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amourdivine · 7 months

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💜 𝐃𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄 ♡ 𝑭𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑬𝑿𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑫 18+ 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑰𝑵𝑮 ♡

Hello lovelies! I hope you’re doing well today! Today, I bring you a different type of reading featuring an extended 18+ version. Since the extended reading option was the winner of my latest poll, I am really happy and excited to release this. Thank you so much for your endless support, I love you guys very much and I hope you’re having a wonderful week! ♡

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none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise

how to choose your pile. take deep breaths for a few minutes & look at each and every one of the piles separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later.

♡ ♡ ♡ pick a card masterlist & information

disclaimer. this is a general reading for entertainment purposes. tarot is a divination tool & is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

PILE 001 | DAY VERSION

judgement • page of wands • nine of cups • two of cups

Scorpio energy here - either one of you may have Scorpio in 6th, a stellium the 6th or perhaps you’re Pluto dominant. It’s a significant planet here. Your love for one another on a day-to-day basis will shine through in the way you handle the adversities thrown your way, how you wake up each day with excitement and gratitude for what’s to come. It may have been difficult for the two of you to finally come together, but I see two people waking up with extreme gratitude for getting to be with one another. It’s honestly quite sweet, you’ll feel as if all the roads have led you to this person, to spend your life with them in the big and the small moments.

The love will be shown in the stressful moments, hand holding when one’s having a crisis, calming down one another and facing the challenges together. For example, if you’re regularly waking up to nightmares, your person will calm you down, they’ll accompany you to a doctor’s appointment and do their best to ensure you have good dreams.I heard “through thick and thin” - you’ll be doing and planning everything together. You’ll be in sync, so if one’s doing the groceries, the other will be picking up the kids from school. It has a feeling of telepathy to it, like your thoughts and emotions will be picked up on by the other. It’ll be a very teammate-y kind of couple, the couple that does not let the other go without support. You’ll be very present in each other’s day to day lives and there’s an element of fun to it as well, of trying to keep things lighthearted and romantic as well, like going on weekly dates, making sure to lighten up each other’s mood, check in often and give keep the love alive through these small gestures, consistently.

Speaking of consistently, that’s how I envision your daily life with your FS, through constant commitment, effort, gifts and displays of affection. Your relationship will be a safe foundation for your daily lives, regardless of what happens, it will be so present that you won’t ever feel alone or doubt your FS’s love for you.

channeled song: Colors of Your Mood by Between Giants.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE NIGHT VERSION: YOUR 18+ LIFE.

PILE 002 | DAY VERSION

the sun • seven of wands • four of cups • the empress

Your daily life will have a lot of happy, positive elements. A lot of Leo and Libra here. You’ll make one another laugh a lot, cheer each other up. This person may be or may have been your best friend. I see an element of “inner child” here, a lot of dancing, giggling and nurturing one another. In your daily life, your person may help you stand your ground and you’ll be each other’s biggest cheerleader. Compliments and cheeky ways of flirting are ways where you’ll keep the flame alive, fighting together for a better future as well - you’ll stand up for one another a lot. If someone treats you poorly, like say, you’re walking by and you get catcalled or someone disrespects you at a grocery shop line, your person will say something. You’ll also naturally take on this role as well, because you’ll want to spoil one another a lot and fight to keep your love “young”. Perhaps family members or loved ones will be opposed to this relationship and the both of you will feel the need to prove everyone wrong, to show that you’re each other’s person and it’s the final say.

You will fight off the boredom of routine by keeping everything interesting and unusual. You may travel a lot with one another before having kids or prioritize your relationship’s success and joy above everything else. Even if the two of you don’t have much money, I feel like you’ll be very creative and come up with different ideas to spark up your joy. Both of you may intensely dislike routine or boredom, so you’ll make sure that neither one of you is left unattended, unsatisfied or lonely. I also feel that either one of you may have slightly jealous tendencies towards the other, so it’ll be important for the two of you to never leave it unaddressed or dismissed, but I think it’ll be mostly harmless and may make one of you pouty, which the other will find cute. I see a lot of spoiling here, not just material, like I mentioned, but showering each other in love every single day, especially through words of affirmation and a lot of cuddling. This is the pile of the clingy, obsessed-with-each-other couple. Quite adorable, to be honest. You won’t be afraid of the PDA.

Random message, but if you have any motherly or love wounds, I think you’ll be able to heal through the love you receive from this person on a day to day basis. As if you’ll come at ease and your heart will finally rest once the days pass you by and you realize your marriage is not like your parents”.

channeled song: Chateau by Angus & Julia Stone.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE NIGHT VERSION: YOUR 18+ LIFE.

PILE 003 | DAY VERSION

the hermit • queen of wands • ace of pentacles • seven of cups

Your daily life will be busy in the pursuit of better opportunities. I think this person will encourage you to be your most authentic self with them. They’ll make you feel confident and in your power. This pile is giving me “power couple” vibes, like two people who own a business together and work tirelessly to make their dreams come true. It may be hard for you two to distinguish between one person’s dreams vs. the other, since you’ll both have very similar goals that will be aligned in the way you make choices. Your daily life together seems to be one full of really important decisions; you’re both perfectionists - and sometimes you’ll need each other’s push to simply do something instead of striving for perfection. I heard “done is better than perfect”. I also think you’ll both pursue a lot of intellectual stimuli together, maybe go to the movies or the theater together, museums and libraries. It seems that your daily lives will be very private, exclusive to the two of you, you may be the couple who doesn’t post much on social media but the people speak of a lot. I get the feeling you’re both important people, as I mentioned.

You may be in the public eye in some way. I’m guessing it has to do with your occupations. You can count on each other to only speak the best of one another. I think you and your FS will have a deep sense of loyalty and commitment that will naturally bleed into your day-to-day interactions and conversations. You’ll be the couple who plans the smallest of things together. It’s possible the two of you have similar placements or complementary ones, because the synastry here seems very easygoing, like it just flows naturally and two people are very committed to making it work, regardless. Even on a day-to-day basis, you’ll have interesting topics to talk about and you may be the kind of couple who ask each other’s opinions for everything, not out of codependency, but because they know that their FS has always something interesting to say. I see you spending time together in a more “lowkey” way. Your ways of demonstrating love to one another will be subtle but thoughtful, perhaps only noticeable to the two of you, almost like you’ve developed a secret language to speak to one another. You will get each other like no one else. Very clever and sweet.

channeled song: Cardigan by Taylor Swift.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE NIGHT VERSION: YOUR 18+ LIFE.

PILE 004 | DAY VERSION

two of cups • four of wands • two of pentacles • ace of swords

Most of your day-to-day lives will be spent maintaining and looking after your stability, pile four. Regardless of how many times I shuffled, messages about money kept coming out. I think it’s possible you’ll either marry into wealth or become fairly wealthy after marriage and I feel like most of your routine will revolve around making healthy financial decisions with your FS. I think the two of you will be very, very protective over your family. Another message I got was about children, I think you’ll have plenty of them. It’s coming on very strongly that you’re possibly having big family - like three to five children, if that resonates for you, of course. I see it as a bit of a chaotic, but pleasant daily life regardless. Even if you’re busy looking after all that you have, I think you’ll aim to leave a good legacy behind and that will show early on in your marriage. You’ll be concerned about making good choices not only for the now, but for the future as well. You’re both very smart, witty people. I feel like you may also have a joint bank account, or some other way of holding each other accountable and looking after your material gains. I don’t see any “controlling” behavior here, but more so two people who are enthusiastic about how far they’ve come and how far they can go.

