#tbf this might not even end up in the final version

[spiderlandry]

it’s a sad song (but we sing it anyway) — ethan landry

Description: “Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.” (Richard Siken)

Or, Ethan tells you his true identity.

Pairing: Ethan Landry x GN!Reader

Warnings/Tags: angst, no happy ending sorry guys (but i dont think it’s that bad tbf), canon typical violence, mentions of death, extra warning for those who have watched psych s7 ep7, unedited but i might edit soon

Word Count: 1.4k

Author’s Note: someone should hold me back from using hadestown lyrics as fic titles .

Ethan is going to hell.

He had never believed in the idea of righteousness or salvation, not even in karma or the rule of reciprocity. But you’ve broken down the walls he has worked years to put up, leaving him vulnerable and wondering how you managed to destroy his years of work in mere seconds. Now he doesn’t know what to believe.

There is no version of this story that goes well for him, he realizes. He has turned it over in his head a million times, and it ends with you—or him—leaving.

He hesitantly steps onto the crime scene. Though nervousness is part of his act, he can’t help but think it’s also because he’s afraid to face you. He ducks under the yellow tape and his eyes flit to your figure sitting at the edge of the curb a few feet away from the others, a blanket around your shoulders. You pull it taut, looking at the ground, shivering, no doubt in shock.

He blinks and then he’s pushed up against a van, his angry roommate demanding answers. Ethan gives his alibi mindlessly. He had practiced it, he doesn’t need to think. It’s not like he can think, because once his gaze lands on you, your eyes widened at Chad’s outburst, his mind clouds with you. Only you.

What’s worse is that once Chad is off him and Ethan is squatting in front of you, you look into his eyes without a hint of fear. Not even betrayal. Because you don’t suspect him. That’s what shakes Ethan—he lies to you, and you believe him without so much as a thought. Isn’t this what he wanted?

Then why doesn’t it feel right?

He reaches out to you, hand hovering over your shoulder, silently asking for permission. You nod.

You’re cold to the touch, even through the blanket he can feel the chill radiating off you. He ends up rubbing your back to help you get warm, and there is a split second where you’re searching his face.

You jump into his arms, and he stumbles onto the ground as you cling to him, not even minding the stares you’re getting.

He relishes in your trust, knowing you won’t be safe with him for much longer. Hell, you were never safe with him. The difference will be that you’ll know.

Shortly after getting checked out by the medics and exploring the abandoned theatre with the rest of the group, Ethan is surprised to hear you ask if you can go to his place for a bit.

Obviously, he says yes. He can’t possibly turn you down. But he has a bad feeling, maybe it’s intuition or something else.

The view is familiar. You’re laying on him, a hand over his heart, feeling its steady beat while he squeezes your side for comfort. If the comfort is for him or you, he doesn’t know.

You’re both supposed to leave in a few hours to meet up with Kirby and the others to hopefully track down ghostface through a phone call.

“You can’t leave my side,” You finally say after a long stretch of silence, palm still smoothed over his chest. If you feel the sudden change in his heartbeat, you don’t mention it.

“I won’t leave you. You know that,” And he means it. He hates that he means it. It’s not him. It’s not who he’s supposed to be. “We’ll get him.” He whispers, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, relieved from the comfortable sigh that you let out. It’s a promise he knows he will break. Kirby’s plan is bound to fail—it’s a heavy stone in his heart, and he keeps it there because he knows he deserves the burden of carrying it.

You get up to take a quick shower, he heads to the kitchen for a drink. His throat is dry.

For the first time in his life, Ethan is clueless.

About ten minutes later, he hears the shower shut off, and you exit the bathroom after a moment, wearing his clothes. He almost smiles, but you’ve got something in your hand. He doesn’t process it just yet.

He never saw it going like this. Not in a million years, not even in the scenarios he ran through in his head.

Your face is devoid of any emotion. Numb, as you throw the dagger at Ethan’s feet.

He stares at the weapon on the floor, a speck of blood on the otherwise shiny surface, a spot he missed. He recalls haphazardly throwing the knife under the sink to move for later, but it is that moment he realizes he’d forgotten.

His head snaps toward you, and it’s then he figures out you’re shaking. But you’re still emotionless—maybe that’s what scares him the most—you’re the easiest to read. He can’t possibly read you now.

“Explain this,” Your voice doesn’t falter, and there’s a brief staring contest between the two of you before Ethan picks up the knife.

His body carries him. He no longer controls himself. You step back, much to his dismay.

You watch while he runs it under the water, unable to look in your eyes.

“Ethan,” you call sternly. “Ethan, are you listening to me?” When your voice breaks—

He breaks, too.

There’s a loud clank that sounds when Ethan slams the weapon into the sink. It makes you flinch.

His jaw clenches upon seeing the tears in your eyes. “Falling in love with you was never part of the plan, okay?”

It’s the confirmation you were looking for. The actual name to his secret is not even uttered, the word never said. It hangs in the air.

“This all started because my brother died,” The venom rolls off his tongue. “But—but then I met you. You’re—you were—” As he struggles to find the right words, he expresses his anger through a shout. “You fucking broke me!”

“What are you talking about?” You stand your ground, to his surprise. “Are you telling me this is all a lie?”

“Please don’t make me answer that,” He whispers.

This whole time, he has carried the guilt of being the reason for the torment you’d experienced. He carried it, thinking it would be worth it, long as you never found out. The goodbye never mattered—long as the image you had of him wasn’t tainted.

But now it is.

Marching toward him, what hurts is that there’s no anger on your face. “Yeah,” you nod, voice finally tapering. “You broke me, too.”

He doesn’t register the slam of the door until seconds later.

This was originally going to be longer, but since I don’t think I’ll write the rest this is how it goes:

Ethan doesn’t tell his dad about you knowing he’s ghostface, he just shows up to the park like everything is normal, half expecting that there’s police waiting for him there but since he’s practically given up he goes anyway

He’s surprised to find that things are normal, you’re just avoiding him. You haven’t turned him in.

You take Mindy’s place on the train, you get stabbed by Quinn and get rushed to the hospital.

Ethan is forced to make the decision of staying at the hospital or going through with the plan. He picks the latter.

It could have gone one of two ways (I didn’t decide):

The plan is successful, the family manages to kill the sisters and the twins and Kirby.

Ethan knows what this means. The mission ends with you. Ethan and Bailey have this standoff where they exchange silent looks, Bailey is practically saying, If you don’t do it, then I will. ‘It’ referring to killing you.

Ethan chooses to kill you at the hospital, not wanting for his father to do it. It reminds him of his first kill—his mother. He lives with it for the rest of his life.

Or, alternatively:

It goes according to canon, Ethan dies. You’re still at the hospital, unconscious, unaware that Ethan died. When you wake up, your friends are at your side, and you’re conflicted on if you’re relieved—then flashbacks ensue of how real your relationship with Ethan felt. You’re alive but you’ll never be the same again.

#ethan landry x reader #ethan landry #scream 6 #scream 6 x reader #scream vi #scream #scream x reader #ethan landry angst

[lotushiddenintheclouds]

So... I wanna talk about MDZS and SW

This is me whenever I, as a Mo Dao Zu Shi (MDZS) and Star Wars (SW) fan, find similarities between two franchises I absolutely adore.

Tbf, there aren't a lot of main similarities between the two (and there's a change a couple might flat-out ignore their individual genres, messages, and cultural contexts).

But there's one thing that keeps me up at night... Star Wars prequels have that brothers-turned-enemies duel which MDZS hugely lacks.

(DISCLAIMER: SPOILERS AHEAD)

First, some context (i'll try to make it quick):

Mo Dao Zu Shi (魔道祖师, acronym MDZS): a Chinese fantasy (xianxia) danmei novel (with animated, live, graphic visual, and audio adaptations), written by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (acronym: MXTX)

Star Wars (acronym SW): a sci-fi fantasy, soap opera, franchise that spawned out of George Lucas' movie trilogies (the first trilogy from the 80s - OG, the second trilogy from the 00s - prequels; a third trilogy by Disney from the late 2010s - sequels)

MDZS is about a necromancer teaming up *ahem* with another cultivator to solve a mystery. Both men end up together romantically, since danmei = boy's love/BL. Cue political intrigue, subverted common xianxia tropes (e.g. necromancer/demonic cultivator = evil-coded), morality and justice questioned, family drama, and commentary on cancel culture.

Star Wars, as a whole, is about the legacy of the Skywalker family, the downfall of fighting monks with magic powers (Jedi), and their evil counterpart (Sith) taking over the galaxy, and the restoration of peace and justice. It spawns over counts on fingers around seven decades. Oh, and a prophecy is thrown in there too.

NOW TO THE POINT: The particular scene I had in mind was the famous, big duel between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars Episode 3 (Revenge of the Sith).

A Jedi master (Obi-Wan) and his past apprentice (Anakin), close as brothers, have to face each other. The apprentice has turned to the dark side (Sith) and committed genocide, with his master/close friend/brother assigned to kill him.

In my honest opinion, this duel mirrors Wei Wuxian's and Jiang Cheng's final showdown in the novel.

A necromancer (Wei Wuxian) and a sect leader (Jiang Cheng) growing up as martial siblings, close as blood brothers. Wei Wuxian diverges from the orthodox path of cultivation and takes up ghost cultivation/gui dao. This paints him in a negative light, resulting him and his martial brother separating. But they truly turn against each other when the necromancer was responsible for the sect leader's sister's and her husband's deaths.

The drift between the martial brothers is clearly and poetically written in the novel. There's one thing missing... Wei Wuxian's death is not shown and we can only rely on rumours that Jiang Cheng fought and defeated Wei Wuxian.

And this drives me so crazy. Had MXTX been so kind and written that scene out (if the rumours are even true!!) then would have had a version played out like this:

sobs in a corner I love brothers turning against each other and engaged in one of the most significant duels in the story.

(edited to add clarification)

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #star wars #star wars prequels #i have thoughts #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #looks like i suck at summaries rip me #and so i start rambling #brother dynamic #yunmeng shuangjie

[thetpot]

seven sentences game

rules: post the last 7 sentences you wrote and tag 7 people

thanks for the tag, @the-cloud-whisperer! this came at a good time. luckily, the last 7 sentences i wrote don’t contain any major spoilers for after the flame, a pause, only a suggestion of where the story is headed - but if you’d like to avoid knowing anything at all, feel free to scroll on by. this is from chapter 11. 

Zuko caught only a few moments with Suki before her days were consumed by meetings with the palace guard. All over the city, unnoticed except by those who knew what to look for, security measures tightened. The days ticked past and the palace guard in Suki's meetings were replaced by the Fire Nation's elite spies; whatever security discussions happened there had her returning with shadowed eyes. Zuko didn't ask, and she didn't tell.

The Earth King's delegation, led by Shen, arrived and was welcomed with a banquet. The Avatar's absence was a point carefully skirted past by all parties involved. The dinner concluded with the intention of commencing negotiations the following day and Zuko was numb with exhaustion, too tired to feel worry, too tired to feel surprise, when he returned to his chambers to find Aang perched on his bed.

i’m tagging @praetorqueenreyna, @lady-tortilla-chip, @thinkingisadangerouspastime, @slpytea, @foxy-knowledgeseeker, @irresistible-revolution, @richardcampbellganseytheiiird. feel free to ignore :)

#tbf this might not even end up in the final version #these final few chapters have been doing my head in these past 2 weeks #pacing has been such a huge issue #but by gahd #i will reach a point where idgaf anymore and just throw this all on ao3 #but until then i'm really enjoying tweaking things and playing with all the different elements #zukaang #my fanfic #atfap #atla #also yes mikhaila ik you're getting double-tagged #it's to shower you with regard from multiple fronts #is it working?

[brave-clarice]

“Clarice” Liveblog: Episodes 5 & 6

Since these are extraordinarily late, I tried to keep them more concise/focused than before. I’m sorry for how long it’s taken me to (almost) catch up. And to the handful of you who’ve enjoyed these and encouraged me to do them: thank you!

Episode 5, “Get Right With God”

the music at the beginning of this episode might just be in the maintenance guy’s headphones(!) but it was still a…Choice.

there’s something so tragic about watching Clarice be unable to use her legs… :’(

this whole scenario feels like a twisted parallel universe version of the end of Hannibal.

glad to see Ardelia finally has her priorities straight and is going to fight for her best friend! let’s forget her Episode 4 subplot ever happened.

good: the warrior finding a weapon even in the direst of circumstances!

bad: those damn moths are back. at least this time they might be drug-induced.

“she worked Bill alone” no, she didn’t. not really. (Hannibal: I’m right here.)

stop trying to make Likable Paul happen, it’s never going to happen!!!

