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neuroticboyfriend · 1 year

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As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.

All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:

My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.

I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.

My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.

I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.

I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.

I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.

My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.

I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.

As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.

I have inherent rights just because I exist.

I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.

Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.

If any of these don't resonate, feel free to discard them. Everyone finds comfort and empowerment differently.

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4spooniesupport · 8 months

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eljayetc · 2 years

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“You lived through that, you will live through this too”

Yes, but how many things do I have to live through? How many times do I have to be grateful I made it out alive? When do I get to stop surviving and start thriving?

#trauma #childhood trauma #actually ptsd #seriouslysurvivor #actuallytraumatized #ptsd #survivor #thriving #surviving trauma #surviving #my life #ihe #blob #1k #4k #5k

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nothing0fnothing · 7 months

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oh so narcissistic abuse isn't real?

Then explain to me why my mom's best friends when I was 13 was a group of 15 year old mean girls who would openly bully me in front of her, but she desperately needed the literal children to think she was cool so she'd bully me with them and would like, store up information about my week like how long I engaged in my special interests or what kind of stimming I was doing and then she'd turn up to youth group in her bedazzled skinny jeans, walk right past me like she didn't just drive me here and sit on the table with these teenage girls with a "you'd never guess what Cordelia got up to this week." And the other adults who ran the youth group were really confused and obviously really uncomfortable with this 40 year old woman using her role as a trusted adult in the group to bully her autistic tween daughter but also the situation was so weird nobody got involved till the girls parents did and asked why a 40 year old woman was cultivating a "special relationship" with their kids but she was convinced she was the victim in the situation and she was being punished by these parents for caring too much about the youth group and she would vent TO ME about how mean these other mom's were being to her and how unfair it was and this whole time we were showing up every week, she'd bully the fuck out of me for 2 or 3 hours then we'd go home and she'd switch up on me and tell me that I too could have a chance to sit with the girls who she was literally helping to make my life hell but I just had to start being normal and then she'd buy me a milkshake or something as if that made everything she'd done all evening OK.

Is that just regular abuse or do you think there was maybe some other factors at play there that makes that situation a bit different?

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furiousgoldfish · 10 months

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Pressure to meet expectations for abusive kids is insane.. and they don't even have to be REAL expectations. If you so much as THINK something is expected of you, it's now a real rule in your life that you have to deliver. You're not even dictating your own behaviour and attitude, it's all about just meeting whatever is expected. Abuse erases you.

#pressure #expectations #child abuse #childhood trauma #feeling like breaking expectations will have you killed #meeting expectations as a form of survival

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sesamenom · 10 days

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@general-illyrin @tar-thelien @who-needs-words I think you all mentioned being interested in the reverse gondolin au - is anyone interested in helping with wrangling the timelines, especially the second age stuff? Here's the current outline:

(Edit: anyone feel free to help out if you're interested!)

YT 14365 - Birth of Lomion

YT 14373/FA 1 - Death of Argon

FA

2 - Aredhel adopts Lomion

300 - Birth of Idril

316 - Turgon & Idril kidnapped by Eol

400 - Turgon & Idril rescued. Death of Eol

465 - Finrod more-peacefully passes throne to orodreth while on Quest. Everyone except beren still dies

472 - Nirnaeth. Turgon named High King of the Noldor.

476 - Turgon abdicates official title. Aredhel named High King of the Noldor.

496 - Tuor comes to Gondolin

502 - Wedding of Idril and Tuor

503 - Births of Earendil and Elwing. Idril begins to have foresight dreams about the Fall.

506 - Second Kinslaying. C^3 dead, celebrimbor stays in gondolin. Aredhel denounces the oath/kinslaying and disowns C^3

Elwing survives & is found by Oropher & Thranduil // Galadriel & Celeborn. oropher, thranduil, oropher's wife, and thranduil's then-gf // galadriel & celeborn take Elwing to Gondolin as refugees. The Silmaril is left hidden in the woods of melian's domain.

507 - Elwing comes to Gondolin.

509 - Idril captured by Morgoth. Idril reveals the location of Gondolin in exchange for an Oath to not harm her family (Turgon, Tuor, and Earendil). Idril rescued.

510 - Gondolin prepares for war with Morgoth.

