#something about this triggered a trauma response and i don't know how or why | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

judasgot-it · 1 year

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Ello o/, may i request again (dk if i can tho, don't feel pressured if not maken), really love the post you made for the request my heart literally- aawkwkw, i have so many things to say to that post but really busy asfck like if i wnated to, i could literally write a essay or thesis statement, */ahem anyway

BSD boys, while having a fighting/argument with s/o they suddenly grip they're s/o's wrist too hard and ended up leaving a mark (they didn't mean to tho ;-;) that reminded the reader's past child abuse/not used to this type of conflict which lead to angst to comfort or just angst hehe. Idk this is just a random 2am thought(my time rn) I have classes later waking up at 4am too…

AHHHHHH omg yes I'm so sorry I haven't like set up any request rules yet which I should do lol, but I'm so shehejwj but I don't have limits on requests! I just try to get to them when I can <3 Also I'm so sorry about the late response! College is hard x[

But also, I wanna do some scenarios for this, so I'm gonna have to only pick a few that I feel I can write the best for this if that's ok cause ngl I feel the mercury retrograde rn,,,

Scenario: Accidentally triggering past abuse/trauma during an argument (Ranpo, Dazai)

Ranpo

Ranpo was a rather loud guy. That's not his fault, since he's only loud whenever he has a reason to be - he's confident because he knows he can get away with it. He's smart enough to survive some of the most dangerous killers, and is bold enough to laugh in their face about it too.

But god is it aggravating as hell whenever you want to truly talk to the man one on one. Sometimes, you just want to have a normal date with him - like a normal couple and do normal couple stuff.

Like right now, you just want to walk down this busy street and not have to listen to him boast about how stupid people were. It was embarrassing how loud he was about it, how the person who got hit with a car could have easily avoided it had they just checked both sides of the street.

A normal conversation to have after witnesses a horrible event, but you could feel the stares from across the street from the mans wife. Especially towards Ranpo, who seemed to have no social boundaries as everyone else in the area seemed to instead be occupied with the normal human behavior of freaking out after witnessing a man flying in the air and being hit by a car.

To save face, you dragged him away, with him still talking about it as if it were a normal everyday thing. In his world, it probably was - but not to you. Not to normal people, who didn't think about death everyday.

"Ranpo, you need to quiet down."

"What? I'm just saying. It was pretty avoidable you know?"

You turned around to glare at him, gripping your enclasped hands tightly. He thought nothing of it, swirling his ramune bottle rather casually. The ball clinked around with each step the both of you took together.

"I know that. But you do know that it's pretty insensitive to say that in front of him and the wife who saw her husband get hit with a car."

"Y/n."

You were forced back as Ranpo stopped on the sidewalk. It was apart of a narrow stretch of road, empty and away from the commotion, which forced you to look at him. He was staring at you with his eyes, as if trying to puzzle something.

"You don't actually care about them."

There was a pause. You blinked once. Then twice.

"What do you mean by that?"

He held your hand tighter, almost painfully so.

"You don't really care about them that much. So why are you defending them?"

His viridian eyes bore into yours, which deeply unsettled you. He meant nothing by it, especially with the iron grip he had on your hand which kept you in your spot.

"Because not everyone is a superfreak like you Ranpo!"

But it made you incredibly uncomfortable.

You felt the need to defend yourself, somehow.

"Some people have 'empathy' which I know is a foreign concept to people like you."

It was as he cocked his head to the side, like a crow trying to understand what you had just told him. It was as if what you just said had gone right through him, like the wind.

"You don't mean that."

He pulled you towards him. You tried to step back, but you only found yourself stepping around and trying to find your balance again.

You flinched when Ranpo reached to balance you, but you still felt the energy from your sudden bout of frustration pumping through your body. It was embarrassing, but your mind and body were reacting all on their own.

Ranpo kept staring at you, looking past your angry scowl and into something deeper.

"I'm not your enemy Y/n, I know you're upset but there's something more."

He left you feeling naked there.

"It's not that deep. You don't need to defend yourself against me."

You looked down, avoiding his eyes. The sidewalk underneath you was rather cracked and abandoned - there was a dandelion growing just underneath your feet, a rather resilient flower.

"I'm not defending myself, I'm just..."

Ranpo lifted your chin up so you could meet his eyes again, which were now softer, as they had quickly figured out the puzzle that he's struggled with.

You looked back at him. A part of you wanted to keep arguing - it was in your nature, to keep fighting. Unfortunately, it was something you've done for a long time, which Ranpo has figured out by now.

Another thing that made you feel a little uncomfortable.

He met you with a cheeky smile, like a little rat. He closed his eyes, his cheeks raising to meet his eyes.

"I know. You're a good person Y/n."

Dazai

"I just don't think you understand. I can't expect you to, but it's not your problem, so why are you so upset about it?"

Dazai was looking at you from the couch, watching as you were once again picking up bottles he had left from one of his drinking binges. He still smelled of last night, wearing the same clothes and smelling of the various drinks he had lost himself in.

"It clearly is my problem. I'm the one cleaning up your mess right now, so how could I not be involved? Dear god, do you ever look at yourself and want to even try to be better?"

Dazai looked at you, sitting up from his previous lounging position. He stared up, his elbows resting on his knees as he stared at you - his eyebags prominent in the early morning sunlight.

"What do you mean 'try' to be better? Have you ever even known what it's like to be like this?"

You rolled your eyes, dragging the bag to the front door so you could later bring it to the dumpster of your apartments. In your eyes, he was clearly being dramatic - sitting like some sort of mafioso, needing only a cigarette to seal the deal.

"Everyone has had it hard at one point Dazai. Losing yourself to alcohol every night and weekend doesn't justify it. You have a life to live you know? It's worth living."

You heard footsteps approach behind you, and looked up to see Dazai standing a little too close for comfort. His body was warm, and you could see the sweat and stains on his bandages. His hair was usually fluffy hair was greasy, but his eyes - they were dark, simply staring down at you.

"What do you know about living?"

"What?"

He had backed you into the wall, his hands now on either side of you, blocking you from exiting the danger that had become him and whatever emotional rage he had thrown himself into.

"You act like you know so much about life but you know nothing! You don't know anything about death or life - I don't think you know anything at all really. You feel all too comfortable making these assumptions about me when you don't know who I am, do you?"

He was smiling but it didn't reach his eyes at all.

You pushed at him, trying to find space to escape from his hold. His clothes and warmth made you want to burn your skin and run at that moment, and you closed your eyes in order to avoid the worst of your fears as you knew he was staring at you with those eyes that seemed to hold nothing but contempt in that very moment.

When you couldn't break free, instead feeling him pressing himself more against you, you felt your eyes begin to tear up.

"Dazai get the fuck away me."

"Or what? What will you do, oh sweet belladonna?"

You could feel tears build up in your eyes as your pushing did nothing against him - so you resorted to what you knew would work.

You raised your knee as hard as you could, and watched as Dazai fell hard on the ground, falling like a sack of potatoes. He writhed around, clutching his pearls while you gripped your pants, trying to soothe your nerves.

"Dazai I'm..."

You looked around your apartment, looking at the mess that it had become because of him. You looked back down at him, who was still on the ground and wasn't saying anything.

"Dazai I'm going to leave for a bit. Sorry."

I'm so sorry this took so long waaaaahh I'm a slow writer I'm working on it tho ;( also I was thinking about doing Jouno but I felt that it would've been super harsh so maybe I'll do him another time

#bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #ranpo x you #ranpo x reader #ranpo x y/n #dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai x y/n #bsd x you #bsd x y/n

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joels-golf-club · 9 months

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Exhaustion

A/n: So this turned out way more angsty than I originally planned it to be but whatever. I also kinda hate it but I just wanted to write a little bit to get back into the swing of things.

All my work is 18+ MDI

Word count: 1.7K

Warnings: Lowkey angsty but fluff at the end, kinda established relationship, reader doesn't know how to cope, miscommunication, implied traumatic past, mention of nightmares, post outbreak! Joel, no use of Y/n, swearing, self harm in the form of sleep deprivation if that's a thing. Please don't read if any of this is triggering to you.

When you were out on the road it was easy to avoid your nightmares. You would barely sleep in between watches with Joel, and when you did it was a light enough sleep that you wouldn't ever dream.

But in Jackson it was different. It took a few months to get adjusted to the new way of life, the somewhat normal life in the commune. Once you, Ellie and Joel had gotten used to the new town you had quickly fallen into a routine. Ellie would go to school while you and Joel took patrols with each other before coming back home to share a bed. For a while you would still sleep light enough that your dreams, or rather nightmares couldn't reach you in Joel's strong embrace, but eventually you got comfortable and your past crawled it's way into your subconscious.

On more than one occasion you had jolted awake in a panic not knowing where you were while Joel was forced to calm you down. It was these moments that filled you with guilt and shame. Joel had been through just as much, if not more than you had and he didn't need you ruining what little sleep he got just because you couldn't handle something that you had escaped from over a year ago. It was then that you decided to push through and suck it up. If Joel could handle a little trauma, then so could you.

So as the days went on you forced yourself to sleep as little as possible. Sure it made you a little jumpier on patrol but so far Joel hadn't noticed and you hoped he would just chalk the bags under your eyes up to long patrols nights and 'waking up' earlier than usual. You had made it almost a month sleeping just enough to keep you functioning, which meant about an hour or two a night, before Joel decided to corner you during patrol.

"So you gonna tell me what's going on with you?" He spoke one day while you were hiking up to a abandoned hunting cabin that had been shaped into a patrol outpost you two occasionally spent a weekend on patrol at.

His words caused you to momentarily freeze up during which he sent a glance over his shoulder at you, eyeing your reaction. "What do you mean?" The words left your mouth carefully with no emotion as you tried to focus on anything other than your pounding headache and the way Joel kept glancing back at you. Just another mile and then you would avoid Joel at the cabin. You've held off this conversation for a month, you could do it for another 30 minutes.

Joel, however, seem to think otherwise. He scoffed at your response and stopped walking, causing you to pause for a moment before walking past him towards the cabin. Just a little more...

"Don't bullshit me, darlin'. You're shaking and sweating right now just walking when you can usually do this hike without breaking a sweat. You're pale and you've had bags under your eyes for the past month. So tell me what the fuck is going on and why you won't talk to me."

Shit.

He noticed. Those weeks you had gone laying in bed awake while we slept at your back and you tried to play it off hadn't gone unseen like you had hoped. Now he was mad at you and you were just causing him more stress, the opposite of what you hoped your efforts would do. "It's nothing Joel. Just drop it, alright?" you kept walking and ignored the ever growing headache pulsing behind your eyes as the exhaustion caught up to you after not getting a wink of sleep the past three days and then hiking with this conversation thrown at you. Joel called out your name angrily and stormed up to you forcing you to stop walking and face him. The cabin was only a quarter mile up now.

"I'm trying to have a serious conversation here!"

"Yeah, and I'm trying to avoid it!" You regretted the words as soon as they left your mouth because they only confirmed that something was wrong.

"And why's that, huh? What aren't you telling me?" His expression changed then and he dropped his gaze down to his hands for a moment. "Did I do something wrong? Is that why you won't talk to me?" His fears broke through you just a bit and you could feel your throat tighten up against the tears building up. When you spoke your voice came out thick and brittle.

"Jesus, Joel, no it isn't you. Shit. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just me, okay? It's just something I have to handle." Joel met your eyes again then and stared into your glazed over gaze. He only nodded then and started walking again. Thank fucking God, he was dropping it.

It wasn't until you thought Joel was fast asleep that your exhaustion truly hit you. You knew that if you slept now you would be out hard and it would be impossible to avoid the memories of unwanted grasps against your skin and cries of pain as you were struck would reach you. So instead of laying in bed with Joel where you knew you would be out in seconds if you stayed any longer you slowly climbed off the dusty bed and downstairs to sit by the fire place where a few glowing coals remained from your earlier tense dinner.

You sat there for what could've been hours or minutes just rubbing your temples with shaking hands, trying to physically force away your pounding migraine. You hadn't even noticed Joel appearing in the doorway until his voice caused you to all but jump out of your skin.

"This is you handling it then?" His voice was raspy with still and you couldn't help but be jealous at the precious hours he had to sleep in peace. "Jesus christ darlin, when's the last time you slept?"

His words immediately brought tears to your eyes and the walls you had spent weeks building high came crashing down. You crumbled as the first sob tore through your body, your entire being shook and you brought your hands up to cover your face as shame and pain ripped into you.

Joel was upon you in seconds and wrapped you up in his strong embrace as he slowly rocked you back and forth, trying to calm you down. "Breath, darlin', just breath. Listen to me okay? In...and out," when you only continued to shake and sob in his arms he lifted one hand to your face and used the other the grab your own hand and place it against his chest, forcing you to feel his deep breaths. "Come on you gotta work with me here. You feel my breaths? Yeah, you do, just match my breathing, I know you can do it. In, and out. Yeah, just like that, good job." When your breathing had finally evened out and all that remained was a few sniffles you began to speak.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to, uh, I didn't mean to wake you up. You can go back to bed." Joel just grabbed the back of your head and pressed you into his chest while shaking his head.

"Don't do that. Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. I just need to know what happened so I can help you, alright?"

You shook your head and mumbed against him, "I don't wanna tell you." When you looked at his face he had a deep frown and concern etched across his features.

"Why not, darlin'. You know I'm here to help you, that's how this thing works." He gently pulled you away from his chest and made you look at his face while he spoke.

"I don't want you to think I'm weak..." You avoided eye contact when you saw his face crumble and realization flood his gaze. He had finally figured it out.

"It's your nightmares isn't it?" You just barely nodded and continued staring at the ground you sat on. "You've been forcing yourself to stay awake? Sweetheart, you can't do that, it'll get you killed out here if you aren't able to function properly. Why didn't you just come to me?" His words were spoken quietly but still firm in your ear.

"I didn't want to be a burden. You've been through so much as well and you don't wake up screaming every night. You're so strong. I didn't want to make you see how weak I am, so I figured if I just didn't sleep then they wouldn't be able to hurt me again." You shook your head in disbelief at yourself and scratched at your arms anxiously. "God I spent so long getting out of there and trying to heal and I'm still just the dumb little slave. Nothing's changed." Joel grabbed your arms and forced your scratching to stop and looked you in the eye with anger behind his eyes.

"Hey. Don't say that shit. What you went through is unspeakable and it doesn't make you weak to be affected by it." You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off before you could get any words out. "No, I'm talking right now. You are so incredibly strong, darlin'. You've been through so much and you still manage to push forward and live. So don't you dare call yourself weak because that is absolute bullshit and we've promised not to lie to each other. How about we go upstairs and get you some sleep, and if you have a nightmare you wake me up, I don't care how often or what time it is and you tell me what you need me to do, okay?"

You nodded your head and leaned forward to press a soft, barely there kiss to his lips that he immediately reciprocated. "Thank you. For everything."

"You don't have to thank me for anything, darlin. This is what I'm here for. Please don't ever feel like you can't tell me stuff like this, alright." You just nodded again and allowed him to help you back upstairs into bed where you fell asleep in his strong embrace within seconds of your head hitting the pillow.

#x reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel tlou #joel x reader #joel x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #tlou hbo #the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou #tlou series #joel #joel the last of us #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff

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moonlit-positivity · 2 months

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Lesser known effects of trauma that don't ever get acknowledged

Cw: mentions of csa, sa, despair, depression, & generally dark content that some may find hard to read. Please interact & read with care.

"bed rotting" (which I hear is gaining attention on TikTok these days) ie the process of becoming bedridden due to your body being stuck in freeze response (paralyzed w fear, too scared to move)

Needing to cut your hair bc it keeps getting matted down, because you can't shower or wash it or keep up with it anymore

Gaining weight (i gained over 200lbs in a year), losing all the clothes you once fit in, and feeling guilty when all you see everywhere all the time is fat shaming

Losing weight (and subsequently all your clothes start falling off 😭) eating disorders and struggling with body image

Existing off of God knows what at this point. Is that milk spoiled? Yeah but how many days is it spoiled? Mmm, nah, nevermind, I'll just eat air.

