I’ve been chatting on Reddit about aphansasia and someone shared this essay with me. (Below is a screenshot that stood out)
I relate to about 90% of what he’s shared of his experience.
One thing has been vexing me when it comes to accepting that I have a very poor ability to visualise - and certainly my former friend wanted to use as a valid example to disprove I have no visual imagination. I can imagine, make up, play with lots of things in my brain. I have a rich inner world. How do I make @stupidlittledoodles if I can’t visualise?
This is how…
Milk voice = the neutral voice in your head that reminds you to buy milk. Do the dishes. Etc.
The doodles are visual mad libs. I don’t imagine images and go ooh I should draw that. I don’t see the doodle in my head as it is seen on the page. I experience concepts.
Me in my head:
- lol i bet a reverse mermaid but it’s a bloke and has a human penis would look funny.
- Lol remember that time my partner ran around the house with his dick and balls out the top of his jeans and I called it a blep and we found it hilarious.
- my cat is such a slut. She needs an only fans. Oh wait what if there was an only fans for cats. What would it be called?? Only Felines. She’d do some camming. She’d need a laptop…
They’re simple so I DONT have to spend time looking for a reference. A few are traced so I can make them quickly without too much effort to communicate the concept easily, and the touch of realism adds to the lols. I use my iPad like an accessibility tool bc it’s quicker to edit as I go than analogue sketching. They’re not meant to look realistic on the whole.
It’s interesting to me that I started these doodles as a way to move away from perfectionism & let go of realism, because all I have is realism. I can only see what’s real when I open my eyes. I cannot picture surrealism. I can gather references for the concepts of surrealism, or specific artistic techniques, or styles of artistic greats, and years of study mean I can replicate these things into creating something uniquely mine. But I don’t see the image. I judge each stroke as I go. It’s like pulling a thread.
Problem is, with stupid little doodles, my brain isn’t able to mad lib like that all the time. The ideas I get are sparked by quips in conversations, random bits between friends, jokes, maybe even vocalised visual randomness from other peoples brains, that I’m able to illustrate. I live a very solitary life these days so im not exposed to these moments often, and I miss that creativity. It only happens when I’m bouncing off other people. I’ve sat with this feeling of personal failure for a while, why don’t I do them anymore? I really love creating them. They’re like a dopamine button for me too! Maybe I’ll figure out ways to spark this part of my brain again. For now I’m choosing to focus elsewhere.
A lot of my creativity comes this way. A solitary life suits me, but doesn’t suit my creativity. I have to externalise a lot of my brain to function, so lot of my ideas are externally generated through my unique perspective human experience. I’m not sure how to describe this process entirely yet. But it’s been on my mind for a while. In order to make art I need to go out in the world and have experiences, but there’s people and things out there, so I stay in.
I’ll get back to the world soon I hope. Burnout is a bitch.
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The coffee house is indeed fucking.
The second one just appeared in my head when I was listening to maud gone for some reason. I really do be associating some csh songs with random houses or towns, just architectural gibberish
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Heya Mango! Saw that you watched dragons rising sooo…. Thoughts on the master of wind?
Myself, I was kinda bummed that Morro cant hold that tittle anymore but then again hes been dead for a while now and the title for wind master has been open since so—
Funny enough I really like her and im glad they kept the element "alive"
Also i strongly believe Morro is on a vacay somewhere in the departed realm while chaos ensues in ninjago
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