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#sorry if I don’t type that out I’ll never remember
westernsunshine · 1 year
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Why am I so proud of myself for doing something that is basically a failure on all levels
#so i started this level 2 certificate back in like march when i first started thinking about quitting teaching#i was like ‘if i just stay busy then the existential dread won’t catch me’#but it turned out that grad school plus teaching plus frantically trying to find a job was uhhhhh a lot#and the one thing that didn’t have a deadline was this random level 2 certificate. so i just sort of. never did the assessments#i still have the textbooks and assessment booklets slung under my coffee table judging me for my terrible time management and general lack#of commitment to things i commit to. but they’ve sort of blended into the scenery now#and i got an email in like.. june i think it was asking me if i’d completed the course yet & if i needed help#and i was like ‘omg yeah i’ll get it done soon! i have some assessments for my main course which are taking priority#but i Will finish this’ [john mulaney voice] AND THEN I DIDN’T#it’s been nearly a year. i cannot believe this#so anyway. on the 9th of this month i got an email from a whole different person. this one was damn near a welfare check#i mean on the surface she’s just asking if i’m still going to complete the course and if i need help but there’s this undercurrent#that’s like ‘are you even still alive?’#so i saw that and i felt bad and was drafting a reply in my head. but then i immediately forgot#i only remembered today. but i did email her back! i said sorry for the late reply; thanks for reaching out & i asked how i should hand in#the assessments. because i genuinely don’t know. i think this is part of what’s causing my mental block#i mean they gave me assessment booklets but does this mean i have to physically take a train 50 minutes to campus to drop them off??#or can i just type everything up. like. i’m fine scanning in the title pages if they need my signature#but it seems so much easier for everyone if i just type this#OKAY she just got back to me and said i can email the answers if i’ve typed them & asked if i can have this back by the end of marxh#*march. which is honestly way more grace than i deserve imo#fucking hallelujah. i’m going to put this on my calendar#i do not know why i’m proud of myself for sorting this out. like. it took WAY too fucking long#i guess it’s true that it’s never too late to own your shit and fix it. but also. god fucking damn#there was no need for this thing to take A FUCKING YEAR#personal
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mars-ipan · 5 months
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just realized how fucking weird zoomer flirting is. nobody asks you for your phone number
#marzi speaks#i remember once in high school a random guy came up to me and asked me for my snap#i (truthfully) told him ‘i don’t have one- sorry ^^;’#so he asked for my insta. an account i also don’t have#i said the same thing. he went ‘damn ah well’ and walked away#dude. everyone with a phone has a number. you could have tried my goddamn email if you want#why give up after two social medias. do you not know how to flirt over text#now he wasn’t my type so i probably wouldn’t have gone out with him#but like bro. you can at least TRY#come on.#it may have sounded like i was subtly trying to reject him and i get that#(not a lot of ppl my age don’t have snapchat/instagram but i just never bothered to make either (also i have a particular dislike for snap))#but like dude. if i wanted you off my back i woulda said ‘sorry i don’t give out that info to strangers’ and it would have been done#anywho. why don’t people ask for phone numbers#anyone with a phone is guaranteed to have one. you don’t have the no socials issue#because. it’s a fucking phone number#also WAYYY more convenient to text someone than open another app to talk to them#(sorry irl mutuals who have an easier time reaching me here. my text notifs r glitchy but i’m a statistical outlier)#POINT IS just ask for the number. stop with the socials stuff#guess if someone attractive ever asks for my socials i’ll have to go ‘i don’t have that but i can give you ny number :)’#parry it. whatever#still tho. crazy shit
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f1goat · 4 months
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more than friends + lando norris x part seven
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In which your best friend wants to help you so you get more sexual experience, but he discovers quickly that he never wants to share you and your new sexual experience with others.
masterlist - playlist
warnings: smut with a plot or a plot with smut? :) minors dni! i never proofread so probably grammar or spelling errors
requested: yes, based on: something with a driver sister that’s still a virgin & lando (her bestfriend) suggests to teach her things
part one / part two / part three / part four / part five / part six
“Lando come on mate,” Oscar sighs, “You really have to get into this taxi.”
Oscar then takes a look at his teammate. He already knew that Lando was drunk, but now that he looks at him he realizes that it’s way worse then he already thought. Lando is firmly shaking his head. Oscar curses Daniel and Max for making Lando take this many shots. He mostly curses Pierre for not stopping with talking about you this night. Now he is left with his drunk friend. Max and Daniel went home earlier, something in the lines of having to catch an early flight. Pierre didn’t want to wait for Lando to get into the previous cab. So now Oscar is alone with Lando, the boy who doesn’t want to get in any cab right now.
“You don’t understand, I want Y/N to come pick me up,” Lando states drunkly for the tenth time that evening. 
“I can’t call her awake for this,” Oscar tells him tiredly. 
“Yes you can, she’ll come,” Lando argues.
“Mates, are you getting in or what?” The taxi driver asks them annoyed. Oscar sighs again, “No, sorry,” he answers then, “I’ll pay you the expenses of coming here. Sorry again.”
“Are you going to call Y/N?” Lando asks hopefully.
The taxi drives off in the mean time. Oscar looks at his phone, is he really going to call you awake for this? Fucking hell. He curses Pierre again, this is all his fault. And maybe a bit of Daniels and Maxs because of those fucking shots. Oscar thinks back at the awkward conversations from earlier. He sighs because of his friend and his cluelessness. Why isn’t he already dating you? It can be so simple. He tries to remember which remark from Pierre started this, but he is quick to realize it again. Of course it was about that stupid date. 
///
“So is your friend still single?” Pierre asks Lando with a cheesy grin. Oscar is quick to notice the way Lando’s face falls flat. 
“Which one?” Lando asks like he doesn’t know it’s about you. 
“The one who is with you every race, what’s her name again?” Pierre continues. 
“You mean Y/N,” Daniel interrupts their conversation. 
“Yes! She! Is she still single?” Pierre asks Lando a bit hopeful. 
Oscar stares at Lando. How is his teammate going to react to this? This can’t be good. It doesn’t surprise him when Lando takes a big gulp of the cocktail standing in front of him before looking at Pierre again. Oscar lets out a small sigh, this really can’t be good. 
“Yes she is,” Lando eventually answers Pierre.
“Great!” Pierre reacts happily, “I’m thinking about asking her on a date soon.”
“You want to date Y/N?” Max asks confused, “Do you even know her?” 
Oscar is happy that Max is talking right now. Lando is looking at Pierre like he wants to kill him. Oscar wonders what’s going on in Lando his head right now, but he’s pretty sure that it’s the same thing as when he told him about Logan wanting to date Y/N. 
“Not yet,” Pierre reacts to Max with a smirk. 
“I don’t think you’re a match with her,” Lando states. Before Pierre or anyone else can question him, Lando is already continuing talking. “You don’t seem like her type. And I don’t think she’s yours if I look at your exes. She doesn’t like going out all the time and wants someone who’s ready to settle with her instead of another meaningless relation.”
“I’m changing,” Pierre states dramatically, “and she’s really good looking.”
Maybe Lando thought that nobody heard his next remark. He’s talking softly. But Oscar is paying too much attention to his friend, causing him to hear Lando carefully. “Fucking hell, why does everyone want her,” his friend sighs. 
///
“Are you going to call her?” Lando asks. It causes Oscar to snap back into reality. He looks at the hopeful eyes of his drunk friend. Eventually he nods at him, he lets out another big sigh before searching for your contact on his phone. When he presses the call button he doesn’t really expect for you to pick up. Maybe it’s smarter to call with Lando his phone? But before he can say something about it to Lando, you’re already picking up the phone.
“Hi Oscar, what’s up?” You ask him surprised. 
“Hey, sorry for calling you this late. I hope I didn’t awake you,” Oscar says with a guilty feeling.
“Oh no,” you quickly reassure him, “I was still up, I’m waiting for Lando to get back. I can’t really sleep peacefully when he’s still out.”
Fucking hell, why aren’t the two of you already dating? Oscar is getting tired of the obliviousness between you two. 
“Oh great,” he reacts, “Listen, Lando is drunk and I can’t get him in a cab. He wants you to pick us up. I already tried to get him into multiple cabs, but without succes.” 
He hears some vague sounds on your side of the phone call. Oscar wonders what you’re doing. It can’t be that you’re already getting ready to pick them up, right? He can’t imagine it. It would be more logical for you to tell him to try again with another taxi or to ask for Lando so you can talk some sense into him. 
“Can you text me your location? I’m already walking towards the car,” you tell him after a bit of weird sounds around you. 
Oscar looks confused. He doesn’t know what to think. Are you this quick to drop everything to come pick up Lando? He now knows for sure that Lando doesn’t need to question himself, the two of you really should be dating already. This is just stupid. 
“Uh yeah of course, thank you so much!” He tells you happily. Even with all of his wonderment right now, he’s really glad that you’re already getting to the car. You’re making his evening a lot easier. 
“I will see you in a bit!” You tell him before ending the call. Oscar is quick to send you his location and sits down next to Lando onto the pavement. Lando looks at him with a hopeful face. 
“She’s insane,” Oscar mutters to his friend, he is still confused by it. “You really need to ask her on a date soon mate, because why on earth would she come pick us up at this time without feeling anything for you?”
“That’s our friendship,” Lando answers, “don’t look into this too much.”
“You’re stupid,” Oscar sighs annoyed.
“But she’s coming?” Lando asks confused. His drunk brain isn’t clear enough to realize that you are coming to pick him up right now.
“Yes,” Oscar answers.
It doesn’t take you longer then ten minutes to get to Lando and Oscar. When you park the rental car in front of them, Oscar is quick to help his friend into the passengers seat next to you. He takes a place on the backseat himself while thanking you multiple times for getting here this fast. 
“Oh it’s nothing,” you brush off the thank you’s without thinking about it. “Why is he this drunk?” You ask Oscar. You could ask it to Lando, but he hasn’t said a word since he’s sitting next to you. He is however extremely touchy. Lando his hand has found his way onto your thighs. 
Oscar doubts about his answer, but eventually tells you it’s because of the shots Lando took with Max and Daniel. He doesn’t mention the earlier conversations with Pierre in which Lando drank away multiple strong drinks. You let out a soft laugh while hearing Oscar his explanation. 
“He really can’t handle shots,” you joke.
“I noticed,” Oscar sighs, “He kept asking for you though. Is that normal when he’s drunk?” Oscar hopes you get the hint. Since Lando isn’t going to do anything about his crush, he can better help his teammate by dropping some hints.
“Oh I normally pick him up after he drinks, so it’s probably just out of habit,” you tell Oscar without hesitation. Oscar realizes that you didn’t get the hint. You’re just as clueless as Lando himself. “But I don’t get why he isn’t talking,” you continue, “normally Lando is rather talkative when he’s drunk.”
Oscar doesn’t think about his next words. “I think he’s a bit too busy staring at you.” You let out another soft laugh. You quickly take away your hand from the steering wheel to give Lando his hand a soft squeeze. Only for a second before you focus on steering again. 
When you get back to the hotel you truly notice how drunk Lando is. He is barely getting out off the car by himself and he can’t even walk normally. You and Oscar both take side of Lando and support him a bit while walking towards the elevator. 
“Do you need help to get him back to his room?” Oscar asks you.
“Oh we’re sharing a room, I’ll be fine,” you quickly answer, “you already did enough!”
Oscar looks confused at you. He didn’t realize that Lando and you share a room on race weekends. 
“You’re sure that you aren’t dating each other?” He asks confused. 
“To be honest, sometimes I think we’re already dating as well,” you answer honestly, “but to answer your question, we’re not.”
Oscar decides to push his luck with his next question. He needs to know for sure. “Do you want to date him?” He asks you. 
You take a good look at Lando before answering. It seems like he is in his own world right now. He isn’t paying attention to your soft conversation with Oscar. 
“Yes,” you confess, “why would I otherwise drop everything to come with him to every race he wants me to? And why would I drive at night in an unknown city for me to come pick him up, while he would be fine with taking a cab.”
“Maybe you should tell him that,” Oscar says softly, “because I’m pretty sure that he feels the same.”
The lift makes a soft sound to tell you that you’re on your floor. “Oh I need to get out here!” You tell Oscar, “see you later Oscar!”
Oscar sighs softly. “Yeah,” he says, “Thanks for picking us up again.”
When you finally got Lando into your bed, you are quick to take place next to him. Lando reaches out to your body and pulls you closely onto himself. He plays with your hair. You notice the smell of alcohol every time he breaths, but you don’t say anything about it. 
“Babygirl,” he eventually says with a soft voice. Lando doesn’t continue to speak, so you get up a bit to properly look at him. “Yeah?” You ask him. 
“Would you date Pierre?” Lando asks you without thinking about it. He is annoyed with his own bluntness right now. Why did he ask you that? You wonder about Lando his weird question. 
“No,” you state, “Pierre isn’t my type.” 
“Thank god,” Lando whispers.
Before you can say anything else, Lando continues to question you. 
“What about Logan, would you date him?” Lando asks further.
“No,” you answer again, “He’s a bit young and I don’t think that I’m made to be an American,” you joke.
When Lando asks another question you barely hear him. You even wonder if you’re imaging it. 
“Would you date me?” Lando asks you as soft as he can manage. This time he really curses himself. Why did he ask that? He doesn’t even want to hear your answer. “Just joking,” he quickly says, “I’m going to sleep. Goodnight baby.”
You’re confused by him, but nonetheless you wish him a goodnight as well. You even press a soft kiss against his cheek. A bit later, when you’re sure that Lando is asleep, you still answer his question. While laying with your head on top of his chest and listening to his restful heartbeat and deep breaths you answer it.
“I’d date you Lando,” you softly whisper. “You only have to ask.”
+++
The following morning Lando awakes with a massive headache. He is quick to remember most parts of the night before. He feels ashamed while thinking about his whining about you picking him up, but he can’t help to feel loved when he thinks about you actually picking him up. He knows you hate driving in the night, certainly in cities you don’t know. He starts to feel more ashamed of himself when he realizes that he asked that from you and that you actually did it. But in some way it also feels good that you did that for him. 
When he remembers about his questions before falling asleep next to you, he starts to feel even more ashamed. But on the other hand, he also feels kinda happy now he knows for sure that you won’t want to date Pierre or Logan. But still.. there are many other boys with interest in you. 
He reaches out to his phone and reads the texts he got.
Pierre: Can you send me y/n her number?
Lando doesn’t react to that one. Of course he isn’t going to send Pierre your number. He reads the other texts. 
Oscar: you better remember what Y/N did for you last night
Oscar: and you better thank her for it with something!!!!
Lando is quick to reply to this text.
Lando: like what? I have no idea how to thank her
Oscar: take her out or something, or get her flowers, girls love that
When Lando feels you moving next to him, he realizes that you’re getting awake as well. He looks at you when you slowly open your eyes and adjust them to the bright morning light in the hotel room. 
“Hey Lan,” you softly greet him with a small smile, “How are you feeling?”
“The worst,” Lando answers, “Sorry for last night princess.”
“It’s okay,” you tell him, “you always pick me up when I’m drunk so I could finally do something back.”
“But I could have gotten into the cab,” Lando sighs while feeling annoyed with himself, “I know you hate driving in the night and certainly in a city you don’t know.”
“Lan,” you softly say, you grab his hand and draw small circles on it, “It’s fine, really. I don’t mind it.”
Lando shows you a boyish grin. You wonder what he’s going to say. But his following movements can make you already guess it. Lando slowly drapes himself on top of you, he presses a few soft kisses to your face before lowering himself. He toys a bit with the waistband of your string, eventually he is quick to pull if off your body. 
“Maybe I can thank you like this?” Lando mutters. After saying those words he is pressing small kisses on your slit. He notice the way you are already getting a bit wet by his movements. He makes sure to ignore your clit for now, teasing you a bit by doing so. 
“Lan,” you softly whine when he slides his finger through your slit and still doesn’t touch you where you want him to. Lando shows you another boyish grin. “Teasing me isn’t thanking me,” you say after a bit when he still doesn’t change his movements. 
“Patience babygirl,” Lando tells you. You let out a soft moan when he finally presses his lips onto your clit and softly sucks it inside his mouth. In the mean time he adds one of his fingers into your pussy. You can’t withhold another moan while he does. Lando is quick to increase his pace with his fingers. He harshly sucks onto your clit. He’s more aggressive then you used to, but in a strange way you only like this more. 
It doesn’t take long before Lando notices your pussy clenching around his finger. He is quick to respond to it by adding another finger inside of you. He increases his pace once again. You can say for sure that he’s finger fucking you right now. Your stomach is tightening because of his movements. You can already feel your orgasm coming close. When the waves of pleasure start to hit over you, Lando removes his fingers and mouth from your private parts. 
“Fuck,” you say without thinking about it. 
Lando looks up at you. He positions himself next to you onto the bed. 
“Come sit on my thigh babygirl,” Lando says. You’re quick to do what he says, although you have no idea why he wants you to sit on his thigh. “Ride on it,” Lando instructs you. You show him a confused look, when you want to ask him what he means Lando is already explaining himself. “Grind on it,” he explains, “just move your body and you will notice what feels right for you.”
While you try to act out Lando his instructions, he lets his hands wander to your tits. Softly he starts to knead them. Even more soft he pinches your nipple. You let out a surprised squeak. Lando smirks. You start to ride his thigh a bit faster.
“Feels good, doesn’t it princess?” Lando asks you. You can only nod at him while increasing your movements. Lando grabs your hips and helps you with your movements. You let out a hard moan. Fuck, this feels way too good. It doesn’t take you long to get close to your orgasm again. Lando notices directly. He feels the way your wetness is spreading on his thigh. Maybe he should let every boy who wants to date you smell his thigh, so they will understand that your his. He is quick to shake off those thoughts, but he still thinks about how beautiful you look while riding yourself on his thigh.
He really needs to make you his. 
When you let out a loud moan Lando realizes that you have came. He is quick to pull you into his arms and lets you crash down onto his body. 
“Fuck Lan,” you mutter softly, “It’s insane how you can make me feel.”
He really needs to tell you about his feelings. Maybe now is the perfect timing? You grab your phone and look at it with a surprised face. 
“Any idea why Pierre Gasly is texting me?” You ask Lando confused.
Fuck. Lando lets out an annoyed sigh. Fucking hell. Lando shakes his head at you. You open the message and read it aloud to Lando.
“Hey, I got your number from Daniel,” you start to read. Lando curses his friend. “And I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me so we can get to know each other.”
“What are you going to say?” Lando asks you quickly, “I mean you know Pierre is a player right?” He realizes that his jealousy is showing, but Lando can’t help himself anymore. He needs to know for sure that you’re not going on a date with Pierre.
“I told you yesterday I wouldn’t date Pierre,” you tell Lando, “so that’s still the answer.”
Lando doesn’t react verbally. He just pulls you closer to him and presses a kiss against your lips. Thank god. He realizes that the universe is sending him all the hints that he can get. He really needs to tell you about his feelings. But how?
part eight
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cherry-leclerc · 6 months
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about you ☆ cl16
genre: yearning, humor, pwp (smuttt, perhaps a bit dirtier than I intended, yikes), glimpse of fluff!
word count: 5.8k
Where Charles reminisces on his first love, where for a while, you were all his. First loves are portrayed as something you never want to forget or in this case, forgive. And it all started with a painting.
nsfw warning under the cut!
18+...penetrative sex, doggy style, spit, squirting, teary eyes, teasing, polaroids (ha!), slightly mean/teasing charles
inspired by this and this !
when inspo hits it hitsss. wrote a small one as a little treat, so grab your popcorn babyyy! enjoy! :)
pt. 2 - linger
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“What about you?”
The group had settled into quite a comfortable spot, gossiping about first loves, if you really care about that type of thing, and spilling secrets. Seeing as it was late November everyone either had a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, courtesy of Lily.
“I don’t really like to talk about her anymore.” The room grows silent as Charles tries to play off the sudden shift. At times like these he almost envied the cold. The cold never once got questioned of why it was like that, but he knew the same wouldn’t go for him.
“Uh uh,” Daniel clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “We all went around sharing, it's only protocol you do the same.” 
If anyone felt Charles grow uncomfortable, they chose to ignore it. He can’t be too upset, before this he was enjoying his time, up until the attention turned to him. If it were anything else, he’d give it a go, but he knows too well that he can’t get out of this one.
“I’ll make it easier for you,” Lewis tries to ease the Monegasque. “How did you meet her?”
He feels quite sad that it takes him a while to remember, but eventually he recalls it all. 
“I met her in LA.”
-
Staring up at the blazing sun you spill out dirty curses. You had been frolicking in the shops trying to find a decent vegan restaurant for your boss to enjoy. Digging out a hair tie from your tote bag has you even more irritated than you ever thought possible. 
Stepping inside a small art gallery, you decide to refuge there for a bit. The cool AC instantly has you shutting your eyes in pleasure. 
“How much for this piece?” 
You pop an eye open before deciding not to spare a glance. “I don’t work here.” 
The man lets out an awkward cough before excusing himself. “Sorry, I just thought…my mistake.” Feeling bad you turn your head.
“It’s alright, I should apologize as well.” Catching a first glimpse makes you hate yourself just a tiny bit for acting like a bossy LA girl. Didn’t help that he also had the nicest eyes humanly possible.
“I’m Charles.”
Mutually, you both spend some time walking around. He lets you know he’s only visiting as he is a foreigner. You let out a small sigh. “Lucky you didn’t grow up in LA. Extremely tiring, I can tell you that much.” 
“Tiring how?” He glances at you for a split second before looking at the nearest canvas. You hum.
“You eventually grow tired of being someone you’re not.” 
The stranger seems to feel bad enough based on his facial expression, but he understood what you were saying. A single ring expands into the air as you bite down on your lip.
“Shit, my boss.” Completely enthralled into your conversation time had completely slipped your mind. “I have to get going, but it was nice to meet you…”
“Charles,” he reminds you as you share an embarrassed nod. Something inside of him tells him to ask for your number, though it really wouldn’t be wise enough to do, he’s not even from here or a regular visitor. It wouldn’t make sense.
“...264,” you finish telling him as he quickly types in your phone number.
“Great. I’ll see you later for dinner.”
-
“Since when do you visit LA?” Pierre’s voice is filled with betrayal. Charles rolls his eyes at his friend. “Mate, you know I’ve always wanted to go there for Nobu!”
“Yeah, well no need to worry I’ll leave LA all to you now.” The definite confirmation in Charles’ voice has everyone wondering how bad things could have gotten between their friend and the unnamed girl he had once been hung up on, though he would never admit it. 
“How did the dinner go?” Alex curiously questions, trying to dig in deeper. He knew he wanted to get the best version since Lily had practically begged him to fill her in on the drive back home.
“It was the best date I’ve ever had.”
-
“Your reservation doesn’t exist.” The waiter was starting to grow annoyed at the 25 year old who insisted he had called on the phone. I can look for my own name on the list, Charles offers though the man quickly raises his hand. “I’m sorry, but the restaurant has grown full. You can try again tomorrow.”
Sitting down on the sidewalk he tries to think of ways to break the news to you. All of them had him cringing. A yellow cab pulls up in front of him and you step out smelling like a garden in Italy.
“Charles!” you exclaim as you run clumsily with heels undone. Finishing up your shift you had quickly dashed home to try to get here one time. Being a few minutes late isn’t all that bad. 
“Hey…” He rises up as you’re sitting down. Sheepishly he sits back down once again. “So you might hate me…” 
“Why’s that?” you hum as your clip on your heels. Once you are done you stare up at him. Your eyes have him tongue tied as he tries to remember the last time he’s felt like this. Seeing you dressed so pretty makes him upset and he knows he can’t mess this up with admitting his mistake.