You’re both super hard workers as well. Honestly, it’s possible you may not spend as much time with them as you want to, but I think even when you’re away for a few hours, running errands or working, you’ll miss them. It’s got a feeling of two people who have never fallen out of love. I think you’ll be smitten with them for a very, very long time. I think you’ll also become an example of a healthy couple for your children as well. I’m sorry children are coming up so strongly (lol), but the energy of being busy, loving parents here is very obvious to me. You might become overwhelmed or overburdened by responsibilities at times, because I see here two people who sort of thrive in chaotic or busy environments and at times, you may have to delegate tasks or ask other family members for help. I think either one of you has always dreamt of building a big family and now that you have it, you want to do everything in your power to protect it, to cherish it. One or both of you is a natural provider and wants to give your loved ones all the best things in the world.

channeled song: Still The One by Shania Twain.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE NIGHT VERSION: YOUR 18+ LIFE.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

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accio-victuuri · 10 months

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CPN Round Up : Sugar Rush 2023 Part One 🍭🍬

It’s that time of the year again where i attempt to recap all the sweetness we got from the past 6 months. I may not be able to add every single incident/speculation but i did include the ones that were most talked about, and added some cpn “archaeology” here and there too. most of the links contain multiple cpn, especially since i made a couple of mini round ups for certain time frames or events.

this is also the best time to look back on all the fun we’ve had as a fandom and how the boys give us happiness. i hope this remains the same in the next half of the year and that we continue to support them both. 🫶🏼

past sugar rush posts for reference: 2021 ( one two ) & 2022 ( one two ) ; anything before that is mostly likely archived on my masterlist.

JANUARY 2023

• XZS Vlog Number 3 clues

• NYE CPN things ✨

• Paper Planes again

• A CPN Timeline of how LTS stage was made

• KXZ’s sus greeting and rainbow light show for ZZ’s anniversary with them

• 1/5/2022 tarot card reading of XZ & WYB that made the turtles lose it

• Rainbow Thrasher shirt 🌈

• BLACK PAIRING. 🖤 and the fact that Yibo was doing the same pose as LWJ, keeping his hand behind. the actual performance of yibo also gave way to lots of fanarts of this pairing! they look so good together!

• fake bits & pieces ( additional 45 fake rumors )

• their studios posting on the same day, 1/12 and the similarity of teasing that content will be released in parts

we also see more similarities in the drawings:

The appearance of 🦴 necklace at all the studio rehearsals and even the final one makes me somft. He had to remove it for the stage cause he is meant to be bare. I don’t advertise people to treat this necklace as the indicator of their relationship, but i will be lying if i say i’m not happy seeing it. especially if it’s out there, that he can show it off and not have to hide it.

• XZ & WYB mentioned together three times in one day - 1/14/2023

• YBO’s comment on snow

• 1/17 random cpns = the same trousers again ; 330,000 tickets, bg color of studio posts and YBO’s continuing comments about the weather in the city they are in.

• Bouboo replies to a fan with “DAYTOY” on their username

• CPN @ Xiao Zhan’s lunar new year photos and douyin posts

• XZ’s lunar new year post looks like a movie ticket stub. What a coincidence cause Hidden Blade is also premiering that day ☺️ there was also a cinema that showed XZ’s GUCCI Ad before the show started. Lol. and at the Shanghai Roadshow for Hidden Blade, lots of BXG dolls on in the group photo were captured.

• Hidden Blade Guangzhou roadshow : mention kneepads and looking at dandan doll / yibo asking someone with a suo-er doll and him holding a bjd of himself.

• LRLG contribution 1/23/2023

• XZ’s colleague in ADLAD + Zack ( photographer ) talking about watching Hidden Blade

• 7th day of the Lunar New Year CPN + another xzs and ybo similarity

I don’t usually go for kadians but yibo-official using 13 = yizhan makes me ☺️ ; also the similarity in how they caption posts again. on the same day. yes it’s not an obscure thing to include on a post that is made on the 7th day of the Lunar New Year. Wishing people good luck on a new beginning and all that. but it’s the countless similarities in how their studios do things. they have the same taste? their employees are dating? who knows.

• GG at Sunshine With Me shooting, looking so much like Yibo:

FEBRUARY 2023

• Huang Ziteng posted about watching Hidden Blade and the schedule of the film is coincidentally 10:05

• Yibo shares a post about the snowboards given to him by Su Yiming + sweater paws shadow

• Top comment on Yibo’s 2/2 weibo post is a cpf and similarity with GG using a doge emoji when trying to be humble

• YBO posts about a 🍉 video being fake and it looks the same as xz clarification account. !!!!

• Fandom stories that have been on my mind recently. ( includes cpn on wyb kissing xz backstage of SDC and the 232323 kadian which is “new” for this month. ) old ones mentioned : wyb’s side accounts, a bxg story, changsha home and same day tests.

• 2/4/23 Fake Rumor House contribution

• People in the industry supporting (?) them : GQ photographer is a turtles, Yixuan replies to a fan with daytoy on their username, sungjoo using xz’s cover song as bgm for his douyin post back in 2019 + Yubin doing an unboxing of DVD and praising a spread with zz/wyb on it.

• YBO asks to show off glutinous rice balls and XZ responds ☺️

• Night Light fake rumor & same sun emoji

• Candy compilation from Sunshine By My Side filming wrap up

• Fake Story : riding a bike at night / AI art

• LOYIBOARD 🛹

• On 2/12, Yibo posted a douyin, a stock video where you can clearly see what jacket he is wearing. BXGs noticed that it said “milano” and thought it may be a clue that GG will go to Milan Fashion Week. more explanation here.

• Both boys have been quiet and not “seen” for the better part of Feb, even 2/14 was especially quiet for them online. Yibo-official did post their candid compilation of Hidden Blade behind the scenes but it’s connected to promotions and not exactly for valentines day. It’s a common CPN speculation that when they are together, they get very quiet online and no paparazzi can take their photos. tho I have to say, 2/14 is not that important to them like 520 is. and then come 2/17, it’s interesting how you get to see them. let me rephrase that, they allowed us to see them. xz going to eat a meal with his assistant and wyb filming his drama. i’ve always been a believer that somehow, they can control when people will see them in public. they can be on ninja mode when they want to, especially xz.

the next day which happens to be 2/18/23 Ai Bo Ai Zhan Day, yibo shows up @ Shanghai airport at 6:30 in the morning. knowing that he finished filming past 10:00 PM, dressed in skinny jeans and looking so stylish. which is not his usual airport fashion these days. he will be in beijing for a couple of hours ( no one really knows for what ) and returned to SH the same day @ 5PM. turtles hope they saw each other atleast. Bobo really chooses the early flight so he can be with ZZ longer. ☺️☺️☺️

• Lost General Jewelry

• Chengyi comic about ZZ cutting his hair before going off to see WYB

• Them looking so similar with these photos, GG’s is from his 2/22 Milan flight. The same hair. looking like twins. Also, one of ZZ’s photos had that BOarding design & photo. Yes I know it fits the whole theme of the pictures but still, turtles’ DNA was moved. Lol.

