matter of time until its gone.
So he does what he needs to. Protect himself. Even if it means pushing away one of the only good things in his life.
"Fuck you Joel!" You hiss as you shove his chest. Wanting him as far away from you as possible. He scoffs in a way that makes you want to punch that stupid face of his.
"Fuck you too sweetheart." He mocks you with the pet name that you normally love hearing from him. There's no remorse, only malice.
"You do not get to speak to me like this. After everything we've been through."
"Don't flatter yourself. It was purely survival."
He doesn't mean it. To him it was much more than staying alive. It was living. Every moment with you made his shitty life worth something. So why is he tearing it down brick by brick. Taking a sledge hammer to his own happiness for what? To be miserable. Miserable, but safe.
The thing is, he doesn't hide it as well as he thinks. At least not to you. The words spit like venom and his eyes are dark and cold. But you don't believe him. Maybe it's your own delusion but you refuse to believe that it all meant nothing to him.
It doesn't comfort you though. If anything it makes you angrier. Angry that he still doesn't trust you. That he won't talk to you like a fucking adult and instead he's lashing out like a child.
"You're so full of shit you know that?"
"Excuse me?" Joel growls, he steps closer but you stand your ground.
"I think you're lying to me and to yourself."
"Like you know me so well."
"Just shut up and listen!" You clench your fists as your throat grows hoarse from yelling. You're tired. You don't want to fight him anymore.
"I love you Joel. I have since we first met. I've seen you at your worst and I'm still here. But unless you start acting like an adult and just fucking talk to me. Then I won't be." Joel can feel his heart squeeze in his chest.
But he's got no right to feel sorry. He's done this himself. He's pushed and pushed and now he's finally broke it. He's gone too far.
"Then leave. I don't need you. I was just fine before you and I'll be fine after." Crossing his arms he digs his blunt nails into his arms. This is for the best. You were going to leave anyway. He doesn't need anyone. He's fine. He's happy.
"You are a coward Joel Miller." Your voice shakes as you stare him in the eyes.
Challenging him, wanting him to take it back. But he won't. He's too stubborn. Without another word you turn and leave. Slamming the door behind you, shaking the whole house.
Joel feels every emotional course through his veins. The walls had crumbled under your soft touch have started to build around his heart again. He sits on the couch, simmering in his anger as he listens to the silence that now fills his house. He lays down, shutting his eyes and letting himself get lost in his head.
He's fine. He's happy. He doesn't need you. He's..fine. He's...alive. He doesn't...he doesn't need you.
It's been a week since you've seen Joel. Ellie, who's pissed at Joel for fucking things up with you, grabbed some clothes for you and you found an empty house to stay in for a bit. Needing to cool down from your heated argument and knowing he needed space.
You thought that telling him off would make you feel better but in all honestly it made you feel worse. You don't want to hate Joel. You want to be together, in the house that you shared. Cuddling, making dinner. Maybe, maybe you could talk things out. But unless he was ready to talk to you then nothing was going to change.
So call it a surprise when you open your door to leave and find Joel standing on your porch.
"Joel?" His eyes dart everywhere but you.
"Can I come in?" He asks.
Stepping aside you let him in. The house is pretty bare. It's lacking the touch of home that his house does. He doesn't say anything as he stands in the living room.
"Why are you here?" You ask him, not wanting to start another fight. He stays silent and you sigh.
"I think you should go." You say reaching for the door.
"I'm sorry." He blurts out.
Your hand freezes as you look back at him. Joel...He doesn't apologize. At least not with words and not often. It's not like he's too proud to admit that he's wrong. He just isn't good at expressing it.
"You were right, I was being a coward and I'm sorry." He wrings his hands together, his eyes looking down, then to you, then back down.
"I...appreciate your apology but I can't pretend that the whole argument never happened." Do you want things to go back to normal, forget this ever happened? Yes. But it can't.
"I know sweetheart, M'not asking you to forget. I just. I needed you to know."
"Tell me what's wrong. Please. Tell me why you were so mean." You plead. If he wanted any shot at fixing things, he needs to do this.
"I...I'm old." He starts slowly. Piecing together the words in a way that makes sense in his head.
"I wouldn't blame you if one day you woke up and decided to leave. Find a better life without me and I couldn't...I couldn't handle that." Being open and honest is hard. He feels a sense of vulnerability that he swore he'd never feel again.
"So you decided to end it before I could?" You finish for him and he nods. You scoff in disbelief.
"Jesus Joel, why couldn't you just talk to me?"
"I don't know." Sighing you lean against the door.
"Do you love me?" You ask. He doesn't hesitate to answer. If the fear in his heart of you leaving tells him anything, it's that you mean more to him than he ever realized.
"With all my heart."
"If the roles were reversed, and I told you I thought I wasn't enough. Would you leave?"
"Absolutely not." He answers quickly. You give him a look and he shifts on his feet.
"So why would you think I'd leave you?" Walking closer you wrap your arms around his waist. Hugging him tightly as you take in the man that you've missed so dearly.
"I'm sorry sweetheart, I don't deserve you." He buries his face into your neck. Arms holding you tightly.
"I'm not forgiving you yet. You really hurt me." He nods in understanding, ready to give you the world to earn back your trust.
"Just, promise me that you'll talk to me next time somethings wrong."
"I'll try. I promise." Nodding you let him kiss your cheek. Smiling at the feeling of his lips pressing against your skin.
"Will you come home? I'll sleep in another room if ya want. I just need you home."
"I'll come home, just let me grab my things." He waits patiently as you grab your clothes. He holds out his hand and you take it.
"Ready?" You ask. Is he ready to go home, to heal, to talk to you.
"Yeah, I'm ready." He wraps his arm around you as you make the short walk back home.
You and Joel aren't going to go back to normal overnight. But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe after all of this, things will be better than normal.
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edsloveydove · 2 years
Text
I Have Always Seen You
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pairing: eddie munson x chubby female reader
summary: of course the boy i've known since 3rd grade, the one i've loved since 7th grade, would be the one to break my heart. i never thought he would be the one to fix it too...
warnings: bullying, fatphobia, use of the word pig towards reader once, falling off a bike, blood and cut knee from falling off said bike, self-doubt and sort of self-hate i guess, cursing, mentality that reader wouldn't be 'missed' (idk if thats a warning but just in case), no use of y/n, underage drinking, reader has an older brother for sake of the story (i gave him a really basic/common name), thoughts and flashbacks are in italics!! nickanames/pet names (shortcake, princess, honey, sweetheart), reader is at least a bit shorter than eddie, very poorly edited, talks of the demobats and upside down, again like very badly edited, lemme know if i missed anything, i'm sure i have!
word count: 9k+
notes: my first fic guys and it turned into this 9,000 word monster! wild! anyway, this might be trash i honestly don't know, i have no perception of it, pls let me know what you think!! also, this story is told in first person point of view so it uses 'i, me, myself' and all that, idk how i feel about it though tbh. uuuuh, enjoy!!
