What are your thoughts about a man who says he's in love with you but choose not to be with you because he says he needs to work on himself?
thats a v loving thing to do. he'll come back.
i dont think i cld allow myself to fall in love w someone i knew i cldnt be w. its unnecessarily dangerous to stir up real feelings knowing you cannot/will not stay.
i understand thats not everyones intention. and many ppl dont even know to set that boundary b/t their head & heart.
depending on how this happened i may or may not take it as a red flag.
I watched a video on YouTube and it was only black men talking about black women.The black been said black women need to ...prove their loyalty to black men more,need to please them more sexually, need to talk less because no real man wants to hear all of that talking,need to stop being masculine and need to stop being opinionated.The black men also talked about how black women hold most black men back and how most black women are low value and have low self esteem especially of they're darker women who aren't skinny and fit,black men need to be with women who aren't black to get further in life etc.What do you think about all of that?
I dont sit through baseless opinions like his.
"Mysogynoir". I want u to look that up.
Frankly u shldnt take any advice from a man u wldnt want to date.
The speaker sounds single or w a woman w v v low self esteem.
Wait,in Cali to get a license they require more than a road test?Wow.I thought the only multiple choice test everyone had to take was for the permit and for the road test everyone just had to drive.
Edit: Multiple choice for the permit, driving for the license!
So...mother's day was going pretty well for my mom and I.I woke up early,made her breakfast then started preparing her mother's day lunch and dinner.I gave her her gifts,card and chocolates while doing all of that.In the middle of the day,we got into it.We always get into it over my brother.He lives with us and doesn't do much.Didn't wish her a happy mother's day or buy her anything.He's 32 and has only given her a gift twice in life.He says he doesn't celebrate holidays or birthdays but it's a lie.He doesn't celebrate ours and never gives us anything. He was gone all day to celebrate mother's day with his girlfriend smh.Me and my mom got into it because he's a piece of shit.He uses her.She treats him like he's a kid and does everything for him like his hands and feet don't work.Shit is embarrassing and she's always talking to me disrespectful,hurting my feelings.She had the nerve to tell me she treats me like that because she be joking.Wtf?So you talk to me like I'm nothing,call me out my name,tell me I'll never be anything, choose your son over me and laugh about it in my face as a joke?I pay bills and all,feed her too and he does nothing but she say I ain't shit.Man I was hoping today was going to be good but I get disrespected and a lot of shit got said because I don't disrespect people so if you come for me then I go in.I can't wait to get my own.I'm saving up as much as I can since I pay bills.I save about 700 a month and looking for a second job.It's not right to treat me like that when I'm busting my ass doing for her and him.I was so pissed off because I really was hoping today would be smoove.We got put out of our last place and he had money but wouldn't help with bills. Shit just killed my vibe man.I try to get my mom to open her eyes but she never will.Shit even told me that I need to stop speaking up for myself and cooking and cleaning after men is what I'm suppose to do.She can gtfoh with that shit.
Proud of you for saving up to move out!
Accepting who you're around and their patterns of behavior is going to play a major role in your happiness.
Why did you go out of your way to plan the entire day around her if you know she disrespects you constantly? Making one meal is very special, let alone 3.
If she has a track record of not caring about your brothers disrespect, try not to let it worry you either. You know she's going to have to be face-to-face with everything she's choosing to ignore when u move.
Keep your heart, love.