513-522 - Siege of Gondolin. Deaths of Duilin and Rog. Gothmog slain by Aredhel the Huntress. First use of the Three Rings by Lomion and Celebrimbor in defense of Gondolin. House of the Hammer of Wrath destroyed.

523 - Maedhros believes a Silmaril is with Elwing at Gondolin.

525 - Earendil weds Elwing. Lomion weds ???. Adoption of Gil-Galad

532 - Births of Elrond and Elros.

538 - Third Kinslaying at Gondolin. Death of Amras. Elrond and Elros kidnapped by Maglor. Deaths of Elwing and Turgon. Second use of the Three Rings by Lomion and Celebrimbor. Deaths of Maedhros and Aredhel. Lomion named King of Gondolin and High King of the Noldor. Deaths of Salgant, Penlod, and Tuor. Earendil named Lord of the House of the Wing.

540-549 - War declared between Gondolin and the Feanorians of Himring over the Third Kinslaying and kidnapping of Princes Elrond and Elros.

549 - Elrond and Elros recovered. Feanorians and Gondolin severely weakened. Celebrimbor // Gil-Galad declared heir to the High Kingship.

552-554 - Second Siege & Fall of Gondolin. Third use of the Three Rings by Lomion and Celebrimbor. Deaths of Ecthelion, Glorfindel, Egalmoth, and Turgon. Idril and Celebrimbor lead survivors through the Secret Way.

555 - Gondolithlim refugees arrive at Sirion.

556 - Idril departs for Valinor.

558 - Earendil searches for Valinor.

560 - Havens of Sirion destroyed by Morgoth. Gondolithlim/Doriathrim survivors scattered. Elrond and Elros rescued (as adults) by Maglor.

572 - Morgoth controls Beleriand. Earendil and reembodied Elwing come to Valinor and rally the Host.

575-617 - War of Wrath

618 - Maglor claims the Silmaril from Eonwe's camp and casts himself into the Sea. Death of Maglor.

620 - End of the First Age.

SA

1 - Founding of the Grey Havens and Lindon under High King Lomion

2 - Elros becomes the first King of Numenor

c. 500 - Sauron returns to Middle-Earth in the East.

650 - Eregion is founded

1000 - Galadriel is given Vilya; Lomion wields Nenya

1170 - Annatar comes to Lindon and Lomion turns him away. Lomion warns Celebrimbor of Eregion of his suspicions.

1200 - Annatar comes to Eregion. Celebrimbor takes him in to monitor.

1250 - Celebrimbor creates the Seven; Lomion creates the Nine.

1410 - Annatar is kicked out of Eregion.

1600 - The One Ring is forged. Sauron remains in hiding.

1610 - Sauron begins to gather and prepare armies in the East.

1673 - War of the Elves and Sauron begins.

1675 - Sauron invades Eriador.

1677 - Fall of Ost-in-Edhil. Celebrimbor and Lomion remain at the House of the Mirdain. Death of Celebrimbor in battle // Fourth use of the Three in battle. Sauron does not learn of the Seven. Founding of Imladris.

1678 - Sauron defeated by the Numenoreans and the Elves of Lindon.

1679 - Sauron flees to Mordor. First White Council held.

3147 - Civil war in Numenor.

3225 - Ar-Pharazon seizes the Sceptre.

3228 - Elrond claims the Sceptre. Ar-Pharazon disowned. Tar-Miriel named Ruling Queen.

3232 - Sauron taken to Numenor as a prisoner.

3274 - Elrond kicks Sauron out of Numenor and outlaws the morgoth cult.

3310 - Morgoth cult publicly reappears.

3319 - Downfall of Numenor. Tar-Miriel leads a greater force of the Faithful away.

(green // blue means two main options, red means i need to think about it more)

The main details I'm figuring out right now are

does Celebrimbor still die at Eregion - I don't think he's getting captured/tortured, but he could still die in the battle. On the other hand, he could probably survive by using Narya & Lomion using Nenya, but that would definitely have repercussions further down the line

how does Idril's deal work - I'm currently thinking of Idril exchanging the location of Gondolin for her family's guaranteed safety, because it seems in character for Reverse Idril? But on the other hand, even if I limit it to immediate family at the time of the oath (tuor, turgon, earendil) then idk where turgon dies? Maybe Maglor can kill him but that seems kind of random

where and how does Turgon die

how does Prince Elrond's character even work

how does Numenor still fall when factoring in Prince Elrond - I'm thinking that the morgoth death cult gained enough traction during the time sauron was there that even after Elrond kicks him out, the cult still sticks around and reemerges later? The Fall still happens, but they never go to attack valinor and there's a good deal more Faithful (maybe 40-60%?)