“Someone got our table.” Frowning you peek over at the hostess who is taking in more names and clients. “Yeah they just swooped in and stole it.” 
“No way!” Feistiness paints your eyes as you stand up, hands on your waist. He realizes he doesn’t completely hate this look on you. Clearing his throat he stands as he pats his hands against his pants.
“Don’t worry though I’m sure we can find some place else.” 
“That’s not fair though,” you point out as you start to make your way over. His eyes grow wide as he runs alongside you. 
“It’s okay! I swear I’ll find you an even better restaurant where you can dine and display your pretty dress!” You look beautiful by the way, he adds and you quickly turn to him with a smile and blush painting your cheeks. 
“I’m sure you could but still, we should say something.” He doesn’t have a chance to stop you as you reach the hostess. 
“Hi,” you chirp as you grin kindly. The older man turned his attention with a bored expression.
“How can I help you?”
“Well, um, my date,” you turn and point at Charles who stands there with a blank stare. “He made a reservation for two and it seems you gave our table away.” The man, John, shakes his head.
“You must be mistaken - or have been lied to - but your table wasn’t given away because your date here never made a reservation, as I already informed him.” You both turn your attention to the Monegasque as he begins his act.
“Uhhh…”
Shaking your head you face John once again. “If he told me he made a reservation then he made a reservation.” Raising an eyebrow you stare back at him expectantly. 
“As I already told you, no he didn’t.”
Growing more nervous Charles tries to convince you to let it go. I just looked it up and there’s a better restaurant just 2 hours away! “No,” you finalize as he nibbles on his bottom lip. “We are getting our table back.”
“Then I guess you’re just going to have to keep waiting because we are most definitely not going to serve you today.” You roll your eyes.
“Thank you, John.” Making your way over you sit on a bench for waiting guests, Charles follows. “Which table did you reserve?”
“29.” Narrowing your eyes over at John you nod. “Alright. So here’s what we’re gonna do…”
“Are you sure about this?” He lifts you up toward an open window as you grab on, trying to stay secure.
“Just…yes. Just don’t drop me!” His hands placed on your body have him hard and he tries to play it off. This would not make him look good on a first date. 
“Okay let me go now!” You screech as you climb over. He watches as you carefully place your Dior covered feet onto the ground. Clapping you shoot a thumbs up on your side of the glass. “Now it’s your turn.”
Rolling up his sleeves he slips into a small pep talk. You got this. You got this. Climbing up towards the window quite evenly has you standing there impressed. Pretty good, you congratulate as he looks down at your figure.
“Than-” Slipping he crashes onto the polished floors. 
“Yikes.”
Rubbing his arm he follows you around the dimly lit restaurant. Lots of twists and turns. “I’m starting to get dizzy, how do you know this place so well?” 
“I’ve made a few reservations for my boss and her colleagues to have private meetings, now hush and try not to catch anyone's attention!”
“Fuck! You’re Charles Leclerc!” A group of guys stand up in a hurry as you both stop dead in your tracks. You’re confused as to how they know your date's name but as soon as you catch a glimpse of their table’s number, your curiosity flows away. 
“Oh so you guys stole our table!” You march over to them as they stare back confused. Charles immediately follows you.
“What are you talking about? We didn’t steal anything.” Tilting your head a bit you stare at them accusingly.
“Yes. Table 29. He reserved it.” You point over at Charles who is busy signing a few autographs in order for them to shut up and not get your attention. Dazed, you pull your eyes away from him as he stands there like a deer in headlights.
The guy ignores you as he pushes past you. Scoffing, you cross your arms over your chest as you begin to glare. He begs for Charles to sign his shoe. Standing your ground you walk over to the now open seat. As the group starts to thank Charles for taking pictures and signing their belongings, which still doesn’t make much sense, they return to their table.
“Move.” The guy crosses his arms and begins to tap his fancy glossed shoes. 
“No. This is our table.”
He turns to his friends who urge him. Others say, Leave it. She’s hot. Though as much as you're holding on to this stupid table, he is too. “Get up or I’ll have to call security.” Charles starts to stroll over to where you’re sitting to intervene with the situation but you let out a mocking laugh.
“You think a silly little trust fund baby like you scares me?” Licking your red lips you lean your arms over the dinner table. “Cause you don’t.”
His face starts to boil red as he tries to keep his cool. “Listen, this is our table. So get your filthy ass up and leave,” he spits out. Her ass is pretty nice, his friends confirm as Charles tries to restrain himself from going in for a sucker punch.
“It’s okay,  jolie fille, I’ll buy you an even better dinner.” You push his hands away as your glare remains on the man in front of you.
“Quit acting like you’re the shit because you’re not. Has anyone taught you manners? Has anyone tamed the doggy?” You pout, poking his ego as he reaches out to drag you by the arm.
“Mate, there’s no need for that-” Charles begins before he catches a glimpse of a flying arm.
“Don’t touch me!” You yell out as you spare a solid uppercut, and as it was unexpected, he flew back where his friends all tackled to not let him fall. 
A few guests gasp and others murmur. Charles sends a small dimpled smile before grabbing you, making sure you weren’t going in for more. “Crap. That shit hurt,” you moan as you massage your knuckles. Fondly, and a bit amazed, he smiles.
“I think we should leave,” he advises as you nod. 
“Yeah. Go ahead and listen to your owner…doggy.” Turning around, Charles barely has a chance to grab you before you go in for another hit. 
“You bitch!” 
He stands up, not before his friends hold him back. You kick as Charles lifts you by your waist, carrying you away.
“Let go! I’m going to mess up his botox face!” You dig your nails, not intentionally, into his skin as he hisses. 
As you continue screeching in his arms a now concerned and confused John stares, jaw on the floor.
“Don’t worry, Johnny, we’re leaving.”
-
“Holy shit!” Pierre stares, eyes wide. “That’s so cool! Why didn’t Kika and I do that on our first date?” Everyone agrees. Charles hums at the memory he had not reminisced on for quite a while.
“So you had a fun date and then what? You just let her go?” Lando shakes his head in disapproval, claiming he wouldn’t have messed up in that way. 
“No, we still continued seeing each other.” He smiles. “You don’t get it. I was completely captivated by her.”
-
Apologizing over the last date you both had was pretty easy.
“Don’t worry. That was the most fun I’ve had in a while.” You laugh at his response as you take a sip of your lemonade. Glossy lips wrap around the straw before biting down. He had to stop staring.
“How did they know your name?” Fiddling with your cup you squint at him underneath your sunglasses. He stiffens.
“You see, I’m…I… I drive.”
You scrunch your nose like a bunny as you let out a muffled laugh. He shakes his head as he tries again.
“A Formula 1 car. I drive in Formula 1.” Nodding you twiddle with the straw.
“What’s that?” 
Shocked, he finds himself asking, seriously? You shrug. “Care to explain, Mr. Leclerc.”
He spends the next 2 hours walking you through it all, taking his time. He learns that you had no idea of his status and career in F1 since it appeared that it isn’t as popular in California as it is in Europe, though it’s getting there.
“Nice. So I’m dealing with a celebrity,” you whisper jokingly as you raise your purse to cover you both. “Don’t wanna get paparazzied.” 
“I’m not a celebrity,” he laughs as you giggle, bringing your purse down.
“Of course not,” you agree. “You’re Charles.” 
For some reason, that makes him feel more seen than he has in years.
-
“Seriously, how long was this trip and why wasn’t I invited?” 
“He just didn’t want you bugging him like you are now,” Max croaks as Pierre flips him off.  
“I was only there to buy this one portrait, but as soon as I met her, it’s almost as if that was a reason to stay. I wanted to stay.” Charles stands up to serve himself another cup of hot chocolate, he adds almost half of the bag of marshmallows.
“Leave some for the rest of us,” George cries out. 
“Look! He’s getting chocolate drunk, this is a real problem,” Lando pokes fun as Carlos laughs next to him.
“I want to know more about this mysterious girl. What was she like?”
The green eyed boy thinks about it. Then he thinks about it some more. “I don’t know…What I do know is that I’ve never met someone like her.”
-
“It’s a staple here in LA. You have to go.”
It’s 5pm and you both sit in your old Chevy your grandpa had passed down to you. Here you were, trying to convince Charles to go to the Griffith Observatory.
“I’m not sure…What if someone noticed me?” You tap his nose before you dig into your bag. You pull out two bucket hats. 
“I survived LA?” he reads as you nod. 
“Bucket hats like these are also a staple, now put it on.” You hand him a pair of Ray Bans as you begin to drive to your destination.
“I feel like Jessica Olsen,” you squeal as you skip a bit, Keds and tube socks scratching along the pavement.
“Jessica who?”
“I forgot you’re all oh la laaa,” you tease as he laughs. You bump your hip against his waist. “It’s a movie. Starstruck. It’s about a girl who ends up meeting this international superstar and they go on all these crazy adventures.” You purposely leave out the fact where they fall in love. “He betrays her by saying he doesn’t know of her on national television!” 
Your wounded reaction has him playing along. He gasps. “No wayyy!” Rolling your eyes you pinch his bicep.
“Don’t be a Christopher Wilde and betray me, got it?” 
“Christopher Wi-”
“He was the superstar, Charles,” you sigh. “You ought to watch the movie.”
“This is so cool.” He finds himself walking ahead of you as he grows more and more excited with the cosmos. 
Behind him you say, “It is, but it sucks you can see more city lights than actual stars.”
He finds you pouting and he wishes for nothing more than to kiss you.
“City lights are cool too.”
-
“You went to the Observatory as well!” Pierre groans into a pillow. 
“Get over it already,” Yuki grunts. 
Charles had forgotten how much he enjoyed his time with you. Back in Los Angeles you had said people there pretended to be something they’re not. In Europe, he felt the same. Coincidentally, when you were together, you both were the truest versions of yourselves. Something you both wished you were able to keep.
“Damn. This is pretty cute,” Lewis admits. “How long did you stay there?”
“1 month.” Everyone gasps. 
“Oh you were into her into her,” Alex whistles. Growing a bit embarrassed Charles finds himself looking for any excuse to stop talking about you. 
“Tell us more! Tell us more!” Daniel chants as he drums his hands against the wall. He shifts a bit before leaning his head up against the warm couch.
“I met her family.”
-
“God, what did I do to deserve this?” your dad yells as he stares up at the open sky, backyard lit with fairy lights.
“Calm down before you scare him away!” You had invited Charles over for homemade burgers, but you moved out a long time ago, you had no idea your dad was a recent Formula 1 fan. Specifically, Ferrari.
“Of course. I can act cool.”
Breathing hard, Charles finds you carrying your sister's baby. “Hey.” His voice cracks and you laugh.
“Cute. What’s up?”
Fixing his collared shirt he pushes his hair back a bit. “You’re dad is amazing. I mean it, but I need a little break.” Looking over, you find your dad already staring, foolishly sending two thumbs up.
“Ha! I get it. You can stick with me and Macy.” You coo at your niece as she drools down onto her bib. Instantly, you wipe her face. “Macy!” you screech as you softly pinch her chubby cheek. 
Charles finds himself staring, admiring, and he never wants an excuse to look away. He’s never been the kind to envision his future with someone, but in that moment, he could. He saw you both living somewhere small, and cozy, somewhere where he could stupidly - and greedily - just enjoy you for himself. He could see you both having a few kids to fill in family portraits. Sundays at the Observatory. 
“She’s cute.” Smiling you nod as you press a few kisses on the baby's cheeks and damn it, he won’t admit it, but he was just the tiniest bit jealous. Lucky, he thinks.
“Do you want to carry her?” 
Too afraid he steps back, creating distance. “I would just drop her.” 
“Don’t worry, you won’t,” you say as you hand Macy over to him. “Just make sure to support her head, please.” He does as instructed, but as soon as Macy lets out a little kick he almost finds himself purposefully letting go.
“She doesn’t like me, it’s fine!” Maybe he was a little afraid.
“She was only getting comfortable. Weren’t you Macy?” Your baby voice has him feeling more for you than humanly possible. Finally settling down, Charles and Macy grow into a comfortable position. Slowly, she begins to fall asleep.
“Thank you God!” you sister whisper-shouts as she lays a warm pat on Charles’ shoulder. “She doesn’t fall asleep with anyone, she must like you.” 
“Really?” This makes him happier than he’d like to admit. Maybe he could do the whole dad-thing one day. His eyes travel towards you.
Frowning you whisper to the baby, “I see how it is.”
As the night grows darker, you both, along with Macy, sit next to the bonfire. “Seriously, a fire during summer?” you groan as you lay against Charles' shoulder. He could do this.
“It’s quite nice.” You let out a small snort as you fiddle with the baby blankie. “Thank you for inviting me.” The shyness in his voice is enough to make your heart swell.
“Of course.”
You take Macy to change her diaper and you disappear when your sister walks up to him. Pulling out a chair for her she thanks him. “You must really like her.” Despite his better judgment, he doesn’t answer. “But it also seems she likes you. You both are very cute. How long have you been together?”
“Uh, I’ve only known her for a week.” 
Her eyes grow wide as she lets out a grin.
“Oh she really likes you.”
-
“Meeting the parents after a week and getting approval? 10/10,” George says as he claps. 
“This isn’t daycare, Georgie,” Lewis teases. His teammate immediately stops clapping. More questions are thrown his way but one makes his heart stop for a split second.
“Did you fall in love?”
And he doesn’t have to think about it, because he knows he did.
-
“Sucks that you won’t be here forever,” you whisper. Amidst of summer, you both decided to go to your nearest farmers market. Picking out some plums he pauses and hands you one. Wiping it a bit, you bite down and let out a soft moan.
“Very good, Charles,” you commend as he smiles softly.
“Thank you, maman,” he highlights. “My mom showed us how to pick good fruit.”
“Do you miss her? Home?” Helping now to fill the small paper bag he thinks about it.
“Oddly enough, no. I mean I do miss my mom, but not home. Not half as what I thought I would.” Handing the lady money, you thank her.
“How’s that?” As much as you sometimes grew tired of Los Angeles you knew deep inside that you would grow homesick. 
“You’ve made it pretty easy not to miss.”
Kicking a nearby rock you focus on the old man singing. “Very sweet for you to inflate my ego,” tossing the plum seed into the trash can you turn back around to face him. “I know you’re lying.”
He shrugs. “I mean it, but if you choose to ignore the truth…” Winking, he grabs the paper bag from you. “Hey, do you mind taking care of this?” The group of little boys sitting criss cross look up from their game.
“Sure?”
Grabbing your hand he takes you to the middle, where mostly elderly couples are dancing. “Spare me a dance?” Giggling you nod as you fit the small of your hand into his warm palm. Electricity shoots through you and if it weren’t for Charles flinching as well you would have sworn it was all a part of your imagination.
With his hands on your hips and your own lazily spilling over his shoulders you both sway. It's a rare focus of pure devotion, one that you’ve never felt. One he hasn’t either.
“Not too shabby.” Throwing a playful scowl he spins you before dipping you, hair flying as you let out a yelp.
“You’re going to crack her neck!” The small lady scolds as she looks over to where you giggle. “You’re lucky she’s alive. I’ve been dropped by that move,” she snaps as her husband holds her back.
“It was one time!”
Nodding, Charles brings you back towards him, delicately running his thumb against your cheek. “Didn’t snap your neck, did I?” The way he smiles is enough for you to lean into his touch.
“Nope.”
“So darling!” The old lady squeals as she places her hand over her heart. 
After a few songs you both make your way to where the little boys were sitting. “Charles, they stole our plums!” you screech when you find out the group is long gone. 
“Fuck. I paid them too.”
That night he invited you over to his hotel. “You can’t drive. Summer rain,” he insists as he points out the window of his room. Loud drops hit the glass.
“I would have been fine but alright,” you shrug as you jump onto his bed. “So what do you want to do? Pillow fight? Prank calls? Ouija board?”
“You’re sick.” He cracks a smile when you shrug. 
“Well I’m not tired so you better think of something!” 
Boy did he think. He imagined. He grew lustful, but no. 
“I know how to shag.” The blush that creeps onto your cheeks makes him choke. “Shag as in the dance! The dance. My mom taught my brothers and I. I could teach you…” You nod.
Spending time in a tight hotel room with a low tune and feet stepping over one another has to be the highlight of his life.
“I thought you knew!”
“I do! I swear!”
You groan as you drop against the bed. “Time out,” you say as you cross your arms as an X, to display your break. 
“Fine.” Since you both had not eaten much he decided to order room service. As you wait you both lay down watching old races of his. “Why this?”
“I want to learn more,” you explain as you hush him. The camera pans to a slightly older guy, extremely tan and extremely handsome. As soon as you catch a glimpse that he wears the same race suit as Charles you pause the screen. “That beautiful man is your teammate? The one you were talking about?” The tone of your voice has him groaning.
“Yes?”
“Wow,” you murmur as you softly touch the screen, eyes shining. Slapping the computer shut you turn to him with a sour face. “Why!”
“It’s weird,” he tries to reason. 
“So if I reacted like that to you it would be ‘weird’ too?” His voice hitches at your interpretation. Growing shy you look away.
“I guess I would be flattered to be noticed by someone like you.” In a single moment he leans in and kisses you and it's almost as if any other kiss he’s had would never compare. You feel it too, the way he lets you meet his lips as if he’s been waiting for this, as if he’s been craving you.
A soft whine is released as he towers over you, purposefully making you lean against his soft bed. Wrapping your legs around his waist, your skirt hikes up allowing him to grip your thighs. He groans when you begin to rub yourself against him. He can feel just how wet you are and it takes all of him to not flip you to take you from behind.
The door chimes. “Food delivery!”
-
“You knew when you first danced with her? I knew I loved Kika when she picked up my socks.” 
“It sounds like you really loved her,” Lando says. Love, Charles wants to correct, because only an idiot would ever stop, but he bites his tongue.
“What I don’t understand is why we never knew of her before this. Why didn’t you make it work?” Carlos says as everyone nods, sharing the same question.
“It was never going to,” Charles confesses. He wishes it would, he really wishes it still could, but it won’t. “That’s just the way it had to be I suppose.”
-
“Fuck, fuck,” you moan out as Charles wraps his hand into your messy hair. 
“You can take it,” he reassures you. I can, you cry out, mainly to convince yourself, but he’s just too big. Leaning back he spanks your ass before rubbing it.
“Did I hurt you?” he teases as you shake your head against the sheets. “Answer me.”
“No!” With all your power you rise up to your elbows before turning around to look at him with teary eyes. The picture you see is too much; snapping his hips against you he slips in and out in the most sinister way. Sweat covering his face but to you he was glowing. You squeal when he reaches over to push two fingers into your mouth. You gag around his long digits.
This makes you clench around him and he almost stops his pace to catch a break but the way you're moaning, whining, gives him all the strength to continue. You cough as you try to spit his fingers out. 
“You weren’t choking on my cock earlier, how is it that you are around my fingers?” His voice is nothing but the opposite of sympathetic and you love it. You shut your eyes as you force yourself to start to suck on them. “That’s it, baby,” he swoons as you take him just the way he knew you could.
Retracting his finger you find yourself missing them. He makes up for it when he pinches your nipples in a certain way that has you pushing your hips back towards him. 
“So fucking beautiful.” He mostly says this to himself, but it has you squirming underneath his touch. “You drive me so so fucking crazy, y’know? ‘Twas supposed to be here only for a couple of days, but fuck, it’s almost going to be a month.” You let out a pornographic moan when he slaps your ass before going in much deeper. You find yourself drooling by how good this all was. “You’re so fucking addicting.”
Harder, you wail as you reach up behind you for his hand. He lets out a deep laugh as he hands you a polaroid he took of you a couple of days ago. One where he’s fingering you in front of his hotel mirror.
In it you’re mid-moan, head thrown against his shoulder. It’s almost embarrassing the way you could see your juices shimmer in the picture. You snatch the photo before throwing it across the room.
He tsks his tongue as he flips you onto your back, swiftly pulling your legs up to his shoulders, the angle almost causing you to be completely smushed up against your thighs. “You didn’t like the picture, darling? 
“I do,” you pant, trying to catch your breath as you are now face to face with him. “It’s just too much all at the same time.” You bite down on your lip when his mouth forms an O, brows drawn together as he tries his best to appear intact, but the clear sight of having you underneath him is enough to cancel his acting debut.
Reaching out, he grabs your polaroid camera. “Guess I’ll just have to take another.” He smirks when you gasp when he holds onto your legs with the other arm, glistening muscles shining. You flinch at the cold jewelry that covers his beautiful fingers before settling back into a string of whimpers and pleas.
His grip is the perfect amount and you swear you are filled with pure adrenaline that you’ve never felt  with anyone. In the most professional manner he spits right into your pussy, only adding more friction than there already was. The warmth has you squeezing your legs around his shoulders, feeling his collar bones underneath. Your core grows tight.
“Shit, don’t do that,” he moans, eyes shut for the briefest moment.
“I can’t, I’m gonna…” You’re cut off when a sudden flash goes through. Wickedly, you find out he took a picture of your tits covered with his cum from earlier activities.
“Just when I thought you couldn’t get prettier,” he murmurs as he gazes at the photo, his rhythm only growing faster, harder. He throws the photo - vowing to look for it later - before wrapping his hands around your calves. “You’re going to what?”
Cruel, you think, he’s being cruel. But you don’t give a single fuck, not even when he smirks. 
“I’m going to cum-”
“Go on then baby.”
Letting out the loudest cry you throw your head back as you gush around him, him following, and in the most unexpected manner he rubs your clit. This only adds to your pleasure as you are controlled with an unfamiliar feeling. You squirt all around him. 
“Fuckkk,” he groans as he snaps a picture of you midst squirting and moaning. Quickly, he places the photo on the nightstand before slowly pulling away, mixed cum oozing out. He brings his fingers to gather some before licking it.
“No more,” you weakly plead. He nods as he brings your legs down, leaning up to kiss your cheek before he kisses your lips. You sigh against him. 
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he says when you kiss his nose. He feels your soft breath fanning him, he inhales your perfume, one that he could never forget.
“Ditto.”
-
“Would you have given up racing just to stay there with her?” Pierre questions when he notices just how serious his friend was about you. He tries to recall the last time he saw him like this but there was nothing that ever compared. It almost scared him, but he was mostly sad. Sad that his friend  was yearning for something that was never going to happen.
“Yes.”
“What stopped you?” Lewis asks as he leans against his knees. The room has grown more serious, suddenly filled with gloominess.
“It came to the point where she didn’t want me anymore.” His friends all frown at his response, growing more curious as to what happened, where did you mess up? “I get it though.” 
A glimpse of the art piece he first saw when he met you is hung on the wall, a reminder of what once was. That single piece of art was the only reason he even visited LA, if not, there wouldn’t be anything to tell. In a certain way, he’s thankful for the way things flowed because at least he had the pleasure of getting to know someone like you.
“Are you telling them the story of your month trip for my favorite painting?” Charlotte jokes as she enters the room with Lily. “You guys, he waited so long just to buy it for me, it was the most romantic thing ever.” She swoons as Lily smiles, unknowing of the truth behind the painting.
The guys instantly spring their attention back to Charles where he sits silently. He stands up, walking over and places a kiss on her forehead.
“I would do it all over again.”
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lightsoutnaway · 2 months
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Happy Anniversary
PAIRING—Lando Norris x gn!reader (no pronouns or gendered language)
SUMMARY—Lando forgets your anniversary.
WARNINGS—None
WORD COUNT—1,150
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You knew Lando forgot your anniversary when he said goodbye to you in the morning. He would have said something then if he had remembered. He had all day at work to remember though. You were holding out hope that he would at least remember during the day and do something at the last minute. But instead you got a text at around 5:00 from Lando saying he would be home late and you should eat without him. That was the last straw for you. You texted him back, knowing exactly what the text was going to do to Lando.
