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heyitschartic · 1 year

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hi! I saw u recommended artist formerly known as bonesaw, do u have any other worm fic recs? bonesaw is my fav character but god I am so desperate to read good worm fics in general

I have been sitting on this ask for a very long time thinking about it. I've been in this fandom so fucking long that fics have just started to pile on top of each other in my head, so I think the best thing to do is just to recc every single thing I can think of at this moment and give my reason why. There's a lot of good fics out there buried under all the trash! This is going to be a long one, so I'll cut it off here so you don't have to scroll down past all my bullshit. In no specific order...

I have a post here going over some of my favorite authors and the works they produced, so I won't redo what I said there. I think for every one of them, you should definitely check out everything they've done because it is just fucking amazing writing. Most of their stories live in my head rent free at all times, even the stuff I didn't post in that thread.

Glowspider is one of the people I should have included on that list. Her writing is just wonderful, though I'd recc her Pact stuff just as eagerly as her Worm stuff. Lady Tremaine at the Kitchen Table just hits in all the worst ways. For Worm though, Valleyxandria, a story about Valley-girl Alexandria obviously, and Golf Morning, Gold Morning retold as a golf match, are some fucking killer stories. Some of the funniest written. It's Cold Out There Every Day was easily my favorite fic for last year, a story about Missy stuck in a time loop, and still holds my heart in a death grip. BROCKTON is a Riverdale/Worm fusion and oh my god does Glows just nail everything with this.

K800 is another amazing author and no I'm not biased shut up. She's a great writer who has put out a ton of stuff, both Otherverse and Worm. Luz Mala is a great story about an ex-villain on the run in Argentia. Wonderful story and criminally underliked. Forward is the canon-compliant story about Taylor post-gm trying to get better. It's lovely, rips at your heartstrings, and is one of the only good portrayals of how Taylor would be after Gold Morning. Bitter But Sweet is the fandoms only coffeeshop AU and it is wonderful. The name suits it perfectly and Taylor is very gay. Soliloquy is a story based off one of mine (not biased), Taylor who was in the S9 reconnecting with the clone that was made of her during Gold Morning. Very cute, very sad, all that good shit.

Hopeful Penguin fucking PUMPS out words, I don't know how the man does it, and it's all good too, some type of devil contract. He has so many I would recc, but to not fill up the page, I'll give some short ones. Def check out: Flare, a post-gm Taylor dropped in the New York Behemoth fight. It definitely nails a really good from-the-ground look at it. High Soaring Above a perfect look at the life of Hannah Washington before Brockton Bay. Balestra, a love story in the style of This is How You Lose The Time War between Alexandria and Rebecca.

Harbin wisely left this dustbowl fandom, but they are one of the greats. Their snippet thread is wonderful and full of so many great ideas (I love the one about Bakuda switching out with her normal-earth counterpart), but to focus on their stories. Cutting Ties is Taylor with Jack Slash's power. Really well written, interesting concept, but it does do the Rune redemption thing (something the author wishes they hadn't gone with). I still recc it because it's just really good. Overhaul is about Taylor with Sphere's powers, struggling with her tinkering and her disability. Scour is about Taylor with Shatterbird's powers wandering through the desert after she triggered. Very thoughtful, I love it.

Omega_93 needs to post more because all of their works bring joy to my heart. Timeslip is a story about a Taylor clone waking up during the Teacher raid in ward. The reunion between Taylor and the Undersiders is just <3 and all the hints at what's going on behind the scenes intrigues me horribly. See is a short story about Bonesaw in Twig and I think it nails Riley. Just this fucked up girl trying to figure out how to even slightly act like a normal human. Finally, Larva is about a clone of Taylor joining Breakthrough. Just a really fun idea with great execution.

Redcoat Officer has written so many amazing stories, most focusing on original characters too. Ghost in the Flesh is a runaway hit about Sonnie from Love, Death and Robots joining Faultline's Crew. Finished and fantastic! Nightcrawler is an OC story about a Case 53 in Seattle. Finally, for those begging for more Undersiders he made Good People, a Shadowrun cross where the entire worm world is made into the Shadow run world (the shadow verse?) Very fun crime, great writing, and I love how the worlds are integrated!

Discreet is an author that it just shocks me how many fucking amazing stories they've written, banger after banger. It Starts With One is their most famous fic for a reason. A very political story about Alexandria and Skitter fighting it out over Capitalism. A Word is another beautiful story about Taylor with a version of Jack Slash's power. It's a beautiful story about writing and language and being understood. Lost Cat, Please Help is a great story about a case 53 being found far after Gold Morning ended. Really love the main character. The Girl in the Room is an interactive story and I won't say a word, it speaks for itself. Finally One-Sided Rival, a story about Sophia after Gold Morning and how she deals. All amazing.

God this is getting long, only individual stories from now on.

Rank is the Worm story. If you're going to read anything, read this. it's a story about Carrie Kobayashi, a refugee from Japan after Leviathan, joining the PRT and making her way in San Fransisco. It's a fucking behemoth of a story, going all the way from 2004 to Gold Morning and fuck it uses its words well. It covers so much shit, the main character is fantastic, and it is one of the best works someone could create from Worm. PLEASE read this.

