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lesbolieeh · 2 years

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And one of the biggest problems is that I'm personally not even bothered by it anymore, I got called a dog eater. Then when I was carpooling they told be not to drive because I was Asian so I'd crash the car. The worst thing is that the person who said that was also a person in a minority group. And when I pointed it out they said "I'm __ (Not gonna say their race), I can't be racist!" And I feel bad for pointing it out now, since it felt like I was offending them and other people of their race.

It’s rly sad but I think it’s so normalised bc in influential classic US American movies Asian characters would only exist to be a joke :/ looking back at movies like ‘Pretty in Pink’ I wonder to myself if movies like that popularised making fun of Asians. I have met a lot of ppl who make fun of Asians and then say they’re not racist bc they don’t hate Asians - do ppl rly not understand or see that it’s immoral and discriminatory to make fun of a whole race or specific ethnicities? Is it bc they’ve been taught since they were kids that it’s okey to do it ?since that’s what happens in famous movies? Just bc u don’t “hate” a race doesn’t mean ur not racist! Come to think abt it, Asians rarely get casted as main characters in the west. I think ‘Crazy rich Asians’, ‘To all the boys I’ve loved before’ and recently ‘Senior year’ are the only movies I’ve seen w Asians as main characters or other characters that get a lot of screen time. Which is kinda fucked up tbh especially since it’s 2022.

I remember I once called my best friend cute like a puppy and this guy said smth like “the only difference is that she eats it” and it took me a few seconds to understand what he actually meant and I was so shocked bc he’s a gen z and also goes to a prestigious school on an international program w ppl from everywhere! I realised that literally anyone can be racist, no matter the generation or who they associate with. It’s fucked up that he thought he could openly say racist shit to anyone and expect them to b okey w it or smth??? And I’m literally a minority too so it doesn’t make sense y he’d think he could say racist shit abt a half Asian person in front of me??

honestly I didn’t know that bad driver was an Asian stereotype b4 but how rude! Anyone can be a racist! If someone’s racist against ur race doesn’t mean u can’t be racist against x race. Honestly racism or xenophobia is not uncommon in minorities bc it’s a traumatic defence reaction towards discrimination and dehumanisation (to put someone below u in the racial or ethnic hierarchy after trauma caused bc of ur race or ethnicity so ur not the lowest rank). Like a lot of ppl of my ethnicity r rly xenophobic bc we have been colonized and ethnically cleansed by multiple countries not that long ago. It doesn’t justify racism or xenophobia, however!

Also I wanna say that it’s always ok to criticise anyone for racism, xenophobia or any other type of discrimination no matter what their background is!

A year ago I was speaking my language w my friend and this neo nazi classmate asked me “are you guys speaking *language of ppl that ethnically cleansed my ppl*?” KNOWING our ethnicity! I put him in his place bc I was so fkn done w ppl joking abt ppl ethnically cleansing my ppl literally in the 2000’s. Yesterday two guys (of different minorities) at the library were speculating my ethnicity (and got it right) and then went on to stereotype women from my country (thinking I didn’t hear them since I had AirPods on) and I told them off when they were gonna leave. and I just have to say it’s never wrong to point out racism or xenophobia ever!

I’m sry if this rant abt my experience in any way minimised ur experience I just wanted to talk abt that u should always confront and tell ppl off when they are being racist or xenophobic, no matter who they are

#answered asks #my asks

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sobeksewerrat · 3 months

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Jesus my obsession with TMF is genuinely too much I talked abt this before but I genuinely can't handle any canon content post ep 5 and I can't handle anybody hating my faves like idk is this some form of coping mechanism?!? Like I speculated before but I am pretty certain by now like I see ONE person saying they don't like the dromies or see a bit of extra backstory added in a new episode and suddenly I am circle-spiraling having a meltdown ugly crying too scared to even go near the fandom like wtmf is wrong with me I shouldn't be this attached to a very specific piece of media but it is so special to me in a weird way

I am not joking about me not being able to process canon. I physically can't rewatch ep6-11 w/o getting angry or upset and clicking off.

Like Jake meeting Drew in freshman year? No no didn't happen they were friends since middle school.

