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theadventurerslog · 1 month

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The Curse of Monkey Island | Part 9

Long gap here, sorry. Last time I ended, it was time to explore a new area of the island to find out what was going on with the volcano and generally get more stuff I'd need, and right away I was met with a feast, but no people.

I was able to grab a mug, auger and a big block of tofu: what every adventurer needs.

Then I carried on through the arch toward the volcano to meet a man in a lemon mask.

It's Lemon Head.

He was part of the Monkey Island cannibals who Guybrush had met back in The Secret of Monkey Island. They moved away after the carnival settled onto the island. Constant noise and tourists, go to where a cannibal felt unsafe to walk alone. And pretty sure the midway games were rigged. So they moved here.

They also don't eat people anymore.

They underwent a 'paradigm shift in their belief system' several years back. There are several replies to this but one that is always irresistible.

"Pair of dimes?"

The associated protesting text changes every time you hover over that option. How could you not choose it?

Aside from irritating Lemonhead--always fun minus the threats to eat me--the main point of interest here is the volcano. When they first arrived the volcano, Mt. Acidophilus, was regularly erupting, belching up lava, gross. They tried all kinds of sacrifices to try to appease Sherman the Volcano God until one day they tried brie and thing got real bad. Sherman is lactose intolerant and seems to have a very touchy stomach in general--fatty foods can give terrible indigestion too. So they have him on a strict diet of fruits and vegetables.

Another ritual offering was about to happen but they were waiting for an emissary from another village who is very late now, but had better be a vegetarian and non-cannibals are forbidden from witnessing it.

I needed a way to see their ceremony and they were waiting for their vegetarian emissary.

Tofu time!

The chisel or the auger can be used on the block of tofu to make a mask, which you then put on for the glory of a giant block of tofu over Guybrush's head.

"Ick."

But it worked and I was allowed into the ceremony.

"God of the Volcano who resides in Mount Acidophilous... Accept this sacrifice we make unto you... in the form of flesh with high amounts of fiber and wholesome cellulose... free of all fat and trans-fatty acids... so that it might nourish you and bring your favor upon our humble village... and not upset nor agitate your Ulcertive Caldera... Okay boys... toss 'im in! You've been a wonderful audience! Thank you and good night!"

Then they hang out roasting marshmallows and I was free to do things.

I'm sorry for this, Sherman. I tossed a bit of the nacho cheese into the volcano.

"You fool! You've given cheese to a lactose intolerant volcano god! Do you know what that means? You've brought about the Coming of the Divine Dysentery!"

Yeah... as a fellow in lactose intolerance, I'm sorry, buddy, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

The volcano erupted.

And that got the lava flowing under the barbecue at the hotel.

And now there's just lava running through its paths on Blood Island and it is cool looking!

Goodsoup, was of course thrilled and the tourists will come pouring back.

It was time for me to get that tar replacement for Haggis.

I dumped my cheese into the pot and once melted it looked like just like yellow tar. Guybrush dragged it back and Haggis approved: "The consistency of tar... but with a tangy pepper taste!"

And I got the slippery greasy hand lotion.

We were told by Goodsoup that there used to be a ferry that crossed over to Skull Island where a diamond could be found, but it stopped coming after the lighthouse went out.

I had the mirror I took from the hotel, so I went back to the lighthouse to put that back in place.

I still needed a light source.

I'm not sure if I remembered to mention getting the tip jar from the hotel, but it was something I was able to grab once Goodsoup was cure of his hangover--Guybrush was totally taking it to fill it with tips. There were also fireflies in the clearing where Elaine is, so that's light, but they were going to enter an empty jar.

There was a barrel of sugar water at the windmill. The door was still locked. Umbrella to the rescue.

I used it to hook onto one of the windmill blades and was carried to the top where the barrel was. I filled the jar with sugar water and was able to walk back down.

With the jar of sugar water I was able to catch some fireflies.

There are two mistakes that can be made with the fireflies: no putting the lid on the jar, so they simply leave again, or not poking holes in the lid (chisel again! or auger) before putting it on and then they die...

While I was there anyway, I used the hand lotion to get the ring off Elaine's finger. The cursed ring explodes into nothing and now I just needed the complete diamond ring.

I brought the light back to the lighhouse and with a mirror and fireflies the restoration was complete.

I returned to the little beach bay area to meet The Lost Welshman.

He was, well, lost out in the mist and refused to make a return trip to Skull Island without a compass.

If a reminder is needed the encyclopedia was one of the items that was kept from Puerto Pollo with the still legible entry:

"A compass is a magnetized bit of metal, floating in a solution."

I needed to make a compass which I had all the materials for:

Fill cup with the sea water Use Big Whoop magnet with the needle to magnetize it Stick the magnetized needle in the cork Put the needle cork in the mug o' water.

One working compass and good enough for The Lost Welshman.

He sailed me over to the dread Skull Island...

"Even the bravest of men must dread the horror of this place. Steel your courage boy! Now! Before you gaze upon the terrible, horrible face of... SKULL ISLAND!"

A very dramatic scene to which Guybrush can only exclaim, "That's a duck! It looks like a great big, enormous duck! It should be called Duck Island!"

The Lost Welshman says you need to squint and turn your head a bit and oohhh so scary.

Guybrush: "If you squint and turn your head it looks like a bunny."

This exchange lives in my head.

Anyway, the not-so-scariness of this island aside, he did warn us to beware of King Andre, the greatest smuggler in the world. He runs the smuggling ring here and is as ruthless as he is bald. They make their home in the glowing cave that could be seen from the shore.

Little bit of story-time. My memory is a bit fuzzy on this, but from what I can recall I had caught a brief look of and heard a bit of the The Lost Welshman when my parents were playing. Then also at around that time dad had, but in a hard to tell if he was being serious, sort of ominous, sort of joking sort of way, had made a comment about Guybrush dying, gasp.

I have no idea how far I'd seen into the game at this point, but definitely hadn't gotten to the fake death of spiked hangover cure. I was probably still back at Puerto Pollo. Regardless, dark, very death-like ominous figure plus that comment stuck with me, and very reasonably, I expected them to be connected!

It wasn't a letdown per se, but you can imagine my surprise when I did eventually reach this point and was met with this life-jacketed, sandwich eating, bit cranky but okay fellow and he simply took me to Skull Island while the 'death' wasn't a death after all. I suppose don't judge a book by a barely seen cover? It's some misunderstanding that has stuck with me ever since.

Anyhoo, I needed a way to get into the smuggler's cave and the only was up to cliffs at the top, where I found a man, LaFoot, and a dumbwaiter.

Beautiful view up there.

LaFoot was only filling in for someone else and didn't exactly know what he was doing but offered to let me use the dumbwaiter despite how rickety it seemed and not being built for much. It wasn't like there were many options though, so it was time to take the plunge.

Literally.