Okay, I’ll eat alone. Happy Anniversary.
The typing bubble appeared for a moment after you sent your text. It disappeared and then reappeared and then disappeared again. It appeared once more.
I’ll be home in ten minutes
Lando was true to his word. He was throwing the door open almost exactly ten minutes after he’d sent the text. He drove faster than he did on the track to get back to you.
“Baby?” Lando shouted as he rushed through the door. He was sprinting through the house looking for you. He found you seated on your bed quietly watching tv. He let out a deep breath of relief when he saw you. He had it in his head that you wouldn’t even be there. “Hi, love,” Lando greeted.
“Hi.” You didn’t look at him. You didn’t ask him how his day was. You didn’t tell him you had missed him. You didn’t pull him in for a kiss. You didn’t do any of the things you did when he came home. He felt like he wasn’t home at all.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” Lando started rambling. He was moving across the room towards you. “I know I messed up. I’ve just been so stressed at work and it’s—”
“You don’t get to blame everything on racing, Lando,” you interrupted. Lando stopped about a yard from your side of the bed.
“Blame everything?” He asked. You took a deep breath.
“You can’t make it home for dinner because you have to work late. And you can’t come to my sister’s wedding with me because it’s during a race weekend. And you can’t come home with me when I visit my parents because you can’t leave while they’re working on the car,” you recounted the ways racing took precedence over you. Lando wasn’t sure what to say.
“Baby, I don’t want to fight,” he said quietly.
“Then you shouldn’t have forgotten our anniversary!” You snapped. He looked down at his feet.
“I know,” Lando said. “And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I won’t ever stop being sorry. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you aren’t going to keep,” you said dryly. Lando never knew what to do when you fought. He was horrible at handling it, always so lost in the idea that you were upset with him.
“I will,” he promised. “I’ll do anything. Everything. Whatever you want.” You looked at him, your eyes filled with anger.
“I want you to care about me,” Lando’s heart felt like it shrunk up at those words.
“I do care about you. I care about you more than anything,” Lando gushed.
“You care about racing more and we both know it,” you replied. Lando shook his head.
“No. I care about you more, baby. You’re my life. Racing’s my job,” he said.
“That’s not the way it feels,” you told him.
“I’m sorry,” Lando apologized again. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I’ll do better. I’ll come home on time. We’ll both go back to visit your parents next month. I’ll talk to Zak about a reserve driver in Miami so I can go to your sister’s wedding. Everything. I want you to have everything.” He looked at you, waiting, hoping that he had promised enough. That he could do enough to fix it. That he was enough.
“They’re just words, Lando,” you said after a moment. Lando was very aware that you weren’t calling him ‘Lan.’ He wasn’t fond of the new name.
“They won’t be, love,” Lando said. He closed the rest of the distance between you and sat on the edge of the bed beside you. He grabbed your hands and felt a wave of relief wash over him when you didn’t pull them away. “I’m going to do it all. I’ll book the tickets to your parents right now,” Lando said. “I’m going to be here. I’m going to be with you.” He felt his heart breaking. “Please,” he begged. “Let me be with you.” Your eyes softened when you realized how worried Lando was—what he thought was about to happen—how he felt that it was over between you.
“You are with me,” you assured him. You reached up and cupped his cheek in your hand. Lando leaned into your touch. “Just…keep it that way, please?” Lando nodded.
“Always,” he promised. There was a moment where he just soaked in your forgiveness. He let himself feel the relief of knowing it wasn’t over between you. “What do you want to do tonight?” He asked. “Tomorrow there’ll be dinner and presents and everything you deserve. But tonight I might not be able to do as much.” You laughed.
“Just get in bed with me, idiot,” you requested. Lando grinned. He took off his shoes and then climbed into bed with you. He pulled you against his chest, wrapping his arms tight around you and burying his nose in your hair. Your hand spread out over his chest drawing shapes against the soft sweatshirt he had covering his body.
“I’m sorry,” Lando whispered and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “You deserve better than me.” You let out a small laugh. You leaned up so you could press your lips to Lando’s. His lips were slow and tender against yours. He was savoring this after he had felt the fear of never kissing you again. You hummed in satisfaction when you pulled away.
“Maybe,” you said and smiled down at him. “But you’re the only one I want.” Lando smiled up at you. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have you. He knew you were too good for him and he was grateful for every moment that you gave to him. You were perfect. You were the love of his life. You were the thing that mattered most. Lando wasn’t going to mess that up ever again. He leaned up to press one more quick peck to your lips before raising his hand and pushing a loose strand of hair out of your eyes.
“Happy Anniversary, baby,” Lando said softly. “I promise I’ll do better for the next one.” He said it partially to ensure himself that you would have another anniversary. You smirked.
“Guess I’ll have to keep you around then.”
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tayyytayyy12 · 1 month
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𝗦𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗡𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 | 𝗟𝗦𝟮 𝘅 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿
𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 - 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻’𝘀 𝗯𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻’𝘀 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀.
𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 - 𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗲.
𝗙𝗰 - 𝗩𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗣𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀.
𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱? - 𝗬𝗲𝘀
𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗦𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁
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𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗦𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 - Y/n’s new song is out today, it’s called ‘Say yes to heaven’ and it’s cute, and it’s about me, and I love her, so stream it please 🙂
𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻 - AWWW
𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻 - I love you so much 🤧🤧
𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗦𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 - I love you more
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭 - They’re actually so adorable
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮 - “it’s cute, it’s about me, and I love her” stop and I can’t even get a man to remember my name
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟯 - Love that she’s happy but in my opinion she could so soo much better 😭
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟰 - Like how?
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟱 - I get what they mean, like you have Y/n, who’s won seven Grammys and she’s only 22, and Logan, who’s scored one point in F1 throughout a whole season
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟲 - Fame doesn’t matter if she was dating a normal person you all wouldn’t have anything to say, leave them alone.
𝗔𝗹𝗲𝘅_𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝗻 - I take credit for this relationship, so you’re welcome.
𝗟𝗶𝗹𝘆𝗺𝗵𝗲 - I’m sorry but who knew that Y/n had a crush on Logan?
𝗔𝗹𝗲𝘅_𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝗻 - Who knew Logan has a crush on Y/n?
𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗦𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 - Lily made us meet and talk.
𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻 - Credit defo goes to Lily, sorry Alex
𝗟𝗶𝗹𝘆𝗺𝗵𝗲 - HA.
𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻
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𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻 - Having a golden retriever boyfriend is the biggest flex I have.
𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗦𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 - Having a pretty talented girlfriend is mine
𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻 - Brb blushing
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟳 - I swear all she does is use Logan for fame smh
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟴 - Exactly like I’d never heard a Y/n song until she started dating Logan.
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟵 - Istg they’re happy can’t anyone just let them live
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟬 - I need to know who took those cute photos of them 😭
𝗟𝗶𝗹𝘆𝗺𝗵𝗲 - ‘Twas I
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟭 - I want a man to hug me in the rain..?
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟮 - We all do
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟯 - Say yes to heaven describes their relationship perfectly omg
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟰 - I’m calling it rn, this is a PR relationship
𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻
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𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻 - New song out tonight, she’s called ‘Sweet Nothing’, it’s about Logan and I, I hope this clears some things up, I hope you like it.
(Our relationship is very real, no PR stunts, stop assuming)
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟱 - She really called out all the haters in that last part 😭
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟲 - I feel bad that all they’re trying to do is support each other but no one can leave their relationship alone.
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟳 - The pictures stop 😭
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟴 - If Y/n has one supporter it’s Logan, if she has 100 supporters he’s one if them, if she had none Logan’s dead.
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟭𝟵 - That actually describes the way they are about each other perfectly 😭
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮𝟬 - In the third pic if you see the way they look at each other, no one can tell me that their relationships fake.
𝗦𝗮𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿 - I love you but if this is another love song please stop making me feel majorly single
𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻 - Sorry Sab, I’ll start writing more lonely songs for you 🙂
𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗦𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 - The songs amazing sweetheart, I love you so much.
𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻 - I love you more
𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗦𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 - Impossible.
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮𝟭 - Feeling lonely rn.
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𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮𝟮 - OKAY THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING CUTE 😭
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮𝟯 - “And the voices that implore, I should be doing more, to you I can admit that I’m just go soft for all of this” it’s so vulnerable 😭
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮𝟰 - She’s in love in love
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮𝟱 “Outside they’re push and shovin’, you’re in the kitchen humming all that you ever wanted form me was sweet nothing” If I never get Logan and Y/n type love, I don’t want any love.
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮𝟲 - I hope those haters finally like go away, and just let them live
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮𝟳 - This song is now everything to me.
𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻
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𝗜𝘁𝘀.𝗬/𝗻 - All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing
𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗦𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 - I’m so so proud of you.
𝗨𝘀𝗲𝗿𝟮𝟴 - They really are each others biggest supporters 😭
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innerwomen · 17 days
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hii i was wondering could you please write a fic about zuko and how he was insecure about his scare for the first time and reader just reassures him
Yes yes and yes. Here you go Anon! Hope you enjoy it! 💕🫶💞
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At the days end.
Paring: Zuko x Reader
TYPE: ask!
WARNINGS: self hatred.
“How bad is it, Y/n?”
“You have the ability to see out of your eye, that’s good enough.”
“How bad is it?”
Slowly you unwrapped the cloth protecting the seared and fresh skin; he was lucky to be alive, he was even more fortunate to still have the capability to see out of his left eye. Once completely removed you smile sadly. It wasn’t that bad. “Zuko, listen. It’s not that bad it’s just a scar and everyone has them.”
Zuko looks at himself in the mirror then is repelled with instant disgust at what stared back at him he immediately looks away. “I’m hideous and dishonorable.” He felt the pain from the burn but what hurt him was how his father treated him.
“Don’t say that! That isn’t true.” You say defending him for himself. You knew this was going to be difficult for him to accept and live on with; but he had to. And he had to do it while loving and appreciating himself.
“It is true Y/n! I lost the Agni Kai, I lost all honor, I am banned from my own country, I have a permanent reminder on my face of how I am a failure and now I have you here lying to my face.” He counted every misfortune, and you could see it in his face the way he was in the brink of crying and lashing out.
“First off, you are a child and went up against a grown man. A cowardly one too.
He looks at you with disbelief hearing you call the Fire lord a coward.
“Second, you didn’t lose your honor because that’s not something someone can give and take from you; only you can.
Your words remind Zuko so much of what his uncle would tell him, that his honor was his alone. Maybe he should start to believe it.
“Thirdly, why stay in a corrupt country that punishes children for speaking out against wrongfulness? Fourth, Zuko, you’re not a failure, you’re a child who’s learning.
His face softened and he began to realize everything by you said had a point and was true.
“And Fifth, I would never lie so take that back.”
He smiles, “You would never lie to me, sorry.”
You smile back at him and bring him in for a hug. “I forgive you. But remember everything I told you, okay?” You were going to miss him. You weren’t allowed to leave with Zuko; you were going to have to stay in the Fire Nation.
“I will miss you too, and I’ll keep everything you said in mind. But I won’t be away for long because as soon as I capture the avatar I’ll be back.” He says regaining some small amount of pride and confidence.
“Just be safe Zuko. And please, don’t live your life looking for your father’s approval; live it because it’s your life.”
“I’ll try, Y/n.” He brings you into one more tight hug, you felt tears roll down your cheeks and you could hear Zuko sniffle.
“That is all you need to do.”
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wongyuuu · 2 months
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midnight rain | lsm
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pairing: seokmin x f!reader genre: angst, smut, a little bit of fluff word count: 17k summary: after seven years away, you finally return home. meeting seokmin again wasn't in your plans, but life wasn't willing to let you have it your way. warnings: minors do not interact, kissing, oral, swearing, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don't do this) a/n: this is part of 1k event, it was requested the dearest @ressonancee. but also, it's part of svt ans songs from midnights. i just wrote two in one and something that was supposed to be short became this monster. i hope i wrote seokmin in a way you'll like it. prompt: “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can make me feel like you do." Seokmin ➝ Midnight Rain He was sunshine, I was midnight rain ↳ it was the oldest story in the world, the bright boy fell for the grumpy girl.
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Letter #1
Seokmin,
You know, I've always been very proud of not being a very attached person. I've always been proud that I can put myself first and second, because I know I need to do it, because I know that no one else will do it for me. So, when I came here and dropped everything I had, I thought it would be a lot easier than it actually is.
When I turn around in bed at night, after days of trying to get used to the time zone and weeks to the weather and the people here — which are both bad and for completely different reasons, nothing is like in the movies — I always hope to find you there by my side and being able to snuggle up to you like I always did. I wake up in the morning and make enough coffee for two people and take two mugs out of the cupboard, and only then do I realize I'm alone here. I don't need two mugs and I made too much coffee. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I find myself typing your number, which I have memorized despite the fact that no one remembers phone numbers, because phones exist for a reason.
You have no idea how much I miss you and what I would do to be able to hear your voice again. I would do anything, I swear I could. But I know I no longer have that right. I know that what I did is unforgivable and although I want your forgiveness, I hope you never forget what I did to you.
You were still good to me on the last day. You took me to the airport, you said goodbye to me, you hugged me tight like you know I like it and you did your best not to shed a tear in front of me.
Every now and then I catch myself thinking that I messed up. I could have done my master's where we graduated, I didn't need to move to the other side of the world and leave the life I knew behind. But at the same time, I accept it. Coming here was my dream, it was always what I dreamed of even when you were by my side as well. And maybe that's why I never told you about the application, about being approved. Maybe I waited until the end, until the very last second to tell you because I knew you were the only one capable of changing my mind.
When I was by your side, I started to dream of a different life, a life that had you at all times and in all aspects. But, as you may have already noticed, I chose my first dream.
I know I won't regret it. I can't afford to regret it. You’ll become who you always wanted to be and I’ll be there to give you a standing ovation. Not there, next to you, but from afar.
yn 
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“That was Sunday Morning, by Hong Joshua. Ah, whenever I hear this song I remember my college days. I've said this here a few times, and I think I sound like a broken record by this point, but Joshua and I went to the same college and he was always singing this song in the hallways. Any small gathering between friends he would pull out the guitar and sing. So I'm sorry, but you're going to have to listen to this song at least once a week for the next year. Or until he releases the next one.”
Seokmin looked at the monitor to his right as a pre-recorded commercial for the next show started. The comments were going up too quickly, which made reading them an almost impossible mission.
On the other side of the glass, Chan made a sign indicating that the commercial was over. Seokmin looked at his friend as he lowered one finger after another and finally pointed at him. Chan placed a sheet of paper, which was always used, against the glass, which said “last, chat”. Indicating that he still had one more question to answer.
“We have time for one more question” Seokmin said, opening the internal chat he used with the other radio employees and read the question that Chan had sent “I ended a relationship of almost four years a few months ago, but I still can't understand what happened. I haven't even returned his things yet. How do I get in touch saying I want to return it?”
Seokmin swallowed. He knew that Chan hadn't done it on purpose, that he had no way of knowing everything that had happened between him and you, but he hated how much the question resonated in his head. It was a feeling he shared and for him it had been a little worse because you lived together during your last year of college. So when he entered the house and saw all the furniture, the decorations, your clothes still in the closet, it was like entering a time machine. In that 30 square meter space, for a few minutes, you still hadn't left.
He took a deep breath, away from the microphone so the sound wouldn't be picked, and leaned forward.
“It's a difficult question, really. If it's been a few months and he still hasn't picked his things up, it's because he doesn't need them, so I don't think you should bother contacting him. Hmmm”
He bit his lip and rested his elbows on the table, thinking if he should continue talking or if it would be better to stop there. Seokmin always thought it was better not to let personal feelings show on the radio, but he had moments when he couldn't follow his own rules.
“I can tell you from experience that sometimes silence is better. Because if you know the truth, it could hurt you even more. When I was in a similar situation, after a while I simply discarded the person's belongings. At first, it will be difficult, because you’ll see that shirt you gave as a gift, that letter you wrote and remember what it meant, the moment you gave those things to him. But little by little you will achieve it. Don't feel obligated to just move on when you're not ready. People will always tell you that it's about time, that it's been so many weeks or months. You’re the one who knows about your feelings.”
Chan knocked on the glass again, almost desperate because Seokmin's answer had been too long. It wasn't the first time he had gotten lost in what he was saying and maybe had been talking in circles. It always happened that he remembered you when he answered a question.
And in that specific question he was being a hypocrite because he knew that if he opened his closet, deep inside it, he would find at least two boxes full of your things hidden. He rarely went near those boxes, he liked to pretend they didn't exist and most days he managed to achieve that thought. But there were other days…
“So we come to the end of another Cupid's Corner with Minnie. See you again next week. Cupid’s Corner with Minnie: Unveiling Love’s Melody, One Relationship at a Time!”
Seokmin removed his headphones, stood up, and waved at the cameras he knew were pointed at him. He grabbed his phone and the bottle of water he always carried with him. The red light above the door finally went out and Seokmin left the studio.
Immediately, Chan appeared beside him. He had just gone blond, and it strangely suited him.
He knew the youngest was desperate, not that he was doing a good job of hiding it. The disheveled hair, pointing in all directions, also helped a lot.
“You’re going to have a heart attack if you continue like this” Seokmin said laughing.
Chan was the newest employee, handpicked by Seokmin a few months before. Seokmin needed someone to help him organize the broadcasts after his previous assistant quit because she had gotten a job in the field she had studied. Seokmin even talked to her and offered a higher salary that would come out of his own pocket, but nothing seemed to help. Not that he blamed her, in her place he would have done the same thing. But in the position he was in, changes made him uncomfortable so he did what he could to make sure everything stayed the same.
Maybe it was trauma.
“It’s because they yell at me, not you.”
One of the reasons Seokmin chose Chan as his new assistant was his sincerity. In the middle of the interview he “I think there are things in your program that need to change” and started listing things that he thought were dated or ideas that had been used too much and therefore didn't have the same effect on listeners. The others had found him presumptuous as if he wanted to know more than those who worked at the radio. Seokmin disagreed and that's how Chan got the job.
“They yell at you because you’re the new guy, no one yelled at Jiah”
Chan made a sound in the back of his throat, like a scoff.
“That's because everyone was afraid of her” Seokmin rolled his eyes and reached for the folder Chan was carrying “Oh, right. Tomorrow is your lecture for the communication classes, but they said it is possible that students from other courses will also be there, because it’llll be in the auditorium”
Seokmin nodded, reading the guidelines Chan had made. He needed to admit that he was organized and had absolute control over everything he did. He was sure that if he asked about Wonwoo's program, Chan would know how to answer as if he worked directly with him.
“You know how it is, I have fans” Chan pretended to vomit “If you go tomorrow, we’ll go out to dinner later, I’ll pay”
"Deal"
Seokmin always found it strange to be called to give lectures at the college where he studied. He wasn't a teacher and he didn't think he had done enough to be someone who could give advice to someone. In fact, Seokmin was sure he hadn't done anything big. His life, to put it very simply, was flat. At least, almost all of his life.
Seokmin has always been the type of guy who makes plans and follows through on those plans. When he was sixteen he got it into his head that he wanted to work in radio. It wasn't without reasons, of course. He joined the school radio and despite doing very little, because the school director had to know everything that would be done, even the nouns he would use in the sentence, he fell in love with the idea. That's why he decided he should study journalism in college, that way even if his radio career didn't work out, he would still have a profession.
But his dream was to work on a radio, to have his own program. So that's what he did.
He entered college as planned, sunk into student debt, and graduated exactly as he had planned. In his last semester, he got an internship at the biggest radio station in the country. He was on cloud nine. It was as if he had received the green light in life and everything was on the right track.
At least that's what he thought. At least that was what he had forced himself to believe. The internship became a permanent position and one day he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's why he never felt prepared to give anyone advice. Despite having decided on the career he wanted to pursue, he knew that he also needed to count on a little luck and help. The only words he could offer were “you work hard, study, make contacts, and throw the rest into luck’s hands”. It wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to hear when he was a student looking forward to the future, so he certainly wouldn't say it to anyone.
However, Chan convinced him that it would be a good idea to give the talk.
“You’re going to tell me how you got here, that’s all. An unknown face who quickly went on air to cover someone for one of the most beloved radio broadcasters in the country. I'm sure if you say that shit fell on your head, they'll like it” Chan had said laughing.
Overall the lecture went very well. Better than expected. He answered the questions as honestly as possible and used his best smile to get rid of the more awkward questions.
Despite the good day, he knew he didn't want to repeat the dose anytime soon.
“They want to know if you would be willing to do one of these a semester” Chan whispered because he knew the answer Seokmin would give, so it was better for the students not to hear.
“No” was all Seokmin said “But I’ll still buy you dinner”
Chan punched the air in celebration, catching the eyes of those around him, but he seemed to care very little.
"I just…"
What Seokmin was about to say, an announcement that he needed to go to the bathroom, died in his throat as he looked straight ahead.
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Letter #2
Seokmin,
I thought I would be able to adapt faster here. It was very hard in the beginning with transport, getting around in general was very difficult. So I chose a weekend and went walking around the neighborhood where I live. I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I thought I should check it out. Besides, I can wake up in the middle of the night and decide that I want to eat something that I don't have at home, so it's good to know if there are any stores or markets that open in the middle of the night (in this neighborhood there aren't any, maybe that's why I won’t stay here).
I discovered that going out there, although productive, wasn't such a good idea. Nothing wrong happened, I didn't get hit on or someone was rude to me. Quite the contrary, most people pretended they weren't even seeing me. The problem was that everything made me think about you.
I walked by the store that sold a lot of random old things and decided to go in. You know I love filling the house with trinkets. I didn't find anything there that I liked, but I saw that they were selling camera films. For a moment I forgot everything that had happened and all I could think was, I think Seokmin is running out of film, I need to buy more because he will only realize when he doesn't have any left.
I bought it and brought it to the apartment. I opened the door and called your name. It was only later, when I noticed where I was, that it wasn't our apartment, that I realized what I had done.
Even without meaning to, even when I try not to, I find myself looking for you. Everywhere. I go to a restaurant and think about what you would like to eat, I see a dog on the street and I imagine you bending down to pet it. It's not on purpose, I just can't help it. I try, but it's in vain.
I wonder if it will pass. Will this feeling that I succeeded in my career but ruined my personal life disappear or will I feel like this forever — or at least for a good few years?
yn.
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It was as if all the air had been ripped from your lungs and there was no way in the world to get you to breathe.
Somehow, some way, Seokmin was standing in front of you, in the middle of the college hallway.
For a moment it was as if you had been transported back in time, to when you were still 22 years old. In another moment you would have simply run up to him and thrown yourself into his arms as if you hadn't spent the whole night clinging to him, as if you hadn't seen each other before classes, as if you hadn't shared the smallest space in the world on the subway for 20 minutes. And your body seemed to remember all of this, like some kind of muscle memory, because you felt like you were being projected forward. Towards him.
You thought Seokmin would talk to you, you were sure he would. But you saw the way his gaze changed, the way it went from complete surprise to a hard look, completely different from anything you had ever seen from him.
In your memory, Seokmin was always brilliant and was always willing to welcome everyone with open arms, even when he felt more shy. You didn’t understand, that look he gave you was completely different from what you imagined could happen.
When you made the decision to return, you knew that there was a possibility of meeting Seokmin, no matter how small it was. You didn't know if he was still friends with the same people, if he still kept in touch with them. You certainly hadn't kept in touch with anyone - except for the two times you talked to Joshua. The possibility existed, but being realistic you knew it was as big as winning the lottery.
Of all the places you thought you could find Seokmin, college was the last one and maybe that was even why you accepted the job. When you were taking the last tests, the ones that would say whether you would graduate at the end of the semester or not, Seokmin was categorical in saying that he would never set foot inside college again. So you thought it was a place he would never go, but there he was. And in your first week, when you needed everything to go well. Not to show that you were ready and that you could do the job, but to reassure yourself that you had made the right choice in accepting the job.