1 note · View note
Her stomach look heavy lmaoooo!BURN
SINCE WE'RE MAKING OBSERVATIONS LETS OBSERVE THEN
I was going to major in Psychology until my parents told me that going to school is a ware of time and a stupid major that will make me no money. They suggested I get a trade instead. Idk. I just want them to stop talking down to me. I'm trying to do my best but they don't care. Have your parents ever talked down to you about your dreams?
my parents did me the exact same way.
i was supposed be a music composition major. when they found out i was majoring in dance they told me they werent going to pay my tuition for the remainder of college.
we got through it. i cried a lot. eventually they saw it was v srs for me. and that the dept i was in wasnt supportive AT ALL. and they understood and stopped fighting me on it/making empty threats.
they want whats best for us but in a lot of situations they have no idea what that looks like. we cant tell the future w these degrees. hardly anyone is using their degrees for anything. address ur concerns w ur counselor/professor. make a plan for employment after graduation.
i volunteered jr & sr yr as a dance instructor and its what i ended up doing in ever city ive ever worked in. its paid all my bills.
they want to be on board theyre just concerned abt the income piece. make a plan and back it up w some research and actual salary (job descriptions u can fulfill in ur concentration post uni). and it will make more sense to them.
besides, money isnt everything. but i get why ur parents want u to be certain.
For the sista who's friend is PROBLACK-As a black woman,I see nothing wrong with a brotha wanting his Queen to be more in tune and aligned with who she is.She was tearing down that black man and complaining like the majority of women when all it seemed like he was trying to do is uplift her.Black women need to understand that the black man is not the black woman's enemy.It seems like she couldn't handle that strong black man who tried to help her in ways that would benefit herself,himself and the black community.Her weak mindedness hasn't cause her to elevate mentally yet.She will regret not realizing that she was indeed in the presents of a KING!
Its always interesting when people claim an identity anonymously.
Not that your identity matters but I respectfully disagree.
his unnecessarily demeaning language towards her, other minority groups, and just the phrase "not ___ enough" *cringe* - downright dehumanizing. u cant uplift anyone when ur actively oppressing others.
that man had so many red flags 🚩he had this mf lookin like 6 flags
Have you ever remained friends with someone you loved or were in love with?Like both of you were together for a min but y'all both realized that y'all needed to get y'alls shit together and be friends,no disrespect but a mutual understanding for or of each other?
i was 🤏close to full committing w one of my best friends until she told me i wasn't the one for her. it was incredibly painful. but from that raw honesty we laid path to restore our friendship without the romance/flirting/sex. i loved her for sure. but i wasn't in love. i just know myself so i knew i couldn't continue falling for her without saying something.
our friendship is still talkative, warm, friendly, supportive and transparent. but i literally think she's 1 in a million. (in a lot of ways).
relationships can't move in reverse intimacy-wise unless both people are clear on the platonic boundaries and respect tf outta them. it's esp difficult when the 2 people didn't start off as just friends in the 1st place.
i dont think thats possible with most people.
2 notes · View notes
Sooo...I lost 92 lbs and decided to finally give acting a try.No lie,Tae.It was late at night and I just reached out to a random agency here in North Carolina,went to their site and filled out information.They called and emailed me.Guess what?After seeing photos,they said that they would love to meet with me and they love my look.Ooooohmygaaaahh!!! I totally changed my look too.After losing weight(my highest was 230 lbs) I feel so free and attractive now.They also said I reminded them of an actress name Freema Agyman.I had to Google because I never heard of her but I'm still freaking out LOL.Have no idea what to wear and it's sooo hot here.Think I'll wear my light biker jacket,white tank,skinny jeans and vans with my hair hanging down and no makeup.They said they love my look so might as well keep it real and not change.Well,wish me luck and I'll let you know how things turn out!
Sweeeeetieee!!! 😍😍😍 Look at you! Congratulations on your journey and all of your gains (and losses! 🥳)
I had to look up Freema Agyman too but shes a very natural, relaxed look. Your outfit choice sounds A1! Get plenty of rest & water. Maybe even a mini-facial before the meeting. If its virtual - natural light is best.
And also, congratulations on your blossoming career! 🌺✨ I hope youre writing a vision for your career & caring greatly for your inner artist.