DON'T REPOST MY WRITING OR SHARE IT TO OTHER PLATFORMS (including mentioning it in tiktok comment sections and stuff like that pls) THIS IS MY WRITING, DON'T STEAL IT PLEASE!
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The sweltering midwestern heat was hitting Hawkins, Indiana early this year. School had only been out for a few weeks and it was already hot enough to have the city pool passing the max capacity damn near every day. 
Luckily for me, I had been able to successfully avoid going every time my friends have asked me to join them. Until now. 
“C’mon, it’s gonna be so much fun! Steve’s parents are gone again, like usual, so it’ll just be us and a few other friends!” Robin tries to convince me through the phone.  
“Robin, I never believe ‘just us and a few friends’, because it is ne-”
“It’s never just a few friends, I know. But this time it really will be just a few people. Like, actually just a few people. After everything that happened during spring break and all that, Steve really just wants the main guys there. There’s not gonna be any crazy partying, we’re gonna swim and relax, that’s it.”
“I don’t know, I might be busy tomorrow,” I attempt an excuse. 
“Then we’ll move it to when you’re free. We really want you there, you haven’t gone to any of our movie nights or other hangouts yet,” Robin points out while saying my name softly. “Is it something else? Is there someone you don’t want there?” 
Robin isn’t entirely wrong, there is something else that’s keeping me from joining my friends. And technically it does have to do with someone, but not in the way she thinks. And that someone happens to be none other than the Eddie Munson. 
I’ve known Eddie for many years. My older brother was one of his best friends while growing up having met in elementary school. James was in the grade above Eddie, and the one to introduce him to D&D, eventually passing on the title of Hellfire Club President to him as well. I was always in the background, hoping my brother would let me learn how to play just so I could impress him and his friends. 
While they were occupying the basement, getting pizza and bottles of Coke every other Saturday for their stupid role-playing game, I was in my room reading trashy romance novels and out riding my bike to the library in hopes to seem cool when I came back late at night. 
By the time I got to high school, it was James’ second to last year before he went off to college in Chicago on his big-shot football scholarship he managed to snag before he was even a senior. And yes, James was a Hellfire nerd and a star-athlete, so no one messed with their little club while he was there. Eddie was in his sophomore year, already antsy to graduate and move on to greater things. 
I was just the outcast that didn’t even have a group. It didn’t matter that I was the captain of the football team’s little sister, I never made any friends because I never tried to. 
Needless to say, yeah, Eddie and I had some history and maybe things got brought up when Vecna was trying to take over the world that might have been better left untouched. And maybe the idea of seeing him again brings butterflies to my stomach while also making my gut sink. 
“No, it's not that. I just…I guess I just haven’t been feeling it since…since yanno,” I say, half heartedly. 
Robin voices her understanding and tells me to just call back when I make a decision on if I would go or not. I promise her I will and hang up the phone. It’s not like I didn’t want to see them, because truly I did but it also wasn’t a complete lie when I told her I hadn’t been feeling quite right since the Venca situation. 
It was a really traumatic and horrible experience for everyone involved, and really astonishing that everyone made it out alive. 
‘Maybe I should just go…but what if it’s horrible? I know none of my lovely friends would ever say anything to me about it, but I just can’t stand the thought of them seeing me in a swimsuit, especially Eddie.’ I shake my head at the thought. ‘What a stupid thing to think, god, we all nearly died and I’m worried about my stomach in a swimsuit, how shallow is that? I guess some things just never change, no matter the life threatening situation…’
I go about my nighttime routine, washing my face and making sure no lights have been left on around the house. I say goodnight to my mother and fall right asleep. Or, I try to at least. 
But my mind keeps me up for much longer than I would have hoped. 
‘It would be a good time, though. Have a couple of beers, spend the night in one of Steve’s nice guest bedrooms. I wouldn’t even have to swim, I could just say I’m on my period or something. Ugh, but Robin knows that I always swam even on my period when we were younger. I’ll just wear a suit under my clothes and pretend the water is too cold even though it’s the peak of summer? Yeah, that should work. I can’t imagine anyone will care that much anyway if I’m not in the pool with them. I really do miss my friends.’
The next morning I call Robin and tell her I’ll be there tonight. She squeals in delight and tells me how happy she’ll be to see me.
Now it was just time to pick out an outfit, should be simple enough, right? 
Well, after leaving it to the last second and now only having about 15 minutes to get to Steve’s when it’s already a five minute drive, having half of my closet strewn about my room doesn’t seem like a very good place to be at. 
I finally sigh and opt for a swim suit from the summer before that I never wore, a green one piece with a wrapped sort of style for the top portion, and black cut off shorts and an old t-shirt that fits comfortably loose over it. 
I grab my keys and kiss my mother on the forehead, reminding her I wouldn’t be back till the next morning. 
Several shouts of my name reach my ears once I reach Steve’s backyard, it does bring a small smile to my face knowing I’ve been missed just as much as I’ve missed them. 
“You’re actually here, I’m so happy to see you!” Nancy says pulling me in for a hug, Robin joining on top, squishing us all together. 
“Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry.” 
“No, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s been a really hard year,” Nancy says sincerely. 
Steve comes up for a hug next, squishing me for dear life, I could feel him about to try to lift me up and spin me around so I pull away rather abruptly. 
“Alright, alright, it’s nice to see you, too, Steve.”
He answers with a kiss to the cheek and makes me promise that I’ll come to the next hangout and every one after that. I see Jonathan and he waves with a small awkward smile. 
Finally my eyes meet Eddie’s. 
~
“James! James! C’mon, come outside and play with me!” It was nearing the end of summer before James would go back to school for his 8th grade year and I would be going into 6th grade. 
“Not right now, can’t you see that I’m busy? I’m too old to play outside anyway,” my brother rolls his eyes. 
I hop down the stairs so I can see the basement fully now. Spotting all of my brother's friends huddled around our dinky old card table while he has books and notepads sprawled on his end. 
“Well, can I at least play your game with you guys? I’m sure I can learn it fast!” I beam, faking confidence in hopes to sway them. 