You didn't have time to decide whether to talk to him or not. Seokmin made the decision for both of you. He continued walking as if you weren't there, talking to the boy next to him, laughing. The only indication that he knew who you were was silent once and one that only you could distinguish.
He turned around and left as if nothing had happened.
Was it possible that only you had felt that way? That just your heart had decided it didn't know how to beat, as if a storm was raging inside your body?
You didn't have time to analyze what had just happened. You just forced yourself to take a deep breath and also keep walking as if those brief seconds weren't enough to make your entire world turn completely upside down.
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Seokmin dragged his feet into the room, tripping over the rug at the foot of the bed. A curse came out of his mouth, followed by a burp. When he invited Chan to dinner he had no intention of ending the night drunk, being carried home like someone who had just had his first drink.
It had been years since he had gotten that bad and it was comical that the previous occasion was also connected to you.
The memory of leaving you at the airport, on a flight in the middle of the night, was still vivid in Seokmin's mind. Worse than that memory, was the one of you telling him that you had gotten a place in a master's degree on the other side of the world, 18 hours before leaving the country.
“I need to tell you something” you said as he pulled his coat over his head and patted his pockets, making sure he had grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone. He needed to leave as quickly as possible, he was already late.
Seokmin had plans to ask you to marry him. He had rented a house where you could spend the weekend, where it would be possible to see the stars. He had prepared himself, but he needed to leave right that second so he would have enough time to go to the house, get everything ready and come back to get you. The owner of the house would help him, since Seokmin decided that he wouldn't tell any of his friends because they might just ruin the surprise.
“I'm already late” he said, quickly looking at his watch. "Did something happen?"
He asked, noticing your already somewhat desperate look. He knew that whatever had happened couldn't be good.
To be honest, he had noticed that something was wrong a few weeks before, and for a while, he decided it would be better not to get into it too much. He knew you well enough to know that you would offer the information when you felt ready to do so. But thinking back on everything, he wished he had asked before, he wished he hadn't given you space, he wished he had forced you to talk to him sooner.
“I passed my master’s degree abroad”
Seokmin’s first reaction was to be happy for you. He knew how much you wanted that, that it was your dream. So he did what any boyfriend would do, he hugged you and congratulated you, told you that you had tried so hard and that they would be idiots not to accept you. The feeling was true and his smile was genuine. He was happy for you.
Knowing what he knew, every now and then Seokmin wondered if he would have done anything differently if he knew what the next words would be out of your mouth. He could have made a fuss, he could have begged you to stay, he could have offered to go with you. But at the time he didn't do any of that.
“I’m leaving today, I need to be at the airport at 11 pm”
Seokmin's ears rang deafeningly. It was as if he had been punched and needed to brace himself against something. The sofa was the closest piece of furniture.
He thought he heard it wrong, he wished he was dreaming, but all he had to do was look at you. It was true. It was as if a puzzle was being completed in Seokmin's mind. The way you had suddenly become distant, how every time he entered the room you hurried to change or close whatever you were looking at on the computer. He didn't even know you signed up. He imagined that you must have done some kind of test, some interview and he didn't even know anything about it.
He had no idea.
Had he been a bad boyfriend, someone who was so focused on making the long-awaited proposal that he had ignored everything else? Or had you hidden it so well that he hadn't noticed?
"What? You’re leaving today?"
It was like the world was spinning too fast and he was trying to keep up with what was happening. It was like being on a roller coaster that kept on falling. He remembered well how the little box with the ring he had carefully chosen weighed in his pocket.
“I didn’t even know you had applied for a position” he whispered, almost just to himself “You didn’t tell me”
And it was at that exact moment, when he looked at you, that Seokmin realized that your relationship was over. You avoided looking at him, your hands were buried deep in the pockets of your coat, which was his. He saw your eyes fill with tears, you swallow hard, and remain silent.
It was unlike you, to stay quiet when you had too many things going through your head. He desperately wanted you to talk to him, to tell him what had been going through your head. He just wanted to understand. Did you believe he would somehow stop you from going? If there was one thing he knew about you, it was the fact that you always put your education first. It wasn't a secret and you didn't want it to be. He just didn't expect things to happen that way.
Seokmin sat in front of the closet, on the floor, and with difficulty opened the doors. Deep in the back, behind several shoe boxes, were two old boxes that he hadn't moved in years. Part of him wished the things inside the boxes were ruined, that they had mold and anything else that could ruin its content. But he had been careful, kept everything in order, taken all necessary precautions, and cleaned the closet periodically.
He ignored the first box and pulled the smaller one towards him, placing it on his bent legs. Seokmin wasn't one to revisit those memories, he liked to keep them as far away from him as possible, but on nights like those, it was impossible.
Seokmin knew what he would find and was sure how he would feel, but he still took the lid off the box, but he didn't dare take out any of the items inside it.
He knew he had reached his lowest point when he was holding on to memories he had of you and not focusing on what was actually happening in his life.
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Letter #3
Seokmin,
I talked to Joshua today. Talk is a bit too strong of a word. We exchanged a few words on Instagram. He posted a photo and I liked it, he sent me a DM asking if I was ok and how things were going. I lied, of course. He said everything was fine and he was happy. He didn't talk about you and I didn't ask.
It was very hard to contain myself. I want to know how you are. The more selfish part of my brain wants you to be just as bad as I feel. You know that little demon that sits on our shoulder? He assures me you're even worse. And I hate to think that's the case, but at the same time, I'm sure you're not okay. I know you, we dated for four years, we lived together for almost two years
You were always the more emotional one of the two of us. You were never afraid to show your feelings, not for me or anyone else. You always loved so openly, without any fear. I admit that at first, it scared me a little.
I was an 18-year-old girl who came from a family that had no idea how to show affection, so I was always more reserved in that aspect. And there you were with your beautiful, bright smile, with open arms, affectionate with anyone who came along. I thought you were a crazy person who didn't have the slightest notion of the world. It took a while for me to realize that your world was brighter than mine in ways I couldn't understand.
You were always so untethered, free, showing yourself to anyone who had eyes. When I was closed and more reclusive, you were open and expansive. When I was very shy or reserved, you were more charming and brighter than usual. Not even my worst mood, which seemed endless at times, was a problem for you.
One day you just showed up and decided that you would stay by my side, no matter what. Believe me when I say, I tried to push you away. But with each passing day you were further under my skin.
A kiss at a random party turned into a date at every party, parties became meetings at the college library, which led to coffee dates. One day you decided at the end of each date you had to take me back to the dorms and you kissed me for a long time on the side of the building where no one could see — or at least I made myself believe no one did. Then that alone wasn't enough and you were always with your fingers intertwined with mine, or your arm around my waist. And kisses were no longer reserved for empty streets, of course not. You kissed me anywhere, anytime, no matter who was watching.
You were sneaky, Seokmin.
When I realized it, I was in love with you. Your arms were my refuge. You were my safe space. My home.
yn.
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You hated that Seokmin’s reaction, or lack thereof, had gotten to you so much. It was like being punched, and then one more, soon the punch became a beating and to finish with a flourish, it was as if a truck had run over you.
You had plans to go out at the weekend, though alone. Everything was so different, the places you knew no longer existed and friends from the past no longer spoke to you. You would have to rediscover the city without anyone's help. Despite your plans, you couldn't bring yourself to leave the house.
When you decided to return, you knew there would be no way to escape Seokmin. He had become successful not only in his career as a broadcaster but also as a celebrity of sorts. You never imagined you would see his face in magazines or on billboards selling fried chicken. You didn't expect that when you turned on the TV you would see his face in different programs.
In fact, you knew all of that was happening, but somehow you managed to convince yourself that you wouldn't have to see any of it. You managed to make yourself believe that you would not be haunted by his images and voice.
When you were away, you always listened to his programs, more than once each one, but it was almost like a relationship between fan and celebrity. You could separate very well what was him and what was you. But being there, in the same country, in the same city, it was much more difficult to make that separation.
Because once you were back, Seokmin was no longer just the radio host with a show about relationships. Far from it. Seokmin was your college sweetheart, the guy whose heart you broke but who, even after seven years, was still in love with.
That was the reality. you were still in love with him. There was no relationship in the world, no man in the world, that would have made you forget about Seokmin. Sometimes it worked, sometimes you managed to forget about him for a few months and that feeling of loss, of emptiness, that had settled deep inside your heart became smaller and smaller. And then it would come back full on as if it had never left.
Maybe that was your curse, your punishment for leaving behind someone you could have spent the rest of your life with. And somehow you knew you would have been happy. Or at least a different kind of happiness.
After spending the weekend holed up inside your apartment, after convincing yourself that you needed to prepare for teaching classes and unpacking the move, she decided that on Tuesday night she would explore the city.
Exploring wasn't the right word. You had discovered that one of your favorite restaurants still existed, it had just changed location. And, despite being on the other side of the city and being completely aware that you would have to pay a fortune for a taxi or risk taking the subway alone almost at closing time, you decided to go anyway.
You needed to feel like one thing hadn't changed, or at least still be recognizable.
You heard your name being called a few minutes after sitting down. You raised your head, recognizing the voice, but couldn't tell who it belonged to. Directly in front of you was a woman, with short hair, in her fifties.
“It’s really you!”
You stood up and a second later you were being hugged. Maybe you had gone there for that reason, knowing that there would be someone there who would recognize you. Or at least you hoped there was. And when you were welcomed with open arms by her owner, Niah, you wanted to cry for the first time in a long time.
“Hi” was all you could offer, your voice weak.
You quickly turned your face away, trying to be discreet as you wiped away your tears. The last thing you wanted was to cry in front of someone else. Tears were reserved for dark moments in the silence of your apartment, they weren't meant to be seen by people you didn't even know in a crowded restaurant.
“Look how beautiful you look. You haven't been around for so long. Seokmin told us that you had gone abroad to study, but I thought you would come back sooner.”
You just managed to smile, even though it was embarrassing. It was strange to hear his name coming out of someone else's mouth so easily. For years, his name was just an echo in your own mind, almost as if it were a fantasy of yours.
There were days when you managed to convince yourself of this, that Seokmin was nothing more than a dream.
“Are you just visiting or are you back to stay?”
“I'm staying” you said after a second, when you managed to find your voice again “I got a job here, I have nowhere to run”
Niah laughed and hugged you once again, tighter this time.
"Great, that makes me happy. We always miss you” Niah smiled and ran her fingers down your cheeks, brushing away some tears that were stubborn to fall “What do you want to eat? Today it's on the house. Consider it a welcome gift.”
You took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in your throat and the remaining tears.
"What do you recommend?"
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The amazing thing about meeting Niah again was that she still acted exactly the same way. She didn't see you as someone who had simply packed a suitcase of clothes and left the country overnight. To Niah you were still that same person from 7 years ago who ate whatever she put in front of. You and Seokmin were always guinea pigs for all the new recipes.
The food was still wonderful, if anything it had just gotten better.
You had a fork halfway to your mouth when you heard the door open, the sound of the bell indicating the entry of a new customer. You almost instinctively turned to look. You choked on your own saliva when your eyes met Seokmin's.
It was as if you were back in the hallway that day. Your heart simply stopped, and the world fell into suspension. For a moment, it was as if you had been transported to the past. You were almost certain that if you looked at the table you would see books open next to the cutlery; you knew that if you looked at Seokmin for another second or two his face would break into the most beautiful smile, he would wave and call your name.
But your illusion shattered into small pieces as his neutral expression contorted into a frown. With the same foot he entered he turned to leave.
“Seokmin!” you called him, getting up from your chair.
Part of you thought he was going to continue out the door, but he stopped. Half of his body was outside the restaurant, the other inside.
“Hurry up and close that door!” Niah said leaving the kitchen “You’re letting out all the heat”
Even with Niah's voice calling him, Seokmin remained standing at the door. You sat back down, but without taking your eyes off him. He didn't know what he expected of him, but he felt an indescribable relief when Niah pulled him by the sleeve of his coat and forced him to sit in front of you.
“The restaurant is packed, so you will have to share a table” she said as she turned her back.
Seokmin shook his head, clearly against sitting there, staying in the restaurant, but he still took off his coat and hung it on the chair before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.
It was clear he was working out, his shoulders had gotten broader and his arms bigger since you last saw each other. You almost laughed at the pose, remembering all the times you had seen him in a similar situation. But this wasn't the time to laugh when everything else was screaming that he was uncomfortable with the situation, that he didn't want to be there.
It didn't take a genius to know that Seokmin wanted nothing to do with you. His reaction to seeing you in the hallway the week before and the way he was looking at you in that moment were enough answers.
You felt like the walls were closing in around you and there wasn't enough air in the room.
What were you thinking when you called his name? What were you thinking when you silently watched Niah pull him inside? Why were you still sitting there?
A waiter who worked with Niah passed by your table and you called him discreetly, not wanting to attract the attention of the restaurant owner.
“Can you wrap everything to go, please?” you turned to Seokmin “You can have the table. I was already leaving”
It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.
Seokmin laughed lowly, scornfully, his sideways smile making the hair on your arms stand on end. In general, Seokmin has always been the type of guy who didn’t lose his cool easily, who would always rather let things go than have any kind of confrontation. But when he really got stressed out or nervous, it took a while for him to calm down again.
You had seen that storm in his eyes very few times in the years you spent together. The last one was when he went to the airport to say goodbye to you. That day the storm was just confusion and pain, you knew you had done that to him. But he sat there in the restaurant, in front of you, in silence while the people around him chatted animatedly, completely oblivious to what was happening between the two of you.
"What it was?" you rolled your eyes.
“Ah, nothing” he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture “It’s just like you to do that”
You narrowed your eyes at the same time you felt your cheeks get hot.
"Do what?"
"Runaway"
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Letter #4
Seokmin, 
It took me almost a year to convince myself that it was okay for me to look at social media. I convinced myself that every woman does this, that every now and then we look at our ex-boyfriend's Instagram, just to find out if his new girlfriend is ugly. I've told you this several times, but every female experience is universal.
I wish you were one of those low profile people, who post a picture every 6 months and it's a cut mango on a pretty plate. I wish you hadn't posted so many pictures. But more than anything, I wish I hadn't spent hours and hours looking at the photos. I wish I hadn't been analyzing every photo of you, I wish I hadn't thought “that's a new mole” and wondered which others had appeared since the last time we saw each other.
I had memorized every mole of yours. On your face, on your arms, on your back. On the worst days, when I missed you in a way that almost made me give up everything and go home, I kept remembering each one of them. I tried to remember the sound of your laugh, your voice, how you stroked my hair until I fell asleep when it wasn't a good day.
I keep wondering if one day this feeling will just go away.
It's been a year since I left. I went out with other guys, and I almost dated one of them, but you're always there in the back of my mind, almost comically because even against my will I can't help but compare them to you. I can't help but think that only you know how I like my coffee, how only you know that if I'm in my worst mood, there's no joke in the world that can make me laugh.
I know it's not fair to them. I gave you the chance to get to know me, I allowed you to get closer. I wanted you to come closer to me. Now I wonder if you're doing this for someone other than me.
I like to imagine that you also compare other women to me, that even now that you're dating I stay there, in the back of your mind, making fun of you.
Unfortunately, she's not ugly, but your smile was brighter when I was next to you.
yn.
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To say that Seokmin had spent the rest of the week in an envious mood was an understatement. He was stressed and everyone around him soon noticed the change. He really tried not to let his personal life get in the way of his work. It was something he never struggled with. Work was work, what happened when the lights went out and he left the radio should never cross paths with each other. That week, however, it was impossible.
Meeting you at the restaurant caught him off guard. That day in the college hallway had been difficult, but he managed to just keep walking as if nothing had happened. He liked to pretend like he hadn't gone out with Chan right after and drank like there was no tomorrow, like he hadn't opened the boxes he had kept for years and cried while looking at the photos of the two of you together.
He had gone to the restaurant that day because he needed some form of comfort and didn't want to call any of his friends because he knew he would end up telling them everything that happened and would receive advice and words he would rather not hear. The restaurant was the best idea he had. Or maybe the worst possible one.
Maybe he had done it consciously, because he wanted to see you one more time, and wanted to make sure he hadn't imagined you. It wouldn't have been the first time.
In the first few months after you left, Seokmin got into the habit of visiting places he went with you, or places you liked to go alone. It was probably a form of torture, but he liked to imagine it was a way to forget and overcome the breakup. On several of those days, he believed he saw you. He realistically knew it wasn't you, he clearly remembered seeing you get on the plane and waited until it took off to leave the airport.
The worst thing that could have happened to him was you calling for him. Seokmin couldn't help but wonder if he had always reacted that way to you, if your presence was always so great that before he even saw you he knew you were nearby. That day, as soon as he opened the door, before he even saw you sitting there with your eyes wide open, he knew. He knew you were there.
The last thing he expected from you was you saying his name, as if asking him to sit with you, that Niah, knowing how the relationship had ended, would have made him sit in front of you.
Seokmin noticed your discomfort, the way your spine had become a little straighter, the way your eyes were hard and cautious at the same time. Your reaction made him angry. What right did you have to behave that way, as if you were hurt when all the decisions regarding a relationship both of you were in had been made by you?
You were the one who signed up for a master's degree abroad. It was you who never told him about your decision. It was you who kept everything secret, making him believe that the two of you were on the same page and that despite your different goals, you would be able to pursue them together.
Turns out he was wrong, those dreams were just his and didn't include him.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chan asked for the thousandth time.
For the first time in a long time, Seokmin was having a hard time hiding how he really felt. That polished, carefully carved mask had fallen. It was a completely atypical day and everyone was able to notice his sudden change in mood. Even Chan, who normally did a great job of ignoring all the problems around him and focusing solely on his work, seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.
“It’s really obvious, isn’t it?” Seokmin asked in a low voice and Chan just nodded "And if I pretend it's because of the new segment, will anyone believe it?"
Again, Chan nodded. Since he had started the program, 3 years before, Seokmin would receive calls and speak directly to listeners. Although there were always interactions, those were always done through live chat and email when he received questions or stories from people who were not listening to the program when it was airing.
Seokmin wasn't nervous about the idea, he was actually excited. Chan knew this and knew that whatever the problem was, it was still the same as the day of the lecture. He didn't want to ask, and he didn't want to seem invasive, but he still wanted to make sure Seokmin was okay — or at least, well enough to do the program.
“I think everyone is already thinking that” was a lie and even Seokmin knew it, but he was grateful.
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“You may already know this, but today we will start a new segment. We'll call it the heart to heart helpline, at least until we find a better name at least” Seokmin's voice and laugh resonated through the taxi “We'll take your calls and some of you will be able to talk to me and ask your questions live, instead of by chat. Each person will have a maximum of 2 minutes and we will answer 6 calls today”
You had left the house completely willing to avoid anything related to Seokmin. Realistically, you knew you couldn't do anything about the billboards and his face at bus stops, but you could very well avoid his radio show. And for a few weeks you had managed to do just that.
That day at the restaurant had almost been a cathartic moment. Somehow, it was as if something had clicked and fallen into place. The Seokmin you left behind no longer existed. It had been a naive thought to think so. You didn't expect that he would still be exactly the same person, of course not. Seven years had passed and Seokmin, like you, was approaching his thirties. Obviously, many things had changed, but you still expected to see traces of that 22-year-old boy you had known and loved.
You didn't spend more than five minutes with him at that table. And it was much more than enough. He had accused you of running away, of continuing to do this for years. Of course, that could be his view on everything, but it was never your intention. The only problem was that you hadn't been able to tell him those things. You had been so lost and so completely helpless in front of him that you had forgotten that you knew how to speak and form sentences.
You had spent years of your life writing letters to him, letters that he would never read, but that was beside the point. You wrote letters as a way to appease the emptiness you felt in your heart. You never, not for a second, thought you were running away. You never wanted to run away, but Seokmin seemed to believe you did.
In a sudden burst of anger, you took your phone out of your bag and dialed the number Seokmin spoke on the radio. You didn't expect your call to go through. In fact, you didn't even know what you expected.
“Please wait a minute, we will connect your call” a non-robotic voice said as you paid for the taxi.
Seokmin was still chatting animatedly with a listener who didn't have a real question, but who “just wanted to say that I really liked your show and that I’m a fan.” It was impossible not to roll your eyes. If she, and everyone else, knew how much of a complete asshole he could be just because he had the opportunity, they would never want to see his face again.
Or maybe they would team up against you in favor of the immaculate Seokmin. God knew how easily a man could turn public opinion in his favor with a beautiful smile. And God was also a witness that Seokmin's smile was simply wonderful, one that took your breath away, one that made you smile along because it was contagious.
“Welcome to the heart to heart helpline” Seokmin’s voice sounded in your ear “What’s your question?”
You didn't really think that your call would get through to Seokmin, you didn't think the signal would be good enough inside the elevator, but none of that seemed to be a problem.
“Hello, can you hear me?” he asked.
You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You knew you were going really crazy, but you decided to throw caution out the window and be the crazy person everyone used to believe you were.
“Yes, I’m here” you could have sworn, that even over the phone, you felt Seokmin tense up “It’s a question about an old relationship, we broke up years ago, if that’s okay”
You struggled with your keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible. You needed to get to your computer or tablet, whichever was closer. It was almost a physical necessity to see Seokmin's reaction to your voice, your question.
You always knew how to tell if he was truly calm or if he was masking what he was feeling. You wanted to know if you still had any other sort of effect on him. Whatever it was, it was better than angry disdain.
“Old relationships should stay in the past, don’t you think?” he finally said.
You nodded as you ran into your room. You knew you would find the tablet under your pillow — you were sure that if your mother saw it she would say that your brain would explode due to the radiation from the device. With a few taps, you opened the stream of Seokmin's program.
“I think so. But the problem is that we keep seeing each other. I don’t think it’s something either of us want, but it seems inevitable.”
You turned the sound off, you just wanted to focus on his reactions. Seokmin swallowed hard, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fixed on the microphone in front of him. To anyone, it just seemed like he was concentrating on the call, on what the person on the other end of the line had to say, but you knew very well that it was to hide his reactions.
"Your question?"
“Well, he called me selfish and said I ran away when we broke up, but that's not exactly what happened. I wanted to talk to him, but I don’t think he wants to listen to me.”
Seokmin took a deep breath and seemed to think about what to say next, his eyes no longer on the microphone, but on the ceiling.
“And why does he think that about you? You probably gave him reasons, don't you think? I don’t think anyone would think that about someone without anything having happened.”
“I always dreamed of studying abroad, so when the opportunity came, I went. I…"
“Did you tell him you were going?” Seokmin clenched his fists on the desk, his fingers gripped the pen in his hand tightly until his knuckles were white. “Did you give him a chance to say something or did you just walk away?”
You were speechless, eyes focused only on Seokmin. The way his hair perfectly framed his face, his sculpted thin nose. He was still exactly like he was seven years ago, just somehow different. He was the same, but he also wasn't.
You hadn't given him the chance to say anything, you had just walked away, but because you believed it was the best thing to do. You would have stayed if he had asked, I would have aborted all of your plans for him,
“Long distance relationships don’t work” you said finally, your voice lower “especially when there’s an ocean separating people”
“I'm going to guess and say that you were together for a while because I don't think anyone would care that much about a quick relationship” his voice became more sober, completely in control of his emotions, the opposite of what you felt,  like you were enclosed every second that passed “I agree with you, long-distance relationships don’t work. Different cities are already complicated, I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone who lives in another country. You didn't give many details, but I believe he had reasons to feel that way, just as you had your reasons for leaving without warning. I think the best thing for both of you is to let it fall into oblivion. It makes no sense for either of you to dwell on these feelings. Maybe your desire to talk exists because you think you've left things open with him, but he may think that what's in the past shouldn't be remembered. Maybe you're just a bad relationship he wants to forget.”