#silm #silmarillion #not art #reverse gondolin au #basically elrond is giving me a Lot of trouble here #i tacked an extra 30 years onto the FA (so the SA dates are mostly shifted up by 30 years to balance it out; hence elros being king in SA 2 #this means e&e were adults during the Fall of Gondolin and the war of wrath and all #so instead of 'kind as summer' elrond of the last homely house in rivendell #we have gondolithrim veteran/dragonslayer Prince Elrond of Imladris Stronghold #and later the Bastion of the Faithful of Numenor #ironically enough he turned out way more feanorian when not raised by feanorians #instead of sirion e&e's defining Childhood Trauma was the gondolin kinslaying #in which mae and aredhel duel to the death while screaming at each other about fingon's fate and the Oath #and argon and elenwes deaths on the helcaraxe #also elwing fully died trying to protect them in this one #and then e&e were like 20something and sons/grandsons of two Lords durign the FoG so obviously they ended up fighting there too #and then again at the war of wrath #and by the mid SA elrond has already lived through so many wars he's running rather low on hope #so Prince Elrond still tries to be kind but is also substantially more willing to threaten people if need be #after eregion he founds imladris as a haven but also an impenetrable fortress #he saw the fall of gondolin and he knows that rivendell couldn't last forever #but he believes he can make it last long enough to defeat sauron first #or at least push him back so that the refugees of eregion can rebuild and survive #meanwhile celebrimbor takes up the last homely house role #but yeah Prince Elrond is pretty interesting #he intervenes more with numenor bc hes watching them self destruct and knows (bc foresight) exactly what would happen #so he tries (eventually in vain) to prevent it by disowning and exiling ar pharazon #and later exiling sauron around the time of the burning of nimloth #but it's too late and the morgoth cult already gained enough traction #on the other hand there's a lot more Faithful led by tar-miriel

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internum--urbes · 1 year

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safe-haven-safe-place · 1 year

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#mental health #recovery #healing #dissociation #childhood trauma #trauma recovery #cptsd recovery #chronic stress #overwhelmed #survival mode #emotional dysregulation

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spiderarchive · 2 months

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I had to destroy a part of myself to survive. I had to leave her there in a burning house. She can never leave. She burns so that I can live.

#web weave #webweaving #on childhood trauma #on living past it #on surviving #spiderarchive #webweave #web weaving

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downforastory · 11 months

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"Memories, memories are torturing my existence"

#survival #trauma survivor #sa survivor #abuse survivor #healing #the process of healing #childhood abuse #childhood trauma #stop abuse #stop blaming the victim #female safety

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goemon-fan · 5 months

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"He should be at the-"

#I think this may be a hot take but I believe Goemon's meant to be around 18 or so in Part 1 #seeing his more emotional thought patterns and black and white moralistic thinking (unrelated to autism)#sorry i meant to write “in a way differing from typical autism and instead is an extension of his personality”#as well as his somewhat lack of wisdom on people and society and human nature as a whole #also he was 17 in the manga + other works so its not entirely out of the picture #and I therefore think his character and actions in Part 1 can be interpreted dramatically differently keeping this in mind #i think he compensates for the immaturity of his masters by doubling down on what he believes to be mature behavior #(once again unrelated to autism/autistic maturity; he lies about and downplays his true interests and lectures others on being mature)#sort of like a trauma response to the abuse he's had to endure #and he doesn't have the foresight to realize that “letting loose” won't make him like his masters #he's not grown but he's had adulthood thrust upon him and his childhood taken from him so he's just trying to survive by being an adult #he's not deliberately trying to be a jerk he's just afraid of the alternative #thank you for reading #lupin iii #lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #goemon ishikawa xiii #goemon

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wishesbythesea · 10 months

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There was no more detrimental consequence of our childhood abandonment than being forced to habitually hide our authentic selves. Many of us come out of childhood believing that what we have to say is as uninteresting to others as it was to our parents. We must repudiate this damaging legacy of the past.