While Guybrush falls there's the opportunity to use items, or let him fall all the way down to the rocks, but he's fiiine, lovable cartoon character and all. To get down safely you need to use the umbrella while plummeting which will let him float gently down to the smuggler's cave entrance.

Where I met King Andre and his assistant, Cruff.

Andre is voiced by Dave Fennoy who also voiced the pawn shoppe owner in King's Quest VI. As I recall I commented then that he'd voiced someone in this game, and here he is. And Danny Delk, who voices Murray, was King Otar in King's Quest VII.

They have a whole James Bond villain type exchange culminating in Guybrush asking if he expects him to talk and

"No, Mister Threepwood! I expect you to buy!"

And

"Is it madness to sit in a cave at the top of a deserted island accumulating vast amounts of gold and jewels and stuffed animals... stockpiling plunder from across the entire Caribbean and passing the savings on to you? Is that madness? Or GENIUS?!?"

All through the conversation options, periodically LaFoot would open the door to say various things and get yelled at for letting the wind in and risking the candles blowing out.

Then we got down to business and I had the chance to ask about merchandise which opens up a completely optional fun item.

I got a little LeChuckie doll toy. He paces back and forth spouting off the usual sort of cutesy toy sayings before ending each round with something threatening and nasty. It's great.

And he was aaall mine. "I'll be haunting ye into the hereafter!"

Then we got down to business. I needed to buy the diamond and I had a whole lotta money. Unfortunately, he wanted an awful lot of money. However, he and Cruff are fond of poker and were willing to play a hand for the diamond.

You do need to have some money for the buy in and that where the whole lotta money from the life insurance comes in.

Once started you're given a pretty crappy hand: two of spades, three of hearts, four of clubs, eight of clubs and king of diamonds. You can keep losing and keep trying with the cards getting sillier and sillier. You can also add some card like things to your hand as well resulting in things like "a squadron of demon-trolls, a High Priestess of Darkness... and, uh, Stan, Lord High King of Life Insurance Needs."

Ultimately though, it was time to win with a five of a kind: the five death tarot cards. Even they couldn't beat five of a kind. ....But could Guybrush beat a pair? A pair of murderous smugglers?

As things started to look bad, LaFoot opened the door again letting in a gust of wind and blew out the candles. Chaos ensued. Andre and Cruff tried to attack Guybrush but it was too dark to see what they were doing and they ended up fighting each other instead.

Guybrush made his escape and got back to the ferryman, though he had one last thing to do before leaving which was dropping LaFoot down the dumbwaiter... Bit of grudge holding there. I'm sure LaFoot was fine too...

Once back on Blood Island the Ferryman decided it was time to pursue other opportunities. He heard there was still an opening for a chef on Scabb island (another Monkey Island 2 throwback) and sails off. Except, oops, Guybrush forgot to tell him the magnetized pin would only hold its compass-like properties for a short time. Oops. Oh well!

And with another task complete it was time for another scene at Monkey Island which opens on a roller coaster through the giant monkey head.

The riders are plunged into lava, coming out as skeletons on the other end, more recruits for LeChuck's undead army.

And we see Dinghy Dog reporting to LeChuck that he's found them! They're on Blood Island.

Not looking good for Guybrush and Elaine and next time we'll see how that goes.

#monkey island #the curse of monkey island #CMI #CMI_Log #adventure games #LucasArts

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lost-lycaon · 7 months

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Land of Primates - Smithsonian Channel

Nature Film Review

The Smithsonian Channel is an inexplicably underrated source of nature documentaries, brilliantly balancing the educational with the cinematic. The BBC will always be the final word, but Smithsonian is a fantastic place to stream films to fulfill your need for nature.

The series on African primates is particularly fascinating, focusing on relatively unsung species. Found across the continent in nearly every habitat save the most extreme desert, primates exhibit a winning design. The Geladas of the Ethiopian highlands grazing on high altitude grasses to the Poison monkeys of Zanzibar show off the ability of primates to succeed in virtually any habitat. The series spends an episode on the Ring tailed lemurs of Anja mountain in Madagascar, befitting a charismatic species that shows a talent for adaptation.

‘Lemurs of Madagascar’ covers the various other lemur and primate species, as the isolation of that great island has allowed a truly remarkable evolutionary branch to flourish. Of its species, 80% are endemic, found nowhere else on Earth. The massive island is bisected by a spine of mountains that run vertically down the island, acting as a rain shield holding wet weather in the east with forest conditions. The mountain itself is a haven for ring tailed lemurs, as seen in the first episode. The west of the island holds some of the most hostile arid conditions on the planet. Life has taken up this challenge, with even the impossibly dry ‘spiny forest’ still frequented by Verreau’s Sifaka. Leaping from one Alluaudia tree to another, biologists still cannot explain how they avoid impaling themselves on the lethal thorns that cover the trees.

Even Ring-tailed Lemurs find resources to exploit in an otherworldly habitat of titanic grey edifices resembling alien skyscrapers, the only remains of an ancient ocean reef. The razor sharp stone is negotiated by the lemur troops, navigated by experienced scouts down to the base where sheltered groves collect water from the rocks above, rare places to hunt for food. The aye-aye is examined, with its bizarre adaptations bringing it success in hunting the wood for insects. Its strange appearance has been a curse, as humans mistake it for a demon, and kill it on sight. Fat-tailed lemurs occupying the rain forests of the east are the only primate and tropical mammal that hibernates; a process called aestivation, sleeping for seven months to conserve resources during lean times. Lastly, the episode looks in on the Indri of the forest, haunting the trees with its plaintive call. The endless wonder of Madagascar is captured with incredible images that easily achieve a visual poetry while the narrator covers the fun facts.

‘Wanderers of the Forest’ focuses on the Amathole mountains of south eastern South Africa, an Afromontane habitat that has been nearly destroyed by timber and farming interests. Covering less than 0.5% of South Africa’s surface area, it is the last bastion of the towering 200 foot high Yellowwood trees. This is the ‘national tree’, which is still cut down regularly despite its protected status and very slow reproduction.

These forests are the home and prison of Samango monkeys and South Africa’s only parrot species, the Cape Parrot. Though there are small pockets of the forest left, the devastation requires each species to forage in urban areas for food. Samango monkeys, adorned with greyed fur that makes them resemble old men, cross telephone wires into town to raid gardens and ruin their teeth on acorns for protein. The residents shoot them on sight in the town of Hogsback, an unfortunate reminder of humans’ refusal to understand their place in the natural world. The parrots raid the pecan fields, relishing the fatty pecans which provide nourishment, but cause high fat levels in the liver. Farmers have set aside a field just for the parrots while shooting them in their own fields. Both species would live far better on a diet of yellowwood fruit, filled with antioxidants and vitamins. ‘Wanderers of the Forest’ makes a strong case for conservation of species by conserving the habitat, while highlighting the bizarre behaviors of our own species.