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Letter #5
Seokmin
I found out by chance that you now have your own radio show. One day it was an empty slot in the schedule and the next it was your voice. To my joy and delight, it was one of those programs that also had video streaming. I say joy and delight in a very ironic way.
But I'm not lying when I say I'm happy for you. You always said it was your dream and in a way, here we are, achieving our dreams. It would have been better if we could have lived through this together, I think. Maybe if that were the case I wouldn't have this empty feeling inside my chest.
But I discovered a long time ago that I can't keep crying over spilled milk. I left and you moved on with your life. They were conscious choices, I knew what I was doing. I knew that making this choice would have hurt both of us, but I also knew that we could overcome it. It's just taking longer than expected. I honestly thought that by this point, so many years later, we would have been able to live as if the past were just that, the past.
But it's not like that for me or for you.
I may be completely crazy, but your show is about love advice and how to deal with heartbreak. Sometimes, when I hear you talk, I'm sure you've already dealt with all your feelings, after all, you've had other girlfriends. But there are other moments, when you answer a question or when you read one of the pre-written texts when I'm sure that what you said applies directly to what we both had.
I'm going crazy, aren't I?
It's been four years since I left. I already finished my master's degree and started my PhD, exactly as planned. I have a date tonight with a guy who seems genuinely nice, but here I am, writing yet another letter that will never be sent to the guy I was in love with.
What am I still doing?
yn
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Seokmin had always believed that for a relationship to truly end there must be no trace of it anywhere. When he told his listeners that they should get rid of items, it was not a lie. He was just terrible at following his own advice. The old story of do as I say, not as I do.
Finally, he decided it was time to take his own advice. With a little pain and resentment added to the mix, of course. At this point, he wondered if he could already be considered a masochist or if he still had a few boxes to tick to get the title.
Getting your address had been easier than expected. All he had to do was ask Niah, who offered the information without any resistance.
“Being thirty didn't make either of you any smarter,” she said as she leaned across the table and wrote the address on the napkin.
“Almost thirty” he felt the need to correct her, but decided he would ignore the hidden message in her words.
Seokmin never stopped going to Niah's restaurant. It was there that he had cried his sorrows over the cheapest drinks possible, he didn't have the money to pay for the good ones, while Joshua tried to console him. He had never seen Niah so stressed and angry. She hadn't said anything, but you could clearly hear the sound of her cutting the vegetables more aggressively than necessary.
Little by little she became calmer about the situation and started talking about you with the same affection as before. Seokmin always thought she had somehow kept in touch with you, or at least found a way to get your number or a way to contact you. At first, he had been angry, but somehow he believed he didn't have that right. It was only after a year that Seokmin decided to ask and the answer he received was “if I still had contact with her, I would have already screamed at her about disappearing without telling anyone”.
Asking Niah for your address was the only option he had. He refused to go to college, where you worked. He didn't know what would happen, whether you would be friendly with each other or the conversation would end in a shouting match just because. Because after years of no contact and considering the way things ended, it was pretty obvious that resentment could resurface — at least Seokmin had resentment up to his neck and knew that not releasing them all at once required almost inhuman self-control. 
He looked at the building one more time before getting out of the car. It was one of those without a doorman. Seokmin knew that if he rang and asked to be let in, the probability of being sent to hell was very high. So he pulled up his cap down and covered as much of his face as he could while he balanced the boxes on his arms.
He stood there like a madman for almost twenty minutes until someone finally left the building. Seokmin felt like he was committing a crime when he slipped through the door before it closed. Even though the feeling was strange he made himself believe it was the only option he had and he really didn't have any bad intentions. He just wanted to return your things and, hopefully, arrange that if you ever met again, you’d simply pretend you don't know each other, instead of talking nonsense to each other.
Seokmin took a deep breath once before knocking on the door. He heard footsteps and a second later the door opened.
When you imagined what your Wednesday night would be like, the only option that crossed your mind was to order a pizza and watch a movie — the random option of Netflix seemed like your best friend and the only possible option because you weren't even able to choose what to watch by yourself.
Not even in your wildest daydreams could you have imagined that Seokmin would show up at your door with two boxes in his hand.
You were partially tempted to close the door on his face, but you knew that doing so would only make the whole situation worse. If Seokmin, who clearly didn't have any good feelings about you, was standing there at your door it was because he had something to say. Or more precisely to hand it over to you, considering the boxes in his arms.
Silently you stepped aside so he had enough room to enter. You wanted to slap yourself for the complete war zone that your living room was in. You were still unpacking the moving boxes, not that you had taken much with you. It was too expensive to send things from one country to another, especially furniture. You had only focused on your clothes and books and a few things you wanted to keep, and that alone was more than you were willing to spend. In addition to the boxes, you had all the things you still had to buy, but you still didn't have the mind to do it.
You had so much going through your head that cleaning the apartment was just another task you wanted to avoid. But it was one that could be left for later. In the few minutes that Seokmin spent there, you wished you had tidied it up, that he hadn't seen how that room represented your life at that moment: a complete mess.
"What are you doing here?" you finally asked when you managed to get your vocal cords to work properly.
Seokmin didn't seem to care about the mess but paid attention to everything else around him.
He placed the boxes on the counter and took off his cap, pressing the brims with his fingertips looking for what to say next. He had rehearsed an almost poetic speech in the car, something about being adults and how your relationship had ended a long time ago, so neither of you should have any regrets left. But the moment you opened the door and looked at him it was as if all the words had simply evaporated from his mind, as if he had never learned to speak in the first place.
It had always been that way with you. Sometimes when he looked at you, even when you were still together, he got lost. He was like a man adrift who had finally found solid land. It was as if he heard a click and the world started to move once again.
One of his favorite things, when you were dating and living together, was being able to come home after an exhausting day and see you sitting on the sofa in the living room, your computer on your lap, while you studied, occasionally shouting profanities at the computer. On those days, Seokmin would simply push the computer away and lay his head on your lap.
“Just five minutes” he used to say with his eyes closed.
You’d laugh, fingers immediately running through his hair, as if it was the most natural movement in the world.
“Who do you want me to insult today? You know my vocabulary is very colorful.”
How many times had he slept in that position, without meaning to, and you had to drag him to bed because “it's comfortable for you, but my legs are numb and you have to take a shower, you won't sleep dirty next to me, sir”.
It was impossible not to wonder where it all went wrong.
“I came to return your things” he pointed at the boxes.
You suppressed the urge to bend down and rummage through the boxes. You wanted to know what he had kept, what he considered important enough to keep for so many years. You knew he no longer lived in the apartment you shared. When you were looking for apartments you saw that that one was up for rent. It was necessary to restrain yourself from choosing it. It wasn't a good apartment, at least not at the time — the photos on the website said the property had undergone renovations two years earlier and had no tenants since. It wasn't big, it barely fit one person, but it was what your extremely limited budget could afford at the time. Somehow you and Seokmin turned that small space into a home full of life. Of love.
In the places where you lived, you bought all kinds of trinkets to fill the space, furniture you didn't need and never used, hoping to imitate, for even a second, the feeling you had in that little 35 square meter apartment.
You never quite managed to do that.
“Thank you” you said sincerely “I thought all my things had gone in the trash”
You laughed and Seokmin squeezed the back of his head and pointed at the boxes.
“I sold what I could, I didn't want to put it in storage because I really thought we would never see each other again. The money is in an envelope”
“Why did you keep all this?” the words came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself “You should have thrown it away or, since you sold it, you should have spent the money”
Seokmin had asked himself that question several times before, sober or not, and he never had an answer. After a while, he simply stopped questioning and accepted it as something he had to do, to have some kind of sanity. It didn’t. Knowing that those boxes were inside his wardrobe, having to go through them the two times he moved, only brought back memories that he would like to forget.
Ever since you had seen each other again for the first time, memories that Seokmin had struggled to bury came to the surface as if they had just happened. He started to dream about you, dreams that range from memories to things that never actually happened, he started to wonder if it would be okay to talk with someone. His brain always screamed NO, so he was stuck just dreaming.
“I don’t have a good enough reason. It is what it is, I guess,” he said.
The last time Seokmin felt so embarrassed around you was right when you met and even then it only lasted a few minutes. The 18 year old Seokmin was much braver than the 29 year old man in front of him.
That boy, without any guilt or remorse, would have asked every question that could cross his mind. You’d say “your mind is beautiful, it even echoes sometimes”. Seokmin wanted to still have some of that boy's strength. Maybe that was the only way to know what he wanted. He wouldn't ask and he knew you wouldn't offer the information to him without being pressured.
“I think in the end, we both got what we wanted.”
You realized you said the wrong thing when you looked at Seokmin’s hands. A second before he was clutching his cap until his knuckles turned white, the next his long fingers were still. You didn't want to see the expression on his face. You knew what you’d find. You messed up, but couldn’t take back what you said.
“You got what you wanted” Seokmin corrected you, his voice firm, his tone hard.
“You always wanted to have a radio show”
“No, I wanted you. I could adapt to everything else if it meant I would have you.”
You shook your head. You knew it wasn't true. Hell, even Seokmin knew it wasn’t true. The first time you talked, Seokmin mentioned how much he wanted to be a radio host and have his own show, of any kind. I don't have a preference, I know I can give anything my own colors. You felt envious of his certainty, of the way he knew he could do it.
“The show has always been your dream” you tried again, despite knowing it was in vain to argue with him.
“My dream was to have a life by your side. You never, not once, told me that you signed up to study abroad, you never even mentioned it. When it was time to go you just got on a plane and disappeared. You never even gave me the chance to follow you. I could have been a journalist anywhere in the world”
Seokmin hated the direction of that conversation, hated being so exposed in front of you after so many years. In the past, it wasn't a problem. Before he wanted to be exposed in front of you, he wanted to share everything he was, every aspect of himself with you. No more. The problem was that he couldn't just stop. A gate was opened and there was no way to close it.
“So, what? Would we both be living based on our dreams? Because this is a dream, and you know it very well.”
You clung to the top rail of the chair, your head lolling forward in an almost futile attempt to stop him from seeing the tears forming in your eyes. You knew you couldn't hold them.
You weren't the type of person who cried often, you did what you could to avoid it, but when the tears came it was impossible to simply stop them from falling.
“Yeah, maybe I was really dreaming, because I believed that you loved me in the same proportion, but it’s quite obvious that you didn’t”
Seven years of pent-up frustration couldn't just disappear, he should have known. He should have imagined that going there would be a problem, that being in the same space as you without any kind of interference was a mistake. But he was still there and there was no way to escape. It was better to end everything quickly than to keep those feelings for another seven years in the hopes of one day being able to say something.
Seokmin watched as you went to one of the boxes in the corner of the room and opened it forcefully, tearing the cardboard, and causing some of the contents to slide across the floor. He felt his body freeze as a roll of film stopped at his feet.
“So explain to me, why do I buy a roll of film every time I pass by a store?” you put both hands inside the box and took out several rolls of film, of different brands and models. “Explain to me, why have I followed your career all this time and never missed a damn show in the last 3 years? Why would I wake up in the middle of the night to watch the broadcast and then listen to the show again while going to work because I just wanted to hear your voice?”
You walked to another box, but you opened this one a little more carefully as if wanting to protect the contents.
“Why did I spend 7 years writing letters that would never be read to a guy I never loved?”
You threw several envelopes at Seokmin’s chest. Your face and body shook out of anger or another feeling he couldn't quite tell.
Seokmin bent down to pick up one of the envelopes from the floor. His name was written in your careful handwriting. He didn't need to look at all the other ones to know that they were also addressed to him. He didn't know how many letters were scattered on the floor, or if there were any left in the box. The only thing he was sure of was that he had no idea how to proceed.
“If that doesn’t say I loved you, if that doesn’t say I still love you, I don’t know what the fuck does.”
Seokmin saw the first tear run down your face and fell silent. He knew he should turn his back, he knew he should walk away, just like you did seven years before. Instead, he took four steps in your direction, his eyes never left your heaving chest and the tears that ran freely over your cheeks. 
At that moment he knew that he only had two options: he could turn around and leave, he gave you back your things that alone made his plan a success; or he could kiss you like he had been wanting to since the moment he saw you again.
To hell with his plan.
Seokmin held your face in his hands and pulled you to him, crashing his lips on yours. It was an all too new feeling but also familiar, almost like coming to a remodeled home. It was him and it was you, if only it was just that simple. 
You sighed into him, your arms wrapping around his slim waist while your hand balled a fist full of his shirt. There were so many moments where you wished you could be right in that spot, again in his arms. Dreams and daydreams, wishful thinking, whatever you could call it. Thoughts of Seokmin had always been a constant in your mind. It was impossible not to compare other people you went out with to him. 
Your longest relationship had been one of almost a full year. Although the beginning had been good and easy, with you somehow managing to avoid any and all Seokmin related dreams and thoughts, it turned sour the second he crossed your mind.
“Seokmin, I…”
He shook his head and pressed his forehead to yours, eyes so intense that it was difficult to keep looking at him. 
“Let’s not overthink it, okay?” was all he said. 
You held his face for a couple, searching for something in his features, anything at all, that could indicate that the moment wasn’t for that. But all you saw in him was the same emotions you felt, the same need and desire. 
You pulled Seokmin to you again, this time hungrier, your chest pressed to his. Your mind was loud telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be doing that, why having him so close to you was truly the most dangerous situation you could possibly put yourself in. But all of those voices, all of those words and thoughts were silenced the moment he kissed you again. 
His lips were hungry, demanding all of you. And it was so easy to just give in to him, to his hands roaming on your body, down your back until he reached your ass. He gave it a light squeeze and ran his hand back up again, this time under your shirt. You moaned softly at the contact of his skin on yours, as he kissed your neck, bitting on the exact same spot he found years before. 
He smiled over your skin. 
“At least this hasn’t changed”
It was all too much but not nearly enough. Just having him that close to you was dizzying enough but him touching you and enjoying the fact that you were just as weak for him at twenty nine made you never want to let go of him again.
“Where’s your room?”
You took Seokmin by the hand, guiding him through the narrow corridor. 
Your room was barely a room to begin with. You had no furniture except for the mattress lying on the floor, your clothes were either on the suitcase or on the chair on the side. 
“This is unlike you” Seokmin said, his chest pressed to your back while he nibbled on the skin of your neck. 
“I… hm… I” you sturred a little when he bit into a particularly sensitive spot, making him chuckle “I’m waiting on delivery”
Seokmin turned you around in his arms while lightly pushing you down on the mattress. His eyes never left yours as he ran his hand under your shirt, moving the fabric up until your chest was exposed. 
It had been so long since you had been with anyone, it was almost like a reflex to want to pull your shirt back down. Since him, it had been hard to just let yourself be exposed to someone like that. You had become awfully aware of your body and things you never cared for or paid attention to before suddenly became worries. You didn't like that insecure version of yourself but when Seokmin cupped your breast in his hand his touch was almost solemn. 
It was probably the worst timing in the world when you felt tears burn on the back of your eyes. You pulled his face to yours again, trying to hide your tears from him once again. 
Suddenly, his touch was tender when he pushed a few strands of hair away from your face, his fingers careful. 
Seokmin moved down on your body. When you saw his fingers on the waistband of shorts you lifted your hips off of the mattress to help him move the fabric down quicker. 
He kissed your hips and inner thigh. You moaned in anticipation, your hand taking a fist full of his soft hair. When his lips finally found your clit it was like fireworks erupted behind your closed eyelids.
Seokmin was impossibly hard in his pants, embarrassingly so like he was a teenager having his first time. 
He never thought that he would have you in his arms again and yet there you were in front of him, no reservations. Just for him. And for a moment it was like his brain was in short circuit, the small electric waves running all over his body, down to his toes. 
He licked a path from your cunt to your clit. He went down on you almost in desperation, his nose brushing on your clit every now and then. 
"Seokmin..." his name was barely a whisper in your lips, but it was also a chant. 
Your orgasm hits you quickly, leaving you short of air and with shaky legs. You were spiraling in the most enticing way possible. It didn't stop Seokmin though as he kept sucking you frantically. 
You tugged on his hair, pulling him up and to you again. 
I love you,  the words almost fell out of your lips. It would have been so easy to just say them, to be open about your feelings just this once. 
Deep down you knew that that moment would be a one time kind of thing. It was just the kind of moment people sometimes needed to just completely let go of everything. Or in this case, nothing. It was to let go of seven years of complete nothingness and silence.
You opened the button of his jeans and pushed it down, his boxers following along. You wrapped your hand around his cock, pumping him a couple of times. Realization suddenly came over you. You never expected Seokmin to show up to your place, much less that it would lead to that moment, and there wasn't anyone else in your life, so you weren't ready for it. 
"I don't have a condom" you said breathlessly.
Seokmin looked lost for a second, his brain going to his wallet, questioning whether or not he had one in him. 
"I can pull out," he said "if that's okay"
All you did was nod and Seokmin aligned himself with your hole. He pushed in slowly, savoring each moment when your pussy pulled him in until there was no space between the two of you. 
Seokmin kissed you again to give himself time to adjust to you squeezing him. You held his face close to yours, in your eyes a mix of emotions he didn't want to understand. Not in that moment at least.
"I don't want anyone else," you said looking into his eyes, your thumb running over his bottom lip "No one else can make me feel the way you do"
To hell with care and self-preservation. You let go of those the moment you opened the door for him, the moment you let him into your home, the moment you didn't push him away when he kissed you. 
Seokmin fucks you slowly, his pace torturous as you beg and beg for more. He intertwined his fingers with yours and held one of your hands above your head while the other one held your hips in place. 
"Seokmin... harder"
And it's like a switch has gone off inside his brain. His once slow pace becomes shallow. The sound of your breaths and his skin slapping against yours were the only ones heard, echoing through the empty room. 
Your orgasm sneaks up on you, catching you so off guard you scream because it's too much. 
You pushed Seokmin away and watched in ecstasy as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his hand working fast as your name left his lips when his release fell on the sheet by your side. 
Seokmin dropped his body over yours again, his forehead on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and ran your hand over his hair. 
"I love you" you allowed yourself to say, even if it meant nothing to him. 
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Letter #6
Seokmin,
I never thought I'd say this, but I'm coming home. Or the closest thing I still have to a home. Needless to say, my mother is happy with the news. She's been tormenting me for years, asking me to come back, but since I set foot here I decided I wasn't going back.
I wanted to, but I wouldn't go back.
Every time I thought about going back, the first thing that came into my head was the last image I had of you. Your teary eyes wishing me a safe flight, saying I love you and hope you accomplish everything you want. I regretted it the moment I gave my things away and handed my passport into the hand of the airline girl. I should have come back, I should have given up, but I couldn't. That old story of putting myself first and second, you know how it goes. In this case, my entire top 10 was just different versions of me.
I think I actually felt scared because as time went by, little by little without me realizing it right away, you became a very big part of my life. A part that could change everything. I felt like I depended on you too much. It wasn't fair to you or me.
We were only 22, Seokmin. When we were so young, we thought that life was conquered and today I know that is not the case. Far from it. At 22 I had a degree and worked part-time at a cafe to pay the bills, just like you.
You might think I'm selfish, I'm sure you do based on the things you say on your show. I was selfish and on some level, I don't regret it. I did what I always planned to do, what I always wanted to do. And now I'm coming home.
Part of me wants to run and find you, explain why I made the decisions I did, why I never told you. But I know you won't want to listen to me. I wouldn't want to listen to me either. Why would I listen to someone who left just like that? It really wouldn't make sense.
But another part, this one a little more rational, says that I shouldn't throw salt into the wound after so many years have gone by. I have the scar here, hidden enough for no one to see, but prominent enough for me to remember what I did every single day.
I think that's what I'm going to do. I think that's what I have to do. It wouldn't be fair to just show up in front of you and say “hi, I'm back” after seven years.
You have become a big “what if” for me. What if I had stayed? Would we have stayed together or would our relationship have ended years ago? What if I had told you what I was doing while I was doing it? Would you have asked me to stay? What if I had given the possibility of a long-distance relationship? Would we have worked out or would you start to resent me for leaving and end up hurting each other anyway?
The most absurd thing is that I still like you, I'm still in love with you. I've always heard that distance makes love end or something like that. I haven't seen you in seven years, I don't know what's going on in your life — you're really good at hiding everything being a celebrity now — so it doesn't make any sense that my feelings haven't changed even after all this time. This guy I see online might not be the Seokmin I fell in love with, just like I'm not the same person you remember.
Every time I hear your voice I still feel butterflies in my stomach. I sleep and dream about you. When I wake up I think about you and I wonder if you think about me too. It is not normal. It's not healthy. Life went on and I think it is our obligation to move forward together. We are not a museum to only feed on the past.
Let's continue as we are now, what do you think? We will once again be in the same country, in the same city, but I think it's best for both of us to pretend that nothing will change. It's a huge city, what are the chances of us meeting?
yn
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Before you even opened your eyes, you already knew what you would find. Or who you wouldn't find. You knew the space next to you on the mattress would be empty. You had noticed the exact moment Seokmin had gotten up, but you forced yourself to believe that he had just gone to the bathroom. You had kept your eyes closed and had somehow gone back to sleep.
You had been naive to think that the night had changed something, that the way everything seemed like it would be fine was an indication that things had finally gotten back on track. If any, the train simply ended up derailing.
When Seokmin kissed you it was magical, no matter how cliché and teenage it may sound. It was as if the world had fallen into place again, as if you had finally returned home after being away for so long. You couldn't help but wonder if that was why you'd taken the job, in the foolish, unconscious hope that there might be a chance, however slight, of being with him again.
You forced yourself to sit up and pulled the sheet up to cover your naked body. The shirt and shorts you wore the night before were next to you on the floor, but you refused to wear those clothes, opting to rummage through the boxes in the corner of the room looking for clean ones.
You didn't want to go to the living room, didn't want to be mocked by the two boxes that Seokmin had left on the counter, but you couldn't help it. It was as if your feet had a life of their own. When you realized it, you were already sitting on the living room floor with the two boxes in front of you.
You momentarily decided to ignore the smaller black box and pulled the large one closer. The first thing you saw was the envelope Seokmin mentioned the night before. Money, especially the one in the envelope, wasn't something you were going to worry about. You didn't care about it, you didn't lie when you told him that he should have spent it. That money would remain untouched.
There were also a few books you read and made annotations on, two stuffed animals, and all the picture frames you had left behind.
One of the things you regretted the most was not taking with you when you left were photos of you and Seokmin. You had only taken one, which was folded inside your wallet. It was already so old and worn out that it had almost turned to dust, but you would never get it out. It was you and Seokmin at Niah's old restaurant, he was smiling at the camera while you looked at him. It was your favorite picture.
At the bottom of the box was the camera you had given Seokmin as a birthday present a few months before you left. You had saved whatever money you could for months to buy him the camera he wanted, one that he always talked about and whenever you passed by a store you stood outside looking at it, almost as if it would magically appear in his hands.
You understood his reasons for leaving the camera there — or, at least, the reasons you could imagine—but you wished he had kept using it. Not because it was a gift from you, but because it was something he wanted. His smile was so big when you gave it to him, the tip of his nose slightly pointed down because of it.
Carefully you put everything back inside and put it aside.
The smaller box, for some reason, was scary. It was light and black, and you could hear its contents moving as you held it in your hands. You took one last deep breath and removed the lid.
Inside were photos you had never seen before. Photos of you alone, Seokmin wasn't in any of them. In none of them were you posing or smiling directly at the camera.
Most of them had been taken from a distance, without you noticing. In some you were inside the cafe where you worked, smiling at customers and serving tables, in others you were simply walking down the street, looking through window shops and pointing at something. Seokmin had taken countless photos of you without you even realizing it.