• Using the same security personnel @ PEK?

• ZZ was spotted buying LEGO

• The similarity in their photo composition

• ZZ created an instagram account and his username has similarities to Yibo’s. Again. Same brain cell.

• 2/24 Fashion Show appearance minor candies

• Zhan-ge saw the balloons coded with all the colors! BXGs! ❤️💛💚 @ Tod’s Milan fashion show venue entrance

• This one is hilarious, Bobi in Milan? @ Tod’s store visit 😂

• cpn on yibo-official being quiet during MFW

• a possible connection to yibo’s CCTV performance to ZZ’s suzhou embroidery gift

MARCH 2023

• GUCCI infinite possibilities meaning, ZZ’s veteran cadres style and same emoji

• XZS Chapter 5 vlog candies

• giving thoughtful gifts

• Weibo night account posts a recommendation photoset for person of the year and they put their photos right next to each other. 🤍

• we hear “ i love you” in XZS vlog chapter 5

• Bottled joy campaign/s cpn

• Web’s 3/8/23 instagram post

• A really CPN-y instagram data. HAHAHAHAHA!

• wooyoungmi brand revisited

• Liu Daichu says WYB & XZ are hard to shoot - not so much cpn cause this is really unfortunate that they have to deal with bs like this. however it goes to show how they deal with their fame is becoming more and more similar and they apply the same security for themselves.

• 3/11 zsww rumor house

• more cpn from 2017

• yibo-official related candies

• xiao zhan as a distraction

• similar looking shirt. lol. Yibo, did you borrow this from zhan ge???

• yibo knitting sort of confirmed

• gg’s infinity ring ♾️

• LRLG 3/24/2023 contribution

• Same hotel in Shanghai rumor

• the weibo night 22’ seating arrangement. so near yet so far.

• Weibo Night 22’ candy round up

• XZS posting 8 photos, XZ re posting ads at 10:18 and his missing post-show selfie

• Tencent Video weibo account unintentionally matching XZ/WYB

• Weibo night 22’ exclusive interview sweet bits 💕

• WYB looking at ZZ’s direction 👀

• New Wuji recording easter egg : play with the cat

• 3/29 XZS vlog candies

APRIL 2023

• Esquire Magazine Parallels / CPN

• A new CQL bts photo 😘😘😘

• Colosseum parallels

• Peninsula iron box BGM

• Another example of XZ missing the 10:10 posting time to give way for WYB’s repost of BTF trailer.

• THEM in white shirt and soft cardigan. I love it when they put on the same/similar style!

• not really cpn but an example of a brand using art made by a cpf

• one & only’s release is 7/28 which aligns to double airport 1.0 / bazaar shoot & yizhan ttxs episode

• same city ( shanghai ) 4/11

• red string bracelet of lei yu appears again

• “matching” post for china television arts committee

• boys in esspensive cardigans! 💕

• 2019 kangol bucket hat coincidence

• chengyi comic - kumquat lemon tea 🍋

• zenith pilot series ✈️

• yibo-ge x xiao-ge 👀

• matching shiatzy chen black and white outfit

• LRLG connection to BTF accidental rollover, Anessa livestream sweets, JD mascot heart with a mole and Fake story ( magic wand and minions )

• them going on HS together @ 4/23 & wyb shut up hs + minor candies ( esquire coincidence, #5 seat, bone necklace, kids lovin them )

• 4/25 candy post

• 4/26 yibo official post with 13 photos and heart with a (.)

• same way of tying their shoelace means they are in the same city or together

• ZZ’s GUCCI Cosmos event CPN

• Fake rumor of what happened in Shanghai when they met ( 4/26 )

• the word “wyb” heard in xzs vlog

• same ip address of shanghai even if XZ was in Xi’An. Fans are saying, WYB might have logged on using a different phone number ( GG’s account ) and that’s how it changed. Because if this was a staff, most of them are in Xi’An or in their Beijing office.

MAY 2023

• May Day Candies - ( ZZ’s off white pants, rumor 1 : learning how to cook and zz giving wyb a rabbit charm rumor 2: couple jackets, in the same magazine, heart with a mole again on ybo

• pickle side dish, bruce lee and btf people supporting adlad ♥️

• number 5 seat on zz’s post, yibo and his pots & pans + the story of plane models

• XZ cues Wei Ruolai and WYB “dreams” hoodie

• THEM LOOKING SO MUCH LIKE EACH OTHER 😂😂😂😂

• Friday clowning - ( includes : ADLAD castmate posts cpf photos, same line in GG’s note & LRLG post script, Ryukakusen & XZS/YBO same symbols )

• Sunday candies 🫶🏼 WYB’s departure to LA & Xiao Zhan’s Molsion photos + use of captions

• Clean Eyes song and XX symbol ( XZS molsion live event behind the scenes )

• Bag/Phonecase WYB bought @ LA

• Chanel Cruise CPN photo parallels

• Yibo’s instagram photo reel & story

• The CPN about matching phone case went on HS

• XZS & YBO split photo similarity 📷

• Ace Troops cake CPN, Molsion offline event launch clues & sunset

• The fact that when they started being in the same city again, Yibo couldn’t stay away from Beijing. He had work with EVISU, so he left Beijing in the evening of 5/15, went to Shenzhen / Zhuhai. Then 5/16, did his business and went back to Beijing in the evening. He really organizes his schedule so he doesn’t have to be away from BJ that much. They will be in the same city till XZ leaves for Condor Heroes workshop & Shooting in Hengdian 🥹

Also his EVISU car has 1991 on it. Yes 91 was when the brand was established but please let me clown on this. lol.

• 85 is also Z28 design

• XZS posts a photo that shows his phonecase even after the HS and then on 520, HZT, the actor who plays Lan Qiren posts a very suspicious douyin video related to it.

• 520/521 ZSWW fake stories

• Yibo using the photo for weibo night 22-23

• The story of the 85 logo

• HUABIAO AWARDS CANDIES : their movies featured as key works in 2023 + Bunny drawing in the background ; Chanel Brooch 🎀

• WYB’s btf co star said he has a delicious beef dish that he eats and people are wondering if it’s the “sauced beef” that cpfs think is from GG’s mom.

• Same phone case timeline

• Candies from WYB’s Chunzhen event + XZ’s team denying a melon about a collab with his former co-star

• 5/28 ( A day that two topics about XZ & WYB together went on hot search ) ONE TWO

• NEW chengyi comic about accidentally listening to a horror podcast & sleeping together

• random old candies

• Cherries 🍒

• WYB’s Fly streetwear shirt going to Japan

JUNE 2023

• Maison Kitsune Couple Shirt. WYB’s is for his Chunzhen Fanmeet & GG’s is for Roborock Ad. Yeah, it’s a pretty good brand that they have both worn before but does it have to be from the same line? and look so much like each other? and for us to see it in a span of a few days on them 5/27 and 6/1? I’m sorry if we’re clowning so much here but we can’t help it.

