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atxxzist · 3 months

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a choice to be made | c.s, c.jh

summary: between the one who came first and the one who came later, there's only one choice to be made

pairing: choi san x f!reader, choi jongho x f!reader

genre: angst, fluff, love triangle-ish?, smut, etc

word count: 11k

(ao3) if you don't like lapslock

jongho's known you for a long time.

he's known you since the fourth grade when he found you huddled in the corner with doe and scared eyes after the teacher sent all you nine years old to go find a partner for a small assignment.

watching as your much smaller hands curled together at the front, all kinds of nervous and uneasiness on you playing for him as a witness that he couldn't help but to feel extremely bad.

so quiet and reserved you were; he hadn't even realized you were in his class until the very moment.

he had politely excused himself from his friends, telling the two they were fine to partner up without him and made way toward your smaller frame, the pout on you as if you were about to give up on anyone asking until you caught him in a short staring contest.

"would you like to be my partner?" he asked, even from that age conscious of the fact he had to be gentle as to not scare you away--contented when you nodded with the lightest smile gracing your lips.

"what's your name?" he tried breaking the ice, sitting at the desk beside you that the teacher had told the kids to put together.

"y/n..." you answered, short of a whisper and so shy, you refused to look him in the eyes which made a giggle bubble out of him as you could only stare at the kind boy who saved you.

"nice to meet you, y/n. i'm jongho."

and you had surely thought that it would a one time thing; that after the task of having to name a bunch of a things based on categories with him doing 70% of the work was finished, he would never want to speak to you again.

but jongho with his determination to get to know you and become friends, never left you alone a single day in your life after the first meeting, his persistence to start small conversations or include you in everything never failing because you started coming out of your shell bit by bit.

by the time you two entered fifth grade, you were practically friends even if you wouldn't admit it at the time, jongho could see the new changes and eagerness that wasn't there before.

he saw smiles you would try to fight and laughters with attempts to hide them, sometimes even courageous enough to return snarky replies that took him by surprise in the greatest way possible.

he knew he wanted to be friends with you for a long time.

you weren't only full of surprises, but you were genuinely a good person. someone he wanted to be around despite some obvious differences as humans, nonetheless, able to be held together by similar morals and ethics that carried the relationship to high school; the starting realization that you understood and got him even more than his friends.

you became a safe space for him; a place of comfort where he never felt judged or like he had to be perfect.

he would cycle his lunch and free times between you and his friends, often than not favoring the time spent with you because you were still too shy around people who wasn't him, but mainly because he was tired of hearing his friends' teases and remarks.

comments about him having a crush on you that he would passionately deny every time, trying to persuade his friends and himself to an extent that he only saw you as a friend and no more.

even going as far as to disagree with them you looked good the day you started to put more efforts into your appearance just so he could prove a point and show you didn't have an effect on him.

unfortunately much to his dismay and failed act, he wasn't even offended his friends called him a pussy, his mind unable to rid of the statement that was only said in a lighthearted manner that if he doesn't step up his game, he's gonna be sorry for it one day if someone else comes along.

so maybe the thought scared him a little to the point he could admit he liked you; such thing never crossing his mind because he never really felt threatened, especially with how you were.

your nose always rather in a book and boys never on your mind, jongho hadn't ever heard you talk about them a day in your life that by the time college entrance exams rolled around, it was as if he was worked up and worried for nothing when four whole years went by and nothing practically changed, except his feelings for you that only solidified and grew stronger.

it wasn't that he wasn't ever gonna ask you out. he was just scared of what could go wrong and what it could mean for the friendship if you didn't return the same sentiment, the bond built with you too precious to possibly ruin at the moment.

you two talked and shared college goals and which university you both wanted to get accepted to, studying every waking moment together because it would be great if you could attend the same one.

then came the acceptance letters, your mom running with yours one morning with a teary but proud look in her eyes and screaming at the top of her lung that you had gotten into the university of your dreams.

you couldn't wait to tell jongho, mostly because you knew if you got in then he must had as well considering his marks were better than yours by a smidge, and you both spent that afternoon celebrating and excited for the new chapter of your lives.

when it was time to pack and head for the new city, you both reminiscent and talked about the small but dearly hometown you grew up in and all the people you were gonna miss, especially your guys families and jongho's friends who had different things lined up for them.

the sight of the new city and big campus mesmerized both you and jongho, the life and people so different compared to the smaller town.

unable to help but to be excited and scared as the two of you walked past groups of college students and every welcoming signs and banners on the way to the dorms, the reality finally starting to set in and making you on edge.

feeling nervous about your roommate because of the endless possibilities of who you were gonna have to spend the next few years with, having to share a living space and see each other every day, so you hoped it was someone you could at least tolerate.

but your worries were put to rest when a girl with a friendly smile greeted you, telling you she goes by chaewon and was also equally concerned her roommate was gonna be a creep, but relieved after to find you are very much normal.

jongho on the other hand, didn't have any problems befriending his older but much quieter roommate, kang yeosang, who he had to admit was one of the most striking people he had ever seen.

it wasn't just the boy's looks though that made jongho want to admire and respect him; his kindness and friendliness something that made him incredibly easy to like.

after barely settling in, the semester was approaching fast, leaving hardly any remaining time for you and jongho to talk and share class schedules before the first week started.

and in that first week, a chemistry class that is a core requirement, is where he meets san.

bumbling into the classroom out of breath almost 30 minutes in after lecture already started, jongho can't hide the amusement he gets from the male succeeding with a deep bow and charming smile toward the professor that he swear made her slightly blush before the unnamed boy starts heading jongho's way. the seat next to him one of the only two available.

"hey bro, mind if i sit here?" he asks, the chair already pulled halfway.

"you're good," he replies, the boy quick to nod and take a seat, quietly thanking jongho with a smile.

within the next few days and dragging onto the second week, jongho learns punctuality isn't san's strong suit. he's never on time or even just 5 minutes late. jongho's known to not expect him until the 15 minutes mark where he'd show up casually and the professor wouldn't even bat an eye.

