Preliminaries round 1 Coin Bracket
Penny (SpongeBob) vs The Penny (US Currency) vs The Giant Penny (Batman) vs the Coin “Boss��� (Blaseball)
Propaganda under the cut
Penny (SpongeBob) Propaganda
• The penny from SpongeBob’s “Indoors” song. Has the most beautiful voice, according to Patrick.
• ok so you remember that episode of spongebob where he refuses to leave his house and starts talking to inanimate objects? specifically a chip a penny and a used tissue?? and then sandy and patrick finally get him to leave his house and then they get attacked by a gorilla??? anyway im submitting the penny
The Penny (US Currency)
• It is Shiny, it is long lived. Truly there is no greater Penny than that which lives in your wallet and couch cushions?
The Giant Penny (Batman)
• Truly an Iconic Penny
• Is literally a very large penny
The Coin “Boss” (Blaseball)
• The Coin is the physical embodiment of capitalism. She was a sentient coin who implemented many new rules upon Internet League Blaseball, and eventually suffered deicide at the hands of over a dozen Blaseball teams that rushed the mound. She served as the antagonist for seasons 12-24 of the Beta, also known as the Expansion Era. After the players killed the Shelled One, she took over as the new boss for Internet League Blaseball (distinct from the commissioner, who was Parker MacMillan III, IIII, or IIIII, depending on what era it was). She pushed Internet League Blaseball into a new era of peace and prosperity, with a focus on profits. A number of these resulted in expansions of the snacks, and one of the most controversial was the decision to vault players, locking them away from our plane of existence or understanding. She later introduced Consumers, which looked suspiciously like sharks. As teams became weighed down by their players' Soulscreams, they were more likely to be attacked, resulting in players having their stats reduced. Chorby Soul was perhaps the biggest victim of this, being attacked by consumers over 100 times and being incinerated three separate times. In the 24th and final season of the Expansion Era, a black hole opened and began swallowing teams. However, many teams banded together to charge the mound and commit deicide on The Coin. "There is no blood, because there is no guilt." - The Garages, Deicide.
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for blaseball au. any of the girls :gun:
I’ll give you our two most plot important girls from both legs of the AU! (Cleo and season 2 Shelby) How about that!
Zombie Cleo is a pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints. When she's off the field, she spends her time standing ominously in graveyards, picking fights with the Spearmint, and going to Garages gigs when Joe is headlining.
Cleo was a season 1 member of the Breath Mints and takes the Jaylen Hotdogfingers roll in this universe, meaning that when the Forbidden Book opens in the first election, she is killed. She is resurrected back onto the Mints in season 7, kills people for a season, dies again in season 10, saves the world, and then just has to live like a normal person again. It's fine. She's fine.
Her closest friends in the league are Joe, who retreated to the Shadows to bring her back, and Gem, who replaced her when she died the first time. The fact that she has managed to find her way back to Kansas City every time is a miracle in and of itself, but it's even more of a miracle that she still likes it there after all of this. And she does! It's her home, and despite everything, Cleo does still enjoy the game, in some way.
Garages Song Assignment: dead ringer
Shelby Moore was a shortstop for the Yellowstone Magic, a shortstop for the Houston Spies, and is currently a Shadows player for the Spies. She spends her time off the field learning magic, staring longingly at the frog enclosure at the zoo, and visiting New York for the sole purpose of seeing Katherine.
Shelby was a season 1 player for the Magic, where she became close friends with Xornoth. She was with him when he died, and though she tried to befriend his replacement, False, she didn't have much time to before she was killed in season 3, at which point she picks up a pseudo-Chorby Soul role in this world. She spent a very long time in the Hall of Flame- 10 seasons and the entire grand siesta- when she was resurrected onto the Spies kinda as a joke. She came back with an Observation debt that she's stuck with for at least two seasons before it gets rerolled into Haunted. During the time she was debted, she hits both Sausage and Katherine, but thankfully both of them avoid getting Redacted.
