#sort of me just rambling

[missmrah]

what did u think of greywaren

I don’t normally get this kind of ask so this is actually exciting for me! Even though I’m still working through a lot of my feelings (and will probably require a re-read at some point to fully process), I’ll try to summarize my current thoughts without direct spoilers… warning: some of my takeaway is not exactly positive. 

I think, for me at least, the plot of The Dreamer Trilogy, and especially Greywaren, often required too much willing suspension of disbelief. 

It suffers from existing within the established universe of The Raven Cycle while attempting to vastly expand upon it. New and then subsequent revelations regarding Dreamers/Dreams, the Mods/Visionaries, and *spoilers* about Ronan himself that were meant to advance the plot and up the stakes, often felt cheaply contrived. Worse, sometimes these contrivances actually felt like Stiefvater was coming just shy of retconning the events of her previous works, retroactively adding to the narrative to the point of making it nearly unrecognizable. 

This meant that as I found myself constantly having to reevaluate my understanding of how this universe operates it wasn’t generally in a way that I felt the storytelling had earned; there weren’t enough satisfying moments of, “OMG, I should have/didn’t see that coming (that’s so cool)?!” Instead, my response was more often, “Oh… yeah okay. I guess I can accept that.” To be clear, this didn’t ruin my enjoyment, but the fact is, I might have genuinely loved the events and twists in Greywaren if there had been a little more groundwork to make them feel less unprecedented (an example would be the nature/origin of the Visionaries, which introduced about a million questions and the only explanations we were given were the ones convenient for the immediate story, which unfortunately I remain unconvinced made much sense within the context of the universe?) For me, a little extra thoughtful foreshadowing would have gone a long way. (To be honest, I felt this way sometimes while reading Blue Lily, Lily Blue and also The Raven King). Ultimately, if TDT had existed independent of TRC, the extended scope of the world and the magic that exists in it wouldn’t have introduced so many glaring gaps in consistency… but therein lies another problem: if it hadn’t been about the Lynch brothers I might not have read it in the first place.

All of that said, I actually did really enjoy Greywaren, and I came around to some of the story choices that at first I had found hard to swallow. Stiefvater’s dedication to character exploration and development in both TRC and TDT is what really makes her writing shine and both these series bring to life a compelling cast of characters that practically spill off the page with their raw and messy emotions, at once loveable and agonizingly human and so very deeply and beautifully flawed. In the end, I find that the heart she brings to these characters and their feelings and relationships with one another is more than enough to make up for the confounding plot twists that occasionally lead to somewhat bewildering or unsatisfying payoffs. But really, so what if I’m not overly attached to the world building? Let’s not pretend my investment in these novels was ever for anything other than the emotional journey of Ronan Lynch et all—and later Hennessy and co as I came to love them too—and in that department I think Greywaren absolutely delivered. (I might have liked to see more Adam Parrish, and more mentions of his dreamt motorcycle too… but this is why we have fanfic!)

I hope this wasn't too long, sometimes I get carried away xx

#greywaren #the dreamer trilogy #the raven cycle #ronan lynch #sort of a review #sort of me just rambling #thanks for the ask!

[goldensunset]

did you know? if you do your laundry you can get your clothes back

#fascinating stuff. let’s see if i (person with the worst executive dysfunction when it comes to doing laundry) remember it #i literally have this issue where i’ll let dirty clothes pile up in the laundry basket for an entire month #like it takes me that long to get around to it #and then- who would’ve thought- i find that i don’t have anything good to wear. strange! #finally did it last night and i’m like ohhh that was so difficult but the payoff finally #augh #peach rambles #hall of fame i guess #shut up about socks. idc. #this was a fun positivity post of sorts it’s about overcoming executive dysfunction #derailing into jokes about losing socks is. it’s not horrible but just boring and annoying #it was supposed to be celebration!! and encouragement!!!

[thebibliosphere]

One of the really fun and interesting things about writing a polyamorous romance as someone who is ambiamorous/polyamorous is finding new ways to make sure the narrative hits the expected genre beats without just sort of... mushing it into a pre-existing monogamous romance mold, which is what I'm afraid happens a lot of the time.

Trust me, it was my job in the publishing house to make them fit that mold. I hated it.

Reading other poly-centric romances, I can always somewhat tell when someone is writing polyamory from a sexual fantasy aspect (zero shade; I'm here for all the group sex) without actually considering how it functions as a relationship dynamic, which can often come off as... well.

It's lacking for me as a romance.

Erotica-wise, it's fine. But it misses the romantic beats for me that I want as a polyamorous-leaning person.

There's so much emphasis on the polycule and never the individual dyads within the larger relationship.