Something else to definitely check out is the Parahumans Zine. It's long, it's wonderful, and it covers so many different stories and ideas. A fuckton of love was put into this thing by so many different people and it shows. The little weld article, about a kid saying how Weld inspired him is something I still think about from time to time. Oh my god I love this piece of work.

Bubbles Always Pop is a bittersweet story about Bakuda, who she was and how she got there. It kills me reading it. Some people say it's better without the epilogue, but for me, it would be hard to handle it without.

Throttle is a story about Taylor who turns into a car. It is a fucking insane ride (appropriate I suppose) about burnout Taylor and her best friend Bitch. It scratches that itch for bad bitch stories, I wish there was more.

We Appreciate Power is an insane story. A peggy sue where Emma gets sent back to before Taylor triggers and does her best to stop Taylor from doing it and become as bad a bitch as possible to prove how much better she is.

This is cheating cause it's a snip thread, but Quantum Prompts has some of my favorite snips in this whole fandom. One More and For That Girl make me cry every time I read them.

Just One More Thing, Mr Anders is the story about Columbo taking out Max Anders. The author has a snip thread that is hit or miss(still might wanna check it out, some good stuff there), but this story is a definite hit. Nails Columbo's whole vibe and watching Anders bring himself down is incredibly enjoyable.

In Golden Armour is a love story between Lisa Wilbourn and an OC. I love this romance so much and Corey is wonderful. Definitely one of the better, if not the best, love stories out there.

Voracity is a Case 53 quest about a fun and frightening girl figuring out her place in the world. Cirrata is a delight and her personality just makes you want to see what she does next.

By the same author, Rein is a story about Taylor able to summon Taylor (based off Fate stuff, I don't know that though). It nails the voices of Taylor from four different times in her life and really plays into a lot of fun stuff that would come up in this scenario.

Mixed Feelings is a fabulous story about Astrid, a gay girl born into the Empire dealing with her feelings, her past from a horrible father, and her look towards a future. It can be a very heavy read. This story is a main stay in the fandom, been updating forever, and it's always a joy to see it.

East of Eden, god what a fucking trip of a story. Eden dies and rebirths herself as Taylor Hebert. Shit just gets wilder from there. It seems like a cracky premise, but it plays it so well, managing to make it through the end of the world and end on an upbeat note. I love this story and I hope you do too <3

From the same author, The Countess is perhaps the story I should have recommended first. A Count of Monte Cristo fusion that...well listen, you hear that premise and it manages to mesh the worlds together into a beautiful tapestry. God it's just so wonderful and the kind of thing I'm begging for more of.

City of Salt is a wild story told from a bunch of different viewpoints about Brockton after Behemoth hits instead of Leviathan. It has beautiful artwork, covers so many interesting threadlines, and has an insane companion fic about three Echidna Taylor clones in the Wards.

Agent of Cauldron is the sort of fic we need a lot more of. It fleshes out the worm world in a ton of ways, builds on what Cauldron is and adds so many new and interesting characters. This story is wild and I'd recommend it just to see what they added.

Tabloid was one of the original greats by one of the best artists in the fandom, long gone for better pastures. It follows a cape paparazzi and they are a joy of a main character and the art work is amazing too. A definite read.

Dragon Unbound is another oldie but a goldie. The Dragon that Defiant created in the Epilogue gets free and goes to live her own life. Really fun and entertaining. The sort of thing that should be recommended more.

Diary of a Professional Knockoff about a dorky girl who writes cape fanfiction and finds herself joining the PRT as an intern. Fun antics with social anxiety and tinkertech.

Alright, there are tons more I could post about but this thread is wayyyyyyy too long as it is. Besides, that should leave you thousands of things to read through in the meantime.

#wormblr #wormwebserial #wildbow #fanfiction #parahumans #There's so much I haven't put here too

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wri0thesley · 10 months

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*bursts through the door* I AM HERE WITH OTOME RECCS FRIEND—

Nameless: The One Thing You Must Recall: Cheritz’s other traditional visual novel. If you liked Dandelion, you’ll probably love this even more. It’s got beautiful art and most definitely leans into a horror aspect (in both the bad endings and some routes!) sometimes while still having nice romance. Available on Steam.

Even If Tempest: this game IS on the Switch but I had to recommend it anyways, it’s the first one I thought of when you asked for dark fantasy! Another really beautiful game with some really fun gameplay mechanics and one of my absolute favorite MCs. I also really love all the boys in some way!

Nightshade: you can get this one on both the Switch and on Steam! Idk how much you’re into historical stories, but I’ll recommend it anyways because it’s one of my favorite games and it absolutely is angsty haha. It takes place right after Japan’s Sengoku period and it’s about shinobi (ninjas). Really pretty art, another one of my favorite MCs, and another game where I love most of the boys.

Olympia Soirée: so, this game has pretty detailed world-building and a lot of darker themes, so that’s the main reason for my recommendation. There are themes of misogyny and dubcon and noncon in it, so just a heads-up before you look into it more <3 But I personally enjoy it a lot and it’s another game that’s just beautiful art-wise (are you noticing a pattern here…). Available on the Switch.

Cafe Enchante: I haven’t played this game myself, but it has a reputation for two things: (1) allowing you to date mostly nonhuman characters, and (2) looking really sweet and cute but actually being an angst-fest. I don’t know how to rate it personally, but I thought I’d toss it your way anyways. Available on the Switch.

