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#tHaT sHiElD wAs ThE ClOsEsT tHiNg I HaD tO a FaMiLy no but seriously fuck you Steve
anitalianfrie · 3 years
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Endgame!Steve and why he doesn’t make sense
I saw Endgame two weeks ago (yeah, I know, a bit late but at least I did it) and from the start I felt like something was of about Steve. The fun fact is that if you hadn’t saw all the Cap’s film in like a week as I did and it’s been like three years since you saw one, all his choices are perfectly believable. And that’s what I hate about it.
One of the first scenes we see Steve in is when they go where Thanos is after the snap. While they are in the spacecraft, Steve looks sadly at his compass whit Peggy’s photo in. It makes a sort of parallel with CA:TWS, where Steve does the same exact thing at the museum. But in CA:TWS Steve hadn’t a life. He was still in the past in his mind. He hadn’t any friend, he overworked himself and it’s pretty clear his mental healt wasn’t exacly okay. The first step for starting his new life is his chat with Peggy, where se basically says “live your life now that you can big idiot”.
In Endgame his two bestfriends (Bucky and Sam) died like two days before and he was staring at Peggy’s photo, who died TWO YEARS BEFORE and he knew he couldn’t have her back since 2011 (seven years before). He even moved on with Sharon (even thought I don’t like their relationship, it is there so show that Steve is MOVING ON, so please, don’t ignore it). 
Beside that, your telling me that Steven Grant Rogers, the man who became an actual soldier because he wanted to save Bucky, who decided to burn down HYDRA after his death and who fucked up his entire relationship whit half of the Avengers and with Tony for him, didn’t even cry a tear? Yeah, very belivable.
And Sam? The man fucked his entire life for him, from helping him destroing HYDRA, to following him for two years all around the word to find Bucky, to helping him in the Civil War even thought he hates Bucky just because he is important fo STEVe, and you are telling me that Steve was staring at his fucking compass with PEGGY inside? PEGGY? At least Tony was watching a picture with him and Peter!
Five years after the snap, Steve is in a support group for people who lost someone in the snap. Who is he talking about? Bucky? Sam? The life he was sarting to have in the modern time? Obviously not, we are in a superheroes film and men are not allowed to have emotion unless they are for a love interest, so he is talking about Peggy. She hadn’t died in the Snap you big idiot! She was old and you KNEW soon or less her time would have come! Sharon doesn’t even exists anymore, RIP Sharon you could have been a good character if someone had bothered developing you.
Then there’s the time travel moment. Steve meets 2012!Steve and during the fight his brain finally decided to work. He’s fighting with himself, so wich way to win is better than cofusing the past version of himself with something he doesn’t know? So he uses his ace in the hole, that is, surprise suprise, Bucky. WoW, YoU wErE ReAlLy SaD AnD wOrRiEd ThE LaSt TiMe I ChEcKeD! You know, when he died in front of your eyes with you being unable to do something EXACLY LIKE THE FIRST TIME!
But don’t worry, because Endgame!Steve will soon return after found out that Peggy has a picture of skinny!Steve on her desk! But not one with her husband or her kids. If I were them I would have been extremely offended, like, I’m her kid/husband and she has the photo of that skinny bitch who died like thirty years ago and not mine.
Anyway at the end, after the funeral, the bitch (aka endgame!Steve) goes in the past to return all the gems and return as an old man. And Sam is there like “bitch, WTF?” because, you know, he hadn’t told anyone about his plan. Bucky knows, because he has the power (apparently because Steve told him, but I would like to, yanno, see it and not hear it in a line of TFATWS two years later) and... nothing else. That’s the end.
We don’t have a closure, whe don’t have anything more than a hug and a stupid line from CA:TFA, that was meant as a “see you later” and not as a “goodbye”. That doesn’t seem like a closure to me. Sam doesn’t even have that, he had a friend and now he has fucking shield and an old man who is probably going to die tomorrow.
All Steve’s development as a character was about moving on and learning that being a bit selfish wasn’t a bad thing, but for the sake of the first love that never dies (again, RIP Sharon) the writers threw away half of his development, giving us and ending that didn’t bring any closure, because Steve and Peggy had theirs in CA:TWS. 
In coclusion, they destroyed Steve’s development and characterization in the whole film to not make it feel like his ending was OOC, making Endgame!Steve in general OOC,
I really had to take this weight off my chest. Thanks for coming to my ted talk <3
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innovativestruggles · 3 years
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ObiRin Misconception - Obito’s Trauma
Okay why is it that I am seeing so many obirin hate lately? Let me clear up some misunderstandings. This is by no means a post for people to change their minds about shipping obirin (ship whoever you want, it’s not my business), rather, people are disliking this ship for reasons I find ... well... baffling. 
So here is my perspective (and no, it does not invalidate another’s perspective in any way just in case you’re wondering).
I have always been an avid obirin shipper, and as a feminist, people may question the contradictory nature of this.
Obito is in an incredibly complex character and alas, there is a reason why I absolutely love him. He is my favourite, has always been and will always be (also, he’s a villain and he’s hot). Though there are parallels between Obito and Naruto, it’s important to distinguish the nuances. Both characters had no family growing up (I am not going to count Obito’s grandma as she is an anime only character and not technically canon), had it tough at the Academy, disliked by a lot of people and technically an outlier. However, Obito never had an older mentor growing up, whereas Naruto did (that would be Iruka). When children are growing and developing, having someone to provide that nurturing environment and guidance is crucial for their mental and physical development. Because neither of them had their families, Naruto was lucky that he had Iruka. Iruka provided that big brother figure, the mentor and in some ways a caring environment for Naruto, despite the hardships. Obito, however, did not receive any of this. 
What Obito did have, was Rin. The two have been childhood friends for a very long time. Rin gave Obito that sense of security and attachment, despite them being the same age. She always cared for him and saw him more than just some dumbass nuisance Uchiha outlier. Obito’s love for Rin transcended romance. Of course the romance was the overt part, but his love for her was his sense of security. She was his safe space. When a child grows up without love or care from a parenting figure or a mentor, they will find ways to cope and latch onto the closest thing they can find safety and comfort in. Rin took on this role. So when Rin was killed before him, naturally there would be a sense of deep despair and anger. The trauma for Obito was remarkably intense, and his ability to bounce back from adversities was nullified. Why? Because;
1) The intensity of the trauma, grief and loss 
and 
2) The safety net, safe space and sense of security that shielded him from the world’s adversities were gone. Obito had nowhere to go.
A lot of people would say: “but he had Minato,” “he had Kakashi,” “he had Kushina.” Yes he did, and they were kind to him (minus Kakashi, and I will get to him in a sec) but they only came into his life for a short period of time. Their interactions were not on an intense level as it was with he and Rin. People need to remember that Obito learnt his idea of safe attachment on his own and he latched onto Rin. He was never taught to do that with adults as he grew older. Naruto however, had Iruka, who most likely taught him a lot of things about the importance of the village, the importance of camaraderie, friendship etc Obito did not have this, so naturally, his ability to trust adults (even loving kind ones like Minato and Kushina) would take a lot longer or sit very tentatively. If there were conflict or adversity, he would run to Rin, or think of her because that was all he knew.
If you unpack Obito’s character, there were immense attachment issues and trauma that most likely transcended what Naruto had. Naruto had his fair share of trauma but he had support that allowed for some resiliency. Obito was NOT obsessed with Rin. He was not infatuated with her. He was psychologically intermeshed with her. This is very different from so called obsession and infatuation. Psychological intermeshment stems from traumatic upbringing in childhood (lack of nurturance from an adult caregiver, abandonment etc), and then again from losing their sense of security/safety (Rin in this case). Because Obito was so intermeshed with Rin, losing her was essentially losing himself - and he blatantly said this. He lost all hope when she died. So he did what he could to get that sense of security back, even if what he did was questionable.
Then you have the complexity of the curse of hatred that intertwines the storyline, which make things even more complicated. But this curse was what pushed the storyline and placed Obito as an antagonist. He did not start a war because of a girl. He started a war because he was angry with the way the world functioned. How the countless wars kept ending lives and taking loved ones away from people. He did not want people to go through what he went through. In essence, this mindset has villain written all over it, but it also compels a strong backstory for Obito because of his complex childhood upbringing and the trauma he experienced.
We move to Kakashi, who had his fair share of childhood trauma. But people need to remember that he had a father who provided that nurturing environment for him. Even if his father died in tragic circumstances, Kakashi, though traumatised, was able to bounce back and push forward with the support of his friends and village. He had an adult attachment figure (gosh I sound so social workey but this is how it is) where he learnt how to tackle adversities. Again, with the death of Rin, there was trauma there for him too. So why was it so different between Obito, Kakashi and Naruto? The latter two being able to bounce back and push forward but Obito lost control? It all comes back to childhood upbringing and the presence of an adult caregiver/mentor. That, and then again, the presence of the curse of hatred (which was why Sasuke was pretty fucked up despite coming from a loving family). 
Something else I’d like to add re; Kakashi. He started being nice to Obito in that one episode where they were trying to locate Rin. He was a plain asshole before that. So technically the two of them were never on friendly terms before this event. Kakashi did not give two shits about anything aside from completing the mission. This is the reason why I do not ship Obito x Kakashi. To me there was no love, care and nurturing between those two. Obito “died” not long after being friendly with Kakashi, so that wouldn’t warrant a ship between those two. Whereas with Rin, it is a different story. Also, for those of you who thinks it is creepy that Obito has photos of Rin on his board, I’d be surprised if your 12-13yo self didn’t put love hearts of your crush over their school photos, or tested your marriage names together. Seriously.
So to summarise; Lack of childhood nurturance + lack of adult caregiver + trauma + curse of hatred = Obito
And like I said, just because of all this crap Obito’s been through, it does not excuse what he did or make what he did right (he was a villain after all).
Yeah okay rant over.
I’m open to discussion, but please keep it civil.
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samwontshare · 3 years
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Okay so I rewatched parts of Endgame to write a Sambucky fic. I haven’t seen this movie since the theaters and then S8 ep 3 Game of Thrones destroyed my life.
-The fact that The Snap took Hawkeye’s entire family way outsides the odds proves how much the universe just hates Hawkeye.
-I forgot how much I fucking love Nebula. I want more Nebula and Rhodey. Bucky and Nebula would get on, too. Disabled superheroes club unite.
-I did like the beginning of Endgame. Everyone was just so wrecked and they played it so well. Thanos living his best life in his cottage. That was great.
-I still genuinely do not understand why Steve looks at Peggy’s picture when he’s talking about bringing everyone back from the Snap because he ‘doesn’t know what he’ll do otherwise.’ Like does she represent everyone he’s lost, like Sam and Bucky, his closest connections that are actually dead from the Snap? It doesn’t make sense.
-Is that Steve running a support group because he asked himself, “What would Sam do?”
-This was actually the best scene dealing w the fallout of the Snap. The MCU was definitely not ready to address the full scope of what The Blip means and you see that lack of follow through in every movie/series post Endgame.
-Steve Rogers: “You gotta move on.” UNLESS
-“...Thanos should’ve killed all of us.” I think this is the reason Steve goes back in time, honestly. The Snap just broke him. Without Sam and Bucky, with the enormity of this failure, Steve just lost his ability to cope. Steve has always needed someone to save him from himself but they’re gone. Even though they get most people back, they still lost Tony and Nat and 5 years. Steve can’t win. And Steve Rogers cannot cope with losing. So he rewrites a history where he wins. I don’t even think it’s about not being able to get over Peggy (though they did try to shoehorn that in hard), it was about Steve needing to be in control of his life again.
-It’s one of those situations where I can understand the character’s individual choice, but from a storytelling and narrative perspective, it doesn’t make sense with the story they were telling in the Captain America movies and it’s deeply unsatisfying and confusing. It leaves so many questions and potential consequences. I wasn’t even in this fandom at the time and had zero opinions on any ships, and I was like “this makes no sense.” It still doesn’t. But you know what good for Steggy shippers, ya’ll really won. Stucky fandom, as someone who had to watch Game of Thrones S8 wreck my fandom life, I feel you. My deepest sympathies.
Anyway I skipped to the end after the support group scene. Dammit here we go:
Had to watch the final battle. Cause I had to hear Sam say on your left.
I still lowkey ship Tony/Strange
What you don’t see in the finale battle is where Sam and Bucky keep saving each other. That happened.
The backflips they had to go through to explain why Carol Danvers doesn’t end this movie in 5 minutes. Lol
Tony Stark takes no prisoners. RIP coerced alien soldiers. I have a hard time believing they couldn’t have saved Tony between a portal to Wakanda and magic but fine heroic moving death it is.
Sam didn’t have to go that hard and put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. But he did.
Okay the finale scene with Sam, Steve and Bucky. The whole reason I watched this lol. So it looks like they’re at the wreck of the Avengers compound. It’s unclear how much time passes between final battle, funeral, old man Steve and the stones. I still theorize Sam and Bucky get arrested after this because they’re fugitives and need to be pardoned.
It’s clear Steve told Bucky and fans were right about this for ages, but why not tell Sam??????? Like seriously wtf??? Couldn’t have said HEY Sam any interest in becoming the new Captain America??? 😂
That last look Steve shares with Bucky; right in my fucking heart.
So when Steve leaves he has no shield because it was destroyed by Thanos. When Steve comes back, he brings a shield to Sam. This seems to confirm the separate branch theory. The shield Sam has comes from a different timeline. Which means Steve came from a different timeline, maybe using the same tech. So it’s possible he rescued Bucky from HYDRA and he, Peggy and Bucky lived a great polyamorous life in that verse. Aw.
But that begs the question of how Steve got the shield in a different timeline. Like WHAT. Did he go find it in the Arctic? Did he convince Wakanda to make another one somehow? Like wtf? Again this ending makes no sense.
Poor Sam. He seriously has to deal with one last mindfuck, losing his best friend that he gave up everything for, and Sam being stalwart and true, just rolls with it. At least Bucky knew. Bucky had the chance to go back with Steve (but for a million reasons Bucky could never go back, that’s what this fic is going to be about lol). But Sam is just left to deal with one more loss.
Can we talk about how Bucky 100% supported Sam getting the shield from the start. Bucky was READY for Cap Sam Wilson. Bucky was like nope this shit is written.
You can see that imposter syndrome revving up to 1000% on Sam’s face. And he turns to Bucky for confirmation this is really happening.
I think this also explains why Bucky is so defensive about the shield. It really is the only thing left of his past. It’s his only tie to the Howling Commandos, to Steve, to the person he was before HYDRA took everything. And the only hope he has in staying behind is the certainty that Sam will be Cap, and that’s the hope that makes him stay. The thin vague tie to Sam and the possibility of their future. So for Sam to reject the shield, oof, I bet that felt like a rejection of Bucky himself. Because Bucky stays for Sam.
(None of this explains why Bucky then ghosts Sam. That is the biggest mystery but there are many delicious possibilities. It’s also possible that Bucky didn’t really ghost Sam - we know his flip phone is just something he has for show. He could be talking to Sam on his smart phone. And they had another falling out.)
Dear God the emotion in Sam’s face as he processes that he’s being given the shield. Cue existential crisis!!!!!
And on to TFATWS.
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wiypt-writes · 3 years
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Stark Spangled Banner
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Ch55: The Fallen Warrior
Intro: The Avengers mourn the loss of one of their own.
Warnings: “Language!” Smut (NSFW, 18+)  Character death, angst.
Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark
Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.
Chapter 56
Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist
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Katie felt numb. Wordlessly, Steve guided her back to their quarters where she trudged through the living room and into the bedroom, every so often raising her hand to wipe away her tears. She sat on the edge of the bed, kicking off the court shoes she had stolen from the base before her hands flattened against the mattress as her head dropped slightly, and she began to cry.
Steve sat next to her and she turned into him, pressing her face into his chest. His arms encircled her, as he lay his cheek against the top of her head, gently rubbing her back.
“She’s gone.” Katie whispered softly “I…I can’t…” “I know.” Steve replied gently, sniffing as his own tears fell.
“How are we gonna tell the kids?” 
“Together. We’ll figure it out.” “Like we always do huh?” Katie muttered as she pulled away from him, a hint of what sounded like sarcasm in her voice. Steve frowned.
“Honey?”
“I need a shower.” Her tone was monotonous as she stood up and made her wait into the en-suite.
Steve sighed and ran his hand over his face before he untied the combat boots he’d ‘borrowed’ and shucked them off. They had all the stones, they should be elated. Instead they were grieving, subdued, because Natasha hadn’t made it home and it cut Steve, like a knife in the gut. Other than Katie, she’d been the one person at SHIELD who had been ever present in his life post coming out of the ice. His partner in STRIKE, one of his best friends, a member of his fucking family.
And now she was gone.
He was trying to stay strong, trying to be the leader the group needed, but he was fucking upset and tired. His body ached all over from his tangle with his 2012 self, and if he was honest all he wanted to do was sleep for a week. 
His sharp ears picked up Katie’s quiet sobs in the bathroom. Just like that day when they came back from Wakanda over five years ago, he peeled off his outer clothing and gently pushed the door to the bathroom open and what he saw broke his heart. Katie was sat in the shower cubicle, hugging her knees as the water cascaded down on her. Without a word he opened the glass door, still in his boxers and with a silent groan he sat next to her, and wrapped his arm round her, his large hand on the side of her head as she turned into the contact and lay her cheek against his shoulder. 
As with all missions, there was a routine that followed and this one was no exception. If anything, the routine made Katie feel better, gave her something to focus on rather than the mission itself. Her head was still reeling from watching Steve’s reaction to Peggy, seeing her dad again after almost thirty-two years and the fact that Nat wasn’t coming home.  Steve managed to coax her to her feet, leaving her to shower, but she didn’t really speak as she dressed, instead retreating to dig out the arnica gel as Steve’s torso and back really had taken a beating. She could tell he was in quite a bit of discomfort, and she didn’t like seeing that regardless of how angry she was feeling towards him. 
An anger she knew deep down was completely irrational, but she couldn’t help feeling it nonetheless. 
“Thanks.” Steve smiled softly as her gentle fingers finished their dance across his shoulders. He rolled his head back, expecting her to be there but she’d already moved to wash her hands. He sighed and then stood up from the bed, grabbing a top out of the case they still hadn’t unpacked. He pulled it on with a grimace and then there was a knock at the main door before they heard Tony’s voice as he walked into their apartment.
“You guys decent?”
“Yeah.” Katie called back, shrugging on a purple vest top, before grabbing a white hooded cardigan. 
Tony gently popped his head round the door to their bedroom, his eyes red from his own tears. He took one look at his sister before he sighed and strode towards her, Steve watching as Katie melted into her brother’s arms. 
“I thought that all of us, well the original Avengers that is could meet down by the river on the jetty.” Tony cleared his throat, looking at Steve over Katie’s shoulder. “Maybe talk about what happened.” “She died.” Katie pulled away. “That’s what happened.” “Kiddo,” Tony began and Steve simply looked at him and shook his head slightly from side to side. Tony took a deep breath and watched as Katie walked over to the windows and looked out.
“Going over what happened won’t bring her back.” She shook her head.
“No but it might help.” Steve said.
“Help how?” She turned to face him, her eyes blazing “When has going over what’s already happened, what’s in the past, ever helped?”
Okay, so Steve knew that little dig wasn’t merely about Natasha. He took a deep breath, rationalising in his brain that she was merely angry and taking it out on him. And Steve understood he had to be the metaphorical punch bag. 
“Clint.” Tony spoke quickly, sensing something wasn’t quite right between the two of them. He knew the look on his sister’s face well enough to know she was going to blow if he didn’t diffuse the situation, and right now Steve looked broken. This was the last thing the group needed. “It might help Clint to tell someone what happened.”
Katie cocked her head to one side as she looked at Tony before she shrugged and walked passed the two men to grab a hair tie from the dresser. Quickly pulling her damp hair into a braid she looked over her shoulder at the pair of them and nodded. “See you out there.” “What’s going on?” Tony asked as soon as she was out of ear shot.
“To be honest Tony, I’m not one hundred percent sure.” Steve sighed, heading out towards the living area, Tony following. “We saw Peggy at the base, then your dad. I think it was a little overwhelming maybe and now Nat.”
“You saw Peggy?” Tony frowned 
“Yeah we had to duck into her office after that woman from the elevator was looking for us with security.” 
“So you hid in her office?” Tony arched an eyebrow.
“I know what you’re thinking but I didn’t do it on purpose.” Steve shook his head as he sat on the sofa, reaching for his leather boots which he had kicked off the day before. “It was just the closest room and…”
“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world.” Tony looked at Steve as he tied the laces of his right shoe.
“Did you seriously just quote ‘Casablanca’ at me?” Steve paused and looked up at his brother in law who shrugged. Steve shook his head, a small chuckle escaping his chest as he resumed the task of tying his laces. He exhaled loudly again and rest his hands on his knees. “I wish I understood what she was pissed at…I mean, yeah we saw Peggy but we didn’t speak to her.” “Did you do anything, or say anything?” Tony asked.
“Nothing, only that she looked good, you know, that it was nice to see her not ill.” Steve pondered “The stupid thing is Tony, there was nothing there when I looked at Peggy, nothing at all other than this overwhelming sense of serenity that she looked so, well, normal and how I remembered her, not some frail old lady in a bed.”
Tony looked at Steve for a moment before he shrugged. “Katie’s grieving, we all are. She’ll come round. Just don’t take anything she says to heart.”
“Easier said than done.” Steve mumbled as he stood up. With a deep breath he grabbed his jacket and made for the door, Tony clapping him between the shoulder blades as they walked.
******
“Then I guess we both know who it’s gotta be.” Clint swallowed, taking a deep breath. He was ready to do this, ready to sacrifice his life for the stone in line with what the keeper had said, a way to make up for what he had done over the past five years.
“I guess we do.” Natasha looked at him, smiling and Clint took a deep breath as he reached out to take her hand.
“I’m starting to think– we mean different people here, Natasha” 
“For the last five years I’ve been trying to do one thing: Get to right here.” her voice dropped slightly as the tears shone in her eyes “That’s all it’s been about. Bringing everybody back” 
“Oh, don’t you get all decent on me now.” He said, his own tears springing forth. 
“What, you think I wanna do it?” She looked at him, “I’m trying to save your life, you idiot.” 
“Yeah, well, I don’t want you to, because I– Natasha, you know what I’ve done.” he pleaded with her, how could he look his wife and kids in the face after the atrocities he had committed? “You know what I’ve become” 
“I don’t judge people on their worst mistakes.”
“Maybe you should.” 
“You didn’t.” 
Clint let out a smile, his tears now falling softly “You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?”
He leant down slightly, pressing his forehead against hers and he took a deep breath.
“Okay. You win” he gave a sad smile, stepping back. And when he knew she’d taken her eye off the ball, truly believing he was letting her do this, with a quick swipe of the legs he knocked her over.
“Tell my family I love them.” He turned to go but she grabbed his arm, tackling him to the ground.