• 6/1, their studio accounts posting so close to each other. XZS shared WDB video & YBO re posted a one and only movie promo. What a nice coincidence. This would have been something to ignore if we didn’t have so many XZS 🤝 YBO candies. Then just minutes later, YBO posts the photoshoot for WYB’s Chanel show and one of the layouts look like XZS. 😂 also using the sunglasses emoji

• WYB’s Chanel Japan show clowning + WDB drawings resembles Web

• An unusual increase of hot searches that associate XZ and WYB ✨

• Bottled Joy saga Part 3

• both of their works featured in National Cinema Movie Promotion Conference. movie stars! 🎞️

• XZ found to be wearing Uggs

• Minor candies from Douyin Movie Wonder Night

• THIS RIGHT HERE ⬇️⬇️⬇️

• WDB cast and their connection to web: one / two

• Yibo is an introvert and Chunsheng is an extrovert

• Mosquito jokes 🦟🦟🦟

• CPN WRAP UP ( includes : yuli interview clues, bottled joy using their colors for panther and guangdian drawing, numbers on evisu ad, posting almost one hour apart, cute dogs and missing lyrics )

• weekend cpn : same expression, not holding hands, shuke x beita and other sweets

• 6/20, BJYX went on hot search

• BJYX IS BE was gone in the hot search

• Moncler Event CPN

• Heurueh brand

• LRLG leaves yibo-official

• some “new” photos from SINA visit

• Infinity sign on WYB’s clothes

• “how they sleep” CPN

• there are conversations that when WYB went back to Beijing after the Moncler event, he was spending time with GG. it’s also because the shoot for Condor Heroes was delayed so they both suddenly had time to be in the same city 😊

• same-style clothes for recent released ads - NANS

• 6/26 rumors that GG/Web will be participating in the same event and their sus airpot schedules!!!!

• Yubin shares a video and we get a 1 second clip of the boys eating hotpot

• 6.29 Hongkong Event : Timeline & CPNs

That’s all for now!

See you by the end of the year <3

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do

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charmedreincarnation · 1 year

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https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/715801428071972864/hey-maya-what-are-your-thoughts-on-the?source=share

Not this anon but wait that means I can manifest a certain afterlife? Like there isn't one destined afterlife but it can be whatever we want it to be?

I wish there was a voice audio setting because I would tell you guys so many stories! but anyways I’ll tell you guys about a specific occurrence that happened when I was around 13/16 that changed my perspective on everything.

Basically I used to go to church often . My family is pretty religious, and at the time, I wasn’t even really religious, but I still followed Christianity. I had gotten into manifesting but I still believed in god pretty avidly (and still do just not in a religious way) so I didn’t mind going.

Anyways there was this super religious girl who I would talk to everytime I went. guys I mean she was giving cult. Cross tattoos, Bible reading club everyday, and she could read the Bible word for word backwards probably! I don’t really like super avidly religious people who make their entire life abt god and every conversation abt it, but idk for her I could tolerate it. She was super sweet and her passion was admirable.

I remember she stopped coming to church and I knew something was wrong because this girl would rather die than miss service. Turns out she was in an accident and was probably going to die, so we held a huge fundraiser for her family. At the time I didn’t know what happened to her because no one talked about it after the fundraiser and I didn’t have her phone number so I just assumed she died.

Then when I was 16, so atp pretty into manifesting and not into church anymore I saw her at a tarot shop.. that she owned. Now it’s a general consensus astrology, tarots and stuff is against Christianity. (not that I cared regardless I still was into that shit) but The Sarah (fake name) I knew Would never step foot into what she called a “devil worshipping temple”

But it was definitely her and she looked so different. She used to have long brown hair, wore traditional clothing, would never show skin etc. this girl had a pixie cut with black hair, so many tattoos of sigils and zodiac stuff on her body, so many piercings, and was wearing booty shorts!! I almost didn’t recognize her but she said hi to me and I was in shock. This bitch owns a crystal shop.. Holy Sarah owns a crystal shop!! atp I believed the rapture was about to start bc what the hell

Anyways I asked her how she was and what happened, because I assumed she was dead. And she said she was. She had been officially dead for 5 straight seconds, but was “brought” back with those machines. I told her she looks good but why the change in lifestyle. she said when she died, she was in a black space of nothing but still had thoughts. She didn’t see Jesus or the purgatory or whatever, all she had was herself. She was crying to herself in this void like space as she knew it was the end, and the atheists were right. We become nothing when we die. Then she just wished to come back, and she said she would do anything to come back, and then she did. She awoke again and when she did she got into spirituality and it changed her life.

16 year old me at this point was pretty deep into my spiritual research and she basically confirmed what I had believed since I was 8. We choose what happenes when we die and we can do the same for our life on earth. I pretty much talked to her for hours, until I had to go because my mom doesn’t want me in those “weird” shops either. Anyways I assume the “space” she was in was the void state, but I didn’t know what that was until the end of 2021 ofc so I couldn’t make the connection at the time.

But I mean it makes sense. we have free will, so if we can decide every aspect of our life while alive, why would that change at death. death isn’t the end, just a beginning of whatever new chapter you want or believe it to be. Just my belief ofc :) you’re inclined to believe whatever !

#law of assumption #manifesation #void state #manifesting #reality shifting #law of attraction #self concept #void success

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milo-is-rambling · 4 months

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I watched a new show (carol and the end of the world on Netflix) and now I’m gonna be annoying about it okay cool ,,,

I watched Carol and the end of the world this last week and it was quite nice. It’s definitely different. You’ll either like it or you won’t I don’t think there’s a lot of in between. My mom brother and I watched the first episode together and I was the only one to finish the whole season. I remember my mom said “who’s happy place would be an Applebees???” and I had to hold back from going on a whole speech about how in 2021 me and Millie would go to Applebees together like once a month and always get the same meals and I’d bring my tarot cards and do readings while we waited for our food and we’d watch birds outside and talk about whatever and be teenagers and I felt so free and happy then and then there’s this whole show about a woman with a yknow boring life and it’s the end of the world and when she could be doing literally anything at all she chooses to work in an office building and fuck up the system accidentally just by finding community and then the fucking community she forms ends up being based around the fucking Applebees like. Ough. Piece of media with music by joe wong how could you do this to me again (has indescribable feelings about carol and the end of the world + the midnight gospel)

#carol and the end of the world

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w0lp3rtinger · 18 days

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Hanging On to Tomorrow Ch 12

Oh wow... it's done.

Thank you so much to @lambpaca, @shadowsfascination, and @killingthecringe so much for their patience and help beating this.

So… I wrote Ch 11 in August of 2021. I haven't technically updated since then. I've been chewing away at this 12th chapter for… ages. Really happy to update. A lot has happened since then. A lot is happening now. Despite everything, it's really nice to still be around <3 To those of you who have been following the story since the beginning, thanks for your patience.

(So for context, if you don't want to go back and re-read, Amy realized her tarot reading at Little Planet might have involved Shadow and not Sonic. She's trying to convince herself otherwise and has decided that the best way to do so is to put Shadow in a position where he'll make an ass of himself.)