I HATE the “Reesey” nickname, y’all. HATE. IT.

plus, we know that her dad called her “Baby”?

her father’s appearance doubles down on the end-of-Hannibal vibes...Not Sure If Want.

wow, Clarice is being literally tortured? thanks, I hate it!!!

really doubt that Clarice’s Pinto used to belong to her father (who drives a truck in the books??)... weird flex.

and how would she even have gotten it? her mother would either have driven that car into the ground out of necessity or else have sold it for the money the Starlings needed so desperately.

Pintos also weren’t super high-quality cars and were definitely not built to last ~20 years.

Clarice already being able to chat with her father whenever she needs to really undermines the therapy Hannibal will eventually give her, but…I guess they’ve already accepted they’ll never make it that far?

“you’re trying to get in my head” yeah, and she’s doing it, too–’cause she learned from the best!

“you get an answer, I get an answer, Felker.” she’s Hannibal’s girl all right.

this episode’s had flashes of brilliance before diving back into…whatever tf watching one of your favorite characters of all time being tortured is.

I really wanted Ardelia to say that no, but Clarice was like a sister to her.

it took FIVE episodes to get some lamb imagery, but we’ve been looking at moths for the entire season?!

oof, Clarice voicing her own insecurities about her childhood abandonment and using them to twist Felker’s arm...painful but smart.

HANNAH!!!

I would die 4 baby Clarice

after all that, Clarice is going to apologize to Ardelia about last week? this episode SUCKS.

Good: Clarice playing mind games with Felker like Hannibal did to her; Ardelia going to bat for her bestie, lamb flashbacks, baby Clarice, and HANNAH!

Bad: So much. Clarice being medically tortured multiple times, moth hallucinations, the several-years-premature (imo) Daddy-as-Guardian-Angel plot device, “Reesey”...did I mention Clarice getting repeatedly tortured?!

Ugly: Krendler backstory + making out with his wife. Ew.

Wow, this episode was a hot mess, and I kind of hated it. I loved Clarice’s really Hannibalesque approach to Felker, and I’m so thrilled that Hannah got mentioned at all (tho...did they need to be so heavy-handed with the helmet and gun and everything?) Also nice to see Ardelia behaving much more in-character. That said, it was sickening and imo totally unnecessary to further traumatize Clarice the way they did. To make her almost helpless.

Clarice, and by extension Rebecca Breeds (who is fantastic and deserves better), has been given very little range so far. She’s frequently been shown as miserable, afraid, desperate, traumatized, angry, resentful, but I also want to see her joyful, laughing, silly, relaxed...something else that will give her depth. Her life wasn’t miserable 24/7, 365. It was just unfulfilling. We got glimpses of this in the first two episodes. PLEASE bring it back!

And rn I’m questioning how Clarice’s career can possibly drag on for another six years after this. Her apparent PTSD is already interfering with her job performance as it is--this experience is only going to make it worse. Her “body count” in Hannibal was around five, iirc, and that was enough to slap her with the “Death Angel” moniker. In the show at least four people have died in close proximity to Clarice in the space of like...a week. How does she come back from that, even as the savior of Catherine Martin? It’s a PR nightmare for obth Clarice and the FBI.

They’ve also sort of forgotten that the Martins existed while continuing to flesh out Krendler’s (?!) character? It’s weird.

I almost don’t even want to watch Episode 6 after that. But here goes...

Episode 6, “How Does It Feel to Be So Beautiful?”

the freaking MOTHS again, I hate them!

frankly, yeah, Clarice should be on leave.

Clarice’s nondescript monochrome suits and constant ponytail are just so boring. in the book she’s described as never having to put effort into making her hair look good--so why is it always pulled back in this show?

I’m not sure it’s very in-character for Clarice, at this point in her career, to go over her boss’s head to get out of admin leave (one she really needs to take tbh) even for the sake of solving a case

lol what the actual hell @ AG Martin guilt-tripping Clarice, who was very recently tortured and almost died, for not calling Catherine back? Clarice is not Catherine’s therapist!

THIS is what my Vogue-reading heroine with burgeoning great taste wears for a night out? so disappointing.

never in my life did I think I’d be sitting through Krendler’s personal drama in a show ABOUT CLARICE STARLING.

her costume sucks and her hairstyle’s from years in the future, but dang does Clarice look gorgeous.

and I love thinking of her getting a taste of the luxury she’ll enjoy with Hannibal. :)

you know what? I think I was actually fine with them forgetting that the Martins were in this show.

whyyy is Krendler being made so sympathetic?!

now Catherine Martin “loved to sew” just like Frederica Bimmel? hmm. (tbf, maybe this is in the novel, and I’ve just forgotten.)

her gift for Clarice is sweet, though.

so beautiful, indeed

Christ on a cracker, that confrontation between the Martins was painful to watch (not a criticism). this show’s AG and her daughter are very much two of a kind in terms of emotional manipulation.

I stan one (1) doofus

now either Catherine’s gaslighting Clarice...or Clarice’s trauma (over BILL! again with this!) is so pervasive that it’s twisted her memories. either way, I hate it.

so Krendler’s lawyer is dirty and that’s why he’ll (probably) turn against Clarice? but WHY? why can’t Krendler just suck?

Good: Clarice looking gorgeous, Ardelia continuing to fight for Clarice, female characters in positions of authority everywhere

Bad: Clarice’s underwhelming costumes, Clarice’s primary/worst trauma apparently STILL being Buffalo Bill & having Clarice break down crying again (and NOT over what happened last week, which would tbh make a lot more sense).

Sad: Shaan’s backstory about his wife, everything involving Catherine

Ugly: Krendler subplot. Ugh.

I just don’t know how I feel about this installment. Wish I cared more about the overarching conspiracy plot, but I’m really only here for Clarice and Ardelia. And while no show can stand on the shoulders of a single character, for a show about Clarice, there seems to be quite a bit of screentime devoted to her bosses, Martin and Krendler, and even to her team members. And all without Clarice herself getting much character development. They don’t seem to be exploring much of her character other than her traumatic backstories, and I’m no longer very hopeful that she’ll be much more fleshed out in the last four episodes, either. It’s a bummer. I really think Rebecca could shine like Jodie did if she were given a chance.

Most of the scenes with the Martins were visceral and felt so real that it was hard to watch. That said...the AG Martin/Catherine content all strikes me as being somewhat detached from the rest of the show, as if the writers are making it up as they go along with no real end goal in mind.

Man...these two were rough going. Very little humor or warmth and absolutely no joy. Of course the source material is dark, so a somewhat dark crime drama is to be expected, but I really think the show needs a slightly less intense, bleak and (dare I say it?) unpleasant episode. But they writers have really dug themselves into a hole by zeroing in on Clarice’s PTSD. And unlike in Hannibal, there’s no love interest with whom she (and by extension, the audience) can flee her misery and pain. 

I'm cautiously optimistic about the rest of the season. A lot of the ingredients are there, and despite my many criticisms, it’s been great to spend time with a character I love. Fingers crossed that they finish strong!

#Clarice Starling #cbs clarice #clarice #rebecca breeds #spoiler warning #bc I know a few of you haven't quite caught up either #long post for ts #media [cbs show] #actor [rebecca breeds] #char [clarice starling] #char [the night watchman] #char [paul krendler] #char [ardelia mapp]

[dafukdidiwatch]

Fantasy High Rant (and why you should watch it)

Ok I got suggested this and I cant believe I've been sleeping on this series in the last two years. This series is freaking fantastic! I’m screaming.

Overview is this is a modern d&d fantasy land a la Onward Style, where we follow fantasy Scooby Doo gang as they try to solve the mystery of missing students while interacting with the fantastical citizens of Spyre.

I hella love it, because while it has such a great mystery of whats going on in the town, who is doing what and why, etc etc, and it just GROWS the more you watch it. You think it was something simple, but the conspiracy rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper. But to me the main pull is just seeing how our Party just interacts with everyone and each other. This is a very character driven series, which makes sense this is a d&d party, you have to get attached to the party if you want them to work together.

Fabian Seacaster: God he’s fun to watch. The rich kid high class type of character but is just has so much gusto. I love his relationship with his family, it’s adorable. He just adores his parents and his parents adore him back. Like Addams style adoration. He is a bit full of himself and arrogant and has a thing of living up to his father's legacy as well as his family name, but I think his arc is him learning that he doesn't have to define himself through his dad and can be his own person. Plus my favorite moments are him screaming “WHAT IS HAPPENING” because out of everyone he mostly the straight man dealing with people.

Gorgug: I just love him. He is just so sweet. He is just a gentle giant and confused all the time. I feel so bad that he keeps getting the shit end of the stick to save the rest of the party. Like the whole "stealing backpack" shit to basically set him up as the outcasts of outcasts. Granted I’m laughing my ass off when it happens, but he is just so anxious it’s cute. He is just very sweet and genuine, even if he is a little awkward. I also love him just asking if people are his dad lol he just wants to know. But when he rages he’s basically God-Tier Shaggy. 

Fig: lol her angsty teenage years finding out she isn't who she thought she was. Tbf her dad basically said she was the reason for her parents divorce soooo take that as you will. Her being the "bad girl" but also very helpful when she can is great. Her flirtatious punk attitude, the winking, and rocking bard stuff. I low key like the idea of her being with Gorgug because of the moments in Barbarian class and giving him drumsticks. And I also like her with Fabian as just a wild cool kid power couple. Also her fucking with Goldenhoarde is the best with her being sexual,with him. Its super funny.

Riz: I freaking love him. Kid detective on the case. The business cards for friendship which I mean, makes sense. His goal from day one was to find the missing girls and babysitter. I'm sorry he has a poor house to use water cereal, but his mom just loves him and I think that’s sweet. His family is the coolest and he isn’t afraid to admit how cool his family is. But he has direction, he has a mission, and he does it with determination. Plus I love how he is The Ball and everyone is just going with it and now supports it. Him fucking with Fabian is great. And I'm glad he is reconsidering his life choices after meeting the AV kids.

Adaine: She needs help. The panicking one. I mean, her family,obviously looks down on her and she is literally jealous of all the other kids parents (love the gnomes). She is learning to find her own magic her own way and trying to shatter the expectation forced on her. God I support her just fucking people up, especially with Pixie Boy.She is just trying to deal with things which honestly this adventure is getting her to open up and not take shit. Character Arc: Don’t Take Shit.

Kristen: I’m just watching a train wreck here. Like she was 100% Helios all the way. But now it is just watching her questioning everything about religion after dying. Its amazing from looking into other religion herself and just how it ALL escalates from there as she is pulled further and further away from her religion and old life. Learning that how she was raised was just so fucked. Like I'm just seeing how far this goes and if she will pick another god instead or just not be a cleric anymore.

Also I'm like never going to post a completed version of this post because I’m way too fucking obsessed. I went from ep 8 yelling about Kristen’s religious life to episode 13 plot-twist end. I basically am physically restraining myself from watching episode 15 before I type this or else this will never be typed. I can literally go off about all the characters there is just so many good moments.

Basically, check out the show yourself. It’s on Youtube, it’s hilarious. Watching the reactions and faces is just so much fun to see. 100% recommend.

Now excuse me while I scream spoilers for episode 8/13/14 underneath:

Midway through Ep 8:

Ok it was fucking Kristen! Like not her obviously, but she was the hellmouth! She was the initial sacrifice! Demon-Dad Garthox said that the Hellmouth can be opened inside a person, and Goth Kid Blane was working for the Harvestmen Helios to get that page. And lo and behold the page was in the corn vat that Kristen's book was pushed into! Coincidence? I think not!

They thought that it was somehow Adaine's magic that caused it, or the very least it was the bully,guy who chucked Kristen's book in. But no, the page was already inside her book and fell into the corn! If bully ass McGee didn't hit the book out of her hands, then she might have been the victim! Which makes sense, why not have a follower of Helios bring the end times in His name.

Which means that it could be Daybreak or her parents that gave her the page in her bible for this.

God,is this what Helios meant when it "wasn't her time?" Because she is needed as the Hellmouth Sacrifice?

And this makes the whole "sneaking into heaven" part make sense now. If Aguefort was trying to be assassinated by Helios, he could sneak into Helios Heaven and spy on them from the afterlife. He's a weird ass man I'm sure he can pull it off.

Also Fig's Dad is hella cool and I totally love him for,trying to be a parent and mature about this. Fig is totally supportive of him and I love it.

Ok I'm going back to finish episode 8 I just REALLY needed to rant about that.

Screaming about Episode 13:

The oracle was going to return,if the country was in danger. It was but she was,kidnapped/killed on an illusion ship to stop,her. Rix dad is a spy and he was 100%,super dope about it and him just finding his family secrets I was just crying like, he found his legacy, his entire family was,badasses he was so happy and took up his dad's gun for justice. Like how cool is it for a goblin spy,being small and already default evil to infiltrate that is so clever. That is what gets me on this show,is that they take these cool setting and ideas and how they are twisted to fit the fantasy. Cops? Fantasy cops. Skateboarders? Fantasy skateboarders.

