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#sorry about the barking dogs--impossible to edit that out with my set up
unnamedelement · 3 years
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@roselightfairy has been kind enough to let me practice podficcing on some of her fics, which I am very grateful for, as she has some of the most beautiful Legolas & Gimli prose I have read. This is the first full-length recording I made with my new mic, the Shure MV7. I still have a lot of learning to do audio-editing wise and I did this in one take, but I am excited with this new start. (Of course, it helps that this is some of the most heart-wrenching material in the active L&G LotR fandom!) Thanks, Rose--you’ve been an anchor this past... half a year now? Thank you. And may Legolas and Gimli *sob* live long and prosper. Please, if you enjoy this, give some love to the original fic at this link (and the podfic at this link). Music is legally licensed from James Beaudreau.
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wiypt-writes · 3 years
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Stark Spangled Banner
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Ch32: The Impossible Choice. Part 1: So Was I
Summary: Tony catches up with Steve, Katie and Bucky in Siberia and as the events unfold he learns the truth about how his parents were killed.
Warnings: Bad language, angst!
Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark
A/N: Wonderful edit again from @angrybirdcr​
Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.
Chapter 31
Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist
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The jet wasn’t fully fuelled so they couldn’t fly at full speed, meaning it took them a few hours to reach the wide, flat, snow-covered landscape of Siberia. Once they touched down, Steve cut the power and Katie stood up and moved to the back of the jet, opening the closet that held the Avenger’s weapons. Bucky stepped over and started examining the rack of guns labelled ‘Romanoff’ before he selected a light machine gun.
Katie reached over to grab two 9mms and twirled them in her hands before she slotted them into the holders on her thighs. Bucky watched her through the corner of his eye and raised an eyebrow as she reached over to select another larger rifle.
“Sure you can handle that thing, Sweetheart?” He asked, his tone was gently teasing and Katie snorted, whilst behind her Steve gave a chuckle.
“Stop flirting with my wife, Buck, and I’ll have you know she’s a trained sniper, give you a run for your money.” He spoke, almost proudly, as he slung his shield onto his back.
“That so?” Bucky’s mouth twisting into a grin. Katie simply smiled in response and cocked the larger gun, looking down the sight to check it was all clear.
The three of them stood together, Katie in the middle of the two super soldiers, waiting for the exit ramp to descend as Steve tossed his helmet in his hand. 
“You remember that time we had to ride back from Rockaway Beach in the back of that freezer truck?” Steve asked suddenly, looking over at Bucky as the cold air hit them. 
“Was that the time we used our train money to buy hot dogs?”  Bucky frowned
“You blew three bucks trying to win a stuffed bear for a redhead” Steve smirked.
“Right, what was her name again?” Bucky asked, a tone of amusement on his voice
“Dolores.” Steve answered instantly, smirk still on his face “You called her Dot.” 
“She’s gotta be a hundred years old right now.” Bucky said.
“So are we pal” Steve said, clamping his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. The ramp was now almost completely down. Steve placed his helmet on, fastened the strap under his chin and the three of them descended.
“Well it aint quite a freezer truck.” Katie mused. 
“I hate the cold.” Bucky sighed as they trudged through the snow.
“Yeah Stevie isn’t exactly a fan either. Although he still runs the Air Con at like minus twenty.”
“No, I don’t.” Steve sighed, and Bucky gave a bark of a laugh as the two of them began to playfully bicker.
“Our bedroom is freezing.”
“Look, I run at a higher temperature than you.” “Yeah yeah.” Katie rolled her eyes, gun still raised as she looked around.
“Our place was always cold in the winter.” Bucky mused, and then he laughed again “Hey Katie, once when we were kids, we built a fire using all this spare and wood we found in the outhouse.” “Yeah, your dad gave us a whack each round the back of the head as he’d been saving it to build a table.” Steve grinned again. “My ears were ringing for days.”
Katie smiled as the two men shared a laugh, it was nice to see them caught up in memories. But their reminiscing was short lived as they had reached the entrance to the bunker. Bucky turned round, just to make sure no one was behind them as Katie looked at the large, steel door set into the rock. It was open.
Bucky and Katie both raised their guns towards the gap.
“He can’t have been here more than a few hours” Steve shook his head as they stopped just outside, 
“Long enough to wake them up.” Bucky sighed. 
Steve looked at him, before his attention went back to the door and he stepped forward, into the cast iron bunker. Katie followed him in, Bucky taking up the rear and a couple of meters in front of them was a caged elevator. The three of them climbed in, Steve pressing the button hanging from the top and they descended into the depths of the bunker in silence until it reached its destination with a soft thud. 
Steve nodded to Bucky and then heaved up the cage door, Bucky readying his gun as they walked slowly down a corridor, keeping close to the wall. This time Bucky went first, Katie second, Steve following. Katie kept her gun raised, eyes sharp as she looked round into an alcove full of junk, the place seemed to be nothing but a dumping ground. They continued to move down the corridor before a loud thud rang around, causing them to spin around. Bucky aimed his gun back down the corridor, as did Katie, whilst Steve pulled his shield in front of him.
“You ready?” Steve asked, looking at Katie, then over at his friend as he took a slight step forward so he was almost shielding them both taking a step down the flight of stairs in front of them.
Katie nodded as Bucky replied “Yeah.”  
The double doors at the bottom began to open, but it wasn’t another super soldier that greeted the trio. It was Tony in his full Iron Man suit.
Katie stared in surprise as her brother retracted his helmet. 
“You seem a little defensive.” Tony quipped as Steve strode down the steps towards him, shield covering his body. Katie followed a yard or so behind, her gun now by her side. 
“Well, it’s been a long day.”  Steve replied, shield still raised, not quite sure what Stark was doing there. Bucky shifted slightly and Tony turned his head to look at him.
“At ease, Soldier. I’m not currently after you.”
“Then why are you here?” Katie asked. 
“Could be your story aint so crazy.” Tony shrugged, not quite meeting her eyes. 
“Sorry, is that you admitting you’re wrong?” She raised her eyebrow slightly at her brother.
“Maybe.”
“Ross?” Steve looked at him.
“Ross has no idea I’m here. I’d like to keep it that way. Otherwise, I gotta arrest myself” 
“Well, that sounds like a lot of paperwork” Steve quipped as he lowered his shield “It’s good to see you, Tony.”
“You too Cap.” his brother-in-law smiled softly before he looked over at Bucky who still had the gun raised “Hey, Manchurian Candidate, you’re killing me. There’s a truce here. You can drop…”
Steve motioned at Bucky to lower the gun and he did. 
“So how did you find us?” Katie asked.
“I went to the prison. Spoke to Sam.”
“How are they?” Steve asked.
Tony hesitated “Angry, mostly at me. Clint especially but, they’re, ok.” 
Katie looked at him, she had the feeling he was holding something back but now wasn’t the time.
“What made you change your mind?” Bucky asked Tony. He may have lowered his gun but because his Captain had asked him to, but he was still unsure. 
“I got an update from the Berlin police.” Tony turned to face the man. “The Task Force called for a psychiatrist as soon as you were captured. They dispatched a Dr Broussard from Geneva but he was intercepted by the man who questioned you.”
“You got a name?” Katie asked her brother. 
“Yeah, Colonel Helmut Zemo, Sokovian Intelligence. He ran Echo Skorpion, a Sokovian covert kill squad”
“Sokovia.” Katie sighed as Steve groaned. “Is that place set to follow us around for the rest of our days?” 
“You think that’s what he wants with these Super Soldiers?” Steve asked. “Some form of army to get revenge?”
Tony made a face, shrugging. “Your guess is as good as mine Cap, but I reckon so, yeah.”
Tony re-engaged his helmet and the four of them set off to continue the search. Katie felt bolstered by her brother’s appearance, and Steve also felt hopeful that they could sort this out then go home, together, and work through the whole unholy mess that had been left in the wake of the Accords.
They moved cautiously and silently through the bunker until Tony, who was at the front, turned right into a smaller corridor at the end of which was a vast chamber.  
“I got heat signatures.” He said gently.
“How many?” Steve asked.
“Uh…one.”
“One?” Katie frowned. She looked at Steve and then the two of them turned to Bucky who shrugged, equally as puzzled.
As they all walked up the three small steps into the chamber, Katie could just about make out several huge pillars when the lights in each of them snapped on. It was then that the all saw they weren’t pillars, they were capsules. Each containing an enhanced soldier surrounded by some form of hazy, yellow mist. 
The four of them looked around, bewildered when the PA system crackled into life, causing Katie to jump.
“If it’s any comfort, they died in their sleep”. The voice spoke as Bucky looked up at the solider in the capsule nearest to him whilst Katie continued to the next, her gun still raised. It was then that she noticed there was a bullet hole in the glass and a shot buried right between the female soldiers eyes. 
He’d killed them. 
“Did you really think I wanted more of you?” 
There was another pause as Katie turned to look at Steve and Tony who were walking slowly through the middle of the chamber to her right, towards the machine that was used to wipe the soldiers’ minds. Bucky and Katie exchanged a puzzled glance. None of this added up. Why had he killed them? What had he come all this way for if he didn’t want to activate them? 
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“I’m grateful to them, though. They brought you here” the voice said, and then a window lit up to their right. Zemo was in there. Steve hurled his shield at the window but it simply bounced off the glass and returned to him where he was stood by Katie’s side. 
“Please, Captain.” Zumo spoke with amusement. “The Soviets built this chamber to withstand the launch blast of UR-100 rockets” 
“I’m betting I could beat that.” Tony shot,  as he and Steve rounded the chair to the right, Bucky and Katie to the left.  
“Oh, I’m sure you could, Mr. Stark. Given time. But then you’d never know why you came.”
“You killed innocent people in Vienna just to bring us here?” Steve stepped forward so there was just the glass separating his face from Zemo’s as he glared at him. 
“I thought about nothing else for over a year. I studied you. I followed you. But now that you’re standing here, I just realized, there’s a bit of green in the blue of your eyes. How nice to find a flaw.”
Steve drew back slightly, frowning as Katie reached his side.
“You’re Sokovian.” She stated, watching the man, his brown eyes flickering to hers. “Is that what this is about?”
“Sokovia was a failed state long before you blew it to hell.” Zemo shook his head. “No. I’m here because I made a promise.” 
Steve studied Zemo as he asked “You lost someone?”
Zemo bowed his head and clicked his tongue. “I lost everyone. And so will you.”
Steve watched as Zemo pressed something and then a screen just behind them, to the right clicked on. He shot another look at Zemo before he made my way over to it, Katie following.
“An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again, but one which crumples from within?” Zemo spoke and Katie glanced back at him, Steve doing the same “That’s dead forever.”
Katie looked at the screen, the still image that was portrayed was somewhere very familiar. Her eyes flicked to the date on the freeze frame. December 16 1991. And in that split second she understood.
One which crumbles from within…
This was about splitting the Avengers up, pitting them against one another.
“I know that road.” Tony jerked her out of her thoughts from where he stood to her right, “What is this?” he spoke louder, aimed at Zemo who didn’t answer.
