As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.
All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:
My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.
I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.
My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.
I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.
I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.
I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.
My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.
I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.
As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.
I have inherent rights just because I exist.
I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.
Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.
If any of these don't resonate, feel free to discard them. Everyone finds comfort and empowerment differently.
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oh so narcissistic abuse isn't real?
Then explain to me why my mom's best friends when I was 13 was a group of 15 year old mean girls who would openly bully me in front of her, but she desperately needed the literal children to think she was cool so she'd bully me with them and would like, store up information about my week like how long I engaged in my special interests or what kind of stimming I was doing and then she'd turn up to youth group in her bedazzled skinny jeans, walk right past me like she didn't just drive me here and sit on the table with these teenage girls with a "you'd never guess what Cordelia got up to this week." And the other adults who ran the youth group were really confused and obviously really uncomfortable with this 40 year old woman using her role as a trusted adult in the group to bully her autistic tween daughter but also the situation was so weird nobody got involved till the girls parents did and asked why a 40 year old woman was cultivating a "special relationship" with their kids but she was convinced she was the victim in the situation and she was being punished by these parents for caring too much about the youth group and she would vent TO ME about how mean these other mom's were being to her and how unfair it was and this whole time we were showing up every week, she'd bully the fuck out of me for 2 or 3 hours then we'd go home and she'd switch up on me and tell me that I too could have a chance to sit with the girls who she was literally helping to make my life hell but I just had to start being normal and then she'd buy me a milkshake or something as if that made everything she'd done all evening OK.
Is that just regular abuse or do you think there was maybe some other factors at play there that makes that situation a bit different?
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@general-illyrin @tar-thelien @who-needs-words I think you all mentioned being interested in the reverse gondolin au - is anyone interested in helping with wrangling the timelines, especially the second age stuff? Here's the current outline:
(Edit: anyone feel free to help out if you're interested!)
YT 14365 - Birth of Lomion
YT 14373/FA 1 - Death of Argon
FA
2 - Aredhel adopts Lomion
300 - Birth of Idril
316 - Turgon & Idril kidnapped by Eol
400 - Turgon & Idril rescued. Death of Eol
465 - Finrod more-peacefully passes throne to orodreth while on Quest. Everyone except beren still dies
472 - Nirnaeth. Turgon named High King of the Noldor.
476 - Turgon abdicates official title. Aredhel named High King of the Noldor.
496 - Tuor comes to Gondolin
502 - Wedding of Idril and Tuor
503 - Births of Earendil and Elwing. Idril begins to have foresight dreams about the Fall.
506 - Second Kinslaying. C^3 dead, celebrimbor stays in gondolin. Aredhel denounces the oath/kinslaying and disowns C^3
Elwing survives & is found by Oropher & Thranduil // Galadriel & Celeborn. oropher, thranduil, oropher's wife, and thranduil's then-gf // galadriel & celeborn take Elwing to Gondolin as refugees. The Silmaril is left hidden in the woods of melian's domain.
507 - Elwing comes to Gondolin.
509 - Idril captured by Morgoth. Idril reveals the location of Gondolin in exchange for an Oath to not harm her family (Turgon, Tuor, and Earendil). Idril rescued.
510 - Gondolin prepares for war with Morgoth.
513-522 - Siege of Gondolin. Deaths of Duilin and Rog. Gothmog slain by Aredhel the Huntress. First use of the Three Rings by Lomion and Celebrimbor in defense of Gondolin. House of the Hammer of Wrath destroyed.
523 - Maedhros believes a Silmaril is with Elwing at Gondolin.
525 - Earendil weds Elwing. Lomion weds ???. Adoption of Gil-Galad
532 - Births of Elrond and Elros.
538 - Third Kinslaying at Gondolin. Death of Amras. Elrond and Elros kidnapped by Maglor. Deaths of Elwing and Turgon. Second use of the Three Rings by Lomion and Celebrimbor. Deaths of Maedhros and Aredhel. Lomion named King of Gondolin and High King of the Noldor. Deaths of Salgant, Penlod, and Tuor. Earendil named Lord of the House of the Wing.
540-549 - War declared between Gondolin and the Feanorians of Himring over the Third Kinslaying and kidnapping of Princes Elrond and Elros.
549 - Elrond and Elros recovered. Feanorians and Gondolin severely weakened. Celebrimbor // Gil-Galad declared heir to the High Kingship.
552-554 - Second Siege & Fall of Gondolin. Third use of the Three Rings by Lomion and Celebrimbor. Deaths of Ecthelion, Glorfindel, Egalmoth, and Turgon. Idril and Celebrimbor lead survivors through the Secret Way.
555 - Gondolithlim refugees arrive at Sirion.
556 - Idril departs for Valinor.
558 - Earendil searches for Valinor.
560 - Havens of Sirion destroyed by Morgoth. Gondolithlim/Doriathrim survivors scattered. Elrond and Elros rescued (as adults) by Maglor.