Which lets be real, I think the best battle where they really,worked together was during the skateboarders.

This mystery is building and building and I,guess Penelope is,trying to,be queen,via homecoming queen which is,weird and has a Sarah berry vibe to,it. Which is fucking nuts.

Now I’m wondering if nice guy,pixie actually was in on it day 1, or if he was turned over after he was "beaten" like the bad guys offered him a way to make his dream girls his 2D pets. Which, gross. But Biz part doesn't necessarily fit with the main plot. He obv isn't behind this.

Kalvaxus is a demon with money. His money needs to be destroyed. So they are funneling his money through the banks. They used his ship in disguise to kidnap/capture/kill the oracle to prevent her from returning, which she said she would if the country was in danger. Yes the religious Harvestmen wanted to start the apocalypse via Kristen, but ass-elf diplomat said it wouldn't really work, but it would break the treaty and start war. Kalvaxus. Coach Daybreak had control,on Zane, who had control over Johnny Spells to kidnap girls, and since Alwin had a spell to find "maidens/virgins" they need the girls, either as a sacrifice or as conduits to power the arcane source. Was all of this to raise Kalvaxus from hell to the mortal world? That would explain the power source at the arcade with the trapped girls, to keep the connection going. The only,thing I can think,as to why Penelope would be as high up as she is in this conspiracy is if Kalvaxus is her dad. Which I guess,everyone has dad issues in,this group.

Side note, I appreciate how Gorgug thinks himself as,dumb but gets really smart ideas and the whole party agreed they are smart. Like,he was the first to,put 2 and 2 together about Kalvaxus== KVX bank, even if he didn't outright say it.

All,the adults are really,enjoyable,to see. I fucking love Rix’s mom shes so cool. And Gilear is actually really,pitifully funny. I wouldn't think I would like,him as much after that first episode, but he is actually hilarious being the lunch lad and just trying his best.

Live Screaming Episode 14 (lots of incoherent):

fucking He'll Riz got the drop on Biz but he fumbled the attack with a nat1.

Ah shit! This is their shit! The prizes are the girls shit as trophies. Zelda headphones. Skateboard girl. You need to give the items back!!!

Fig's German Shepard patrol finally works out

And Riz is now in Penny's game, oh this hurts because this is the girl that he wants to help.

Biz is like a terrible chucky cheese mascot.

I love it when Fabian says "whats happening" because for all his rich person elegance his bafflement amuses me.

It's so sad to see these girls just be this, shadow of themselves. Like no personality at all.

Adaine does will with the divination rolls, I don't think I,could be able to,do this that well.

Damn they are taking the girls,into the power source, they need girl power. Literally.

Gorgug is just so sweet to call his parents for help. Too bad it didn't work. Its a gnome game, sweet.

damn this is a lot more dangerous than before. This is why we don't split the party.

Make Gorgug fly again that would be awesome. But Adaine flying is good too.

Riz using his gremlin powers to fuck up the parascepts from the inside is fucking amazing, why the hell is it funneling to the school.

Sucks that Fabian just kept running all the way out the building. But lets say Fabian having that motorcycle is just so op. Plus it called him Daddy let's not forget that.

Gorgug using the headphones with Zelda’s music is just so sweet and clever. See hes a simple man but very smart. Practical I think.

Lol only the guys got sucked into the game. No girls in video game.

The Bebe raises Gorgug’s rage. Riz is right: hot topic vs av nerds.

Where is devil dad, like he wasn't kidnapped or kidnapped figs mom or whatever right??? Like i get suspicious when people don't respond immediately.

OMG Gorgug is God Tier Shaggy.

Biz is doing the Fantasy Truffle Shuffle.

Cut his wings Gorgug!

Riz!!! Keep her here!!! FUCK!!! HE DIDN'T!!! Biz is soooo creepy.

Yes! Keep the ghosts so sad I would love the bag of holding but too bad it didn't work.

Gorgug’s parents are just so freaking sweet and supportive.

Hold shit Gorgug’s honesty got him double crit. That sucks but I lowkey hope he keeps the white hair.

That motorcycle is so op. But hes in a racing game with the hangman, at least he has an advantage.

Kristen's philosophers are just so op. I love how her religion is just searching for eternal knowledge.

NAT 20 THE NAT 20 FUCKING YES LETS GO RIZ JUST FLIPPING IT OFF AND SCREAMING FUCK YOU holy,shit that was funny. Too bad it was wasted on such a dumbass moment.

Just smashed the palimpsest that's how the owlbear popped out. Wow it was hilarious how biz popped out. But holy,shit Riz not even giving biz a chance as he starts shooting off fingers that’s amazing

I love them fucking with him because hes an ass. Oh, Alwin modify memory to make him think it was his evil plan. You know still fuck him tho. Ugh are those pictures. No. They know it was the group and photos of their house. Ughhhhh and now things are getting more dangerous,

#dafukblog #fantasy high #fantasy high episode 8 #fantasy high episode 13 #fantasy high episode 14

[silver-wield]

Hey so I was wondering if you did/could do an analysis on clouds various panic attacks ptsd episodes and how he responds to each one I’m interested to read your thoughts on each one since you usually bring a new perspective to the table for me so thanks for that!

All of Cloud's ptsd attacks? Damn, that's a lot of searching I've got to do. I might not find them all. I'll do my best but you'll have to let me off if I miss a couple lol

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Recap time!

I explain Cloud's entire backstory which covers his PTSD and other issues here, so that should do for a recap right?

A further thing to note is that PTSD affects people differently and in Cloud's case it manifests as a psychological taunt in the form of Sephiroth. Embodiying his sense of failure, lack of self-esteem and self-actualisation, this version of Sephiroth is the one that Cloud reacts to the most strongly. This is the one that makes him whimper with fear and react on instinct instead of observing the situation and attacking. This is the one he fears, and it's a part of himself wearing a monster's face. Why Sephiroth? Who else has done him more harm? Sephiroth killed his mother, Tifa (so he assumes), burned his hometown to the ground and was indirectly responsible for his best friend's death, too.

And Cloud couldn't do a thing about it. He is the manifestation of everything that Cloud hates and fears about himself. Because of this, he's dissociated from much of his feelings. He still feels, but at a lesser degree than he should were he fully in touch with his real self.

Moseying on.

The first PTSD induced attack isn't actually prompted by Sephiroth himself, although he does feature in it. Cloud's first attack happens when he sees the destruction of sector 8 and buildings burning. This gives him the association of the last time he saw a burning building, which happened when his village burned. The sensory input of sights, sounds and smells prompted the memory, which combined with the high stress situation and Cloud's own latent anxiety and guilt for his part in this chaos.

You see a close up of Cloud's eye as it widens and real!Cloud's memory pushes to the forefront of his mind – remember, these memories are things SOLDIER!Cloud can't access at will, which is why they cause him pain when it happens.

Theres a static noise in the background, which is meant to convey a type of ringing in Cloud's ears and then the building's facade morphs to that of his house with the fence around it.

While much of what Sephiroth says is in line with this being a separate being from Cloud and not merely his own subconscious taunting him, there are elements of it being a combination of both. This is in line with the OG where Sephiroth was able to get in Cloud's head and make him doubt his own sense of self. With what we know of how Jenova's cells manipulate Cloud, it's believable that Sephiroth is both a separate being manipulating Cloud to his own ends and partly an aspect of Cloud's psyche that exists to push blame on him for everything. It's the representation of his mental illness that he struggles to fight.

Obviously, there's no fire, so Cloud sweating and breathless is because they're physical symptoms of his PTSD induced trauma.

Sephiroth's taunting lines about how he killed Cloud's mother are overkill when you consider the real Sephiroth's personality. The combination of the overarching Sephiroth and Cloud's PTSD version make a powerful foe that he never really beats. This is a metaphor for the fact those with mental illness are never really free. It's a lifetime battle and even if they're in recovery, that demon is just waiting for one weak moment when they can get them back in their grip.

You can hear Cloud gasp in this scene as once again Sephiroth appears to taunt him. He's not fully recovered from the last attack and now there's another right on top of it. Sephiroth appearing is once again partly Cloud's own trauma and partly the Jenova cells in him warping his perception and allowing Sephiroth to mess with him.

Unlike the time before, this Sephiroth vision is a simple taunt that Cloud is too weak to save anyone. This is his guilt and self-loathing talking about how he couldn't save his mom, Tifa or his town. It could also be hinting that he couldn't save Zack either.

The hidden implication of this scene is the fact that Sephiroth puts his hand on Aerith's shoulder. This is the only time Sephiroth touches anyone besides Cloud.

The next time Cloud has an attack is during the reactor 5 mission. This happens because of Tifa's presence drawing out the painful memory of the Nibelheim reactor where he believed she died after facing down Sephiroth.

Even in the midst of his PTSD attack he looks to Tifa. She doesn't know what's happening with him and he backs away from taking a chance to confide in her, but even during this moment when he's showing weakness he has very good eye contact with her. He's looking her directly in the eye, which he wouldn't do if he wasn't comfortable with her. This shows that Cloud sees her as a source of comfort and support.

You can see the lingering doubt on his face here after he dismisses the attack. He's not aware of what the memory means because he's not in touch with the full story – that belongs to real!Cloud kept hidden away. He knows it's left him unsettled and feeling like a failure. This is one of the few times I've seen that Cloud doesn't dismiss out of hand the content of the attacks.

Tifa repeats a phrase she said back then and Cloud's sense of failure surfaces, causing him pain and to freeze up. We get a voice over from real!Cloud referring to the time he believes he let Tifa down. Before the SOLDIER persona can get too deep into it or question what he means, Barret yells for him to focus. Cloud shakes off the paralysing feelings, but that doesn't stop Tifa asking it he's ok, which he dismisses again. This is typical of truama survivors pushing their feelings down and attempting to function without ever truly dealing with the source of their pain.

This next flash is prompted by the events during chapter 8 where the children get into trouble and Cloud has to rescue them. It echoes a similar even in his past where Tifa climbed Mt Nibel and fell, despite his best efforts to save her. She spent a week in a coma and Cloud was blamed for the incident and told to stay away from her.

The past emotions of guilt and failure mingle with the present situation to prompt a flash of pain as the memory of Tifa surfaces. It's his feelings of guilt and having failed her that cause the pain, not Tifa herself because when he says to Aerith he doesn't know how to explain he turns to the spot where he saw the vision of Tifa and smiles wistfully. This means Tifa herself doesn't cause him pain. The feelings he has about himself, do.

Chapter 13 and omg I love this freak out! I'm sorry, but this is such a great moment for Cloud and really highlights how low he is at this point. This shows the depth that we miss from him always having his SOLDIER persona taking charge. He's just lived through a tragedy. He's seen the girl he likes in pieces and trying to hold it together. He wants to comfort her. He wants to be himself, but he can't because he's just not good enough. He's feeling like a failure in more ways than one. He lost people too, goddamnit!

Then, in a misguided attempt to distract Tifa from her pain, he stumbles right into a trigger point for his own trauma. Of course he wouldn't know this. It's one of those flashes of Sephiroth ranting about his role and Jenova and shit. (I might have mistakenly said this was a future-flash somewhere, but then I remembered he does this rant right before he kills everyone in Nibelheim).

There's very little blocking to the memory. This is pretty well sealed by real!Cloud compared to his other memories. Even painful ones of Tifa have more context than this. This is something that is so damaging to Cloud's psyche that he can't even fill in the space around it.

So, we get the same kind of staticky noise we heard in chapter 2 when the vision of Sephiroth showed. Cloud gasps pretty loud here tbf. He's unguarded because of the vision and possibly his own distraction about what he's just been through. He wasn't prepared to see Sephiroth here even more than he was back in chapter 2 when he had a full on panic attack.

I mean, his pupils are seriously dilated here. Boi is scared.

Cloud's whimpering and my heart breaks for him. Sephiroth is hitting all his weakest points by bringing up failure and mentioning it's not the first time that's happened. Cloud's at a low point already, so it's not unexpected he backs away from this rather than tries to fight. This isn't SOLDIER!Cloud. This is real!Cloud. The fear has driven real!Cloud to the surface and he wants to run away, just like Sephiroth taunted back in chapter 2.

“Through suffering you will grow strong. Isn't that what you want?”

Clearly not by the look on Cloud's face. The part of him that's real!Cloud within this moment looks like he wants to scream that he's had enough of being in pain. He wants to shake his head and deny that he deserves it. What did he ever do wrong?

