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#sometimes it doesnt feel like you have a future
slymanner · 5 months
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God dude these two scenes and how roxie moves hurt my heart so so bad 🥹
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it's like a mix of anger, feral, emotional breakdown, and complete sadness that just fucks me up soooo fucking bad.
it's like she's a pet who got abandoned by their owner but they see them again after years of sadness and depression of them being gone and leaving them like that and all that anger and sadness just manifest's into one bundle of emotion's towards them they cannot control.
roxie baby ur gonna be okay u deserve better :[
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m00ngbin · 4 months
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Uh warning this whole thing is me complaining about my bones and pain and stuff so if you're sick of hearing about that you should probably ignore this
Whatever's wrong with my knee spread to my hip so I think that maybe I WILL be needing a cane or something soon and it's not just a joke I was making cause I had to keep sitting down in random places
Joke might be the wrong word because it wasn't really a joke and it wasn't funny, I was just trying to be lighthearted and it didn't seem like it was really happening or that it was probable
#sorry if we're ever in a public place and i suddenly make us stop so i can sit down for a few seconds#its not because im lazy or im trying to be annoying i swear#something ive been thinking about is disability#i don't think im disabled because i can still get around and do things but sometimes it is a little difficult and im worried that#in the future I'll have a really hard time walking without pain and ill have to depend on someone more than i already do#im already going to need to live with someone for the rest of my life anyway because of mental health stuff and i really dont want to have#to give up what freedom i have left#i read somewhere that disability forces you to rely on people and it takes away your independence and totally overhauls your life#and that disability really destroys your walls surrounding asking others for help/support#being independent and being self sufficient#i pride myself on my independence and self sufficiency and seeing that slowly start trickling away while theres nothing i can do about it#and nobody knows what to do to stop it is really painful#maybe it wont get so bad that ill be fully reliant but the possibility is there and not knowing is really scary#my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body#im not in control of my own body anymore#maybe im being dramatic but it really doesnt feel like it#because i am slowly watching my joints get worse and i am completely helpless. i cant do anything. im watching whatever this is spread and#not a single person can tell me what it is or why its happening
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horrorwebs · 2 years
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i left her house and party without telling her how i feel or attempting to make a move i feel like the stupidest motherfucker alive
#like. that was my chance. it was THE chance. why am i such a fucking coward#its not like i didnt want to but i couldnt find the way thwre was too many peoñle and i wanted it to be private#so we LEFT for WALK on her NEIGHBOURHOOD that was MY CHANCE. we went to the little park with the swings i REALLY WAS ABOUT TO SAY STH#WHEN ONE OF THE GUYS AT THE PARTY AND HER COUSIN ARRIVED B#TO PICK US UP BY CAR BC SHE HAD TO BLOW THE CANDLES#(<- the party was her birthday cellebration)#like really idk how i am a. so unlucky and b. such a pussy#i think i shouldve been a bit more drunk to have told her right away.but i Was working my way through it to tell her it was just hard yknow#im scared ill ruin things if she rejects me. and i feel like she wants to be with me sometimes and that she likes me.#but other times i feel like im just being insane and she will simply reject me#i think her cousin noticed i like her though. (i dont think this is too hard to notice anyway) maybe thatll help? idk.#half the world thinks we are together and i have to wonder why arent we?i like her n i think she likes me (or at least she has in the past)#so whats stopping us? the fact we r in a band together and want a future on that might be something. she has also told my friend she values#the friendship too much or sth like that (my friend doesnt remember very well) but that then means she does like me! but also shell reject#me possibly! or will she? who knows?!!#anyway i think it wouldnt be that bug of a problem anyway for the band if we are mature about it. even it it doesnt work and we decide its#better as friends in a future. i dont think anything she does or i do will be as bad as 'point of no return bad'.#i believe in us. and i feel like the sappiest mf alive too#but see if youve read this far i think you might understand why im such a coward and so scared of telling her i like her#but i was so close of just bljrting it out or kissing her. i did kiss a bit her neck.... sorry lol. but nothing too um .sexual? it was like#peck. but you ask and how did that happen? well see. we were sleeping together. like on top of each other hugging. my face was on her#collarbone. so i was like there. but i dont think she tought much of it sometimes we kiss each others cheeks or whatever and its just like#or maybe she did. there were pther people on the room anyway so ot was like . weird as well bc of that#idk ots just a very ambiguous zone in which i will die forever if i dont work up some courage#this posts always turn onto rants but i dont speak much about her with my friends unless they ask +im a bit drunk.it embarrasses me greatly#spikeposting#loveposting
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the-official-account · 10 months
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Trying to love people who don't do poetry is hard, because I don't know how else to communicate the absolute ferocity with which I am willing to endure life for the chance to have had them in it
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navramanan · 1 year
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Dont know which would be worse
#having only myself to blame or being able to point fingers at my parents#sometimes i do both. i blame myself but also my parents but then i look at my sister who had the same parents#and she still has a more fullfilling social life than i do#she has her few friends but her friendships are so fulfilling she doesnt want any more#and then you have me fighting tooth and nail to meet new people#and still feel incredibly lonely most of the time#i love the friends i have but i feel alone regardless#it's like i dont have anyone to really count on. which is selfish. but i've always felt like a reserve friend#if that makes sense. like ''she'll be there regardless''. like i'm in a reserve room incase anyone should need me#i'm convinced there's something wrong with me. something i just cant manage to do right#i know i shouldnt hold on to the past but how if it affects my present#i always feel so awful when i see and hear about the concept ''friendships formed during childhood & adolescense are the most special''#and everyone i know left that phase with a best friend. and a couple good friends#and i left it feeling like i just. you know how schools are crowded places and you exit from the door and everyone goes home#i felt like while everyone was leaving with at least someone i was leaving it alone#like watching everyone walk away with each other and i'm walking out alone#like. like i was just surrounded by so many people when did it become so empty#i wish i had at least that one person with whom i have that very special bond#i feel like i have no one to really count on. no one needs me while i need someone#i'm scared of my future too like i'll remain this lonely for a long time. bc what will happen with me#when i've already lost my chance in school and uni#uni was atrocious it started with covid and all my classes were completely online the first two semesters#i somehow managed to make three friends that are very dear to me#but as i said. i'm looking for that one special connection and i think this search for it will be my demise 🤣#anyway i feel like if i continue it will get less comprehensible#nesi rants
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all this 'autistics dont understand social cues' but somehow me and my friend were able to have a 45 minute conversation/roleplay using only computer symbols but yea alr whtvr u say
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etherealkissed88 · 2 months
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SOMETHING “BAD” HAPPENED & YOU CANT GET OVER IT?
