Hi my babies!! I'm just here to tell you that I'll be taking a break for a short while because I have a lot of things going on and I'm very overwhelmed at the moment. So I won't be writing for a while.
Ily all and take care!!!
💚💚💚
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N°1361 – Lundi 06 février 2017
Je sais que les relations du passé ont laissés des traces chez elle, autant que chez moi. Indirectement, certes, et sans que je ne le veuille. Ce n'est que depuis quelque temps que je remarque l'impact réel que cela a pu avoir sur elle. Or, cette fois-ci, ça ne sera pas pareille. Je dois lui montrer qu'il s'agit d'une bonne personne, que ça ne sera pas comme avant. Que je vais prendre mon temps et qu'il n'aura une mauvaise influence sur moi. Je ne veux pas quelle se fasse de films, qui pourront être des fausses idées. Si je ne tente pas, je ne saurai pas s'il est le bon, si nous pouvons aller loin ou non. Si mon coup de cœur du lycée peut devenir mon premier amour, alors je n'hésiterais pas une seule seconde. Je veux tenter, je veux voir ce que me réserve l'avenir. Je veux voir ce qu'il peut me donner, m'apporter dans ma vie. Je ferai en sorte qu'elle n'ait pas peur. Je sais qu'elle s'inquiète très facilement, qu'elle veuille que je tombe sur quelqu'un de bien. Je sais qu'elle ne veut que le meilleur pour moi. Mais en premier lieu, c'est à moi de choisir. De faire mes bases, mes expériences. Les décisions doivent venir de moi, de mon cœur. Personne ne pourra me dire quoique ce soit, car je suis la seule à pouvoir décider de mon futur. Nous verrons bien. Je prendrais le temps qu'il me faut pour avancer dans notre relation. Je veux, dans un premier temps, profiter de cet instant magique. De partager des moments de bonheur et d'amour. Savourer ses émotions délicieuses qui s'emparent de moi quand il est là.
Édit : Ce texte me rappelle plusieurs choses.
Dans un premier temps, non, il n'a pas été mon premier amour, mais simplement une relation que j'ai tenté de réanimer et qui n'en valait pas la peine. C'est pas une légende, ne retournez JAMAIS avec quelqu'un du passé, ça ne fonctionne jamais. Mon premier amour, je le vis en ce moment même. Le seul et -j'espère- l'unique. Celui qui m'apporte tout ce dont j'ai besoin et qui m'aime telle que je suis, qui respecte ce que je suis.
Dans un second temps, ça me fait penser que... je pourrais faire tout et n'importe quoi, ça ne sera JAMAIS à la hauteur de leurs espérances. Ca ne sera jamais le bon, jamais comme il faut. Jamais. Quel que soit le domaine qui me concerne. Rien n'ira. Alors, autant vivre ma vie comme je le sens.
Pensées du soir - 23.01.2024
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NorthernMomma Randomness...more change...Mental health edition
1) Our oldest has been struggling mentally away at school this semester.
2) His roomate didn't show so he was more isolated than last semester and hasn't left his room much.
3) Grades for the most part are good except one class he stopped attending when he discovered there was coding involved and he does not like code (origionally started as a cyber security major and was not a fan)...he did not know he could withdraw and get money back while using his Dad's GI bill...so he just stopped going.
4) I have noticed changes this semester, not showering as often, sleeping more than usual, spending so much time alone... I've been worried. My husband has been worried, which says a lot.
5) Last week he started talking about an on campus job and that seemed good...like he was realizing he had too much time and was feeling isolated.
6) Friday night we asked if he had registered for classes and he hadn't checked email in a while so he didn't know it was open...We started talking and I asked to see a screen shot of his grades because he had been avoiding....then things spiraled some.
7)We talked it through and he was really upset...said he wasn't doing well and was having a hard time. He had just realized and made the connections I had seen...and his Dad had seen.
8) I asked if he wanted to come home for the weekend...(he's an hour away) he asked us to come get him he didn't think he could drive...we did...
9)After he asked us to come get him I asked if he thought that school was still the right place for him...He said no. We said okay.
10) Ultimately we just want him happy, he has not been happy most of the semester. We talked a lot. Came up with a new plan...he walked us through where his mental health was...not great but not half as bad as things could have gotten. I'm glad he talked with us, I'm glad we asked the right questions.
11) He's going to finish out the semester and come home as much as he needs to between now and then. He has his car so he can. He's going to apply to an in-state online/hybrid program and take 2 classes to see how he likes it, he's also going to reach out to his old boss and see if they can put him back on the schedule for a while...he wants to try something else but is going to start there to get some extra money...
12) He left in a much better place than I have seen him in a while...He's planning to come back Thursday for the weekend and his brother's bday. He has an appt to talk with his advisor and withdraw from his current school.
13) We keep telling him there is no one right way to do college, or work, or life. You just have to find the way that makes you the happiest....what fits..sometimes that takes some different paths, sometimes it doesn't.
14) He is hard on himself, hoping being home for a bit and doing some different things helps...being around people he loves...doing things he enjoys again...
15) Mental health is important.. trust your instincts...ask the questions...
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