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chaotic-mystery · 10 months

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Jaded | J.M.

ꨄ Pairing: bfd!Joel x f!reader

ꨄ Summary: It’s been rocky between you and your secret boyfriend who just so happens to also be your best friends dad, ever since you moved to a new city without him. Surprising him for his birthday probably wasn’t the best idea, for either one of you.

ꨄ CW: established relationship, age gap (Joel’s in his late 40s, reader late 20s) swearing, mean!joel, arguing, Joel saying stuff he doesn’t mean like usual, no outbreak!au.

ꨄ WC:2.6k

A/N: am I an asshole for leaving it the way I did? Maybe. We all knew it was coming though! This honestly broke my heart and I hope it reads how I envisioned it. Let me know what you think! 🖤

🝮Songs to listen to for this🝮

Jaded - Miley Cyrus

Sucks 4 U - Sophie Cates

Complicated - Avril Lavigne

Look After You - The Fray

Over You - Daughtry

About You - The 1975

“Joel..” you muttered with your eyes still closed, your arm extending out to the other side of your bed. Slowly blinking your eyes open and sitting up, you breathed in deeply as you looked around confused. There was no reason you should’ve been calling out his name considering he hasn’t come to see you in weeks. Joel was older, it was unrealistic to think he’d text you many times during the day. He preferred calling or coming to visit when he had the weekend off. The past few weekends he decided to stay home which didn’t bother you, but he didn’t call much either. If he did call, it was short and brief, like it was a chore. Joel used to lay the phone on his bare chest, your voice on speaker while he dozed off listening to how pretty you sounded. That hasn’t happened in months.

You hurried to find your phone on the floor, texting Sarah as fast as your fingers could type.

Hey! Are you guys doing anything for your dad’s birthday this weekend?? Should we drive to see him?

Minutes that felt like hours passed and you bit at the inside of your cheek in nervousness, dying to see her response.

I heard from Uncle Tommy they were throwing a surprise party, but i won’t be able to make it home this weekend, soccer game! Feel free to go tho, I’m sure he won’t mind you taking my place! Love ya xo

Your thumb brushed over the side of your phone as you reread the text about a dozen times, contemplating the idea of going. What if he didn’t want to see you? Could you handle that amount of rejection? You needed answers from him though, what happened to him where he felt comfortable treating you like a stranger? Fuck it.

In a matter of 30 minutes you managed to get every single detail from Tommy, your bag packed and GPS routed to Joel’s house. It seemed a little crazy, a spur of the moment trip to drive 4 hours to confront the man who was trying to ghost you. As you got in your car and your playlist blaring through the speakers, you gave yourself a small pep talk, bracing yourself for whatever was about to happen tonight.

———————-

Finally you arrived at the Millers house, Joel’s truck nowhere in sight. You parked a few houses away so he wouldn’t see your car if he took the same route he always did to get home. Tommy pushed the screen door open and greeted you with his arms open and a grin on his face, a kitchen towel over his shoulder. “Well well well, she does live!” Tommy joked with you and grabbed your bag from your hand, walking up the sidewalk to the house. “Alive and well, just fucking starving and I need a shower before I get dressed.” Your arms wrapped around his torso and hugged him tightly. Tommy knew about you and Joel, he knew not to tell Sarah or lead on to anything going on between you and Joel in front of her. “Well c’mon then! Get your shit and let’s go inside, fix ya somethin’ to eat. Joel’s at work but he’ll be here after. All your shit is still upstairs so go on while I make you something I can find in this god forsaken fridge.” Tommy shouted from the kitchen as you shut the front door. Birthday decorations scattered across the walls and the floor, balloons tied to the lamps. Joel always told you to not make a big fuss over his birthday but you and Tommy never listened. Surprise parties were your thing you did for him, so it was nice to see Tommy continuing the tradition. This would make surprise party number three for Joel since you started dating him, and it stung a little bit you didn’t think to come down and plan one for him regardless if he deserved it or not.

You walked up the stairs to Joel’s room, pushing the door open slowly before poking your head in. It smelled just the same, the cologne you got him mixed with the faintest hint of laundry soap that he swore up and down was the best. Tossing your bag on his bed and sighing deeply, you ran a hand through your hair as you wondered what the hell were you doing here.

