#sometimes I’m like ew why am I straight I hate men

[maxine-drusilla-wayne]

~toxic attraction~💚

Barbara Gordon x fem!super solider!reader

Requested!

Warnings:sexism,homophobia,crying!(idk what else)

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You had flinched when you heard wrestling outside of were you were.

You may not be the Scooby gang or a dumb character in horror movies but you still went to go check it out even if you would end up more annoyed.

“What are you ragamuffins doing?”you had seen two of your “friends” other super soldiers wrestling like wild animals on the floor.

“Ugh nothing! But uhh……how’s babs?” Billy had clearly had a crush on her for 5 months and you hated it….but not for the reason most would think.”ew. Asshole.MY girlfriend is fine even tho it’s non of your business,but if anything worry about getting your own back.”

You didn’t like billy…no ofc not! You were lesbian tf! But the reason you didn’t like the crush wasn’t because babs could leave you….no you know she’ll never leave you. You hated it bc let down your confidence and thought that someone else would instantly leave you for him!

“Oh calm down y/n! Stop having a stick up your ass. Well……… although I know what I would love to put in Barbara’s.” He smirked. You snapped like how you were about to snap his neck in a second.

“BILLY I WILL BEAT THE FUCK OUTTA YOU! Don’t talk about my fucking girlfriend like that! You think Just because I’m female that I won’t beat you the fuck up!”at this point you were ready to go to jail.They we’re never your friends.hell they were sexist to you on multiple occasions!

“Well women aren’t compatible to men! Women are good for sleeping with,cooking,doing house work,and having kids! Besides…..Barbara is way to pretty to get lesbian or bisexual or anything but straight for that matter.” That was your final straw.

No more fucking around this time.

You threw him through a glass table.he was bleeding everywhere.but luckily for him he wouldn’t die.

“Oh I’ll share with you!” You quoted a horror movie as you went to fight him some more.

But his little sidekick Logan was there to save him.

“Woah!woah y/n calm down!” He said getting in front of billy to protect him against you so you couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Oh where is that ‘big dick energy’ now billy?! Huh?!”you were about to break Logan’s hand for always supporting him.

“ALWAYS SAYING THAT ‘pussy is for men’! And that ‘dicks are for chicks’! Always making fun of me for used to be ,being poor! Well now sorry I left my Pradas at the cleaners! Along with my hoodie and my ‘fuck you’ flip flops,you pretentious doucebag!”

“You don’t deserve to be a super soldier. Nor do you deserve to be Alive ‘for all that matter!’”

And with that you stormed away.

=

You came in the apartment,tears running down your face.you didn’t know if you would be able to protect the city tonight.

But as you heard someone,you quickly whipped away your tears knowing that they weren’t able to stain your beautiful face yet.

“Y/n.”Barbara said walking towards you.”hello princesa.” You said with quick sad smile. “I heard what happened. Why would you do that?” She asked sternly.

You almost had a panic attack right then and there. “They had always been homophobic and sexist but this my final straw. Because of the things they were saying.” You held back tears.

She sighed. “Y/N?! Are you sure they didn’t just!..” she cut herself off as she saw a sight that could break her into a million pieces.

She saw as your eyes were glossed over and your Chin wobbling and wants to frown.

“Y/n I’m sorry. What were they saying bc now I know by the look in your eyes that your not Just being overdramatic.”it was true. You were very overdramatic sometimes.

You took the deepest of breaths and smiled looking over her face completely seeing she was generally confused and and upset for almost making you sadder.

“You know what? You’re right maybe I am just being overdramatic! Maybe I just need a hot bath! I’m fine and maybe what they were saying wasn’t that bad!” You said Unsarcastically. You tried to look calm even if you really weren’t.

“You’re ok?” Babs asked knowing the true answer. “Yeah.” You said still smiling,nodding your head.but after 5 seconds you started breaking down.

“Y/n/n!” She ran closer to you,hugging you.and she hugged you tight! She left go and held you’re face with both hands.

“It just fucking hurts babs!” At that point she almost started crying. “Y/n it’s gonna be ok! I promise!” She was planning a murder. She had never seen you crying like this before!

“Please just make it stop babs! Please make it stop!” You were frustrated especially with putting up with the boys bs for so long! “What?! I’ll make anything stop for you!” You we’re trying to calm down. She was telling you take deep Breaths and obliged.

“They think just because I’m a woman that I can’t fight crime and can’t fight at all or do certain tough shit,I’m a goddamn super soldier for fucks sake!” You were hurt. And so was babs with what she was hearing.

“Listen y/n. Don’t go out a fight crime tonight or else you’ll might end up doing something you might regret darling.” She was right so you nodded your head. “As of right now just go take a warm bath,lay down and do anything to get your mind off it. Ok?” “Ok.”

She kissed your head. “Ok my love,I’ll be back in a couple of hours and make sure to bring you back some things.” She said putting on her leather jacket.

“Ok babsy!” You said smiling. You both kissed one more time before Barbara left to do something that wouldn’t be expected from her………

The end.

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Hope you guys like! This was requested but I don’t know shit bout super soldiers🤪(I only know Steve and Bucky!) should I do a part 2?

#barbara gordon x reader #super soldier #dc x marvel #dc x reader #barbara gordon #batfam x reader

[likedaylighht]

Tik tok has taught me a lot about myself but the most unexpected thing is that I have a thing for white boys playing guitar

#sometimes I’m like ew why am I straight I hate men #and then tik tok is like #here is a cute boy playing guitar singing a love song #and I’m like #🥺

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

So I watched 10.09 recently, and it has that part where Dean tells a story about him basically being almost roofied as a teen, but somehow it ends up framed as the funny joke and yet another proof that John "did what he could", and I kind of hate this? And it's the same episode in which MoC!Dean killed guys that kidnapped and tried to rape Claire, and you'd think writers would've addressed the parallels and acknowledge that Dean could've been triggered by this situation. 1/2

2/2 But in the end, it's never addressed, and the whole situation is framed as the proof that Dean is evil now. And I'm not even sure what I am trying to say, but with that being the show's approach back in s10, I'm not surprised about the finale anymore. Guess we should've known?

That’s an excellent angle to look at the issue because the Mark of Cain arc is a clear example of how people with different experiences will see the same thing in wildly different ways. There’s this phase of season 10 where everyone is like “oh no Dean is Getting Worse” and when you look at what Dean is doing... you actually go “...good for him”.

Let’s give Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s not “the writers” in this case, it’s Dabb. Plenty of other writers don’t fall into this John apologism thing. Just look at how the episode before Lebanon, written by Buckner and Ross Leming, says that sometimes John would temporarily kick Dean out because he was “pissed at him” despite Dean always taking his side to mantain the peace. It almost seems like a statement to sprinkle some salt given what Dabb does in Lebanon, you know? Maybe not, but there is a tension between “John was shitty” writers and “John did his best” writers.

In hindsight, we gave Dabb too much of the benefit of the doubt. We were like, weeell, that’s supposed to be way the characters perceive the truth, which is distorted by the trauma... But now it’s obvious that he truly believed in the John-did-his-best version. He brought him back and got Mary back with him. No matter what happened to the finale, the network didn’t print those pictures of John and Mary to hang on Sam’s wall. He never took Dean’s abuse seriously and it shows.

The “anedocte” of Dean getting drugged and “saved” by John from being raped is obviously there to parallel him with Claire. Which works! It’s so weird because it’s like. You are soooo close to getting the point. Younger Dean was assaulted just like this teenage girl is assaulted and Dean saves her... but apparently John yelling at those people is a good way of dealing with the issue, while murdering child traffickers is an overraction thus bad.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? That Dean’s murder spree is framed as an overreaction. Sam is like “tell me you had to do this! tell me it was you or them!” - the answer to which (by the narrative) is obviously no, it wasn’t self defense, he just killed them because he could. He just murdered those men for no reason except he felt like being murdery. And the audience is supposed to be like “oh no! Dean is murdery for no reason except for murderiness! That’s bad!”.

But it’s a power fantasy, isn’t it? Going on a murder spree on rapists and traffickers. I bet any people who’s been violated like that has fantasized of doing the exact thing Dean does here. Killing them all.

Dean had the physical strength and skill to kill them all, why shouldn’t he kill them? (I mean, in real life I’m against private justice because I’m a fan of the state of law, but the Supernatural universe obviously works on different principles than the state of law. Again, it’s a fictional narrative that plays out as a fantasy for the audience, so.)

So what was Dabb’s intention? I’m afraid it’s the worst one. “John Winchester’s not going to win any Number One Dad awards, you know? But, you know, damn if he wasn’t there when we needed him”. What the fuck, Dabb? It’s been established since season 1 that John WASN’T there when they needed him. Which... I’m afraid... leads us to the Cas-Claire plot in the episode. Cas has fucked off with Jimmy’s body leaving Claire on her own. Parallels how John wasn’t going to win wny Number One Dad awards. But! Cas is there when Claire Really Needs Him i.e. when she’s about to be raped by older men. Parallels how John was there when Dean Really Needed Him i.e. when he was about to be raped by older men.

I think the point is to say, Cas kinda sucked because he took Claire’s dad away but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Claire because he gets there in time to prevent her from being raped. Just like (ew) John kinda sucked as a father because hunting and stuff, but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Dean because he got there in time to prevent him from being raped.

It’s pretty yucky. Literally NOBODY wanted a parallel between Cas and John. But he made one. And he made one to absolve Cas from the guilt he carried for what he did to Claire (Claire’s mother is a mother so who fucking cares about her. She’s basically a Blurry Wife(TM), she’s only a tool for Claire’s arc, Cas apparently only cares about the harm he did the child, not the wife, for some reason.) and to absolve Cas from his guilt it absolves John too. Don’t worry, being a parent is hard. You often screw up. But you can *looks at smudged writing on hand* prevent the kid from being raped by predatory adults and everything’s fine now.

It’s not really important if the child suffered hunger or whatever, the only important thing is that they don’t get raped, because that’s bad, everything else is just a little detail.

All Dabb got with that scene was to paint Sam as extremely unsympathetic because he’s no longer a child, he’s a full adult now and still thinks of that episode at the CBGB as a funny story. That’s not a good look. It almost makes you think that the writer himself saw it as a funny story. Lol teenage boy biting more than he can chew. But then why the Claire parallel? The Claire scene onviously is not supposed to be anything but horrific. I'll give Dabb the benefit of the doubt on this specific thing.

It’s weird, yes, because Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon where he establishes that John was a bad husband/father even before tragedy hit the family. But apparently that’s the “not going to win any Number One Dad awards” part, I suppose? I guess he intended to write John as this flawed, ~complex~ figure who was imperfect but still brave and whatever blah blah did his best blah blah. I’m all for flawed complicated characters but a horrible father is a horrible father. A rose by any other name... parental abuse is still parental abuse even if the poor guy was complicated and traumatized and did what he thought he had to do to prepare his sons for a violent world.

Also, the story frames Dean’s escapade as a teenager being stupid. “You know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.” “It’s my job to raise you right.” This seems straight from a novel about teenagers doing something stupid that they’re too young to realize that their parents are right to be against them doing. But this isn’t just... a parent walking into a bar to stop their child to drink alcohol. Dean literally describes feeling sick from something that was inside the alcohol.

Sure, it makes sense that he’d lash out to John because of the shame and shock. But the scene is... off. Are we supposed to see this as a typical teenage mistake? Are we supposed to read it as something as horrific as what happened to Claire, literally sold into rape? Or, worse, are we supposed to see what happened to Claire as a teenage mistake, ah silly teenager, blindly trusting shady people, no wonder you end up in a situation where you’d get raped if a father figure didn’t sweep in and save you. I hope that wasn’t the intent.

To get back to Dean’s Mark-of-Cain violence, the writers clearly didn’t intend it to come from the Darkness up to a certain point. It was supposed to an arc about your own inner darkness (consider the Charlie episode, a couple episodes later). Then they came up with the idea of The(TM) Darkness, the suppressed cosmic feminine. While it caused a bit of dissonance in the subtext, it doesn’t really change Dean’s narrative, because his inner darkness is the trauma, and his trauma is inherebtly tied to the “feminine” i.e. the parts of him that don’t fit seamlessly into the scheme of toxic masculinity values. That the violence that comes from the Mark of Cain comes from Dean himself and that’s it, or is connected to the Darkness, it doesn’t change what it means for Dean. Dean and Amara have parallel histories, the feminine principle locked away, the trauma the anger stems from.

In 10x09 we’re still in the Before The (TM) Darkness era, before the suppressed cosmic feminine. The Mark of Cain arc is still about... well, Cain. But the shift is the signal that someone looked at Dean’s arc and said... you know what? “Lucifer gave me this curse so now I’m demonic and murdery” is meh. “Toxic masculinity suppresses the feminine and it creates trauma which rage and violence comes from” is more interesting. I don’t know whose idea it was, but it was a good idea, and surely the idea came from seeing how Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding.

Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding in a certain way, in fact, because of a pretty simple reason. There’s a fundamental tension in Dean’s MoC arc. We want him to go murdery, but it’s also our main character, so we don’t want him to do really horrible things because he still needs to be relatable. The audience cannot hate him, so he must NOT do something entirely unforgivable. He still needs to be somewhat relatable, even when demonic or demonic-adjacent.

So he goes on a murder spree... but it’s rapists and child traffickers. He’s demon, but he kills a misogynistic dude that wanted his wife dead for cheating on him. He’s a demon, but beats up dudes that harass women. He does a slaughter, but they’re nazi. He’s off the deep end, but works a case of kidnapped and abused young women...

Speaking of which. 10x23, written by Jeremy Carver. Dean works a case where a girl was killed while dressed scantily and Dean makes some slut-shaming remarks, and we’re supposed to think “whoa Dean, that’s bad”. But later he confronts the girl’s father and what does he say?

I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley.

By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

You shut your face right now.

And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her.

Back then the episode was super controversial and everyone hated the case because of the apparent slut-shaming but I loved it! Because it’s not about the girl. It’s about Dean. Dean doesn’t think that a girl gets killed because she dresses in a miniskirt so it’s her fault. Dean is projecting on himself and he’s not actually victim blaming the girl, he’s victim blaming himself. And when he absolves the girl by putting the blame on the father... well, subtextually he’s absolving himself by putting the blame on his father. On the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervaded his own home. He’s textually not ready to absolve himself, of course, he summons Death to ask him to kill him later, but subtextually he’s on the right path.

Rose McKinley basically did the same mistake Dean did at the CBGB when he trusted some older people who offered him drinks and the same mistake Claire did when she trusted a man who sold her for money because he offered him a place and stability. She trusted the wrong people (in this case, vampires, which adds the whole subtext of vampires and sexuality) who took advantage of her. Except Rose had no one to save her. (Her friend, Crystal, gets rescued by Dean, even if he causes the other hunter Rudy to die in the process.)

Carver’s writing is pretty brutal. The girl made that mistake because was abused at home, so she was desperate for validation and that desperation drove her into the wrong hands. (Rose even has a brother who blames himself for bringing her sister to her future murderers, destructive sibling relationship check.) It doesn’t actually even matter if Dean guessed right about Rose’s family situation, because what matters is what it tells us about Dean. He basically relates to a dead abused girl. Actually all through the season Dean is paralleled to “skanks” “sluts” and sex workers. Obviously this happens kinda all through the show, the whole “the business is based on absent fathers” thing happened much earlier in the story, so it’s not new. But s10 draws a picture of female suffering - abuse, manipulation and death. Season 10 was difficult to go through. In hindsight, it was probably on purpose because it was supposed to be darkest hour of the feminine. Summed with some good old fashioned misogyny, but hey.

The Carver era was wonky but Carver wanted to free the feminine. (I believe that Mary’s comeback, while written by Dabb because of the showrunner shift, was planned before the showrunner shift.) We thought the Dabb era wanted the same, with Mary choosing life and Amara being independent and so on, but it evidently wasn’t the case. Not a single woman arrives at end of the story. It’s hardly ~Bucklemming or ~the network or ~covid because it starts before the very end.

I’m not saying that dead sluts are more feminist than living women, but if the women die or disappear anyway (and they did) I’d rather have an exploration of trauma than nothing. And I definitely prefer a dead slut narrative that calls out parental abuse than a narrative where women live but abuse gets the you-did-your-best treatment.

Whoops! I digressed! But feel free to ask for any clarification or send me any observation or thought.

#anon #my spn thoughts #season 10 #spn 10x09 #spn 10x23 #dean and john #parental abuse #john winchester's a+ parenting #mark of cain #demon dean #spn #i love talking about season 10 uh

[airi-p4]

Miraculous escape - Chapter 2

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

Thank you @alittleshycat for the header and wanted posters pic! 💙 Thank you @brickercupmasterx3​ for proofreading! 💙

I’ve been into comedy lately for some reason... This chapter has been finished for a while, but I’ve been writing more of this story. It’s fun to write because they’re all stupid XD

A/N: Remember this story is Lukanette + Adrigami endgame.

Chapter summary:

The fugitive and disguised men arrive to Milan and set in their Hotel rooms and Rose holds a girls' pajama party.

AO3

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Chapter 2: Arrival to Milan

The train arrived at Milan later than scheduled. Not that it surprised any of them - except probably Adrien who always rode bullet trains instead of cheap ones. Delays were part of the public transportation's everyday life (at least in Southern Europe).

It took them eight hours to reach the Italian city, and Adrien and Luka had mostly spent the time either sleeping (from exhaustion of the day before) or daydreaming about the girls that caught their attention. Juleka glared at them more than a few times too, reminding them to focus on their acting, but they pretended not to notice. She seemed to be having a good time with the short haired blond lady seated next to her, anyway.

During the ride, Madam Mendeleiev also assigned their hotel rooms: two members per room, sharing it with the person beside them during the train ride. That meant Luka and Adrien were assigned the same room, and Juleka and Rose and Marinette and Kagami would share theirs too. The men were relieved with the assignments- at least they could drop their acting during the night.

After arriving at the hotel, and leaving their suitcases at their respective rooms (courtesy of XY, who didn’t miss his chance to flirt again with ‘Lucia’- ew ), the band members reunited again to have dinner. Too bad for them, they didn’t get to share a table with Marientte or Kagami, but shared it with Juleka and Rose.

“Hey!” Rose called for their attention. “Why don’t we have a girls' pajama party here later, when Madam Mendeleiev is asleep?” she suggested.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea-” Luka started, but was blunty cut by Adrien.

“Oh, yes! A party! Yay! Let’s do it! It will be soooo much fun!” Adrien exclaimed happily, amicably joining the palm of his hands with the grinning Rose's.

“Yay! I’m going to tell the others!” Rose said, running to the other areas in little hops.

Juleka and Luka could only facepalm at Adrien’s reaction. It was probably his first ‘pajama party’, of course he would be excited. ‘Just be careful’, Juleka warned them, giving up at Adrien’s puppy eyes.

A few hours later, after assuring Madam Mendeleiev was pleasantly asleep, the boys changed into old fashioned nightgowns and moved to the Hotel’s bar, where almost all the ladies were already chatting and drinking together. Luka was disappointed to see how Marinette wasn’t there, and he soon left the party. On the other hand, Adrien was completely enjoying himself with the ladies. Chatting, laughing, singing, playing cards, fortune reading… The rich boy had never had so much fun in his life. Kagami had left early, but Adrien had made sure to stare at her as much as he could before his eyes couldn't follow her anymore.