Keep us posted! 😎
2 notes · View notes
Yeah,you're right Tae about us being on two different levels etc.What I don't understand is...how,from what I know,I am straight up different than anyone he has ever been involved with.In a good way.He has never had to question anything about me or his family...but he feels the need to basically belittle me because he's in his feelings about me not doing what he wants.I'm sure that's what it is because that's when he started acting hella funny.After messaging you and finally thinking with a clear mind,it just clicked.I am too good for him.I was the one saying we should take things slow while he started with the ... I love you,let's build and start a family etc.He just doesn't know what he wants.He said he wants a good woman and he's tired of being hurt then here he comes...fucking with me.I've been single 4 years,just hustling minding my business and here he come.Thought he was a solid man. But after thinking about all I've done for him and how he was moving + him trying to get with other women afterwards who basically will do anything for a man and can't think for them selves,I think he did me a favor. Talking about he don't play games. He was. He's older than me too by ten years so he was really trying to be slick.This is another reason I choose to be single.Too many men play too much and try to manipulate women then play victim.That's real weak but thanks for the advice.I'm having a good day,I'm alive and my birthday Saturday.Life is good.
Happy Early Bday Love! 💕✨🤗
As I live and breathe... look at all these mixed signals he was sending! And to be 10 years your senior I could see how you were surprised at his actions. But this is an excellent example of age =/= wisdom.
There were a lot of red flags here. But I think now that you have that 20/20 when u do find yourself in another situation you'll let the actions speak louder than the words.
Glad to hear ur doing well & sincerely hope things continue in this way! 🙏🏾✨😌
People who claim they love you and try to help you get further in life,then out of no where they start acting like they're better than you and you're not what they want. It's to the point they don't even want to talk to you or text you. Isn't that fucked up? Wouldn't that make a person a narcissistic? Sorry for the run on sentences.I'm just pissed off right now,hurt and confused.
It's okay. That doesn't make someone a narcissist or narcissistic. That sounds like the type of person thats here for a reason/season instead of a lifetime.
He could still love u, want u to advance in life, and still feel like yall on two diff lvls (edit: it doesn’t necessarily make it true, everyone has an opinion) and cant date. if anything, he did u a favor being honest.
it is a bit fucked up but understandable, common and normal.
I hope you took this weekend to do everything in your power to make u feel better ✨
Thanks for responding.I didn't mean to type LOL,that was autocorrect acting up.Man,it just sucks,Tae.I just got finished crying and feel like shit.I never met a person like them.We click so well and they made me realize a lot about myself.They did tell me they'll be there for me and told me that they're going through so much right now. I wish I could be there with them but we live so far apart. I wonder if we'll ever run into each other or one of us just randomly hits the other up one day,maybe even years from now,I wonder how we'll be?I wonder where we'll be?I wonder if all of the dreams we talked about will have come true?I wonder if we'll be single and the love will still be there or... if we'll be married and have the family that we once wanted together with other people? Man,some people you really don't forget ...for all of the right reasons.I mean... I know we'll be in touch just not a lot. Here and there...but I will let you know this,if your blog is still around,I will definitely give you an update. Doesn't matter if it's one,two or however many years from now. Sometimes you have to step back,work on you and...sometimes,not all the time,that person you wanted,the one you thought never existed,who you once fell for...years later will still want you too.I'm keeping the faith and working on me as I sit in tears.I'll be back with an update.Good or bad.Thanks,Tae.You're the friend I definitely needed through this time.I wish you all the best.
I have 110% been there before.
Never underestimates life’s ability to make what once was so big so small. Things come around for a season to prep us. To see what we’re made of. To show us what’s possible. What we’ll always be looking for in a partner.
At the end of the day, my wish for you is a steady love that commits & stays. ✨
My mom toxic as hell.As a black woman who has done for her all of my life,she never wants to see me win.My brother and sister are toxic as hell too.Only deal with me when they want something.I'm working on getting a car so I can get the fuck on.I don't know where I'll be headed but I've been able to save almost 2,000 a month since last Christmas.I just need to be around better people and this shit not it.I'm always stressed and just tired of their bullshit. They're holding me back and I'm just done. I hate ungrateful ignorant people.
