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#sorry for the incoherent rant but i’m so sick of this shit
dull-c · 2 years
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right so, i have had a Super Fun week archiving 40 years worth of actual paper author contracts for work (kill meeee) + sorting last minute biz for little sissas wedding. subsequently I have only squeezed in a few rewatches over the last few days, and am generally existing on caffeine and fumes, so there’s absolutely nothing of substance coming outta this head rn. but! regardless! some incoherent Thoughts on some eps from my one semi-functioning brain cell under the cut
previously on the bad show......... daniel: you look good man! you look hot, sorry i mean sorry you still, sorry- got you got that- you still got that great ass, sorry, i mean you look fucken edible, sorry i mean sorry i wanna kiss you johnny: [takes this personally for some reason] //there is no kissing and everyone is mad about it//
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1x04 -“the 15 inch, that’s a nice machine” makes me laugh every time. ahh yes indeed the 15 incher. Yes. That one. Almost as good as the 250 GBer. i know about computers. what are the other staff in this store DOING -kinda home of sexual that billboard thing huh? you working through some stuff jlawz? i love the idea of him not only drawing a 5 meter long paint dick on daniel’s face, but also his karate pamphlets trailing behind him all the way like drunken breadcrumbs -i just need you to know that i laughed at every single dick joke in this episode
-gonna skip right past the poop thing i think -and kyler’s 30 year old HS friend -daniel reacting a normal amount to graffiti on his billboard, nothing to see here. he’s fine he’s fine he’s kicking drinks outta peoples hands he’s ruining livelihoods he’s fine -tom cole definitely voted for trump both times -i cannot tell you how angry i was the first time i watched this and that jlawz big “no do overs” speech was revealed to be directed at carmen and miguel. sir i know you got trauma but try that hard with YOUR ACTUAL SON please -daniel: that’s too bad :D that you broke up with kyler :DDDD really sorry to hear!! [is happiest babygirl alive]
1x05 -do some yoga jlawz, it’ll be good for you!! -oh no robby buying pizza for his ma. he got the one she likes. baby boi :((( -gonna scoot past the lynne stuff but i repeat, i’m glad they pumped the brakes on this shit in later seasons bc this aint it!!! -daniel raising the rent on poor folks and then deliberately going to johnny to rub it and/ or his wealth in his face is objectively some supervillain nonsense, but if they wanted me to not like him in this scene maybe they shouldn’t have made him look so hot. i’m very shallow and dumb and he look sexy when he mean -“i guess sam takes after her dad.” kyler’s a gronk but credit where it’s due, that was a sick burn.
-okay daniel talking to miyagi at his grave > cleaning out the dojo > going back to karate > panflutes > hachimaki etc made me do an embarrassingly big cry. my brain is not in any shape to verbalise this rn but something about him fucking up, realizing it and heading to a cemetery and talking to miyagi all vulnerable like that really did a number on my feelings, especially coming right out of the tkk movies rewatch. he misses him so much ;_;
1x06 -boooo kreese sucks, even in flashbacks and when I can’t see his face. -“my dad hates [daniel larusso’s] guts” ok was jlawz just talking about daniel constantly the full 30+ years?? no wonder robby is mad, if every time he actually saw him he was like “hi dad!” and dad launched into an hour long rant about one guy from high school he interacted with a total of four times and three of those four times was him beating him up -demetri is a big vibe. love my beloved garbage disaster man, but pretty sure if I met him irl i would pretty quickly be like ‘ok buddy, for sure! yeah strike hard totally. anyway…. [already out the door] seeya!!’ -daniel asking everyone to do karate with him including his employees trying to fill that miyagi void is such an understatedly sad part of this episode. my old mens both so sad. ilu please go to therapy -miguel and sam are freaking adorable awkward babies and i would die for them -robby trying to use daniel to get back at his dad and then instantly imprinting on him is so funny. being charmed by daniel larusso is in the genes somehow -(not to be shallow ((is shallow)) but daniel looks so baby in that bit where robby comes to the house) -you know that scene in not another teen movie where they’re like “oh my god she’s wearing glasses! and overalls! and her hair is tied back!!”? the Hawk scene gives that in reverse vibes. like GASP, he gelled his hair!! and put on skinny jeans!!!
1x07 -it’s a montaaaage! -miguel no offense my sweet summer child but do not ask jlawz for advice on romance. his idea of courting is just obsessively brooding about them for 30 years and then when he finally sees them again stomping on their foot and running away -daniel being like “it was a solid business plan!” (re little trees) is so so daniel. i am gonna chew my own arm off i love this bouncy little pretend guy so hard -the UST in the committee meeting is off the charts. please stop looking at each other like that in public (also daniel being like OH GIMMIE A BREAK when jlawz said ‘kreese is dead’ is honestly the funniest thing in all of season 1. maybe the entire series) -i’m getting ahead of myself, but the golf and stuff montage has made me think – it’s kinda weird that they went with ali and jlawz going there in s3, right? idk miguel and sam is a cute little parallel to the movie, but A & J going there seems…. strange to me. although not any stranger than anything else they’ve done re: the original movie ig? hmm.   anyway! weird thought to end things on, but sometimes it do be like that. will resume normal rewatching transmissions on the weekend. might even have an actual coherent thought or two on something after I catch up on some sleep! i have high hopes
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butch-himbo-king · 3 years
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y’all know that when you see a masc woman/nblw you literally don’t have to say anything abt how badly you want to sexualize us right? like you can really just not do that
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avenging-fandoms · 3 years
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where rafe is on the verge of exploding but he immediately goes to you to help him so he doesn’t do something irrational
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— OHH HE ALSO LISTENS TO UR HEARTBEAT TO CALM DOWN :’)
--
rafe was never the one to know how to self-sooth. he always reacted right away and never thought before he spoke or before he did something. rafe's father was no help with calming him down, only amping him up.
rafe's father, ward, was a part of rafe's problem, and you knew this from the start. after 3 years of your relationship, you saw it got worse. ward would start to get upset with rafe when he stayed the night or a couple days, rafe having to tend to his father's needs to please him.
it all got too much for rafe.
rafe sat on the edge of his father's desk, biting his nails, listening as his dad ranted about john b and sarah. ranting about the gold. ranting about everything he could complain about. rafe focused on the floor, tuning out his father's voice.
"rafe!" ward slammed his hand on his desk, rafe jumping and blinking a few times. "are you listening to me?" rafe nodded and ward reached behind his back, holding out a black pistol, rafe's eyes widening slightly. "i need your help"
"no, dad. i can't. i won't. no" rafe shook his head and ward cocked his head slightly, stepping closer but rafe stepped back. "no" rafe raced out the back, hopping in his car and speeding off.
rafe never told his father no. his knuckles turned white as he gripped the leather steering wheel, speeding off down the backroads of outer banks. rafe stopped roughly outside of your house and slammed his door and you jumped up at the sound.
you push open the screen door and your heart breaks at the sight of your disheveled looking boyfriend. rafe's eyes met yours and you opened the door wider, rafe pacing back and forth in your living room. "i-i-i can't keep doing this, yn. i just told my dad no. he held out a.. a gun. he said he needed my help. i can't keep doing this. i can't" rafe ranted and you walked over to him, holding out your hand.
you were rafe's safe haven. rafe stopped pacing and took your hand, relaxing at your warmth and you pulled him in for a hug. you two fell on the couch, his head on your chest and you comb your fingers through his hair and shush quietly.
rafe closed his eyes and breathed along with your heartbeat. his thumb rubbed over your side, mumbling incoherent words. "you're okay here, rafe. don't worry about him, baby. you're okay" you whisper, kissing his hair and trying to calm him. "do you want to eat something? i was just about to make grilled cheese and i can make some tomato soup too" rafe hummed and you chuckle, rafe sitting up.
before you stood up, rafe held your hand. "i'm sorry for.. always burdening you with my shit. you don't deserve it" rafe's voice was soft, and your were surprised at his apology.
"no, baby. you don't have to apologize. i'm here for you. i've been there for you for 3 years, and i plan on being her for many more years" you kiss him softly, then his forehead. rafe laid his head on your chest again, kissing your skin and watching as you got the items to make grilled cheese and tomato soup.
rafe took off his shoes and jacket, dragging his feet over to you and wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your neck. "i love you, yn, thank you so much"
"anything for you, rafe" you smile and he leaned against the counter. "what?"
"anything?" he asked with an eyebrow cocked and you looked at him nervously. "let's leave our phone here. go somewhere for a bit. escape this place, yeah? i have cash, that way they can't track the payments" rafe grabbed your hands and your eyes darted back and forth in between his.
"rafe, wouldn't your father kill you for running away and stealing his money?" you turn off the stove and hand him a plate and a bowl.
"not if it's from the savings account he funds for me to spend" he smiles and you look at him, shaking your head with a smile.
"where do you want to go?" you ask and rafe grinned, kissing you softly.
"let's go to california" you raise your eyebrows and he smiles even wider- if possible. "let's get married out there"
"are you insane?!" you laugh and he chuckles, kissing your cheek. "okay, california it is. are you sure you want to leave our phones?"
"we can get burner phones. use them when we need each other if we ever get separated" rafe ran his teeth over his bottom teeth, holding up his pinky. "are you in?"
you shake your head as you smirk, linking your pinkies with his. "forever and a day, rafe cameron" you mumble and kiss your hand, rafe kissing his. he grabbed your face and kissed you passionately, your hands holding his elbows.
"forever and a day, yn. we'll start packing after we eat, sweetheart. i'll pack whatever clothes i have here" you nod and you two finish eating, rafe finishing with a smile. "i just love your cooking"
rafe was a different person when you distracted his mind. you were proud of him for coming to you instead of doing something stupid, you didn't want to bail him out of jail ever.
you and rafe locked your phones away, rafe taking out all the money in the bank and cutting up his card, throwing it away. you and rafe were off to california, and you would return when you two got sick of california. you hoped that you both never got sick of it, and that he wanted to stay there forever, start a new life. one could only hope, right?
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brownblackbeautiful · 4 years
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swim | pm imagine - c.z.k
this here is for my girl @cncopmhoe and her 500 follower challenge. congrats babygirl! love you. also this is my first time writing a pm fic so pls don’t attack me
warnings: smut, smoking, stuff like that
word count: 1.9k
tags: @cncopmhoe @sometimesbadalwaysboujie @yashuazbabygirl @cartierpm @chaeringpop @cherub-bubba @deathbymina @cncoh-damn @afterglowcnco​ @zabdiellasevuelveloca​ 
Listen to “Swim” by Chase Atlantic (also lyrics aren’t in order bc fuck logic right?)
