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pretty-bon-es · a day ago
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I wish I wrote the way I thought; Obsessively, Incessantly, With maddening hunger. I’d write to the point of suffocation. I’d write myself into nervous breakdowns, Manuscripts spiraling out like tentacules into abysmal nothing. And I’d write about you a lot more than I should.
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cyberbreadphilosopher · 3 days ago
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I waited for the sun to rise red
In his eyes.
And I waited for a death cold gaze.
His warmth never died in words;
Not in all these years.
Am i wrong to pray for his prolonged stay?
M. Anjum
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elkatheinkstained · 3 days ago
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Taxonomy
It is fitting that your name means right hand
Because when I think of you
I remember myself a marionette, balanced on your lap
Your fingers on my arms and legs
Thumb resting on my swollen, bitten tongue
Sit like this, girl
It makes it easier to get up your skirt
Walk like this, girl
You can’t get that far with a limp
Speak this way, girl
We don’t have to talk about this
Become my body, let me work through you
With my right hand I take what I wanted from you
And with my left I held you still
Why are you still fighting this
When I was a child I was ambidextrous
But as I grew older it was easier to abandon the use of my left
The world was not made for half it’s hands
When I was a child, no one said the word rape
It was something that happened to people on TV
But still I was taught
Talk like this, child
So no one can mistake your words and take them from you
Walk like this, child
Keys between your knuckles like Wolverine
Pace brisk and eyes up
Dress like this girl
So that no one can mistake your clothing for anything other than fabric
As I grew older I realized
The world was not made for half it’s people
It was not made for one in five people.
Why are you still fighting this.
When I write about you I refuse to call you by name
I separate you into component parts
Abuser when I talk to my therapist
Illiterate fucktrumpet when I talk to my partner
R for when I talk about how it felt to be controlled from the inside out
I never call you by your name to protect your privacy
Why do I still care about your fucking privacy
Why are you nameless when I talk to myself?
Why do I still care about your privacy
Why am I still fighting this.
We don’t have to talk about this.
We don’t have to call this by it’s name.
I started this poem taking about what your name means so I don’t have to say it.
But I feel your hand on my neck when I breathe
I feel you inside me like a puppeteer
It wasn’t until I called this by it’s name that I started to pull you out
Finger by finger
Why are you still fighting this
Loosen your grip
Talk like you’re sorry
Act like a human
We don’t have to talk about this
All you ever had to do was let go of the strings
And I don’t care about your privacy anymore
If you didn’t want me to write about you
You shouldn’t have forced your way into the story
Don’t ask me why I’m still fighting this
I hate you.
Can we call this by it’s name, now?
Why are you still fighting this?
Why can’t you accept that this world should never have been made for you
With this swollen, bitten tongue
I call you
What you are
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definetears · 3 days ago
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3/31/21
I felt so lonely this morning like I had no mother and all my friends had left. Then she texted me. Why must the only thing I can’t say no to text me while I am in the most melancholy mood? How can she still drain me of all I have to give and still come back? Still, the mouthers milk will never be enough for a greedy baby. why must you always make me the fool, you sick cruel girl? I want to bury you under the ivory pillars of my temple, I don't want to remember you or what I lost what you took away from me. I lost myself to you, I had to go back to my own mirror to swallow the broken shards and rearrange them in my guts, I had to find the painful parts of me to replace the softness you stole. The beauty that still lingers is jaded and bitter and the painful shards of reflection will never dull. I am broken and I don't know how to put myself back together. I don't think I can, I’m not sure if I ever will.
-S
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sixsixtysixinkblots · 4 days ago
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Fuck this shit! I don't care about large events beyond my control involving people I cannot judge because all that is handed to me are a bunch of rehearsed words, because all information that is finally reaching me has been manufactured and or sterilized and or coloured and or added to and or subtracted from and or distilled and or interpolated. Nobody who claims to know can actually know. I have seen something with my own eyes and then have almost dismissed my own senses from the colouring of my experience from another's POV. This is how gaslighting is possible. This affects me the most when ten people who "know" tell me about the same thing in their own way with their own "facts" each claiming that all the others are idiots and liars and demand that I be vocal about it. NO! How do you make an educated, intelligent guess based on ever changing facts? What is a fact even? How is documentation done? How should I trust this process? It makes me feel very helpless, desperate and then i just want to shut out that world about which I hear and I cannot sense myself. DamN! The earth is flat and everything is american propaganda!