Hakuouki: a classic, you can get both games for super cheap on Steam. Another historical game, but with some fantasy elements thrown in as well.

Virche Evermore: this game comes out this fall, but I’m bringing it to your attention anyways because it is RIGHT up your alley, I think. It’s supposed to be a super dark fantasy/sci-fi game with a lot of heavy stuff in it, to the point that you have to play all the bad endings before you can play the good endings. The game wants you to feel bad haha. Available for the Switch.

Finally, if you liked Amnesia and you’re enjoying Piofiore, I’ll definitely also tell you about Piofiore 1926 and Amnesia Later x Crowd! Both of those games are for the Switch, and they’re great if you like the first two games. 1926 is a direct sequel to Piofiore with the same dark tone and a lot of the same themes, while Later x Crowd is a fandisc (game with additional fanservicey material haha) that does pick up where the first game left off, but it’s a lot fluffier? It can definitely be played like a sequel too. I enjoyed it a lot personally just because I love all the guys from Amnesia haha. So definitely check those out if you’re interested!

Okay, sorry for the long ask, but I couldn’t resist when you asked for recommendations hehe. I hope this is okay! Happy playing, and please keep us updated if you do end up playing more <3

ahh thank you so much for the recommendations anon!!! i will keep an eye on the ones that are switch only; i cant justify the £45 ones really but when they are on sales i may swoop in and grab them!!! <3

#nat.txt

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oohbuggypie · 3 months

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it's both my God given right and duty to never shut up so i am going 2 not be quiet about BullDon 🫡 putting all text ("analysis", fanfic reccs, general rambling) under a read more so those who don't gaf can scroll easy 🩷 HERE WE GO !!

(all fanfics and their respective author are linked within their titles 🩷)

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K WHERE DO I START . their dynamic, past the obvious matador and bull trope, is so interesting to me. i think that their backgrounds have so many similarities; Don is a matador and is shown to have hundreds of people gathered in a stadium to watch his match, and Bull is watched relentlessly by the paparazzi. but they both have very different reactions to the fame and attention they receive. Don soaks it up and Bull can't stand it, and i think it contributes to their odd, almost mirror dynamic a lot

past that is their personalities and ethics,, both of them are SO full of themselves i actually almost forget, with Bull only being slightly more humble (cuz he can't exactly brag about his looks 😭) . Don is more prideful than he is cocky imo; but he's VERY expressive of his anger and distaste for losing, which makes him kind of paralell to my idea of Bull. though this follows more of a headcanon of mine and not whats in the game, i think Bull is really calm outside his persona in the ring (i.e his intermissions,,, he's being friendly if anything with Doc and he speaks so calm and low in Title Defense). unlike Don, he's shown actually building endurance and managing his emotions compared to his Contender cutscnene, essentially the OPPOSITE of Don, who only gets more sour and negative after he loses. i think in that aspect they're complete opposites but that switch makes their dynamic and relationship so much more complex to me

in the ring i think they share the factor of channeling their anger to help them succeed; Don is stronger when he's pissed at his missing toupee and Bull is .. Bull ? the Bull charge and his gut punch in Title Defense are very telling if his entire character isn't about how genuinely angered that man can be and i think that gives them a more complex element to how they'd work together; they're both sour and ugly about being perceived/looked at (more literally) in a way they don't want to, so that's just another thing that i find so interesting .. they have a BUNCH in common yet they're drastically different when you look at their characters generally

K NOW FANFIC RAMBLE TIME 🩷

Suficiente:

if anybody knows the author DetectiveCapan from AO3 personally im so dead srs when i say u should message them and praise them. i could not stfu about their BullDon writing and im not going to in a paragraph or two here but OH MY GODD. i have always avoided both actual books and fics alike that are written choppy and simplistic, and especially ones that lack atmosphere simply cuz they're just unappealing and hard to make me feel what's actually going on. but their BullDon trilogy ?? somehow their style of writing, which doesn't use complex words or long sentences packed with detail, is genuinely some of my favorite that i have EVERR read . they make the emotions the characters are feeling SO easy to understand and feel even without exaggerated expressions and dramatic descriptions it's actually kind of incredible ? and the bit of humor isn't overbearing, it's just silly and it sets up the atmosphere, which never ends up terribly serious. they write relationships with a familiarity in the atmosphere and actions that have been unachievable in any other piece of fiction ive read and the gestures omg .. IM GONNA BE SPECIFIC IN MY RECCS SO YOU'LL HEAR MORE ABOUT IT BUT OMGG. DETECTIVECAPAN IF U SEE THIS BLESS UR HEART SERIOUSLY UR AN AMAZING AUTHOR 🩷🩷 PLEASE KEEP DOING WHAT U DO UR WONDERFUL AND I'D LOVE 2 SEE MORE OF UR WORK ABT BULLDON / PUNCH OUT!! WII IN GENERAL 🥹 now the recc list!!