The recording? What's that?? I have no idea

I can only process the Drake up and Droey breaking up becuz they made feel good since I was reminded of a toxic relationship I had and felt like I was in Drew's place the whole time

And hating the dromies? I literally had to stop myself from going on an aggressive rant and crying over somebody calling the dromies manipulative yesterday.

Seriously what is wrong with me I am literally mentally ill. Does this have something to do with me hyperfixating on TMF?? Or that I might be otherkin with Drew??

The worst part is that I can no longer even enjoy the show. I am terrified each time Rosy uploads something new abt it and just wait for spoilers instead of watching.

Idk sry for ranting

#sobek rants #sobek stims #<- just cuz it might be cuz of my adhd or trauma or sth

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willoftrees · 1 year

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it's incredible.

my husband asked me to not do the dishes because it's time for someone else in the house to take a turn.

there are 5 other people who could do it but rn the countertops are full, there are no plates and no cups left currently, and they are running out of silverware.

hubby and i got some paperplates, plus there are plastic spoons and forks.

i just... idk i can't believe no one else has stepped up yet.

i am exhausted and i hate walking into the kitchen rn. there is no room to prepare food so everyone has been getting fast food as well.

it shouldn't surprise me but i rly can't believe how filthy they don't mind it getting, and how they can guilt free play games all the time and just add to the mess and not do anything to lessen the load let alone fucking clean up after themselves.

i am in distress over this. some of these ppl are dear friends of mine who say they want to be helpful but expect us to parent them into helping. we ask occasionally for them to do the dishes too but the point is that adds EXTRA stress onto us for having to ask in the first place! why are only my husband and I expected to discipline ourselves and do the chores daily?

no one else has washed towels either. they are now resorting to using rags to dry hands in the kitchen because no one can fucking bother tossing a few towels in with their load when they do laundry, let alone taking the time to just do a whole load of towels for the house.

WHY. IS IT ALWAYS. JUST. ME?!

it rly is wearing on us.

we are going to start keeping our own dishes and towels in our room. we did this before with a past horrible roommate. =/ we were just... hoping that our friends would start to grow the fuck up.

and yes we have talked to them they always either pretend they have no provlems and need no help, or they get rly sad and mopey and be all like "i'm sry for co tributing to the problems"

and we don't want or need either of these, we need them to step UP! they are perfectly ABLE! that's the part that kills me, too. my hands hurt from how much i clean after everyone and no one fucking cares that my body is LITERALLY HURTING FOR THEM, and all they do is lay or sit around and play games!!

and don't get me wrong, i love games! i can't tell you how often i dont get to enjoy them or play with everyone else because i am too busy cleaning, or i am too tired and want to play solo stuff and have no social energy BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN OUTSIDE OF MY ROOM, FORCED TO INTERAXT WITH EVRYONE, WHILE I AM CLEANING. i don't have energy to do my own fucking art and i have. SO. MUCH. i want to create and share!

but if I PERSONALLY do not put aside ALL of MY time to do ALL of the chores in the house, it becomes filthy and festering and unliveable!!

hence why the kitchen is a fucking pig sty rn and in a way it is my fault because i am actively choosing not to do the dishes, i have been doing it for free for too long and it's literally wearing on my body. i do feel guilty but it literally is not my fucking job to clean up after everyone.

sry for the rant... if anyone actually read all of this... tysm for caring. =< at least someone out there in the void hears my tiny cries.

#willhavesomecheesewiththatwine #shitty roommates #roommates #chores #filth #dirty dishes #.... i miss rachael #i could always vent to her #she was always there for me #until she wasn't #and that was when the ether decided to take her back #i still feel her with me sometimes #she inspired me to learn to bake #anywho....#i am just so tired

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tinyjeanmarco · 3 years

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levi relationship hc’s!

hi! levi has a very special place in my heart, so i decided to write some levi hcs. they’re gonna be more just basic levi as your bf hcs cuz i’m still new to writing x reader stuff owo. anyways, i hope you all enjoy! ʕ •ᴥ• ʔ i tried to write levi in character as i see him. i see him as closed off, but not opposed to affection, it’s just hard for him to show it. you can even see it in the show and the manga. he cares and shows it in strange ways cause he was never taught to express his emotion or how to express his emotion. sry for the rant lol.

