#sometimes my brain works for good

[starstruckodysseys]

fuck it we ball *turns into riz gukgak*

#sometimes my brain makes good things. sometimes it’s 11pm on a tuesday after working until 9 and getting fillings #you’ll never guess which one this was born of #dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high #fh #riz gukgak

[starchaserfanatic]

When you find the urge to re-read a fic you read like years ago, but it’s two in the morning and you don’t remember the title or author just that one scene that has stayed with you for years, but you have work tomor-

Me at four AM: FUCK! FiNaLlY yEs! It may have taken me two hours and turning my brightness up all the way, but now I finally get to re-read 80k words leading up to a kiss that will damage me emotionally. Finally. So worth it.

#it was in fact not worth it #I fell asleep at work #it’s fine #everything is fine #worth it #ao3 #drarry #harry potter #ao3 fanfic #fanfic #hyperfixation brain activated #fanfiction #ao3 is my life #and therapy sometimes #this applies to all ships if we’re being honest #bagginshield #good omens #jegulus #sterek #wolfstar #steddie #star wars #codywan #gentlebeard #our flag means death #archive of our own #kontim #rosekiller #maraduers #haikyuu

[yo-yo-yoshiko]

I think they should be friends and neighbors.

#ohsama sentai kingohger #kingohger #super sentai #gerojim #morfonia #fan art #the retaingers #i don't know why my brain spits out the things it does sometimes but i think they would groan about work and their beloved kings #gerojim would probably follow morfonia around like 'frieeeend' and she'd just grimace and let him waaahah! #but then she discovers that he's really good at bitching aldkfjlzeskf #can't remember who on this website refers to Rita Jeramie Gerojim and Morfonia as 'team gokkan' but i love that for them

[b4kuch1n]

thank you for coming to the show

but now it's curtain call

and senses will be out the window in a minute

#pokemon #swsh #champion leon #ft. charizard #hi. still acquainting myself to the screen tablet #it's kinda doing things to my brain #so it.s taking a hot sec okay. but its cool we are getting there #I guess. this is kinda the mid autumn stuff? for now #I wanna do a comic for the day... but we will see. we will see! #but yeah lol this is also just like. basically a tech demo for the tablet. with me drawing leon's hair again #lining this one in SAI2 was a feat! but it does work better on a screen tablet than on a graphic tablet #simply due to I see where the pen is #okay I will take a nap now. and I will draw more tonite perhaps #and!! this weekend. I go watch nope in theater again. Im ready for it (Im not) #(Im gonna be so scared holy shit I wont sleep well for another few days. its gonna slap) #have a good day guys!! blue is okay sometimes. use wisely

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[theswedishpajas]

The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄

#my art stuff #digital art #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle” #I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style #but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!! #I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism #cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever #constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal #you know how it is 😔 #I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff - #- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it #which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance #I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead #it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong” #at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards #man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether #either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something #being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff #don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes #tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me #i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure

[dollsuguru]

love delving into suguru’s overthinking brain <3

#i think his paternal instinct is natural and that it affects the way he interacts sometimes (shows itself in good and bad ways) #i think it’s a genuine struggle for him in terms of nature & nurture. he wants to take care of you/fix things but doesn’t want to make you + #feel like he’s controlling you in that way… it’s a fine line i kinda wanna explore that w him #i underthink to a fault sometimes 😭 so it’s cool to write about a character who’s a constant overthinker #MIND YOU THIS IS FROM MY V-DAY WIP FIC 😭 wanted to add a lil conflict/a look into the way suguru’s brain works #still a bit messy/choppy but i’m just writing stream of consciousness rn #snippets #personal

[kinos-fortress-2]

ok another headcanon and is from my ultimate comfort favs:

When demo got first hired by pauling he was like very shy and introverted at some point where everyone wasn’t like… that conjoined and besties as how they are now. And i feel like he got a pretty rough time to even start to talk with his teammates or get a tiny friendship with them.

