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#source: the lord of the rings
Pippin: I have so many cavities.
Frodo: Apparently it’s hereditary.
Pippin: No, I think it’s from all the candy.
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269-million · a day ago
Grishnákh: [Reads the plan for capturing the Halflings] Huh, it says “Uglúk’s job.” But if you squint, and imagine it says “Grishnákh’s job,” it says “Grishnákh’s job!”
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269-million · a day ago
Gandalf: [To Merry] What the hell did the goats do in here? This place is disgusting! Where is your cousin? PIPPIN!
Pippin: [Crawling past amidst a flock of goats, raises his head and peeks at Gandalf before hiding again] Gandalf is ma-a-a-a-ad; go to the Green Dra-a-a-gon!
Gandalf: [As the goats walk around him] Fool of a Took, I both saw you and recognized your voice.
Pippin: [Not missing a beat] Go ba-a-a-a-ack!
Gandalf: [Reaches into the flock and drags Pippin out by the ear]
Pippin: Gandalf! I, I didn’t know you were back in the Shire! Well, I guess we can all agree this was a great idea! The End! [To the Fellowship’s theme, nervously] Na, na, na-na, Fe-low-ship!
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balu8 · 2 days ago
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Gandalf by Matias Bergara
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elvish-sky · 3 days ago
Legolas: What do you think your bad place would be?
Aragorn: I’m pretty good at turning every place I go into my own personal hell. So I think there’ll be a lot of options for me.
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Bard: Why are you like this??
Thranduil: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.
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Aragorn: My policy is that if you see something say something.
Legolas: I saw a frog on the sidewalk today!
Aragorn: Outstanding. This is what I’m talking about, people.
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incorrectarsenalwfc · 4 days ago
@liawaelti​ was on about who can drink the most in the squad and its was decided that it would probably be little Leo. Can we get a quote about it?
@liawaelti when it comes to beer Leo could outdrink the whole team:
Leo: So it's a drinking game?
Lisa: Aye, last one standing wins. *Laughs*
*Leo takes a small sip from her drink. Lisa chugs hers*
*Sometime later*
*Leo examines her fingers, looking worried*
Leo: I feel something. A slight tingling in my fingers. I think it's affecting me.
Lisa: Ha I thought Germans could hold their liq-
*Lisa passes out, Leo looks smug*
Leo: Game over.
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Galadriel, looking at into her mirror: I see flames and five- no, seven skeletons carrying your body away, as a murder of crows flies over your head.
Gandalf: Is that good?
Galadriel: No idea. But it looks super badass.
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elvish-sky · 6 days ago
Legolas: You’re just gonna think I’m some sexy godlike figure!
Aragorn: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.
Legolas, crying: It’s not a joke. I’m a legit snack.
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incorrect-hs-quotes · 6 days ago
Roxy: i am!
Roxy: u have my gun
Eridan: and you havve my gun
Jade: and my gun :D !!!
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Éomer: So, you're basically the therapist for, like, the entire Fellowship?
Aragorn: Pretty much, yeah.
Éomer: Who's your therapist, then?
Aragorn, holding up a small pebble: I talk to this rock sometimes.
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Wrex, sitting on a dead Collector: Final count?
Garrus: Forty-two.
Wrex: Forty-two. That’s not bad for a turian. I myself am sitting pretty on forty-three.
Garrus, shooting the Collector Wrex is sitting on: Forty-three.
Wrex: He was already dead.
Garrus: He was twitching.
Wrex: He was twitching ‘cause he’s got my weapon embedded in his nervous system!
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Galadriel: How are you managing to keep the Fellowship together since you lost Mithrandir?
Aragorn: I'm not. This morning Gimli called me from the other room and when I walked in Legolas shot me with a toy bow.
Aragorn: Then Merry and Pippin tackled Boromir. It was chaos.
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Thorin and Bilbo: *sitting away from each other on the couch*
Kili, behind them, recording: Two bros chilling on a sofa, five feet apart cause they're not gay.
Thorin: *moves next to Bilbo*
Kili: *gasp* They ARE gay.
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narratorsprologue · 14 days ago
*After throwing the ring*
Frodo: Mark the day, Sam! May 18th at 4:00
Sam: Oh, honey. We’re well into October.
Frodo: ...Huh
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cressjacquine · 16 days ago
Kaz: We don’t stop for breaks, not meals, not sleep, not nothing until we get to the ice court
Nina: what about breakfast?
Kaz: you already had one
Jesper: Well what about a second breakfast?
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Legolas: We can't have Aragorn come to his party yet! The sign's not finished! It's supposed to say "Aragorn's Birthday!"
Gimli: What does it say instead?
Legolas: "Aragorn's Bi".
Legolas: Nevermind, that's perfect. We're ready!
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