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kxizoku-ou · 3 days

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CP9 Cat Headcanons

This is... a very silly post. XD After seeing a similar concept on Pixiv (images 10–12 in this log) and critiquing the breed choices it used, I wound up writing my own take on it.

These are written with actual cats in mind (not my usual Hybrid Au), and the breed choices are just for fun— as in, largely chosen based on looks/vibes, not anything too serious. I was definitely channeling that early 2000s "characters are cats for some reason now" mini-genre, so these are pure fluff/comedy, for once... >3>

. . .

Lucci

(Bengal)

Serial toy murderer. Violently destroys any and every toy you give him within a matter of hours, days at MOST.

Some of the things he’s done to his toys probably qualify as war crimes tbh. Likes to drown the catnip mice in his water dish. Also enjoys tearing things into ragged chunks/”gutting” the stuffing.

Sometimes you wake up to him on your chest with a present.

(A chunk of mutilated cat toy. He drops it onto your face.)

The most athletic cat you’ll ever know. There is no surface in your house he can’t reach SOMEHOW. Also can and will learn how to open doors, drawers, etc, and will use this unfortunate skill to get into everything if he’s bored.

Affectionate, but only on his terms. You don’t decide when you’re allowed to pet him; when the mood strikes, he’ll interrupt whatever you’re doing and forcefully put his body in your lap.

You’re not allowed to move until he decides you’re done. :)

Has a surprisingly cute kneading habit. He’ll go Baby Mode and make biscuits for hours. Sucks on certain blankets too.

Kaku

(Devon Rex)

ZOOMIES TO THE MAX.

Seemingly never sits still. Will run from one end of your house to the other at all hours of the day. At night, you’re regularly woken up by the distinct rapid thumping of galloping kitty paws.

Likes high places and unexpected perching spots. This includes your shoulder— and he can make the jump on his own!

Playful, but not prone to destroying his toys. Prefers batting hard objects down a flight of stairs to tearing the plush ones open.

Too brave (and curious) for his own good. Lacks any sense of danger when it comes to investigating something that’s caught his interest.

This includes slipping through the front door.

Not super cuddly, but likes being near you/keeping an eye on what you’re doing.

Has a squeaky “old man” meow. WEH!

Jabra

(Egyptian Mau)

Wild, playful, curious, and so very destructive. If he’s not kept entertained, your property will suffer for it.

Requires FREQUENT play and attention, but fortunately, he’s not too hard to please. Throwing a squishy ball for “fetch” can keep him occupied for hours.

The asshole cat who will make direct eye contact with you before (very deliberately) knocking something off a shelf, then sit there smugly while you try to scold him.

Very talkative! When he wants your attention, he YELLS, and seeing wildlife outside always brings out that excited, bloodthirsty chitter.

Taking him to the vet is an ordeal, for everyone involved...

Doesn’t mind being pet and handled. Pesters you for affection regularly, but gets bitey when he’s had enough. :/

Highly territorial. Will not tolerate other cats/animals near him.

Kalifa

(Turkish Angora)

Truly the embodiment of the “disdainful gorgeous fancy cat” trope.

Her fur is incredible, due largely in part to near-constant grooming. Do NOT interrupt her washing.

She’ll wash your fingers too if she’s feeling affectionate. Mlem mlem mlemmmm...

Likes to be involved in what you’re doing. The kind of cat to walk across your keyboard or loaf-sit on top of stray paperwork, seemingly oblivious to how badly she’s getting in the way.

At least your “adorable secretary” makes for good moral support!

Not overly playful, but she can be a DEADLY hunter when the mood strikes— fast, agile, and with amazing reflexes no matter what kind of toy you put in front of her.

Weirdly fickle about when you’re allowed to touch her. Will glare, hiss, and swat at fingers if you test those boundaries.

Blueno

(Norwegian Forest Cat)

The most quiet, low-maintenance, independent cat imaginable. You nearly forget he exists, sometimes.

Not much of a meower, but has a deep, calming, rumbly purr.

Content to curl up on a chair or in a corner and let you go about your day! He’ll alternate between napping and silently staring in your general direction; the eye contact is a sign of affection. <3

Won’t seek out attention on his own, but also won’t fight it if you pick him up and carry him around like a plushie.