levi x gn!reader

warnings: none

levi is very reluctant to be in a relationship, with how unstable it could be. he’s also super busy all the time so he doesn’t want to waste your time or love.

he is huge on communication though, he tells you about his concerns going into a relationship before you two make it official.

you tell him that you want to try anyways, and that if it won’t work out, it’s no hard feelings.

he respects that a lot, not wanting to deal with someone who would give him a hard time for it and drag him down.

levi would be very uncomfortable with physical touch. he never had it growing up, so to suddenly have someone who wants to be close to him? he sets boundaries.

he tells you how he doesn’t like to be touched, so any close contact? he will be the one to initiate it.

you are a little dejected from this statement, but you knew this would be the case when you went into your relationship, so you accept it.

he notices you’re disappointed, so he makes a point to hold your hand a lot. it’s something he would be okay with.

i feel like hand holding is the perfect touching for levi; he doesn’t like to be suffocated by other people, so holding hands really does it for him. it’s comforting to him, and also lets you know how he’s feeling without words.

hand holding is your main way of communicating without saying anything.

you squeeze his hand to tell him you’re okay, that you’re not okay, that he’s okay, that you love him. he does it right back. it’s reassuring for both of you.

levi seems like he would be okay with holding hands as a form of pda, but that is the only pda he will ever be okay with. anything else makes him uncomfortable. he hates being vulnerable to anyone besides you.

i also don’t think levi would totally swear off all physical touch forever. he knows that being in a relationship comes with that sort of stuff, and while he isn’t a huge fan of it himself, he wants you to have it.

to clarify, he doesn’t force himself to be affectionate. he would never force himself into something he doesn’t want to do.

he’s not totally cold hearted, so he does try, for you.

with time, as your bond deepens, he feels drawn to be intimate with you (not necessarily sexually). he feels weird craving your touch more than usual so he confronts this with you.

it’s like he misses you even with you right next to him.

you two become closer when away from others. kisses are more frequent, tea breaks in his office now include a little more cuddling, you being wrapped around his arm, head on his shoulder.

times like these, he once thought he would hate, but now they are what get him through the day.

he really likes the tiny kisses you guys share, be it pecks on the lips or forehead kisses.

he pretends to be annoyed when you brush his bangs back and lightly touch your lips to his forehead, but he actually LOVES it.

times come when he needs more space than usual, so you notice, and respect that, making him tea and letting him be.

sometimes, he’s needier though and just craves having your hand in his. it’s like a blanket over his senses, allowing him a breath of air when he’s drowning.

the only time you’ll get full cuddling from this man is when you nap/sleep. it’s pretty rare, but not impossible.

he will also make exceptions if you’re extremely sad, being closer to you than normal cause he can sense you might need it as reassurance.

you’re relationship isn’t a secret, but it was at first until levi talked to erwin about it. he didn’t want anyone thinking you would take advantage of his rank to be treated better.

he still treats you the same as everyone else, scolding you for messing up here and there. same workload too. he is not one for favoritism.

overall, i see levi as secretly soft, but also very reluctant to let that side show.

#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #snk x you #aot x reader #levi ackerman #attack on titan fanfiction

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schaefferisqueen · 4 years

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Firebringer Song Rankings

ok. so. how did I not realize how short all of the songs are wtf. its 17 songs in 40 min. what. anyways. YAY MEREDITH WROTE THESE WE LOVE HER. so. um. we love Firebringer here but im shit at watching things for a while like I cant tell you the last time I watched a movie at my house w/o going on my phone. its a problem. so I've only seen it once so I had to listen to the sound track b4 ranking it. anyways sorry for rant here is ranking.

17. We Are People Now (ok so this hurt cuz I honestly love all of the little songs in the show but... not everything can be first place rip. Molag’s single person kick line kills me no joke its so funny lol we love Molag)

16. Welcome to the Stone Age (ok lowkey love the choreography like u dont understand its so cool when everyone is onstage at the end of the song like amazing HOLY SHIT I JUST LOOKED IT UP DENISE CHOREOGRAPHED OMG TALENTED QUEEN WE STAN)

15. The Night Belongs to Us (ok so I kinda like this song but I feel like its trying to be a megamix but not working cuz its the act one closer and not act 2. idk oh well)

14. Together (ok so I love jemilla and zazz and Meredith and Lauren but.... I dont like this song? I also dont rlly like jazzilil as a relationship cuz it feels kinda forced? im prob gonna get hate for this oopsies.)