“No offense, shortcake, but it’s probably too confusing for you. Besides, we’re right in the middle of a campaign, it would be too hard to add in another character out of the blue right now,” Eddie says with a chuckle, like the idea that I could play is too amusing to even consider. 
Naturally, I take full offense. 
“Fine! You’re all so annoying, I didn’t even want to play with you anyway. Especially not with someone who has a buzzcut!” I stick my tongue out at them and run away, but not before I can hear them laughing. 
Sitting alone in my room I know it was childish of me, especially for my age. James was probably right, he was too old to be outside playing tag with his sister. I was too old to be throwing a tantrum like this over some friends wanting to spend time with each other without one’s little sister hanging around. 
~
“Hey, Munson.” 
Eddie nods his head in greeting and goes back to talking with Jonathan. Well, that’s honestly about as much interaction as I expected to get from him tonight. 
“Alright, let’s get this party started!” Robin exclaims, dragging you toward the cooler filled with ice and drinks, I grab a Sprite to start with. 
2 hours later and my Sprite is still mostly untouched and it’s now gone lukewarm. The others are in the pool splashing and playing chicken, I sit on the side with my feet dangling into the shallow end, watching as they fool around and laugh. Giggles and quiet laughs leave my lips on occasion with them. 
“You should get in, the water’s really nice!” Nancy says. 
“Yeah! Strip for us and get in here,” Robin adds, making everyone laugh. 
“You guys just want to get me out of my clothes, don’t you?” I play it off, shaking my head slightly. Giggles erupt again. I excuse myself to the bathroom after pulling my legs out of the pool. 
Closing and locking the door behind me I look at myself in the mirror.
‘I should just get in the pool, shouldn’t I? I do feel like I’m missing out on what could be a lot of fun. And it wouldn’t hurt to wash all this sweat off of me. I could just keep my shirt on, I have an extra change of clothes as backup anyway.’ 
I finish my business and leave the bathroom. 
After turning the corner to go back to the pool I run straight into something firm, nearly being toppled over before hands are at my forearms to keep me from doing so. Seeing dark curls fanning across this “something’s” shoulders and several patches of dark ink on its bare skin, I immediately know I have just run head first into Eddie. Great. 
“Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” I murmur, keeping my eyes pointed down. 
“It’s alright, shortcake. No harm done right?” he says, adjusting his head to try to catch my eyes. 
I nod my head and pull away from his hands that still rest gently on my arms. 
“Hey, hey, what’s up? You’re so quiet tonight, is everything okay?” 
I nod again and pull away harder, rushing out the door to get back to the pool, ignoring his call of my name and a request to “just hold on a second.” 
Pulling my shorts off quickly, I step up to the pool and begin to wade into the water before Robin stops me. 
“Your shirt! You don’t want the chlorine to ruin it!” 
My heart thumps, thinking of how I can handle this. My mouth opens to say something but before I can, Robin cuts me off. 
“Just take it off, no one’s gonna make fun of you for being in your swimsuit and if they do I’ll beat them up for you and then we’ll all collectively agree to throw them out of the group. And don’t try to tell me that’s not what it is, I can see it all over your face. You’re allowed to have fun and go swimming, I don’t like to see you excluding yourself, no matter the reason,” she says. 
Of course she would see right through any lie I could throw her way. That’s just how Robin is. No matter how clumsy she can be, she really is observant. Not only that, but she’s right. Nobody cares and if they do, that’s their problem. 
I rip off my shirt and dive into the pool trying to minimize the time in which people could see me without it. Immediately finding Steve’s legs I yank his ankles so he falls backwards into the water with an unnecessarily loud screech. 
It makes the rest of us laugh loudly until Steve comes back up for air with a thirst for vengeance. He chases me around the pool, not for long considering he’s such a strong swimmer and I’m really not trying very hard to get away from him, and catches me easily. His arms wrap around my waist and I cringe as his hands nudge my stomach, scolding myself for the action right after. Steve doesn’t care about my stomach, if he did, he wouldn’t be my friend. 
“That really wasn’t very nice,” Steve says and starts lifting me out of the water. 
“Steve, hey. Steve! Steve, no, I’m too heavy! Stevie, no! Bad Stevie! Bad!”
I’m thrown in the air as far as he can get me and I splash back down. 
I come up spluttering for breath, “Oh, you are so dead, Harrington!” 
All at once the rest of us are splashing and dunking him over and over, until he pleads mercy. Shrieks and squeals of glee and what might be considered laughter fill the air as everyone gets their turn being thrown into the water. 
Eddie comes back out from the house and cannonballs in the middle of our ‘hate on Steve’ fest. 
Eventually I end up back on the side of the pool in my shirt with just my feet in, this time so I can enjoy a fresh soda and mellow out a little, not to make myself smaller. Nancy and Jonathan have called it a night already, leaving Steve, Eddie, and Robin in or by the pool with me. 
“I never noticed this scar? Where did you get it?” Robin points to my knee. 
The nice old librarian put a hand on my shoulder gently to get my attention, telling me the library would be closing soon and it was best I head home, I hadn’t realized how late it already was. I pack everything together as fast as I can, quickly saying goodnight and unlocking my bike, trying my hardest to race home before the sun sets. 
The wheels of my rickety bicycle pump faster and faster and in my haste I bump over a high curb without realizing, flying off and onto the pavement. 
Tears spring to my eyes as air is sucked in through my teeth. I take a look at my knee and see a small dribble of blood seeping down it, my hands have little scrapes all over, spotted with little beads of red. 
Not the worst I could have gotten from a bike incident, but bad enough to keep me from being able to ride the rest of the way home. It’s not far, but so much for getting back before the street lights turn on. 
About 15 minutes later I make it into our backyard, dropping the two wheeled contraption from hell into the grass and stumbling through the door, all while sniffling back sobs. 
“Oh hey, shortcake! James was starting to get worried about you, you really shouldn’t walk alone at night yanno? Next time ju-” Eddie cuts himself off after seeing the state I’m in. Of course he had to be the one to see me like this. Anyone else could have been sent on snack duty tonight, but it just had to be him. 
“Oh my god, what happened?” He walks up to me. 
I shrug my shoulders and look away. I catch a glimpse of how bad my knees and hands have gotten on the walk home. Blood drips down both knees, my left knee looking significantly worse than the right. Dirt and pebbles cover my palms along with streaks of crimson. 
“Don’t do that, sweetheart. Tell me what happened? Please?” 
I still don’t say anything, fresh, hot tears welling up and already spilling out. I refuse to let stupid Eddie Munson see me like this, all it would be is more leverage to make fun of me with. 