Losing track of time. Losing months to years of time because of extreme dissociation, fatigue, stress, and the inability to move

Brain & body "shut down" or go into sleep mode for long periods of time

Self hygiene becomes non existent. Showering? Brushing teeth? Changing clothes? Don't know her.

House cleaning becomes non existent. "If It's Not In The Vacinity, It's Not Getting Done."

Lying to everyone about what's going on because it's easier than telling the truth

Not being comfortable with having your pictures taken, go through a phase where you destroy any evidence you ever existed anywhere at all

Isolating & ghosting all ur friends periodically to make sure they're not gonna leave you (lol makes perfect sense, if you know you know)

Animal upkeep goes to shit. Litter box goes neglected for long periods of time.

Noise & light sensitivity goes haywire. Noise & light triggers get amplified especially once you start to feel any sense of "safety" and start decompressing. An alarm goes off, the stove beeps, the cat meows, anything that makes even the slightest noise in the foreground and you have a whole ass panic attack and find yourself in bed for the rest of the day

Agoraphobia. You never go outside ever again. Too much paranoia, too many eyes staring at you, too many reasons to panic and stay in bed

Life becomes so non existent that the only thing that matters is whatever you're currently doing to cope & survive. If you're addicted to something, well, it's a fucking miracle you even wake up anymore

Couch surfing and inevitable homelessness when people get tired of housing you. Having to confront the way society frames government assistance as "the lazy man's income" & hope disability goes through. Which it won't. Wait-lists out the ass, section 8 takes 5 years or more to kick in. Disability doesn't even go through bc they always deny the first time you apply. The process is littered with appeals and court dates and what the fuck, I can't even get out of bed. What the fuck. What the fuck.

Leaning into your despair because, despite what everyone on social media will shout at you about resilience and "not allowing yourself to fall into despair," they will never understand that concept that despair is there for a reason too. Youre looking at someone who was raped at 5 years old and youre telling them to "stay positive." Yeah okay.

The anger, the bitterness, the resentment at the world & everyone in it. The cold blooded urge for revenge & justice. Especially when there's nothing you can do about the fact that your abusers are still free to live and roam this world as they please.

Not being able to "talk about it." Not being able to "trust a safe space." That's bullshit. I was beat and abused my whole life, what the fuck you mean "safe space?" The absolute mind fuckery that you have to sit with and undo and learn the fact that they fucking lied to you. It is enough to kill you.

Everything you learn in therapy just pisses you off even more because why the fuck wasn't there someone there as a kid to teach you this shit???? Why the fuck do I have to learn this as an adult???? Where was this when I actually fucking needed it????

Nothing helps. Nothing soothes, because there is no soothing. There is only pain. It's like ripping your skin off.

Losing everything. Losing all your friends. Losing all your "cool status" points. Losing your reputation. Losing all the things that once brought you great joy and passion. There is nothing anymore. Pain and isolation and desolation and despair.

Learning that no one can relate. Except that's not entirely true at all. People can relate. It's just such a stigmatized topic that no one talks about it out loud, because no one else in society really gets it.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #abuse #effects of abuse #childhood trauma #abusive parenting #abusive relationships #addictions #alcoholism #acoa #codependency #substance use

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deep-fried-egg · 7 months

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We can still be friends

CW: g!p, smut, blowjob, short. Very short, r gets friend zoned

SMUT BELOW THE CUT

I have never been high before. And I know that's probably a surprise when it's coming from the best friend of a girl that gets high almost every day! But I've just never thought about it. Until today of course...

Vada and I were passing a joint back and forth while she giggled at something I was saying. It was funny seeing her like this. Her hair was in a bun, she had on an orange sweater with some grey sweatpants. she looks so cute!

I'm glad I could finally see her relaxed like this after all the shit she endured from the shooting. Actually, that's how we met! we hod in a bathroom stall together when there was some dumbass with a gun at our school.

we're both mostly over it now but sometimes when I hear fireworks it just triggers a trauma response in my head and I think it's happening all over again...

but that's enough about that topic... I need to be relaxing. that's why I'm trying weed anyway! she told me it would help me relax. so here I am. smoking weed with my best friend that I admittedly have a little crush on...

she doesn't know that though. and she certainly doesn't have to.

"Have you ever given someone a blowjob?" Vada asked with a sly smile while passing another puff of smoke into her mouth and then exhaling through her nose. She looked so beautiful with her lips slightly parted... and that stupid grin on her face.

I nearly choked on the smoke I had inhaled from the blunt. "wha..." I sputtered while coughing violently. I hadn't expected her to ask me that!

"have you...?" I asked her back, hoping I didn't sound as flustered as I felt.

"what? no! I am so awkward..." she laughed at herself. "I'm surprised you haven't! you're like... the fuck princess!"

I let out a laugh too. "what does that mean?'

"You know! the fuck princess!"

"well, that's on me I guess. never assume." Vada just shrugged and rolled her eyes. I couldn't stop laughing.

"well actually I was gonna say... you wanna try it?" Vadas question made me confused... she doesn't have a dick! how could I try it?

"how? I mean neither of us have a dick right?"

she smirked again. "you sure? because I do." I tried not to react, but I could feel the heat rising up my cheeks. "if you don't want to don't want to push you into anything you don't want to do but-"

she cut off her own ramblings when she realized I wasn't responding anymore. instead, I was staring at her with wide eyes. "is that a yes?"

she asked nervously. "because I really wouldn't mind if you said no. I know I can get kind of forward."

"yes," I replied without hesitation.

She grinned widely and pulled me closer by my shirt. she leaned in and pressed her soft lips against mine. I returned the kiss eagerly and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her body tightly against mine. She moaned quietly and started to move her hands along my body, slowly sliding them down my torso.

I responded by grinding my hips against hers. she pulled away for a moment and stared at her lap. I followed her gaze and saw her hard cock straining against her sweatpants.

"Fuck... I'm sorry I'm just excited..." she whispered .

"don't be sorry..." I replied before tugging on the waistband of her sweats and pushing them down to her thighs. My hands immediately went to the bulge that sat directly under her boxers.

I palmed it gently, stroking the skin underneath. I have no clue how to do this... I've never touched a dick before!

I pulled down vada's boxers completely, revealing her huge cock... fuck. how am I supposed to do this?

I hesitated, thinking about what to do next. but then she groaned and grabbed my shoulders, urging me to take her cock into my mouth . I did what she wanted, running my tongue along its length until I reached the tip.

Vada moaned softly, grabbing a good handful of my hair and pulling it roughly, making me yelp loudly. I quickly took her cock into my mouth and began to bob my head up and down, slowly stroking the part I can't fit in my mouth.

I have no clue what to do. I want to make her cum but how do I do that? I guess I'll just figure it out sooner or later.

a moaned again and pulled my hair even more harshly than before. I winced but continued . after a few minutes her moans turned to gasps and whimpers of pleasure.

I felt Vada's hips buck involuntarily against my mouth causing me to gag . "shit" she whimpered softly. "I - " then she stopped and bit her lip lightly, closing her eyes briefly. "fuckkkkkkk" she hissed.

I then felt Vada tense up and let out a sharp gasp before she came undone in my mouth. I somehow swallowed everything in one try. my throat burns and my mouth tastes gross but it's worth it.

"Is this gonna... ruin our friendship?" I asked timidly. "Yeah... we can still be friends."

#eggsub thoughts #jenna ortega x reader #vada cavell x reader #lorraine day x reader #wednesday addams x reader #camila montes x reader #phoebe atwell x reader #tara carpenter x reader #vada cavell x y/n #vada cavell x you #vada x reader #vada cavell #the fallout

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sunnynwanda · 3 months

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Hellbent

Warning: descriptions of torture and past trauma, blood, gore, drugging, whipping/ flogging, drowning, suffocation, murder, death. Please do not interact if any of those might be triggering for you. Certain scenes were inspired by "Deadly Class" (TV series), so it really is rough. Let me know if I missed anything.

Triumphant music pierces through the chill air, reaching their frozen ears. The roof is cold and windy, but it's the best position for what they have in mind. Villain perks up, adjusting the binoculars and zooming on the stage. Hero is to award a dickhead with the Best Dickhead of the Month Award, alternatively known as the Philanthropist of the Month. It's an award that is nothing but an ego boost and a way of sucking on the boot of the richer. The man who steps on the stage is no good, and Villain is not the only one who knows that. The whole event is nothing but a farce. Stealing a bunch and then donating barely even half of it for charity was a known method of avoiding legal responsibility while simultaneously getting praised on every corner.

The audience starts clapping and cheering, drawing Villain's attention back to the case at hand. They pick up their gun, aiming it at the dickhead's neck when Hero steps in front of him to shake hands, all the while blocking access. They move seconds later, and Villain uses the moment to shoot truth serum into the man's neck. Needless to say, his speech ended up being not what everyone expected. He gloats about his wealth, mocking everyone in attendance and the higher officials, not quite understanding why the words leave his mouth against his will.

The mayor gets on the stage, attempting to shut the man up and berating Hero for not reacting in due time. Hero does not reply, instead turning around to look precisely in Villain's direction with a stern expression. They don't say anything or move until the speaker is tackled and removed from the stage - thus, the event comes to an abrupt break.

With their position revealed - Villain moves, rushing to pack their stuff and escape the roof before Hero arrives. They are exhilarated by the success of the operation, which leads them to underestimate Hero's speed. They are met at the bottom of the staircase by a hand that stretches out of the corner. They collide with it at full speed, knocking the air out of their lungs.

Hero is seething. Villain knows how to put up a fight, but today seems more difficult than usual. They blame it on the suddenness of the attack and Hero being more unhinged than usual. They've never seen their enemy this aggravated. They are smacked against the ground, and before they can perceive what's happening, Hero is on top of them, gripping their throat as they inject something into Villain's neck. "What the fuck is that?"

Hero's smile is all teeth as they hold Villain down, waiting for the drugs to take effect. "You're becoming predictable."

Villain gapes at them, stunned at the realisation that the whole thing was a set-up. To get them. And they fell for the trap without so much as a thought. Their vision becomes blurry, Hero's face distorting into a flesh-coloured blob. Then, they are consumed by pitch-black shadows.

It's still dark in front of their eyes when Villain's senses return to them. They hear nothing but water dripping to their right and their own laboured breathing. They feel their pulse throbbing in their temples and attempt to look up despite the dull ache spreading from the back of their head down their spine. They soon discover that their arms are tied to the armrests of their chair with their palms up.

Villain blinks, struggling to pry their eyes open. There's no one in the room yet. They take a deep breath to steady their heartbeat and focus. They must be in the Hero headquarters, meaning their interrogators will arrive soon. Their eyes search the room, locating the security camera in the corner and waving at whoever is watching them. They are - by no means - confident, but Hero and their team have no business knowing that.

Several minutes later, the door screeches open, allowing Hero in. Villain throws their head back in an attempt to look unbothered. As if they are exactly where they had meant to be.

"Acting brave, are we?" Hero muses, not wasting any time when they pull out a leather belt, flogging Villain's palm. Villain groans, shutting their eyes for a moment before they fling open. Hero smacks them across the face, then whips their hands again. "Keep your eyes on me."

Villain makes it a point to look away, which earns them another slap against their cheek, this time with the belt. They feel blood fill their mouth, coating their lips upon contact with leather. They spit it to the ground, muttering under their nose when Hero lashes their palms again. Villain fails to keep their voice down this time, cursing out loud. "Motherfucker!"

Hero smiles at that, satisfied with the reaction. "Now we're talking. Tell me who you're working for."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Villain speaks through gritted teeth to keep in the whimpers that threaten to spill from their bloody lips.

"I see," Hero nods, seemingly taking the answer. "We have all the time in the world. You can scream all you want - no one will hear you. My team is guarding the event, and I get to play with you."

Hero continues their torture for what feels like hours. Villain has lost track of time somewhere between getting their thighs whipped into a bloody mess of fabric and open flesh and their mouth being taped closed as Hero carved a neat line across their eyebrow down to their cheek, careful to avoid the eye.

What came after was worse.

Their lungs ache as their head is submerged into a water tank for god knows what time. Their hands flex, sending jolts of pain through their damaged fingers, but they can't move away, tied securely in place as Hero holds the back of their head.

Villain is about to black out when Hero grips their wet hair, twisting their fingers around the strands and tugging their head out of the pink-tinted water. "Are you going to tell me who you're working for now?"

Villain inhales sharply, water dripping out of their nose as they attempt to get in as much oxygen as possible. Their ears are ringing, their heart beating in their throat, but they hear Hero's question clear as day. "I do this alone."

"Bullshit," Hero cuts their answer short. "Who's your boss?"

"No one, I swear," Villain pants through the sentence, conscious to speak for as long as they can, to keep their head out of the water. "Even if you kill me, the answer's not gonna change."

"Oh, I won't kill you," Hero murmurs, slamming Villain's head against the back of the chair and detangling their fingers from their hair. They move the water tank to the side and turn Villain's chair around to face the screen behind them. "I can do much worse than that."

They press a button, and the screen buzzes to life, illuminating the room in warm hues. Villain's breath catches in their throat when their father's smiling face appears on the screen. Their lips barely move when they whisper. "Where did you get this?"

They freeze in anguish, unable to tear their eyes away from the video of their parents in a park, filming each other as they laugh at Villain's silly antics. They watch their eight-year-old self playing with soap bubbles. They shriek and giggle when their father picks them up, placing them on his shoulders, then their mother's laughter floods their ears, filling their eyes with unconscious tears.

"I know you lost them," Hero whispers, placing their heavy hand on their shoulder from behind. Villain catches a glimpse of the belt as it slings over their other shoulder. "It's a tragedy. A senseless tragedy."

Villain hears no compassion in their voice. A tear drips down Villain's cheek, and Hero's calloused finger wipes it away.

"It's life," Villain mutters, shaky as they turn from the screen. They almost lean into Hero's touch but come to their senses, fisting their hands so the pain can remind them where they are. "It's never fair."

"Yes, but the way they went was so brutal," Hero chimes in with diabolical pleasure. They grip Villain's head, forcing them to face the screen again and snarl. "Watch."

Pictures from the crime scene start flashing in front of Villain's eyes. Their father's body is tied to a chair, ropes cutting into his ripped skin from struggling when he was forced to watch his pregnant wife bleed out before they slit his throat open.

"No," Villain lets out a guttural growl, like a wounded animal thrashing in their chains, but Hero's hands are firm around their head. "No!" They shake in their chair, unable to contain the pain and rage fighting for dominance inside them. "You fucking bastard... No!"

"Watch!" Hero orders, pressing their wet lips to the shell of Villain's ear with a sinister smile full of satisfaction when Villain shudders at the contact. The leather belt falls from their shoulder into their lap. "They took them away from you to use you how they want. Your brother would be ten by now. Older than you were back then. They took him away from you. And yet you're covering for them?"

Tears stream freely down Villain's contorted face, dripping from their chin into their lap. The salt stings their open wounds, but they can't feel it. Their lips tremble, yet no sound escapes them when Hero caresses their face, running their thumb over Villain's bloodstained cheekbone in slow circles, too caught up in their act to take notice of the subtle movements of their captive's hands. Villain exhales, pressing their thumb against the wood of their chair and dislocating it so they can slip their blood-soaked hand free. They pull the same with their other hand before putting the joints back into the correct position - the pain serves a welcomed distraction.

"Tell me who they are. Tell me so I can help you avenge your family," Hero coos, still hugging Villain's head so they won't look away from the gory scene that never truly left their mind from the moment they stepped into their living room, having come from school to discover their entire family massacred.

"You want to know who did that?" Villain's voice is hardly above a whisper when they speak. Hero nods, blissfully oblivious to Villain's now free hands twisting their belt around their knuckles until it's tight. "Your father."