13. Ouch My Butt (ok so I think this song is hilarious cuz of how dumb they r. and when Lauren comes in and is like wHat tHe FucK?! like 100 times its amazing and the choreography is great too.)

12. Jemilla’s Lament (ok so CLARK at the end lol but like his 5 secs of onstage singing time in this song is gold and perfect in every way fight me I dare you. also zaZziLiLs gOt soOoOomEE nEeErVeeE)

11. Finale (lol I just realized that I started everything w/ OK SO oops haha. anyways I like this kinda cuz it is more of an accurate and better megamix than Night Belongs to Us so I think it fits more and its fun to hear everything together overlapping and I love)

10. Just a Taste (I LOVE joey and Rachel singing together omg so good we stan and their meeting is adorable I ship grunt and emberly so hard you have no idea)

9. Fire (ok this is the best opener fight me. this in my top 3 for opening numbers for StarKid istg its amazing Meredith on the bongos and everyone coming in w/ amazing choreography and the whole fire thing we love)

8. We Got Work to Do (ok so this was gonna be lower but then I realized that outside of meme factor this song is genuinely rlly good past the opening so it made top 10. and the dancing and jemillas confusion in the beginning is hilarious and the meta of that moment lol gets me every time)

7. Into the Night (GO OFF LAUREN I honestly think this is one of Lauren’s best songs omg Meredith knows how to WRITE for a soprano holy shit im so impressed also cursing out a storm is a MOOD we love the meme quality)

6. What If (Lauren and Denise kill me in this song especially when they go up that ladder and cuss out jemilla w/o actually cursing lol. Denise is so funny in this show and she CHOREOGRAPHED IT WTF)

5. Paint Me (ok I love this song no joke Rachel acting out different famous painting is so much fun once you realize what she's doing lol. also grunt continuously messing up the painting by forgetting the most obvious things is great lol)

4. Back Fire (ok I know a decent amount of ppl put this low on their list but I personally love it. I think its a hilarious call back to what if and the entire cast roasting Lauren kills me and their little things at the end and CHOOoooOOOooOOORNNNN and Lauren being so fed up w/ Jamie and legit no one else I DIE)

3. The Night Belongs to Snarl (omg I love this song. it showcases the ensemble rlly well and brolden kills it and so does Tiffany and jaime and Denise and everyone omg we love a great ensemble song holy shit its so good I wish they sang it at homecoming so bad ugh)

2. Chorn (again, a lot of ppl don't like this I know but JAMIE KILLS IT GO JAMIE BURNS QUEEN I think chorn being and alien is ridiculous but also funny and also kinda sorta makes sense and it is also the funniest thing that nick and Matt thought the ending was obvious wtf. also the dancing the rest of the ensemble does while being possessed kills me I cant JAIMES FACE LOL)

1. Climate Change (ok so this is pretty basic of me but HOLY SHIT SO GOOD def in top 5 for act 2 openers omg I cant the choreography is amazing once again GO DENISE and the whole thing w/ arms and the puns and the smug look on their faces talking abt climate change kills me almost as much as Jeff’s smugness in America is Great Again lol I love this)

goddammit why did I find this so hard can someone plz explain thx. once again anyone who makes it this far and reads my comments on the songs and shit is a god/dess we stan thx. also sry for taking so long oooopss

<3, alimay

DUCK IS LORDDDD

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ongfreestyle · 7 years

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Hair

[Warnings: It’s fluffy, which is new for me so excuse the mess. Also I’m a black girl and this is about hair, so I wrote this from experience. If you think you won’t be able to relate, and that bothers you, then you might wanna skip this. Also I only proofread this once sry.]

It was late at night and you were cooped up in your bathroom, practically choking on the smell of your own burnt hair. Yes, you hated doing your hair because it was thick, relatively long, and curly and sometimes matted, when wet. You preferred to let it hang out in it’s natural state for as long as possible, which was why you were in this situation now, locked away in your small bathroom, slowly, but surely, pressing out your hair.