"he like--talks a lot and i'm sure, probably has no idea what's going on in class more than half the time," jongho tells you of his remarkable seatmate after you passed a simple question of how things are going.

the both of you seated at a table in the corner of the library, far enough from the public's eye to gossip and chat.

"maybe he wants to become close? i think it's good to get to know a couple new people around campus," you say, looking up from the notes you were writing, because no one has even talked to you if not for class obligations other than your roommate.

"i doubt it," jongho disagrees, "if you met him, i think he'd tired you out."

because while jongho is more outgoing and willing to step out compared to you, he's still selective, choosing only from a small pool to hang and have long, winded conversations with.

but san--he seems to talk to just about anyone and everyone. the man able to start and continue a conversation like he's known the person for years, capable of just spurring words after another without it being awkward, jongho can't help but to almost admire him for it.

how, there's really just people like him walking around and having it so easy due to their charms and charisma. because though it definitely annoys him to an extent; the professor having to shush san and him twice mid-chatter, it was also the undeniable welcomeness that made him already comfortable by the fourth week.

"91 out of 100. not bad for the first exam," jongho mumbles, holding up the test he just got back; all the studying and sleeping at 3 a.m. paying off.

"fuck."

he hears the boy next to him curse the same time a look of frustration befalls his seatmate now somewhat friend.

"a 48, are you shitting me?"

and it's then that jongho finds out this is san's second time taking chemistry, already having dropped the class last semester when there was no way he was gonna pass even if he did well on the last exam.

"but you have to promise."

"okay okay, i promise i won't be annoying," san eagerly assures the younger boy after he agreed to tutor him with the exception that he's to be on his best behavior because you're gonna be there too, usually writing notes or working on assignments and they can't be distracting.

you already know what to expect that monday, jongho warning you ahead of time but you're surprised you can already hear them within earshot before even reaching the table. the first voice an unfamiliar one followed by jongho's response.

"no cause why would you accurately assume i got in due to a sport scholarship."

"because there's no way someone who doesn't even know what fucking h2o is would even get in."

"uh... hi," you awkwardly interrupt, not intending to but having no other choice but to introduce yourself.

the both of them snaps to you and immediately drop the topic--the conversation starting in the first place because jongho was appalled his friend could throw a ball but apparently not get some of the most simple questions right.

and maybe it was this exact moment where jongho's senses and alerts started going off, because seeing san freeze up at the sight of you and you getting taken aback because you didn't think san would be so handsome; it brings a queasy and sickening feeling to jongho that he can't shake off.

watching san greet you with a simple 'hi' and gaze unable to leave you, too entirely fascinated, and your own that makes him even more nervous because he can see the twinge of shyness in them caused by the older boy.

"don't mind me. you won't even notice i'm here," you say, breaking the quick silence and taking a seat.

but it isn't just the first meeting that makes jongho think san might take the slightest interest in you, because if he isn't struggling with the materials, he's either stealing glances or trying to make you laugh so he can see your pretty smile.

"this is the last time i am tutoring you stupid jocks," jongho sighs in annoyance, but his tone rather teasing and lighthearted.

san scoffs and lifts his head up and toward your direction.

"if you quit, i'll just ask the pretty girl then."

the compliment making your cheeks burn a shade of red, startled by san's bold and daring personality, but jongho has to laugh off the sight to jump in.

"don't be silly. i helped y/n pass most of her science classes in high school."

"y-yeah," you manage to say. "i'm not that good at science."

but the boy currently sending a strangely tight feeling to your chest goes on to smile that dimply one you've seen a couple times by now, seeing the deep indentations on his cheeks that you think are so cute on a grown man.

"first thing we have in common," he coos softly, your heart almost taking a leap at that, jongho only able to stare in apprehension because you don't look disgusted or creeped out by his friend's shameless behavior at all.

judging by your reaction, he's sure you like it. your fluttering eyelashes and nervous twitch because san's starting to crack you open the same way jongho did so long ago.

each passing day at the library together, jongho can see your walls slowly coming down every time the older boy will ask a question or say something just so he can talk to you.

so when san quietly passed a mention of you during class and start coming into the library even on days jongho isn't tutoring, he knows san has more in mind than just trying to pass chemistry.

and when he finally drops the bomb one day in the confidence of the hushed and peaceful corner because you haven't shown up, jongho wishes he didn't see it coming.

"i like her," san tells him, jongho sitting across and far enough to be grateful that the older boy doesn't hear how fast his heart is beating.

but san's sure of it. maybe he still doesn't know much about you yet, but he wants to. you're way too endearing, cute, and shy and he wants you to be his. he just has to make sure of one thing first because he doesn't want to be that guy.

"but if you like her too, i understand, you know? it's all good. just thought i'd ask you first."

because san thinks, with a girl and boy hanging out and becoming friends, there's just the smallest chance one of them will eventually develop feelings and he respects that if it's the case.

"me? nah. it's cool, bro. you go ahead," jongho brushes the assumption off with a blow, but he regrets it as soon as he finishes, but unable to take it back because he went into panic when it seemed like san was able to see through him.

see that he has the fattest crush on you and has liked you for a long time, but so afraid of ruining everything if it's to come out because you've never shown even the slightest possibility of feeling the same way.

he's uneasy for the rest of the day, the conversation at the library always at the back of his head and bringing upon a sense of doom and anxiety because though san makes him want to pull the boy's hair out, jongho admits that he can be really sweet and just exactly what you need.

always grateful and thanking jongho with either his kind words or money for tutoring him and improving his grade in the course. the man's not exactly book smart but he does have a heart of gold that jongho can't help but to think if you're to ever date anyone, he's glad it's gonna be san.

you were just on your way to your next class when someone pops from behind to beside you, his shoulder knocking into yours lightly and taking you by surprise, but more so when you realize who it is.