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we know everything is neutral but sometimes we get attached to experiences we label as “bad” and that gets annoying. anytime something "bad" happens and i find myself attached to it / replaying it or dwelling in being that version of me who experienced that "bad" thing, i think about my future self, the one 5-10 years into her dream career, living her dream stress-free life with her dream house. would she care about this moment? will she even remember what i now labeled as a "bad" moment? no.
this helps me:
a) get rid of the attachment to that “negative” experience
b) shift to a better version of me who has good things happening
like seriously…in 10 years would i give a fuck about this “bad”experience? i doubt so. now that “bad” situation seems so small.
another thing you can do it just accept that negative event happened. okay and now what? let yourself know: that was old me. im choosing to be a better version of me now. i dont have to be limited by that “bad” event. that thing does not define me. i can move on. yes it happened and now im over it.
you can use techniques to help reimagine another event if just moving on doesnt help you much. visualize or script your desired outcome (aka revise) and know from that point on, that what you visualized/scripted is true. decide to move forward as that version of you who experienced your desired outcome.
+ know that attachment is temporary. you may feel shitty today but know that when you wake up tomorrow, you may feel more relaxed about the “bad” situation. dont limit yourself to a “bad” event or define yourself based on “bad” experiences. you are self. you are greater than that and know that whatever bullshit you are dealing with now, you can and will move on from it.
kisses, jani ☆
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confused-alpaca · 1 year
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oh boy i ought to try and see a physiotherapist again
#alpaca.txt#i got discharged months ago from the last one bc i was no longer in pain all the time#idk if they can actually help anymore bc ill just be told to rest and use it less and#im doing the minimum! that i can do! but like! i have to fill my time with something#and literally everything requires use of hands#and i have to draw sometimes. i cant not do it. i have to make things i will explode if i cant#i hate seeing doctors i cannot describe my pain i cannot remember the pain ive had i cannot make notes on it#and they cant help me unless i tell them but i am unable to tell them. i have tried notes it Does Not work.#there are so many things wrong with me worsened bc i got megadepressed and did nothing at all for a couple years#urghhhhhhhhhhhhhh#in othernews ive been watching steven universe and its been. an experience#its interesting. watching something where you found out the ending years ago bc u didnt care then#and seeing how they get from the start to what u know is coming. get to see all the foreshadowing on the first watch#i finished it and i really want to draw some of it but. the ouch is here i cant.#i say finished i havent watched future but i dont think i want to. change your mind felt like enough of an ending for me#i feel like seeing more will take away from it. i saw stuff about it when it came out and i think itd be good.#but i dont know. im not really interested in it. its not the same#idk#its like with stranger things. s4 of that is probly really good but the end of s3 felt like it was The End of the story. its done. over#a complete story it doesnt need more
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r-truth · 1 year
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v nice of my mom trying to make me cry after telling me "i just want you to think about you still studying at 30" but like. negatively. im so doneeeeeee im doing everything i can and i know it's not enough but uni is hard . i have severe social anxiety. if i do more than i can i will get depressed and drop out LIKE I ALREADY DID IN 2016 i just dont understand how someone who was there for me when i was at my lowest still cannot fucking understand
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wolfiesmoon · 4 months
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Ratted out
sometimes friends and family accidentally (or purposefully) reveal things they shouldnt :)
characters featured: Leona, Kalim, Jade, Jack
ufff idk whats wrong with me but i ended up creating an entire (unrelated to this fic) movie plan related to twst this is mentally stable activities, truly
also unrelated but the new event got me SCREAMING how do they look so good😫
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ᐟᐟ☆๋࣭ ⭑໑ Leona Kingscholar
when hanging out with your boyfriend Leona, a little lion boy suddenly jumps him and he immediately lets you go
who is this child???
"Uncle Leona!" the boy clings onto him and you can feel the annoyance eminating from Leona
it's like its own aura thats how annoyed he is🥴
so his nephew (you presume) looks to you all of a sudden and asks "who are you?" with an innocent look on his face
"I'm his lover...?" you said, a little unsure. But when you looked to Leona, he had a look of pure horror on his face...? What is even going on?????