Meanwhile, sick of his acting, Luka moved to a closed common room nearby. Dark and cold as it was, he didn't expect to find Marinette sleeping in one of the coaches, next to an incandescent lamp.

“Hey, are you ok?” He asked, shaking her a little. Marinette’s eyes opened all of a sudden, almost giving Luka a heart attack.

“Oh! Sorry!” She apologized. “Where am I?”

“You fell asleep in the common room. Can you walk...?” Luka asked her. She stunk of alcohol- lots of alcohol. Marinette nodded but almost fell down on her knees as soon as her feet hit the floor. Luka sighed. “Where's your room? I'll take you there”

“206” she answered, and Luka lifted her body to carry her in princess style. She was very light and he was probably enjoying her in his arms more than he should.

“Wow! You're so strong for a girl!” she said, in fascination, between hiccups.

Luka froze. *Shit* ‘ She’ll find out I'm actually a man at this rate! Think Luka, think! I need an excuse! ‘“It comes with carrying a guitar everywhere” he answered nervously.

But Marinette wasn’t really thinking. “That's amazing!” A short pause followed. “Wait! Put me down!” she demanded, and Luka obeyed, seating her on the coach again. “Let's have some girl talk before going to sleep!" she grinned.

Marinette's begging eyes were too much for his enamored heart and his body automatically answered. "Okay"

"Yaaay" she said loudly in a celebrating tone, between hiccups.

Luka gulped. She looked absolutely defenseless and beautiful in her pajamas. If he hadn't already fallen for her, he would have again at that moment. His long fingers threatened to betray him any moment, longing to feel her perfect skin under his touch. He bit his tongue trying to suppress his predator instincts and act like the woman Juleka expected him to be.

"Won't Madam Mendeleiev get angry if she finds us?" Luka asked, looking for an excuse to leave.

"She won't!" She assured, pouring more alcohol into her cup and taking a sip. "We'll just turn off the lights and hide, and that would do. Here." She offered him a glass. "Have a drink with me"

"Thank you. I could never say no to a drink" 'Let's hope it distracts me enough from my ‘naughty’  thoughts...'

"You know?" Marinette started, stopped by another hiccup. Luka carefully listened to her dreamy voice. "I thought you were a man at first…"

Luka choked on his drink. 'Oh, no. We've just arrived! Have I been found out so easily? I can't let her find out yet! We need to escape and-'

"Hahaha- really? No way. See? Breasts" he quickly answered, lifting his fake breasts awkwardly.

"I knooow. I'm just joking" she giggled, making Luka sigh in relief. "I haven’t introduced myself, have I? My name is-"

"Ma-Ma-Marinette, right?" Luka giggled, but stopped immediately after noticing her hurt expression. "Sorry, I didn't want to make you feel bad"

"No, it's ok. It's my fault for being so clumsy…" tears had started to form in her eyes and Luka felt his own heart hurt in regret.

"No, no! I should have been more sensitive. Sorry." He sincerely apologized.

"Thank you ugh- sorry. I don't think I caught your name…"

"Lucia" 'God I hate this name'

"Lucia. Pretty name. Are you from Spain? Or Southern France?" Marinette asked, curious.

"Yes, I'm from the Basque region" he lied to add credibility to his act.

"That explains your strength!"

"That's just a stereotype, Marinette… but who knows? Maybe I should try tearing a trunk in half with my bare hands sometime" Luka joked and Marinette laughed.

"You're so funny!" Her laugh sounded like the most beautiful melody in his ears, inspiring him to compose hundreds of songs. "Want more?" She offered him her bottle of alcohol.

"if you insist..."

Marinette opened the bottle to fill Luka's glass, but her trembling hands made her spill the alcohol on Luka's lap, surprising him.

"Oh, sorry! Your sleeping dress…" She lamented.

"It's fine. I'll ask for the hotel’s laundry service to clean it tomorrow and it will be fine" he smiled. 'how could anyone get angry at those beautiful regretful pure eyes? Impossible'

"What are these voices! Is anyone here!?" Madam Mendeleiev shouted from the aisle.

"Oh no! Hit the lights and hide! Here!"

Marinette pulled Luka's body strongly to hide him behind the coach, hugging him. During the minute they spent in that position, Luka forgot how to breathe, in awe of her softness and unexpected precise reflexes.

Madam Mendeleiev later moved toward the room where the girls’ party was taking place, and Luka could only feel sorry for Adrien. ‘ Good luck, my friend’ . But actually, he was more worried about himself, since the chest of the woman he liked was pressed on his face.

"Ufff… she's gone. Sorry!" Marinette stood up, offering her hand to Luka.

"No, it's fine…" he recomposed himself, shaking his head. "We should go back…" 'before the alcohol controls me and I do something stupid'

"Yes…Thank you for keeping me company, Lucia." She smiled.

“My pleasure" he smiled back. "I’ll go get Ad- Noirette first. Will you be fine on your own?”

“I guess so?” she answered, dizzily.

While Luka helped Marinette stand up, Kagami called for her friend, running towards them. “Marinette! I’ve been looking for you! Don’t tell me you’ve been drinking again? Are you ok?” she said, passing her arm under Marinette’s to help her steadiness.

“I’m perrrrffffect!” she said in a hiccup. “Thanks to Lucia! She’s soooo strong, you knowwww?”

Kagami’s eyes narrowed at Luka, giving him chills. But soon she apologized for her friend’s behavior, bowing her head at him. She also informed him she would take her to their room and thanked him for having looked after her friend. Luka excused himself to go look for ‘Noirette’. Kagami’s eyebrows frowned at his comment and started walking with Marinette.

“See you tomorrowwww, Luciaaa. Goood niiiiiighttttt”. With an exaggerated waving salute, Marinette almost fell straight to the floor in front of the elevator. Thankfully, Kagami made it in time to prevent the accident.

"Good night, Marinette. See you tomorrow" Luka waved back, blushing at her clumsiness.

'This is bad' Luka thought. His heart beat faster than ever. ‘ This girl is too damn cute. I’m going to fall in love for real if this continues... ’ Luka shook his head to snap out of his thoughts. Time to get Adrien back.

Back at the elevator, Kagami kept looking at ‘Lucia’ with judging eyes.

_____________________________________________

When Luka arrived at the party room he could see the girls (and Adrien) being scolded by Madam Mendeleiev. Not daring to show himself, he waited until they all returned to their respective rooms to meet with Adrien.

“Adrien! Are you ok? I saw that witch scolding you. Did you have fun at least?” Luka patted his back.

“Luka! Where were you? It was so fun until that old woman arrived… I’ve never had so much fun before! We drank, sang and played games… I love this band already. Do we really have to leave…?” Adrien mumbled, looking like he was about to cry. Luka could sympathize with his feelings.

“Sorry, Adrien. You know what will happen if your father ever finds us… I’m happy you had fun, though”

“Thanks. Where were you, by the way? I’ve been asking for you, but nothing”

“You won’t believe it! I got to spend some time with Marinette! Man, I thought I would pass out due to her cuteness. She’s too much for my heart…” Luka answered, grinning like a lovestruck fool.

“At least it went well in your case… I couldn’t even exchange a word with Kagami before she left, and she avoided my eye contact…”

“Tomorrow is going to be another day, don’t worry. It will go better next time, you'll see. Remember we have rehearsal all day tomorrow. We should sleep” Luka said, removing his wig. Adrien mimicked his action, nodding in agreement.

Suddenly, the door opened and the two men froze. ‘Oh no’

“It’s not what it looks like!” Luka screamed, followed by Adrien’s “What he just said!”

Juleka rolled her eyes from the door, going inside the room. The clueless musicians sighed in relief.

“Are you stupid? Why didn’t you lock the door before removing your wigs? Do you want to be found out when the escape just started?” she scolded them, who made apologizing puppy eyes at her. “I’m here to discuss your escape plans”

“Oh” they both responded, making Juleka sigh at their dumbness.

“It seems no one has figured out your true identity yet. The police are still looking for you in Paris and France, so you should be fine- at least for now” she informed them.

“Good thing there’s no internet or mobile phones in this story! That would make things very easy for them to spot us when we play with the band” Adrien said, more to himself or someone not present in the room than to his interlocutors.

“Ad, man, what are you talking about? What the heck is intern- whatever you said” Luka asked, confused.

“I don’t know. I had the feeling I had to mention it. Nevermind- I don’t know it either. Go on, Juleka” Adrien shrugged and let Juleka continue with her explanation.

“See? This is the band's schedule. We’re spending this week in Milan, then Verona, and then the band is going to perform in Venice. I contacted mom with my radio and she’s going to get us a motorboat ready to escape. I’ll have a radar prepared with the coordinates so we can meet in the sea with the Liberty- mom’s ship” she clarified for Adrien. ”That’s your escape plan. Make it to Venice, and it will be your win. Don’t screw it up! Understood?”

“Yes M’am!” they said in unison, doing a salute pose.

“Good. I’ll be here early in the morning for your make-up. Good night” she said, reaching for the door. “And lock the door next time” she warned before closing it.

Luka immediately hurried to lock the door and let his body finally relax and fall to the bed. “Let’s go to sleep… It’s been a long day…”

Adrien agreed, and just like that, the men fell asleep under dreams of beauties and the feeling of being chased by the demon himself.

#my fic #airip4 #airipyon #fic: miraculous escape #they are stupiddd #which is fun to write #endgame lukanette #endgame adrigami #lukanette fic

[im-gayer-in-french]

Why having an adult, textually bi character mattered to me, a woman who figured out she was bi while binge watching supernatural as an adult: a mega thread.

A fictional character can teach you a lot about yourself. You love and identify with their good qualities, sure, but I think the part you really resonate with is their flaws. For me, Dean Winchester was a window into my life that I was not always comfortable with. He lied constantly to shield his vulnerabilities, he misplaced his anger and often took it around out on the people closest to him, he repressed what he wanted for what people told him he should be, he was forced to grow up too fast and take on the role of a parent when his own failed, and his self-worth was so low that he contemplated suicide at multiple points in the show.

So when I was at my most depressed, my most repressed, and seethed with a self destructive anger I could not define, I picked up supernatural again. And again. Coming back to it over and over like the warmth of a blanket on a chilly November morning. Through him I learned to temper out my toxic edges and through him, I began to hate myself a little less.

Bisexual Awakening is a funny thing. You don't really have a moment of euphoria were the light bulb pops up over your head and suddenly the whole world makes sense. It's more of a quiet thing that in the moment doesn't seem very big. You realize you're #not-as-strait-as-you-thought-you-were, go "yeah that makes sense". Then spend the next year of your life revisiting all formative memories and going "oh. Oooooooh. I might have been a little in love with my best friend in high school."

Coming out though... is frustrating. There's no one big moment of coming out, it's a hundred conversations you have with a hundred different people. In the first couple months of coming out I was met with 1) a solicitation for a 3-way(ew) 2) a long speech about how I would have to choose a side of the fence eventually 3) a LOT of really stupid questions but I couldn't actually get mad at because I had asked all the same things in high school 4) speeches about immorality 5) hurtful assumptions by other queer people 6) deafening silence.

You know the one that hurt the most? The empty, hollow silence.

My mom and I used to watch supernatural together (she's a Sam girl by the way). She loved relationship between Dean and Castiel but always handwaved any time drifted into shipping territory as "why can't men ever be friends". I don't remember if it was during one of these conversations that I first told her I was bi, because my memory does not work linearly and I have told her so many times that they have all begun to blend together into a white haze. I know at least that it was among the first. But I told her and I was met with nothing.

I had prepared myself for anger, for disgust, to be kicked out of her house immediately (I mean she had once over a conversation about abortion, so it wouldn't have been surprising) but I had never considered that she would have nothing to say. It's been nearly 4 years now and she still has never come close to acknowledging that I am not the straight, God fearing daughter that she expected me to be. Every time a conversation brings it up, it is changed. She packs me away into a box, her eyes slide over pride stickers and bright colored wristbands as if they do not exist. And I feel like sometimes, I don't exist. Not to her anyway. Nor is she the only one who speaks to me with their fingers in their ears.

And it makes me furious that they can do that. Because I can pass as a straight person they never have to acknowledge anything beyond that. They can put me in a little box and stick it on a shelf. I can see the relief in their eyes when I talk about my boyfriend, because if I'm not actively dating a woman, they can pretend I'm not queer. They come so close to the truth and look away because it's not something they want to see. Bi people are scary, I think, because we hit a little too close to home. It's easier to accept a black and white version of gay or straight because it gives you a clear "this is what I am and this is what I'm not" mentality so you don't have to look too closely at it. You bat for a single team. But bisexuality blurs the edges. It makes you question where you fall and I think a lot of "straight" people are afraid of the answer.

So when I talk about bi-erasure, it is not from a place of ignorance or assumptions. It comes from a place of quiet pain. Years of hurt and shame, and a desire to scream. I know that I'm not the only one.

That's why it matters so much that Dean was silenced, that the final episodes of supernatural, which had for so long developed the relationship between Castiel and Dean along the sidelines, brought them front and center only to abandon them at the last minute. Castiel's confession is ignored by the narrative, his character brought back by a throwaway line in the final episode. His sacrifice and love are never acknowledged. DEAN is never allowed to acknowledge them. We are being told to ignore years of subtext because we are not allowed to see Dean as anything but the hyper-masculine soldier, wooer of women and lover of pie of the surface text. "Don't look too close" the show is telling us. The swathes of gray look like a fine line from far away.

#supernatural #they silenced you #theysilencedthem #destiel #castiel #casdean #dean winchester #season 15 #spoilers #this is terribly written #so I apologize #really rambly too #y'all don't want to hear from my personal shit

[alovesongshewrote]

Almost A Thousand Years - 1920| Hisirdoux Casperan

Plot:  You’ve known Hisirdoux Casperan for almost a thousand years.  You’ve hated him for almost a thousand years.  And for almost a thousand years, you’ve been cursed to feel each others pain.  But somewhere in that time, things changed.  [Hisirdoux Casperan x Mostly Gender Neutral but Probably Female Presenting Based on How Historical Men Treat Them!Reader]

Word Count: 936

Warnings:  alcohol, drinking, trauma, depression??

A/N:  very sad, reader is traumatized, I wish this was longer, but sometimes it’s just drunk shenanigans

Back | Next

It didn’t take a hundred years for you to meet again.

This was unfortunate, only because you were still super traumatized from the war.  Not to mention the years of pain that the people on this continent had gone through, which you also felt guilty for.  Maybe if you’d been more aware of your surroundings, you could’ve helped some of them.  You just wanted to forget your guilt, your worries, your regret, and self-resentment.

And it was the roaring twenties.

So, when Douxie found you, you were pretty drunk, and not at all in the frame of mind to speak to anyone at all.

The speakeasy was dimly lit, but even in the dark lighting, you could tell that everyone around you was committing various crimes.  The smell of smoke hung heavily in the air, successfully keeping Archie outside, leaving Douxie to find you alone in a place where the jazz was loud, the alcohol was strong, and the witches were drunk.

The jazz was something Douxie could appreciate, but the drunk witch?  That was gonna be a handful.

“(Y/N)?”

“hEyyyyy, Douxie!  You know what, I am, soooooo glad you exist, you know that?”

“Are you drunk?”

“Noooooooooo,”

“Oh, fuzzbuckets.  You’re drunk,”

“MMMMMmmmmm, whatever, dosen’ matter, I wanna forget so this is peeeeeeeeerfect,”

“You want to forget?  What?”

“The-the frrrrrrrrrrreaking, oh my god, what was it called, the uhhhhhhhhhh war!  Yeah, that one,”

“Oh, darling,”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sad, now lemme drink please,” you slurred, your drink shaking in your hand.

Needless to say, Douxie was not going to let you drink any more than you already had.  He put a hand on your wrist, bringing the glass back to the counter.

“Douxieeeeeee, lemme drink!”

“(Y/N), no,”

“Please, Doux, I don’t want to remember, I don’t want to think about it,”

That was the most sober you’d sounded that evening.  

“Just lemme get drunk, and y’know what?  Lemme stay that way, I never wanna have-” you struggled for the words, hands flitting around your head, “thoughts!  Thoughts, I don’t wanna have thoughts anymore.  Thinking is too hard,”

Yeah, sober enough, but not at all like you.

“Yeah, no more alcohol for you,”

“Why, because if I drink myself to death you die too?”

“No, it’s not that, I-”

“Then why do you careeee?  You do you care so much Casperan?  Why?  I'm a bad person, I’ve done awful things to people who didn’t deserve them.  I was a spy for someone who wanted you and your mentor, and whoever else lived in Camelot dead, so tell me, why?  Do?  You?  Care?  So?  Much?”

Douxie was silent, but you weren’t really paying attention.  There was alcohol in front of you and you wanted to drink it.

“(Y/N), stop, you need to stop drinking, now,”

“Whyyyyy?”

“Because, you’re not thinking straight, (Y/N), you need to stop-”

You looked him dead in the eye as you continued to sip your drink.

“(Y/N), stop-”  Douxie cut himself off.  

He’d let his eyes drift from your face for a moment and realized that several men were staring at you, none of them with any sort of good intent.

“We have to go,”

“What, why?”

He leaned in, whispering to you, “Don’t look, but at least five men are staring you down like you’re something to eat.  You have to get out of here,”

That sobered you up a little.  Without looking back, you grabbed your coat and silently followed the wizard outside.  The cold air woke you from your stupor even more.

“Oh god,” you groaned out, earning a sympathetic look from Douxie.

“Better?”

“It would be if I weren’t haunted by the past,”

Douxie could only sigh and put a hand on your shoulder, “I’m sorry, (Y/N), I promise it’ll get better,”

“When?”

“Eventually,”

You were about to make some sort of smart comeback when you froze.  Someone was coming.  It was the police… ew.

“Ah, oof, cops,” you looked around frantically, searching for somewhere to hide, or something to distract them, anything.

You had one option.

“Get into the alley,”

“What?  What alley?”

“That freakinnnnn, thing!  Go!”

“What-”

Douxie didn’t have time to finish before he was shoved into a crevice between two buildings, you were smushing yourself in after him.

“(Y/N)-”

“Shush, don’t do the talking,”

You covered his mouth with your hand again, your eyes focused on the street outside.

Douxie was more focused on your body pressed against his.

You moved closer to him, backing away from the alley’s entrance.  You were tense, waiting for the officers to pass your hiding spot.  Your hand slipped down to Douxie’s, squeezing it for support, not caring that he was by technicality your enemy.  He squeezed back.  You guessed he didn’t care either.

It felt like an eternity before the officers passed.  You and the wizard waited for another minute before you left.

“Right.  That was fun.  Nice work, quick thinking,”

“Thank you.  We should go now, yeah?”

“Yeah, let me go grab Arch, I’ll walk you home,”

“Sounds good,”

“I’ll be right back,”

You smiled, and waited, standing alone in the cold.  It was a nice night.  Though, you were unaware of the thing watching you.

Someone was staring at you from the roof of another building.  They’d considered grabbing you now, but the wizard returned too soon.  They couldn’t catch you, not yet, not without causing a scene.  

Instead, they just watched you leave, eyes following your form into the night.

I don’t know if it’s important enough to mention, but maybe it is.  The eyes watching you weren’t human.

Those were the eyes of a changeling.

#hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #douxie x reader #douxie imagine #hisirdoux imagine #almost a thousand years #angst #fluff #roaring 20s #20s #drinking #alcohol #hurt/comfort #aaty #hisirdoux #toa hisirdoux #hisirdoux casperan #toa hisirdoux casperan #douxie #toa douxie

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “To learn.”

My brain wanted to write something in first person present tense today. I have no idea why, but I let it go wild. I hope you all like it :) A little bit different than my usual style :)

I just needed some time.

You ever tried putting yourself back together after war, it isn’t easy, or at least I don’t find it to be. I don’t know, call me a sissy, but I don’t actually like war., I don’t take pleasure from killing, but it is part of my job, a big part of it and if the universe continues the way it is, I am going to see war a lot more often.

I wish it didn’t affect me so much.

I wish I had a better way of handling it.

People think I’m a strong person, but they’re wrong. There are plenty of people who could take up my mantle and do a more badass job. They wouldn’t grow sick as the sight of carnage, and they wouldn’t hesitate to put the armor back on.

I’m not like that ….

I’m a coward.

If my friends knew…. Well I have no idea what they would think of me.

But that’s why I had to take some time. Since my first injury, I have never been totally alone. There was always someone there to check on me, there was always someone there to help me deal with my issues. I don’t think I ever figured out how to take care of myself, which is why I decided to take this trip, alone.

The others didn’t understand it…. well , one of them did but he still didn’t like it, but If I am being honest it will be good for them….. Especially her…. The last thing I want to do is make it so we can’t function alone.

I think its called…. Codependency or something.

I don’t know sounds like the sort of thing I’d get caught up in.

I suppose it's for all those reasons that I ended up here. 

Looking out the window, I can see Anum suspended against the sky glassy in shades of blue purple and green like a lucky marble. It almost feels as if I can reach out and touch it.

The last time I saw this place, it was receding into the distance,.

I lost a lot here, my leg, and my mind for a short time.

Now it kind of makes me laugh to think that a piece of me was left behind to fertilize some of the plant matter. Of course, it looks a bit different now that the dark season has abated. I had only ever seen the place when it was covered in ash, but it's actually quite beautiful. 

The pilot of the shuttle is pretty average, and I only feel like tightening my hands on the seatbelts just a little as we enter the atmosphere.

Fire rolls up around us as friction begins to heat up the outer hull.

Around me men and aliens alike rock in their seats.

Most of them are miners, come here to work on extracting the precious metals from below Anum’s surface.

Personally, I prefer asteroid mining, but statistics say that is more dangerous and expensive so of course corporations like it a lot less, and besides, all of this was sort of just a massive pissing contest with the GA forcing the Drev to pay for the damages caused during war. I don’t think they should, but who am I to give my opinion.

I’m just a soldier.

It doesn't take us long to leave the atmosphere, and it isn’t long before we are looking down at a massive open mining operation. The face of Anum has been scoured with a massive terraced hole overrun by machines and workers cutting into the stone. Volcanoes pipe smoke in the distance.

The scars of industry really are ugly sometimes.

I’ve seen pictures of anum during the bright season, without the machinery.

It's honestly very beautiful, but maybe I'm a bit biased. It’s the one part of home that Sunny misses, and I’ve always wanted to see it for myself. With all the times we’ve gone to earth, you think we'd have visited her home planet too, but I guess the cosmos have ust never taken us this way.

Red lights blink above the doors, and I unbuckle my harness pulling on my bag and gear with the rest of the miners, though I’m not here for the same reason they are. Boots clatter loudly on the ramp below our feet, and I head outside.

It smells clean and cool, though for a distant tang of sulfur.

You barely notice it though, less bad than visiting the hot springs at yellowstone, so your nose adjusts quickly.

The sky overhead is blue, just like on earth, though the ground beyond the launch pad is an amalgamation of rainbow color. I have to blink a few times to adjust my vision, pulling up the eyepatch to take a look from my mechanical eye and its UV filter.

“Holy shit.”

It's beautiful, the sheer amount of color is astonishing like the Lucky Charms leprechaun had some sort of horrific accident. T

he miners ignore me and continue on their way towards the docking pad. 

I don’t plan on following.

I am not here for them. I drop the patch back over my eye, and adjust the bag over my shoulder striking it out into the bush, barely looking back. No one notices, or cares, and it isn’t long before the launch field and the mining operation disappears over the horizon. Anum’s circumference is just a little smaller than that of earth with the horizon eating up anything beyond that around three miles.

Gravity is somewhat lessened too, which makes it easier as I walk.

My boots are silent against the multicolored moss at my feet, this stuff teal in color. Little white flowers spring up from the surface like clover back home. A light gust of wind rolls past me causing the flowers to ripple. I lift my head closing my eyes and allowing the wind to carry with it distant smells.

This is the same wind that Sunny would have known growing up, the same feeling under her feet.

I decide to stop a couple miles out under the meager shade of a coiltree. I have never actually seen one before now, and I can see why it’s called a coiltree. Honestly it looks like something straight out of a Dr. Seus book striped up the trunk and with branches that curl into spirals. More little whit blossoms erupt from the trunk, and between those are little white berries. 

I seem to recall those being edible.

Reaching up, I pluck one or two down from the branches and pop them into my mouth. Though the skin is white, the berries juice stains my hands purple. One of them is horrifically sour, but the other is pleasantly sweet, probably more ripe than the other, though I can’t yet tell the difference between them. 

I sit there under the tree for a little while looking out across the lonely landscape. Something is moving on the distant horizon, though I can't exactly tell what they are, a herd of some sort of animal or another. They are very tall as far as I can tell, just a little shorter than the coiltree.

As a last moment decision, I kick off my boots, and strip my socks tying them to my bag before standing.

The moss is very soft under my feet erupting upwards between my toes like a shag carpet, but you know much less hideous.

My footsteps are even softer now, though the prosthetic clatters sometimes when metal hits stone.

Sweat runs down my back,sides, and front.

I have no idea where I am going, but I know they will see me soon enough.

They have patroll parties out here, and if they aren’t watching me already, then they will be soon enough.

I keep walking heading parallel to the volcanic chain.

For the most part, my hike is uneventful, except for that time that I stepped on something slimy and wriggly. I hate to admit it but I squealed like an idiot and nearly fell over, only made worse when I looked down and saw the giant pale maggot burrowing into the moss and underground.

I nearly gagged, and my skin crawled.

Sunny had mentioned those, though I forgot their names.

THey lived primarily off of decomposing plant and animal material, very common in areas where war had continued.

I didn’t like it, but it was probably one of those nasty suckers that ate my leg.

Ew…

Gross.

I contemplated putting my boots back on, but kept walking instead. 

A group of unknown flying critters appear overhead. They have two sets of membranous wings, kind of like those of a bat, no tail though, just a long rail of fur like the streamer of a kite.

These ones are bright colors like pink and yellow.

Pretty cool.

Its nice to walk in the silence, though after a while my brain devolves into humming the star wars theme, and then singing stupid songs dancing around and hopping about from one foot to another as I badly sing the choruses to all the songs I know.

My eye of the tiger rendition probably left something to be desired, though I doubt anyone out here would know the difference.

Then comes the stupid dialogs with myself as I try to imagine what Krill Conn and Sunny would say about all this.

“Commander, I will have you know that you behavior is highly disquieting, I insist we get an MRI on your brain to make sure you have not developed a severe case of bilateral goop disease.”

“What kind of dumbass just goes wandering around with no idea where he’s going. The dumbass kind of dumbass.”

“Adam, I need you to understand that Anum is a dangerous place. I know you grew up on earth, but there are still things that can go wrong on Anum. Do you know how common surprise hot springs are. What if you fell in and died.”

Speaking of which, “Thanks imaginary Sunny, I totally forgot about that.”

Other than that, what can go wrong, it is a bright shiny day, the temperature is perfect, nothing someone like me can’t handle. Oh and is that a crunchy pink orb I see. I fucking love those, they taste so good.

I hop over the rocks, my feet warm on the moss, and reach down to pluck one of the spheres from it’s short stumpy stem.

And that's when the spear appears at my throat.

Shit.

I drop my hand back and look up to see a drev that is at least three feet taller than me, holding his massive spear orange eyes narrowed. Holy shit, I didn’t even hear her/him coming. Honestly I should have seen them coming long before anything else bright fuschia as they were.

“Lod tsa ee nin tsa daeen darish.”  They jab the spear at my neck, and the obsidian lined head cuts through my sin like butter. 

Oh shit, uh, my translator is not picking up shit. Guess these guys have a different accent than we’re used to. I rack my brains trying to remember how to speak what little I know, but it seems that it has all fled me when I needed it the most.

“Lod tsa ee nin tsa daeen darish!” I stumble backwards onto my butt and hands. Shit shit.

I hold up a hand.

“Cheeyat neahasan!” Shit I forgot to conjugate the verb. Damn I must look like an idiot yelling ‘to speak slow!’ at the top of my lungs 

However, my botched attempt at speaking seems to work, and they pull back. “Tsa dzhal Cheeyish.” 

Oh I understood that one, “Yid zhe cheeyi dzhal.” yes, yes I speak Drev, “neahasan.” Slolwy anyway. 

They pull back. I don't know why, but I’m getting a female vibe off this one. I can't tell though, Drev voices all tend to be rather deep.

“Lod tsa ee nin tsa daeen darish” She says it slower this time, and all around her I watch as a small group of other Drev move to flank me from the sides. They are listening very intently.

I think I understand this time, the rough translation being who are you and what are you doing.

I want to speak with your leader, “Zhe zhegingi s tsak eeda cheeyat.” My voice is halting and I am butchering the pronunciation, but they seem to get my request.

She trusts the spear at me, “Tsaee!”

I hold up my hands, “Woah woah, easy easy…. I uh.” Shit what was the word to learn, “zhe….zhengingi hak tsa…. “ Damn it… I can’t remember,  “um….. Rekazat nin dzhal….. Rekazazh.”

Oh wow, that sounds really intelligent. I wanted to learn from them but instead apparently I ‘want to know what they know.’ riveting conversationalist that I am.

She stares at me confused.

In frustration I point at her spear, “Zhe zhengingi…..zheengat?” 

Uh this was going poorly. I clearly did not know as much of their language as I thought I did.

I want to know to fight.

Wow excellent work their commander that will convince them.

They look back and forth at each other, and fire off some quick shot dialogue that leaves my head spinning.

She turns to me and lowers her spear, “s jya Hajish.”

Come with us.

Great a sentence I understood.

It was in the next few hours that I was either going to live, or I was going to die horribly. 

A pretty exciting time in my life.

And I followed.

Not like I had a choice at this point. 

[krreader]

BTS reacting to you bringing a date to a party after your break-up.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: sex ; oral sex ; language genre: smut ; fluff ; angst

a/n: I hope you like it my love!!

ask box | masterlists | faq | twitter | ko-fi | REQUESTS ARE CLOSED.

kim seokjin

“What does she see in him?” Jin asked for the fifth time in a row.

He had been staring at the two of you ever since you arrived at the party and his members were definitely getting tired of it.

“Hyung, you broke up with her. You're not allowed to judge who she goes out with now,” Namjoon muttered under his breath.

“But I'm definitely more handsome than he is, right?”

“What do you want her to do? Not move on? Namjoon is right, you broke up with her, so let her date who she wants to date, hyung,” Yoongi added.

But Jin didn't listen. He was practically stalking with his eyes you all night while keeping his distance. Only when he left for a few minutes did he walk up to you.

“You can do better than him and you know it, (Y/N).”

You didn't have to turn around to know who was talking to you.

“He's a nice guy. Likes me.. treats me well.”

Suddenly he was really possessive. He came to a halt next to you and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear when you turned your head to look at him.

“I treated you better.”

“Until you didn't,” you grabbed his hand and gently pushed it away, “You broke up with me, Seokjin.”

“And seeing you with that guy makes me realize how stupid I was.”

“A little late, don't you think?”

“We were good together, (Y/N).”

“Then why did you end things?”

“I..- I don't know,” he thought it was the right thing to do. Pressure from his company and family made him break up with you, but he's been regretting it for the past weeks.., “I loved you. I mean.. I still do.”

You looked at him for a long time, knowing that what you were about to do was probably so fucking stupid, before you wordlessly turned around and walked back inside.

Jin was left there with his shoulders slumping, watching you talk with your date and then hugging him, thinking you chose him, before..

..you walked back out?

“You have a lot of making up to do, Kim Seokjin. And this is the only second chance I'm ever going to give you.”

He wouldn't waste it.

min yoongi

“Are you fucking serious?” was the first thing Yoongi asked when he approached you at that party.

You had come here with a guy. Four weeks after you had decided to break up. Well.. Yoongi had decided to break up with you.

“What?” you furrowed your eyebrows, acting all innocent as you cocked your head to the side, “Correct me if I'm wrong, but you ended things. So I'm allowed to bring guys to parties.”

“I know why you're doing this, (Y/N).”

“Do you?” you asked with a competitive undertone, grinning as you took a step closer to him to whisper: “Are you jealous, Min Yoongi?” into his ear.

And fuck.. he was.

He really was.

Thing was, you two had this weird on and off relationship, it's been this way ever since you two started dating. Well, things had first only been sexual for a long time before you decided you wanted a relationship and.. well. This time it had been Yoongi to call it off once again.

And he was already regretting it.

He knew that you were only doing this to get him to this point. That's why you never cried when you 'broke up' because you knew one way or another, you'd always end up with each other again.

And so it was no surprise that you left the guy you came here with on his own, talking with some other idol girls, while you and Yoongi had wandered off into the nearest bathroom.

Your mouth was wrapped around his cock, him trying his damned hardest to keep his moans inside, but when he looked down at you and found you grinning up at him while you jerked him off, he couldn't help but say: “I fucking hate you.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“No,” he moaned when your grip tightened, “I fucking love you. Forever.”

jung hoseok

It had been a decision that you had both made.

You thought breaking up would be a good idea, but it really wasn't.

Both of you missed the other one and while Hoseok had many days where he just wanted to drive over to your place and make up with you, you were a little more.. stubborn.

It was as if you wanted Hoseok to prove to you that you were still the one he wanted.

Your methods were just making him very angry and jealous right now, though and you both knew what angry and jealous Hoseok meant.

“You come here with that guy knowing that I'm here and think this would have ended differently, baby girl?” he laughed as he pushed you against the wall, grabbing your leg and wrapping it around his waist while his other hand was opening up his belt.

“I'm sorry,” you moaned, but honestly, you weren't sorry in the slightest, because this was exactly what you had hoped for.

“Is he the one you want? Is he the one who can make you scream?” he asked as he pushed himself inside of you.

You let out a moan and then you shook your head, “No, no, no. Only you. I only want you.”

Well then, now that that's settled, he could get to the fucking you without mercy.

Make-up sex really works wonders sometimes.

kim namjoon

Namjoon had been talking to a few girls all night and while it was fun at first, now he wasn't listening to a single word they were saying, too busy watching you and your date.

He hadn't even known you had moved on. After all, you had only broken up with each other four weeks ago.

And as soon as the guy was gone, he excused himself and walked up to you.

“Four weeks.. you hurt my pride, you know?” he said, his hands deeply buried inside his pants, a small smile on his face though.

There were no hard feelings between you two. It had been a mutual decision.

“Are you jealous?” you grinned.

“I am,” he nodded, turning a little more serious, “Which makes me think.. I might be regretting it.”

You licked your lips and looked down to your drink. You wanted to say something, but then you closed your mouth again and shook your head a little.

“Don't you?” he asked after you didn't say anything for a while, “Are you.. really over it already?”

Because he would be deeply hurt if you said yes. After all, you've dated for almost three years.

“No,” you replied honestly and finally looked back up again, “I just wasn't sure if you were. So this was my way of testing it.”

“You were.. using that poor guy to see if I was jealous?”

“Ah, don't worry,” you laughed, “He's actually gay and just a friend of mine. He wanted to come because I promised to introduce him to some singles.”

Namjoon joined you with laughing.

Suddenly it was like you two were sixteen again and had just started dating.. it was almost cute.

park jimin

You had broken up with Jimin, but it was now you who was regretting it.

You didn't know how to handle it. You thought randomly going out with men for dates would fix it and would make it better, but it didn't.

And to make it worse, Jimin was actually here tonight.

“Do you have to shove it into my face like that?” he asked when he managed to grab a hold of you while you were alone, “Is breaking up with me not enough? Do you have to show me that you're already over it?”

“I'm not over it,” you laughed humorlessly, “Trust me.”

Jimin furrowed his eyebrows, “YOU broke up with me. You don't get to be not over it.”

“I broke up with you because I thought it was the right thing to do, not because I don't love you anymore. When everyone around you tells you that it'd be better that way, you're influenced by these voices at some point, you know?”

“I never cared what other people said. So why did you all of a sudden?” he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“I don't know, Jimin,” you shrugged and then looked over to the guy you had come here with who was waiting at the bar, “It's nothing serious. It never is. I never even kissed any of the guys. I just.. thought it would make me realize that I could find someone else.”

“And?” he tried to stay serious and unaffected, but he was suddenly hopeful.

“I can't.”

Jimin let out a breath, his entire posture softening.

He was still hurt by your actions, but he was always prone to forgiving people easily.

Especially when that person was you.

kim taehyung

Taehyung had always thought that he would marry you after BTS disbands. He had his mind set on all of that, on you being by his side forever and taking his name eventually.

But then you had broken up with him. 

Out of nowhere.

And now he had let his members drag him to this party, the first one he's been to since the break-up and who does he see? You.

With another man.

And while Taehyung was definitely not a violent man, he had to force himself to stay seated before he punched the guy straight in the face.

But then that guy had the nerve to walk over to him and Taehyung didn't even let him speak, before he said: “You come here with my girl and then dare to come over to me? Do you want me to kill you? Because I'm this close,” he showed it with his fingers.

“I'm not sure (Y/N) would approve,” he laughed and sat down next to him, “You don't remember me, do you?”

“If you're telling me she's been with you during..-”

“Ew, no,” he furrowed his eyebrows and quickly shook his head, “I'm just a friend. We met at her cousin's wedding two years ago. I was the one whose foot was broken.”

God, he did remember him.

“So.. you and her are not..-”

“No,” he shook his head and leaned over to lower his voice, “I begged her to come here because I knew you'd be here. She's waiting outside and you really need to talk to her.”

Taehyung was confused now. Not really angry anymore, but just confused.

He did what the guy asked and walked outside onto the balcony where you were waiting.

“Man, I really thought you were already moving on and..-” he had laughed.

But then you interrupted him by saying: “I'm pregnant.”

And suddenly it all made sense.

His company had always told him that he was allowed to be with you for as long as he wanted to, as long as he didn't get you pregnant.

You didn't break up with him because you didn't love him anymore, but because you had broken the one rule that his company had given him and you didn't want him to be in trouble.

And while he was shocked at first, he wasn't angry. He just closed the distance and pulled you against him.

Because he was.. happy.

For the first time in his life, he thought: Fuck the company. I'm going to be a father and the mother of my child is the love of my life. They can suck my dick if they think I'll not be by her side forever now.

jeon jeongguk

“I've never seen you jealous, Kookie,” Taehyung chuckled as he watched him clench his jaw at the sight of you with another man, “Do you regret it, then?”

Did he regret it? Fuck yes.