For example, in a triad, there are actually four relationships to handle.

The dyad between A + B. The dyad between A + C. The dyad between B + C. And the overarching relationship between A + B + C.

With monogamous-leaning authors or authors that've been pressed into conforming to the pre-existing genre beats, there's a tendency to treat the relationship as a homogenous mass where everything is fair and equal, and you treat all your partners the exact same way.

And I get it. It's easier to write everything as peachy-keen and to have external conflict be resolved with either acceptance or a brave confrontation.

But it doesn't always land for me as someone who wants to see my style of love represented in the genre.

In healthy polyamory, either closed or open, each relationship is unique in its own way. Taking the example of a triad again, the way A acts with C likely differs from how A acts with B.

And that's a good thing!

Because C might not want the same things as B, so trying to treat them both the exact same is a surefire way to make sure someone isn't getting their needs met, and that will lead to conflict.

Polyamory isn't striving for equality between partners but rather equity.

What are your individual needs, and how do I meet them, as well as meet the needs of my other partner(s)? What do you want from the larger relationship as a whole? How do we accommodate everyone without making someone feel neglected or uncomfortable? How do we show this in the narrative? How do we make sure character A isn't just treating B the same as C in every interaction? Do they ever fall into that pitfall? How do they remedy it?

It seems like common sense when you write it out like that, but it's a major pitfall I see time and time again. The characters never alternate their approach between partners, if there's any focus on the individuals at all.

The other major telltale thing I've noticed is that taking time to be with one partner is seen as a step down from the "goal" of the greater polycule.

The narrative is framed in such a way that they might start out with individual dates, but the end goal of the romance is to eventually be together 100% of the time all the time, and wanting individual time alone with any one partner is somehow "lesser."

Which is the goal of romance in monogamy, but it's not the goal of romance in polyamory.

Granted, you do need to end on a Happy Ever After or Happy For Now for it to fit the genre requirement. And a nice way of tying that up is to have everyone together at the end as a happy polycule all together all at once. I'm not disputing that as a narrative tool. I'm just pointing out that there's a tendency to present those moments as the sum total of the relationship when in actuality, there are multiple relationships that need to end happily ever after.

The joy of polyamorous love is the joy of multitudes. It's the joy of experiencing new things, both as individuals and as a polycule. If you're not taking care of the individual dyads, however, your polycule is going to crash and burn. You cannot avoid that. So why, then, is there such avoidance of it in stories meant to appeal to us?

Is it simply inexperience on behalf of the author? Or is it that they're not actually being written for us? Is it continued pressure to meet certain genre beats in a largely monogamous-centric genre? All of the above?

Either way, I'm having fun playing around with it and doing all the things we were warned against in the publishing house.

I'm having fun with Nathan and Vlad enjoying their own private dynamic that is theirs and theirs alone. I'm having fun with Ursula and Nathan being so careful and vulnerable around each other. I'm absolutely 100% here for the chaos of Vlad and Ursula without a chaperone. And I'm here for the chaos of Vlad and Ursula together and Nathan's fond, loving eye roll as he trails after them, too enamored to tell either of them no because where would the fun in that be...

Anyway. Don't mind me. Just getting my thoughts out while everyone else is in bed.

#long post #rambling with joy #I see so many interesting stories just sort of... neglect the dyads in the end #and it makes me sad #I wish it happened less

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

forever obsessed with dynamics between vampires, specifically that of a maker and fledgling, as a way to explore abuse. the creation of a vampire itself can so easily be a literalization of the lasting impacts of trauma and also much more simply the ways a perpetrator might shape their victim’s very identity. the extremes of isolation in the way that the new vampire, in most narratives, must cut all ties to their mortal life, or else go through an elaborate charade to maintain the facade of humanity, while forever still being removed from it. and the sheer dependence and vulnerability of being in an entirely new state of being, wholly uncertain of what it entails, and relying on another person to define… everything.

#or just the moral dilemmas #rewatching amc interview is kind of making me insane #that moment in episode two when louis is looking for a sort of assurance in the fact that lestat may actually have some good in him #look at how he cares about music look at the simple wondrous things that can bring him joy #and then the immediate dread when the opera performance turns out to be imperfect because he knows how lestat will react to *that* #I think there’s also something really interesting in the highlighting of lestat upbraids the less skilled singer before killing him #(slowly) #but also I will wait to watch more before I articulate my thoughts #vampires #interview with the vampire #amc interview with the vampire #i ramble sometimes #I do still find the lestat and claudia film and novel dynamic by far the most compelling for how she tries to usurp him but almost to be him #but I’m enjoying this #I’m very curious if I will like show claudia more on rewatch #the movie always resonated most with me (sue me lol) because there seemed to be more simultaneous fondness and attachment even at the end

[the-adventures-of-dave]

Around tumblr lately I’ve seen people with the opinion that not only are free roaming cats bad (correct) but also supervised cats in catios or on leashes (????). I assume it must stem from that “ecology of fear” post from a few months ago, but to me the sudden appearance of these kinds of posts just strikes me as odd. I’ve seen multiple posts like the below one in just this week.