“You tell them yourself.” She smirked, shooting one of her stingers at him, leaving him writhing on the floor. He managed to shrug it off and grabbed his bow and arrow, shooting an explosive dart at her which knocked her to the side. He began to sprint, casting her a look and a smile as he jumped…
He was falling, and he closed his eyes. This was it. 
Except it wasn’t. A pair of arms hooked round his waist and then his fall was stopped as Natasha’s line attached to him with a grappling hook, leaving him clutching her arm.
“Damn you!” Frustration laced Clint’s tone. He tried to reach Nat with his other hand, but the line started to give. And if both of them fell, then neither took the stone home.
“Let me go.” Natasha pleaded with him, her eyes soft. “It’s okay.” She assured him with a smile as be began to protest. There wasn’t an inch of fear on her face. In fact, quite the opposite, it was like she was wanting to do this.
“Please– no!” Clint tried again, but as he spoke Natasha kicked the wall and wrenched her arm out of his grip. Clint screamed after her, turning his head away unable to watch as she fell to her death. When he eventually did look back he saw her sprawled at the bottom, legs and arms bent in an unnatural way, crimson blood framing her head like a macabre halo…
Clint trailed off recalling what had happened as his voice cracked and he looked out over the river, falling silent, arms crossed. Katie sniffed from where she was sat beside Steve on one of the benches, his hand gently resting on her knee.
“Do we know if she had family?” Tony asked, looking around. 
“Yeah.” Steve said fiercely as he looked up through his tears. “Us.” 
“What?” Thor demanded, walking over to Tony. 
“I just asked him a question–“ “Yeah, you’re acting like she’s dead.” Thor snapped “Why are we acting like she’s dead? We have the stones, right? As long as we have the stones, Cap, we can bring her back, isn’t that right?” Steve looked down at his feet and Thor growled slightly. “So stop this shit. We’re the Avengers, get it together.”
“We can’t get her back.” Clint shook his head, his voice quiet as Thor looked at him. “It can’t be undone. It can’t.” 
Thor gave a dry laugh causing Katie to look up for the first time since she had sat down 
“I’m sorry. No offense, but you’re a very earthly being, Okay?” Thor looked at Clint “We’re talking about space magic. And “can’t” seems very definitive don’t you think?”
“Yeah, look, I know that I’m way outside my paygrade here. But she still isn’t here, is she?”
“No, that’s my point-“ “It can't be undone. Or that’s at least what the red floating guy had to say.” Clint’s voice gathered pace and volume until he was shouting. “Maybe you wanna go talk to him, okay? Go grab your hammer, and you go fly and you talk to him!”
At that point Katie stood up and made her way to the archer as his head bowed in grief. She gently rubbed his arm as he turned to face her, tears trickling down his face. 
“It was supposed to be me!” He looked at Katie, then to Steve and Tony. “She sacrificed her life for that goddamn stone. She bet her life on it.” At that point, in a burst of anger, Bruce ripped a bench from the edge of the jetty and hurled it straight across the water before he turned back to the group, his anger spent and a resigned look on his face.
“She’s not coming back. We have to make it worth it. We have to.”
Steve stood up, Bruce was right. They had to make her sacrifice count. “We will.” 
Bruce sniffed and then looked at Tony. “I’m gonna go back to the lab, take another look at the gauntlet.” “I’ll come with you.” Thor nodded and the two men wandered off up the walkway. Katie watched them for a moment before she turned back to look at Clint.
“I think I’ll stay here for a bit.” He sniffed. She nodded and gave his shoulder a squeeze as Tony and Steve both walked towards him. 
“You gonna be okay?” Steve asked, and he nodded.
“I just wanna be on my own for a bit, Cap.”
He patted the man on the back before the three of them headed up the walkway to the lawn area at the back of the building. Katie stopped and looked at Steve.
“I’m wanna take a drive up to the house, see the kids.”
“Yeah, me too.” He gave her a small smile as Tony looked at them both, nodding.
“We’ll all go.”   ***** They told Emmy and Pepper first, hidden on the porch outside, away from the younger kids. Pepper had instantly welled up, gently wiping away her tears whereas Emmy’s face had crumpled and she’d turned to her father, as she sat on the seat next to him, pressing her face into his top as she sobbed. Steve felt utterly helpless, unable to do anything but comfort her. Eventually, she pulled away and accepted the tissue Tony offered her.
“It was her choice Emmy.” Katie’s voice was broken. “I know that doesn’t make it any easier to take or understand, Sweetheart.” “She,” Emmy took a deep breath, “she was a hero until the end, huh?” “She was.” Steve agreed, smoothing back her hair.
“I err,” Emmy stood up. “I think I’ll take Lucky for a walk round the lake.” “Good Idea.” Tony agreed “How about me, you, Pep and Morgan head down to feed Gerald. Leave your mom and Sad to speak to Jamie.” Emmy nodded. Tony walked round the little porch and opened the door, calling the younger kids out to them. Jamie frowned when he realised he wasn’t going on the walk, and positively scowled when his parents told him it was because they needed to speak to him.
“But I don’t wanna.” He protested as they took him back inside.
“Please, sweetie, it’s important.” Katie sighed. He looked at her with piercing blue eyes so like his fathers and gave a huff, sitting down beside her, folding his arms.
“Am I in trouble?” He asked, looking up. “I didn’t do it.”
“No, pal, you’re not in trouble.” Steve assured him, sitting at the other side of him. “We just have some news to tell you.” He glanced at Katie and she gave him a helpless look. How do you make a three year old understand this? Understand any of it? Jamie sat patiently waiting whilst Steve took a breath and turned to face his son in his seat, his knee pulling up onto the cushion slightly as he did so.
“You know how me and your mom have been working on a big job with your Uncle Nee and Auntie Nat-Nat?”
Jamie nodded.
“Well, there was an accident.” Steve paused, trying to compose himself as best he could. “And Auntie Nat-Nat…well she, she’s gone to heaven buddy.” “Heaven?” Jamie frowned “Like, in the sky? With the angels? And my nannies and grandpas?” Katie nodded. “Yeah, baby.” “So I can’t see her again?” His little voice was quiet as his face fell, and Katie felt a lump in her throat as she struggled to speak.
“I’m sorry, buddy.” Steve gently, reached out to stroke his son’s face. “I know you can’t see her but you’ll always have her in your memories when you think about all the fun things you did.” Jamie nodded. And looked around. “Okay.” He whispered as he took the information in. Steve and Katie looked at one another, they’d tried to be honest, explain as best they could with the simple facts but in a way he would understand the harsh reality that his Auntie was gone, and not coming back.
“You alright?” Steve asked as the boy stood up.
“I’m sad that I won’t see her again.” Jamie shrugged, looking down before he stood up and looked his father straight in the eyes “But Emmy says her first mommy and daddy are both in heaven and the sun shines there so Auntie Nat-Nat will be okay. And I will see her when I go.” He nodded firmly. “But that won’t be for a very long time.” “No.” Steve reached out to pull his son into a hug. “No, it won’t.” Jamie wrapped his arms around his dad’s neck as he gave him a hug back, before he turned to his mom and did the same. Katie pulled him close to her, dropping a kiss to his head as her tears once more began to fall. 
And they were falling again when they headed back to the compound later that afternoon. Katie didn’t want to leave the kids behind, but there was work to do, and she knew they couldn’t be there when the stones were. It wasn’t safe. She remained silent for the drive home, both Tony and Steve glancing back at her on occasion, the men sharing significant looks as Steve drove the car back to the compound. He hadn’t even pulled to a stop when she was climbing out and striding towards the doors.
“Good luck.” Tony nodded towards her retreating back.
“Thanks.” Steve mumbled. He paused for a second, taking a deep breath of air before he headed after her. She wasn’t in their quarters, so a quick question to FRIDAY later he headed to the communal lounge, where she was stood behind the wet bar, pouring herself a large vodka.
“Want one?” She asked and he shook his head. “No? There’s some of that Asgardian shit here somewhere.” “Katie, I don’t want a drink. “Well I do so,” she knocked the vodka back and hissed slightly, “shit she’s right, that stuff is like paint stripper.”
She poured another one and Steve watched her knock it back before he walked round the back of the bar and gently took the bottle from her.
“Sweetheart, this isn’t going to help.” “Why are you getting off on telling me what to do all of a sudden?” she looked at him,  snatching the bottle back. “You did it before at the base too!” “That’s not what I was doing.” Steve calmly shook his head. “I was trying to stop you being seen.” “Didn’t care about that when you dragged us into Peggy’s office.” Steve took a deep breath, sensing the impending argument, desperately seeking for the words to cut it off before it could start. “I dragged us in there to stop security finding us. And I didn’t know it was her office until you did.” “Course you didn’t.” 
“I didn’t.” He sighed, his tone flat. He was completely and utterly worn out. And he didn’t have the energy to argue. He was done. So, instead, he turned to leave. 
“Sure you were horrified when you got to see her.” Katie shot at his back and Steve took a deep breath.
He knew she was poking for an argument now and he wasn’t going to give her one. He turned to face her, shaking his head and shrugging a little. “I was glad when I saw her. Glad I got to see her looking so healthy instead of some frail old woman dying in a bed. And I make no apologies for being happy about that fact.”
Katie snorted and poured another drink into her glass.
“But if you’re asking me if I suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to run to her and declare my undying love then the answer is no.” Steve held her gaze. “I love you.”
Katie rolled her eyes as she shot her third vodka straight down, grimacing again as it burnt its way down her throat. It wasn’t having any effect on her yet, but she still had a dangerous desire to jab at her husband’s wound again. For no reason other than she was angry.
Angry at everything and everyone… 
But Steve wasn’t rising to the bait. He was angry too, angry at her for behaving the way she was, angry that Natasha was gone, angry at this whole fucking situation, but he wasn’t giving her what she wanted. Not this time. He would deal with his anger alone later, in the way he always did
“We have kids, a home, we’ve built a whole goddamned life together over the past ten years, and I don’t want or need anything or anyone else, no matter what you choose to believe.” “Well if you change your mind, I snagged some extra particles from Pym. You could always go back, check out what you missed.” She shrugged, her eyes flashing as she watched his reaction. Steve grit his teeth together, the nerve in his jaw twitching but still when he spoke, his voice was level.
“I know you’re upset. You’re grieving. We all are.” Steve threw his arms out to his sides. “And if you wanna take it out on me then fine, but I’m not gonna stand here and start screaming and shouting at you.” His hands dropped back to his sides, slapping against his denim clad thighs. “I don’t have the energy. I’m hurting too. So is Clint, Bruce, Tony, Thor, you’re not the only one who loved Nat.”
Katie looked down at the empty glass, before she turned for the bottle of vodka and refilled it.
“I love you, I love our life, I love our kids.” Steve continued, his eyes locking onto hers when she finally looked back at him. “I don’t know what else I can do or say to prove that to you.” He took a deep breath. “If you still don’t believe me after I’ve spent ten years telling you that there’s never been anyone I’ve loved as much in my life, that you don’t trust me enough to believe me when I say that Peggy doesn’t even come close to you, what hope do we have?”
His last sentence hit her like a tonne of bricks and she swallowed as she looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears. 
“Tell FRIDAY when you need me to carry you back to the apartment.” He nodded to the bottle in her hand, and with that he turned and left the room. Katie stood still, her tears began to fall and with an almighty scream she launched the glass she had been holding against the wall before she turned and left the room.
She walked for what felt like hours. Through the woods, down by the river, and eventually came to the little clearing, the place that her and Natasha had often come to hide from everyone when they wanted a break to either sit in the sun or just chill after a particularly hard mission. She was surprised to find Clint already there, leaning against a tree trunk.
“Didn’t know you knew about this place?” Katie looked at him.
“Nat brought me out here the other day.” 
“Figures” Katie dropped down beside him. “She brought me here too, quite a bit actually.”
“Where’s Cap?” Clint asked. Katie shrugged, tugging at the grass on the floor, before throwing the strands she pulled from the ground into the air in front of her. “You two had a fight?” 
“Kinda.” she sighed. “I said some pretty shitty things.” “Sure it’ll work out.” Clint said. 
“Maybe.”
Clint turned to her “It can’t have been that bad, surely?” And then before she knew it, she’d told him everything. About the mission, about Peggy, about being angry for no real reason other than she felt a pang of jealousy over him smiling when he saw another woman back in the seventies, a woman who he had last seen frail and ill in a hospital bed. And then she was angry, angry at everything, at why Natasha had taken those fucking words, Steve’s words, ‘whatever it takes’ literally, and had given her life to bring people back.
“We don’t’ trade lives.” she sniffed, finishing rather pathetically as she wiped her eyes.
Clint sat in silence, sliding an arm round her shoulders. “She chose to do it Nova. I tried to stop her but…” “Her choosing doesn’t make it easier, Clint.” “Not for those of us left behind, no.” He agreed. “But she was at peace with her decision. And this isn’t Steve’s fault no matter what you think.” “I don’t think that.” Katie sighed “Not really.” “Good because that is almost as stupid as the other shit you’re thinking.” Clint looked at her “Steve loves you.”
“I know he does.” “Just listen to me.” the Archer looked at her sternly. “It’s always been obvious how much he loves you, and over the past few months I’ve also seen how much he loves your kids.”
Katie looked down at her hands as Clint continued.
“But the thing is, you love your kids because you have no choice. And by that I mean you just can’t help it. They’re part of you, but each other, well you choose that.” He paused as she looked up at him, his eyes flashed with a mix of upset and slight anger. “You need to get your head out your ass, Nova, and look around you. I lost my family five years ago. You gained yours, and you’re trying to do what exactly? Goad Steve into an argument about an ex-girlfriend or whatever from almost eighty years ago?” Clint shook his head “Stop being a dick.”
Katie knew he was right. She was being ridiculous, she’d known that the minute Steve had left her in the common room. She took a shaky breath, the tears pouring down her cheeks and the arm round her shoulders gave her a squeeze
“Nat would be so pissed at me right now.”
“Yep.” Clint breathed out, and Katie gave a soft watery laugh, as she lay her head on her friend’s shoulder, the two of them sitting in silence. *****
When neither Steve nor his Sister answered FRIDAY’s calls, Tony figured that something had happened so he’d gone in search of Steve first, knowing he’d be the most rational out of the two. FRIDAY told him he was down in the gym, and as he rounded the corner towards the training room, he could hear the sound of fists pummelling the punching bags. The door swung open and sure enough, the soldier was there, his arms moving at an astonishing rate, grey t-shirt stuck to his back with sweat as he hit the sand bag again and again and again.
“Cap?” He spoke a little tentatively, and Steve landed one final punch before he grimaced slightly, turning round, shaking out his hand. “Take it it didn’t go well then.” “You could say that.” Steve sighed, breathing heavily. “I left her in the common room with a bottle of vodka.” Tony frowned “Was that wise?” “Probably not.” Steve shrugged, feeling a pang of guilt before he took a deep breath, blooded hands falling to his hips. “But I don’t know what else to do Tony. She was just trying to goad me into an argument and, well, frankly, I couldn’t be bothered.” He slumped down onto one of the benches, running his hands through his sweaty hair.
“They say there are five stages to grief.” Tony mused, sitting down next to him. “Denial, anger, bargaining…” “…depression and acceptance, yeah.” Steve nodded.
“Well, you apparently go through them in order.” Tony looked at him. “But from personal experience, that’s a load of shit. When mom and dad died I just went off the rails. Oh, I accepted they were gone but, well the anger and depression continued for a very long time.”
Steve took a deep breath and looked at him.
“And I reckon it would have continued even longer had it not been for the fact that it became a very real threat that Kiddo would have been taken off me.” “I know she’s grieving, Tony, I really do but this whole thing about Peggy is ridiculous. You know what she said? That she’d stolen extra Pym particles and told me I could go back, see what I missed.” Steve snorted, shaking his head. “I mean does she actually seriously think that I’d even consider that?” “No.” Tony cut him off. “She doesn’t, not really. Look, today has been a head fuck for us all. She’s lashing out and wants a reaction. You’ve done the best thing by not giving her one and instead you’ve taken it out on a non-sentient item…” He nodded to the punching bag which was dripping sand to the floor.
Steve sighed and looked down at his split knuckles, flexing his fingers and wincing slightly.  “Suppose I best go see if she’s drunk herself into oblivion yet.” He stood up “FRIDAY, where’s Katie?” “Mrs Rogers is back in the Living Quarters, Captain. Would you like me to call her?” “No, it’s okay, thanks.” He sniffed as Tony stood up. Steve gave him a gentle nod, before he left the training room, without another word.
Tony watched him go before he looked around at the three destroyed bags, sand scattered all over the floor, spotted with a few droplets of Steve’s blood from his knuckles. He sighed, his head hanging heavily for a moment before ran his hands over his heard.
“FRIDAY, get someone to clean this up.”
**** When Steve walked back in the apartment Katie stood up off the sofa and looked at him for a moment, an awkward silence hanging between them. 
“Where’ve you been?” He asked, his voice even and soft.
“With Clint. Talking about stuff.”
Steve fully understood that ‘stuff’ would most likely have included as well as Natasha. He took a deep breath and gave her a curt nod. “I’m going for a shower.” “Okay.” She replied gently, almost nervously even. Steve gave her another passive look before he headed into the en-suite, turning the water on as hot as he could stand. He ached even more now than he had before, and he was beyond tired. He didn’t want to fight, not anymore. On the plus side, Katie wasn’t drunk, so that was something. He just hoped that whatever Clint had said to her had helped. He cleaned himself quickly before shutting off the water, drying himself down and emerging a few minutes later, dressed in a clean pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He found Katie in the kitchen, pulling a dish out of the oven.
“I assumed you’d want food. I made mac and cheese. Call it a peace offering?” She looked at him, her eyes watering a little.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.” She sniffed, and Steve saw her bottom lip beginning to quiver again. “Stevie, I’m so sorry, I…” With a sigh he reached out to her and pulled her to him and she went willingly, melting into his arms.  “I love you, and I shouldn’t have taken stuff out on you, I’m sorry, I really am…” she rambled into his chest as he held her close.
“I know.” He pressed a kiss to her head. “But, honey, I’m tired of trying to make you understand. I love you. I don’t want or need anyone else.” “I know, I was just, well, I just saw that photo on her desk and…”
“It was just a photo.” “Yeah but that’s it, it’s not just a photo.” She protested between her sobs. “I have that exact photo in my office too, because it’s you and,” she took a deep breath, “I never knew you before the serum but I wish I did because it’s who you are. Not Captain America but Steve Rogers. My Steve.”
“Oh, baby.” Steve pulled away and took her face in his hands. “I’ll always be yours.”
She gave a watery smile and slid her hands over his as his thumbs gently wiped away her tears, and then she frowned as she felt his knuckles. She gently pulled his hands down to look at them before she glanced up at him, fresh tears in his eyes as the memory of the last time he’d beaten his hands to a pulp on the punch-bag flashed across her mind, the time he’d been grieving for their lost friends and their baby.
“You haven’t done this since…” “I know.” “Stevie.” Her face crumpled again at the thought of what she had pushed him to and he shook his head, his hands falling to her hips.
“Look at me.” He instructed, and she raised her gaze to his. “I heal fast, you know this.” She spluttered a laugh and he smiled. “But I really am fucking hungry, so how about we eat and then curl up in bed and tomorrow we face head on together?”
She nodded. He dropped a kiss to the top of her head and she turned away to dish up their food. 
They ate in silence, but it was comfortable and when they’d finished they both cleared away the dishes before heading into the bedroom. Katie retreated somewhere for a moment, coming back with the first aid kit which she used to gently clean his split knuckles. There was no need, they weren’t as bad as they could be, but she wanted to care for him, and Steve wasn’t about to deny her the opportunity. Then came the arnica, which he really did want as his upper body was absolutely wrecked. 
She gently grasped at the bottom of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head before he shifted so he was lead on his front, with a groan befitting of all his hundred and five years. Katie moved so that she was straddling him from behind, her soft hands gently rubbing over his broad back.
“I would offer you a massage. But I think it would hurt.” “Yeah it would so thanks but no thanks” Steve mumbled into his pillow and she gave a soft laugh
“Maybe tomorrow?”
He nodded as her hands slid up to his shoulder, gently working there before she patted him softly on the ass.
“Turn over.” With a heave he did as he was told, eyes closed as she gently swept over his bruises to his ribs and torso, before her thumb skated over the one on his left cheek. Her thumb was replaced by her lips, which flickered down his jaw, his neck, over his Adam’s apple and back up to his mouth. With a soft sigh he accepted her kiss which was soft and she pulled back, nibbling on his bottom lip before she pressed her forehead to his.
“I love you.” She whispered softly, and he opened his eyes and nudged her nose gently with his. “I’m sorry.”
“I know, and I love you too.” His eyes locked onto hers. “So goddamned much it hurts at times.” “Just at times?” She teased and he rolled his eyes, causing her to giggle a little. He reached up and brushed her hair behind her ears. 
“Until the end of the line.”
She looked at him, her eyes full of warmth before she leaned down and kissed him again, this time with urgency. He hungrily kissed her back, his hand in her hair as he pulled her to him, before he rolled them over, ignoring the aches to his body. Nudging her head back with his nose on her jaw he gently kissed up her neck, nipping at the spot underneath her ear, listening to the soft sigh she made before she moved and pulled his mouth back to hers, her hand tangling in the hair at the back of his head. He grasped her T-shirt and broke the kiss to pull it over her head before their lips locked again, his hands gently squeezing her hips as she shimmied under him with a soft whimper. A few deftly undone buttons later and the pair of them were naked, soft kisses and teasing touches being shared, but no words. 
They didn’t need any.
Steve laced his fingers into hers, gently holding her hands above her head as he slid home, causing her to gasp and drop her head back. His movements were slow, deliberate, his hips hardly moving as he rocked into her, stroking her spot again and again. She arched her back, her head dropping further onto the pillow, and his lips kissed every inch of her neck he could find before he sucked and nipped his way across her collarbone whilst she keened underneath him, hiking her legs around his waist, locking her ankles behind him to keep him close to her. His movements grew deeper, but never faster, there was no urgency to any of this. It was love, it was about being close, the connection, making one another forget the shitty events of the day. Steve wanted his wife to understand what he felt and in turn she wanted him to realise she knew. She knew he loved her, and she loved him. 
She came with a soft cry of his name, her orgasm creeping up on her. It wasn’t a sudden explosion, more a long drawn out burn but no less intense. Her back arched and she pulsed around him, drawing a deep rumble from Steve’s throat as she did, and his lips caught hers with slightly more urgency as his hips picked up their pace, thrusting deeply whilst she clamped around him, hot and tight. It wasn’t long before he found his own release and with a low keen of her name his rhythm stuttered, eventually slowing to a stop and he let go of her hands, breathing heavily, as he gently cupped her face and kissed her deeply.
Still without a word, her hands tangled in his hair, nails scratching his scalp and he gave a soft sigh, closing his eyes as he relished her touch. Sliding his nose up against hers he gave her a gentle smile before he rolled over, pulling her with him. Her head found its favourite spot on his chest, and her hand gently tangled in the dark hair besides her cheek.