My Masterlist
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i bet you feel it now baby. especially since we’ve only known each other one day
from the second you and zion met at that party, there was tension. you danced with him, letting the alcohol and the atmosphere of the party guide your hips. you wanted him, and you could tell by the way he was hardening in his jeans that he wanted you too. you were about to disappear with him, let him take you by hand and take you any way he so pleased, but your friend had had a few too many and she had gotten sick. so with a rushed goodbye, you guided your friend out of the party and took her home, not realizing until you stepped into the shower that night that you didn’t even get his number.
i know i said i’d call, i never did, no
after snooping around on his friends’ instagram stories, zion found your instagram and followed you the next day. you two began to talk and flirt and before long you considered yourselves friends. but as much as you tried to ignore it, the tension was still there.
location drop, now
your phone vibrated as you sat on the couch in your apartment, the tv merely just background noise to your scrolling on instagram. 
zion 🤤: u busy?
you: no, im bored asf🙄
zion 🤤: tryna smoke?
you: i’ll be there in 20
after a quick stop at the store to pick up snacks, you and zion were sitting on the back porch at the prettymuch house, minds foggy as the drug flooded your systems.
so hard to ignore you, ‘specially when i’m smoking
as zion puffed in the weed, he couldn’t help but notice the way you shaped your lips as you ranted on about a tv show you had seen. he noticed how they looked just a bit more plump than usual with the subtle gloss you wore, and damn how he wanted those pretty, glossed up lips wrapped around him.
you waited for zion’s response to a question you asked him, and you tried to ignore the dull ache between your thighs when he poked his tongue out, giggling as he tried to make his answer make sense. his locs fell in a curtain over his eyes. you couldn’t help but imagine how it would feel tugging his locs as he sent you to the highest peaks of pleasure.
the tension grew, too much for either of you to bare. you knew you wanted him, he knew he wanted you. the only barriers were clothing and consent. when your eyes met once more, the latter barrier came crashing down. 
“fuck it.”
the words had barely left zion’s lips before he had his lips pressed to yours. you didn’t hesitate to return the kiss, quickly granting his tongue the access that it requested. before you knew it you were straddling his lap, breaking from the kiss only long enough to pull each other’s shirts over your heads. you moaned out zion’s name as his lips attacked your collarbone, sucking and licking and surely leaving a mark. you grinded your hips against his lap. zion painted little marks down the valley of your breasts. as much as you wanted to visit any heights you could with zion, reality came crashing down on both of you when the back door swung open.
“yo, z can i borrow your computer charger mine is brok-- oH SHIT FUCK I’M SORRY!”
the moment you noticed edwin’s presence, you all but jumped off of zion’s lap, absolutely mortified and scrambling to find your shirt and cover your nearly exposed chest.
“bro ed what the fuck, man?” zion growled.
“you do realize that you two are on the fuckin’ patio, right? you know what forget it i’ll ask nick.”
edwin disappeared back into the house as you pulled your shirt back over your head and fixed the button of your shorts which had come undone at some point.
“look, y/n i’m sorry about that, i thought everybody was gone,” zion apologizes, reaching out for your hand but you tense slightly and pull away.
“no, no it’s fine z neither of us were thinking right. i uh, i gotta go though so i’ll talk to you later?” you rushed, gathering the last of your things and pressing a brief peck to zion’s cheek.
“yeah i....guess... fuck.” you were already gone by the time he had gotten his sentence out.
probably should’ve fucked on the first night, now i gotta wait for the green light
you were hesitant when edwin invited you out to the beach just days after catching you and zion seconds away from fucking on their back patio. but everyone would be there, ansley and maggie included so you figured there would be no harm in hanging out with the group at the beach.
by the time you pulled up in your car, everybody was eating or off in their own worlds. austin and ansley were attempting to build sandcastles, maggie and brandon were having a “photo shoot”, and nick, zion, and edwin were making a tik tok.
you approached the group of dancing guys, greeting each of them with a hug. your eye contact with zion lingered for a moment and you didn’t fail to notice his eyes drifting to your baby pink swim suit. you wondered just how long it would take before this man made you lose your sanity.
you went around greeting and chatting with everyone. brandon insisted on taking pictures of you, maggie, and ansley together in the water. once the little photo shoot ended, everyone dispersed into their own groups again. although part of you was still embarrassed about the other day, you found yourself wandering into the water with zion. amongst your aimless conversation, the topic of the other day comes right back up.
i’ve gotta work shit out, baby
“honestly mamas,” zion speaks, “i know we were high and all but i apologize if i crossed any boundaries. you know i respect you, and if what happened, with us getting caught or even if me initiating stuff to go down like that offended you, then i really am sorry.”
“no it’s fine zion, for real,” you told him. you knew what you wanted at that moment, but an unexpected interruption put a stop to it.
“y/n, i consider you a good friend now. but truthfully i’ve been wanting to fuck since the minute i met you. if you don’t feel the same, then i’ll leave it alone and move on. but if you do, please tell me so we can work shit out.”
zion’s bluntness caught you off guard but sent a rush of heat to your core. you moved closer, pulling him to your height by the gold chain hanging on his neck.
“i want you too, z,” you said, your lips ghosting over his. zion let out an audible sigh as your fingers threaded through the curtain of locs falling over his eyes.
“then the fuck are we waiting for?”
the water’s getting colder, let me in your ocean, swim
not even ten minutes later, you and zion were in the backseat of your car, having just pulled into what you both agreed was a secluded enough location.
zion had his face buried between your thighs with your bikini yanked to the side. you tugged on the blond curtain on his head as his tongue dipped into your entranced before swirling around your clit. the sound of him slurping up your juices sent another flood of arousal, and before you knew it you were cumming from his mouth alone, a strangled cry of his name tearing from your throat.
“you look so good cumming for me mamas. give me another one.”
zion’s fingers slipped past your entrance and curled at the exact spot you needed him. you whimpered as another knot tied itself in your lower abdomen, your hips bucking wildly at the sensation. zion’s tongue never ceased its attack at your clit, his arm locked your hips into place and hummed against your bundle of nerves.
“zi--” your voice broke as your back arched and your thighs shook around his head.
“you doing okay mamas?” he asked. you nodded weakly.
“you ready for me?” you nodded again. “i need your words, mamas.”
“yes, i’m ready,” you sighed. you heard zion fiddling with the wrapper of a condom and he captured your lips with his as he slid it on.
“what do you need mamas?” he ran his tip along your slit, teasing.
“you. fuck, i need you,” you panted.
“tell me what you need me to do, baby,” he painted additional marks along your collarbone, traveling until he encased one of your nipples between his lips.
“n-need you to fuck me, zion.”
out in california, i’ll be forward stroking, swim
zion drove you into another plane of existence as he drove his hips roughly into yours.
“you’re really loving this huh? getting fucked when we’re supposed to be with our friends,” he growled in your ear.
“yes!” you squealed out, the pleasure becoming almost overwhelming.
“how am i making you feel baby?”
“so good, z. fuck you feel so good.”
“thats right mamas. take this dick.”
your nails raked down zion’s back as he shifted one of your legs over his shoulder. you screamed out at the deeper angle, your walls clenching around his dick.
“you’re so damn tight,” zion groaned, his hips starting to stutter in their movements. 
“g-gonna cum, z,” you whimpered.
“fuck, me too mamas. go ahead. cum for me.” 
zion’s fingers toying with your clit was the last push before your vision washed white and you gushed over his dick, incoherent words falling from your lips along with zions name. zion groaned as he spilled into the condom, riding out both of your highs.
while the two of you were fixing your clothing and adjusting your appearances, a goofy smile spread across your face as you applied gloss to your lips.
“what?” zion smirked.
“nothing just... that was fucking amazing,” you giggled.
“really?” he questioned, leaning in for another kiss. “amazing as in you’d wanna do this again?”
“i’m down if you are,” you smiled against his lips, capturing one gently between your teeth.
“be careful, mamas,” he warned you.
“you should be careful too,” you pulled away from him with a wink before exiting the back seat to get behind the wheel.
i’ve been drowning for a minute, your body keeps pulling me in
you were relaxed on your couch that night, showered, moisturized, and attentively watching a random show on netflix while wearing a cut off tank top and short velvet shorts. you groaned at the knock on the door, figuring it was just your best friend popping up again to eat and talk shit until the waking hours of the morning. you were surprised to see zion standing there, hands in his pockets.
“did edwin give you my address?”
“nah, not really. he fell asleep on the couch watching some weird shit on youtube. easy picking.”
you laughed, shaking your head at zion’s antics. you invited him into your apartment and he greeted you with a kiss. he finally pulled some weed out of his pocket and held it up for you to see.
“you wanna give me a chance to redeem myself from the other day?”
“as if you didn’t already earlier? hell yes.”
so hard to ignore ya, keep your body open, swim
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f0x-gl0ves · 3 years
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i said i would rant incoherently about enderal and fable a while ago so here we go
This is for the 2.5 people who are interested in both fable and enderal like i am xx (sorry this is written so badly)
Okay there are ridiculous amounts of thematic links between the fable series and enderal and I'm sure it's pretty much just a huge coincidence but I just can't stop thinking about It. The lore of fable (history before the events of the first game) follows enderals cycle almost exactly it's insane. After defeating the knight jack and queen of blades who had a dictatorship over Albion  William black (the first hero to posses powers) rules over Albion and he and his family become god like figures called the 'archon' and for a while Albion is prospering. However a few generations down wills family tree the archons become twisted and cruel, causing will and the good archons to disappear leaving Albion to descend into chaos. The wiki mentions famine, disease, and the appearance of horrifying creatures and the dead walking. The evil archons then construct the 'spire' a tower used to gather and concentrate 'willpower' (magic).  The contruction of the spire allows a creature called the crawler (from the same universe as the blades family) to escape into Albion. Three heros who's names I can't remember right now step up to fight the crawler, and end up blowing up the spire to destroy it. This explosion ends up wiping out the whole of Albion and the new kingdom grows and takes its place (this is the cycle where the three fable games are set)
In fable 1 your sister Theresa is mutilated by the villain of the story the returned jack of blades. It's believed by a lot of the fandom that Theresa is actually possessed by the queen of blades, now an immortal character due to the mixture of the queen's soul and Theresa's hero blood.  (There are many conspiracy theories about this if you want to read up!) It appears this game is set during the peak of enderals cycle, where the kingdom is at its best with heros running around saving the day and most people are havin a chill time. In fable 2 you are led by Theresa who appears as an immortal space hopping veiled woman on the path to defeat someone who would destroy Albion again. Whilst your choices at the end of the game don't affect the state of the kingdom that much, when you defeat Lucian and take the spire (yes the aforementioned world destroying super weapon) Theresa very ominously states that you can fuck off and do what you want but the spire is hers. This and fable three seem to be set during the declining end of the cycle, where things start going to shit, there's poverty everywhere and barely any heros left. In fable three Theresa's actions seem a lot more incidious. She leads you in battle against your older brother the tyrannical king of Albion, forcing you to enlist the help of the kingdoms people by making promises to treat them fairly once you take the throne. Only for you to find out once you've decemated bowerstone with your war that your brother was draining the kingdom of its money to fight the real threat - that's right the crawler is back baby and you have a year to raise 6mil to fight off the apocalypse whilst also paying to keep your promises to your friends and Better Albion.   Now I think a lot of people don't like fable 3 because of the random sudden paywall at the end and I get it, I was confused and annoyed too (I still love the game tho ️) and the path I took was the path I think they expected all the first blind playthroughs to go down - broke a few promises to pay to keep a few promises ect, ended up mostly wiping out Albion save for myself, Theresa and a few friends This is the 'pride was my fall' route as I like to call it, because I can totally see fable 3s main character being enderal's aged man. There are some more random parralels: -theresa is theorized to be in control of the shadow court in fable 2 meaning she takes sacrifices like the veiled woman from enderal. -in the first destroction of Albion, the three heros who blew up the spire are said to have transformed Into 'magic stones' - according to the fable lore after the events of the third game Theresa journeys to collect these stones - could it be that powerful heros become these black stones if they are present during the 'cleasing'? (Enderal's word for the end of the world) - in the old kingdom it is said that William black was the first person to get powerful magic, it is suggested from his time spent in the blades' family universe - the void, when he is kidnapped by jack of blades. He returns with magic, a sick sword full of souls and a 'corruption' disease that slowly gets worse and spreads through the archon and the kingdom - - He was likely infected by 'the corruption' the ruler of the void who canonically wishes to destroy and colonise Albion: corruption is a HUGE theme in enderal, the high ones are essentially personified corruption. - - I'd say the spire and the beacon are pretty obvious comparisons - both can cause the cleansing if used wrong - - in fable 2 Theresa leads lthe main character sparrow to their death and then possibly ressurected them and in enderal the veiled woman leads you to your death is able to ressurect characters like jespar and calia. - Ben/page and jespar/calia are like exactly the same: himbo and intelligent hottie (only difference is in fable 3 u can't marry Ben/page ) - reaver could also be the aged man considering he's immortal ? If you disagree or have even more parralels let me know !! I literally don't know anyone who will talk to me about this
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flightysquip · 4 years
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thesnobwiththeglasses replied to your post: i’m getting very sick of being called a manhater,...