—

—

If your cat is contained to your yard/catio/the sidewalk, then it still allows for predator-free safe places in your neighbourhood for wildlife, and creates predictability for them too. That’s one of the reasons why hiking trails ask people to stay on the trail— so you (and your dog, horse, cat, etc) can safely enjoy nature while still giving it space. It is possible to exist outdoors in natural spaces like that while maintaining wildlife comfort. If it wasn’t possible to do that, dog-friendly or (even just hiking trails in general, since humans are predators too) simply wouldn’t exist.

The problem with free roaming cats is that they break boundaries between human area (ie. trail, back porch) and wildlife area (foliage, etc) and there is nowhere the wildlife can go to exist that is safe from predators.

Idk, this is just my opinion but I just think there can be more nuance to the outdoor/free roaming cat issue than “never let your cat step outside under any circumstance”.

#also it’s just dog double standards again #no one’s calling for people to stop walking their dogs 🙄 #arguably a dog barking at and chasing a rabbit is way more stressful than Kepler sitting in his backpack on the porch with me #it’s possible to coexist with wildlife you just have to be smart and respectful about it #anyways ignore my 8am rambling #I got woken up by the fire alarm at 5am and then immediately saw some bad takes on tumblr once that was sorted #so now I’m like :/ #outdoor cats

[saltpepperbeard]

gnawing on my arm because i think there's something to be said about how stede not only dreams about himself with a beard, but ed with his full beard back too. like, the dream seems to be riddled with imagery that he thinks ed would want.

and i say this especially because of how stede reacted when ed had to shave his beard. he freaked out on his behalf. he shrieked in horror whereas ed was entirely unbothered. he feared he had ruined him, had dragged him down to some despicable level, when in actuality, ed was completely content to shed that part of his persona.

and then there he is dreaming about ed with that part right on back.

so there's very clearly still a part of his mind that's convinced that's what ed wants. because why wouldn't he? everyone else seems to. and why would he want the softness and femininity stede had been bullied for his entire life?

which in turn plays into his own imagery too. bearded, masculine, fiercesome, rugged...

because how could someone love what everyone has hated him for? how could someone want what everyone has tried to quite literally beat out of him?

#OFMD #OFMD Season 2 #OFMD S2 Spoilers #Gentlebeard #Blackbonnet #Edward Teach #Stede Bonnet #Revenge Rambles #ALSO #I SAY ALL OF THIS TO SAY #I really REALLY hope they have a conversation about it #Because Stede clearly has some issues going on with his self-worth still #He's getting BETTER #But he's definitely still having issues #And I really hope I'm on the money when it comes to that one shot where Ed seems to be looking at him drinking/partying in Spanish Jackie'z #And is looking TROUBLED #I keep envisioning an exchange where Ed is like 'Well this is...different' #And Stede cheerily goes 'Ah yes. Trying something new! Do you like it?' #And Ed looks him dead in the eye and goes 'Do YOU?' #Also it kills me how they're both sort of having the same issues just in different fonts #Ie Ed worrying that he's unlovable how he is #And Stede ALSO worrying that he's unlovable how he is #They both want to change parts of themselves/shy away from parts of themselves #When in reality both of them love each other for who they really are #AND I HOPE THEY HAVE A CONVERSATION CENTERED AROUND JUST THAT #I HOPE THAT'S WHAT AAAALLL OF THIS IS BUILDING TO

[rassebers]

Pull yourself TOGETHER man

#panel one that's ritsu and serizawa assisting mob. just btw #who is mob marrying? well... who knows ... #for real though expanding on post canon is so real to ME #because of mob psychos central idea of growing up and getting older and life moving on #like it makes my heart warm to know these kids will GROW UP and GET JOBS and MEET PEOPLE IMPORTANT TO TJEM #and maybe even get married !... #i do think Reigen doesnt often think abt how far they've all come until some sort of big milestone #like a wedding or someone buys a house or graduates from school and etc #and then he's like damn.... ive really known him since he was a lil kid. and here we are now #excuse my rambling im just so sick and crazy and it makes my heart warm #mp100 #my rart #shigeo kageyama #reigen arataka #mob psycho 100 #ritsu kageyama #serizawa katsuya #their network of psychics and friends all chip in to help at the wedding

[shadebloopnik]

Unrequited/One-sided Radioapple but it isn't treated like an angsty end of the world thing.