"What?! No way, you're dating Uncle Leona?!" the kid got all excited and ran off somewhere before you could stop him
"...What have you done?" Leona hissed at you through clenched teeth, holding his forehead
you do realise you just revealed that he's dating you to the most big mouthed child in the world, right? that his whole family will know in a matter of minutes, right? that you've basically just invited yourself to every future family gathering at once, right?
and sure enough, in a few minutes he got a surprised text from his brother which he left on read 💀
"Damn brat..." he muttered under his breath, you still confused over what just happened
ᐟᐟ☆๋࣭ ⭑໑ Kalim Al-Asim
let's be real babes there is nothing for his siblings to rat him out on because he immediately told his family he was dating you
however....😈
his siblings happened to overhear a little something...
"Hey, hey." one of Kalim's younger brothers pulled your sleeve, wanting to tell you something
"yes?" you answered absentmindedly, thinking he's going to start talking about a strange thing he saw today or something
"Kalim's gonna marry you." he whispered to you, looking around to make sure no one heard
You laughed a little. "If you think so." you pat his little head
"No, he was like, asking mom if he can marry you soon. We heard it." another one of his brothers joined in after hearing the tea being spilled
"What?! Really?!" you're both extremely surprised and happy and mad at his brothers for ruining the surprise right now
oh well, what's done is done, and now you know Kalim is SERIOUS about you
that gets you thinking about wedding stuff now...🤔
What none of you know tho is that Jamil overheard all of you
"Okay, maybe we need to scrap the whole surprise wedding proposal thing..." he sighs, making a mental note of it and preparing to dissapoint poor Kalim
ᐟᐟ☆๋࣭ ⭑໑ Jade Leech
jade is like... oddly nice to you after you first meet him
you're a little wary of him considering his reputation but he hasn't done anything weird at all so... might as well accept his gifts?
one time he approaches you with jade in tow and you think absolutely nothing of it since they're together like 90% of the time anyways
"Hello there, are you enjoying your lunch?" he just sat down next to you without asking if he can at all 😔
"Uh, yeah, I suppose." you didn't really know what to tell him and it seems he doesnt know how to continue the conversation either so u just kinda... stare at eachother while Floyd casually steals a bit of ur food
"Maaaan, aren't you like, supposed to be crushing on Little Shrimpy or something? Then taaalk about stuff, I'm bored." Floyd looked bored when he saw the two of you didn't start talking about weird stuff
Jade simply smiled at you, telling you to ignore Floyd
But on the inside he was planning approximately 10 ways to... get rid of someone without others noticing
or alternatively, just beating the everloving crap out of his twin brother if the first plan is not a possibility
"Do you have a crush on me?" you wanted to know now...
"That's for you to think about." he smiled oddly eerily, but then just started talking abt something mundane 😥
ᐟᐟ☆๋࣭ ⭑໑ Jack Howl
You're visiting him for the first time because you got curious what his family is like
OF COURSE HE'S AN OLDER BROTHER IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW
his younger siblings immediately ambushed you with their little sniffer noses as soon as you stepped in the house🤔
"Who are you?" they asked, always curious about anyone that Jack brings over
When you told them who you were, they immediately ran away to "TELL MOM" and were literally screaming that the two of you are dating so loudly that the whole neighborhood could hear
You could also hear some woman (who you presume is his mom) laughing from somewhere in the house so uhhh.... atleast she isn't mad about it?
You looked back at Jack who seemed more annoyed than anything
"Aren't you gonna... go stop them?" you asked, raising a brow.
"Nah, I was gonna tell mom I'm dating you anyways. I'm just mad that they beat me to it." he crossed his arms, huffing in annoyance
"Actually, speaking of, isn't me dating you kinda a big deal? You told me before that wolves have one partner for life." you actually got kinda nervous, i mean, you gotta impress his family good now
"It is. But I think everyone's just happy I got someone at all." Jack looked at his overly excited siblings who were still celebrating
"Wow, that's sad." you sassed him 😝
"...I shouldn't have brought you."
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aristia-pjoheadcanons · 3 months
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Hi🩵 I hope you're having a great day
I was wondering maybe if you could make headcanons about how percy would be like in bed like his favorite positions and things he does to his s/o
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE 🩵
What Percy would be like in bed NSFW warning
check out my masterlist for more NSFW->masterlist
tags: percy jackson
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missionary for starters: so he can see your face and your reactions from above.
talking about above, I think he would also enjoy the foreplay to start things off - placing his lover against the counter or on top of something and get between their legs.
There, he can take off their shirt or his own shirt and do things slowly. In his mind, the bed is where things really start, so he wants to get comfortable as possible.
the idea of pounding and going harder is for very obv. reasons a turn on but he is hesitant to do it because in the moment he gets really close, so hes afraid he'll cum.
he has the habit of not only staring but also looking away shyly when they stare back. Sometimes he will hold the stare until either looks away, he likes to build tension during and even before they start. When his s/o makes noises, his eyes flicker to their face, he thinks its really flattering that they moan because of him.
once after the first time(s) he would be comfortable enough to start using different positions.
He would stick with the classics, missionary, doggy-style (this one really got his heart pounding in his ears he was so turned on he couldn't breathe straight and kept panting).
He likes the idea of grabbing his s/o's leg or ankle and yank them into place, like dragging them toward him so he can get a better angle.