If it were any other day, you would have let it hang out in all of its puffy glory for all to see, but tomorrow you had a job interview. Sure, you had a decent job, but your current boss was a bit of an asshole and a new job with higher pay wouldn’t hurt you. Hell, your man had a great job, but you were the more independent type, so you had to keep working not just for your money, but for your sanity as well.

This was the final interview with the boss of the company you planned to work at and you had to look presentable. While to you, thick, curly hair, styled right, looked great, so did the dreads you once had, but according to corporate standards, it was “ugly"and "unprofessional” and while you could rant about that for ages, you opted not to, but instead to fix yourself to your new bosses liking, which meant laying your edges down and getting your hair as flat as you could.

By now, your arms were aching and your scalp was protesting too. The iron was much too hot, but you knew this was the only way it would get done before 1am.

With a sigh, you began playing some gentle music to calm you as you continued to attack your hair with heat, grease, and some oil to keep thing under control.

The music helped you some, but you couldn’t deny the fact that you were down right miserable and would rather meet your new boss with your half-done hair than to finish it all.

Still, with achy feet from standing, you went on.

Things went smoothly from there, that is until you saw a spider, or what looked like a spider from the corner of your eye.

Immediately you dropped the flat iron on the counter and hopped backwards, hitting the wall, all to avoid the bug. After a sharp gasp you realized there was nothing to fear. In the end, it was just a tiny wad of your hair that had come out as you tried to comb through it earlier.

You were glad to know that it was only your hair, and not a spider bothering you, but now what was bothering you was your throat. With all the smoke you had inhaled from the fearful gasp, you had begun to cough like a madman.

It got louder and louder until you had to open the door to let in some fresh air and get some water, but your once sleeping boyfriend beat you to it. Hoseok, also known as Wonho, had opened the bathroom door and was looking at you through tired, squinted eyes.

“Babe…” He started when he saw you pathetically attempting to quiet your coughs. He signed and left the room then brought you some water.

“Sorry for waking you up.” You said half-heartedly because honestly it wasn’t fair that he got to rest well and you didn’t, considering this was your apartment. Sure, the whole point of him being here was so he that he could rest, because his band mates had gotten in to Overwatch and were being loud and obnoxious all night. It was fine at first, but after a week, Hoseok grew tired of the buzz and opted to sleep at your place.

“It’s fine.” He muttered as he took the glass of water from you and had a sip for himself. “But why are you up at this hour? Don’t you have an interview tomorrow morning?”

You pointed at your messy, half-done hair in annoyance.

“I have to do my hair.” You whined. “Do you?” “I do! And now I have to finish because it’s already halfway done!”

Hoseok sent a smile your way and shook his head. “Baby, you look fine with your wavy hair.”

“Of course you’d say that, I’m letting you sleep here.” “No. I mean it. Being up this late to look cute for tomorrow is-” “Extra. I know, but I can’t lose a job just because I look ‘bad’. People judge books by their covers, Hoseok.”

“Don’t I know it. All my fans think I’m a sex God.” He said with a sly smirk.

“Speaking from experience, you are a sex God, but that’s besides the point. I need to finish this. I’m nearly done.” You said as you grabbed your tools again and got back to work. You left the door open and Hoseok watched you from bed once he got there and you felt weird about it. He was staring so intently you almost wanted to shut the door so he couldn’t gaze at you anymore. This was the only down side to having him in your master bedroom. Him looking at you like you were something to explore, it almost made you nervous, but at the same time, you felt loved and like he would never grow tired of you.

After you had almost one third of your hair done, your arms were tired again and your scalp and feet were begging for a break. You weren’t willing to stop now, but Hoseok was willing to stop you.

He came over to the bathroom and looked at you as you finished up another section of hair.

“What?” “Let me.” “Huh?” “Let me finish it for you. I’ll bring you a chair and everything.” He said louder.

“Boy, you can’t-” “I can. And I will. If you let me. I’ve been watching you for a while now, I think I get it. Let me give you a break.”

You sighed and that’s how he knew he won, so he left to get a chair for you to sit in while he did the rest of your hair.