Imagine they slowly get closer after all the banters, and eventually becoming close friends. Lucifer ends up catching feelings for him, and after a long while, decides to confess and ask Alastor if he felt the same.

Alastor admittedly does not feel the same.

He's getting uncomfortable, struggling to keep his composure because he's DONE this before. He KNOWS how this ends. He remembers Vox and all his insistent declarations of affection and desperate pleas for Alastor to reciprocate; the possessive entitlement. He remembers how all those sickly sweet words morphed into something venomous when he didn't give the lowlife what he wanted. He remembers the anger, the ridiculous notion that it was Alastor's fault why he was so mad, that Alastor led him on and that he obviously deserved something in payment for it all-

So yes, Alastor knows how this ends.

It doesn't mean he isn't disappointed though, because he actually LIKES Lucifer, far more than he ever did Vox. Perhaps not in the way the king might have wanted, but he did. He treasured their little talks, their drinking sessions, their shared love for their instruments, Lucifers singing, their little duets, the banter, the playful jabs, the sparring.

He'd even slowly grown accustomed to the other's touches, not feeling the same surge of disgust and discomfort whenever the shorter man would grab at his arm in excitement, forgetting his usual thoughtfulness of Alastor's touch aversion for the short moment of whatever distracted him. Alastor even enjoyed it at times, relaxing at the feel of soft feathers beneath his claws, or the sensation of gentle scratches against his ears.

Difficult as it was to admit, Alastor had grown to care for the angel, the same way he had for Rosie orv Mimzy.

But no matter how fond Alastor was of Lucifer, it didn't change the fact that he didn't feel the same way romantically, or even sexually. No way in the 7 rings of Hell was he going to lie to Lucifer about either, not going to even entertain the idea of pretending he reciprocated for Lucifer's sake. He respected his friend too much for that.

So a clear, direct rejection it is. It was a shame, but nothing could be done. He said his piece concisely, and waited, shoulders set, back straight, smile and eyes a careful blank canvas as he prepared for the inevitable.

Lucifer nodded, a normal soft smile still in place, "Thank you for your answer, it means a lot."

Which......what? Alastor expected an outburst, or at the very least sharp words.

What he did NOT expect was....acceptance? And not just that but, a happy one? Contentment?????

"You're....alright with that?", he had to ask, he had to. Lucifer was clearly just very good at masking his upset.

But the damn angel just smiled?? And it didn't even look fake, just as bright and soft as his normal smiles, albeit a little confused?? Lucifer smiled at him, his brows furrowing in a bit of confused disbelief, as though Alastor is being the weird one here.

"Uhh, yeah??? Why wouldn't I be??? Yeah I may have some feelings for you but its not like you're obligated to feel the same. Above anything else, we're friends first and foremost and i'm alright with that..."

Then he seemed to have reached his own little conclusion as his words trailed off, because suddenly Lucifer's eyes widened in realization of something, and his words picking up with a sense of panicked urgency.

Alastor would really like to know what Lucifer's supposed realization was about himself because he had absolutely no clue.

"I mean, we ARE still friends right?? I don't- I- I hope this doesn't like- change your opinion of me. You're not- oh gosh I'm not making you uncomfortable am I? I- I won't mention it! You can even forget this whole confession ever happened! We can just go on as before! I don't feel any different or would act any different! Honest! I mean, I don't regret confessing because you deserve to know and I'm not ashamed of my feelings, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable! It doesn't change the way i'll treat you! Or change any aspect of our relationship! I don't even think I like you more as a lover than as a friend! I really, really do love our friendship, it matters more to me than any thoughts of being in a romantic relationship with you! So please just forget it all-"

Alastor let the word vomit wash over him, every word leaving him more confused by the minute.

Because yes, there's the desperation he expected, but...it was more about, convincing Alastor to remain friends?? Reassuring Alastor that nothing has to change?? That their friendship is the most important thing here??

(If anyone asks, no Alastor's heart didn't swell. Only lesser beings would have had the urge to cry, and Alastor is anything but.)

Lucifer is unknowingly reassuring Alastor of every single one of his insecurities about the situation. Because Alastor DID want to remain friends, he cared too much about the man to let it go so easily. It was rare to find people who treasure friendships above romantic relationships.

"I don't tend to forget easily, nor will I forget this one in particular.", he spoke, finally finding his voice. At Lucifer's defeated, pained expression( is their friendship really that important to him?), he continued. "But....yes. I'd like that.. To remain...friends."