She has perhaps the world's worst time getting munched by Consumers and it takes until her soulscream is a fraction of what it used to be, she's been playing without stars for years, and has just been generally suffering for the Spies finally send her to the Shadows in season 20. Shelby spends the final four seasons before the end of the world getting therapy in the Shadows, befriending Sausage and False, spending time with her girlfriend, and working at an apothecary's just to keep herself sane.
Garages Song Assignment: the unlikely resurrection of chorby soul / soul music [LIVE @ RIV]
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soulscream
whumptober day 1 | alternative prompt: "broken" | word count: 1572
fandom: Stranger Things | characters: Steve and Robin | cw: daemon-related torture, major character death (ish) | tags: daemon au, unhappy ending (for now)
Robin will hate herself forever for it, but part of her sees the whole “getting kidnapped and slapped around by Russian guards” thing as a big fucking adventure, a wild story that she’ll be able to tell people when they ask her how she spent her summer, right up until they start beating Steve’s daemon.
And then everything gets really real, really fast.
Her ears start ringing after the first hit, like it’s her they’ve just suckerpunched instead of Steve’s fucking soul, and all of her clever plans of a glorious escape turn to static in her brain. Steve screams, short and agonized, and she can feel his whole body spasming against her.
They’re tied back to back. She can see Estella but he can’t, he couldn’t even see the blow coming.
This isn’t happening. This isn’t—this isn’t something that happens.
The guard draws back his arm again. The baton comes back down. Steve screams again, somehow louder.
“Who do you work for?” the guard asks, swinging the baton back and forth like a batter getting ready to hit a home run. He sounds almost bored. Like this is something he does every day. Like this is normal.
“I—I don’t—” Steve gasps. “I don’t—please—please no—”
Another whistle of air, another crack. Estella whines, high and animal-like, like she’s a real dog. The general laughs from somewhere behind her.
“They start leaking Dust, after a while,” he says. “I’ve always found it a pretty sight. Most disagree. I will not have my men stop when you start to dissolve, Butterscotch. Who. Do you. Work. For?”
“No one,” Steve sobs. “No one, please—”
Another swing. Another. Another, another, another, too fast for Robin to track, too fast for her to distinguish them.
“Stop!” she hollers. “Stop, we don’t know anything, we’re just kids, he doesn’t…he didn’t do anything to you, stop!”
“Would you rather we ask your hummingbird?” the general snorts. The guard lifts his foot, lets it hover over Estella’s paw. “You did spit at me, after all. You did something.”
Achilles curls up against her chest, whole body vibrating like a tiny heart. God if they started…if they started hitting him…one strike of that baton would be enough to kill him, to kill her.
The guard crushes his foot down. Gold starts to seep out from underneath it, pooling over the floor like dry ice smoke. Steve’s whole body contracts, jolting so hard that for a moment Robin thinks he’ll knock them both over.
“Please,” Robin whispers, watching helplessly as Steve’s soul bleeds all over the cold tile floor. “Please.”
It’s all either of them can say for the next—hour she thinks? Longer? Steve stops screaming at some point, stops struggling against her. If it weren’t for the feeling of his breaths, and Estella’s long, continuous whimpers, she’d think he was dead.
“Stop,” the general says eventually, when there’s a veritable pool of Dust around Estella, bright and gleaming as a firework. Fuck, they were supposed to be watching the fireworks today, they were supposed to steal a gallon of ice cream out of the freezer and lug it up the big hill behind the mall, they were supposed to be goddamn children about it—
“You are very good at keeping quiet,” he says, and there’s rustling behind her. Steve’s warmth disappears from her back, and then she’s being hauled upwards, hands gripping her arms. She doesn’t fight them. She doesn’t want to give them any more excuses to—god there were knives on the fucking table, and pliers, and a fucking bonesaw, and she doesn’t know if the Russians are planning on using them on her, or Steve, or Estella, and—
“Most men would have spilled everything by now,” the general continues as his men bully Robin forward, and she can finally, finally make eye contact with Steve.