Percy wants to keep quiet, so he ends up scrunching his face ups and cocking his head to the side, biting down and clenching his jaw tight, sometimes even holding his breath slightly.
but as soon as he breathes, a noise always ends up escaping. its like a half-whine but its somewhat high-pitched and doesn't last long (meaning he doesnt let himself drag it out).
the sight of his s/o looking up at him or looking at them from behind makes his hands somewhat clammy and he feels embarassed that he needs to wipe them on the bedsheets.
praise him, dirty talk him (this one takes him by surprise) and he becomes such a love-struck fool willing to do anything to please his lover. He needs to know if he's doing well, otherwise he will spiral and his thoughts will consume him - to the point where he might even run away.
if his s/o takes the initiative he feels flustered but also insecure for a moment: was he not doing it right? mind you, this guy is a virgin and has not done things with anyone, so he can't help but feel insecure. but yet again, convince him and praise him and he is back.
once the sex and the pillow-talk comes, he imagines scenarios for the future: like his s/o straddling his thighs while they're either on the sofa or in his bedroom, his shirt thrown half haphazardly on the floor somewhere, gripping his s/os thighs and he's leanign his head back in pleasure ...
he takes more initiative, not afraid of grabbign your waist or hips during normal day-to-day activities...it becomes such a visible change that his parents are wondering what happened.
Percy becomes more and more confident in himself.
his favourite position is honestly anything really, he isnt picky. but if I had to choose one, I would say the position where his s/o is laying down on their stomach and hes ontop behind them.
he forces eyecontact, that's all I will say.
he frowns if they try to control their voice, he hates it and will grab their hands away. or do it harder just for them to not be able to hold back.
has tan lines dont ask where ...
handsy and grabby but it depends on what position they're doing and the timing, honestly it's pretty random.
whenever he licks his lips its pretty audible, you can just hear it from across the room.
quirks an eyebrow (not to be judgemental) if you say you're too shy, because you're both naked at this point sooooo. but not pushy.
wants to get to know your body: fingering, touching you anywhere, making out.
Im sorry i need to add on that i feel like hes the type of guy rhat would actually enjoy standing sex. Like his partner gripping the kitchen counter or the wall while hes behind. I feel like he loves to get a nice rhythm going and the sound of his balls slapping against them, the obscene wet noises coming from their genitals, the panting and moaning from the both of them, his fingers turning white from gripping their hips (he's trying to hold himself back), his mouth hanging open supressing his voice (he has a bad habit of holding his breath while doing this so when he finally breathes he's panting loudly), him grinding into the person to pause (again, hes about to cum), he wants to keep going for as long as he can, the idea of milking and dragging out an orgasm is his favourite way to do it. And when his partner finally lets out a long moan when they reached their climax, they unfortunately missed how Percy threw his head back and yelled in pleasure too when he came. I swear the walls slightly vibrated when he finished with that moan, his father is the earthshaker after all....
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horrorwebs · 11 months
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i hate my best friend earlier i was like "im scared that this guy likes me bc he said something that i would only say to people who i like, but i recognize thats its a normal ass thing to say anyway and i rationally know he does not like me, but still, my brain decided to play with that concept and made me have a terrible nightmare the other night about it and now im subconsciously scared that he will like me ( with the underlying concept of "i am scared of men")" and shell go ohohioo what if youre projecting and its actually YOU that likes him. ????? bitch did you not hear the part about having a dream where he abused me or ...?sometimes being asexual is a nightmare nobody gets it
#and i have actually considered that btw.! and no i dont like him. if i like anyone its someone else entirely.and i dont like them either so#but she did not get it for the most part which i understand my feelings are unconventional and irrational and hard to follow. but i am#quite literally scared of the concept. of a man liking me. of this guy specifically bc we are good friends why ruin it!but just guys in gen#and i dreamt he abused me.....#literal nightmare i woke up scared and confused all bc my brain hates ne#anyway. she wants to have a gotcha moment so bad#like i said before. no its not about projecting and being scared of liking him#its about being scared that someone who i care about sees me in a way i dont and demands things from me i am not willing to give#+ someone being intimidating by having more experience compared to my 0 amount#+ feeling a bit intimiddated that my new friend group will find me immature as i am the youngest one#theres a lot of complicated feelings and a lot of confusing things bc of my asexuality but she sometimes doesnt get it#its not rly about liking him. also if i do in the future i wont really give myself a headache about it ive decided to stop worrying#about things like that it never helps.#anyway this is the friend i was hopelessly in love with and i can safely say i am over her now [tangent]#anyway. idk. sometimes i feel so stupid but this fear was idk a bit more than justa silly highschool 'what if i like them'and more#'what if the people i meet want to take advantage of me and i cant learn to say no' + 'what if i have a way of self sabotaging perfectly#good friendships by implanting irrational fears into them via dream' ?#you know. a bit more heavy#idk if anyone reads my rants id you doo cool thanks but whatever this is my diary maybe i should go nack to the psychologist idk#spikeposting
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aures-fantasy-nook · 7 months
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Hobbit/LOTR characters when their s/o is upset with them
yes i'm reusing this trope and i dont care its easy-- also lmk if u want more characters and which onessss :3
requests are open (seriously please give me ideas)
Thorin
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honestly
his reaction is so dependant on when you're upset with him
if its during the journey he will notice right away
he refuses to go to bed angry at each other
he makes time for you guys to talk every night
if its during his dragon sickness bit
yeah
no
he doesn't give a single shit
telling him that you're upset doesn't even do anything except make him mad
like you're wasting his time
AND
not looking for the stone so like
what the fuck are you doing
if we're talking like after the war
everybody lives au ofc
it probably takes him a little while to notice that you're upset if you don't flat out say anything
he's just slightly busy rebuilding a kingdom
honestly when he does notice or when you tell him
he feels bad
he decides it's time for a break
even if it's just for an hour or two
will take you through the halls just to talk through things
or he'll sit and have tea with you
honestly whatever you wanna do he's down
you are his only priority
if only for an hour
Fili
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i would say that he's probably pretty in tune with your emotions
hes a sweet dwarf
will make you tea because he knows your upset
sometimes forgets that hes a little shit
like doesnt realise that things he does can make people upset
let alone you
right over his head
you will have to sit him down and talk with him
he will feel bad immediately
will apologize
offers to make it up to you in any way he can
I feel like if this happens after like the battle and the reclaiming of his future kingdom
he might be a bit busy
but he wants to sit and talk to you every night before bed
even if its just for a few minutes
so when you went to bed without him one night
oh he knows he messed up
theres no way to misinterpret that
will wake you up with kisses and apologies
even if he doesn't know what he is apologizing for
hes just a big sweetie
Kili
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sweet boy
another kind of clueless one
id assume that you probably get upset at him sometime during the journey
while yes he is sweet
he can be kind of neglectful without meaning to be
he feels like he has to prove himself to his uncle because he is different from the other dwarves.