He didn't often say the word out loud, being comfortable enough with each other that it need not be reassured with the label. But with Lucifer brightening up like his namesake, relief and happiness palpable, Alastor felt no qualms at declaring their friendship out loud.

So life went on as usual. True to his word, Lucifer remained basically the same. The following weeks were a bit stilted for Alastor, as he put some rather painful distance between him and the angel; limiting their interactions, their usual touches.

Anytime now, Lucifer would break and show his true colors, Alastor would think, waiting for the boot to drop. Lucifer would end up angry, and dissatisfied, and that was that.

But it never happened. Lucifer never expressed discomfort when Alastor avoided him, seeming to be understanding of the others need for space. He was just as affectionate as before, though initially a bit held back, as though gauging Alastor's comfort.

Months would pass, and the king never faltered. Their friendship remained strong, if not growing ever closer than before. Alastor found himself even growing more comfortable with the man. Affectionate touches were becoming common, hugs and head pats and cuddles being a welcome thing, with the reassurance that the shorter king would never disrespect his boundaries.

Lucifer seemed genuinely happy about it, despite being clearly told that none of Alastor's actions hinted at anything romantic. In fact, he seemed ecstatic that Alastor was getting more affectionate towards him as a friend. The embarrassment the radio demon felt at having Lucifer basically tear up (no really, he was crying so hard, full on drama sobbing) with joy in front of him was intertwined with the sheer incredulous fondness he felt for the man at that moment.

They were sitting at a couch one night, more than a year passing since that confession. Lucifer was leaning back, resting against the cushions, while Alastor had his head on the smaller one's shoulder, nuzzling at the crook of his neck, legs tucked close to his body. Both had a book in hand, two nearly empty cups of tea on the table in front of them. Every so often, Lucifer would flex his fingers that rested on Alastor's head, running a digit against the other's ear, often prompting the demon to lean into the touch. White wings enveloped the two, blanketing them against the chill of the night.

As Alastor turned the page of his own book, relaxing into the touch of his dearest friend, he wondered how he ever got so lucky in hell.

#this may have gotten away from me lmao #this was supposed to be a rlly short prompt of 'Unrequited love but overbrimming friendship' but instead i typed out this word vomit- #i don't know if im labeling things right here??? this may not look platonic tk others but ig im sort of projecting here #bc i want friendships like this soo badd. i mean this is still platonic right??? this is normal friendship behavior like come onnn #I've been teased about being ace bc of this mindset but i always just go RIGHT this is how friendship works y'all blind😭😭😭 #bloopnik writing #bloopnik rambles #radioapple #appleradio #platonic radioapple #platonic relationships #aroace alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor #alastor #duckiedeer #unrequited feelings #BUT NOT UNREQUITED LOVE HELL YEA #one sided radiostatic #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel #THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND ITS BEAUTIFUL #queerplatonic #i think #fic #fanfic #radiosilence

[beelzzzebub]

hi!!!! thank you @summercampghostie @im-the-son-of-rage-and-lov3 and @biromanticboba for the tag! i'm making a new thread so i could respond to everyone at once. i love this picrew so it was really fun to do again with the changes in my look hehe

it's supposed to be what you look like vs what you would want to look like, but if i'm being completely honest, i've just been really happy with how i look lately so i only did that version :))))

EDITING TO ADD THE LINK LMAO HERE YOU GO

np tags 🪄 @spectral-mycoblin @starry-eyed-darling @trips-around-the-sun @mack-anthology-mp3 and ofc anyone else who wants to join!! love you all <3

#boink #picrew #im so happy i cut my hair haha #ive also been letting myself do fun makeup things #like i sort of have a new routine of lipstick + eyeliner for a darker color #and then just lipstick for eyeshadow and blush #and smudged eyeliner and spidery mascara lashes #i am a huge fan of doing this #in addition not doing makeup that will make me more conventionally attractive #like the goal is not to look as if i am not wearing makeup #its to have fun with it #we're feeling vampire #we're feeling gothic spring #im also not making my face all matte lol #ive always been so insecure that my face is too oily or too shiny or whatever the hell people are made to feel insecure about #and i have decided that actually that does not matter #and my face is going to look like what it fucking looks like #its a great time #ive been having more fun with clothes too honestly #im really trying to lean into this whole gothic floral thing you know #lololllllll #anyway #thank you tags for beingy happy ramble space as always #go forth and picrew my friends

[canisalbus]

Different Italian anon, but the thing with Tuscan C is that it's pronounced like a very strong H sound, which is extra weird cuz the letter H makes no sound in Italian, normally. It sounds the way Spanish pronounce the J. We say it's "aspirato". So then people from there will say things like Hoha Hola (coca cola), and it's funny. It's also extremely contagious, I got family in Florence, you spend 3 days with them you start doing it too before you even realize.