‘Baboons of Bambelela’ is an engaging chapter focusing on the Chacma baboons of the Waterberg, making their living amid the granite inselbergs of this paradise. Baboons tend to have complex troop structures, led by a strong alpha male (for Chacmas), allied adult males, and the various females and offspring, living in 2-3 dozen large groups for predation defense. The higher the risk of predation, as in the Okavango, the larger the troop. This chapter examines a troop created by a rogue male who enticed low ranking females away from their troop where reproductive prospects were poor. The recruitment can consist of not just being an available alpha male, but also grooming, which plays an outsized role in bonding, forming alliances, and political intrigue. The alpha then takes and holds prime feeding territory and maintains tight discipline to keep the troop intact. Males hold rank with muscle, fighting off rivals, protecting family members, and keeping everyone well fed - when he fails in this, he is deposed and forgotten. Females hold rank by bloodline, and keep that rank even if their mate is lost. Their offspring holds rank in a similar fashion, this is carried over as they age, and is reflected in being groomed by subordinates. The grooming is crucial for currying favor, enabling individuals to rise in estimation and importance. It even allows interlopers to join a troop. The notion of animals conducting politics by various means has always been fascinating to me, a literal ‘scratch your back’ quid pro quo that could yield a dividend.

‘Baboon Lagoon’ follows a single Chacma baboon troop living in the reserve of De Hoop. As a misty morning breaks, we see the hulking alpha male lead his troop from their rock haven to the feeding grounds where they pick berries from a Dune Myrtle tree, stuffing their cheek pouches with the bounty. There is little new material in this one, but it is a favorite for showcasing the natural beauty of De Hoop, a small but crucial nature reserve along the South African Garden Route. Home to some of the world’s rarest mammals, De Hoop was created in 1957 south of the Overberg mountains specifically to protect Bontebok antelope. These beautiful creatures with striking white facial coloration were nearly exterminated, down to just seventeen individuals by farmers who shot them as pests. They were joined by Cape Mountain Zebra, also critically endangered, to breed freely and eventually restock reserves. Above all what is conserved here is the Cape Floral Kingdom, home to the Fynbos biome. Forming a packed heath, proteas, ericas, restios and geophytes are packed into a relatively tiny area that has biological diversity greater than any rainforest. Baboons are able to graze here due to their dietary flexibility, adapting to any food source. Fynbos manage to grow on very poor soils, and are thus low in nutrients. The baboons must work harder to make a living than those in more productive areas, but are successful nonetheless.

'Africa’s baboons' is a larger scope review of the five species of baboons found across that massive continent, including the Chacmas, the Olive baboons of western and central Africa, the Geladas, Hamadryas, and Yellow baboons of eastern Africa. Baboons are well built to exploit the remarkable diversity of ecosystems, and unsurprisingly are found nearly everywhere. Chacmas are able to live off the sparse nutrients of the Fynbos kingdom, though will raid human habitation when necessary to survive. Olive baboons are widespread across west-central Africa, capable of eating nearly anything, and are led by an alpha female in large troops. This female carries knowledge of water and food sources that leads back many generations, passed on to offspring to carry on the traditions.

Emotions run deep in these societies, and higher ranking members hold the discipline. In one scene, an alpha attacks a mother who turns her back on a helpless newborn, a valuable lesson in a dangerous world. This unrest causes cortisol levels to surge in the bloodstream, which can disrupt reproductive hormones - and these subside quickly in the calm of grooming sessions, restoring the balance, reinforcing emotional bonds, and aiding troop cohesion. Baboons have been noted by researchers to recognize relationships of dominance within the troop independent of their own position - capable of exercising politics and abstract thought.

The camera follows one rogue male who drifts into the territory of a baboon troop - he is alone, cast out of his old troop once sexually mature. Ever seeking a way into an existing troop, or coaxing away females, he is constantly on the lookout for an opportunity. Social animals face a bleak existence in solitude. One does not need to anthropomorphize to see loneliness in his eyes, unable to bond with others. Ticks build up on his face and back, he feeds fretfully as there is no one to look out for predators, sleep is rare, and stress wears on him without the close interactions baboons desire. Hope appears with another rogue male who carefully approaches, and through body language an alliance is made. Troops are formed this way in the natural world, and the social animal is given another chance.

World of Primates is a stellar series that stands with the best, both as entertainment and education. I find this invigorating as a way of understanding how so many disparate pieces of our planet fit together into a loose whole. Learning how these systems work is the same as learning why they matter - and in a world on the verge of large scale collapse, they all matter.

#nature film #film review #primates #smithsonian

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mljh15 · 2 years

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Dead Space 2 and The Curse of Monkey Island available in May

Amazon Prime subscribers who are fans of video games continue to be spoiled. In May, they will be able to recover six PC games for free, including the legendary Dead Space 2 and the Curse of Monkey Island, as well as exclusive content for popular games like GTA Online, FIFA 22, Call of Duty Mobile or Roblox. Dead Space 2 // Source: EA The month of May will still be generous for subscribers to…

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luckydreamyouth · 2 years

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Dead Space 2 et The Curse of Monkey Island disponibles en mai

Les abonnés Amazon Prime fans de jeux vidéo continuent d’être gâtés. En mai, ils pourront récupérer gratuitement six jeux PC, dont le légendaire Dead Space 2 et la Malédiction de Monkey Island, ainsi que du contenu exclusif pour des jeux populaires comme GTA Online, FIFA 22, Call of Duty Mobile ou Roblox. Espace mort 2 // Source : EA Le mois de mai sera encore généreux pour les abonnés à Amazon…

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arabaoyunlari60 · 2 years

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Dead Space 2 and The Curse of Monkey Island available in May

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incorrectone-piece · 3 years

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Luffy: How can you see without eyeballs?

Brook: How can you walk around without a brain? Some things no one can answer.

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the-black-bulls · 3 years

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Asta: How can you see well with only one eye?

Gauche: How can you walk around with half a brain? Some things no one can answer.

#black clover #asta black clover #gauche adlai #black clover incorrect quotes #source: the curse of monkey island #asta #gauche #the black bulls #50

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vamporilla · 3 years

Conversation

Serafine: I am one gifted with the Second Sight, adept at manipulating the forces of nature for the benefit of all who enter my door.

Rocky: You're a fashion consultant?

Serafine: Well...yes, but that's not what I was referring to. I am a Voodoo Priestess.

Rocky: Neat.

Serafine: You're an "autumn", by the way.

#lackadaisy cats #lackadaisy #rocky rickaby #serafine savoy #incorrect lackadaisy quotes #source: the curse of monkey island

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incorrect-danmachi-quotes · 3 years

Conversation

Hestia: How can you see well with only one eye?

Hephaestus: How can you walk around with half a brain? Some things no one can answer.

#incorrect danmachi quotes #danmachi #hestia #hephaestus #source: the curse of monkey island

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incorrectlooneytunesquotes · 6 years

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Bugs: You're about as fearsome as a doorstop.