And he often times was very threatened by small lady in glasses that liked to be strict with them in their first day since… it was business only ofc

but by the time when pauling got a bit more soft with them, and got also a bit friendly with demo i feel like at some point he started to develop a tiny crush with her since she was the one who often talks more with, and i have this other hc that also he would fell easily with people that befriends him (not like anyone of course it really does depends the person for him)

so you know pauling it’s nerdy and a bit sensitive (she cries very easily) and she is very friendly or a bit more extrovert if she gets to, but like in a sense where she is more ambivert too. uhhh idk she is just talkative with people if you get her chance where she’s not busy and will tell you to go to hell. rough lady

and he liked that! i think he thought they both shared some stuffs along and can infodump their love for guns and for the work they are in and then if they can go a bit personal with some drinks and he liked that he could share this stuffs with her all chill and cool

but i feel like he just had this side secret crush with her and stopped those want to be romantic feelings because he really saw she is not like, up to those stuffs, she is so focused on work and also stressed and depressed like him and he could just understand that she just only want someone to listen to her but she will not like, pay that much attention about romantic relationships and he could completely understand that once he get to know her more deeply. and he just couldn’t do that to the one who also considered a friend and he probably guessed she will not feel the same for him but that didn’t like hurt him and is not like he ever confessed to her. he just had those secret feelings for her for a time and then realized she was not really like the one for him to be in a relationship

and that’s where i thought of him now having a more soft spot for her and caring her like a sister (not like literally but in a familiar soft spot sense, but that’s ofc his friend)

so yeah idk 👍

#i don’t shipp them but just a character development thought ig idk i’m just stupid aha #i just care for them enough to invade my brain ok? ok. ok #i had one also with short fuse (demoengi) #where demo in his first days at work where nobody talks to each other and stuffs #and you know he is a very genius guy in also building his little stuffs his sticky bombs thing whatever the fuck you call those shits #and that called engie attention and he just got a bit closer to know about demo you know like #when you see a kid with pokémon cards and you like that and you go and talk to them about pokémon the entire recess? yeah like that #and that’s where demo started to develop a crush on engie because he talked to him about something they like for big long hours and yknow #engie might be a bit reserved in some personal stuffs but he can get friendly with anyone just bc he is a polite man good raised man #so that kindness in being so interested to talk to him just made demo FIUMP! get a bullet love in his little demo heart #i love building characters interactions sometimes ha #wrote all of this in class

[witchyvixie]

I love stories about 'bad' people who still love and are loved. people who don't care if the people they love are bad. I love when the point isn't to say "you're not actually bad" but "even if you are, you still deserve love in your life"

#true neutrals are the best and i really want more of them in media #this is abt joel tlou (game specifically. i haven't watched the show) #we can argue all day about whether it was 'morally wrong' to kill the fireflies or whether their plan would have worked #but i love that he doesn't care if he's doing something terrible. all he cares about is her. and that gets to me #and that ellie absolutely knows he's lying to her but decides not to find out because she wants to be with him too #i feel like arguing whether joel was in the right is kinda missing the point #also don't get me wrong i love when the point is learning that you're not actually bad. those stories can also be wonderfully poignant. #my favorite character is one of those #but sometimes my messed up brain needs to hear 'you don't have to maintain 'good' to still be loved'

[skunkes]

started playing dave da diver which was a mistake bc now thats all i wanna do...

#he is so cute ^_^ #talkys #my issue with video jame is im very prone to the time sink bc i have nothing else going on #the other issue is sometimes i trick my brain so good i never touch any games ever again #in the sense of like. you're gonna be obsessed with it but the obsession will eventually pass. so why not #just skip to the part where u arent obsessed anymore <3 AND IT WORKS #and then i just dont consume games bc i know the obsession will happen.

[honeyvenommusic]

❗️NEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-

#glass animals #honestly i wore out dreamland sm my brain took a lonnng break from expecting anything from them?? idk i’m just huh???? #like….. when i say wore out #i cannot describe how much i listened to it #i usually have some vague idea even if it’s a ridiculous number #like 52 times in a month for an album or something (has happened) #i cannot recall w this #gonna say bc 2020 & they were Literally the last band i saw live. next morning everyone found out about everything annd lockdown. no joke #so it was big dreamland time when it dropped and revisiting their past albums when i broke out of its spell lmao #(pretty sure before that like january was when i listened to déjà vu 100+ times in a row tho so oop. it was a tough day lol) #anyway seeing this aww man. i really have had this band with me for a long long time. 🥹 i remember hearing gooey on the radio one night #driving home from work late @ night in 2014. the drive was so short i couldn’t be arsed to fish out my ipod & plug it in #sometimes so just popped on a good station i had preset. started the car and heard this *voice* and i was like who???? #had to check the station bc it was an alt station and i thought i had it on another one which was fine i was just v confused #it was in the middle of the song & i was immediately anxious to know the name hoping i’d hear it & it wouldn't just flow into the next song #then the dj would pile the names together after x number of songs played bc i was tiired (but woulda stayed in the car ngl). got lucky & #ran inside to find it then yelled at my roommate the next day that she HAD to listen to it during a smoke session after work #(i was right & it blew her miiind) #god. what a fucking time. what a fucking band. idk what the disc horse is surrounding them now since they blew up via tiktok #i’m sure people are v quick to say they’re overrated bc of that but idk & i’m glad i don’t know. they’ll always be this #highly inventive incredible band i stumbled upon for the perfect night drive home after a long long shift #a band that came back from a Horrible accident that should have ended 1 of their lives & somehow didn’t & should have ended them #as a band (like still cannot believe Joe was drumming in 2020 & i saw it with my own eyes like how tf???!?) #a band deserving of all of its successes. glass animals forever