He pulls my hand gently until I’m sitting down. Eddie appears in front of me with a first aid kit a few seconds later, carefully cleaning the gashes on my knees and scrapes on my hands with alcohol wipes. 
“Did,” he lets out a shuddering breath, “Did someone hurt you?” 
“No, god no Eddie, I just-, god this is so embarrassing, I just fell off of my bike is all,” I mutter, not really wanting him to hear the words as they come out. 
“S’ not embarrassing, stuff like that happens. I just wish you would have told me, here I was thinking the boys and I were going to have to band together to cause hell for our favorite little goblin,” he says. 
“You’re just trying to make me feel better, you guys wouldn’t really do that, I guess James might. Most of you guys don’t even really like me that much anyway, you don’t have to lie,” I whisper.
“That’s not true! Of course we would stick up for you!” he says like he’s shocked that I would think the opposite. 
I just shrug my shoulders again and wipe my eyes, still avoiding looking him in the face. 
“Here, let me help you up to your room. That can’t feel good to walk on,” he pulls me up from the chair and goes to lift me into his arms. I jump out of his reach before he can. 
“It’s okay, I got it. Just- you better get back downstairs before they start worrying. I’ll take care of myself.” 
“What? No, you’re basically limping just standing here, shortcake, let me carry you, it’ll only take a minute?” He phrases it like a question. Asking but also sort of demanding. 
The idea is actually really nice, and I want to say yes to it. It would be like when the prince finally gets the princess in all those books I’ve read. Eddie could sweep me off of my feet and whisk me away. 
But I know better, I know that he wouldn’t be able to lift me. Even if he could he wouldn’t so much as glance at me, again, I’m just his friend's little sister. Here only because this is where she lives. 
“No thank you, I’m okay. Go ahead and go back to your game, I’m sure they miss you already. Nobody would even notice if I were gone, but they’ll practically riot without you,” I try to cover how deeply I believe those words with a laugh as I wobble away and halfway up the stairs before he can stop me. 
~
“Um, I guess I don’t really remember. It’s probably just one of those super old scars you forget are even there,” I say, even though I recall the night I got it vividly. 
Eddie’s eyes meet mine from the other side of the pool and they look almost…hurt at the possibility that I might not remember that day. Well, he didn’t get to feel hurt about it. He made it clear that he doesn’t care how I feel when we were in the upside down. 
“Hmmm, yeah, I have, like, tons of those actually,” Robin says, “This one is from my cat, Steven, and this one-” 
“You have a cat named Steven?” I cut her off. She gives me a look that says ‘duh’. 
“But what about Steve? Like human Steve? Was this before or after you became friends? And how has this never come up before?” I practically shriek. 
“Believe me, it has come up before. And yes, before she tells you otherwise, it was after we became friends,” Steve says, settling down beside me while throwing his arm around my shoulders. 
“That is not true! I found him outside the mall before we became friends! We may have been working together at that point, but we were not friends yet!” Robin shouts. 
“We were friends, she’s just embarrassed that she named her cat after me,” Steve whispers in my ear, making me giggle like a schoolgirl. 
Even though I’ve never seen Steve romantically, he still had the ability to reduce me to feet kicking and hair twirling. 
“What’s wrong with you, Munson?” Steve asks, noticing the scowl covering his face that usually carries a bright smile. 
Eddie shakes his head, “Nothing man, just thinking about how I don’t have a beer in my hand right now.” 
A call of my name breaks my gaze away from the mirror. 
“You almost ready? It’s time to go!” James yells, entering my room. “Hey! You look great! It almost feels like I’m sending you off to prom already,” he says wiping fake tears from his cheeks. 
I shove him in the chest and readjust my hair and the straps to my dress for what feels like the millionth time. It was a rather simple looking thing considering I had to sew it myself since the only dresses even near my size were too far out of theme for the 8th grade Winter Snowball or they were simply just ugly. 
Light blue and white fabric lays delicately across my shoulders and down to my knees, matched with white slip on shoes and silver snowflake jewelry. 
“You look really nice, seriously. I know how nervous you are, but it’s gonna be okay, I promise,” my brother assures me, slapping my shoulder much harder than necessary to push me towards the door, “Now it’s time to get your butt moving, let’s go!” 
When we arrive at the dance I immediately catch eyes with Robin and speed walk to her. James goes wherever he's needed for volunteering. 
After about 45 minutes the first slow song of the night comes on as I sit contently by myself at the far end of the bleachers. I wasn’t sad to not be dancing with anyone, I was honestly sort of relieved that I hadn’t had to dance all night. But watching all the couples on the dance floor does make my heart ache just a little. 
“I haven’t seen you dance all night, what’s that about?” 
“Why are you here?” 
“Ouch, shortcake, I don’t even get a hello? And what, I can’t come volunteer with your brother?” Eddie says, fake hurt painting his face. 
“It just doesn’t seem like you, I guess.” 
He sits down next to me leaving at least enough room for another person to sit between us. He hands me an unopened juice box. 
“Seriously though, why aren’t you out there? You don’t have someone you wanna get cozied up with on the dancefloor?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me in his typical annoying Eddie way. 
I roll my eyes, as my stomach twists with shame. He’s mocking me, isn’t he? 
“Nope. I’m okay with it though. Honestly I was perfectly happy just sitting here. Until you showed up that is,” I say with a shrug. 
“Oh really? Well, gosh, who made you such a sour fart?” he laughs as I push him in the arm. 
“Alright, c’mon then. Pity party is over, let's go do this,” Eddie holds out his hand and raises a brow when all I do is look at it confused. “Let’s go dance, shortcake, you should at least once before it’s over.” 
“Um- I-” I’m at a loss for words. There’s no way he’s being anything but friendly but my stupid heart skips too many beats to count. 
“Here, I need to go check on James and see how the other volunteers are doing. While I take care of that, I want you to sit here and decide if you want to dance with me or not. Of course, I won’t make you do anything you don’t wanna, but if you’re up for it, I’m here,” he says, bouncing back to the drinks and snacks table. I smile giddily at his back and stay sitting. 
By the time the last song of the night played I was still in the exact same spot I had been for nearly 2 hours, waiting for Eddie to come back. 
Immediately after he left, I knew I wanted to dance with him. Of course I would. I’ve known him since I was in 4th grade and have had a crush on him for a year now. All I had to do was wait a few minutes and I would get to live out a fairytale dream. Dancing across the room in a flowey dress with the guy I liked. Of course it would be strictly platonic on his end but it could mean something more to me silently. 