It was strange to see yourself through his eyes, even if it was a version of you that no longer existed. A much younger and more optimistic version. Did I smile that much? you couldn't help but ask. You never saw yourself as particularly optimistic or constantly smiling. You were happy, that's undeniable, but you didn't know that's how people saw you.
There were so many photos, from completely different moments, both from the beginning of your relationship with Seokmin, and from all the phases you went through together.
Behind the pictures were the post-its that you left around the apartment, reminding Seokmin of somewhere you had together or simply saying that you loved him. So many had a simple “I love you” written on them, others said “have a good day today!”.
You had no idea he had kept them. You always thought that once read, they were discarded, but there they were, intact as if you had just written them.
The very first one you had ever written, when you had just started dating, was also there. At the time, unlike Seokmin who never had a hard time expressing how he felt, it was almost impossible for you to be openly honest. So you wrote it on a post-it and stuck it inside one of his notebooks. He had shown up at the dorm a few hours after you left the library.
“Say it again, but this time looking at me”
You frowned, pretending you didn't understand.
“Your nose is beautiful”
You laughed when Seokmin wrapped his arms around you, squeezing a little, trapping your arms close to your body. His face was very close to yours.
“What you wrote in the note” he said softly, his cheek pressed against yours “Say it again, please”
The truth was that you had loved Seokmin, in a way you didn't believe was possible and maybe that was why you spent the last seven years writing letters to him.
Seokmin never left your mind, not truly. There was always a desire, even if veiled, to return home, to find out how he was, to just say “I know I messed up, I’m sorry”.
It was that desire that made your entire body go cold as you took one last item out of the box. A smaller box that fit in the palm of your hand. You knew what it was before you even opened it and opening it was the worst choice at that moment. Your heart, which was already broken, somehow managed to break even more, into a billion, shiny, new pieces.
Seokmin would have proposed if you hadn't left.
When the first sob echoed through the living room, you didn't try to hold it back, you just accepted the feeling of being absolutely lost and heartbroken.
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The weather outside the building seemed to mimic the way you had felt in the last few weeks, torrential rain that had no end in sight. You watched the news hoping for an improvement, hoping that the rain would stop for at least a few hours, but it seemed like a distant dream.
All your students were already gone and there was nothing left for you to do. The handed in assignments were graded and the tests were ready to be applied the following week. You had never hated yourself so much for simply doing your job. You wanted to be, at least for that day, like other teachers who left corrections until the last possible second and left students desperate for their grades.
The hallway was in complete silence, a clear sign that everyone had left already. And you had already waited hours for the rain to stop, until the sky was completely dark, and if anything the rain had only gotten worse.
You sighed and picked up your bag from the chair. You wouldn't risk taking any books, papers, or documents home, the possibility of everything getting ruined was too big. Besides, you needed a rest, at that point it was well deserved.
Ever since you had opened the boxes Seokmin left behind, you had immersed yourself in work in every way possible. You had accepted all of the dean's requests and even offered to teach extra classes whenever there was a missing professor.
And even so, even though you had more work than you wanted, you still found time to look at all of his social media. You still listened to all his programs, even listened to the old ones before going to sleep.
It was almost like a form of elaborate torture done solely and exclusively with you in mind. And worst of all, it was self-inflicted. It was as if your brain liked it, begged for it.
The box with the engagement ring was next to your pseudo bed. It was the last thing you saw before going to sleep and the first thing you saw when you woke up. Instead of spending hours on your phone, you sat there, staring at the small box.
You hadn't dared to open it again. You had never felt so lost as you did that day, looking at that ring.
You wouldn't be a hypocrite to say that you had never imagined your life if you had married Seokmin, but before it was nothing more than a daydream. The ring made that dream an attainable reality. It had been in your hands and you just walked away.
A curse left your lips when you noticed that the umbrella you had used that morning was missing from the umbrella holder next to the door.
“Great, that’s exactly what I needed” you muttered, slamming the door shut behind you.
You were tired, exhausted to tell the truth. All you wanted was to get home, take a shower, and watch some relationship reality show, to escape the tragedy that was your own love life.
You closed your eyes and sighed as you reached the entrance. The next bus stop or subway station was at least a 15 minute walk away. That was a problem that existed when you went to school there, everything was far away. One would think that they would do something to improve that, but one would be wrong.
You thought about taking shelter in the nearest coffee shop, but you knew it was almost closing time. You wouldn't be the person who forces employees to stay late, not when you had worked at that exact coffee shop years ago.
Even with your heavy coat covering most of your body, the rain was cold on your back and it was hard to see anything ahead, even if it was just a few steps away. Even the sound of cars was muffled by the rain.
“yn?” a car was on your left, and it was moving at the same speed as you. The face of whoever was behind the wheel was blurred by the rain, but you would have recognized that voice anywhere in the world.
“Let me give you a ride”
You shook your head. The last thing you should do was get in the car with him. It was too dangerous, you were sure that if you looked at him for more than a second you’d start crying. Just by hearing his voice your eyes were burning and a lump was forming in your throat.
“It’s fine, the bus stop is right there”
“There was an accident back there, the bus won’t be here anytime soon”
You grumbled. Of course, there was an accident, of course, there wouldn't be a bus and with your luck, the subway would probably be closed too.
"If your car went through the accident, a taxi will too”
You quickened your pace, not because of the rain, but because you wanted to get away from him. You needed to get away from him.
“Jesus, yn, just get in the car. You’re going to get sick”
You pretended you didn't hear what he said and kept walking, face down �� trying to escape both the rain and him. The first tear fell from your eyes. For the first time in days, you were grateful for the rain, because you could pretend it was just water and not a visual representation of your broken heart on your cheeks.
Seokmin stopped the car right there, in the middle of the street. He didn't care if someone was standing behind him honking like crazy — something that was bound to happen.
When he left your apartment that day he felt like he was 22 again, but this time he was the one leaving.
Hearing that you loved him was everything he had wanted, but the timing was strangely right and wrong, both at the same time.
Both of you screamed, shouted, and said what you wanted to say — or at least part of what you wanted to say. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at the same time a new one was placed on it.
After you fell asleep in his arms, the only thing Seokmin could think about were the letters scattered across the living room floor. There were so many. He couldn't believe you had spent all those years writing letters to him.
He needed to read them all. He would have done it in the living room, but he didn't know what awaited him, so he collected them all from the floor and a few more that had been left in the box and left.
He read the first one in the car, he couldn't wait until he got home. 
Seokmin cried right there, the same way he cried when you left. Inconsolable. His heart broke and healed in equal measure with every word of yours he read.
Seokmin always believed that you left like that, without a single word, because you didn't like him that much, because you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Not that he thought the entire relationship had been a lie, but he thought that somehow the love had ended. It happened to everyone, the probability of it happening to him was also high.
The truth could not be different. There wasn't a letter in which you didn't say you loved him, not always in those words, but he knew you well enough to know that was what you said.
After reading all the letters, Seokmin called Joshua. He cried on the phone with his friend and then once again when he showed up at his place with bad beer and takeout food. “Since we’re going to talk about our college days, I think we should do the same thing we did back then” was all he said.
Seokmin was on his way to you when he saw you walking without an umbrella. He wanted to talk to you, to know if even after so long you still wanted to try with him one more time. It was better to try than to always wonder what could have been.
“I read your letters!” he shouted louder than the rain.
His words were enough to make you stop walking, but you still didn't turn to face him. It was too hard to breathe. Your chest rose and fell irregularly each time you tried to pull the air in.
You knew Seokmin had taken the letters. Part of you knew he would read them, but the last thing you expected was for him to want to talk about them.
“I know” you said when he approached “I saw they were gone, and you were the only person who came by”
“Do you know why I accepted to host a love advice show? Besides it being something I've always wanted, of course” he didn't give you time to answer “Because a part of me wanted you to listen, to know that I was okay, even if it was a lie. I thought that if I talked about it on a show that had used the nickname you gave me, you’d regret it. I thought that I should make you regret it because it was the only way I could still think about you without looking like a fool after so long. I thought you didn’t care, that you had left because you didn’t like me anymore, so making you regret your decision was the only option I had”
You shook your head. It wasn't true, not by a long shot.
“I'm sorry” you said softly “I should have told you what I was doing, that I had applied for the and got in. I thought it was my only option. It was so stupid. I was so stupid”
Seokmin laughed a little, fingers running under your eyes. A second later he pressed his lips over yours.
“I know, I read your letters”
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Seokmin,
It's been a good few years since I wrote you a letter. After a while, I didn't think I needed it anymore because I started saying everything I wanted, everything I felt, looking at you. Of course, this new arrangement has its demerits, as the paper and pen don't look at me like a lost puppy. But paper and pen don't kiss me either, so it has its bonus.
I thought when I came home four years ago, I would never see you again. I thought you would just be the guy who has a radio show that I would listen to every now and then. I didn't expect to see you my first week back and again and, well,  again.
As you probably know, I've never been a big fan of rainy days. I always preferred sunny days because those were the days I woke up ready to face the world. I felt better overall. But also because they reminded me of you. You know, when the sun appears after gray days? For me, you were always like that. Grand and brilliant.
But after that day, I started to like rainy days too because they started to be full of the two of us. Rain was no longer synonymous of an unproductive day, but rather of the memory of our fresh start.
You know this, we've talked about it a few times, but I spent a few months waiting for it to sink in. Sort of expecting that one day I would wake up and it would all be a dream. It was hard for both of us, I know. It was seven years of hurt and resentment and we had to navigate this uncertain sea without a map. Nobody teaches you how to do this, believe me, I looked. I found countless books on how to start dating, how to save a relationship, and how to get over a relationship. The problem is that none of them teach you how to rekindle a relationship after seven years apart, but during those seven years one of the parties wrote letters and the other had a program just to mourn the sorrows of the relationship.
I've read several, so you can trust what I say on this.
It really wasn't easy, but I think we came out better, stronger, in some way.
I love you and I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives. Our forever begins today, in a little while. So stop crying, put ice on your eyes to help the swelling go down, and go to the aisle because I miss you already.
I love you.
yn
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laundrybiscuits · 11 months
Text
(Continued from this snippet! Content notes: police interrogation, homophobia)
“You don���t look gay.” The detective gives Steve a very obvious once-over. Steve tries to look gayer as subtly as he can. 
“Sorry,” he says. “Guess I’ll have to let my boyfriend know you don’t think I look gay enough to fuck him.”
The detective’s face twists slightly, like he’s smelled something bad. “No need to be like that. I’m just saying, I bet a good-looking guy like you could get a girlfriend pretty easy.”
“You’re not my type,” says Steve. He smiles with his teeth, even though his heart is going fast and he can feel his palms starting to sweat. 
The detective’s hands tense, and Steve wonders if he’s about to get hit, but they relax again and the detective sits back.
“Just doing my job,” says the detective. “Because, funny enough, we asked around with all your little friends, and it seems like you used to be a bit of a ladies’ man.”
“Things change,” says Steve. 
“In fact…seems like none of your friends ever even saw you talk to Munson before. Moved in different circles and everything. I remember what high school was like.”
The detective leans close. 
“So why would the captain of the swim team, a nice normal boy from a good family with a string of pretty girlfriends, ever—ever—stick his neck out like this for some murdering scum like Munson? That’s what I’m trying to figure out, here.”
“Don’t fucking talk about him like that,” says Steve. His mouth is dry. His pulse is thundering in his ears. “He didn’t kill anyone. He was with me the whole time. He’s—he didn’t kill anyone.”
“Hm,” says the detective. 
It takes a while for them to stop interrogating him. They keep asking him the same questions over and over, trying to trip him up. He asks for water and doesn’t get it. In the back of his mind, a hysterical little voice is shrieking Scoops Ahoy! I work for Scoops Ahoy!, but he manages to keep it locked down. Doesn’t let himself get baited, just keeps repeating that Eddie was with him the whole time and neither of them know anything. 
It takes a while, but it’s over eventually.
When he leaves the station, Eddie’s standing outside with Hopper and Joyce Byers, wearing a shirt and jeans that definitely belonged to Jonathan at some point. Eddie’s got his hands tucked into his armpits, looking antsy and tense, but he’s free and standing on his own two feet. It’s a pretty big upgrade from when Steve last saw him about a week or two ago. 
It’s almost too easy to go straight over to him, wrapping him up in a tight hug like they’ve had their arms around each other a million times. 
“Oof. Easy there, tiger,” laughs Eddie. “I’m, uh, still a little fragile.”
“Sorry,” says Steve, and loosens his hold. He doesn’t let go all the way.
“Come on, boys,” says Joyce. “I’m taking you two home. Steve, Eddie’s been staying with us, but we’re a little short on spare beds and it’s not great for his recovery. We’re moving him to your place until we can figure out something better, okay?” 
———
Joyce drops them off and helps carry in a few garbage bags full of Eddie’s stuff. There’s not that much.
And then the door closes behind her, and Steve’s alone with Eddie for the first time since—actually, maybe ever. 
“So,” says Eddie. “What…the fuck, Harrington.”
“Is that an actual question?” Steve says. He rolls his shoulders, trying to get some of the stiffness out. “I mean, didn’t Hopper and Mrs. Byers explain everything to you?”
“Kind of? I mean, I still think this is probably the worst idea of all time, but they told me—anyway, what I meant just now was a much more personalized and individual what the fuck. As in, why the fuck would you agree to any of this? You know you’re never gonna get another girl in this town to look at you now.”
“Dumping me already? Ice cold, man.”
Eddie groans and actually throws his hands in the air in frustration. Steve hadn’t known people did that in real life. 
“Jesus christ.” Eddie wheels around and grabs two of the garbage bags. “I can’t do this right now, I need to take a fucking nap. We will be discussing this later.”
“Still don’t know what there is to discuss,” says Steve, but he picks up the last garbage bag and leads the way to the spare room. 
Eddie pitches forwards onto the bed, arms outstretched and face mashed into the pillow. “Fuck yes, I am going to marry this goddamn mattress. Hit the lights when you leave,” he says, slightly muffled. 
For a second, Steve finds himself stepping forward with a hand outstretched to—do something. He’s not sure what. Touch Eddie’s hair, or something dumb like that. His face warms. He’s really glad Eddie isn’t looking at him and doesn’t see how he’s kind of just standing there with a hand out for no reason. 
He turns around, flicking the light switch on his way out, and doesn’t look back.
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vipwinnie · 6 months
Text
New boy
Mattheo Riddle x reader
Summary:a new boy arrives at hogwarts, he hits on you and mattheo is jealous
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You waited with your arms crossed sitting on a bench in the hall. It all started last week when Dumbledore summoned him to his office. This day Dumbledore announces the arrival of a new student. He therefore offers you to be his tutor during his integration. A proposal that you will accept. So this is how you find yourself here waiting for this new student. You were still in thought when the doors opened to reveal an unfamiliar face. He had neatly styled brown hair and piercing blue eyes, He was of average height, with an athletic build. He confidently enters the entrance hall, immediately attracting the attention of some students. He was followed closely by Professor Snape. Professor Snape beckons you to come closer. “Do you know why you are here,” he asked me in a serious tone. You nod. "This is Justin. Help him integrate and get his bearings at school." And he leaves you alone with the boy. “Hi, my name is Y/N,” you introduce yourself, wanting to make yourself friendly. But there only you in return was silence. Deciding to end this awkward moment, you continue “well I’ll show you around the school then” forcing a slight smile on you. "Hi beauty, my name is Justin, and I can't help but notice how lucky I was to come across a girl as beautiful as you" he replied with a little satisfied smile. “Um, thanks, I guess. But you know, bold compliments aren't really my cup of tea. " Ah really ? I thought you'd be flattered by the attention from a guy like me.
“Excuse me, but I'm not really interested in guys who are arrogant. I like people who are authentic and respectful.” “Haha, you look cute when you try to resist me. But let me tell you something, I’m the type of guy who always gets what he wants.” “Look, you can keep your arrogant attitude to yourself.” “I see you don’t appreciate my charm. But believe me, once you have tasted my company, you will never be able to do without me.” “Sorry, Justin, but I'm not interested in someone who thinks the world revolves around them. I prefer someone who knows how to listen and respect others.” “You know, you're missing out on something amazing by refusing to give me a chance. “I think you’re wrong, Justin. A person's worth is not measured by their arrogance, but by their kindness and respect towards others. I'm sorry, but I can't continue this conversation. So if you want to get a guided tour of this school, you'll have to keep quiet. “As you wish, but know that you are missing out on an incredible opportunity. “
Despite Justin's attitude, you remain professional and dedicated to his task as a tutor. You showed him the different classrooms, explained the school rules to him patiently and helped him navigate the complexity of the timetable.
That same evening you hurry back to the dormitories, impatient to find your boyfriend Matteho, and to finally be able to rest. When you enter your room, mattheo was already waiting for you, arms crossed lying on your bed. You then move me towards your bed, then lie down on it. And Mattheo came to surround her with his arms, his body pressing against yours. And his head resting in the crook of your neck.
" How was your day my love ? he asked you. “do you remember when I told you that there was going to be a new one and that I was going to have to be his tutor ? Well he arrived today” you said with a sigh. “Wait what? he said, referring to his head as a coup d’état. “You are the tutor of a new boy,” he said, finding it hard to believe. "Well, he arrived today and he needs help adjusting to our school." I guess they thought I was best suited to help him. do you continue He was now looking straight at you, wearing a frustrated and upset face. “But why you specifically? Don't you have enough things to do already? “Honey, calm down. It's just an added responsibility, nothing more. You know that I like to help others and I can't refuse when someone asks me for help. “I know you're kind and caring, but it makes me a little jealous to think you're going to spend time with this new boy. What will happen during these tutoring sessions?"“Don’t worry, it’s just tutoring. We'll just work on his homework and help him catch up. There’s nothing romantic about it.” you would never dare tell the fact that Justin had hit on you, you would not dare imagine the damage Matteo would do if he found out about it. So you lied to him, hoping that Justin had now given up on the idea of ​​hitting on you. “I know it's not romantic, but I can't help but feel a little threatened. I care about you and I’m afraid you’ll get closer to him.” he said, then sighing in turn. “My love, you have no reason to be jealous. You are the most important person in my life and no one can change that. I'm just here to help this boy fit in and succeed in school. Nothing more." you said, placing a soft kiss on his lips. To which he responded with a long, languorous kiss and his hands resting on your ass.
The next morning you head to the hall where you were supposed to meet just to accompany him to his potions class. Justin was already waiting for you, leaning against a wall, a big arrogant smile on his lips.
“Hey! How do we meet up? “ he said to you “You are really beautiful, I can’t help but be attracted to you.” “Thank you, that’s nice of you. But once again I'll tell you again: I'm not interested, I'm already in a relationship. “Oh, I don’t mind. Your boyfriend will never know. We could have a good time together.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. I am happy in my current relationship and I don’t want to cheat on my boyfriend.” “Come on, don’t be so uptight. We could have fun, no one will know.” “I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to change my mind. It’s important for me to respect my relationship and myself.” “You don’t understand, I’m really interested in you. I’ll wait for you after class and convince you to go out with me.” “Look, I don’t want to be forced to do something I don’t want to. It’s inappropriate and disrespectful of you to continue to insist.” “You're ruining everything by being so closed-minded. You don’t know what you’re missing by refusing to go out with me.” “I'm sorry, but I'm not interested and I won't change my mind. I ask you to respect my decision and leave me alone.” “Ugh, you don’t deserve someone like me anyway. Good luck with your boring boyfriend.” “I prefer someone who respects my boundaries and treats me with respect. Good day." you finish before quickly turning on your heels to leave very quickly and very far from Justin.
But unfortunately, what you didn't know is that curious little heads couldn't help but listen to this discussion.
You were in the bookstore revising one of your tests when a Pansy came running and panting into the bookstore.
She came up to you and said: “For pity’s sake I don’t know what’s going on with Justin but your dear boyfriend is beating the shit out of him downstairs in the hall. “
It doesn't take much for you to run towards the hall.
Arriving downstairs the tension was palpable in the air as Mattheo stood in front of Justin, his fists clenched. Graham had dared to flirt with Mattheo's girlfriend, and it had reached the point of no return.
Mattheo, filled with seething fury, could no longer hold back. He lunged at Justin with determined force. The blows began to rain down, each blow carrying the anger and frustration that Mattheo felt.
Justin tried to fight back, but Mattheo was determined to defend his girlfriend's honor. He skillfully dodged Justin's blows and responded with devastating precision.
The crowd had gathered around them, watching the fight with fascination mixed with concern. He was driven by an indomitable energy, drawing on his rage to give the best of himself.
As the minutes passed, it was evident that Mattheo was gaining the advantage. His blows were more powerful, more precise, while Justin showed signs of exhaustion. It was clear that Mattheo was determined to win this battle. Finally, Mattheo delivers one last powerful blow that sends Justin reeling. He collapsed to the ground, out of breath and defeated. Mattheo stood above him, victorious, but not satisfied. He had defended his girlfriend's honor, but the violence of the situation left him with a bitter taste. “Oh my God, Mattheo, what happened? “ you say stressed “It’s not my fault he just had to stop flirting, I couldn’t contain myself when I heard that. Draco and Blaise heard him flirting with you yesterday. So I had to say two words to him, and things escalated,” he said. “Oh my love, I can't believe you fought because of me. “ you continued “Don't worry, I have a few scratches, but nothing serious. I just couldn’t stand to see someone flirting with what's mine.” “I’m touched that you fought and I know you want to defend me but there was no obligation to beat him in front of everyone.” “He didn’t want to understand that you were taken, so I made sure that now everyone knew,” he said with a mischievous smile. Ohhh you didn't know what you were going to do with him, you thought ironically. You then placed a sweet kiss on his mouth as a reward.
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thatanimeramenchick · 1 month
Text
Yandere Vox x Secretary Reader Part One
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No one asked for this, but whatever. Bite me. I’ll get to the asks, I swear
3,516 words
Part Two - Part Three
–-
The last thing you wanted was to draw attention to yourself. In a place like hell, where the worst of society sunk together and only somehow seemed to get worse, it was a good idea to not catch other people’s eyes. If their eyes were on you, it was almost never for a good reason.
So when you decided to start working, it made sense you would do something quiet and in the background like data filing for a large media company. While there were many more unsavory jobs that paid more, you wanted to avoid the obvious and dangerous crime life of hell as much as possible in your daily life. You had had enough of being unwillingly tied up in that kind of stuff when you were alive. You might as well spend your eternity in some type of peace, or at least as much as someone in hell can get.
So, you made sure you were presentable as you walked into Voxtekk on your first day to work, dressed simple business attire and keeping a quiet demeanor.
“There you are!” said who you presumed was your new boss, a short man with glasses and a blue hair dye, “Was wondering if you were going to show up!”
“Sorry,” you said, “The traffic was bad.”
“Well, you better get used to leaving early,” he said, “Traffic is always a bitch in this part of Pentagram City.”
He continued to speak as he led you to the elevator.
“So, I’ve been told you have a lot of experience with this sort of thing on earth,” he said.
“Yes, I did library work while I was alive,” you said.
And some smuggling. Especially with weapons.
You didn’t think it would be necessary to tell him that though. The job had come in handy though by giving you a knack for remembering where things were.
“Good, good,” he said, “I expect you’ll be able to figure out how to do this on your own then.”
He led you to a room that was filled with file drawers as well as a large computer off to the side.
“There’s thousands, if not millions, of files in here, both physically and digitally. It’ll be your responsibility to make sure that everything new brought in gets put in its proper place, as well as that anything that is requested can be easily found,” he said, “As the biggest media company in hell, it’s important that we know at all times where every piece of information or media can be located.”
It was overwhelming, like the world’s largest and most complicated library. It made your head spin a little looking at it all, but you always liked a challenge.
“You think you can handle it?” he asked.
You nod with some confidence, though you don’t quite feel it. This was going to take some getting used to.