You were extremely sceptical and one hundred percent sure that you would have to micro manage him, as he began, you could tell that he had really be paying attention to the tedious steps you did to each chunk of hair. He was careful and slow and much more thorough than you expected.

Piece by piece, combing out the small sections and crushing them between two plates of heat as softly as he could. You had to admit, this wasn’t that bad, and even if his sections weren’t as flat as yours, you’d make it work in the morning. Call it volume or something.

“Am I hurting you?” He asked “No. This has never been so painless, as a matter of fact.” You replied, eyes closed as you relaxed and let him do whatever, your mind and body were tired from a long day and you were more than ready to submit, not just to life or sleep, but to Hoseok too. You were putting your hair in his hands and you trusted him, probably with more than just your hair.

After a few moments, he saw you dozing.

“Are you sleeping?” “Mmhmm.” “Why?” He wondered how anyone could sleep with a hot flat iron to their head. “I don’t know. I think it’s because I trust you.”

Hoseok probably didn’t get what you meant by that, but he took it in stride as he finished you hair.

You on the other hand knew what this meant to you. It was just hair, but it was your hair and it meant a lot to you and you took very good care of it and you hardly let anyone touch it, but here you were, nearly asleep as Hoseok combed through it and styled it. It was little things like this that made you realize how much you really loved Hoseok. How much you trusted him with your mind and body. It was a beautiful thing, really.

In your daze, Hoseok announced that he was done and that he would just carry you to try bed, since you were being mostly unresponsive at the moment. You complied and let him carry you to the unmade bed. When he set you down you opened your eyes and looked into his own deep brown irises. With a smile you confessed your love to him suddenly and he shook it off with a quiet giggle.

“You’re just saying that now.” He replied as he made his way to the bathroom to turn the light off and unplug the flat iron.

“Yeah, I’m saying it now and forever. I love you.”

He smiled so big when you said that.

“Then, I love you too.”

You waited until he cuddled next to you to kiss him gently and tell him goodnight. After, you two feel asleep thinking about things just as sweet as your love.

{A/N: late nights doing my hair…this happens a lot tbh and I wish I had a cutie pie like Hoseok to do it for me 😭 so that’s where this mess came from. Thanks for reading.}

#k00kied0practices #k00kied0writes #monsta x #wonho #hoseok #wonho fluff #love your hair #love yourself #❤️❤️❤️#i feel so cheesy lol #k00kied0practices because k00kied0 needs work

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peekiesblog · 6 years

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Happy New Year 2018—A Love Letter to 2017, With Love <3

“The Worst and Best Year of My Life”

This is just a normal reflection/rant about Year 2017--it’s not at all bad towards anything or anybody so relax. Also doing this yearly is very therapeutic.

Warning: If you don’t want to hear other opinions about 2017 then stop reading. Have a nice day and Happy New Year. ;D

Another warning: This is a general observation. We’re not shading anyone. If you think so then that’s all on you. ;)

PS: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. CREDITS TO OWNERS.

Last warning: I will be tackling VERY sensitive subjects so if you can’t handle those then stop reading because it’s very sensitive. Also I am not in a dark place—this is just how I think back on 2017. :)

My now annual year-end annoying rant about how the year was; take note this is just ‘our’ viewpoint not the general public. As a little crab in a big ocean of anything but shy—I’ll be “honest”(Waste. People see what they want to see.) and even have a say on sensitive trends this year. Bear in mind that I have Shane Dawson’s voice in my head while writing this. HashtagNotSpons.

Coming into 2017—we’ve been more open to the idea of having depression and anxiety,adhd and even ocd and there’s nothing wrong with that. It is coincidental that it’s becoming a “trend” or news started to shed light about mental illnesses at the beginning of the year. I shouldn’t even call myself as someone with “depression” because I definitely did had a very dark phase somewhere in the summer but when life started to kick-in again—I didn’t wake-up feeling sad for no apparent reason, or just feeling useless and numb every morning(was that depression? I don’t really know). But since it has finally been talked about—believe me even I shrugged away the ‘mental illnesses’ articles I used to scroll down to just because I’ve never been in a phase similar to what that felt like or just not open to admitting I have. People talk about depression A LOT and they don’t even know a single ounce of what it is—it is ignorance of just BS but that’s alright I guess? At least it is being talked about with the “Keep Going” movement or all the support and all that.