So there I sat, with my empty juice box, tapping my foot in excitement. The first slow song ended and there was no sign of Eddie, but I was sure he just caught up with volunteer work. After the next 3 songs played I began to doubt myself slightly. 
‘Maybe he hadn’t actually wanted to dance like it had seemed. But he looked really sincere when asking me. Yeah. And even if Eddie is just a regular teenage boy, and he can definitely be a jerk sometimes, he’s much sweeter and kinder than most. He wouldn’t leave me hanging like that. He’ll be back any minute now, I’m sure.’ 
By the time 11 more songs had played, I knew he wasn’t coming back. Tears were smearing my mascara while I sat as still as possible on the bleachers, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.  
Of course he wasn’t being serious. He just wanted to tease me like usual, the only difference was this time it went too far. This time he was cruel about it. He could have just told me he didn’t mean it. Instead he strung me along and had me sitting here like a lovesick puppy for an hour straight. 
Who was I kidding? Eddie couldn’t be interested in me. He was my brother's best friend and had seen me grow up. I was just his friend’s chubby little sister. Wearing a dress that doesn’t sparkle and shine like all the others’, sitting alone and pouting like a baby. 
He probably thought I would crush his feet if I accidentally stepped on them. 
After persevering through another hour of horror, James finds me in my corner ready to head home. 
“All ready to go?” he asks jovially like he always seems to be. 
“Yes.” 
James picks up on my mood right away, but I’m already halfway to the car before he can say anything. 
“Okay, uh, I gotta clean up some stuff still but here,” he throws me his car keys when I turn back around, “Go get the car started yeah?” 
I nod and head out to the car when I see Eddie jogging up to the doors after me. My steps speed up hoping for all hell to avoid him. He calls my name but I don’t look back or slow down, in fact, the only thing it succeeds in doing is making me walk faster. 
My hands shake as I try to slip the key into the driver’s side door handle. Warm hands settle on my wrists. 
“Holy shit, I am so sorry, shortcake. I was so excited to dance with you, I really was, I just got caught up in helping another volunteer with something and lost track of time. I didn’t mean to forget you there all alone, I swear on everything. I know how excited you were for tonight and I am so sorry. I didn’t realize how long I had been gone until everyone started leaving and then I saw you get up and realized what I’d done, please forgive me,” he rambles off almost too quickly to understand. 
I expect tears but all I get is a deep rooted feeling of shame and anger. Ashamed by the fact that I thought he would come back and angry at myself for sitting there hopelessly when I could’ve danced with Robin at least. 
“Please, look at me. Please tell me you at least got to dance with someone else, right? You had a good time? Please tell me you at least had fun,” he pleads. 
A scoff escapes me as I whirl on him. 
“No, I didn’t dance with someone else, I sat there and I waited for you. I waited for you the whole time, and I guess that was my first mistake wasn’t it, huh? I believed you. I really thought you meant what you said to me.” 
I rip my arms out of hold. 
“You know what’s funny, too? I was actually having a really good time before you showed up. I told you as much earlier, even. I was perfectly happy to sit by myself, considering that’s how I spend most of my time anyway. I was really enjoying just watching the lights and the twirl of dresses, alone. I was overjoyed to just sit and watch Robin dance with her friends. And you had to come and- and lie to me! You made me feel special for fuck’s sake.” 
His eyes flash with guilt and he must have finally realized how much he hurt me. 
“I get that I’m not the prettiest and skinniest girl and I know that most of those kids don’t even know my name, but you do! You know me. You know me and you still forgot about me,” I pause and take a deep breath, “Do you remember what I said that night when I fell off my bike?” 
Eddie shakes his head.
“Nobody would even notice if I were gone. Nobody, not even you, I guess. You forgot about me not even 5 minutes after making me feel like the most special girl in that whole damn room. And that was really mean, Eddie. I hope you, at least, have a good rest of your night,” I step into the car and start the engine.
Steve plops down next to me holding 4 cans of beer, one for each of us. 
“I’m really happy I came tonight, thank you, for inviting me and not forgetting about me after I kinda disappeared,” I say quietly. 
Steve pats my back while Robin says something along the lines of ‘duh, of course we would never forget about you.’ 
Eddie stays silent, watching me closely. 
I put my drink on the ground beside me and lay on my back, pulling my shirt down to make sure it covers me still. I start to count the stars, just to keep my brain occupied. My eyes drift shut, my mind choosing to visit yet another memory tonight.  
It was James’ graduation party. All we had were a couple tables set up with snacks in the backyard and a bonfire, nothing too fancy. I made a simple ‘Happy Graduation!’ banner to hang across the gate for everyone to see, too. 
I’m wearing a plain white sundress and converse, I knew I would be running back and forth from the backyard and the kitchen too much for heels to be sensible. Making sure there’s enough drinks and food and ice for everyone was my job tonight. The sun is still up, melting the ice and warming every drink out here. 
James calls my name softly, “You can quit running around and tending to every little need. Come hang out with everyone for a little bit. Please?” 
I set down the metal tub where drinks are kept and walk over to sit around the fire with him and his usual friends. New faces have popped up over the years, but many stayed the same. Danny Williams, a junior who may or may not have been my first kiss when we happened to both show up at the same party and ended up playing spin the bottle together, Jason Carver, a freshman who appeared promising on the football team before switching to basketball instead, Michael Brown, a senior who’s been in the little Hellfire Group since the beginning. There are several others I don’t recognize and even more that I do. 
Of course, Eddie is there too. I just haven’t really…acknowledged him in…in a really long time. 
I haven’t necessarily been giving him the silent treatment, but I stopped entertaining the conversations he always seemed to start with me. 
Danny greets me with a smile as he sits down next to me. He even pulls his lawn chair a little closer towards mine, grinning slightly while doing so. 
“What can I do for you Danny?” I say. 
“Oh nothing. I just wanted to come sit by you, is all.” Huh. That…that sort of stumps me. 
I didn’t think Danny would even recognize me at the party, and I’m honestly even more surprised that he wanted to talk to me after kissing me. We make small conversation, butting into the rest of the group's discussion once in a while to add an opinion. 
Night had fallen and marshmallows and graham crackers were brought out for s'mores, as well as a couple of 12 packs of beer that someone had brought with them. 
I knew James had gone to several parties to celebrate winning a football game where there had been alcohol, or even just little get-togethers where it was provided. I guess now that it was only soon-to-be seniors and high school graduates, minus myself, left at the party it was time for that portion of the night to begin. 