I don’t know who the fuck said that, but you’re not. “Man haters” exist, but they 1) they call themselves radfems, and 2) it has nothing to do with anything you’ve experienced.
people say this to me all the time
like
constantly
people i’ve heard this from: both my parents (and stepmom), my grandparents, several uncles and aunts--so really we can just condense to all of my family except my siblings lol.  coworkers and bosses (i’ll complain about a customer, and yeah, i’ll probably use hyperbolic ranty language and say something like ‘this disgusting old man’ or something, which i guess is pretty crappy of me).  all of my exes (which is weird because 2 of them are radfems themselves now).  the good majority of friends i’ve had.  hell, my first counselor, right after like all the trauma shit that i went through in middle school or whatever pulled the “you need to make sure that what you went through doesn’t make you hate men” shit (not the exact phrasing but whatever).
idk i’m just annoyed, because once again a customer was irritating, and i ranted about them, and my cubicle neighbor goes “oh, let me guess, it was a man?” and i said “yeah” and she laughs and goes “wow you really hate men, don’t you?” and it’s just common sense, if this is a constant pattern, i’m the common denominator, the problem is me.
i’m suuuuper incoherent right now, i’m sorry, it’s just extremely frustrating and makes me feel like even more of a hateful prick than i already am.  i mean, i am a hateful prick, to be fair, but damn
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supersleepygoat · 5 years
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I was barely 16 and I also remember I got out of the room and he was there and I tried to hit him and he was laughing. the bastard had been smoking and drinking and inhaling so much shit that night I don't even know if he remembers me or what happened. I wish I didn't. I think he graduated college not too long ago and I'm here ranting to a stranger bc I can't get his face out of my mind and the things he made me do and I feel like I never want to move a single muscle anymore.
First of all, yes, hun… this is absolutely a safe place for you to come to say whatever you need to say. I know me saying “I’m sorry this happened to you” may sound a bit stupid given the gravity of the situation, but I truly am sorry that this happened and that it has affected you so much.
The second thing I want to say is that please never ever minimize your experience because you believe someone else had it worse than you or that you are not entitled to feel your pain to the extent you feel it because there are people with “worse” stories than you or yours was “not as bad” as someone else’s. I am going to tell you right now, and keep telling you until you believe it, your story matters. It doesn’t matter what anyone else has gone through… YOU MATTER! Your story matters! The moment we start comparing our stories to someone else’s, that is the exact moment we internalize the myth that we are not worthy of support or that his behaviour is ‘normal’ and ‘it could be worse.’ That is an utter lie. Every single woman or girl I talk to about this kind of thing says the exact same thing: “I know it could have been worse” or “what happened to me is not as bad as what other people have been through.” Every. Single. One. I do it too, so I am not blaming you. We always try to qualify our stories by saying “I know it’s not as bad as what other people have to deal with,” but that is such a toxic mindset instilled in us as women because we are trained to believe that we shouldn’t feel our pain to the extent it is meant to be felt. It is a mindset that tells us we should be GRATEFUL for what happened because… he could have killed us, or he could have done any number of things that are “worse.” There is nothing worse because it is all relative to your OWN experiences, no one else’s. I will never be grateful to my rapist. I will never give him the reprieve or the excuse or the favour of minimizing his behaviour by minimizing my pain. (Sorry about the side-rant… I just really want you to know that just because you say your experience wasn’t as “aggressive” as some other situations, that in NO WAY takes away from the importance of your experience.)
I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to not only carry that memory but also see him in your current life all the time. You deserve a chance to move past this (or at least heal from it) and you deserve to not have to associate with him at all. It is incredibly unfair how you have to wear this trauma and be triggered by it whenever you see him and yet he doesn’t even care/remember what he did. He’s disgusting and horrible. It is totally unfair how an abuser can ruin your self-esteem and ruin your future relationships and yet he/she seems totally unaffected. That is the definition of injustice.
Please please please believe me when I say that it was NOT your fault. The fact you had been drinking or smoking doesn’t matter! Please NEVER think there is something YOU could have done differently… this is on HIM and only HIM. He made the choice to violate your consent, not you. Falling asleep is not an invitation. Being drunk is not an invitation. Being high is not an invitation. Not saying “no” is not an invitation. Being a woman is not an open invitation to be sexually assaulted! This is on HIM. This is NOT on you.
I am so sorry that you have been unable to enjoy sex and unable to trust anyone in the way you used to, but those feelings are 100% valid and understandable. Having your sense of security utterly violated and your sense of autonomy stripped from you is devastating, especially since he laughed at you afterwards, that is just heartbreaking. He’s a monster. You are entitled to own that pain; you should never have to minimize it just to make other people feel better or more comfortable. It is clearly still something that upsets you and triggers you both emotionally and physically, so please know that I hear you and I respect the hell out of you for taking a moment to yourself to own your pain.
If I were you, I would unfollow your friend who posts about him. You don’t have to tell anyone why if you’re not comfortable, you can just say Instagram glitched or something but get that negativity away from you. You do NOT need to be seeing him on your feed. You do not deserve to have surprise triggers on your social media.
You deserve so much better! You deserved better from him that night and you deserve to talk about it, if talking about it is what you need/want, and you deserve not to be triggered unexpectedly on social media. I want only the best for you. I want you to enjoy sex again, I want you to be touched without feeling sick, and I want you to be able to hug people again. Most of all, I want you to be happy. I want you to live a life without fear, without breakdowns, without triggers. I want you to continue being the beautiful person you are. Someone may have imposed themselves onto your story, but it is still YOURS. You are still an autonomous and strong person and you are never alone.
I hope you still find this was a safe place for you, despite my longwinded and incoherent response. But I honestly wish you the best. You deserve only good things! Thank you for sharing your story. You are very brave. Xoxo
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glennjaminhow · 5 years
Note
“You’re burning up.” please!
He’s been on edge all day.
Mac hears the tense punctuation riding every syllable, unspoken or otherwise. Dennis hasn’t been talking or ranting or criticizing or making fun of Charlie for wearing that stupid fucking whale hat or calling Dee a bird, even though she’s wearing an obnoxious yellow sweater; she’s asking for it. But Dennis remains quiet, curled up on the pool table beneath Mac’s leather jacket and using Dee’s coat as a pillow. Jackie Denardo’s breasts heave beautifully on the five o’clock news. Mac has a feeling, though, that Dennis isn’t paying attention to that. He’s been weird since he rolled out of bed this morning, slamming coffee and staring into the distance numbly without complaint.
Which is, like, weird. Dennis always complains. It’s a trademark of his personality. 
Dennis flinches when Dee barrels into the bar with ‘big news’ (Mac’s line, bitch), but he makes no attempts to move. Charlie and Frank flock to her like the followers they are, but Mac’s his own man, and he goes over to the pool table instead. Dennis glances at him lazily before returning his attention to the TV, eyes glassy and red.  
“Scoot over, dude,” Mac says, nudging Dennis’ shoulder with his fingers.
Dennis does so wordlessly. They’ve done this before, so he knows nothing bad will happen, but it kinda already feels like something bad is happening because Dennis is just being so quiet and calm and not at all like himself. Dennis tucks his face into Mac’s back as soon as Mac lies down, and that’s when Mac frowns, a little bit of relief washing over him like a tidal wave.
“You’re burning up, Den,” he whispers.
Dennis shrugs, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he shivers and tucks himself even closer to Mac, and Mac tries not to lose his mind at the sudden closeness. Dennis never does anything remotely like this willingly, much less in public. Mac kicks himself internally because he should’ve figured out that Dennis is sick, but all signs until now were just pointing to a breakdown. It’s almost a good thing. Dennis is scary when he rages. Mac would much rather deal with him under the weather instead. Dennis is softer, way less likely to explode, that way. 
“What’s wrong?” he asks softly.
Dennis quivers again. “Head hurts…”
He sounds stuffed up. Probably a sore throat too. 
“Aw, I’m sorry, bro,” Mac replies, letting Dennis’ heat soak into his skin. “Let’s go home for the night.”
“No. ‘m alright.”
Mac huffs. “You’re sick, dude. You’ll feel better once you’re in your jammies.” He pokes Dennis playfully.
“Not five…” Dennis murmurs.
“Dude, do I gotta carry you outta here?” Mac asks. “Because I totally will. I have super strength, Den, and you know that. I could punt you through that wall if I wanted to.”
“Shut up,” he whispers, coughing as he groggily sits up. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes and hunches in on himself. “I really don’t feel good.”
Mac wants to card his fingers through his hair, to wrap him in a giant, warm blanket and cuddle him close, to kiss away the fever, but he settles on getting Dennis to his feet instead. He wavers and trembles, sweat pooling on the collar of his sweater despite the fact that it’s December, and his teeth keep chattering. Mac drapes his leather jacket over Dennis’ shoulders. Dennis crosses his arms and heads toward the front door, stumbling like he’s drunk despite only have two beers.
Dee starts shrieking and screeching like the actual flightless bird she is. Mac just flips her the bird and heads to the Range Rover with Dennis in tow. He buckles the dude up, and Dennis grumbles in the cold, crackling air. Mac cranks the heat as high as it’ll go, shooting worried looks at his friend as violent coughs wrack his entire body. Jesus Christ.
Mac turns the 15 minute car ride into 25, but Dennis doesn’t seem to mind, or at least he doesn’t say so with actual words. They don’t have shit for meds at the apartment, just some Tylenol PM and Dennis’ prescriptions, so Mac stocks up on the necessities, along with tissues, cough drops, ice cream, and Gatorade because electrolytes. Mac puts the Rover in park outside their building, and Dennis lumbers out, staggering and going granny speed up the stairs. Mac’s super fast at everything he does because he’s awesome, and usually Dennis can keep up with him, but not tonight. Mac guides him the rest of the way by gently holding on to his elbow.
Dennis immediately goes to his room, flopping down on the mattress and wrapping the quilt at the foot of his bed around himself. He hacks and splutters into the pillows.
“Uh uh, dude,” Mac says as he walks in, already armed with NyQuil, a glass of ice water, and the box of tissues. “PJs, medicine, and then you can wallow the rest of the night.”
Dennis rolls his eyes. “Not wallowing…”
“Yeah, you so are,” Mac acknowledges. Dennis looks like he wants to punch his face in, but, luckily for Mac, the dude’s out of commission.
Plus, Mac can totally kick his ass anyway.
Dennis wriggles out of his sweater and jeans, slowly putting on the lightweight long sleeved shirt and plaid pajama pants Mac hands him. Dennis likes to be warm, especially while he’s sleeping, but he’s got a fever, so Mac has to counteract that with less restricting, more breathable pajamas because Dennis will kick his balls or scratch him silly if he takes away any of his blankets. They’ve been down this road before many many times in the last 20 years.