possibly my favorite out of all three and it's literally the first one 😭 ough i could gush about this one FOR SO LOOONG ,,, i love how they immediately establish Don's mindset and attitude with how he both admires and pities the World Circuit for what they get and what they go through. when Don's out of the shower and he sees Bull half dressed there's no implication of sexual tension despite them being mostly undressed in front of each other and thats actually SO special to me because i had a morethanfriendship just like this and they captured the reality of it in a perfect way, like feeling for feeling . same in the way that Bull watches Don get dressed; they mention he stares but he doesn't have a corny, shocked "omg i hope he didn't notice me" reaction to catching himself. instead they mutually understand that they're admiring each other and they just smile about it . LIKE UGH THATS SO SPECIAL TO ME OMGG. and also Don putting on his - what'd id assume - rosary and then dabbing cologne behind his ears .. literally clutched my own cross necklace like omg that detail makes me crazyy i love the religion mention sm 😭

also UGH Bull's mannerisms .. a little annoyed at Don but there's such an endearing thing about it; he's annoyed at his demands but he complies anyway cuz even though he knows Don is purposely trying to make him a little pissed, he likes him enough to and he knows it'll make him happy .. THERE'S A DEEPER SENSE TO IT AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS BUT IT'S HARD TO WORDD 😭 also Bull being quick tempered about small things like the radio playing static and the music not being his taste .. and just the mutual like attachment they have with each other.. Bull never says anything about taking Don "home" (his hotel room) but Don knows exactly to get in his car and go with him anyway ,, and i cannot stress hard enough that it's just the little things seriously. i will never ever be regular about Bull liking to tie Don's boot laces, or promising to get his favorite beer when he offers it, or purposely (and patiently) waiting for him to get out of the shower so they can talk 🥹 like all those little gestures of love that show that he really does care . also possibly my favorite thing about this whole trilogy is that they have a very unestablished relationship ! it's never explicitly stated that they're dating or in love or anything even romantic but there areee quick mentions that imply (if im reading them correctly) that they're def a bit more than friends i.e Don mentioning how he thought his skin would burn from being in Bull's shower water temps ,, but the fact that it's not an established relationship and they don't outright express romantic interest in one another makes it SO much more special. it sets a completely different tone that creates warmth, familiarity, and comfort between them 😭

that's about that for Suficiente .. I LOVE IT SO MUCHH 😭 PLS READ IT, LEAVE KUDOS, AND IF U CAN COMMENT UR PRAISES !! 🩷 it is so well deserved genuinely. now on2 the next:

La Cosa Sobre El Pelo:

ugh i love this one equally as much. im gonna be repeating a lot of the same praises and ideas from "Suficiente" bcuz the whole trilogy creates the same kind of atmosphere but i still wanna gush about and explain it 🥹 omgg the paragraph about Don having a bald ass head and it scaring away the ladies made me giggle SO BAD . also UGH okay .. the sentiment of Don being vulnerable enough to confess his biggest insecurity to Bull, and for Bull to actually reflect and think about it so long after he's been told and reciprocate the vulnerability by showing Don a photograph of him before he lost his hair .. OUFFFGGHH actually the cutest and sweetest thing ever . also i am a nitpicker and a sucker for small details and i just absolutely LOVE how naturalistic the author makes the characters move. like Don doesn't get up and stand to grab the photo off the nightstand, he leans over and props himself up with his elbow and continues sipping on his beer when he's observing it like any other person would .. ugh i LOVE that detail , i get a little bothered when people write characters to be unnaturally animated in a setting where it doesn't exactly make sense to be, so that's another aspect of their writing that i appreciate soo much 😭 also it's the gestures omg .. when Bull grabs Don's thigh and shakes it and Don doesn't jerk away or question the closeness , he just leans back onto the bed and continues/ends their conversation about how he'll look bad with no hair and Bull looks good without it ,, I LOVE THAT SO BAADDD again it's the familiarity the meaning of Bull's gestures ,, the care that they quietly express instead of directly saying it .. GAWDD that's like my fav thing 😭 there's something so special about the silent concern and care that Bull has for Don in their writing; the small actions and the thought behind them do so much more than what words could say and i think it's super in character for him as well .. literally stellar i think i need to reread and add onto this one once i look at it again but I LOVE THIS ONE SO SO MUCHH 🩷

#punch out!! wii #punch out wii #bald bull #don flamenco #rambling soo hard #THIS IS NAWT COMPLETE THIS WILL BE EDITED AND CHANGED CONSTANTLY TILL IM DONE SO IF U SEE TEXT HERE NOW THATS NOT HERE LATER UR NOT CRAZY #ugh can drafts stop escaping

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mi-rae07 · 10 months

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Jeong Yunho : Sacrifice

Pairing : Jeong Yunho (Ateez) and named character (Kim Yeona)

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Synopsis : Yeona is a terrible mother to her son, she always has been. But can she one day fix all that she has done to her son? Will he forgive her? Or is their story going to end in blood and ruins?

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A/n : I’ve poured my heart into this, so this better not be flopping (yes, I’m actively threatening ya’all. I’m kidding, lol).

Mentions of self-harming, blood, etc.

Song recc : Džanum by Teya Dora.

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Yeona let out a breath as she threw the packed lunch box onto the table her son was currently eating breakfast at, him looking up at yeona with a small smile before saying softly

Yejun : thank you, eomma.

Yeona looked at him with bored, cold eyes before turning around, walking up the stairs to her room without even saying a goodbye to her son who had to go to school within a few minutes. Yejun sighed, looking back at his plate of burned omelets before clenching his hand against the fork. He knew his mother didn't love him, he knew she blamed yejun for everything that had gone wrong with her life. His father divorcing her and giving more love to yejun than her, yeona losing her job as a model because of the pregnancy and the differences it made to her body. And hence why she never looked at him with love, or care, as yejun would see the other mothers in his school look at their sons with. It had been 15 years since he was yeona's son, and no matter the amount of marks he'd scored, or the competitions he'd won, his mother was never satisfied.