I stand up to go in and let the others have their fun. 
“Where’re you going?” Danny asks, grabbing my hand lightly, looking up with wide puppy dog eyes. His eyes are a pretty green color. Brown eyes have always been my favorite, though. 
“Oh, I was just going to head in and call it a night. That way you all could have your fun without worrying about me dragging you down.” 
My comment makes his brows furrow, his mouth opens to say something, but he’s cut off. 
“You can stay out here, you know. No one minds having you here and I’m sure dear old James doesn’t care if you partake in a little drink, do you?” Eddie states. When did he get so close to us? 
“Even if I did care she gets to do what she wants, man. As long as you're safe about it, go for it,” James says, patting my back and taking one for himself. 
I’ve never drank before, but what the hell? James was leaving in just a few weeks now and this might be my only chance to try it. It’s certainly one of my last chances to hang out with everyone like this, at least for a while. 
After just 2 cans my tongue had already loosened significantly. Danny and I had been talking and giggling the whole time until he had gotten up to go home since his designated driver was ready to leave. 
“So, you and Danny seem pretty close suddenly?” Eddie phrases it like a question, wanting more information on the subject. 
Usually I would just hum in what could be taken as agreement or disinterest but my mind was running a little slower than normal. 
“Yeah, he and I kinda ran into each other at a party that I kinda crashed with Robin and we ended up, like, kissing and stuff,” I giggled. “But shhhh, don’t tell anyone else.”  
Eddie’s eyes widened, but that could have been a trick of the light. 
“What, uh, what do you mean by ‘and stuff’?” 
“Oh nothing. We just had one teensy tiny kiss because we were playing spin the bottle,” I say, not really thinking about it. 
Now I really know my brain is playing tricks on me because for a second I think Eddie looks pleased with this new knowledge that it didn’t really mean anything. 
“I feel like we haven’t really talked in a long time. What’s, uh, what’s been up, lately?” 
The question itself is awkward, but the way he struggled through it made it even more awkward. 
“I’ve been regular old me, Eddie. Nothing new or exciting. Although I did finish a book last night that really threw me through a loop. Oh! Actually there is something exciting! Do you wanna hear it?” 
He smiles, “Of course I do, shortcake.” 
“Well,” I take another sip of what is now my third beer, “William Gillar and Stacy Johnson have finally graduated!” I let out a squeal. 
Eddie just looks at me confused. 
“Do you have any idea what this means, Eds? I am finally free of those two asshats for the rest of my high school experience! Isn’t that amazing! I mean, it was easier to ignore this year than last year, but god I am so thrilled! No more mean notes from them calling me a pig in my locker and book bag, I can even finally find a table to sit at for lunch instead of hiding in Mr. Steerwell’s class,” I sigh happily. 
“Do you wanna know what else they did? This is so silly! They used to catch me on my walk home from school and steal my library books. How stupid is that? Why would you steal someone’s library books, right? They would run around with it so I would chase after them and then laugh at how my body would jiggle. How funny, right? I am so happy they’re gone, Eds, you have no idea.” 
Eddie has his mouth halfway open, anger flaring in his eyes. But that couldn’t be right, why would he care about a couple of high school bullies. 
“No, that’s not funny or silly. That’s been going on this whole time? And you didn’t tell anyone? God, why wouldn’t you tell someone, sweetheart? That’s horrible,” he says. 
“Meh, it’s just normal high school bully stuff.” I wave my hand in dismissal. 
“No, it’s not. Bullying shouldn’t even be considered normal anyway, but what they did to you? That goes far beyond normal, shortcake. I wish you would have said something. You know James and I would’ve taken care of them for you, right?” 
“Well, it doesn’t really matter now, does it. It’s too late,” I dismiss him and his misplaced worry. Honestly, it was nothing I couldn’t handle. He must have sensed how much I didn’t want to talk about it anymore because he dropped it. 
The night moves quickly after that, people say their goodbyes as James takes over clean up duty, considering I can barely stand up without nearly falling asleep. 
“Eddie, will you take her in and make sure she gets into bed okay?” James asks. 
That’s how I find myself being semi-dragged up the stairs to my bedroom and thrown on the mattress like a sack of potatoes. I don’t think Eddie was half as rough as my brain made it seem, to be honest. 
“Eds?” I whisper looking down at Eddie who’s kneeling by feet, gently taking my shoes off. 
“Yeah?” 
A couple beats of silence pass where I try to figure out how to word what I’m thinking. 
“I forgive you.” His movements stop. “I hope you know that. It’s probably such a silly little thing to even remember but I forgive you for forgetting to dance with me. I probably would have forgotten me, too. And…and I am sorry. I really am, for pushing you away so hard after. It was really stupid of me and I wish I hadn’t. Robin is a good friend, but you’re kind of the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend, I think. And I threw that all away over hurt feelings. Puberty, am I right?” I giggle. 
“S’ not silly to remember that. And you weren’t being stupid, sweetheart. You were hurt, you were protecting yourself and I don’t blame you for that. I should never have even walked away from you that night, but I did. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness for it,” Eddie says. 
More words mumble out of his mouth but none of it registers. Soon the noise stops and I feel Eddie’s warm hands pull my shoes all the way off, pushing my legs onto the bed and turning me to lay comfortably on my stomach. 
He must remember that’s my favorite way to sleep. 
My mind must really hate me because I swear, right before I fall asleep, I feel lips pressing gently to my forehead while a guitar calloused hand pushes hair away from my eyes. 
Of course, that didn’t actually happen because that’s not something Eddie would do. Right? Yeah, he wouldn’t…
A timid shake to my shoulder pulls me from my dozing. 
“Hey, shortcake, it’s time for you to go in.” 
There’s only one person who’s ever called me by that nickname. 
“Hm, it’s been a while since you’ve called me that…Eds.” 
I don’t know what made me decide to use his nickname. It never seemed right to use it after we drifted so far apart when James left. 
Eddie helps pull me to my feet. 
‘Hmmm, he’s always been a lot stronger than he looks. I barely even lifted myself up for him.’ 
“Oh, now you wanna be all friendly again? Using a nickname and everything? What’s this all about, huh?” Eddie says, steadying me with his calloused hands when my legs wobble.   
My brows furrow, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 
“Earlier, when we were in the house. You practically ran away from me. I mean, it’s just that we…we haven’t seen each other since we went into the upside down. I thought maybe,” he lets out a long breath. “Maybe things had changed or something, I guess. I was hoping we could talk about it after we all got out but you’ve been avoiding everyone.” 