Tony glanced back at the screen and Katie felt herself grow cold as the footage began to play. The Stark siblings watched as their parent’s car entered the frame and crashed into a tree.  And then the Winter Soldier rode up and got of his motorbike. 
“Shit.” Katie mumbled, as besides her Steve shifted a little and she glanced at Tony, who’s unease was increasing, his brow furrowing as he watched the driver of the car, their dad, laying on the ground. Tony inhaled deeply as the footage progressed and the Winter Soldier walked over to their dad who had struggled out of the car and hoisted him up by his hair and stared down at him.
Tony wasn’t watching the screen anymore. He was stood, eyes fixed on Bucky who had his head bowed. The soldier took a deep breath and glanced at Tony, his eyes locking with the man’s. Tony looked away and back to the screen as the tears began to freely fall from Katie’s eyes. On the footage the Winter Soldier reined blow upon blow upon her father before dragging him by his collar and shoving him back into the driver’s seat. She felt Tony take her hand, his Iron Man Gauntlet tightening painfully around her fingers as The Winter Soldier rounded the car and reached in through the window.
At that point she couldn’t take it anymore and she turned away, supressing the sob that was rising in her throat and pressed her face into Steve’s chest were he stood beside her side on, watching Tony carefully. He gently placed a hand at the back of his wife’s head before he glanced back at the screen to see the Winter Solder aiming a gun at the surveillance camera, shooting it. 
There was a moment’s pause and Katie moved and looked over to where Bucky was stood a few paces behind them, his head bowed, shoulders slumped in disgrace. He looked up, his own tears clouding his eyes and then Tony lunged, and Bucky’s face contorted into panic, his rifle flying up as Steve hastily moving to stop Tony grabbing his arm.
“Tony, Tony.” he conciliated.
Tony looked down at the screen again, before he looked up at Steve, the tears glistening in his eyes as Katie wiped away her own with the back of her hands.
“Did you know?” Tony asked his voice barely audible.
“I didn’t know it was him.”  Steve began, his voice pleading as he looked at Tony. 
“Don’t bullshit me, Rogers!” Tony cut him off before Steve could continue, his voice full of fury. “Did you know?” 
There was a pause, before Steve sighed and dropped his head slightly. “Yes”.
Tony pushed Steve away before he glanced back at the screen. 
“Tony.”  Katie pleaded as he turned to look at her. “He didn’t know for sure, not until we-”
“You knew as well?” Tony asked, his voice cracking as he looked at his sister and her face crumpled.
“I knew they’d been murdered, but not by him. Not until yesterday, I swear.”
At that Tony’s chest tightened with betrayal and heartbreak and he stepped back, his chin jutting upwards twitchily before he re-engaged the Iron man helmet. He pushed Katie out of the way and as she tumbled left, he punched Steve hard, sending him to the floor. Bucky started to fire, bullets easily deflecting off Tony’s Iron Man suit and Tony shot a beam at Bucky, disarming him and then flew across the chamber, slamming him into the floor. “Tony, please!” Katie shouted, as Tony jumped on Bucky’s chest. Steve stood up, threw his shield which hit Tony, distracting him momentarily before he tackled him from the front, barging him backwards. Then Steve was on the floor, then Bucky was there, it was getting really out of hand and Katie was powerless to stop any of it.
“You need to go.” Steve instructed as he cut the restraints that Tony had fired at him off his legs.
“I can’t! He’s my brother, Steve!”
“That wasn’t a request.” Steve repeated firmly “Go, get Zumo. If we don’t apprehend him, then all this is for nothing.”
She hesitated for a second. 
“Katie!” He yelled, as he jumped up, shield raised, his voice full of authority. “Just do as I fucking tell you!”
With a shuddering breath, she looked at him.
“Steve, please…”
“GO, NOW!”
With a final, shuddering breath, she turned and ran. Back the way they had come, the sounds of blasts and yells and metal on metal growing fainter and fainter as she sprinted down the corridors, the tears in her eyes hindering her view and sense of direction.
Every so often snippets of the footage flashed across her mind. Her mom and dad, pleading for their lives before Bucky, no, the Winter Soldier coldly executed them. This entire situation was a mess, and she had no idea how any of them were going to come back from this.
Whether they could ever come back from this. 
Eventually she made it outside. The snow had been falling, almost completely eradicating any sign of the three sets of footprints that were hers, Steve and Bucky’s, leading into the bunker, but there was one set leading away. 
She took out one of her pistols, having lost her rifle in the chamber somewhere, and began to follow them, eventually coming to a thicket of trees. As she approached she could hear the sounds of voices, it sounded like one of them was talking via a phone. 
“You should’ve seen his little face. Just try, okay? I’m going to bed. I love you.” 
It was a woman’s voice and then Katie spotted Zumo, he was sat by a rock, looking at the phone in his hand. As she approached someone else emerged from the corner of her eyesight and she spun, raising her gun. It was T’Challa, Black Panther suit fully engaged.  He gestured at her, palms up, before he retracted his helmet and spoke to Zumo.
“I almost killed the wrong man.” 
“Hardly an innocent one.” Zumo shot back, no sign of surprise in his voice at them two of them being there.
“This is all you wanted.” Katie shook her head sadly, the cold snowy wind whipped her hair about her face and it stung her cheeks which were wet with tears. He looked up at her, eyeing the gun which she still had trained on him. “To see us rip each other apart?”
“My father lived outside the city.” Zemo began to explain “I thought we would be safe there. My son was excited. He could see the Iron Man from the car window. I told my wife, “Don’t worry. They are fighting in the city. We’re miles from harm.” When the dust cleared and the screaming stopped. It took me two days until I found their bodies. My father, still holding my wife and son in his arms. And the Avengers?” He looked up at Katie and she saw the hatred in his eyes as he glared back. “You went home”
“None of us wanted any of it.” Katie shook her head, eyes welling up again “There isn’t a day goes by where I don’t wish things could have turned out differently. We tried, but we couldn’t save everybody.”
“I knew I couldn’t kill you.” Zumo ignored her. “More powerful men than me have tried. But, if I could get you to kill each other…”
Kill each other. 
Katie swallowed, her thoughts returning to Steve and Tony back in the bunker. 
“I’m sorry about your father. He seemed a good man. With a dutiful son” Zumo looked up at T’Challa.
“Vengeance has consumed you. It’s consuming them.” T’Challa blinked ruefully and retracted the claws in his gloves. “I am done letting it consume me. Justice will come soon enough”
Zumo smiled thinly, and for the first time Katie saw that he had a gun in his hand. “Tell that to the dead” 
As he raised the gun to shoot himself, T’Challa grabbed the shaft of it, absorbing the bullet and shot in his hand before he rolled round behind Zumo, getting him into a headlock.
“The living are not done with you yet.”
All three of them fell silent and Katie slumped onto a rock, her head in her hands. Whatever happened now, it didn’t matter. Zumo had gotten what he wanted. The Avengers were split, right down the middle, Tony and Steve were pitted against each other. Her brother and Husband. 
And she had no idea what she was going to do.
*******
The fight went too far. Tony blasted Bucky’s metal arm off of his body which sent Steve off into a frenzy but he lost his shield in the fracas that had ensued. And now, he stood in between Tony and that final blast that the billionaire knew would end his parents’ killer once and for all. And Tony was going through him if he had to.
“He’s my friend.” Steve pleaded breathing heavily and he looked at Tony hoping to get through to him. Surely he understood it wasn’t Bucky that had done it, it was HYRDA, it was always fucking HYDRA!
“So was I.” Tony answered flatly before punching Steve in the face once, twice then throwing him into the opposite wall. Steve coughed, spitting out blood, then began to unsteadily work his way back up to his feet. “Stay down,” Tony warned aiming his repulsor beam at him “Final warning.”
Steve lifted both his hands in a fighting stance shrugging slightly as he said, “I can do this all day.”
I can do this all day… those words roused Bucky and, for a moment he was in an alley, bailing the little blonde punk out of a fight. Well, why break the habit of a lifetime? He grabbed Tony’s ankle with his remaining hand, distracting him and Tony turned kicking him in the face rendering him unconscious again. Seizing his chance, Steve leapt up and grabbed Tony from behind and, with a monumental heave he lifted him over his head, Tony tried to fly away but with his failing jets it was no use and he landed hard when Steve threw him down onto the concrete.
And then Steve was on top of him throwing punch after punch, grabbing his previously discarded shield bringing that down onto the mask until it broke and fell apart revealing Tony’s frighten gaze to Steve.
Steve raised his shield one more time and Tony brought his hands up to cover his face but that wasn’t Steve’s intention, he couldn’t and wouldn’t ever hurt him like that. Instead, he brought it down hard onto the arc reactor. Tony lowered his arms and stared up at Steve with a mixture of surprise, betrayal and resentment and the soldier looked back at him, his own face contorted with remorse as he rolled off to the side of the now useless suit.
Both men took a moment to catch their breath as fatigue and exhaustion begin to set in, Steve was the first to move as he pulled the shield from the chest of the suit and hooked it back onto his arm. He glanced back at Tony one last before time, wishing it could be different before making his way over to his best friend and pulling the barely conscious man to his feet.
“That shield doesn’t belong to you,” Tony spat turning over on his side. “You don’t deserve it. My father made that shield!” he shouted angrily.
Steve paused. Howard had made that shield, yes. And he had betrayed the man’s memory by keeping the true nature of his death a secret. Taking a deep breath, he realised Tony was right, he didn’t deserve it after all. Captain America was a righteous man, fighting the good fight, a moral man…and Steve Rogers had been selfish and arrogant thinking he could act as he had without consequence. With an immense air of sadness he shrugged the shield from his arm and let it clang to the floor. Then he proceeded to carry Bucky up the exit and out into the snow.
The sound his shield made as it hit the concrete was a noise that Steve knew would be forever ingrained in his mind.
The sound of him leaving Captain America in a bunker in Siberia.
**** Chapter 32 Part 2
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vivxwrites · 5 years
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Guardian Angel||Part V
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*not my gif*
Word Count: 2004
Summary: Read and find out
Warnings: Hospital mentions, maybe some incorrect/questionable information
Pairing: Carol Danvers x Reader
A/N: Hello! I’m too tired to edit so please forgive any mistakes, I just really wanted to get this out to you all tonight. Enjoy part 5 of the guardian angel series!
Parts: {I}, {II}, {III}, {IV}, {V}
Carol secured the last piece of her suit to her body and stepped into the hangar, where Maria waited to see her off. The pair smiled at each other and exchanged quick goodbyes. Carol approached the quinjet and hesitated before she boarded. “Maria, can I ask you a favor?”
Maria gave Carol a questioning look, “Yeah, what is it?”
“I-” Carol fiddled with her fingers and scuffed her shoes against the ground. She looked up and nervously met Maria’s gaze. “Will you keep an eye on (Y/N) for me?”
Maria ran her fingers through her short hair, “Carol-”
Carol cut her off, “I feel connected to her somehow. Like she’s a piece of me that’s been missing. I need to know that’s she being looked after. Please.” 
Maria sighed heavily and looked at her friend. Carol’s eyes were wide and pleading, her best puppy dog face on full display. “Alright fine, I’ll keep an eye on her while you’re away.” 