has a lot on his mind
i feel like he deffo neglects your relationship at times bc of it
which is why you pulled back
not pushing for affection as much as you did before
letting him get himself into bad situations
reminding him to eat/sharpen his sword
setting up his bedroll while he goes off to help with camp set up
it takes him a couple days to realize something is off
bc he totally doesnt realize how much you're actually looking out for him
it hits him one night after dinner that his bed roll isnt set up? and its not next to you? and you're already asleep?
wait when did he actually sit down and talk to you last?
doesn't sleep that night, just sits and watches you while thinking back on the past like week
as soon as you wake up he's by your side and asking if you guys could take a walk before the journey starts for that day
you agree
he immediately starts apologizing and explaining himself
i think the best way to deal with it is to like
have a nice sit down and talk it out
maybe not right at that moment but
eventually you guys have a long talk where you both talk about how you're feeling with the relationship and just emotionally and i think that solves a lot
like he lets u know just how insecure he is bc of how different he is
and you can talk about feeling neglected
at the end of it all he promises to put more effort but also wants you to know that you dont HAVE to do all those things for him to notice you/love you
very healthy tbh
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yandere-sins · 5 months
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Ivyyyyyyyy >.< you're the worsttttt(read: BEST) oh my god the thoughts im having abt dilic with a period kink rn. Gawd and he doesn't even know it's a period kink, he thinks it's absolutely normal to do nasty things with his girl while she's bleeding out and feels proud about it that HE can take her pain away
OMG continuing the diluc saga but yan dilic thinks darling's period is the perfect opportunity to finally put his hands on darling. He knows you're in pain so he promises, he's doing this for YOU not him (lies) he'll ease it in gently and make it feel good! Soon darling will forget all about those cramps bc of him him him! He doesnt need to feel as guilty bc he's helping you out.....right? OMG PLS write something abt thissss, it can be any yandere or oc but im going crazy after what u saiddd
Hehe, you're welcome! I began writing this as just a talk, but decided mid-way through to make it a scenario!
a/n: I wrote this before my hiatus and coming back to correct it, I found so many mistakes, it doesn't even feel like I wrote this smh... I did my best to polish it a bit since I can't see myself rewriting it in the future but if you find anything oddly worded just ignore it lol I wasn't myself back then :')
[Warning: Yandere, Sexual Content]
I can just see the cock cogs turning in this idiot's head as he racks his brain about how he can help you. Clearly, you're in pain, but no matter how many more times he calls a physician to have a look, they just keep waving off his concerns. It's normal, they say. You're healthy. That's what everyone has to go through.
And yet he sees you writhing and crying in pain—it's breaking his heart!
Pillow pressed to your stomach, tears in your eyes that you can't blink away fast enough before they fall. You're especially irritable, but it hurts him more when you whine and complain; Diluc wanting to help you now more than ever. He's already gone through the usual stuff, the imported water bottles from Snezhnaya and the chocolate from Fontaine. If you utter so much as a craving, he has the servants scramble to get it to you. Nothing is too expensive or too hard to get. You could have asked for the heads of your enemies, and Diluc would have brought them to you with ribbons and glitter if that had helped with your pains.
But alas, it doesn't.
It's been three days, and his nerves are raw, the bags under his eyes dark, and the burden of your health weighs heavily on Diluc. He can't see how things will ever get better. The other times you were on your period were conveniently skipped by business trips, so this is hitting him full force.
"Exercising might help," one of the maids suggests as he forces himself to consult someone more knowledgeable than him.
"Sometimes, my wife likes a little stimulation to alleviate the pain," a vintner chuckles, winking at Diluc as the word of his helplessness spreads. And suddenly, inappropriate ideas get stuck in his head, making him blush like a young lad in love.
»»———————— ♡ ————————««
Taking a deep breath, Diluc raised his hand to knock on your bedroom door. It was terribly late, the servants asleep and only the eery flickering of his candle guiding him through the night. Most likely, you were tugged in and fighting for your well-deserved sleep, so he hesitated, fist hanging in the air before slowly dropping it to his side.
What he was about to do was not only foolish but also filled him with the same burning in his body as using his vision did. He could feel the warmth sweep over him from his head to his toes, the latter curling in his shoes while most of the heat was throbbing between his legs, aching to connect with your warmth in a less-than-innocent way.
However, these feelings were nothing compared to the agony of the last few days.
If this was what he had to do to help you alleviate the pain, he would. If it was for you, Diluc would do anything in his power, whether to protect or help you. If he had to become a mere plaything so you'd be freed of the pain, then his concerns were a small sacrifice for all the good he was going to do.