"hey," san says, a smile on his face as he looks down at you.

"hey!" you return, never having seen him outside of the library before, or next and walking with you. "you heading this way, too?"

he shakes his head.

"i came looking for you."

you can't control the way your eyes swell at the statement, feeling both flustered and weirdly flattered but honestly impressed at san's confidence and how he's able to just say things for what it is without feeling embarrassed, ever.

"oh?" you raise a brow, your steps slowing and san giggling at the confusion. "how did you know where to find me?"

"i asked jongho about your schedule," he answers, catching just how creepy and invasive it sounds a second after and attempts to save what he can. "hope that didn't came out too weird."

you chuckle, looking to the floor and shaking your head.

"not too much. i don't think so."

"okay, good."

the air's met by silent giggles from the both of you after, and a smile on your lips that san can tell you're trying to fight even with your head down and focus on the books clutched to your chest.

"so, have you checked out every place on campus, yet?" he asks, snatching the perfect chance to be with you and bring you somewhere.

you hum a low denial before replying, "not yet. the size's a bit overwhelming."

"oh i understand," he says, tone shortly switching to mischievious and cunning. "you want to?"

you shrug in response.

"well, it would be nice. get familiar with the campus and whatnot."

"if you want, i can show you. whenever you're free," he offers casually, yours and his shoulder bumping into each other along the walk and in a manner san can almost call shameless flirting from his side.

"i mean, i wouldn't want to bother you," you say lowly, voice soft, sweet and empathetic, and why san is so drawn to you. there's almost a hint of eagerness in your eyes that is held back by the shyness and proper courtesy.

"are you kidding? it would be a pleasure," he beams, volume upping and loud enough for even the passerbys to hear. "just let me know when you're free and we can arrange something."

you watch him pull his phone out of his pocket and hands it to you, both your steps halting that second.

"you may put your number down and i'll text you?"

you hesitate, not because you don't want to but because san makes you feel a certain way and now that he's inviting you to actually do something, it's as if you've been put on the spot.

but eventually, you nod and take up the offer, typing out your number and giving yourself a contact name before returning his phone.

"i'll text you." he smiles.

when friday finally arrives; you telling him that's the day you'll be available, of course you're nervous.

not only did jongho refused to come along, but this is gonna be your first time out with someone else without him; let alone another boy. and a cute and kind one at that who gave you the first real experience of butterflies in your stomach a few weeks ago.

you both meet up in the library because it's the only place you're somewhat familiar with, the boy showing up so handsome and welcoming, your palms already sweating and you feel like you're gonna make a run for it.

"hey," he greets, and you try your best to return it without all the turmoil showing itself that you have been very obviously deprived of any interactions with the opposite sex (besides jongho) for who knows how long.

but san does such a good job of settling your nerves, his willingness to answer every and any questions you have throughout the tour calming most of your doubts until you realize you were overreacting.

he stands tall next to you and you still can't believe he's taking the time out of his day to spend with you, but you feel a lot more at ease because san is incredibly easy to talk to, you can see how jongho and him came to form a bond so quickly.

before you know it, three whole hours already went by and the tour's come to an end, san having shown you everything from every department buildings down to where students usually try to pass time.

"big school, huh?" he starts, the two of you stopping right in front of the girls dorms and you nodding in response.

"pretty insane."

he snickers and you try not to stare at the dimple provoking you because if that isn't your favorite feature of him. your thought soon interrupted by his mellow voice spurring a rather questionable remark that makes you think twice.

"but that was a good first date," he says, hands in his pockets and not a single shame on his face, instead biting back a smirk.

"first date?" you repeat, your feelings a mix of nervous and surprise... not in any bad ways. you can't say you don't enjoy the flirty and coyish tone that's starting to set in, even if you have no idea how any of it works.

he smoothly recovers, "i mean, if you want it to be?" as if he wasn't the one who started it in the first place. "but you know, if you don't, i respect that."

you're silent for a quick second before confessing, "well, i-i've never been on a date before." to which you immediately want to face palm after because you're not sure why he needed to know.

once he giggles and really look you in the eyes, you feel like you're gonna have a breakdown because the entire day has really been an overload of san that's gonna make your heart explode. and now he's staring at you like he wants you.

"then it should be done properly. how about a real first date?" he tilts his head slightly, hands now out of his pockets and delivering such bold words with all the confidence and cheekiness in the world.

you can only swallow and gulp, breaking the tension with a serious, "are you asking me out?" that's the last thing in pushing san to a laughter because he might enjoy messing with you a little too much.

"i am," he says once he can look you straight in the face and not have the urge to start laughing at how cute and clueless you really are.

but in spite of his endless teasings and your uncertainty (not your feelings for him), you do eventually say yes. now that you're out of high school and is an adult, you want to push out of your comfort zone a little and actually go out and do things.

see if it's gonna work out because ever since meeting san, you've been experiencing emotions and symptoms you've never had before.

the date takes place in a small and cozy cafe down the street from the university, san having said because it's the first, it's important to get to know one another before deciding on anything grand.

you show up in simple jeans and a blouse with your hair and makeup done, and san's in a black sweater looking effortlessly just as good as he did the last time you saw him.

the conversations and atmosphere not as awkward or bumbling as one would expect a first date to be since you've already become a lot more comfortable due to previous encounters.

you two talk over breads and two cups of cappuccino, san laughing and poking fun at you again when he sees the line of microfoam on top your lip, reaching out with his hand to clean it and bringing a light blush to your cheeks in the process.

unsure how a date's supposed to go and play out exactly, but following san's leads because it just feels so right with him.

and on the way back to the dorms, he catches you by the waist when you miss a footing, time suddenly stopping when he keeps his grip there with you two staring into each other as if in a melodrama; san sealing the relationship with a kiss before the end of the night when you said yes to being his girlfriend.

still scared and inexperienced but so sure that you want it because you have a good feeling about san and how you can't wait to tell jongho the next day because you know he will be happy for you.

jongho still can't wrap his head around the fact even almost two weeks later. that you and san are dating now, and it's not that he isn't happy for you--because he respects and knows very well that it was your choice.

he just hasn't gotten used to it; the sight of san snuggling so closely by your side in the library or playing with your hair affectionately, because the truth is--he isn't used to you being with anybody else ever. especially not this intimate.