...he stays limp and docile no matter what you do to him, actually.

Needs regular brushing, or his fur starts to matt. It’s pretty much the only “extra attention” he’ll require, though, and he’s (fortunately) cooperative about it.

Learned how to open doors at some point. You don’t know how he managed that.

Fukurou

(Persian)

R O U N D (and it’s not just fluff)

Despite being shaped like a furry bowling ball, he’s quite playful, and way more agile/fast-moving than you’d expect.

...that energy is much less cute when his full weight lands on your abdomen in the middle of the night, however.

VERY affectionate. Will take any opportunity to lay his chin on your palm, headbutt your shoulder/wrists, put his paws on your chest so he can try to lovingly lick your face, etc— purring all the while!

Chatty cat!! Chirps and squeaks at you non-stop; if you “respond” to him, it turns into a back-and-forth conversation with his mrrep-ing.

Fond of high places, like bookshelves and tall dressers.

It’s unclear how such a heavy cat manages to get up onto them, but he usually ends up yowling for help when he can’t get back down.

Kumadori

(British Longhair)

A huge, massively fluffy mini-lion of a cat, with that “polite little gentleman” face common in his breed.

Sheds. Sheds SO MUCH. All of your clothes are covered in his fur, no matter how hard you try to keep him thoroughly brushed.

You cannot escape the fluff.

YOWLS. The loudest, most determined drama queen when he wants something. Acts like he’s dying if his food bowl is empty for more than half an hour, non-stop howling included.

Extremely cuddly; wants as much attention from you as you’ll give, and will flop his entire body into your lap to get it.

Fond of jingly toys! The louder and more annoying the bell, the better.

If you ever have to give him medicine (be it a pill or liquid), he’s utterly betrayed. Gives you the huge, sad, miserable scared-kitty eyes for the rest of the evening, and won’t let you touch him.

(He’s over it by morning, and back to purring in your arms. Baby.)

Spandam

(Siamese)

The ugliest purebred imaginable, and his personality isn’t better. <3

Health issues. Skin/coat problems, numerous food sensitivities, arthritis, frequent UTIs, and a crooked tail from a past injury.

King of separation anxiety. If he can’t find you, he’s HOWLING, then finding a corner to cower in until his protector is back.

Truly the embodiment of the phrase “scardey cat”. Terrified of everything from the vacuum to rustling plastic bags. Huddles under the couch, trembling pathetically, after every little scare.

...it is kind of cute when he runs to you to “save” him, however.

This clumsy dumbass WILL get himself hurt (in incredibly stupid ways) if you don’t keep an eye on him. Utterly oblivious to real danger.

His distressed yowling is awful, and the attention-demanding yells aren’t much better. The classic So So Whiney Baby Siamese!

NEEDS to be the only cat in the household— he’s violently territorial, but guaranteed to end up the other cat’s punching bag once he’s pissed them off enough.

#One Piece #CP9 #CP0 #Lucci #Rob Lucci #Kaku #Jabra #Kalifa #Blueno #Fukurou #Kumadori #Spandam #Headcanon #Reader

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rollinouttahere-writes · 5 months

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You Know I feel like Rob Lucci snatched up Lizard in Water 7 by simply waiting for her to be alone and then taking her. Like before Robin boarded the train but after the reveal (that they were apart of CP9)

Like here's the thing she's not officially apart of the Straw hats (at the time) she's still considered to be apart of Baroque Works by proxy of her being the daughter of Crocodile. And so when Robin tries to argue for Lizard's freedom. Rob Lucci simply says "You said that the Strawhats were to be left alone. You never said anything about Crocodile's daughter. By the way until they reach Enies Lobby he only calls Lizard Crocodile's daughter after the reveal or little girl before the reveal. He doesn't refer to her as Lizard until she gets his respect when she throws her restrained self at Sandam and has to be physically dragged away from Spam face kicking and screaming demanding Spam's skull to beat him to death with his skull. Then he calls her Lizard and starts to become a platonic yandere for her and offers to pay for plastic surgery for her, so she can start fresh. Rob Lucci views Lizard as His cub that he must raise, nurture and mold into becoming the ideal assassin because as you said Lizard is cute which means that people won't see it coming

I got inspired and decided to write out the moment where Lucci officially becomes attached to her

Warning for acts of violence and a lot of blood mention. Also Spandam is here which is a warning in and of itself.