Brushing his hair back, Diluc took a deep breath, reminding himself there was nothing wrong with wanting to help. If the method the vintner suggested worked, everyone would be happy. And if not, he'd keep searching for ways to free you of the pain. Turning the key in the door lock, he pulled it out before slowly entering your room, ensuring he could give you two the privacy needed in this situation.
To his surprise, you were still awake.
You made a half-hearted attempt at a greeting, but when you noticed it was him, you only scoffed, turning away. It hurt when you gave him the cold shoulder so callously, but Diluc knew you were the one suffering at that moment, not him. He could forgive you for being dismissive of him. Your bedside lamp was still on, and he could see you clutching a pillow to your belly, his own stomach cramping up with remorse, even though, logically, he knew it wasn't his fault. He loved you as you were, the good and bad days, your misery becoming his own much too easily these days.
Setting down the candle on your table, he walked over to you. But not before locking the door from the inside, just so he could give himself a few more seconds before his approach. Every step cost him a lot of discipline, being near you never having been this hard. Even when he looked confident around you, Diluc only ever felt weak. You made him vulnerable. Desperate. Longing for your love and affection was all he was allowed to do, so even just watching your chest rise and fall set him ablaze.
Pushing off his shoes, Diluc focused on the little space you left at the edge of the bed. It was the only space he could see that was reserved for him, as he didn't deserve to share your bed, in your opinion. Yet, when he climbed in, pulling the cover over himself and snaking his arm around your waist, he was enveloped in your scent, your hair tickling his skin as he breathed in deeply. Had he known that heaven was hiding so closely to him, he might not have waited so long to come and see you.
"What are you--" you complained, pushing yourself away from him. But Diluc's hand had already wandered beneath the pillow, feeling the hot water bottle you kept secured there, only to replace it with his palm. He was just as, if not hotter than anything the servants could procure for you; his body temperature naturally elevated from his vision. It wouldn't burn you, but with his hand hugging your lower belly, it was much more effective and fitting than any appliance might be.
And you fell for it, even if just for a split second.
For a moment, you leaned into the comfort of his palm, the pain vanishing in the blink of an eye. Diluc even caught you sighing briefly before you came to your senses, jolting and pushing away from him, only to get stuck inside the blanket and pressed up against him. Diluc couldn't help but grin, having read your actions before they even occurred to you, but of course, this was a serious matter, so he quickly composed himself.
"H-Hey!" you yelled as his hand drifted lower, his face burying into the nape of your neck. He wasn't there to dilly-dally but to be of service. To help you in your time of need. By the time Diluc pressed his lips to your skin and his fingers between your legs, you understood his intentions as well, perhaps misinterpreted, but clear as day.
He was going to fuck the pain away. 
If exercise and stimulation helped others, maybe it would do the same for you. His fingers were met with warm slick, your body flinching when he moved over your clit. Perhaps his calloused hands weren't made for caressing and soft touches but for teasing and stimulating. Judging by how puffy your lower lips were, worked up from days of rubbing your legs together and your panties aggravating them mercilessly, you were in dire need of his help.
"Don't fight it. You're not alone in this," Diluc reassured you as you squirmed in his hold, biting back the salacious sounds of pleasure you were keeping from his ears. You were so mean, keeping every little taste of appreciation from Diluc, knowing how much it meant to him. But he'd endure. Even when your ass ground back against his cock, making it incredibly hard to not focus on his needs as well, he'd put you first in all of this.
When he slipped his pointer and middle finger towards your entrance, a tremor went through your body, a gasp slipping out from between your lips. Diluc never knew how easy it was to get inside another person, greeted warmly and happily by your hole clenching around his fingers.
His kisses became more fervent against your neck, teeth snapping out as he felt like he was losing himself in your scent and warmth. The pushes of his hips against your ass became faster, your cheeks fitting so well around his shaft. You yelled at him to stop, but he barely heard you through the sounds of your sloppy, wet cunt, blood mingling with eager juices to allow him more reach inside you. It was almost as if he could hear them beg for him to go deeper, which just wasn't possible with his knuckles in the way, no matter how much he tried.
Forgotten was the pain as pleasure raked its claws through both of you, and yet, Diluc still heard you whine and sob as he scissored his fingers through your inside. It wasn't enough. He opened his eyes he didn't know he had closed, staring at your expression curiously. All he saw was anger and disgust, your teeth bared and ready to snap, while he could feel your nails digging into his arm. And yet, when he found your eyes, he saw a very different version of events. Lust, desire, longing. You wanted more, and Diluc wouldn't refuse such a request.
Slipping a leg between yours, he pried them apart, spreading you open wide. You gasped, squirming and trying to cut off his access, but Diluc only had to lean back to steal your balance, your body reliant on his while he gained more space on your bed. The hardest part was freeing his cock from the restraint of his pants, the fabric soggy with both your juices as well as his own pre-cum pearling off the tip of his engorged cock.
Nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of your wet cunt greeting his eager cock. No imagining of this situation could have come close to the throbbing heat, your walls convulsing around his fingers in eager expectation. Diluc placed his tip against his fingers, planning to slip them out and take the opening to sink into you, but with how wet the combination of blood and juices was, he felt himself slipping away, kissing your clit instead.
And for the first time, you moaned.
It was the sound of angels and everything nice, and he drew his hips back, trying again to fill you with his cock, missing it just an inch. All good things are three, and when he finally plunged it deep inside your pussy, you weren't the only one yowling in pleasure. No matter what he had imagined his first time with you to be, nothing would ever top the mess he caused between your legs, his cock ready to burst as it pulsated violently inside your equally as ready cunt.