Yosemite Sam: Is it a really EVIL-looking doorstop?

Bugs: [sigh] Never mind.

#Bugs Bunny #Yosemite Sam #source: the curse of monkey island

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incorrectfeaquotes · 7 years

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Submitted by skullivan

Anna: We’ll fight you in the harbor! Gregor: We’ll battle you on land. Gaius: But when you meet singing pirates... Robin: They’ll be more than you can stand. Gregor: Ohhh, that was a good one! Robin: No, it wasn’t.

#fire emblem awakening #fea #anna #gregor #gaius #robin #m!robin #incorrectfeaquotes #source: the curse of monkey island #submission

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lilhawkeye3 · 3 years

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Hawk’s Movie Rec List🦅🎬🍿

Okay y’know what I’m actually just gonna put together a movie rec list because why not😂 This list will include my summary, a list of starring actors that you’ll recognize in the film, and where to (legally) watch it.

What We Do In The Shadows

Hawk’s summary: a mockumentary about a quartet of vampires living in New Zealand. Also has a spin off show focusing on a group of vampires from Staten Island, NYC. Hilarious and also like... just some great supernatural content. You can watch the show without seeing the movie and tbh it’s just as amazing, if not better.

Starring: Taika Waititi, Jemaine Clement, Jonathan Brugh

Streaming on: Hulu (tv show), rental on Prime (movie)

Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl

Hawk’s summary: look all the characters are great, the plot is great, zombie skeletons pirates are great, idk what else to tell you. It’s just a fun time.

Starring: Johnny Depp, Kiera Knightly, Orlando Bloom, and that cute monkey lmao. Also the dog with the keys.

Streaming on: Disney+

Young Frankenstein

Hawk’s summary: this film is a comedy and parody of classical horror films and yet manages to be the most accurate Frankenstein film to the original novel in terms of understanding the theme of man vs maker etc. And it’s Mel Brooks, the king of comedy tbh.

Starring: Gene Wilder, Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn

Streaming on: Starz/Hulu/Prime, but... you can find the full film for free very easily.

Blazing Saddles

Hawk’s Summary: another Mel Brooks comedy, this time parodying old westerns! Watch if you’re tired of racist characterizations and in need of some no barred laughs. Fair warning: they use the N word a LOT, but like... to show the absurdity of racists. Idk I saw it first when I was 8 (questionable parenting move lmao) but it’s one of my all time favorites.

Starring: Gene Wilder, Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn, and Mel Brooks still making fun of Nazis like he does best 🤩

Streaming on: rental on Prime and YouTube currently

Undercover Brother

Hawk’s summary: a parody of the spy genre and blaxploitation films. Follows Undercover Brother as he joins a secret Black organization that fights The Man, an unknown white dude who wants to erase the effect of Black culture on white America.

Starring: Dave Chappelle, Neil Patrick Harris, Denise Richards, Billy Dee Williams, Cris Kataan, and a great cameo by James Brown

Streaming on: Starz/Hulu/Prime

RED and RED 2

Hawk’s summary: watch a bunch of retired secret agents who are “past their prime” be total badasses. Lots of humor, some excellent and fun action scenes. Doesn’t take itself too seriously and is really just about having a good time.

Starring: Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, John Malkovitch, Brian Cox, Marie-Louise Parker

Streaming on: Amazon Prime & Showtime

The Man from U.N.C.L.E

Hawk’s summary: loosely based on a 60’s tv show about an American CIA and Russian KGB agent who are partners, but this time with a spunky German mechanic thrown into the mix as they look to stop nuclear launch codes from falling into the wrong hands. Guy Ritchie has a lot of fun with this OT3. Fun spy movie, great chemistry between the three leads, great action and humor!

Starring: Henry Cavill, Alicia Vikander, Armie Hammer, Elizabeth Debicki, Hugh Grant, and that one white guy who’s always some sus dude (Jared Harris! Lmao)

Streaming on: rental on Prime or Youtube.

Sherlock Holmes & SH: Game of Shadows

Hawk’s summary: another fun series by Guy Ritchie (imo the first is much better though). RDJ and Jude Law have a great time playing off each other, and I love Rachel McAdams as Irene Adler. Jared Harris is in these too so I think he’s friend with Ritchie lmao but he does a fabulous job being manipulative. And the MUSIC!! Love it.

Staring: RDJ, Rachel McAdams, Jude Law, Mark Strong, Jared Harris

Streaming on: HBO Max

Get Out

Hawk’s summary: okay tbh I see this more as a psychological thriller than horror but I think it just really depends based on your own life experiences. “I would’ve voted for Obama a third time” lmaooo yeah that boy should’ve turned his ass around the second he hit that deer. Jordan Peele really did a great job with this film and it’s always an interesting watch.

Starring: Daniel Kaluuya, Lakeith Stanfield (he was AMAZING), Bradley Whitfield, Allison Williams, Catherine Keener, Caleb Landry Jones

Streaming on: another current rental (how obvious is it that I use alternate sources lmao)

[no gif for this one bc I know the movie does freak some people out]

Knives Out

Hawk’s summary: this movie really lived up to the hype. A fun mystery film with a few really good twists! Tbh idk who let Daniel Craig do the accent but it just works for the movie lmao. Also a good movie for the family bc each age group can relate really well to a group of characters.

Starring: Daniel Craig, Ana de Armas, Chris Evans, Jamie Lee Curtis, Christopher Plummer, that girl from Netflix, and Lakeith Stanfeild is there too!!

Stream on: Amazon Prime

Galaxy Quest

Hawk’s summary: if you’ve ever watched Star Trek or been to a Comic Con... yeah you need to watch this movie. Good gracious it’s hilarious. A bunch of actors from an ended Star Trek show are abducted by aliens who took their episodes to be historical records... and they actually have to play their parts in real life to save the day.

Starring: Sigorney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tim Allen, Sam Rockwell, Tony Shalhoub, Missi Pyle

Streaming on: HBO Max

Let me know if y’all want a part 2! Stopping here for the night bc I hit the gif limit 😂

#hawk’s movie recs #what we do in the shadows #galaxy quest #the man from uncle #sherlock holmes #pirates of the caribbean #knives out #young frankenstein #blazing saddles #undercover brother #get out #red 2010 #red 2 #guy ritchie #movies #films #comedies #mel brooks

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nomorepixels · 3 years

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The Curse of Monkey Island

Image sourced from hardcoregaming101.net

#lucasarts #monkey island #upscale #dither2blends

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creative-type · 4 years

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Commiseration

Robin didn’t talk much about her mother. Strangely enough, neither did Usopp

Rating: Gen Word Count: 3100 AO3

Robin didn’t recognize the silence at first. She had been engrossed in a book, a history of the West Blue that predated the Buster Call that she’d been trying to get her hands on for years. There was nothing between the covers that she hadn’t read before. The history of an entire sea was too broad a topic to go into too much depth on any one subject, but it wrote of Ohara and the library that rested there, and it did so without calling the scholars of the Tree of Knowledge demons or monsters or traitors of their chosen field. Newer editions of the same book had been sterilized by the World Government, passages that lovingly described the verdant branches of the great library scrubbed from the public consciousness as if it never existed.