“I’m gonna miss her.” She whispered a moment or so later. “So much.”
“I know, Doll.” he sighed, pulling her closer, pressing a kiss to her head. “We all are.” Katie didn’t speak again. It wasn’t long before her breathing grew even and Steve knew she was asleep.  He could feel himself slipping under, and right before he lost consciousness, for some reason Katie’s voice came back to him, her angry jibe filling his head.
“You can always go back, check out what you missed.”
Steve realised there was a slight irony to her words, as roughly eleven years ago he would have jumped at the chance. But not now. 
Not now…
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Chapter 56
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themoomoorn · 3 years
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Random Thot #46,853
I had a health exam for my upcoming new job and put my two weeks in for my current one, so I’m rewarding my neurodivergent ass-brain with this.  Sit tight and enjoy.
46,853: I’m half-convinced that Edelgard is like the Soul Series’ Alexandra sisters and daughter when it comes to her combat ability - or rather, lack thereof.  Unlike Claude, Dimitri, and Byleth, who all explicitly received combat training as children, Edelgard likely did not.  The tools given to her are what likely allow for her to fight at all - heck, they may even do a bit of the fighting for her.  How else can a noodle-armed womanlet like her wear all that armor and heft that axe?  
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(Also, how the eff does this dress make clanking armor sounds when she walks in the game despite this dress having like no armor whatsoever)
To begin with, we have in-game factoids of her stat caps being the second highest in the game (390 when combined, with Cyril only beating her by 5 points due to his Aptitude skill), and she even has a magic cap that’s not only on-par with other magically-inclined units (72), but it’s actually better than some of them (Dorothea and Linhardt, who are both dedicated mage types, have caps of 61 and 66, respectively, while Manuela, who tends to get placed in Faith Magic-aligned classes despite being a hybrid unit, has a piddling cap 48).  She even has a quirky but feasible spell list for both magic types (Fire/Bolganone/Luna Lambda/Hades Omega for Reason, and Heal/Nosferatu/Recover/Seraphim for Faith, which is one of her banes, mind you).  I imagine this is the work of the experiments that gave her her version of the Crest of Flames - after all, the 2020 DREAM interview noted that the Hresvelg children were given a more “refined” version of the experiments the Ordelias had.  The refinement isn’t just reflected in-game with caps and magic too; Edelgard is also more robust in terms of health, whereas Lysithea is prone to bouts of weakness and illness.  In-game, she has poor Luck and Strength, and the single lowest HP cap of all the playable units at 48.  And while this one is admittedly conjecture, Edelgard doesn’t hint that her lifespan was drastically cut, as she gets to live a long life in all of her endings.  Even in her Crest-heavy ending with Hanneman or her healthcare-related ending with Manuela don’t mention that she had one or both of her Crests taken out.  Lysithea, on the other hand, is extensively motivated by the fact that she doesn’t have many years left, and it’s only in two endings (Lorenz, Balthus) where she’s able to live fairly long without removing her Crests; The rest either have her dying young or being able to live long only after her Crests are taken out.
Now what of her combat abilities?  Let’s turn to the source of where this silly thot came from.
For the uninitiated, Sophitia Alexandra, a fighter who’s been in the Soul Franchise since its very first game, did not grow up as a dedicated combatant like the other fighters - she was an ordinary baker living in Athens during the late 16th Century when Greece was part of the Ottoman Empire.  When she was bathing in a lake one day, she received a message from Hephaestus himself in that she has a divine destiny to destroy the cursed blade Soul Edge, and he gifts her with a divinely crafted short sword and shield in order to fulfill her mission.  While she does gain training in Athenian combat styles, a lot of her power and capabilities are tied to her weapon set, which are named the Omega Sword and Elk Shield.  Her younger sister Cassandra would follow suit in SoulCalibur II, actually going out of her way to steal the same holy armaments Sophitia used in Soul Edge and SoulCalibur I before getting her own specially empowered set.
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(Sophitia Alexandra)
And Pyrrha, Sophitia’s daughter in SoulCalibur V, takes it to new heights.  Per a data book, the timid, mistreated Pyrrha has absolutely no combat experience, not even in self-defense.  While Sophitia and Cassandra were able to train themselves into formidable soldiers outside of their divine weapons’ influences, this is not true for Pyrrha.  If it were not for the sword and shield Pyrrha wielded (which is the same exact set Sophitia wielded before her passing), her clumsy attacks and timid guard stances would amount to ineffectual, useless flailing.  
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(Info about Pyrrha’s fighting style from the SCV data book)
Back to the Egg.  Now it’s made abundantly clear that while Dimitri’s Jean Valjean-levels of raw strength heavily stem from his Crest, he’s also from the land where, in lieu of milk and honey, there’s extreme sports jock training in heavy armor in the dead of night with boulders for weights and weapon mastery.  Dimitri loves to train, and it’s a big aspect of his character.  The tritagonist of his route is also one of his combat trainers, and he’s done that job for three generations’ worth of Faerghus royalty, with his ending hinting that he keeps doing it for one more.  I imagine that even without the Crest of Blaiddyd, Dimitri would still be extremely strong and formidable, he’d just have to actually exert himself a little when saving some poor soul from a runaway cart.
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(Just in case the savior imagery wasn’t clear enough with Dimitri, he even did lift a cart the way eventual saint Jean Valjean did in the book/musical)
Claude is far more in favor of covert combat, and his own Crest is more defensive than offensive, but he’s no slouch either, having had a renowned war general serve as his combat instructor since childhood.  He’s from a kingdom that, much like Faerghus, values the way of the warrior and prides itself on the strength of its people.  His hidden talent, tying to wyvern mastery, is in friggin axes, and he’s also shown to be adept enough with a sword at various points.  Plus there’s the fact that he was abused and mistreated by his Almyran family, complete with his father plopping him on a horse and making the horse ride off with him backwards with no safety net as a form of punishment - Claude tells Hilda that there was a “trick” in how he survived that.  As any horse jockey can attest to, you need raw muscle in every part of your body in order to really ride one, and I imagine that’s doubly true for your local albino wyvern that’s decked out in Ottoman visual puns.  Plus learning how to be crafty and protecting oneself more covertly undoubtedly contributed to his combat abilities too.
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(I mean you’d have to be shredded if you can pull off the Parthian shot on a fucking flying dragon.  61 Strength cap my ass.)
Byleth, as we know, grew up as a mercenary to the point of detriment.  There’s no need to go into extensive detail as to how Jeralt sacrificed almost everything else in exchange for contributing to Byleth’s combat abilities without being abusive and cruel, but even if you took away Byleth’s self-insert aspects, they’d likely bear a passing resemblance to Rei Ayanami in terms of behavior and attitude - An intended vessel/Avatar for a divine being from one end; Conditioned for little more than combat from another end.  Kind of a gloomy picture before she starts to express herself better and actually bond with other people meaningfully.  
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(At least she’s cute as a button.  Kinda like Rei.)
But where does that leave Edelgard?  It’s a big question mark.  There’s no mention of her growing up with any kind of combat training, unlike the other three.  Heck, if tea time, Crimson Flower, and Heroes quotes are anything to go by, Edelgard grew up living a carefree lifestyle prior to the Insurrection.  She got to stuff her face with sweets and play with teddy bears and both dote and be doted on by her siblings.  Being child number 9 in her current generation, combat training and political studies likely weren’t major priorities for her, and since it’s speculated that Ionius favored her mother, she was likely lavished and spoiled by him.  After all, he expresses grief for her specifically when she inherits the throne from him, not the rest of her siblings.    
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(Even the official merchandise notes how childish Edelgard is)
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(This is all after she literally kickstarts her war, by the way).
While there’s varying degrees of elaborate flair that the Lords all wield their weapons with, Edelgard’s regular strikes with an axe feel far less rigid and more informal, and she’ll spin around her axe like it’s some kind of prop.  Her default battle stance isn’t even remotely protective and quite impractical; Dimitri’s stance with a lance is both of these things, while Claude’s arrow-twirling is a real-life exercise that’s done to keep the wrist flexible.  While she does refine her axe skills come Part II, she’ll still do things like throw her massive shield ten feet in the air for a critical hit.
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(Seriously what even is this why is your hand out like that)
There’s even some proof of this: In her study request for axes and heavy armor, Edelgard will even acknowledge that the only reason she can likely keep up and wear heavy armor at all is because of her Crests.  And unlike Dimitri and Claude, who can get lesson plans for their respective Hidden Talents once they’re mastered (Horse riding for Dimitri, axes for Claude), Edelgard doesn’t get a lesson plan for Reason Magic, which is her Hidden Talent, so she likely didn’t get any kind of formal education surrounding magic either.  
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(She has a similar quote in Heroes that’s even more explicit about this.)
The closest hint we get in Edelgard maybe having a hint of training as a child is in her Supports with Ferdinand, and even then, there’s no clear cut hint noting that his failures in beating her were combat-based.  She’s able to one-hit KO him in their B Support, but it’s locked to Part II and at this point she’s been both riding on the power highs of her Crests along with actually taking combat seriously.  She even says that their difference in skill level isn’t that great.
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(Should’ve used Swift Strikes, Ferdie)
What’s more, in addition to all of those enhancements, she not only spends a lot of Part I in a custom set of armor that only archaic technology from the Agarthans can make, but they also made her a custom Relic that’s tailor-made to her specifications.  The other Relics as well as the Sacred Weapons, being over a thousand years old, still require their wielders to train in order to wield them properly, and in the case of the Relics, their potential cannot be fully tapped into unless the wielder’s Crest matches the Relic they’re wielding.  There’s also that particular safety issue, per what happens with Sylvain’s brother Miklan.  But this is not the case with Aymr, which is brand new, has a mismatched Crest that doesn’t negatively affect Edelgard, and requires the Agarthan tech-compatible Agarthium to fix, not the Umbral Steel that’s used to fix both the Heroes’ Relics and other Crest Stone weapons like the Vajra-Mushti.  The Aymr’s specific Combat Art even emulates the oft-broken Galeforce skill from Awakening and Fates.  It feels like that Aymr in particular is the Edelgard what Hephaestus’ swords and shields are to the Alexandra family.  
Now I don’t really think that an Edelgard who’d be stripped of her Crest of Flames, the Amyr, or her special Flame Emperor armor, would be as hapless as Pyrrha would be without her mother’s sword and shield.  I imagine she likely started to do some kind of formal combat training once the experiments were done with, not just to kickstart her dreams of imperial conquest, but also to protect herself anyway after everything that happened; She’s also the only Hresvelg heiress of her generation left.  There’s also her natural Minor Crest of Seiros to consider.  But if you stripped all that away from her, then her ability to fight probably would come off as useless flailing to the other three more experienced combatants.  
All those cakes and that lack of muscle would at least catch up to her, anyway.
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tuffduff · 4 years
Text
Road to Being Gone (Nikki Sixx x Reader x Izzy Stradlin)
Pairing: Nikki Sixx x Reader, Izzy Stradlin x Reader
Words: 2,046
Request: @harryroger12 “Hey I was wondering if you could do a nikki imagine where he cheats on the reader and years later like in 89 he sees her dating Izzy Stradlin and sees how happy her and Izzy are and gets jealous. Sorry did bothering you ❤️”
A/N: Okay, don’t get it twisted; I love me some Nikki too. I definitely don’t harbor any ill feelings towards him, it’s all fiction :) Thanks for the request love, you’re never a bother! ❤️
Taglist: @ubernoxa​ ❤️
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“Nikki?” This was the 3rd place you had checked tonight—catering—and you were only met with negative shakes of heads and various clueless looks.
Nikki was your boyfriend of almost a year (in fact, you had saved up almost enough to buy him a new bass for your upcoming anniversary) and you had joined him on the Girls, Girls, Girls tour. At first, things had been an exhilarating whirlwind, but lately, Nikki had been distant. He had been all about you at the beginning of the tour, never leaving your side, exploring new cities together and waking up in new hotel rooms…now you were lucky if he came back to your room at all at the end of the night.
Of course, he and his band partied and drank and whatnot; you knew what you had signed up for. It wasn’t like you condoned it, but what exactly could you do? At least there was never a lack of love or devotion. Or so you thought.
“Oh! Tommy, Vince—have you guys seen Nikki?” You were relieved at the sight of two of Nikki’s band mates, but quickly grew confused by the looks they exchanged with each other.
“Tommy, have you seen him? Ah…sorry, Y/N, I haven’t seen him all night.” Vince said, not looking you in the eye.
“Have you tried catering?” Tommy suggested. The both of them were trying to walk away slowly.
“Yeah. That’s where I’m coming from, I just can’t find him.”
“Sorry, Y/N. We haven’t got a clue.” Vince said. You sighed a little to yourself as they walked away, crestfallen and truthfully uncertain of where to go now.
“It’s probably none of my business but…” You jumped at a voice behind you and turned, noticing Izzy Stradlin leaning against the wall. He and his band, Guns N’ Roses, were supporting Motley Crue on this leg of the tour. Izzy was an interesting guy, kind of a mystery; the two of you had never even had a conversation until now, you were surprised he even knew who you were. “They’re lying to you.”
“What are you talking about?” You asked, the tiniest pit of worry developing deep in you stomach.
“Have you tried Vince’s dressing room?” He replied, matter-of-fact seriousness on his face. You frowned a little to yourself.
“No. I checked Nikki’s dressing room, why would I check Vince’s?”
“It’s not like he would be somewhere you could find him.”
“And why wouldn’t he?” Izzy looked down a little, shielding his face from yours. “What are you trying to say? Do you know something I don’t?”
“Unfortunately.” He murmured, pulling out a cigarette and walking the few paces to stand at your shoulder. “Guys talk, sometimes too much. You hear a lot. And I just have a problem with guys disrespecting a beautiful good girl who doesn’t know any better.” You blinked, confused with every word that came from his mouth.
“I need you to be really clear with me,” you began slowly. He blew out smoke, a grim look on his face as he jerked his head.
“I can show you better than I can tell you.”
And that’s how you caught your boyfriend in the act with some groupie who had managed to get backstage. You screamed, you cried out of both anger and betrayal, but the worst part was how Nikki hardly seemed to care. He let you walk away without so much of a word, he merely waved his hand at you dismissively, as if you were complaining over him not taking out the trash. It was like you never knew him and everything suddenly felt very foreign. A mix between what was once familiar suddenly being lost, like losing the ground beneath your feet.
You made your way back to his dressing room to gather your belongings and get the hell out, halfway blinded by tears, but you could tell Izzy was still behind you, offering no words.
“Why are you still here, do you want some kinda tip or something?” You snapped at him. “You probably think I’m stupid as fuck, just like the rest of them. I bet they’ve known for months now. My mom even tried telling me, I would just tell her ‘no, mom. Not Nikki. He isn’t like the rest.’” If you were more aware, you would have been embarrassed by your lack of filter to someone who was practically a stranger. To Izzy’s credit, he listened sympathetically, letting you get it all out. “God…I’m so stupid. To think he could actually love someone like me.”
“Hey,” you were surprised when Izzy spoke up sharply. He made his way over to where you were crumbled on the ground and knelt down beside you. “You’re not stupid for thinking that. You’re not stupid for hoping that, for wanting that. You should expect that. And that’s his fault for not living up to it. You’re an amazing woman, you shouldn’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.”
“You don’t even know me,” you whispered in despair, a few stray tears still slipping down your cheeks. To both your surprise and fascination, you watched a strange pink color flood his cheeks as he chuckled awkwardly and looked to the ground.
“Yeah, I know.” He muttered, peeking up at you through his hair. “But I wish I did.”
It took you a long time to get over your initial shock and heartbreak. It took you even longer to get rid of that moment with Izzy, and soon, he was all you thought about. And right when you thought you were going crazy, dreaming of some strange and maybe a missed connection, you got a phone call.
“Is this Y/N?”
“This is she, who’s this?” You heard a relieved and breathless laugh on the other end.
“It’s really you; man, you wouldn’t believe the detective work I’ve had to do just to get your number. I didn’t even know your last name. All I knew was Y/N. I’ve been trying to find you since the last night I saw you.” You felt your breath catch in your throat.
“Izzy?” You asked, hearing him laugh a little again.
“I even had the guys in my band helping me.” You smiled a little, already melting a bit inside. How many times had you dreamed of this? “How have you been doing? I know it’s rough after a break-up, I was hoping you weren’t taking it too hard.”
It was a surprise. Truthfully, you had been expecting him to ask you out immediately, but he hadn’t. You would’ve said yes too, but he was more focused on your well-being.
“I’ve been great, actually. I mean, it was hard at first. I think the worst part was him making me doubt myself, you know? Sometimes I would catch myself wondering why I wasn’t enough, but I knew when I did that I was being stupid.”
“It had nothing to do with you. Like I said, some guys just don’t know what they have in front of them.” You nodded to yourself on the line, tangling the cord between your fingers and feeling butterflies beginning to flutter in your stomach. “You know, for the record, I didn’t like being that guy. But I wasn’t about to let you keep thinking he actually cared when he didn’t. You didn’t deserve that.”
“I never got to say thank you.” You murmured. Suddenly, you could feel your heart pounding and you held onto the cord tighter. “Listen…I know you’re probably really busy, but…if you ever have free time, I’d really like to see you.” You cringed, thrown off by your spontaneous wave of bravery.
The line was silent for a while and you almost hung up out of the crippling embarrassment. “Are you asking me on a date?” He finally asked. You swallowed, trying to cure your dry throat.
“I-If you want it to be.” You replied shakily. “I mean, I, you know, we can be just friends if you prefer, if you’re not interested—”
“Woah, woah.” You heard him cut you off with a soft laugh that made the butterflies grow stronger. “I’d really like that. I’m almost kind of relieved, I was thinking about asking you, but I just thought it would be a dick move, and I wasn’t really sure if you were ready for that…I was prepared to wait.” Your heart soared and you knew you were already on the road to being gone, lost in this wonderful man.
“I don’t want to wait anymore.”
The both of you clicked immediately and suddenly everything in your life made sense, why it had all happened with Nikki, what a real, healthy, relationship was supposed to be like, not one built on flimsy infatuation and illusions. You and Izzy took it slow, but it was an unspoken agreement between the two of you that you were both already deeply in love, despite not even saying it for months. You waited for the butterflies to go away, but they never did; you had never been so happy.
Fast forward two years and people closest to you wouldn’t stop asking when you were going to get married, when were you going to have kids…You and Izzy even bought a house together with more rooms and space than you needed; a promise for your future family. He had even quietly given you a ring, another promise for your future.
You had accompanied Izzy to the VMA’s in 1989, and had the pleasure of watching him perform from backstage, glowing with pride, when you heard your name from behind you.
“Y/N?” It was an old voice that brought familiarity you didn’t want to remember. You never expected to face Nikki again. He looked so different—sober, you realized. More tattoos, a healthier glow to his skin, and a bright look in his clear eyes at the sight of you.
“Oh…hi, Nikki.” You murmured uncomfortably. Nikki stepped towards you as though he were in a daze, eyes quickly filling with a million questions.
“You look great,” he breathed, before he chuckled awkwardly. “I, uh…would offer you a hug but maybe I should offer you a free punch. I know I was a real dick to you.”
“Yeah.” You muttered. “It’s fine, Nikki, really. It’s in the past…” You replied, glancing back towards the stage.
“It isn’t fine, Y/N. I wasn’t in the right state back then. I was in denial; I had no idea how bad I had gotten. And I didn’t even realize how good I had it when I had you, but when I did, it was too late.”
“There’s no hard feelings.” You told him again, dismissively.
“I just want to apologize. You didn’t deserve any of that. I was so stupid, Y/N.”
“To be honest with you, Nikki, I’ve moved on already. I haven’t really given it much thought, so it’s all cool now.”
“You’ve moved on…?” He trailed off when his eyes landed on Izzy, returning to your side finally from the stage. Izzy hadn’t yet noticed Nikki and wrapped an arm around your shoulder and placed a kiss to your head.
“Ready to go, babe?” He asked you, slightly stiffening when he caught sight of Nikki.
You watched Nikki suddenly get the picture, his eyes landing on the ring you wore on your wedding finger and back up to Izzy’s arm now wrapped protectively around your waist. It was the first time you had ever seen pain in his eyes, the first time Nikki Sixx ever gave proof he had a heart.
“Ah…” Nikki muttered curtly, looking Izzy up and down. For a moment, you held your breath, waiting for him to cause a scene. You could tell he was fighting some inner battle in his head, weighing his options. Finally, he started stepping back and took one last look at you. “...Guess I get it now. Well, it was nice seeing you, Y/N.” He murmured, uncharacteristically humbled as he walked away, still casting a look over his shoulder at Izzy who remained unbothered.
“What’s he talking about?” Izzy asked you curiously. You let out the breath you had been holding and leaned up to kiss his lips.
“That I deserved better and finally got it.”
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thedailyimagines · 4 years
Text
Imagine being the descendant of Victor Frankenstein, and working alongside Gabriel Van Helsing.
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Description: Though the threat of Dracula was gone from the world, there were always other supernatural threats. Who better to help Van Helsing than the granddaughter of one such legend?
.
This is bending the Van Helsing universe just a little, where Victor Frankenstein isn’t as young as he is portrayed to be in the movie. Otherwise everything takes place after the movie.
~~~~~~~~
“So. Plovdiv. Bulgaria. What exactly is in the city?” Gabriel Van Helsing walked alongside Cardinal Jinette, crossbow resting against his shoulder.
“There’s been reports of attacks in the city, mostly at night. Our sources say that while nobody has died, the injuries are not of human nature. There has been requests for help.”
“And you decided to send me. I assume you want me to take Carl?” Jinette shook his head.
“No. Friar Carl will be busy with another assignment. You’ll be headed to an ancient library in the city. Hopefully you can find some information on the attacks there. The locals say the attacks have happened in the past, and there might be records of them.” Van Helsing stopped and gave the Cardinal a confused look.
“So if Carl isn’t going, who is?” Jinette kept walking and Van Helsing had no choice but to follow. Soon the two came to the entrance area of the church, where a woman sat writing in a journal. When she saw them, she shut her journal and held out her hand to shake. Cardinal Jinette took her hand in both of his, shaking it in greeting.
“Van Helsing, this is Y/n Frankenstein. She’ll be going with you to Plovdiv.” Y/n’s smile twitched downwards slightly at the mention of the Frankenstein name.
To Van Helsing, she didn’t seem like she could be related to the creator of the monster. Of course, every account he had read about Victor Frankenstein claimed that the scientist was a madman whose loved ones and family died because of his actions. This woman looked like a school teacher.
“So the church finally invested in a necromancer? Have to say, usually it’s the Big Guy who does the reanimating.” The woman scowled and crossed her arms. Cardinal Jinette shook his head in annoyance. Of course Van Helsing would joke about holy miracles in a church.
“And I’m a scientist, not a witch. I assume you know the difference.” Van Helsing raised an eyebrow in amusement.
“Well excuse me Madam Frankenstein—”
“Lavenza.”
“Pardon?”