I want to go back and, like, tinker with some things and such to make this read nicer, but I also knew I needed to get ch 12 out NOW or I never would XD It's been haunting me. Worse still, it spilled over into ch 13, so be on the lookout for that, because if I have any say in the matter, it'll be out soon!

Cheers!

#shadamy #hanging on to tomorrow #ch 12 #sonic #sega #sth #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #shadowxamy #ami rose

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cannibalsforbreakfast · 4 months

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FIC MASTERLIST

Completed Series - Inuyasha

The Fifth Flavor Grumpy-sunshine photographer Inu, chef Kagome. Enemies to lovers. Ramen is made.

Entitled to You MirSan two-shot featuring books, misunderstandings, fake-dating. Disabled Miroku and wingman Jakotsu.

Just Another Day in the Life of Superheroes *group fic* Inu Gang, but it's the Incredibles. I wrote Chapter Four.

WIP Series - Inuyasha

I Love the Flaws You Try to Hide *WIP, hope to update soon* When Kagome Higurashi wakes up on the morning of her 21st birthday to find that she doesn't have a soulmate mark, she doesn't know what to do.

Kotodama *WIP, hope to update soon* A modern InuKag friends-to-lovers, high school AU with powers, gangsters, words that mean more than words, and a cross-class romance.

I Can Quit Anything, But I Can't Quit You *on hold* Inuyasha is a professional "quitting consultant" and Kagome can't find the perfect job.

One-shots - Inuyasha

Sing, My Little Bird An Inuyasha homage to Angela Carter's "The Erl-King."

Skeins and Schemes Kagome wants to make Inuyasha an extra special Christmas gift. Canon-compliant, sweet, sweet fluff.

You've Got a Read on Me InuKag coffee shop meet-cute with tarot cards.

Tasting Spoons Part of the TFF universe. A sweet-spicy one-shot complement, featuring licking and chocolate.

In My Pulse, There Is Only You Reverse Bang 2021 for Art Inu-spiration with @kirrtash. Mind control, angst, pining, ambiguous ending. My fav.

Constellation Consolations Since she's returned to the Feudal Era, Inuyasha notices that Kagome's always sleepy. A sweet little post-marriage InuKag story.

I Don't Need Perfection Friends to lovers InuKag. There's only one bed.

Lae's IY Ficlets *ongoing one-shots* Inuyasha drips and drabs.

Unpublished WIPs - Titles

These will some day make it out of my brain.

Werewolf

Iscariot

Rural Shenanigans

Hello, Harbinger *current story living rent-free in my brain*

#inuyasha #inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha fanfic #inukag #mirsan #fanfiction #fanfic #a03 fanfic

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uriekukistan · 1 month

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Light Yagami headcanons 🙏🙏‼️‼️‼️ Or if you're sane and don't enjoy Light, then Misa headcanons ‼️‼️🙏🙏 Or both 🙏🙏‼️‼️

i'm ngl i rewrote this post like seven times...i have feared light stans since 2021 when they chewed me out for saying that if you asked light for his pronouns he would say "i'm normal" or something like that but here i am

light is the type of guy to go "just to play devil's advocate..." in a conversation about like. literal human rights.

light is the type of guy to tell poor ppl to "just work harder," big reaganomics believer

light is the type of guy to mansplain your own career to you

light is probably the type of guy to invite you to do something expensive and act like it's a you problem if you can't afford it (we all saw him throw out that $400 mini tv...)

light is the type of guy to say "skill issue" when something bad that's out of your control happens to you

(he just has rancid conservative vibes argue with a wall)

um anyway misa! tbh she's probably also a bit financially out of touch, but she's just generally nicer than light. if you tell her you can't afford to do something, she offers to pay, or proposes something more reasonable

misa is really interested in mystical type things, so she learned how to do palm and tarot readings. under normal circumstances (aka not with light bc everything abt that is...), her go to flirting method is offering to do a palm reading

misa didn't originally want to be a celebrity but after her parents' deaths, she had to find a way to make money quickly, and modeling was the best option

misa actually really enjoys sweets but she isn't allowed to eat them because her agency wants her to maintain a certain weight

um these got sad for some reason, misa definitely loves both cats and dogs, but her ideal pet is a ferret

#if the light stans jump me...#yeah im a misa apologist #ask me about my misa apologist agenda #death note #dn #light yagami #misa amane

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inchandescence · 1 month

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Chanbaek Tarot Reading 2024

Chanbaek Tarot Reading 240320

I read 3 parts: current, 2nd half 2024 until the end of the year, and 1-2 years in the future.

Before reading please know:

If you don't believe in tarot then you don't have to and please never mock people who loves reading tarot predictions, we all have rights and our own free will, and it's not a crime.

Tarot readings are not facts, they are predictions or you can also say a glimpse of what is happening and what would happen.

How detail the reading is influenced by the reader, for myself I can't give a very detailed reading yet, so this is how I far I could do it.

Also I've read tarot for chanbaek many times since 2021 and this reading... I could say it's the most positive out of all readings I've done.

---

Current situation with chanbaek:

Keywords: healing, finding peace, contentment, seeing positives, growing to stability, steady loving relationship, privileged, new perspective, take action

Before this current time (1st half of 2024) chanbaek had a series of hard time in their relationship, doesn't have to be because of themselves, could be bcs of many other factors, but bcs of those issues they experienced some kind of slow down BUT now at this time they finally healed and able to make peace, so I think the issues are more to last year (2023) cus I read them too last year and yes they were having issues here and there, with external people too. Now they finally felt content of the resolution and they can see the positive outcomes. Because of them finally moving on to a better time for their relationship, at the same time their relationship is growing to stability and is going to be steady. FYI, in the past years when people read tarot for chanbaek, it's already predicted that they are going to reach a stable and steady period of their relationship SOMEDAY when they are both ready. And I believe... this current time is going to be that beginning. Additionally, they will be able to see their past mistakes, reflect, and learn, and be open to new perspectives, they both know what they want and what each other want, and they will no longer beat around the bush, they will immediately take action now, all for their relationship.

---

The rest of 2024 (the 2nd half until the end of the year):

Keywords: party, celebration, gathering, family, stability, caring, home, but also business, domestic comfort, support, helping each other, openness (discussion, sharing)

Okay... like kinda crazy bcs I feel like we have been given a glimpse of chanbaek's stable and steady and very domestic life as a couple (finally) and it also begins with some kind of a party, celebration, gathering with family. What im getting is!! This year baekhyun will finish kyoongcon and chanyeol will finally either release PCY1 or reveal the first official hint for PCY1 and like both of them worked so hard for all of their individual projects 1-3rd quarter and they finish them well! So at the end of 2024 they will be having holiday and party and celebrate with family hehe and also after this celebration I think chanbaek won't like rest assured, both of them will go back to work right away and they might think its gonna be a little harder bcs they both alr achieved many great things in 2024 and 2025 the standard will be even higher but both of them will have this kind of worry and they will be open to each other about this! They will share and discuss their plans, whats next, whats good, they will always be there for each other no matter what.Oh adding to this!! I think both will be living that double income couple life so well you know.. like they go to work, do business, they go home, sleep tgt, eat tgt, really happy workaholic couple 😂

---

Chanbaek Future!! 1-2 years later

Keywords:

"quality time with people you cherish in your life"

"turning romantic wishes into reality"

connection and commitment

Okay I feel like the result isnt as detailed as the first 2 questions' results BUT still this is a glimpse of what the future holds for their relationship and the answer indicates they will spend more time tgt compared to this year or previous year, they will have more quality time with each other and people around them, and they will build that connection as a commited couple who will walk to their future together. Also a card describes chanbaek's commited relationship as an air sign, I'm an air sign myself and I feel like this is really really good, being an air sign is wonderful and just the best because like air sign is a sign of freedom and humanity, air sign likes to fly away yet at the same time, they know when to stop flying and rest for a bit and look what is happening under the sky. This is a healthy relationship, both chanbaek will get the freedom they want as both are very independent, but also when they need each other and care about each other, they will be together. Like their relationship has this good set of boundaries but also uncountable empathy.