I feel like this is more of Cloud's own subconscious taunting him and implying that he deserves everything bad that happens to him, rather than it being the external Sephiroth manipulating Jenova's cells. He's saying Cloud secretly wants to suffer because that's all he should ever get in life. He thinks if he suffers enough pain that he'll be stronger for it, instead of the broken person that he really is. This is the type of thing people who’ve lived through trauma deal with every single day. It’s a never ending barrage of not feeling good enough and worrying that your entire existence is a bother to society. Not even just those close to you, you are a blight on the world. That Cloud’s internal trauma is so deeply rooted in this figure of Sephiroth narrows his focus and makes him project all of his fears onto him. It’s no wonder he freezes.

Now, not strictly a PTSD glitch, but it does provoke a very strong reaction from Cloud, and definitely plays into his fears, so I'm gonna include this one on the proviso it's more fear motivated.

This is the moment he sees Tifa stabbed during the VR cut scene. Sephiroth hijacked it to show them meteor, but then he also killed Tifa and then Barret. We know later on that Barret actually dies, so having seen this, Cloud may well relate back to this deep seated fear that he can't save Tifa and she'll die because of him and it'll cause further attacks. This is also a callback to the time in the reactor in Nibelheim when Tifa was stabbed by Sephiroth and Cloud couldn't save her – this ties to the PTSD flashback he had during the reactor 5 mission where he saw Tifa picking up Sephiroth's sword, so it's got precedence to cause him further trauma once he connects the dots. The fact it provokes such a strong emotional response from him – so much so that his entire face changes – I suspect that real!Cloud came out to motivate him to run to her out of the fear he'd just seen her die in front of him – again. The shock and disbelief on his face, the utter heartbreak. His expression changes from SOLDIER!Cloud to real!Cloud in less than 3 seconds. I checked. As a trigger for his trauma, Cloud's fear of losing Tifa pushes him to a lot of things he wouldn't normally do.

This is more of a memory glitch than PTSD since it's tied to the grunt recognising Cloud and calling him out on the false memories he has of being a SOLDIER. He says they went through training together and Cloud's eyes narrow as though he's trying to reconcile a truth against a lie. The truth that real!Cloud was a grunt and SOLDIER!Cloud is a fake.

There's some distress on his face here that links back to the point during the airbuster battle when he first learned about cell degradation. He knows what he believes is true isn't quite right, but he can't figure out why. SOLDIER!Cloud is unaware of the SOLDIER persona he constructed to protect his real self from further trauma. In OG when Cloud finds out – through Sephiroth’s skewed af bullshit – it causes a complete mental break, so real!Cloud's right to be wary of triggering himself because he's not in a good enough place to deal with what he's done to protect himself. He'd blame himself for being even more weak than he thought.

This is more interesting. Usually whenever anyone questions Cloud about his false identity he claims it, while also rejecting it by saying “ex-SOLDIER”, but in Hojo's case, he seems to hesitate, as though part of him knew it would be questioned and wouldn't hold up. Since Hojo's the one who did this to Cloud, it's likely the truth of what happened couldn't be kept back by the SOLDIER lies.

Pained again, Cloud turns his head away, as though he can shut out the truth. Hojo's image glitches for him and it's reminiscent of the OG moment where Cloud confronts Hojo and asks if he can be a proper experiment instead of a failed one (or something like that. I haven't played OG in like 5 years)

The trauma from what Hojo's done is quickly brushed under the carpet thanks to the arrival of the whispers. This is the second time they appear to prevent Cloud learning too much about his past too early. (Dammit, I forgot about deep ground, I'll circle back to it or I'll lose the order for my screenshots)

I'm not including the long corridor walk prompted by Jenova because that's a loading screen and also it happens not because of anything that Cloud experienced in the location, but because the outside influence of Jenova called to him. His only association with Jenova is the infusion of cells, though how he got them does set off attacks. Actually, here's a good point for the deep ground screen.

Preview of zombie Cloud for Mideel anyone? I mean, what can I say? He's totally checked out and it's scary. No wonder he doesn't wanna remember any of it if this is what he was like at the time. Imagine being so doped up with mako that you're not even you any longer? Having experiments carried out on you and god knows what else. Being stuffed in a chamber jammed full of alien dna and left to see what happens.

This is what broke him. I'd say it's similar to the faceless Squall cut scene from the end of FF8. It's chilling. No wonder he crafted an entire persona to protect himself from remembering this.

So this is the culmination of all the other attacks he's had. We get flashback elements from several that threaten to overwhelm Cloud. He's clutching his head. He's in serious pain and can't do anything. He manages to push through and ask if it's really Sephiroth. He then grabs his left arm when it begins to hurt. This is because Sephiroth is left handed. This is also the same arm that had the major infection of geostigma in AC.

Conclusion

Cloud is a messed by puppy and I ship him with therapy.

PTSD is a tricky thing to accurately show, especially in this case when it's not all totally mental illness and there are outside factors that skew how it's portrayed. Part of Sephiroth is within Cloud, though I do suspect it's more of an aspect of his own feelings of self-loating and doubt than it is actually Sephiroth. That's not to say there isn't also a genuine part of Sephiroth within these visions influencing Cloud to do what he wants, but I think it comes down to the context of the moment.

Cloud's been through a lot of shit and fronts like nothing else. He's managed to get away without any kind of vices or coping mechanisms besides this alternate persona that actually does ok in following the real!Cloud's lead when his deeper urges motivate SOLDIER!Cloud into doing things. I mean there's a point where there's a clear debate between the two about dancing for Andrea. All that back and forth eye movement and then the grimace and “fine, for Tifa” expression wasn't necessary if it was just SOLDIER!Cloud.

It's gonna be hard for Cloud to hear that he's not real in the sense that he thinks he is. It's gonna break him. We've got a preview of his scary vacant Mideel look and it's terrifying. Major props to Tifa for refusing to give up on him.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #Character analysis #Cloud Strife #Tw: ptsd

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

and the rewatch continues

So rewatching most of season 5 and dipping into season 6, after coming from season 4, I found some things very interesting, things I actually had forgotten about and some that just hit differently now that the show has ended:

Season 4:

Brothers - different iterations: Had that finale happened after this season, it might have made better sense (though I STILL say the manner of Dean’s death is laughable)

Destiel & Cas: While Cas and Dean have some uncomfortable staring contests and there’s chemistry, I didn’t get the whole Destiel vibe (this is just my personal take), yes there’s a bond there, a growing partnership so to speak but I feel like Cas is not around enough for it to be in the forefront of the story or even to demand Dean’s attention in a way. Like Cas made his big entrance in 4x01 and we saw how things took off from there for the story and for this connection/bond between he and Dean but Dean is early season Dean and Cas is early season Cas. Though I found Cas’ interest in everything Dean Winchester to be intriguing (and he put Dean back together with his own hands, I just...this really does become the greatest love story ever told, I swear), I personally didn’t get the whole UST vibes that has been talked about. I actually found myself wanting to go deeper into Cas’ story (a la 6x20 style) aside from Dean’s and Sam’s. 

Anna: That whole night with Anna was purely that: a night. There wasn’t a whole lot of chemistry between Jensen and Julie and it’s very clear that this whole sex-on-last-night-on-earth thing is for comfort, for both characters. I kind of get why they switched up gears there for Dean’s angel role, even if they didn’t intend for Destiel to read as romantic at all initially. 4x09 & especially 4x10 were so obviously trying to ying and yang the brothers and the sides that had chosen them/complemented them: Anna | Ruby, Heaven | Hell -> eventually Michael | Lucifer. But back to Anna, while I enjoyed her character and would have loved to delve deeper with her, I am glad Cas was the one who got to stay. Anna and Dean had no chemistry, outside of a couple of glances before the big hookup/last night on Earth deal, there wasn’t really anything there. Tbf, they didn’t have a lot of private time before that, except maybe one convo. To me, in this scenario, Anna was a source of comfort (after she tells Dean he needs to forgive himself for what happened in Hell which I very much appreciated, someone had to tell him that) and attraction, letting her have her last night on Earth, a hookup, etc. But there was nothing deeper there. And for this bond with an angel to happen, there needed to be something deeper there. Perhaps had Anna been around longer and didn’t go the way she did in season 5, it might have but I honestly tend to doubt it. We all know Cas and Dean’s (Misha’s and Jensen’s) natural chemistry is off the charts. I’m not sure Anna (Julie) could have competed with that had both Cas and Anna stuck around together. I know I’m completely biased here, but I almost felt like Anna and Cas had more chemistry together, it might have been because they got more face time, I’m not sure. But I thoroughly enjoyed watching it all go down again.

Adam: Omg I forgot about how Adam wasn’t Adam when Dean and Sam first met him. That was heartbreaking on so many levels, but mostly for Adam and his mom dying the way they did and of course, for Dean and Sam. Namely Dean because he was the most affected by finding out about Adam’s existence. And I swear I fell in love with Dean more in that episode as a character because despite his pain, his anger, his hurt, he still tries to do the right thing by Adam, to honor his dad’s wishes. And John...that mf’er doesn’t deserve any of those boys as his sons. What an asshole through and through. 

Season 5:

Destiel & Cas: And now we see Cas becoming a bit more forefront and the vibe has changed...slightly. Now it’s a partnership turning into a friendship. Dean and Cas get a bit more face time and it shows. 5x03 was awesome and of course the wholly unnecessary line of “One, Bert and Ernie are gay” -- like where did that come from? I still loved it. It was tough to see Dean and Sam go their separate ways in the beginning but we still got some gold out of it with 5x03 and 5x04. And thankfully, we get more into not only more of the angel and apocalypse lore this season, but we also get to see how Cas’ relationship with the Winchesters is changing and more of what makes Cas tick as a character in his own right. And of course, bamf!Cas was very present. 

Brothers: Once again, had that finale happened after this season, it might have made more sense (sans the junk death) - because it’s very obvious that the co-dependency is alive and well here and it would have made more sense for their characters - while they have others outside of the two of them they are caring about (Bobby, Ellen, Jo just to name a few), it’s still the exclusive Winchester-only club. I truly enjoyed watching these two working together and moving towards the season finale. Dean’s memory of Sam and the fireworks, Dean talking about how Sam’s best memories weren’t the same as his (shocker, John Winchester is a d-bag, I’ll keep saying it), Dean struggling to make the decision to say yes to Michael, having to agree with the plan for Sam to say yes to Lucifer to try to trap the latter, Dean showing up to the cemetery -- all of it was incredible and the two of them were the beating heart of the show at that point. 5x22 will always be one of my favorite season finales for that show. It was pure awesomeness, truly epic and perfect.

Dean: holy hell, they really, really threw a lot into Dean this season - not that they hadn’t before, but damn. Each season just amps up the Dean game, just like I remember, and I am happily here for it again. No offense to Sam at all, but Dean is just so complex, so complicated yet straightforward, and there’s so many layers to him that they just keep peeling back and they feed us well each season. I swear, if you turned the sound off and just watched that scene where Dean tells Zachariah to call Michael, where Dean and Sam go their separate ways, you would know exactly everything Dean is feeling and thinking thanks to the incredible talent of one Mr. Jensen Ackles. Just really incredible. How this man never got nominated for an Emmy at any point for this show just astounds me. Yes, I know that show wasn’t considered a contender for that type of award run, but dammmnnnn. He deserves it and more. Watching this season and season 4 really brought back the original reasons I fell in love with Dean as a character in the first place. One of the best characters ever, I’m telling you. And may I just say, I hated that they brought back John’s leather jacket for him in the season finale but I get it, it was Kripke’s swan song (did I just do that? I believe I did) so we of course went back to core Winchester things, not just in story but every element. I’m ngl, I was so glad to see Dean shed it though when he is sitting down to dinner with Lisa and Ben.

Apocalypse: I thoroughly enjoyed this whole plot line - this really was high stakes, more than ever before, and though angels were dicks, there was Lucifer of course and a mysterious though mostly absent God behind the curtain - you just never knew what was going to be thrown at you next, just like the boys were going through.

