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#source: big bang theory
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Fizz: I made coffee.
Morbos: I don’t want coffee.
Fizz: I didn’t make you coffee. This is my coffee.
Morbos: Then why did you tell me?
Fizz: It’s a conversation starter.
Morbos: It’s a horrible conversation starter.
Fizz: Oh, is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.
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Malcolm: Big fight with my mother.
JT: Still arguing over which CSI is the best?
Malcolm: No, we agreed they all have their merits.
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Ainsley: Okay, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is an American classic.
Malcolm: So is the McRib sandwich. I don't care for that either.
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waterfire1848 · 12 hours ago
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Scorpia: So tell me, how did Hordak look with an earring?
Entrapta: Like the pirate who helps the other pirates connect to the internet.
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defaultjane · 23 hours ago
Conversation
Leon: Why don't we get to dress up for Halloween at work anymore?
Hunnigan: Remember when you and Helena decided to dress up as zombies and it triggered a quarantine?
Leon: Oh, yeah.
Helena: Heh, the CDC was so mad.
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Mike: Well, this sandwich is an unmitigated disaster. I asked for turkey and roast beef with lettuce and swiss on whole-wheat.
Charlie: What did they give you?
Mike: Turkey and roast beef with swiss and lettuce on whole-wheat. It’s the right ingredients but in the wrong order. In a proper sandwich the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce. They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.
Charlie: I don’t believe it.
Mike: I know, it’s basic culinary science.
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defaultjane · a day ago
Conversation
Leon: Hello, Ingrid.
Hunnigan: Hi.
Leon: Are you doing anything?
Hunnigan: No, I'm just sitting here at my desk, typing on my computer for nothing.
Leon: That was my guess but I didn't wanna assume.
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waterfire1848 · a day ago
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Bruce: Alfred, Diana and Clark are mad at me.
Alfred: Were you talking before they got mad?
Bruce: Yes.
Alfred: That’s probably why.
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gleeincorrectquotes · 2 days ago
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Artie : It’s a little white lie, everyone does it.
Rory : Not me. I’m 100% honest in all of my relationships.
Finn : And how single are you right now?
Rory : ‘Eating cake on the toilet’ single…
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aria: I did a bad thing.
mona: does it affect me?
aria: no?
mona: then suffer in silence.
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(At a bowling alley)
All (chanting): Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike!
Mike: Excuse me. I don’t know who you’re chanting for as I am currently the ball.
All (chanting): The ball! The ball! The ball! The ball! The ball! The ball!
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mudbend · 3 days ago
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Suyin: I did a bad thing
Lin: Does it affect me?
Suyin: No
Lin: Then suffer in silence 
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Augustus: It vas pretty cool.
Wonka: Aw, it’s so cute when you use the word cool wrong. It’s like when kids say “pasgetti”.
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*Mike and Violet getting married*
Violet: I can't imagine loving you more than I do right now. But I felt that way yesterday and the day before yesterday and the day before that.
Mike: Is that growth linear or accelerating?
Violet: Accelerating.
Mike: Oh, maybe we could graph it out.
Charlie: Save something for the honeymoon.
Mike: Smart.
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bluemoonbeam15 · 3 days ago
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*Flik and Atta getting married*
Atta: I can't imagine loving you more than I do right now. But I felt that way yesterday and the day before yesterday and the day before that.
Flik: Is that growth linear or accelerating?
Atta: Accelerating.
Flik: Oh, maybe we could graph it out.
Francis: Save something for the honeymoon.
Flik: Smart.
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Conversation
Augustus: I've reconsidered your offer to let me work mit you.
Violet: *For* me.
Augustus: Yes, *for* you. I do, however, have a few conditions. First, at all times I am to be treated as a fellow ticket vinner und an eqval. Second, mein contributions shall be noted in all published materials. Und zird, you are never allowed to lecture me on Germany or my German culture.
Violet: I'm impressed, Gus. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.
Augustus: Danke.
Violet: I reject them all.
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Malcolm: It was pretty cool.
Dani: Aw, it’s so cute when you use the word cool wrong. It’s like when kids say “pasgetti”.
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Violet: I'm not sleeping on the couch 'cause you don't know what's private and what's not.
Mike: This isn't fair. You've discussed aspects of our physical relationship with Veruca.
Violet: That's different! She's a close friend, not the lady Oompa Loompa in the cafeteria who cuts the crust off your sandwiches!
Mike: That Oompa has a name. I don't know what it is, but one time, I accidentally called her "Mom".
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Charlie: Since when did you start caring about other people’s feelings?
Mike: Hm ... well, I laughed when Veruca got a shock from those broken Christmas tree lights so... it was sometime after that?
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