---

P.S.: While wedding/engagement is possible but what I feel is more to celebrating their achievements in 2024 hehe BUT WHO KNOWS

I suddenly have the urge to read tarot bcs of the penshoppe x bench thingy haha i feel like it gives more hm how do i say it, it adds one more "red string" to chanbaek, what i mean is now theres another thing that connects both of them so their energy tgt will become stronger

#baekhyun #chanyeol #chanbaek #baekyeol #tarot #tarot reading #chanbaek prediction #chanbaek 2024 #exo #kpop

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amourdivine · 6 months

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𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃 🤍 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒.𝐏. 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 & 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔?

Hello, lovelies! This was a suggested reading from a dear anonymous. It had a more romantic subtext, but I hope you take out what resonates & leave what doesn’t! If you have any more suggestions, so let me know! Feedback is always welcome. If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ [email protected]! xo. ♡

follow me on my socials. youtube ✨ instagram

paid readings are open, click here to know more

none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise

♡ ♡ ♡ pick a card masterlist & information

PILE ONE 💜

what do they think about you? ten of swords • eight of pentacles • six of cups.

I just heard Coldplay’s “The Scientist”, specifically the bit in which he sings “take me back to the start”. I wonder if you two had a fight, some sort of falling out or heavy disagreement. They think they’ve lost you - this is weighing heavy on their mind. They wish they could go back to when things were simpler, when things weren’t so difficult and anxiety-inducing. I think they feel a lot of shame and blame as well (I heard “blame game”) and I’m not going to lie, pile one, this person may be overthinking this connection, especially the way they see it. It feels heavy, like my chest and my throat are holding so much energy but nothing comes out. They’re not thinking clearly, despite thinking so much, it’s really difficult for them to “think” a way out of this situation you’re in. However, they do wish to work towards a peaceful resolution with you. They want to find a way to make things feel lighthearted and happy for the two of you again. This person could also be listening to a lot of heavy/sad songs, because so many of them are coming through to me. They’re experiencing a lot of self-hatred and very difficult emotions are going through them. They’re mourning some kind of happy ending, but they’re still willing to salvage the relationship if that's something you also desire.

how do they feel towards you? the empress • ace of swords • page of pentacles.

Gosh, there’s so much love here. They not only miss you, but they want to talk to you… to ask you how to work this out. They just want it to work it out between you two, pile one. Even if it’s difficult, like I mentioned in the previous section, they only want you. They don’t see anyone else for them. They don’t want to let you go, to lose you. It’s why their mind is so foggy and so clouded with poor judgment, they feel a lot of despair over the thought of losing the love you two have and shared. If your connection ended, they’re still not over it - they’re refusing to move on, simply because in their heart, they’ve decided it’s you. And I don’t think they’ve fully voiced it out just how much they want you, but they intend to do so. No matter how painful this situation has become, they hold some sort of hope that you’ll want to work things out with them too. They love you in a pure, devoted way and know how unique, how beautiful this connection is.

channeled messages: “i hate myself for what i did to you”, “i can’t forget you”, “you’re beautiful”, runaway, empty roads, highways, road trips, memories, polaroid pictures, “i wish things were easier”, “you betrayed me”, burning bridges, “do you still love me?”, deja vu.

channeled song: ghostin’ by Ariana Grande.

PILE TWO 🩷

what do they think about you? the magician • the lovers • the world

I couldn’t name a more beautiful spread. They put you on a pedestal, sort of - this person sees all that you are and they’re amazed. They admire you, they love you and they can’t see anyone else but you. This person’s got heart eyes when they look at you, maybe their eyes sparkle - pay attention next time you speak to them in person. Although they may wonder if they’re good enough for you, this person truly, deeply is inspired by you. It’s possible this is a friend of yours who’s crushing on you and vice-versa, but neither one of you is willing to admit it yet. This is a dreamy vibe, even, I feel like I’m immersed in Piscean energy. Maybe one of you is Neptune dominant or has Pisces in 1st. It’s the feeling of a high school crush, the intense, beautiful and almost soul-crushing one, but the kind of connection that has a lasting impact. Even if you haven’t known this person for a long time, they are eager to know more about you, all the little things that you do and say are stuck in the back of their mind. They don’t take it for granted. You’re extremely important to them, regardless of the nature of this relationship, you’re someone they want around.

how do they feel towards you? three of cups • five of wands • nine of swords.

They’re anxious, because they’ve got some heavy competition. Even if they see all these positive qualities in you, this person is afraid they’ll ruin the friendship by risking it. So many people are interested in you, that they’re afraid of rejection, afraid of all the people vying for your attention and sometimes, they just wish they could get rid of these feelings already. It’s possible there’s a 3rd party situation going on - either you or them could be in a committed relationship and there’s a lot of guilt and anxiety involved. You’re this person’s wish come true, but they don’t know what to do. They’re stuck in their head about it, fantasizing about coming towards you, talking to you and not feeling so insecure or jealous when they see you with someone else. I got the vivid imagery of someone seeing their crush talking to someone else at a party and being almost soul crushed by the fact that they’re so afraid of approaching the other. It’s giving me fanfiction vibes (in the best way possible, I promise). I’m almost sorry for this person because they’re so blindsided by their pessimism that they can’t fully see a way into being with you, no matter how much they want to. They know they need to make a move before they lose you for good, though.

channeled messages: “i’m so sick of love songs”, “i just want to talk to you”, instagram, DM’s, subtle flirting, “are you alone tonight?”, crush, “i feel invisible”, insecurity, jealousy, bonfire party, college life, “give me back my jacket”, inside jokes.

channeled song: Are You Bored Yet? by Wallows ft. Clairo.

PILE THREE 💖

what do they think about you? eight of cups • six of cups • the devil.

