Pac wakes to the sound of someone stumbling into the room. Fit, just the other side of the bed, is awake but not moving; he follows his lead.
"Fuck!" it's Mike, it's only Mike, but he sounds terrible. "Fucking shit!"
There's the sound of Mike kicking the box he just walked into, and that's when Pac acts. He leaves Fit's arms, rolling over and flicking on the light.
"Mike?" he asks, rubbing sleep from an eye. "What's wrong?"
He's drunk. Pac can easily see that Mike is drunk, from the way he sways slightly and the slur in his voice. Richarlyson pops up beside him - Pac gestures for his son to go put himself to bed.
Richarlyson doesn't move immediately, but Mike does.
"Pac?" Mike asks. "Are you-?"
Despite the alcohol, there's a break in Mike's voice; Pac stands, and walks over, and pulls him into a hug.
"You're fucking drunk, bro," Pac says. "What's wrong?"
"He killed me," Mike replies, drunken rage quickly shifting to alcohol-fueled sobs. "He killed me!"
Pac clutches Mike a bit tighter, tugs him over to the bed. Fit has sat up, now, making room for them both.
"Who killed you?" Pac asks, even as he sits and forces Mike to curl at is side. "Mike, who hurt you?"
"Naked Slenderman," Mike hiccups, pulling more wine from his inventory; Pac is tempted to steal it, but knows already how that ends. "We were trying to banish him, but he locked us all in the Freddy Restaurant. Took people out one by one until it was just me, then he put this skull down and then this red axe-"
The shaking and tears take over. Pac himself is shaking too, clutching Mike a bit closer. Fit looks over from his comms, probably reading a surely mangled translation, and raises an eyebrow.
Pac shakes his head - not now.
Fit nods and quietly adds, "you're safe here, Mike; I'll just put Richas to bed."
The boy is not thrilled to be sent away with one dad still sobbing, but Fit herds him out anyway. There's a sign left behind, one reading 'Chayanne got back in and got him up. Ramon and I looked after him.'
Pac makes a note to thank the children in the morning; for now it's better they sleep.
He can't fix this - he can't. He doesn't understand the naked slenderman, for all it stalks and terrified him too. In the lamplight, in the night...
Pac hopes Fit is back soon, because he is definitely also scared.
"I think it's the guard I killed," Mike whispers. "I tried to give him back his badge, and he just sealed me in the sewer."
"The sewer?" Pac asks, before he remembers the teenage mutant ninja turtles area of the lower backrooms.
Mike nods, and whimpers, "once I lined up the photos the exit came back."
"Fuck," Pac replies, because what else can he say. "I won't let him get you Mike."
"I don't think you have a choice," Mike replies. "He's powerful. He's so powerful, Pac, he just dragged us around and not even Dapper's ritual could stop him! Dapper told me to start praying and I did and he killed me!"
"Does it still hurt?" Pac asks, because sometimes it does. He wants to help, to comfort, but his brain feels filled with fog.
A nod against his ribs; Pac pulls the blankets up to hide Mike, and holds him even closer.
"We can try new enchantments on your armour," Pac suggests. "Maybe...?"
Mike shakes his head - still drunk, still inconsolable, "one hit Pac! All my armour shattered and he killed me! We can't win. We can't win. He's going to take us!"
The hopelessness is in Pac's soul too - he pulls the blankets even higher, hiding himself as well.
"Even if he hurts us, we'll come back," Pac promises instead. "We always come back, always get out - no escape is impossible, remember? We just have to work it out."
Mike cries and trembles, and Pac continues to console him. While Mike stays hidden Pac's eyes flicker out, searching every corner of the room. He doesn't see it - there's no white, nothing like that, not again, but he can't help it! Even as he promises Mike they'll be okay his own heart rate picks up, searching out the creature - ghost perhaps - with a vendetta against him and his friend.
The door opens, and Pac shrieks.
Mike's sobs grow more desperate, clinging tighter as he does.
"Calm, calm," Fit uses a few of the Portuguese words he knows. "Just me. Richarlyson is asleep."
"Thank you, Fit," Pac replies on instinct, as he remembers how to breathe.
"You good?" is the reply.
Pac... Pac switches to English, because he wants Fit to understand. "Naked Slenderman is after Mike. It kidnapped him and killed him and kidnapped him again. I've seen it too - at the museum. We think it's after us."
He half expects teasing, but Fit's face turns serious.
"Let's push the bed against the wall. Pac? You go the far side. Mike in the middle. I'll guard the outside - the wall should guard your back."
It's better then just pretending to be a pile of blankets; Pac nods, and quickly translates the plan for Mike. Mike's English is just as good as his, but scared out of his mind... It's better, to be sure; Pac's struggling enough himself, and he's not the one who was stabbed.
It takes less convincing than Pac expected to convince Mike into pajamas. It's only as Pac remembers that, of course, Mike's armour was ruined and so he's just as vulnerable in all states.
Pac slips a few diamonds and enchantment books into Mike's backpack, just to be sure he'll be able to replace it in the morning. It might not be the best as Etoiles would define it, but it'll make something as good as is reasonable.
It is as Mike is being helped into something more comfortable - still clinging to Pac with every opportunity even if he is quieter now - that Fit shoves the bed to the wall, and Pac notices the new scar on Mike's chest.
A giant cleave, from the hollow of his shoulder all the way to his thigh and, damn, that's a painful way to die.