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sixsixtysixinkblots · 4 days ago
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When will this pitiful ordeal end???... These small uninteresting video snippets chosen over a good book to avoid getting involved between long hours of drudgery, those two minutes of break spent stalking some person I used to know, doing some shit i don't care about, having lives I don't envy or do or whatever on some social media platform, that perpetual anxiety and condescension from family(THAT HAPPENED BY CHANCE.. THE NEXT YOU WILL DEFINITELY FAIL) ..when when when?????? I just want some peace.. a basic job for the money and time for myself.. just to be with myself and do things I love.. read and draw and draw and draw and draw my story... Draw everything in my head into a neat, piled book that I do not care if anybody ever reads and then write more and more and more until I die and live for fucks sake. Just shutting out the rest of the world for good... I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.. my life is an endless ordeal.. living is a chore..every morning, another day of punishment.. i promise to myself that when I finally get a job, any goddamned employment just about any goddamn place, I shall never again utter a single word which is not related to my work or spoken to my father and mother, to ANYONE again, i will NEVER look at the news, listen to music or watch a video again... I shall do my work and spend the rest of every breathing moment just doing my shit and sleeping. I shall very nearly starve myself until the first book is complete.. that is it!!!
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cyberbreadphilosopher · 5 days ago
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She had been waiting to subtly say something nice to him.
Naturally, It all came out wrong.
She scratched at her own wounds
Heard screechings of her own heart.
It began with letters
That turned into words
What started off with smirks
Had turned to Love.
One morning
Woke up
A maladorous mistress
Dressed up in agony,
Distressed as she left.
Her letters reeked of him
And never knew of another.
Abandoning Love, brought her no good
Except for two hearts to wither.
Of days and night and twilights unlived,
She sent him words on parchments wraped in prayers.
For words could have scattered off the letters unloved,
But prayers were to never shatter unheard.
Letters; little rememberances of hearts that thumped love.
Prayers; reassertion of the Love that she never got over with.
M.Anjum
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sixsixtysixinkblots · 5 days ago
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Somehow today, when I remember that old college where I made my first best friends, where I created my first true anger, which made me and ruined me; I just know that the place is a congealing mass of dead dump. It hurts like the passing of a bittersweet moment and it hurts that when I look back, I shall never see it again, it hurts that I cannot push back and fight everything but I know that those that were meant to fight only fought at photographic moments because of the popularity incentive. There was really no true soul to begin with and no true soul left and the ramparts of a building without a soul cannot hold. Adios Presidency! You too now live in a well captured moment.
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differenttyrantbird · 8 days ago
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I grew from a clump of tissue in womb, to a person that can live in this cruel world;
I grew from being a nagging baby, to a person that has enough strength to speak up with independence;
I grew from being a listener to others' opinions- too young to have my own, to a person with their own thoughts and intelligence;
I grew from being carried everywhere, to having enough balance to walking my own path;
I grew from having my eyes covered during a kissing scene, to having the choice to see the world with all the beauty and the ash;
I grew from being scared from loud noise, to craving it so I can quiet down my demons;
I grew from crying when I trip, to getting back up and burning life's eyes with lemons;
I grew from struggling to put letters together in order to form a word, into reading stories of thousand lifetimes formed with millions of words;
I grew from having my imaginary friends the only thing occupying my mind, to thinking about hundreds of possible worlds;
we all did;
We also grew from the one fear of being dropped, into having uncountable other terrors;
We grew loving ourselves hopelessly, into searching within ourselves for another hundred errors;
We grew from being our cheeky selves, into having red eyes and messed up brains;
We grew up from worrying about convincing our parents to go to the carnival tomorrow, into worrying about things we won't experience until we use canes;
Yet, I can't say I regret growing up;
I'll enjoy thinking for me;
I'll enjoy crying with my friends;
Making the best memories in the process;
I'll enjoy being able whenever I want- to flee;
I'll enjoy having my curfew as the cheers die down;
I'll enjoy doing whatever I want, even if it means moving to a new town;
I'll enjoy living every part of my life
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fairieshavenomuscles · 8 days ago
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and when my friends take to calling me an idiot for having been head over heels for you, i tell them don't worry, i can take to doing that on my own.