Mac gets Dennis to swallow the NyQuil once Mac promises to go fuck himself once this is over. 
“Alright, bro,” Mac says quietly as he sits on the edge of the mattress. Dennis has already dug into the tissues, holding a wad beneath his left nostril, and he looks pretty miserable in the faint light. “Rest up, okay? I’ll be in the living room. Call out if you need me, or just text if your throat hurts too bad.”
Dennis nods. He pulls the blankets up to his chin, eyes closing and ragged breathing already evening out.
Mac clicks the door closed, plops down on the couch, and turns on the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. 
Obviously, he drifts off because it’s been a long day, and he’s rightfully tired, but he doesn’t really expect to wake up on the couch with a sick Dennis staring at him, comforter wrapped around his shoulders. He looks like a burrito.
“Hey, dude,” Mac says softly. “You okay?”
Dennis coughs wetly. Wordlessly, much like he’s been all day, he drops down beside Mac, curling up in a shaking ball on Mac’s lap. Mac holds his breath and runs his fingers through Dennis’ sweaty, heated curls. Dennis mumbles incoherently and relaxes against the touch.
“Good?” Mac asks.
Dennis nods, the back of his head moving against Mac’s stomach. 
“Go back to sleep, Den. I’ve got you. I’ll be right here when you wake up,” he whispers.
Dennis snores in response. Mac pretends it doesn’t make him melt. 
77 notes · View notes
a-walk-in-silence · 6 years
Text
We Can Be Beautiful (Pt. 5)
Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 6.3k
Summary: Heathers AU. You were used to the quiet life in Sherwood, Ohio. Albeit, you were bullied, but it was nothing compared to the shit storm that was about to happen when one boy showed up with an air of mystery around him.
Warnings: Cursing, mentions of date rape (n o t h i n g happens, I promise), underage drinking, implications of sexual activities (again, n o t h i n g happened), name calling, bullying, homophobia, manipulation, character death, gun-related violence, self flagellation
Prompt: “You’re the one I choose”
A/N: And here is Part 5 of WCBB! Woohoo! Halfway point! Yes! This is for @gab-spidey‘s 2k writing challenge! Honestly, I just wanna thank everyone for coming along for this ride and, again, thank you all so much! Here’s to the next few parts getting finished eventually! Once again, I’m reblogging suicide hotlines after this goes up. If you guys ever need to talk about something, my inbox and messages are open to the public and I will gladly talk to anyone who needs a shoulder to lean on. Thanks for reading! Also, just as a PS, the warnings are getting longer and longer and, hopefully, they’ll chill out for a bit in the next part (one can hope).
Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9
Key:
Y/N - Your Name
L/N - Last Name
Y/N/N - Your Nickname
Italics - Writing in Your Diary
Bold Italics - Speech of Deceased
Song Inspiration(s):
Blue - Heathers Cast Recording
Blue (Reprise) - Heathers Cast Show Clip (turn up the volume on this one, it’s a clip recording and not the best audio wise but the song is important)
Our Love Is God - Heathers Cast Recording
You fingers silently drummed across your knee as you sat between people sobbing uncontrollably into their handkerchiefs. Try as you might, you couldn’t bring yourself to look up at the open casket sitting at the front of the room, which, inside, contained the dead body of Natasha Romanoff. You couldn’t quite kick away the nagging voice in the back of your head, telling you that this was all your fault. And yeah, okay, it was.
You did kill her, after all.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the service came to an end. You quickly jumped to your feet and left the building, being one of the first to leave. However, unbeknownst to you, Peter had followed right behind you and grabbed your arm before you could get far.
“Hey, Y/N,” he said, pulling your body towards him. You glanced up at him, trying to not lose your shit while standing in the middle of the small grass area in front of the church. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen in since school let out on Friday.” He brushed a piece of your hair that had fallen out of place behind your ear. “Everything good?”
“Yeah, of course,” you replied, offering him the best smile you could muster at the moment. “It’s just been weird, ya know? My parents have been hovering over me for the past week over the whole suicide thing.” You got onto your tiptoes and pressed a firm kiss into his lips. “I promise I haven’t been avoiding you. Just dealing with issues with Nat’s death, ya know?”
He opened his mouth to talk when a voice interrupted you. “Y/N!” your mother called, coming to your side. “Darling, how are you doing?”
“Hey, ‘Mora, come on. The girl just lost her best friend. I’m sure she’s doing great,” said your father, a sarcastic tone taking over, before smiling. “Say, who’s the fella?”
You shifted awkwardly on your feet before offering them a smile. “Mom, Dad, this is Peter Parker. He’s-”
“We’re kind of dating at the moment,” Peter said over you, quickly cutting you off before you could register what he even said. “It’s a little early on but it’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. L/N.” He held out a hand to the two of them, maintaining the worlds most purest smile.
Your mother raised an eyebrow at the both of you before cautiously taking his hand in a handshake. “Well, I’m Y/N’s mother.”
Your dad, meanwhile, gave the worlds most toothiest grin before grabbing Peter’s hand. “You’re a Peter? I’m a Peter! That’s really interesting that my daughter would go after a Peter, don’t ya think so, ‘Mora?”
“Peter Jason,” your mother said, clearly exasperated. “We’ll just head out, leave you two to... talk. I hope you can join us for dinner one night, Mr. Parker.”
With that, your parents left, allowing you a moment to catch your breath. With that, Peter turned towards you and offered his arm. “Come on, let’s ditch this place and go to my house. We can watch some TV, maybe unwind a little. Afterwards, I can take you home. I’m sure you need a moment to think.”
You gave him a thoughtful smile before grabbing his arm, wrapping it around your shoulders firmly. “Sounds good to me, anything to get me away from my parents for a little while.”
He chuckled softly. “Ya, they sound a little overbearing. And you dad is... very eccentric.”
“Mmm... That’s Peter Jason L/N for you,” you replied. “He’s always been a big joker and doing things just to confuse everyone around him. Recently, he picked up reading spy novels even though he hates him. He finds it funny. As for my mom, she had a rough childhood, so I suppose it’s understandable why she’s overbearing. Terrible stepdad and all that.”
Peter gave you a confused look, his eyebrow raised in question. “What happened with your mom’s side of the family?”
You sighed, leaning into his side as the two of you walked over to where Peter’s motorcycle was parked. “Her dad passed away while she was really young. Murder, never solved. Then her stepdad showed up, married her mom. And then she died a month later. My mom was left in his care with a crap ton of step-siblings, like my Aunt Neb. They all fought for his attention. She never really explained much outside of the sibling rivalry.” You shrugged nonchalantly. “Nobody’s life is ever perfect, and my mom’s is definitely not an exception.”
Peter plopped down onto his couch and you joined him, curled up into his side. He smiled down at you sweetly, wrapping an arm around you securely. “What should we do, darling?”
“Mmmm.... There’s always television. Maybe we can count how many news channels Sharon Carter went to, crying about Nat.” The two of you laughed for a moment, peaceful in your domesticated bliss.
Finally, Peter grabbed the TV remote and turned on the small box that sat in front of the couch. The two of you flipped idly through several channels, tallying how many were talking about Nat compared to how many had a sobbing Sharon.
Apparently, Sharon Carter had made it to no less than 10 news stations, one of which was a Spanish broadcasting station, where the only discernible words being Nat’s name and Corn Nuts.
“Alright, alright. Turn it off,” you laughed, pulling the remote from his hands. He pouted at you, acting wounded that you would ruin his fun, but didn’t fight you when you turned off the TV. “God, she has no shame,” you said, shaking your head in utter disbelief. 
“Hey dad, just got back from Nat’s funeral and I brought home my girl,” said the voice of Tony Stark, walking over to the two of you as you lounged on the couch. You quickly sat up, trying to hide the fact that you were clearly flustered to see him once again.
“Didn’t hear you come in, son,” Peter stated, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you back into his side despite your obvious discomfort.
His dad only chuckled to himself. “Yeah, sorry about that, pa. How was work today?” He took only a beat of pause before going into a rant about his work. “I was working on a new invention today when some of those damn protesters showed up, complaining about how my weapons and such are not ‘environmentally friendly’. Those damn hippies act so damn entitled sometimes, it’s infuriating. This isn’t the damn 60′s anymore!”
“You mean those old broads that camped outside of the house last week?” Peter questioned, clearly not happy with the “old broads”.
“The same.” Tony snorted before sitting down on the arm of the couch, throwing a look in your direction. “Say dad, can my girl stay over for dinner tonight? I’m sure she’d have fun.” Both of them turned their attention towards you, waiting for your answer.
“O-Oh,” you said, trying to fill the silence. “My mom’s already got dinner plans. She’s, uh... making my favorite meal. Ya know, spaghetti. Lots of oregano. Tastes great.”
You wanted to slap yourself. Why did you make up such a stupid lie? Sure, okay, Peter and his dad had a weird bond with one another. And boy would it make life awkward. But you definitely didn’t have to lie like this.
Peter gave you a semi-forced smile, pulling you into his arms. “Really? That’s your favorite dinner? Remind me to make it for you one night. Sounds like something mom would have enjoyed, but last time I saw her, she was waving out a window in the lab from Texas. Isn’t that right, Dad?”
Tony gave Peter the worst look possible, mixed between a glare and a smile, and the look nearly made your heart stop. Several seconds of tense silence passed before Tony responded. “Right.”
“I-I should go.” Your interruption turned both of their gazes towards you. “My parents are probably worried sick and all so... ya know. I should head home.”
“No, of course. I’ll drive you home.” Peter hopped up off the couch and held a hand out to you. “I’ll be home whenever, dad.”
Tony only grunted in response. As Peter dragged you away, you couldn’t help the thought from creeping into your head. If you ever married this boy, you would most certainly not let his father talk at your wedding.
“Y/N! Phone for you!” your mother called from downstairs. You groaned, sitting up, not realizing that you had passed out shortly after Peter brought you home. You grumbled incoherently as you made your way downstairs to answer the phone.
“Hello?” you asked, rubbing sleep out of your eyes.
“Y/N? Is that you?” Jane asked, clearly upset.
Hearing how upset your friend, well, ex-friend, was, caused you to wake up. “Jane? What’s wrong? What happened?” You didn’t even realize you were rambling until she started talking again.
“Y/N, please shut up and just come down to the cemetery, please. It’s an emergency, and you’re the only one who can help us. Please...”
You pursed your lips together, throwing a glance at the clock that sat on the wall. 9:45 pm. Surely your parents would understand since it was an emergency. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be there soon, just sit tight, alright?”
A reassured sigh came from Jane’s side of the phone. “Thank you, Y/N. You’re a lifesaver. We’re by Heathers grave and we’re in Thor’s car. Please hurry.” With that, her end of the line went dead.
You placed the phone back on the receiver before turning to your mother, who was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest, a displeased look settled on her face. “You’re heading out? Again?”
“Mom, it’s an emergency. Something might have happened. I’ll be back before you know I’m gone, I promise.” Her lips pursed, clearly not impressed with your attempts to reassure her. “Mom, she could be in trouble. I swear, I wouldn’t go if it wasn’t an emergency.”
Finally, she sighed, motioning for you to wake past her. “Fine, go.” You gave her a smile and started to leave, but she stopped you with a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, Y/N/N,” she said, her voice softening. “You know I worry about you, right?”
“I know, mom, and I’m grateful. Truly, I am.” You pecked her on the cheek to prove it. “I’ll be back home before you and dad even know I’m gone. I promise.”
