Satan, greeting Asmodeus: Good morning.
Satan, greeting Belphegor: Good morning.
Satan, greeting Lucifer: Not you. You can choke.
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MC: Have I ever told you you’re a really nice person?
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Lucifer: Michael, Raphael.
Michael: Hello Lucifer.
Raphael: You’ve aged.
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Obey Me really holds me back on being the himbo that I am. 👏🏻👏🏻 I don’t need to pretend to be respectable !! Let me be foolish!!!!
Uriel: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Lucifer: You need to stop.
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Beel: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
MC: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Beel: Three of us saw it, MC. How do you explain that?
MC: *Points at Belphie* Sleep deprivation. *Points at Levi* Paranoia. *Points at Lucifer* Delusional personality disorder.
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Beel: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Asmo: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Levi: Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Satan: Forks are Stabby Grabbies.
MC: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Belphie: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Mammon: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Lucifer: *Annoyed* You are disappointments.
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MC: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.
Lucifer: ....Your what?
MC: My friends.
Mammon: Are they saying “friends”?
Levi: I think they're being sarcastic.
Belphie: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, MC! All of your friends are in this room.
MC: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.
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Lucifer: January 13th, 2014. The day you fell madly in love with me!
Lucifer: The day you flirted with me for twenty seconds and I became obsessed with you forever.
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dee reynolds and satan are actually pretty similar
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MC: *Trying to convince Lucifer to join the group* You know...I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really...strong!
Mammon: And loud!
Satan: And grumpy!
Belphie: And oblivious to reality!
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Eleanor: So me and Emily-
Zahid: Wait - who's Emily?
Eleanor: My girlfriend?
Laura: You and Hazel broke up?!
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MC: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?
Satan: Have everyone stand.
Beel: Bring three more chairs!
Lucifer: The most important ones can sit down.
Belphie: Kill three.
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MC: So, your plan is to live the rest of your life being scared of Lucifer?
Mammon, scoffing: Well, that’s not my only plan.
Mammon: Someday I’d like to plant a vegetable garden.
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Satan: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Belphie: This knife is actually a magic wand.
MC: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.
Levi: *Cocks gun* Magic missile.
Lucifer: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
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Diavolo: Barbatos melted cheese on top of a pickle to try to get me to eat it.
Lucifer: Did it work?
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MC: It’s just that you can be a bit judgmental.
Lucifer: What a stupid thing to say. Name one time when I have been judgmental.
Lucifer: What a stupid thing to say.
Lucifer: Oh, I see. Mere seconds ago.
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Chloe: hey babe, do you know any good jokes?
Lucifer: life. *laughs hysterically*
Chloe: I was hoping for a nice knock-knock joke, but nooooo. Now I have to call Linda. Again.
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