Before Hero can even process the words, the belt is wrapped around their neck, suffocating them. Villain drags them down to the ground, wrapping their legs around Hero's torso from behind to hold them down as they tighten their grip on the belt, choking the air out of their lungs.

"He wanted to take me and train me to be one of you. A hero. My parents said no. He though it was rude. That fucking animal!" Villain hisses. Hero wheezes, desperately clutching the belt around their neck. "I stuffed a mini grenade into his mouth and blew the bastard's throat open."

They lower their head to Hero's ear and bring their legs up to restrain their flailing arms. Hero's movements grow slower and weaker with every passing second. "But you knew that. You watched him squeal like a pig trying to pry the tape off his face. Yeah, I did that. He underestimated me."

"So did you." Villain jerks Hero's head to the side, snapping their neck, their body going limp on top of them. With a heavy sigh, they throw their head back, then push Hero's dead body off of them, rolling over and lifting themself to their knees.

Villain scrambles to their feet and glances back at Hero's lifeless body one last time. They have less than ten minutes to escape the facility, and even then, they won't manage to leave the city. But that was never part of the plan. Not until they've finished exacting their revenge. Not until the mayor chokes out a last breath under their fingers. Not until Villain gets to enjoy blood vessels exploding in their eyes. Not until they know Villain's agony. Not until their family may rest in peace.

Masterlist

Taglist: @marvellousdaisy @alltimelowing @lateuplight @surplus-of-sarcasm @betwist @excusemeasibangmyheadonawall @enemies-to-idiots-to-lovers @miaowmelodie @thatonerandomauthor @hhabaddon @burningoutlikeicarus @daemonvatis @weepingcowboywolfbat @thelazywitchphotographer @kaiwewi @soul-of-a-local-bard @pigeonwhumps @aflyingsheepnamedrose @thatneptune @ohwellthatslifesstuff @worldsfromhoney @thiefofthecrowns @crow-with-a-typewriter @qualityrabbitsoup @stargeode

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lokisprettygirl · 8 months

Text

Brokenhearted (Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Non Canon Modern AU) (18+)

Read Chapter 11 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 12

Summary: Words spoken in anger are always cruel but often untrue.

Trigger Warning: 18+, Smut, Angst, violent thoughts, stalking, Discussion of mensuration and Pregnancy, bloodshed, flashbacks of abusive relationship, toxic masculinity, sexual abuse, Samantha, traumatic distressing content, Daemon is a big time smoker so if it’s something triggering don’t read it, alcohol drinking, mention of past trauma and therapy, cigarette smoking, possessive behaviour, violence, baby needs therapy, baby is trying

You couldn't make sense of it, you didn't understand why he was smiling like that. The pictures appeared to have been taken in the morning, so why hadn't he called you and told you about Samantha? After thinking about it for a few minutes, you decided to talk to him and see if he'd tell you about what had happened.

When you called Daemon, he picked up right away, sounding exhausted but well "Hey babe"

You composed yourself as you heard his voice. He didn't sound stressed or terrified, normally he seemed a bit vulnerable whenever he'd come across her.

"Hi…what are you doing I just got back from work" you rubbed your forehead with your fingers, you didn't want to accuse him of anything, pictures can be deceiving you understood that well but why wasn't he telling you about her? Why was he hiding this?

"I was out with Viserys for an event darling, I'm back at the hotel now, going out for dinner with the team" he said

"Ohhh okay ummm..how was your day?" he chuckled as you asked him a generic question.

"Alright love, how was yours?" He raised his brows as he asked,

"Goodd..well.. actually ..ummm when were you going to tell me about Samantha? That you bumped into her this morning?" You finally asked him, unable to hold your anxiety for any longer and there was a complete silence on his side for a moment before he finally spoke, you could tell just by the tone of his voice that he was upset.

"How..how do you know that?" He asked, you could also picture the typical scowl on his face.

"Why does it matter?" Shouldn't have said that.

"It matters to me..are you spying on me or something?" Your mouth opened in shock as he said that.

"Daemon –"

"Don't try and patronize me now.. I do not appreciate you keeping an eye on my every move.. I have had enough of that alright?"

Your eyes welled up as his pitch got higher.

"I am not keeping an eye on you ..I just asked you a question..I'm not lying am i?" you tried to defend yourself but you could sense he was already deep in his head now to reason with you. A conversation like this wasn't meant for a phone call, especially not with him.

"A question regarding something you shouldn't have known unless you were spying on me like that bitch used to..who told you huh? Did you talk to my brother?" He said all that in one breath, making you scoff in response.

"Daemon you're being unreasonable" he snickered at your response. This was going as bad as you had assumed but it was about to get worse.

"Yeah I'm being unreasonable..it's always me isn't it?"

The tears started to stream down your face as you hung up the phone once he had raised his voice. You knew that even if you called him back and tried to talk, the conversation would devolve into another argument, one of you needed to stay calm for this but you didn't have the energy for that right now. Instead, you turned off your phone, hoping to give yourself some time to process what had happened and to calm down before reaching out again.

As your phone turned off, Daemon threw his own in anger, shattering it against the wall. He cursed under his breath, feeling a storm of emotions coursing through him. Why did he have such a short temper? Why did he immediately jump to conclusions like that? You didn't deserve to be treated like that, especially not by him but then you jumped to conclusions as well.

As he joined Viserys and the rest of his team, he glared at him as well, his anger spilling over. His frustration was palpable,

"I need a new phone" he said to his older brother and received an exasperated sigh in response. Viserys called Daemon's assistant and asked him to buy a new phone for him asap.

"Why did you tell y/n that I met Samantha this morning?" Daemon crossed his arms as if he was stating a fact instead of an accusation.

"What are you talking about? The last time I saw her and had a conversation was when she was with you"

Daemon gulped at the response, if Viserys didn't tell you about the incident then who did?

"Besides you should have told her yourself" Viserys said to him, making Daemon realise that he had fucked up again, as soon as he got back to his room late at night, he took out the sim card from his broken phone and inserted it in the new one.

His legs were shaking constantly so he took out a cigarette and lit it up as he waited for you to pick up the call, he didn't want you to miss the flight two days later just because you were upset with him. He really wanted to see you and have you by his side.

"Heyy" you mumbled as you picked up the call and his words died in his throat, for a moment he didn't know what to say or how to fix this.

"Ummm how did you know darling? I just want to know..I'm sorry i snapped at you..you didn't deserve that but I just…I don't want to be trailed" his fingers brushed through his hair in frustration.

"You really think I'd do that to you? Do you really think so low of me Daemon?" He was speechless for a moment, he had allowed his past to ruin it again and he had hurt you with his words. All over again.

"No you won't, I'm sorry I made that assumption" you breathed in heavily as he said that.

"So are you going to tell me what happened this morning because I'm making a few assumptions myself, I don't want to think of you like that" you asked him in a straightforward manner and then he was silent again. His anger turned on and off like a switch.

"What do you mean?"

You put the phone down as he said that, clicked the pictures of the pictures you had received and sent it to him and you only sent the ones where he was smiling at her, another mistake, because it clearly came across as accusatory.

"I received them in the mail this evening..that's how I knew..maybe she sent them to me..infact I'm sure she did it..I'm not the one trailing you here daemon " his eyes teared up as you said that, he should have told you especially when he knew what Samantha was capable of doing, of course it was a trap, she never did anything that wasn't meant for hurting him. He should have known better, he was going to apologize but then you said something that made him snap again.

"Do you still have feelings for her Daemon..maybe there's a part of you that-" he cut you before you could finish your sentence. Both of you were just not in sync in this situation.

"Shut up y/n..how dare you say that to me now after everything i have told you about her?"

"I'm just confused and you are not helping "

"You know what I don't want to talk about this right now" he stood up, the urge to throw this phone was strong but he controlled himself.

"You don't want to talk about this?"

"I don't..I'm not going to justify anything, if you believe that I'm still obsessed with the woman that destroyed me than be it"

"Daemon.."

"Noo y/n ..just no..I shouldn't have called" he hung up after that. Didn't even listen to you, maybe you should have allowed him to speak before telling him that you thought he was still obsessed with his ex.

"Gods"

After minutes passed, you felt a heavy weight settle in your chest. You realized just how much your words must have hurt him. You had asked him if he was still besotted with his abuser, a question that must have felt like a slap in the face. But you had been so wrapped up in your own feelings that you hadn't stopped to consider his.

You suddenly felt terrible for asking him such a thing. Daemon had bared his soul to you countless times, and you had always been there to support him. He had trusted you with the most vulnerable parts of himself, and you had thrown it back in his face now. You couldn't help but think that you had betrayed the sanctity of that trust. You were supposed to be his angel.

You waited for his call but he didn't call again, you waited a whole day before you decided to call him yourself, you hated how anxious you felt about this, you didn't want a stupid misunderstanding to ruin your relationship with him but you had no idea what you were supposed to do if he wasn't even going to talk to you .

He did pick up your call but he was very standoffish, he told you that he was out and very busy, he asked you if you were okay and safe before he finally hung up.

For the next two days you both just texted ..you had to take the flight he had booked for the next day but you weren't even sure if he still wanted you there or not so the night before you called him again,

"Heyyy" you mumbled softly as he didn't say anything once he had picked up.

"Did you pack?" He asked you and your eyes teared up,

"Do you still want me to come?"

"Ofcourse I do, do you not to come?" His heartbeat sped as you questioned him.

"I do…I just.." your voice choked on your tears, you couldn't get the words out because you felt overwhelmed.

"Just come tomorrow, we will talk okay?" he said in a soft calm voice so you hummed in response.

He didn't say much after that and you spent the night twisting and turning on your bed only to take an early flight to Vegas.

What if he takes a step back again? What if he doesn't want to be with you anymore?

With all the troubling thoughts you reached his hotel and made your way to his room. As you knocked, he opened the door and stepped aside for you, wearing nothing but a robe. You were just looking around and didn't even have time to react before he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug. You felt yourself being pulled closer as he began to lay soft kisses on the side of your neck. You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to react. You wanted to reciprocate the gesture, but you were still reeling from your earlier exchange.

He finally put his head up to look at you, your eyes were moist and so were his so he cupped your cheeks and rubbed his thumb over your skin in a gentle manner.

"I was on my run when I met her, I wanted to turn around and leave but I felt as if I wasn't able to move at all. You were right, she does affect me still..but not in the ways you fear–" Daemon spoke slowly, as if trying to pick his words carefully. You could sense the conflict within him, the struggle to tell you what happened without causing you further pain.

"I didn't mean that Dae ..I'm -"

"Shhhh let me speak" he pressed his thumb on your lips before you could apologize.

"Everytime I see her I see everything she has done to me. She then walked closer to me and embraced me tightly. I didn't stop her either and then she cried, she cried so much, she wailed as she told me that she missed me..that her life felt pointless without me. As she said that, I thought of my time with her, and I remembered that I used to feel the same way when I was with her, my life felt meaningless with her. When she pulled away I looked at her, finally i really looked at her and for once I felt above her. I saw how shallow and vacuous she was, without any depth or soul of her own and then i remembered how happy I was in that moment because I thought of you, us, our life together.. and that thought made me smile..that's all it was darling, you were the reason why I smiled. You made me smile even when you were not there with me"

As he finished speaking you couldn't hold back your emotions any longer. Tears dripped down your cheeks but his thumbs wiped them away, he leaned down to kiss you lovingly before he pulled away.

"You have been ignoring me for two days" The words were small and weak, barely above a whisper. Your voice cracked as you spoke to him.

"I have been trying to avoid the confrontation, to protect you from my anger, i didn't want to talk to you about all of this on the phone" he said to you but he knew his actions or lack of emotions had once again hurt you deeply.

"That hurt me..that feeling that you won't talk to me when you're upset.. that hurt me alot dae.. I have.. i have insecurities too..I get hurt too"

Tears rolled down his cheeks and he immediately got down on his knees to wrap his arms around your waist.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry.. I don't deserve you darling..I never did but please forgive me..one more time please?"

This is exactly how he used to beg her for forgiveness, the difference was that he pleaded with her so she wouldn't cause him any further pain. With you however, he was pleading not because he wanted to avoid punishment but because he didn't want to hurt you more.

You got down to his level and your arms wrapped around his neck as you hugged him tightly, you were still upset with him but you really needed to hold him, not just to comfort him but to be comforted by him as well.

"Don't ever do this to me again..if you're upset then fight with me ..but you can't ignore me like that ..you just can't," broken whispers filled his ear so he pulled away and placed his forehead down on yours.

"I don't enjoy raising my voice at you or saying words that prick at the edges of your heart"

"I know you don't..I don't either..but i have realized that I'd rather fight with you and make up then have you pretend as if I don't mean anything to you and that you can go for days without hearing my voice" you cried again and he couldn't stop his tears either.

"I can't ..I can't go days without hearing from you..i was only trying to protect you but I see now how foolish that was" he said softly as he kissed your forehead.

"I'm not a little girl Daemon, I can take your anger but I can't take your silence"

"Okay okay I'm sorry I will never do that again i promise..i promise" he whispered in your ear as he immediately picked you up and laid you down on the bed, his mouth latched to yours in utmost desperation..he wasn't perfect and he didn't think he'd ever be perfect enough for you but he has been trying and knowing that you were willing to stay by his side even after he had fucked up plenty of times was enough to make him want to change for better.

You deserved the man he used to be before she destroyed him, you didn't deserve the broken shell she had left behind.

"I don't see you as a little girl in dire need of my protection but I'm going to protect you anyway love..I'd never do anything to betray you" he said as he placed soft kisses all over your face.

"I didn't mean to accuse you of anything baby"

"I know…shhh I know it's okay..pretty angel it's okay" he cooed in your ears "Missed you love, I don't want you to leave" you tilted your head as you caressed his scalp with your fingers.

"I have to though..I'm sorry..i have missed you too baby"

"Mmmm Nooo stay..after the fight tomorrow..don't leave, stay with me..we will leave together after the finals"

"Daemon–"

"I'll find a job for you..If you want to work at the diner then I'll convince your boss ..heck I'll buy that fucking diner for you..I'll do whatever it takes..just stay with me please" he whispered between the small kisses so you cupped his cheeks and kissed him as lovingly as you could. His words brought a smile to your face.

"Okay..you don't have to buy the diner.. I'll stay" the smile on his face widened as you said that. There's nothing more he wanted in that moment than to have you stay with him.

"Besides i have to make it up to you"

"You do..I told you I'd make you grovel" you said sheepishly.

"Mmm make me grovel sweet girl I deserve that"

You smiled as he said that and cupped his cheeks to kiss him. You finally felt at peace, your heart no longer pounding in anxiousness and worry of the future of your relationship with him.

He had to attend a meet and greet event for the UFC so he left you by yourself in the hotel. You were in the balcony just enjoying the view when you noticed a woman down there near the pool who seemed oddly familiar to you.

You huffed and immediately went downstairs to confront her, she had sent that envelope to cause problems between you and Daemon and well you hated to admit it to yourself that it had worked in a way.

"You know i have never seen someone so shameless as you, it's like you have no integrity" you crossed your arms as you faced her, she had a binocular in her hands and you really wanted to grab it and bash her head with it.

"Did you get the pictures sweetie?" She asked you, a nasty smile curved her lips..

"Yeah and whatever you were trying to achieve didn't work ..you know he has moved on right? After what you had done to him you should have been rotting in a jail or worse be dead" the smile on her face faded as you said that. You despised her and you weren't afraid to tell her that.

"I had him first and he will always belong to me, I'd never leave him and if he can't be mine then I promise you ..I'll ruin him forever" she smiled again once she finished his words before she walked past you to leave, Daemon was right, it was as if she had no soul. Her empty threats didn't bother you though.

You just had to find a way to get rid of her once and for all.

As you made your way back to the room he was already there,

"Where were you sweetheart?" He asked as he approached you, you looked around the room and it was filled with several bouquets consisting of your favorite flowers.