Heaven/Mary: even though this definitely has to do with Dean more so, I did enjoy them seeing Ash and Pam, Ash’s setup, and of course Mary being there, seeing how such a good memory could be manipulated by the dick angels and the horrible things Mary said to Dean. Of course, I felt for Dean but it was interesting to see that whole scene play out. Plus we got even more confirmation of what we’ve known all along: John is a bonafide asshole and Dean really did experience facets of spousification, even before Mary died (which just makes me so sad for him, I swear if they don’t put a Cas vs John scene in the reboot... because you know Cas will win that thumb war)

Meg: ngl, I wasn’t really crazy about this iteration of Meg - I don’t mean Rachel Miner’s version, just this particular performance, which I chalk up to whoever decided they wanted her to go this route in her performance - I couldn’t believe it was the same character, the same actress - I am so glad the show/Rachel developed the character we all love to hate and secretly really love to how she was in later seasons

Jo: omg Jo. I have to admit, in season 2, in the first episode she showed up in, I despised her. She was like that bratty teenage kid who’s a real pain in the ass and whines and doesn’t get it. But after that episode, I grew to love her with each one she was in. She became a bamf in her own right and I loved seeing that come through this season especially. Her death was horrific (what is it with this show killing off bamf female hunters in such a gruesome way? it brought back horrible Eileen flashbacks for me personally, and for them to turn Meg and Ketch into somewhat redeemable characters after that... you know, I swear...) but heroic and I had never been more proud of my girl. Except the scene with Dean in the kitchen. As much as I love my chaotic hunter son, I was glad to see Jo flip him off in the way she did. So proud. And then her goodbye with Dean, I had forgotten exactly what he did so I was going “omg, she just saved you, Dean, this girl has feelings for you, she deserves at least a kiss, kiss her. right. the fuck. now!” and sure enough, he did, on the forehead, which I was like okay, well I get it, he doesn’t return those feelings but he does care about her but dammit, she deserved for him to plant one on her. and then he did and I was just gone, I was a complete bawling mess. And her goodbye scene with Ellen, and then her death along with Ellen’s sacrificing herself to stay by Jo’s side and give the boys a chance to get out of there...yeah, I didn’t stop crying for about five minutes. I cannot tell you how much I miss those characters and I would have sold someone else’s right arm to make their return in the series finale happen. Besides the obvious characters that should have been present, Ellen, Jo, and Ash deserved to be there (just not Samantha and Chad, if we can get a “Cas helped” for the third major character/lead, we can also get a “Ellen and Jo went to assist in setting up the honeymoon suite above the roadhouse - I said what I said).

John: usually, I cannot abide giving any time to this jerk, never mind talking about him, but I have to say I enjoyed seeing pre-loss John in 5x13. That conversation he has with Sam I think is so glaringly important. I know it was for Sam to forgive John and heal, but the fact that John himself is saying “how could he do that to you? he was supposed to protect you” -- yep, that was pure poetic cinema in my eyes. Because pre-loss John is right, how dare post-loss John do that to his boys? There’s no excuse anyone or this show can give him. As much as I love JDM, post-loss John Winchester will never be okay in my book.

Adam: omg Adam. First of all, I loved his dynamic with Sam and Dean. I really, really wish we could have had him around longer just for that alone. What an awesome character we could have had giving Dean and Sam a run for their money. “Well, we’re working on the power of love.” “How’s that going?” “Not so great.” -- give me an episode of the three brothers on a milk run hunt (sans generic mask-wearing vampmimes) with all of the fixings and I swear we would get done!Sam, consistently being roasted between Dean and Adam, and then Dean thinking he’s got a mutual now, a BFF, and Adam turning right around to roast him as well. It would be epic, I tell you, epic. I wish Adam had gotten a better end, this season and at the end of the series. He certainly deserved better. And this may be a random observation but why did Michael take Adam at all? I know the countdown had begun and he was desperate to grab a vessel so he could fight Lucifer at the appointed time and Dean was not giving in (that he knew of), but what chance of victory did he think he had without using his true vessel? Using that logic, I guess Michael’s end in the series makes more sense now...? Who knows.

Chuck: Swan Song (5x22) and the lines, “Endings are hard. Any chapped ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There’s always gonna be holes. And since it’s the ending, it’s all supposed to add up to something. I’m telling you, they’re a raging pain in the ass“ -- did anyone else feel like that was Kripke speaking or is it just me?

Season 6:

the whole Lisa thing: while it was nice to see Dean go domestic, I have to say I was more invested in Dean and Ben’s relationship development than I was with Dean and Lisa’s. The chemistry just wasn’t there, I have to be honest (he and Anna actually had more chemistry for a few minutes than he did with Lisa this whole season). I don’t doubt they loved each other, it was real, and Lisa was good for him at the time but it just didn’t have that spark. I loved Lisa as a character in her own right, but I was happy to see her and Dean eventually go their separate ways. Though my heart broke for Ben on that one. He and Dean really had a whole father-son bond happening there. I appreciated that when Ben called him, even that one time that nothing was really wrong, Dean dropped everything and headed right over. They had a bond of their own happening outside of Dean and Lisa’s. I think Dean ultimately made the right choice in the end to keep Lisa and Ben safe (though they should have been able to choose if they wanted this), but God did that cost him and we see it in that scene outside of the hospital with Sam. How much that hurt for him, and for us to see how it killed him to do it. I’m still grateful that he got to see what the domestic life was like and that he got a reprieve from hunting for a bit. It made complete sense as to why Cas didn’t want to pull him back in to ask for help with Raphael.

Destiel: Welp, now there’s definitely an emotional relationship happening. Meaning the bond has become even more forefront and not only is Dean affected, but we also see that Cas is, too. Dean’s reaction to finding out Cas was working with Crowley the whole time, Cas’ reaction to Dean choosing to save the two boys instead of focusing on finding Eve, Cas’ reaction to Dean’s stance on the Crowley situation, Dean’s finding out Crowley kidnapped Lisa and Ben, Cas asking Dean to trust him, Dean seeing Cas becoming the new God and needing to summon Death, etc. It was fantastic. While it hurt during some moments, I enjoyed seeing the dynamics and reactions to these situations play out. This is definitely a friendship now, a family relationship formed (and still forming) like Dean says in 6x20. Imho, Jensen and Misha knocked it out of the park this season when it came to that relationship. I loved it.

Cas: holy hell, 6x20 has become one of my all-time favorite episodes of SPN. I loved seeing Cas’ POV. Cas was already a fave character of mine but this episode made me fall in love with him all over again. This was incredible and I’m so thankful they fed us so well with this one. I really enjoyed seeing Cas as a character stepping into the forefront, right there with Dean and Sam. Yes, he was a part of TFW before this, but you have to admit that in this season, it becomes a whole new ball game. Really amazing stuff and of course, Misha slayed it all.

Meg & Megstiel: I was so happy to see the iteration of Meg return that we know from later seasons. Maybe I’m just too used to that version but to me this felt more effortless for the character and for Rachel, that really let both shine. Personally, I’m not a Megstiel shipper. While I love their dynamic, it just isn’t there for me, but I really did enjoy their scenes together. Cas felt as if he needed a little shaking up so to speak so I think she was perfect for that. Plus, I have a hard time forgiving those in the show that sic Hellhounds on my bamf female hunters so that might be partially the reason for my bias, just saying. (I never really forgave Ketch either)

Samuel...& Co: I just...why? Don’t get me wrong, I liked Mitch but this felt a bit...I don’t know...off? Other than some place for Soulless!Sam to go while Dean was playing house and for nabbing Alphas for Crowley, I don’t get what the point of this story line was? Was it to show us that Mary’s dad was a d-bag? Check. Was it to show us how people sometimes make the worst decisions when it comes to their family? Double check. Like, we kind of already got that and it was just unnecessary confirmation if that makes sense. And the thing that kills me is that Samuel was in Hell (or goes to Hell, I kind of did other things in the background during that arc) but he loved his daughter enough to betray her sons and do the wrong thing but John gets to go to Heaven? This still confounds me. Though I enjoyed Gwen and it was a shame she couldn’t be a family contact in another state for the boys later on to pop up every now and then.

Soulless!Sam: I enjoyed this part of Sam’s arc but I won’t lie, I was relieved like everyone else when he finally got his soul back though waited with bated breath for the other shoe to drop. But it was interesting to see this side of Sam.

Dad!Dean: I know I mentioned Dean and Ben above, but that one episode with the shifter!baby, that was priceless and God, did I love it.

I just loved going back to this for both boys

#spn posts #spn rewatch #episode mentions #spn 5x03 #spn 5x04 #spn 6x20 #spn 5x22 #spn 4x19 #spn 5x13 #spn 5x19 #this was in my drafts #i'm kicking it out #spn season 4 #spn season 5 #spn season 6 #destiel mention #anti john winchester #dean winchester

[bow-woahh]

Spop Fic recs (Catradora)

(finally)

Hello Catradora trash can's today I finally give you what I've been promising for MONTHS - a fanfic rec list. Because, if you didn't already know, I read A LOT of Catradora fanfic, probably too much and although I'm definitely not the best judge of...anything, I really wanted to make this post, so here it is, weeks late.

(it's a long one though)

I’ve written my full opinions n shit on like the first 10 multi chapters and one shots because there’s a lot lol, and some I remember better than others (tbf I've re read all of them at this point), but yeahhh. For the others, I’ll describe it in less detail and a bit more jokily lol.

I'm sorry I haven't just linked all the fics bit I just want this to be out of my drafts loll, and I can assure you most of these are pretty easy to find, I apologise for the laziness though haha

Also I’ve tried to find the all the authors tumblr or other social media, but I couldn’t for all of them which sucks, so if you happen to be the author and I left you out, please comment :)

Anyway, Y'ALL NEED TO GET ON MY LEVEL SOOO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO HERE YOU GO:

(here's a key first)

Key:

(o) = ongoing

(f) = finished

[G]=General

[T] =Teen and up Audiences

[M]=Mature

[E]=Explicit

Multi-chapters:

1. Upper West Side by ceruleanstorm (o) 100,000+ words

@princessofgayskull

[Modern AU] [T]

This fic is so amazing!! It goes so deep into their psychology and past and damn is it hilarious at time. Also, I love the premise of it - Catra is a Uber driver and Adora ends up as her passenger. It's a fairly slowburn as it goes deep into the two girls' lives and really gives time for the relationship to develop naturally and that is honestly really appreciated because it makes the good moments between the two even better and more rewarding if I'm honest. A lot of angst though. All the other characters we know and love are also written amazingly in it too, and are made equally important. All in all, I love this fic and everything about it!

As of writing it has fairly infrequent updates, but each chapter is 10-20k+ words and has 9/12 chapters so...there’s a lot.

2. For my Sake by doublepasse (f) 100,000+ words

@doublepasse-writes

[Canon Compliant][E]

The story and world building is just - WOAH. This one is quite the slowburn but boy is it worth it. It's set a couple months to a year after season one, where Catra finally captures Adora but the tables turn very quickly when capturing her nearly results in her death, which Catra (unsurprisingly) didn’t want. The story has some BIG plot twists and is definitely one of the best canon universe Catradora fics I’ve ever read and the ending was very satisfying, but also open ended, BECAUSE there’s a part 2 coming and I couldn’t be more excited!

(Also, there is one chapter with nsfw content in it, but it has a sfw version)

3. Skinny Love by Maychup (o) 89,000+ words

@maychup

[Canon Compliant][M]

Another amazing fic that takes place in the canon universe that has such great world building, and is very plot heavy. It takes place days after the S1 finale and goes from there basically. The premise of it is similar to many fics and one shots you’ve probably read - sleeping with the enemy. From the first chapter it seemed like it could have easily been a five chapter easy redemption fic but nooooooo, it goes a lot LOT deeper. I feel like this fic did such a great job on character development, Catra’s specifically, she grows so much throughout the fic. She is also such a mother to all her Horde pals in this and I love that haha.

At the time of writing, it’s still ongoing, and boy am I excited to see where it goes. It’s also super angsty and has a fair-ish amount of smut so be warned!

4. The Heiress and The thief by Fuhadeza (f) 58,000+ words

@fuhadeza

[Regency AU][M]

As it says in the fic summary, it is literally the She-Ra regency AU I never knew I wanted likeeee, it’s so good! Premise - Adora is taken by Lady Brightmoon, leaving her boarding school, and her best friend behind, Catra, and everything is fine until her old friend face resurfaces. This one had me screaming at times (most of them did, but this especially). It was a really enjoyable read and I honestly loved the way the author dealt with love and the way Adora dealt with her feelings and just ahhh- read it.

5. Faded with feelings by yesimgay (f) 24,000+ words

[Roomates AU][T]

This fic. I read this a WHILEEE ago but to this day this is one of my favourite fan-fics ever like it’s hilarious, and fluffy and unproblematic and sometimes you need that tbh. Everything you need to know is established in the first chapter but the way it is done feels so natural, as if it’s just Adora‘s or Catra’s thoughts and I love it. Also the premise is GREAT - Catra has ADHD and smokes weed to help with it, and Adora accidentally takes an edible, which is when shenanigans start to ensue.

6. Dream of Me by DBsean (f) 18,000+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

Although it is on the shorter side with only five chapters, this was another fic that was so so good in quality and premise. For whatever reason, Catra and Adora start sharing dreams, enabling them to share moments together that they (unfortunately) can't have in real life, due to them being on opposite sides of the war, and in turn - enemies. The angst in this fic literally KILLED ME, and the characters dialogue is so good as well! I also recommend you check out some of the authors other fics, they're all great!