Also to the hoes(again Shane’s voice talking) who thinks it’s ‘easy’ to turn-off depression just like that? Then why wouldn’t they have done that? You think musicians or comedians wanted to have depression all their lives?—nope.

I never wanted to make an essay about this because issues like this is deemed taboo and society here doesn’t really take it seriously and they look at you differently like you’re not “normal”(What really is normal?). So people who are suffering from depression, or anxiety, adhd, ocd or any other mental issues; I want you to know that it’s okay to be different, yes it’s hard and makes life more challenging and all that but you all don’t owe society anything other than kindness. You don’t owe them to turn-off your depression just cuz they want you to. And let’s be real—I’m quiet, shy, and very weird(sry just me) so bullying has definitely happened to me; yes embarrassed to admit that when I was younger but 2017 has been very eye-opening. So bullying is a norm—it happens everywhere at any time. I personally don’t think ’13 Reasons Why’(I haven’t watched it sry) as impactful as it is won’t fully make bullying disappear or anything in protest of bullying would but at least it is being talked about and acknowledged and you only hope for the best. I brought-up bullying because as much as how I was bullied growing-up—I NEVER(take note) thought of suicide because as much as how I was that kid who kind of hated life and felt no self-love AT ALL…I always deep down loved my life and wanted to succeed and build something with myself and maybe change the world someday. But I DO understand people who are so stuck in a dark phase that they can’t get-out of and feel the only answer is suicide—it’s not that hard to imagine why they would ultimately come to that conclusion. And I understand people who say that people who commit suicide are ‘selfish’ because they are leaving behind people who love them and a world for them but also I understand why they would snap(It’s a cruel world out there). This isn’t a letter to people who are in a dark place because this would be a HORRIBLE letter to them but just an observation of how majority of society sees things that are happening. But I do want people in a dark place right now to know that as cheesy as it sounds—It really does get better. Believe me it does. I’m rooting for you all and you’re all loved. :)

Now let’s talk about Hollywood—I’m just a dumb 20 year old girl and have no say in the world in any matter but THIS year it was a lot to take-in. The continued Hollywood name-drops and MeToo movement was so overwhelming as the second-half of 2017 tackles more suppression and hurt. I’m just very fascinated by Hollywood—and no I’m not talking about the TV shows or Movies but the actual Hollywood that’s had so many conspiracy theories and all that sheyt(I am slowly becoming more open to this fascination bcuz Shane Dawson is Kween). They always say sex and money go together and I did always visualized Hollywood as a kinda gross place because it is all rooted in power. Now tbh I never knew who HW was before all this sheyt but hoe I surely know him now—and this flood-gated to all these name-drops every-single day and we’re all SHOOKT(well some aren’t) but either ways it had to take someone to speak-out to FINALLY have this issue talked about which is apparently just a normal thing. Now sexual harassment; I don’t know why I’m talking about this and I definitely don’t know how those people feel…just to be clear. But you can’t talk about 2017 without talking about this—and honestly how can you NOT talk about it? I’ve read few articles and all but not the full details so I’m still blurred with all of it but I will say that my biased self was VERY affected by the ‘Kevin Spacey’ one because let me tell you that “American Beauty” is and still is my most beloved movie of my whole existence. Funny story when I was young we bought a local disc filled with random movies—now we thought we clicked on “American Pie”(don’t judge me with your Fifty Shades of Grey minds) but we ended-up sitting there watching “American Beauty” on a random rainy afternoon and I was dumb and I didn’t care about films back then but THAT exact day changed the way we see everything—it was the day I fell in love with filmmaking and ultimately my TV Show obsession started(How can you judge me but not the kdrama ppl? I never judge them?). I love films(GREAT ones) and TV shows that makes you fall in love to the point of binging the whole series in about a few days. It’s this passion for this art that makes us forget about our anxiety and serves as an escape from reality for a while. But going back to the Kevin Spacey allegations—I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting a little bit but he did handled it poorly and as an actor I still honestly do love him…as a human being maybe not so much anymore but oh wells. And I recently just watched Dustin Hoffman being grilled by John Oliver and it was amazing—this issue makes me so conflicted on SO MANY aspects. I understand that most of them happened decades ago but I also understand how these women/or men feel when those they alleged doesn’t acknowledge it happened—I get the anger and frustration and need to feel empowered. Also the “people who knew”—this one conflicts me the most. Now I won’t say that saying something is big act of bravery but I will say that not saying anything is a great act of cowardice. I don’t think that shunning them away from the rest of the world is the way to go though and also as much as how most of them are men—I do not at all support hate on men in general. Because they can be a bunch of sexist hoes but there are good men out there. This issue makes me overthink so many aspects of every situation and that’s why this is all over the place because there’s too much to say really. So I’ll just say that I live very far away from Hollywood but this break in silence and movement has personally made me love myself a little bit more. I don’t know what the connection of this to my journey of self-love but for some unearthly reason—we ended-up loving our self by the end of 2017. I love them, I’m happy for them and I support them. I never think we’ll fully achieve that “perfect” society; it’s impossible but we are moving forward and that’s what’s important. Hollywood should clean up a bit for a while. I truly believe this shifted society and made people think—so Keep Moving Forward Kweens. <3