"A stroll, you left me alone here" you didn't want to talk about Samantha especially after that emotionally heavy conversation you both had today because of her.

"That's rude of me to leave such a pretty lady all alone and cold in the bed isn't it??" He picked you up and you squealed as he threw you down on the bed.

"You can't… fight tomorrow " you reminded him so he groaned and squeezed his eyes.

"Is this how you're going to make me grovel?"

"Maybeee"

"Evil"

He kissed you sweetly before he laid next to you,

"Thanks for the flowers, I love them" he smiled as you said that.

"I have something else too"

"Let me guess..Another piece of jewelry?" He frowned in a playful manner at the comment.

"Am I so predictable in my gestures?"

"Yeah but I like that"

"Well I might just surprise you then…close your eyes"

"Fineee" you chuckled as you closed your eyes, he grabbed your arm and made you sit up, you heard his footsteps reaching for the closet and then he was back,

"Okay..open" you opened your eyes as he placed a sizable box on your lap. Looking at him sheepishly you unwrapped the gift. You gasped as you saw that it was a set of chef knives but they weren't some run of the mill knives you used in your kitchen, the handles were made from Ziricote woods and they were very expensive, again something you never would have bought for yourself.

"Daemon…" you smiled as you pulled one of them out and admired the handiwork and finishing.

"You like it?"

"It's beautiful" you felt awestruck in a way, you loved your job and to know that he wanted to give you something you'd use and cherish had warmed his heart. It was one of the most thoughtful presents you could have ever received.

"She is," he mumbled, his eyes never leaving your features as he adored how happy you looked by a set of knives. He wanted to spoil you with diamonds but they never brought such a smile on your face.

"Thank you really" you kissed him as tenderly as could. You knew he didn't like knives, you had noticed his discomfort whenever he was in the kitchen with you, they reminded him of times when she used to harm him with it all night long so him gifting this to you because you loved a good sharp knife was a big deal for you.

And Maybe you could use the knife to stab Samantha as well, win for all.

At night he took you out for dinner and you met Viserys, when Daemon was distracted he told you that there was something he wanted to discuss with you but you weren't supposed to involve Daemon in the matter, you had no idea how to feel about that, you didn't want to keep secrets from him but you had a feeling that whatever Viserys wanted to tell you was important and had to do something with Daemon. And Viserys would never say or do anything that would hurt his little brother.

Daemon was loved by one man the most and that was his older brother, Viserys had practically raised him like a father because their father had passed away when he was just seven.

"I know I'm not supposed to fuck you..but can you tease me a little? Get me all riled up?" He mumbled between the heated kisses so you sat him down on the couch.

"Mmmhm you know i enjoy teasing you baby..why do you want it though?" you asked as you unbuttoned his shirt and rolled it down his shoulders, fingers caressed the raised scars on his skin gently.

"Just so I'm burning for you all night and when I finally take you tomorrow after the fight ..the release would feel sublime"

Your hand trailed down from his chest to his abs and you finally cupped his bulge before you caressed him slowly over the fabric.

"Like that?"

"Mmmmm.. Yeahhh..torture me babe i deserve that" he mumbled softly, his voice was meak and low, you kept your eyes on his features as you didn't want to trigger him with a bad memory

"I don't want to torture you baby..you're my baby" you whispered before you kissed the soft supple bottom of his earlobe and a smile graced his lips.

"I know..It's okay..i desire it..you don't hurt me, you could never" his arms wrapped around your waist and breathing got heavier, placing his head down on the couch he took broken breaths in as your hand continued to stroke him slowly, the pleasure beginning to build in his core.

"That's good? You okay sweetheart?" You asked him softly and he moaned, his tongue slipped out to lick his own lips that were beginning to dry because he couldn't keep his mouth closed, your free arm wrapped around his neck and you pulled him closer to kiss him, lips to lips and then tongue to tongue.

"You are loved and cherished, you know that right?" You murmured against his mouth and he groaned before he placed his head down on your chest ..

"I'm cherished..by you?" He asked as if he couldn't even comprehend how adored he was.

"By me, by your brother, your mum and dad, all of those people who turn up for your fights and those who waited for you to return, everyone is so proud of you, so in love with you and most of all..mee..I love you"

"Mmmm darling " he spoke between his bated breaths, your fingers caressing through his neck heightened the sensation for him "Stopp please ..I will cum" you immediately stopped as soon as he said those words, you cupped his cheeks and caressed his face. Once he had calmed a little he pulled away to look at you. His eyes were teary,

"Promise me you won't give up on us, I know I'm not the guy you deserve–" you cut him off as he said that.

"Stop saying that please "

"It's the truth, you deserve to be loved better than this my love and I want to be better"

"Okay shhhh now..you are enough just the way you are, i have never been loved this way Dae"

It was hard to sleep that night for both of you, but especially him. He resisted the urge to hump against you like a horndog, you resisted the urge to ride him into oblivion.

The sexual frustration was evident the next day as he stepped inside the octagon, he took that frustration out on his opponent and bested him mercilessly.

After the fight while he was getting medical help Viserys approached you and then he told you something about Samantha that even Daemon didn't know, he had no knowledge of that night, he wasn't in his senses when it happened and now she was using it to blackmail Viserys.

Samantha wanted Daemon back in her clutches and she'd do anything to bring him back in her life, she was willing to ruin his career all over again. Turns out her threats weren't empty but you knew to protect Daemon and his dreams you'd have to step up instead of cowering down and giving her what she wanted. You'd never allow the love of your life to fall into her trap again, you couldn't imagine him being hurt again, especially now when he was learning to move on and heal from her abuse.

You were going to protect him and for that you were willing to do whatever it takes.

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

Note: Who wants Samantha to die? 🙋🏽‍♀️

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@stupidthoughtsinwriting

#daemon targeryen x reader #daemon targaryen x female reader #daemon targaryen x reader angst #daemon targaryen x reader fluff #daemon targaryen x reader smut #non canon #modern au #read the warnings

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kingmagnificoofrosas · 4 months

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Analyzing King Magnifico

Oooh boy, I have a lot to say! This is gonna be long. So brace yourself. But first 👇

‼️Note, this is my very personal opinion‼️

I'm honestly glad how the multitude of people realizes that we don't have a villain here. And honestly, while some nag and whine around that they didn't get one, I'm not mad at all that we got Magnifico the way we got him.

So in the end, it doesn't matter to me if disney actually failed to create a villain or purposely created a good guy who changes to be the antagonist.

Ok, now to the analizing part

The very first thing we learn about Magnifico is that he has a pretty dark past. He lost his home and his entire family, anyone he ever loved, all in one night. And in a very curel way. That banner tells us a lot!

First of all, if we study the picture, we see a palace in the back, some houses and right down below young Magnifico and his parents. Now, why is that so important? Back in the days only very important people were potrayed on banners. Such as royals, families of very high status or knights. Banners and wallrugs were also used to tell important stories. And since the palace is on the banner, I'm pretty sure we have a royal family here. That would mean that Magnifico had been royalty from the very start.

Further we see that the bottom got burned. This tells us that there was a big fire. Which leads me to conclude that what Magnifico saw and experienced was most defenitely hell on earth. Imagine, his family, his home, everything burns. Screams of terror everywhere, the stench of dead burning flesh and smoke that nearly suffocates you! And he was very young when that happened. So we now know that the king has big time PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) Keep this in mind, because it's literally the key to this whole analysis.

Out of his trauma, Magnifico strived to build a safe haven, where he could make sure no tragedy like the one he'd suffered would ever happen again. He build his kingdom, (on top of already existing buildings, as we know from the art book) He taught himself magic to actually have power to protect. He made sure his people are safe and live well. That no one has to suffer, endure hunger or hardships. Sounds like a evil rotten monster right?

Just look at the way he looks at the (wishes) dreams of his people. He appreciates and treasures them!

His genuine desire to protect and keep safe has always been good!

We only see him snap after Asha triggers him. And while ptsd people react overly sensitive or exaggerated, it is understandable once you know where they come from.

Analyzing Magnifico's ptsd closer and how it influenced his actions and decissions

Magnifico had looked for an apprentice that truly understands where he comes from and shares his ambitions. But the first thing Asha asks as soon as she gets the feeling she has the job safe, is if he can grant her grandfather's wish. I understand, that she cares for her grandfather but I also see Magnifico's feelings. Can you imagine how used he must feel? Constantly feeling the pressure of "I must protect what's dear to me! I must make sure my past never repeats!" And yet, the most people see him as is the "wish-granter".

Trauma shapes you, it shapes the way of thinking and if something triggers a response, you just react. If you like it or not. And oftentimes you're not even aware you're acting up. I can tell from personal expirience ...

So what about him being slightly vain and wanting respect?

Respect is earned. Generally everyone deserves to be threated with respect unless someone gives you a solid reason not to.

So let's recap some of the things Magnifico actually deserves respect for :

Surviving a horrible tragedy and still standing

Building up an entire kingdom and reigning it well (protecting his people fiercly and sucessfully bringing order)

Being selfless

Being king and carrying a freaking lot of responsibility

Now, let's look at Magnifico's "vanity moments" more closely and examine the things he does and says with questions of why?

The thing with his hair. He makes sure his hair looks nice. Ok, is this a bad thing? Does this make one ultimately vain? No. Being content with your hair and wanting to have it look good isn't vain. Neither is being happy about it. Or looking at yourself in the mirror and like yourself. You even should be able to look at yourself and love what you see. Pure vanity is something different.

What about what he says about himself in his song?

I can't help it if mirrors love my face

It's genetics! Yeah, I got these genes from outer space

Lets consider the situation and emotional state he's in. He's pissed. And I'm pretty sure this a way to try and lift himself up a bit. I mean, like mentioned above, there is nothing wrong with liking your appearance. And he IS freaking handsome. He's not lying when he acknowleges that fact.

Of course you could twist his words and say, oh he's arrogant and vain. But people can say lots of things and not actually be a bad person.

And while true vanity is a bad trait, it doesn't make one a villain. Let's compare Magnifico to Gaston for a second.

Gaston is rude from the very beginning. He's selfabsorbed and narcissistic all the way and the only thing he cares about is himself. He shows off to be praised simply for selfgratification and because he thinks he's the center of the world.

Magnifico cares immensily for others and wants acknowledgement for it. Who wouldn't? If you do something great and constantly care for others and still aren't really appreciated for it, who wouldn't be like, "I do all this and you thank me by doubting me and wanting even more? How ungrateful can one be?" And the only things we see people acknowledge him for, is 1. His ability to do magic and grant wishes, and 2. His handsome looks.

I totally understand that he's fed up at one point. Deep down wishing someone would see him for the man he truly is below all his abilities and appearance.

Gaston would walk over dead bodies to get what he wants and in order to look good. He has 0 compassion and 0 remorse.

So, even though Magnifico is a "little" vain, he's not out of evil reasons! It literally doesn't harm anyone and it doesn't cause others to suffer. If someone tells him "You're handsome." He replies, "I know."

Good! Too many people look into the mirror and hate themselves. Of course, humbler people would just reply with "thank you." But still, this isn't a solid point to call someone a villain or bad person.

Ok, now. So far we have absolutely no reason to assume Magnifico is a "villain" so let's skip to the part where it get's interesting!

The thing with the shape shifiting entity (star) happens. Something that is outside of Magnifico's power, something he doesn't understand and it terrifies him! Why? Not because he's a power hungry psycho, not because he enjoys controling people out of complacenty and is afraid to lose that. No. It's the desperation of feeling helpless, the terror of losing control, the fear of having the past repeat itself. That is what drives him mad.

Ultimately he becomes desperate and anxious enough to let himself get possesed. Even during the whole process, he says that he never wanted this, he swore he'd never let himslef be posessed. He further says, "To this book, I don't wanna be tethered, but desperate times call for desperate measures."

Let's hear that again folks! Real loud for all those in the back! He tell us 3 times, 3 times ! How he doesn't want to turn to darkness but he feels forced to do so. Why? Because of his trauma! Not because he's a villain. He doesn't want to lose his control out of fear!

Let me show you something.

There you have it! 🫴 it's that simple. I'm tired of traumatized characters being labeled as villains.

Oh yeah but he literally goes bonkers after he let himself be possesed by the evil from this book!

Yeah, sherlock, of course he behaved EVIL after that. That's literally the evil that possesed him! This doesn't make him a villain! It make's his whole situation even sadder and more tragic. The actions are obviously bad, "villainous" if you wanna call it that, but it doesn't make him a villain!

What happens to a scared animal that you force into a corner? It bites. Does this mean the animal is evil because it bit? No. It doesn't make the bite ok, but it doesn't make it evil either.

So, I, like many others also underline that Magnifico is in no way a villain but a traumatized good guy who sadly slipped.

His personality

Composed when needed

He can be bubbly as much as he can be calm. One of the first things Amaya tells Asha is that Magnifico likes to talk a lot, yet we never truly see him talk a lot! He is more calm than he is loud.

When Asha has her interview, he gives her room to talk rather than showering her in lectures of what he wants and what he expects. He's like "Go ahead, you tell me! Imma listen."

I actually feel this very personally because I'm someone who loves to talk. If I'm comfortable around someone and I made sure I can trust them, I can ramble for hours. I can talk and talk and talk like a waterfall. But at the same time, I can also be intensly quiet and listen well.

Childlike behavior

One of my absolute favourite characteristics in Magnifico is his childlike goofyness. He has this really pure cuteness to him and a bombastic humor. He doesn't pay heed if his behavior could seem akward to others, he just acts however he feels like. He's one of those adults that would still do all the things they enjoyed doing as a child or things that children normally do and I love that!

I cannot stop chuckling over the fact that he hippity hopps down one of his corridors, giving cookies to knight armors. If that isn't adorable I don't know what is! 😂

Also, please, that whole scene! The dance moves, the excitement, the expressiveness! Aaawwww!

He has a whole miniature model of his kingdom and he makes little interactive figures! I laughed tears because it's so funny and adorable! Like he's that kind of man that would cheer at the simplest accomplishments like a child unwrapping the toy the really wanted on christmas day.

There is so much we can find in here. He's :

Playful, creative, quirky, funny, passionate, imaginative, spunky, talented - the list goes on!

But let's keep going and listen to what else shimmers through the things he sings.

I'd give the clothes off Benito's back, if you really needed that

I'd be the first one to volunteer if your home were to crumble, or if you were in trouble

He doesn't just blabber nonsense here or lies. He truly would do all those things! Why else would he sing this while alone? He has no one around so one could say he's saying this on purpose to look good. He's frustrated, offended and slightly hurt and is speaking his mind and emotions. And we are shown this as an audience.

What do these lines tell us then? They tell us just what he actually is! Altruistic. It leads us right back to what we found at the beginning. His actual desire to help, keep safe and protect.

Why would he be the first one to volunteer if a home crumbles? Because his did. A king actually doesn't need to get his hands dirty. He has enough people to do things for him, yet he'd go out of his way to take matters into his own hands because he genuinly cares!

I let you live here for free and I don't even charge you rent

Doesn't sound like a power hungry, wealth loving, gold hoarding dictator to me. Get this, you are living in a kinddom for fee! No rent! The most money you make you keep and only a bit of it goes to the king to sustain the community. That's pretty awesome if you ask me.

I clean up all your messes and I'm always there when you need to vent

So he's not only selfless but a good listener as well. He doesn't judge. He, well -

I give and give and give and give-

He wants to make sure everyone is pleased. That's actually impossible but he still tries and is secrerly suffering deep down from it. If a person only ever gives and hardly gets anything back ... it's like you fill a container with water and there is no hole to drain it. Eventually you are so overly full of others problems, you suffocate or overflow.

It's SO sad that he doesn't have ANYONE to really talk to. He runs across half the palace to let out his emotions rather than seeking comfort from someone. (Which would be the oportunity to talk about Amaya but this is for another post!)