[httpiastri]

#im about to FREAK OUT bcs of my boss #like yes i'm so thankful and happy to be employed. really. #but my boss is so #it feels like he's never doing anything.... he's only in the office max 2 days per week and idk #hes just very strange #but the worst thing is that he just takes his own work and dumps it on me #which is fine in some ways! like i sometimes just sit around with no work to do #so then it's good to have something to do #but today... not only did i already have a shit ton of work to do but #he tells me to book a hotel for a conference they're having ?? and that's not even near what's in my work description?????? #(i basically just do numbers rn. i sit with spreadsheets and move numbers around and stuff like that) #and the worst part is that he told me i cant email them... i must call........ #and i get that this sounds super silly to those who don't have a fear of speaking on the phone but #it makes me freak the f out #i cant even talk on the phone with my parents. or my brother. or a friend. like genuinely just no i cant #it brings out so so much anxiety in me #i get dizzy just thinking about it #and again this is really really not even similar to anything in my job description ???? i wouldn't have signed up if i knew i had to do thi #and when i have things that i need to do but i physically cant then my brain just goes into pause mode and i don't do anything at all #instead of doing one of the many things i *could* do (like write an email anyway) #there's just no way im gonna be able to call but idk what my boss is gonna think if i mail.... because he specifically said that i must cal #rrGGG im just so frustrated!!!!! #and i needed to get this out.... soz for the rant #i just think i would cry (genuinely) if i were to make that call #alSO BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTION IS SO UNCLEAR LIKE ALWAYS WITH THIS GUY #I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO #gonna go drink a lot of water so i dont cry now 👍 sorry bye

[silawastaken]

ciao ciao it’s me again !!!

anyways. kinda excited for taylor swifts new album the tortured poets department. I’m not even a swifte and I have none of her songs in any of my playlists (excluding cardigan but whatever) but for some reason I’m hyped??! idk the name just sounds so cool. “tortured poets department” hell yeah that’s right up my alley!!

like ugh the name and the aesthetic of it just seemed so cool 😭 idk whether this gonna be the album to turn me into a swifte or not (probably not) BUT AY. I just thought I should share.

since i saw you’re like a big taylor swift fan and I would get bullied intensely by my friends irl if I even mentioned liking taylor …. I decided to just rant here :3

anyways whats ur opinion on this new album (I can’t believe I’m talking about taylor swift online) (sila what have u done. it’s these posts I saw about ts I swear)

OMG I FORGOT ABOUT THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT DON'T EVEN ASHURRHUD I'M SO EXCITED IT'S LIKE DEAD POETS SOCIETY BUT MUSIC SEJDHRJEHURHD

No I so so so hope that tpd is gonna be like evermore/folklore companion album, esp with the final track on folklore the lakes yknow 'take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die' if I had an entire album like that??? SCREAMINGBEHDHDUDHDHD If she tours for it after the eras tour I NEED tickets you DON'T GET IT.

I'm not even a swiftie. I'd never call myself one, I'm not insane over her I'm not insane over her I'm not insane over her I'm not-

It does sound like such a cool album, I really hope it's like folklore- and folklore is the album cardigan is one so 🤞

I'm so so so hyped for this album it's gonna be a tortured poets department summer guys (don't know if thats a good thing yet)

as a self proclaimed tortured poet I'm positive I'm going to love this album, whether it ends up with the same acoustic vibe as folklore or if it ends up synthpop like midnights. I feel like I'm going to get called out and I'm slightly scared but also yay now songs to sing!!!