Because if he got so much as a 98 for a subject, his mother would beat him up.

Yejun blinked his eyes to get rid of the tears that had formed in them, knowing there was no use in any of that.

For his mother would always hate him, no matter what.

______________________

Yeona wiped the sweat off of her forehead as she continued to sweep the house of the person she was currently working for, feeling her back already split open from the pain. But she had to work, because she had to earn money for her son and herself. Because no matter what, she was still responsible for Jeong Yejun.

??? : what sort of a work are you doing?

Yeona looked up as a senior maid stood in front of her, eyeing the floor she was currently cleaning. That was when Yeona looked around, realizing that instead of cleaning properly, she had smeared more mud around the garden floor. Shit, yeona bowed before saying

Yeona : I'm sorry, miss. I just have a back pai-

??? : DID I ASK FOR EXCUSES?

Yeona flinched at that, her eyes lowering to the floor. She hated loud sounds.

Yeona : I'm really sorry-

??? : you're fired.

Yeona : w-what? No! no no, miss, I have a son to feed and no other good jobs-

??? : I do not care, kim yeona. You're fired, you can get out now.

Yeona was about to say something when the maid turned around and left, leaving yeona with no other choices as tears filled her eyes. She really was going to have to search for another job now.

Yeona stepped out of the house she used to work in with her cheap handbag, her eyes filled with despair. She used to have everything once. Beauty, fame, money, she was everything she had wanted to be. How did her life switch up so fast?

Yeona flinched as her phone suddenly rang, quickly pulling it out as she answered

Yeona : yes?

??? : this kim yeona-shi, right? Jeong yejun's mother?

Yeona : yes, that is me. Is…something wrong, teacher?

??? : yes, your son has gotten into a fight with a bunch of other boys at school, miss kim. And we're afraid he might have to face expulsion.

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Yeona dragged her son back inside their house harshly, ignoring his pleads and cries as she felt tears of anger burn against her eyes. All that she had done for him, and he had gotten himself expelled from school? How the hell was she going to find another school for him now?

Yejun meanwhile was struggling to so much as walk, the wound in his leg weakening him as seconds passed. He felt dizzy from the pain, but fought it back as he said slowly

Yejun : e-eomma, it hurts.

Yeona finally pushed him inside the living room harshly, causing yejun to stumble on his steps as he looked up at his mother with scared eyes. Yeona glared at him, her eyes throwing draggers at her son as she said

Yeona : well it should! Do you know what you have done, jeong yejun?

Yejun looked away, his fists clenching beside him. It wasn't his fault, those boys had been bullying him for the past few years and only today did yejun try to fight back. And he had already gotten expelled.

Except he knew his mother would never understand any of that.

Yejun : I'm sorry.

Yeona : are you? Are you really? I have wasted so much, of my money on you, yejun. I've wasted my entire fucking life on you! And now you go and ruin the one thing that could've saved the both of us from this hellhole!

Yejun : eomma, I got hurt too. I-

Yeona : I DO NOT CARE WHETHER YOU GOT HURT, YEJUN! I CARE THE LEAST!

Yejun flinched at that, his eyes now betraying hurt. His entire leg was now bleeding from the cut he had gotten earlier, the pain unbearable. But then again, he didn’t really expect his mother to understand or take him to the hospital.

Yeona : you took away every ounce of my happiness when you came into my life, yejun. So I had thought, well, maybe he would understand that and try to make up for having been born. But no! you instead make my life TEN TIMES HARDER!

Yejun felt each of her words stab right through his heart, his eyes tearing up. Yeona let out a breath and held her son's shoulders, banging him against the wall as she screamed at the top of her lungs

Yeona : YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE JEONG YEJUN! YOU TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME. My husband, my career, my money, my fans, my happiness, my peace, MY ENTIRE LIFE! You ruined it for me.

Yejun let out a whimper as he stared at yeona with tears streaming down his cheeks, his lips trembling. Yeona stared at him as if he was the most cursed being in the world, and god did that shatter yejun.

Yeona : is it fun? Is it fun toying with your mother like this, yejun?

Yejun : eomma, I did-didn't mean to-

Yeona : does that take it all back? Will that get me back everything I lost?

Yejun : I tried, eomma. I tried to…tried to be better for you. I'm sorry I failed.

Yeona chuckled dryly, pulling away as she said

Yeona : of course you failed. You're my son, you could only ever be a failure with a mother like me.

Yejun : no, oh no no, don't say that-

Yeona : NO! no you're right. Of course you failed, I should have always expected it from you.

Yejun felt his tears fall on the floor drop by drop, his leg almost going numb with the pain now. But he couldn't feel it much anymore, his heart hurt even more.

Yejun : eomma, I'll…do something better for you someday. I-I promise I will take you out of this place and give you-you back everything I took from you. I just need time-

Yeona : you think you have it in you to be successful with the way you are? We're destined for this shit, yejun.

Yejun : eomma, I'm…I'm sorry.

Yeona : yeah? I'm sorry too, yejun-ah. For not having aborted you when I could have.