She smiled, a soft, barely noticeable smile, but it was still there nonetheless. “You’re a great kid. Go on, hurry back home, do I make myself clear?”
You nodded and gave her a final kiss on the cheek before leaving the house, running towards the cemetery that was, thankful, just two blocks down the street.
“Y/N!” Jane said, waving to you, her hand sticking out of the driver-side window of Thor’s cherry red sports car sitting in the grass of the cemetery. You approached the scene in front of you, slowly drinking it all in.
On the ground was Thor, face-down in the ground, looking as dead as a rock. There were a few rustles in a bush just about 30 yards away, but you quickly blocked it out, choosing to ask the obvious question. “Is... is Thor-”
“Yeah! He’s fine!” Jane quickly said, rolling down the window a bit so that she could look at you. “He’s passed out. So like, I came here with Thor and Bruce and Shar to pour a bottle of Thunderbird over Nat’s grave, kinda like a goodbye from her friends, ya know?” Her eyes glanced to Thor, passed out just a few feet in front of the bumper of the car. “Well, Thor and Bruce drank it all and... they’ve been really grabby. Shar went to try and get Bruce to calm down but-”
“Wait, wait, wait. Why did you call me then? After everything that happened at Bruce’s party, I figured-”
Awkwardly, Jane leaned back from the window, her fingers fiddling together. “W-Well... Thor promised to leave me alone if, ya know... I called you here. So I panicked and I called! I’m sorry!”
Your mouth dropped open in pure shock from her answer. “Wha- Jane! You... avoided date rape... by offering me up for date rape?”
She grimaced to herself, her fingers still fiddling together. “Well, when you put it that way it just sounds ugly,” she mumbled, clearly trying to make it to where she didn’t feel guilty about the situation.
“I’m leaving,” you muttered to yourself, turning to leave. However, Thor, who had previously been on the ground, was now on the hood of the car, smiling sweetly at you. “Heyyyyyyy Y/N,” he said, his words slurring together. “I waited for youuu cutie. 10 whole beers.” To further his point, he held up both of his hands, wiggling all 10 of his fingers towards you.
“Enough! I said I was fucking done, Bruce!” came a shout from the same bushes that you had heard rustling from earlier. Turning, you watched as Sharon emerged, brushing off her skirt as she stormed away, followed by a stumbling Bruce.
“But baby-” Bruce whined before spotting you. Quickly, a huge smile spread over his features. “Hey, lookie, it’s Y/N! Maybe she can help me find release.”
You physically grimaced, taking a step away from the two drunk jocks. “You both have left hands, can’t you use those instead?” you said, trying to bargain with the two of them.
“But I want youuuu,” Bruce slurred, leaning heavily on the hood of the car while Thor, meanwhile, gathered his wits and started to swagger over to you. “Come on, don’t hurt their feelings.”
“Their?” you questioned, taking another step away from the two as they tried to close in again.
“My balls!” Thor piped up, motioning to his pants where, unfortunately, a small tent was starting to appear. “They need relief from a pretty girl! Even a nerdy girl like you!”
“Yeah!” Bruce added, coming to stand a few feet from Thor, trying to corner you between the two of them. “They’re so blue for you, Y/N. My hands are rubbing like a cheese grater, it’s sooo uncomfortable. Please?”
Once again, you found a sour look sprawled over your face. “Shar, Jane, please let me into the car,” you shouted, even if you were being cornered in the opposite direction of the car. Maybe you could make a run for it. They were pretty drunk...
“Sorry!” Sharon shouted from the car. “The car’s staying locked while they can still get in!”
You looked around desperately for an escape before your eyes caught onto a glass bottle, half full of liquid and sitting haphazardly in the dirt, but the contents were very clearly booze. You managed to get past the two of them and retrieve the bottle, holding it up like an offering. “Look here, Thor and Bruce! Booze!”
The two of their faces broke out into huge, sloppy, shit-eating grins as they eyed up the bottle. “Thank you so much, Y/N!” Bruce shouted, practically running you over to grab the bottle.
“You’re so welcome!” you shouted, stepping away from the two as they fought over the liquid remaining in the amber bottle. Finding the situation perfect, you finally slipped away, up the hill that lead back to the main road.
As if a saving grace, a familiar figure was leaning against a black motorcycle. You sighed happily before letting his arms envelope you. “You look like hell,” Peter murmured, brushing a hand through your hair.
“How’d you know I was here?” you asked, snuggling your head into his black-clad chest. “I didn’t tell you-”
“Your mom told me. I called, asking for you, and she told me you went to the cemetery to save Jane from an emergency,” Peter replied, twirling a piece of his hair around his finger. “Figured it sounded fishy so I came to investigate to see you escaping from the cemetery.”
You shake your head, leaning into him. “I just want to go home, Pete. Can you drive me?”
His lips pressed against the top of your head. “Of course, beautiful. Just make sure you tell me what happened tomorrow at school, got it?”
A laugh escaped your throat as you looked up at him. “Yeah, okay. I promise.”
Dear Diary,
You could call last night a close call. Yeah, close call. Definitely would have ended differently if my mom hadn’t told Peter where I was or if I hadn’t of found that bottle just sitting there. I can’t help but think that Nat was the only person keeping Thor and Bruce in check, and now she’s dead. So now the school is defenseless to their libido.
“Having second thoughts, bitch?” asked a voice that caused you to tense. Following the voice was a fit of coughing. “You know, I blame you and your beau for the fact that I’ll be coughing up Drano for all of eternity. Do you feel guilty yet, Y/N/N?”
You grimaced to yourself before finally allowing yourself to look up from your journal. You could practically see Nat standing there, wearing her silk red robe that she died in. Her body was littered with cuts from the glass that she landed in, and her eyes were completely white.
Choosing to ignore the phantom now standing over you, watching you, you turned your attention back towards you diary.
I know I didn’t technically kill her, but I can’t help but feel like I did. I feel bad for it... but not as bad as I should. And that’s what scares me. Maybe that’s why I feel like she’s standing over me, dictating everything I do.
You glanced up from your journal again to find Sharon and Jane digging through Nat’s locker, clearing everything out into a box. Your hands balled up into fists as you slammed your diary shut and stalked over to them. “Hey, I hope you guys are planning on apologizing for acting like Grade A Bitches last night.”
“Hey,” Sharon said, turning around to point a finger into your chest. “We’re cleaning out Nat’s shit right now. Show a little respect, why don’t you?”
“Y/N, tell her to get her little slutty hands off of my crap,” said dead Nat, now standing right behind Sharon as she dug through her locker. “Y/N? Y/N/N, make her stop it now!”
“Shut up!” you shouted, clearly distressed from the voices filling your head.
A pair of hands shoved you roughly, dragging you back to Earth. You glared at Sharon who was practically seething in your direction. “No! I won’t shut up! Never again!” Her hands fumbled in her blonde hair, dragging out her bow and replacing it with Nat’s red scrunchie.
Jane grabbed Sharon’s arm, trying to stop her. “Shar, that’s Nat’s-”
An animal-like snarl came from Sharon, causing Jane to flinch away. “Shut up, Jane! Nat’s gone, and someone needs to replace her! And it’s going to be me so shut the fuck up!”
Your mouth dropped open in shock, staring at Sharon like she was crazy. Replace Nat? How could anyone want to ever replace her? “Shar, please don’t do this,” you mumbled.
A scoff came from the blonde as she turned her back towards you and pulled more crap from Nat’s locker. “Whatever. You should worry less about me and more about your reputation, bitch. Didn’t you hear? Thor and Bruce were talking about your little three-way last night.”
“Three-way?” asked the voice of Peter from right behind you, causing you to jump. You turned to look at him, and you couldn’t help but nearly cry from the look of pure pain that had etched it’s way across his face.
“No, Peter, please... There was no three-way! Nothing happened last night, I promise!”
“Really?” Sharon asked, slamming Nat’s locker shut, causing you to flinch once more. “I remember it differently.”
As if on cue, Thor and Bruce came walking down the hall with a boy, who you could briefly remember being named Clint, following them. “A sword fight? In her mouth?” Clint asked, his jaw completely slack at the idea.
“Oh yeah,” Thor said, smiling. “A big sword fight in her mouth! It was crazy crowded!”
“Yeah, but then, after the sword fight, we bent her over backwards like origami!” Bruce added.
Peter’s hands clutched into fists as he grabbed onto the back of Bruce’s jacket at his comment. You reached out to grab him, despite the tears threatening to spill over, but he was well out of your grasp. “Don’t talk about Y/N like that!”
Thor pushed Peter’s hands away, standing next to Bruce in a protective way. “Don’t complain when you’re girls a fucking slut-”
Peter’s fist connected with Thor’s face, causing him to fall back to the ground. However, before he could react, Clint was suddenly holding Peter’s arms behind his back, which left him open to be attacked by both Bruce and Thor.
“No! Stop!” you shouted, trying to push through the crowd that was starting to gather, but Sharon grabbed you forcefully, throwing a wicked smile towards you. You fought against her, but she had a death grip on both of your shoulders now.
“Stop this nonsense right now!” shouted the voice of Principal Fury as he pushed through the crowd. “Odinson, Banner, Barton, my office, now!”
The crowd dispersed just as quickly as it had formed. Meanwhile, Fury had to fight to remove Bruce from Peter while two other male teachers had to help in hauling off both Clint and Thor.
You went to walk over to Peter who laid prone on the ground, tears burning your eyes, when a hand suddenly grabbed you. You turned quickly to see Bruce smiling, a horrible glint in his eyes. “Whore,” he whispered before being dragged away.
Being called a whore was the final blow, and it made you finally break down in tears as you dropped to your knees in front of Peter, helping him sit up. “P-Pete?” you mumbled, brushing his brown curls from his face to take it all in. His lip was split in more than one place, and a bruise was already starting to form on his cheekbone. You were sure there were more bruises if one looked at his arms and chest, but you weren’t about to look right now. “A-Are you okay?”
His arms wrapped around you tightly, and you could feel him shaking. “Y/N...” he mumbled, breathing into your hair. “How are you?” he asked, clearly ignoring your question.
“I-I’m okay,” you mumbled. “I... I’ve been called worse a-and... y-ya know, everything’s awesome.” You broke down in full sobs in the middle of the deserted hallway. For some reason, all of the teachers were long gone, and you and Peter were long forgotten. “I-I’m sorry for crying...” you mumbled, trying to bring yourself back together and failing miserably.
His hands brushed through your now messy hair, trying to soothe you. “You don’t deserve to cry,” he muttered, holding you tightly. “I swear, I will end this all. All of it, tonight. You...” He pushed you away until you were at arms length, looking into his brown eyes as he gave you the best smile he could muster. “You’re the only thing that’s right about this broken world.” His hand brushed a piece of hair behind your ear before cupping you face. “So cry, it’s okay. But come tomorrow morning... all of this will be long behind us, okay? Do you wanna know why?”
You slowly nodded, rubbing away the tears that were making trails down your face. “Y-Yes,” you mumbled, giving him a verbal confirmation to continue on.
“Because, Y/N, love like we have doesn’t come around often. Our love is special. Our love is God, and our love will fix all of this, okay?”
A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips. “O-Okay,” you mumbled, allowing yourself to revel in the thought. Maybe he was right. Maybe your love was strong enough to stop it all, make all of the pain and misery just... go away.
Suddenly, a thought dawned on you. He never answered your question earlier. “P-Pete?” you asked, crawling back over to him and curling up in his arms. “You never answered me... are... are you okay?”
