#sometimes I think I am entertaining

[destinationtoast]

#fanfic #beta reading #polls #yes i am using polls to procrastinate on my wip #which is nearing completion and could use a beta reader and/or britpicker #but i'd like to post it before the start of my work trip on Monday #(and also before it gets jossed) #so I'm likely to skip it #but anyway i think i hold myself to higher standards here than others #whether or not something is beta read doesn't affect whether i read #generally #lest you worry btw #i don't take tumblr polls as strong evidence of anything #but they're entertaining and sometimes interesting #op

[gayofthefae]

Wait you guys......

Mike and Will are in love

No because like they're just...they're just a wholesome childhood friends to lovers slowburn I'm gonna rewatch like "aww you don't know yet".

Like....

Mike and Will are in love.

They fell in love from ages 12-16(?). That's so cute. What the hell. I just randomly starting thinking about it like it's just some show I just heard about or something and I'm like "aw cute trope". What a cute trope wtf. That's adorable. Two twelve year old boys in the 80s and they fall in love over the course of many years as they grapple with internalized homophobia and homophobia in their small town? That sounds like a GREAT show where can I watch it? That's adorable.

Mike and Will are in love. And...that's just the premise. That's just the premise of their plot. If you came up to me after you watched episode 1 for spoilers and you were like "What happens to Lucas? Dustin? Mike? That girl they found? The kid who went missing?" I could just be like "Dustin gains confidence and becomes besties with Mike's sister's boyfriend after they break up, Lucas meets this girl who's introduced next season and they're really good for each other, the girl gets adopted by the police chief and then into the Byers and has a great found family and independence arc, and the boy who went missing survives and he and Mike fall in love!"

And that'd just be like...right. I'd just be telling you what happens.

#byler #byler endgame #stranger things #i'm processing in the simplest way of like #the knowledge that #not in a bad way but #once it's canon it won't be as big a deal #nothing to prove i'll just be like 'omg that's my favorite show bc it was such a wholesome romance. they fell in love from 12-16?? cmon ado #able!' and not need to elaborate #sometimes i think about it not even as an immediate reaction canon but like #when there isn't memory of it being this huge pop culture moment and you just pass by it on netflix #or when you've heard about it because it was on your youtube homepage one day #and you were like aw that sounds like a really sweet premise #i feel like i'm observing myself right now #like it's so surreal i'm just like #that'd just be true #that'll just be true #i am genuinely post-season 5 gonna find as many people as i can who haven't seen it and make them watch it #and keep me posted on their reactions #it'll be my main source of entertainment #motivation to make new friends also #i work a gig job so i'll keep getting great turnover too

[catastrxblues]

read more than 50 pages while i was outside today!!!!!!! where’s my trophy

#OUTSIDE as in like…. public places such as class and train station and train and bus stop #who am i #no one ask but this blog is my diary so here it is #so in the morning i continued a few pages of crooked kingdom before class. but then my friends came and the teacher came so i stopped #and we literally didn’t study anything AT ALL today it was such a waste #so after a few hours of talking with my friends because as i said literally no classes i decided to read again #i was going to read ck but i felt like i would just going to go around the sentences and not understanding anything if i did #thank goodness i also brought another book circe by madeline miller so i started that #and it’s really great!!!! i started that book at 2 am days ago but haven’t continued it again. and because i didn’t really remember much #from that i decided to start over and it’s good!!!!! #tell me why sometimes general fiction books are easier for me to digest than ya/mg #i think maybe it’s because with ya/mg (esp fantasy) has such a fast and complicated plot to keep the readers entertained #and this book imm reading is just a retelling of greek myths but? #anyways yeah i’m kinda hooked #actually thinking of finally putting song of achilles in my tbr #reading tag #nadirants

[rozecrest]

i’ve never really had brnine/jesset thoughts but after this episode i’m like.. hmm..

#can brnine stop doing this to me #like primarily when i think of brnine jm like dyke but jesset is like SOO gay boy about them. brnine is like one of those dykes who #are like damn am i a gay man sometimes? well i have a ship to captain but idrc about that rn #now i’m like is this unrequited or is brnine just repressed and they keep having these conversations while drunk or sick and there’s just #TOO MUCH PAST between them. jesset was really baiting them to talk about valence wow #anyway i hope brnine changes their mind about the engineer thing and let’s him move in it would be good for my entertainment #palisade spoilers #chats

[soldier-poet-king]

Got emotional about thara again this morning and it's not even 10am. Weepy but also maybe peaceful and things can be kind and good and gentle even as they are terrible and full of despair. Idk. Makes no sense, but it's true.