Yejun stared at his mother with shocked, tear filled eyes, his nails digging crescents into the palm of his skin.

Yejun : eomma-

Yeona : DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU CURSED CHILD!

Yeona screamed as she took a nearby vase before smashing it hard on the floor, causing yejun to flinch at the loud sound and step back as a sob fell from his lips.

Yeona : are you crying? After all you have done, YOU'RE FUCKING CRYING?

Yejun quickly wiped his tears with trembling hands as yeona said, cruel as ever.

Yeona : you're the reason for all this, yejun. So I hope you live a life just as bad as mine, filled with nothing but emptiness and despair. I hope you never have an ounce of happiness in your life, and I hope you could die with no one and nothing by your side. Just like how I will one day.

Yeona turned around and walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind her with a loud bang. Yejun finally fell on the floor, sobbing as he clutched his heart in pain. What had he done? Why was only his life so bad? Why did he make everyone around him regret ever having had him? What was so wrong with him?

Yejun leaned towards the shattered glass bits on the floor, picking them up as he threw them into a nearby dustbin one by one. And every time he took a glass piece, he made sure to press it right into his palm, feeling his head go dizzy from the pain.

But this was what he deserved. And so by the time he was done, yejun was lying on the floor covered in blood and tears, his eyes closing shut.

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Yejun's eyes slowly opened as it adjusted to the sunlight, groaning as he felt his entire body ache from sheer pain. From the wound in his leg that was still untended to, to the cuts in his palm and from lying on the floor all night. But despite all that yejun sat up, his face blank as he realized.

His mother had come home later in the night and had seen him lying here, bloodied. And yet she did nothing, she didn't even wake him up and put him to bed. Instead she had gone out in the morning without bothering to even make breakfast for him, leaving him there to just die.

"I'm sorry too, yejun-ah. For not having aborted you when I could have"

Yejun chuckled sadly, his eyes filling with tears as he limped up to his room. And soon enough he sat on his desk, pulling out a piece of paper and pen before starting to write a letter to his mother.

And while he wrote the letter yejun thought of the days yeona had held him close to her during winter when he was younger, wrapping her coat around him and walking coatless instead during the snowstorm while carrying him in her arms. He remembered the times yeona had gone to work in the morning without having her own breakfast, but always making sure yejun had gotten his breakfast and lunch properly. And then he remembered the amount of times he had seen his mother passed out on the couch at 3am, her hands torn from the amount of labor she had done.

But he also remembered the times she had beat him up when he got less marks, or got 2nd place for a competition. He remebered his mother throwing away the trophies yejun had won anything other than first place for, saying it was useless. He remembered the times she had told him she wished she could reverse time and just abort him when she could, blaming him for everything her life was now.

Yejun thought of his life that wasn't really his. He had no friends at school, no one he loved and no one who loved him. Was a life like that even an actual life? For whom was he living? He had lived all this while thinking it was a debt that he had to pay to his mother. But now, after all the things she had told him yesterday night. Was even that, necessary?

And when yejun finally kept the letter aside and climbed up to his bed with the shawl his mother had always once worn, a shawl that was made of rich fur, the one that the old supermodel kim yeona could afford, he thought of all the things his life could have been. A happy family, a sibling, friends at school?

But even as he climbed up the chair and then finally kicked it off after a few breaths, he thought he couldn't have had a better life than this. He loved his mother, she was the only person in his life. Apart from his father, who had been with him for a few days every week, buying him things he would later give off to charity. He didn't really want a father like that, because he was the same man who had abandoned his mother, years ago. He hated his father.

And so as yejun finally felt his eyes closing for the last time, he thought of his mother's beautiful face, and her smile he rarely saw. And he thought,

There is nothing I could never sacrifice for my own mother, even my own life.

_____________________________

Yeona entered the house, feeling her head burst from the lack of sleep she had gotten. She did not come back home last night, after all. She needed money to take yejun to the hospital in order to treat his wounds, and for that she had to work for the entire night, despite it being freezing outside. But it didn't matter, because she had finally gotten the money to take her son to the hospital now.

Yeona walked into the living room, finding it uncanny that the house was utterly and entirely silent. Even if yejun was usually a quiet person, wouldn't he make small sounds, atleast?

Yeona walked up to yejun's room, each step she took increasing her anxiety. But it all burst as soon as she opened the door to his room, because the only remaining life in her heart disappeared completely at the sight in front of her.

Yeona dropped her purse as she stepped back with a shaky gasp, her heart tearing apart at the sight of her son hanging dead in front of her. Yeona fell on the floor, her brain still not comprehending the sight in front of her as she crawled to her son and held his legs in her shaky hands before whispering

Yeona : n-no. no, no! yejun-ah, yejun-ah no you can't…you can't do this to eomma.

Yeona's tears fell as she felt no movement from her son, her heart feeling heavier than it ever did her entire life

Yeona : JEONG YEJUN! YOU CAN'T LEAVE YOUR MOTHER BEHIND LIKE THIS!

Yeona quickly crawled up to her purse before going back again to yejun, pulling out the few notes of money she had acquired before saying

Yeona : see? See, eomma-eomma brought this so that I can take you to the hospital. So then why would you-why…

Yeona sobbed as she looked up at her son's bloodied palms, quickly standing up as she pulled her son down to her and hugged his cold body on her lap.

Yeona : no. no NO NO!