Carol smiled at Maria and pulled her into a hug, “Thank you.” 
“Yeah whatever. Knock ‘em dead Danvers.” 
“You know I always do. Higher further faster, remember?”
Maria nodded, a small smile making its way onto her face as Carol boarded the quinjet. “Higher further faster.”
Fury remained in the cell with you, trying to decide what to do with the situation at hand. He didn’t want to involve any unnecessary parties but even with his limits he knew he had no choice but to involve Banner.
He pulled out the burner phone he kept on him for emergencies, “Dr. Banner. I need assistance down at the holding cells. Bring a gurney and a sedative, something big enough to knock a horse out.” Fury glanced to you, writhing around on the ground, silently screaming. “On second thought, make it big enough to knock out two horses.”
Fury flipped the phone closed and tapped his foot impatiently on the ground, silently willing Bruce to hurry his ass up. He did his best to hide the concern he felt for you and let his face be the same brick wall of emotions that it normally was. After about two minutes he heard the familiar squeaking of the gurney’s wheels, followed by the patter of two pairs of footsteps. 
When Bruce rounded the corner Fury narrowed his eyes at the sight of his company. “What the hell is Stark doing here?” he barked out.
Bruce fiddled with his thumbs apprehensively and Tony smirked widely, “I followed Banner.” Tony’s tone held its usual sarcasm level but deep down he was immensely curious as to what Fury needed to sedate. He, along with some of the others, had heard the unfamiliar screams earlier and he wanted to see if they were somehow connected to whatever Fury was involving Bruce in. 
Fury rubbed his face in annoyance and bit down on his tongue. He jabbed a finger into Tony’s chest and fixed him with a look, “What you are about to see stays between the three of us. No ifs, ands, or buts. Are we clear?” Bruce nodded swiftly and Tony followed suit. Fury shot a hardened glare at both of them, “I’m serious, anyone else finds out and its your heads.” 
Bruce gulped and Tony gave a moke salute and a “Yes, sir.” Fury stepped aside and ushered them into the room behind him, closing the door once everyone stepped inside. 
Tony felt his jaw drop and he glanced at Bruce, whose eyes had widened comically. Tony, for once, was stunned silent. 
Bruce spoke for the both of them, the surprise evident in his tone, “Umm… is that an angel?”
“Yes,” Fury snapped. “As you can see, she’s not doing too well so please, for the love of God, sedate her already.”
Bruce nodded dumbly and approached you with the needle. Your eyes widened in panic and you scooted yourself away from him. “(Y/N), it won’t hurt you. You’re in a lot of pain right now and I know you’re probably scared but you can trust me. Dr. Banner here is just gonna sedate you until we can figure out how to stop the pain, alright?” Fury gave you a ghost of a smile but it seemed to be enough to convince you to trust him.
You regarded Bruce cautiously but gave him your arm regardless, doing your best to keep it from trembling. You gave him the tiniest nod and squeezed your eyes shut and he carefully injected the sedative into your bloodstream. You felt your body slowly grow slack and you numbly passed out on the floor.
Tony snapped back into reality, “I’m sorry, care to share with the class why in the hell is there an actual angel in the compound?”
Fury pinched the bridge of his nose, “It’s a long story.”
Tony motioned to you, knocked out on the ground, “It looks like we’ve got time.”
Fury filled them in on the situation, how you crashed through Maria’s ceiling and how she called him for help, and what you had told him before the pain started. Tony pulled out a Stark pad and took notes while Bruce concentrated on not crashing the gurney into anything. The group finally arrived at the medbay and Fury set the room to privacy mood, the glass walls tinting immediately. 
“Tony and I will do our best to figure out where the pain is coming from and we’ll see what we can do from there.” Bruce finished hooking you up to the IV drip and observed you quietly, running through procedures in his head.  
“Thank you Dr. Banner, and you too Stark. I trust the two of you can handle it from here?”
“Fury, you’re looking at two certified geniuses. We’ve got this.” And, they didn’t got this. About an hour or so after Fury left you had woken up, much to the utter shock of Tony and Bruce.
“That’s impossible, how can she be awake already?” Tony was more than surprised, he was amazed, even more so after he heard Bruce’s next comment.
Bruce spoke as he rushed around the bed to look at the monitor, “The dose I gave her was enough to knock out the Hulk, it’s not even possible for her to be up yet.”
They watched in fascinated horror as your heart rate spiked dramatically and you began to gain consciousness. Your eyes popped open and they both registered the flashes of panic and pain in them before you groaned in pain. Your body went rigid in the bed as your groans sped up and raised in volume until you were screaming at the top of your lungs and tears of pain were pouring steadily down your face.
Tony opened his mouth in shock and he turned to face Bruce, only to find him covering his ears and fighting back the green that was slowly crawling up his neck, which, not good. He cursed and picked up a phone, dialing Wanda’s number as fast as he could.
“Tony? Who’s screaming?” He could hear the confusion in her voice but he knew he had to act fast.
“Wanda, no time for questions. How fast can you make it up to the medbay, room 465?”
“I’m on my way now.” 
“Great.” He hung up and paced around the room, praying to God that Bruce didn’t Hulk out. A few minutes later, Wanda burst into the room, a flurry of emotions passing over her face as she took in the scene.
“Tony, is that a-” She was staring at you with a look of surprise.
“No time for questions! Can you put her to sleep?” Tony spoke fast and frantically, praying that the half ass plan he came up with would work.
“Can I put her to sleep?” Wanda’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Well yeah I think I cou-”
“Do it! Wanda please, please put her to sleep!” The green was spreading across Bruce’s neck and Tony’s voice raised in pitch as he begged Wanda to put you to sleep.
Red mist swirled through the air and pressed into your temple and you were out like a light. Tony breathed a sigh of relief and Wanda arched an eyebrow at him in question. “What just happened?”
Bruce’s skin turned back to it’s normal color, “Thank God.” 
Tony nibbled on his lower lip before filling Wanda in on the situation. “So she’s a real guardian angel?
He nodded his head, “That’s what Fury said.”
She looked at you in awe and smiled, “So I have one too?”
Tony stopped to think for a bit and then gave her a tiny smile, “I guess so yeah. You think she’s one of ours?”
The three shared a look and Bruce knit his eyebrows in thought, “I don’t see why she couldn’t be.”
“How long will she be asleep?” Tony knew they would have to come up with a plan, a real one soon as you could probably wake up anytime now.
“I give her a few hours at the most, her mind is very very strong, had she not been weakened I doubt putting her to sleep would have worked.”
Bruce nodded and Tony scratched his forehead, “I guess we better make a plan for when she does wake up.”
After a long brainstorming session they decided that when you woke up, Wanda would dull the pain to a tolerable amount as Bruce and Tony questioned you in an attempt to figure out where the pain was and to find a way to end it from there. 
When you did finally wake up they executed the plan and it went down without a hitch. Wanda was able to dull your pain down to a low burn and after a glass of water you were able to talk to them, albeit with a scratchy voice.
“Who’re you all?” You were a bit out of it but you weren’t screaming in pain so that was a total win. There were three people in the room, one you semi-recognized and two others who you had never seen before. 
“I’m Tony and that over there is Bruce. Wanda here is helping you out with your pain until we can figure out how to stop it completely.” You looked at all of them but the mention of Wanda put an airy grin on your face.
“Wanda.” She traded glances with the other two and smiled softly at you.
“Hi there (Y/N).”
“Fury mentioned a Wanda.” You gave her a drunk happy smile and she returned it. “Said I was like Wanda.”
“That’s nice draga.” You hummed in reply.
Bruce cleared his throat, “So (Y/N).”
“Yeah Tony?” 
“I’m Bruce not Tony.” You gave him a confused look and he waved you off. “We’ll fix that later. Do you know what’s causing the pain?”
You nodded loopily, “Mhm, it’s my wings.”
Tony’s fingers flew across the Stark pad as you spoke, bringing up the holographic image of the scan they had performed on you, “What about your wings?”
You scrunched up your eyebrows, “Um...Stan said they’re gonna fall off.” You giggled, as if that fact was funny.
“Who’s Stan?” Wanda’s question went ignored by you as you studied the IV connected to your arm. 
“(Y/N), who’s Stan?” You laughed hysterically at Bruce’s question.
“Stan is Stan, duh.”
They exchanged glances, obviously that was a dead end. “Okay, is there any way to stop that from happening?” 
You shook your head from side to side, “Nope. Stan said it’s my punishment.”
“Your punishment for what?” Wanda was growing concerned at your loopiness.
You crooked a finger at her in a come hither motion and she leaned closer to you. You cupped your hands around her ear, “I was a very bad angel.” You giggled again and she pulled away.
She bit her lip, looking from Tony to Bruce, then finally sighed heavily. “Don’t worry (Y/N), we’ll find a way to help you.” And with that she eased your mind back to sleep.
Draga=dear
A/N: I’m gonna do another Nat req next and then part 2 to my other series. I hope you all had a great day. Thanks, Viv :)
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mamabearcat · 5 years
Text
All Fired Up - Part 1
So, I was inspired yesterday by @fainttwinkling‘s amazing fan art of Fireman Natsu rescuing Lucy and Plue. I may have written a little something. It was only going to be a one-shot, but it looks like it’s gonna be a two-parter. For everyone waiting on my other fics, what can I say. I’m sorry! They’re coming, I promise. Sooooo, without further ado, here’s part one.
Edited to add link to FF.net All Fired Up
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Natsu jogged down the smoke-filled hallway, the torch on his hip doing little to illuminate the area directly in front of him. The fire was crackling further down the dark passageway, gaining hold; he needed to do this search sweep quickly so the team setting up two floors down could move in and fight the blaze. He’d already lost sight of his partner Gray in the haze, even though he was only a few feet away as he searched the apartments on the other side of the hallway.
 “Hello? Anyone up here?”, he yelled, voice muffled by the rubber mask of his breathing apparatus. Most of the tenants had already evacuated down the exterior fire escapes and were huddled in an anxious crowd in a small park across the street, but it was his job to quickly look for anyone unable to get out of the building. He systematically tested each door as he moved past. He was almost at the end of the hall, closest to the fire when he heard a dog barking. A small dog, by the sounds of the frantic high-pitched yapping.
 His hand went to try the door knob, but it was already ajar. It was impossible to see anything through the thick smoke in this room, so he dropped to his hands and knees, using his hands and arms to feel. It was almost unbearably hot, he could see flames pushing into the room, the vicious crackle audible over the hiss of his breathing apparatus.
 “Hey dog. Little help buddy? Where are ya?” A whimpering sound came from his left side and he reached out his gloved hand, but instead of a small dog, found the definite shape of a human arm, a woman’s arm he guessed, by the size and shape.
 “Gray, you there? I found someone. Evacuating her now. Are the paramedics out the front yet?” He could hardly see her in the darkness of the smoke-filled room, but managed to drag her towards him, rolling her carefully onto her stomach. He felt relief punch his gut when he heard a soft moan; she was still alive. He dragged her upwards so he could tuck his head under her arm and haul her onto his back, one hand around her slender wrist, the other tucked around her thigh.