"guess what, babe," san squeals, seeing your arrival and pulling you to the seat beside him that instant, jongho can only stare as you go on to mutter a "hmm" at your boyfriend.

"i passed the second exam," he tells you so happy and excited, shoving the laptop screen in your face displaying the score of an 83 on exam 2; his antics met by an endeared giggle from you.

"congrats," you say.

he smiles in response, pushing the device away and supporting his elbow on the table to lean in and mumble, "i think that deserves a kiss." before flying in to steal a quick peck on your cheek that barely misses your lips, making you swat at him in return.

"san!"

you wouldn't be so flustered if it wasn't a public setting, with jongho blatantly sitting right across, blinking and watching the entire time.

it's almost a daily occurrence at this point, jongho toughening his heart up because he knows you're gonna get kissed or teased and it's gonna make him feel a little restless.

he thinks san is a good man, the way he treats you full of love and regard puts jongho at ease because you deserve nothing less than that. the past week and a half with him already doing you some good, small changes on the surface from being with someone as upbeat and positive as san.

you laugh and smile more, and you've gotten more confident now that there's someone to tell you how beautiful you really are every day.

jongho is happy for you. he just needs more time to process everything, especially the changes.

after all, it's not like he became friends with you in hopes of only taking the relationship further. you are still his friend first and foremost.

"he wants me to meet his friends, and i think it'd be better if you come, too? so we can all go, you know," you tell him over the phone, on the topic of a party san's gonna take you to.

"it's fine. you guys go ahead. i'm gonna work on catching up with assignments," he replies, not lying exactly but it's the first thing to come to mind that he could use.

you pause before returning a disappointed, "oh, okay. maybe next time?"

"yeah. next time."

because you do think it would be funner with your best friend next to you, you and him usually experiencing lots of first together and you wanted him to be there when you walk through the house of your first ever college party. but it's fine since san's gonna take you and he promised to be by your side the whole night.

when the party's arrival comes, just the outside already loud and overwhelming enough, san takes you by the hand intertwining his fingers with yours and guiding the way into the house. your other one slightly wrapping it around his arm because you don't want any chances of separating from your boyfriend.

the inside is stuffy and definitely reeks of alcohol, feeling yourself picking up the pace and huddling even closer to san, prompting him to suddenly stop and turn to you, his head over his shoulder.

"how you feeling?"

"alright," you answer. "just a little overwhelmed."

he reassures you with a smile, mumbling out "almost there" and pulling you just a few more steps until you can hear piercing laughters even through the booming music, followed by an array of voices.

"ha! you fucking wish it was you!"

"shut the fuck up wooyoung. i don't see you having song credits to your name at the mere age of 20."

"wow, hey guys," san breaks the banter between his friends, all three of them snapping their neck to him that second. "such classy introduction."

you can only gulp and stare at the three men in front of you, all of them just as good looking as san and a bit intimidating the way they're staring you down.

"guys, this is y/n, and y/n, these are the three musketeers," san quips, the remark swooping a tiny smile from you.

"pfft," the boy who spoke second earlier blows, his striking red hair is the first thing to catch your eye. he's the shortest among the group as if missing a centimeter the one across from him has. "cut the shit, choi."

"ah! y/n!" says the one who spoke first--wooyoung, you think, the one currently sounding the most playful and loud. "so you're the girl who gave san a hard-on in the library. we've heard a ton about you!"

it's from how tight san's grip has gotten that you know he's tense, and you're grateful for the dark lighting because you can feel the heat radiating off your cheeks from the comment.

"wooyoung! you can't just say that!" the red-haired boy reprimands, while the one in the middle as tall as a mountain and hard to miss just chuckles it all off, not a single word fallen from his lips once.

"sorry about my friend," he continues, reaching out to offer his hand for a shake. "i'm hongjoong."

"y/n," you say, amid the exchange though san's already put your name out there.

"mingi," the tall one in the middle finally speaks, his voice an unexpected deep. and then wooyoung jumping onto the train because he can't break the pattern.

"well, you are definitely a lot cuter in person though san already couldn't shut up about it," another remark leaving wooyoung once again, the only one to be spilling everything and saying it without an ounce of shame or embarrassment. and you thought san was the most shameless person you know.

"thanks," you reply, your current dilemma between the urge to laugh or keep a straight face. "he didn't mention you guys were a little loud and chaotic."

"ooh okay, i like her already," says wooyoung, a playful smirk settling on his face.

"--and embarrassing," san adding once he's finally able to pull you away from the nosy boys and to a part of the house more discreet.

they wouldn't stop asking questions or retelling you san's past relationships and how pathetic or yearning he gets once he's fallen for someone.

"sorry, babe. maybe bringing you to meet them the first party was a mistake."

you shake your head, a small giggle bubbling out.

"no, you're fine. they were interesting."

chaotic and just as extroverted as san can be, but also like him, you were quick to warm up to them. their loud personalities made it easy to join conversations and feel invited.

"want a drink?" he asks, nodding his head off the direction behind you. your back pushed against the table with the party drinks, you just noticed.

you shake your head. "maybe later."

but he goes in to grab one anyway, keeping it in his hand while staring down at you.

"try it. it'll loosen you up." he smirks, and you don't want to but san has a way of tempting you into doing things you usually wouldn't.

"is it alcohol?" you softly ask.

"yeah. beer."

"oh."

and when you still keep quiet, he starts again, "i'll go first and you after."

"well that's unfair. you've been here before," you whine, a pout crossing your lips without notice and san has to resist the urge to kiss you right there.