Charming, charismatic, proud, confident

The characteristics that make him attractive besides his looks. He's a gentleman, he knows how to use words well, he isn't afraid to speak his mind and carries himself with confidence, which is displayed in the way he walks. He either strides, has a light bounce to his step or a heavyness.

Ok, now, that we have the positives, we can acknowledge the negative and neutral ones. And everyone has negative traits. Again, some of Magnifico's negative traits are caused and or intensified by his ptsd.

Idealistic and perfectionistic -Magnifico constantly obsesses over how things should and could be. Chaos irritates him. He feels safe in clear structures and always strives for the best outcome for things. If something doesn't make sense for him, he feverly searches for answers until he finds them. If not, he panics. The tiniest feeling of potentially failing wrecks his nerves.

Impulsive - He's got a short temper. Yes, he can swallow a lot but if one crosses a certain line, he snaps. His emotions control him more than he controls them. And that goes both ways. Happy, sad, angry. He feels everything intense and reacts intense.

Stormy and insecure - He reacts very sensitive to stress. He feels a certain degree of urgency in his feelings and tends to be sucess-oriented. He always wants to improve and thus pressures himself.

Controlling - Magnifico's obsessive feeling of need to control comes from his traumatic past. As long as he's in control, he feels secure. He feels safe. Control is his safeplace. Not because he has evil motives but because in reality he's deeply insecure and anxious.

Paranoid and pessimistic - Again a trait that has been heavily altered by his ptsd. Originally he'd belong to the more cautious kind. Being cautious isn't something negative, it can be very helpful since one analyzes and observes carefully before choosing to trust or do something. But his trauma causes him to always assume the worst. He becomes critical where he wouldn't need to be because of his fear. (We see this with his decissions over wishes. He disregards some not because of ill will, ignorance or arrogance but because of his anxiety)

Stubborn - If Magnifico has set his mind on something he could go through walls with his head. Once he's determinded to do something, it's nearly impossible to stop him.

Distrustful - His paranoia and pessimism makes it hard for him to trust others. He becomes hard to read and hard to understand.

Now, once the evil that has been trapped in the book posesses Magnifico, he becomes ruthless, cruel and cynical. He steps into "villainous behavior" but is it what he truly is? NO! Of course not! If people talk about a classical villain, they mean a purely evil person from the very beginning of a movie/story. If we have a originally good guy, who, through circumstances, starts reacting and making wrong choices, we're talking about an antagonist.

And good grief, Magnifico was more than redeemable! If someone actually hadn't been blind to the true struggle of his soul, if someone had actually cared enough to save him! If someone had only truly loved him. He was used, wronged, backstabbed, betrayed, left alone and dropped like a hot potato the second he snapped. Poor Magnifico. He deserved better. Far better.

Thank you for reading! I'll soon post more of my analyses. 🧐

Also, creating a redemption story for Magnifico is the most fun I've had writing in a long while. 🌹 I'm excited to eventually share it with you, once it's done.

#disney wish #wish 2023 #king magnifico

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wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

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Mommy Dearest 2.0

This time it's about Bed Friend!

And it's not about the mothers in Bed Friend as much as it is about everyone's favorite Walking Green Flag: King and how he is Thinking, Watching, Evaluating Uea and his relationship to his mother. Because I've been thinking about this a lot since Episode 4 and I just haven't gotten around to writing about it yet.

Within five minutes of this show airing, we as an audience know exactly what Uea's relationship to his mother is. We know how completely and precisely she is responsible for his trauma both in the past and in the present. But no one else does.

King certainly doesn't.

But, King is perceptive, and King, by way of the narrative, is present for (or the cause of) a great number of Uea's triggers throughout the show so far. And he has no context for them outside of his own observations, but again, King is perceptive.

So the lights go out and Uea crumples in the parking lot. And at this point, maybe King doesn't know what happened (that Uea is scared of the dark) he just knows Uea is having a strong reaction to something.

Uea sees the abuse he has suffered at the hands of his mother

King sees a panic attack.

So Uea and the rest of the office go out for drinks and Uea sits in the back and watches everyone have fun, until he is alone in the bathroom and gets a text.

Uea sees the abuse of filial piety at the hands of his mother

King sees Uea's sudden shift in behavior from being introverted and sipping a drink in the corner, to drinking everything in sight

Shout out to reflections in this show for giving me endless moments of King looking at Uea.

Episode 2

King is grappling with his guilt and concern for Uea in the aftermath of their one night stand, and he (as usual tbh) spends a lot of his time staring right at Uea. Trying to pick apart every facial expression Uea makes.

Uea gets a call

and the next thing King knows Uea is rushing out of work early, panicked and heading to the hospital. And so he tries to help by driving Uea there.

What Uea sees is his mother, whose accident was not super severe, manipulating him, blaming him for the accident, and once again asking him for money, in a way he isn't able to ignore or avoid.

Uea has his typical shut down reaction to the interaction, but crucially in episode 2, King is there to witness Uea's relationship to his mother. He's able to see the way Uea's mother demands money from him, he's able to better contextualize Uea's behavior changes.

And when Uea's mother leaves after being given way too much of both Uea and King's money, where are King's eyes trained?

Right at Uea, and the entire exchange in the hospital when King enters the scene, King keeps looking between Uea's mother and Uea, trying to analyze the situation.

""You heard all that, didn't you?" "Yes," "I'm...sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

And this moment is great to me because we have a #respectfulKing on our hands who will not pry, or push Uea to tell him anything. He doesn't act expectant or entitled to any context or backstory of Uea's that might help explain this situation. But as we, the audience, know, King is in love with Uea, and as such I think King really wants to set himself up to be a safety zone for Uea. He wants Uea to feel comfortable, he wants Uea to feel loved, and we won't know that Uea trusts King like that until he starts talking about his history.

So King still doesn't know Uea's trauma history, but he wants to, he wants Uea to know that he has someone that cares, and so King starts to shift how he approaches conversations with Uea. Sometimes, very intentionally, and sometimes not, but every time he does it has the effect of hitting on some very specific parts of Uea's trauma.

When they get STD testing: "Why are you embarassed? We didn't do anything wrong." King might be able to sense Uea's shame/internalized homophobia, he certainly saw the panic in Uea's eyes when his Mom asked "Is this your boyfriend?" but I don't think he understands how strongly he is striking at the root of Uea's issues. His mother used to lock him in the bathroom, tell him she would beat him to death, and call him a slut. Having casual, one-night stand style sex is anxiety and guilt inducing for Uea because it meets his definition of 'slut', something he never felt like he was allowed to be.

This post is Uea's mother (and family) specific so I won't really get in to the P'Pock trauma here, but King is present to witness Uea turn and try to hide his face when he sees Pock from across the mall, and that is another thing he takes and files away.

Because King is so finely honed in on Uea's emotions (and because Uea is very obvious with his emotions), King knows something is still bothering Uea after their STI test and after dinner and he navigates a conversation about the differences people can have and want from sex, intimacy, and love. Once again striking at the crux of Uea's issue, the internalized homophobia Uea has had beaten in to him by his mother.

Episode 3

King has now seen how Uea interacts with his mother, has gotten a better understanding of his personal perceptions on sex and love, has seen him have at least one panic attack, and King is trying to fill in the blanks from there.

So Uea gets these texts in the middle of a conversation with King

"Are you avoiding my calls?" "I'm just asking for a little bit of money," "You have to come home this Sat," "Your Dad asked about you," "Don't accept the call?"

And where is King looking? Right at Uea's phone. But I don't think he's reading the messages, honestly it's probably too far away and the message are coming in pretty fast. But I'm sure that King is at the very least, able to see that Uea is getting spammed with messages from his mother, and he's able to see the way Uea's body language changes as a result.

"What happened, Uea?" King asks, because he is concerned, because he sees the way Uea retreats into himself whenever his mother is involved.

"My Mom wants me to go home," Uea replies

"You should go home,"

Now, the "you should go home," statement I find very interesting considering the conversation on Episode 4 this whole post is leading up to. That King of all people would see how Uea and his mother interact with one another and suggest that Uea go home. I think here King misinterprets what Uea is saying. By that I mean, I think Uea is actually answering King's "what happened?" as if he is answering "what's wrong?' and King is assuming that Uea is deflecting the question and just making a general statement "I have to go home tonight." King saying "you should go home," is him telling Uea it's okay to bail on whatever plans they may have been floating about hooking up that evening.

"King...tonight you can come if you want to,"

We've seen it before and we will see it again, Uea processes and regulates his emotional state through sex, through physical intimacy.

"You don't go home?"

Finally! Some semblance of an admission from Uea that something is wrong. Some honesty and a nod that Uea is starting to trust in King. King sees that and takes the opportunity to try and determine the extent of the trust he is being given.

"Are you okay, Uea?" and to me, it demonstrates a shift in their relationship, that Uea doesn't lie. He still can't tell King the truth, that he's not okay. He still can't put his emotional vulnerabilities out into the world like that, but he can stop pretending that he's okay. He can simply not respond and therefore give King the honest answer.

Throughout the show, one of Uea's coping mechanisms is sex, to seek out joy and pleasure from physical intimacy since he can't rely on emotional intimacy.

Shout out to the translation of the background OST music

It's important to me that we are shown a moment of non-sexual intimacy between King and Uea rather than sex immediately after the conversation about home. Not that sex is inherently wrong, obviously that is not the case, but because their relationship started with sex and needs to grow into something with a strong and healthy foundation. Because we need to see, and Uea needs to see that King cares for him outside of what his body can provide. Uea needs to see that King is not just in this for the sex, but that he wants more from it. So we get this lovely little moment...

...and then King accidentally triggers Uea. Uea sees his stepfather, and King sees

Fear.

Honestly, thinking about color analysis the fact that when Uea is talking about not going home he is absolutely suffocating under all that yellow, a color we know is associated pretty heavily with his childhood under the guise of striving for happiness, wishing and hoping for it. And when Uea is triggered and incapable of hiding his emotional state, he is surrounded by clear glass???? (Thoughts @respectthepetty?)

Another panic reaction from Uea, and King has yet another indication that something is wrong. Now, again we as the audience have been made aware that Uea's step-dad is the reason why he is reacting this way. But King doesn't have that same knowledge.

What he does have, is the knowledge of the previous conversation where Uea mentions he hasn't been home in a long time. What he does have, is the entire exchange in the hospital.

So though he can't know exactly what it is that caused Uea's reaction in this scene, and he can't know for sure that it has to do with Uea's family. King definitely has to know by now that something is wrong with Uea's family.

And after Uea has processed his own emotions at the memory of his childhood and he invites King back, King reaches out again to Uea. Trying to get a better understanding of why it is Uea is engaging in this FWB in the first place. And Uea says something he believes but that is fundamentally untrue, "I guess I just want to fuck up my life more," and we know this is untrue because King has been nothing but kind, attentive, devoted, open, and altogether healthy with Uea from the start of their FWB agreement.

But again, Uea is starting to trust King, so he follows up his half truth with a whole one "My life isn't great after all," and this is the truest thing I think Uea has ever said to King.

And it's important to me too, that Uea is actively and currently experiencing trauma by way of Pock in this show, and that King is around to witness all of that. Because it forces Uea and King to have conversations about it, it shows Uea that King cares about him, that he would fight for and protect him, it makes King fully aware that Uea has a lot of shit going on. It shows Uea how King does navigate potentially traumatizing situations with Uea and the that he doesn't pity or coddle Uea, but he does care, and he does check in, and he does want to genuinely know what is wrong.

And he can do that with Pock because Uea can't avoid talking about Pock when King is the one literally prying Pock off of Uea. But King wasn't there for Uea's childhood abuse, he wasn't there for the dinner at Uea's Mom's house, he is completely oblivious to the extent of Uea's childhood trauma. So he has to wait for Uea to come to him about it. He has to wait for Uea to trust him enough to share that part of himself.

Where previously Uea has retreated from everyone when actively triggered, not upset or frustrated like when he gets texts about money from his Mom but actually and actively coming down from flashes, this time he seeks King out. He is finding more comfort in King, so he calls when he could be alone. And he tries to push his emotions down, he tries to drown them out in King but this is too fresh, and King is too aware of Uea...

"Uea, is everything alright? You look anxious,"

"A little bit,"

Please picture me rubbing my hands together with glee. UEA IS HONEST! WITH HIS FEELINGS! AFTER MEETING WITH HIS MOTHER!! and King stops the physical interaction. He will not take advantage of Uea's emotional compromise. He wants Uea to be calm, he wants Uea to be regulated. Again he doesn't push or pry, he just helps Uea redirect his anxious energy in to self care. He gives Uea a birthday cake.

And boom!

Another accidental hit at a fundamentally horrible life experience of Uea's. His mother completely ignoring his birthday, leaving him to celebrate alone with only a candle. King gives him cake, shows him he cares, Uea has a chance to celebrate his birthday. And you can tell in the scene how touched Uea is that King did this for him.

But still Uea won't talk to King about it. So I think it's at this point King starts changing tactics. He will start opening up to Uea and see where that gets him.

"I'm tired,"

"What happened?"

"It's about my mom. She called me to come home. Do you have any plans for this weekend? Can I go to your room?"

"What? Don't you come home? You told me your Mom wants you to,"

(cough cough DIRECT PARALLEL cough)

"Yes she wants me to. But I don't. She's a grumpy lady,"

and GOD THANK YOU JAMES FOR UEA'S REACTION TO THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE IT IS EXQUISITE.

I wish I had a gifset to do it proper justice, but the way Uea is doing mental calculus here, the recognition, the surprise, and the hesitation he is portraying in having Uea initiate this conversation?

When I watch this scene I can't shake the feeling that there is this little, hopeful part of Uea that wants King to say "Yes," that that might be the thing that pushes Uea to be honest with King. To tell King the truth of what he's been through at this hands of his mother and step-father.

...but King says "Not exactly," and starts talking about his brother the perfectionst and Uea just...

shuts down. Because King has said the wrong thing, because Uea has decided that King would not understand what he has been through if he is complaining that his mother is grumpy because he doesn't meet his brother's standards. And while that is something that I do this Uea related to (seeing as he is the unwanted child who gets no love from his parents compared to his sister) to have King say he doesn't really have problems with his family makes me think that Uea does not think that King has an abuse problem with his family.

And because Uea, despite the way his family treated him relative to his sister, loves his sister dearly, while King seems to harbor some resentment towards his own brother.

And this is the fascinating part of this show for me, this is the scene I keep coming back to because I think this is the scene that sets the rest of the events in motion with Uea and King. Because King's mother is going to start getting in the way of their relationship. Because King is trying to get Uea to open up to him here. He is trying to be vulnerable with his feelings about his mother to Uea in the hopes that Uea will be open about his feelings about his mother. But King fundamentally misunderstands how terribly Uea is has been treated. King fundamentally misunderstands how much of the triggers he has witnessed from Uea are from his parents as opposed to from Pock.

If King had said "yes, I do have problems with my family" in this scene I whole-heartedly believe that Uea would have told him the truth about his own troubles here.

Uea is desperate to trust King, he is certainly already in love with King by this point. (If you had to ask me, Uea realized he was in love with King in episode 3 when King checks up on him outside after Pock harasses him the first time). But he's been hurt so much, and fundamentally believes that he is un-loveable, so every moment where there is a possibility of betrayal makes Uea retreat further and further.

Uea wants to trust King and we know this because when they are alone in the pool, Uea starts telling King about Lampang, about his cousins there, about how he is from there. We know this because when Uea's drunk and he therefore has less control over the wall he has built, he is the one to initiate intimacy with King. Not sexual intimacy, romantic intimacy, on the beach, at sunset.

And so the test begins.

Episode 5

Unfortunately for King, his mother is continuing to get in the way of him and Uea becoming official.

We know Uea is moving towards changing the status of his relationship to King from FWB to boyfriends, because he starts trying to test King's limits. He doesn't allow King a "reward" for not having sex with him when he was drunk, he starts telling King that he's met the weekly quota, he starts citing their rules more. If King can respect these, if King still wants to hang out with Uea when he knows that sex is not on the table, then surely King must feel the same way that Uea does.

