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#source: the good place
incorrectbuttonhouse · 7 hours ago
Fanny: Alison, I never doubted you for a second.
Alison: Thank you, Fanny. You're lying though, right?
Fanny: Oh yes, I doubted you very strongly.
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herqueensguard · 9 hours ago
Michael: I get worried about you all on Earth when there's demons following us, so I bought you all r*pe whistles.
Eleanor: Uhh, those are kazoos.
Michael: Yeah, the store was out of whistles so everyone gets a r*pe kazoo.
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herqueensguard · 10 hours ago
Chidi: I never yell. Even when I'm mad, I just push it down really deep.
Chidi: And then sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, panicked and sweaty, for no reason...
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herqueensguard · 11 hours ago
Eleanor: I think there's something wrong with Chidi.
Michael: Fork, yeah, there is!
Eleanor: No, dude, that wasn't a burn, I'm worried he...
Eleanor: Ah, okay. *high fives him*
Michael: That was fun! Let's do Tahani now.
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herqueensguard · 11 hours ago
Michael, wistful: Y'know when Janet drops you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon....
Eleanor: You're pretty.
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herqueensguard · 11 hours ago
Human!Michael: This is my first broken arm! I'm so proud!
Tahani: Did you tell the doctor you broke it by jumping on the bed?
Michael: No, I had a whole story planned. But Eleanor sold me out!
Eleanor: Sorry, bud, I just didn't think the doctor would buy that the arm just fell out of its socket.
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incorrect-natshig · 15 hours ago
Spinner: Look. I might not be a saint, but it's not like I killed anybody. I'm not an arsonist. I've never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of town so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Natsuo: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.
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cecret-with-c · 19 hours ago
Chidi, training demons in the reformed Bad Place: I want everyone to give me examples of things humans and demons have in common, and Michael is going to write them down on that board.
Chidi: Glenn, why don't you start?
Glenn: Okay... So, we both... We all...
Glenn: This is actually pretty hard.
Chidi: Anything, even a small thing.
Chidi: Anyone else?
Vicky: Humans are mortal and demons are immortal.
Chidi: See, that's actually a difference. Quite a... Quite a big difference.
Tahani: Demons are more powerful.
Chidi: That's another difference.
Eleanor: Demons really like torturing and we don't so much.
Shawn: I do enjoy a good torture, it has to be said.
Chidi: Again, a difference...
Val: Oh! Demons can read auras and humans can't!
Bambadjan: Humans are smaller and-
Chidi, interrupting: Okay! Why don't we just pause for a moment and think about this.
Chidi: We all laugh... We all feel.
Chidi: We all care about justice. How's that?
Jason: Demons hate the Red Hots!
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incorrectwbbquotes · 21 hours ago
Nom Nom: I came to apologize.
Nom Nom: There, I did it. I apologized.
Panda: No you didn't.
Nom Nom: Yes I did, you dingle!
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herqueensguard · 21 hours ago
Eleanor: Ugh, I missed the days when the Bad Place was just hilariously incompetent.
Eleanor: Y’know, when Michael worked there.
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Mayday: Zuke, here’s the thing with stuff.
Mayday: You can look at a problem from every angle and drive yourself crazy, but sometimes, you just gotta huck a Molotov cocktail at a drone and see what happens!
Zuke: Is what happens that the drone blows up?
Mayday: Usually.
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Slytherin: Hi, Raven, what a lovely surprise.
Ravenclaw: Oh, I'd love to make small talk... I've been practicing, too. I'm amazing at it... but I'm in a bit of a rush here.
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contexterrorexe · a day ago
Count Elec: I wasn’t a failed DJ. I was pre-successful.
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incorrectp4 · a day ago
Adachi: *to Sho* In the words of the Investigation Team, ya basic!
Adachi: That's an insult the kids use. It's devastating. You're devastated right now.
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notapaladin · a day ago
Mihmatini: It’s okay. No one will be mad at you.
Teomitl: Really?
Mihmatini: No, you dumbass!
0 notes
A: my first rule would be that no one can veto my rules
B: Yeah, that's called "tyranny" and it's generally frowned upon.
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herqueensguard · a day ago
Michael: I'm just surprised you wanna be with a nerd.
Eleanor: So it's not because you're super jealous and in love with me and want me all to yourself?
Michael, scoffing: Okay...
Michael: First of all, ew!
Michael: Second of all, this is strictly about you dating the teacher.
Michael: And third of all, which is gonna sound similar to the first of all, ew!
Eleanor: What was the first one again?
Michael: ...Ew.
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herqueensguard · a day ago
Michael: Vicky totally bought that I was torturing you instead of hanging out.
Eleanor: Ha, we showed that dummy!
Eleanor: *high fives*
Michael: *high fives and clasps hand*
Eleanor: *awkwardly lingers closer*
Eleanor, pulls away: Right, I'm gonna...snitch on you to Chidi for not studying...
Michael: You have paperclips in your hair.
Eleanor: Shut up.
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herqueensguard · a day ago
Michael: If Chidi is too happy to help others in fake Heaven, maybe we need to torture him a little.
Eleanor: I think you just want me to torture Chidi.
Michael: This has nothing to do with my personal feelings! Would I enjoy watching you torture Chidi after leaving you? Of course I would. Would I prefer to do the torture? Great question. No. I think it would be more fun to be a spectator.
Eleanor: Uh-huh.
Michael: Would I judge you if you lost control and burned all his bookmarks? Never. Would I erase his memory and restore the bookmarks so it's just our little secret? Absolutely.
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herqueensguard · a day ago
Michael: Humans assume all demons are evil. That is ignorant and insulting! You have no idea what it's like to be stereotyped!
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