He had ever since the words: “I think we should just end this,” left his mouth.

And now you were showing him what he was missing like he always knew you would, by bringing another man to this party and wearing the sexiest outfit he has ever seen you in.

You were giggling, touching him unnecessarily and Jeongguk knew that you were only doing this because you wanted him to regret it.

And when the guy whispered something into your ear and you turned your head to look directly into Jeongguk's eyes, he had enough and got up to walk over to you, grabbing your arm.

“Hey! What are you doing?” the guy tried to stop him, but Jeongguk just turned to look at him with the most intimidating look you had ever seen on him and then the other guy was suddenly.. very quiet.

And while Jeongguk dragged you away, you just chuckled.

“Didn't even take ten minutes..”

But even then Jeongguk didn't say anything. He just took you to his car and drove home wordlessly and when you were back at the apartment he let out all his frustration and jealousy.

Which, truth be told, benefited you.

When do you normally get four orgasms in a row?

And when you were lying in his arms afterwards, completely covered in sweat, you looked up at him and asked: “So.. what does that teach you?”

“I'll never let you go again,” he said, a lot more at ease now as he kissed your forehead, “Never.”

#bts imagine #bts reactions #bts x reader #bts #bangtan #bangtan reaction #bangtan boys #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop reactions #bangtan sonyeondan #reader #bangtan x reader #bangtan boys x reader #requests

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #282

“daddy’s flown across the ocean / leaving just a memory / a snapshot in the family album / daddy, what’d you leave behind for me?”

What is your favorite type of dance? I like modern dances, especially those unusual or creepy with unique music. They’re the dances I look forward to watching in dance competitions. Do you find making scenes in public fun? Oh fuck no. Lemonade or pink lemonade? Pink is Supreme in so many ways. Where do you feel safest? At home, especially if Mom is here. Have you ever been to a gay pride parade? No, but I’d love to. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? No. I don’t want to move to Africa. What do you like to do when you're home alone? HAHA okay so I almost exclusively watch Unus Annus when Mom isn’t home because I will almost without a doubt cackle at least once, and… explaining why I’d be laughing would be WILD. UA is a fucking gift & I’mma miss it when it’s gone. What kind of music calms you down? My best bet is nostalgic music that I hold very close, like Ozzy. The soundtracks to SotC and SH2 are also magical when it comes to soothing me. Who did you last go to a park with? Uhhhh… probably not since I took family pictures for someone. Got some nice ones. Have you ever been robbed? Thankfully, no. Are you working, a student, both, or neither? Neither, and at nearly 25, it’s fucking humiliating. I’m thinking of appealing my disability case (you very rarely get it the first time), but of course self-doubt and anxiety just slaps me across the face again and again by asking, “Do you really need it?” That shit is agonizing. Very highly regarded people in my life agree that it’s realistic for me, at least at this moment, while I sort out my mental health. I don’t plan on being on it forever, fuck no. But right now I am, no matter what anyone says, a leech in my home. What's your favorite holiday? Christmas. I prefer Halloween’s “vibe,” of course, but I am much more excited and just thankful at Christmastime, especially now as an aunt with children who *understand* the holiday. Their joy and excitement is enough of a gift to me. It’s always really hard on Mom because she’s convinced she doesn’t do enough (she cries at least once like… every year), but my sisters and I always reassure her. It’s also a nice opportunity to see Dad and my stepmom, also with my sister’s family, and once again we get to see the kids so happy. But enough about them; what I love most about Christmas is I generally am able to put my troubles into perspective and take the time to remember I am, in the big picture, lucky to have what and who I do. And SNOW!!!!! If you can’t tell I’m stoked for Christmas. Do you prefer male or female friends? Both are great, but I’m more relaxed with female friends because of the whole “scared of men” ordeal. What's your favorite dessert? Biiiiihhhhh lemme get my hands on ice cream. Do you ever go on chatroulette or omegle? Noooo, I never did. That shit creeps me out. Besides, I’m shy. What kind of tea do you drink? None. Do you know anyone in a gang? Not to my knowledge… What color is your fridge? White. We decided to use the fridge already in this house versus our old one. Is your phone mostly on vibrate, silent, or ringtone? It’s just about always on vibrate. Do you own black sunglasses? I don’t own any sunglasses. Are you currently looking for a job? Fuck if I know. Not actively, but if something suitable magically popped up, I’d definitely pursue it. Do you watch MTV? No. Do you like to tell people who you like? Historically, I tend to keep my mouth shut about it to people who know that love interest unless explicitly asked, and even then, it depends on if I think they’ll keep their mouth shut. How often do you braid your hair? It’s too short to be braided. I very rarely had it braided beforehand. What color is your microwave? Black. Do you wash your face in the morning when you wake up? If I remember, especially if I’m groggy. Are you interested in the ocean? No more or no less than the average person. What's a big turn on for you? Keeping physical stuff outta this, I’m just such a fuckin sucker for being authentically romantic lmao. Have you ever thought about being a teacher? Heeeeeelllllll no. What's the first thing you do when you turn your computer on? Close out of the stuff that automatically pops up after it starts. Do you drink Gatorade? Ugh, ew, no. Do you hate when people replace 0's with O's? EX: 9:OO AM. Lol no, it’s honestly aesthetically pleasing in some formats. Did you hate riding the bus? Some of my best school memories are the long bus rides home w/ Jason so uh- Do you ever use XOXO in texts, letters etc..? Nah. Has anyone ever told you they liked you to your face? Yeah. Have you ever touched an elephant? No. Reading or writing? Writing. Do you have a childhood nickname? Mom called (and sometimes still does lakjdf;alkwe) me “Twinkie.” She gave sweets-oriented nicknames to all her kids. Have you ever had a Moon Pie? UGH they’re gross. I have this faint memory as a kid of a sweetheart babysitter my sisters and I had always offering us banana moon pies as a snack or dessert, idr. I’ve always hated anything banana-flavored. Has your car ever had troubles? N/A What's your birthstone? Amethyst. Would you join the navy? I want nothing to do with anything remotely related to war. What's your favorite board game? Battleship. Do you like chess? I’ve never played it nor even know the rules. If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it? I was absolutely parched after a long, sweaty walk and was offered it to “try” by my mom without me knowing it was alcohol… the “WAIT NO STOP” from everyone was so quick lmao. It was just hard lemonade, so nothing super serious. Do you think you could ever have an abortion if you unexpectantly turned up pregnant right this second? I probably would. There is no fucking way I can emotionally handle carrying a baby right now. But I’d feel like absolute shit, even though I’m pro-choice. I just don’t want to picture myself in that situation. Is there a situation where you caved into peer pressure and regretted it? Probably. Although generally, I’m very resilient to peer pressure when it comes to something I really don’t want to do. What is your favorite video game console? Why? PS2, of course. I think the best games came from that era, many ahead of their time. Example, the original Shadow of the Colossus graphics massively pressured the limits of the software, and it still to this day blows me away. Sure, you have some lag in return, but the end result was just magnificent. I seriously, seriously, seriously hope I’m able to play the remake one day. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? I was. As of this minute, what is going through your mind? How I need a change and purpose in life so motherfucking badly. Where’s the last place you went? I was riding around with Mom, doing some errands. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. When was the last time you went apple picking? Never. Do you have a good relationship with your cousins? We don’t really… have a relationship. We don’t talk, we just kinda “exist” knowing we’re related. What was the last kids movie you saw? I watched some of Hotel Transylvania 3 with my niece and nephew. Do you know anyone who was born in Africa? When I was still in college, there was at least one guy in my class who was. Tutored me in math. Patience of a saint, haha. Have you ever been to an internet cafe? I actually have zero clue what that is. Has the year gone quickly for you so far? I’ve barely discerned 2018-2020, if I’m being honest with you. It’s just a lump of time where I’ve done jack-all. I mean yeah, school fits in there somewhere, but mentally I wasn’t in a wonderful place and haven’t been “happy” for a long time. My mental state has been the same for a few years. How many siblings does your significant other have? N/A Are you one of those people who can drink vodka straight? Oh, I hiiiighly doubt it. I loathe the taste of alcohol. Do you share a middle name with any of your friends? I legitimately have one of the most basic white bitch middle names in America, I know tons. How many pairs of jeans do you own? None. Do you know the name of the pharmacist at your local drug store? One, yes, considering Mom worked there before the cancer and is still in touch with this pharmacist. What flavor is your toothpaste? Mint. Are you sleepy right now? I think I’m permanently sleepy. Do you like crime films and tv shows? Not especially. Are you bitter about anything? Many things. What was the first online account you remember having? Neopets. My older sister helped me set it up when I was somewhere around eight. Do you use emojis? More than I used to. I’m gradually converting from emoticons to emojis, oof. What was the last type of soda you drank? Mountain Dew. Do you remember much from high school? I probably remember too much from high school, if I’m being honest. I remember far too much in far too much detail during the almost four years I dated Jason. Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? Probably the Bahamas, mostly for the pink beaches, aha. It would also be an incredible photography opportunity. Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand? My former best friend’s dad was so southern that yes, I could barely understand him whatsoever. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? If you mean a fresh, new one and not a glow-up on the Mark tribute tat I’ve mentioned five thousand times, a tribute to Teddy featuring his portrait, pawprint, and the Powerwolf lyrics “and we’ll meet where the wild wolves have gone.” I’m going to be picky as a motherfucker about the design itself, though, so realistically it probably wouldn’t be tomorrow since I’d probably commission people to draw in varying styles. Ugh, I need that tattoo gun, my man. What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly? That would be 4 Peens in a Pod (it’s… not a porn I swear, it’s Fischfuck and the boys lmao). I’m waaaaaaaaaaay behind on it, though. I watch so many different things now that I’m behind on like… everything I watch/listen to. Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed) I think I was with all of them? What was the last thing you wrote in a Word document? This survey. Because I combine short ones into Big Boys that I usually don’t finish in one go, I save my progress on it. Who do you miss and what do you miss about them? I miss a number of people and would rather not retrospect on them. What were the best and worst costumes you’ve ever worn? *shrug* Do you know anybody who is gay and married? I think so. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Ugh. A whole fucking lot. I’ve thought quite a bit recently on how I miss video editing, but I just don’t have the motivation and dedication for that anymore. Have you ever shared a home with a friend? Yes. What’s the craziest or weirdest place you’ve ever slept? Nowhere that strange at all… Probably just like, the floor, but even then with blankets and stuff. What did you have for lunch today and who made it? I haven't had lunch yet. Are you allergic to anything? How did you find out? Pollen is pretty obvious, while serious discoloring and itching let me know I was allergic to silver. Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah, I was visiting her for a couple weeks. It was nice. Who was the last very physically attractive person you saw? In ~real life~, probably some friend on Facebook. Do you know anyone who is deaf? We recently found out actually that my youngest niece is deaf in her left ear due to a massive buildup of fluid in it. I’m so ready to hear about her reaction to hearing normally once it’s taken care of. Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? Probably at some point. “Ever” makes this question difficult. Do you think you have a good understanding on love? Yes. What do you think of your parent(s)? I love them both immensely while acknowledging their flaws. What celebrity do you think should of never become famous? I don’t care enough to think on this honestly haha. Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? What about the Harry Potter craze? Neither. What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl"? It was bold for its time, for sure. I’ve never minded it. Actually since coming out as bi I’ve known that this song has to be included in the recession dances of my wedding if my partner is female lmao. Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? I hope there’s some sort of total bliss after death if you’re deserving of such, but I don’t know. I definitely don’t know how I actually picture it. Even if there’s not, well, I’m assuming I just won’t exist anymore, so I wouldn’t be able to care anyway. Sometimes I hope that's the case. What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? Hotmail. Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? Yeah. I remember there was one time where “she” didn’t trade my tooth for munz and I was so mad lmao. Mom apparently forgot and slipped something under the pillow while I was getting ready for school. How I fell for it, who knows man, kids are wild. How do you feel about Taco Bell? I’m not a Mexican food fan, really, but I do love their cheese (with or without chicken) quite a bit. The cinnamon bite things are bomb as FUCK, too. I’m still mad tilted they took potato products off their menu tho because I used to destroy the fiesta potatoes. How often do you go on to YouTube? I’m like… always on it. Not focusing on it at all times, but something’s in the background. Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Well of course, man. What's your dream pet? Ugggghhhh a sunset morph ball python, probably. Buuut I’ve seen some over $2k with their rarity. More realistically, I really, really want a Brazilian Black tarantula. And an arctic morph hognose. I want a lot of pets. ;_; Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? God, I have a lot, honestly. All things considered, the answer is probably Miss Tobey, who was my physical science teacher in high school. She’s an extremely close family friend now involved regularly in my family’s lives. She can be… difficult and says shit before thinking, but we love her nevertheless. What's your favorite fairy tale? Fuck outta here if you say Shrek isn’t one. Do you have a favorite pen? Uh, no… I barely ever use pens anyway. Has a child ever asked you a question you found difficult to answer? Yeah; it happens sometimes with my niece and nephew. Name five books you've read in the past year. I think I’ve read the first three Wings of Fire book within the same year, and I’m currently on the forth. Other than those, I started The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but only got through the prologue I think before my focus shifted onto WoF. I still plan on reading it at some point, though. ^Are any of those books your favorite? No. The prequel to The Testaments, The Handmaid’s Tale, is very high up there, though. Are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? Not at all. Once I read it once, I’m done. There are VERY few books I’ve reread, and most of those were children’s books from when I was little. Do you have a favorite talk show host? Don’t watch any. Which sounds the most refreshing: a hot shower or a cold one? I prefer hot showers unless I seeeeeriously need to cool down. Have you ever made your own soap? No. Can you sleep with socks on? UGH NO. When was the last time you were pissed beyond belief and why? Ummm good question. I don’t know about *that* mad. Maybe when Ashley’s mother-in-law shared a massively homophobic article that condoned conversion therapy on Facebook that resulted in me removing her from my friends and RAGING to my mom about it. That was forever ago, though. Do you have a favorite candle brand? No. What is your opinion on taxidermy? I have… very mixed feelings. If the animal was hunted for sport, then it’s fuckin disgusting; you literally killed an animal with the intention to show off the fact you’re a goddamn murderer. On the other hand, taxidermy of naturally-deceased animals can be educational, and even… artistic sometimes? I don’t know. I can’t really pick one stance over the other. Would you ever want to own a body part in a jar? Actually, yes, particularly of fetal animals (that WERE NOT killed for the sake of displaying), but for the same reasons above, I’m not sure if I would *really* do it. They are incredibly interesting to me, more so than taxidermy probably, but yeah, I still question the morality of it. What is the worst thing you have ever done to your own hair? I don’t think I’ve ever really done a “bad” thing to my hair. What qualities of yours do you think could potentially harm a relationship? I’m very clingy and, in the beginning, very paranoid that you’re going to leave. Have any of your childhood habits carried over into adolescence/adulthood? I had AWFUL separation anxiety from my mom for a very long time as a kid, and I guess that evolved into my extreme inability to handle loss well, maybe. I’d say they’re at least somewhat related. What is the first band that comes to mind when I say 'dark'? Cradle of Filth popped up first. As far as relationships go, what are your biggest deal-breakers? Abuse, arrogance, and distrust probably top the list. Be honest: do looks really matter to you? Nah. It’s nice to be physically attracted to my partner, but it’s not a must. Have you ever done something simply because you were of age? No. Do you think it's worth it to tell someone you had feelings for them when you don't have them anymore? I mean, what’s the situation? Are you hanging out, talking about relationships casually? I’d say it’s fine then if it’s relevant to the conversation. I don’t think it’s worth going out of your way to tell someone you liked them if you don’t anymore, though. Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Y’know that ride at fairs where you go up really high on a circular thing with other people and then drop abruptly? That. I screamed like a mf lmao. I had to put a lot of effort into not yelling “SHIIIIIIIIIIIT” lmao. What's a food you love but don't get to eat very often? Stuff involving shrimp, ig. What's your favorite mythical being? Dragons! Have you ever felt a baby kick? I don’t think so, and I don’t want to, considering it’s fucking terrifying to me. I can’t even see a baby move without screaming and wanting to hurl. When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? Who the fuck knows… What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry? Said things I shouldn’t have. Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? A lot. I can’t be bothered to go through all of them. At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I’m not sure. Do you feel that way around anyone now? I don’t think so. What is your main heritage? German or Irish, idr which is more prominent. What is a song that you hate to admit you like? “Bitches” by Hollywood Undead came to me first lmao. What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? More than anything, watching inspirational YouTube videos. What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? I suppose maybe my ears? I had tubes put in as a kid, I had an absolutely agonizing ear infection once, I had earwax adhered to my eardrum, and they've always been STUPID dry and flaky. Are you watching your weight? Like a hawk, but it doesn’t seem to matter anyway. :^) Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online? Most of my closest friends I’ve met online. What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? You’re asking the wroooong person, lol. I’ve just seen way too many… Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? Lots of things; drawings, some writing, photographs, video edits… What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? Just ketchup and mustard. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Sex. What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? MEERKATS and MARK What is the worst thing someone could do to you emotionally? Tell me I’m weak. Or that my mental illnesses truly do make me unlovable. Just essentially do fucking not make me feel what Jason did. What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Said some extremely mean and potentially scarring shit.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

[notwhoiwanttobeyet]

tumblr journal [1]

NOTE: hi pLeasE don’t read this. this is just a way of coping with my mental illnesses. this is completely unedited, highly personal and i stRonGLy advise you look away. i hope you’re having a good day! happy holidays :)

also don’t mind the spotify links along the way; just some songs i almost or did cry to while writing this 

tw: suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, (breast) cancer

hey tumblr, 

it’s been a while since i’ve really vented. a lot of us use tumblr as a copying mechanism (me included) and i think it’s important i evaluate my current situation and break things down. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/1WVunZLZM2zLTm5rAvKZkF?si=a94u_JAsRX2VCWOD6z4l-Q

exam season is over; i’m on summer break. and that’s great. no more school. no more exams and assignments and testing and all that FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT THE SYSTEM PUTS US THROUGH. i’m sorry, i’m trying to stay calm but it’s so fuckiNg hard. i’m literally going to cry i- so yeah, as we know, towards the end of the year school fucked me over and i really, reaLLY, REALLY wanted to die. so when school finished i was like “oh i must be all good now, right?” but i wasn’t. i was left feeling so numb, to be completely honest (and cliche).  

then i got sick which was soooo fucked. apparently a lot of people who went to our small friend kris kringle gathering got sick which sucks but because i spent so much of this year in isolation, i forgot what it felt like to be sick and oh bOY it fucking sucked. i over exaggerated because i’m sensitive and wanted to die. i was sick for like a week and my parents quarantined me because my mum is recovering from a breast cancer surgery and couldn’t afford to get sick so i was like locked in my room- on my own- which yeah, i do anyway but this felt sooo different. this felt like, completely fuckEd because my parents were wearing masks around the house and would leave food in my doorway, etc. i felt like a complete MONSTER to the people i love. i also obviously couldn’t hug them or anything, leaving me touch starved and ugh- it just wasn’t a great experience. 

also my mum is recovering fine and stuff but it’s an emotional fucking time for everyone and i’m so stupid i haven’t told anyone about my mum being sick and all. like people don’t ask why i’m acting up because i’m ALWAYS acting up. i’m always sensitive and angry and having mood swings. that’s just me, being mentally ill. so no one asks why i’m worried. my mum has/had BREAST CANCER- brooo. she’s had one surgery which went well and will most likely have to have chemo and/or radiation in the coming year. we get the results back after christmas. so that’s a thing. 