And King, knowing that Uea trusts him more, that he's testing him, but that he's also tolerating King pushing their rules a little bit, has another opportunity to try to get Uea to fully open up to him when they go to dinner. When Uea gets the text from his mother asking about money. When King looks at him, concerned, and says "Uea,"

But before he can ask Uea anything, before he can check up on Uea at all...

King's mother calls, and sets everything in motion. King is being sent on an arranged date. King wants Uea to trust him. King wants Uea to fight for them. King wants to know where he is at with Uea and Uea is too scared of getting hurt, and so he ignores the question. He tells King that only King is able to decide if he wants to go on the date on or not. King spends so much of Episode 5 after this conversation trying to show Uea that he doesn't want anyone else.

And King gets that final confirmation that he is a safe zone for Uea when the lights go out at the end, and he is able to calm Uea down just from telling him he will hold him through the night. This is also a great indication to King that Uea has a fear of the dark, since technically in the first episode King would not necessarily have been able to connect the dots between the lights going off in the garage and Uea having a panic attack.

Episode 6

Uea and King are circling around each other, King is ready to admit. Uea is trying to throw out hints that he would say yes to being boyfriends if King asked him.

And King was going to, on the phone, you could see it!

But NO! No he doesn't ask here, because he wants it to be special! Because why would he ask Uea to be his boyfriend on a fake phone call when he could ask Uea to be his boyfriend on a beach vacation?

And Uea realizes this, because uea is smart. Because uea understands the implications of "I haven't felt this way in a long time," because Uea is hopeful that King feels the same way he does. And he's excited for the first time in a long time about something, and then King's mother gets involved. And King's mother makes him go on a date, and King isn't capable of standing up for himself and for Uea against his mother.

And King tries! King tries to see Uea, tries to get out of the date. Tries everything he can besides actually standing up to his mother to show Uea that he cares about him. To show Uea that he wants him, not whatever woman King's mother is trying to set him up with. But King hasn't had the chance to learn about Uea the way he needs to. King has tried time and time again to get Uea to open up to him, to talk about the strained relationship King knows exists, but doesn't understand to its fully extent.

And as a result of the shame, the self-loathing, the betrayals Uea has suffered time and time again at the hands of the people who are supposed to love him, he will not fight for him and King because he knows how the story ends.

It ends up with Uea alone, except this time he did it to himself. This time he broke King's heart in the process.

ok haha oops, I did it again with the essay. Gold star to anyone who read this whole thing.

#bed friend #bed friend the series #bed friends the series #kinguea #ueaking #king x uea #uea x king #jamesnet #netjames #domundi #mandee channel #bed friends analysis #bed friend analysis #bed friend ep 1 #bed friend ep 2 #bed friend ep 3 #bed friend ep 4 #bed friend ep 5 #bed friend ep 6

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basuralindo · 9 months

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So I was asked to expand on the whole Jamil having a trauma response to Leona comment on my last post, aaand here's that.

(This pertains to chapter 6 btw, so spoiler warning)

(also it's very much sleep deprived rambling so sorry if it's, well, rambly)

First off, I'm operating under the assumption that he has cPTSD. Jamil has clearly been programmed since birth to always obey the Asims and act in their best interests, even at the expense of his own life. This is a boy who has been forced to eat poison to protect them and their assets, who's family was forced to let that happen, and who has been so desperate his entire life to escape that situation that he was willing to resort to murder and doom not just himself but his whole family which he is implied to care about. Which means if simply quitting was an option, he would have done so. So, you kinda have to infer that he and his family don't have a choice in this role, and there are severe enough consequences for disobedience that fucking up or refusing is a worse option than risking a slow painful death every time Kalim wants to eat something. And this is all stuff that's been depicted blatantly in canon, not even touching on the assumptions that could be made from there.

So that's the position Jamil is in. That is a traumatic situation. This is a guy who has been groomed for servitude and obedience since he was old enough to talk. These kinds of circumstances absolutely can lead someone to be triggered into subservience or other trained behaviors. That's just, a thing with trauma.

Now, with the Asims being one of if not THE most powerful merchant families in their country, one of the expectations of Jamil as their servant and especially as the attendant to their heir is to ensure good relationships with other rich and powerful families, especially royalty. This was shown in the fireworks event, where he states that as a prince, if Malleus came to any harm under his watch while a guest of the Asims, it could start an international conflict. These are incredibly high stakes, a misstep on Jamil's part could ruin the Asim family and potentially even endanger his country, and it's pretty strongly implied that he and his family would take the blame and suffer the consequences. Now, much like how wearing a company logo while at work makes your actions representative of your employer, Jamil serving the Asims 24/7 (and especially as the chaperone of their heir) means that he is representing their family At All Times. This is why he is forced to defer to Kalim in all aspects of life even outside of their country, part of his job is to make his employers look good, and there are consequences for not doing so. This means that anyone of high enough status to be significant to the Asims is someone who Jamil is required to be subordinate to.

Then, enter Leona. As a wealthy prince, he would be someone who Jamil is expected maintain good relations with at any cost to himself. With his position Leona could literally destroy Jamil's (and probably his family's) entire life with a single complaint to the Asims about his conduct. Like, he could do that with no actual cause just for fun, because the Asims are 100% going to take the side of a prince over an expendable servant. This means that one misstep or any backtalk from Jamil puts him at massive risk, it is entirely up to Leona whether or not he suffers for any of these actions, and while the audience knows Leona's personal morals would prevent him from actually doing that, Jamil does not.

THEREFORE (sorry this ended up so long), once Jamil was in a life threatening situation with Leona, it seems likely that all this programming and fear would manifest in desperately trying to protect him and follow orders the way he's always done for Kalim. To me, the way he snapped into bodyguard mode, and immediately complied with every one of Leona's bitchy commands (like giving him a hair ornament to throw away without question, and barely saying anything about it after), even while being humiliated and knowing he was less trained in magic, just comes off more like a trigger response than anything. Especially because I can't imagine that situation not being triggering, and I can't imagine him knowing any other way to respond.

#jamil viper #leona kingscholar #jamil ptsd analysis #twst #this is also why I got so pissed about leona's behavior in that chapter #like I do genuinely like his character. he's one of my favorites and I get where he was coming from #but boy was being ignorant as all fuck #like jamil is so heavily implied to be an indentured servant #and leona could probably buy his whole family #there's no version of 'i know what it's like to feel overlooked. suck it up and work with what you've got' advice #that could benefit Jamil from this guy #because changing your attitude and putting in the work doesn't free you from a situation like that #and I can only assume that coming from a free country in the modern world #Leona just hasn't considered that Jamil would BE in a situation like that. it's not exactly normal #and this is the guy so out of touch he thought Ruggie's home was a doghouse. so I mean. giving him the benefit of the doubt on this #but goddamn was that out of touch. and I just hate how they wrote the conclusion between them

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hadesforpreswrites · 6 months

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dirty laundry, pt. 1

a/n: i wrote this when i was feeling incredibly low. it's based on something that happened to me. the title is from all time low. might have a part 2.

before you read this, be aware that this particular piece deals with the after effects of trauma (rape). it doesn't deal with it right after the incident but it shows how even after over a decade it can still affect someone.

before we proceed further: this is your warning that description of sexual assault on a minor will happen. this is based on truth as well as being a work of fan fiction.

i fought so hard with myself to even post this but was encouraged by @remedyx. if you don't want to read it, please by all means don't. but if you do, please be kind.

if something similar has happened to you, please reach out to me if you feel like you need to talk. i love you, you are worthy.

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort

warnings: talk of past sexual assault, trauma talk, depictions of depressive episode

word count: 2,585

summary: after seeing something triggering online, y/n is struggling. noah learns some deep secrets of his friend and tries to help.

part two part three part four

she’s got her secrets/yeah, i’ve got mine too

meeting friends when you’re adults means you have to understand that you will not know everything about them as easily as if you were kids. it was something that rang true for everyone.

noah understood this and was ready and willing for his friends to have secrets from him. pasts that didn’t want or need to be explained. all that mattered to him was that they were there here and now.

that is until one day when his friend messaged a group chat that consisted of him, andy biersack, and his other friend, scarlett. scarlett messaged them saying that their other friend, one they had planned a birthday party for in this very group chat, was having a very hard time.

that wasn’t new, she had been having a rough go of it off and on for a couple of months. something to do with her meds and the pharmacy being out-of-stock, something that confused the hell out of noah. but something about this time felt different.

noah abruptly stood up, startling his friends that he was with. in his worry and being glued to his phone for the last however many minutes, he had almost forgotten where he was.

“you good, man?” nick asked.

“yeah, i just gotta go do something for a friend.”

“is it y/n?” jolly teased.

“as a matter of fact, yes,” noah said while gathering his things. he waved to his friends, promising to meet up with them again soon, and took off out of the house.

he barely buckled his seatbelt before taking off in his car toward scarlett and y/n’s house. in his relatively short drive, his brain was swirling with possibilities of what was wrong. why had scarlett threatened men specifically? (this time anyway) could he still pick a lock? (probably) what if y/n didn’t want to see them? (she usually did but what if this time was different?) what could he do specifically to make her feel better? (maybe ice cream - she likes ice cream) could he get her to open up and spill this obviously heartbreaking secret to him? (he sure hopes so, but is he prepared for the aftermath?)

he barely registered that he had pulled into the driveway beside andy’s car because it was such an autopilot response to go to their house at this point. he locked his car and walked up to the front door. he didn’t even bother knocking as he entered and was met by the smell of pizza baking in the oven.

“great! everyone’s here!” scarlett said loud enough to be heard throughout the house - obviously trying to get y/n’s attention.

“is she still in there?” noah asked, slipping his shoes off at the door.

“only came out to get water right before we got here,” juliet said, casting a glance down the hall.

“door may be unlocked now though,” scarlett said thoughtfully. “maybe i’ll go peek my head in.”

“i’ll do it,” noah offered, quickly. too quickly if the smirks on his friends’ faces was any indication. he shook his head as he walked down the hall toward y/n’s room.

he knocked softly and listened closely. “i’m fine,” a quiet voice sounded through the wood, followed by a sniffle.

“you don’t sound fine, doll,” he said as he leaned his forehead against the door. “can i come in? please?”

“it’s unlocked.”

when he entered her room, his heart shattered. the ever-present blue twinkle lights she had strung around her room had been shut off, along with any mention of light from anywhere else, except her phone screen. she had her comforter pulled up to her ear with her back facing him.

he shut the door softly behind him and padded across to the bed. he climbed under the covers and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight to him. he felt her stiffen at the contact but not pull away, instead leaning into him once she calmed.

he knew this had to be crossing some sort of imaginary line he’d set for himself but he couldn’t help himself. his friend, honestly probably his best friend, was hurting and that trumped any romantic feelings he has for her.

“when did you get here?” she asked, sniffling again.

“just now. needed to know you were at least physically okay. what happened? i thought you got your meds worked out?” he asked, softly.

“i did. it’s not that. i wish it were that because then i don’t feel like i’ve failed.”

“babe, whatever it is, you haven’t failed anything.”

“yes, i have. i thought i’d worked through it and then i see one thing online and suddenly my brain throws away over a decade of work,” her hand moves to wipe newly fallen tears.

“do you want to talk about it?” he asks, realizing it may be a feeble attempt.

“no. but i should,” she sighs before turning around to face him. “i just don’t want you to think differently of me.”

he keeps his arms firmly around her and chances a kiss to the top of her head. “y/n, i think the world of you and nothing is gonna change that.”

“promise?” he could feel his t-shirt dampen with tears.

he pulled away just enough so he could look her in her eyes. eyes that held a pain he never knew was there. he feels a sense of rage bubble up in him at whoever caused this precious human this amount of pain. “promise.”

she took a steadying breath and began to sit up. they sat side-by-side, backs against the headboard, his legs spread in front of him and hers pulled up to her chest, protecting herself.

“when i was 15, i was in a really bad place. i was undiagnosed, unmedicated, and wanting love. so i took what i could get from whoever i could get it from. i wasn’t promiscuous or anything, in fact i’ve never had sex. i just wanted someone to love me because i couldn’t love myself.

i dated this guy who was all kinds of wrong but i thought i was in love. he kept breaking my heart so one day when we were broken up, i decided to invite his friend over to hang out. i thought he was cute and we made out and stuff but that was as far as i wanted it to go,” she took a breath and a drink of water as tears filled her eyes again.

he knew where this was going and he felt himself getting even more angry but he let her keep going.

“i tried to keep him off me, i really did. he was pulling my shorts so hard and i was trying to keep them on, i thought my nails would break. i kept crying and saying no over and over. but it was like it didn’t matter. like he didn’t hear me. but i know he did because when he stopped, he called me a tease and wiped his hand on a stuffed animal that was near the bed.”

he wanted so badly to hold her and tell her he’d never let that happen to her again, but he held himself back not wanting to make things worse.

she cleared her throat after a moment of pause. “anyway, i was working through it on my own for years and didn’t tell anyone until like a year later. and then when i got in therapy we worked on it for a bit and i thought i had gotten better. but i was scrolling through tumblr and came across this story that was non-con, non-consensual, and it just fucking broke me.

i don’t normally kinkshame or tell people what they shouldn’t do because that’s their business but i’ll never understand non-consensual, rape fantasies. there’s absolutely nothing to fantasize about. it’s humiliating. it’s painful. physically, mentally, and emotionally. it makes you feel like you’ll never be clean again and that you’re not worthy of even the smallest of respect or love.

noah, i worked so hard to make myself believe that i’m not dirty or broken and that i am worthy. i worked so hard and it was just stripped away from me again like it was nothing.”

“i know you did. you always work hard. and let me tell you something,” he moved so he was right in front of her on his knees. he lifted her chin so she looked at him. “you are so worthy. you’re the worthiest person i know. you deserve the world and he doesn’t even deserve a grave. you’re not broken or dirty, you’re strong and beautiful. and i am so lucky to have you in my life, you know that, right? and now you don’t have to work as hard because you won’t be doing it by yourself.”

“promise?” her voice was small.

“i promise,” he confirmed.

she basically launched herself at him with a sob and wrapped her arms around him. he pulled her into his lap and held her. oh how he had imagined this moment, but she was not crying in his imagination.

“will you stay with me?” she asked into his chest.

“always,” he kissed the top of her head.

after some time, she stopped shaking from crying and relaxed in his arms.

“let’s get you some food,” he said.

“ice cream?”

“absolutely,” he chuckled. “but i think scarlett made pizza if you want some of that first. if there’s any left, andy and juliet are here too.”

“i might could do that, then ice cream,” she decided, pulling away from him.

“deal,” he stood up from the bed, taking her with him. after setting her down on her feet, he grabbed her hand - just to make sure she knew he was staying by her side, and they walked toward the kitchen.

“hey, sunshine,” andy said as they emerged from the darkened hallway.

“hey, sorry,” she said as she wrapped an arm around him and then juliet, still holding noah’s hand.

“you don’t have to apologize,” juliet said, as she smoothed the other woman’s hair. “you’re allowed to have people worry about you.”

“we’re more than happy to be those people for you,” andy backed her up.

y/n gave them a small smile and eyed the pizza.

“here’s your gross ass pizza, my love,” scarlett said, handing her a plate with a piece of her favorite pizza on it.

“you’re the best roommate a girl could have,” she said, sitting at the bar by andy, noah sitting on her other side.

“yeah, yeah,” scarlett said, intently watching as y/n took a bite of her pizza.

conversation buzzed around them as she finished her slice, she only wanted one right now - her main focus on the ice cream in her future. noah participated in the conversation on the outside but on the inside he was replaying her story over and over in his head like a movie on loop. he was angry for her. he had questions. but he wasn’t sure when was the right time to ask - though he knew not right now in front of everyone.

he must have zoned out because when he came too he was met with the expectant eyes of y/n.