“And why is that? Why do you think things would have changed Eddie?” 
~
“No! No, no, no! Edward Munson, if you cut that rope, so help me god!” 
“You know I always love when you use my full name.” 
And the bastard cuts the rope. 
The next thing I know, he’s out of the trailer doing something entirely too heroic and the exact amount of stupid he always is. 
Before I can think I shove Dustin out of the trailer, the one not in the upside down, and send him to go help Lucas. 
“No! We need to help him! Can’t you see that he needs help!” 
“I know Dustin, I know. That’s why I’m staying here. But I need you to go find Lucas and Erica and check on Max. There are others who still need our help, Henderson. Please, listen to me and go help them.” 
I turn back into the trailer before he can disagree again, locking the door to make sure he doesn’t follow. Without second guessing, I jump through the portal, landing somewhat safely on my side. 
I manage to find a bike and just a few minutes later I’m riding as fast as I can towards the bat tornado that Eddie stands in the middle of. 
“Eddie you dumb jerk, you better not be getting yourself killed!” I scream at the top of my lungs. His eyes catch mine as a look of horror crosses his face. 
“Why the hell did you follow me? I specifically told you not to!” 
“Yeah, well I specifically told you not to cut the rope!” 
We fight off the bats as best we can until they all suddenly drop to the ground. 
Eddie and I stand breathing hard, our brains trying to catch up with all of what just happened. Eddie turns to me, a grin beginning to form. 
I punch him as hard as I can in the chest. And then I do it again, and then again and again, until I’m pounding my fists against his chest over and over again. 
“What the hell?! Honey, stop, you’re gonna hurt yourself!” 
I choke on hiccupping sobs as hot tears overflow past my lashes. 
“Don’t you ever do something like that again! Ever!” 
Eddie grabs my wrists to keep me from hitting him anymore. I keep trying until I realize his hold on me is too strong. 
“Princess, you gotta stop. I don’t want to see you hurt anymore, please stop.” 
He wraps his arms around me, stroking the back of my hair, pressing soft kisses to my forehead. 
“It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay. We’re okay, I promise.” 
“That was not okay, Eddie. Not okay!” I tell him looking up into his eyes. 
“I’m sorry, I really am. But look, we did it!” 
He looks down at me thoughtfully. His eyes flit down to my lips. My breath catches. 
He couldn’t possibly be… 
His lips are on mine. And Eddie Munson is kissing me. 
Both of his hands are on the side of my face, rubbing his thumbs softly across the apples of my chubby cheeks. 
I pull away, “What do you think you’re doing?” 
“Kissing my shortcake,” he says with a smirk while I grimace at the phrase. He laughs at the face I make and kisses me again. 
I kiss back harder this time, getting lost in all things Eddie. The way his hair feels soft even despite being so dirty. His lips are somehow minty. He smells like smoke and old books. 
My heart soars. This has to be proof, then. Eddie must think of me the way I think of him. I can’t imagine ever kissing someone with this much passion if it didn’t mean something more. I smile into the kiss.
Footsteps sound behind where we stand and Eddie pushes me off of him, placing several feet between us. I look at him confused and hurt by his sudden change in behavior. He refuses to meet my eyes. He even wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, looking straight ahead at Steve, Robin and Nancy appearing in front of us. 
Oh.
He’s too embarrassed to let his new friends see him with the big girl? Is that what it is? Does he suddenly regret kissing me? Was it just a heat of the moment type of deal, then? I was the closest human thing, so he settled on me for a little ‘yay the world didn’t end’ kiss?
In my whole life, I don’t think anything has hurt as much as that did. 
~
An uncomfortable amount of silence fills the air.. 
“Things got weird after James left, but you know that. We both felt it, even though we tried to ignore it. Jason started to act like he ran the damn school even though we were friends at one point. I never saw you because we were never at your house anymore. Then I got held back and we basically had every class together. Then I got held back again and you graduated. I missed you. I really, really missed you,” he says the last part quietly. Almost like he was afraid for me to hear it. I hold back a scoff.
“I missed you so much, it’s ridiculous. I just wanted my shortcake back. My sweetheart, my princess, my honey,” he laughs to himself, I stay quiet. “God, I was such a jerk to you growing up. And not because ‘I had a crush on you’ because that’s bullshit, guys shouldn’t be allowed to be mean to girls with the excuse of it being ‘romantic’. I wish I had treated you better, been a little friendlier. I never realized how much you meant to me until your brother’s graduation.” 
He takes his eyes away from his feet to glance at me. 
“Do you remember that night? It was your first time drinking and you got so sleepy I had to tuck you into bed. You had told me about you and Danny at that party and it made me jealous. I’d never really felt jealous before, certainly not like that at least. It made me realize how deep my feelings for you went.” 
I remain silent, partly because I didn’t want to interrupt him when this is the most honest and vulnerable he’s ever been, out of respect, and partly because I was utterly confused and angered by what he was saying and claiming.
“You forgave me for leaving you alone at the dance, even though I never deserved to be forgiven for that. I didn’t even know how badly you were being bullied at school until you told me, that’s not a person who deserves to be forgiven.” 
A soft laugh and a pause. “I guess what I’m saying is…is I wish things had, in fact, changed after Vecna. And I know, that’s probably not something you want to hear because I know it’s not the same for you but I figure if you’re not gonna talk to me anyway, I may as well tell you, right?” 
He takes a step towards the house but I don’t let him get far. 
“What do you mean it’s ‘not the same for me’?” 
“Well obviously you’ve been ignoring me since I kissed you so, clearly it wasn’t something you wanted.” He shrugs his shoulders. “And that’s okay. I’m not saying you have to be with me or anything, I’m just saying…I don’t know what I’m saying.” 
“I’ve been ignoring you?” I ask, dumbfounded by his idiocy. 
“Well, yeah. You haven’t even been answering the walkie.” 
“And you think that was because I didn’t want to kiss you? Not because, oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that the second Nance and the others showed up you shoved me away from you? It couldn’t have been because it was obvious you couldn’t stand the thought of being seen with me?” 
Eddie’s face drains of color. 
“I can’t help but see now that this is all you think I deserve. A quick kiss when no one can see, right? A little making out before someone can figure who you’re with, huh?” 
“No! That is not at all what that was! I can’t believe you would think that. I pushed you away so you wouldn’t be seen with me!” he shouts, cutting me off. 
“What?” 