7. we've been making shades of purple out of red and blue by darklady21(o) 19,000+ words

[Roomates AU][M]

Another Roomates AU, bUT instead of being best friends, the two barely know each other, or interact at all...GREAT RIGHT?!? Honestly though, I think the author did a great job in making it not seem too rushed, especially in the setup and establishing how although they know each other, they DONT know each other, so the first couple chapters are basically that stage where they are learning more about each other and leaving stupid post it notes around the house, and it just feels so natural and great! Updates aren’t super regular, but there’s already nine chapters (as of writing) so definitely check it out, as well as their other works too!

8. Razorback by Starr_Reborn(o) 22,000+ words

[Canon Divergence AU][M]

Apparently, the author wrote this with the intent of it being fluffy. From the title you can tell that is NOT the case. At all. This one HURTS. This is very very angsty, and also has some themes of rape in it, so if that kinda thing triggers you I might wanna skip out on this one. It is a really good fic though and stands out from a lot of the others because of the way it is written. Chapters aren’t usually longer that 1000 words and the writing style is quite disjointed at times, and it a lot of the time a stream of consciousness. At times it can even be a little confusing or hard to follow, but I find it makes it even more interesting, and also means it will probably be a fic I come back to once completed. It is genuinely so unpredictable, I have no clue where it’s going, but I really love it for that!

9. Sunflower by TechnoSkittles (f) 6000+ words

@technoskittles

[High School AU][G]

Oh, BOY. Oh boyyy. This fic - it's 8 chapters and only 6000 words yet the story is just- Ahhh READ IT. It's so good! And like the author in general is so amazing at writing like check out all their works (especially their latest one shot omg I loved it). Anyway, read this, it's not too long, it's cute and also genuinely surprising, the ending was not something I saw coming AT ALL, so YEAH!

10. I like me better when I'm with you by lesbians_harold(f) 22,000+ words

@lesbians-harold

[High School AU][T]

Just a nice, fun, fluffy high school, friends to lovers AU. Catra moves to Adora’s school senior year and the twos friendship is quickly rekindled, after a rocky start albeit. Adora is a big ol’ jock and Catra draws which is a headcanon I LOVE. It’s written so well, and the characters are also written well too! It is a lil angsty at times, but not to worry - but it does pay off, I assure you.

11. I thought we were best friends by vanilla107 (o) 45,000+ words

@vanilla107

[University AU][T]

Breakups. Lots of breakups, and angst. This one will mend your heart then hurt you. BE SCARED. But go read it. I mean it. It's good!

12. Dirty Dancing by LilLegalLoli94 (o) 9000+ words

@lillegalloli94

[Dancing AU][M]

Basically lots of (sexual) tension after years of not seeing each other because Adora moved to Brightmoon Dance Academy. It's good. Real good.

13. Back to Black by eveynull (f) 6000+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Post War) Gays go and visit their past, staring angst, and featuring your favourite co-star - fluff!

14. how things are supposed to be by maggiesbombshell (o) 11,000+ words

@yeunslegacy

[High School AU][M]

A jolly slowburn that will hurt your soul because (internalised) homophobia and gay.

15. Some things you don't see coming by Trashibesensei (o) 20,000+ words

[High School AU][T]

Adora being a big ol' jock, and Catra being a big ol' gay. I’m not even gonna explain it, you have to find that out yourself.

16. A quarter after three by Maychup (o) 11,000+ words

@maychup

[Youtuber AU][M]

Adora's gay panic settles in when she bumps into her childhood bestie, Catra, live streaming in the streets of LA. My favourite part of this fic has to be the YouTube comments she gets. This one will make you laugh. And go AWWW CUTE.

17. A Song to My Heart by DemiRebel (f) 8000+ words

[Neighbors AU][G]

The cute girl next door keeps singing loud, and it sounds BELLE, so what else would you do other than creepily listen?? 10/10 for premise.

18. Occupied by Nny11 4000+ words

@nny11writes

[Modern AU][T]

The most hilarious soulmate AU I've read tbh. One word - bathrooms.

19. Whispering Dreams by dragonesdepapel (f) 7400+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

Adora finds a wounded and sick gay so obviously, she helps her out, much to her protesting. This fic will honestly make you go through the five stages of grief. Big ol' oof.

20. Why you SHOULD bring in your untrained cat to the rebellion by locuas (f) 6800+ words

[Canon Divergence AU][G]

This fic is a literal joke. But it will probably be the best crack you will ever read, so. READ IT.

ALSO HERES A LIL SELF PWOMO OF MY MULTI CHAP:

What drove her insane, 13,000+ words (f)

One shots:

1. hang tight (all you) by TechnoSkittles 9000+ words

@technoskittles

[High School AU][T]

This is a fic that will break your heart and mend it. It's about Adora coming to terms with her sexuality throughout high school in a pretty unsupportive environment, added onto the fact she has a crush on her best friend. It's paced so well, nothing feels rushed and although it's only 9000 words, it manages to flesh out characters that aren't even in the show, and it obviously does a great job with the topic at hand - sexuality and homophobia. Like it honestly touched my heart, reading it I genuinely wanted to cry. I loved everything about it, from the moment it started to the last line. It's just written in a way that is probably relatable to so many people who are or have struggled with coming to terms with themselves, and shows how for some it's really not an easy thing. It's also written beautifully, and I PROMISE you won't regret reading this! Definitely check out some more of their works too, they're all great reads!

2. you're my favorite song (and it's stuck in my head) by artemiswords 16,000+ words

@artemisbye 

[High School AU][T]

A belle valentine's day fan fic which I just,, ahhhhh this is some of the best 16k words I've ever read, it's so nice and fluffy! Premise - Catra has to take the bus to school, and ends up sitting next to this cute girl on the bus, Adora, and listening to TayTay (Swift), sharing earphones with this complete stranger. Obviously, Catra develops a crush, but she is sure Adora is straight. It's written so well, and is such an enjoyable read, with so many great moments and dialogue. Music is a very prevalent theme (which you can tell from the name tbh) in it, and the amount of song references in it also make it feel so fleshed out in a way, like their both just teenagers with somewhat questionable music taste. Just all the exchanges they have are great, especially the ones over text and social media, there were so many funny moments too. DEFO, recommend if you wanna read something nice and lighthearted!

3. The Interlude That Never Ends by FMLClexa 2000+ words

Twitter: catrxs

[Historical AU] [M]

Angst. Quite angsty. But also fairly fluffy, it has a good balance. And the writing style is just so - it gets your heart wrenching despite being fairly short, and is also very poetic, and I don't know about you, but I love things like that! The fic is a historical/soulmates AU where they are bound to fall in love, no matter the period they're reincarnated in. It's one of the most creative fic ideas I've ever read, and the concept is executed so well, which makes it even better. And it's, so so damn sweet ahh, read it read it READ IT!

4.  is there a knife in your bed or are you just happy to see me? by ceruleanstorm 6000+ words

@princessofgayskull

[Canon Universe][T]

This fic was everythinggg, it is so cute, like it’s basically 6k words of fluff! Also, if you didn’t already notice, the title (and the fic) heavily references the fact Adora keeps a knife under her bed (I DIED when that happened in s2).  Set post war, Catra sneaks away from her post to visit an overworked and stressed Adora in Bright Moon and cuteness ensues. I honestly just love everything about this fic, we need more fluffy and funny fics like this! The dynamic the two have in this is perfect and the dialogue and general writing style of it is great! And Adora’s internal dialogue in this honest to god had me dead. Needless to say this is one of my fav Canon Universe one shots.

5.Girl’s Become Lovers (Who Turn Into Mothers) by A_Zap 2000+ words

@azapofinspiration

[Canon Universe][G]

This has to be one of the cutest, well written, fic I’ve read! Catra brings home the only survivors from a tragedy her and Scorpia stumbled upon, but one thing Adora doesn’t expect is for them to be children. The,, emotions in this are so raw and powerful. Even though they obviously have these new little people in their life though, their problems don’t just go away, they still have their own issues, and have to deal with them while looking after these kids. In general they handle mental health so well, and Shadow Weavers lasting effect on Catra SHOWS and it shows hard. Honestly, it made me want to cry at some parts and the ending was EVERYTHING, so reAd IT.

6. baby, i'm a house on fire (and i wanna keep burning) by wittchers 7000+

@huremsultan

[Medival AU]

A really fun fic to read, with a very original premise: after the Horde defeats the kingdom Bright Moon, Hordak is crowned, Queen Angella was killed, and Princess Glimmer is missing, which leaves Lady Adora forced into an arranged marriage with Lord Catra, to keep her people happy. Obviously, being an arranged marriage, with her enemy, she ain’t too happy about it, nor is Catra. But they have to put up with it, and each other. Honestly, like the development of their relationships is sooo good, and there is the perfect balance e of angst and fluff (if you can call it that?) so don’t worry it won’t kill you! Like ahh, the emotions in this - so well described with so little words. And the ending is great, in general it’s great!

7. Adora Casts: Zone of Truth by Hemogobbler 2000+ words

@hemogobbler69

[Canon Universe][T]

Literally just 2000 words of utter cuteness and hilarious dialogue haha. Premise - Catra has just defected recently, and is still warming up to Adora, is still slightly shut off from her. So, to try remedy this, she gets a truth serum from Madame Razz, and slips it into their food, leading to them talking honestly about their feelings for the first time in a while. I just love it so much because I feel like this is genuinely something Adora would do, and also something I’d probably do in her situation - Catra opening up is a rare occurrence! Also, as I said, their are some really funny, laugh out loud moments, which out of context are so weird, yet somehow manage to make a lot of sense. Anyway, if you just had a bad day, I think this fic would definitely lift your spirits.

8. bloom by kimah 4000+ words

Twitter: whitehotmoons

[Modern AU][G]

A post break up fan fic where Catra's therapist suggests Catra write down her feelings, which leads her to write the things she hates about Adora, and their interactions they've had since their break up. The way it's written is so... angsty but like, not? I'm bad at this. Literally, reading this I really felt Catra's pain, and I just wanted to give her a hug at times. Adora too. The small details the author outs into the characters makes the characters all that more realisitic too, and I love it! Seriously though, the angst, will, get, you.

9. I do adore by thankskelley 6000+ words

Twitter: cosmicsporks

[Modern AU][G]

A Catradora fake dating AU. Is there anything more you need in life? Catra and Adora are are roomates, and one day, Adora bursts in, saying she finally came out to her parents, and also that her parent had assumed they are dating... leading her to ask if Catra could pretend to be her girlfriend for while. What could possibly go wrong? Hmm?? I've always loved the whole fake dating premise (to all the boyss) and with characters like Adora and Catra, (especially Catra like she is a TEASE) I always thought it'd be great. Who doesn't love oblivious gays? Their dynamic in this is also great, especially all the flirting and teasing. BUT, of course, it also a bit angsty too. I can promise you you'll love it!

10. Chocolate and Roses vs. Heartache by Trashibesensei 9000+ words

[High School AU][T]

Another high school AU...I know I have a problem leave me alone. This time, if you couldn’t tell by the title, there’s some heartache involved, because: this Valentines Day, Adora doesn’t spend it with her best friend (now ex bestie) Catra. Even despite her popularity that she now has due to being the star player of Bright Moon’s soccer team, she can’t shake of how much she yearns for her old friend. Somehow, even with all the angst, it is still sO fucking FUNNY, the way Mermista was written was great, and she had some of THE best lines. But yeah, it’s so pure and just - Catra needs a hug, Adora needs a hug, they need to hug EACH other tbh! It had a very nice and hopeful message, and also kinda surprised me with the end.

11. someone you like by caela 5000+ words

[High School AU][T]

As a gen z, or x, or whatever the fuck I am, I always appreciate a fic where the characters say stupid shit over Instagram to their crushes which results it getting a date to prom. Although I can assure you that would never happen to me. But this So FUCKING cute and funny so READ.

12. this is what it's like when we collide (this is how you bring me back to life) by azul (7daysoftorture) 5000+ words

@bluelipgloss

[Canon Universe][G]

This galaxy brain fic is amazing and that’s ThE TEA. Catra gets a wish stone from Hordak and we all knowww, WHO she (subconsciously) craves - Adora, which obviously leads to hell breaking loose, because, disaster gays. Anyway read this it’s great and made me feel forget about the cruel world we live in.

13. Five Times Catra was a Cat and One Time the Cat was Catra by sunscreams 2400+ words

@catradoramma

[Canon Universe][T]

A BELLE, well written 5 + 1 which is just pure fluff (some hurt/comfort too) and Catra being Catra (so a loveable pain in the ass) after joining Adora in Bright Moon.