.

#that sounds really endearing actually #answered #anonymous #this is entirely beside the point but I still feel sort of bamboozled by languages that have silent letters #or when letters have multiple pronunciations that vary wildly from word to word #and when the sound and the letter don't seem to match like how J sounds very close to H in Spanish like you mentioned #I'm generalizing a little but none of these are really a thing in Finnish #in Finnish words are pretty much always pronounced the way they are written if that makes sense #I don't know the language terminology but I think phonetic spelling is what you call it #each letter represents a specific sound and you string those together #when you hear a word you can always tell how it's written and when you read a word you know how to pronounce it #even if you're encountering the word for the first time and have no idea what it means #it's comparatively direct and predictable there's practically no need for guessing or memorizing #also the stress is always on the first syllabe and it's so subtle it might as well not be there at all #which sometimes makes spoken Finnish and Finnish accent sound kind of monotonous there isn't a lot of intonation #I was extremely confused by the concept of spelling bees as a kid #anyway long tag ramble but this stuff is just interesting to me

[skyward-floored]

wait WAIT I'VE GOT IT

THEY SHOULD DO THE ZELDA MOVIE LIKE THE PRINCESS BRIDE WHERE IT'S A GRANDPA TELLING THE STORY TO HIS GRANDKID

#legend of zelda #zelda movie #loz movie #rambles from the floor #any inconsistencies can be chalked up to the grnadpa being dramatic or 'making it a better story' #the kid is like 'were those octopus bad guys that shot rocks really called octorocks' and the grandpa is just like 'yes stop interrupting' #plot twist the grandpa is like Link or looks vaguely like him #no no wait he can look like Link's uncle/Talon/Tarin YES #actually yknow what the whole movie should just be sort of like the princess bride #goofy and heartfelt!!!! #they should put me in charge of this movie i have great ideas

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

more laughingstock pleaseee? 💙 💚

Yes Yes Yes i have this very small soft scribble to offer <3

#if caterpillar not meant to be held... why so narrow.... #that combined with the fun fact of 'barnaby bites out of affection' and Ough The Ultimate Fluff In My Heart Of Hearts #i just. their size difference makes me insane #i think about it for more than a second and Oh I Have Stopped Breathing <3 #grrrr RAH RAH AGH OUGH i cant i cant #scribble salad #rambles from the bog #laughingstock #barnaby x howdy #howdy x barnaby #them being so so affectionate with each other is so important to me #like in my head they are Always making some sort of contact #they are mutually like 'hi i love you! you're my personal arm rest / recliner / pillow / etc!' #i think if they had to remain separated but in the same space for more than a minute they'd both break down #no pda in the bodega Does Not Extend To hand/shoulder touches thankyew. or the closet #SORRY SORRY DERAILING MY OWN POST AS USUAL #i just have! many thoughts and emotions about them! consider this as Bonus please! #if barnaby held howdys waist... his fingers would probably touch... #ohhhhhhh minecraft damage noisessssssss im Deceased i am Dead i have Died Violently #i Exploded into blood and viscera and teeny tiny balloon animals and heart-shaped glitter <3

[sketchy-tour]

Im SO slow with the update, I haven't actually poked at the secrets yet but I am LOSING MY MARBLES OVER WALLY SINGING AND SPECIFICALLY HIS SONG TOYLAND

Head in haaaaaands!!!!!

#welcome home #text post #just rambling #IT FEELS LIKE ITS ABOUT CHILDHOODS LOST #WHICH STRIKES ME JUST!!!!! AUGH TOO CLOSE!!!!! #holding my chest and wincing #he sings it with such!!!! care! There's something about the way he sings it that just feels like its important to him!!!!!!!! #HEARING HIM SING IS A DELIGHT BUT THIS JUST FEELS SO!!!!! THIS IS JUST!!!!! AUFFDKJFJK ACK!!!!!! #Singing a sort of longing of a feeling. A gentle warning #but also the transcript and lyrics of the song are different I notice. It doesn't mention “grow up” or “old” like the transcript #Idk why my brain honed in sO CLOSE to this song #I know there's wilder shit happening. Every ones talking about it but I'm sitting here....staring at Wally....thinking about toyland

[to-be-a-dreamer]

I talked about this in the tags of a reblog but I need to expand on this because my brain is vibrating and it's all Hank Freaking Green's fault. This will not be coherent at all just roll with it.

I don't know if it was on purpose or not but the scene where The Fix and Pasha were flirting by exchanging fun facts did so so much for the Fix's character in my mind because like. Pasha is the only character we've seen who had a positive response to the Fix's fun facts right off the bat. (Presumably the orphans at the Home for Wayward Interests had positive responses but I'm specifically talking about on-screen reactions.)