“Gone for good”, I just heard that. My playlist started playing sad breakup songs too, it’s honestly a little heartbreaking and quite bittersweet. This person thinks, well, they know you’ve left them behind and you seem done with them. You left them and they’re triggered. They’ve got so much going on in their head, always filled with “what ifs”. Your connection has turned sour and they think you wanted to pursue something better for yourself, something that didn’t trigger the both of you so much. I feel like this connection may have turned toxic, so they know you needed to leave, but nonetheless, they’re grieving, they’re sour and bitter. I don’t know if this person was heavily immature towards you or even disrespectful, but you left them on a chokehold because they didn’t expect you to simply walk away so easily. I don’t think it’s been easy for either one of you. I’m more so feeling a situationship or a friendship kind of vibe here, not a full, official commitment. Everything they see in you is almost a projection of their worst fears. All your worst traits mirror back to them, calling them to do some soul deep healing. I saw the Death card in the back of my mind, so I think this person knows it’s time to move on, to let you go, but they’re still obsessing over this ending you’ve had and it’s possible they lurk on your social media. It’s not an evil or malicious energy, but they’re not in a good headspace to talk or see you right now.

how do they feel towards you? two of swords • knight of cups • ten of wands.

Sometimes they love you, they miss you. Sometimes they just hate everything that came to be about the two of you. They’re tired, overburdened by their feelings, so sick of feeling so much and nothing at the same time. This person can’t really pinpoint exactly what they feel for you, but I got nauseous and almost sick to my stomach? I think they just wish they could erase this pain forever, but sometimes, they wish they could get some closure from you as well. It’s possible they wish they could give you some closure as well. All these messy feelings are taking their time in this person’s heart and body, but I think this connection, as triggering as it may have been, has brought up a lot of things back into the surface. Regardless of how they feel about you, it all ties back to their wounds, their feelings and themselves. I got some heavy Scorpio feelings in the last section and now I’m getting some Libra - I feel like those were significant energies and placements for your pile. This person’s not only heartbroken but almost… burnt out by everything that went down. They’re slowly trying to heal, to let go and forgive, but they’re not having the easiest time. I don’t think they’re “evil eyeing” you in any way, but I also think some distance will do the both of you some good. I feel like Spirit wants to emphasize how good this ending will be for you.

channeled messages: “you deserve better”, “i want to go back to who i was, mental health, physical health, “get over it”, 777, friends with benefits, messing around, fuck around and find out, taylor swift, moved on, finally, second chances, “i was a second option”, simply unrequited.

channeled song: Berenstein by The Band CAMINO | extra: Favourite Song by Tim Chadwick.

PILE FOUR 🩵

what do they think about you? the magician • ace of cups • six of swords.

You’re so nurturing, healing and magical. This person sees you as some sort of fairy, a beautiful, wholesome person who’s got so much love to give and to receive. Even the song that started playing is one of my favorites, a very healing and soft one. They see you as a safe person, an Earth angel, someone who’s almost like their lucky charm. The vibes here aren’t only romantic - they fit for friendships and familial relationships too. They’ve got a lot of fond memories and stories of you. I see someone going through a photo album and laughing to themselves in joy. This person sees a lot of good things in you and you’ve given them some sort of renewed faith in connections and humanity. They know you’ve been through a lot - they see you’re still healing. Every now and then, they catch glimpses of moments when you’re not feeling so good, but they still see your potential and growth nonetheless. I think your words and presence calm this person down. They value your advice immensely, all your words of wisdom and encouragement. I feel like Gemini and Leo are significant placements for this pile - I got the Strength card in the back of my mind, with the woman caressing the lion in the card. You bring calm and softness to this person’s life.

how do they feel towards you? queen of pentacles • ace of pentacles • two of wands.

I heard “wife you up”, lol. If this is a romantic connection, this person wants to offer you a deeper form of commitment - in whatever way that means for your connection. I feel like this person is smitten by you, even if you’re friends, you’re their closest, most prized friend. They’re making plans for something bigger, something greater between the two of you. This person views you as someone they could have ultimate success in every way, someone trustworthy and someone they intend on making accommodations for to fit in their life. It’s so soft and sweet, I see a woman arranging and rearranging pillows in a soft-looking bedroom to make sure her guests will be comfortable during their stay. I think they’re making room for you in their heart and mind, even their home as well. Maybe they haven’t told you, but they’re giddy to have met you and to spend more time with you. If this person proposes to you soon, please don’t tell them I told you! I’m not trying to ruin their plans, but let me say your connection has some really sweet, lovely surprises along the way. If you get engaged though, let me know, pile four. I’m really happy for you!

channeled messages: “fight for you”, “let me love you”, acts of service, bouquets, rainy days, “put your head on my shoulder”, “it’s okay to cry”, “i want to be there for you”, “you don’t have to pretend with me”, cupping someone’s face in your hands, comfort food, hugs, ice cream, care bears, pisces, cancer, healing, therapy, inner child.

channeled song: Room Service by Holly Humberstone | extra: Break For You by Valley.

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matthewcats · 3 months

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"Jonnie Reads My Tarot" gouache on panel, 2021, Matthew Robins

prints of this painting are available from my etsy:

#gay art #queer tarot #queer art #gay tarot #tarot art #tarotcommunity #homoerotic #homoerotic art #beautiful men #twinks in art

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holylottie · 3 months

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aching bones, aching teeth [05]

masterlist [socials and TW's]

PAIRING — Lottie Matthews x fem!reader

CHAPTER SINOPSIS — A reunion ball takes place on your old school. A reunion of memories burn your mind.

NOTE — english is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes you might find. Please read the tw's first! Thank you for reading :)

2021

— So, what does it say?

You asked, looking at the cards in front of you. Only one could be read clearly from where you stood: XXI the world; The others weren’t very readable, but you could recognize a knight in one of them.

You were never one to believe in other things rather than God, but you needed a signal, it didn’t matter where it came from.

In the past, it would come with pretty lips and bangs, nowadays you had to contempt yourself with cards.

— The world usually means a completion of cycle, a chance to inspire others with what you’ve learned, however, your card is on reverse, which means you haven’t truly accepted the end of it yet. You are stuck.

You put on a facade, feeling your stomach start to boil with anger. Not over the tarot lady, but at yourself, at the truth.

Stupid plane, stupid game. Stupid heart that didn't know when to stop loving and when to start thinking.

You couldn't even watch a football game without balling your eyes out, how embarrassing was that?

— The eight of wands is about action and accomplishment, it talks about coming to terms with transformation of one’s own relocation or even, well, sexuality… — she keeps going, like she hadn't filled your mind with questions and worries — Now, the knight of swords… I can see you went through really hard conflicts — externally and internally — but this says for you to keep going, to maintain your pace: things will run smoothly as long as you keep going.

Keep going? Isn't that what you had been doing over the past years? Just surviving without exactly living?

You had never left the woods, not truly. Your mind was still in that cabin, your heart was still buried five feet deep in that mud, your soul was locked within the trees.

You were more lost in society than you were in that desert of hope.

— So, you have loved her for thirty eight years?

The madam needs to hold out her surprised face, perhaps even a mock disbelieving giggle after hearing your confession.

— No, we've met thirty eight years ago — you correct her, shaking your head — I've loved her my whole life, I just wasn't aware of it yet… but she was there, on the lucky coin on the ground to the kind words of strangers and being at the right place on the right time. She has always been there.

When you arrived at your house, it was more silent than normal.

You took a deep breath, going to your room to take a warm bath.

Your problem was your simplicity: to love Lottie was as simple as your lungs working, automatic. Well, automatic until you remembered it, then you got too self conscious and the Lottie-oxygen was ripped off you.