14. Vital Signs by SereneKarma 2000+ words

@serene-karma

[Modern AU][G]

Like a dumbass Catra breaks her leg and gets put in hospital, but hey - it’s okay as long as she’s got a cute nurse to look after her! It’s pretty funny just based on the concept alone so read ThIs BiSh.

15. You put the cracks into my moral code by Littleamethystc 3000+ words

@littleamethystc

[Gang AU][T]

Catra is a hotshot mafia member, Glimmer and Bow are the PoPo, and Adora is underestimated as HELL. It’s also pretty funny, like the whole concept is just perfect, so check it out!

16. The Best Gift I Could Ever Ask For by blueninjasharpshooter 1500+ words

[Modern AU][G]

Just a short n sweet fic of Adora celebrating her birthday which she forgot, and also Adora has a pocket knife in her boot, which is so accurate lmaooo. As well as having the most accurate character portrayals, AWWWWwwwww, was my reaction to the end of this fic, so read it to find out wHY.

17. but i still don’t wish death on ‘em (i just reflect on ‘em) by ayushi_writes 1500+ words

@ayushipop

[Canon Universe][G]

(Post S1) A year after the battle of Bright Moon, Adora and Catra are standing on a cliff, and Catra finally has a chance to end it all. But WilL she?!?!  Let’s just say, Catradora are the queens of promises.

18. Whiskey and Eggnog by briony8969 3500+ words

@briony8969

[Modern Christmas AU][G]

A cute Christmas fic where a nervous Adora goes home for the first time in months with her new friends from college, scared of what they’ll think but more scared of a certain SOMEONE she hasn’t spoken to in months. So basically: sexual tension gAlore.

19. She's a Regular by BaronVonChop 1500+ words

@baronvonchop

[Coffee Shop AU][G]

Adora is gay. Catra is gay. Catra works at a coffee shop (badly), and Adora goes to said coffee shop soo much, that it gets on her friends nerves, coz she very obviously likes to flirt with a Catra. It’s funny too. That’s it. That’s the fic and I love it.

20. Hand in Hand, We Make Our Way to The End by thethirdphiladelphiavireo 6500+ words

[Canon Universe - Soulmate AU][T]

Catra and Adora figure out they are soulmates after years of not knowing what it meant, but OBVIOUSLY, cannot communicate like mature humans, because - same.

21. How Do You Tell A Girl You Really Like Her Eyes? by Gay_Panic 1000+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Pre Canon)Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, a very gay, very wholesome, very nice first kiss fic. They are very gay for each other in this one, they don’t even care if KYLE catches them kissing.

22. Tender Moments by yesimgay 1500+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

(Post-war) Catra still feels guilty about everything she did to Adora in the past, so instead of sleeping at the foot of the bed as usual , she decides to sleep next to Adora...So there’s fluff, lots of fluff, and it is very tender.

23. Perfectly intertwined by dragonesdepapel 2000+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

On Catra’s first official day in Bright Moon, Adora drags her to a festival and they do cute things and it’s cute, and you should defo read it.

24. a girl without freckles is like a sky without stars by dear_universe 900+ words

@catralovesgirls

[Canon Universe][G]

More bed sharing because I CANNOT help myself, I love fics like these! Catra can’t sleep without Adora on her first night at the rebellion, so, she knocks on Adora’s door and things go from there.

25. Something to remember you by by DBsean 3000+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

Adora sneaks back into the fright zone in attempt to retrieve something, when Catra catches her. It’s cute af. Despite the circumstances.

26. Skiffs & Ships by mysteryinc 900+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

(Pre-show) Just two gals being pals who missed each other a fuck ton while on separate missions. It’s pretty cute.

27. Starstruck by InvisiblePinkToast 2500+ words

@invisible-pink-toast

[Canon Universe][G]

(Pre-show) A lil bit of angst, and nightmares, and a little bit of fluff, Stargazing and bed sharing - what more could you need?

28. a truth so loud you can't ignore by adverbialstarlight 2500+ words

@adverbialstarlight

[High School AU][T]

Catra ignores the growing feelings she has for her best friend, until the truth is so loud she can’t ignore it (see what I did there?) But for real tho this fic really gave me angst that hurt my soul then fluff that healed it, so we StAN.

29. Horde kids are just Like That by gerti 1500+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Canon Divergence) What would happen if when Adora defected the Horde, her and  Catra where still girlfriends? Read this to find out because it’s FUCKING hilarious lmaoooo, like it’s so absurd but somehow still makes perfect sense.

30. The First Step by oldmountainsoul 2900+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Post S1) Apologies which end in getting shoved out off trees are now exclusively for the Catradora fandom only.

31. (You’re My) Haven by giraffewrites 400+ words

@giraffewrites

[Canon Universe - Pre Canon][G]

(Pre-Canon) Adora only kisses Catra when she thinks she’s asleep, but my girl Catra ain’t playing no more so one night she just goes in for the KILL, Aka, cute dorks just being cute dorks.

32. Beyond the Screen by SereneKarma 5000+ words

@serene-karma

[Youtuber AU][G]

If you can't tell I really like YouTuber AU's. Catra being the angsty gal she is starts a YouTube channel to rant about her old best friend who practically vanished when she was 15, and her viewers (who definitely have no life) end up finding her.

33. come on, sugar, don't you leave early by thesqian 1500+ words

Twitter: @crnkgmeplys

[Modern AU][G]

Two gays at a gay wedding, who clearly have some shit going on, but it’s okay because gay weddings always bring gays together. I said gay a lot in that sentence. Read the fic, it’s short n sweet and cute, so you can’t go wrong!

34. but we could never stay away (from each other) by adorassword 1500+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

Catra and Adora have a nice, not so nice chit chat on Adora’s balcony late at night, - these two need LOVE, and I needed a hug after reading this coz damn. Damn.

35. bad ideas by ranpoandpoe 1000+ words

[University AU][T]

How we all wish thinking about your crush at 2am would go. That’s the only context I’m giving, so READ IT.

Also, here are some of my fav one shots I’ve written:

Two Sides Of The Same Coin 1000+ words

[Gang AU][T]

If I was perfect 2500+ words

[Modern AU][T]

And check out my Catradora week series, however my fav is:

damn you, unrequited love 7000+ words

[Modern/Sixth Form AU][T]

Here are some more series packed with fics that I’ve really enjoyed too!

Catradora Oneshots by clicheusername5678 @hey-adora

Catradora Tumblr Prompts BY sunscreams @catradoramma

if I grind my teeth at night, would you hear it? By poetroe

in the bottom of a coffee cup  + pieces by inkwelled (their stuff is great)

Twitter: adorascatrq

Anyway, I hope you guys appreciate this, it took quite a while lol. I had a lot of fun making it, and I hope you check out some of the fics on the list (maybe all if you're a crazy mf)

Until next time (:

#micah n spop #spop #she-ra #she ra and the princesses of power #catradora #fic recs #micahs fic recs #micahs recs #adora #catra #spop catra #spop adora #fan fics #she ra netflix #i ship

[bthump]

How do you think guts, griffith and their relationship would be if they were both women or if one of them was a woman?

If one of them was a woman it would be canon lol, no question, no hesitation, no one would doubt it for a second.

If both were women, I mean, it would depend. Personally when it comes to f/f AUs I like to change as little as possible. If the character isn’t feminine as a man I don’t want them to be feminine as a woman, I don’t want to put all my effort into contemplating how socialization would affect them and change them, yk. The appeal to me isn’t about examining gender roles or the effect of misogyny or w/e, the appeal to me is hot women with the same dynamic as the m/m ship I love lol.

So that said, f/f griffguts would be the goddamn ideal man.

Like just imagine big buff butch Guts and dapper elegant butch Griffith with the exact same personalities and dynamic and hair as they have in canon. (Though Griff with more androgynous short hair would also be good tbf.)

Now you can go 2 ways with this: nothing much changes, and Griffith rising up into the nobility through military achievement and charm still works. In fairness, Casca didn’t get any grief when she became a recognized war hero and got knighted, so while Griffith would have another barrier standing between her and success, it might still work fine. I mean Miura namedropped Rose of Versailles as an inspiration, so there that’s just another similarity. They could even wear suits to the ball, because why not, it would be hot.

Charlotte would presumably be a prince in this, and just as reluctant to actually rule, and Griff would still be aiming for marriage and political power.

OR Charlotte could still be a princess, and Griffith’s entire modus operandi would change from marriage and somewhat secured power to pure court politics and influence. She could still seduce Charlotte, and convince her not to marry and to take on the mantle of Queen Regnant with Griffith at her back, advising her every step of the way and being her emotional support.

She’d still have to have risen into the nobility through military feats tho or else how would she meet Guts? I could imagine a version of Griffith who follows like, more of a The Favourite track and pulls herself from household servant to nobility while seducing a queen, but I can’t imagine f!Guts as anything other than a mercenary.

So they’re both still mercenaries, they have the same relationship as in canon. Casca’s also still a woman in this, so you get an epic complicated f/f/f/f love quadrangle into the deal.

Griffith as the centre between Charlotte, Guts, and Casca. Seducing Charlotte feels like work and is wrapped up in her dream/guilt issues/self-loathing/etc and it’s just kind of miserable. Casca’s crush on her reminds her of her duty as a leader and also reminds her of her dream but from more of a position of power - Casca is someone who helps her be strong and emotionally repressed. They’re not fucking or anything, but yk, Casca still has her crush. And her relationship with Guts is the freeing one, the one that makes her forget her dream and just feel loved and secure and worthy all on her own even without achieving anything.

Guts who is in love with Griffith but feels inadequate next to Charlotte and even Casca, who considers settling with Casca and maybe they both rebound together briefly before realizing it’s just not going to work because they’re both too hung up on Griffith.

Casca torn between her impossible love for Griffith and feeling like she could potentially fall in love with Guts, but knows that Guts is hung up over Griffith and she can’t compete with the idea of her.

AND hey how about endgame griffguts and Charlotte/Casca? Casca and Charlotte meet by chance and end up becoming friends, and Charlotte eventually realizes that her thing with Griffith is completely hollow compared to her real genuine friendship with Casca, and then they fuck and some unrelated griffguts drama finally convinces Griffith that love is all you need and everyone lives happily ever after or whatever.

I mean one change that would follow from both of them being women is that Griffith would probably not have made the same Promrose Hall speech lol, since it starts with Griffith philosophizing about why men like to fight. So instead of tragedy and torture and demons you just get fun court politics and relationship drama.

Though otoh she still could’ve made a very similar speech about not having any friends, and everything could’ve gone exactly the same as canon. Except no stupid fetus thing. Damn, that’s actually perfect. I’d even love gtsca, as yk, a failed attempt at a rebound. I still wouldn’t ship them like I ship griffguts and I would still be a little creeped out by their post-Eclipse stuff, but I mean overall I would enjoy the fuck out of their awful toxic doomed thing lol.

I guess maybe NGriff would have a bit of a harder time securing her power, but I mean, have the pontiff call her a saint or messiah or whatever and have Charlotte appoint her as regent and boom, easy.

And then Farnese’s crush on Guts would be 500x better, and like, honestly most of his storyline would be infinitely improved if he was a woman and there was no moonlight boy. Maybe even Isidro would be less of a dumb asshole if his hero the hundred man slayer was a woman lol.

Like literally the only thing that I would not prefer wrt the f/f version of the characters would be the sexual assault backstories tbh. And like, whatever, still definitely worth it.

#Anonymous #ask #headcanons #ty for asking! sorry it took me a day to respond #there's so much worth discussing wrt f/f griffguts au #ship: griffguts #ship: gtsca #also sorry i really have no interest in considering the story if only one of them was a woman so i mostly skipped that #but it would absolutely be canon come on nothing would even have to change for it to be considered canon #it's not that they would've kissed or w/e it's that if everything was exactly the same but one was a woman it would universally be #considered a tragic love story #character thoughts #other au

[mifhortunach]

some Unfortunate vague vambling into the void wrt tpf

The book is a grail quest, about ppl - either knowingly or unknowingly - on grail quests, and (with/presuming the small amount that can Ever be discerned about SL) written during/around a time when a grail quest was essentially occurring/could-would be a comfort narrative. Its a surprise (to me at least) that its, as Hopeful(?) as it is*. growth occurs! people move on & move past traumas/big Events(tm)! 

I had wanted to compare it to ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’ for some reason**, but its honestly not especially similar. If one was to take ILD as a starting point, as people/LD trapped in a cycle by the v nature of Who They Are, TPF kinda jumps from that point, or some a point of hitting a level of Rock Bottom and Acting/. For some of the characters its been a more gradual shift into decisive action, (Tracy, ARY Lewis), while w others its a hitting breaking-point/epiphanous kinda thing (Bob, Sid & Danny) - action is Spurred, etc. 