 Gray’s voice crackled over the radio in his ear. “Yeah, Elfman said they’re out the front already. Natsu, you need to get out. Your time’s up, your tank should be close to empty. Do you think there’s anyone else?”
 “Nope, this was the last apartment. Fire’s in the apartment at the end of the hall, western side.”
 “No one on this side either so the floor’s clear. You take the injured person out; Elfman said the exterior crew’s just about to send up a ladder”, responded Gray.
 Natsu shrugged the woman into position and was about to get to his feet when he heard another sharp bark. A small white dog was whimpering on the floor, cowering against his leg.
 “Hey buddy. Thanks for letting me know where your girl was. Good job. But now it’s time to go.” He transferred the woman’s wrist to the same arm hooked around her leg to lock her securely into a fireman’s carry and scooped up the small dog with his other hand as he stood. There was a dull roar as the fire in the apartment began to take hold, rippling across the ceiling above him like it was alive, dropping embers around them. It was definitely time to leave.
 Natsu stepped out into the now pitch-black hallway, using his shoulder as a guide to find where the opening of the stairwell was. He could hear Gray following him down, the sound of the slightly taller man’s heavy boots echoing in the stairwell. Once they’d gone down one flight, Gray gave the all clear to send in the fire fighting crew with their hoses. Hopefully they’d caught it in time before it had jumped to the next level.
 The woman in his arms moaned suddenly. “No, stay away!” she slurred, then coughed, her breath gasping a little as she twisted weakly in his arms. Natsu maintained a firm grip on her.
 “Hey, it’s okay Ma’am. You’re safe now. There was a fire in your apartment, I’m with the Magnolia Fire Department. Just take it easy while I get you to safety.”
 “You’re not him? He hit me…my head”, the woman slurred again. She coughed, her breath wheezing, and Natsu hustled down the steps a little faster. She sounded disorientated, which was common with smoke inhalation injuries. The best thing he could do for her was to get her to the paramedics quickly so they could get her on oxygen and assess her injuries.
 “Gray, I’m takin’ her to the paramedics. You okay to make a report?” Gray nodded, holding the front door of the apartment building open for him before walking over to the crew gathered around the fire engine in front of the building.
 Natsu jogged out of the building and across the road to where the paramedics where waiting. Wendy had an oxygen mask at the ready; Elfman must have let them know he was coming. “Hey Wendy. I got someone for you. She’s been lapsing in and out of consciousness, coughing and wheezing and sounded a little disorientated. Fire had already taken hold, so I’d err on the side of caution and say carbon monoxide poisoning as well as smoke inhalation.”
 Natsu placed the dog gently on the ground for a moment so he could use both hands to carefully lay the woman down on the gurney as she continued to cough. He removed his helmet, breathing apparatus and hood, taking in a deep lungful of the smoky night air. The cooler air was a balm to his heated cheeks and soaked hair, the lighter pink darkened by sweat. He looked down at the woman on the gurney, able to get a good look at the woman he’d saved for the first time, now that he’d removed his safety equipment. She looked to be in her mid-twenties and had obviously had a rough night. Her skin was paled to a porcelain white, a stark contrast to the dark soot collected around her mouth and nose and the blood smearing her temple and golden blonde hair. Her cocoa eyes were wide and frightened. As Natsu moved to get out of the paramedic’s way she grabbed his arm.
 “Plue”, she rasped, the effort of speaking making her cough more. “My dog, he was there…”
 Natsu gave her a reassuring grin. “It’s okay ma’am, try not to speak. I got ‘im. He was the reason I found you. He’s one brave pooch.” He moved to one side to let Wendy in to assess the woman’s injuries but picked up the small dog and held him so she could see her dog in his arms. The little white dog’s tail wagged sluggishly as he heard his owner’s voice, and he managed a few barking coughs similar to his owner. She reached out to stroke the furry ears.
 “That’s twice... you’ve saved me... tonight... Plue. Good... boy”, she wheezed. Her arm tugged weakly on the heavy fabric of Natsu’s heavy jacket. He could see she was in a lot of pain, but she looked up at him and gave him a grateful smile that went straight to his heart. “Thank... you.” She was stopped from saying any more as the blue haired paramedic gently placed an oxygen mark over her face.
 “Lay back now ma’am. What’s your name?”
 “Lu…Lucy”.
 “Okay Lucy. I’m treating you for smoke inhalation. I know you’re probably in a lot of pain right now, and I’ll be giving you something for that in just a moment. You’ve got a few second degree burns on your arms and legs. I’m assuming you’ve got a pretty bad headache too huh?”
 “Yeah”. Lucy closed her eyes, her breathing still raspy. “He hit me.”
 “Who hit you?”
 “The guy. The guy who started the fire…”
 Natsu and Wendy shared a concerned look as Romeo set up an IV line.
 “You’re takin’ her to Magnolia Central, right cuz?” asked Natsu. Wendy nodded, securing Lucy safely on the gurney with straps before she and Romeo loaded her into the back of the ambulance. “Tell her I’ll take care of her dog for her.” 
Wendy nodded as she moved closer to Lucy in the back of the ambulance, placing a pulse oximeter on her finger-tip to monitor her heart rate and oxygen levels. Romeo shut the back door and climbed up in front.
 “See ya later Natsu”, he called as he started up the engine.
 “Yeah, later kiddo”, teased Natsu, chuckling as Romeo rolled his eyes at him. The ambulance drove off, and Natsu looked down at the dog whimpering in his arms. “Hey, don’t worry ‘bout it Plue. I’m sure she’ll be fine. We’ll go visit later huh, after we get you looked at first.” He turned back towards the fire, which was now mostly out thanks to the teams working both inside and outside the apartment block.
 He put his fingers to his earpiece. “Hey Gray, ya loser. Still there?”
 “Yeah. What’s up flame brain?”
 “Tell the chief he needs to call Erza. I think we’ve got more than a simple house fire on our hands. The woman had a head wound which she said was inflicted by a man who set the fire.”
 “Dammit. Looks like our arsonist is at it again.”
 “Yeah. And tell the Captain after I finish my report, I’m gonna have to end my shift early.”
 “What’s wrong you idiot. Don’t tell me you got yourself injured?”
 “Nah. I’m dog sitting for Lucy. Know any good vets around here?”
Edited to add - a linkydink to Part Two
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dvp95 · 5 years
Text
can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 4
pairing: dan howell/phil lester
rating: e (eventually)
warnings: none
tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love
word count: 3,122 for this chapter (15,775 total)
summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.
read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!
read this chapter on ao3 or here!
i want to die
Aw, what happened? Did you give SugarScape spoilers?
Despite Dan's horrible mood, that makes him snort. no you buffoon 1 sugarscape has been dead for yrs, much like how i would like to be 2 i don't say spoilers ever 3 it's WORSE
I may be a little out of the loop. You gonna make me guess? I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think it was.
phil, Dan sends on its own for emphasis. i touched my coworkers tit on live telly and now i can't look her in the fucking eye
Jaime hadn't actually cared much. She'd laughed at him, made some jokes about how Dan's spatial awareness hadn't developed yet, and then moved on with grace. Meanwhile, Dan had been having a mild panic attack on his side of the sofa because all he'd meant to do was brush a distracting piece of lint off Jaime's shoulder and, somehow, drastically missed.
It was all of ten seconds of his life, and Dan is still freaking out about it. He's been pacing his hotel room since they got back, hasn't even bothered changing out of the nice shirt he'd worn for the interview.
Like accidentally? Phil finally replies on Dan's third lap of the room.
no phil i need to grope people on camera to finish. what kind of person do you think i am. YES ACCIDENTALLY.
I dunno what you're into. I'm sure she knew it was an accident?
Yes, Jaime knows it was an accident, but that's not the point. there will be gifs phil
Phil sends him some emojis, only some of which make any sense in context. Dan isn't sure why that calms him down so much. He sits on the edge of his bed and sighs, waiting for Phil to stop typing. It takes a while, but eventually Phil says, Then you'll deal with them. It honestly can't be worse than you falling off the Jimmy Kimmel stage? I swear I saw that gif for months before I knew who you were. And if you're worried about people saying you did it on purpose, tell Jaime. You can talk about it like adults.
It's all laid out very clearly, and while it does make Dan feel better, he doesn't think he's finished being dramatic yet. He checks the time and sighs heavily.
dont suppose you'd be up for a late lunch/early dinner to distract me??
Sure! :), Phil responds immediately. The quickness of his agreement makes that part of Dan's brain start shouting again. I'm actually filming today though. I'll be done in like half an hour if you want to meet me here? Then we can either get takeaway or go out?
It's truly fascinating to Dan how practiced Phil seems to be at giving someone options and pretending like either one is fine rather than just offering his own opinion on the matter.
After assuring Phil that he'll be there, Dan considers getting changed. He's only got fifteen if he wants to get to Phil's place on time, and he isn't exactly known for his quick wardrobe decisions.
In the end, Dan just swaps his nice shoes for some sneakers and rolls his sleeves up. He's a little overdressed still, a McQueen button-down maybe a little too fancy for just hanging out with a new friend, but. He doesn't want to be late. Besides, he looks good. Maybe he likes the idea of Phil being surprised, looking him up and down, having the interview as an excuse to be so dressed up.
The part of Dan's brain that exists to remind him that men are attractive has been so, so loud this week. It's been impossible to ignore.
Dan messes with his straightened fringe until his phone beeps, telling him his Uber is outside. He remembers where Phil lives, in the very vaguest sense, but has to get the exact address from Phil.
He's glad that Phil's front door is painted a specific sort of blue. It would be just Dan's luck to knock on the wrong narrow brick building.
Thor barks, somewhere inside, and Dan shoves his hands in his jean pockets as he waits for Phil to answer the door.
"Hey!" Phil greets him before he's even fully opened the door, beaming. To the great pleasure of Dan's ego, Phil's eyebrows raise as he looks Dan over. "Y'know, you could have changed. I wouldn't have minded waiting a bit."
"Feeling underdressed?" Dan teases.
"A little," says Phil. He pushes his glasses up and gestures at his own graphic tee and slippered feet. "If I'd known there was a dress code, I'd have put on a sports coat."
"You look fine, I was just impatient," says Dan. He waits for another beat. "Uh, can I... come in?"
Phil is giving him a smile, the one with deep eye crinkles and his tongue trapped in his teeth, but it drops as he realises that they've just been standing in his doorway. "Oh! Yeah, sorry, come in. I'm actually not done filming just yet, Thor distracted me. Shouldn't take long."
"What are you filming?" Dan asks curiously, his heart pounding a bit as he follows Phil inside and then, surprisingly, downstairs. "Wait, you're the basement flat? Your video lighting is so good, though!"
"Mostly artificial," says Phil. He sounds wistful. "Someday I'll have a place with a glass window, just you wait."
"What are your windows made of now?"
"What? They're made of glass."
"Then why would you need to wait for one?"
"What did I say?"
"Glass window," says Dan, fighting back giggles. They reach the basement door and Phil lets them in, giving Dan a sheepish sort of smile over his shoulder.
"I meant a glass wall. Like a wall of windows, y'know? That's the dream."