This is completely understandable.
Sometimes people change but Im glad youve created an exit plan! $2000.00 is a good chunk of change. You should be very close to getting something reliable, if not ready rn.
Dont forget insurance, registration and ur title if ur buying outright.
Proud of you Anon! ✨ Keep going!
1 note · View note
I messaged you days ago stressing over a man who I see now is a little ass boy even though he's older than me.I can't believe I was in my feelings,crying and doing the most for someone who's ungrateful.I just saw the same clown on a dating site talking about he's looking for a woman who about her business and real.Smh.His family wonders why he can't find a good woman and I see why. He's full of it.I work two jobs,tutor,in school,volunteer etcetera.He just hated the fact that he couldn't control me and I chose to not have sex with him.I can't believe he was putting me down when he's never met another woman like me.Some men stay lying...I always wanted a woman like you,you respect yourself and calling me a Queen etcetera. Ugh.I am overrrrr it.Tired of having my time wasted. I should make him pay me back all that money I spent.It is what it is.Thank you boo for all the advice you gave to me and the other anon crew.You're a blessing and I appreciate you.😘
I completely agree with you. But who knows what his motivations are (ol pushy ah'... 😒😒😒).
Im so glad you could see beyond his games and not fall for the okee-doke! Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.
Wishing you only the best! Im sure my other anons would say the same. We always here for yall! 🤗💕✨
Dame,Tae,who ghosted you?That's real wack.You ever hit up any of them that ghosted you or did you wrong after time went by?
Yeah chile. Nigga wld disappear randomly constantly. For about 7-10 days. As a general rule of thumb, I never write out his actual name. Its like conjuring him, ya know? @ who
I never post til Im committed. He never made it there. We were in love though for a spell. There wld be times I talked abt him and people wld gather context clues and go back and tell him. Just wild shit bc the tumblrverse is actually small af.
Oh it was a back and forth w me (esp when I was drunk) for years.
I would have whole boyfriends and be reaching out to this nigga randomly. *Martin Luther King Jr voice* It was a long road to freedom... lol
Have you ever been rejected by a man, left on read or he just stopped talking to you out of the blue?If so then have you ever contacted that person or people after went by in person or via facebook?Do you think doing things like that is healthy?
GIRL YES! Plenty of times. I have been ghosted out the blue.
With ghosting, I try and make sure a persons okay. But when Im sure they are and they’re just ignoring me? I let go of all contact. For the most part, my personality type has what’s called a “Door Slam” feature. We dont go back.
There was 1 young man I actually met on tumblr (those who know know) that I was trauma-bonded to for years.
I have childhood abandonment issues so I always have to say a final goodbye. This clears my conscious knowing I tried to check on them, knowing I am abandoned, knowing I left in peace.
Contacting someone who wants nothing to do with you is a passive form of self-harm. It promotes obsessive behaviors. Blatantly ignores healthy boundaries. And rewards inconsistency from both parties.
I would give myself fake rewards for not self harming. I had accountability partners after bad break ups. We actually called it, “No restraint, no paint.” If I reached out to ‘him’ I couldn’t enjoy one of my favorite activities. Eventually I realized to succumb to the old me is death and pain, and to rise into the new me is life, beauty, peace and pleasure.
Happy healing! ✨
1 note · View note
My day was great until I realized I officially got ghosted.I couldn't really sleep because of it.I called and got no answer and he never text back and that's unusual and not like him.I thought something probably happened to him but it didn't.To have sooo many plans with him and I did the most for him.Things I would never do but I feel like he took advantage of my good heart.I was looking at our old messages,photos of him,his son and listening to old voicemails before deleting his number.He has a new number so by deleting it I won't be able to reach out.Just really sucks that this happened to me again and right before my birthday.I'll be ok though.I'm just tired of men and their bull.Wanting women to be so open so they can use them or try and change them but if they can't then they vanish.Wasn't expecting that after all we went through.He said he needed a woman who's solid and loyal.I was that and much more.Loser ass bitch.