He’s conscious. Standing. But there’s something horribly, horribly wrong with his eyes.
They’re shuttered. Or empty. Or gone, or—
“Steve,” she croaks, trying to reach for him. One of the men yanks her arms back, hissing a command in Russian in her ear.
“But you’d let us break you without answering the most basic question. So either you are a better spy than any man I’ve ever trained, or you truly are just a know-nothing child.”
He tuts, almost sympathetically. Behind Robin, there’s a rattling of chains, a loud whine, the sound of a body being dragged over the floor. Steve twitches, tears slipping from his empty eyes as he’s finally able to see what they’ve done to him. Estella makes a noise like a sob, legs twitching as she tries to gather them underneath her.
She fails. They keep dragging her like a sack of meat, smearing gold across the tiles. Bile sloshes in Robin’s stomach.
“For what it’s worth,” the general says, shoving Steve towards the door. He stumbles over his own feet, whole body hunched over in pain. “I do hope it’s the former. I truly do. But either way…either way we are out of time to ask you things. But worry not. We will learn something from you nonetheless.”
“What are you gonna do to me?” Steve croaks.
Me. Not us. Robin wonders if the thought of them hurting her is so unthinkable Steve hasn’t even considered it, or if he’s trying to keep them from realizing it's a possibility.
“You have seen our accomplishments, yes?” the general says. He parades them out of the cell, one hand on Steve’s shoulder like he might try to run. Like he wouldn’t get a bullet in the soul for trying. “You have seen the rift. We believe there is another world on the other side, and we would like very much for our scientists to explore that world. But there are many possible dangers that we do not yet know how to prepare for.”
“So you wanna throw me in?”
Steve doesn’t sound like he’s discussing the concept of being thrown into a fucking hellworld with his torturer. He sounds like he’s asking his fucking basketball coach if he really wants him to play the second half.
“No,” the general laughs. “No. We do not want to see what you might get up to unmonitored. But there is a test you may help us with.”
If she were a hero, Robin would tell them to do it to her. She would tell them that Steve had had enough. She would tell them that they’d already broken him.
But she’s not a hero. She’s not a hero, and she’s watching a daemon bleed on the ground, and this doesn’t fucking happen. So her vocal cords stay frozen shut, and Achilles stays safe against her heart, and she does nothing to stop whatever’s about to happen to Steve.
They push through another set of doors and there’s the rift. Most of it looks just as it had before, a violent mess of red and black spreading over the wall like a disgusting fungus, but there’s an opening right in the middle. Not quite big enough for a person.
“I’m told we finally broke through while we were having our…discussion,” the general says. He inclines his head, and the two men holding Estella start dragging her over to a massive cage on the end of a chain. “And so you get to assist us with our first, and most important test. To make sure the daemonic bond can survive unscathed between dimensions.”
“No,” Steve whispers, glancing between the cage and the rift. “No, you—what’s that gonna do?”
“We don’t know,” the general says. “Hopefully nothing.”
Steve looks at her wildly as the guards bundle Estella into the cage. Help me. Do something. She can read that as clear as if he said it.
But she can’t move. She can’t speak. Her feet are frozen to the floor and her tongue is glued to her mouth. She’s a bug encased in amber, and she can do nothing but watch as the two guards hoist Estella’s cage between them.
“Steve,” the daemon groans, Dust spilling from her mouth like vomit. “I love—”
The guards hurl the cage forward, right through the opening in the rift.
Robin stands there.
Steve’s knees buckle.
“Get her out,” he gasps. “Get her out, get her—get her out, get her out, fucking get her out of there!”
The general barks an order and the two guards scramble for the chain. Steve collapses entirely, limbs jerking and thrashing against his binds.
“Get her out!” he wails. “Please, dear God, get her—”
And he just…stops.
All at once, like the power’s been cut to his brain. His limbs stop jerking, his eyes stop rolling. He goes completely and utterly still.
Robin stands there.
The general leans down, presses his fingers against Steve’s jugular. Frowns.
“Playing dead will not work with me, Butterscotch,” he says.