#actually just thinking alot about thara and ulis #and how ulis isnt reallt a god of mercy #but a god of silence and death #and how maybe that amounts to thr same thing. sometimes #maybe that emptiness is also fullness. maybe it's all peace #dont look at me im having thoughts again. about silence and terrible grace and unnamable unknowable peace #also i am thinking of iana. and his infectious joy. and of thara being kind to himself #and maybe he can be called to Ulis without killing himself. he can. be treated gently #and its not some undeserved kindness. it is not an affront to his calling or his god #he can value himself beyond his usefulness. be loved by iana. and still. #ugh. ugh. literally i cant stop thinking about thara. i cant stop. #my insides have been scooped out and put on display #the most terrible conflicts of my soul and my heart #it is not my favourite series wrt entertainment. but it is. the most important. the closest to some ineffable truth

[mokutone]

A dumb lil headcanon I have is that Yamato was assigned Naruto’s legal guardian in shippuden. (And that before it was Hiruizen, then Kakashi, then Jiraiya) just for convenience because he’s watching over Naruto all the time anyways.

oh god. sorry my response got really long but the fact is anyone even breathes a word of yamato being fatherly to naruto and i lose my shit and start beating my fist against the earth sobbing and shaking and etc.

now TO BE FAIR. i think if anyone should be naruto's legal guardian it should probably be iruka because iruka was the one who took care of naruto when naruto needed it most, and canonically naruto thinks of iruka as a father figure so much that he like, asks him to act as his father at his wedding, and he has this whole moment as a kid

THAT SAID. i like ur ask, and when it comes to the idea of legal responsibilities, i find the idea of Yamato being granted (even temporary) guardianship over Naruto to be extremely funny and entertaining.

i think yamato would personally take a lot of pride in that and really enjoy it. i think he would love nothing more than to have a practical, obligatory tie to enable him in his desire to take care of the people he loves. i also think that he would be obnoxious about it, at least a little bit. partially because his sense of humor is a little weird, and partially because he has no idea how to act as a guardian figure.

like i think he'd say shit like "bedtime! that's an order!" and naruto would be like "oh, piss off!" and then yamato would use his scary face and naruto would get even more frustrated, and the whole time yamato would be like "wow, naruto is a great kid (if a little disobedient!) and this is such a fun game we are playing, even if it tires me out :)"

unfortunately i think, out of all the guardian/mentor figures that naruto has had, (sandaime, iruka, kakashi, jiraiya, tsunade, those elderly frogs, yamato...) i think yamato is the one he is least close with, and would least like to be a permanent fixture in his life.

i'm not saying that he doesn't like yamato, just that...i would be really surprised if there's a point after yamato gets captured, where naruto is like "man, we should really save yamato!" y'know?

i could be wrong! i haven't gotten there yet. but like. i'm not anticipating it. thats okay tho i love naruto and hes got a lot going on.

picture below is more related to the tags than the text

#yamswers #agstudio9 #sorry for SUCH a long response but i am constantly thinking about them bc yamato seems to care so much abt his stepstudent #that said. the idea of a story where yamato gets put in charge of naruto PURELY bc he has the mokuton + naruto has the 9tails #and naruto confuses and entertains tenzō #and tenzō upsets and frustrates and unnerves naruto #is an EXTREMELY funny concept to me. #especially if it happens before the shippuden timeline. now. listen. im being very silly here...but hear me out #imagine your name is [actually you don't have a name] and your ninja president tells you its time to be a ninja guardian to this ninja kid #and the kid is freaked out by you because you're impossible for him to get a read on and you scare him sometimes #and on top of that your former captain is laughing at you and the young man who was taking care of this kid is pissed and maybe jealous? #like it has all the makings of one of those wacky early 2000s movies about fail dads and their rebelious children #''THIS SUMMER...WATCH AN OUT OF TOUCH BLACK OPS SOLDIER TRY TO RAISE...KONOHAS DEMON FOX????'' #now in theatres! #oh agstudio9. now im thinking on this. now im really dwelling on it. #iruka being over all the time bc he does not like the way this is shaping out and feels frustrated that naruto's guardian was assigned— #—not based on care or relationship to the boy. but on kekkei-genkai. but trying not to take it out on tenzō whose just Doing His Job #tenzō who has to learn how to make food more complex than vegetables in a pan/reheated frozens/Survival Gruel #ah. and. and maybe kakashi + tenzō dual-leading team 7 from the get-go... :) bc sasuke needs a sharingan-using teacher :)

[lostlovepunk]

having your parents over should count as negative social interaction

#i had. a day for sure #on one hand: my dad #eho asked a whole bunch of questions abt my stay at the psychiatric hospital i wasn't at all comfortable answering #(like. why do u think it's a good idea to ask abt my methods of self harm) #and who also doesn't seem to understand the concept of disability and injury (yes dad my ankle still hurts 3 hours after i twisted it #no someone who struggles to get to the grocery store won't go on bike tours) #and on the other hand my mum who is sooooo ''worried'' #and actively stressing me out #and doesn't get that sometimes i cannot entertain her. not even when she's helping to clean my apartment #so. lots of dissociation anf half truths today #how did i ever live with these people i am going insane over three hours with them #spike spoke

[vi-enti]

some pages of a random astrology book i took photos of three years ago popped up in my photo shuffle—apparently i would make a good match with a libra or gemini, but definitely NOT a capricorn or a leo

#it’s funny i was just thinking about astrological matches the other day #i don’t totally believe in it? i find it entertaining at least and sometimes it’s just nice to have guidance. and hope #i do agree i am so incompatible with capricorns and leos tho. i’ve had close relationships with one of each and they both SUCKED #anyways just a fun tidbit ! i am an aquarius btw #i do wonder sometimes if there are forms of divination that are real… #if only my mom would let me read my Big Life Binder that they had an astrologist put together before i was born #i wanna know what it says SO bad #moon babbles