Lucci could not wait for Spandam to stop talking and dismiss them so he could leave and be doing literally anything else. Unfortunately, Spandam loved the sound of his own voice too much to ever be brief with his speeches, especially when he feels like he’s “accomplished” something. Not that he had any hand in the apprehending of the three individuals brought to Enies Lobby today.

Cutty Flam, or Franky as he called himself, had given them the most trouble, but even that was minimal. Nico Robin was easily coerced into cooperation with her newfound weakness with the Straw Hat Pirates. (Y/N), a former warlord’s daughter, had been the easiest. Not only did she not put up a fight, she boarded the train on her own once Kalifa confirmed that Nico Robin would also be there. The complete absence of fear had been intriguing. Lucci wasn’t sure if the child was truly fearless, or if she was simply intensely naive.

He’s sure that the answer will reveal itself soon enough.

While Nico Robin and Franky were actively arguing with Spandam, (Y/N) was just standing there and glowering at him. Her disdain for him was palpable as well as amusing. Understandable, too.

It appeared that Spandam had finally had enough of Robin’s protests, and decided to make it abundantly clear by punching her. The woman hit the floor hard and struggled to get back onto her feet. Lucci just rolled his eyes, he knew for a fact that the only reason Spandam was able to do this was because of the weakening effects of the sea prism stone handcuffs. If they were absent, she likely wouldn’t have even stumbled.

A flash of movement caught his eye. The once passive (Y/N) charged straight at Spandam. Since his back was to her, he didn’t get a chance to see her coming and only became aware of her when she rammed into him.

Spandam tripped over Robin and toppled onto the ground, slightly dazed. Before he could react, (Y/N) was on him. The teenager raised her foot and brought it down directly onto his face with a resounding crack. The impact most certainly broke his nose.

She didn’t stop there, however, she kept going. (Y/N) was repeatedly stomping on his head with precise and consistent blows. These weren’t the random, desperate kicks of someone acting out of fear. No, this was nothing but concentrated fury. Her once neutral expression was contorted with rage as she cursed out the chief of CP9 with vitriol dripping from each word.

Everyone was watching this in a stunned silence. Robin had entirely stopped trying to get up and was staring at (Y/N) in horror, Franky was in a similar state. The rest of CP9 was gawking at the display, none of them had anticipated the abrupt turn in her behavior.

While this was all extremely entertaining, it did have to come to an end before Spandam did. Jabra sprung out of his chair and rushed over to the girl. His hands clamped onto her upper arms and lifted her up and away from her victim. This was not enough to deter her. (Y/N) flailed and tried her damnedest to kick Jabra, albeit unsuccessfully.

“Quit! You’re just making this worse for yourself, kid,” Jabra tossed the teenager away from him. She rolled across the ground, but quickly got up and sprinted towards Spandam again. Jabra blocked her path, but that didn’t stop her from screaming at the crumpled form of the chief, “If you ever fucking touch Robin again I’ll fucking kill you, you piece of shit!”

Kumadori had abandoned his own chair to check on Spandam, who had now shifted onto his side and was violently coughing and hacking. Blood was gushing out of not only his broken nose but also his mouth. He spat onto the floor and one, two… Four teeth fell out. Oh wow, impressive.

“Lucci! Keep that monster away from me!” Spandam clung onto Kumadori’s hair as he attempted to get to his feet, “I knew you were involved with your father’s business! You were probably his best assassin, you little psychopath!”

Lucci snorted at the thought. Nothing about her actions indicated that she was experienced. Though he would admit that he could see some potential. Lucci grabbed the chain that connected her handcuffs and pulled her back a few steps, she shot him a venomous glare over her shoulder, but otherwise cooperated. Her shoulders were heaving from how hard she was breathing, moreso out of anger rather than exercise if he had to guess.

Spandam had managed to get himself upright with help and was trying to wipe the blood from his face with a handkerchief. He slapped away Kumadori’s helping hand and stomped towards Lucci and (Y/N).

