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#source: lucifer
Uriel: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Lucifer: You need to stop.
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msrosemagic · 2 days ago
Beel: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
MC: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Beel: Three of us saw it, MC. How do you explain that?
MC: *Points at Belphie* Sleep deprivation. *Points at Levi* Paranoia. *Points at Lucifer* Delusional personality disorder.
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msrosemagic · 3 days ago
Beel: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything? 
Asmo: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Levi: Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Satan: Forks are Stabby Grabbies.
MC: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Belphie: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Mammon: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Lucifer: *Annoyed* You are disappointments.
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msrosemagic · 4 days ago
MC: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.
Lucifer: ....Your what?
MC: My friends.
Mammon: Are they saying “friends”?
Levi: I think they're being sarcastic.
Belphie: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, MC! All of your friends are in this room.
MC: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.
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incorrectwicdivquotes · 4 days ago
Lucifer: January 13th, 2014. The day you fell madly in love with me!
Laura: Lucifer.
Lucifer: The day you flirted with me for twenty seconds and I became obsessed with you forever.
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msrosemagic · 6 days ago
MC: *Trying to convince Lucifer to join the group* You know...I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really...strong!
Mammon: And loud!
Satan: And grumpy!
Belphie: And oblivious to reality!
Lucifer: ......
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msrosemagic · 7 days ago
MC: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do? 
Satan: Have everyone stand. 
Beel: Bring three more chairs! 
Lucifer: The most important ones can sit down. 
Belphie: Kill three.
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fluffimemes · 7 days ago
MC: So, your plan is to live the rest of your life being scared of Lucifer?
Mammon, scoffing: Well, that’s not my only plan.
Mammon: Someday I’d like to plant a vegetable garden.
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msrosemagic · 8 days ago
Satan: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. 
Belphie: This knife is actually a magic wand. 
MC: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel. 
Levi: *Cocks gun* Magic missile. 
Lucifer: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
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fluffimemes · 8 days ago
Diavolo: Barbatos melted cheese on top of a pickle to try to get me to eat it.
Lucifer: Did it work?
Diavolo: Yeah...
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radnewspaper · 8 days ago
MC: It’s just that you can be a bit judgmental.
Lucifer: What a stupid thing to say. Name one time when I have been judgmental.
MC: Okay.
Lucifer: What a stupid thing to say.
[flashback ends]
Lucifer: Oh, I see. Mere seconds ago.
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