He could feel the waves of pleasure going through you, the shudders in your limbs as he began to slowly press forward, kissing the last few inches of his reach. You remained stiff as a plank, but when he pulled out halfway before sinking in deep again, you were unable to keep your mouth shut, an elongated moan making its way to Diluc's ears, letting him know it was the right thing after all.
Immediately, any hesitation fell off him as he dragged his cock out and sunk it back into you. Fingers retreated to your clit, continuing to slip off and assault the little knob over and over while your walls clenched around his shaft, making you feel every one of his throbs and ridges, the heat between you two almost scorching.
Part of him couldn't believe it worked. That he actually managed to help you with this trick. But he'd have been a liar if he said it wasn't a pleasure for him, too. Diluc could never have dreamed about your proficiency in driving him wild, from your hot, puffy pussy wrapping around him to the improper sounds he had never heard coming from your lips before. The blood kept you so wet and loud down there; it was like you were synching your moans with your pussy, sloppy as they were.
It couldn't have been better, a shudder going through you from head to toe, your feet curling as you gurgled. Diluc wrapped his free arm around your throat, pulling you against him and burying his face in your shoulder as you came hard, juices leaking out, red dripping on the clean sheets with the blanket long discarded.
You were gasping for air as he plunged right back into you, waiting but a mere few seconds of yours before pursuing his own orgasm. Selfishly, but unable to stop. Diluc was already too deep in it, quite literally, your orgasm making your inside tight around him, but it posed no challenge with how drenched you both were.
A strained groan escaped Diluc as he buckled, feeling the first squirts of cum shoot out of him before he drew back, popping out of your cunt and covering it in his cum. His tip got stuck on your clit, as his jizz ejected under the pressure of his orgasm, making you mewl as you were once again stimulated. It would be a mess to clean, but it had been worth it.
You two collapsed, spent and dirty, but Diluc slipped his palm back over your lower stomach, rubbing the collection of juices over your soft skin, leaving a red trail. Kissing the side of your head, he was trying to collect his breath and thoughts, barely able to think straight as the feelings of happiness and his relief kept him in a chokehold.
"Better?" he asked, his voice a blissful rumble as he pulled you firmer against him.
But all he was met with was a cold glare and tears in your eyes. "I-I'm sorry," he stuttered instinctively, immediately feeling bad. What had he done to upset you again? Your teeth were biting into your lip as if you were holding back a tirade of screaming, ready to explode.
His cock twitched between your legs, bloody and so, so wet.
"I'll make it better! I promise! I will definitely make it better," he tried to reassure you, dazed with pleasure as he was, unable to see the actual problem with all of this. Your body convulsed in shock as he pressed his tip upwards again, and you gasped loudly as he sunk his inches inside you. This time, he wouldn't fail to make you feel better. And until then, he'd keep going.
All night long, if he had to.
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zucchichat · 6 months
Text
My opinion to "desperate" artists and TIPS TO IMPROVE YOUR ART
This is my art journey
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6 years later...
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If artists want support and followers, they should earn them by their own accomplishments and hard-work.
I hate it when they earn it from guilt-tripping others, being desperate and earn followers out of pity
You can never have a stable and healthy relationship with your followers that way, and you may get worse when you dont gain any interactions with them
Please stop doing this, and start growing your acc on your own. If you feel like your art doesnt appeal to others, start taking advice and study from other artists around you that you like. There are thousands of FREE resources on all platforms: Instagram, Youtube (recommended) , Pinterest (for reference) ,... And alot of separate websites you can find!
Trust me, hard work pays off
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Its okay to feel like you dont improve at all, but thats not true, if you study and practice often (no need to do it everyday, it can be 2-4 days a week) you're already better than yourself yesterday
Compare your art to other artists has alot of benefits since you can see what to improve and see the progress. But dont do that too often, it'll turn to be an unhealthy obsession and in this world where there're always people better than you, you'll suffocate yourself forever. Thats a hard hit to reality but it's the truth. In this i recommend:
Find artists that you like and set them as your art goals, they can be artists with totally different artstyles, art is never something stable and its always good to try new things
From your art goals, start "taking" some of your favourite things about the artists and "artistically" add them to your own.
Tracing is another way to study privately for beginners, but i dont recommend doing this for long, it can stagnant your progress if you rely on it too much.
Unless its your style of choice, practice confidence in your streaks and lines, use your whole arm to draw (i know it can be boring at first, but everything you do now will have a rewarding result)
Stepping out of your comfort zone sometimes. You dont have to do this if you consider art as a hobby, but if youre serious or wanting your art to take a new step, i recommend expanding your art to many categories, like drawing backgrounds, hands, poses, anatomy, ect.
Study color theory, this is optional but i heavily recommend, this makes your art UPGRADE NO EXCEPTIONS
Here are some of my very basic tips, you've probably seen them everywhere and hear these thousands of times already, but if you're reading this and feel motivated, consider this the start of your journey! This is gonna be an exciting, might be tiring and frustrating, but memorable
Goodluck! The future awaits new extremely talented artists to bloom💖
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yesimwriting · 13 days
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Would bestie reader just say that she and felix are soulmates?
For example: her and farleigh are talking about the future and what they want to do and she just says "i would probably work and move somewhere sunny because felix doesnt really like the rain". " You want to live with felix?" " OFC, hes my soumate"
Felix: 🥺
yes yes yes! omg they so would pull the platonic soulmate card
You don't know who decided to label group study sessions as 'productive', but you're convinced they've never actually been to one. As a concept, they're the perfect way to balance social needs and academic responsibilities. It's a way to focus on your school work without isolating yourself completely.
