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#source: calvin and hobbes
incorrect-hs-quotes · 2 days ago
Vrissy: Mom, can I have Some Money to 8uy a Satan-Worshiping, Suicide-Advocating heavy metal al8um?
Kanaya: Vrissy, The Fact That These Bands Haven't Killed Themselves In Ritual Self-sacrifice Shows That They're Just In It For The Money Like Everyone Else.
Rose: It's all for effect.
Rose: If you want to shock and provoke, be sincere about it.
Vrissy: Mainstream commercial nihilism Can't 8e Trusted?!
Kanaya: Afraid Not, Kiddo.
Vrissy: Childhood is soooooooo Disillusioning.
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Obi wan: What would you do if I dropped my lightsaber again in the next battle?
Cody: Think of the worst thing possible then think of something 1000 times worse
Obi wan (scared): you would do that?
Cody: no I would do something even worse
Later after obi wan dropped lightsaber in the battle:
Obi wan getting chased by cody: HE PIQUED MY CURIOSITY!!!!!!!!!
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turagapohatu · 3 days ago
Takua: Another beautiful day on Mata Nui.
Takua: What a waste to be working on a day like this.
Jaller: What would you do if you could stay home today?
Takua: Sleep right through it.
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incorrectgta · 5 days ago
*Back when Tracey and Jimmy were little kids*
Jimmy: Tracey, how do people make babies?
Tracey: Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions.
Jimmy: *incredulously* I CAME FROM SEARS?!?!
Tracey: No, you were a Blue Light Special at Kmart. Almost as good, and a lot cheaper.
Jimmy: AUGH!
Amanda: *from another room* Tracey, what are you telling Jimmy now?
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Greg: People think it must be fun being a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Chirag: Isn't your pants zipper supposed to be in the front?
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incorrectbopquotes · 7 days ago
Helena: I'm in a horrible mood today, so everyone had better just stay out of my way!
Helena: ...
Helena: Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection.
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anywhere-but-here-plz · 7 days ago
Shuri: Look! Sam sees the letter! He’s picking it up! He’s reading the envelope!
Bucky: He’s walking over here....?
Sam: You dropped this letter for Shuri. Here
Bucky: Um... Gee, thanks
Shuri: Well that was awfully decent of him.
Bucky: ITS NO USE. ITS NO USE! Everybody gets good enemies except ME! *punches a nearby tree*
*Fyi this is pre fatws I’m not rejecting their new relationship or anything :)
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Yelana: I'm in a horrible mood today, so everyone had better beware!
Yelana: ...
Yelana: Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection.
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Joshua: Croquet is a gentleman's game.
Soonyoung: That's hard to believe. I've played before, and I can tell you the temptation to misuse those things is awful.
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incorrectwatamote · 8 days ago
Tomoko: This library book was due two days ago! What will they do? Are they going to interrogate me and beat me up? Are they going to break my knees? Will I have to sign some confessions?
Komi: They’ll fine you a little yen. Now go return it.
Tomoko: The way some of those librarians look at you, I naturally assumed the consequences would be more dire.
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Edgar: You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Usher: What mood is that? 
Edgar: Last minute panic.
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Drobit: Hey Drobot, did you know that gravity in outer space works as if space were a soft, flat surface? It’s true. Heavy matter, like planets, sink into the surface and anything passing by, like light, will “roll” toward the dip in space made by the planet. Light is actually deflected by gravity! Amazing, huh?
Drobit: And speaking of gravity, I dropped a pitcher of lemonade on the kitchen floor when my roller skates slipped.
Drobot, angrily mopping up the floor: How can kids know so much and still be so dumb?
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Trexel: People think it must be fun being a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
David-7: Isn't your pants zipper supposed to be in the front?
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incorrectmaxandmoritz · 13 days ago
(Max and Moritz are sleeping together in Moritz's room...)
Monster: Psst. Hey kid, c'mere under the bed. I've got a brand new toy for you.
Moritz: Uh oh. I think I saw a tentacle under the bed!
Max: Monsters!
Moritz: Turn on the lights! That makes monsters shrivel up.
Max: Good idea. (he turns the light on. *Click!*)
Monsters: (shriveling up) Aarrghhh! Aieeee! Aahhhhhh!! Gackk!
Max: Ha ha. We got 'em!
Moritz: Just the ones under the bed. We'd better open up the drawers and closet too, and get some light in those places!
Max: (opening drawers) By golly, no monsters are going to get US tonight! Wither and die, bloodsucking freaks of nature!!
Teacher Lämpel: (opens the door) Why is your light on? What in the world are you DOING?!?
Moritz: Monsters, Mr. Lämpel. They could be anywhere.
Teacher Lämpel: You're trashing your room at 1:00 in the morning, looking for MONSTERS?! If you don't get in bed this INSTANT, you'll have lot more to worry about than stupid MONSTERS!! (slams door)
Max: ... What we NEED is some way to shrivel HIM up.
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incorrectmaxandmoritz · 13 days ago
Moritz: Somebody told me rotten eggs smell bad.
Widow Tibbets: They smell TERRIBLE.
(Moritz leaves)
Widow Tibbets, almost immediately: Put 'em back, Moritz.
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incorrectmaxandmoritz · 13 days ago
Max: I got a goal!
Moritz: OK, the score is oogy to boogy.
Max: I already HAD oogy!
Moritz: You just ran into the invisible sector! You have to cover your eyes now, because everything is invisible to you!
Max: Invisible sector?? I didn't know we had an invisible sector! Where is it?
Moritz: You can't see it. It's invisible.
Max: How do I know I went in it then?
Moritz: You can't see anything, right?
Max: OK, so how do I get out?
Moritz: Somebody bonks you with the Maxball! I get another point!
Max: HEY! OW! WHY YOU... That was a rotten rule! I decree no more invisible sectors! ... In fact, I'll show YOU! YOU just ran into a vortex spot! You have to spin around until you fall down!
Moritz: Sorry, this vortex spot is in the boomerang zone, so the vortex turns to whoever calls it! YOU spin!
Moritz: You know the Maxball rules.
Max: Yeah, yeah, anything we make up. Well, you'll pay for this. (starts spinning) This game lends itself to certain abuses.
Moritz: Guess how you get out of the boomerang zone!
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Trexel: David, help! My head somehow got completely twisted around! Look, I can read the tag on my shirt! I can see down my own back!
Trexel: Oh, wait. There's my belly button. I guess I just have my shirt on backwards. Never mind, I've got my head on straight after all.
I.M.O.G.E.N.: I wouldn't go that far.
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incorrect-catcf-quotes · 15 days ago
Mike: Do you have any money?
Augustus: Nein.
Mike: Hmmm... how can we get some?
(They think for a moment.)
Mike: Who do we know that we could sue?
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incorrect-catcf-quotes · 15 days ago
Mike: (to Augustus) Hold still. There's a monster horsefly on your head.
(He hits Augustus in the back of the head with a flyswatter- *POW!*)
Mike, as the fly goes away: Can you believe it? I MISSED!
Mike, climbing a tree: So excuse me for trying to help! You wanna scratch a stinging welt all day? Fine! Go away!
Augustus, following him with a flyswatter: No, vait. Zere's a mosquito on you.
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