Of course, a book of history would love the historian’s holy land, and Robin remembered reading this very tome from within those hallowed grounds. The memory was a balm for the ache she still felt when she thought of Ohara, the familiar words a warm summer breeze against her soul.

But then, there was quiet.

It was the sort of quiet that became its own sound, unfamiliar and unwelcome in a crew as boisterous as hers. As was her habit, Robin had her ears spread throughout the Thousand Sunny . There was a time she had been forced to listen for the first sounds of betrayal, but those days were long past. The lesson borne out of paranoia evolved to serve a more benevolent purpose.

Robin marked her place and peered across the deck. Luffy was sitting crosslegged at the ship’s prow, a monkey atop the head of a lion. He was in one of his rare contemplative moods, gazing out at the sea with eyes lit with a childlike wonder. Sometimes Robin he saw that excited him so.

But even now he was not still. Luffy never was, not even in sleep. He hummed a rather out of tune rendition of Bink’s Sake, slapping his sandals together as he kept time. He was not the source of the quiet, and so Robin stood, stretching in a long, catlike motion and wandered to the woman’s quarters.

Robin spread her eyes as she walked. Sanji was cooking, Zoro keeping watch while he lifted weights. Brook was on fishing duty with Chopper by order of Nami, after an ill-considered dare led him to breaking the glass of the aquarium with his voice alone. Franky had, of course, replaced it posthaste, but was in the bowels of the ship drafting a new design that was resistant to sound as well as any damage that might be caused by any future roughhousing.

None of them caused the disquiet that Robin felt in her bones. She dropped her book off in her bedroom, exchanging brief pleasantries with Nami and inquiring how her researched fared as she planned their course ahead.

“I’m still not sure how we’re going to get to Fishman Island,” Nami admitted. She took off her reading glasses and rubbed her eyes with her forefinger and thumb. “I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

Robin’s smile seemed to reassure her some, and she let Nami return to her books. Her apprehension, while noteworthy, was not the source of the silence that roused Robin from her reading, which left one final destination.

She found Usopp at the workbench of his designated tinkering room. Surprisingly, it was cleared of tools and the odds and ends he used while inventing. Instead he had the day’s paper spread out flat, staring intently without seeming to actually read .

Robin couldn’t think of a time she had seen him worry over the news. She could count on one hand the time she’d seen him with a paper at all. Like most of the crew, he was content to let his knowledge of the outside world filter through Nami, trusting her to share with the crew anything that was important enough for them to know.

He was tense, singularly focused on the words that lay in front of him. All the boisterous enthusiasm, the bravado -- both warranted and not -- had left him, leaving Usopp looking strangely small. His bluff and bluster usually puffed him two sizes bigger than he actually was, but now all Robin could see was his knobby elbows and the round youthfulness that remained in his face.

Usopp seemed...young. Unsure of himself in a way he rarely let others see, but often felt. Robin was suddenly aware that he had sequestered himself away on purpose, taking the news that distressed him so much to the one space on the ship that was well and truly his.

Robin lingered in the doorway for a moment, uncharacteristically unsure of herself. It was difficult while out at sea to find a place to be alone with one’s thoughts. Not every bout of quietness required direct intervention. Not every secret needed pried loose.

This, too, was a difficult concept that Robin was just starting to wrap her mind around. She had spent her life searching for hidden things. There were no efforts she wouldn’t go to in order to find the truth, no matter how painful or personal. Secrets were powerful, just as capable of destroying a person as a knife or a gun. Robin collected secrets like some did bottle caps, and had learned as a young girl to jealously guard her own lest they be used against her.

The Straw Hat Pirates deserved the same privacy they had afforded her. And besides, Nami was not the only member of the crew who read the paper, and Robin had a strong inkling as to what was bothering their sharpshooter so badly.

Robin was about to slip away unnoticed when something within Usopp shifted. He stared at the black and white print so long he saw red, and making a sound that was half-curse, half-noise of impotent frustration he crumpled the paper into a ball and hurled it across the room. Usopp spun sharply away from the table, as if he was about to storm from the room, bringing himself face to face with Robin.

All the color drained from his face and settled in his ears, which burned with embarrassment. He sputtered half a dozen excuses and apologies before Robin held up a hand to silence him.

“It’s okay. I was just passing by and wondered if you wanted me to fetch you a drink. I believe Sanji was working on a new concoction using some of the jackfruit we found on the last island.”

It was ironic that he couldn’t tell that she was lying. Usopp let out a rush of breath that he’d been holding, shoulders drooping like a flower in the desert sun. “No, I’m fine. Thanks for asking, though.”

His fingers became restless, fidgeting and twitching with the need to be working on something, anything , to distract from the fact that he was very much not fine. Robin waited as he pulled supplies from the cubby holes Franky installed in the walls: his chemistry set, a few sheets of scrap metal, a long-handled wrench. Nothing that could be used effectively in conjunction with each other, a sign that his mind was still preoccupied.

And truly, Robin would have been content to let the matter drop, but she knew at that moment that he did not want to be alone. She had long-since memorized his tells, the little shifts of insecurity and nerves that went beyond his usual theatrics, the quiver of his lips as he tried to speak but couldn’t find the words.

She slid into the seat next to him and waited. If there was one thing she knew about Usopp, it was that he could not be kept speechless for long.

“It’s stupid,” Usopp muttered. He bent so low his long nose nearly touched the table, clasping his hands around the back of his neck, his nails digging into skin and leaving white streaks that filled in red.

“How do you mean?” Robin asked.

“It’s just...I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Everything was fine the way it was, and now...I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

Only this time the tone he used for the word it’s made it sound as if he’d meant I’m. Robin conjured a line of hands to retrieve the crumpled up paper and smoothed it out on the table. The headline was about a recent marine skirmish with Red Hair Shanks, and some intrepid soul had managed to catch a snapshot of the battle itself.

Beside the Emperor was a tall man with dark skin, dreadlocks hanging to his shoulders and a gun in each hand. A tattoo was partially visible below a billowing and rather tacky cloak with the letters Yas clearly legible.

Even without it, the man would have been unmistakable. His grin was identical to his son’s after a particularly good shot: cocksure, almost arrogant. But justifiably so, if the rumors of his sharpshooting prowess were to be believed.

“I wanna see him so bad it hurts,” Usopp said miserably. “So why am I so mad?”

Robin folded the paper into neat fourths and set it aside. She knew enough about Usopp’s past to understand what he was saying, having pieced together the snippets and stories he’d shared during their travels. Some of them may even have been true, but even if they weren’t it was evident that Usopp worshiped his father. Held him as a picture of an ideal pirate, one that chased his dreams on the open sea.