He leered at the girl, “You have no idea what you’ve done! In case you forgot, I’M IN CHARGE OF YOU NOW!” Flecks of blood sprayed out of his mouth and got on her face. Shockingly, she doesn’t flinch from it and keeps her face neutral. “I’m going to make whatever is left of your miserable little life absolute hell and kill you the second you’re no longer worth keeping alive!”

Lucci saw Spandam becoming increasingly aggravated from her giving him no reactions to feed off of. His scowl shifts into a smirk and he gets right in her face, “Or maybe I’ll take this out on Robin and make you watch as you’re powerless to do anything.”

There was a pause. And then she spat in his face.

A couple of the CP9 agents snickered. This was honestly the most entertaining thing they’ve been subjected to in their time under Spandam. Even Lucci felt a grin tug at his lips, this girl was proving herself to be more and more interesting by the second.

Spandam recoiled and aggressively wiped at his face, only to yelp in pain when he brushed against his broken nose like an idiot. His eyes zeroed back in on (Y/N) and he reeled his arm back, “You little bitch!”

His hand swung towards her to slap her across the face, but that’s not what happened. With an honestly impressive speed, her head snapped forward and her teeth sank into his hand. Spandam screamed and tried to shake the girl off, but she only bit down harder and snarled.

“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, GET HER OFF ME!” The screech was so loud that it made Lucci’s ears hurt, but he obliged. An order is an order after all.

Lucci yanked her back by the handcuffs while Kumadori was pulling on Spandam. This girl was holding onto that hand for dear life, and it took some genuine effort to separate them, but with one final tug they were pulled apart.

This was accompanied by a snapping sound and even louder screaming from Spandam who was holding the bitten hand to his chest and doubled over. Kaku could be heard muttering out a ‘good lord’, and before Lucci could investigate to see what prompted such a reaction from a trained assassin, (Y/N) spit something out onto the floor.

A couple of quiet thuds were heard, and when he looked down, two fingers were rolling across the floor with blood spurting out of them. The pinky and ring fingers to be exact.

“I TOLD YOU TO KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME!” Never one to take accountability for his own stupid actions, Spandam was quick to direct his rage at Lucci.

“I did. But then you chose to approach her again,” it took everything Lucci had to keep from openly mocking him to his face.

“Boss, maybe we should get you some medical attention!” Kumadori was lightly pulling him towards the door, desperate to leave the situation before their moronic chief could possibly make it any worse.

Spandam was pulled out the main door and could be heard hurling obscenities from down the hall.

The room was dead silent and all of the eyes were on (Y/N). Robin and Franky were slack jawed, while the CP9 members appeared to be surprised but also mildly impressed. Not that she was paying them any mind. She was more focused on spitting out the blood in her mouth and trying to wipe off what remained using her shoulder.

Jabra strolled over and lightly nudged the disembodied fingers, “Damn, and you did all of that with your hands behind your back. I almost want to see what would happen if the cuffs came off.”

“Then do it.” She leveled him with a hard stare. Blood that wasn’t her own was smeared across the lower half of her face, “Uncuff me and see what happens.”

“No can do, kiddo. As much as everyone here might love to see that, we’ve got jobs to do.” Jabra flicked her forehead playfully and laughed when she tried to bite him, too. Lucky for him, she wasn’t quite fast enough to get him.

His eyes briefly flickered up to see Lucci’s face, and he cringed at the sight, “Hey kid, you might want to tone it down a bit.”

“Why?” Her response was snappy and sharp.

“Because I really don’t like the look on Lucci’s face right now and I’m pretty sure you’re the cause of it.”

She looked over her shoulder with an annoyed huff, but froze up once she made eye contact with the man holding her. A wide, malicious grin was plastered across his face as he leered down at the girl.

It was in that moment that Lucci knew he wanted this girl to live to see another day and not rot in prison. Letting someone with such a natural propensity for violence die now would be a horrendous waste. He knows that under the right supervision, this girl could be shaped into a damn good assassin, and he knows just the person that could train her.

#strays au #crocodad series #crocodad3 #rob lucci #i had the doc for this titled rip spandam lol #spandam #franky the cyborg #cyborg franky #nico robin #kaku one piece #jabra one piece

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