“I go by my grandmother’s maiden name, it attracts less attention. Her name was Elizabeth Lavenza.” Jinette began apologizing profusely, but Gabriel just shrugged nonchalantly.
“Alright then, Madam Lavenza.”
“You could just call me y/n. I’m not married nor a spinster. Not yet anyway.” Van Helsing turned to the cardinal.
“Explain to me why she’s coming with me?” Cardinal Jinette shook his head. Van Helsing was really going to complain his whole about taking the scientist, wasn’t he?
“Because she can translate the texts you’ll need, at a much faster rate than you could hope to.”
<—>
The hot sun beat down on y/n’s head, and she was glad she had chosen to wear lighter clothes. Glancing over at Van Helsing, she almost winced in sympathy. The man was decked out in his usual heavy leather gear, which while offering protection from the sun was no doubt unbearably hot.
“See something you like, Miss Lavenza?” Y/n rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat in the cart. The man was still refusing to call her by her first name.
“I was considering if I should ask you if that’s the city we’re headed to, and if you were beginning to suffer from heat exhaustion. All that heavy leather can’t be comfortable in this heat.” Van Helsing chuckled and tilted his hat to shield his face from the sun.
“You almost sound concerned.” A small huff came from y/n, and she pulled her journal out of her small bag.
“Considering you’re the expert in getting around the city, I’d prefer not to lose you and be stranded.” Van Helsing just turned to the cart driver and began talking with him. Y/n began writing in her journal, making note of the city and the sites around them.
When they arrived at a small church, a meek looking man greeted them. Compared to Gabriel, y/n noted in amusement, the pastor was tiny. He guided the two visitors to the old library beneath the church and left them. Neither y/n nor Gabriel noticed how the pastor’s eyes lingered hungrily on the two of them.
<—>
Sighing and rubbing her eyes, y/n looked down in frustration at the book in front of her. Translating it from Latin to German was easy as breathing for her, but sometimes there were random words thrown in that were of a completely different language and it was slowing y/n down.
Across the room, Van Helsing was tossing books to the side if he didn’t deem them useful. It slightly annoyed her to see the delicate books thrown aside so carelessly, and y/n briefly wondered who had taught the monster hunter his manners.
“If all you’re going to do is throw books around, you can leave.” Van Helsing scowled at another book, and as if to rub it in y/n’s face, tossed the book down the aisle between the shelves.
“No.”
“What? Think the scary monster is going to come after me?” Y/n laughed and adjusted her reading glasses, fixing Van Helsing with a stern look. “I’m not a child, Van Helsing. I can look after myself. Besides, didn’t you state that this library was sanctified by your church?”
The dark haired man opened his mouth to argue, then closed his mouth and shook his head.
“Don’t stay up too late. We’re leaving early tomorrow morning.”
“I’m touched, Van Helsing. You do care.” The monster hunter snorted, taking a lantern with him as he left the library. Y/n turned back to the book in front of her and cracked her knuckles. It was time to get back to work.
Not even an hour into her work, a scratching noise came from one of the aisles. Y/n quickly turned her head towards the source. The area between the shelves was too dark to see, and against her better judgement y/n took a lantern and walked down the aisle. Dust motes floated through the air, and y/n raised her lantern a little higher.
A loud growl came from in front of her. A large, dark mass emerged from the darkness and another growl rumbled from its throat. Y/n’s mind took two seconds to register what she was seeing before she booked it for the exit. The monster howled and gave chase.
“Shit shit shit shit!” Her mother would have been horrified at her use of language, but right now y/n could care less. Her mother could come lecture her when she wasn’t being chased by a monster four times her size. Said monster crashed through the bookshelves in front of her, and y/n screamed and changed direction.
“GABRIEL!”
<—>
Gabriel was halfway up the stairs to the exit when he heard the loud crash. He half wondered if y/n had knocked something over, or if—
“GABRIEL!”
That didn’t sound good. Taking the stairs two at a time, Van Helsing all but flew back into the library. Shelves were shattered and books lay in pieces everywhere. And there was y/n back to a wall as something huge closed in on her.
“Y/n!” Gabriel grabbed the closest thing to him, an unlit torch sconce, and flung it at the monster. The beast didn’t even flinch, but it turned slowly towards Van Helsing. With a roar it lunged at the seasoned monster hunter, who dodged and ran for cover. He found y/n with a book, ready to hit whatever came near her.
“It’s me! It’s just me!” Y/n lowered the book slightly.
“How did that thing get in here?!?!” Van Helsing shook his head and handed his crossbow to the scientist.
“Take the crossbow, and shoot it!” Y/n jerked back in surprise, almost dropping the heavy weapon. She shoved it back at Gabriel.
“I don’t know how to shoot a crossbow!” The monster hunter gave her a disbelieving look.
“Seriously?”
“I’m a fucking scientist, not a bloody monster hunter! I study the human body and it’s different functions!” Gabriel rolled his eyes. Of course she couldn’t fight. She could translate dead languages seven ways to Sunday, but not fight.
“Fine. When I say go, you need to make a run for the exit. Keep running and don’t look back.”
“What about you?” Gabriel prepared a crossbow bolt.
“Is that concern I hear, Miss Lavenza?”
“Yes.”
“Then thank you. Now get ready.” Y/n took a deep breath, and got into position. Van Helsing stood up and sprinted away from y/n. Once he deemed himself far enough, he quickly shot two crossbow bolts into the monster. The beast howled and whirled to face the monster hunter.
“Run!” Y/n sprinted towards the exit. Van Helsing kept the beast occupied with his crossbow. For a brief moment, he saw an open wound on the creatures underbelly.
The creature reared up again, and Gabriel fired a crossbow bolt at the wound. The monster howled and staggered, clawing at it’s chest. Finally, it fell to the ground. With a spasm it began to shrink, until it was a middle aged man covered in black goo.
“Gabriel?” Van Helsing turned to find y/n standing at the exit, armed with nothing but a fireplace poker from the church above.
“I thought I told you to run.” Y/n stepped into the library, staring with wide eyes at the the goo-covered man.
“I—wait, isn’t that one of the church’s men? The one who showed us the way here?” Gabriel gently turned the man over, finding that it was indeed the pastor of the church.
“Shit.”
~~~~~~~~
I don’t own the above gifs, all credits go to the owners.
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Text
Nightmares
Raphael X Biker!Reader
Part One     Part Two
Summary: Tomorrow arrives at your doorstep... but Raph doesn’t. Instead another brother does that leads to a perilous night out. 
A/N: Woo! Part three! This one is a bit more angsty but cute and well, who doesn’t love some good angst? I love you guys so much and all of the feedback that you offer. Always keep fighting. 
Tags: @brightlotusmoon @boatloadsofheart @legandarybeauty@crazywritingbug @bitch-kms @ravn-87 @just-a-casual-fangirl-011@unicornjoos @stuckoutsideofthebox @ilikestuffproductions@whygz @coffee-addicti@sugarspooks15@leslieebee@serperiorkb@blossom-skies@fantastical-67impala-fangirl@coresan @big-banging-red@iceprincess2019 @raphaeladdict @thirstyforvenom@merindagriese @depressedemo-152 @bengewatch @corabmarie@bitemebro522 @tmnt-queen @muleka-loka @violet-sky-96 @curadopordeus @artemismohr18 @thewhisperpen@xjupitermoonsx @bisexualbumblebeesstuff@merindagriese@oceans-daughter-3 @dixonreedusfangirlforever @shanidenise @thegayestfish441 @lovelyyroseee @yourlieberhoe @dolphincommander @molzies-fanfics @fuzzy-panda @msmcsmutt
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Music played softly as it rained again, and I waited by an unlocked window. Some part of my memory knew that he would be here, though I couldn’t tell what the truth happened to be or what happened to be a dream. It all seemed like a dream to me. A wonderful dream.
A knock interrupted my thoughts as I opened the window, expecting one turtle and getting another.
“Leo?” I asked curiously. “What’s... why are you here?”
“Is Raph here?” He demanded; his eyes swept my apartment not even looking at me as he talked.
“No?” I frowned. “What the hell is going on?”
“Raph went out tonight and he hasn’t been back, and I assumed he was here.”
“No,” I shook my head, fear growing in my chest for my lost rider. “Give me a minute, I’ll help you look,” I arrived at the conclusion.
“You can’t. Not in this weather, it’s not safe,” Leo scolded. “You stay here.”
“Damn it, Leo! I can do what I want when I want, and you know you need me out there! You know I know him better!”
Cold blue eyes met mine, but I dug my heels in. Nothing would sway me from this. Looking for Raph became my number one priority.
“Meet at the alley in twenty minutes. Donnie will get you connected with the rest of us.” Leo didn’t meet my eyes as he ducked out the window. “And whatever happens to you is not on me.”
With that he vanished.
“Gee, thanks,” I mocked at the window and quickly changed for the ride ahead, my anxiety racing out of control as I muttered to myself the questions that I needed answers to. 
The one above them all: Where was Raphael?
I didn’t enjoy riding in the rain, it was cold and wet and hurt if you went fast enough, but I’d do it for him. Anything for my reckless rider. Sliding my helmet on, I sped off.
I arrived at the alley way and like Leo said, Donatello stood, equipment in hand.
“Hello,” He greeted, stammering slightly, “This will connected to your com system that you have set up and will pick up our radio frequency,”
I unlatched my helmet and handed it over, running a hand through my hair as the rain started to soak it through.
“Do you have any idea where he would be?” I asked as the turtle in purple worked quickly.
“Your guess is probably better than mine,” He muttered. “I figured that you would be the first place he went to after fighting with Leo,”
That was new information. That Leo conveniently left out.
“Fighting with Leo? About what?” I pressed, urgently. “Please Donnie this is important. If I’m going to find him... I need to know what happened.”
_____________________________
“You’re not going out tonight. There’s no need.” Leo stood in front of his brother.
“Get out of my way Leo,” Raph muttered. “I’ll be fine,”
“It’s too dangerous!” Leo shouted.
“And since when do you care whether I get hurt or not? Since when do you stop me from going out? Who do you think you are?” Raph stalked up to his brother agitated.
“Since you met her.” Leo answered coolly. “She’s dangerous,”
Raph scoffed and almost laughed as he paced away, growing more aggravated as each second passed.
“She’s not dangerous! Are you fucking kidding me!?” Raph pulled out his sais: a reflex. 
“Even now, she’s turning you against me,” Leo circled with his brother, keeping a distance.
“No, I’m pretty sure you’re doing that all on your own fearless,” Raph snarled. “So, don’t you dare go blaming her,”
“You think she actually wants to see you Raphael? We don’t belong in her world and she doesn’t belong in ours,” Leo hissed.
“Oh yeah, and it was okay for you to go after Karai! Sure! That makes total sense!” Raph roared.
“Karai was forced into our world! Are you really selfish enough to make her belong in ours!?” Now Leo had his blades drawn.
“We don’t belong anywhere Leo! But she’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to belonging, even when it’s with you three,”
“We are your family!” Leo shouted.
“Then fucking act like it!” Raph yelled, fighting back tears.
He had to get away. He had to get to you. You would know what to say, or at least what to do... or maybe you could give him solace from it all.
So, he took off and didn’t look back.
 ________________________________
I stared at Donnie in shock as he handed me back my helmet after testing it. 
“And Leo had the nerve to...” I growled slipping it back on.
“He went to apologize,” Donnie tried to soothe my fury.
“Oh, I’m sure he did,” My voice dripped venom through the comm.
“Yo! Y/n!” Another voice chimed in over the headset in my helmet. It had to be Mikey, the only brother I hadn’t met face to face yet.
“Hey Mikey,” I gritted out, taking a left down Jefferson.
The wind and rain picked up step, making it hard to see. But I had a good idea of where I was going, a few ideas actually.
I sped to the tunnels, slowing as I reached the outskirts, killing my engine and slipping of my helmet.
“Raph!?” I called into the hollow caverns.
No response. I growled and dove back out into the storm.
“Do you guys see anything!?” I demanded over the intercom.
“Nothing,” Leo’s voice held an air of calm and collected.
Oh, I was so going to punch him in the face next time I saw him.
My next destination located itself in the middle of the Brooklyn bridge. Raph and his bike were nowhere to be found. Huffing, I set off again.
“Come on Raph,” I muttered. “Where are you?”
My hope waning, with one more spot left on my mental checklist, I turned carefully and headed towards the outskirts of the city. To a place Raph had never been. A road I had taken what seemed like months ago, leading him out of the city lights.
The city ways quickly became dense forest.
“Come on Raph, please,” Tears of fear and worry started to blur my vision. “Please, come back to me,”
I slowed my bike, having to. Through the rain and my tears, there was no other option. On the side of the road, I got off my bike, and took off my helmet, leaving them on the side of the road as I started to keep walking down the dark road.
“Raph!”
Stupid seemed like a good word to describe what I was doing.
Soaked to the bone, my tears fell freely.
What was I doing?
I was alone on a road, with no hope of finding a way back until the rain cleared, looking for someone who didn’t want to be found in the entirety of New York and I had nothing to go on.
“Please,” I begged to no one. 
“Y/n!?”
I almost dropped in relief. 
“Raph?” I called.
“What the hell are you doing out here?” He was beside me instantly, his figure shielding the rain that seemed to be coming in sideways with the wind.
_________________________________
“What are you doing out here!?” She shouted back. “We’ve been looking for you everywhere! Why... what the hell were you thinking!?” Her voice sounded raw as tears mixed with the rain.
“You’ve been looking for me? In this? Y/n, were you seriously riding in this!” Raphael’s voice rose.
“What else was I supposed to do! Leo came to me; said you were gone! Then Donnie told me about what happened and God Raph!” Trembles racked her frame as she continued to yell. “Do you know how worried I’ve been!? How scared that something happened to you!?”
In a desperate attempted to stop shaking, her arms wrapped themselves around her frame. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold her close, to give her comfort.
He never thought that she would care enough to come out looking for him. Or why the hell Leo would go to her of all people.
“I’m... sorry Y/n,” He mumbled, barely audible above the howling wind.
“Please, come home,” She shivered. He could see her paling and her lips turning blue.
“No, we’re gonna get you home, and dry, and warm,” Raph, against his better judgement again, picked her up and walked over to where her bike waited.
Sitting her in front of him, helping her with her helmet, he tore off down the road, back to the city. Back somewhere where he could get her warm and safe.
__________________________________
Whimpers let my lips against my will as I shuddered from the bitter cold. I could hear voices over the comm, but the words didn’t make much sense... not that I paid much attention.
Every cell in my body was screaming to get warm, and fast. I barely processed the effort it took to stay on the bike until Raphael pulled up to my apartment complex.
With head he lifted me and climbed the fore escape, forcing my window open.
I collapsed in the warmth, against him and his warmth. His face was fuzzy... everything was fuzzy. I tried to blink the haze from my eyes, but soon my eyelids were too heavy to reopen.
__________________________________
“Donnie get over here and fix her,” Raph hissed into his comm. 
“Raph?” The three brothers all responded.
“Yes. Donnie, she passed out from being in the rain and cold too long and I need your help,” He growled, trying to keep his panic and worry to a minimum.
He had already stripped her riding jacket, shoes and socks, and currently, he cradled her in his lap cocooned in her throw blankets. Anything to give her warmth.
Donnie was ducking in through the window in minutes, and his brother looked at the limp girl in his arms and got to work. Taking her pulse and checking her vitals, Donnie seemed to relax.
“She’s in a stable condition, just a bit of hypothermia. What you were doing is what you should have been and need to keep doing until she wakes up and can shower and get dry clothes,” Donnie spoke softly.
Raph nodded, and his brother neared the window, hesitating slightly before ducking out into the driving rain.
Raphael held her closer in his arms as he moved to sitting on the floor, trying to keep himself together. He didn’t want to lose her, not like this. And he didn’t want to admit that maybe Leo was right... she didn’t belong in his world; she could get hurt... or worse.
But her eyebrows furrowed as her eyes fluttered open, and he knew that there couldn’t be any other place that he belong except right there.
.
.
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Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 156
156
At the back of the aquarium was the animal park/zoo. Lance wanted to feed the deers, so they did, his boyfriend would have adopted them all if left alone unsupervised for too long. For someone who hadn’t wanted a cow, Lance was pretty attached to his cow. His boyfriend fawning over everything that moved. Zero fear at all when it came to the snakes, where Keith liked to think he has a healthy fear of them. They did their own thing and he did his own thing. Never the pair to cross paths. How could they have snakes near open pens with pattble bunnies did his head in. Didn’t they worry the snakes would get the rabbits? The pavilion was dedicated to kids more than adults, Lance seemed to fit right in. Keith conned into rabbit cuddles. As nice as it was terrifying trying not to drop the rabbit, Kosmo was cuter when he’d been smaller. Lance just as cute as he smiled up at him holding his own rabbit happily. The rabbit in Keith’s arms was... he supposed... cuterish... until it pooped and Lance cackled so hard he had lean against the rabbit pen wall. This was why Kosmo was better. Keith taking a baby wipe from a zoo worker to clean up the mess on his hand as the rabbit was half dropped and half thrown the few inches back into its pen. Fuck rabbits and fuck snakes. They weren’t for him. He had Kosmo and he had Blue. That was definitely enough to keep him happy in the fur department.
Stumbling his steps, Keith came to a stop as he held Lance to him. His boyfriend’s colour faded from his face as sweat beads rolled down his forehead. The day wasn’t terribly warm, but the lack of cloud cover and coming out the air conditioning must have been getting to Lance. The pavilion was like a cool oasis before you stepped out into heat and the paths that looped around back to where they currently were
“Babe, want to take a break?”
Expecting Lance to say no, because he was a stubborn idiot about all the wrong things, his boyfriend nodded
“Sorry. I need to sit for a bit”
Okay. He wasn’t going to freak out. Nope. Lance had made it clear he was over being fussed over. A quick scan and he’d found a converted building with a neon sign in the window
“There’s a cafe. Let’s get something to drink”
“Yeah... I need a moment”
Propping Lance up, Keith lead them over to the cafe where he glared a couple away from the only available seats on the shaded veranda of the old building. Sitting Lance down, his boyfriend pushed his chair back, leaning heavily on his thighs as he hunched forward, legs spread as if he thought he might vomit between his feet
“Babe?”
“I’m sorry. Can you get me some water?”
“Yep. Hang on. Don’t move, I’ll be right back”
Grabbing two bottles of water Keith’s anxieties had him practicing what he’d say to the server as he took his place in line. The family at the sandwich counter were fighting with kids over having to eat sandwiches and not cream topped cake. The aircon in the house barely seemed to make a dent, and when he got to the counter he fumbled down both bottles of water, flustered and annoyed over the wait. Paying for both bottles hurt his heart. No bottle of water ever should cost $5 each. That was ridiculous. If Lance hadn’t needed water he’d definitely have had some very choice words to say over how they ran their cafe. In his rush to get back to Lance he nearly forgot his wallet, then bumped squarely into some kid that started crying. Apologising to the cranky mother who rushed to her precious darlings side, Keith had had enough of crowds. Enough of people. Like, couldn’t they see he was in an obvious rush? Or did they expect him to make Lance wait, then would complain if Lance threw up in front of their kids? People were too damn complicated. He should have been paying better attention to when Lance stopped laughing and started stumbling.
Lance had stripped off his jumper and used it to cover his belly as he leant against the veranda railing in his chair. His boyfriend still looked ill, but at least he was upright. A few people were glancing in his direction. Keith resisting the urge to snap at them for staring. If they were going to state they could at least offer assistance
“Babe, I’ve got the water”
Raising his head Lance blinked at him, a smile slowly coming to his lips
“Hmm... what? Oh. Thanks...”
“Are you okay? You don’t look like you feel very well”
“Just a little faint. And a whole lot of thirsty. Why do you smell funny?”
Keith handed Lance his bottle of water, using himself to shield Lance from those staring. Raising his upper slightly, Keith didn’t want to think about whatever had been on the kids hands, or on its face. He was going to be a horrible parent. What kind of person felt icky about a strangers dirty kid? Kids were dirty creatures
“Bumped into a kid. More like they bumped into me. I have no idea why it was on the loose”
“You were rushing, weren’t you?”
Sprung. He couldn’t help but rush. Ten minutes in a line of people who felt as frustrated as he did then turned out to not be able to make their damn minds up either. Then again, the cakes did actually look good. Maybe had Krolia not given him food poisoning he would have picked a slice to share with his boyfriend
“Maybe?”
Lance sighed, cracking open his bottle of water as he did. His boyfriend realising he was watching him
“Come sit down already. I’m alright. I’m feeling better in the shade”
“You said you felt faint. If this is too much...”
How often did Lance feel faint? Often enough to hide it from him?
“Keith, sit down already. It’s hotter out here than I expected. That’s it. I’m fine”
Keith didn’t quite believe Lance as he sat across from him. They’d done a fair bit of walking. The complex deceptively large inside with the outdoor area feeling more like an after thought. Still, this was closest thing to an actual zoo in the area. It made sense why it’d be so popular with families
“You’re frowning. What’s on your mind?”
“How often do you feel faint?”
Lance sighed at him
“It’s okay. I’ve normally had a nap by now and I didn’t sleep that much last night. But I’m fine now I’m sitting. You should drink your water or you’ll end up dehydrated”
“Are you you don’t need it?”
Lance rolled his eyes at him
“Babe. You’ve got to relax. Besides, my bladder is like the size of a walnut these days. I’ve already had to pee like three times. It’s repetitive”
“Was it because of the water?”
Maybe the sound of running water or being surrounded by so much of it was making his boyfriend pee more?
“Nope. I know what you’re hinting at and no. Seriously, they don’t over exaggerate this peeing thing. Everything’s all squished up to make space for these two”
“I’m sorry”
Lance sighed at him again. Replacing the cap on his bottle of water as he leaned on the table
“You don’t need to be sorry. I know you’ve got new dad jitters. I’m enjoying myself, and if it’s any indication by how much these two are moving, they are too. What do you think of this place?”
Keith let Lance have the topic change, sitting back in his chair as he nodded
“It’s cool. I mean. It’s not like hugely fancy, but it’s cool. The rabbits suck”
“I don’t know. I thought they were kind of cute”
“Because you didn’t get crapped on”
“That was definitely an advantage. It’s nice. Just seeing all these people going about their lives. It’s nice”
There was a clear “but” in Lance’s tone
“But...”
“Honestly, a kid tripped and I smelt blood. Kids trip all the time, but it got me wondering how I’d react to our kids”
“And?”
“And I don’t know. It kind of scares me. I mean, I think I’ll be okay. I think it’s just all these extra hormones amping up my senses. I’ve taken care of Pidge and Hunk before, and you without going crazy. I think I’m just over thinking it”
“You wanted to help the kid, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. I think I’m touchy because it’s a kid. They’re supposed to be enjoying themselves and not face planting on the walkways”
“They’ll be fine. Seriously though... these kids are scary”
Lance chuckled, his colour still wasn’t improving but if he could laugh Keith would take it as a sign his boyfriend felt a bit better
“That’s going to be us. And we’re going to have two of them. I hope they don’t inherit your sense of direction”
“Rude. I got us here in one piece”
“You did. It hasn’t quite been the same riding around in a car since... you know”
Since Lance flipped a truck to save him and Curtis...