L.M
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thericecakerabbit · 8 days ago
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Since meeting you, I have met hundreds of different versions of my shadow self. Since meeting you, I have learned to accept certain darknesses within me. Maybe, I have even grown to see a beauty in it.
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neilsvodkatonic · 9 days ago
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Somewhere else
Twinkle twinkle little star
Shining so far away from me
Are you little at all I wonder
Or am I too tiny for you to see?
You shine there in the mid night sky
With millions of others just like you
Earth is too small I realise now
Some piece of rock where life just grew
Man came from a monkey you know
I wonder if anyone told you this
You fill the entire mighty universe
Do humans even matter to your bliss?
But mighty as the universe may be
It just grows ever mightier still
One thing I dont under stand though
What exactly is this space you fill?
We study you so much all our life
But maybe it's your answers we need
If more galaxies exist around us
Are there other species that breed?
The mysteries you hide keep me awake
I wonder if theres more to life than seen
If the universe is so much bigger than this
Is there somewhere else I should be?
Tumblr media
Just some ramblings about the universe
And I felt like turning it into verse
Reblog and follow if you like my work 🤗
Fact: the observable universe (the farthest visiblr star) is 46 billion light years in radius. But the universe is only 13 billion years old.
The universe is a fucking wonderful mystery 💫
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ridiculousremy · 9 days ago
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I’m just... tired. Tired of being the last option, of being the pity option, of not even being an option. For a whole year I started to reconnect with myself and suddenly I am lost again. A year ago, I would write about how much I wanted my life to change, a year has passed and after a lot of time accepting myself I lost all that confidence I had gained. Today, I notice that people don’t look for me in crowds and frankly don’t want to speak to me. Today, I sit alone because it’s better to believe I chose to be alone than to accept the horrible fact that no one wants my company. Today, I cry to sleep because it easier that saying what I really want to say, it’s easier than saying that I’m hurt. That my perfect life has not been perfect for over 3 years.
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lambiedoll · 10 days ago
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her soul the color of fallen pale pink rose petal with scent of freshly cut flowers, she only speaks to those who dare to listen
dreaming on cherry blossom tree, swinging her feet with lace frilly socks back and forth 
dreaming away from reality into her fantasy world where she can be anyone she wants to be, twirling with red cheeks and long braided hair.
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flammaelunae · 11 days ago
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I was born in silicon valley
(good luck figuring out what that means,
just another line that came to me
when I was high on anxiety
and low on sleep) -
a place where I learned
from that space in my head
to be a person less
than a microchip;
throw me into the sea
so a lost whale can get me between it's teeth,
and spit me out into the sand.
I've been meaning to write something for a while;
I just didn't know how, and I didn't know why:
(Time came now, I suppose,
words come and fade with growth,
it's just funny how sometimes
everything seems to fit,
seems to mold together.)
The most fucked up cities have the prettiest buildings,
there's a liar in the court room and he's telling jokes;
I've been meaning to realize for quite a while now
that in some cases hell is not much more
than a self-made place fueled
by nostalgia, fear and guilt -
I could relive this moment,
over and over, on constant repeat.
I've been meaning to find this for a while now,
black lipstick on a strawberry -
a random promise, the weirdest omen
to look at the world every singular moment,
and to think it'll be alright.
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flammaelunae · 11 days ago
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Where's the point of realization without something made
from vague thoughts and less vague epiphanies;
emotions give answers every single time,
and I go insane 'cause I cannot hold them.