The targets that the Fix talks to are so terrified by his facts that they just disintegrate on the spot. The DA is mildly annoyed at best by them. Even the other Prefrontal PIs are freaked out or confused by them at first. It takes a couple episodes for them to come around to his fun facts, especially after "half the bones in your body" one. It takes them some time to realize that that's just how The Fix communicates his thoughts and ideas. He uses his fun facts as a way to connect and bond with friends just as much as he uses them to intimidate his targets.

But Pasha is the first person we see and, presumably, one of the only people in The Fix's life to hear one of his facts and not only immediately accept and understand it to be a method of conversation, but to also respond with a fact of their own and have an entire conversation with The Fix in the way he feels most comfortable.

We've seen so many times that The Fix goes out of his way to try and appear less threatening or even avoid people altogether because he knows most people are scared of him because of his appearance. It takes him so long to convince the other Prefontal PIs that he's really not going to hurt Conrad (compare how quickly Dan is a part of the group and how his motives are never questioned despite how vocal he is about hating Conrad and being all too eager to turn him over to the police and/or have him murdered to how long it takes The Fix) and he doesn't even seem hurt by the idea that all these people think he would murder a child when he's clearly a very kind and loving person, especially to children.

He's just. Come to terms with the fact that everyone's first impression of him will be this big intimidating presence who enjoys hurting people. But he's not. He's just passionate about his job, like everyone else in the city. It just happens to be that his job is to keep Elias focused, which means letting go of the butterfly tails. When he's tasked with eliminating someone who doesn't seem like they need to be eliminated, he immediately stops and questions the case. As far as I can tell, he doesn't like to kill people, he doesn't do it for fun. He does it because that's his job, literally the only thing he was made to do. But he's come to accept that most people will always be afraid of him because of that job.

And then he meets Pasha, who immediately accepts his form of communication without question or confusion. Who isn't afraid or intimidated by him. Who isn't just entertaining his fun facts but is actively engaging and returning with her own. She is the first person (who isn't a child, who is the Fix's peer) that The Fix could talk to without having to explain himself. The first person who wasn't afraid or confused or annoyed by the way he expresses himself.

Like. I dunno I imagine it would almost be like moving to a foreign country as a child and not being able to speak in your native language because every time you do people are suspicious of you or annoyed that you aren't speaking the local language or just plain don't understand you, even if they're trying to be kind about it. And it's harder to explain yourself and express your thoughts in this new language but you learn and you adapt because it's the only way to survive. Then you meet someone who speaks your language. Someone who allows you to speak freely and for the first time you can actually express yourself fully and easily. And they're speaking back to you in the language you think in and for once you don't have to translate everything before you say it out loud and after you hear it. I think that would feel so freeing.

So yeah, I'm guessing that scene was supposed to be a silly goofy one-off gag that's just funny and cute but it genuinely means so much to me. Truly I don't get people who say The Fix isn't as deep or interesting as the other characters he is FACINATING to me and this isn't even touching on his relationship with Conrad or what he might be feeling after learning Ichabod was Pasha's brother. (If it gets revealed that Ichabod was one of The Fix's first hits I will lose it.)

Thank you for coming to my late-night nonsense ramblings I hope I was mildly entertaining

#mentopolis is so interesting to me this was just the only thing i could put into even remotely comprehensible words #everything else is just a swarm of bees flying around sporadically i'll go at them with a smoker one of these days and sort them out #chandler didn't respond to the beginning stages of this rambling in time so it's going to tumblr with only my raw unfiltered thoughts #hey bestie don't mind the multiple paragraphs i left you it's just a little treat #the fix #mentopolis #hank green #dimension 20 #d20

[lifeintheworldtocome]

if you like and dont rb i will block you

same as it ever was

#michael afton #michael afton fanart #fnaf #fnaf fanart #fnaf sl #fnaf sister location #fnaf 5 #ennard #<- sort of #five nights at freddys #aiden draws #the id for this is so long LMAO #i Was going to color this normally but it low key looked like shit so i did this. took me a while to pick a color for mike in the foregroun #i knew i wanted all the others to just be color picked from the cutscene but coloring her like. peach. felt weird #i was also thinking blue but it didnt feel right. so i did the color of her eyes in the mirror scene. lmao #anyways sorry for rambling i really like this

[trans-axolotl]

also: I mostly switched over from saying "antipsychiatry" to psych abolition after I started to see more groups like CPA use it, and thought I'd share some of my thoughts on it.