Yeona pulled back and pushed the hair out from her son's forehead, her hands trembling as her tears fell onto yejun's pale cheek one by one.

Yeona : I know-I know I'm a bad person, I know I'm a terrible mother BUT HOW COULD YOU KILL YOURSELF OVER SOMEONE AS DIRTY AND RUINED LIKE ME, HOW!

Yeona sobbed as she held her son's body closer to her heart, not even being able to breathe as she screamed at the top of her lungs, calling out her son's name all in vain.

Yeona : I have no one but you! I HAVE NO ONE YEJUN!

Yeona flinched as she heard the door to her house open, quickly holding yejun closer to her as she shielded him away from whatever that would come at him. Yeona looked up as a few neighbors rushed into the room, their eyes widening at the sight in front of them.

??? : oh no no. no yeona-shi.

Yeona : he's fine. My son is fine!

Two of the neighbors came closer to her, holding yeona's arm in pure pity as they said

??? : we're so sorry, yeona-shi. We're so sorry this-

Yeona : MY SON IS FINE, I TOLD YOU! NOTHING'S HAPPENED TO HIM!

Yeona turned back to face her son, holding his cheek as she whispered

Yeona : right? Yejun-ie? You're okay, hmm? You're fine, no?

The neighbors felt tears in their eyes as another one stepped forward and said

??? : yeona-shi, we need to take yejun away from here to the hospital. The more we keep him here, the more the police will be doubtful.

Yeona shook her head sternly, sobbing as she held onto her son tighter

Yeona : no! NO I'M NOT GIVING HIM TO ANYONE!

??? : we're sorry.

The neighbors stepped forward as yeona shook her head desperately now, a few of them slowly lifting yejun away from her as yeona wailed and tried clawing onto her son desperately.

Yeona : NO! NO YOU MONSTERS GIVE HIM BACK TO ME! He's…he's my son!

Yeona fell on the floor as the neighbors carried yejun outside, the others telling yeona she should come with them to the hospital as well. Yeona wailed as she stared after her son's dangling arm, his words ringing through her head as she screamed.

"I tried, eomma. I tried to…tried to be better for you. I'm sorry I failed"

____________________________

Yeona still remembered the first word yejun had said, it was eomma. It was when yeona was crying in her living room after she had just lost her job at the agency, the public shamming her for it. That was when yejun had crawled up to her, holding her leg as he muttered the only word he could say at that time over and over again. And although yeona had never told anyone about it, yejun's that one word was what had kept yeona from killing herself that night.

She also remembered the first time yejun had walked up to her in his little baby steps. That was when she had accidentally burned her hand while cooking food. And yeona had completely forgotten about the pain as she cooed and lifted her son up in her arms proudly.

She remebered his first everything's, because how could she forget it. He was always the shining sun in her life, and she was the reason it had dimmed to the extent that he was completely gone now. She was the reason she was sitting against the hospital chair now, her entire body numb and her face blank.

And she heard footsteps rushing up to her, the smell of expensive cologne filling the air as the people around her stood up.

Yunho : what did you do to my son, you monster?

Yeona looked up as her eyes landed on the man who had abandoned her years ago, his teary eyes glaring right at hers as he screamed

Yunho : WHY DID YOU KILL MY SON, KIM YEONA!

Yeona looked away from yunho, her entire face blank as she whispered

Yeona : I killed him. He's dead because of me.

Yunho let out an exasperated breath, falling on the floor as he sobbed in pain. His hands covered his face as he cried into it, every second of this killing him.

Yunho : he was only 15, yeona. He-he was…how could you.

Yeona felt tears stream down her eyes as yunho's cries filled the hallway, the people around looking at the both of them in pity. Pity, a word yeona was so used to by now. There was only one person in this entire world who had never pitied her, and that was her own son.

But she had killed her son, he was lying in that hospital bed because of her.

_________________________________

Yeona couldn't bear seeing her son dead and still another time. And so she had returned home as soon as the doctors had ruled yejun's death as suicide, telling others that they could now bury his body as they wished.

Bury? Bury the body of her son? Throw mud on him and watch while the others did the same? Yeona would rather die. And so she had left, knowing yunho would do the ceremonies that was required. After all, yeona didn't have the right to do any of that. Did it make sense for the murderer to bury the victim with tears in their eyes?

Yeona opened the room to yejun's room, the silence inside killing her. She turned on the lights, the sight of a small but organized room coming to her sight. Yeona looked around with blank eyes, her eyes finally landing on a sheet of paper that was kept folded on yejun's desk. Yeona walked up to it, opening it quickly as she read through it

Eomma,

On today's special day, I want you to be the happiest ever. Every day you used to say that happiness left your life the second I was born. You told me appa left you because of me, so today I want to change things. I want you to be happy, and live as if I never existed. You told me you never looked at me with love, but I always loved you, and admired you as the best mother I could ever have asked for.

I always wished I could be better for you, just as you have been the best to me. You always sacrificed your things for me. May it be your food, or clothes, or money, or anything else, you've always left things for me. I on the other hand have only ever received them, never being able to give it back to you. So I thought that if I studied hard now and made enough money in the future, I could give you the things that you deserve. But as you said, I failed.