You glanced up to see him smiling down at you. “I always thought I would be alone, like... Like I was a frozen lake. No one would ever be dumb enough to try and go crack the ice, but... now I’m realizing that I’m not. I can feel myself getting better, and it’s because of you. Now... now I know that I’m not alone, never again. I won’t be alone because I’ll have you.”
“Yeah... we’ll never be alone,” you smiled softly, running your hands through his hair.
“Y/N...” he mumbled sweetly before pressing a kiss into your forehead. “I want to see you tonight. I’ll sneak over to your place, okay? Say around 8-ish?” A nod was all you could do to answer him, and he continued on. “Until then, we should probably get to class, yeah?”
And so, that’s what the two of you did after a quick stop by the nurse so that way you two had a valid reason for showing up late to class.
“So what’s the plan to get back at Bruce and Thor?” you asked, leaning closer to Peter as he sat on your bed.
He smiled before pulling out several items from a brown paper bag. “We’re going to fake their suicides,” he replied simply. “I’ve got our Stud Puppie magazine, a Joan Crawford postcard, mascara... Ah, and the piece de resistance, mineral water.”
You giggled, staring at him as he put the items back in the bag. “Yeah, so, what? Do you need a forged suicide note then?”
“And for you to make a call to the boys to go behind the school so that we can set up the joke,” he responded, grabbing your bedside phone and setting on your bed.
“But why are we going to such great lengths? I mean, how are we going to make it look like they’re dead?” You grabbed the receiver, ready to make the call once he explained it all to you.
He watched you for a moment before grabbing two guns from... somewhere. You physically flinched at the sight of the weapons. “Peter, I thought our Bonnie and Clyde adventures were done. I don’t-”
He placed a finger to your lips to silence you. “Relax, we’ll fill them with Ich Luge bullets.” At your confused look, he smiled. “They’re tranquilizer bullets. My granddad scored a shit ton back in World War II. The Nazis used them to fake their own suicides when the Russians invaded Berlin. The darts should knock Thor and Bruce out long enough to make it look like a suicide. Once they come to, they’ll be the laughing stock of the whole school.”
Still confused by the whole concept of Ich Luge bullets, you forced yourself to nod along with what he was saying. “Yeah, okay, makes sense,” you said, more to assure yourself than anyone else. “So, we need a suicide note.”
Peter nodded, grabbing your notepad so that you could write. “Just make it sound really sappy. Remember, it needs to sound believable. And you can pick whichever of the two you want to write for.”
Nodding, you turned your focus on your diary as you scribbled out a suicide note in Thor’s handwriting.
Bruce and I realized the moment that we could not share our forbidden love that we would have to die instead. Though we will miss the joy of being in each others arms, we cannot continue to live in a world where we have to act like beer-guzzling jackasses. Thus, we have chosen to die rather than live in a disapproving world.
“Look good?” You asked, showing the note to Peter.
He instantly broke out into a huge smile, carefully tearing the paper out of your journal. “Perfect,” he replied, folding it in half and adding it to the bag of goodies that sat on the edge of your bed. “Now we just need you to call Thor. Tell him to meet behind the school at dawn.”
Nodding, you quickly dialed the number to Thor’s house, crossing your fingers that he would be the one to pick up.
After a few rings, there was finally an answer. “Yeah-lo?” came the voice of Thor, and you had to fight the urge to sigh in relief at the fact that he was the one to answer.
“Hey, Thor?” you asked, twirling a piece of your hair around your index finger. “It’s Y/N. So... I was wondering... How did you and Bruce know it was always a fantasy of mine to take two guys at once?”
“Dude, dude!” said the muffled voice of Thor, clearly trying to get Bruce’s attention. “It’s Y/N!” You tapped your fingers against your knee, waiting for them to decide to talk. “So, uhhh, I guess it was a lucky guess?” Thor said, finally sounding clearer.
“Well...” you drawled out, throwing a look at Peter to see him laughing. You threw a pillow at him before continuing the conversation. “If you want it to come true... Meet me behind the school with Bruce. At dawn.”
There was a choking sound from the other end of the line before Thor started talking. “Yeah, uh-huh, sounds good.” Before you could hang up, you heard him practically shouting to Bruce. “Bro! Free pussy! And we don’t even have to buy it a pizza! Punch it in!”
You cringed to yourself before hanging up the phone. “They’ll be there,” you said, placing your phone back on your nightstand. “That was hell.”
Peter laughed, drawing you into him as he pressed a firm kiss to your lips before pulling away to smile down at you. “Y/N... our love is a powerful thing. We can start and finish wars.”
Resting your head on his shoulder, you couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, our love is what killed the dinosaurs. The world needed room for us.”
“You bet your ass it did,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss into the top of your head. “Hey, gorgeous.” You glanced up at him to see him staring at you seriously, yet his eyes were also filled with so much adoration. “I worship you, and everything that you are. I’d trade my life for yours if it was necessary to see you alive and happy...”
You pulled him into a kiss, silencing his words. He hummed in response, which was one of the few sounds made between the two of you for the rest of the night as you both eagerly awaited morning to put your plan into motion.
“So why did we steal your dad’s car again?” you asked as you both pulled into the school parking lot, just before dawn broke.
“The motorcycle’s great and all, but the car’s better for if we need to hide after our plan has been enacted.” You raised an eyebrow at him, not necessarily aware of why you’d need to hide if the bullets were just going to knock them out. Still, you didn’t question him and, instead, followed him out of the car and to the meeting spot.
You handed the bag of goodies off to Peter before grabbing the gun from him. “Just remember,” he said softly, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear, “I’m just behind that tree right there. When we shoot, you try and shoot Thor and I’ll get Bruce, got it?” Accepting your tiny nod as an answer, he kissed the top of your head. “Alright, they should be here any minute now so I’m going to go hide.”
With that, you were left alone in the small little clearing just a few feet from the main road. You decided to make a circle that surrounded you in the dirt, pretending it was your safe zone that Bruce and Thor couldn’t cross if they wanted to.
The sound of approaching footsteps made you lift your head up from your feet to see the two jocks coming down the small slope, practically tripping over one another to make it to where you were.
“Hey, Y/N,” Bruce said, a bright smile filling his features. “How’re you doin’?”
“Bro, cut the small talk,” Thor said, slapping Bruce with the back of his hand. “Do we just whip out our dicks or what?”
You fought every impulse to shudder or cringe at Thor’s blunt words. You forced a playful smile onto your features, meeting his muddy brown eyes. “Take it slow, Thor. I want the two of you to strip for me.”
They both laughed, clearly excited by the prospect of stripping for you. Thor started to tear of his own clothes before remembering that you said to take it slowly. He looked physically pained by the notion of strip-teasing for you, but he still slowed his movements down.
Bruce, however, looked a little more confused. “What ‘bout you, Y/N?” he asked, slowly removing his jacket.
“Well...” you said, voice barely audible to the two of them, “I was hoping you could rip my clothes off me... sport.”
Sport? Sport? Was that really the best word you could come up with in the moment?
Despite the fact that you felt like a complete idiot by calling them sport, they still nodded along and stripped faster until they both stood in front of you in their underwear.
“On the count of three, you both can come at me and take off my clothes. Ready?” They nodded eagerly and you forced a smile. “One... Two...”
“Three,” said the voice of Peter, coming from behind the tree, gun raised. You grabbed your own gun and aimed at Thor, firing one of the Ich Luge bullets into his shoulder. Meanwhile, Peter hit Bruce right in between the eyes.
Thor screamed at being shot and tried to run away, but Peter fired another shot into his back, causing him to fall face-first into the ground.
You found yourself staring at Bruce, as blood pooled around him in the forest ground and you suddenly felt sick. You fell to your knees, cupping Bruce’s face. “Bruce? Bruce? Oh my god. Peter-”
Hands hauled you off the ground, pulling you away from the scene. “We have to go, come on,” he muttered in your eye, practically dragging you all the way back to the school. Practically frozen, you let him do so.
You just killed two more of your classmates. 
Once back in the car, you finally released all of your feelings all at once. “God! I’m so stupid!” you shouted as Peter started the car so that music was playing in the background. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him grab a cigarette from his dads glove compartment.
Absentmindedly, you grabbed the lighter from the car, staring at the orange metal. Before you were even aware of what you were doing, the lighter was pressed into the palm of your hand, and you were screaming from the pain.
Peter quickly yanked the lighter away from your burning flesh before placing the end of his cigarette against your palm. You whimpered as he leaned back, his cigarette burning through the car.
“Fucking Ich Luge bullets? Why am I so stupid? Why would I ever believe such a stupid lie?” you mumbled, more to yourself than anybody else. You held your hand close to your body, trying to ignore the mind numbing pain that originated from your burnt hand.
“Maybe because you wanted them dead,” Peter said, earning him a glare from you. “Oh come on! Ich Luge bulelts? If something sounds too good to be true, usually it is! Don’t play so naive, Y/N! Your mind wanted to believe the bullets were tranquilizer bullets because your thoughts are too icky and impure. You wanted them dead just as much as I did.” With the end of his statement, he tossed his half-gone cigarette out the car window before turning his attention back to you.
“No I didn’t!” you shouted, clearly exasperated by his remarks. “No one deserves to die, Peter!”
“Yes you did! Don’t lie to me! They made you cry! Besides, they’re just a bunch of-”
You covered your ears with your hands, despite the pain it caused you, and started making random noises to block out his talking. He groaned in response and tried to talk louder, but you only matched him in volume until you both were practically screaming at one another.
“Enough!” Peter shouted, removing your hands from your ears and silencing you with a kiss. You pushed against him slightly, trying to fight the kiss before finally relenting to his lips and the sweet feeling of being enveloped in his strong arms. In fact, you even found yourself kissing him back despite the anger you felt boiling beneath the surface.
Once deeming you calm enough, his lips left yours, brushing the hair out of your face. “Come on,” he mumbled, lips a few inches from your own. “It’s already done, okay? So let’s just go somewhere. I’m sure they’re going to cancel class today anyway.”
You nodded slowly before you relaxed into the passenger seat of his dad’s car. Your mind whirled with thoughts, primarily ones centered around Bruce and Thor. Once again, someone was dead, and you helped cause it. You killed two people today, and now you had to pay the price.
“Peter?” you asked quietly as the two of you drove through the practically empty roads of the town. “Can we go and grab ice for my hand?”
“Of course,” he responded, looking visibly more relaxed and less on edge. “I’m sorry about your hand, by the way.”
Tags:
@gab-spidey @daringbanshee @genzbitch @youreafangirl-harry @thedaydreamingwriter @starksparker
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the-desolated-quill · 6 years
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Avengers: Infinity War - Quill’s Quickies (No Spoilers)
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Sometimes I think back to when the MCU first started. How excited I was that the Avengers were finally on the big screen. The attention to detail in regards to world building and character dynamics. There was no limit to the possibilities involved here. Us geeks were living the dream. Compare that to the MCU now. A bloated, cynical sequel factory churning out blander and blander movies each year, over-saturating the medium with what is, essentially, glorified B movies. Whenever I think about the MCU nowadays, I recall that scene near the end of The Dark Knight when the Joker says to Batman; “I think you and I are destined to do this forever.” That’s how I feel about Marvel movies now. I just feel this permanent sense of ennui. It’s like being trapped in a loveless marriage. Once there was passion and fireworks, but now the spark has gone out of the relationship and I’m silently praying for some kind of respite that will never come.