"no. i don't even like alcohol," he defends himself, tall and true because yes, he's been to lots of parties but he still cannot take it, his body and face turning a red flush like none others so really, he's not sure why he's so adamant in making you drink as well.

"hmm," you hum a suspicious tone, but san's already pouring the cup down his throat before you can finish, watching his eyes go round before passing it to you.

"try it."

and you do, the liquid barely touching your tongue when you can already taste the foreign citrusy and earthy flavor to the drink, your face twisting in response that makes san laugh.

"oh you love it," his teasing and sarcastic comment earning a scoff from you.

"why do people drink this stuff?" you say, the taste still lingering and passing the cup back to him.

"well, according to wooyoung: to have fun."

he's quick to pour the remains into the sink before tossing it to a nearby trashcan, his head prancing around looking for something to do.

"wanna dance?"

you follow his gaze to the dance floor, the confident and bold partygoers with their moves intimidating you a bit.

"i don't know." you look him in the eyes and his blank expression melting into a tender smile.

"come on. you're gonna have fun," he squeaks, pulling you by the wrist and to the dance floor, the strobing light hitting your eyes and making you squint.

"i don't know how to dance," you yell over the music to a slouching san attempting to hear you out, and when he does, a snicker escapes his lips before whispering into your ear.

"i'll teach you."

you don't get the chance to protest or hurl another complaint about your dancing skills (or lack thereof), san already spinning you around until your back's flushed against his chest, resting his chin on your shoulder and arms wrapped around your waist as his breath ghosts the tip of your skin.

"just move along to the beat," he whispers, the goosebumps on your neck raising because of the position. the two of you never this close and sensual before.

but you do as he say, rocking slowly together in a romantic manner to the upbeat pop song but it is nice and brings upon a certain arousal between your legs.

everything with san has been like a dream, from the way he's so perfect you can't help but to question if it's real he's really your boyfriend, to how he treats you as if you saved a planet in the last life.

he really is everything you could ask for in a partner. funny, respectful, and just so fun, there's never a dull moment.

the two of you have been spending lots of time together, whether in between passing periods or just laying around in the dorm when chaewon's out--each day riskier than the one before with san's comments and remarks more daring and uncensored.

"how can i not have a boner when you're so pretty and hot, baby."

you were just laying on his chest in his bedroom and house that he's finally brought you around to, the place big and with a richness you've never seen before, when one of your knees accidentally brushed over his crotch area and you immediately questioned the bulge growing in his pants.

you've come to embrace his rather pervertedness than to shy away, now that there isn't much to hide between you guys; sometimes getting the itch yourself but much better at keeping it together in comparison.

"well, keep it in your pants," you tell him with a playful and dismissive tone, a smirk at the corner of your lips and going back to your phone.

"can i keep it inside you instead?"

the innuendo makes you lower your phone to shove his chest lightly as you yell out his name, his heaving chest from the laughter felt on the palm of your hand.

"just kidding. whenever you're ready, baby," he assures, pulling you closer by snaking one arm around your body and snuggling into the top of your now blonde hair that he helped you with.

it's really all jokes and passing comments at first, san not in the rush for it if you're not ready, and you not thinking much because you just like being with him and there's no pressure to get to that stage yet even though you know it's coming.

but you trust and believe in san enough at this point that if he wants to, you figure you'd give yourself up for him.

"we were just too different, i think. but it's okay. we ended it on good terms and there wasn't any bad feelings," he recalls the story of his ex after you had asked, your ears and eyes intrigued while sipping the cup of pepsi in your lap.

san had gotten a new car, gave you an entire tour on it although you lacked any knowledge besides the fact it's a sports car and said he wanted to go driving around.

after almost a whole day of sightseeing and places he wanted you to see, almost every restaurants closing except fast foods, you two stocked up on burgers and sodas, driving to a cliff overlooking the city and now just chit-chatting.

the current topic crossing your mind because of what his friends said just piquing your interest, and you're honestly just a little nosy.

"but we're different too, no?" you blurt, lashes fluttering at the fact, because you two are different. he's so much more extroverted and carefree, and you're well... you. but your next comment more lively and lighthearted. "does that mean we're also doomed?"

san chuckles and shakes his head.

"but we're a good different," he says with a soft smile. "me and her, we were a kind of different that was never gonna work out. but you, you try for me even if it's out of your comfort zone."

the compliment makes you detach from the straw to return a heartwarming smile, but all of that gone the second you ask the next question.

"is she the one you lost your virginity to?"

and san can't control the snicker that rolls out; the view of you so serious bringing him a form of amusement.

"well, yes. my only other girlfriend was freshman year of high school."

"ooh..." you mumble, nodding and shifting in your seat and san thinks it's the last of it until you're hurling out another one. "how was it?"

he scoffs, but you're dead serious, he don't know whether to laugh again or be amazed at how actually willing you are to talk about it.

"i'm not gonna talk about sex with someone else right in front of my girlfriend," he counters, head shaking but tone amused. "y/n, you cuck."

you roll your eyes at the name, sitting up and shrugging to mutter a response that gets a quiet chuckle out of him.

"just wanted to know how it's like."

"then go watch porn."

"they're too unrealistic and exaggerated," you reason. "the fake moans, crazy positions, and the fact everything always go perfectly."

san smirks, jumping the gun to tease you, "well how would you know, you never had sex before."

"pfft," you huff, the next sequence of words leaving without much thought. just that you want to win the banter. "that's 'cause you won't fuck me."

san stiffens in his seat immediately, both taken aback and aroused by what had just fallen from your lips, throwing a "woah!" that settles the reality for you as well.

"i'll fuck you, alright. if you let me, i'll fuck you good."

and he's only kidding, though a bit turned on, not actually expecting for you to go silent as if having to make the toughest decision ever, only for you to blurt out the green light that takes his breath away.

"t-then do it," you say, nervous and shaking a little, but also confident that you're ready and want to give yourself to the man in front of you, the food and drink between your thighs forgotten at this point.