A reading could be taken then, as Action as Redemptive Force, mayhaps***. in certain cases. maybe. Sid & Danny, would probs be the easiest players to be reading this theme from, “fucking up”**** & then immediately deciding ‘yk what! lets find this fckd up old musician dude u/i really loved, and ask him to restart his 60s-70s band but w us in it this time’. SO! then they go from essentially wasting away, getting high & rehashing old routines & watching/critiquing awful (beastiality) pornos, to going on their drug-smuggling funded ‘grail quest’, to meeting & reteaching the dude guitar, to Genuinely /Finding/ the grail - before (thru an act of giving up on Expectations / releasing Bitterness) - giving it up. the previous wallowing / lacking of Authenticity is Absolved though all tht, as is a long standing weirdness between them regarding giving up on what could've been their Original /Actually Lucrative/ band*****. ARY Lewis thru action comes to terms / peace w himself even tho he Doesn't find his grail, Tracy finds a kinda “peace” thru a ‘mortifying ordeal of being known’ thing, etc etc. The man (SG Lee) loves his Things Bigger Than The Self stuff i guess.

As a theme this can maybe Also be seen in reverse/inversion, w Abby (p fckn minor character), not rly being Unredeemed or anything, mostly bc she starts off as one of the ppl Least in the gutter. but from the like, glances/vignettes of her once she leaves the main story ( “[god] has a hack screenwriter’s sense of drama” ), shes now set a drift in a way tht she kinda wasn't before, and as it goes on loses diff aspects of control/certainties in her own life. i don't think shes mabs treated as sympathetically as she maybe ought to be? could the loss of these things be read into as a weird punishment for /NOT/ going on or supporting ppl going on grail quests******** ? idk ! or idk, the ending w PR running off bc he's finally found that cigerette end, and her then missing the Avril Lavigne’s hit early 00s song ‘sk8r boy’ reminiscent bit w S&D ringing her up to send her audio of the 1st of the New round tabyls’ gigs, might be read as her still being Stuck/. everyone else has (to one degree or another) improved their position since the start of the book, except her, as the only thing she now no longer has is a deadweight boyfriend and his kinda grody bffl, otherwise everything is The Same.  

Not surprised tht he (i think?) doesn't think its necessarily aged well? or. that it is no longer Quite as Relevant bc of the internet & stuff - idrk if thats Properly True******* - both bc that kinda thing can Just About still happen, but also bc if there wasn't a p minor mention of 1997 being in the past, you'd probs assume it was set earlier. ditto some of the concerns wrt oh, You Know, fckn, Exoticism/native american/shaman stuff - which i don't think is bad/ignorant/racist! but its always difficult to tell, and everything (but which i legit mean Everything/ in Gen, in The World) could use more Nuance.  

I had smth else i wanted to say, but I've forgotten what it is tbqh - & ofc, this has mostly been an exercise in Thought ReHashment(tm). It might've been that the ending seems Terribly/ Tidy. like, i don't think there could BE another ending? but its very Neat: the Bad are punished, some leads are paired off in a (presumably) cishet coupling, bad feelings are trowelled up & buried, the bois remake a hot, niche & authentic band, Luther Peyote can play the guitar again: Picture Perfect. Its an ending that fits, its an ending tht (i think? idk Anything abt this kinda thing) puts emphasis on the quest-y stuff, and the poss redemption angle; but it feels like a far remove from the kinda squalor of the first while - which is probs another point in its favour, rip.*********   

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*not to say/imply (ofc! ofc!!) tht this might be seen as somewhat ooc of stewart lee, but it still kinda caught me off-guard. poss bc its a Very Tidy wrap-up, and it happens quite fast, i felt. but tht might just be the time that in it. 

**this reason may have been qs of #authenticity! or maybe just bc things/backgrounds/the world are kinda gross

*** “almost. action as redemptive force (as a form off faith/belief? faith/belief as redemptive force - if not in a god, in the World or Others?)” -> thats from the Even Worse! orig version of this, lmao. but also Action as a way of Escape/breaking a cycle

****for want of a better descrip

***** the orig uhm, idfk, them lemon boys, could probs be read into - if one Wanted to read too much into these things mabs - as some kinda weird parallel to the original On The Hour stuff(?) w AL vs L&H, & how they Didn't get royalties/whatever was up there. you'd never be able to be either Accurate or Sure about that though, even w certain traits of S&D being p clearly lifted from L&H, or old SL routines - theyre not Explicit or Perfect cyphers/inserts yk?******

****** following on! (if i may) some of the. not /Tension/,, but smth similar, w S&D often feels. not truly emotionally resolved? or just like, Unclear/ at times. the whole novel speeds up a fair bit once more than 2 (two) characters have to be properly juggled in a scene. [which is to say tht in some real Old L&H interviews, (usually in the ones where L isn't present, lmao) RH says tht SL gets ‘embarrassed’ by having to directly explore how ppl might feel about each other/relationships yk? can't say thats necessarily true! but it Is smth i couldn't help thinking about. but emotional exploration & openness is also the realm of fanfic, so maybe I'm asking too much, fgdksh] 

*******im trying not to use the word ‘necessarily’ here again

******** for the small sum of €5 a month, you too could support a pilgrim on a grail quest

*********tho tbf, could also v much be influenced by the whole thing being written over the better part of a decade, place/s while writing & stuff yk? idfk

#long post / #sorry to ppl who read mores won't work w #i read a kinda (quite) old (2010?) interview where he mentioned poss writing another book - this one being set in heaven lmao #- and i do kinda wonder whats up w that now - but I'm also holding out hope for HIEMCF pt2: comedy skadoo or w/e doing the last couple of #*shows. or at least CRW oof #ppp #as much as the man provided 'self-indulgent footnotes' u KNOW tht if RH had written a novel he would've provided a new re-annotated edition #which would help u read into it SO MUCH MORE than anyone would've originally thought necessary #& u would've gotten a whole buncha WU entries during the course of it as well smdh #now for something Of Worth #& Now! for something of Worth hopefully/ oof #s

[lookingforasphodels]

I posted 844 times in 2021

25 posts created (3%)

819 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 32.8 posts.

I added 113 tags in 2021

#personal - 29 posts

#the pale horse - 20 posts

#webtoon - 12 posts

#pro daenerys - 10 posts

#daenerys targaryen - 9 posts

#anti got - 7 posts

#manhwa - 7 posts

#art - 7 posts

#anti sansa stans - 6 posts

#manga - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 72 characters

#he is really gonna make her embody all the tropes he had her deconstruct

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Daenerys Targaryen, created using Artbreeder. It’s nothing special but I think there’s a resemblance with Emilia, so I’m satisfied.

1 notes • Posted 2021-11-30 01:13:13 GMT

#4

Daenerys, second try using Artbreeder and iPiccy. I think this might be a little closer to Emilia.

1 notes • Posted 2021-11-30 01:29:28 GMT

#3

I’m reading The Pale Horse and I can scarcely believe that a Webtoon so perfect exist. 

6 notes • Posted 2021-03-21 22:53:32 GMT

#2

Even if he's not really giving a proof about book end=show end, or "evil" Dany, or even her burning any city literally, accidentally or not, what becomes clear to me by this quote is that he's actively dog whistling to that part of the fandom who is looking forward to that sexist, slavery apologist shitshow coming up also in the books. He wants their money, too, and apparently not demoralize them too early. That reference can't be innocent after the finale has been broadcast to the whole world.

Part 2:

He validates the show end that way, the misogyny, the racism, the toxic political undercurrents. So either it IS his ending (no matter he has no valid set-up for it in ASOIAF), revealing what HE really has been all about all the time, and he's also guilty for it, or he is guilty by validating it as a legit version that is fine for people to support, like and expect in the books. Tbf, there is no excuse for him, and there hasn't been any since 2019.

All of this. It's honestly shocking that the hugely negative reaction to Dany being murdered didn't scare George off the ending he planned. But after all, he is primarily writing for himself and his male audience. He is, in a sense, smart, because the fanboys will want to see either Stannis or Jon winning. And those same fanboys hate Dany with a passion. But in pleasing them George is indeed also throwing Dany's anti-slavery campaign to the (literal) wolves. As well as depicting all those POCs in her armies as vicious invaders and as unrepentant rapists.

And evil men cheer him for it.

7 notes • Posted 2021-11-27 22:17:16 GMT

#1

Daenerys, created with Artbreeder and iPiccy (it’s not a tracing from a photo of Emilia). I fixed the color and some particulars of my previous version.

26 notes • Posted 2021-12-03 21:53:06 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #that was fun #personal #my art

[wombathos]

1.5 never kill a boy on the first date

- “plunge and move on. plunge and - oh hello” one thing the first two seasons have going for them is all those times when giles and buffy hang around graveyards. it’s wholesome. also does buffy ever actually get to the point where she’s just plunging and moving on or

- oh I miss that early buffy thing where they make a big deal of individual vampires or groups of vampires (or assassins or whatever) with like fancy names and stuff who are meant to be particularly strong and then they get killed by buffy pretty fast and that’s that* - like it makes sense because s1 is so big on the vampire pomp and the rituals and the fancy orders and then that gets increasingly rejected (later seasons is more investigating types of demons or spells and less actual personalities, excepting big bads) (but then s5 had knights of byzantium, the human equivalent, so it’s not like this kinda thing completely goes away). anyway it makes sense you can only do that trope of *announcing the special vampires* so often, and it’s sort of pleasing how fast buffy moves beyond the big old names of the business to the new hip thing, robots and gods and washed-up nerds and the like

- “he’s more oweny” “sure he has a certain owenosity” this is well-covered ground but buffy does language good

- in the midst of all the high stakes (and regular stakes), it’s always nice just how earnestly btvs plays a lot of the high school-y emotional beats. there’s enough irony and comedy and cheesiness coexisting - and skill in how btvs manages to mix its tones - that those beats manage to be funny and moving at once

- cordelia’s role in s1 is so funny. she just drops in, does a one liner or two and consistently gets some of the best lines in the process, but is completely separate from the actual plot of the episode until the end of the season - except for occasionally being in danger herself so buffy can rescue her. which means that she’s starring in a show where she has no relevance to the actual plot, for an entire season! and yet she never feels out of place because of that whole thing she has going for her of being buffy’s shadow self and being tied to the mundane stuff that buffy is constantly forced to miss out on - or representing the selfishness buffy has to reject. like in this episode where she gets to dance with owen because buffy didn’t show up, or she’s complaining about the attention buffy gets from guys that buffy can’t really be with either. and because cordelia’s this avatar of the mean girl and so disconnected from buffy’s other life, the slaying, she ends up being central to the entire high school feel that needs to coexist along the slayer stuff for the season to work. so it does work, but in practice it’s still an odd role. I don’t know whether this is entirely my imagination (it might be), but I feel like I read somewhere about spike filling cordelia’s role post-s3 of the voice of doubt or something, and she does kinda remind me of his s4 role where he's just... around. it’s good stuff

- I like this owen and buffy moment where angel is in the middle of the shot between them - he’s out-of-focus in the background throughout the moment. it’s a nice bit of cinematography, especially how buffy briefly leaves the shot as the camera stays in place and then comes back into the shot to kiss owen and then runs off. if you wanted to read more into it, you might say that angel represents buffy’s “work” life (as he calls it in this episode) and thus is what separates buffy and owen (her ordinary, high school desires), which she can only briefly overcome... but that may be a reach

- this episode is the only (non-opener/finale) episode in s1 I can think of without like a really obvious metaphor, mainly because it’s all vamp-focused and setting up plot stuff. beyond the obvious of the vampire stuff keeping her from her social life which is less a metaphor and more a literal interpretation of what’s happening in her life. except, I guess:

- giles: “my father gave me a very tiresome speech about responsibility and sacrifice” buffy: “sacrifice, huh?” given that it’s setting up the finale plot stuff, it makes sense it’s also setting up the thematic finale stuff. suppose there’s a bit of a build up going on with the little sacrifice (no dating) coming before the big one (her life). not to equate slaying with growing up too much, but I suppose that is a heightened version of the teenage experience of having to accept more responsibilities

- always been curious about the problematising of owen enjoying their funeral house outing. from a character writing standpoint, it feels a bit contrived? I can see buffy realising it wouldn’t work just from the whole slayer/ordinary teenager angle, but less because of his actual personality. it’s also the first time (I think) they bring up the idea of enjoying danger too much, which comes up again with faith - and then perhaps most analogously with riley, by which point the idea of her duties being “fun” is even harder for buffy to stomach

*tbf order of aurelius does hang around for ages, I think? they still work with spike in s2 and all. speaking of, spike gets the dramatic special intro thing and he’s not exactly a one episode kinda vamp

#got the screenshot from ~the internet~ since i can't describe it particularly well #anyway it's a nicely composed shot #btvs #leela watches btvs