Avengers: Infinity War is a landmark movie in more ways than one. It represents the culmination of 10 years worth of collaborative filmmaking, it’s quite possibly the most ambitious crossover to date, but it also in many ways signifies just what a stupid, dull, incoherent mess this shared universe has turned into.
As you can probably tell by now, I didn’t exactly go into this film with high expectations. Going through the MCU in recent years has been like walking through a scorching desert without end. Black Panther provided a kind of temporary oasis, full of palm trees, beautiful lagoons and a luxury spa, but sadly I had to leave this paradise behind to brave the desert wastes once again. And having experienced that moment of sheer bliss in that oasis, the harshness of the desert sands feel all the more unbearable. But even then, as I took my seat in the cinema, I foolishly had a small glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, Infinity War wouldn’t be so bad. It’s directed by the Russo Brothers after all. They made the brilliant Captain America: The Winter Soldier and pleasantly surprised me with Captain America: Civil War. I remember going into Civil War with the same pessimistic feeling, and while it wasn’t a perfect movie by any means, it was a lot better than it had any right to be. If anyone could make Infinity War work, surely it would be them, right?
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Sadly it seems we’ve finally found the Russos’ breaking point. Avengers: Infinity War was utterly tedious to sit through. I was bored to tears. Not only was I struggling to make sense of what was going on half the time, I didn’t care about what was going on neither.
Let’s start with the most glaring and obvious problem. The characters. There are WAY too many of them. I swear you could easily have gotten a whole trilogy out of this. In fact I honestly would have preferred that. It would have given the story more room to breathe. Instead everything is just crammed into one overly long film that constantly jumps to different locations every couple of minutes as though the filmmakers have some form of ADHD, and none of the characters are allowed to get any kind of development. In fact they’re not characters at all. They’re chess pieces. They show up on screen, do what the script requires them to do, and then disappear once their purpose has been fulfilled.
There were some moments that could have been more impactful, like scenes involving Thanos and Gamora, Vision and Scarlet Witch, or Loki and Thor, but they don’t have nearly the emotional resonance they should have because they’re essentially fighting for space in this gigantic clusterfuck. Other characters, like Captain America and Black Panther, are forced to become these dull, shallow caricatures because the story just doesn’t have any room for them to really shine or come into their own. The focus isn’t on telling an engaging story or developing the characters, but instead on these massive, computer generated action scenes that I simply don’t give a shit about (in fact the final fight in Wakanda reminded me rather horribly of the battle on Naboo in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace). Not to mention, due to how poorly this whole arc with the Infinity Stones has been handled over the course of these movies, Infinity War spends most of its time explaining to the audience just what the fuck is going on and reminding everyone where all the characters are at. Doctor Strange in particular seems to only be there to provide exposition. (Quick side note, the Eye of Agamotto is an Infinity Stone? I’m sorry, have Marvel Studios ever even so much as glanced at a Doctor Strange comic before?!)
Oh yes. After all my ranting over the years about what a racist piece of shit the Doctor Strange movie is and how I stubbornly refuse to watch it despite being a huge fan of the comics, you’re no doubt wondering what I thought of the Sorcerer Supreme considering this is the first time I’ve properly got to see him in action. He’s... fine, I guess. Benedict Cumberbatch was about as good as I expected him to be, given what he has to work with here. Aside from a bit near the end, they don’t go nearly as psychedelic or as imaginative with the magic as I would have liked them to. All Strange ever seemed to do was just use these glowing disc things or this energy whip. Also the Cloak of Levitation seems to have a mind of its own. I don’t get the purpose behind that at all. But do you know what the biggest problem is with Doctor Strange? The same problem as most of the other male characters. They all sound exactly the fucking same. This is something a few people on Tumblr have commented on before, and it’s really noticeable in this film. The dialogue is practically interchangeable to the point where characters like Strange, Iron Man and Star Lord start to just blur together. There’s no two ways around it. This is just bad writing.
The crappiness isn’t limited to the protagonists neither. No, the villain Thanos is just as shit, although that didn’t come as much of a surprise. He’s meant to be the supposed Big Bad of the MCU, and yet there’s been no buildup whatsoever. In these 19 Marvel movies, Thanos has only appeared twice, both in post credit scenes. We have no idea who the fuck he is or what he’s doing. So the Russos have to shove in a hackneyed backstory and motivation for the fucker, and good God is it bad. Like... insultingly bad. Marvel often like to brag about how they planned all of this from the beginning, but Infinity War proves otherwise. His whole plot doesn’t make any sense and was clearly just pulled out of some hack screenwriter’s nether regions, we don’t fully understand what’s driving him to do something so mind bogglingly daft in the first place, and any attempts to wring any emotion out of us and make us empathise with the prat just end up falling flat on their face. I know Marvel have always had a villain problem, but this is just embarrassing now.
And then there’s the ending. Holy fuck do I hate the ending! Marvel have done some bad shit before, but this has got to be the most insulting thing I think I’ve ever seen from them. Without giving too much away, critics and fans (aka idiots) have been using buzzwords like ‘shocking’ and ‘gamechanging’ to describe the ending, but that’s objectively bollocks. For one thing, the Russos have had ‘gamechanging’ moments in their movies before and they never seem to stick (think back to SHIELD being destroyed in Winter Soldier or Iron Man’s dubious morality in Civil War), but the big pisstake for me is that Marvel have already announced their next set of movies. So we know what happens at the end of Infinity War isn’t permanent... and yet they still expect us to be emotionally devastated by it. Fuck off!
I’ve said a few times in the past that Marvel need to take a break. I’m now going to go one further. Marvel need to stop making movies altogether. 
The Marvel Cinematic Universe needs to end. 
I’m sorry, but I’m just so bloody sick of this. I’m sick of these cut and paste movies with no thought or effort being put into them. I’m sick of Marvel’s cynical greed and utter contempt for their audience. I’m sick of fans and critics kissing their arses and saying that MCU movies are the best when they’re so clearly fucking not. Ever since Doctor Strange came out, I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody is actually watching these movies. They’re basically the cinematic equivalent of dangling your keys in front of a toddlers face. Just show a few pretty colours, some punch-ups and bad jokes, and that should keep the plebs quiet for a couple of hours. But if you were to actually engage your brain, these movies quickly fall apart. I mean just look at the sheer bloody number of news articles discussing what happened leading up to Infinity War and posing theories as to why certain characters behaved the way that they did in the movie. Shouldn’t that give just a little bit of a hint? if your story has become so stupid and convoluted that people have to read news articles and stuff to make any sense of the fucking thing, maybe you’re doing something wrong.
No. That’s it. I’m done. I’m not watching anymore of these bloody movies. Infinity War sucked donkey balls and I never want to see it or any other MCU movie ever again.
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along-the-way · 4 years
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racism and queer stuff
I’m drunk and very unsure. I feel like I’ve gotten really sensitive to things recently. Anything about race and gender, I just get so uncomfortable so quickly when someone talks about those things in an even moderately inappropriate way. Even watching the fucking Office. it’s satire but I get uncomfortable as shit sitting there listening to them make jokes and hearing my mother laugh. 
Sometimes I worry that I’m pushing people away with that. Like it’s a difficult thing about me. And I promise I wouldn’t be reacting the way I do if it didn’t matter. but it does. All my life I’ve been treated differently because of who I am and I didn’t even realize how much random trauma I have from that until recently. I’ve been ostracized, bullied, straight up ignored because of who I am. And it hurts every time I hear another joke or comment that eludes to treating womxn, people of color, and queer people poorly and with less respect. Because those are my people. In a broad sense of course, but we’re all fighting daily to maintain respect for our communities and to keep fighting for equal treatment. that matters. I have to fight for that. There’s a responsibility that I have as someone with a foot in both worlds. I’m privileged in that way and I have to use that to make things better. it feels irresponsible not to.  
But my mother doesn’t get it. My sister doesn't either and I wonder if she ever will. It matters. Do you know what it feels like to have my mother be shooting off about whatever and casually be racist about immigrants at the dinner table? I’m the child of an immigrant. One who was lucky and had the resources available to him to climb out of poverty. One who is part of a model minority. Casual conversation that involves stereotypic praising of a racial grouping is still racist. It’s so deeply ingrained in how we behave that it’s insane and I feel like pulling my hair out because I can’t do anything about it. I sit there and I hear it, sick to my stomach because I think about my friends who the comments would relate to and how hurt they would be. But I can’t do anything about it because she’ll get defensive or change the subject. But fuck it’s so hurtful to sit there and know she won’t understand. 
I know I can talk to you and tell you that something makes me uncomfortable and you’ll understand. You’ll trust me when I say something is uncomfortable because it’s my experience and you get that it’s just different for me. I wish my fucking mom would. And she’s all upset that we’re not all hanging out together. But it’s frustrating as hell to listen to her talk about people she meets on the bus with the coded fucking language she uses. It’s like walking through a field of landmines talking to her. And trying to explain why certain things are okay or not is useless because she talks around whatever it is. And it’s exhausting because I know she doesn’t want to get it. 
I’m just tired of feeling like I can’t be myself at home because she and my sister just don’t get it. School is moderately better because at least there are other people of color and queer people to talk to about this. But fuck. I have to get out of here, dude. I can’t keep feeling like shit here because people aren’t educated about it or don’t care to try to be sensitive about it. It’s a whole movement. It matters. 
Okay, that’s enough rant to calm me down. Sorry if you actually read this, I know it’s kind of a lot and decently incoherent. But hey, I feel less like I'm gonna cry. 
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tori10rambles · 7 years
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Jumin’s route is done! That was a freaking roller coaster. aka the route in which i probably broke my own heart a little before I even finished Day 4, and it only got worse from there. And DAY 10 DESTROYED ME.
Being the rabid Seven fangirl I am, getting this route was hard. The only thing that kind of soothes my heart is that I didn't get any heart breaks from Seven. (You know, besides his actual heart by Day 10. That kind of negated... almost all my good feelings).
i just want to help like, every single one of these losers with their problems jfc.
Also, per usual, these comments were written as the game was being played, and so are probably kind of incoherent, and switch from first and 3rd person POV sometimes in the middle of the same point. All of that is under the cut.
Also, for some reason, the After end CG didn’t save to my album. Hm....
  Jumin
So much of his personality is explained by his dad honestly. Also, I have a very bad feeling about his dad and the Choi lady.
When you grow up in the public eye, it seems like the choices are to either try to become as bland/invisble as possible to avoid having the paparazzi on your ass (as seen with Jumin), or you do a Tony Stark and make a party/attention whore mask and basically try to own it.
Considering how Jumin describes his dad (skirt chaser? easily seduced by a pretty face?), I'm not completely surprised that he doesn't like women.
Also, should I be concerned that I find his utter failure at photography kind of adorable and odd, considering his best friend is a professional photographer?
...What the fuck did your dad do? A fiancee, seriously? The creepiest part is that apparently she's related/connected to his new skirt?
"I won't sell out my father over my cat." Does that mean your dad's actually tried that/is trying that? jfc
it's kind of cute watching him be concerned over MC, because you can kind of tell that he's warming up to her/starting to like her, but doesn't really get (want to acknowledge?) why.
Your dad is an asshole for using you as a bargaining chip. Also, please note that Jumin apparently cares about the company and how his father's personal life affects it more than his father does. And that Jumin is still more considerate of people's feelings, despite being a "robot."
...Considering the women from your dream sound like gold diggers and possibly at least one cougar/pedophile, I cannot blame you for disliking women.
Also, his dad is really bad at getting him. I feel bad because this seems like the first time this happened? Someone save Jumin from his well meaning, but obviously ignorant-about-his-son's-personality father.