A painful way to die, and a horrific injury to survive.
Pac can imagine Mike on the floor, bleeding and in agony, screaming and calling for help in a sealed up room, pain blinding his senses until only a child can make it through a slowly widening hole to save him, anyone else too large - Mike screaming for Chayanne to get to safety instead, more willing to die than let a child be harmed... As soon as he thinks Mike will let him, Pac pulls him into the tightest hug he can manage, and onto the bed.
Mike stinks of cheap wine and other alcohol, but he's still Mike - he's Mike, he's Mike, he's /always/ Mike.
Fit leaves on the light as he comes to bed, pulling the blankets up over all three of them. Rolling onto his side he reaches across Mike to rest his hand on Pac's shoulder, and curls his body protectively around Mike's back.
Mike's safe now, or as safe as he can be - Pac shields his front and Fit his behind. They both hold him tight, secure he can't be taken.
"I've got you," Pac whispers the promise in soft Portuguese. "He won't take you from me."
Mike just nods against his chest.
"Good night Pac, good night Mike," offers Fit. "Sleep well."
Pac appreciates the sentiment, but doubts either of them will ever sleep again.
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What my experience of non-binarity means, to me.
I’m non-binary, because when people only call me miss, I don’t feel good. When I’m only called a woman, I simply don’t, feel, good.
There are expectations attached to this identity that I don’t relate to.
If “woman” wasn’t attached to so much societal expectation that I don’t relate to, I wouldn’t give a damn. But I know what most people mean and perceive, when they see me as a woman, and it isn't accurate, it doesn't fit, it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin.
And heck, it’s okay to be a woman, it’s okay to be a girl. It just doesn’t sit right with me. Sometimes, rarely, it does. A certain aspect of feminity, anyway. My identity is too fluid for me to just stop at “I felt like a woman once or twice this month, so I guess that’s my gender forever.”.
Being non-binary is a way to free myself from societal expectations of what I can be, of what I can do, of what I can feel. To get the fuck out of a box that has gotten me in a chokehold for a bloody long time.
When people call me sir, sometimes I feel good.
When people call me mx, sometimes I feel good.
When people call me mx, sir, AND miss, I feel truly understood, seen, and respected. I feel AWESOME.
Because, in the end, it’s not so much the fact of being called “miss” that makes me feel bad. It’s the fact of ONLY being called miss.
At some point, I just gotta learn to embrace my inner chaos, and my identity is part of it.
Sometimes I might feel more like one or the other, or the other, or the other, etc. Who knows. Not even me.
It’s just so goddamn freeing, and so much more accurate to my perceived reality, to not be only ONE thing.
So, yeah. If you care about me, and/or want to respect me… You know what to do ! Mix it up. Make blunders too, as long as they’re well meant ! I’ll never get mad at anyone for messing up on something that I haven’t made clear, especially when it’s not even clear to me. Everything is fine as long as we’re all trying our best here. It'll all be fine, as long as we're doing our best to love each other- and care for our true, authentic selves.
Life is fucking short.
If you can, be free.
Even in secrecy, be proud.
And always, be kind.
Love on y'all.
Take care of yourselves out there.
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Since I'm sort of signing off Tumblr (for the most part)...
... Freddie was gay. It's blatantly obvious to anyone who's done even an ounce of proper research about him.
...Brian is a sweet guy but he sure likes to hear himself talk.
...Roger and Freddie were very good friends, but they were never attracted to each other. Don't be ridiculous.
...Freddie and John were never attracted to each other, don't be ridiculous.
...Brian definitely had a bit of a platonic/borderline romantic crush on Freddie, but Freddie would have never gone for Brian, don't be ridiculous. Maycury isn't the most "realistic" ship. The band ships are all as unrealistic as each other.
... there's nothing to suggest John and Veronica aren't happily married.
... there's no telling if Freddie would have settled down with Jim, had he not been ill.
... there's no telling if Jim and Freddie would or wouldn't have got married or indeed even stayed together, had they both lived.
...Freddie and Jim are overly romantised in the fandom.
...Freddie and Mary are overly romantised in the fandom.
... Everything is overly romantised in the fandom.
...had Freddie lived and gone on to post on social media, he would have regularly offended a lot of different people in different ways.
...Mary is just a regular lady who did her best living in a difficult situation and tried to be there for her ex-lover and friend. I respect her.
...Crystal is fucking hilarious.
...Ratty’s book is funny. I'm with Roger.
...there's no actual proof Freddie ever had an eating disorder, but it's within the realms of possibility.
...RPF fanfic is not a big deal.
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Dear good people of Tumblr,
I have been putting that aside for too long, perhaps.
I had never expected anybody to ever like, reblog or comment on my stupid posts about books. Truly, I consider many of them to be awfully stupid.
Still, it comes to me a surprise that there are people out there who like to read them. I am extremely grateful for anyone who did spend some of their time on checking out my blog. It's truly amazing.
It has been wonderful, but I feel like I need to announce it right now: I am leaving Tumblr due to personal reasons. Maybe not forever, maybe not for long, even. My mental health has been quite poor lately, and even if I was not particularly active, and if nobody is going to see that, I would much prefer to stay away from social media for a while.
Thank you all who have reached out to me. If anyone of you really liked any of my posts, then I think I have reached my goal 💜💜
Thank you, and goodnight!
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