"Yeah, it is," Dan agrees, but he's distracted by the fact that he's in Phil's flat. He kicks his shoes off among the pile next to the door and looks around. "It feels super weird to be seeing this place in 3D."
"Oh, probably," Phil laughs. "You want some slippers? My feet get so cold down here, I've got like a dozen pairs."
"I'm alright."
Phil's flat has less natural light than Dan had expected - or, evidently, than Phil would prefer - but the sheer number of lamps, string lights, and scented candles scattered around the place give it a soft glow that Dan is a big fan of. There are bright colours on every surface and every wall, and the overall effect isn't as overwhelming as it could be. Dan still thinks it could be edited down, but. It's very Phil.
To his vague surprise, he sees Phil's bed pushed against the far wall, a backless bookshelf the only divider from the open living space. Box lights and camera are all set up at the side of his bed.
"If I didn't know what you did for a living," says Dan, gesturing at the setup.
Phil grins at him. "Yeah. My landlord still doesn't believe that I don't make porn. You want a drink?"
"Sure, whatever you're having," says Dan. He spots Thor, curled up on a fluffy dog bed in the corner, and immediately starts cooing. "Oh, there you are! Hello!"
Thor perks up, cocking his head to the side, and Dan gets on the floor to call him over. Within seconds, he ends up on his back with an armful of happy puppy, and he giggles helplessly as Thor licks all over his face.
"Thor, down," Phil says from somewhere above them, sounding amused. Thor backs off, winding through Phil's legs a couple of times before he trots back to his bed.
"I love him," Dan informs Phil, still flat on his back. It's not the most flattering angle to look up at Phil, but he can deal.
"So do I," says Phil. He holds up a glass. "Ribena?"
"Please," says Dan, standing back up to accept the drink. He suddenly feels very weird, standing in the middle of Phil's lounge slash dining area slash kitchen slash bedroom. "Er, you've still got to finish filming, yeah? I can just... sit."
With a small grin, Phil waves at his sofa. "Make yourself at home. Just try not to rile Thor up too much? He's already made my blooper reel longer than the video itself."
"I think I can handle that."
Dan cannot, in fact, handle it. He brings his Ribena to the floor so he can sit next to the dog bed and scratch all of Thor's favourite spots. He finds one of Thor's toys as he listens to Phil wrap up a story that sounds maybe ten percent true, and then - well. It progresses to a tug of war before Dan can even entertain the idea that this might be distracting to Phil.
"Dan," Phil says, in this tone like he's trying to sound stern but can't stop smiling. "Are you growling at Thor?"
Yes. "Maybe."
"Maybe? I'm literally filming right now."
"He's just so cute," Dan whines.
"I know he is," says Phil. "I deal with this struggle every day of my life."
Dan sighs and lets Thor have the rope, watching wistfully as he zooms off with it. "Sorry, I'm really not trying to be a dick. I know this is your job."
"Hey, no," says Phil, suddenly sounding much closer. Dan looks up from corgi-watching to see Phil leaning against one side of his shelves, hands in his pockets and a soft smile playing around his lips. Butterflies erupt somewhere in Dan's belly. "I'm not bothered, really. I think it's cute. I just also, y'know, would like to eat sometime today."
"Why don't I just order something?" Dan suggests.
"Alright," Phil hums. "I'm lactose intolerant and hate mushrooms, but the intolerance can be ignored for pizza if that's what you want."
If that's what Dan wants. "What do you want?"
Phil blinks. "Oh, whatever."
"No," Dan presses. He knows it isn't very good manners, but he wants to see if Phil will actually offer an opinion of his own instead of walking that thin line of indifference. "I will quite literally eat anything. You pick."
It's quiet for a moment while Phil thinks it over, only the hum of the refrigerator and Thor's little huffs of breath for background noise. Dan has to admit that the small basement windows have an upside - less traffic din is able to get through. Coupled with the way Phil has lit his flat, the atmosphere makes Dan feel comfortable, like he could curl up here and just stay.
The rug under Dan is soft, the Ribena is perfectly watered down, and he's got a cute dog and a cute boy to stare at. He really could sit here forever and be content.
"I feel like Chinese," Phil says eventually. He's chewing on his lip, and Dan realises he hasn't seen Phil look so... anxious.
"Chinese sounds great," says Dan. "I'll order."
Phil seems relieved that he hasn't accidentally made a horrible choice or something, and he goes back to filming while Dan fucks around on different apps to find the best Chinese place in Phil's area.
--
"You never actually told me how you managed to grope someone."
Dan, who had gotten all wrapped up in chow mein and MasterChef and had forgotten his hellish morning by this point, chokes on air.
"Oh my god, nooooo," he groans, covering his face with both hands and sinking further into the sofa. He hears Phil laugh. "She just! Had some fucking, like, fluff on her shoulder. Like lint. I was gonna brush it off."
"How did you fuck that up so hard?" Phil asks. He sounds so amused that Dan wants to keep hiding, but the curse has him peeking out between his fingers curiously.
"I've never heard you swear," says Dan.
"I don't," says Phil, "on YouTube."
Unfortunately for Dan, the sound of Phil swearing is very hot. He groans again, overdramatic to cover up his very real blush, and gesticulates wildly. "My limbs are not friends with my brain, okay, I've got very big hands and I misjudged where I was putting one of them."
"Yeah, you do." Phil's eyes track Dan's hands with an intensity that makes Dan's gut constrict. Then he blinks, meets Dan's eye again, and the look is gone. "That sucks. I get it, though, my body and brain are not on the same frequency at all."
Dan thinks, a little hysterically, that this is a very good reason not to try and have sex with AmazingPhil - he doesn't want to end up in A&E.
There are roughly a hundred other reasons, too. Dan's uncertainty about his own identity, the fact that he's only in the UK for another two weeks, and the very real bond that they've been forming as friends are all at the forefront of his mind. Even so, it helps to make a joke to himself about it.
"Have you ever touched a tit accidentally?" Dan asks dryly.
"I've never touched a tit at all," says Phil. He's drinking coffee despite the hour hurtling into evening quickly, and Dan has to wonder if he ever sleeps. "Not really my wheelhouse."
"They're fine," Dan says, with much less enthusiasm than he normally would. He can't sit here and talk about his boob opinions with Phil, though, because that way lies madness. So he changes the subject, talks loudly about the episode of MasterChef they're on.
He's not ready to come out properly to himself, let alone to someone he barely knows.
Well, okay. It would be more accurate to say 'just met', because Dan feels like he does know Phil fairly well at this point. At least as well as he knows Jaime or Patrick. And maybe that's more of a commentary on how shit a coworker he is, how bad at making friends he is, but whatever. The point is that he likes spending time with Phil a lot, and he wants to do it more, but he can't have that conversation yet.
Dan knows he's attracted to guys. When he was younger and had an even worse handle on himself, that attraction would either lead to fumbling, fearing for his safety, or both.
Right now, specifically, he is attracted to Phil. This feels different, because he's got no reason to fear Phil or to immediately jump him, he's just comfortable sitting next to Phil in the dim light and letting the warmth of the feelings settle in his chest.
Maybe someday he'll be ready to tell Phil that he likes guys. Maybe that'll even go somewhere. For now, Dan is going to trash talk the chefs like he knows what he's talking about and settle into Phil's sofa and laugh like he belongs there.
Dan gets a little too comfortable. He has no idea what time it is when his eyes start to droop, but he's sure it's unreasonably early for someone who goes to sleep in the wee hours of morning most of the time.
A hand on his shoulder jerks him back into full awareness, and Dan blinks over at Phil. "Whuh?"
"Hey," says Phil. He's smiling and his voice is low. Dan can feel the slight chill of Phil's palm through the thin material of his dress shirt.
It's overwhelming, suddenly, how much Dan wants to lean in to Phil. The itch under his skin that he would feel ten years or so ago, the restless, guilty want that had him falling into bed with whatever bloke would let him, is thrumming through him with an intensity he hasn't prepared for. Dan's tongue feels heavy, and his gaze drops to Phil's mouth before he can stop it.
"Hey," echoes Dan, a beat or two late.
"You're falling asleep," Phil says. There's something about his tone that Dan can't quite place, so focused on his own emotions as he is. "You wanna stay over?"
Dan really, really does. But he really, really, really shouldn't.
"I can't," he says, not bothering to hide how regretful it makes him to turn the offer down. "Breakfast telly or whatever in the morning."
The loss of Phil's hand on Dan is one that he thinks he'll be feeling until Phil touches him again. "Of course. You probably have to wake up ridiculously early for that, huh?"
"Unfortunately."
Dan orders himself an Uber and slides to the floor with Thor in order to stop himself from giving his body what it wants in the short amount of time before it arrives. Thor likes the attention, and when Dan glances up to see the soft, unguarded look in Phil's eye, he thinks that Phil probably doesn't mind being ditched for his dog.
They chat about MasterChef and Dan's upcoming interview for a few minutes, safe topics, and Dan is disappointed when his phone beeps with the notification that his driver is close. He doesn't actually want to leave, he just knows he has to.
"We have to do this again before you head up to Edinburgh," says Phil. He walks Dan to the door, which is a little pointless - it's a total of eight steps away.
"How'd you know we're going to Edinburgh this weekend?" Dan asks, distracted from the process of getting his shoes on.
"Been in the business a while, lucky guess."
"Right. Well, then, I'll have to see what I'm doing on Friday."
"Yeah, just message me," says Phil.
There's a moment after Dan gets his shoes on where they're both just standing there looking at each other, and Dan's heart starts pounding like he's getting chased.
"I'll see you Friday," Dan says quietly, even though he isn't sure that he's free. He just needs to say something. His phone beeps again, probably telling him the driver is outside, and Dan is both relieved and annoyed.
Phil opens his mouth to say something, but Dan's racing heart and anxious mind doesn't want to hear whatever it is. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Phil's waist in a tight goodbye hug. It's the sort of embrace he'd give any of his friends, nothing overly intimate, but he knows he'll be thinking about it later anyway.
When Phil's arms drape over Dan's shoulders and his thumb brushes deliberate circles over the back of Dan's neck, it hits Dan very suddenly that if he were to try and kiss Phil right now, Phil would let him. That kind of knowledge is intoxicating, the surety of it making Dan's head swim.
But. He still doesn't know for sure what he wants, and his Uber is waiting. So he just pulls away, says goodnight, leaves.
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xbananaleensyo · 5 years
Text
Numb Calls and Dumb Walls
Ship: Ohmtoonz
Warnings: Depictions of mental illness/dissociation, mentions of trauma
Words: 2,754
Summary: There was a lot of things that Cartoonz didn’t understand. Dissociation? What is that? But damnit there was one thing he knew: he loved his boyfriend and he’ll help him cope any way he can.