“The whole town wanted me for murder! Murder! They thought I was running a cult that killed my friend as a sacrifice! My friend! I didn’t want you to be tied to that anymore than you already were, so I pushed you off before the others could see. If someone, somehow went yapping about a girlfriend of mine and things went sideways when we got out of the upside down, you might have gone down with me and I couldn’t let that happen. I just couldn’t. I was going to tell you all of this as soon as I could but you never let me get the chance, and I see why now. I am so sorry it looked like I was embarrassed to be with you, but that will never be the case with me.” 
He takes my face in his hands and looks me directly in the eyes. 
“You are single-handedly the most beautiful person I have ever met. Inside and out. You have always cared for me and the old Hellfire Club. Don’t think I didn’t know it was you sending cookies on our campaign nights, even after graduating. I remember when I showed up at your house looking for James because some older kids had taken my lunch money in middle school, little you went after them yourself and did one helluva job doing it. You sat me down and cleaned me up. Gave me peas to put on my forehead.”  
It was like a forgotten memory was just pulled up by his words, I did remember that. 
“I could never be embarrassed by you, ever. I don’t care what people think. I…I love you. And I love your hair, and I love your eyes, and I love your laugh, and I love your stomach and your thighs, and I love your mind. I love you and I hope you can see it. I hope…I hope you can see me,” he finishes off in a very quiet whisper, tilting his head down and away from my eyes. 
I place my hands over his that still hold my face. 
“I have always seen you, Eddie Munson. Always.” 
His head jolts up to look me in the eyes once more. 
“God, Eddie, I’m so sorry. I know you’re not a horrible person, I should have known, I’m so sorry. God, you were literally being hunted for murder and I was crying about you being embarrassed by me? I’m so fucking sorry.” 
I shake my head and take a deep breath. 
“I love you, I have for so long. I love the way you smile, I love the way you’re not afraid to take up space, I love the way you’re there for Dustin, the way you were there for me countless times. I love you and your horrible music.”
“Hey, now. Watch it.”
I laugh, “I love you and I see you and I’m so sorry.” 
“It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re forgiven, I promise. You didn’t even really need to apologize in the first place.” 
“Yes, I did. Because none of that was fair to you.” 
“And none of that was fair to you, shortcake. It’s okay.” 
I look at his lips, and that’s all the cue Eddie needs to kiss me. Finally. We put our hearts into it, getting lost in each other. Getting lost in our sudden understandings of the other.  
“We’re both really kinda stupid aren’t we? Stupid and oblivious,” I say, chuckling quietly. 
“Oh, definitely. I mean, we’ve known each other for, what, at least ten years and we couldn’t figure this out without a bunch of drama?” 
“It seems very on brand for you actually, you’ve always been one for the dramatics.” 
“I love you.” 
“And I love you.”
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avocado-writing · 2 years
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I Know That I Should Let Go, But I Can’t
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I know you said fem!reader but tbh, when I re-read it, there’s nothing specifying gender in this one. I also found this one a bit more challenging so it’s a little more love/hate relationship bc i love that shit with Tangerine
GN!Reader x Tangerine
@honestlywtfisgoingon @white-wolf-buckaroo @felhomaly @sinfulrefugy @venusthepirate @lunarpansexual @wanderedaway @georgiee-riviere @mushywutty @apieceoffabulousshit @4ng3l-0n-34rth @minjaz @starl1g4t @earth-elemental18 @luhvbot @underratedboogeyman @july-is-summer @vocalvixen20cp @northerngalxy​ @piechans (thank u mndvx for the gif!)
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Tangerine believes he’s eloquent.
Well, he likes to believe that, anyway. He might be overly fond of the word ‘fuck’ and throw it into his sentences a little too often, but ‘fuck’ is a good word and usually helps describe how he feels.
And then he met you, and words failed him.
You’re always there, popping up whenever it’s most inconvenient to him specifically. Stealing kills from under his nose. He wishes he could get one over on you, once, but you’re like steam. You disappear into thin air and are impossible to catch.
You’re… you’re frustrating. That’s the word for it.
So why does he feel his heart race whenever he sees you?
Like right now. He’s just walked into the office where he’s meant to take down the leader of a local gang, only to find you sitting on the windowsill, swinging your legs back and forth as you play with a piece of paper. His mark is sat in a desk chair, a clean bullet wound through the forehead.
“Oh, no. Absolutely not,” says Lemon. Lemon has gotten tired of how often Tangerine talks about you - well, complains - and wisely chooses to extract himself from the situation. He’s not going to inflict this on himself up close again.
“Nice to see you Lem!” you call after him. He throws you what’s either an archer’s salute or a backwards peace sign over his shoulder as he leaves, and you laugh. You keep the smile on your face as you meet Tangerine’s eyes. 
“Alright, handsome?” you ask, cheerfully, as if you haven’t just killed his target. 
“See you’ve gone and fucked my job. Again, for some fucking reason,” he says through gritted teeth. Your grin only gets wider.
“What’s that line from that old song? ‘It gives me thrills to wind you up’.” He recognises the lyric and it makes him bristle. 
“You make my fucking tits ache, you know that?”
“If you hate me that much, pull out your gun and shoot me.”
The two of you stare at each other from across the room. He doesn’t. When you’re sure you’re safe, you beckon him to come closer.
Carefully he closes the distance between the two of you. You brandish the paper you’re holding at him. It takes him a moment to work out what it is.
“Chatterbox,” you say, helpfully. Tangerine’s brow creases. A folded fortune teller. Last time he saw one he was still at school, his age probably in single digits.
“Oh fuck off, I’m not going to -”
“Please?”
You look at him with wide eyes. He doesn’t like the effect it has on him, because he finds himself relenting.
“Fine. Fucking blue, then,” he sighs, picking a colour. You open and close the paper as you spell the word before prompting him to pick a number.
“Two.”
You unfold the side with a ‘2’ scrawled on it in what might be blood. There’s a single, four-letter word written there.
‘Boop’. 
Before Tangerine can ask what the fuck that means, he suddenly finds your finger pressed on the tip of his nose.
“Boop!” you announce, and topple backwards out of the window. He gapes and grabs the windowsill as he stares after you, a wide-eyed panic setting in.
You have a zipline. Of course you do. He watches you fly down it to street level, where you cut the wire loose and wave at him before running off.
He can feel how hot his cheeks have become, just from one simple touch from you. Fuck. He’s down bad.
You’ve left the chatterbox behind. He takes it, unfolds it carefully. Alone he’ll allow himself to admit he’s curious about what else is written on there.
He finds himself laughing, actually laughing in surprise, when he finds it’s your phone number. 
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