"y-you're serious?" it's his turn to stutter, the turnout of the entire situation a bit unbelievable. "because if you're just playing with me, i think i might cry. you've already given me blue balls one too many times."

you giggle at the desperation and almost denial crossing his face, assuring him you're being truthful, but the man still won't stop talking as if he's a caveman finally securing the chance to get laid.

"no because you're so mean if--"

you cut him off with a kiss, the silence thickening and finally pulling away to his blinking and innocent lashes before something else entirely comes over him. the thin line on his lips turning to a smirk.

"you don't know what you just did," he mutters, deep and sinister and so sexy that your knees can't help but to go a little weak before he pulls you right back for an even messier kiss--tongue and all.

when you feel the food faltering, the drink now even colder and wetter against one of your thighs, you push him back lightly by the chest, mumbling a "wait" as he watches impatiently for you to remove the obstacles so he can resume the kiss.

it's immediate and happens fast, his lips connecting yours again with your fingers dipping around his shirt to find a place to rest, your breath taken away at this point by how eager he's moving that by the time he finally lets you catch your breath, it must've been a whole minute.

"just gonna come over to that side," he tells you ahead of time, your equally desperate body and head nodding before he climbs over and pushes your seat back, adjusting it just enough for you to be in an almost sleeping position.

and one thing leading to another, the night long gone and something else in yours and san's heads; for you, the fact you're about to lose your virginity in his new car and so sure but also shy of it when he's moved on from kissing to wanting to eat you out, but stopping when a sudden realization hits.

"are you sure you want to do this?" he asks, voice soft and eyes full of warmth unlike the person he was just five seconds ago.

you nod, muttering, "i'm sure."

"alright. then we're gonna have to go get condoms," he informs. "to be safe."

it's always a little embarrassing and flustering even for san although it shouldn't be, but a mere glance and reminder of you makes the awkward encounter at checkout worth it.

"should we go somewhere else more... private?" you voice concernedly, the car no longer secluded and with a view of the city but now in the parking lot of the 24 hours convenience store.

san swipes a few glances out the window and shakes his head.

"should be okay. there isn't anyone," he says, tone calm and not at all fazed unlike the current expression you have on that brings out the tiniest smirk from him. "why? scared someone's gonna see?"

he's cocky and annoying and kind of hot at the same time, you just roll your eyes.

"don't worry about it, babe," he assures once more, the softer and slight playfulness gone the next second. "now can i eat you out?"

and you've gotten accustomed to his blunt personality; how he just blurts and say things without a filter, but your face still gets a little hot and your cheeks still turns a blush pink.

you don't say anything except nodding your head slowly but surely, a minuscule smile on san's lips before crossing to your side again to settle on his knees as he stares up at you through the faint car lighting, his hands holding no hesitation to grip the end of your skirt while you widen your legs for easier access.

a whimper's followed by the biting of your lower lip when he's managed to bunch your skirt all the way up to your hips, the skin on your legs now more exposed than ever and feeling all kinds of naked under the eye of san's hungry gaze.

"no safety shorts?" he teases, that cocky tone making a comeback. "you want it quick and fast, don't you?"

you'd probably hit him if not for the fact he's right, the itch you have dying to be fulfilled by only him that all you can do is whine a pathetic, "h-hurry" never have a single word satisfied san so much to this extent.

with a smirk and eager pull, your panty's on the floor of the car and your bare flesh on display for san and he's sure he already came a little.

when you start growing insecure, never in your life have you reveal and give this much of yourself to someone before, san is quick to jump in and comfort you, mumbling the word 'beautiful' as he kisses up one of your thighs with his hand on the other until he's close to your entrance.

with one suck of his breath and grips spreading your legs apart, the loudest moan yet falls from you when he dives in, his lips dancing on your vagina already sending you into a frenzy.

your legs can't help but to jolt in the air instinctly from the pleasure, more hot moans befalling when he sucks on your clit.

"oh fuck," you curse, lower lip now caught in between your teeth again because your boyfriend can eat pussy, his tongue and skill continuing to prove the point as it generates more moans and prompts your grip to rest on his hair, groaning and looking up into the ceiling of the car.

he finally pulls away after a few more seconds, your already fucked out face and harsh breathing feeding into his ego, going to cockily say, "like that?"

you nod, still trying to recover from the high and seeing a smirk overtake his lips.

"i think you'll like my cock even more," he says, sly and teasing, reaching for the condom and ripping the packaging under your watchful eye.

his arms are shortly wrapped around your body after, flipping and switching position till he's the one being seated and you're sprawled all over his lap, knees guarding his legs and poking the cushion underneath, just up and gawking at him as if waiting for the next instruction.

"can you be a good cowgirl?" he whispers, looking you in the eyes so smugly and boldly.

"guess we'll find out," you mumble, trying the utmost best to sound like you're not just the tiniest bit intimidated by having to stuff his entire cock inside of you; and especially scared when he unzips his pants and it springs out immediately as if screaming to get out the entire time.

it's veiny and thick and san can see through the doubts in your head, a giggle rushing past to hopefully lighten the situation.

"take your time, baby," he comforts, soft and heartwarming unlike the monster in his pants. "i'll help you."

his hands travel down to your ass and lifts you up, both your grips now on his shoulders and attempting to line your entrace to his tip, a moan flying from san when his tip just touches one of your folds, the silent curse from him so sexy and stimulating.

it's your turn to giggle at the slip-up, the man doing his best on self control tonight when he really was ready to start ramming the instant you gave him the go, but because you're new to all of this and inexperienced, he has to take it slow; let you know that there isn't a single thing to be rushed.

you can feel the warmth of his flesh when you finally lined up, throwing your arms around his neck and burying your head into his chest as the attempt start; something inside you both nervous but also excited.

the first half is met by moans from the both of you and a burning sensation at the stretch, but still so persistent to take all of him. make you and him feel good and ride him; his passing comments only fueling more of that determination.