A/N: So I’ll mention this again, if you’re sensitive to the topics above I suggest not giving this a read. I want you to be safe. This was, more or less, a coping fic of some sort that I wrote on a bad day. It's also not a universal depiction of what's happening. Kinda based it mostly on my own experiences and some accounts I read online but everyone is different. Also, also these are real grounding exercises if you wanna research those! They’re pretty niffty for like anxiety and stuff. But before this note gets too long: any likes/reblogs/comments are highly appreciated! And I hope ye enjoy! Have a nice day, yo
              Cartoonz was in love with Ohmwrecker. In turn, that means he cared deeply about him and vice versa. Ohm was a beautiful man in his eyes. He had so much compassion to give, so much information in his head, so many laughs and witty comebacks between his lips. He was proud to be his boyfriend. But, unsurprisingly, Ohm had faults, he had demons, he had nightmares. And Cartoonz knew that. Everyone experienced pain, afterall. He was willing to work with them, however. It was the only way to go forward in their relationship. Even if it was something he didn’t understand at first. Ohm seemed to notice that too. They needed to let each other in one day. That’s why they were here, sitting on Ohm’s bed, as he confesses that his brain was, as he calls it, ‘a little weird’. It was a new world to Cartoonz, talks of mental illness and trauma was only something he advocated for but not something he actually experienced. But now he was sitting there, Ohm in his lap holding down tears, as he explains the troubles of his mind and past life. Ohm doesn’t like to remember it, or his brain doesn’t like to remember it, so it doesn’t at times. It flights.
              Ohm calls it “checking out”. He said this is what he called it before he figured out what it really was. Ohm describes it as being there but not really being there. Like you’re slowly shutting down but never completely off. Time doesn’t exist. Nothing exists except the numbing wave he drowns in and the thoughts that sometimes float with him. He can fake ‘normal’ if he tries, he says, but it never looks or feels as genuine no matter how hard he pushes it. He can escape after awhile but some days his body just gives up. He found it relaxing but at the same time anxiety-inducing and frustrating when he can’t get out. “I have stuff to do, things to feel and I can’t get to them when I’m like that. I don’t like it when I’m like that.” Ohm admits, biting his bottom lip. Cartoonz brushes his lip out from under his teeth before he makes it bleed.
              When Cartoonz first saw it happening with his own eyes he was scared. He didn’t know what to do. His body was there but Ohm wasn’t. His face was a blank canvas without all the pretty expressions he knew Ohm made. His eyes held nothing, his tone was forced. It was scary that someone that didn’t know him too well probably couldn’t tell the difference. And when Ohm finally snapped out of it a couple hours later, he was surprised it was evening. He was surprised at Cartoonz’s panicked expression.
              “Toony, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…” Ohm started stuttering. But Cartoonz just shook his head. It wasn’t his fault, it was things that happened to him that were at fault. The trauma that he had no control over. They spent that night talking about what happened and assuring Ohm that he’s not just crazy. Cartoonz didn’t care that he had to wash his shirt afterwards.
              “I think…I think I know how you can help. But you have to be patient.” Ohm admitted one night during dinner. Cartoonz stopped the mouthful he was about to eat and gave Ohm his full attention. “I know you’re scared to touch me when I’m in that state…but please, just touch me. I’ve realized it’s easy to pull myself out when there’s something tangible I can ground myself on. Just remind me to come back to reality. Remind me there is a reality to come back to…” Ohm’s breath started to stagger. These things were never easy for him to talk about. Cartoonz walked around the table to Ohm’s side, kneeled down and grasped his hands. He kissed Ohm’s cheek, reminding him if he needed him to hold on, he’ll never let go.
              Cartoonz learned a lot of stuff along the year he’s been with Ohm. It was a lot of trial and error and a lot of learning for both parties. It was a lot of studying and working around things. But things are worth it when it came to his boyfriend.
              Sometimes, there was signs when something was wrong. Like when Ohm loses interest in things or when he starts to pull away and isolate himself. That’s usually when the walls start happening, the wall that cuts him off from the world in front of him. The wall that contains him in his lost space. Ohm says his focus usually starts getting fuzzy when he gets overwhelmed or when he has a flashback. But since it’s impossible for Cartoonz to foresee things like that they came up with a color system to communicate with. Code: Lime Green (Ohm’s favorite color) when he was good. Code: Grey when he was in-between. Code: Orange when he was anxious. Code: Blue when he was depressed. And finally, Code: Black when the numbness takes him. The same color as nothingness. Whatever color, Cartoonz still loved Ohm but it’s obvious that Cartoonz’s, and Ohm’s of course, favorite days were when they were fully engulfed in each other, enjoying the world, Ohm whispering ‘Lime Green’ over and over again.
               Today, for some reason, felt off for Cartoonz. It wasn’t like his routine was any different. He woke up, went to the bathroom, fed his cat and went for a quick run. Then he ate breakfast, nursed his hot coffee while he texted Ohm his daily morning text. Ohm responded with a heart and a link to an article he found interesting. Today was a work day, which meant he was going to spend most of it recording, responding to emails and messages, and doing final edits before setting the videos live. It was a productive day but there was just something in his stomach that was telling him something was off. He felt off-balanced in a way. He quickly looked at the clock, realizing it was time to call Ohm and ask him what they wanted to do for dinner. Ohm hasn’t texted him since the afternoon. That was a common thing though. It was something that happened a lot when they were both too engrossed in their work to talk but Cartoonz couldn’t help but think about the feeling in his stomach that he had all day. He started to worry when Ohm didn’t answer his call. On his second call, however, he answered on the fourth ring.
              “Hello?” Cartoonz swallowed at the low, indifferent voice.
              “Ohm? Is everything okay?” There was slow breathing on the other line until a raspy voice appeared.
              “…Luke…Black…” And then the line was dead. Cartoonz pocketed his phone, grabbed his keys and a jacket and was out the door.
              When he arrived at Ohm’s house, he saw the familiar tell-tale signs of a Code: Black. The blinds were closed which was unusual because Ryan likes to open the windows to let the spring breeze in during the morning. All the lights in the house were off even though it was nearing sunset and the faint glow of the sun was no good. As he neared Ryan’s door, he realized the front porch light wasn’t even set. Luke lifted the third potted plant that was near the porch swing, finding the spare key that was there just for him. He entered the house, finding it cold and quiet.
              “Ryan? Are you here?” he called, turning on all the lights as he went and boosting up the thermostat. A jingling of bells answered him instead as Tiny starts galloping towards Luke from the hallway.
              “Hey there, boy. Been keeping your Dad company while I was gone? Where’s your owner? Where’s Ryan?” Luke scratches the small dog’s chin, getting excited licks up his palm. Tiny whimpers at the mention of his owner. He barks and heads toward the hallway, looking back every once in awhile to make sure Cartoonz was following. He’s brought to Ohm’s office, where the man in question is sitting in his gaming chair in the middle of the room. The only thing illuminating the room were the duel screens from his PC set-up showing that he was in the middle of editing a video. But the man was turned away from it, choosing to look at the other direction instead.
              “Ryan? Sweetheart? What are you looking at?” Cartoonz gently asked while Tiny settled back in between Ohm’s feet.
              “A wall.” Ohm responded in a monotone voice. It was hollow and ghosted around the room. Cartoonz saw the wall too. Not the office wall, however, but the invisible wall that was blocking him from Ohm.
              “Okay. Describe the wall for me.” Cartoonz says, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the couch. He turns on a lamp light, not wanting to turn on the ceiling light in case it was too bright. Finally, he sees his boyfriend’s face. It was blank, his eyes dull and glazed over. His cheeks were damp, signifying that must’ve been crying earlier. Cartoonz never liked when he looked like that. It pained him with worry. But his rational side told him not to panic. Panic was the last thing he needed in this situation. He learnt that the hard way.
              “Describe the wall to me, sweetheart. What’s the color of the paint?” Ohm slightly lifts his head.
              “It’s…it’s navy blue.” He takes a deep breath.
              “Yes, it is. We painted it navy blue last summer if you remember. We’re in your office. Tell me more. What else do you see?” Cartoonz was on Ohm’s side now, stroking his hair softly.
              “I see…there’s, there’s posters on the wall. Fan art….and a light switch…there’s a desk. There’s a bunny on the desk.” Ohm takes another deep breath. He starts to scrunch his eyes, trying to process what’s in front of him.
              “Good, Ryan, good. Tell me what you hear now. Focus on your hearing.” Ohm thinks for a bit and licks his lips.
              “I hear the fans of my computer…and scratching. Dog scratching…And…the heater?”
              “Yeah, I turned it on when I came in.” Cartoonz nodded, waiting for him to continue. He starts humming a tune.
              “I hear your accent and…humming. Are you humming your outro song?”
              “Yeah, it’s the best goddamn song I know.” Cartoonz chuckles. A hint of a smile peaks out and Cartoonz knows it’s more of a real one than not. He swipes his hair one more time before sliding towards Ohm’s shoulder and down his arm, never leaving his person. Cartoonz walks around the chair so he was facing Ohm. He grips his hands, applying pressure with his thumbs to remind him he’s there.
              “You’re doing so well. How’s it going, sweetheart? Squeeze my hands for me.” Ohm’s fingers twitch before clenching his hands around his. Cartoonz lightly squeezes back, hoping to bring him down.
              Sometimes, this was enough. Sometimes, reminding him of his surroundings and giving him something to grasp was enough. But the way Ohm clenched and unclenched his hands and the way he shook his head with each steady breath, he realized he was still trying to claw his way out.
              “Ryan, remember what we practiced, Love. Press your feet on the ground, tense your legs, then your thighs, then your stomach…keep going up. Pay attention to how it feels. Good, good.” Luke repeated the grounding technique. He knew it was easier for Ohm to focus with instruction. It was almost like a yoga coach. He watched Ohm’s muscles contract and relax then contract and relax again. It was a system of control, Ohm once said, it reminded him that he had control of his own body.
              “Ryan. Listen. We’re in your office. It’s just me, you, and Tiny. It’s Monday in April. You’re okay. You’re safe. You can do this. There’s no danger here.” Luke repeated the affirmations until Ryan’s eyes started to flutter. They dart around, character splashing down his face. He meets Luke’s eyes and gives him a confused look. Luke lets go of Ryan’s hands and places them on his cheeks. Ryan follows him and lays his hands on top of Luke’s. “Ryan?”
              “Luke you’re…how long have I been gone?” He was still trying to lift the final remnants of the fog but was coming to.
              “About 15 or so minutes with me. Not sure how long before.”
              “Shit.” Ryan muttered. “How did I let myself fall into that. I don’t understand what happened.” Cartoonz understood his disappointment. Self-awareness was something he’s been working on and has gotten quite good at. It must be frustrating to fall into habits again, it must be frustrating to remember he wasn’t linear.
              “You responded this time though. You picked up the phone and told me what was happening. We went through the motions together. That’s a good sign.” Ohm closed his eyes while Cartoonz massaged his cheeks. The times when Ryan was unresponsive were the hardest ones. All Luke could do was hold him, wait and wonder where his mind was taking him. Thankfully, those were rare days.
              “Yeah, I can vaguely recall that. I tried to stay. I did good. I’m here.” Ryan sternly told himself. He opened his eyes and gave Luke a smile. It reflected all the soft things he was finally feeling. Cartoonz kissed the tip of his nose then another one to his lips.