In practice, group study sessions are an academic-hang-out purgatory.
"Y'know how you asked to not be interrupted until you finished your organic bio reading, unless there was an emergency?" Farleigh's voice has now yanked you out of the world of protein and enzyme molecules.
You sigh. If this is him giving into his inability to not snark at you, you might have to pick up your text book and hit him over the head with it. "Is there an emergency?"
The dryness of your response does little to dissuade him. You lift your head slightly. The reading break that's being forced onto you is an opportunity to get ready to copy some bullet points into your notebook. You reach for your highlighter, but before your fingers can grasp it, Farleigh's pulling it out of reach.
You straighten, back pressing into the wooden back of the library's chair. He ignores your glare, thumb pushing the neon pink cap upwards before snapping it back into place.
"I'd be careful, Farleigh." Felix's chair shifts with a soft groan, all four of the chair's legs fully settling on the ground as he sits up and flattens his feet. "That's not one of her nice looks."
"You'd know."
You frown, some half thought out sarcastic retort balancing on the edge of your tongue. Felix beats you to the punch. "You'd know if you had any real friendships."
Farleigh presses down on your highlighter's cap, a quiet click interrupting his silence as it clicks into place. "Friendship. Is that what we're calling it?"
There's a knowingness to the comment that has a hint of warmth attempting to tinge your cheeks. You're used to the jokes and little comments about you and Felix, especially from Farleigh, but his tone hints at a sharpness you're not in the mood for. Sometimes he feels like pushing, turning his jokes and comments into something more. You've been in the library for some time now, you're sure the stillness is making him restless in a way that will only add to that.
"Is this the emergency you interrupted my reading for?"
He shakes his head once, forearm moving to rest against the table in front of you. "Theoretically," he starts, the single word drawn out in a way that has you rolling your eyes, "If Madison was seen leaving a party with Abigail's ex-boyfriend, would that count as an emergency?"
No way. Your jaw drops. Madison and Abigail, roommates that seem perpetually trapped in the outer orbit of Felix's friend group, started the year as total best friends. Then, one day, for reasons that no one you know has been able to figure out, everything turned into a sort of unspoken competition between them. It's such an odd dynamic, you and Farleigh have to talk about it every time there's an update.
"What?" You set your arms over your textbook, leaning forward to better listen. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"You wanted to read organic bio."
Farleigh knows exactly what he's doing. He sat on this piece of information and only dropped it when it became convenient to have something worth saying. "You knew before I said that." You turn in your seat to look over at Felix. "Did you know?"
"I spent the entire night with you," he says, "I know what you know."
Yeah, you and Felix were particularly invested in your own world the last time you went out together. The two of you spent most of the night trying drink combinations you'd normally never get, Felix laughing as your negative reactions grew more theatrical as the night went on. "Well, you're not very invested."
It's not an accusation. You know Felix well enough to know that he's rarely particularly interested in most gossip. A part of it might come from the fact that everyone goes out of their way to present themselves in certain ways when around Felix. Rumors about palpable passive aggression seem a lot less real when the people the rumors are about are constantly trying to gloss over any imperfections in his presence.
"You two are too invested." He turns his head to look at you, a small smile playing at his lips. "You only get along when you're gossiping."
You straighten, lifting an arm off of the table to poke Felix's arm. "We all need hobbies." You then turn your head forward to look at Farleigh, "Okay, tell me everything and do it in less than 5 minutes, or I'm not going to go back to studying."
Farleigh's eyes briefly drop towards the textbook in front of you. "You worry too much." The way he says it feels less concerned and more like an observation of something he finds grating. "We all know you're going to end up at John Hopkins." It lacks any type of inflection. It feels like fact. An inevitability.
Graduate school is currently a foreign, distant concept, and you'd like to keep it that way. You're not sure why, but picturing your future education isn't as easy as you had hoped it would be. It's as if there's some kind of mental wall blocking your ability to connect with the next step in becoming a doctor, when all your classes will revolve around the subjects you don't love and you'll have to dissect and watch more surgeries than ever.
You tap our fingers against the wooden surface in front of you. You're not sure what the right kind of response to this type of thing is. "Uh--realistically, John Hopkins is far from everyone I know, and I don't think Felix would like Maryland, so..."
Farleigh raises an eyebrow as he finally sets down your highlighter. "You're factoring in Felix?" The question is still registering as Farleigh gestures in Felix's direction. "You want to live with him?"
"Yeah." While a lot of your future is blurry in your mind, Felix is clear, certain. "Yeah, he's my soulmate."
Farleigh's eyes widen slightly at the candidness of your admission. It didn't feel that heavy when you said it. There are a lot of ways for someone to be your soulmate.
"You want to--to live together after this?" You turn your neck to look over at Felix. He's already facing you, but his eyes are focused on his lap. "Like with me?"
"Yeah..." You admit again as you pull your hands towards you. Maybe you shouldn't have said anything without thinking. "Do you not want to live with me?"
"No, I do," he forces out the words quickly, his gaze briefly falling towards you. "I didn't realize you were--" He clears his throat, forcing himself to straighten. "Soulmate." Felix's hand reaches for the underside of your chair, pulling you towards him with no warning. "I'm your soulmate."
You're never speaking without thinking again. "There are a lot of ways to be someone's soulmate, so don't start."
His fingers move up the edge of the chair before finding your knee. He's beaming. "'M not starting anything."
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