"shit, baby. y-you're so tight," he puffs, his clutch on you getting tighter the lower you go, until he's fully in you and you're both breathing out signs of relief met by a quick silence shortly after.

you remove your head from his chest to look him in the eyes, his features always the perfect mix of sharp, handsome, and cute; when he swipes at your forehead to tuck a few strands of hair behind your ear, your stomach still flutters with butterflies despite the current position.

"you can move when you're ready," he says, breath against the tip of your skin when he presses his forehead to yours and take you in for another kiss. this time more messy and desperate, tongues clashing like it's the last time you're ever gonna kiss.

and once the makeout settles you in, the confidence and passion heating up, you start moving slowly with san's help, the pace picking up each time the kiss gets even deeper; moans and whimpers filling the air of the car until the fear's all gone and only replaced by the need for pleasure.

it feels good, and even better when he lands a slap to your ass while his other one squeezes at your breast, the seat creaking underneath but both too busy to care about anything else.

when your high's finally on the edge after a few more bounces, you tell him ahead of time, detaching from his lips and to his neck in preparation, your walls clenching and hitting its max just shortly after that also sends san into his climax from the sensation.

you pull back after catching your breath, staring into san's softer eyes before smiles and laughters take over the scene, san going on to ask, "how was it?"

"good," you answer. you can't believe you both just had sex in his new car.

mostly everything is still good; passing all your classes and still absolutely in love with san, every day learning something new about the other person as well as taking the time to explore what each other likes in bed.

mostly everything because you can't even remember the last time you had a proper conversation with jongho.

just a few weeks before the end of the semester, he already started coming to the library less and less until he just stopped showing completely.

his texts now always short and infrequent, nothing like the boy he was in high school when he'd send memes or daily complaints just to rack up your notifications.

every invitations to hang out or go somewhere with you and san always met with rejection. he's either busy with school works, has a club meeting, or already made plans with the members he met from the club.

you're happy for him and glad he's meeting new people, but you still can't help but to feel on the occasion that maybe he doesn't want to hang with you anymore now that he's met much cooler people; a bowling invitation yesterday that he also said no to although it's summer and you're sure he could spare just an hour or two.

because you love being with san and you're glad for chaewon's girl presence providing you an understanding and relatability neither san or jongho could, but you miss your best friend.

you miss having long discussions about the chosen movie of the night, sharing inside jokes and just talking about things only the two of you would get because he's been there for you since the fourth grade.

on the tuesday you have nothing to do in particular, you thought it's the perfect time to catch up and do something, even if just talking over slices of pizza.

you had texted him to make sure he's in the dorms and when he replied saying he is, you thought it'd be better to just walk the distance between the girls and boys dorms and ask him personally.

after all, he couldn't have too much on his schedule if it's summer.

but when the knock on his room isn't answered by him or his roommate who's hard to not remember, the disappointment that floods your system from seeing he has company is defeating.

"y/n?" you hear his voice from behind the much taller unnamed boy before his head peeks out.

"hey," you say, attempting your best to sound as normal as you can, and not like you're disappointed because you thought you were gonna get to spend some time with him.

"what's up?" he asks, face and body calm as if he hasn't been trying to avoid you. "you texted me. did you need anything?"

and you just panic then. all four boys staring you down and you can't possibly ruin their guy time by pulling your friend away just because you miss him.

"uhh--yeah. was just wondering if i can borrow your laptop. i'm gonna have to take mine to a repair shop tomorrow," you lie through your teeth, jumping onto the first thing that comes to mind.

"yeah, sure," he replies, turning his back on you to grab the laptop in his bag and handing it over once at the door again. "anything else?"

"ah--no," you stumble, retrieving the device and stumbling out a 'thank you' almost too awkwardly as a permanent smile stays on his face, but as if he's also waiting for you to be done with.

"well, i'll see you then," you mumble, hiding just the tiniest bit of sad behind your voice.

"i'll see you, y/n."

san said he will text you once he's on his way, so your head's currently against a pillow and scrolling through endless social feeds to pass time when the knock at the door gets you on your feet.

you half expect it to be chaewon because she forgot something, but the sight of your best friend takes your breath away a little, because maybe he's finally realized just how long you two have been apart.

"hi. i came to get my laptop."

your growing smile's wiped off that instant, only watching as jongho walks past you into the room with wandering eyes as you close the door.

"it's true girls are cleaner than guys," he comments, yours and chaewon's things neatly placed and arranged to the belonging side, nothing like his and yeosang's.

but you don't reply nor react to the comment, instead pulling his laptop out of the drawer that's been there since yesterday and still untouched because yours is completely fine, figuring you'll just try one last time.

"you know, you should really come bowling with me and san," you say, the same time you return his laptop.

you can see the exact moment he tenses up at your words and all composure from him before now gone.

you can also see the wheel spinning in his head and scrambling for an excuse because it's almost like despite asking, you knew he's gonna say no.

"eh, it's fine. i gotta catch up with some of the guys anyway. seonghwa's making us come up with a list of possible club activities for next semester."

it's a plausible and reasonable excuse, but still not good enough because you don't want to think about how much a semester of college's already drove the two of you apart.

"but you guys have fun. maybe another time," he tells you, completely unsuspecting to the apprehension on you or the conflict running round in your head.

"and when is that gonna be exactly?" your surprisingly abrasive tone stopping him before reaching the door, jongho turning around and meeting your unamused eyes.

"you always say the same thing whenever i ask," you add, the atmosphere scarily shifting when it all dawns on jongho how serious you are.

"it's true, though? i really can't today."

"i asked you two days in advance. you couldn't at the very least try and make some room?"

you're fast and filled with hurt, jongho's struggling to process the sudden hostility. he thought he was doing you a favor, to be fair.

"i didn't think it was gonna be this big of a deal?" he says, pitch high and confused almost like a question, because it isn't his intention to make you feel like he doesn't want to hang with you anymore.