*Also “Ally McBeal” would have had one hell of a ‘MeToo” episode but then I realized they already did. (Season 2, Episode 12 “Love Unlimited”. YOU’RE WELCOME).

Also I forgot to mention they still have an orange for President. Very consistent BS literally every single day on my timeline—Yea…orange should be imPEACH(get it? LOL I’ll stop).

And not to mention that I’m very late on this fandom but watching Youtubers this year definitely change my life. Too many on the list to name but honestly I’m very thankful I randomly clicked on one video one day and opened-up a whole world for me. :D <3

I wanted to tackle so many things but I just realized that it would take A LOT of time to even process everything that has happened this year. I wanted to tackle every episode of Black Mirror S4 and how much it’s connected to reality but that would take-up a whole book so nope. I believe that Charlie Brooker said that 2016 was like a long episode of Black Mirror but 2017 definitely takes that title now. I will say that people online are .0000000001% of who they truly are. Human beings is a very complex species that would take a lifetime to decipher. That’s all.

As I write this I didn’t realize how long-a*s it was gonna be but then again A LOT happened in 2017—honestly the worst and best year of my life. It started off very dark and feeling lost and useless but slowly believe me it got better—for someone like me who always wanted everyone to like me even though honestly they could give a rat’s a*s about you…well young dumb me realized to f*ck that and give myself self-love finally after 20 years. I still overthink some things and I have gotten into public breakdown this year—NEVER thought that would ever happen but hear me out; a man who you don’t even know being a sexist chauvinistic waste of a person exposing all his power and D*ckhood everytime you come by DESERVES a little shouting back in his life. Dear man, I don’t hate you but you did need a little ultimatum even once in your life—I wanted to grow from that and I wish you will too. Anyways ultimately the biggest learning from this year is growth, development and self-love(this feels amazing I promise you). I still got flaws and I will always have flaws—I have failed so many times in my life and a biggest lie is to say I won’t fail again but you do good and you be better in the process. Don’t be afraid to be imperfect. I also want to thank my patient family for putting-up with me—they are everything to me plus our dog makes me instantly happy to be alive.

I’m very preachy but last message to humanity—continue to evolve where people don’t have to “come-out” anymore because it’s 2017(or 2018?) it shouldn’t be an issue anymore right? Plus people from the LGBTQ+ are like any one of us—and if your argument is because you’re “Catholic” then your reason is invalid and ignorance. The color of your pigment shouldn’t matter. Having no make-up shouldn’t matter. Being a plus size shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. Being different is beautiful. And having a different outlook on life shouldn’t be deemed indifferent. LoveWins. Always.

And with…thank you 2017. Cheers 2018! <3

Happy New Year y’all!!!

My quote every New Year’s Eve:

“If you think back, and replay your year - if it doesn’t bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.”–by Biscuit <3

And Don’t You Forget. That Life is Beautiful.

*inserts VERY random things that makes me happy and think Life is Beautiful*