i have a secure group of friends which i’ve always wanted, but it doesn’t feel right. it never feels right. like today the three of us went shopping and THEY WENT CRAZY- i was so stressed and had literally like 6 different mental breakdowns in the 2 hours we were out. they were bumping into people, running around, trying on every item of clothing ironically in every store. that shit stresses me out. and there’s nothing wrong with that- they’re good people and they’re not doing anything wrong really - it’s just normal teenage stuff. but i’m note normal, i’m super anxious and everyone was looking at us and it made me sooo uncomfortable. like- i could elaborate more but thinking about it hurts. i felt like i was their mum or something, shepherding them around and making sure they didn’t break anything else. they- UGH// they broke a perfume bottle and rudely ran away from a teacher i have a good reputation with. like i said, they’re just normal teenagers but it fucks me up. it’s not them, it’s me. on the bright side i saw this same lesbian couple i saw the other day again :) i never see wlw or mlm couples in public really so it makes me soo happy when i see them :) i also saw this girl in an unnus annus hoodie and i was gonna say something but i’m too *anxious* so i just stared at her until she looked at me weirdly and i ran out of the store. oH and there was a girl in an mcr shirt ahh-- she was really pretty but i was too busy running it was a whole thing like my mum was coming to pick me up and i had 10 minutes so i ran up from one end of the mall to the other and then upstairs to this store to but this fucking wonderwomen shirt and then i had to run all the way back and i’m not the most athletic to say the least and i wanted to CRY but yeah. what did i learn today? people aren’t for me. friends aren’t for me. and again i know i’m built to be alone. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/7wTqEW5nrMhvyEhEyTnOMd?si=ata2BwOPQji3twov9wTZWg

i’m really thirsty. ew not like tha- i fucking hate society

cinnamon rolls not gender rolls. wait my friend got that on a poster let me see if i can find it,,,

yeah here it is ^^^^

also: my hair. i’m so happy having it the length it is but mAn i just- i just- i hate myself lol. like i don’t know what else to say. i think i’m ugly and every time i look in the mirror i want to cry, and it’s going to be like that forever so i need to just except that. i am ugly, i hate myself. like- bro come on. it’s been like this forever and it’s going to continue to be like this forever so i need to stop fucking crying over it.

https://open.spotify.com/track/05JtBVWRtSzqLoj7jj30kn?si=30W4pt7dT8G3cbzaUMqldw

oh my god this song i’m about to cry. this is what i want. why can’t i just be- not me!!! 

these past few days i’ve literally been playing minecraft bed wars all day. like all day. and it was okay but now my eyes hurt and my head hurts and my hands hurt and i hate myself and everything hurts. 

also- music doesn’t feel right. it’s been like this for a while now, it’s getting better though. before i couldn’t listen to any music at all - now i’ve been listening to kid krow on repeat : ) 

god bless you, conan. my number one song currently is *cough* E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE (which they are btw) which is- fucking terrifying and funny at the same time. i genuinely like CORPSE though- i’ve watched every among us stream and i love his songs- in the past i would have considered myself a simp (?) maybe (?) but i had a nightmare about it and i can’t awifjisenf simp no more. i still appreciate him, i just- had an awakening. 

sexuality crises also suck a whole bunch. there was a 1-2 day phase a few weeks ago where i was low key PRAYING to be a lesbian lmfao. like it sounds stupid but i was crying over that shit. background info: no i’m not one of those straight girls, i’m a bisexual female who’s almost a full on raging homosexual except i am attracted to men. and i wish i wasn’t, believe me when i say that. but i have realised i am bi so it’s okay. i thought i was a lesbian and awilfjnawr labels but no, i am slightly attracted to men sometimes. but to answer your question if i am lucky enough my future wife and i will be married and living in a cottage. 

ugh. life. bru h i’m actually a train wreck- i had an anxiety attack crying trying to find my childhood tinkerbelle and friends dolls the other night. and then to make matters worse, i found them in a box with a whole bunch of other dolls in the same box including StRawBerrY ShoRtCaKe doLLs and i smelt my stawberry shortcake doll hesitantly while crying and she still smelled like her strawberry scent and i was DEAD. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/1F6IbA7di42uPc3cff8PXV?si=COKcG_UbQh-GhKYJ5vtIgg

ugh. so this has been my update so far. oh wait-

christmas. holy shit how is it christmas. i want dEatH like. reasons why i’m sad for christmas: it doesn’t feel like christmas so i feel like i’m not going to enjoy it, i’ve had no motivation to clean my room so the contents of my wardrobe is all over my floor because i was mid resorting the drawers when i got sick, i’ve wanted to ask for doc martens and my chemicals romance + other artists’ merch all year but i have SEVERE ANXIETY so of course i didn’t and now my parents have gone and bought me a new phone or something which of course i’m grateful for but my iphone 6s works just fine. it’s a waste of money which we need at the moment but because i’m too anxious i didn’t ask for anything this year so my parents have just chosen to spoil me and- aW SHIT! i can’t=

anyway so that’s my bullcrap life. i mean my bullshit rant. am i glad i did this? yes. do i feel any better? kinDa? i don’t know okay. what am i going to do now? i don’t know. probably lie on the floor and drown in self pity in hopes of melting into the abyss. i might read my book which i’ve yet to finish. maybe reading can be my knew things, seeing as i have zero hobbies. i read like once in a blue moon.

this is it for now, good luck, future me. 

sincerely, 

jordan ♡

https://open.spotify.com/track/7B3z0ySL9Rr0XvZEAjWZzM?si=HyWPKutjRTuPumafim7_Vw

[jinniesmeow]

good evening. this is a very long rant. if you’ve been tagged in this, it means I have a message for you :’) it’s at the bottom of the post, and that’s the most important part, so dear mutuals, feel free to just go read that part and don’t feel forced to read all that bullcrap I've written. thank you if you do, thank you if you don’t. 

if we’re not mutuals and you’re reading this, well I guess thank you because this is hella long and cliché af. I'm sorry to everyone for this. though it kinda has nothing to do with what I'm saying, I was feeling particularly gay tonight and I'm in my feelings right now so yeah. if you’re willing to read, just click, you know how that works. 

first of all, hello. thank you if you’re reading this, whether we’re mutuals or not, this isn’t a private post so if you’re reading this, hello to you, I hope you’re having a wonderful night or day and I guess sorry for what you’re about to read if it’s considered TMI. I don’t know everyone on here so I'll start with the basics. I’m zia, aka users jinniesmeow, yunholy, hwangitzy and very recently yuzukhei. I'm (almost) 19, and in case you didn’t know, I'm French. and Italian, fortunately or not, idk. 100% European and white anyway, and my ancestors were all 100% racist and homophobic (I mean Poland and Italy? come on.). My sister, who’s turning 23 this year (she’s not on Tumblr), and myself are the first generation in my family to be queer on whichever side of it it is you’re looking at. 

Indeed, (if you didn’t know somehow, now you do) both her and I are pansexual. thankfully, our mom is far from being homophobic and racist and she’s a very open minded person, like really. neither of us have ever had a coming out, and none of us plan on doing it. I totally understand the necessity for some people to come out to their relatives and all that, but here’s why I personally refuse to do it: I don’t get why I have to tell people I'm not straight. I think it only fuels the fact that being straight is seen as the norm, because do straight people ever announce they are straight? exactly. being queer (gay, lesbian, pan, ace, whatever) is not abnormal, it’s not unnatural, so I refuse to have to scream it to everyone, and I don’t mean by that that I'm trying to hide my queerness, because I'm very open and honest about it, and I always have been. I hope one day, we won’t need to come out anymore and that people will stop assuming our sexuality. until then, I'll let people get flustered whenever I imply that I'm not straight without having ever stated it clearly before because fuck that shit. 

anygays. so, like I said, I've always been very open and honest about my romantic and sexual orientation. I know lots of bi/pan people “realise” they are queer when they’re a bit older, during their teenage years or early adulthood, but (un)fortunately I am not one of those. I have literally always known I liked girls too (in the first place, I mean). actually, I’ve always thought attraction and romance were about the person, like, I mean it was an evidence to me ever since I was a child, and how can I explain that I got slapped in the face when I discovered that it was not a universal thing, that it was not “the truth”. so there I was, in the middle of elementary school, openly saying I liked girls in front of everyone because I thought it was normal. I mean, it is, but you get what I mean. 

on top of that, the term “pansexual” has been occulted and invalidated for years, and most people didn’t even know of it until like maybe 3 years ago. remember, I'm 19, and there I was in middle school at 13 years old telling people I was pansexual when they’d barely even heard of bisexuality (while everyone else was like ‘I'm straight!! ew the gays’ btw). honestly, I cannot count how many times I've been called a pedophile, a necrophile and zoophile. by my very own friends, yes. 

same with high school, but I'm not going to repeat myself. just for the precision: no, I have never been physically or mentally bullied for that, however, I was mocked a lot because of how tall I am (I was 1m73/5′7 at 14) and because I can be quite androgynous since I don’t have big boobs. I have large hips though, so those fucking males didn’t miss the chance to pick on me for that too. obviously though if I've never been full on bullied it’s because: 1. I've always had friends and I've never been a ‘loner nerd’, 2. I was tall and intimidating, 3. I was respected for my intelligence and grades and wasn’t being full of myself about being a top student, and 4. because I was neither fat nor a person of colour, obviously, and those are privileges I'm very aware of. I have still been called a ‘woman with a dick’ and other transphobic shit and was often treated as if I were a boy, though. 

I still identify as a girl. I have been so, so complexed about so many things about my physical appearance for so long, I can’t count how many hours I have spent looking at my naked reflection in the mirror, feeling disgusted, wishing I had bigger boobs and that I would “look more like a girl” and so on. how much I have hated my body is something I can’t even measure. as of today, I've realised there is no such thing as “looking like a girl” and I've made a lot of progress on liking my overall appearance and accepting my body, sometimes I even think I'm hot™ and definitely think men don’t deserve me but for some fucking reason I can’t choose my sexuality (crazy right) and I still am attracted both romantically and sexually to them :/ 

anyways. now you know how long I've known that I'm a pansexual and throughout all these years, every time someone talked about the community or when pride came, no one mentioned us pansexuals, and I've seen us being invalidated so many times I really started doubting myself. I was like, “it’s like being bisexual, I'm just being butthurt and pushing it too far” but at the same time I never stopped calling myself pansexual. to some people, it’s just a preference in the choice of words to say you’re bi or pan, but to me there is a difference, even if it’s the smallest ever, and yes. being bi and being pan are “basically the same thing” and both orientations are very close but that very difference means everything to me. I am attracted to people, romantically and sexually, regardless of their gender. that is exactly it. and it’s very important to me.

I'm sorry if this is a mess, it’s hard to say things in the right order when I have so much to say, but I'm going to go back to what I was saying in the beginning about my family. I talked about my mom. my parents have been separated since I was 6 and haven’t spoken to each other in like 12 years btw. so, as for my dad, I know he wouldn’t care. he’s not homophobic, not racist. he does say homophobic and racist things sometimes, without realising it, like a lot of people do, and that doesn’t make him a homophobe. I know he doesn’t care if I'm gay, and I feel good just knowing that. however, remember, my family is italian. everyone around us is 100% straight (except for my cousins, I'm pretty sure one of them is bi-curious and the other is ace, but they aren’t open about this at all and have probably never questioned their sexuality lmao) and then there are my sister and I in the middle of it, and we’re like “yup, we’re the gay cousins”. the italian side of my family is huge. like really, my father has a total of 24 cousins (and I don’t mean the little ones and all that, I mean first degree cousins), so imagine how many of us there are in total when you’re counting everyone’s kids, spouses, grandkids and great-grandkids (you read that well, some of his cousins are old, some are even deceased). and they’re italian. and 100% into their religious set of mind that has them believe their god forbids being gay and that we’ll burn in hell. whatever, would’ve been going there anyway, gay or not so it’s not like I care, all the more reasons to be a fag. 

and yes I have proof they are racist and homophobic, I've heard the things they’ve said. so, I, whomst has had depression for basically all her life and also has every existing form of anxiety there is, don’t exactly feel comfortable around these people. and on top of being gay, I listen to “Ching Chong music”!!! how do I have to put into words that I know exactly what they think of me? I even have blue hair now so like, blending in even less than before. so yeah. 

to add on to that feeling of worthlessness, when I entered high school, I was still a top student without doing any type of work whatsoever, but then depression got the best of me (like for real this time how am I even still alive tbh) and I fell so hard I could barely stand going to school anymore. my last two years of high school (it lasts 3 years in France) have been disastrous. I barely attended and could barely manage keeping my grades above average, because I had zeros on 99% of my homework since I never did it. still had good enough grades on tests though, and it saved my ass. 

honestly, I don’t even want to talk about these years and how I was feeling, because it’s still too fresh for me and I'm stil trying (yes, trying) to heal from it. I can say without a doubt that they were some of the worst years of my life though. however final exams came and my ass managed to get a really good grade without revising anything, this way I could send a big, huge, fuck off to my teachers who had been shitting in my face for years and making me feel like the hugest shit on earth. I hope they choke on their jealousy. then I went to uni for about three months, where I majored in English, but eventually decided to stop because I couldn’t go a day without having a panic attack on the train, because I still couldn’t get my ass to do any work, because I was bored out of my mind and just when I had started feeling better after leaving high school I was sinking further down. I spent months staying home without seeing anyone but my mom and doing nothing but watching Netflix (the French catalogue isn’t as interesting as the American one btw). then, I finally found the guts to go see a therapist. not gonna say it was a mistake, but I'm glad I stopped because this bitch was just here to take my money. I took antidepressants for a few months, and I have stopped really recently, actually. in all honesty, I have gotten much better, thanks to my own doing, I've worked so hard on getting better and I'm proud of how far I've come. 

today, I can finally say for the first time ever in my life that I am proud of who I am. 

the whole point of saying all of this shit you have (maybe) read is not because I want people to give attention to me or anything like, I don’t want pity or anything and truly don’t think there are any reasons for people to feel any pity towards me. I'm saying this because I want to thank the people around me for just existing, for supporting me, for making me feel validated. because you might not realise it, but (a lot of) you are often talking about your problems, and it makes me realise that I'm not the only one feeling this kind of way. it makes me realise there are people who might understand me, even just a little. and when I see you talking about your sexual/romantic orientation (or lack of so) it also makes me feel accepted. I see you guys reblog such validating things, and then some of you even have pride flags in your layouts, and you have no idea how my heart feels about it. if you weren’t aware, I'm a twitter person. I've spent so much time on there, I have met lots of people, lots of which are part of the community and openly supporting it, and yet I have never felt more validated than since I've been on here. 

I've also met the people I consider “the most” as my internet best friends on here, like my best best internet friends, if that makes sense lmao, and not actually on twitter (although I might be pushing it because I have actually gone from IVL to IRL with most of them so like... whatever.) point is: I have met amazing friends I'm so thankful for on here. and all the people I see in my dash, to all of you, thanks for everything too even if we don’t really talk and if we haven’t had actual discussions before. now if you want to, you can always come to me to talk about whatever the fuck you want. 

so, here, I want to thank all of you, because today I'm finally starting to think maybe, just maybe, that I want to keep on living and that good things might happen to me. I have no plans for the future, since I never imagined myself getting this far in life, but I'm still willing to give it a try. 

please, if after you’re reading this, you’re thinking about telling me cliché things about staying strong and all that, I'm going to ask you not to do it. it just feels like pity to me. or choose your words wisely, I'm begging you, because I can’t stand thinking anyone would pity me. please don’t feel like that, that’s not the point of this.

I'm doing this as a thank you, and as a message to everyone out there who’s read this. I hope my words mean something to you. maybe help you? it’s ok to be confused about who you are. it’s ok not to like yourself, it takes so much work to get better and all that, but just know that you can do it, it is possible to do it. it takes time, it will hurt, but it’s an option. it’s not impossible. 

now. I have some people I want to send a quick message to. I guess some of you will be surprised, but just read what I have to say please, and know that from the bottom of my heart, I mean it.

@hwangwhatjin Emily. I don’t even know where to start, and soon I won’t even be able to see what I'm typing anymore because the tears I've been fighting while writing all this crap have started flowing all of a sudden the second I typed your name. you’re the first friend I made on here. we started off nothing, and I was a no one, and yet you still talked to me and all that. you’re honestly one of the most tolerant and kind people I have ever met in my life. you’re the exact opposite of prejudiced, you’re so open minded, so not giving a shit about other people’s quirks (I mean it in the right way) that don’t concern you directly, like people are who they are and you don’t give a damn about it, it’s amazing. I know this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but I can’t find the right way to put this. you’ve also always been there to listen to me whenever I wanted you to, and you have never judged me once. you have no idea how thankful I am for having you in my life. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else hold the title of bro. I love you so, so much, and I'm sorry we haven’t been talking lately. I hope I can help you just like you’ve helped me and support you as much as you need me to in the future, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you, I'll never let you down. you have no idea how much I can’t wait to meet you so I can wrap you in a blanket and give you hot chocolate while I light up a gingerbread scented candle (yes, I remember) and put on some blink-182 and stroke your hair because it’s what you deserve. you’re one of my best friends, like ever, and it’s such a pain we’re so far from each other, fuck this damn channel. one day I'll just swim to you to hear your wonderful accent you say you hate so much. anything to see you. I'm sorry I'm so old, I wish it were less of a problem, but as you grow up this gap will be less and less of an obstacle, so let’s just be patient, yeah? I love you, bro. roach bros to the end of the line.

@pikachulein Laura. ok. where do I start and how do I stop my eyes from sweating so much. you know, I'm just gonna say it. in my opinion, soulmates aren’t the people we’re especially meant to be with in a romantic way, and we might even have several of them. I just think they’re people who just bring you so much, and people who are like another version of you, but different. kind of like I described in my Felix au, actually. when I call you my soulmate, I really mean it, because I'd never thought I'd meet someone who understands me so well because they relate so much, someone who basically shares the same mind because hell, when have we ever had different thoughts on something like... it will never cease to amaze me. it’s only been a few months since we’ve known each other, but I actually think you’re one of my closest friends. hell, on the day we meet, because I'm not taking no for an answer, I don’t even know how I'll be holding up like, I won’t know how to act. so in advance, I'm sorry if I'm so weird at first. you’ve listened to the story of my whole life and you’ve shared your experience back, and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. maybe you haven’t realised, but you’ve been of a huge help to me. thank you for being so understanding, for not judging me, for being so open about everything with me, thank god I have someone with whom I can talk about literally any subject without it feeling uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. I have so many things to say I can’t even find the words, honestly. I’m just so thankful that you exist and that I have you in my life, and that you actually like me as a person too. thanks so much. you’re my best bitch, together we’re the baddest bitches of the pan squad and I can’t wait to travel across Europe with you for real. the world ain’t ready for us. 