Even if that meant leaving his family behind.

There were other details that were less clear. Usopp spoke less frequently about his mother, but always warmly and with great fondness. The rest of the crew made it seem as if he had been living alone when they found him at Syrup Village, a boy of seventeen by himself in an empty house. Robin could guess what had happened, but she didn’t know for sure. Whatever the case, there was no mistaking the hurt on Usopp’s face now, and the anger he used to defend himself from it. Grief and loss commingling with confusion and helplessness into one wretched expression.

Robin knew, because she had experienced it herself. She could read all the histories she wanted about Ohara that venerated the ground that it sat on, but without the buffeting layers of nostalgia, the truth became much more complicated. Her few happy memories with the archeologists were like a scab protecting a bleeding wound, and once peeled away all that remained was a lifetime of pain and misery.

“There is nothing wrong with being angry,” Robin said. “And there is nothing wrong with admiring him.”

“But those two things don’t fit together,” Usopp protested.

“I know.”

Robin hadn’t meant the words to come out as bitterly as they did, leaving the sour taste of regret in her mouth. Usopp looked at her, eyebrows knitting together in an unspoken question.

It was her turn to go silent. Robin had not spoken about her mother in anything but the broadest terms, preferring not to think of her if she could help it. Twenty years had passed, and the contradiction did not get any easier to untangle, the knot of repressed feeling, confusion, and resentment growing only larger over time.

But Usopp waited for her to speak, and Robin realized suddenly that if there was anyone on this ship who could understand, it was him. The revelation startled something loose, the one final push to break down one of her oldest and strongest walls.

“My mother left Ohara when I was young to study the poneglyphs,” Robin said. She propped her hand under her chin and looked at the opposite wall, studying the grain in the wood to distract from the surprise on Usopp’s face. “My father passed away before I was born, and my only relatives were my mother’s brother and his wife. They had a girl about my age, my only cousin. And they hated me, or at least my aunt did. The rest followed suit.”

Robin blinked to clear her vision, which had gone unexpectedly misty. She had forgotten the truth of her words until she was forced to say them aloud, locking the memories of home into some deep corner of her soul and throwing away the key. Now they rushed back and pressed against the corners of her skull, demanding to be remembered. For the truth to be told, instead of the sweet falsehood that was so much easier to bear.

“She’s the reason I became an archeologist,” Robin admitted. “I thought that if I did she would take me out to sea. I met her, once. The day Ohara burned. She told me she was proud of what I accomplished and sent me out alone. She died with the rest of the scholars trying to save the library.”

A lost cause, Robin knew. Had always known. Ohara had been doomed the moment the World Government pressed the golden den-den mushi. And still her mother stayed.

Perhaps it wouldn’t have made a difference, but Robin had always wondered what her life would have been like if she hadn’t. If anything would have changed if Robin had one person who she could trust and depend on instead of spending twenty years struggling to keep her head above water in a sea of loneliness and isolation.

“Why?” Usopp asked.

“I wish I knew,” Robin said. “She said I would understand someday, but it hasn’t come yet.”

It occurred to Robin then that she was doing a very poor job, sharing her own woes instead comforting Usopp. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly through her nose before turning back to look at him properly. It was difficult to find a smile for him, but she managed. The caustic aftertaste of her own bitterness twisted it into something less than genuine.

“I’ve worshiped my mother and cursed her name, sometimes in the same breath. I’ve hated her, and loved her, and wanted her, and wished I never knew her all at once. I’ve dreamed of seeing her and wanted nothing more than to hurt her beyond the grave. It’s not logical, and there was a time when it almost consumed me.” Robin paused, more memories of an angry and self-destructive adolesce causing an involuntary shudder down her spine.

Really, it was a wonder she was still alive at all. There had been nothing left after the rage burnt itself out, the pressing need of her own survival giving her little time to nurse the hurt into a wrath that could sustain itself. Bit by bit the weight of life had pressed against her, smothering what little hope she had left and leaving a bleak wasteland that made Robin want to curl up and die.

After all, she’d twice been abandoned by her own mother. Who would want a monster as unlovable as that?

“I just don’t understand why he never came back,” Usopp said after the silence went on a beat too long to be considered comfortable. “Or write, or something. Was he trying to protect us?”

He looked down at his hands, calluses and fine white scars crisscrossing into a map that laid out the path of his adventures. He clenched them into fists, the strain pulling the tendons taunt against his knuckles.

“Did he forget about us? Does he know what happened to Mom? Does he even care ?”

Usopp kicked at the leg of the table, then yelped when he succeeded in stubbing his toe. His eyes shone with unshed tears, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. Robin knew the physical pain wasn’t their source.

“I don’t know,” Robin said. The blunt truth startled another yelp out of him, and Usopp looked up at her with his jaw slack and an unguarded look of terror in his eyes. Robin felt her expression soften, and she reached out to lay her hand over his.

It had been a long time since her touch could offer comfort instead of destruction. The simple act of holding his hand brought back more memories, one that was neither the tearing pain of her miserable childhood nor the false nostalgia that she’d hidden behind for so long. It was a healing sort of hurt, powerful in its simplicity, and Robin gave a soft, reassuring squeeze.

I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.

“What I do know is that your father is still alive,” Robin said gently, “and when the right time comes I believe that you will have the courage to face him.” She paused, one last silence in a day that had been full of them.

“And...you don’t have to follow his path. No matter how similar you are, no matter how much of him rests in your heart, you are not your father.”

Robin thought back to that last meeting with her mother. She had been honest when she said she didn’t understand why she had stayed behind. Her mother had chosen her dream over the people she loved. Despite Robin’s best efforts to convince herself otherwise, as time passed and she became, if not unbiased, then more openminded, it became clear that her mother had loved her very, very much.

He mother said that Robin would someday understand, and when faced with the same impossible choice Robin thought she finally would. Had her mother been at Water 7 Robin had no doubt that she would have chosen her own survival over the life of the Straw Hat Pirates. After all, that’s what she had done at Ohara.

But Robin couldn’t. Twenty years later, and she was still no closer to understanding. She made her peace with that. She had to, or the contradiction would have torn her in two.

Usopp broke through her ruminations with a hug that threatened to crush her. Robin sprouted arms to keep her chair from tipping, then returned the embrace, digging her fingers into the rough fabric of his coveralls as if he’d disappear if she didn’t hold on with all her strength.

“Thanks, Robin,” he said, his voice muffled and wet.

Robin smiled, not caring when a tear slipped down her cheek. She had no answer, safe to tighten her hold, the silence holding more understanding than words ever could

#creative-type writes #Nico Robin #usopp #one piece #One Piece Fanfiction #complicated family relationships are my jam #in case you couldn't tell

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whitecrossgirl · 5 years

Text

Out of Hand

AN: So this is an AU that I had previously written on my ff.net page under the same username but I thought I would edit and rewrite parts of it as my writing I feel has improved. I hope you enjoy it.