              “Okay, bitch. It’s time to eat dinner now. Look, I’m starving and I know you are too. Think I still have some sweet tea stashed in your fridge.” They walked to the kitchen deciding to order delivery instead. Ohm wanted to watch some movies too but he knew it was just an excuse to cuddle on the couch. Cartoonz was pouring them glasses of sweet tea, looking through food options on his phone. “Hey, babe, does Thai sound good? I’m kinda feelin’ spicy and…” His sentence was cut off suddenly, when he hears objects fall on the floor. Cartoonz pivots and walks into the livingroom to find Ohm, a stack of DVDs dropped on the ground, while staring at his wall calendar.
              “It’s April 7th. That makes a lot of sense now.” He says moreso to himself than to his partner. Cartoonz’s breath hitches. How did he not realize the date? He knew it was April but…was that what his body was trying to tell him all day? Cartoonz thought back to April 7th of last year. It was filled with so much tears and a whirlwind of emotions. So much phasing in and out. Cartoonz never forgot how fragile Ohm felt. Ohm was in so much pain. It messed with him that he couldn’t fully comprehend the things that haunted him about this day. It was a nightmare.
              Cartoonz braced himself, ready to catch his boyfriend if he fell again. He was ready to do it all night if he had to. Cartoonz loved Ohmwrecker. He was never going to let him go through this day alone.
              “Well, damnit.” Ohm said. He took a long breath and tapped his fingerprints on the shelf before picking up the pen he hung next to his calendar. Ryan crossed out the date with a big ‘x’. “Yeah, Thai sounds fine, Toonzy. You think the restaurant down west is open and can deliver? They make a mean Pad Thai.” He starts picking up the movies he’s dropped, fingering through which ones they should watch. Cartoonz just continues looking on, his heart swelling in his chest.
              “I can feel you staring at me, Toonz. And I know what you’re thinking. The date still bothers me obviously; as we saw earlier. But I’m fine at the moment. I want to stay in the present with you. I will stay in the present with you.” Cartoonz was always amazed at the strength his boyfriend had. He was amazed that the capacity of it was limitless. He was fighting but he put out one hell of a fight.
              “I’m so proud of you, love. So fucking proud.” Cartoonz trails his lips down Ohm’s jaw until their lips meet. They took their time to taste each other, to feel the other so close. Ohm released and leaned his forehead on his. They entangled fingers for a second, just basking in the moment before Ohm giggles and leads them back into the kitchen. Cartoonz still didn’t know how he managed to find such a wonderful man.
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randomthings077 · 5 years
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Sweet summer wine.
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okay so I’m really bored and I just feel like writing something, I’m sorry if its no good, I’m not much of a writer haha 😂🤣
photo edit by me!
word count: 917
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“Dean come on, it’s been a day from hell and my ass just wants my bed.” You sigh deeply plopping down on your bed holding the phone between your shoulder and cheek while you remove your shoes.
“Y/n it’s just for a little bit, just throw on something comfy and meet me outside in ten, you’re not getting out of this sweetheart. You’ll thank me later.”
Rolling your eyes, you get up and walk to your dresser searching for your most comfortable shorts, quickly tugging them on and throwing your hair in a ponytail.
“You’re impossible Dean Winchester. See you soon I guess.” You really really didn’t want to get out of the house, much less see anyone. 
Ten minutes later you hear the loud rumble of the classic car.
Sighing, you tuck your phone into your back pocket and walk out the front door, locking it behind you. 
“Hey sweetheart, I gotcha something.” Flashing that signature smile of his, he holds up a bottle of sweet strawberry wine dangling it in front of you like a dog and a bone, and you’ll be damned if you didn’t feel like barking.
“You’re lucky you’re so damn cute Winchester.” Laughing you playfully snatch the bottle out of his hand and hop in the passenger seat taking a big swig. 
“Any music requests?” He hands you the box of tapes, still focusing on the road ahead of him.
“Hmmmm, I guess some Zeppelin sounds pretty good.” You pop the tape in and just let the music and wine carry you away. Before you know it you’re coming to a stop at y’all’s secret hideaway since you two were teenagers. Probably one of the most beautiful fields you’ve seen in your life, green grass,beautiful trees, small daises scattered around and a huge weeping willow in the middle of it all. 
“I swear, no matter how many times I see this place it still manages to take my breath away.”  You get out of the car bottle in hand and head over to sit under the tree. 
“That’s why it’s always been our place. I packed us a little picnic, I know you’ve had a rough go of it here lately and I figured this would help.” Getting the basket and blanket out of the backseat he strides over to you, eyes looking especially green, almost glowing in the sunlight.
“What happened to no chick flick moments?” You laugh playfully punching his arm as he sat down after setting up the blanket.
“Yeah well, you’re worth it. Now, are you going to let me have a drink or not?” 
“Okay fine, but just a little! I know you brought your own drink, you don’t like this stuff much, too girly.” You take another big swig before handing it to him. 
A bottle of wine, some whiskey and good food later, the sun was down, stars were shining and fireflies all around, you found yourself wrapped up in Deans arms counting each of the freckles that dusted his nose and cheeks. 
“Penny for your thoughts hon?” He looks down at you smiling and brushing some hair out of your face.
“You’ll think it’s silly and laugh at me.” Finally letting yourself take a deep cleansing breath, nuzzling into the crook of his neck, not wanting this night to end, wanting to hold onto this very moment for as long as you could. 
“I promise you I won’t, you can tell me anything y/n/n. Don’t ever be scared to tell me something.”
Groaning softly you sit up, looking into his eyes. 
“Okay, fine if you wanna know so badly.” You pick up the flask from Dean’s lap and take a couple gulps before speaking again. 
“You’ve been by my side for years, ever since we were kids. Growing up in the life that we did, you never really think you’ll have the same people around for this long. You’ve saved my ass more times than I can count, both physically and emotionally. You’ve always been my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my drinking buddy and even sometimes my greatest weakness. Before you say anything, just let me finish. After all these years you’ve never left my side and I thank you for that, but I’m not sure I can do this anymore. when you tell me you love me it breaks my heart a little every time because I know it’s not in the way that I want it to be.” Wiping a stray tear from your cheek. Everything was quiet for a while, giving your mind enough time to overthink everything you just said. Before you have enough time to panic too much Dean finally speaks up.
“Y/n, how in the hell could you think that I don’t love you? That I haven’t been in love with you since we were teenagers staying at Bobby’s fixing up old junk cars? You have always been all I can think about. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, you can kick major ass, play some mean pool and drink just about anyone under the table. You have and always been the woman of my dreams.” Before you could say anything Dean was cupping your cheek, bringing his lips down to meet yours in a feather light kiss, almost shyly. The whole world seemed to come to a standstill, all you knew was the feel of his soft plump lips against yours and the taste of sweet, sweet summer wine.
“I told you you’ll thank me later.”
Should I post more? let me know!
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stacks-reviews · 7 years
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Must Reads Special #3
Grab your favorite comfort food and an extra box of tissues. It’s time for another special edition of Must Reads. This months episode: Tears Part 1 Some of my favorite moments that will always make me cry. 
--Cowboy Bebop “The futuristic misadventures and tragedies of an easygoing bounty hunter and his partners.”
Episode 24: “Hard Luck Woman” Faye comes across an elderly woman who knew her when she was younger which triggers some of her memories to return. Back at the Bebop, Ed runs into her absentee father and the rest of Faye’s memories return. As Faye leaves to find her home, she tells Ed that belonging somewhere is the best. Which prompts Ed to leave as Ein follows. Spray painting bye-bye on the ship before she leaves. As Spike and Jet eat the eggs that they had split for everyone we see Faye excitedly run up to her old home only to find nothing but ruins. She draws where her bed was and lays down. 
It’s sad enough to see the Bebop crew split up like this but with “Call Me” playing in the background, it makes this scene all the more heart breaking.
Episode 18: “Speak Like A Child” Our first look into Faye’s past through a mysterious package that turns out to be a tape that she sent to herself as a child. All other music and sounds stop, except for a quiet piano in the background. As the crew looks on, Faye spying from the door, it starts of easily enough. A glimpse into what was. But what rips out my heart every time is the cheer Faye gives to herself. Faye doesn’t remember making the tape or who she was and was like. So although young Faye is telling herself not to lose, to keep trying, adult Faye has already lost (at least in terms of memory).
Young Faye: “Good morning, me. Did you sleep well? Did you wake up feeling good? Did the light, and the wind, and the smell, and the sound, all seem like they’re brand new and fresh this morning? Is each and every cell in your whole body awake and alive now? Today, you are who you are today. See? You’re still me, but you’re a newer version.…Myself ten years from now. It’s so far away; it’s almost impossible to imagine. Am I alone or is there a wonderful person next to me? Knowing me I’m sure you’re causing all kinds of trouble for lots of different people. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to, but it’s all right. That’s part of life too, isn’t it? You’re not perfect but you’ve got a lot to give, so remember: I’ll always be cheering you on. And now a big cheer from my heart. Let’s...go...me, alright! Do your best! Do your best! Don’t lose me! Let’s go, don’t lose, don’t lose me! Do your best! Do your best! Me, me, me! Don’t lose, don’t lose! Me, me, me! Go me! In your time I'm no longer here, but I am here today, and I'll always be cheering for you, right here. Cheering for you- my only self.”
--Futurama “The adventures of a late-20th-century New York City pizza delivery boy, Phili J. Fry, who, after being unwittingly cryogenically frozen for one thousand years, finds employment at Planet Express, an interplanetary delivery company in the retro-futuristic 31st century.”
Episode 2: “The Series Has Landed” Fry, Leela, Bender, and Amy head to the moon to deliver their first package as a delivery crew. The scene that makes me tear up; in more of a bitter sweet kind of feeling instead of downright sad, is when Fry and Leela are on the dark side of the moon in the Apollo 11 lander. Then this moment happens:
Fry: “Look, Leela. I’m sorry. I never should have dragged you out here.” Leela: “That’s right, you shouldn’t have. I still don’t get what the big attraction is.” Fry: “I never told anybody this, but a thousand years ago I used to look up at the moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn’t have the grades, or the physical endurance. Plus I threw up a lot, and nobody liked spending a week with me.” Leela: “A week would be a little much.” Fry: “The moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing, hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it, no matter how much you wanted to. But you’re right. Once you’re actually here, it’s just a big, dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes, the way I used to.” Leela: “Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don’t know why I never noticed it before.”
It was the first scene that showed me that this show was going to be much more than a silly comedy. It would have moments like these where it becomes something beautiful.
Episode 137: “Game of Tones” A strange ship is heading toward Earth emitting four loud notes that start to cause structural damage on the planet. Fry seems to recognize the melody so they put him to sleep to explore his memories of the day he was frozen to find what was causing the melody. 
I haven’t seen this episode as much as the others on my list today but I do remember the ending. As a thank you for helping save the world again Nibbler helps transport Fry to his mothers dream so he could speak to her. She mentions that she dreamed about him a lot since his disappearance and asks what he wanted to speak about. Speechless, he just hugs her and back in the year 2000 his mother wakes from her dream to Fry’s picture on her nightstand, smiles, and peacefully falls back to sleep.