antipsychiatry is a fundamental part of psych abolition for me, but i think my definition of psych abolition contains a lot more. first, there's a lot more things than just psychiatry that i want to abolish and transform--the whole mental health system and many different belief systems, types of providers, forms of treatment, and types of incarceration that are encompassed in that. i think it's important to name and identify the particular harms of psychiatry as a value system in the way it is the strictest example of pathologizing, medicalizing, and the strongest adherer to the purely biomedical model of illness and how this creates so much harm. but i think that there are also so many other harmful structures + belief systems within the whole mental health system. i also sometimes see therapists, for example, portraying themselves as alternatives to psychiatry, and while that's true in the sense that they are a different treatment option than a psychiatrist, they are often still harmful actors in their own rights and entangled with the state in an equally bad way.

second thing for me is that i think it's really important to intentionally build cross movement solidarity, especially with the prison abolition movement and to expand the way psych survivors currently support support people fighting for abolition of all forms of incarceration. (i drew inspiration from sins invalid and the 10 principles of Disability Justice). I see so many people in psych survivor spaces saying " I can't believe we were treated like prisoners on the ward" with the implication that it's fine if prisoners are treated that way, but it's bad when it happens to them. i think that's fucked up and i think that any psych survivor movement that doesn't actively support people incarcerated in prisons is a movement that does nothing to dismantle white supremacy. we need to be able to recognize the ways carceral logics operate in many different structures, and approach our activism as a shared struggle, where we constantly are led by those most impacted. so i think that naming what we're doing as "abolition" is important (with the important caveat that our organizing must then actually be abolitionist, and especially for white organizers, that we need to learn about the history of abolition, actively support the Black leaders and thinkers who have created the prison abolition movement and not center ourselves, that we actually have to be actively involved in supporting abolitionist work happening in your area, instead of just stealing the work of Black abolitionist scholars to use it for our own benefit without any credit or reciprocity, that we need to actively interrogate ways white supremacy culture and antiblackness are showing up in our movement places so that we aren't inviting our comrades who are people of color into spaces that are not safe for them, or exploiting our comrades of color by expecting them to do the work of dismantling the racism within our shared organizing spaces--don't call yourself a psych abolitionist if you still call the cops on your homeless neighbors, if your solutions to psych incarceration contribute to gentrification, if you refuse to support currently incarcerated comrades, for example.)

third thing is that antipsychiatry as a specific term is often associated with the sociologist theory from the 1960s, some of which i think is useful, some of which comes from antisemetic and racist psychiatrists who should not be given any legitimacy. antipsychiatry also often gets associated with cults like scientology. although i think that scientologists bastardize a lot of antipsychiatry stuff and weaponize it for their own ends, a lot of the public thinks of them if you say antipsychiatry, and it can cause misconceptions. also think that people sometimes assume antipsychiatry is inherently against medication and while i don't think that's our responsibility to clear up every time people misread our words on purpose, i think it's been a lot more helpful for me to talk about medication in the context of autonomy, harm reduction, war on drugs, and the ways that psychiatry creates issues to consent, autonomy, informed use, risk reduction, etc etc etc. and i think psych abolition helps me do that a little better.

i get in a lot of conversations with people who say "well from what i've seen you are just against institutionalization. why not just say that instead of attacking psychiatry?" and my answer is always if we want to end institutionalization, we have to end the structures, belief systems, and power dynamics of psychiatry--psychiatry is one of the logics that enables institutionalization to continue, and abolishing institutionalization without abolishing the structures that allow it to continue mean that it just pops up again in a new form with a new name (asylums to hospitals to group homes etc etc etc). so i think psych abolition to me is a clearer way to encompass the ways that all these systems are interconnected, and that when we're fighting for mad liberation, the right for mad/neurodivergent/mentally ill people to access care, support, healing on our own terms, to be free from institutionalization and violent treatment, and have the right to exist as mad people, whether or not we're "cured."

TL;DR: I switched to saying "psych abolition" rather than antipsychiatry even though there are many core ideas of antipsychiatry that I agree with. I think that for me, psych abolition helps clear up some misconceptions that people have about antipsychiatry, more clearly connects to prison abolition, and makes it clear that we need to transform more of the mental health system than just psychiatry.

#personal #psych abolition #antipsychiaty #psych survivor #surviving psych #mad liberation #mad pride #this is mostly just a ramble of some stuff i've been thinking on lately. terminology is not the most important thing to me #and as always i feel like what terms are the ones that are the most accessible to ppl given their own context #like i am not a huge fan of going up to people and saying YOU NEED TO STOP SAYING THIS BC I SAID so #i guess for me i've been really interested lately in seeing the growing psych abolition movement #and sort of the current era of psych survivior/mad lib activism. the ways its been growing and changing in the current decade