Fake Dating AU

“I’ve already promised myself to someone.”

Jaime had blurted out the lie before he could stop himself. The effect it had on his family was instantaneous. Tywin had flickered an eyebrow in surprise (the equivalent of any other person having their jaw on the floor), Cersei looked stunned by his announcement and Tyrion looked simply bemused, eager to watch the scene unfold. Tywin had originally summoned the three of them to discuss marriages which had meant scolding Tyrion for not yet consummating his marriage to Sansa Stark, scolding Cersei for her attitude towards her betrothal to Loras Tyrell and informing Jaime that he was sourcing a bride for him. The ideal would be one of Walder Frey’s numerous daughters and granddaughters or some daughter from one of their vassal houses.

It was the entirety of all of the changes that he would be facing since his return to the capital; being stripped from the Kingsguard, forced into a marriage with someone he didn’t know or care for, the useless lump of gold attached to his right wrist; that had caused Jaime’s mouth to act without informing his brain and blurted out the lie about already being engaged.

“Really?” Tywin asked finally. “Who is she?”

Jaime cursed his own stupidity as his mind began to race. Marriage. A wife. Children. The life he had always wanted but simultaneously never wanted was in front of him. He knew what Tywin’s unspoken questions were; what family was she from, what could they (Tywin) claim from the match, how suitable a bride was she and of course, how dare Jaime do something so independent without consulting him. As he tried to think of an answer, a believable answer, only one person came to mind. She would kill him for this but he had no other option. He couldn’t tell the truth now.

“Her name is Brienne. Brienne of Tarth,” Jaime answered, sealing both of their fates.

“That beast you dragged back here with you?” Cersei asked with a scoff. “You can’t be serious.”

“That’s enough,” Tywin said and Cersei fell silent at one, glaring at Jaime suspiciously instead. “She is Selwyn Tarth’s daughter.”

It wasn’t a question and Jaime wasn’t stupid enough to think it was. “She is, she stands to inherit the Sapphire Isles.”

“The Evenstar is also a possible rallying point for the Stormlands when Stannis Baratheon dies. Tarth have declared neutrality in this war, despite her own actions. It also has good trade routes, a strong fleet of ships and a strong control in the Narrow Sea. Not the most attractive of wives, but there are compensations.” Tywin stated, pragmatic to a fault. Jaime wasn’t surprised that Tywin had already found out so much information about Brienne and her homeland. Of course, control in the Stormlands was a higher benefit to Tywin than what some nameless Frey girl could give.

Every single Lannister match had been planned to ensure they controlled it all. Cersei’s first marriage got them the throne and the crownlands. Joffrey and Cersei would keep the Tyrells and Highgarden in the fold. Tyrion’s marriage to Sansa would get them the North and help secure the Eyrie through her blood relation to Lysa and Robin Arryn. Riverrun and the Twins was theirs after the Red Wedding. Myrcella’s marriage would secure them Dorne and when Tommen was old enough, they would find a suitable match for him too. With Jaime’s supposed marriage to Brienne, it would gain Tywin the Stormlands (possibly) as well as a higher control over the Narrow Sea. All that would remain would be the Iron Islands. Tywin Lannister would win the Game of Thrones; regardless of who actually sat on the Iron Throne.

“I don’t care about any of that,” Jaime admitted truthfully, now that there was no turning back, it was as if all the thoughts he had been suppressing about Brienne had burst forward. “She protected me, she helped me when I lost my hand. She kept me alive when I was at my lowest point. Brienne is honourable and true and I know it sounds absurd but her heart is where her true beauty lies.”

‘Gods save us, he does actually love her,’ Tyrion mused before he smiled at Jaime. “If that’s the case, then I wish you both every happiness Jaime. It’ll be good to have some honour in this family for once.”

“That’s enough Tyrion,” Tywin warned without looking at him. “If you have promised yourself to the Tarth woman and as she is a suitable match, we will hold the wedding in three weeks; before the Royal wedding.”

Wedding! Oh gods he was an idiot. He had not thought this through. He had expected Tywin to dismiss his supposed promise to Brienne or be sceptical of his feelings. He should have put the pieces together when Tywin had actually seemed approving of Brienne, or rather what he could benefit by having Jaime marry her. This was bad, this was really, really bad.

Brienne was going to kill him.

“Thank you Father, I’m pleased we have your blessing.” Jaime lied, managing to fake a sincere enough smile.

“She will join us for dinner tonight, I want to meet her properly.” Tywin stated, looking almost… pleased that Jaime was not arguing the marriage.

“Of course,” Jaime replied, feeling the panic inside him build even more. As Tywin dismissed them, Cersei had stormed off immediately, poison in her eyes at the idea of the beast from Tarth managing to steal Jaime, her Jaime from her. Jaime and Tyrion however rounded the corner, walked down the passageway and once Jaime was confident that they were out of earshot, calmly hit his head off of a locked door.

“Stupid! That was so stupid! We are so fucked!” Jaime muttered as the penny dropped for Tyrion.

“You haven’t proposed to her, have you, you stupid bastard?” Tyrion asked and Jaime rounded on him.

“I didn’t mean to say that. I panicked and I didn’t think he would take it seriously. I do care for her and she is a close friend but no, I didn’t ask her to marry me. We don’t feel that way about each other.” Jaime replied, ignoring the almost hurt feeling at the reminder that Brienne didn’t actually love him.

“Well you did say it.” Tyrion said heavily. It had been said. It could not be unsaid. Tywin expected Jaime and Brienne to marry and soon the word would be travelling around the Red Keep that the Kingslayer was so in love with Brienne the Beauty that he had asked her to marry him; Kingsguard and tradition be damned. Once the court knew, all of Westeros would know and they would have to get married. Tywin expected it and no one defied Tywin Lannister or made him look a fool and lived to tell the tale.

Brienne was definitely going to kill him.

“Come on, we need to speak to Brienne and Sansa before Cersei or anyone else does.” Tyrion warned and they headed for the water gardens where they had left Brienne and Sansa when they had been summoned to Tywin’s office. Since Jaime and Brienne’s arrival in Kings Landing, the four of them had banded together into a group. A band of rejects and misfits, Tyrion had dubbed it. The Kingslayer, the demon monkey, Brienne the Beauty and the disgraced daughter of a traitor. What a group they made. Still it meant that they could be honest between the four of themselves and each had three others that they could trust without question. Something that would be needed now.

Sure enough, Brienne and Sansa had been sitting by one of the fountains in the water gardens and it was Sansa who noticed the grim expressions on their faces as they approached and felt a familiar sense of dread in her stomach. Something terrible had happened again. “What is it? What’s happened?”

“Not here,” Tyrion warned as he led them to the secluded waterside where Jaime, Brienne and Bronn practiced their sparring away from prying eyes. The sound of the waves crashing against the stones would ensure anything they said would be drowned out and not even one of Varys’ many little birds would overhear them.