I'm so proud of you for coming out and talking about taylor swift blame me all you want, thanks for giving me an opportunity to yap about taylor swift 😋

HEY. NEW ALBUM MEANS MORE TAYLOR SWIFT/SKK ANALYSIS.

I'll celebrate the run up to her album by posting the analysis charts and graphs and shit oooh I could do the final formatting for the speak now one today...

#bsd #silas yaps #taylor swift #I'm so sorry #i really like music #taylor swift just has a lot of it #and her lyricism is so good #unpopular opinion #but her backing tracks are frequently nothing special(works of genuis sometimes though if you know what you're listening for) #however her lyrics- vocals- and stage presence are more than enough to earn her the fame and popularity she has #her lyrics are literally me #she is me #i swear the took a look inside my brain then wrote suburban legends #and the entirety of midnights #anyway #thanks

[vinelark]

i keep wanting to make posts here but running out of energy for something longer than a tweet and scrapping it but i want to say hi hello tumblr. i’m thinking about tim drake . love that funky little guy. also hope everyone’s doing swell

#etc #i can write 3k words of pangs in a DM but can’t come up with a good post #sometimes i want to interact more here but my brain is just! empty! #anyway back to work back to mentally mapping out my fic while in meetings

[8rujaa]

anytime The Suffering™️ stops i hate myself so much less. like no i wasn’t a useless stupid worthless idiot that couldn’t bring myself to finish a task, i was just being tortured with pain to a level normal people don’t experience everyday and extreme sensory issues and a million thoughts a second is all.

#like oh i was not expecting all this self compassion but it feels good!!! maybe i am too hard on myself!! #when my symptoms go away completely i always have the SAME thought #and it’s ‘no wonder people can accomplish so much in one day. there’s no obstacles!!!!!’ #i’ve been burnt out so bad cuz i worked like 60 hrs and that was A Lot #60 hours weekly with sometimes only one rest day #specially considering I was not working months before due to chronic pain affecting my mobility and giving me brain fog really bad #so my pain had been going on again and I kept pushing through because I didn’t want to let myself down #anyways i got medicated today and my entire nervous system feels Fixed. like even my pain went away which i didn’t expect #im outside skating and enjoying my day with a frog in my throat because I got so much accomplished today #and I feel so at peace and I feel like I can do anything #like I got done today what would’ve taken me all week. and i’m still excited to finish other projects tonight #discovering my neurodivergence has been such a journey #im like worried cuz yesterday i actually was begging god to take my suffering away and i said it would make me a believer again ………. #like??? okay who heard me? 🤔 which religion was it??? 🤣🤣 #my period makes me dramatic as fuck sometimes 🤣🤣 #iris.txt #brain vomit

[quatregats]

I am kind of fascinated by the Hornblower-not-matching-his-setting, though. I think that's actually been one of the things that I've thought about the most, especially in books where it's been particularly egregious (Beat to Quarters/The Happy Return, Ship of the Line, etc.). Did Forester just happen to stumble upon a brilliant character and, not realizing what a brilliant character he was, just carry on unknowingly writing him into his Swashbuckling Adventure Stories? Did he know that Hornblower was so delightfully complex but didn't know what to do with him? Did he know what to do with him but couldn't? It's also interesting to think about in the context of canon—how much of the Hornblower we see is also distorted through the lens of being a Hero of Our Glorious British Empire? How much more cruel or ignorant does he become from other perspectives? Yes, he has moral dilemmas, but if we step outside of the moral dilemmas as the books present them, what other narratives might we see?

#this is what i mean by these books not being easy reading for me #like idk man they should not be thought provoking but sometimes reading things by guys you dislike makes your brain muscles stronger #when i say 'reading between the lines' i do not just mean on a queer level #actually a good deal of the reading between the lines i've done has been with all the people he's interacted with #and the way the narrative sets up particular moral dilemmas in particular ways to serve particular plot ends #but in reality i entirely disagree with everything that's going on there and it's fun to think about what happens when you break free #of those dilemmas. except it's also a lot of work #like augh. these books are extremely taxing i can easily read them in like a day but thinking about them takes all my strength #and then on top of that they make me insane i have to put the book down and scream every five seconds at just. The Hornblower #EXTREMELY delightful thinking fodder though. why? who knows but they sure are #perce rambles #percy yells at cecil scott