Putting your cat in a cage because you think it’s the safest option does not include the emotional problems of being stuck in a cage
You’re projecting, Jumin... Rika onto Elizabeth? Wtf? I gotta say you apparently dodged a bullet considering what she did to V’s eyes
Jumin talking about controlling his cat is .... really creepy. because he talks about Elizabeth 3rd like she's a person/personified to him, so what would he do with an actual person he cares for?
he thinks intimacy is a luxury. jfc
So I'm at your place, but I'd really like an explanation for the cage.
y'all know things are bad when Jaehee knows he's unstable. ...why am i at his place at night again?
So while I'm enjoying you riling up Zen, some of your comments creep me out ("I don't want anyone else to look at her"). That's creepy (and also not a response I would choose), even if it is kind of cute.
are you offering to cook, or are you offering your chefs? Because strawberry pancakes sound delicious.
...wtf, put me to bed? I am not a child or a pet. 
Yoyoyo, does this imply you had feelings for Rika? omf not another person who wants me to be her replacement jfc yoosung was bad enough
Who is surprised that Elizabeth 3rd ran away? Not me.
i cannot believe you went and used lines from a soap opera to play Sarah. ...And that it worked
...Is this REALLY the time to be kissing me!? And what is it with these men and kissing me when I'm not ready for it!? Seriously, these guys have some awful timing.
Um... no. You are not giving Elizabeth 3rd back to V. You obivously love her, and you need more than just MC to care about, Jumin.
...I cannot believe you just said "the use is fairly similar" when I asked if I was a replacement for your pet. If I could, I'd run. I'd run SO FAR.
I'm pretty sure Elizabeth ran away because you legit went and caged her for hours when she's used to roaming around your penthouse freely.
...forever? HELL NO. I am my own person and deserve to be treated as such.
this complete 180 in personality is disturbing as hell.
Possessive Jumin scares me. A lot. At least he knows a relationship needs time.
...Half the shit coming out of your mouth sounds so creepy.
Trapping me somewhere and telling me it's for my own good is not protecting me... it's making me desperate to leave.
omfg, the Jumin phone call with the hilarious response!
Jumin's building is like a gilded cage. it terrifies me on a level i can't comprehend. like, I may be a bit of a shut in, but even I leave the goddamn building when I feel like it. It's the fact that I have the choice to leave, i think.
He feels... surprisingly less menacing/creepy on Day 9. Thank god.
Oh thank god they found Elly. hopefully this means Jumin will CALM THE FUCK DOWN.
I'm with Jumin on this one, his dad is really blinded if he thinks hiding your credit report from a businessman you're trying to marry is a good idea. That just screams goldigger
The fact that Jumin actually expressed his emotions and concerns to his dad, jfc that's progress. Also, he's managed to find a middle ground, SCORE!
...dude, how often do you say thank you and that you appreciate Jaehee;s work if she's that shocked?
that phone call immediately after the meeting with father is actually pretty sweet? omg. but the one where I call him after that VN was kind of... eh. not as nice
...When was the last time jaehee got a holiday? When was th elast time you LET her!?
...Okay, the VN after the 21:46 chat on Day 10 wasn't bad until the very end. Then it got weird. I am NOT a thing to be devoured jfc.
THANK YOU for seeing what's wrong with Rika's vision of a perfect world.
"We like each other. How can we be dangerous to each other." - THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO RESPOND TO THIS I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO START.
YOU ARE NOT PUTTING ME IN A GODDAMNED CAGE. I AM NOT A PET OR AN ANIMAL JFC THAT'S NOT SOMETHING TO JOKE ABOUT.
I feel like you're planning some sick burns, and it involves public humiliation. I'm so down for this.
At least you're letting me out of the penthouse?
Your idea of marriage is weird, but understandable. Also, I hope to HELL that wasn't a proposal after you only met me 10 Days ago, and LOCKED ME IN YOUR APARTMENT FOR MOST OF THOSE DAYS.
...what's with the rings on you status icon?
YES YOU'RE BEING TOO POSSESSIVE.
You sound kind of adorable as a kid.
Now that he's let me go home, he's actually kind of cute? I liked his Christmas DLC ending better tho.
Oh my god, that's savage.Public humiliation ftw.
YOU ACTUALLY PROPOSED. WTF. the dress is awesome though. i'd wear that but with less boob window
Seven
I'm so sorry. T_T I'm leaving your route for last, which means I need to be mean/indifferent to you and this sucks like hell. Especially since I get to talk to you more than once in a while. Almost none of the responses I want to make in Days 1-4 are the ones I chose to get this route. this is pain. none of this is okay. i am not okay. i will probably not be okay whenever i think about seven during Jumin's route.
The space station phone call makes me want to cry, because shit, he obviously is crushing at this point? And I'm going to end up crushing his heart into itty bitty pieces and I can't stand it. It's like... like waiting for the inevitable, and the suspense only builds because you know it's gonna happen, but you don't know how bad the resulting reaction will be.
The cat dream phone call makes me really fucking sad. because taken into consideration with the conversation Unknown and Seven had in Yoosung's route, and Unknown's rant in Yoosung's Bad End 3, I'm getting very concerned about Seven's childhood.
Everytime you break the fourth wall, I squee. And goddamn, you're right about games and Yoosung.
Zen and Seven are so freaking mean to Jumin, omf. but seriously this is the kind of drag I'd do to my friends, so long as they knew I was open for retaliation and didn't mean half of it
Your love for your cars is kind of adorable.
Seven’s friendships w yoosung and zen are hilarious and adorable. Like, give me more of it.
Why do i think that half the things you claim come from a book you read are actually things you think up yourself?
Every time you meet Unknown, my feels hurt. And I really, really want that explanation for who he is.  I mean, I read spoilers obviously, if you've seen my tags, but I wanna see how the game reveals it.
This man, seeing him sound so broken after his encounter with Unknown continues to upset me. That phone call about relationships hurts to, because there is CLEARLY some projecting going on there.
THIS FUCKING PHONE CALL.
Jfc, Seven is not okay. I'm so glad i can ask if he is or not and not end up on a bad end. But damn is it not fun to see him break. And the aftermath.
You're not okay (the 15:29 chatroom sounds like you're talking about Unknown btw, which I mean, MC doesn't know, but is obvious to anyone who is watching you), but I hope you can be okay soon.
Also, this just makes things even worse to me? Because not only has the person he cared about NOT chosen him, but the person from his past who was supposed to be safe and happy apparently hates him. And he's not getting any answers. Like, this just might the worst route for Seven?
Wait, what did V promise you? What does it have to do with unknown? Good lord, I want answers. Mostly so you finally have them.
Zen
Stop flirting with everything in a skirt that breathes. Especially me. That can only end badly.
Also, please know I agree with you SO HARD about Jumin's treatment of his workers, but again, I'm going for Jumin's route this time, which means agreeing with him.
But please, quit picking on jumin about being an "ice king" or "robot," because he literally does not know how to express emotions.
You and Seven are so freaking mean to Jumin, omf.
Zen’s dream is creepy. Adding meowing to the creepy music box music is not cool
your misconceptions about Jumin's life is amusing and concerning
lololol Big Brother Zen does not like MC being alone with Jumin.
Thank you Zen, for saying everything I've been saying about this situation.
religious nuts? Zen!? What if that's Mint Eye
Zen continues to be the best dude for coming to MC's defense.
Yoosung
I'm so afraid for this boy because he's so gullible. You'd think he'd know by now that Seven likes to troll people. No, I'm not counting the resets in that statement. Seven made it clear basically in the first couple of chats/calls/texts he participated in that he's a humongous troll when it suits him.
OMFG the infamous M call. I was not prepared for that holy shit.
omf Yoosung. STUDY. PLEASE. ...And now you have summer classes.
your misconceptions about Jumin's life is amusing and concerning (the bodyguard thing at least)
your insight into Jumin and his view of relationships is... really close to what i thought. good job yoosung!
I pity Yoosung for taking care of Elizabeth.
Jaehee
I'm so sorry I have to condone Jumin's work practices for a good end. And that I just gave Jumin a new cat project. You don't deserve this bullshit. No one deserves this bullshit.
Are you playing wingwoman? because it might actually be working.
I don't blame you for this really creepy situation.
you're so kind of try and assuage Zen's worries.
I understand your frustration with Jumin and wholeheartedly support it
I'm so glad you get a holiday omfg. Also, it’s hella cute and kinda depressing that you’re so happy about getting the vacation.
V
Your friendship with Jumin is so cute wtf.
is it your guilt complex and your need to keep the memebrs "safe" that would make you upset that Yoosung is going along with Seven? Because if so, that's kind of hypocritical considering Seven's a member, and you wanted him to go alone.
Goddamn it V. Thanks to your secrecy, I can't go back to the apartment.
ANSWER SEVEN. PLEASE. SEEING HIM SO DOWN IS NOT FUN.
Oh my god you're sassy. I wasn't expecting that. It's awesome though. Legit, half the fandom seems to forget that V is a sassy mofo. We need more of it.
Rika
...Wow, you are crazy. "A device that can take everything, that can delete everything"... What the hell kind of shit is in that apartment, Rika? Because there is no way there's only information about your party guests... Or is that the entire point? Is there blackmail there?
...You just sounded so nice there, talking to Jumin. Wtf happened to you?
A world without pain or mistakes... that's so idealistic... and impossible. Progress is important! We'll stagnate otherwise, and while being comfortable is important, so is making progress so that EVRYONE is happy. You can't tell me that those who are poor and starving and sick are happy where they are. Feeling sad is HEALTHY, especially after making a mistake or being affected by one. It's what keeps us empathetic and compassionate towards others!
...Are you REALLY asking your BOYFRIEND'S BEST FRIEND if he'd date you? REALLY!? I CANNOT BELIEVE... That's so cruel to V! Even if it WAS a joke!
And honestly, that last statement sounds like you want everyone to like... commit assisted group suicide or something.
Unknown & Mint Eye
Why does it seems like Unknown is talking to you in the VN from Day 2? It's so creepy, especially when you're reading that chat in the dark, after having woken up in the middle of the night for the game.
Goddamn it you gave me a heart attack. I can't tell if it's the music that scared me more or the messages.
...How have I gone three routes and not realized your HQ is a fucking castle?
Sarah & Glam Choi
Fucking gold diggers and attention whores, man. I cannot believe y'all are trying to use Jumin and his dad for money. Like, wtf?
Also, what the hell gave you the idea that Jumin is the type to mix work and pleasure? Also, Jaehee could totally do better than Jumin.
You are never getting rid of Elizabeth 3rd. It's stupid to think you can try, let alone succeed.
Goddamn it, using the paparazzi to your advantage is a dick move.
Knew you were after their money. You company is weak af Sarah, and apparently you have no idea how to make money.
...how stupid are you to think that Jumin couldn't recognize his own goddamn cat.
...Y'all just got PLAYED by the Ice King.
Public humiliation ftw! now leave and don't come back.
Uh... I couldn’t really enjoy this route very much because of the very possessive and creepy undertones halfway through the 11 days. I mean, I know he gets better, but honestly, that shouldn’t be behavior an s/o should have to stick around and try to “fix.” It also sounds a lot like coercive behavior abusers would use? Basically, I think Jumin needs a therapist who will probably need their own therapist instead of a girlfriend, because that kind of emotional burden is heavy and not something I think I personally could handle.
I was talking to someone else about this route, and we agreed that his route really isn’t good for anyone who isn’t personally emotionally or mentally healthy/alright.
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