I miss you! Can I see you this weekend, maybe grab a bite at that favorite restaurant of yours down here? You hesitated to hit send, your heart racing in your chest.

Too nervous to sit and wait for his response, you stripped and made your way to his bathroom. The hair soap you swore you left was nowhere to be found. There was Joel’s sitting on the shelf, so what happened to yours? They were pretty full and Joel didn’t like to use yours. A pit grew in your stomach, the confusion eating at you. As you stepped under the warm water, your tears started to flow freely. It was like Joel was slowly erasing you from his life, piece by piece. For what?

You washed your hair quickly and grabbed the body soap and your wash cloth. Your eyes couldn’t help but flick down to where your soap bottles used to sit, anger coursing through you. If he wanted to see other people, he should’ve just been fucking honest. As you dried off and started to get ready, your mind replayed everything that could’ve caused this. Your relationship wasn’t perfect by any means, you fought almost daily a few months ago before he stopped calling so much. It would be over nothing, just Joel being stubborn. He’d bring up your age and how you’d get bored of him, how he’s not the man you want, how you resent him for not wanting to move with you, stuff you’d never say about him. He was the one that was embarrassed of you. He never wanted you to meet his friends, and when he got tired of your begging and pleading, he finally took you out with them to the bar. That was a fucking joke you thought to yourself as you recalled that night from a year ago.

“Joel what the fuck was that? Why didn’t you call me your girlfriend when you introduced me to them?” you questioned as you got out of his truck in his driveway. You slammed the door shut and he groaned loudly from inside the vehicle, climbing out reluctantly. “The hell are you on about? I told ‘em we were datin’, is that not good enough?” He loved doing that thing where he’d spin it back on you and make you feel so stupid for even bringing it up. “Oh my god, no It’s not like that! I just wanted to know why you didn’t tell them I was your girlfriend and have been for a year!” you bursted through the front door and threw off your purse, tossing it to the ground. “Well excuse the hell outta me! I thought it was the same fuckin’ thing!” he shouted, following you through the house to his room. “Why does it matter so much to you? If you’re with me, what’s it matter, huh?” Joel's hands grabbed your arms and forced you to look at him, his face riddled with confusion and anger. “Because, Joel! I love you and you’re fucking embarrassed to show anyone that!” The hot tears were streaming down your face as you tried to fight him to let go. His face finally softened and he sighed. “Baby…”

That was so long ago and here you were now in his room, finding out the man you thought loved you had maybe not wanted you anymore. Finally zipping up your dress, you fixed your hair one last time and checked your makeup. Something came over you and told you to open the bedside table you used to call yours, wondering if anything was touched. The cool wood brushed over your knuckles as you grabbed the knob and pulled gently, bracing yourself for whatever could be in there. All of your old pictures of you two were in a pile, scattered like someone was digging through them from time to time. The one that was your favorite was all the way at the bottom. It was of Joel, in the ocean and he looks gorgeous. That was your first vacation together, you both went to go see Sarah’s soccer game and you snuck away together while she was at practice to go swimming. He told you he’d help you learn how to swim so he took you out so far you almost couldn’t touch and helped you get over your fear of drowning. “I won’t let that happen, ok? I gotcha sweet pea. Don’t be scared, I’m here.” You recalled how his arms wrapped around you and you felt so safe. He looked so ethereal, like he wasn’t real.

You closed the drawer and found your phone buried under your towel on the bed, checking to see if maybe Joel messaged you back. Nothing. There was nothing. A sigh of frustration left your lips and you walked out of Joel’s room, looking for Tommy downstairs. He was in the kitchen getting the drinks and snacks out. “There you are! I made ya a grilled cheese but it got cold, thought ya fell asleep up there girl, been almost two hours.” Tommy’s eyes met yours and he noticed you weren’t your normal self. He gave an apologetic smile and rubbed your back softly, “Cmon, we’ve got about fifteen minutes ‘fore he gets here. Help me with the cake?” You gave Tommy a small smile and nodded, reaching to open the box the cake was in. You both were careful not to bump the box on it and set it on the table for everyone to see. His house filled up rather quickly with people while you were upstairs for those couple hours, which to you felt like minutes.