“sorry, what?”

“ice cream?”

“of course,” he replied, rising from his spot at the bar.

“let me go change real quick,” she said, putting her hand on his arm.

“for why?”

“i’m in pajamas?” she motioned to her shorts and oversized t-shirt. a shirt that he just realized belonged to him at one point.

“we don’t have to get out of the car,” he said, standing up fully. “you look fine.” he didn’t miss the look that andy, juliet, and scarlett passed between them.

“you don’t let people eat in your car,” she trailed off.

he leaned down to look her in the eye, “consider yourself special, then. let’s go.”

before he turned around he caught a glimpse of a blush creep on her face and felt a sense of pride. he didn’t catch the way she looked at scarlett with wide eyes, or the way juliet motioned for her to move. andy was grinning at the whole scene.

she got up and slipped on a pair of sandals that were near the door and followed noah out the door and toward his car. he opened the passenger door for her. “well, thank you kind sir,” she said before sliding into the seat.

he chuckled as he shut the door and jogged around to the driver’s side. once he was buckled and started toward her favorite ice cream place, he chanced a look at y/n as she looked out the window.

“hey,” he said softly. “you okay?”

“i will be,” she answered. “it’s just a lot to process.”

“i can imagine. can i ask you something?”

“of course.”

“when you were telling me what happened, you said that you’d never had sex before it happened?”

“yeah. so my first and only experience with sex was that. which is why i always get weird when you guys start talking about it,” she explained.

“i’d always wondered. wait. did you say your only experience?” he was baffled.

“yeah,” she answered, finally fully looking at him.

“that honestly explains so much. and also i’m so sorry that your experience was that.”

“you don’t have to apologize. it happened. it sucks. it sucks a lot. and sometimes i feel like i’m missing out on a whole world. but most of the time i’m fine.”

“don’t do that,” he scolded.

“do what?”

“minimize your trauma to make you seem more palatable. it’s not helpful. it’s not cute.”

she went quiet and looked away, back out the window.

he kicked himself. that came out a lot harsher than he meant. he pulled into a parking spot at the ice cream place and told her to sit tight while he went to get the ice cream. she didn’t argue.

“y/n,” he said when he slid back into his seat, ice cream in hand.

she was surprised to see he got exactly what she wanted, not that she deviated from what she liked all that often. she just wasn’t aware of how much he paid attention to her.

“i didn’t-” he started. “i didn’t mean for that to come out that way. i just meant that i don’t want you to minimize with me. you’re allowed to feel however you feel.”

“i know. i just guess i didn’t realize that’s what i was doing.”

“you do it all the time, doll. i just never knew why and i think i get it now.”

she smiled softly. “how did you know which ice cream i wanted?” she knew the change in subject wouldn’t go unnoticed but hoped he would catch on that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore for the time being.

he pulled out his phone and went to the notes app. “i keep track of your favorites.”

she blushed. “why?”

“haven’t caught on yet?” he smirked at her.

“caught on to what?”

“i’m practically at your beck and call. i let you and no one else eat in my car. i apparently let you wear my clothes,” he gestured to the t-shirt she was wearing.

“noah, i don’t understand.”

“how can someone be so smart and so blind at the same time? i’m basically in love with you, dummy.”

#noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian fanfic #noah sebastian #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fic

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yanderes-galore · 6 months

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Hey, wanna try my luck even though I don't have much hope I'll get in lol. If you cannot do anything with this, feel free to discard. May I get Yandere! BotW! Link with someone who's been with him since the start and he's slowly pushing his memories of his old life away cuz it hurts too much and rathers thinks and is with his new friend (and hopefully more like lover)? Like, just obssessive and...I just need some good yandere botw link. Make him suffer and then obsess over me thank you ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

I couldn't figure out how to make this a concept so I made this a short :D Enjoy, my mutual! I made this sorta based on my BOTW Link concept plot. Hope I got the tone of the fic right! Sorry it's not as long as yours :(

Postponing Destiny

Yandere! Link (BOTW) Short

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Trauma, Clingy behavior, Fear of loss/abandonment, Dubious relationship, Fantasy of kissing, Angst.

Sometimes the past should just be left in the past. Link wished that applied to him... as his life before losing his memories was torture. He's the fated hero of this land...

Yet he doesn't want the responsibility.

Why? Link is tired of the pain and the hurt. When he lost his memories he felt happy. He didn't have to remember the pain then.

Plus, Link had met you in the first town he approached. You offered the Hylian your services and even offered him a bed. From you he got food, a new set clothes, and somewhere go flee to if things got bad.

With you... there was no pain.

When Link left to fight monsters in the surrounding area he felt better knowing he wasn't alone. He didn't remember the pain of his friends dying. He didn't have to think about the fate of Zelda along with Hyrule itself.

The only thing that reminded him of his destiny was the Calamity swirling around the castle... something he sought to ignore.

Link didn't want to return to his destined path just yet. No, the Hylian felt so much more at home with you. In the village he felt momentarily protected from all of the hurt.

Link loved to live with you. He loved helping you cook recipes he's recently learned. You're a great friend and companion to him.

He even felt like there was more between you if he pushed a little further.

Why should he have to return to all that pain? Why should he face this all alone? Why can't he just feel safe curled up in your arms... away from the evils of the world.

Link wanted to drown himself in your affection to heal the pain. He wished he never regained his memories. If he still had them all locked away... could he live happily with you?

Whenever you ask him if he's recovered anything from his past life, he lies. He can't keep up the facade forever but he'll try to put it off as long as he can. He just wants to treat himself to your love.

Whenever the pain resurfaces he distracts himself with thoughts of you. He thinks of protecting you, caring for you, kissing you.... He thinks you're all he ever needs.

He keeps telling himself he can wait a little longer. He can hold off finding the Divine Beasts just a bit more. All so he can feel the warmth of your presence.

It's selfish... but he never gets the chance to be selfish.

He's tired of serving others. He's tired of the pain. He deserves to have someone like you in his life....

Perhaps even later, still under your hospitality, he can show you how much he loves you? He feels giddy just thinking about it. It all plays out in his head like a soothing fantasy against all of the pain.

He thinks of coming home to you from exploring. He thinks of you jumping into his arms and he twirling you around. He thinks of how it would feel if he kissed your lips, stealing the breath from your lungs. He thinks...

He wonder if this was the life he could've had if fate didn't have other plans.

A pang goes off in his heart at the thought. While you do some shopping outside he sits in his bed thinking of you, the fantasies, and the lingering pain.

No... he will have that life he desires. In the end he'll find a way to make it happen. He refuses to confront the pain gnawing at him.

When you come back... maybe he'll even confess! He'll show you how much he needs you. All the while ignoring what fate tells him to do....

He'll get rid of the Calamity and save Hyrule later...

Right now? He just wants to love you like there's nothing wrong in the world... or him

#yandere legend of zelda #yandere link #yandere botw link #yandere breath of the wild

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ninainthetardis · 1 month

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⚠️⚠️⚠️ HoFaS spoilers ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Be warned, this is going to be a rant.

Ok, the HoFaS crossover was supposed to be exciting, but it ended up being another trigger topic for me thanks to the obnoxious N.esta stans who never hold her accountable for her wrong choices and always pick on the characters who stand up to her/call her out on her crap.

The thing is, I didn't even dislike her in this crossover, but I swear the moment her stans open their mouth, I go straight back to hating her. I don't even know how it is possible to be so clouded that they can't see/recognise when she's wrong or the hurt she causes/her actions may cause to other people. How they can always defend her without considering any other perspective/logic and proceed with the slander of any character that does not share her ideas or approve of her actions. Or how they demand respect for her trauma while ignoring/invalidating the one she inflicted to others.

The point in this case is: giving Bryce the mask WAS a dumb, rushed, risky choice. Stop ranting and insulting Rhys for his reaction, he was bloody RIGHT (also, Azriel was on that line too, why isn't he an asshole too?). I thought that immediately, even before reading the bonus chapter. You're even bashing Cassian for not defending her, as if she wasn't gambling with everyone's life because she somewhat liked Bryce and understood her desperate situation. Which could be admirable if it wasn't a lot hypocritical of her, considering that she barely moved a finger to help win their war against Hybern. And about that: isn't it time to wake up? It was Elain to end the King, N/esta just cut his head off once the hard part was done. And on top of that, both her and Cassian would be as good as dead without Elain's intervention. But why am I even bothering to talk about this...

And by the way, to those hating on Cassian, now here's a flash news: you do not have to defend your partner if you think they are wrong. It doesn't mean you don't love them, acting like the significat other is always right is not how support looks like. And N.esta can clearly speak for herself, maybe even too much, and with too much entitlement. You don't want to respond of your actions to Feyre and Rhys? Well, fucking leave the Night Court already! They're its rulers!!!

And Bryce's mom was the other one being totally out of line and acting entitled tbh and quite rude. I mean, you are in another world, in which your daughter made mess after mess, with people you need something from whether you like it or not, people you don't know and you talk that way? Not every bloody Fae is the Autumn King or the Avallen King! Someone really has to tell her AND Bryce, given that she passed that bias toward the entirety of the species to her. Generalisation is always wrong. And also, you know, it's a matter of good manners, and that issue was really none of her goddamn business. She could've spoken on N/esta's behalf using different tones, and it would have been a lot different.

Now, let's get back at the mask thing.

Honestly, I get that I was supposed to root for Bryce in this one, but she made it quite difficult for me when all she did in Prythian was putting that world in a danger she was very aware of. Like freeing an Asteri on Prythian soil, as if Vesperus would ever tell Bryce how to kill her own species. I get she was desperate, but it was just dumb and egoistic of her to do that, to risk to bring the same evil that plagues her world into another one, especially when there was no guarantee (quite the opposite actually) that by doing that she'd get the answers she was looking for.

Bryce had no reason to trust them, and they had no reason to trust her as well. Had Bryce failed, the consequences of giving her the mask would have been catastrophic. And I am not even going to mention Nyx's safety as a reason for Rhys to be pissed at N/esta. Rhysand and Feyre are responsible for the whole Night Court. And in this case, the whole of Prythian, AGAIN. There is a reason if they're the ones in charge, position that actually includes putting your people first and being able to make hard choices, even if they are morally grey choices, to protect their people. N.esta doesn't have such responsibility, and thankfully so because she would be terrible in that position. Moreover, they've just come out of a war, for Rhysand it was the second war he fought and after 50 years of UTM... but of course, why would N.esta care? She was somewhere safe almost the entirety of the time while Feyre - who died to save the very same world N.esta was endangering with her choice - was out fighting for everyone's safety. I am honestly shocked by how people refuse to even consider Rhysand's perspective, at least on this one. As if he knew Bryce and what she was capable of (and as if the whole resolution in CC wasn't due to pure luck, anyway) and have the slightest idea she might succeed. Also, Bryce had 10 other ways to manage the whole situation differently. Had she cooperated a little instead of proving to be a loose cannon, she might have had the chance to actually GET their help without having to take it by stealing and endangering Prythian. Trust goes both ways. They could have found a common ground or made a deal that ensured Prythian's safety and at the same time help Lunathion. Rhys and Feyre are sensitive to people who are suffering and would do something about it. There was no need to endanger Prythian in the process. But 1. They would've stolen the show and 2. Bryce's the one who left Baxian and Fury in Avallen or didn't think of calling Jesiba during the final battle against the Asteri, why would she think that someone as powerful as Rhysand and as knowning as Amren could be helpful anyway 🙄 her "Aelin wanna be" era failed miserably because she actually didn't have the skills, the drive, the strategic thinking and the experience to be like her, despite the efforts. But Bryce is a topic for another day.

This is my tea for today. It's been a year I'm part of this fandom and I've tried so hard not to rant/write about acotar just to avoid the toxic part of this fandom, but hey, patience has its limits, this is still my space and seeing all that "everyone" slander from the pro N.esta for no logical reason really got on my last nerve at this point.

#anti nesta #hofas spoilers #cc3 hofas #pro rhysand #anti bryce quinlan #house of flame and shadow #acotar #anti bryce

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machinesonix · 6 days

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Gang, I love the Harkonnens. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t endorse the Harknonnens, but there is something really refreshing about unsanitized villains. They aren’t inhuman slaves to Morgoth, they aren’t seeking restitution for some sort of childhood trauma with dalmatians, they are just shitty, weird people and we get to talk about how those people think without trying to excuse it. What really made me fall in love is the sheer alien weirdness of Geidi Prime in the 1984 movie, and if you haven’t seen that I really recommend you check that out. I feel like there should be some sort of trigger warning, but I don’t really know how I’d tag it so use your best discretion. Today I want to zoom in on a Harkonnen scene towards the end of the first book that I personally would like to see in some sort of extended cut. Let’s dig in.

I’m gonna start off by reminding everyone about the most famous scene in the franchise right at the beginning. You know it. The pain box. ‘I hold at your neck the gom jabbar, it’s poison kills only animals.’ Mohaim is testing Paul’s ability to delay gratification by threatening to stab him with a poison needle if he pulls out of the pain box. We've all seen the memes. Now let's talk about Feyd.

In the book, the whole un-drugged gladiator thing was Feyd's own doing. See, Feyd's family doesn't take him very seriously. He's been chosen as the na-Baron because he's got charisma and he'll look like the savior of Arakkis after Rabban and Vladimir, but he’s a big showboater that has all his fights rigged. By conspiring with Thufir to get a real Atredies soldier into the arena with him, he is forcing his family to realize how important he is to them. If something happens to him, everything goes up in smoke. But he's also given a chance to demonstrate that he is competent (even if he's cheating with a poisoned blade and some selective brainwashing of the undrugged slave.) The seduction with Lady Fenrig happens off screen, but I think in both Herbert and Villinueve's telling of the story, both of these show us this conflict Feyd has with the pressures of his family whether they're tests from the Baron or something he does to himself in response to those pressures. Finally, and most importantly to Feyd, when the Baron executes his slavemaster for slipping up with the gladiators, the next slavemaster is on Feyd's payroll.

Years down the line the Baron finds a poison needle hidden on one of his slave boys and immediately knows what's up. Feyd is trying to claim the Baron's seat and he's been planning on it ever since He calls Feyd in to make him watch as his entire staff and harem is executed on a whim. Here's where we get the absolute juicy thematic inversion. This shit makes me salivate in a way I might want to talk with a therapist about. The Baron says ‘Feyd, you know what this whole poison needle business tells me? You don't know where your priorities are. I am working on setting up the Harkonnens for generations to come and you're so laser focused on the inheritance you haven’t put any thought into what comes next. So stop trying to kill me and let's talk about your future.’

Feyd-Rautha is, by Bene Gesserit standards, an animal. In the Villinueve film we kinda skirt around the idea by hearing he's such a weirdo that the nerve induction gets him off, but I think this scene here really helps to illustrate why Paul might be the Kwizatz Haderach and Feyd has no shot. They've both got the genetics and the ability to win over a crowd. Nobody saw it coming, but the Kwizatz Haderach's ultimate purpose is to wage the war that will literally end all wars, you'd think Feyd-Murder-For-Fun-Rautha would be a shoe-in to traumatize humanity to violence once and for all. But the fact he'd be good at it is what makes him ineligible. The Kwizatz Haderach can't be someone who thinks in the short term. If Paul didn't have the big picture in mind, he would have fled from the violent future he saw himself being responsible for. If Feyd were in his shoes, there is no way he could stop from getting lost in the sauce. Feyd orchestrated his own gom jabbar in the attempt on his uncle's life, and he failed. Even if he saw the same path to save humanity, he'd have too many opportunities to indulge his glory seeking.

#dune #dune meta #baron harkonnen #feyd rautha #house harkonnen

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ghostflowerhotpotch · 8 months

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Spiderman Society and Manipulation Part 2

Horrible Copy Mechanism and the Responsibilities you put in your own shoulders

Part 1

Oh boy this is going to be interesting for sure.