“You still think about that?”
“I think about how damn lucky we were. I don’t know how you’re so willing to get back on your bike after it”
“I haven’t really thought about it. I mean, my accident wasn’t that bad. And I’ve missed my bike. Do you want me to sell it?”
Lance shook his head immediately
“No. No. I mean, I don’t love your bike but you do. I want you to have the things you love. I’m going to have to get used to it sooner rather than later”
“It has been off the road as long as you’ve been pregnant”
“I know. I’m still not sure how we made the twins...”
“When a daddy loves a daddy...”
Groaning at him, Lance’s smile only grew
“When a weird vampire drinks the blood of a weirdo, magical things happen?”
“Something like that. What do you want to do after this?”
Keith had a plan of how he wanted the day to go. First the Aquarium Centre, then out for lunch, then putting on his big boy pants and facing crowds. Lance needed more clothes, especially with how large his stomach was getting. Plus, he wanted to see Lance getting excited over things for their twins. He wanted to check out furniture... maybe choose a theme? That’s what parents did right?
“Maybe take a nap? I know it’s not a very exciting outcome”
“Babe, it’s fine. We can totally head back to the apartment and take a nap. I have no idea how I’m supposed to go back to work with all this time off”
“Does that mean you take a secret nap in the afternoons at the garage?”
Hunk would let him. Matt would see an open opportunity to get up to some kind of mischief. Grease on his hands. A grease moustache. Anything was possible if he let his guard down
“No. But I have thought about it. Then I remember Matt’s there and I think again”
“I don’t think he’d play up at work. You know Rieva tried to pay me rent? I mean, who charges their family rent?”
“Parents?”
Lance shrugged
“Mami never charged me. I told her to put it towards the food bill instead. I’m paying the same amount no matter the number of people in the household”
“You’re using more power and water”
“Yeah, but I’d still rather them save up for their own place or save towards going to see Rieva’s parents. This time last year it was only me and Blue”
“And now?”
“And now we’ve got a whole family in there. I’m so grateful to have met all of you... I’m going to be sad when Curtis leaves for good. It’s not the same without him there”
Keith huffed, hoping his expression seemed as if he was acting hurt
“Should I worry you’re going to run off with him?”
“I don’t know. He does give a pretty good running commentary when we’re watching our shows together. And he’s stopped coming at me with sex toys”
“What am I supposed to tell Shiro when you two elope?”
Lance choked on air, coughing as he shook his head
“I don’t want to die... Shiro would kill me. What about you? Would you stop the wedding?”
“Nope. I’d burn down the church so you couldn’t marry him in the first place”
“Babe, you can’t burn down churches!”
Still coughing, Lance opened his bottle of water again and proceeded to choke on that too. Keith hanging his head, useless against an invisible enemy. He’d gone and made himself upset with his own jokes. Lance was right though. Curtis was into cheesy dramas and Keith really wasn’t. Asking questions only got him glared at as Lance would be forced to spend more time explaining things to him than watching his show. Slowly recovering, Lance wiped his mouth, still coughing slightly as he shook his head again
“I have to pee again. I’ll be right back”
“You’ll be okay?”
Lance gestured towards the sign Keith hadn’t noticed. There were toilets at the side of the cafe
“I’ll be right back. Here, look after my stuff”
Lance’s stuff was his wallet and phone. Keith tapping the screen to check the time and noticing Lance had half a dozen missed calls from Hunk and Matt, his boyfriend’s phone set to “Do Not Disturb”. That couldn’t be good. Pulling out his own phone, Keith opened up his contacts, calling Matt instead of Hunk. Hunk would have been the better one to call, but if something was going on, Matt would be the calmer one to relay information. The call took long enough to connect that Keith was bored of holding his phone to his ear, and a little annoyed Matt hadn’t answered immediately
“Keith?”
“You called? What’s wrong now?”
Okay. He could have hidden someone of his annoyance, but Matt could have also texted whatever was up to Lance
“Oh! Shit. Yeah. Are you with Lance?”
No. He was on a doomed mission to Pluto. Where else was he going to be?”
“Yeah, we’re on a date. What’s going on?”
“His sister showed up here today. No idea what she wanted, but she left in a hurry. Rieva saw her as she was leaving for work”
“Which sister?”
“I don’t know... Rieva said she was pretty shocked to see her, then didn’t look too happy Lance wasn’t home”
“Did she say anything else?”
“Nope. She thought I should call you guys and let you know as soon as possible. She said she caught her peaking in through the lounge room window”
That couldn’t be good. What the hell was Lance’s sister doing showing up?!
“Thanks for letting me know. I’ll let Lance know. If you see her again, don’t bother asking why she’s around...”
“I know it’s complicated, but you sound like you’re not going to tell Lance. Has something happened?”
Maybe the thought had crossed Keith’s mind, but Lance wouldn’t be impressed if Keith didn’t tell him
“Not that I know. I don’t think it’s a touching family reunion she’s after”
“Hunk said the same thing. Anyway, bro. I’ll let you get back to your date. Are you guys coming home today?”
“Maybe. Lance wants to spend some time with Curtis”
“Okay, well, Rieva put the alarm on. I’ll let you know if his sister shows up again”
“Thanks”
Keith hung up as Matt was saying his goodbyes. Keith now really wasn’t sure what to do. He couldn’t tell Lance that one of his sisters was snooping around his house. He vaguely remembered Rachel had drug problems, so maybe... she was going to break in? Veronica had kids... what had she done with them? Luis and Lisa hadn’t told Nadia and Sylvio about Lance. Or was it Lisa? Had Luis sent Lisa to ask for Mami’s ring? Maybe Rieva had gotten it wrong and it wasn’t Lance’s sister... but then who would it be? Why would some strange woman who wasn’t Krolia be poking around Lance’s home? Rome better not have reversed their decision. Fucking Matt had ruined his whole mood. Shoved the responsibility on him, and now it’d be on his mind until the end of their date if he didn’t tell Lance about it right now. Keith didn’t want to skip the nocturnal section. He wanted to get his own back over the rabbit incident by teasing Lance over a family reunion with the bats. He missed Lance’s tiny little bat form. With his chubby belly and tiny little teeth as he fed from Keith’s finger. He wished he’d taken video of Lance floating around in the ice cream container in the bathtub. Or with his bubble beard and unamused look... But if he told Lance, Lance would be depressed and worried for the rest of their visit to the zoo.
Waiting for his boyfriend to return, Keith started getting concerned as people came and went from the public toilets with none of those people being Lance. Gathering up their things, Keith ignored the few looks he got as he left the veranda area and turned the corner to head into the public toilets. Stared at as if his arrival was somehow startling, Keith made his over to the three cubicles against the wall. Leaning against the corner as if he was waiting in line, and not waiting to see who came out of which one to determine where his boyfriend was.
Pretending to be polite, Keith gestured to those actually as the two cubicles opened, with Lance in the closest, he was grateful the zoo employed the simple turn locks and nothing fancy as he slipped the edge of one of Lance’s key into the small slit, to let himself into the cubicle. Sitting on the toilet lid, Lance had a wad of tissues to his nose as he cried silently, Keith rushing to lock the door behind him and move to kneel in front of his boyfriend
“Babe?”
Raising his head, Lance hiccuped softly, relief coming into his big blue eyes
“Keith...”
That was all it took for Keith to be wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. Lance shuddering as he let out an audible sob
“Babe, what happened?”
If someone had hurt Lance, he was going to murder them very slowly for daring to touch him. Logic out the window, and the numerous other reasons Lance’s nose could be bleeding, out with it
“I’m... I... panicked... and I... my nose”
Lance sounded all stuffy, as he would have if he had a broken nose or a head cold
“Can I see?”
Nodding Lance drew back, Keith cupping his face in his hands as his boyfriend pulled the toilet paper away from his nose
“What happened?”
“I panicked... and bumped a guy who pushed me... and I smacked my face”
Who the fuck shoved someone who’d bumped them by accident?!
“I’m going to kill him”
“No... no... this is my fault”
“Babe, your nose is messed up!”
Why couldn’t Lance admit that he wasn’t to blame?! Clearly the other guy had over reacted
“I... he broke my nose... and my arm... and I... I killed him”
Hang on. What? Keith hadn’t seen any dead bodies in the bathroom. A normal human had a habit of screaming in the face of a discovery like that. The only person... oh...
“Hey. Hey, you’re okay. He’s gone. He’s gone and he’s not going to hurt you again”
“I know... I didn’t mean to panic... the... the basement had a stone floor and it came out of nowhere... and I tried to hide it... but I...”
Lance was starting to smell sweet. The wanker who’d pushed him had pushed him right over the edge. He was lucky Lance was coherent enough to talk to him. Fucking Sendak
“Okay. You’re okay. I’m sorry I didn’t come faster. Does your nose hurt?”
Lance nodded, bottom lip bleeding too from where his fangs had pierced it. Lance didn’t tell him Sendak broke his nose and his arm. Keith wished he could resurrect the wank stain and lop his damn head off for himself
“My whole head hurts. He hurt Curtis and I lost my head. I didn’t... I...”
“Shhh. You were in an impossible situation. You need to calm your breathing down. Can you do that?”
“I can’t smell you...”
Thanks to fucking blood across his face
“I know. I’m here though. Breathe through your mouth. In for 6 out for 12...”
Lance nodded at him, making the attempt
“Good. Good, just like that. Just like that. He’s gone and you never have to see him again... just keep breathing for me”
As Lance kept on with trying to calm his breathing, Keith pulled off a long strip of toilet paper, starting to clean his boyfriend’s face up. Lance would heal, but it wasn’t fair that some douche took his bad mood out on him. Lance’s voice wavered as he mumbled
“Is it bad?”
“I’m pissed as hell, but not at you”
“I’m trying. I am... but... when I saw the floor I panicked...”
“Hey. You’re not to blame”
“I ruined our whole date!”
“You didn’t ruin anything. Nothing at all. You’re okay now. Fuck... I should have come in with you”
“You were on the phone”
Right. Super hearing. Lance had probably heard every rude thing whispered as people watched him recovering. He couldn’t lie. Lance deserved better than a lie, even if this wasn’t the time for the truth
“Matt called. He said your sister came to see you. Rieva didn’t know which one”
Lance’s sharp intake of breath cause Keith to knock his boyfriend’s nose, more blood running from his nostrils in a fresh wave as he hissed in pain
“Sorry! I’m so sorry...”
Lance whimpered as Keith wiped the blood up. Shiro would have once lost his shit over him doing this without thinking twice
“Can we go home? I... want to go home...”
“Yeah, babe. We’ll wait a little longer until your nose stops bleeding. Do you need anything? Can I get you anything? Did he hurt you anywhere else?”
“N-no... I scratched myself... with my nails... I didn’t...”
“Shhh. You’re not to blame and you’d be saying the same thing if our positions were reversed. Can you show me?”
Lance’s nails were long and lethal looking. His boyfriend had scratched up the soft skin of his inner left wristKeith had a fair idea of what happened. Lance would have walked into the bathroom, moving out the way of someone leaving. He’d probably looked down and seen the floor. Feeling himself panicking and his body reacting, his boyfriend would have tried to hide in the first available cubicle, accidentally bumping the guy who’d shoved him out the way. With how good Lance’s memory was, he’d be recalling Sendak’s touch, associating it with the feel of his nose getting messed up and panicked further. When had going to the toilet become so dangerous? People sucked.
“A few scratches but your jumper will hide them. You’ll be okay. We’ll go back to the apartment and we can snuggle”
“I’m so sorry... I ruined our whole date”
“You didn’t. You didn’t do a single thing wrong”
“I must have... he shoved me so hard...”
Why hadn’t he grabbed his fucking gun? Stabbing the guy didn’t seem as good as shooting him in both feet and making the man walk himself to help
“He’s the one with the problem, not you. Let me clean your chin up. You’ve got blood down you front”
Using up most of his bottle of water, Keith got Lance as cleaned up his could. His boyfriend’s scent spiking in waves, Lance not mentioning it so Keith didn’t either. Replacing the toilet paper with a fresh wad, once Lance had his jumper back on, Keith got his boyfriend standing then flushed away all the evidence, careful to triple check there was no split blood on the floor or the door. So much for the peaceful date that they both more than deserved.
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peace-coast-island · 3 years
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Diary of a Junebug
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Taking our sweet time (seriously, there's no need to hurry)
Whenever life gets too much to handle it should be socially acceptable to say fuck it and peace out for a while. I get that constant procrastination isn't good but sometimes you really need to step back and take a goddamn break.
You don't have to take on the world all at once - in fact you don't have to do anything at all just to feel worthy of something. It's the little things that matter and your worth shouldn't be measured solely by your achievements. There's nothing wrong with being average - or even below that - what should matter is that you're happy and doing what you like.
At least that's what I'm hoping to get across to Pai and her adventuring companions. From burnout to things not going as planned due to factors out of everyone's control, they are definitely in need of a break.
Pai's stepping into the world of perilous adventuring after running across Connie, a wanderer who's made a name for themselves in Bonsai Harbor. Connie's from another world, having been separated from their sibling. Along the way, they saved Pai from being eaten by a slime crystal monster, so now Pai feels indebted to them. They haven't known each other for too long but they act like old, playfully bickering buds.
While trying to find their footing, Pai suggested seeking help from the Knights of Windwail and the Adventurer's Guild. Then they got wrapped up in adventuring, world quests, and earned the status of honorary knights. Along the way they came across other adventurers from the Knights and the Guild, forming their own adventure team.
Amber was the first friend Connie and Pai made at Bonsai Harbor. She was the one who taught Connie how to use a wind glider as well as the ins and outs of the city. As an outrider of Windwail and master pyro archer with ties to the Adventurer's Guild, she got them covered. Pai says that they're lucky they ran into Amber as she knows a lot about pretty much everything Bonsai Harbor. It's fun listening to her talk about her home, the other team members, and their latest adventures - she's basically the group's spokesperson.
The second friend they met is also a knight, Captain Lucien, also known as Luci to friends and elders. He's a well known swordfighter with piercing cryo powers that can freeze anything for a short time. Luci was a big help for Connie and Pai when they got cornered by fireball slimes. In return, the duo offered to help him retrieve a stolen katana, which resulted in them discovering other lost weapons and earned the trust and respect of the head of the Windwail Knights.
Noelle and Bennett were next to join the gang of adventurers, coming to them at the right time by chance. Connie, Pai, Amber, and Luci were ambushed on the outskirts of the city while on an investigation when their reinforcements came to the rescue.
Pai summoned Noelle by accident as she happened to be nearby when things were going south. Noelle is who they call a maid without a master - meaning she does things like cleaning, cooking, and running errands for pretty much anyone who calls for her. Rumor has it that one can easily summon Noelle just by calling out her name to the wind, which is what Pai did. As a fighter, Noelle can summon a geo shield that provides healing powers when activated, plus she's got a badass looking claymore sword that's not only great for fighting off enemies, but also for mining and destroying obstacles.
Bennett also happened to be nearby when the gang was attacked. He's an adventurer with pyro powers who hasn't had too much luck in recruiting members for his group. He's a good fighter, but for some reason things never really work out in his favor, so that's why no one seeks him out. It's a shame because he's a sweet and likable guy but his bad luck overshadows the good. Up until meeting Connie and Pai, he was considering giving up as an adventurer because he wasn't getting anywhere. Then he heard Pai screaming for help and came running along.
Since Noelle and Bennett didn't have anything better to do, they decided to tag along. Noelle still gets summoned once in a while, mainly for menial tasks that don't take too much out of her day. Of course, with the gang being all the way over here at the camp, they're all on vacation from their jobs - most for the first time in years, if ever.
It's a good thing Pai dragged them out here because they all deserve a vacation. And not only that, they deserve regular vacations - time where they can breathe and do nothing without feeling guilty. Given what they've all done over the past several weeks, it's no wonder they're feeling burnt out.
After saving the city and earning the status of honorary knights, Connie and Pai set out to explore the nearby city of Starcatcher. Before heading off, they gained another member - Seraphina the idol of the Windwail Church. She's got hydro powers and the ability to heal. She was the one who helped Connie sneak into the cathedral basement to retrieve a cursed artifact and came to the rescue in the nick of time by healing the gang during a showdown with a monster terrorizing the city.
At Starcatcher, the gang met up with Xingqiu and Xiang. Connie and Pai had met Xiang earlier when she was visiting the harbor and helped her gather ingredients for a cooking contest. Connie was hoping to run into Xiang again in the near future so as soon as they arrived at the city, they went looking for her. Apparently they just missed her as she was out on another culinary adventure.
Then Connie and the others were caught up in commissions there, getting familiar with the city. While searching for a rare book, they met Xingqiu, a descendant of a once prosperous family who helped the gang get through the red tape for intel. He's a master swordfighter with hydro powers that can form powerful whirlpools. Pai and Luci were a bit skeptical of him as he seemed to pop in and out whenever he wanted without explaining, but in the end he earned their trust.
Xiang finally met up with the gang not too long after they finished a mission involving finding jade fragments in the ruins. She joined just in time to help take down a bunch of ruin guards, except that didn't go so well. The gang barely made it out alive before having to retreat and Sera and Noelle's healing powers can only help so much. So they decided to put that off and focus on other missions.
But then the quests started to pile up as more of them were beyond their scope. According to Luci, all of them are capable fighters - on their own. As a team, their biggest problem is that they're too slow, especially when it comes to fighting large monsters like ruin guards. The problem lies with efficiency - the team lacks coordination. That, along with the group not being the most prepared or equipped - the latter is something they're trying to fix - is what's dragging the team down.
Though, to be fair, no one really knows what they're doing. After all, Pai and Connie met by chance and their team just kinda fell together. We don't know if we're getting any closer to helping Connie reunite with their family, which is the main reason why they're going on all these missions. As for the others, they're just there for the ride, not knowing exactly what they're doing either, but are more than happy to help when needed.
I have to say, I'm flattered that Pai decided to take Connie and the others all the way here. I don't know where Bonsai and Starcatcher are other than really, really far out there. Pai doesn't really come out here much - I think she only comes to see Jamie, so I'm guessing that's how she knows about the camp. I also heard it's not easy to travel from where's she's from as they're pretty much like different dimensions, making it even more impressive.
So far, I think the break's been helping out a lot. It's been nice getting to know the others and just hanging out with them. Again, it's kinda sad that most of them had never taken a vacation before, so the idea of leisure took some getting used to. Aside from introductions, we mostly steered away from talking about quests and missions.
Noelle, of course, enjoys running errands. She likes collecting fruit, fish, and bugs, and getting to know the campers. Noelle kinda reminds me of my mom as she finds doing things like cleaning relaxing. It's not surprising that she likes speed cleaning videos as they can be satisfying to watch. I wouldn't mind watching videos with Noelle sweeping the cabin or scrubbing the counters - she makes those tasks look fun!
Amber's into hiking and climbing into high places where she can jump off and glide. She's teaching me and Daisy Jane how to glide and it's a bit terrifying, though I'm slowly getting the hang of it. I think that's the closest I'll ever get to flying!
Now that she has a lot of free time on her hands, Amber wants to make custom gliders for the team - and for me, Daisy Jane, and Isabelle as well. They look hard to make, so the fact that they can be made by hand is impressive. All of Amber's gliders are handmade and it takes a special skill to not only make a glider that looks pretty but also functional. She used to take orders for custom made gliders before things got too busy so she's glad to be getting back into it. I can't wait to see how they turn out!
Seraphina has been getting into impromptu jam sessions with the campers, putting on a little concert every night so far. She's got a lovely voice with a pure sweetness I find endearing. Being out here at the camp has helped her get back into singing so she hopes the nightly concerts will keep her going. Her love for poetry shows through her lyrics as she has a way with words and evoking emotions through imagery.
She says the camp kinda reminds her of Bonsai Harbor, particularly the meadows, which probably explains why she's inspired to sing again. As much as she enjoys adventuring, she misses her home a lot. Still, Seraphina knew what she was signing up for when she wanted to tag along with Connie and Pai. While her roots are in Bonsai Harbor, she wanted to take the opportunity to explore the world around her. If it wasn't for Connie and Pai, who knows when she'll get another chance to do so?
Luci, as expected, took some adjusting to the whole idea of leisure. He's not what they consider the workaholic type - in fact, he's pretty lax - but he's the kind of person who's mind is usually on work mode. He's task oriented, always thinking about getting stuff done, preferably without too much time and effort. It's understandable that he wants the team to be in tip top shape by practicing their fighting skills and coordinating their efforts, but it's not healthy to be constantly focusing on that. After all, the main reason why they're all here is to get their minds off that.
While there will be fighting practices eventually, for now it's best to take it easy. According to the others, Luci's not one to stress out over things, so the fact that he is starting to get a little bit stressed is a warning sign. He was a bit restless and fidgety at first, but he's in a completely unfamiliar place and not doing any adventuring or knight stuff for the first time ever so it's understandable. In a way it kinda feels like post grad life when you're pretty much done with school forever and now you don't know what to do with yourself.
Like Noelle, Luci's been running errands and hanging with the campers. He's been trying a bit of everything - hiking, fishing, bug catching, gardening, building furniture - he's a jack of all trades. So far, he's been enjoying all these activities, especially crafting stuff with Reese and Cyrus. In fact, when he got a look at Daisy Jane's gyroid designs, he wanted to join in on the fun too!
Looks like the adventure team's gonna be back at the camp for a gyroid event (or more) as Noelle, Amber, Xiang, and Seraphina want to design stuff as well. So there's potential for many more visits, which will be amazing!
Xiang's been cooking up a storm - figuratively for the most part. Thankfully, since it's outdoors, damage was minimal - though it's fire so while it wasn't that bad, the potential for disaster was high. Thankfully Seraphina and Xingqiu quickly put out the fires so crisis averted.
She's the kind of chef who likes experimenting in the kitchen, coming up with the most unusual recipes. Apparently the slime creatures they fight off leave essences that can be edible, so she keeps vials of them. Fire ones are spicy, wind ones have a dry, bitter flavor, icy ones are kinda minty with a hint of honey, water ones are umami - it's interesting to learn about. Other unusual ingredients Xiang has on hand are ground up boar horns, jade sparkledust, snowflake ash, and clearfish scales.
Don't let the unusual ingredients fool you - most of her food is not only edible, but also delicious. There's a reason why the gang isn't worried about starving if stranded in the middle of nowhere. Xiang can even make dirt edible - something which she's trying to do but hasn't figured out yet.
Xingqiu has taken an interest in gardening, which is perfect because I have been once again neglecting my garden. Maybe neglecting is a strong word but lately, other than flower events, I haven't been planting much. I'm trying to keep up with that but it's so much effort, especially trying to cross-pollinate for rare flowers. Xingqiu considers himself a novice when it comes to planting flowers but he's already got much better luck than me with getting rare seeds. I think his water powers have something to do with the blooms coming out more vibrant and full than usual.