Robin stands there.
The two guards haul the cage back out of the void. It’s empty.
Everything freezes for a minute. The general stares at the cage, and for the first time in this entire fucked-up ordeal, Robin thinks she catches a flash of guilt in her eyes.
He murmurs something under his breath.
Robin will spend the next week pouring over Russian dictionaries and anthropological texts to learn both the phrase and the meaning behind it. When she does, it won’t tell her anything she doesn’t already know.
Living broken.
Severed.
Steve is severed. His soul is dead. He'll be an empty shell for the rest of his life.
And Robin just stands there.
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so the thing is that for me, personally, megan and parker both are much better as historical evidence than as characters who are actively involved in contributing. and i feel this way about a great many things. because, you see, when you put things into the random number generator without any qualifications, things can happen to them. and as things happen to them, they can lose their impact.
firewalker killed two teams. that's hard, sure, but it's laughable compared to the absolute carnage that was in pre-history. parker wasn't even good. similarly, re-rolling all the stats at the start of coronation era (and tossing everyone onto random teams) didn't allow us to preserve the legacies of characters who had been stars, who had been historically spectacular players.
i recognize that this is a bit against the idea of "randomness" as blb liked it to be, but like. if they can change jesstel's peanut allergy because she's coming up as a star player back in early discipline, if chorby soul can be vaulted to stop people abusing the soulscream, then clearly there are instances in which it is agreed that randomness is not as important as preserving narratives.
i am a spoilsport, in many ways. i think anyone on the hall stars/pods should have been retired after discipline. i think mike and jaylen should have been retired, too. incinerated players are deceased and alternated players are gone, yadda yadda. stories should be allowed to end in order to preserve the ways in which they ended. to give them an end at all, even.
so like. megan and parker were best within the confines of prehistory, and that's my stance. sometimes stories are better as a history than as a living, breathing document, and we can pull from those in order to create a new thing that draws on them directly but does not take them and continue to beat the dead horse, as it were. because then you end up with characters whose stories don't make sense and whose lore is convoluted and drawn out and unsatisfactory, despite an ending earlier on that provided closure and satisfaction.
(if you call this discourse in any way, i will block you. i'm not intending to start shit. i'm just pondering, because i have my own thoughts about this. it is not tagged, it is behind a cut, reblogs are turned off, and it is on my blog. if you don't like it, then simply do not look.)
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Penny poll bracket 4 Finals!
The Coin “Boss” (Blaseball) vs
Alfred Pennyworth (DC Comics)
Propaganda under the cut
The Coin “Boss” (Blaseball)
The Coin is the physical embodiment of capitalism. She was a sentient coin who implemented many new rules upon Internet League Blaseball, and eventually suffered deicide at the hands of over a dozen Blaseball teams that rushed the mound. She served as the antagonist for seasons 12-24 of the Beta, also known as the Expansion Era. After the players killed the Shelled One, she took over as the new boss for Internet League Blaseball (distinct from the commissioner, who was Parker MacMillan III, IIII, or IIIII, depending on what era it was). She pushed Internet League Blaseball into a new era of peace and prosperity, with a focus on profits. A number of these resulted in expansions of the snacks, and one of the most controversial was the decision to vault players, locking them away from our plane of existence or understanding. She later introduced Consumers, which looked suspiciously like sharks. As teams became weighed down by their players' Soulscreams, they were more likely to be attacked, resulting in players having their stats reduced. Chorby Soul was perhaps the biggest victim of this, being attacked by consumers over 100 times and being incinerated three separate times. In the 24th and final season of the Expansion Era, a black hole opened and began swallowing teams. However, many teams banded together to charge the mound and commit deicide on The Coin. "There is no blood, because there is no guilt." - The Garages, Deicide.
Alfred Pennyworth (DC Comics)
• The most man of all time. He’s a father, he’s a butler, he’s the smartest guy there. Iconic!!
• Honestly, wanted to make sure he made it in for the poll runner. But, he's badass, even if I don't typically go for DC characters.
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