“I hope for both our sakes you’re right,” he said, “Last filer I hired couldn’t tell left from right and Vox fried me to a crisp. Took me a good week before I was able to regenerate properly.”
Crap, that sounded bad. Note to self, don’t let that happen to you.
“I think I’ll be all right,” you said.
---
It was a bit overwhelming the first few weeks. You were competent enough to keep things in order though. Your experience was paying off, and you weren’t hearing any complaints or news about any assistants getting fried, so you supposed you were doing your job well enough.
Within two months of starting your job, you finally met the rumored big man himself. He had come in one day, visibly in a bad mood as he walked over to your desk, a man trailing behind him.
“I don’t know why I even pay you morons,” he said, “I have to hear important information secondhand from fucking Valentino because you can’t be bothered to keep up with what’s happening in hell.”
“Look, sir, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to not tell you,” he said, “I just didn’t think you’d care.”
Vox had stormed over to your desk.
“So you KNEW and thought it would be a good idea to just not tell me at all?” he said.
“T-that’s not it! I just-”
Vox held up a hand to interrupt him before turning to you.
“I want the file we have in here on Alastor,” he said, a static buzz of irritation on the last word, “Now.”
“Of course, sir,” you said.
You hurried over to the file cabinet and quickly located it.
“See, not everyone around here is as useless as you are,” Vox said to his other employee.
You saw the hapless employee mutter something under his breath out of the corner of your eye, and before you knew it a chain had appeared and Vox yanked him closer.
“What was that?” he said
“N-nothing, sir!” said the now visibly sweating employee.
A shock went through the poor guy before Vox released him.
“Useless,” he said, “You know what? I think you need some time learning exactly who is in charge around here.”
Vox pointed a clawed finger at you.
“You,” he said, “It’s your lucky day, kid. You wanna promotion?”
“Um… yes?” you said.
“Great. Samuel, have fun in janitorial work for the next decade,” he said, “You’re being replaced. What’s your name?”
“F/N,” you said.
“Hope you have customer service experience as well as filing,” he said, “You’re moving up to my office. Need someone with a functioning brain to run the front desk. Pack up!”
You hesitated for a minute before grabbing the stuff under your desk. You figured the last thing you wanted to do was piss this guy off more than he already looked.
---
Despite him being in such a bad mood that first day, you soon found that most of the time Vox was relatively calm, at least compared to what you heard about the other employers in this building. While he at times could get pretty irritated with things, especially if a certain never-to-be-named demon was brought up by an idiot intern, he rarely took it out on you. He usually took the daily bothers of running the company in stride.
Besides that, running a front desk of an office wasn’t too different than running the front desk at the library. You didn’t have to do near as much organizing in terms of files, but you still did spend a lot of time making sure that everything in Vox’s life was organized from his meetings to when he had lunch.
He didn’t talk much with you outside of work related stuff, which is why you were so surprised when you found out what he was doing one day.
It was a nice enough morning, at least as much as a nice morning can be in hell. You took a sip of your coffee briefly as you stretched and looked out your office window. While you missed the blue sky of earth, the red sky of hell had its own sort of charm you supposed. You glanced down, looking at the people walking back and forth, small as ants. Running around willy nilly. Someone was moving into the building that afternoon, a common occurrence here, as you had heard talk that Valentino liked to keep his employees in close quarters. Seems like they had a similar taste in furniture to your own. Almost frighteningly so.
Except… wait. Was that your sofa? And your dresser? Your bookshelves? You lowered your coffee to the windowsill as you squinted down at your entire catalog of furniture being moved into the building. Something wasn’t right.
You knocked on your boss’s door and entered in a bit of a rush as you heard him say to come in.
“Vox, what on earth is going on?” you asked, trying not to sound panicked.
“F/N, that could be ten different things. I need you to be more specific,” he asked, his tone nonchalant as he didn’t even look up from his phone.
“I just saw what I’m pretty sure was all my belongings being moved into the building,” you said.
“Oh yes, that. Well, I had wanted to surprise you, but I guess it’s too late for that,” he said, somewhat absently, “I hate that you have to take such a long commute to the other side of town. And I know all the apartments there are so run down, I figured I’d just move you into the studio like a lot of our other valued staff.”
What? While it was true your apartment was kind of rinky dinky, it was yours. And you liked the privacy and soft solitude it offered after work. Besides, you didn’t like the idea of your boss just moving you willy nilly without your permission. Still, you didn’t want to show him you were upset.
“Vox, you don’t have to do this,” you said, “I’m ok with where I’m at. I don’t want to trouble you.”
“It’s no trouble at all. Think of it as a courtesy as my secretary,” he said.
You could feel your entire face tighten as you got more frustrated. Some of it was probably starting to show, despite your best efforts.
“I never asked for this though,” you said, trying to tread carefully, “and I like my old apartment. I… I don’t really want this...”
“But you do want this,” he said, finally looking up at you, “You want to be in a nicer apartment, closer to work, safer, don’t you? You always want to be here.”
That… You supposed that was true. Something about his tone soothed you, sent a pleasant lull through your skull and made your body relax as he looked in your eyes. Your protests now seemed a bit foolish and childish. In all honesty, you supposed it just made sense that you move in to the studio. Everything you needed was here, truly, why would you want to live away from here? You did want a nicer apartment without the stressful commute.
“O-ok,” you said, a small uncomfortable feeling of doubt still in your stomach, “Yeah. That’s true. I do want to be here more… closer to the office...”
He smiled at that and walked over to you. He placed an arm around you, guiding you back to your own office.
“Of course you do! And besides I already had them move everything here, so why don’t you just go back to work, and they’ll have finished moving everything in by the time your shift is done,” Vox said, “I guarantee once you’ve had time to think it through you’ll be glad we did it.”
“If you say so,” you said.
As he walked you back to your desk, he continued his calming chatter.
“That’s a good girl. You and I both have a lot of work today, anyway, so I think we can agree that you should just focus on that for now,” he said as he nudged over to your desk.
You sat down and turned to the planner on your desk as you heard your boss walk into his personal office and closed the door. You just stare blankly for a good minute, feeling a little light, like you were on Zoloft before shaking your head back and forth. Might as well just go back to work. You could think more about this later.
---
It had been happening so slowly. One day, week, month at a time, Vox was implementing himself into your life inch by inch, despite the fact that the two of you weren’t bound on paper. He had moved you into the building, where you knew that you were almost constantly on camera. He kept you so loaded down with work you barely had a social life anymore, with no time to hang out with friends or date. The pay was ok, you supposed, but it felt minuscule compared to the amount of work he was expecting you to do on a daily basis.
And then there was the… weirder things that had been happening. Whenever you tried to talk to him, he had a way of getting you to forget about whatever it was you were upset about, at least for a little while. But it would always come back eventually, and as you thought about it more, it irritating you that he was dismissing your concerns.
You hadn’t really noticed it until he had gone on vacation for a week with the other Vees. You had been quite busy with work, but without him there to calm you down whenever your “concerns” came up, you realized that maybe you had let your priorities get a little askew. You needed a career change.
So, perhaps against your better judgment, a few days after he had returned, you had left a two weeks notice on his desk before he came in. It only took about fifteen minutes after he came in for him to summon you to his office.
“F/N? What is this?” he asked, holding out the letter.
“It’s my resignation,” you said, trying to sound steady and confident.
“I’m sorry… your what?” he said
“I-I regret to inform you that I will be moving out and relocating to the Doomsday Sector in two weeks,” you said, “I appreciate all that you’ve done here for me as I worked here, but I am making a career change.”
He looked baffled for a second, like he couldn’t believe what you were saying before chuckling a little.
“No, you’re not,” he said, “You don’t want to leave he-”
“Stop!” you yelled out with more force than you intended.
As soon as he had started speaking that familiar fuzzy feeling had entered your mind, and you had closed your eyes, shaking your head. You didn’t want him talking you out of this.
“I-I’m sorry,” you said, as you reopened your eyes, but didn’t really look at him, “But I don’t want to talk about this.”
It was awkwardly silent for a minute.
“Is it a pay thing?” he finally asked, “Because that can be adjusted. You do good work. I certainly wouldn’t mind paying you more.”
“It’s not a pay thing,” you said, “It’s not anything. I-I don’t want to talk about this, so I’m going to go-”
“You’re not leaving!” he said, slamming his fist on his desk.
You jumped, a little surprised at his reaction. While you knew he wouldn’t be thrilled, you hadn’t expected him to be so volatile. He was always so calm and collected that this kind of reaction to something so minuscule confused you.
“Vox, I know you like my work, but I think you’re overreacting a little bit,” you said.
“Overreacting?” he said, looking pissed, “Overreacting?!”
He grasped at the air, a look of surprise entering his face when no chain appeared. You look at him bewildered. Had he really just tried to…?
“Vox, we don’t have a contract?” you said, “Did you forget that?”
Had he really gotten so comfy with you that he thought that you were another one of his little pets? To hell with the two week notice, you were going today.
“I think I should go back to work,” you said.
He didn’t say anything as you went back to your desk. You finished filing information extra fast that day, doing a bit of a sloppy job. As soon as it was noon, you left for what appeared to be a lunch break, but you had decided was actually going to be your escape.
This situation was getting uncomfortable. You hurried to your room and haphazardly threw clothes and necessities into your suitcase. Anything you left behind on accident you would just have to replace. On a final note, you shoved your wallet into your back pocket and walked over to the door.
Except it didn’t open. The nob didn’t even turn when you yanked on it. You tried it a few times, to no avail.
“Dammit,” you murmured under your breath, and you pounded your fist on the door.
You were about ready to start kicking it when you heard a burst of static behind you. You turned to see your boss coming in through the camera system. While it had always been an eerie feature to your arrangements, it was a million more times so to see Vox using it to his full advantage.
“What the hell is going on?” you asked.
“I should be the one asking that,” he said, “Just where do you think you’re going?”
“None of your damn business!” you said, “I don’t know what security you have on this door, but you better take it off now or-”
“Or?” he asked.
Now it was your turn to look tense as he gave you a self-satisfied smirk. You could feel your face flushing in a quiet rage as he spoke. Though you were hiding them behind your back, you could feel your fists clenching, as well as the shape of you mouth hardening.
“Vox, you are being ridiculous! We don’t even have a contract! I’m not bound to you, so you can’t keep me here,” you said.
He cocked his head at you, raising an eyebrow, “Oh really now?”
Something about the nonchalance in his tone only pissed you off more.
“Yes, really!” you yelled, “I’m not staying here. I’m leaving whether you want me to or not.”
“And just how do you expect to do that?” asked Vox, “Jump out the window? I mean you could splatter yourself on the ground, but it’d be a bit rude considering I’ll have to send some unlucky interns to scrape you off the pavement and put you back in your room until you regenerate.”
You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath in and clenching and unclenching your hands with an unnecessary amount of force. You tried to calm your voice down.
“Vox, I understand that you like the work I do for you, but you’re being ridiculous,” you said.
“You think this about work?” he said, “F/N, don’t act stupid. I can get a new secretary anytime I want, ten secretaries. You and I both know that’s not what this is about.”
You looked at him confused. It wasn’t?
“For someone who is so smart with data, you are being so unbelievably slow right now.”
He advanced on you, causing you to shrink against the frame of the door as he leaned over you. He pushed you against the wall and gripped your chin in his hand, forcing you to look him in the eye. It all happened in a flash, too fast to register, and before you could realize it, he was pulling you into a rough kiss.
It wasn’t what you had expected, though it wasn’t as if you had thought a lot about what kissing your boss would feel like. On the rare occasions when you had wondered about it, you had assumed kissing Vox would be like kissing the screen of a laptop. Apparently though, he had a literal working mouth as you could clearly tell from the sensation of his tongue and even teeth connecting with your own. Your chin ached in his firm grip, which could have been more tender if it didn’t feel like he was keeping you from turning your face away. You tried to do so, but he didn’t even seem to notice it, he was so preoccupied.
He held you like this for a good two or three minutes, his saliva coating your mouth. Though it was barely there, you could feel a slight buzz to it, as if some of his electricity was in his fluids. He finally released you though, some of his spit getting on your lips as he removed himself. A sigh filled the air as your lips parted.
“Even better than I thought it would be,” he murmured
He shifted a bit and was leaning in for another kiss when you kicked him in the shins.
“Ow!” he said, releasing you and giving you time to dart away.
You had moved in a burst to the other side of the room, glaring at him with what you hoped was resentment. There was also something else though. A feeling of deep rooted anxiety and fear was stirring in full force, despite the fact that over the past few months you had been pushing it down as much as possible. You hoped he couldn’t see the weakness in you.
Whether he did or not though, you could tell he was visibly pissed for a minute. He finally got his features under control, but as he spoke his tone held all of the avarice that had left his face.
“Whatever,” he said, “Contract or not, you’re still mine, and you’re not going anywhere until you accept that. Throw a tantrum if you want to, but you’re stuck here.”
You watched as he went back into the camera system as easily as he had come. You curled up on the floor, burying your face in your arms.
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slvttyplum · 3 months
Text
✮⋆˙ oil change | toji fushiguro
synopsis: this mechanic wants to get paid, but in another way
contents: lowercase spelling, not ethical, car sex, fem nicknames, smut.
getting an oil change was hell; it always ended in you paying extra for something you didn’t need. you couldn’t even speak up because you weren’t sure about all the parts.
that’s why you started going to stanley's; he’s a friend of a friend and works on the dirt road with three other friends.
he never scams you and even gives you little touch-ups for free.
“you’re a pretty girl; let me do this for ya.” he’ll say it every time, and you’ll always oblige. as long as he didn’t touch you, all is well.
it was that time again—the oil change. as much as you appreciated this new place, the drive down was hell.
the road was extra rocky as you pulled into the parking lot. a man outside pouring something on the ground, his head turning, and your eyes meeting.
shit.
you quickly divert your eyes and turn off your car. your eyes slide back up, and you notice his attire.
he works there; oddly, you’ve never seen him.
grabbing everything out of the car and walking inside the small building, the smell of garage and gasoline.
miles, a long-time worker, flashes you a smile while tapping his pen.
“didn’t think i’ll see you so soon. what do you need, princess?” his eyes flicking to the computer, then back at you.
“i’ve been on the road a lot, and i realized it’s time for another oil change.” a sweet smile on your face.
tapping his pen some more, he writes something down, then begins typing on the computer.
“stan’s out today, so i don’t think he can do it.” a sigh releasing between his lips, you’re almost devastated until you remember he gave you a voucher.
“ah, he said i can get it free this time since i helped his daughter with something.”
miles looks at you, then back at the computer, a smirk crossing his lips.
“mm, you’re a sweet girl. i hope you’re not lying.” shooting you a wink, he rips off the piece of paper he was writing on and walks outside.
just the basic information and what not, you begin walking to the side of the room where the chairs are, but a tap on the shoulder stops you.
“oil change for pretty girl?” a deep voice sending chills down your body, for who?
you turn around, looking face-to-face with the man you saw outside; his build is strong, and he has a grumpy look on your face.
awe, how cute.
“sorry?” you say, your hand balling up the paper and the other slipping in your back pocket.
“miles, he said that’s what they call you."
your eyebrow lifts up, and you chuckle to yourself at the name. how corny can men be? but hey, free service is free service.
“oh yeah, here, i’m sorry.” you quickly unball the paper, giving it to him, his big, rough hand sliding over yours.
he slides his thumb over yours as he takes the paper, his eyes squinting and reading it as he looks back at you.
“aight, give me 15.” he says, walking off, his broad shoulders and back pressing through the uniform, he was fine as hell.
you walk over to the seats, flopping down, crossing one leg over the other, and resting your elbow on the small table beside you.
the bell rings from the garage door as the dark-haired man walks in. your eyes flicker to his face, then to his name tags as he walks closer.
“toji…” you mutter out. he’s standing there holding out the paper, a black streak on his face and his hands covered in debris.
“here, i heard this one is free, but i don’t know how i feel about that.” his hand running through his hair as he stares you down.
your mouth is open, and you’re stunned, not really planning on spending money and not really wanting to, but then again, he was the one who did the change, not stanley.
“that’s fair, toji, was it? i can give you a twenty.” you take your purse from around your arm, digging in it, and he shakes his head.
“nah, nah. you can me in another way, mama.” his body coming a little closer, hiding all the light from the window that was in front of you.
your eyebrow lifts up when you see he’s a little too close, shifting up in your seat and clutching your purse.
“like what?” your voice echoed off the walls of the small enclosed space.
a scoff escaping his lips as he puts a hand in his pocket and leans down, his lips near your ear.
you’re so nervous that you’re almost shaking.
“you look too good to pass up; i just wanna have a little fun, yeah?” the silence after his words sends a chill down your spine.
your eyes were staring at him, and a tiny sparkle could be seen setting in your pupil.
a pen could be heard dropping; did you even want that? clearing your throat, you quickly stand up.
your body is directly pressed against his. startled. you try to step back, but his hand is too fast, sliding around your waist.
the silence between you two is suffocating, but yet again, it was arousing. a light scent of his cologne whiffing by.
"okay," you say, your back straightening as he slides his hand down. a smirk can be seen if you look closely.
“after you, princess.” his voice was low and deep. you move his hand off your waist and into your hand as you walk to the parking lot.
you slip your keys out of your purse, unlocking the car door. his body hangs over the door as you slide in, his elbow resting on top of the car.
“car sex, classy.” he chuckles, getting in after you, slamming the car door, and immediately unbuttoning his attire.
the windows were tinted, so it calmed your nerves, but the fine man in front of you made your heart race.
sliding off your shoes, you feel your pants unbuttoning. looking up, you see toji undoing them for you, sending butterflies to your stomach.
“i can do it," you say, pushing his hand off and unzipping your pants.
he laughs, pulling off the t-shirt he had on under, revealing his greek-sculpted body.
with his skin glistening from sweat and his abs sitting up just right, clearing your throat, you finally slip off your pants.
“knew you had something nice under there.” he blurts out, pushing off his jumpsuit, now completely naked with nothing but his briefs.
“i could say the same.” you say, slipping off your shirt, completely forgetting you had on no bra.
his mouth hangs open but quickly returns closed when you cover them, he licks his lips, leaning forward.
“no need to be shy; i’ll take good care of you.” his quiet whisper making you feel tingly, like a waterfall forming in between your thighs.
damn, were you that easy? no, no, no.
his hand comes up, caressing your sides, slowly inching towards your hips, leaning closer towards you.
your face moves on its own, and before you know it, your lips are connecting, your soft lips hitting his instantly and moving in sync.
his head turning to the side as he kisses you deeper, his tongue swiping over your lip and instantly moving in.
a sensation between your legs being made, and you let out a moan into his mouth, your eyes darting down seeing his hand in between your thighs.
quickly shutting your eyes and getting immersed in the kiss again, his large, rough hand gripping your hip.
spreading your thighs out, letting him in. his finger swipes down your slit, then to the side of your panties pushing them to the side.
he disconnects the kiss, sighing, leaning up, and picking up both your legs, causing you to gasp.
“these are getting in the way.” he puts both your legs up, having them lean on his hand as he slides your panties off.
the air instantly hitting your heat as you let your panties fall on the floor, the warm heat hitting your cheeks with embarrassment.
maybe this was a bad idea. you try to lean up, but toji leans down, placing a kiss on your lips, then your jaw, wet kisses all down your body.
he stops at your stomach, looking directly into your eye; your throat is dry with nervousness.
he pushes your thighs back, looking directly at your cunt, sliding a finger down your wet slit, causing you to let out a tiny moan.
“a little taste can’t hurt, right?” before you could even answer, hes leaning down and placing a kiss on your warm pussy.
even his kisses felt good, the butterflies swarming in your stomach. he takes a swipe of your pussy causing you to shiver.
sliding a finger over your slit a couple of times, then sliding it in with no warning, a moan escaping your lips.
“don’t wanna be too loud; that’s if you don’t wanna get caught, princess.” his words sent a pleasurable tingle down to your heat.
your hand arm reaches down, and placing your hand on his head, he looks at you, smirking, before swiping a long, wet stripe over your slit.
he leans in some more as his tongue swipes over your clit, pushing his finger into you some more.
taking another swipe of your slit, he curves his finger up and pushes it further back, his lips pursing and forming an o shape as he sucks on your clit.
“fuck…” you moan out, your hand balling into a fist as you grab his hair.
he keeps sucking your clit for a few seconds before leaning up, his body almost pressing against the roof.
leaning down, he grabs his uniform and digs in the pocket, pulling out a condom. you squint your eyes while reading the wrapper.
XL
you swallow hard, eyeing him down, his black hair hanging low and his dark eyes looking down at the wrapper as he pulls it to his mouth and bites off the top.
he quickly slides his briefs down, his hard length plopping on his stomach, the tip passing his stomach.
toji laughs when he notices your shaken expression, carefully lining himself with you and slipping on the condom.
“no need to look like that; i told you i’ll take care of you, yeah?” your eyes flicker at him as he leans down and slowly pushes himself into you.
“wait…” you try to finish your sentence, but he’s already pushing himself into you. he leans down, placing a kiss on your lips.
you wrap your arms around him, and he puts one hand on your waist, the other balancing himself on the side of you.
you can feel him getting deeper inside of you, his warm lips taking you in whole.
he slowly disconnects from the kiss, placing a kiss on your jaw and then your chest, sliding his tongue over the same spot, then sucking.
a soft moan escaping your lips as the tingling sensation from the sucking and him getting fuller inside you.
his eyes never once left your face, making you nervous. no hesitation, he slides out of you and thrusts into you with full force.
“FUCK!” you scream out, your arms sliding off his neck and your hands gripping his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin.
that doesn’t bother him; he continues sucking your chest, taking all of you in and pushing into you deeper.
he slides his tongue over to a new spot on your chest, sucking there, another moan slipping out of your pretty mouth.
when he slides out of you again and pushes back into you, your eyes bulge out, feeling a sharp sensation of pleasure deep inside you.
“go harder, toji.” you whimper out, he doesn’t hesitate, and he goes even harder, pushing into you deeper.
your head pushing against the car door, he grips the seat as your nails dig into his skin.
he leans up, a spitstring from your chest and his lower lip connecting, his eyes sliding down to your lips.
he leans down, pushing his lips into yours hard as he pushes into you deeper; this time you could feel it even better.
the pleasure heightened, your eyes sliding back, nothing but darkness and blank white spots scattering around.
you couldn’t see anything, but you could feel how close he was—your lips connecting, his wet lips combing with your soft ones.
“you feel so fucking good," he grunts out, pushing deeper inside you. the car slightly shaking, causing your head to push into the door.
his pace gets faster, your walls clenching around him, taking in everything he’s giving you, and your body feeling light.
his body slamming into yours and his flesh combining with yours was everything; your body felt like it was on fire, getting drenched out with water.
pushing into you again, your walls clench around him tight, your body jolting, and a knot deep in your stomach falling.
a loud moan ripples into toji’s mouth as he pushes deeper inside you, giving your sweet spot a kiss.
“tell me… tell me you want him.” he grunts out, trying to slide out your tight, wet pussy. the grip he had on your hip tightened, his fingernails digging into you.
a soft moan escaping, you squint your eyes and open them, his still on you. he places a kiss on your jaw and leans into your ear.