He and Noelle have also been into taking interior decor classes with Lotte at the Happy Room Academy. Speaking of that, I've kinda fallen behind on those classes too. Sunny's rank is Legend while I've been lingering at Master - I didn't even know there was a Legend rank until Sunny told me.
Well, just because I run the camp doesn't mean I can do everything. I've tried, but as the camp grew, I had to learn how to prioritize. While I can put in some time to gardening and catching up with Happy Room Academy classes, they're not something I really want to do. As for gardening, I kinda have a love-hate thing so tending to that feels more like a chore than a fun activity. I'm not the best at gardening and I'm okay with that.
As for Connie, they've been working nonstop since meeting Pai. They've kinda fallen into the leader role by default and as a result has been under a lot of pressure. They mentioned feeling a bit guilty, like being miscast in a role or something. There's also the fact that Connie pretty much started from the ground up, so they worked extra hard to earn everyone's respect as well as be able to fight in combat on the same level as the others. They've done so much in such a short time, Pai was right in trying to get them to slow down.
Like Luci said, they're all capable fighters, but as a team they still have a lot to learn. To put it bluntly, compared to other adventurers in terms of combat and strategy, they're pretty average. All of them admit they're a bit of a mess - then again, who isn't? As much as they have accomplished together, there's always a voice in the back of their minds questioning whether they could've done better. And it's not just themselves, it's also the societal pressure to not only do well, but to exceed and be the best. While that tries to be a motivating message, it does more harm than good.
That brings me back to my main point - you don't have to be exceptional at what you do. It's a message I'm still learning myself, especially since I grew up in a culture where I'm told that I'm not trying hard enough if I'm not constantly pushing my limits. Despite what society wants you to think, it's okay to be average, to just be.
After all, none of them chose to adventure for status and prestige - they're pretty much here because they seek excitement and want to help Connie. As for Connie, they never expected to become somewhat a hero in Bonsai Harbor and Starcatcher, they just wanted to help others. So what if they stumble more than fly? Just because all of them can't take down a massive monster doesn't make them less capable as adventurers - it just means combat isn't one of their strong suits yet - and that's okay. After all, they're still getting to know each other and such.
For now, we're all just gonna take our sweet time just chilling out. Self-care's important, but sometimes we get so caught up in everything else that we put ourselves last.
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x0401x · 4 years
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Hi there! Just want to thank you so much for translating for the VE fandom! I've been looking through your VE posts and noticed you mentioned how anime!Gil is completely different from LN!Gil. I agree with you and was wholeheartedly disappointed in the anime. I was hoping you could elaborate more on your thoughts, where you thought anime!Gil and anime!Violet went wrong and how they were different from the anime. Sorry if you've already made a post on this previously. Thanks again!
Hi! You’re welcome!
This reply took me long enough, lol. I haven’t gone too much into detail, or else I’d just end up writing a bible. It still turned out long as hell, though, so I’ve put it under a cut.
I really didn’t know how to begin with this. “Where they went wrong” kinda implies that those two were going right until some point, and that’s just… not the case. They were a trainwreck from start to finish. And it’s kind of impossible to really discuss this without touching upon the massive fails in the writing of the entire show. It does try to convey important messages to the viewers, but mostly with visuals and repetitive lines, never with the actual plot or the characters. You get an inkling of what the story was attempting to do with them, and that initial idea is what seems to stay with most people, because there’s nearly nothing beyond it.
As director Ishidate has stated more than once before, he made changes to the story because he thought the novel was, in his words, “too orthodox”. But watering it down meant watering the characters down too, Gil and Violet more than anyone else. And this results in a show that ironically fails to grasp its own themes and cast — the personalities and conflicts get lost in the details and have to be patched up with excuses that end up displaying how little the show trusts its own audience. It keeps spelling out plot devices and character traits in an almost robotic manner, with very scarce effort put into actually showcasing them in the situations and dialogues. Everyone is too one-dimensional and the main plot line is repeated over and over instead of being alluded in parallels or even just slightly more intelligent exchanges. Animators like Ishidate have grown dangerously used to committing a grave narrative suicide: to give vague and unconvincing reasons for things to be the way they are and expect the audience to take it all as is simply because it was stated there. Everything is oversimplified because they clearly want the viewers to get invested in the emotional baggage of the show, and only the emotional baggage, because they think that’s all we get invested on. They forget that details are necessary for the whole experience.
These problems are recurrent in Violet and Gil, and they never stop. I’ll start with Gil, since he was mentioned first.
Gilbert Bougainvillea is a very complex, humane and multi-faceted character in the novel. What’s interesting is that he doesn’t look like it at first, so he surprised many readers in volume 1 with how caring and endearing he can be. And I mean caring for real. Anime!Gil seemed like a poor excuse for what he was supposed to represent, which in turn made him into a walking contradiction. In the novel, Gil is by far the person that emphasizes the most with Violet, because the two of them are two sides of the same coin. This is where the anime falls short most frequently. They at first look like polar-opposites, but are absolutely not, yet the show portrays them as such. Novel!Gil is gratuitously kind and righteous, and he’s brave and pure-hearted enough to stand by his values no matter what. He’s used to giving up everything for the sake of other people, but he has morals that he holds to the roots of his very being, so he always chooses to donate himself to what he deems as good causes. And once he has his mind set on an objective, he doesn’t mind playing dirty to achieve it, as long as he’s not hurting anyone. That’s exactly the same as Violet, and Gil isn’t the only one who sees himself in her — Hodgins and Dietfried also notice how alike the two are. Novel!Gil relates to Violet on a spiritual level, and he knows first-hand how she must feel. He’s been there and done that. And that’s why she’s his number one priority. His purpose in life is to protect her and keep her in a healthy lifestyle within a blessed working environment and a loving family. Quite literally, all he wants is to make sure that she’s happy, and he’s active and vocal about it. He’s also an unapologetic and unabashed feminist, so he completely approves of her doing anything for a living — she doesn’t need to live her life like an ordinary woman and whatever she wants for herself is fine, as long as it’s not too dangerous.
Apparently, his personality is one of the book aspects that Ishidate believed to be “too orthodox”. He depicts Gil the way you’d expect any male creator to depict a man — a brooding martyr figure who only has a heart of gold in fleeting moments that get replayed again and again in flashbacks to serve as justification for Violet’s undying love. He makes very little strides and there’s a lot of flawed reasoning behind his affection that makes it oddly disconnected, which is the fact that said affection is barely ever there. Gil hardly treats Violet like a person, let alone an equal. Violet is ready to give her life for him anytime, and as we see in the last battle at Intense, he’s ready to cling onto that to save his own life. Ishidate doesn’t shy away from making very evident that he thinks it’s okay for Gil to do only the minimum to earn Violet’s respect and trust, like it’s a given and all he’s required in order to earn her love is to exist. This is very visible in scenes like the one where they first met. Gil seems to shield Violet from the abuse of his brother, but shows next to no distress or even interest over it as he doesn’t even question where she came from or why Dietfried was treating her that way. There’s also the scene where he takes her to one of his family’s residences, and she has his jacket on, just like in the novel… yet he’s letting her walk barefoot in the snow without giving a single flying fuck. He then leaves her side as soon as he instructs the maid what to do with her, not looking back. I also hate that scene where he gets back home and she bumps into him and falls on her butt. He just stares at her and makes no effort to help her back up. But the one I hate the most is that festival scene where he nearly thanks Violet for fighting so well in battle. I mean, she’s killing people for him. She, a literal child, is in the frontlines of a long-lasting war, risking her life and committing mass murder for his sake. That’s literally nothing to be grateful for. Especially not when he’s supposed to love her. And I despise that he only stopped himself from finishing the phrase because he noticed the bruises on her.
Another major defect of the anime was changing Gil’s backstory. Anime!Gil was, by the looks of it, just a rich kid who enlisted simply because that’s the family tradition. And if you take away Gil’s backstory, you take away the viewers’ reason to empathize with him. Why? Because that means he’s morphed into someone who can make choices. Erase any factor that binds Gil to doing what his family and his superiors make him do, and what you have is a grown man with his free will intact. And he uses none of it to help Violet. Anime!Gil was always given the opportunity to say no. He could’ve said no to Dietfried and sent Violet straight to the Evergardens, he could’ve said no to his superior officer and not taken her into the military, or he could’ve at least said no to assigning her to the men’s troops. He didn’t because there would be no story otherwise. Novel!Gil is always attempting to save Violet from the war and from herself, while anime!Gil’s actions beg to differ. And so, anime!Violet’s obsession with Gil stems from the fact that he was the first to treat her remotely like a human being and that, for a long time, he was all she had. None of that fate thing, because it’s also “too orthodox”. But without the fate element and without Gil having no control whatsoever over how he feels about Violet, he’s straight-up a pedophile. If he feels regular romantic love for Violet, who is in her mid-teens, that’s pedophilia right there. This one is my biggest beef with anime!Gil, and I don’t take criticism for it.
Now Violet. Not to be rude, but I see so many people talk about how interesting her anime counterpart is, yet I rarely ever see anyone going in-depth on it. It’s like the way the fans talks about the show. Literally every single person who comments that they liked it always says the exact same thing: “I cried during every episode”. I sort of feel like most of them are just reproducing what they see other people say out there, which is probably what got them interested in watching it in the first place. I don’t mean this with ill-intent; it’s just seriously the impression I get from looking at the tag. I’ve accompanied it since the novel came out all the way back in 2015, and when the show was running, believe it or not, I didn’t really see much of those comments. It started becoming a habit to say it after episode 10, which seems to be the highest-rating episode (the irony being that it was the closest the anime ever got to the novels). Hence why it feels to me like some people just say it on automatic, and I get the same vibe from the fans of anime!Violet.
I’ll just be blunt here: the main difference between anime!Violet and canon!Violet is that canon!Violet was made to be liked by girls and women, and anime!Violet was made to be liked by men. I have already said this before, but Violet is the very definition of independent professional woman in the novel. She’s educated, confident, strong, reliable, altruistic and overall well-versed in at least a little bit of everything. Half of it is due to luck and half of it is her own merits, but all in all, she was created not just to be relatable but also a character that people could look up to. Meanwhile, anime!Violet was clearly made to be waifubait.
I can’t really stress how little thought was actually put into her portrayal and development. We never truly see her internalizing the lessons that she supposedly learns in each of the self-contained episodes. We only ever witness her displaying sudden significant hints of emotion at convenient times, paired to her either repeating what she was told earlier by one of the characters or taking an extremely obvious conclusion to a question that was already half-answered by someone else. Because of this, Violet’s growth process has an unsteady pacing in the anime and mostly feels disjointed. In comparison, novel!Violet is usually not the point of view — she’s often in the role of observer, and we notice through the solutions she comes up with for her clients’ issues that she does have a very humane connection with them. We also notice through the clients’ opinions on Violet that she shows subtle changes at certain specific points, such as smiling just a little when she manages to not only accomplish her duties but also help solve their problems. This makes her more real and believable because, unlike the anime, it presents no abrupt alteration to the essence of her person. She’s growing in her own way, but it’s still easy to tell. It’s also very clever to have Violet be disliked or misunderstood by her clients at first because she’s so aloof and apathetic-looking, but then she grows on them after they actually understand her, and the readers can absorb that from them. I’ve seen many people complain that they can’t really empathize with anime!Violet, but in the novel, the author takes care not to let this happen, and it really doesn’t.
What upsets me the most is that anime!Violet is overly infantilized. We all know that director Ishidate loves her like a father loves a daughter; it’s been said by himself and his colleagues quite a lot. That’s cute and all, but it made her depiction extremely shallow. The biggest problem was making her 14 in the anime. I still struggle to understand what would’ve been so bad with keeping her as a 17-year-old. Sum that up with removing many of her merits and adding forceful childish traits, such as being okay with changing clothes anywhere in front of anyone or pouting when she’s frustrated, and you have the perfect recipe of what waifu junkies like to be spoon-fed with. In my opinion, anime!Violet was a downgraded tragic heroine played in a cheap and boring way to attract tearjerker lovers.
I hope this has covered enough of my take on the matter. ✌️
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hadestownmodern · 4 years
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Thrift Shop Birthday
It’s Reeve Carney’s birthday so this came out of me today instead of my actual adult work, whoops -Danielle ------ On the first birthday Eurydice spends with Orpheus, she wakes up with a nervous energy. She hasn’t known him long, but feels the strange complexity of their relationship called for some kind of celebration on her end. It isn’t simple; what do you get the person who’d confessed his love to you the night you’d met-who’d convinced you to stay?
              She’d settled on an idea-one little inkling. He’d mentioned a jacket she wears-oversized, warm, comforting. She’d told him she’d thrifted it and he’d nearly jumped with excitement, asking question after question about her favorite places to go and what it’d been like. This man, with his completely eclectic style, had only been once or twice. Eurydice vowed to change that.
              They’d started out their morning at a smaller shop settled awkwardly between a bank and a chiropractor with walls of little trinkets, coffee cups and vases and statuettes with seemingly no purpose at all. He’d taken his time, looking through each of them with quizzical interest.
“Who do you think was the last person that had this?” He’d asked her, holding up a figurine of a porcelain duck wearing a sailor’s hat. Eurydice laughs, taking the figure from his hand to examine it further. It’s sturdily made, with some sort of etching on the bottom to claim its ownership-Dottie written in expansive cursive.
“This woman definitely collected these; had a big shelf of them,”
“Oh!” He lights up at the notion, “She spent hours looking for them. ”
“She was very rich-she definitely paid someone to make them because she couldn’t find any more.”
“And her family used to try and make them, too, but those didn’t end up like this one-those were Play-Doh, but the good thing about her is that those were her favorite. I think she has this whole collection of Play-Doh ducks somewhere because she wouldn’t give them away.”
She hands the duck back to him and he turns it over, tracing the etching on the bottom with a warm smile before putting it back on the shelf. They continue this game, a back-and-forth storytelling of ordinary people living their ordinary lives. Somehow, still, the stories are laced with a fantastical mystery, a beautiful what if that lies within the effortless pace of his narration.
              Eurydice stops them to buy two pretzels, to slow their pace as they walk from block to block. The weather’s turned quickly into its first signs of winter; grey sky, bitter air, crowds thinning in a way that only a city native’s eye can take notice of. She laughs to herself as he dangles his hand in the space between them, fingers flexing and retracting, nervously brushing against hers.
              “You can hold my hand, Orpheus.” He fits her hand in his and she can feel the hesitation, as if he’s afraid she’s going to change her mind. She does-taking her hand away for only a moment. She loops her arm around his instead, presses against his side.
 They walk for a while, filling the space between them with snippets of conversation. Orpheus and Eurydice lingered on the line of polite, we just started dating conversation and talking like they’d known each other for years, volleying between stories of movies they’d seen and how they felt about the world as a whole, then back to which colors were the most aesthetically pleasing. The pauses within are filled with Eurydice against his side, pointing out places with rude storeowners or cats on their windowsills. Then, she stops at a narrow door, brings him up a flight of old wooden stairs to an ornate looking door with a bell that rings when she opens it.
The room is a sprawling mass of clothing racks, of hats and scarves hung on the walls. She turns to him, hands him a simply made greeting card with twenty dollars stuck inside. Orpheus attempts to give it back, shaking his head. She pulls an identical bill from her own pocket and shoves his back toward him.
              “This is all part of the birthday, Orpheus. This is the best thrift store you’ll find, my favorite place in the whole city. You’re lucky, I don’t usually want people to know about this place. But you seem like you’ll keep my secret.” She holds his hand, squeezes it once before stepping back from him.
“Buy me an outfit, and I’ll buy one for you. It can be anything you want, but it has to stay within the twenty dollar limit.”
              “Okay,” He’d laughed at her chaotic spirit, pocketing the $20 bill.
              “Orpheus? The only catch is that when we’re done, we have to wear these out to dinner later. Choose wisely.”
              He nods, taking his job very seriously as they part ways at the entrance. Moving through the women’s section he can barely find anything, peeking over the racks to search for the top of her head bopping along, wandering between aisles with a calculated grin. He wonders what her angle is as he holds a few choices out in his hands. This section doesn’t seem to suit her, with its prom dresses and old work blouses. He breezes into the men’s section, hoping to find a hint of inspiration.
              “Hey, no peeking!” He hears her voice from two aisles over, where Eurydice hides her choices behind a rack of coats.
“Not peeking, just…looking for you!” He stammers through his words, flipping through the rack of tacky Hawaiian shirts with a smirk.
              Eurydice holds a finger in the air, looks at him through teasingly narrowed eyes before turning her back to him, thumbing through a rack of clothes he can not see. His hands catch on strange fabric-thick, imposing-and he takes a moment to hold the garment in question up to the sky before grinning and draping it over his arm. Different, unique. He can’t wait to see the look on her face when she’s presented with it.
              They go back to his apartment immediately afterward, their garments wrapped up in the canvas bags they’d brought to the store. They sit on the floor with their legs crossed,
              “Orpheus…what the fuck is this?” The garment is heavy on her lap and she’s laughing as she holds it up, watches it unfurl. She shakes her head, holding the firefighter’s jacket against her body. It dwarfs her small frame, hits slightly past her knees.  
              “I only had three dollars left afterward” He shrugs. “You can put whatever you want on to go with it, I just felt like this was the best idea.”
              “Oh no,” She drapes the jacket over her shoulders. “This is perfect.”
              “Open yours,” She urges, pushing the bag toward him. He picks it up from the bottom, weighing it in his hands. It seems far heavier than hers had, even with the weight of the jacket. He pulls a pair of pants out first-jeans, seeming normal until he unfurls them. There are small patches of scrap fabric handily sewn in random places, tiny enough to draw notice only when looking close enough. The back pockets are also covered, but in a more blatant fashion. The cross-hatched fabric that had been chosen is slightly bold, creating a style all their own. He nods appreciatively as Eurydice shifts in her seat, brimming with anticipation.
              There is an old band tee next, a graphic of a cowboy hat and text reading Thift Shop Cowboys. They’d toured, according to the three dates on the back of the shirt, all in Nebraska. Then, a button from the same band-it was a combo deal, we got lucky. There is a flannel, green and yellow and impossibly warm, fabric that feels invitingly soft between his fingers. A complete outfit; Eurydice grins in triumph when he points this out, shrugging.
              “I had money leftover too, but you’ll have to wait to see how I spent it. Come on, get dressed, I’m starving!”
              They’re quite the pair as they walk hand in hand down the street, Orpheus in his charmingly off-beat alternative outfit and Eurydice in her big jacket. Before they can enter the little diner she’d chosen Eurydice pulls an old, worn looking camera from the middle of her bag.
              “Hold on,” She instructs, pulling him to the edge of the sidewalk closest to the building. “Take a picture with me.”
              She fiddles with the old camera-another thrift shop treasure she’d fussed over until it worked just good enough to take a picture after jiggling the buttons a few times. The photo prints out instantly, and Eurydice waves it around as it develops, looking at it only briefly before laughing. They both sport confused faces, quirked eyebrows and half-opened mouths as they figure out how to work the vintage machine. They take one more, this one a different moment frozen in time. Shoulder to shoulder, their cheeks are pressed close together, Eruydice’s eyes closed as Orpheus has his eyes turned toward her. Both pictures make a return to her backpack, treasured.
              The diner is full of eclectic decoration-old postcards, framed photos with seemingly no purpose…as if a thrift shop had come to life in the place. They sit on the same side of a big corner booth by the window, watch the foot traffic go by as they order milkshakes and fries. They keep the food between them, taking sips from each other’s drinks and dipping their fries in. Eurydice can’t help but keep herself close to him, feet tucked under her knees, head on his shoulder. Occasionally his head falls onto hers, stays there as he keeps his arm around her, reminds himself of the hefty fireman’s jacket with a laugh.
              She only removes herself from his side to rifle through her backpack, taking out one of the photographs and a pin. Her tongue darts gently, quickly between her lips in concentration before she becomes animated once more, looking around before sticking their photograph to the wall.
              “Eurydice!” He squeaks. She shakes her head while admiring her handiwork.
              “Nobody will even notice, Orpheus. And then when we come back? This is our booth.”
              They walk home in contented silence, full of comfort food and bliss, shielding each other from the biting cold as their pace quickens. The warmth of his apartment is a welcome thing, Eurydice hanging the fireman’s jacket on the coat hook and making her way briskly to the kitchen counter, where she pulls a small bundle from the front pocket.
              “Ok, last thing.” She instructs him to sit on the couch. “Hold out your hands.” He feels the small weight drop and looks up at her in question, wondering what the newspaper-wrapped bundle could be. Eurydice watches with a tightness in her chest, an inner voice wondering if this is something stupid-silly. As his eyes widen, his grin reaches from ear to ear, her doubts are instantly quelled.
              “No way.” He laughs as he holds the gift in his hands, looking up at her in disbelief. “This is incredible.”          
              “I thought he might need a new home.”
              “Eurydice,” He rises from the couch, wraps her in a tight hug and kisses her gently. “Wait.”
              He bounds over to the small shelf holding his record player, with the most narrow little shelf at the top. He puts the gift on the little lip, just above the record player, a near-perfect display.
              “There’s something missing.” He gestures to her backpack, a silent request, and then delves in. When his handiwork is finished they stand in front of it together, Orpheus kissing the top of Eurydice’s head. Each time he chooses a record for years to come, Orpheus feels his heart warm at the photograph of their confused faces and the porcelain duck with a sailor’s hat.
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language-rxgers · 4 years
Text
Four Words (Steve x Reader)
Summary: Steve is simple. Steve is a planner. So why can’t he just say four simple words to the best thing he never planned?
Characters: Steve Rogers, Female Reader, Bucky Barnes
Request from @witch-of-letters​ :
“Can I request a Steve Rogers one-shot, where he wants to propose to Stark!Daughter!Reader? They've been together since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., and after Sokovia, Steve realizes that he can't wait any longer (after the wedding, the R gets pregnant with twin girls). When the Civil War starts, R stays on Steve's side, much to Tony's fear (and chagrin).”
A/N: I’m thinking this will probably be a 3 parter. This chapter is the proposal!
masterlist
part 2
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Steve Rogers is a man with a plan. Every morning, he wakes up at 5:30 with the alarm and checks his emails. He then pours himself a cup of black coffee in the kitchen while reading the morning paper and going over his schedule for the day. At 6:00 he returns to the bedroom to wake you up after your half hour sleep-in, and lovingly drags you back to the kitchen where the two of you prepare breakfast and Steve relays to you the morning news. Of course, you could read the damn paper yourself, but it sounds so much more interesting coming out of his mouth. After breakfast, you both get dressed and ready for the day. Day in, day out, Steve knows every step of the domestic part of his life to a T. In a job where you go in without the slightest idea what might happen in the day, it’s nice to have even a morning’s worth of stability, if that. So yeah, Steve Rogers is a man with a plan, simple. Simple. So why is it so hard to add one teeny, tiny, simple step to his routine? For chrissake, it’s just a four-word, yes or no question. 