Episode 56: “Leela’s Homeworld” Leela learns the truth about where she is from. She is not the only cyclops alien in existence, she is a mutant and her parents gave her up so she could have a better life on the surface. At first she believes that the two mutants killed her real parents and almost kills them when they said they did. Then Fry shows up with the note that was left with Leela when she was given away saying it was written on paper commonly used in the sewers. After the reveal Leela says that they are her parents, they embrace and everyone cries. Even Bender gives out a little aww. But what really kicks you in the feels is the montage that follows, showcasing all the ways that Leela’s family secretly looked after throughout her life. Catching her before she could fall down some stairs, leaving her cookies while she worked on homework, giving her birthday presents, and even covering her up with a blanket to this day while she slept.
Episode 36: The Luck of the Fryrish After a string of bad luck Fry wishes he had his old seven-leaf clover; that helps him beat his older brother at everything, and with the help of Leela and Bender they travel to the ruins of Old New York to see if they can find it. Amazingly his house is still there but the clover is gone and after finding a statue that looks like his brother, Yancy, with the inscription, “Philip J. Fry The Original Martian, he concludes that his brother must have stolen it and his dream to be the first person on Mars. Fry finds out where his brother is buried and decides to do a little grave-robbing to get his clover back. The episode jumps between Fry’s past and his current time. Mainly focusing on his relationship with his older brother. Showing how Yancy wanted to be named Philip and kept copying Fry. 
Once they arrive at the grave Fry knocks off the moss that had covered the graves inscription. It then jumps to his older brother discussing what to name his newborn son with his wife: 
Yancy: “Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It’s a lucky clover that can help you be successful whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special.” His wife: “I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It’s okay.” Yancy: Really? Son, I’m naming you Philip J. Fry in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you Philip (sniff) and I always will.”
Fry (reading the inscription): “Here lies Philip J. Fry, named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit.”
The episode packs quite a punch. We spend the majority of the episode under the idea that Yancy didn’t care for Fry much. He wanted to be the one named Philip, he wanted to steal the clover, he kept copying his brother’s style, and appears to have taken over Fry’s life. And through Fry’s frustrations, we don’t care much for Yancy in the beginning. But upon later reflection we realize that Yancy actually admired and loved Fry a lot and wanted to be more like him. And I think Fry spends most of his life thinking that his brother may not have liked him and here he has irrevocable proof that his brother loved him.
Episode 61: Jurassic Bark At a fair about the 21st century Fry finds his old dog, Seymour, fossilized. With the Professor’s help they plan to clone Seymour but Bender becomes jealous and throws Seymour into lava. But realizing that Fry could love an ‘inferior creature’ and wasn’t trying to annoy him jumps into the lava to rescue Seymour before he melts. As they begin to extract Seymour’s DNA it is revealed that Seymour died at 15, 12 years after Fry was frozen, and Fry has them stop the cloning. When this happens: 
Bender: “Fry, what’s wrong?” Fry: “Think about it: Seymour lived a full life after I was gone...He probably even added new songs to his repertoire.” Bender: “But that’s a good thing. “Walkin’ On Sunshine” sucks noodles.” Fry: “I had Seymour ‘till he was three. That’s when I knew him, and that’s when I loved him...I’ll never forget him...But he forgot me a long, long time ago...”
After giving Seymour one last affectionate pat goodbye it cuts to show that Seymour spent twelve years outside Panucci’s Pizza waiting for Fry to return (while ”I Will Wait for You” plays in the background). Until one day he laid down and closed his eyes. 
Kills me every time. Fry thought Seymour happily moved on but he dutifully stayed there and waited for his return.
--Gattaca Gattaca is my favorite movie. And I have a lot of contenders for that position. But when it comes down to it and when I really stop and think about it, Gattaca is the first that comes to mind. I’ve looked up and thought about many of the quotes from it. 
In a futuristic setting (though the present gets closer and closer to it everyday) people are born through eugenics. Born to be the best of both parts of their parents DNA. Those born in a more natural was are known as “God-child” and are discriminated against. 
Vincent: “I belonged to a new underclass, no longer determined by social status or the color of your skin. No, we know have discrimination down to a science.”
Vincent is one such God-child who dreams of going to space but no one is willing to hire him due to having a high possibility of getting sick and having an estimated life span of only 30.2 years. But with the help of a genetic donor he switches places with one Jerome Eugene Marrow, a former professional swimmer who was injured in a car accident. Posing as Eugene, the fake Eugene gets a job at Gattaca and will be heading to Titan as a navigator. But a murder occurs at Gattaca and almost gets him found out when an eyelash of his real DNA is found near the scene. After evading police and the real murderer being found fake Eugene is all set to go to Titan. Only to find a new security DNA check before loading. Not having any extra samples of real Eugene, fake Eugene is found out by the doctor that has always done the DNA tests. And has known about Eugene posing as someone else for a long time. He then joins the rest of the crew and is last scene heading off to Titan.
I love this movie for various reasons and I might someday do a whole breakdown of why. But for now, why it makes me cry. It is the ending. As he says his last line: 
Vincent (as Eugene): “For someone who was never meant for this world, I must confess, I’m suddenly having a hard time leaving it. Of course, they say every atom in our bodies was once a part of a star. Maybe I'm not leaving; maybe I'm going home.”
I tear up every time. The first time I don’t think I even knew why because I didn’t grasp the full film. That took a second viewing and a little research. There is the argument of how far are we willing to take science, there’s the issue on prejudice, and how limiting creating people in such a way can slow progress and ultimately affect our lives. How we would stop pushing ourselves. But for now let’s just leave it as an example of the underdog proving everyone wrong and rising to a position that no one believed they could make it to.
Anton: “Vincent! How are you doing this Vincent? How have you done any of this? We have to go back.” Vincent: “It’s too late for that. We’re closer to the other side.” Anton: “What other side? You wanna drown us both?” Vincent: “You wanna know how I did it? This is how I did it Anton: I never saved anything for the swim back.”
And then there’s this moment with his love interest, Irene:
Vincent: “My name is Vincent, all right? Vincent Anton Freeman, and I'm a "faith birth" or a "de-gene-erate", whatever you want to call it; but I am NOT a murderer!” Irene: “You're a "God-child"?” Vincent: “But we do have one thing in common, only I don't have twenty or thirty years left in mine. Mine is already ten thousand beats overdue.” Irene: “It's not possible.” Vincent: “You are the authority on what is not possible, aren't you Irene? They've got you looking for any flaw, that after a while that's all you see. For what it's worth, I'm here to tell you that it is possible. It is possible.”
--The Possibility of Fireflies by Dominique Paul “It’s 1987 and fourteen-year-old Ellie Roma doesn’t have much of a family. She lives with her mother, who has taken a break from parenting; and her older sister, Gwen, who is on her way to becoming a juvenile delinquent. Her father left them to start a new life. So Ellie spends a lot of time alone, especially at night, when all she has to keep her company are the fireflies that flicker in the summer air. Then one day a mysterious stranger enters her dark world. He is Leo, twenty-one, who is on his way to Hollywood to become a rock star. Ellie and Leo connect instantly, and Ellie hopes Leo will be the one to rescue her from her unhappy life. But instead, Leo teaches Ellie that no one can save you. You have to go after what you want. So one night - one terrible, frightening night - that’s exactly what Ellie decides to do.”
I loved this book. I read it at least three or four times when I was in middle school. Partly it was because I could relate to Ellie really well. My parents got divorced when I was nine and although I didn’t have abusive parents, the woman my dad got remarried to did do a lot of emotional and mental abuse to my older sister and myself. And those first several years of the divorce it was pretty rough. I’ve blocked a lot of it out and I try my best not to think about it but every now and then those memories like to attack. Due to the strong connection I felt toward Ellie and my own history, I have cried every time I have read this book.
Why it makes me cry. There are plenty of sad moments throughout this book but what makes me cry every time is the ending. Near the end Ellie’s older sister decides to run away with her friend. Ellie doesn’t really want to stay there with her mother alone so she runs across the street and asks to leave with her new neighbor friend. Who turns down her offer but does give her a ride and some money to get on a bus. She decides to go to her dads house and thinks of everything they’ll do together. But when she arrives no one is home and there aren’t even any fireflies for her to watch. As she starts to wonder if he even still lives there and would even want to see her, a car pulls up. It is her father and he leads her inside and shows her a bed (or was it a couch? It’s been a while since I last read it) so she can get some sleep. He tells her goodnight and leaves a house key for her on the table. 
--Yu Yu Hakusho “From cutting classes to brawling in the streets, Yusuke Urameshi is not your typical role model. In fact, this kid's nothing more than a fourteen-year-old delinquent with a talent for trouble. But in a single selfless act Yusuke dies while saving another. For such noble sacrifice he is given a second chance at life, but it's to be a life far different than the one left behind. Now a Spirit Detective, the young man must track down demons and humans alike who desire to rule over the three realms of reality.”
Episode 1: “Surprised to be Dead” Yusuke’s funeral. The first time I saw Yu Yu Hakusho was during my early anime years. So I was very unprepared for someone to actually die in their show. No other anime I was watching at the time had any deaths yet, least of all it the main character. 
If you’ve never seen this classic series Yusuke is a delinquent. He skips school, starts fights, all that. And yet he stops to save a child who was almost hit by a car and dies in the process. The shinigami who breaks the news to him, Botan, takes him to his funeral. Yusuke expects to see everyone laughing and being glad that he’s dead. Including his mother, his rival, classmates. Only to find his mother and his childhood friend, Keiko, crying. Then comes in his rival, his principal, and the boy he saved. And then I’m an emotional wreck.
Komada: "Come on, let's go back! This isn't right!" Kuwabara: “Shut up! Let go of me, wouldja?" Yusuke (floating over everyone’s heads): “What? Kuwabara [his rival]?!” Kuwabara (enters Yusuke’s apartment): "Damn you! You think you can just back out 'cause you're scared!" Okubo: "Kuwabara, this place is for mourning!" Kuwabara: "I'm not gonna leave! Not until he comes out here and lets me fight him!" Okubo: “He can’t do that!” Kuwabara: "I'm gonna beat you down, you punk! You hear me? Who do you think you are, huh? Dirty punk! Who am I gonna fight now? Who am I gonna fight?" Okubo: “He’s gone!” Kuwabara: “No! You’re supposed to be here...for me.” [and thus this bromance was born]
Takenaka: "At first I was so surprised, Yusuke...to hear you'd saved a kid at the cost of your own life. You've always acted more selfishly than that. Darn. Yusuke, I don't know why I don't feel like speaking well of you. [begins to cry] Why didn't you stay? You could have made something great out of yourself!"
Little Boy (the one Yusuke saved): "Mommy, do you think it'd be okay if I played with that boy tomorrow, if I'm good?" Mother: "No, son." Little Boy: "I know some people sounded angry at him, but he's really nice. He made really funny faces at me too, and he got me my ball! I don't know why those people were crying like that. It was probably because they wanted to play with him, too."
I think this was the first anime that ever made me cry. Yusuke thinks everyone hates him, would probably be better off if he wasn’t around, and then finds out that isn’t the case (a bit of It’s a Wonderful Life moment). It was a very sad scene and gets me every time.
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