Facts: He is a loser ass bitch.
But friend, the cycle repeats if we dont ask ourselves why we participated, especially in things that happen to us more than once. You gotta dig deep for your role in it. Youre not a bad person, youre not ignorant or naive. You're just learning how to require reciprocity before pouring out.
Its not fair to be a "giver" and keep expecting yourself to give always but all you surround yourself with is "takers". People too busy, too depressed, too tied up, too this and that to give back to you.
When you said, "but if they cant they vanish" its telling of your mentaity while dating. You dont even believe a man would stay with you without trying to change you or use you? Thats an extreme statement and although its been true in your past, carrying it like its *the* truth will get you right back in the situation you just left.
Ask yourself what you were recieving from this person that made you go above and beyond? It sounds like it was based on potential and not demonstrated pattern of behavior - which is the best predicator of the future. Reassure yourself that whatever u received you will give back to yourself better, without ghosting. With integrity. Commitment. And because youre *worth it*.
If your real dream partner were watching - what would they be hoping and praying you do right now? Heal fully and still find reasons to be radiant in life. Realizing he is 1 of 3 bill humans and his emotional issues are now his personal problem and not your dead weight. Thrive!
Always here for you 💕
Good morning,Tae!I hope you're having a great weekend and being safe!
Aww! 🥰 My weekend was incredible!
I would say the highlights were working with my mom, making a 1 year plan for my business relocation, new clients, great sex & everything i need being at home ✨
I just started learning how to invest.I'm reading books etc.My new friend has out me on to a lot of stuff during our short time of knowing each other but is frustrated that I'm not making a lot of progress because they know so much more than me.We haven't talked in some days because they're mad at my lack of progress.They told me they'll tall to me whenever they do and I was shock because it was unexpected. Should I call them even though I wasn't wrong or let the friendship go?
If you’re okay with how they treat you to be contingent upon how you “perform” professionally as a newbie, go for the friendship.
If you respect yourself more than that, release them.
IMO it’s extremely unfair to expect a person learning to instantly achieve. And it’s emotionally manipulative/disrespectful to cut them off when you know they’re in need (and they could potentially help you).
You deserve better for sure, Anon.
What do you think you should do?
Pease tell me if I'm being ridiculous or not.Everybody asking you questions and I need help myself.This might be a little long.I've been seeing a man for six months now.Last night he asked me about interior design.I like doing that sometimes outside of work but I work 9-5 during the week,have a weekend job and take care of my cousin's child.My plate is full okay....so he asked me,what are some of your future goals?He always ask that like my answers are going to change.One I told him about was how I want to start my own interior design business.Tae,he asked....why haven't you started the business yet?Keep in mind,he knows my schedule.He also know that I was doing that from time to time before the Coronavirus.I stopped because I don't want to be in people homes now.I have no idea where they have been and I want to be safe and careful.I told him that too and he got mad.He told me not to tell him that I want to do something then I don't go do it because that shows I'm a procrastinator and don't mean what I say.HOW SO TAY?He said I don't have any kids so there's no excuse why I shouldn't be getting a interior design business together right now because women with kids start their own business everyday and I don't care about generational wealth.TAY,WHAT IS THAT MAN TALKING ABOUT?What are your thoughts on ALL of this?He also got mad because I told him not to compare me with anyone especially women with children.He said I must never want to have my own.WHAT?Smh.I'm like sir you don't know me that well yet.I actually do own things,including land,but that's none of his damn business.
Hi, friend! ✨👋🏽 He sounds like he has a very poor understanding of your priorities and the timing of your life. And like he’s personalizing your professional choices to reflect upon your character.
He sounds like he’s very extreme in his mentality. “You don’t want to emulate women with kids?! You dont want one!”
There’s a lot of red flags here. Have you spoken to him about his mentality/reactions? If so and nothings changed, why are you still dating him?
No shade, Im just curious.