“Will you marry me?” 
The young man gazed up with hope glimmering in his eyes, sunlight sparkling off the golden band clutched between his fingertips. His partner’s mouth dropped open in shock and surprise before reality caught up to him, and his answer tumbled out of his lips. “Yes- yeah, yes, of course!” He stood from the park bench that the couple had been sitting on as his now fiancé rose from his knees to meet him in a tight hug. Steve felt a spread of warmth in his chest for the happy couple, but also tried to ignore his guilty jealousy of how easy it had seemed for that man to ask the question he himself had been trying to spit out for so long. 
He looked down to you at his side, admired your beautiful wide smile as you watched the newly engaged couple, and he wished with everything in him that the two of you would soon be in their place. 
Steve had met you when you moved in down the hall from him only a few months after he himself had rented a home in the building. At the time, he believed you to be a quiet nurse named Kate, but it wasn’t long before he discovered this to be extremely untrue. It was only two weeks later when you admitted to Steve that you were in fact Y/N Stark, a SHIELD agent sent by Nick Fury to keep an eye on him. Far from a nurse, you actually worked as a field officer, tech specialist and information broker for the law enforcement organization. You were also the daughter of Tony Stark- someone with whom Steve could certainly do without interacting again. Needless to say it was difficult for the soldier to hide his shock, hurt and betrayal, especially since he had already begun to develop feelings for you in the short time he’d known you- or whoever you led him to believe you were. Did this mean you weren’t actually the sweet, selfless girl who had become the reason he looked forward to returning home right after work every day? He knew it had only been a couple of weeks but he already found himself craving your late night hallway interactions and that sweet, warm smile that always seemed to be hiding in your eyes. 
You patiently allowed Steve to come to terms with your revelation, before disclosing that you genuinely did want to be his friend, and felt that lying when he would undoubtedly become suspicious and figure out your true identity eventually was just unnecessary. After the fall of SHIELD, you revealed to Steve that you had been the one to alert Fury of the organisation’s corruption from the beginning after some suspicious encounters with, and inconsistent reports filed by, the STRIKE team, led to a fruitful independent investigation. It was then that you’d been assigned to watch over Steve. 
In the years that followed, you became one of Steve’s closest friends, a beautiful constant in his eternally unstable life. The development of your relationship to something more than friendship was only natural… ish. One day you asked if he would join you for coffee- nothing out of the ordinary for the two of you to do, but this time there was a certain intimation of deeper feelings in your tone. Of course, this subtlety completely went over Steve’s head, and he proceeded to spend the next hour speaking of nothing but the results of your latest mission with you in the corner of the nearest crowded Starbucks. 
The next morning, you corrected your mistake of assuming the most clueless man on Earth when it came to women would pick up on your vibe change, by marching up to him in the kitchen and informing him that you would like for him to accompany you on a date to the movies that evening if he so wished. Taken aback at not only your bluntness but also the fact that you fancied him in return, what was he to do but nod his head and respond with a cheeky “Yes, ma’am.”?
Evidently, one date turned into two, three, four, and so it goes.
After Sokovia, you both became brutally aware of how easily life could change in a split second. Steve realized that he didn’t want to wait anymore to continue his life with you. You were all he wanted, all he could see when he imagined his future. He never thought he would want a family again after coming out of the ice, but with you, it was so easy to picture that. Steve didn’t want that to stay as just a dream when he slept next to you. Now, it was his turn to take the leap, yet he found himself hopelessly lacking the same self-assuredness that had never failed you. 
“Oh, Steve, check the time, we should be heading back.” You tugged at Steve’s sleeve as you stepped to continue your walk back to the car. 
“Huh?” Steve shook his memories back to their storage cabinets and glanced down to his watch. With a start at how much time had passed, he followed you promptly. 
For the rest of the day, Steve couldn’t for the life of him shake that nagging voice in his head, urging him to pop the question on the spot. It was maddening; every time he spoke to you he had to plan what he was going to say so he didn’t accidentally blurt out an impromptu proposal in the middle of the conversation. It was even more annoying because on top of planning his words, he also had to focus on keeping you out of his thoughts. He had always been able to keep his thoughts guarded when he didn’t want you reading him, but he loved that for the most part, you were the one person he wanted in his head. But ever since he started seriously thinking about proposing to you, he’d had to keep himself exceptionally blocked off, which he knew frustrated you.
The most frustrating thing of all, however, was that logically, he knew there was no reason to be so nervous. You had discussed your futures together before- marriage, kids, retirement. You both wanted to be married eventually when the time was right, but you also knew there would never be a right time. Your entire relationship had consisted of playing things by ear and “taking the next step” as it came naturally. Nothing felt more natural than marrying you, nothing felt more right. He knew you would say yes. But there was also that annoying, little punk in his subconscious egging on his insecurities. 
“She’s still free to leave any time without consequences until you tie the knot.” 
“Things are perfect the way they are right now, don’t screw it up by asking her to make the biggest commitment of her life.”
“You can barely work the tv remote, how are you going to navigate a marriage?”
“What if she’s about to break up with you right when you propose?”
Steve stared with wide eyes at the ring in his fingers, overwhelmed with all the reasons he shouldn’t propose. He was pulled from his anxiety by a rap at his door, and looked up to see Bucky leaning against the doorframe.
“Stare any harder and it’ll burst into flames.” Steve put the ring back into its box and let out a sigh.
“Part of me wishes it would. It’s too nice, isn’t it? She won’t like that it’s too flashy.” Bucky scoffed.
“It’s a plain metal band, bud. Don’t think you can get any simpler than that.”
“Well it’s got the infinity twist, might snag her sweaters or something. I don’t know. And there’s a couple diamonds.”
“I don’t think a diamond the size of a crumb is gonna snag any of her damn sweaters. Steve, she’s gonna love it. Quit procrastinating. Sam’s got 100 bucks saying you’re gonna take more than a month to pop the question and I don’t like how cocky he’s been since they upgraded his suit’s wingspan.” Steve exhaled a laugh and shook his head, rubbing his eyes. 
“I know I’m being ridiculous. It’s just a big step, you know? I don’t even have a plan.”
“No plan, just ask.” Bucky quipped. “You and your goddamn plans, I swear I’m gonna rip my hair out. Steve, Y/N’s the simplest person I know. She doesn’t want any of your plans, she doesn’t want you to make a show of it. But she does deserve a little bit of effort. Make her dinner at your place, something she likes, get down on one knee and fucking ask her to marry you. Soon, before she does it first.” Bucky raised his eyebrows to show he was serious. And he was. You would ask Steve to marry you. But you were always the one to make the first move, and it was Steve’s turn. “Tonight, pal. Tonight’s the night. No missions, no meetings. Take advantage of the time you have. Stop putting this off.” Bucky held Steve’s gaze with stern eyes until the lovestruck soldier nodded with gratitude. Satisfied, Bucky stepped back. “Alright, I’ve got some paperwork to not do, I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Star Spangled Man with a Plan.”
***
That night, you returned to your and Steve’s floor with curiosity blooming in your chest. All day you had had this… feeling. A phantom expectation, an unwarranted sense of anticipation tingling in your fingertips. You just couldn’t shake this feeling that something was going to happen, and you had no idea if it was good or bad. You’d attribute it to the telepathy, but you hadn’t heard anything suspicious all day. Actually, you did notice one thing. Steve had been unusually guarded lately- you could read people when their guard was down, but if they really didn’t want you to know something, you were as good as powerless. At first you weren’t too concerned; usually after a tough mission, like the ones you had been having pretty regularly of late, Steve would board up like a closed down mine shaft. It was impossible to read him until he let you in, which was the most frustrating thing you’d had to accept when you met him. He was like a brick wall sometimes, and all you wanted to do was break through to help him. But he always came around, in his own time. However, it seemed like lately he always had his guard up.
You arrived to an apartment filled with the homey aroma of spices and cooking meat. Steve was making Y/F/F? Oh, lord, what did he do this time?
You made your way to the kitchen, increasingly suspicious. “Steve? What’s up?” Your boyfriend spun around to face you, oven mitts on and your gingerbread man apron tied around his waist. 
“Hey, I thought I’d make supper tonight. You know, to celebrate the end of the week.” You raised your eyebrows. 
“Um, okay, but why? I’m not complaining, but you haven’t made Y/F/F since you spilled red wine all over my suede jacket.” Steve smiled nervously.
“Right, don’t worry, I didn’t ruin anything else, I don’t think.” You narrowed your eyes. “It’s just been a while since we sat down and had a nice meal together that wasn’t half-hour delivery. You go get changed into your sweats and I’ll finish up.” You shrugged and muttered out an okay before heading to your room.
When you returned, the table was set and Steve was pouring the two of you drinks. He pulled out your chair for you and set the meal on the table before taking a seat himself. As you ate, he asked about your day, as he usually did, and you asked about his. You shared funny work stories about the interns in your department and told Steve about how far you’d gotten in your training session with Wanda to continue controlling your similar powers. Throughout the meal, Steve listened with a gentle smile as you gestured animatedly, admiring the passion in your eyes. By the time your plates were empty the wine was half done, Steve began to feel his nerves building up. He tapped his thumb anxiously on the tabletop as he tried to listen to your story about your father’s latest experiment with a stretchy material for Bruce to wear that wouldn’t rip when he turned into the Hulk. Steve couldn’t believe you were in his life. He couldn’t believe you were here, right now, living with him, in love with him, choosing him. 
“For now, you mean.”
“She’s going to get sick of you eventually, or find someone better.”
“She’ll get tired of you choosing missions over her.”
“You won’t have time to raise kids, you’ll be too busy fighting another battle you sought out.”
“You can’t live without war, what kind of father are you going to be to children, let alone a husband to a wife?”
“You can’t do this, coward.”
“You can’t-”
“Marry me,” Steve breathed out. You halted yourself in the middle of your sentence, leaning forward.
“Sorry, what was that?” Eyes wide and beautiful with curiosity. Steve blinked, unsure if he had even said anything at all. Did he just say that? Out loud? To you? The words fell out so easily despite how much that stupid voice tried to stop him.
But Steve was never one to back down.
“Marry me, Y/N,” he repeated. “Will you?” Your mouth opened slightly to form an O, the breath seemingly knocked from your lungs. You stared blankly at him as you realized what he had asked, and that he expected an answer.
Was this what had been consuming his thoughts lately, what he had fought so hard to keep a secret from you? You felt an exhilarating tingle run from the center of your chest to your fingertips, so strong you clenched your hands into fists to contain your elation. You and Steve had talked about marriage before and you both knew you wanted to be married someday, but you never knew whether Steve would be the one to take that step towards making it a reality. All you understood was that Steve was all you knew in this moment, all you saw, all you felt, all you wanted. It was laughably easy to answer his question.
“Yes.”
part 2
____________________________________________________________
Tag List:
All Works: @the-instrumental-mortal-blog @crazy4thewinbros @palaiasaurus64 @winterboobaerchen @thefridgeismybestie @becauseifuckingcan @libbyjune24 @erisan​ @pitubea1910​ @friendlyneighborhoodnazgul​ @sixweekcure4dreams​ @im-an-angel-of-the-lord-you-ass​ @moderapoppins​ @fandomsstolemylife00​ @bookgirlunicorn​ @hottrashformarvel​ @stargeek727​ @fuckthatfeeling​
Steve Rogers: @promarvelfangirl​
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fanfoolishness · 4 years
Text
Steven Universe: Future thoughts
Spoilers for the first four episodes below the jump!  All sorts of rambling ahead!  Please message me or reblog to share your thoughts, I wanna talk about it all!
I’ll try to organize things by episode.  I won’t be able to rewatch them until they go up on Apple TV so this is all off the cuff.  AHOY!
1x01 Little Homeschool
Steven has White, Blue and Yellow essences in his bathroom cupboard.  Maybe keep a bottle of your own spit just to be safe?  You never know? 
Aww Cherry Quartz is cute.  Did she actually get named? I assume that’s who that is.
I had thought that shot in the trailer was going to be Pink Smoky Quartz.   I was wrong, but then we DO get Pink Smoky Quartz next episode ahhhh!
We all know Steven drew that picture of himself and the Diamonds on the brochure.  
I like to think that Steven keeps up with his drawing during quiet times, and while he isn’t technically great, most 16-year-old artists aren’t great per se.  What’s important is that he keeps doing it and he’ll keep getting better!
Little Homeschool looks awesome and I want to go make some morps with Vidalia.  Wait, were Lapis and Peridot there? I don’t remember.  They should be!
I’m so glad Jasper isn’t the big bad!!! And I love that she’s just antisocial but not actively harming anyone (beetles and grass aside).  
Still no explanation for the blanket, I love it
STEVEN GO OFF, YOU TELL HER NOT TO HURT THAT BEETLE
Whoa Steven, that rage is juuuuust below the surface these days, isn’t it?  I get being annoyed at Jasper and I’m sure this isn’t the first time they’ve had this discussion but he really does just go off on her pretty damn quickly, and several times.
I am concerned that he referenced her corrupting herself.  I DON’T WANT CORRUPTED STEVEN Y’ALL, this better not be foreshadowing!!!!!
Honestly Jasper just needs to get into wrestling, I’m shocked Amethyst and Steven haven’t pointed this out to her
I’m dying at her attacking all the Earthlings in her little radius
Awww Steven, at first he’s really intrigued by Diamond Mode and wants to learn how to use it better.  So optimistic!
Except you totally killed about 10 conifers and only healed one, so way to hurt the forest dude
Am I the only one wondering how conflicted Dr. Maheswaren must feel, knowing Steven can heal all this crazy shit and that a) she’s toiling at doing it the old-fashioned way, b) he could really help her patients, and c) he isn’t?
Looking forward to seeing Steven and Jasper talk again, but I really hope it’s not because Steven’s been corrupted and is trying to get over it.  Urrrgh no ;_;
I do want to see if she has tips for how to control anger.  Or how to use it and learn from it.  But I’m not sure she knows either.
Steven is a shark.  Because if he’s not swimming, he’s sinking.  And swimming to him is helping people.  If he can’t do that, if he can’t do what he’s supposed to do in his mind, what is he doing?  He’s gonna sink this season and it’s gonna be FUCKING SPECTACULAR.
1x02 Guidance
Amethyst is so proud of herself!  It’s awesome!
Steven is clearly a little uncomfortable that he didn’t come up with the idea, isn’t he?  He also has a hard time figuring out that there are ways to use what you’re made for instead of having to run from it.  Of course, that isn’t true for everyone.  Little Larimar did love screams and children more than ice.  The best lesson is that people are different, some are comfortable working in a certain zone whereas others need to struggle past it to feel complete.
Amethyst was sitting in front of the Teens of Rage video game.  I FEEL THIS WILL BE SIGNIFICANT Y’ALL.
I’m just so glad Mr. Smiley finally isn’t understaffed. He could take a day off and go visit Mr. Frowny!
Uncle Andy is back!  Yay!  And he’s getting involved with Beach City in general, I’m really happy to see him putting down some roots.
Smoky Quartz is back!
PINK SMOKY HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THEM GO
Love love love the pink/purple asides for the Steven and Amethyst debate while being Smoky Quartz
TIME SLOWING/SUPER SPEED POWERS??? I WAS NOT PREPARED
The roller coaster exploded IN THE OCEAN I can’t EVEN
So far both Steven and Amethyst are intrigued and impressed by Diamond Mode, and sure, it seems harmless now... 
Steven is worried he’s losing his touch helping people.  That makes me worried that that’s part of a bigger feeling, not just this particular snafu.
Amethyst being so direct is often the one who gets closest to Steven talking about his feelings.  He started to go there, but then Little Larimar showed up again with their terrifying talk about screams....
1x03 Rose Buds
I’m really glad Greg and the Gems aren’t giving Steven shit about not wanting Rose to be looming over him in portrait form.  Now if y’all will also TALK to Steven about how he feels about it... but at least they’re okay with him removing the portrait.
HOOOOOOLY SHIT Y’ALL
I’m so happy J-10 and Y-6 are back!
OMFG they are NOT over Greg and it’s amazing
GAH-REG HOW COULD YOU
I’m glad the Zoomans are in control of their own destiny and able to go where they wish!  
no no no no no no no no no no we all know what’s coming here
Coming face to face with Rose Quartzes = instant KO for one Steven Universe
I almost had a panic attack with him as the Roses clustered around him and the music got tenser and tenser and the camera zoomed in on his face and that was fucking INTENSE PEOPLE
Greg seeing the Roses and just noping the fuck outta there, amazing, everyone in this family is so repressed
Poor Garnet and Pearl hiding in the bathroom
“Yeah, it’s weird”
Poor Rose Quartz-who-most-looks-like-our-Rose-Quartz, it’s clear she is much more emotionally in tune than the other two (due to her belly gem placement?)
STEVEN GOT NEW PAJAMAS
but let him sleep shirtless you cowards!
Also he just looked... so GROWNUP in that scene by the warp pad?  His proportions were just no longer little kidlike?  And he is still cutely beefy but not really little-kid chubby anymore and teen me would have had it BAD for him at this point, I’m just sayin’
Steven is S O O O O   S T R E S S E D   R I G H T   N O W
he’s eating his fucking blanket in an attempt to not talk about his problems I CAN’T
also HAVE WE NOTICED that Steven will eventually end up telling strangers at least some of what’s bothering him, but never the people who actually love and care about him
this episode was so damn tense it is masterful
I’m glad they managed to talk things out a little
but clearly Steven is still, as always, just scratching the surface, this poor kid just needs to GO OFF.
did he go pink in this one from stress for a second?  Or was that the next one? 
1x04 Volleyball
You cannot tell me that that white coat is not a hand-me-down from Dr. Maheswaren, it is CANON IN MY MIND
also damn how many Gems are cracking themselves right and left that this needs to happen regularly?
seriously though Steven, you might just want to get a spittoon and start sending one to every hospital ever, you would undo A LOT of human suffering....
Steven honey I’m so sorry your mom did you so wrong and I’m so sorry you’re so scared of everything to do with her and NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT OKAY
but maybe also you need to learn how to face some of this stuff so it doesn’t scare you so badly
Poor Pink Pearl!
Volleyball? Seriously Steven? so insensitive how do you know Pink didn’t throw a volleyball at her head
Poor Pearl and Volleyball feeling so jealous about each other
Volleyball is 8000 years old??  damn how old was Pink?
oooooooh the Reef!  so cool and mysterious!  Look at all those Pearl possibilities!
So Pink damaged her Pearl, and she sent her to the Reef for repair.  They fixed her gem, but when she reformed, the trauma was still so severe that she reformed with the crack.  Oh man :(
Now again I don’t want Corrupted Steven but you could probably wrangle that into support for the theory.
I prefer to think that Steven will do something different than straight-up Corruption to himself, but we could see something like the crack form instead of Corruption.
Willing himself into a monster form only works if he thinks of himself completely as a monster.  Right now he thinks Pink is the monster, and he thinks, finally, that he isn’t Pink.  So either he’d have to really hurt somebody and then view himself as a monster, or, my preference, he would develop something like a scar or pink eyes or stay pink all the time or something until he’s figured out his issues.
I JUST DON’T WANT HIM TO HAVE HORNS, YOU GUYS.
Pearl WAS protecting Volleyball from Steven oh NOOOOO
STEVEN SONIC SCREAM
So we’ve got Diamond Mode Strength, Super Speed, and Sonic Scream, man oh man oh man
this finally makes sense because all the other Diamonds have such well-developed offensive powers
Pink must have been like “no those are dangerous I don’t want them, what else can I do” and developed her healing powers secretly
I always wondered why the Diamonds never recognized Rose Quartz’s healing tears or shield as belonging to Pink
And it must be that she never showed it to them
They maybe only knew about her offensive powers
MEGA PEARL IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND WISE AND HER RIBBON DANCING IS SO MAGNIFICENT AND I LOVE THEM JUST TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER YOU TWO
I can’t believe we got a new fusion so quickly!!!!
Fuck that bitch Shell amirite
look, someone help Steven.
Please help Steven.
HELP. STEVEN.
No new trailer for next week???? COWARDS
omg someone please please scream about all this with me
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starrystellars · 5 years
Text
even the spiders dance | one-shot
a/n: hello!! i decided to write something for my baby natasha since no one ever really looks back at her and whatever she has been thru. i felt like i needed to study her a little bit more and do justice for her since mcu is unable to fucking do so. i didnt proof-read bc english aint my first language so there's no point anyway hhhh i’ll might make a part two but i’ll see how well this is received. anyways!! hopefully yall like this and drop a like and comment if u please
synopsis: natasha tries to get rid of her traumatic past by making something sad into something beautiful. she ends up falling in love with a hip hop dance teacher instead. | fem! reader
warnings: mentions of past trauma (ptsd), overly cheesy writing
word count: 4,7100
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New York’s hazy morning breeze was a welcomed refresher against Natasha’s pale skin, slowly peeling off the worries of the past couple of nights. The early morning sun was almost blinding to a naked eye, especially after a long night spent indoors with the lights off, loud bird chirping ticking her off more than usual. Spring was physically knocking on the city’s doorsteps, but unlike every other person in the Big Apple, the redhead didn’t seem to be ready to give up on the winter’s presence just yet. To someone who was raised in the middle of a cold Russia, warmth was something that felt incredibly unfamiliar, and even after years living in a bustling city, she really never felt at home with the sun tickling the tip of her pointy nose.
Natasha had always been a pretty private person, and even after moving into the tower with the rest of the Avengers, she hadn’t seemed to give up on her habits. As someone who was raised to become a fearless killer, she couldn’t just slip up and let her guard down, even when she did consider the people around her to be more or less a family. Kind smiles and banter with the people she lived with was indeed like a soothing balm over her past traumas, but healing was a marathon, not a spurt, which she knew better than one could think of. The assassin was somewhat in peace with her journey, but those past days she had been getting the short end of the stick; dwelling in screeching nightmares that left her sheets sticky, and occasional moments of anxiety that seemed to attack her out of blue. She, like most of her teammates, was haunted by the things she had seen, but other than the people around her, Natasha was the best at hiding it. Red Room training was brutal, but it was something that was almost impossible to shake off. If you learn something by birth, you don’t know any better — at least that’s what she tried to tell herself over and over again, to justify the fact that she couldn’t just let other people in. Even with her unavailability of trusting others, she had slowly tried to take part of the team, even when they were baby steps. After releasing SHIELD’s intel online, she had found herself hanging out more with the people she shared her living quarters with. Wilson and Rogers were one of the people she was tied to the most, leading up to her going all the way to her sparring with those hunky boys every once in a while. For her, training had always been a private moment of the day, but Natasha couldn’t help but to notice how she had grown to love early morning jogs around the closest park to the Avengers tower with the bunch. They made her feel whole and in peace with herself, even when it was almost impossible to keep up with the serum-infused Captain, who left Sam and her bite dust every single time.