“Everyone get down, he’s here!” someone shouted from the living room and suddenly the lights went out, leaving you standing in pure darkness. Tommy tugged your arm and you snapped out of the transe you were in, crouching down in front of the kitchen table. The front door swung open and there he was, your man. The broad shoulders on the silhouette made your breath hitch and your knees weak. Immediately the lights went on and everyone popped out shouting happy birthday. Joel’s face lit up with a smile and the little confetti poppers went off, small rainbow bits of paper cascading down to the floor in front of him. He was met with many hugs as everyone crowded him, leaving you by the table by yourself. You couldn’t bring yourself to go up there to him, not in front of all these people. Small conversations were forming as Joel was finally making his way out of the clump of bodies, his beautiful brown eyes locking with yours.

“H-happy birthday.” you stated quieter than you wanted. His arm dropped to his side as his smile slowly faded, walking over to you. “What’re you doin’ here?” Joel asked harshly. Was that all he had to say? A lump grew in your throat and your mouth went dry. “Tommy um, Tommy invited me.” Great, now you were stuttering and tripping over your words. Joel was now toe to toe with you, his expression not changing. “Oh” he muttered sarcastically and nodded. Tears stung your eyes at his cold tone and you knew you couldn’t deal with this all night. “Listen, I’ll go if you want me to, just tell me…but if I walk out that door Joel, we’re done. I can’t do this anymore and by the looks of it, you don’t want to do it either. You’ve practically hidden every single memory of me or gotten rid of it and for what?” your eyes were overfilled with tears as they threatened to spill from the outer corners and Joel's head snapped away, his jaw clenching at the silence you shared.

“Yeah, I want you to leave. We’re done.” He didn’t even have the fucking decency to look at you when he said it, when he plunged the knife into your heart. There was nothing more you could say to him to see how hurt you were, how much you wanted him to beg you to stay. You wanted him to tell you why he’d been acting this way for months and why he felt so comfortable acting like you meant nothing to him after three years. You pushed passed him and ran up the stairs to gather your bag. He didn’t deserve you, and that was so clear now. He didn’t deserve all the late nights you stayed up with him and assured him Sarah wouldn’t find out about you two. How many vacations you took him on just to get him out of Texas. He didn’t deserve all the brand new things you introduced him to. Most importantly, he didn’t deserve the amount of patience you had with him. He was as stubborn as a fucking mule, but not once did you ever think about giving up on him like he was doing to you right now.

Mascara was running down your face as you practically sprinted to your car, your bag flailing behind you. You dropped your car keys trying to unlock your trunk and you lost it. You leaned against the trunk with your hands covering your face, sobbing your heart out. You gave him everything, you gave him all of you. “Wait, don’t go..” Joel shouted out of breath as he ran down the sidewalk. You looked up at him through blurry eyes, that burning anger igniting in your stomach once more. “No, fuck you! I’m leaving. I told you if you let me walk out that door we were done and what did you do? YOU LET ME LEAVE!” your voice echoed between the houses but you didn’t care anymore. “You’re nothing but a selfish asshole, Joel. I should’ve known better than to think you wouldn’t break my heart. Fuck you, just go.”

His arms engulfed you and you beat your fists on his chest, crying harder than you were before. Joel’s grip on you tightened as he pulled you in close, shushing you quietly. “Stop, just stop. Shhh” he whispered and petted the back of your head softly. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, sweet pea. I think I just got so busy with work and you with getting adjusted in your new place, we were like ships passing in the night.” Joel’s hands cupped your face, his thumb swiping away your tears. “You don’t just give up and act like I don’t exist Joel! Why would you do that to me?!” you demanded and looked at him through tear clumped lashes. “I thought it was easier for you! Jus’ let me prove to you I can be a better man to you, darlin. Please, I need you. I’ve been so lonely without you.” Joel’s tone softened as his voice cracked, a tear falling down his face.

“This is what I’ve been wanting to hear for months. I need some space. I can’t keep doing this shit, Joel. Happy birthday.” You placed a photo of you and him in his hand that you swiped from the drawer earlier. A croak of your name left his lips before you walked away and climbed into your car. You looked at him one last time in the rearview mirror as he stood there staring at everything he just fucked up. He needed to sit with what he’d done, and you had a lot to think about on your drive back home.

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