@hanniesunshine Isabel. you’re just the biggest ray of sunshine ever. everything about you is so pure I'm even scared to be one of the people you talk to because I feel like you don’t deserve to talk to me (I mean like you deserve much better than me) and that I'm way too filthy for you. you’re always so good and kind to me, so, so supportive, and I can’t even thank you enough for that. honestly, every time I see you somewhere, kakaotalk, WhatsApp, Tumblr, I just can’t help but smile because you’re the purest and brightest being the earth has ever seen and I can’t believe you would actually want to talk to someone like me. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for being such a cold bitch (and for using this word) sometimes, and for almost never finding the right words. thanks for always being so eager about reading my content. I'll keep supporting you, and I'll do better in everything!! I love you, so, so much. I'll always be there for you if you need me or want me. 

@sleepyracha Marie. I'm so, so sorry I'm so inconsistent and that I don’t talk to you as much as I used to, I hope we’re still okay. I just want to thank you for being the open minded person you’ve shown me you are and for supporting me all the time, and for very interesting conversations about literally anything. I promise I'm learning Spanish and that soon we’ll be able to talk together in another language than English. I hope you’re doing well and that you know I'm always there for you, and if Tumblr isn’t the best place for you, tell me where you want me to be for you. congrats on passing this year, you’re someone amazing and you’re so chill, it feels so good to see someone like that. thank you for even talking to me in the first place, thank you so much and I love you. 

@lesbianbias Nina. you’re such a soft and pure person, I'm so glad you were my skz anon and that I got to meet a wonderful person like you. you’re always showering me with love, and I always feel like I don’t deserve it. thanks so much for all the support, please, please never change. I love you and you’re amazing. thank you for being so chill as well. I'll make sure I'll return that love to you. 

@xiaocity siya. thank you so much for listening to me, you know what I'm referring to. I know you’re one of those who really deeply understands me and I'm thankful we got to talk, even just a bit. I'm always there if you need me, thank you for supporting me and my works, and be more confident in your writing, it’s good!! I think we actually have a lot in common too, so if you ever feel like talking, feel free to drop by in my dms.

@littlefallenrebel Sophie. we haven’t talked that much, but I feel like we should talk more. we have a lot more in common than we think, I'm sure of it. thank you for being you, thank you for the messages you’ve been spreading with your posts and reblogs. you’re an amazing person and I'm happy you’re my mutual because you’re a truly good person. 

@visualgiggles sam. thank you for your reblogs, whatever they’re about they never fail to cheer me up, whether they’re about tolerance or just memes, even the latter help me regain faith in humanity. we haven’t talked that much but I would gladly talk some more with you if you ever wanted to. you’re a wonderful person and I'm thankful you’re my mutual. 

@dreamypansexual I don’t think we’ve ever talked, I'm not even sure I know your name so I don’t want to say something wrong. but that doesn’t matter, because you’re still one of the people who make me feel the most validated here. hell, you literally have a pan flag as your layout (your user... I mean yeah). your posts are always making me feel so much better because it proves me that there are still such tolerant and open people out there, so thank you. 

@cloudyyboii honestly, I think it’s kind of the same as with your friend right above between me and you. it doesn’t matter though, thanks for the validation and the tolerance you’re spreading around. love you. 

@jxsng Kylie. I don’t think we’ve ever had a private conversation, but whatever. you’ve shown me lots of supports in every other way and you’re such a sweet and open person, I'm thankful you’re my mutual. I feel small next to people like you because I feel like you hold the whole world in your hands, you’re one of those meant to go places and it shows. I'll always support you too. thank you for everything and I love you.

@ggukksrose shims. you’re definitely one of the people who make me feel validated the most, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I always see you sticking up for others and telling the haters to go fuck off, and you even did that with me. you’re an amazing person, and I admire you for the confidence you’ve managed to achieve and I wish you the best in the future, I hope you’ll only get better and better with your fights and if anyone ever messes with you I'll be throwing hands. just say the word. I love you. 

@cypher-yngi Emerson, am I wrong? we’ve never talked though we’ve been mutuals for so long. from what I've seen, we have a lot in common and I'd be more than ok to have even a simple conversation with you, even if you said Orangina was good. you’re also one of those who have helped me feel valid and realise I'm not alone in this world, so if you’re ever feeling alone, and if you want to, let’s be alone together, maybe? gotta love FOB. also, you have amazing music taste. and you're a fellow yoongi stan, and that itself says a lot about the kind of person you are. thanks for existing and I love you.

@wonwonbebe ah... have you ever told me what your name was? I have terrible memory. doesn’t really matter. I love you, I'm so thankful that you were my anon and can’t believe you actually went through all that just to talk to me. you have no idea how thankful I am. you’re a wonderful person, and I'm so, so happy to see that my mutuals are all so amazing and tolerant. thanks for all the positivity. 

@psycho-robin-chan robin, right? we’ve talked a bit before. if you read what’s above, you’ll probably find some parts a bit familiar, haha. I actually loved this conversation with you, if that makes sense? it’s always interesting and it feels good to let it out. I also like seeing I'm not alone, and I like to think that when I speak about such things with people I might also be helping them feel better. so thanks, you also make me feel valid with your posts and reblogs, and you’re such a tolerant and open and chill person at such a young age. never change anything! thanks for being here and supporting me. 

@mirohell sage! we haven’t been mutuals for long, and I'm not expecting you to read everything I've written, it’s ok if you don’t, really. I just wanted to thank you real quick because you’re already showing me lots of support and I feel like we’ll be getting along well. if you want to read this, I'm sorry for putting so much on your shoulders so quick lmao, you’ll basically be knowing so much about me without having asked for anything. feel free not to read it, I'm repeating myself again but really, the actual important part of this post is this one where I thank you all individually. so thank you!! I'll do my best in supporting you in the future as well, and not only by showing your edits some love haha

@theminho min! we haven’t been mutuals for long either, but thank you for caring about me. thanks for even just following me. thanks for this message you’ve sent, it means a lot really. you don’t have to read all that I've written above either,, don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to thank you personally too for just being here and for the support. feel free to come talk to me whenever you want (if you ever want) and I'll be supporting you always!! 

@justlovingkpop my sweetheart, you’re just too cute and so supportive and loving. thank you so, so much for everything and for coming to talk to me!! I'll go reread some of your work soon to because I've missed it. thanks for existing, and know that I'm always there for you. love you lots. 

@strawb-milk-tea my babyyyy I'm going to repeat it but thank you and I love you and you’re so cute and you’re NOT a potato ok, you’re so, so pretty like I knew I was gay but phew... I feel valid too when I see you. long live the gays. 

@five-pence hey there! it’s been a while. hope you’re doing well. thank you for supporting me, thank you for making me feel valid as well, and I love you very much. I'm here whenever. 

@jooheonenthusiast yo. we’ve basically only talked bc of that one post I made, and it’s been enough to show me that you’re an amazing person and a bad bitch. thanks for your support and fuck the homophobes. I love you. 

@marriael adellum. you’re a really kind person. you’re so pure. and you make me me feel very much valid, love your profile pics from the last days by the way. thanks for existing and I'm glad you’ve joined us on the network, it’s a pleasure to have someone like you around. hope I'm not too much of a pain in the ass. 

@channiiebby gryphon. we’ve never talked privately, but you’re a sweetheart. thanks for being you. you’re valid and you know it, and that makes me feel valid too, so thanks for showing me it’s okay to be who you are. I love you.

that’s it. I'm out of words. I've been at this for like 2 hours now. if I think of anyone else, I'll just reblog and add them. but right now I feel totally empty because of all the emotion hive poured into all this and I need to recharge, so good night and I love you all. thank you for your time and attention. 

happy pride month everyone,

your friendly neighbourhood pansexual, zia. 

#on this note #good night everyone #I love y'all #rants #personal #<33 #sorry for bothering you all with this

[hobrerek]

Realizations: Writing Prompt

“Brotherly love between Derek and Scott!! Always upset me we never got to see more of them... 😫” - @veseyz

Here you go my dear, Derek and Scott brotherly love as requested! This story took a bit of a turn from where I had originally started with it, but hopefully you enjoy all 2.4K of it all the same. Let me know what you think!

Much love, Jessa

Realizations

Scott was sure in this moment, that if it came down to it, he may actually murder Stiles in cold blood if he didn't stop talking.

"Can werewolves menstruate?" Stiles was asking as he angled his body back towards the screen, typing in almost the exact phrase. "I mean, obviously there's not going to be an exact hit or anything like that, duh, but maybe we can learn something from a history book or like...a fanfiction or something that gives us an idea, you know? Scott? Buddy?"

"I swear to God," Scott muttered under his breath as he walked down the street, ignoring Stiles' shouts from the window behind him when he clued in that his best friend had slipped out, gliding down the street quietly as he cracked his neck in irritation.

Scott was...itchy. Not physically, not as in something he could scratch, but his insides felt itchy, like his body couldn't decide if it was supposed to be human or werewolf and kept slipping back and forth between the two causing an incessant 'feeling,' like a source of friction that was driving Scott absolutely mad. Originally Scott had gone to Stiles to see if he had ever read anything about this sort of issue in werewolves, but when his best friend diverted into theories about werewolf mating rituals, Scott had decided he should probably find his answers elsewhere.

Without realizing or really intending for it, Scott found himself in front of a familiar beaten-up door, raising his hand with a sigh before letting his knuckles rap across the wooden surface, hearing no motion inside indicating someone was home, though he could also tell that Derek was standing directly on the other side of the door and was pretending to not be doing so.

"I feel like you are forgetting something," Scott said with a huff into the cold air, watching the condensed air that slipped from his lips drift away into little wisps, still sensing no movement from within. "As in the 'I am also a werewolf and know you are on the other side of the door' kind of something, Derek. It's weird, stop lurking."

"I wasn't lurking," Derek said with a grimace as he pulled the door open to reveal himself standing in dark jeans and a well worn henley. "I was waiting."

"Behind the door? While you held your breath?" Scott asked incredulously, raising a brow in judgement as he stepped into Derek's home. "You have a functioning door now. That's new."

"Mmm," Derek grunted in acknowledgement, walking back into the house and through the long hallway with the multiple offshoots, entering into the kitchen with Scott close behind him, the latter having followed the smells emanating from the large pot on the stove.

"You can cook?" Scott spoke in surprise, phrasing his words as both a statement and a question simultaneously. "I assumed you lived on rabbits."

"Why on Earth would I eat rabbits, Scott?" Derek asked in annoyance, visibly scowling and drawing attention to his own bunny teeth which Scott could just 'hear' Stiles making fun of in his head. "Oh shut up, not you too."

"You have to admit," Scott said with a laugh as he made himself at home at Derek's dinner table (also new) and eyed the delicious smelling pot on the stove, "that for a werewolf, your teeth are decidedly bunny like."

Casting him a sharp look that Scott was accustomed to and ignoring the younger man's comment, Derek reached up into his cupboard (new shelves I see, thought Scott) and pulled out two bowls, keeping the most recent one in his hand as he pulled off the top of the pot and ladled a few scoops of the stew into a bowl, before repeating the motions with the other one as Scott watched on intently.

"Dude, that smells fucking delicious," Scott said excitedly as he salivated, missing the look from Derek as he shook his head at the younger man.

"Dude," Derek retorted, grabbing his own bowl and sinking down before tilting his head with a frown when he realized he had forgotten the bread on the counter for dunking.

"Bread," Derek motioned, tilting his head back towards the offending item across the kitchen and staring Scott down until he relented, standing from his seat to bring it over, though he stopped to grab the butter on the way.

"Is there a reason you are in my house eating my food?" Derek asked after some time had passed and both men were well on their way to finishing their second bowl of stew.

"How do you know I didn't just come for a visit?" Scott rebutted, though he at least had the foresight to look down into his bowl instead of making eye contact, knowing full well what Derek was about to say.

"Hm, not sure," Derek hummed, tone dripping in sarcasm. "Maybe all the times you told me you hated me, preferred if I didn't exist or asked me to leave. And to think, somehow you managed to get that all into one sentence last time you said it."

"I'm sorry, okay?" Scott replied, clenching his eyes shut as his mouth formed into a straight line. "I was in a weird place last time."

"And the times before that?"

"I'm pretty sure that was just me being an asshole."

Derek didn't respond to Scott's latest statement, Scott more than aware that meant that the older man was agreeing without having to directly vocalize his thoughts, though frankly he had to admit that he had been pretty harsh on Derek last time, especially since he had actually been the one to save the day in place of Scott.

"You are decidedly less hostile lately," Derek tacked on after a few more moments of silence had passed, though the quiet wasn't uncomfortable. A moment later, as Scott finished his own bowl, he realized that Derek had left the question hanging in the air for him to grab onto.

"I may or may not have had some sense knocked into me recently?" Scott stated slowly, choosing his words carefully, brows furrowing as he recalled the conversation in question. "There was some other stuff mentioned too, but it got weird at that point so I tuned it out."

"What kind of weird? Stiles I am presuming?"

"Of course," Scott replied with a roll of his eyes, much to the amusement of Derek who barely kept a grin from spreading across his features. The general annoyance that was Stiles Stilinski was something everyone could agree on, regardless of their differences.

"What did he say?" Derek pushed, his gaze focusing and for the first time in as long as Scott had known him, he could see right through the older man.

"Oh ew," Scott said with genuine disgust, as Derek looked around trying to gauge what Scott's words had been in reaction to, coming up blank, eyebrow raised in a silent question. "You like him."

"Like who?" Derek questioned, though Scott could see his cheeks colouring and could smell the change in the older werewolf's hormones which only caused his disgust to deepen.

"Ew, you like Stiles," Scott said with a grimace, nose scrunched up as he suddenly got a very detailed mental image of Stiles and Derek kissing. "Jesus, please don't tell me you plan on waxing poetic about him too, I already get it enough from him."

"I, no, erm, I mean, I wouldn't, because you see, I mean, with you and him, and you know, it's just, the timing and, it's um, wait what?" Derek finally settled on asking, eyes scrunching together in confusion. "Say that again."

"You like him," Scott repeated, smiling to himself at the look of contempt Derek shot his way.

"Not what I meant," Derek grumbled, though he apparently decided not to push Scott further.

"Look," Scott said with another grimace, still trying to scrub out the mental image of Stiles and Derek making out from inside his brain, but knowing he had a real opportunity to do his best friend a solid after all the years of the roles being reversed. "I'm just saying, you should probably talk to Stiles sometime soon, like...just the two of you. If you know what I mean."

"Oh," Derek said simply, eyes blown wide leaving his face looking incredibly vulnerable as he digested Scott's words, clearing his throat awkwardly after a moment and trying to rearrange his facial features. "Good to know."

"Also, please don't make out in front of me," Scott added on after a moment, getting another flash of the pair locked in a heated embrace and willing himself to think of Kira's breasts or the way she had kissed him when he had left the night before or anything that wasn't his best friend and older brother making out.

"Oh, huh," Scott said aloud, tone coloured with surprise. "That's interesting."

"I'm really not following," Derek said with only a hint of exasperation in his tone, feeling like he was pulling teeth as he 'patiently' waited for Scott to tell him what the hell was going on in his head.

"Sorry," Scott started, still mulling something over in his head. "Stiles was just saying to me the other day that I needed to be nicer to you because you were all I had of my kind and I thought that was dumb since I knew he just wanted to make out with you and have me be okay with it."

Looking up, Scott rolled his eyes once more when he noted the pleased expression that had crossed Derek's face before he continued.

"And I was just thinking how fucking weird it is to think of you and Stiles kissing. Not like, cause you're gay or anything."

"Bisexual," Derek interrupted, waving Scott's protests away and motioning for him to continue, cheeks having gone a darker colour when he realized his words.

"But like, that's my best friend. And you're my like, Derek."

"I'm your like Derek?" the older man replied sarcastically, hands spread as he waited for Scott to explain. "Meaning?"

"I d-don't know," Scott stammered, still trying to make sense of his thoughts. "It's just like, you're not so bad anymore you know? And you help a lot with the pack and answering questions and things. And you don't try and boss me around as much anymore and you're good in fights which is handy, especially the other night."

Both men stopped briefly as they considered the wounded werewolf they had encountered on the outskirts of their territory a few nights previous, the feral nature of the wound having taken over not long after they had found the young woman.

"And like," Scott continued, shaking off the images from that night and plowing forward. "You put up with Stiles. And that's not easy. And you're friends with the Sheriff and he's like my dad so I love him, but that's also not easy. And you get all weird around Stiles and say embarrassing stuff and I've literally just realized you like him and oh my god, would you stop making out with him in my head?!"

"I-" Derek started to speak, mouth closing with an audible click as he stared on at Scott as if he had two heads growing from his neck. "Are you okay?"

"Dude, you're like a big brother figure in my life," Scott said in shock, finally coming to a conclusion in his head as Derek looked on with wide eyes and a thoughtful expression. "Dude, when the fuck did that happen?"

"I-"

"I need to go tell Stiles!" Scott cut off, standing abruptly and turning towards the door, stopping after a few steps to look back at Derek and humming aloud to himself. "You're okay with that, right?"

"Erm, sure?" Derek replied, his voice suggesting otherwise, though it was apparently enough for Scott who nodded happily to himself and continued down the hall, Derek leaning back in his chair so he could watch as the younger man got further and further away.

"Thanks Derek!" Scott shouted as he opened the door, pushing his feet into his shoes and twisting until they slipped in. "This helped a lot!"

"I-" Derek started yet again, looking back at the two empty bowls and crumbs strewn across the table as the door closed behind the younger man. "What the fuck just happened?"

"Stiles!" Scott shouted as he climbed through his best friends window some 25 minutes later. "I figured out what was wrong!"

"Hello to you too, Scott. Thank you for knocking and not just sliding through my window and scaring the living shit out of me," Stiles responded with a hand clutched over his heart from the floor as he flailed dramatically out of his bed. "Nice of you to return."

"Yeah, yeah," Scott waved off absentmindedly, going to sit at the head of Stiles' bed. "So I went to talk to Derek."

"Willingly?" Stiles asked, face frowning as he looked on at Scott questioningly. "Literally like ten minutes before you left you were going on about how annoying he was."

"Yes, but I realized that wasn't the problem!" Scott replied happily, missing the 'what the fuck' expression that Stiles was continuously shooting his way. "I was feeling all weird BECAUSE of Derek, but not BY Derek, you see?"

"Nope," Stiles said with a little head shake and with pursed lips. "I really don't see Scott, since that wasn't even English and you usually hate Derek."

"But that's the thing!" Scott exclaimed, turning to look at Stiles directly. "I don't hate him, I just realized that I'm not actually competing with him anymore because he's like an older brother right? Like, we are going to fight and stuff and he's annoying, but like, he's still family, you know?"

"That's awfully big of you," Stiles said cautiously after a long moment, eyes widening in a calculated manner as he stared curiously at his best friend. "Any particular reason why all of a sudden you don't hate the big mean bad wolf you always complain about?"

"I told him you liked him and he started blushing and then I realized that he'll probably be around a lot more if you two start dating and then I realized that he's actually not so bad when I was trying to avoid thinking of the two of you kissing and now that I realized that I thought I should come and tell you that he's not so bad," Scott replied simply, totally oblivious to the flailing and increasingly concerning colour of purple that Stiles was turning beside him on the bed. "Cool, huh?"

"YOU TOLD HIM WHAT?!"