572 - Morgoth controls Beleriand. Earendil and reembodied Elwing come to Valinor and rally the Host.
575-617 - War of Wrath
618 - Maglor claims the Silmaril from Eonwe's camp and casts himself into the Sea. Death of Maglor.
620 - End of the First Age.
SA
1 - Founding of the Grey Havens and Lindon under High King Lomion
2 - Elros becomes the first King of Numenor
c. 500 - Sauron returns to Middle-Earth in the East.
650 - Eregion is founded
1000 - Galadriel is given Vilya; Lomion wields Nenya
1170 - Annatar comes to Lindon and Lomion turns him away. Lomion warns Celebrimbor of Eregion of his suspicions.
1200 - Annatar comes to Eregion. Celebrimbor takes him in to monitor.
1250 - Celebrimbor creates the Seven; Lomion creates the Nine.
1410 - Annatar is kicked out of Eregion.
1600 - The One Ring is forged. Sauron remains in hiding.
1610 - Sauron begins to gather and prepare armies in the East.
1673 - War of the Elves and Sauron begins.
1675 - Sauron invades Eriador.
1677 - Fall of Ost-in-Edhil. Celebrimbor and Lomion remain at the House of the Mirdain. Death of Celebrimbor in battle // Fourth use of the Three in battle. Sauron does not learn of the Seven. Founding of Imladris.
1678 - Sauron defeated by the Numenoreans and the Elves of Lindon.
1679 - Sauron flees to Mordor. First White Council held.
3147 - Civil war in Numenor.
3225 - Ar-Pharazon seizes the Sceptre.
3228 - Elrond claims the Sceptre. Ar-Pharazon disowned. Tar-Miriel named Ruling Queen.
3232 - Sauron taken to Numenor as a prisoner.
3274 - Elrond kicks Sauron out of Numenor and outlaws the morgoth cult.
3310 - Morgoth cult publicly reappears.
3319 - Downfall of Numenor. Tar-Miriel leads a greater force of the Faithful away.
(green // blue means two main options, red means i need to think about it more)
The main details I'm figuring out right now are
does Celebrimbor still die at Eregion - I don't think he's getting captured/tortured, but he could still die in the battle. On the other hand, he could probably survive by using Narya & Lomion using Nenya, but that would definitely have repercussions further down the line
how does Idril's deal work - I'm currently thinking of Idril exchanging the location of Gondolin for her family's guaranteed safety, because it seems in character for Reverse Idril? But on the other hand, even if I limit it to immediate family at the time of the oath (tuor, turgon, earendil) then idk where turgon dies? Maybe Maglor can kill him but that seems kind of random
where and how does Turgon die
how does Prince Elrond's character even work
how does Numenor still fall when factoring in Prince Elrond - I'm thinking that the morgoth death cult gained enough traction during the time sauron was there that even after Elrond kicks him out, the cult still sticks around and reemerges later? The Fall still happens, but they never go to attack valinor and there's a good deal more Faithful (maybe 40-60%?)
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This episode they really showed how Uea wants sex to distract himself to make the bad feelings go away for a while and King is the only safe option (not the best way of coping maybe atm but it gets better). Hope they will make him talk about it because I feel many in the audience still don’t understand the link between sex and comfort and coping especially for an abuse victim who always turns to it after triggering events (still think this part is more about the mom, cause whenever the stepdad is part of the trigger he can’t have sex or cuddles ... at least can’t enjoy it as we have seen in this episode). Shortly said, an orgasm gives you dopamine, and it’s all your mind and body focuses on in that moment. Reasons why this could end up in an addiction under the wrong circumstances. Under the right ones it can be therapeutic and have an antidepressant effect.
Uea is a bit torn with King. The caring side of King is an unexpected surprise for him every time. He doesn't really expect kindness from people. But he's glad whenever he receives it from people he trusts. Which King became a part of way too fast for Uea to admit (he’s a player after all). That’s why he rarely shows King his smiles when he’s fond of him. I think the cake scene was one of the rare moments he truly showed him this kind of vulnerability to him (him being truly happy, it’s a delicate feeling easily snatched away under his circumstances). He also took a long time to even understand that King really means it, that this birthday cake is really for him because King really wants to make him happy and he’s allowed to take it. I wonder if the little cake fight and unceremonial bite into the cake is an emotional defense from Uea to not get too deep into vulnerable emotions and turn it into fun / silly & sexy moment instead while still keeping the good vibe.
He’s not ready for an emotional bond with him yet when they clearly stated from the beginning this will just be about sex and they don’t even like each other (we all know that’s a lie). I suspect Uea has trust issues as well since his stepdad always acts nice, caring and misunderstood... so Uea needs a while to learn if people really mean it or if they just want something from him.
I bet that will become a big issue at some point, when they both think the other has no feelings while they secretly do have feelings. I fear Uea will push King away for a while when their feelings get clearer.
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