"when was even the last time we did something together?" your voice a kind of disbelief because you feel you have the right to complain considering how long it really has been.

but jongho still looks rather unconvinced, like he doesn't understand why you're bringing it up and turning it into something to argue about.

"i didn't think it mattered all that much whether i was with you or not since san was there."

since you looked so happy with him and he could do two times more for you than jongho could, he didn't see it a problem if he let you guys be while he took some time for himself. to process the changes and come to terms with everything.

and it's obvious you weren't expecting the response by how you kind of just freeze up momentarily and swallows down before eventually finding something to say.

"of course it matters. you're my best friend, and it'd be even better if you could be there, too."

"but i can't always be with you," he counters, appreciative that you never forget him, always asking him to tag along with you and san but you also don't seem to be processing the changes as well.

all the perks that comes with being in a relationship and how jongho just can't stick and follow you like a lost puppy because you have someone else to be directing all the love and attention to.

he adds, "i only said no because i thought it'd be better for you to spend time with san alone. the dude's cool and all but i think even he'd have a problem if i was to tag along with him and his girlfriend all the time."

san already saw through him once and jongho doesn't want any chances of reviving his suspicions.

"you could've just told me that, you know... instead of avoiding us," you say, after a few seconds of silence because it felt like the entire thing could've been made much less dramatic if he did.

"yeah..." he mutters under his breath, "i'm sorry."

"it's fine," you dismiss, swallowing the knot in your throat. "but i hope you know... just because i'm with san now, it doesn't change anything between me and you. you're still someone special to me. someone nobody else can be. i do love san, but he also isn't you..."

san can't seem to get your words out of his head.

"but i hope you know… just because i'm with san now, it doesn't change anything between me and you. you're still someone special to me. someone nobody else can be. i do love san, but he also isn't you…"

it wasn't in his intention to snoop or listen in, his arrival coincidentally just in time to hear the voices coming from the room and even more surprised when he heard jongho's.

"i only said no because i thought it'd be better for you to spend time with san alone. the dude's cool and all but i think even he'd have a problem if i was to tag along with him and his girlfriend all the time."

it was jongho's initial response that took his attention, not wanting to listen any further on a conversation that he wasn't meant to hear, but now intrigued and curious because he didn't think it'd be him who was the topic.

each second feeling the thickening tension even though he was just a witness, but it was clear you guys just had an argument. and when he decided he'd just go wait for you in his car until you text or call back, he didn't expect your mumbling voice and words to hit so hard.

"i do love san, but he also isn't you…"

words that makes him sit in his car and just contemplate because it was exactly what he was afraid of: possibly taking you from jongho when he likes you as well.

you and jongho have a chemistry and bond even he's a little jealous of. the boy with the upper hand because he's known you since forever so it's natural you would be the most comfortable around him.

san understands and acknowledges that, but if it doesn't make him insecure at times, he'd by lying. and now for you to say that, it only heightens his worst insecurities.

hey, i'm sorry. something came up. but i should be ready now. are you in your car? ❤️ - y/n

yeah 🙂 - san

he greets and kisses you upon arrival like any other day, your pretty presence getting in his car and him driving to the bowling alley a couple blocks from campus.

but how you know something's bothering him is how easy he is to read. always so loud and chaotic but now all of a sudden so quiet to the point you're doing most of the talking.

and by how much of his balls are landing in the gutters, it only confirms the thought; carefully thinking of how to bring it up once you two finally gets back to the car, you asking a soft, "you okay, baby?" that snaps his head towards you.

even his response a bit dazed as he tells you he's good.

"if something's bothering you, you can tell me," you assure him, sympathetic and loving eyes his direction.

san isn't very good at holding back even if he tries, his heart always on his sleeves and his emotions big and reactive. he's never been one to be afraid at expressing himself so he doesn't see the need to be now.

he lets a low sigh escapes first, not exactly scared of telling you what it is, but of your response.

"i heard what you said to jongho," he breaks it, voice sharp and a bit grumpy.

"oh," is the response that slips because you had a feeling, his text from 20 minutes ago showing on your lockscreen when jongho finally left, but the conversation wasn't exactly of any importance to yours and san's relationship... at least you don't think.

"did i say something wrong?" you ask, nerves beginning to tense because you would never do it intentionally.

"i don't know if wrong's the word, but it definitely hurts to hear i'm not the one despite being your boyfriend," he says, a mix of sad but also cute with a pout, you can't help but to find it a little endearing because you love him so much and don't know why he would ever think that.

"i would never say that," you barely defend, causing the pout on him to be paired with angry brows because he don't know why you look like you want to smile. he's in a literal crisis.

"but you did. you said you love me but i'm not jongho, so i don't know how anyone's supposed to interpret that?''

he's puzzled when you just giggle instead, shaking your head.

"san," you say his name with a certain fondness and love, "yes, you're not him. but he's also not you. you both are so different but special to me in your own ways, i meant to say that... if only you had stayed longer."

you watch the apprehension on his face turn a calm one at the realization; his droopy lips settling to its normal shape again as he lets out an, "oh."

"yeah. but i do love you. as my boyfriend and partner." you smile as you see him try to fight an even bigger one at your consolation.

"i love you too," he returns, his heart now fully rested and relieved.

jongho thinks about what you said to him. how much love you have for him and how much he means to you... as a friend.

and as he watches you get out of san's car, a sight he wasn't really meant to see but more so an overlap he just so happened to come from the library the same time--he's happy you're in the hands of someone like san.

he knows he will treat you right and make you feel like the most special girl in the world.

and one day, jongho will find someone who he can give the love san's given you, and it won't hurt anymore.

taglist: @moonchele @svintsandghosts @imcoenffl

#take a shot #for every one of my fics #where i mention san's dimples #choi san x reader #san x reader #jongho x reader #ateez angst #ateez x reader #ateez smut #san smut

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