#Scott McCall #Stiles Stilinski #Derek Hale #Sterek #Brother Relationship #Realizations #Teen Wolf #Scott McCall being...Scott McCall #Writing Prompt #Teen Wolf Prompt #Teen Wolf Imagine #Send me more prompts #See original post #Multi-Fandom Writing #Enjoying Writing Again

[kz-i-co]

Fake Love

» Request: "could you do a fuckboy Eunwoo astro au. i just i-i i... please." - Anon

» Pairing: Cha Eunwoo / Reader

» Genre: angst/smut

» Words: 4.2k

» A/N: someone asked me to make a part 2 but honestly I got nothing :( I wrote this strictly as a one shot so I do apologize but I’m having trouble with how I want to continue it unfortunately.

» m.list ╫ astro masterlist

-

You walked up the three flights of stairs in no hurry as you just ended your morning shift in the bakery. You liked the idea of getting out around noon to have the rest of the day off, but the tragic thought of being there 5 in the morning was a headache.

An even worse headache was having a room at the very top of this apartment and no working elevator. Once you reached your floor the door across yours came open in a rush. A girl came out wearing an oversized man's button down shirt with nothing underneath it. She was looking around the corner outside the room and suddenly made eye contact with you.

"Do you know the guy that lives here?" She asked.

"Sadly yes."

"Do you know where he would be?"

"I'm sorry I don't know his schedule." And you really didn't. You stayed far away from men like Lee Dongmin, but the problem was he didn't stay away from you, unfortunately.

She nodded and went back inside. She looked confused and disappointed.

You finally entered your apartment and threw your things on your kitchen counter. You felt so tired you just wanted to take a quick nap to brush it off. Once you entered your bedroom, you jumped with confusion and anger filling up Inside.

"Eunwoo what the fuck are you doing here?" You basically yelled from the fact he was past out on your bed.

"Hmm." He stretched. "What?"

"What are you doing in my bed? And how the fuck did you get in?" You were beyond angry.

"I picked your lock." He rolled over put continued to shut his eyes.

"Get out." You hit him with a pillow.

"Is she gone yet?"

"Who?" You continued to ask.

"The girl."

"Oh, now I get it. And yes she's gone. I saw her pass me on the stairs." You lied and he finally got up.

"You don't want to sleep with me?" He yawned.

"Get the fuck out." You clenched your teeth.

"Ok jeez." He stretched again in a standing position. "You're my favorite neighbor that's all."

"You're my only neighbor on this floor and if you don't like all the girls you sleep with then don't sleep with them. Easy as that." You complained.

"You're funny."

"Stop using my apartment for your escape. If you have a one night stand then go to their house and sneak out. Gosh you're so stupid."

"I can't go their place."

"Why not?" You asked pushing him out to your front door.

"I rather not know anything about them, it's easier to break things off."

"You're unbelievable. Stay out." You opened your door.

Once you closed the door you heard talking. "There you are, I thought maybe you wanted lunch with my parents?"

You laughed to your self. You could just picture his facial expression.

....

You heard knocking on your door causing your comfort to disappear. You got up slowly and opened the door.

You saw Eunwoo standing there with an unamused glare. "What do you want?" You broke the awkward silence.

"You lied to me."

"About what?" You tilted your head and smiled sarcastically.

"You told me she was gone."

"I saw her leave, that wasn't a lie." You said being convincing. "How was your date with her parents?"

He sighed dramatically and passed you. "Dongmin I'm not sure if you have gotten this through your head but please LEAVE." Your voice turn to anger.

"Why, we're friends." He sat down on your couch and started eating your popcorn.

"Umm.....we hate each other, thought that was obvious." You stood in front of your tv so he couldn't pay attention to your movie.

"I don't hate you." He said it like it was obvious. "I want to sleep with you, I told you before."

You blushed slightly feeling angry again. It was true. Lee Dongmin was what they call it a player? Or fuckboy even more realistic.

Since you became neighbors he has been trying to hook up with you, even when you were in relationships. You showed no interest which somehow attracted him more. It became a game by this point and you wish you could punch him in his dumb beautiful face. Yes beautiful. He was crazy attractive, there was no denying that but you wished he could be a decent guy. That was pretty much impossible in this generation.

Now he just finds humor in all of this and continues to annoy you. "Come on it will be probably the best sex you've ever have." He broke your train of thought.

"Highly doubt it." Your voice was sassy.

"I'll prove you wrong." He ate more popcorn.

"Oh my god, just please get out."

"You're flustered I can tell." He laughed.

"I want to die." You yelled across the room as you entered your bedroom.

"(Y/N) its okay, you can just admit it." He followed you.

"Eunwoo if you don't leave my apartment this instant, I will murder you."

He blushed feeling affected by your anger. "God you're so hot."

You clenched your jaw grabbing a pair of scissors.

"Okay I'm leaving. But try not to think of me."

"Oh I will be thinking of you, with these scissors." You smirked.

He looked down at his crouch, covering it with his hand quickly. "You really do things to me (Y/N)."

"Fuck off." You slammed the door in his face.

"I need to move." You whined and sat back down finishing your movie.

-

You woke up feeling refreshed as your day off let you sleep in. You stretched not wanting to get up. You looked over grabbing your phone reading the time of 10:15am. You swung your legs over getting up and making your way out of your bedroom. You glanced over the couch not sure of what you were seeing at first and walked closer. Your anger only soon begun once again seeing Eunwoo sleeping on your couch. To be honest you were just glad he didn't make his way into your bed.

"What the fuck now." You kicked him.

"Morning beautiful."

"Dick." You went back to your bedroom and got dressed quickly.

You walked out of our apartment and straight into his seeing a naked girl in his fridge. She saw you and quickly covered her chest.

"Who the hell are you?" You said distraught.

"Sonya." She said timidly.

"He didn't tell you he was engaged?" You started some fake tears.

"No, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"I can't believe this." You collapse on his couch doing your best acting.

You startled her enough to quickly grab her belongs and run out the door. You stopped and left his apartment back into yours. He was just getting up once you entered. "She's gone."

"Really?" He asked interested.

"Yes now get out." You heard more knocking at your door.

You groaned answering. Once you seen who it was your attitude changed. "Shit, I forgot. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Your friend entered your apartment and stoped once she saw Eunwoo about it leave. "Hi?" She greeted unsure of who he was.

"This is Eunwoo my annoying neighbor and he was just leaving right." Your voice was perky.

"Yeah, thanks (Y/N). You're a good friend and it's nice to meet you-"

"Chaehyung." She filled in. She blushed but you didn't catch it.

Eunwoo passed by and left the apartment slowly. "How long you gonna be?" She asked following Eunwoo.

"Just a few minutes." You called from the bathroom. You were just doing your hair and makeup.

She waited outside waiting for you but on the other hand exchanged numbers with Eunwoo.

You left your apartment and saw her outside. "Why are you so smiley?" You asked.

"Nothing, just watching some dumb videos on Facebook."

You brushed it aside and left with your best friend.

-

Another day of work had you sluggish walking up the stairs. Once you reached your floor you saw Chaehyung leave Eunwoo's apartment. You grew confused and she looked at you startled.

"What the hell are you doing in there?" You said.

"Nothing." He face was blank.

"Please don't tell me you slept with that fool."

"I- um I."

"Chaehyung why?" You hit yourself in the forehead.

"What's wrong, he's so sweet and funny." She began.

"Let me guess he isn't in there." You said.

"He left a note that he had to go to work." She shrugged.

You saw more clearly of all the hickies up and down her neck. "You believe that? Chaehyung he is not a nice guy. I promise."

"I'll be careful." She was about to leave.

"You met his fucking yesterday, and you had sex with him already."

"An an adult (Y/N). Let me have fun."

"Whatever." You sighed. You had a bone to pick with him not her. You entered your apartment being prepared to catch him in your apartment once again but you grew confused to see he wasn't there.

"Well played Dongmin." You thought it would be stupid on his part if he snuck into your apartment after he slept with your best friend. Maybe he wasn't as dumb as you thought.

-

~one week later~

You left your apartment to make a trip to the store and caught Dongmin entering his.

He glanced at you with a smile like Nothing was wrong.

You warned Chaehyung of how he was and didn't want to listen. He never called her back and hid when she would show up at his apartment. She was hurt but she got over it quickly, at least to your face.

"Pig."

"You really still pissed at me?"

"Are you kidding me. You fucked my best friend and blew her off."

"Your point is? You knew about this." He shrugged.

"But she is my best friend." You yelled.

"She came to me first." He smirked.

"Last thing I want is my best friend getting some STD from a fuck boy like you." You sassed.

"I don't have an STD."

"You slept with every girl in this city. I doubt you use protection."

"I do sometimes. And I get tested like the responsible adult that I am." He shrugged again.

"Did you with Chae?" You asked.

"No."

"You're an asshole." You stared to walk away.

"If it makes you feel any better. I didn't even cum inside her."

"Ew, I don't want to know." You plugged your ears and went into your apartment with him following.

"I'm sorry (Y/N)." You turned around from the sympathy in his voice.

"Tell her I will-"

"Oh she's over you." You stared with confidence.

"What?" He asked confused.

"She has a new boyfriend already."

"She has a boyfriend?" The jealousy was visible in his face.

"Yup."

"Then why are you assaulting me?"

"Because you're a pig." You folded your arms. "What is wrong with you? You fuck over women and you hate the fact that they are better without you. You just want them to be heart broken over you forever huh? How cold can you be?"

"That's not it." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I have commitment issues. I just can't find a girl I really like."

"Then date like a normal person." Your voice was still snippy.

"You can't really know until you have sex-"

"Please leave." He turned around and head back towards your door. "I'm not just sayin right now. I mean stay away from me and my friend for good." Your voice was harsh and serious.

He just nodded and left.

You wanted him out of your life and that's what you got. Well for a few days.

-

It was 1:07pm and a sudden knock woke you from your nice sweet nap that you got to enjoy for a too short of a time. Work has been kicking your ass and all you wanted to do was sleep it off and someone decided to ruin it.

Your first thought was Dongmin but you haven't seen him in a few days, nor did you hear him, meaning no girls. Where was he? You knew you shouldn't care or worry but you couldn't help but be curious.

You opened up and saw a face you never thought you would see again. Your ex Jaehoon.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Your voice was perked up but fake.

"I heard you moved and I wanted to catch up." He smiled.

"I didn't move, you've been here before." You smiled painfully.

"Really?" He laughed.

"Wow, you've changed it a lot." He walked in without an invitation.

"Yeah-" You didn't.

"You still live here by yourself?" He kept asking questions.

"Umm well-"

"Hey do you want to go out for dinner later maybe-" He continued But was cut off by another figure.

"Hey who's this?" Eunwoo enter your apartment suddenly.

"Hey Eunwoo-"

"Who's his (Y/N)?" Jaehoon cut you off. You felt like your head could explode at any minute.

"I'm here boyfriend. Who are you?" Eunwoo said.

"You're her boyfriend?" He looked at you. "You're dating this guy?"

"(Y/N)? Did you forget our plans?" Eunwoo came in.

Jaehoon looked at you. "I'm sorry I forgot Eunwoo, let me just get ready." You quickly ran to your room and got ready. You could still over near Jaehoon and Eunwoo talking in the living room.

"Yeah it's our 5 month anniversary." Eunwoo said loudly.

"5 months? We've only been broken up in 4." He said horrified causing you to slap your forehead stressed.

"Eunwoo I think you meant 4." You laughed sarcastically.

"Oh right. It feels longer then it is because I've fallen so hard in love-" He leaned down to kiss you but you covered your face.

"I haven't brush my teeth yet hun." You smiled falsely.

"I don't care about that." He smiled.

"Sorry Jaehoon, we can catch up another time." You said and he looked hurt which made your day. He was a horrible boyfriend and you didn't miss him.

"Nice to meet you Eunwoo. I hope her fake orgasms don't bother you."

You rolled your eyes as he left. Then you turned to Eunwoo. "Um...why did-"

"You are such a bad liar. I could hear your struggle the moment you opened that door." He walked towards your door.

"Thank you." Was all you said as he was leaving. "Hey, are you busy tonight?"

"No, why?" He started to smirk.

"Just making sure you will be around in case he comes back."

"I'll be next door, like usual." He smiled and finally left.

-

What were you doing? Why did you even think of him.

You were about to knock on his door until you heard moaning come from into the room. You filled up with anger for the last time and walked back over to your apartment until you heard his door open.

"Oh hey." He smiled and he was fully dressed and nothing suspicious.

"You have company?"

"No." He said.

"I heard some girl." You walked back over to his apartment and he moved to the side so you could see inside.

"I had my tv on." He shrugged.

"Are you watching porn?"

"I don't watch porn I had some romance movie on, and there may have been a sex scene."

"You don't watch porn, that's bullshit." You rolled your eyes.

"Nope. I just think of you." He leaned forward.

"Okay." You turned around annoyed. The old Dongmin was back and you didn't miss him.

"Are we okay now?" He asked following you into your apartment and shutting the door behind him like he was welcomed.

"We were never okay but I don't hate you as much as I hated you before."

You grabbed a few drinks from the fridge. You figured it was your day off tomorrow so you can let loose a little. "So you really dated that prick?"

You walked over to your couch and put the tv on and Dongmin wasn't far from you.

"Aren't all guys pricks, let's be honest." You smiled taking a sip. "Each and everyone in their own special way. He was a clingy, jealous, obsessed weirdo and you are a fuck boy who doesn't care about girls feelings."

"I do care about one girls feelings." He finally sat down next to you.

"And who would that be?"

"Yours." You looked at him. "After what you said, it really tore me up."

"Good. Just testing to see if your soul is still alive."

He smiled gently. "Don't you want to like-"

"What are you saying?" You cut him off. "You ask me to sleep with you one more time I will lose it. I'm probably the last girl on earth who you haven't even touched and I rather not-"

He cut you off by placing his lips towards yours. His lips were soft and moisture from the recent sips of alcohol. It felt nice.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Why aren't you stopping?

He leaned you back farther that your back was laying comfortably on your couch. His tongue brush your bottom lip, begging for entry. You instantly granted access, mentally regretting every decision.

He moved his lips off of yours down your neck. You accidentally moaned against his touch causing a cocky grin to appear. "I knew you wanted me."

"I don't."

"Then why aren't you stopping?"

You were at loss of words. "Because-" You felt his hand make their way into your sweat pants. "Because I knew you wouldn't listen anyway."

His hand went deeper inside your panties causing your breathing to pick up. "Explain why you are wet already?"

"Fuck off, you're hard already." You can feel him against your thigh.

"I've wanted you from the day I saw you, I told you that."

"Shut up, no you didn't."

His fingers made their way inside. "I think you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen."

You blushed from his comment but also felt flustered as he began to pump his fingers in and out of you. Was this just fuck boy talk? Saying what you want to hear but don't mean anything.

"I don't believe that." You closed your eyes tightly.

"I'll prove it to you." He released his fingers and began to remove your sweatpants along with your underwear.

He leaned down kissing up your thigh until he reached your well moisten area. Your fingers grabbed onto the couch cushions tightly as you felt his tongue circle through your core. You have never been touch, not like this. The feeling was almost unreal.

You couldn't stay still and kept clenching against him to the point he pinned your leg to the couch tightly. You bit your lip to stop yourself from screaming but to be honest it would matter anyway.

You felt him replace his fingers with his tongue causing more friction. He leaned up and smiled down at you. He was about to kiss you once again but you moaned finally reaching your high and you closed your eyes weakly.

You felt his presence move away causing you to open your eyes. He was leaning back unbuckling his jeans and you couldn't help the butterflies erupting throughout your stomach.

"Can we move into the bedroom?"

"Sure." He smiled causing you to blush. Why were you giving in? Why?

He picked you up bridal style and carried you to your bed. He ripped off your ship and immediately began to suck on your chest. You helped yourself out of your bra to stop the uncomfortable tugging of your straps that he wasn't patient for.

You began pulling up his shirt causing him to stop for a brief second only to pull it completely off. He was thin but he still had a very nice figure not to toned but not to lanky either. It was perfect.

He grabbed your hand bringing it towards his crotch and he helped you rub against his stiffened member outside of his boxers. He leaned up and quickly transitioned to your lips once again.

You hated yourself for getting in this situation. You knew the out come so why fall deeper in this hole. He didn't really care about you. He just wanted sex. You always had the habit of falling hard and you could already tell it's happening with Eunwoo. He blew off your friend and didn't care to even check up on her. She was broken in the beginning. You lied saying she had a boyfriend just to see a reaction and you did. Your friend was better off and that's what you told her.

But here you were know falling for the same damn trick. You couldn't stop yourself, you couldn't stop him. You glanced up seeing him finishing with the condom and lining himself up with you. It was officially to late to put an end to all this and you had nothing but regret.

You felt the pain sting you as he pounded into you quickly. You pushed your thoughts aside and just let the lust take over again. He held your hips, bringing you into him for more friction. You moaned loudly as he moved faster. The room was spinning by this point. He leaned forward giving you a new refreshing angle. He kissed down your neck as you held on to him.

You clawed down his back as you felt your high over come you for the second time for the night. Something Jaehoon could never achieve. "Fuck (Y/N) that hurts."

"Sorry." You giggles. You reached your hand down by his member, rubbing along to push him quicker to the edge. He slowed down immensely once he finally reached the edge. He gave a few more pumps before removing himself completely. He collapsed on the bed next to you and the last thing you remember was him whispering in your ear. You were beyond tired to even recall his statement.

-

The worst thing once you woke up the next morning, was not the fact that you gave into a fuckboy like Dongmin but the face that you hope he would be different with you. But once you woke up and say he was gone that all soon changed. You actually felt heart broken. You expected it sure but you didn't want to believe it.

You got up and threw on a quick casual outfit browsed your apartment. He wasn't in your bathroom nor your kitchen. He wasn't there completely. He blew you off. You grabbed your coat and decided to go get coffee that was only down the street. You opened your door suddenly and saw Eunwoo on the last step with a brown bag and two coffee cups.

Your heart fluttered once you've seen him not understanding this new form of attraction. "Hey, I wanted to go get breakfast with you but I didn't want to wake you up. I know you get up early for your job and all."

You felt your eyes water and you couldn't hid the smile forming on your face. "What is this?"

"I got you breakfast, weren't you listening?" He said with a bit of sass.

"I mean what is all of this? You run out on girls remember?" You wiped your tears tryin not to be obvious.

"I told you already (Y/N). I like you."

"You want to be in a relationship with me?" You asked.

"Yeah."

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry you seen my bad side but I promise, I would never want to hurt you....ever."

"I-I."

"Can we talk inside, my arms are gettin tired." He said with a bright smile.

You nodded and went back inside. "I meant what I said last night." You turned to look at him.

"I don't remember. I fell asleep." You said causing him to give you an amusing glare.

"I said I might be in love with you." He shrugged like it was nothing.

"You're in love with me?"

"We've been neighbors for a long time now (Y/N). I can't help what I feel." He confesses.

"I don't know how I feel." You said and he came up closer to you trapping you in the corner of your counters.

"Please just give me one chance to take you out. I promise I won't hurt you."

"But you hurt so many others." Your voice was soft.

"Because you were the one I wanted all along." He leaned down and you looked him right in the eyes. He was serious and you didn't know how to process anything.

"Please." He whispered as you felt his lips brush up against yours.

You filled in the tight space grasping his soft lips in yours. You rubbed your hand down his back causing him hum in pain. "You Okay?" You asked with a slight guilt knowing what was wrong.

"You were rough last night." He laughed.

"I'm sorry." You bit your lip.