While I was writing the first part I originally wasn't thinking of writing this section at the beginning, I thought considering the situation it was better to focus in how the lower rankings and people in need are put between a rock and a hard place, and in the cultish characteristics it has.

But then I realized is not just that is a horrible copy mechanism that they are more or less using as a crutch, it also involves why Miguel is convinced over this, and also the responsibility that still comes with it.

WARNING: The following chat will have talks about trauma, recovery, and accountability. It will also include mentions of real religious manipulation and cultish behaviours.

If you think any of this could be triggering, please consider skipping this one.

But before we address the sad reality that is enforcing canon by the eldest/higher up members of this society, let me address something that I didn't mention last time.

Part of the reason all of this is bad is because Canon is fake, this theory falls apart by the seams, and this makes the society more like a cult exactly for this reason!

Here is the long version of why I say this so firmly.

But because I don't want to sent people to do homework, here is the cliff notes version:

Canon Event ASM-90 cannot be happening at this moment, because Spot IS an anomaly. Also, Miguel said himself that canon event ASM-90 is when a captain dies in a battle between the spider-person and a nemesis, but Spot isn't Pavitr's nemesis, and Miguel himself said that Spot shouldn't had happened and is another anomaly like Miles, so why Captain Singh should had died at that moment?

The black matter that supposedly is happening because Miles broke canon? Was happening BEFORE we saw the captain. The alchemax building is breaking down, and has a dark matter absorbing it, which gets bigger and bigger as we see our heroes descend, and then in the same spot the building felt, now there is a black hole! Coincidence? Doubtful.

Miles's universe didn't fell because he became a spider-man, even if by being an "anomaly" you should expect to cause some sort of reaction, right? Further more, he blames Miles and Co for the hole in the multi-verse, but this is ignoring the fact the spot not only was the one to transport the spider, he has MULTIPLE of them. But Miles's universe has no reaction to any of this somehow? And the only issues it had was because of the collider messing up?

Look dear reader, I feel the fact that Pavitr's example doesn't fit the bill by Miguel's own words, and Miles's case in ITSV has jackshit to do with being anomaly; is safe to say this isn't about canon. Is about what is happening.

Because Miguel, Peter, Jess and the rest are so blinded by this idea of canon on Spider-man, they can't notice an incongruity as they are explaining it to you.

You guys know what this means? This means that instead of learning what is actually going on with Pavitr's universe (probably more related to physics than spider-man in itself.) They are wasting time and resources in preserving a mythos that so far feels more like trying to fit a pattern and mix destiny with physics somehow.

So the question is...how come is that they don't see it? Why they believe in this well?

WELL-

Here is the interesting part about the "Canon is part of every spider-man story,." While is a horrible thing to say to people just starting that need to deal with the fact that they will lose love ones and suffer great hardships because of their work, for those who are over? Oh this is great news.

(I swear while looking at this I had a flashback of "G-d's time is perfect" and "Everything happens for a reason," after having a personal hardship. Goddammit this really falls in the steps to a cult way too much.)

Okay but seriously, I saw a lot of people over the past few months complain about how the other spiders could let this happen, and this is so horrible how come Miles is being the only real spider-man here-

Is trauma, is all back to trauma.

Because okay, we don't know until which point the canon theory goes; I would say most spider-people are bit when they are teens or young adults (tho there are universes where Aunt May or Uncle Ben got bitten- yes as senior adults.) So I wouldn't be surprised if the "canon" events Miguel has mapped out has already happened to Peter, Jess and him, considering that at least Peter? Has been doing this for almost a quarter of a century; the others can't be too far apart for what I gather.

So while for someone like Gwen, Miles or Pavitr means "oh this is the list of horrible things you are going to suffer, sorry kid." For people like Peter, Miguel and Jess? Is probably more of a "oh those tragedies that you faced? They were part of the universe making sure it stays intact, is okay."

The sad reality, one of the most twisted things about this situation, is that the system uses the trauma of the eldest members to ensure they continue the cycle.

A funny thing about cults and many religions quite honestly, is that they have specific believes in place to ensure that people are not just indoctrinated, but are also incentivized to perpetuated the doctrine and make others do the same. Almost like evolution, the ideology behind became this way in order to ensure it is believed and doesn't die out like other beliefs.

I know I already put warnings previously, but now I want to bring a real life case because I think I need to hammer home how these beliefs can be so hard to shake off.

WARNING: Talks about Missionary Work, Murder, and passing mentions about colonialism.

The following discussion will involve the case around John Chau's missionary work and end, if you want to skip it, the discussing will begin and finish with the gif below.

So, in case you guys aren't familiar with this guy.

John Chau was a young man, he liked to go on adventures and was a passionate evangelical christian, who also liked to do Missionary Work. He went to a few different places, but the one were he died was in North Sentinel Island. He was killed by the native people there.

North Sentinel Island is among the last few places that has a group of people that are disconnected from the rest of the world. Every time someone tries to establish contact they killed, or at best, barely make it alive for what I recall. We don't know exactly know why since no one has been able to establish communications with them.

Now, I can't have this chat and not mention that is better to leave those people alone. They clearly prefer to continue with their traditional ways, and if you had seen some history you can probably tell even if they were interested, chances are this would end more poorly for them than anyone else.

Considering their reputation, that it is ILLEGAL to try to contact them for that exact reason (John Bribed two fisherman to leave him in the island, there is no way to get there without breaking the law.) You may be wondering, why he choose to go there?

Well, as mentioned before, missionary work; because he firmly believed this was "Satan's last stronghold" since no one was able to preach Christianity to them yet.

Okay, I know I am messing with the tiger here, and I don't want to insult anyone's faith; but I also have to be honest. I am Jewish, but I am a convert, my family is christian (I prefer not to say which branch but is probably obvious,) and while I will try to remain neutral let's say is hard when you are still processing stuff that happened to you.

I will say this, for all the people who called this man a "deluded idiot" when I remember this case, I feel two things, one of them is pity, and the other one is rage.

For starters, trying to force a religion into others is wrong in my eyes, (In Judaism is forbidden to proselytize, the traditional thing is actually deny converts until they ask for a third time.) It also forces an erasure of culture and colonialism, a lot of times trying to absorb past beliefs just to make the new believers happy, which muddies some stuff later on.

So, why I still feel bad for him?

Because he thought he was doing the right thing.

As someone who doesn't believe, in my eyes this is horrifying; but for him? He believes if he doesn't go to preach to this people, they may suffer in eternity for never hearing about Jesus. In his eyes, if he goes to them and convinces this group of worship his lord, he has now given eternal happiness and peace to this people; or the possibility to do so.

I feel bad, because this man was convinced to do something dangerous and bad, by thinking he was saving the lives of these people.

Sorry for the heavy topic, but I feel this was a good way to understand why the society does what it does. Because by bringing real life situations, I think is all the easier to understand how easy you can end up in these places.

Miguel theory doesn't just provide an explanation as to why the dimensions work the way they work, they also provide a nice explanation as to why they all had lived similar struggles, while they had suffered this much.

Is a balm to all those old wounds, because I am pretty sure Peter, nor the rest of the other adults that are "done" or mostly done with the canon events, or heck just suffered a few of them- still had their nightmares and hard times remembering all of the people they lost.

But if they learn about this after? Now they know it wasn't their fault, this was suppose to happen.

Remember what I said earlier? "G-d time is perfect"? That's something I heard growing up, from people who needed to hear that this has to have a purpose, serve a deeper meaning.

Otherwise, is just suffering.

However, can you see the parallels now? A belief that uses the pain and trauma of their members to make them believe, gives a "justifiable" and "noble" reason to continue pushing this narrative too (aka if we don't do it the universe collapses.) And just as well, is also fake, yet they are too blinded to notice, and they are now making people suffer for most probably not good reason while neglecting to learn what is actually going down.

Yeah, this really hammers more than anything the most cultish aspects of the Society. Because it is at is core.

Miguel's Biases

Now, I am convinced Miguel's canon theory is wrong, I know we can't know for sure what's going on until BTVS, but at this point I am rolling with that idea because too many things are adding up for me.

Yet despite how it becomes obvious in a way I consider embarrassing that Miguel doesn't notice- He is blinded by his own theory.

We all have our own biases, is not odd that we are inclined to believe things when they are said for people we respect, admire or look up. Similarly, we are also inclined to believe things more quickly when they align we pre-established world views, or favours a narrative you are more inclined to believe in.

(Yes I admitted how that means this work and others fall into this category, the reason they are as long as they are is because I try to at least to be able to justify my position in some way, and lay all what I think in case someone wants to debate me on it.)

My point with all of this, is that the reason why Miguel cannot see the holes in his own theory as he explains it, is because he is biased by the narrative he has done in his head.

I said this a million times already and I will say it again: No one believes in this more than Miguel, while I think Jess and Peter believe some things and are doubtful with others, Miguel believes all the way.

And just like some missionary people going too far, he can justify all the things he is doing because of this. Because is for the "greater good," and as long as it is for that reason, slamming teens into the train while screaming "you are a mistake!" Is all to save the multiverse.

But we aren't seeing a guy convinced to do things the hard way because sometimes tough situations demand desperate measures. We are seen a man try to cope with his guilt so poorly he created an entire unit dedicated to preserve this idea.

This is horrifying.

And now everything he has done colours different, because let me tell you, if you think too hard about his behaviour now looks a lot more authoritative and insane.

Projection is NOT a great Look Miguel

You know? I firmly believe a lot of people in Miguel's side are biased by his angsty demeanour, by his looks, by the power he has. This isn't to say I am not biased, is just that is not in that direction.

Not gonna lie I can't see this guy throwing stuff and don't remember a couple of temper tantrums my dad has done.

Regardless of my biases, I believe is for this reason I can say that honestly? I find embarrassing that Miguel throws things like that.

Again, I feel these scenes changed a lot the context once you put together that canon isn't part of saving the universe, and that Miguel is getting so worked up about something that until I see the contrary, is a theory he came up by himself with no other backing.

Which means he is throwing stuff at people for no good reason, getting worked up to intense levels that are not appropriate; all while being the boss that doesn't like to be questioned.

Honestly this part isn't exactly necessary on cult leaders, but I would say it happens.

(Again, I don't want to call this necessarily a cult; regardless of how much I think it fits the bill. There are multiple criteria, and I can't evaluate everything.)

One way or another, Miguel's reactions aren't anything good. Think about it, if your boss threw things around when he was angry, would you consider that safe?

Because you know what I consider the most telling part of all of this? Neither when Miguel throws the trashcan, nor when he throws the console, has anyone being surprised about this behaviour.

Let me repeat this; even if this wasn't about Miles, Miguel apparently is known for this enough that no one is phased.

Forget that they are super heroes, I don't think is a great look when the leader of your organization gets so angry he can't think straight, to the point he reaches the wildest conclusions.

This is another reason why I think the mental health in this institution has to be shit, 1) You can't have a harmful belief that enforces suffering and have good mental health, is not feasible. 2) I don't care if Miguel is the boss, or is probably his decision not getting help; is downright embarrassing he is let to do these things and no one questions if he is out of line.

Remember, this shouldn't be a dictatorship, regardless if this was Miguel's idea and operation, if you can't question the leader even if he is wrong; that's tyranny, and all just needs the boss to be wrong once for things to go south.

Now imagine when the entire system is flawed.

Now, the following part feels like I may be repeating myself, but the previous part was about how these actions are bad; and the second one is about why having mental health issues isn't a defence,

I imagine by this point, perhaps someone may want to come out of the woodwork's and say "But you are being completely unfair! Miguel is clearly hurting about this, he is not thinking clearly! That's why he screams to Miles that he is a mistake, he is projecting!"

(Sigh.) You know? I don't think there is a lot of people who would seriously try to say that about someone making a theory like this is still justified to do what he does, because he is clearly trying to substitute reality with his own, but because I had gotten WAY TOO MANY TIMES the "oh poor Miguel/Peter they are traumatized!" I am going to do the thing that is the real reason this post will be controversial.

Because disregarding your mental health to the point is hurting you and affecting others IS BAD TOO.

HEAR ME OUT!

In real life, there are complications like not having money, not having resources you can go to, maybe you are living with an abusive person who will not let you get any help- Things are very complicated, and there are many reasons you are stuck.

This isn't Miguel's case, for starters.

The guy clearly has money, he even has a spider-man psych which means the guy knows how the secret identity goes and has a psychological degree, so you can say he has an available, viable help just right around the corner. He is also a middle-aged man, meaning he should know better.

Because here is the thing, for all the dumb shit Gwen has done, she is a traumatized teen with not the best support, not adults she can rely on, and has a dad which copy mechanism is "I have a job to do," which is the same thing she does. I can believe she doesn't know any better, and will not take the best decisions either. I did my own fair of mistakes at that age so I can't talk.

What is Miguel's excuse? I am sorry, but I feel when you are at that age, when you have a responsibility this big, (that let's not forget everybody, HE CHOSE THIS, no one forced it onto him.) You need to be able to look in yourself and know when you can lead or not, when you can be trusted with big decisions or not. By this point in your life, you shouldn't rely on other people to tell you need help. If you are so much in your own head you are not seeing what's in front of you, that's a problem you need to fix.

You could try to argue that at that point he obviously will not see it, but 1) Honestly people let him get away with it, as we can see. 2) Do we know he would listen, considering this situation?

That doesn't mean letting him go rampant, that means "we took the executive decision you aren't fit as a leader." I am not joking here, Elon Musk was kicked out of paypal for less dumb shit and that's saying something.

I had heard so many excuses over the years about angry men that refuse to address their attitude issues because, "he had a rough childhood," "his father was absent," "he is stressed about work." All while being told that you need to grit your tear and bear it.

I can't take seriously a guy who has the money and the means to recover, yet refuses to confront reality because is more comfortable to fabricate something in your mind.

ESPECIALLY NOT when he is involving more people into his twisted system, that perpetuates people having MORE TRAUMA, all to justify his own.

All, while putting the multi-verse in danger, because he decided to take this task upon himself yet using his own flawed narrative.

And you know why I think Miguel being wrong in multiple things, (his theory, behaviour, literally throwing Gwen for questioning him and "letting him go" and not for disobeying- seriously why throw a way the justifiable reason if it isn't meant to be something?) Is not bad writing in my opinion, is because-

THAT'S THE ENTIRE POINT~!

Notice the funny thing about all of these scenes? All of them have Miguel showing being in the wrong.

Miles is telling Miguel it was the Spot, because it literally was; the black matter started way before and he saw it.

Miles IS Spider-man because he has earned that title, and not by doing a checklist of pre-approved events to see if he fits or not the bill.

Miguel is wrong because he is literally mad at Gwen for questioning him, and is insisting Gwen let Miles go; which is funny because PETER was the one in close quarters with Miles, and had a much better chance of capturing him.

But he isn't given any a reprimand for his behaviour, he gets scotch free while Gwen is being blamed for that blunder; and hey isn't something very traditional of corrupt systems of power favour those close to the inner circle while the "problematic members" are blamed for the mistakes of others?

And you can see all the other mistakes I had laid down already.

Because Miguel is the antagonist.

He is a man so blinded by guilt he has created a whole system made to keep it intact, is absolutely absurd to realize how crazy everything sounds once you put all of these pieces together.

Yet the point of this story is how even while having the most noble of reasons, if you are so focused on the past you are forced to make it your future, you may miss the opportunities out there to make it better.

Just like someone living in an unjust society, convinced it needs to perpetuate the status quo because anything else would mean the end of the world as we know it.

It really shows how sad and twisted this can be.

Oof, that got a little heavy huh? Sorry about that, is hard not to get intense.

Still feel a little crazy seeing the parallels about cults because I don't think the team realized how much this is hammering home with that; or maybe they do and I am underestimating them.

Thank you for anyone who came along in this ready! As always if you have the chance please support my ko-fi, and if you can't, please share this post around!

#atsv #across the spiderverse #spider society #miguel o' hara #jessica drew #peter b parker #miles morales #gwen stacy #atsv files

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