“i want you… so tell me you want me.” he says, his voice still deep. he slides out of you, then back into you, a cough erupting from your throat.
he leans back to your face, pressing a sloppy, wet kiss on your lips. your eyes are low and dark, and a tiny tear drop in the corner of your eye.
all you can do is nod. you felt too good; you couldn’t ruin the moment with words. he was close; you could feel the veins on his dick pulsing against your slick walls.
all he could do was laugh, but he couldn't. the pleasure bubbling inside of him couldn't, and a final thrust sends the both of you over the edge.
your toes curl, and your fingernails dig into his skin, along with his whole dig into your hip. he places a final kiss on your jaw before pushing his chest against yours.
his grip on you loosening, your body shutting down, your hands falling to the side, and your eyes closing.
the silence was sharp but comfortable. you slowly opened your eyes, and his head was laid against your shoulder.
his hair was disheveled and his breathing heavy; you could see his eyes closed and no discomfort in his body language.
he looked cute. before you could get any more thoughts out, his eyelids flickered open, and your eyes diverted elsewhere.
laughing, he slowly leans off of you, pushing his hair out of his face and picking up your panties and handing them to you.
the both of you get dressed up in comfortable silence, stealing glances at each other.
“when you come back, i’ll give you services for free.” he says, buttoning back up his uniform, his eyes locked on you.
your eyes lift up in surprise as you flatten down your hair, a smile sneaking on your face.
“no need. thank you for the oil change." you say, putting your purse in the front seat.
you’re about to open the car door before he grabs your arm.
“let’s grab a bite, dinner, whatever; let me take you out.” desperation coating his tone. you smiled and let out a chuckle.
“sure, toji, text me; my number should be in the system.”
with that, he went back to work, and you went back home with a stupid grin on your face. whatever happens, happens.
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unoislazy · 4 months
Text
Your Touch
(Part 2)
Mizu x Fem! Reader
A/N: AHT AHT, RAY? RAY NO
NO READING FOR YOU RAY
Disclaimer; Due to me having never written full NSFW publicly, I will have to get warmed up to it. I’ll use this series as an excuse to get more and more used to it.
So don’t expect any of this to go all the way for a few parts, sorry my friends.
What’s included: Inexperienced Reader (Taking it easy, not going too far), Consent Checks, Praise
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Time had passed since your little interaction with Mizu. Every time you wanted to bring it up, you shut it down, not wanting to make things awkward between you two. You both wanted each other, it was clear, no one could deny that, and yet you chalked the tension up to just the heat of the moment.
That’s what you walked around believing, you had got it into your head that there was no feasible way that woman could’ve just been purely attracted to you, she was simply just affected by the tension in the air, as were you. You didn’t want anything to come of it, why would you? It’s not like you thought about Mizu that often, if at all. You never thought about what it feels like to be near her, or remembering the feeling of her hands and what they would feel like around you, and you certainly never thought about the feeling of her breath along your neck when you…
Maybe you did think about her.
So what? That doesn’t mean anything, sometimes your mind wanders, that doesn’t mean you have any feelings for her.
You sat stuck in thought, your eyes never leaving the patch of snow you watched as if it was going to run away had you looked away. You were quite cold but you hadn’t thought twice about it, your face felt so warm and you couldn’t tell if it was from the weather or your… not so helpful thoughts. You just barely caught the sound of snow crunching rhythmically behind you causing you to quickly spin around, meeting two familiar blue eyes looking back at you.
“Mizu? What are you doing out here?” You asked, quite surprised to see her coming towards you.
“I could ask you the same thing.” She began, crossing her arms as she stared down at you with a questioning gaze. She had a reason to come looking for you, but you weren’t able to tell what it was from her expression.
“I just needed to clear my head… just thinking about some things.” You answered, turning back towards the patch of snow, and just like you thought it had not moved an inch. You heard Mizu move more towards your side. She was quiet for a moment so you could tell she wanted to ask you something but she was debating on whether or not to say it.
“What’s up?” You asked, turning a bit towards her. You could tell she wasn’t really expecting you to ask from how quickly she turned. She played off her surprise by turning back away from you.
“I have something to ask.” She finally said, so you turned to face her better and give her your full attention. She did not look back at you, she simply stared ahead much like you had been doing before. “Would you… do my makeup?” She asked.
You stared at her for a moment, not necessarily confused but you were surprised. You hadn’t thought Mizu to be the type to like feminine things, but you supposed that was only because you only ever saw her wearing masculine clothing. You nodded with a smile, luckily you had some makeup material that you took with you everywhere, just in case. You stood up, sticking out your hand for her to take so you could lead her back inside. You both knew it wasn’t necessary, but did either of you object to it? Of course not.
She took your hand gently and followed behind you as you led her back into the cabin that you all had been staying at for a while. It was small, but there was enough room for the three of you, having lovingly ‘dropped’ Taigen off on the way.
Mizu knocked him out and left him in a tea house.
But at least he has somewhere to go.
You carefully picked up a small box, opening it up and taking out some of the materials you would need. Mizu sat patiently on her knees, her hands resting on her lap and her fists were clenched as if she was worried about something. You had noticed this and smiled at her, thinking she was nervous about the makeup.
“You don’t have to worry, I won't say a word about this to anyone.” You said lightheartedly, turning back around to fiddle with a brush that you needed to use. She didn’t say anything in response so you figured you would just drop the topic all together.
Having finally gotten all the material you needed, you moved it closer to Mizu and set it down on the floor beside her, sitting directly across from her. A smile stayed plastered on your face, you were quite excited having not done makeup in quite some time, but you had to admit, you were quite nervous having to be so close to Mizu again after what had happened last time.
However, you managed to push the nervousness down like a professional and told yourself to focus on the goal, doing makeup, that was it.
You took a shallow breath before reaching down and grabbing a very long brush and dipping it in very pale white makeup. You looked back towards Mizu whose eyes were watching your hands very closely, she seemed very intrigued by your every movement. Gently, your hand reached up with the brush and slowly swiped across her face. You were trying to stay focused, you had to be strategic about how you brushed the product on after all, but you couldn’t help but get distracted once you had noticed Mizu now just staring at you.
It wasn’t like a normal stare though, her eyes were half lidded and relaxed, she was deep in thought but it was clear she didn’t have makeup on her mind.
You tried your best to ignore this and continue on with your work, having finished the base layer and moving onto the eye makeup.
As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t deny that Mizu’s makeup was the last thing you wanted to do with her at that moment.
You turned back, grabbing a thinner brush, biting the inner part of your lip in the process to shut up any thoughts that were threatening to come loose. All you kept telling yourself was to “Just focus, just focus, just focus.” As if repeating it was going to make it any easier to keep a hold of yourself. She just asked you to do her makeup, she didn’t have ulterior motives, you’re just looking too deep into it.
Right?
Once you turned back to Mizu, her stare had not faltered, but a small smirk had made its way onto her face as well.
“What?” You asked, almost freezing in place as you saw her expression.
“Are you nervous about something?” She asked, still watching your body language carefully as you shifted uncomfortably.
“No, I’m not nervous. Are you? Do you have something to be nervous about?” You responded quite frantically.
Real smooth.
Your jittery response only outed your true feelings towards the situation as you stared back at her, hoping someway, somehow, she missed the very obvious signs that you were in fact extremely nervous. You weren’t in the beginning of this interaction, but now that she had called you out, your nerves seemed to not only double, but quadruple. You were so nervous about looking nervous that you hadn’t noticed Mizu very subtly make her way towards you. She hadn’t gotten extremely close, but it was still a close enough distance for you to begin to freeze up.
“Is it because of me?” She asked quietly.
And here you thought she was nervous about getting her makeup done. You thought having her makeup half done would’ve made the interaction at least a little funny, but you were so lost in the discovery of many new thoughts and feelings that that was the last thing you were thinking about at that moment.
“Do I make you nervous?” She added, nearing you a bit more, the smirk never subsiding as she watched you freeze before her.
Every emotion and feeling you tried to subdue after the last interaction came back full force as you looked at Mizu who was staring back at you like she was going to devour you.
And honestly? You wanted to let her.
But for some reason, something inside you just wouldn’t let you admit that openly.
“No, you don’t.” You very obviously lied, which seemed to be taken as a challenge to Mizu.
“Is that right?” She inquired, tilting her head as she looked you up and down for a moment, “Yeah, your body says otherwise.” She teased before looking back up towards you. You felt as if you were going to melt into a puddle under her gaze. You didn’t want her to see you react in such a way but you also didn’t want her to look away from you. You didn’t know what you were feeling at that moment, all you could really pinpoint was feeling… warm.
Mizu had neared you a little more, now being directly in front of you. Her hand had found its way towards your thigh, slowly making its way up the side of your waist, past your chest and up to your neck. The entire time, leaving a trail of tingles throughout your body. The closer her hand began to shift from your neck, the closer she got to your face. Your heart pounded like crazy, you wanted nothing more than to kiss her right here and now.
But before either of you made any sort of contact, she stopped for a moment and whispered to you, “Is this what you want?”’
You nodded eagerly, no longer caring how pathetic you may have looked. But your response only earned a disapproving sound from the woman.
“No, no. I need you to say it outloud, is this what you want?” Mizuasked again, now looking at you, only inches away from your face. Her eyes were slowly going back and forth between your eyes and your lips and yet again, all you wanted to do was melt.
“Yes.” You answered quickly.
“Yes, what?” She teasingly asked. She knew making you wait was killing you, but she didn’t exactly care either. She wanted to make sure you were both on the same page at the very least considering she kind of just… jumped into it. You definitely didn’t mind that’s for sure.
“This is what I want.” You finally fully answered. She leaned towards you making you think she was going in for a kiss, only for her to go towards your ear and whisper,
“Good girl.”
If your legs could have become jelly at that moment, they would’ve. They might as well have considering if you had been standing they would’ve given out beneath you. You didn’t know what exactly to do or say in response to what she had just said, but you definitely knew what emotions you were feeling now. She took no time before quickly trapping you in a kiss, one that you had been anticipating for several minutes but that point.
To no surprise it had gotten heated extremely fast, you could feel her hands moving around your body and yours were doing the same.
As she kissed you, she had gently begun to push you back, eventually pushing you all the way to the ground with her body between your legs. She broke the kiss, her breathing a bit more labored than before you both had started this ‘activity’ as she looked down at you, the same smirk coming right back onto her face. She neared your face again but instead of kissing you, she went for your neck instead. You gasped a bit at the feeling but let her continue regardless.
It wasn’t until you could feel her begin to bite down a bit did you have to bite your lip to keep your own noises in. She knew exactly what she was doing, and she was enjoying every second of it. She stopped for a moment, lifting herself off of you and looked down at you with a smug look on her face.
“You got to hear me. I think it’s only fair if you return the favor.” Mizu said, causing you to pause for a moment. She couldn't be serious, could she?
“Mizu-” You began, wanting to explain why it was too embarrassing to make such noises only for her to cut you off very quickly.
“Let me hear you.” She teased, leaning back towards you. She was definitely serious.
“You know, the more you let out, the more I know I’m doing this right.” She whispered, her hot breath against your ear sent shivers throughout your body in seconds. Mizu was using your own words against you, and much to your dismay it was working wonders. She took clear notice of the effect she had, and wasn’t planning on stopping any time soon.
She went back towards your neck, doing just as she had before except this time she was just a tad bit extra enthusiastic about it. She was clearly trying to put in the work to hear you, and it was going to pay off.
Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t really stop yourself from making the noises you did. The feeling wasn’t overwhelming, but it was definitely new enough to elicit such a reaction.
“There you go.” You could hear her whisper.
How did you get here? You walked in thinking you were going to do Mizu's makeup and here you are moaning and squirming while being pinned down underneath her. The words of encouragement were not helping the fluttery feeling you felt in your stomach everytime she said anything. This truly was not the day you thought you’d discover things like this about yourself, yet here you are.
One of her hands made its way back onto your body, light being placed on your chest, and ever so slowly beginning to move down. She stopped messing with your neck for a moment before she lifted off of you for a second. You took the moment to try and catch your breath, your head was pounding, your stomach had flipped several times, your entire face felt warm, you felt like you were on some kind of roller coaster.
“Are you okay with me going further?” She asked quietly, her hand remaining on your chest. You paused for a moment, suddenly you felt extremely nervous, as if you were so unprepared for whatever could’ve come next. You didn’t answer and Mizu took note of it, taking her hand off of you.
“If you’re not comfortable, we can stop.” She stated simply, still leaning above you as she waited for an answer.
“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable I just-” you began, but you cut yourself off and began to think.
You wanted to continue, you really did, but there was something frightening about doing so. You weren’t ready, you knew that deep down no matter how much you wanted to continue.
“I can’t go further, not yet.” You answered honestly. Mizu nodded before getting off of you.
You sat up after her, a feeling of guilt beginning to wash over you.
“Did I ruin the mood?” You asked quietly, causing Mizu to turn back to you very quickly.
“No, I asked you for a reason. I want to make sure you're at least enjoying yourself, and if that’s where you want to draw the line, then I’m fine with that.” She explained with nothing more than a shrug of her shoulders.
“Besides, there's nothing saying we can’t just continue what we were doing before.” She teased, moving towards you a bit again. You smiled at her, entirely in gear to continue what you were doing before, only to hear the door quickly open followed by a very familiar jingling bell.
“I met some very nice people by the dock today and-“ Ringo began, only to stop once he noticed the position the two of you were in. However, your proximity didn’t really ring any bells for him, instead he pointed out,
“Master, you have makeup on your face, and you do too! Why do you have some smudges on your neck?” A very confused made its way onto Ringos face as he just simply stared at the two of you, who were still merely inches away from each other, before Mizu very plainly responded,
“Don’t think too hard about it.”
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writersblg · 3 months
Text
how the cod characters would answer their partners unwanted direct messages
You sat on the couch next to your partner when you scrolled through your DMs. After looking up the posts your friends sent you, you looked at the messages from profiles you weren’t following. You wouldn’t respond but nevertheless loved reading through them. It ranged from innocent compliments to downright filthy requests to send theses strangers pictures of yourself. When you laughed at these texts your partner looked over to you “What’s so funny?” - “Look.” You say, hand over your phone and let them answer your DMs.
Simon
Rates the profiles of the people that hit on you
“He’s too short for you, anyway.”
Reads a lot of your DM’s aloud because he knows it makes you cringe
Also tries to remember some of the pick up lines you get send to use it later on you
“I don’t know which is prettier today—the weather, or your eyes.” “Are you a light switch? Because you turn me on.” “I’d say, ‘God bless you,’ but it looks like he already did.” WITH THE SMUGGEST SMILE ON HIS FACE
Also answers profiles that keep texting you “she’s not interested.”
If the guy still keeps pressing Simon would offer to solve it like men and sends him an address and time, he fully knows the guy won’t show up
Soap
Someone sent you a dick pic
Johnny laughs at the picture
“Cute” he says and excuses himself to the bathroom if he’s feeling generous (if not he’ll pull his pants down right in front of you to snap a pic)
Sends a snap back without any text
Ends up traumatising the guy and you get blocked in a matter of seconds
Saves the picture in your gallery in case another guy pulls the same stunt
Gaz
Kinda feels insulted when the people who DM‘d you are ugly
“Smash.”
“He’s a good looking fella, right?” He says and it’s not even a trap
Starts flirting with them on your behalf to make you seem like a lunatic
Asks them a lot of astrological questions and very ridiculous ones at that and sees how far they are willing to go
Very disgusted at some requests you get and sometimes answers with “that’s not a way to speak to a woman”
Price
Sees all of them as losers
In his mind dating should never start online
Just deletes all DMs you get send before you even see them
Every time though he sees a 10/10 he deletes the message from that person and gets you flowers the next day
Has a hard time not policing your instagram posts but just from a safety standpoint
Alex
Might send a selfie back with an additional “sorry bud”
Somehow becomes friends with that stranger over your DMs
Might get invited to the wedding because he’d find that funny and makes him hold a unofficial speech
Farah
Gets so worked up over this
You literally try to get your phone back to calm her down but she won’t give it back
Kinda starts an argument about it and a pretty big one unfortunately
Makes you turn your profile to private
Valeria
Just texts them “stay away”
If they keep texting she’ll find their addresses 😭
Literally sends death threats via mail
While you’re just happily saying “they stopped harassing me! :) how did you do that?” - “they won’t bother you again :)” - 😟
Otherwise your biggest cheerleader on your social medias
Alejandro
Gets overly protective
Close to start a fight over text
Is blocking people left and right
Accidentally also blocks a few of your friends out of impulsiveness and they end up hating him
Rudy
“Sorry she’s in a relationship but I’ll let her know :)” after you got a compliment
Very respectful about rejecting dudes no matter how ridiculous they were
Keegan
You got a “Are you looking for a sugar daddy?” DM
Has watched these scammer videos and now wants to try it for himself
Gets into a whole relationship with this scammer
Lowkey becomes his new hobby to message that guy over the next weeks
He talks to you what to say next
Uses a ridiculously high pitched voice while typing
Starts stealing your phone for that
One day comes running to you announcing that you’re he’s getting married
A/N: since this post is still popping off do any of you have travel tips for Scotland? 🫶
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theemporium · 7 months
Note
What about Max maxplaining Trouble? Like not to Trouble, but about Trouble to someone. He’s just gushing about her or maybe he’s telling someone that no they can’t do “x” b/c that’s not the way Trouble prefers it done. And everyone is just so confused about why Max knows something so random about Trouble.
kinda made this into a wee sick fic but enjoy! and thank you for requesting!🫶🏽
.
“Max, I’m fine.” 
“No, you’re not.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“Sorry for taking your health seriously. Now, give Danny the phone.”
If someone told you that Max Verstappen was an overbearing mother hen before you met him, you would have laughed in their face. You had heard many things about him, and that certainly wasn’t one you would have believed. Even in the early stages of your friendship, you would have never really pegged him as the type. He was caring, yes. 
But this? This was a whole new level.
You were sick. Nothing crazy or insane, just a simple flu that left you feeling a bit under the weather and longing for your bed. But apparently to Max, it was equivalent to you being on your deathbed. 
Unfortunately for him, he had to fly out to England for a few meetings at the factory that required his presence. He tried arguing Christian over the phone about it, but ultimately lost that battle and was forced to take his private jet out.
You made the mistake in thinking that you would be able to get a few days of quiet rest to recover. Because only mother hen Max Verstappen would send someone to do exactly what he would do if he was able to stay by your side.
“Did you get her a blanket?”
Daniel tried to suppress his laughter and remain serious as he held your phone in his hand, watching Max on the screen scrutinising every little detail about your setup in your bed.
“Yes, I—”
“You got the wrong blanket,” Max stated bluntly.
You sighed. “Max, it’s fine—”
“Stop saying that, schatz, when it’s not,” Max retorted before his focus returned to the Aussie. “She likes the cream one in the hallway cupboard. Should be on the third shelf.”
Daniel nodded. “Right, got it.” 
“Did you get her medicine?”
“Oh yeah,” Daniel said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I got her some cough syrup from the pharmacy down the—”
“Which flavour?”
“Cherry,” Daniel said.
Max scoffed. “Mate, she hates cherry. You need to get the orange flavoured one.”
“Max,” you groaned as you nuzzled yourself further into the endless amount of pillows your boyfriend had made Daniel surround you in. “Cherry is fine. I just have to take a spoonful once a day, or whatever it is.”
“Three times a day,” Max said, his brows furrowed together. “And you hate artificial cherry flavouring. You said it makes you want to throw up.”
Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment. 
“I’ll get her the orange flavoured one,” Daniel said with a laugh, finding it adorable how caring Max was. “Anything else, helicopter boyfriend?”
“I don’t know what that means,” Max grumbled. “But yes. I have left menus on the kitchen counter, I’ll send you what she likes and what she wants to get but always refuses until it’s in front of her. Also, there should be a list of movies I sent you that are her comfort movies that you can—”
“This is creepy, Verstappen, it’s like you’re my stalker or something,” you muttered, even if your heart was swooning at the small details he remembered about you.
“Lil’ Maxie just loves his Trouble,” Daniel grinned wildly. “He doesn’t shut up about you. He could probably go on for hours if we let him.”
“More like days,” Max corrected before he continued to explain everything you would need to his friend, whilst you laid there with a fond smile on your face.
.
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gh0stsp1d3r · 10 months
Note
I have an idea for the next part in teenagers:
Miles and Gwen and Hobie and reader go on a double date/just hangout. Reader tells them about everything that happened with Miguel. Later when they’re hanging out at reader/Miguels place, Miguel gets a little lighter on all the rules for you all (door still stays open though)
𝐓𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬... 𝐏𝐭 𝟖
I had to add onto how you were dangerous so this is a lot 😭
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“Yeah, and the file said she was dangerous, how can this cute little thing be dangerous?” Hobie said, ruffling your hair as you explained what happened to you and Miguel, because they noticed it was a little awkward.
“If anything she’s the least dangerous person here.” Gwen laughed, and pointed a fork at you.
You rolled you eyes. “Okay, okay, fuck all of you.”
“Even me?” Hobie gasped and feigned offense.
“No.” You kissed his cheek, and miles and Gwen both rolled their eyes at you guys.
Hobie laughed as he saw their faces.
“Anyways, you all comin’ with?” Hobie asked.
“Yeah.” Miles and Gwen said at the same time.
Then you guys went into an alley, and hopped into the portal.
“Hey, Mr. O’Hara.” Gwen said when she saw him on the couch.
“Hi.. you didn’t tell me they were coming.” He looked at you.
“Right.. sorry. I didn’t kn-“
“It’s fine. Just don’t forget to leave the door open.” He said.
“We won’t. See you.” You said.
He’s been quiet ever since you both fought. He’s let you do whatever, and you didn’t mind.
“Hey, once they’re gone, we need to talk.” He looked at you before you entered the room. He was done with the secrets.
“Alright..” you said, a little confused, he just avoided your gaze and looked back at the TV.
You all talked and hung out for a while, throwing popcorn and pillows at each other.
“Alright, I’ll see you guys.” You said to miles and Gwen, as they both opened portals.
“Bye, thank you for today. It was fun.”
“Yeah.” Miles agreed, and they both left so it was now just you and Hobie.
Miguel walked in the room, looking at Hobie.
“Should I go or…”
“You can stay. I think you should hear this.”
You looked at Miguel confused, as you went on your bed.
Hobie looked at Miguel then you, then Miguel again.
“So, you read the whole thing right?”
“Not the whole things.. just the part about how I was taken by you, and how I was dangerous and had to be watched.”
“Do you know why your dangerous?”
“…no.”
Hobie leaned back, interested.
Miguel sighed. “I didn’t wanna tell you this, but, you remember how I told you about the doctor strange guy from earth 19999?”
“Yeah.. why..?”
“Basically, when you were younger, you had powers, nobody thought you could control them, until he came by, and hid them away. In this file, it tells you exactly what powers.” He handed you it.
Type: Superhuman individual.
Sex: Female.
Parents: Unknown, it is believed that a parent dropped her off on earth 712 for someone else to pick her up, to which they never did.
Potential parent/s: Pietro Maximoff because of their similar powers, Stephen Strange
Guardian: Miguel O’Hara.
Age: 4 years old.
Powers/abilities: Superspeed (Estimated to be about as fast as quicksilver from earth 616). The ability to change time, she does not know how to control it.
“The fuck..? You’re joking.” You looked up at Miguel.
“I wish. You were a pain in the ass when we tried to catch you, always running away. And accidentally turning back the time over and over. Dr strange had to step in.. and hide them.”
“Well, I want no part in whatever the fuck that is…” you threw the file at him.
Hobie just stared in amusement.
“Don’t know why but that makes you even hotter.” Hobie mumbled.
“What?”
“Well, I just wanted you to know… you don’t have to.” Miguel shrugged, picking up the file.
“Goodnight, Miguel. Thank you..”
“No problem.” He said, smiling softly, before leaving.
“Well, look at my girl, you’re more powerful than me.”
“Was I not before?”
He snickered “Definitely not.”
“Hey! I could be totally scary!” You hit his chest.
“You punch like a baby.” He yawned.
You huffed and rolled your eyes.
“Love you though.” He laughed, and wrapped his arms around you. You smiled and laughed as he started to tickle you.
“Stop! Stop! Hobie!”
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