"You owe me." He smirked.

"I want my breakfast first." You moved away and he hugged your from behind. You felt happy but will it last?

#astro masterlist #astro imagines #astro fluff #astro fanfic #astro scenarios #astro smut #astro oneshot #eunwoo imagine #eunwoo scenarios #eunwoo oneshot #eunwoo smut #eunwoo fanfic

[eleanormatilda]

romanticizing abuse...

...is NOT ok!  Repeat after me: IT IS NOT OK!!! 

    HELLO.  I am here once again to address the issues I see/have with the infamous ship that is Jaspenor. Nevermind the hate mongers who roam my inbox with their insipid and teenage viewpoints on what ‘love’ is -- I will never post nor acknowledge these fiends FYI  ( educate yourself before you speak please? ) But as a survivor of abuse there are some things that I would FINALLY like to wholeheartedly address and make CLEAR when it come to the STAIN that is ‘Jaspenor’. So. Get some snacks, your favorite beverage -- this is going to be a LONG one. 

     Let me just begin by saying, yes, it is up to the abused whether or not she/he (they) chooses to forgive her abuser. What isn’t okay is to linger upon it or be around that person who made you out to be something so little, so small. Their manipulation will NEVER end it is just who they are. This is why the argument that ‘Eleanor chose to forgive him’ is bullshit. Again, it’s a romantic twist on something so disgusting and horrid. I said it once and I will say it again: ABUSE IS ABUSE IS ABUSE. It is NOT pretty, it is not romantic and to come out of the other end is a wonderment, it’s a practically a miracle sometimes when you can stabilize yourself with a bit of clarity and see what the other person did to you and made you believe.  So just put that tangent back into your pocket because it is invalid. Eleanor may have forgiven him, but the problem is her RETURN to him should have never ever happened! I realize it is a show, but the thing is the way it was written is SO dangerous. It will make younger generations believe that such a thing is true or real life. It will make them look inwardly at their own relationship and if they are stuck in abuse? Choose to accept that as somehow normal and ok. That is my greatest worry. Forgive, forget and move on.       ‘But he LOVES her...’ No. He doesn’t. THAT is not love. It’s not! Stop calling it love you sour the very meaning when you claim what HE did is love. No number of ‘character development’ subplots or plots will change the fact that he ABUSED Eleanor to no avail! Manipulated everyone around him to come off as some hero, and let’s not forget he called ROBBIE a bad guy when Robbie never raped, killed or harmed anyone. Yes he has issues himself which we won’t get into but none greater than Cyrus and Jasper. Do not even get me STARTED on Cyrus who spent the bulk of Season 2 raping a maid and blackmailing her. It’s honestly laughable that these two would pair up to ‘take down’ Robbie. Honestly, hilarious. Regardless of Robbie stealing Eleanor’s words I believe he truly loved Willow he merely hadn’t the words to provide, got scared and used the letter he burned. But Jasper? JASPER... Let me just map it out for you...          People call it an ‘unconventional love’ and that is also wrong! VERY wrong. It is NOT love! 

The BLACKMAIL. The asshole drugged her. Proceeded to partake in every ‘sordid & self depraved’ thing she did. He basically calls her a slut. & tells her that he has it all recorded and prepared to use it against her. 

He RAPED her. ( read me! ) 

The constant VERBAL abuse & manipulation. The use of sex to keep the upper hand. “You don’t control this, I do.” He also got handsy, enough to bruise her arm a time or two. ( Note: you NEVER put your hands on a woman like that! ) - You see the reason why she didn’t tell everyone about it? She’s terrified, mortified... not in love, she’s in the middle of an abusive/toxic relationship that makes her mind...how do I best put this -- fumbled, you don’t always make the best decisions mid terror and confusion. It’s another form of his manipulation. “Just shut up and dance with me...” you don’t fucking talk to someone like that. He constantly, constantly belittles her! And this goes BEYOND the first season. Even when they’re together. -  “You like this you like being controlled you like me. So I will do whatever i want to you whenever I want...” just going to leave that there.

He slept with her mother, in attempt to keep his job when she found out who he truly was. GIVEN the queen blackmailed him into such a feat ( gross, both are gross ) -- ewe?? But if he truly cared for Len, he wouldn’t have partaken in that now would he?

And all of this time he had been lying to everyone, utilizing his charm to continually manipulate and insipidly suede those to his corner.  The key term here is MANIPULATE.  That’s the one of the key things to look for in an abusive relationship.

Everything in THIS article pretty much sums up how Jasper treated Eleanor.  Bottom line is it does come down to a line of verbal, mental and physical abuse. 

     I am exhausted with returning to the tags and seeing all these ‘OH IT IS AN UNCONVENTIONAL LOVE STORY’ posts. Watching ‘EUPHORIA’ has brought this more to light what with people HATING Nate. The funny thing is, Nate Jacobs’  attitude and his perspective and the way he behaves (AND treats his gf Maddy)? Is the EXACT same as Jasper, and yet Euphoria is not willing to sugar coat what abuse and toxic relationships look like! The PROBLEM is because the viewing public was ‘shipping’ this toxicity Mark Schwahn ( the DISGUSTING piece of crap show runner ) decided to somehow find a ‘redemption’ arc claiming there was some redeeming quality in the Jasper and Eleanor relationship to begin with when there wasn’t! He forced this SHIT down our throats because people were ‘shipping’ it -- and the problem is, rather than write out what real abuse does or looks like & remind people they SHOULDN’T ship it, he FAN-SERVICED the fuck out of his show! Mark continually attempted to showcase how you can supposedly fall in love with your abusive domestic partner -- and the truth is worse, it hurts worse and it isn’t flowery as he depicted it. It’s terrifying. 

     According to the statistics, 1 out of every 71 women ( as of this year, 2019 ) are raped by their very own domestic partner. THAT is the reality we are living within. What Mark did with Jaspenor and why I hate it so vehemently is he produced something so unrealistic that looks so beautiful to young men and women who think that is HEALTHY. ( It is NOT healthy! ) Who think that is ok. And to praise a ship that is full of such maltreatment and straight up ABUSE is simply not ok!    

     I am going to end it on this VERY important note. If you are a victim, think you are victim or know someone who MAY be a victim of abuse? Please get help. If you read the above article and are scared for your life? REACH OUT. I’m here. The hotline is here and YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

     Don’t let some fairy tale nonsense hoopla suede you. Jaspenor is a story of abuse. NOT LOVE. PERIOD. THE. END.

#anti jaspenor #the royals #eleanor henstridge #jasper frost #anti jasper frost #rape mention #abuse mention #tw abuse #tw rape #is this 'character assassination'?? i really don't care. it needs to be said. #long post

[daedaluscried]

Darius and Paulo for the ship meme?

@oughtabeinpxctures​ (sorry this took a bit to get to)

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs (The later ones don’t capture my feelings but it’s stronger than what it feels here)

How long will they last? - They will either be together for a long time, or one of them tragically dies (maybe at the hands of the other). There will not be an amicable break up, I guarantee.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? -It took them both a while. Darius absolutely hated Paulo and the feeling was probably mutual. And then they were together to appease their own needs, but it’s grown much closer and more romantic since then.

How was their first kiss? - It was a spur of the moment thing. It was chaotic and sudden, with no real feelings behind it.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Neither was intent on getting married for a long long time and it sort of happened purely for a matter of convenience. It was Paulo, and it was sort of a joke.

Who is the best man/men? - It was a very private affair, with no best man/men and only enough invited to be witness.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? -See above.

Who did the most planning? - Paulo. He essentially found out how to do it without involving lots of people.

Who stressed the most? -They took turns.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Basically everyone - but Darius’ father comes to mind (Luna actually was as long as she didn’t cause any problems)

Sex:

Who is on top? - Neither of them will agree, but in all honesty, it’s very often Paulo. Sometimes Darius.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Again, they take turns. Darius is a bit more of

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Honestly, this question is a bit unfair. They can both go awhile, but because the beginning of their relationship involved a lot of short meetings, they sometimes default to quick passionate bouts.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? -Yes and no. There are times when they actually “compete” to get to the orgasm first. It’s done in play. Mostly.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? -  Zero.

How many children will they adopt? - Luna ends up becoming a sort of adopted child. At first, Darius looks for a place to leave her when they escape their father (maybe with some death, who knows), but there is some guilt - and some desire to prove he can be a proper caretaker. He convinces Paulo to let Luna stay.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? -Luna is too old for diapers and I don’t think they have any other children.

Who is the stricter parent? - Consistency-wise, it’s Paulo. Darius has really strict rules for Luna, but he’s not the best at following through, mostly because he forgets. It takes Paulo reminding him “ She’s not supposed to do that “

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Luna would never. If they ever have any other children, they both subtly encourage it but then blame the other and get angry when it happens.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Paulo. Luna already has an issue with food for a reason and it’s because sometimes... Darius just forgets.

Who is the more loved parent? - I don’t know if love is the right word. Maybe someday... But it’s more about respect and feeling content. Paulo has less trauma associated with him for Luna, so him.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? They’re both banned.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Darius.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? -They both do. Using their own abilities and skillsets.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - When he’s reminded of responsibilities, it’s Darius. He’s not half bad.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? -I don’t know. Darius wouldn’t really be picky. Would Paulo?

Who does the grocery shopping? - They alternate and then whosever it turn it was gets scolded for forgetting something not on the list, but they should’ve known they needed it.

How often do they bake desserts? - Unless Paulo is doing it, almost never. Darius doesn’t really like to bake much of anything.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat eaters.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Darius is actually able to remember this one. He does it almost every year, so it’s not really a surprise. So then Paulo surprises Darius by trying

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - They’re both pretty private, so I think they’d be alright with staying in most of the time. Paulo might suggest, especially when Darius keeps getting too distracted/forgetful to cook.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Darius gets distracted and walks off half way through.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both. Paulo probably a little more than Darius.

Who is really against chores? - Neither is against, but they both will find an excuse to not do it.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Paulo cleans up after the kitten (whose name I am blanking one and I am a failure).

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - 100% Darius.And then deny when he gets caught even though there’s no other person it could be.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Darius, but not for the reason you think. He just doesn’t like people coming over to his house.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Luna.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Paulo. Something something joke about the bathtub

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - SHE IS A CAT AND SHE IS A MOSTLY INDOORS CAT, DARIUS

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Almost never. Maybe for Halloween, but ... other than that, they only ever do the bare minimum - and rarely that.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Honestly, they both are surprised it lasted this long. But it feels good, it feels right.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - They both can, especially if they’ve been “working” all night.

Who plays the most pranks? - Darius does what counts more as a prank, but sometimes Paulo will play a long-con trick on Darius.

#facts: darius #oughtabeinpxctures #they had a tag once i think but i forgot it and can't find it now #anyways... some of these might be wrong/change #but I tried my best #Anonymous

[dayna-scully]

ncis/tiva s7 lb

season 3  |  season 4   |  season 5  |  season 6   |  season 8   |  season 9  |  season 10  |  etc

Truth or Consequences

I’ve never really been able to tell whether or not tony was acting in this bit

small muscles, big brain

coffee aficionado and functional mute

it never fails to astound me how much effort media has put into demonizing muslims

I was gonna say it was love driving tony, but I suppose that factors into vengeance

Tony’s full of bs

tony was not dealing well with not having ziva there

we have to deal with the writers pining over Kate for like 11 years but ducky’s over ziva being around after like 2 months? What is wrong with y’all

ziva’s not replaceable

tony, not keeping himself together as well as he used to

even after jeanne he was not so messy

what kind of failure/the kind with casualties

lotta sand

it’s not normal that we haven’t heard from ziva

I swear to god they use my name the most for tertiary characters, there were at least three just last season

I don’t know why they had to make Tony’s trauma fugue funny

neither of them were expecting that

it had to be you

you should not have come

you thought I was dead? then why are you here?

couldn’t live without you, I guess

he couldn’t leave her alone

she is very melodramatic

but so is tony

isn’t that the same “village” tony went to with Nikki

they’re not aliens, tony

stay alive long enough to not get dead 🤔

her own biological father doesn’t love her enough to save her

yeah gibbo!

I don’t understand how he could have possibly got there so fast but ok

I hate group claps

hella cringey

7x02

she’ll call when she’s ready

she looks so much better

bb girl

an angel

sleazeball

why would you egg a church?

why would you tell someone to their face that they’re “damaged goods” what the fuck

long, silent, meaningful eye contact

and mcgee chattering in the background

spots are still to tender for normal verbal barbs

I will be right here

what is wrong with Abby

he did kill Michael partially because he was jealous

mostly to protect her but

SHE IS ASHAMED OF HERSELF WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

no normal person ever calls tony sir

so why are you avoiding tony

it had to be said in the men’s room

and double parked/yes, I noticed

I could not afford to trust you

cue ugly crying

I wonder why he could not look her in the eye

the neck grab is so intimate, and definitely echoes her face touch

waiting in dad’s basement

HE’S HER DAD

ziva’s here

7x03

that is total salami/baloney

ew dinozzo

oh bb ziva

7x04

it looks like a damn teen wolf convention

ziva hasn’t been ziva since we brought her home

everyone just keeps dumping on her

gibbs isn’t acting like he’s on team ziva

at any cost

he’s her dad

I did not mean to live through it

he’s her dad i’m cry

bb probiee

7x05

agent David

personal space

uhhh let me check, ziva?/no

digital images don’t work that way!!!

that’s so high school flirting

I say it with love

prankster probie

7x06

sleepy probiee

who says you have a say

stealing our precious body fluids

wh…what body fluids is ziva stealing from you tony?

ah, shame, my pencil broke

smug lil probie

we have been instructed to sit on the baby

I wanna see ziva with tali 😖

worth is so much hotter with long hair

7x07

normal work partners

that really looks like the diner from bones, and it’s definitely the one they used previously, but I would assume the bones one was on the fox lot? And that cbs wouldn’t have access to it

tony goes on a schpiel about how attractive Kai is and then tells ziva they must be alike

ok tony

you annoy me sometimes/sometimes?/most of the time

why is she nice to you and not to me?

because you’re emotionally repressed and can’t keep your mouth shut dinozzo

hey ziva, what the fuck

does tony have to sit behind ziva to work?

Tony’s jealous of mcgee, he’s jealous of Dunham…he can’t get any and his crush doesn’t seem to like him back

well well well how the turn tables

he cleans up nice/not that nice

he’s not being a big brother ziva

brother-zoned

last thing I need is a chad Dunham

hey ziva what the fuck

why are you looking at Tony’s dick

if you believe in that kind of thing

yeah mcgee a double date

oh mcgoo

7x08

that’s a looong time to be stuck in an elevator

it was either you or the watch

well we could be stuck here with tony

7x09

are you letting some blonde bombshell baste your bird, tony?

you dork!!!

normal

track-tor

I guess?????

I wonder if they styled that girl like flashback!shannon on purpose

ew god why

the favourite gets to ride shotgun

ziva, mean muggin’

aw, happy gibbs is so rare

7x10

yes I’m sure souther California gets a lot of snow

stop making my team fat

with his brother Darrel and his other brother Darrel

including the language of love, ten

those look more like sugar cookies but ok

bullheaded stubbornness

you’re one to talk, z

bah humbog

tearing up cause she’s proud of her boyfriend

7x11

tweeeeeting

perhaps baby bird is ready to leave the nest

jet packs…yeah, it’s gonna be a weird one

we spend a lot of time here, just the three of us

smug!!!

we always get the shots of ziva checkin these dudes out

you’re quoting better off dead, I told you to watch that

McGee is such a dork

fucking adorable

is that, like…necessary

a Thief

oof gibbo be nice

she acts like she hates me, but she talks like she likes me

gibbs has a crush

I don’t speak Canadian

hmm

why can’t shows just shoot pictures instead of photoshopping them badly

7x12

mind your own business/ooh, grouchy

ziva is ziva, nothing to tell

that is too disgusting to translate

why in the world did they ever hire senior

Tony’s REAL dad meeting his bio dad

ugh I hate him

poor tony

you may have to hire someone to protect him from me

gibbs has several children, one of whom is your son

Jetlag

ahhhhh!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!! Paris!!!!!!

I slept well last night, why, didn’t you? You certainly looked…comfy enough

oh???? Really????

that is not an innocent face

cute cute cute

we had enough “together”

you askin me on a date, duck?

I think Paris changed her

act natural!!!!!

you’re complementary

are you sure you two never?/no. positive. definitely no.

a good fit

she’s so soft about tony though

even if she is lying about where she slept 👀👀👀

caveman grunts

she adores him

why did you just lie to mcgee?/why’d you lie to Nora?

she’s trying so hard not to blush

his favourite picture

7x14

ugh that’s cringey

well we know his “little dinozzo-makers” survived…

the kids giggling about dad and his crush

TOTALLY NOT EAVESDROPPING

totally innocent

I am going to go…get a haircut

I think technically we own the building

come on ziva

(soft!!!!!)

what salim did was bad enough

I don’t really remember a lot of these episodes

the big tiva ones, yes, but the other ones not really

I guess we just have better nerds than you do

7x15

aww worth bb

I wish they could’ve gotten him to replace dinozzo

“get ziva and dinozzo out of bed”

“individual beds”

EVEN MCGEE THINKS THEYRE SLEEPING TOGETHER

boyfriends

how does ziva know where he sleeps

worth is very werewolf-y

no I was wrong they’re not boyfriends they’re husbands

ziva’s got sex face

Jean jacket ziva 💕💕💕

cutie

don’t be a dick tony

I only have one nose and it’s on my face

jealous tony

yeah whatever, you already slept with my wife

F U!!!!

Tobias dukes-in’ it

i wasnt askin ya!

it’s fun to make tony jealous

7x16

book suppository

our girls

7x17

keep your story straight but not so straight that it’s exactly the same

7x18

I’m glad I wasn’t your valentine/so am I

Casey!!!

but it is the coast guard

she loooves him

you mean he’s deceased, too?

he used to sing with the monkees/real monkeys?

I envy your brain sometimes

ducky’s bow ties are back

movie date!!!

What are you doing with me, watching a movie on a Friday night at work

you are my friend

really/no

both of your “dates” “cancelled” so you…decided to have a date together?

what was she thinking of saying??

she loooves him

7x19

are you two dating now?

a seven year bitch

that was a very bad fake slap

why couldn’t they have had ziva there

ziva is barely in this one

she loves him

things were hanging out? that is disgusting

7x20

once and future king of dorkland

Sand mites might bite

ziva is very proud of her dad

we have hit a shamu

I may have to hurt you

7x21

what would this woman possibly see in you

take ziva with you

ziva’s not used to being the jealous one anymore

tony is being a creepy stalker

Rivera turns out to be a villain, I think

ziva is concerned about tony

I forgot that Obama was president when this would have aired

tony sitting separately says a lot

he would usually be the one beside ziva

tony, being unwarrantedly intimate with a stranger

a quiet bookstore owner as a Russian spy is actually really interesting

7x22

Jamie!

toe cheese

realizing tony and ziva lied about Paris 👀👀👀

oh gibbs

7x23

cowboy gibbs

what are you, anti flan?

ooooh gibbo

oh gibbs

7x24

fathers and daughters

they’re his children, not his coworkers

staring at dad

personal space

ziva bb

looking for her dad and her boyfriend

#ncis #tiva #liveblog #show: ncis #ship: tiva