Pete Walker

#libri 2023 #pete walker #from surviving to thriving #childhood trauma

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the-healing-mindset · 1 year

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This is a very long read, admittedly. However, this article is filled with some great information and also links to official research regarding C-PTSD, various traumas, and other helpful resources. Additionally, the end of the article provides some helpful tips to assist in coping with and healing from some of the things that we may experience in life.

Of course, what helps each of us will vary and it is wise to get the professional help of a therapist if experiencing any of what is discussed in this article, which it also recommends.

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v-is-for-vivienne · 1 month

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moms will really do something horribly abusive that scars you for life and makes you physically unable to ever reconcile with her and then be like "but you have to understand I love you though like my intention was to love you I did it out of love. forgive me or you're hurting me"

#cptsd #abuse survival #abuse survivor #bonus points for when she does it over amd over and over again and always promises to stop and says she “didnt mean to” but doesnt actually #care about you enough to change herself. bonus points if “i love you” is short for “i love owning you”#i hate parents #actually ptsd #complex ptsd #emotional abuse #parental abuse #childhood trauma #god im gonna ficking kill myaelf soon

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scarefox · 1 year

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This episode they really showed how Uea wants sex to distract himself to make the bad feelings go away for a while and King is the only safe option (not the best way of coping maybe atm but it gets better). Hope they will make him talk about it because I feel many in the audience still don’t understand the link between sex and comfort and coping especially for an abuse victim who always turns to it after triggering events (still think this part is more about the mom, cause whenever the stepdad is part of the trigger he can’t have sex or cuddles ... at least can’t enjoy it as we have seen in this episode). Shortly said, an orgasm gives you dopamine, and it’s all your mind and body focuses on in that moment. Reasons why this could end up in an addiction under the wrong circumstances. Under the right ones it can be therapeutic and have an antidepressant effect.

Uea is a bit torn with King. The caring side of King is an unexpected surprise for him every time. He doesn't really expect kindness from people. But he's glad whenever he receives it from people he trusts. Which King became a part of way too fast for Uea to admit (he’s a player after all). That’s why he rarely shows King his smiles when he’s fond of him. I think the cake scene was one of the rare moments he truly showed him this kind of vulnerability to him (him being truly happy, it’s a delicate feeling easily snatched away under his circumstances). He also took a long time to even understand that King really means it, that this birthday cake is really for him because King really wants to make him happy and he’s allowed to take it. I wonder if the little cake fight and unceremonial bite into the cake is an emotional defense from Uea to not get too deep into vulnerable emotions and turn it into fun / silly & sexy moment instead while still keeping the good vibe.

He’s not ready for an emotional bond with him yet when they clearly stated from the beginning this will just be about sex and they don’t even like each other (we all know that’s a lie). I suspect Uea has trust issues as well since his stepdad always acts nice, caring and misunderstood... so Uea needs a while to learn if people really mean it or if they just want something from him.

I bet that will become a big issue at some point, when they both think the other has no feelings while they secretly do have feelings. I fear Uea will push King away for a while when their feelings get clearer.

#bed friend the series #bed friend #ep4 #king x uea #here have another round of trauma and coping rumbling #the reason why I can understand Uea that well is because I also have a dysfunctional fam just not THAT bad (not physical)#and I got to a few bad people outside of my fam #I have a big urge almost a survival instinct to learn human behavior since childhood #as self-defense and to navigate through this world of neurotypicals as a neurodivergent person #I basically suck up everything about WHY humans do what they do. like criminals. what trauma does to you and how mental illnesses work etc #also all the psychology and science behind sex and sexuality (including k!nk and erotic) is a big topic for me #i don't just read about that stuff I watch recordings and documentaries and interviews as well #basically down to the core of fac.ial expressions and body language and thinking patterns #learned a few things from my therapist as well #not saying I am a certified specialist I just learned a few things through my life #and while this is obviously just a tv show they still did some research

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furiousgoldfish · 2 years

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parents after committing a crime against you: this is normal and you’re just being dramatic stop pretending you’re hurt, you did this to yourself

brain: sounds legit, we suck and it’s our fault, we’ll find out in 10-20 years just how bad it was, lets keep going on as if it didn’t happen

#childhood trauma #abusive parents #toxic parent #blame shifting #threat #cptsd #delayed response to trauma #taking on blame in order to preserve bond with parnets #because you're depending on them for food and shelter and you cant break ties #so only way to survive is to blame yourself and obey them #and then when it actually hits you #you realize you lived with enemies not parents

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