“What’s happened?” Sansa asked again fearfully. If it was something that couldn’t be overheard then it was something terrible.

“Our father was speaking to the three of us about marriages. Ours, Cersei and Loras and he was discussing planning a match for Jaime when Jaime decided to inform our father that he had promised himself to someone else. A love match apparently.” Tyrion explained to Sansa and Brienne.

“I don’t understand,” Sansa said, puzzled as Brienne hit a realistation and her shoulders slumped.

“Jaime, you didn’t.” Brienne said as Jaime looked at her and turned scarlet. “Jaime what were you thinking?!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Jaime protested. “He was talking about removing me from the Kingsguard and about marriages and a suitable bride and I just thought of you and I panicked and it just came out.”

“You told your father that we were promised to wed. Is this some sort of sick joke?” Brienne asked; that had to be it. Another cruel joke against her because of course handsome, rich Jaime Lannister would want to marry her.

“It’s not a joke! He was talking about marriage and you were the only person I could think of who I would want to be married to. You’re kind and brave and strong and you think you’re hideous but your eyes are beautiful and your smile lights up your face and I know this sounds forced but it’s not. I know it’s a bad situation but I know how I feel about you. It’s not a joke. It’s never been a joke for me.” Jaime confessed, finally letting some of the thoughts and feelings that he thought he had hidden away through.

“Jaime, we need to be rational.” Brienne said after a tense moment of silence. “Your father expects us to wed, everyone will. How are we supposed to do this?”

“We will work it out,” Jaime reassured. “We will have to make it look believable.”

“But it’s unbelievable.” Brienne argued. This whole situation was unbelievable. Damn Jaime for his stupid lie, forcing them into this mess and damn his stupid confession as it was causing her to question the stupid thoughts and feelings that she had forced away since Harrenhall.

“You’re going to have to make it believable. Jaime, you saw how Cersei was; she doesn’t believe this for a moment and Father won’t believe it until the two of you are in the Sept and married. If he even suspects that any of this was pretend or false; then it will be unthinkable.” Tyrion warned them both as Sansa nervously spoke up.

“If anyone had heard what Jaime had said a few minutes ago, they would believe he was in love with Brienne. You could have had to hide how you felt when you were travelling, in order to keep each other safe. It could have been a habit that you’ve just found difficult to break until your father knew of the engagement and it became official.” Sansa suggested; everyone was hiding something here. This was where all the liars were, even the terrible ones like her.

“Exactly, you already are good friends and everyone has seen how the two of you talk and laugh with one another. It will be the more physically affectionate side that you will need to start showing; hand holding, linked arms, kisses, that sort of thing.” Tyrion suggested; if he was honest with himself, he had suspected since they had arrived in the capital that there was more than just friendship or companionship between Jaime and Brienne. Clearly both of them had repressed it just deep enough to hide it from one another but now it was time to force that into the open.

“That will be the difficult part,” Brienne stated and Tyrion dismissed it with a wave of his hand.

“It will take practice. If Sansa can act like she’s not repulsed by me, the two of you can fake affection for each other.” Tyrion quipped and Sansa smiled softly.

“I’m not repulsed by you.” Sansa protested and Tyrion smiled at her. Their marriage was a sham but they were just trying to make the most of a bad situation and survive as best they could.

The next few hours were spent coaching Jaime and Brienne on how to act. Part of the difficulty came from the fact that both of them felt like little children playacting. It all just seemed forced and wrong. The barrier of awkwardness between the two of them didn’t help matters. It was strange; they had shared a bath together and during their travels had seen the other wash, piss and shit without blinking an eye. But something as simple as walking with their arms linked seemed almost unbearably awkward. The sun was beginning to set by the time they felt comfortable enough to even try returning to the Red Keep for their evening meal. As they made their way back up the steps, Jaime took Brienne’s hand and squeezed it tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Jaime apologised sincerely. “I never meant for you to get caught up in this.”

“We just need to get through it,” Brienne said and smiled suddenly. “I just realised,”

“What?” Jaime asked.

“This is probably the longest you’ve gone without insulting me. Maybe we can make this work.”

“We will,” Jaime reassured, looking her in the eyes. “I do care deeply for you Brienne. I don’t know exactly what this is but I know how I feel is real. Even if this isn’t.”

“Thank you Jaime,” Brienne said as they wandered through the gardens and found a few people shooting them not to subtle looks. Time to make it seem real. Brienne lowered her head and kissed his cheek. “Kindness suits you.”

Jaime felt a wide, silly smile cross his face as he resisted the temptation to touch the spot where she had kissed him. As they walked through the gardens and into the Red Keep; it was clear that the news of their engagement had started to circle, as had different rumours about their travels; as courtiers and servants alike, shared looks and whispers as they passed.

“I heard she helped him escape Robb Stark singlehandedly.”

“Apparently he saved her from a wild bear.”

“She’s not the prettiest one but she’s definitely more than what the Kingslayer deserves.”

Jaime rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb as he considered that last remark. Brienne was definitely more than what he deserved. Jaime paused in his tracks and turned to face Brienne. In that instant, time seemed to stand still as he stroked her cheek before he leaned in to kiss her. He knew that she hadn’t kissed a man before but she didn’t hesitate in kissing him back. Believable. It had to be believable. They broke apart, smiled at one another before continuing towards their destination.

Just a kiss between two lovers. Nothing else.

As they entered the room, they found Tyrion and Sansa just taking their seats. It seemed Joffrey and Tommen had not been expected to attend this dinner. Tywin was stood beside the table, clearly waiting on their arrival. Cersei was already sat that the table, glaring daggers at both Jaime and Brienne who both tightened their grip on the other’s hand. Showtime.

“Father, may I introduce you to Lady Brienne of Tarth, my future bride.” Jaime said politely as Brienne smiled and bowed at Tywin.

“My lord, it’s an honour to meet you.” Brienne said politely as Tywin managed to hide any shock or surprise at Brienne bowing.

“It is a pleasure to meet you,” Tywin replied politely as they took their seats. As the meal was served, Jaime and Brienne managed to keep their hastily contrived story of how they apparently discovered how they felt and Jaime’s proposal. They managed to join in with Tyrion’s joking, deflect any sharp comments or criticism from Cersei and even Tywin seemed won over by Brienne. Although it was hard to tell, he also could have been constipated. As their second course was served, Jaime scowled at the portion of mutton on his plate and picked up his fork.

“Let me,” Brienne said quietly, taking his plate and cutting the meat up for him. As she did so, Jaime smiled softly at her, touched by the gesture. Brienne’s action and Jaime’s reaction hadn’t gone unnoticed by everyone else at the table who watched the tender action between the two with a growing realisation.

It may have started out as something pretend.

Only now, it seemed to have become very real.

#game of thrones #fic #braime #jaime x brienne #jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #Tyrion Lannister #Sansa Stark #tywin lannister #Cersei Lannister #fake dating AU

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