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

#i was thinking abt it earlier #but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why #actually i do kinda know why. #i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me #earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject #too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i #was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often #especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d #everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just #cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even #consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural #but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other #peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something #something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they #move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less #sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can #always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response #and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone #it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything #not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i #feel like im not actually being heard or listened to #and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you' #or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore #god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it #for everyone else all the time #is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say #this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice #god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover #and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel #like they actually like me

[androidemotions]

sometimes i wonder what the fucking point is

#if no matter where i go i get judged #and people laugh at me behind my back #and i guess i just need to not be so fucking sensative #but i cant help it #they didnt even say anything to me but i know what they think of me an d it gets to me #and the worst part is the knowing but not knowing #knowing that theyre snickering at you' #but not really knowing if youre not just reading too much into it #i honestly wish they were just outright about it #it would be easier for me #because my gut is telling me #and i heard them muttering my name #and i hagte it haate it hate i already want to drop this class and i feel so fuckonmg stupid #whatever #no one wants to speak to me. not really. he decided to talk to me because it would be entertaining #i just feel like shit no matter what the situation is i hatehtis #whagt am i supposed to do #college was supposed to be different. #sometimes i just want to stop trying #vent /

[obstinatecondolement]

Honestly getting a little fed up with people universally panning every single pregnancy plotline as "pro-life propaganda"

Fandom start being normal about people wanting to be pregnant sometimes challenge.

#disclaimer: I am obviously pro-choice #but I do also want to have children at some point #and while I am ambivalent about pregnancy I am willing to do it as a means to an end #and like... it really does feel like some people generalise their desire to never ever be pregnant into like... #this mandate that No One should ever depict pregnancy in fiction #which like... seems pretty self defeating honestly #I don't think it should be the end point of every afab character's storyline #I don't think people who *can* get pregnant should be pigeon holed into it no matter what #but I also think that it's not bad to sometimes have characters have storylines about wanted pregnancies??? #or even like... just entertaining the idea of not having an abortion #because apparently the only feminist thing to do when you have an unplanned pregnancy in fictional stories #is to have the only option be termination #which like??? #abortions are fine to depict in fiction! it is very destigmatising and important to depict characters having abortions #that they are not conflicted about or shamed for #but also... sometimes people want to be pregnant #and that is not anti-feminist to depict in fiction?

[dreadfuldevotee]

i am just...so profoundly tired of being me

#char.txt #there is something that is so revolting about me I am incapable of shaking the shame of it #Theres nothing i can do to make myself happy its just not possible i think i have to accept that #but im tired of pretending for other people its so stupid #everything feels fake even when im being honest i dont know who this person is anymore #its just stupid idk im thinking about too many things #my life feels like it exists for other peoples entertainment and if im not interesting im failing and im wasting peoples time and energy #but i can't be alone anymore I legitimately cannot be alone anymore ive tried so hard it only makes things worse #I need to feel wanted and maybe its something im missing thats keeping me from feeling that way #but I feel so deeply that when i stop being funny or when the person ppl actually want to talk to comes around ill stop being relevant #i dont exist to people when im not infront of them and...idk i have to be okay with that because im never anything more #and like this genuinely isnt a dig because there are people who I am friends with who have access to see this and I don't want you to feel #like its something youve done cause its not your fault its kind of not even about any of you or the ppl wholl never see this #Its something im missing its something about me and i dont deserve cruelty ik that #but i can't make anyone want me more than they do and thats alright #i just know that ill always be second fiddle at best and it just exausts me sometime #its be easier if I liked me but I wouldnt wish my presence upon anyone #but im selfish and i need the attention or ill actually self destruct so here we are this is my boulder

[justinefrischmanngf]

lovely man telling me about jesus finished up our conversation by asking me if i was mixed and then asking me if he could guess 😭😭😭

#sometimes i stop for people advertising/preaching on the street bc i think it can be entertaining #and i cant lie this man was very lovely he had a lovely voice but i will not be going to church anytime soon #but it was the funniest fucking way to finish the conversation like help . i am mixed yeah . yep i am asian and white #he was not white !!!! so it was funny rather than concerning

[redrose-arrow]

basically, i have frequent periods during which i can’t sleep full nights, meaning i’m relatively regularly up between 2-4am. and usually, i’m awake enough to *have thoughts* and write them down, but now i’m clearing out my drafts and i didn’t realise how many midnight ra thoughts i have hahaha

anyways, another cursed memory: 

a week before the RA day, i burned the skin on my stomach by spilling freshly made tea all over me. the first thing out of my mouth were some curse words i shall not repeat, the second thing was “well i sure am taking my alyss cosplay to the next level”

which in hindsight might not have been my finest moment, but i surely thought it was funny at the time

#sometimes i wonder why i am like this but alas #i think it's entertaining to some of you #so i shall now live as an entertainment to others #redrose rants #ranger's apprentice #rangers apprentice #john flanagan