Court room confusion, or mayhaps rather
court room madness, burning books
and flyers turned to ashes -
I'm ready for the next confession:
I'm not so very sure if I ever
will have had enough salt in wounds
for myself to heal completely.
It sometimes seems endless, you know?
Like grains of sand in the desert.
I've spotted at the other side of the city
(you all know which one, the one I rarely visit)
the familar cement, I wasn't aware
it was still imported; I wasn't aware
how afraid of the sea
all the citizens
must secretely be.
Your honor, don't laugh! -
I'm not begging but please,
I know, it's me, you're me, just me
in the corner of the court room
crying into a pillow.
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whizbitch · 11 days ago
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take me back, to the night we first met
“don’t go” my friends begged
meeting a stranger at 10pm
it was foolish, i know
i was only 18, what did i know
i thought i knew everything
but you’ve taught me so much
*
4 years later and you’re asleep next to me
i have no regrets but if i could go back
i’d tell you that it’s worth it
and that we were going to be okay
even if that night, everything seemed dark
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whizbitch · 11 days ago
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the last leaf to fall
i felt myself becoming weary, my brothers and sisters already took the leap, but i? i wasn’t ready. i was trying to hold on with every fibre of my being. “i will not fall” on repeat in my head. i looked around and saw my home. to everyone else, i know it’s just a tree, a single tree out of millions, billions perhaps. but for me? it was my solace, my entire reason for existing, what comes next after my purpose has reached an end? falling sounded so daunting, though i knew billions had fallen before me and i wouldn’t be able to hold on for much longer. my home was looking so bare, everyone had vacated, moved on with their lives and our tree was still thriving so why couldn’t i let go? as i ponded on my feelings i relaxed and forgot my deathly tight grip. i let go. i was falling. as i fell however, i was not engulfed with the paralysing fear that i was expecting but instead i was filled with a new life, my home whispering to me as i drifted closer to the ground that my life wasn’t over it was just evolving, changing with the seasons and i realised that i had finally found peace. everything was going to be okay, we had gone as far as we could together. it was not a sad thing. we were parting as best friends and when the next spring comes i will be ready to reunite but for now? it is time to rest
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sixsixtysixinkblots · 12 days ago
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And the precious people who compared you to others(especially other family who proved to be better at existence) all your life in every possible aspect, highlighted your physical shortcomings, your "abnormalities" your incapabilities, used glitter to celebrate your failures for your benefit suddenly shock you with- marriage is a compromise. Wow! Really! What does that look like?. I have given up everything have I not? My dreams, ambitions, reasons to live etc. What else is left to compromise even? I don't expect more than "please don't burn me, throw acid on my face or break my bones for dowry or kill my girl fetuses". I am incredibly experienced at everything else from being cheated on and humiliated, wanton sex, unbelievable selfishness, being told what to wear and do, judgment and dehumanizing objectification. I am also very accomplished at taking punishment, malignant narcissists, gaslighters, mansplainers, condescenders, patronisers, I don't even know what to call those science grads who think we read storybooks and talk about our feelings in the humanities classrooms and much more. I am very excited to find out what other surprises life has in store for me when I am not making the decision. Oh wait! I'm sorry! I apologize for my monroe piercings which stand for bad character, for not being as organized, for not having a bigger paycheck, for potentially being awlokkhi and a manipulative bitch that turns good boys against their mothers. I am so fucking thankful that you are accepting me despite me being damaged goods and just about no match for your overachiever gem of a son and I will spend the rest of my life repenting my shortcomings and mistakes and glorifying the Gods of forgiveness and acceptance that you and your mother are. I will regularly pray to your family and kiss your feet and your mother's feet and your father's feet and your extended family's feet. Sorry shashuri ma, amar maayer pawr, apni leader. I thank you for feeding and criticizing me for 27 years and leading me to this whole new world of novel impersonal criticism. It must have been tough with me straying anywhere and everywhere to live out unreal fantasies of happiness. I am ready for compromise now.
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ridiculousremy · 12 days ago
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Is it normal to not want the big wedding and having a long engagement? I mean as soon as that ring is on my finger we are going to the courthouse... is it just me ?
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