"Romanoff, you good?" The Falcon was trying to catch his breath, after both of them had finished up those ten laps around the greenery. Steve, who looked like he didn't even break a sweat during training, perked up his head upon hearing the pair, cocking eyebrows questioningly. The redhead wasn't sure how the Sam had noticed her changed behavior, but at the end of the day, they spent a good amount of time with each other. "Yeah, just a little rusty, I guess," a little smirk grew on her lips, as she shook her head ever so slightly, while trying to calm down the rapid breathing that was caught in her throat. A highly skilled spy or not, even she had hard times catching up after running like a headless chicken. "Black Widow? Rusty? Unheard of," Sam laughed while showing off a perfect row of pearly white teeth, leaning forward to place his hands on those thick thighs of his, still pretty much out of breath. It was a funny sight to see the taller man drenched in sweat, grey sweatshirt looking like it had just came out of the wash, as he tried his best not to fall on the ground thanks to his shaking legs. "It's true. I haven't seen you like this since the day you spilled all of your secrets to the world," Steve finally spoke up, as he took a couple of steps forward towards the two. His laid back attitude was a refreshing look, since the super soldier was known for being pretty uptight at times. "What's wrong?" Natasha let out a deep sigh, placing hands on her hips, as she looked at both of the men in front of her with blank eyes. Over the years, she had learned how to disguise emotions pretty well, and this time it was no exception. For her, there was nothing more scarier than let others know how she really felt like, and being cornered like that wasn't ideal. Her walls were high and mighty, however, they were on a shaky ground. "Let's just say that avenging has been a pain in the ass lately," Natasha gave an empty smirk at both of them, not even trying bothering to explain. If the two would be smart, they'd leave her alone. "If that's the case, why don't you just do something else for change? Like, I don't know, learn how to cook or something?" The Falcon finally stretched to his full height, shrugging his shoulders, after letting out the words flow into the thin air. "You think I don't know how to cook? How cute of you, Wilson," Natasha flashed a sassy smile towards the soldier, who didn't seem to be bothered by the cocky attitude. Their banter had always been like that, acting out as a competition who could jab at the other one the hardest, and it seemed to work better than well. "I'm not just a pretty face." "Sam has a point. Maybe there is something that you like to do?" Steve butted into the conversation, getting both of their attentions quite fast. "The world has been actually quite a decent place for a change; perhaps you can take a day or two off. Just saying." Natasha was about to let out a snarky comment towards the Captain, who definitely didn't seem to take a day off, but decided to keep her mouth shut for once in her life. There was a moment where she was seriously considering to mention how her life revolved around work, just to keep them off her back, but something she had tried to keep away from her, struck her like a lightning. Maybe there was something that could help her, after all. **** The music was booming behind closed doors, multiple different sounds overlapping with each other, creating a wave of mess that was hard to listen. A faint sound of an overly positive voice was bouncing off the walls, making all the ears ring in the near mile radius, and Natasha couldn't help but to cringe as she got closer to the wooden front desk of a sleek entrance hall. All the noise in the room was overpowering, and the redhead was highly considering turning around on her heels, and walking away. Yes, she had listened to the only people she was close with, only to realise, that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. The morning Sam had gave her the idea, it had sounded like a good plan, but at that point, she wasn't so sure anymore.
Dancing. Red Room was known for its brutal training programme that was dedicated to shape young minds to become trainwrecks. It was all about discipline and rules, brutal force and violence, but somehow it felt like a distant home for her. Ignoring all the grim details, it was a place where she grew up to become her, even when the rest of the world would see her as a monster. One of the main programmes was dancing, which was no surprise; it was highly believed in Russia, that this form of art was one of the top levels of strong individualism, since the training was more than physically damaging. Red Room or not, most of the girls in normal dancing schools were emotionally fucked up and dropped out after a couple of years. Natasha had witnessed some of that treatment around her childhood, but nothing could ever top the way she was brought up. Regardless, she found peace in dancing. Before she had joined the Avengers team, it was the only way for her to let out some steam, alongside of fighting, to take away all the stress that was pending up deep inside of her. She loved the way her body would effortlessly find its way to form a perfect attitude terriére, or how the music would flow through her body like it was taking over every cell of her firm form. There was no pain nor suffering, just a calm mindset and happiness within. However, she wasn't sure was singing up to a dancing school actually worth it. Yes, she could've easily used the Avengers gym to train her 'rusty' moves. She was also completely aware of the fact that she indeed could've asked Tony to make her a completely space, just for the matter, but somehow she needed to feel normal. Even when she had deep scars running down her soul, especially ones that were attached to the act of art, she couldn't help but to crave normal human functions, even when pretty much the whole world knew she was nothing more than trouble. Being around other people was also a good way for her to separate her old dance training from her future; she truly hoped to get rid of all the flashbacks that were bothering her daily. The cold walls of the Avengers tower barely resembled the peeling wallpaper and the poking foundations of the place she used to call home, but the empty atmosphere was enough to send her on the edge during the darkest of hours. If she could just move on amongst everyone else, she could probably get her privacy back. "Hi, how can I help ya, miss?" The cheery voice of a service desk person was purely artificial, and Natasha wanted to scoff at the smile that was almost as tight as the girl's ponytail. However, she forced a mirroring smile on her painted lips, fingers automatically reaching for the strap of her gym bag as a habit. "I called in a couple of days before for the dance studio rental; it was supposed to be at three today. The name is Natasha," the redhead followed closely as the service person went through a thick calendar that looked like it was about to fall apart any second, thanks to all the added post-it notes and clips. It didn't take a too long for her to find the booking amongst all the mess, and Natasha was soon met with another blinding smile. "Oh, yeah! For an hour, right? Just go to the end of that hallway. Your room is number eight and the room door should be unlocked," the woman said, before continuing. "If you need any help with the audio equipment, just come here and I'll be happy to assist you!" Without saying anything further, Natasha turned around to face the corridor that service lady had pointed at, heading down the brightly lit hallway with a curious look on her face. She tried her best to map out the building, just in case of an emergency. It had became a habit for her, and no wonder, taking mind her profession. Better to be safe than sound, right? The short corridor was filled with room after another, each one having a small window to peek in, and the woman couldn't help but to curiously take a look inside of each and every one of them, while she kept her steady pace forward. It wasn't a long trip behind the door that had a big "8" painted on it, and Natasha automatically rested her hand on the handle, as her green eyes found their way to look inside of the window that was radiating with yellow light. Someone was in there. Natasha pulled out her phone with a confused look painted on her features, as she checked the clock on the bright screen. It was already past the time she was supposed to be there, and she couldn't help but to double check the number on the door -- not that it was hard to miss, anyway. Fixing her gaze back up, she tried to see anyone inside. The window was small, and it pretty much covered most of the area, so it was almost impossible to see more than just a small strip of the room. So far, no one had entered her field of vision, so she wasn't sure was it a good idea to just burst in there if someone was still finishing up their workout. Natasha herself hated to be surprised like that, and she surely wasn't going to do that to another person, at least not in a situation where that kind of an element wasn't needed. She was about to give up and go back to the reception, before something, or more likely, someone, entered her view. The urban music, that was barely audible through the door, matched her sharp and clear moves, and the flow of her body was almost intoxicating to look at. How the person carried herself exuded confidence, and there was not a single flaw in her performance. The girl on the other side of the door was skilled, and Natasha couldn't help but to feel extremely fascinated. It was a new feeling; something that she hadn't been thinking about so much before, but she couldn't help but to dwell in it. The whole situation was so weird to her, and she wasn't sure how to act. On top of her confused feelings, the redhead had no interest in the hip hop culture, not even when Sam tried his hardest to get her hyped to some old classics, but seeing the girl dance to the beat of the music that she couldn't really figure out, she regretted her past actions and kicked herself mentally. Her hand was hovering over the handle, like she wasn't sure what to do. Of course, she could've went in and mentioned how the time other girl's time was up; it would've been a completely normal thing. She had been fighting against criminals of different kinds, so acting up wasn't completely out of character for her. However somehow, entering the room seemed like a bigger task than hunting down the whole HYDRA -- but something was supposed to be done. Yes, she was an agent, but goddamn, hanging out in a corridor just staring at an unknown person was way too much, even for her. That's why she had to make a decision to push the handle down and enter the room. There was an instant welcome of heavy urban music, which made Natasha's ears ring. The heavy air, that was caused by a lot of movement was almost choking, but the redhead didn't seem to mind. Her twinkling green eyes were fixed to the person, whose back was towards the door, unaware of the situation that was unraveling behind her thanks to the loud music. She was clearly packing her stuff into a black duffle bag, almost identical to Natasha's own, and the infamous Black Widow couldn't help but to let a slight smirk rise on her lips. Suddenly the whole room went silent, as the unfamiliar person stretched to her full height, and finally turned around to face Natasha. "Shit!" You let a loud yell escape between your lips to the sight of an unfamiliar figure at the door. The jumpscare made you almost drop everything that you were holding in your hands, including the phone you had just pulled out to check the notifications. The woman at the door could do nothing else than smirk at you, and to be honest, it would've been an understatement to say that you were embarrassed. "Sorry about that," the husky voice of the newcomer sent shivers down your spine, and you really weren't sure should you be afraid or not. There was something eerily familiar with the figure and the outline of that woman's face, but you just couldn't point out who she was. "The door was unlocked, and I thought it was good to let you know the time's up." You were hyper-aware that you were late; you kind of always were. It was a bad habit, and not something you were really proud of - especially since you had classes to teach and you really didn't want to take the minutes away from your students. Time flies when you're focused, and that truly was the case that day too. On top of that, no one really tended to rent that part of the studio anyway, so you were pretty much safe being tardy for a couple of minutes. "It's okay, it's my fault anyways," you let out a huff, and even when you felt a slight heat rising on your cheeks, little did you know how that small gesture almost melted the person that was standing on the other side of the room. If there was a word for Natasha's feelings, it would've been whipped. "I probably should start carrying a watch or something," you added, shrugging your shoulders as you took a step closer to the woman, whose delicate features made you easily swoon. There was a certain cold look on her pale face, but you could see clearly how soft her gaze was, and you swore there was more to her than just the front she put. "Are you new here? I haven't seen you before, and I pretty much know everyone who hangs around the studio," there was a slight giggle that escaped between your lips, as you studied the woman, whose expression clearly didn't even flinch. You got lost in those big, emerald green, eyes that seemed to be alert in a way, but you insisted to yourself that it was a good idea to poke the sleeping bear bit more. "None of my students sneak around to scare me, so I thought I should ask." "Yeah, I've started to rent this studio for now," Natasha wasn't sure how much to reveal to the girl, but since the other person sounded eager enough, it was her time to open up a bit. For her, it almost felt like a breath of fresh air to chat normally, without having to stay on her toes, but it did take a toll on her in a way. Old habits stuck hard, and past Natasha wasn't about chatting and being fun. She meant business, but she desperately wanted to let her go, and maybe meeting new people was a good way to at least try. There was no way a stranger could be dangerous to her, especially in a place like this. Especially a girl like her. "My skills are a little rusty, so I thought about getting my game back on. It's been a while I've put on my pointe shoes," a slight smile rose on her painted lips, as she cocked her head to the side, ever so slightly. The assassin couldn't help but to keep her eyes fixed directly to the girl, taking in her beautiful features that kept on mesmerizing her. Just right before, she had been fierce and strong, but the version that was standing right in front of her at that moment was even more breathtaking. "Wait, you're a ballet dancer?" The girl questioned, raising her eyebrows so high they could've easily creeped up to her hairline. That got a giggle out of Natasha, who couldn't help but to find the gesture adorable. "I guess I am," she answered to the girl, who took a couple of quick steps, right to her face, toes close, barely touching Natasha's. The redhead almost flinched by default, ready for an attack, but she kept her cool better than expected. "You need to teach me! Most of the people in here only know modern or hip hop, and I'm so happy to find someone who is good on the classical side!" You couldn't help but to squeal, smiling so bright that you were afraid you'd look crazy in front of her. Somehow, the woman nodded collectively, a smirk on her full lips, and you felt like you had made a friend after all. "Or if you'd like, just drop by my class someday! I know, I know, hip hop dancing is mainstream and everyone does it, but if you're interested, there's always space for a one more person," the girl looked more than happy to share the invitation with Natasha, and the redhead couldn't do anything else than adore her pure intent. It had been such a long time since the assassin had witnessed anyone be so lighthearted and gleeful, that she had to wonder was it all just a good dream. Maybe she was still in her bed, dreaming about a future she couldn't have, but after considering pinching herself, she got to understand it was truly a reality for her. "I'd love to," the words escaped between Natasha's lips before she was able to catch them, and before she could even regret what she had done, the sparkling eyes of the girl caught her off guard. It was almost like a magical moment, them looking at each other, and Natasha couldn't shake off the warmth in her chest that was gradually growing and spreading across her body. Finally, after years, she felt like warmth was home. "That's glad to hear! I'll be here every day in the class next door, so pop in whenever you want to. I better get running now, so I hope to see you someday!" You felt awful having to part with your newly found relationship, but you were running late once again, and couldn't risk getting kicked out of the dancing school. It was bittersweet, but there was a hope growing inside of you that you'd meet her again. **** It took a five-day wait to meet up with the woman you had seen in your usual training hall. Yes, you clearly counted, and wished every single day that she would pop into your class to even say a simple 'hey'. Maybe it was too much from you, to act like you had actually bonded with the woman in a short span of a couple of minutes, but something inside of you told that you'd most likely would see her again. Everytime the class door would open, your eyes would shoot up to see if she would strut inside, wearing those gorgeous black training clothes she was wearing the last time you saw her, but that never happened- until one beautiful Wednesday day. She was standing in the middle of the empty training studio, hands loosely resting on her hips, green eyes searching the room like it was the eighth wonder of the world. Soft sunrays that were peeking through the light curtains bounced on her skin, making it seem like she was glowing like an angel. She was not facing you, but you could study her side profile like one would do in a museum, mapping out the details of her features. The all-black attire complimented her shape perfectly, and you couldn't help but to catch yourself staring at her with a big smile on your lips. "This room is so much better than the one that I'm using," there was a soft smirk lingering on her lips as you took a step closer, as you lowered the duffel bag on your shoulder to the ground. The redhead took a peek at you over her shoulder, finally facing you fully. There was a moment of silence, as you both just looked at each other, but to your surprise, it was comfortable and understanding. Just like it was meant to be. "Thanks. I mean, bad for you, but it's nice to hear that," you started blabbering, but the blessing laugh that was let out by the other woman was so intoxicating, that you forgot how awkward you must have looked like. "So you finally decided to pop in to learn some moves?" "No, unfortunately I have a job to do. I just thought that I should drop by to give you these headphones that I found from the corner of the room after you left last Friday," the woman said sheepishly, and you couldn't help but to feel a little disappointed. You truly had too high hopes for seeing her again, especially in your own class, but you managed to let a smile crown your lips. The woman took a step closer to you, pulling out neatly wrapped headphones from her black gym jacket, holding them out towards you. "I kind of figured they're yours. If not, then enjoy a free pair," the redhead grinned, tilting her head in an adorable manner. You grabbed them from her small hands, brushing over the soft skin, trying your hardest not to seem like a creep. She just gently smiled at you, piercing green eyes soft as ever, and you swore you could have melted right then and there under her gaze. The slight moment in between the both of you was soon to be broken by the heavy door opening right behind you. Both of you turned to look at the person who entered, who was one of your best students, whose face clearly flashed to deep red as she laid her gaze on both of you. She was seemingly confused, pacing back and forth at the door, before leaving without saying a word. The redhead gave out a slight chuckle, as she turned to look at you the last time. "I guess it's my time to go. Duty calls," those spoken words were soft, almost like a whisper in your ears, and you wanted to savor them until the end. The woman took a couple of steps closer to the door, smoothly passing you by as she went on with her saying. "Your students are starting to come in anyways." "Will I see you again?" Maybe the words you spoke out were desperate at best, and maybe you shouldn't have said them at the end of the day. However, you saw the mysterious woman hovering her hand over the handle of the door, like thinking about something, and you could feel the heartbeat in your chest grow rapidly. A moment of silence, before there was another line let out in the heavy air of the room. "Maybe." The one word was more than enough to give you hope for the upcoming. It was like a bright light that kept on giving you energy on a dark day. Maybe you were being a little way too melodramatic, but you just knew, she was going to turn your life upside down; no matter good or bad. There was no promise made, no nothing, but you felt like that one word itself was a silent way of saying how she would come around- and you were ready to give her all the time she needed. With silent smiles, you finally parted ways, and as the redhead merely had escaped the room, couple of your students bursted into your class. The whole situation was so chaotic; people talking over each other, no one making any sense whatsoever. A confused look was present on your face, as you tried to make everyone calm down and get some sense out of the people that had entered the room. It took a good while to get the people simmer down, as you turned to look at one of your students with a gaze that was more weirded out than ever. "What is going on?" A huff escaped between your lips, as you shook your head to the chaos that had already passed on. You could clearly see the teenagers in front of you looking at each other with big, almost plate-like eyes, just like they wouldn't believe what you had just said. "What?" The pressuring voice that you let out truly got their attention, and finally one of them turned to face you fully, with admiration in her voice. "Was that the Black Widow?" Oh shit.
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khentkawes · 5 years
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The Russos think Steve’s ending made the movie “hopeful” rather than “depressing,” and I’m like...what?
While Black Widow and Iron Man get tragic, heroic deaths, Captain America gets a different kind of emotional ending – heading back into an alternate past to live a happy life with Peggy Carter. Not only was it a logical end for his character arc, but it offered hope where killing him would have destroyed it. “Once you kill a beloved character like [Tony], you've got to have hope at the end of the movie in some regard, and the only person to give you that hope is the other co-lead,” says Joe Russo. “Had we killed both the leads, I feel like people would have been walking out into traffic after the film. The intention is not to destroy people, it's to hopefully tell a complex and dimensionalised story in a way, that makes them feel a varied range of emotion.”
(via Empire)
Just read this in Empire’s summary of the “spoilers” they got from interviews with the Russos and Markus & McFeely (it’s #24 in their list of “juicy” tidbits) and I’m just like...what?
So the goal wasn’t to “destroy people” with that ending. They gave us brutal, tragic deaths for Tony and Natasha, but figured that Cap’s “hopeful ending” would save the movie from being too depressing? I think they miscalculated because that math does not add up.
I think they missed the fact that Tony is the most human (and therefore the more relatable) character and that Natasha has been, for the bulk of the MCU, the only real female hero representation we’ve had (until Age of Ultron, she was literally the only one, and it’s only since the women of Black Panther and Hope Van Dyne showed up that we’ve actually had a variety of female heroes). I think they are missing how utterly depressing it is to kill off the flawed characters who have struggled towards redemption and a life of heroism--killing off the guy with PTSD and anxiety who has struggled to cope with mental illness and to become a better person who has made up for past mistakes, and killing off the abused woman who has fought to regain her agency and make her own path in life, who was also the only woman on the team for way too long--in favor of saving the traditionally handsome, stereotypically “good” white guy. He gets the hopeful ending. They don’t. And that’s supposed to save the movie from being too depressing? Really?
And okay, I am not saying that Steve doesn’t deserve a happy ending. I’m saying that saving the old-fashioned hero, the one with no flaws who happens to look like the narrow stereotype of white Americana (a stereotype so few Americans actually fit into), and killing off the characters who are less than perfect and less than the ideal of white, blue-eyed, blonde perfection is not hopeful...unless you identify with the white male "good dude” archetype. I guess if you wholeheartedly believe you are righteous and good, and you have had that idea reinforced your whole life, then maybe you would identify with Steve and see his happy ending as the reward for all of his years of doing the right thing. But as a woman who struggles with mental illness, that narrative isn’t hopeful to me. That narrative tells me that only people who are stereotypically "perfect” and fit into this narrow definition of what it means to be “good” get happy endings--and yeah, apparently Hollyowood’s go-to story to reinforce that message is a white guy who “wins” the girl as his “reward” for being the “white hat” good guy. It’s such a tired trope, and in 2019, it’s over-done more than it inspires some sense of hope.
But let me be clear: the problem is not that they gave Steve a happy ending. It’s that they only gave Steve a happy ending. Tony and Nat are dead. Pepper and Morgan are mourning. The last images we see of Rhodey are of him with tears in his eyes (seriously, this franchise and even the fans are continuously doing Rhodey dirty. If one guy should be worthy of the hammer, it’s Rhodey, not Steve...but right, he’s not “the lead” and he’s black, so...). Thor is still depressed and has lost everything; he’ll probably go on a journey to heal and make a new life for himself, but it’s not a happy ending, not even particularly hopeful since he has no clear direction and is left adrift. Bruce gets no ending at all: his character is literally ignored at the end and we have no idea what will happen to him. Zero resolution there, and not much reason to hope that there will be more for his character later (the Empire article also suggests that Bruce/Hulk is a symbol of hope in the movie because he moves on to be an active hero during the five year time gap...but since they show us almost none of this, again, it doesn’t feel particularly hopeful). Clint is mourning Natasha (but he is the closest of the other characters to get a happy ending--and Joe Russo basically says that’s because he identifies with Clint as a father and family man). Sam looks confused and Bucky looks vaguely sad. The Guardians are a broken family trying to piece things back together, and Nebula is broken too (still). These characters don’t get happy endings. Sure, some of them have a chance to rebuild and live on. But the story doesn’t focus on giving them “hope” to salvage the depressing ending. We are given no real promise that things will look up for these people or that they have hope for their futures. It’s pretty much either bittersweet (i.e. Sam getting the shield) or very bleak. Steve is the only one who is truly happy and we end the movie on images of only him being happy.
So the problem is that the only person with a well-resolved happy ending is the white, male paragon of virtue. All of the other characters, who could have been on complex story arcs and could have been used as symbols of hope...they get nothing. We could have ended with characters rebuilding Avengers Compound, with scenes of Wakanda rebuilding and helping the rest of the world, with Rhodey taking the younger heroes under his wing, with Pepper showing Morgan her dad’s legacy or a shot of Morgan tinkering with parts of an iron man suit as a bit foreshadowing, with nods to the next generation taking up the mantel, and with Steve looking proudly at all of that, knowing that they followed his example and Tony’s legacy. That would have been a hopeful ending that all of us could find some hope in. But instead, the movie focuses almost exclusively on Steve--so “hope” is defining as a white dude getting the girl and dancing with her in the past...a regression, rather than progression, moving backward rather than forward. That’s what these writers and directors consider hopeful.
If Steve got some version of a happy ending (hopefully one less ham-fisted than what we got) and we also had much more focus on hopeful scenes for the other characters, then I would feel less like walking out into traffic after this movie. But as it was...Russos, your attempt was not successful. Your hope is only for the perfect white male heroes that you clearly idolize, but it’s not for women or POC or people with mental illness or people who have made mistakes or people who just don’t fit that “perfect hero” stereotype. And that’s not hope. That’s depressing as fuck.
I mean, at least Joe Russo actually called Tony a “beloved character,”  acknowledging that they knew his death would be devastating and they would have to mitigate that somehow...they just clearly had no fucking clue how to do that, so it failed royally.
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