You stared at the dollhouse on the corner of your (filled with trinkets and blankets) room, frowning when you realized four dolls together. It wasn't exactly surprising, you've caught Misty and Natalie's doll together a couple of times, the same with the little Shauna and Taissa, but the four of them? Oh, that was different.

You looked at the clock. Strange. It wasn't very common for them to be so on time, but you wondered if things had changed.

Yes, perhaps they weren't the ones you've once known.

After the bath, you get yourself ready with an outfit you've picked three weeks ago, when the reunion ball had been announced. Twenty five years later. Twenty five.��

A whole life.

You call a taxi, and you get to the school.

However, you stood in front of the building, unable to move, whether to enter or to leave. You just stood there, with a lost sight and aching heart.

An empty cage of flesh staring at the past.

It wasn't long till you found yourself in some company.

Natalie stared at you with those indifferent eyes of her, you wondered which one of your sins she was undressing.

— You saved me once, then tried to kill me.

Her voice was low, heavy on your ears as she smoked a cigarette.

— Well, don't be so upset, you're not special… — you giggle, nervous and anxious about the interaction, perhaps even embarrassed — I've done the same with Shauna.

— yeah, but it's different, you and I, it was different, — Nat shakes her head, not able to look you in the eye — we were truly friends.

— I'm sorry for upsetting you, Nat.

She giggles lowly.

— That's different than apologizing for doing it, — her eyes now are on you, angry — you can't even bring yourself to say it, can you?

You take a deep breath, looking at the floor like it has all the answers.

— I ask for your forgiveness like I ask God's one. — she waited for the “but” — I won't lie while trying to redeem myself, I cannot be sorry about anything I've done on her will.

Not even the devil had fallen as hard as you.

1996

You hold the meat on your palm, the blood running down your hands like red gloves, you have tears in your eyes, streaming down your face as you sob quietly. You didn't mind being the cook, having to be the one to take out the animal from the meat —be the one responsible for the others feeling a little bit more normal about the nerves and feet on their tongues. They could pretend they didn't know where it came from.

But you? You could never not remember the eyes of the rabbits, and the cheek of the deer.

However, you did mind today's date: you were supposed to be at the stage, dancing under the spotlight, waiting for Lottie backstage, waiting for her to give you a bouquet of flowers.

You wonder who got your solo — you wonder if you will ever be in the center of people's eyes again.

Lottie was watching you from inside the cabin, staring at you with care, her head resting on the window. She wished she could open a hole on time and freeze you two there together, perhaps in that way your worries of the future, present and past wouldn't cloud your happiness.

She wished she could morph her body into a wood platform and give herself for you to shine. She would make everybody in that cabin stop what they were doing to watch you, she would make sure everyone would clap at the end and smile during it.

But she couldn't, she couldn't make you dance when all you were thinking was how hungry everybody was, how soon it would all get to an end. You never said it, of course, too gentle and kind to confess your loss of hope, but Charlotte knew. She always knew.

And she needed to do something for you.

Something to change what she had seen —not your dance, but you in her visions.

You on a plate.

When Lottie got closer to you, you first felt the touch of her hands on yours.

When Lottie smiled, you felt your heart explode into a thousand needles.

When Lottie got even closer, with her lips shaking, you felt like you could ascend to heaven for being known by an angel.

And when she kissed you, everything sang. You felt like her lips could end wars — but, who knows, perhaps start then too. There wouldn’t be enough warriors for all the Troy’s she would make fall under her touch.

If beauty had been born in the ocean with Aphrodite, under Lottie’s touch Venus had been reborn.

You would put your own blood on the cabin's door to save Lottie from her own sins — you weren’t sure what you would do to save yourself, but you weren’t able to think about it that much: there were thousands of screams in your ears.

Had you already been sent to hell?

— Breath, Lottie, it’s okay.

You stood silent while holding your hands on the girl’s ears, trying your best to mute Van’s screams. You turn your head around, not able to look at Charlotte’s hurt expression. Your eyes meet Jackie’s and you two share an understanding look.

Your heart ached for Van —she had done what you would've done too: follow your heart to the depths of the woods.

You put Lottie’s head on your shoulder, hugging her tightly and, when the screams ceased, you stared at her again, taking a deep breath.

God would make a fifth hell if he knew how sinful you were; if he knew how your only true devotion was to Lottie’s soul.

You didn’t mind it though — nothing could be warmer than her embrace.

You came back from Misty, bathroom time, the trees in the walk there had ripen a piece of your dress that you instantly tied to cover.

But Charlotte saw, she looked at your scraped knees, almost in living flesh.

— applepie... What have you done?

Both your eyes widened — one in surprise, the other in fear.

— I mortified.

— I know what it is, what I want to know is why.

You didn't have the courage to look her in the eye, you barely had the courage to stand up, to stand in the sight of your best friend.

— I, I...

— You don't even have the courage to admit it, because you know you shouldn't. It's different with us, don't you realize? You're not afraid, you're not afraid because you know you're not wrong, or do you think we're wrong? Do you think we should suffer and die just because we love someone different than what is expected?

Charlotte's questions went on and on, Your head began to spin, you felt dizzy, your stomach in your throat, your heart devastated.

— No! I don't think we should die, that's the problem, Charlotte! —you shouted back, thick tears streaming down your face, your hands shaking from the adrenaline rush in your body — That's the problem, I can't think it's wrong... I can even make a mistake, then I ask for forgiveness, repent and never make it again, but this? But us? Oh, Charlotte, I sin and I want to sin again and again and again. I look to the heavens and I can't see any god greater than you, I can't believe that there is anything more divine than your lips on mine... don't you see how wrong that is? How can I commit countless blasphemies just because I love you?

— Love isn't a sin, it's salvation, darling...

— So why do I feel so dirty? — your speech was interrupted by crying, which intensified when Lottie's arms gripped you tightly in a strong, secure embrace.

— Because they made you feel this way, because they're the ones who made up the rules, that doesn't mean they're right rules, — Lottie moved closer to her best friend's face, putting her hands on you, holding your cheeks — if it was something that needed a cure, why would God have made you sick from the start? No one is born to suffer, sweetheart. Not even the lamb.

You wanted to kill her.

You truly wanted to kill Laura Lee, but not in a dictionary definition of killing, you wanted to lock her in the forest cage you all were in and deny her freedom of choice. You wanted to murder her hope and stupidity.

To think of flying was one thing, to actually open your wings and decide to jump was another one, very different.

— I want to go with you, — you cry out, eyes stained with tears, your cheeks burning — Leonard won’t mind sharing the seat.

Laura smiled sweetly at you, her hand going to yours.

—You need to stay and pray here, — she answered, a lovely smile on her face — besides, Lottie needs someone around.

— You need someone too.

— I’ll always have you two. And you two will always have me.

Her response is the end of the conversation, and you take a few steps away, going to Lottie’s embrace to watch Laura Lee go.

#yellowjackets #itmighthavebeenlibrary #aching bones aching teeth #reader insert #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #lottie matthews #lottie matthews x you #lottie matthews x reader #lottie yellowjackets

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