As you said, it is my destiny to never succeed, as I don't have it in me to be able to get the things that I want. So if not that, then why am I alive? If I can't ever give you back the things you once gave to me, then why not just take myself off of the picture completely so you can stop spending things on me? That's how I came to this conclusion of mine.

But this isn't your fault, it is my choice. A choice I have taken to provide you with half the life that you once lost because of me.

I hope one day you will think of me, I hope in heaven you would finally hold me one day and kiss me. The best gift I could give you today is leave your life as you've always wished I was never born. So here it is, the gift of my sacrifice.

I love you mama,

Happy birthday to you.

Yeona sobbed as she covered her face with her arms, her hands clutching the letter tight. She hadn't even known, she hadn't even known it was her birthday yesterday. And this, was a gift? If yejun had to think his death would be a gift for his mother, how bad had yeona been? What sort of a mother was this cruel to their own child?

Yeona cried as she read the letter again and again, her tears staining the letter as the ink slowly spread. But even then she didn't stop, yeona kept reading it until she was dizzy. And she was about to again when her phone suddenly rang.

??? : this is, kim yeona-shi, right?

Yeona : ye-yes.

??? : I am…was, yejun's class teacher. And I heard what happened today, so I wished to call to offer my condolences to you.

Yeona said nothing, she couldn't.

??? : although he did get expelled, yejun was a really good student. He was good to his classmates, always helping them with anything they required. He was excellent at his studies, always scoring first. And he was an amazing singer, always conquering everyone's hearts with that beautiful voice of his. He would have grown to be an amazing man, miss kim, I am sure.

Yeona bit her lips, feeling her tears fall even harder as she realized she had never heard her son sing, even once. And now, she never will be able to.

??? : I hope god gives you the strength to move through this, yeona-shi, even though loosing a child is a very harsh thing. And, I wanted to say one this last thing. Your son, loved you with his entire heart. He would always talk about you when asked about his favorite person, saying you were the strongest most beautiful human being he had ever seen. He said his only goal in life was to satisfy your needs just as you have done for him.

Yeona clasped her mouth with the back of her hand, clutching the phone tighter in her hand

??? : we were all really proud of yejun. And I'm sure you always will be too.

Before the teacher could say anything more yeona cut the call, throwing her phone away as she cried her heart out. She still remembered the trophies yejun had brought home, yeona throwing it away and saying that he needed to be better. Except she hadn't. instead when yejun was fast asleep, yeona had gone to the trash, cleaning each of his trophies before putting it up in her attic with a proud smile on her face. They were still there, she was sure, not a speck of dust on them. For yeona cleaned it every day, and she would continue doing it until she died.

There was no one she was more proud of than her own son. And now, he was gone. All, because, of her.

Yeona stood up, walking up to yejun's desk as she took a pocket knife that was lying nearby. She walked to the living room, reading the letter over and over again until she finally sat on the floor against a wall and brought the knife close to her wrist. Yeona slowly dragged the knife through her arm, slicing through as blood trickled down. But it wasn't enough, she needed more pain.

And so she kept slashing her arms, one over the other again and again. Until she felt someone scream her name out. Yeona looked up with blank eyes, the sight of yunho rushing to her with worried eyes coming to her view.

Yunho : what the fuck are you doing, kim yeona!

Yeona stared at yunho as he threw the knife away from them, leaning on the floor next to yeona as she said, her voice blank

Yeona : I wanted to feel…something, anything.

Yunho : are you sick in the brain, yeona? Your son died today, and you're self-harming yourself because you want to feel something?

Yeona : my son? The son that I killed?

Yunho looked away, his eyes still worried as he let it scan through yeona's cuts.

Yeona : why are you here? You-

Yunho : because I expected you to do this, yeona. Because I knew, you would do this. You cannot die, kim yeona. Even if you want to, you can't. because you killed yejun, you don't think you deserve to pay some punishment for it?

Yeona : I-

Yunho : death, is an easy way out of this. And you and I both, do not deserve that. We're going to live our lives until the end of it, bearing the pain and guilt of having killed an innocent life by both our actions.

Yeona stared at yunho, feeling her eyes water. He was blaming himself too? Yunho sniffled, shaking his head as he whispered

Yunho : we deserve this, and this punishment, the both of us will carry. Yejun did not deserve any of this, he deserved much better parents. We failed him, the both of us did. And so, we're going to face the afters of it.

Yunho held yeona's bloodied arm, making her wince as yunho said

Yunho : this? Cannot happen again. You will not take death as a path, yeona. And neither will I, I promise you that. And I need you to promise me as well, that we will take all this, together.

Yeona : yunho.

Yunho : no, yejun gave up his life for you, what would it be if you killed yourself as well? I will not let you disgrace him like that. So stand up, stand up so we can go to the hospital and get your arm treated.

Yeona : why are you doing this for me? Why now. Why!

Yunho : because I left you! I left you when you needed me most, I took the easy way around! I am as responsible for yejun's death as you are. So you're going to stop me from letting this pain overtake me, and I'm going to help you do the same.

Yeona stared as yunho got up, extending his hand for yeona to hold as he said

Yunho : this, is the sacrifice that we must make, yeona-ya.

Yeona looked at yunho's hand for a few seconds before finally holding it, using it to lift her up as the memories of her once beautiful young boy filled her mind. His memories, her cure. His pain, her nightmare. And his sacrifice, her life.

Yeona : the sacrifice we must make.

__________________________

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