#something about breaking out of cycles of abuse and healing together

[bridgetoesoteria]

💓Sunday Special: What lessons are your ancestors tired of you repeating?

In the spirit of Sunday, I wanted to post something that digs deep. What lesson(s) do they see you constantly repeating? Why does it matter? How can you move past it?

This reading is open to anyone who believes in some kind of guiding higher power, you needn't resonate with the term "ancestors." I'll be using terms interchangeably throughout.

As always, piles are left to right and I hope it resonates 😙

~ K

No TL;DRs with this post. Sorry not sorry 💋

Pile 1

Spread: 6 of Swords, The Lovers, King of Wands, Justice. Bottom of deck is The Star.

So this will be your main spread. It is about the lesson they see you repeating the most. When I started shuffling I heard "naive/naivete." I also heard, "you can't heal in the place that you are broken." I don't know if that's exactly how the phrase goes, but the gist is that you can't expect to get better in the same place that is harming you.

Coming back to your spread, for many of you this is pretty cut and clear. You are back and forth with someone. You could be in a constant "healing cycle" because of this person or situation. For some of you this person could be your dad. Maybe you would like to build a healthy relationship with them but it never works out. For others, I think this is some kind of romantic situation.

I've never seen the lovers card in this way but I'm noticing how much smaller the girl looks than the guy. Some of you could deal with toxic men who are older than you or controlling. **TW: Abuse** I clarified and it seems like some of you could be in an abusive situation which could explain the cyclical nature I was picking up on.

Whatever it is clearly breaks you down. You may want to end whatever this is but you don't know if you can trust your intuition and that you will be okay.

To be very clear, I do not believe in any kind of victim blaming. I wasn't expecting this message. So I don't mean "lesson," as way to imply you are doing it to yourself. In this pile its more like what concerning cycle are you repeating.

Why does it matter

I'm using this relationship question deck I bought online. Its not made with the purposes of tarot. The two cards on the left came out together which I think is meaningful.

It matters that you break this cycle because it is important that you build trust in yourself and your spirituality. Whatever higher power(s) you believe in, do you believe they can take you through anything? Do you believe that you will be supported if you take step in the direction you feel guided? This repeating scenario is similar to picking at a scab or poking at a wound. It is hurting you in the same place again and again, so you can never fully heal. For some of you, you may have kids that are watching you repeat this cycle.

Besides that I am finding it hard to pick up on anything else. So I think you are supposed to look over the cards and do some soul searching. It will probably have a different message for everyone.

How can you move past it

Power and Intention (Oracle) + Ease and Grace (Oracle)

I do think its worth noting that Guardian Angel is a the bottom of the deck. More than anything, I am getting to trust your angels (or guides, ancestors... you know what I mean). They don't want you to rush the process or to look to far ahead. Take everything step by step and remain grounded. Reach out to on your spirit team and trust the guidance you receive. Rely on any strong friends you have around you.

For some I am getting a male family member. This person could be older you and pretty serious, but their eyes hold a lot of emotion. Deep down they want to see you do better and will step up if you call on them. This could also be friend or someone that has passed.

Incorporating yoga, meditation, or other forms of mindfulness can help you navigate this situation. It can also help you get clear about your intentions.

Pile 2

Spread: 5 of Cups, Page of Swords, 2 of Pentacles, Ace of Swords. Bottom of deck is The Sun.

In some way, you could be ignoring the truth. Maybe you found out someone lied and you are very disappointed about that. Also, this might not be the first time you have been let down. I usually see the page of swords as a defensive card but usually this energy builds up over time. Like a bunch of small stuff just add up to the point where you are "always ready," with a certain person. So yeah...if you think/know someone is full of shit...they are.

The repeating lesson could very well be you continuing to forgive someone who insists on being a duplicitous ass. For many of you, it could be to the point where you are turning on yourself internally. Not sure what to think or do. I think you do what things to get better but you don't want to get burned.

Why does it matter

I'm using a non tarot, relationship deck for this question.

I see a message I was receiving earlier in these cards. I got a feeling that a few of you could want to study or pursue a career outside of what your family has deemed suitable or worthwhile. There could be certain expectations you are expected to live up to but I don't think you really want to. You are becoming more of a free spirit.

I'm not saying too much for this section in any of the piles. I feel like the messages will all be deeply personal and unique. So just reflect on the cards and see what revelations they hold for you.

How can you move past it

Compassion (Oracle) + Courage and Bravery (Oracle)

Just from looking at the cards I get an energy of bravery. I feel like you are being encouraged to step out on your own. You could resonate with Joan of Arc or the movie Brave. You could know that you have creative energy. So take that empress energy to plan and manifest your dreams.

Some of you need to turn that decadent, abundant energy inward and nurture yourself. For most of you, I think this card is asking you to extend compassion to yourself. It is asking you to find your joy and reasons to be happy in spite of the actions of others.

Your spirit team is asking you to call in reinforcements. They want you to know you don't have to go it alone. Not this time. Allow yourself to have human emotions about the reality of your situation. Don't judge yourself for whatever comes up. Some of you may feel guided to a "cut and clear" or some other kind of releasing/cleansing ritual. Your angels are with you right now. Some of you may want to be more honest and this card supports you speaking the truth.

Pile 3

Spread: 7 of Swords, The Star, The World, 10 of Pentacles. Bottom of deck is 2 of Wands.

So I was hearing "yikes on bikes," before I even drew the first card. Then I got the 7 of swords so yeahh... I am getting that most of you are the villain in this story. No judgement from me. We are just here to discuss the lesson your ancestors have watched you repeat too many times (for their liking anyway).

Some of you could be a little toxic. Maybe you are wishy-washy, up and down with your emotions, and a bit sneaky. I do think some people may have more than one person they are dealing with. You could be prone to emotional outbursts and possessiveness. This may or may not have been recommended to you yet, but you may want to consider speaking to a medical professional about this.

If it isn't you that is back and forth between two people, then you could be on the flipside. You could be on of two people that a particular person is dealing with.

However this resonates, I do think you have opportunities to get out of this but you don't act on them. You could even be making yourself "blind" to them because you are holding out hope.

Why does it matter

These cards are not tarot cards. They are from a relationship question deck I bought online. Please take some time to reflect on them. I believe they hold a unique message for everyone.

So the key to breaking this cycle may lie in your childhood. Maybe you were raised in a controlling or stifling atmosphere. This may make it hard for you to transition to being a full-blown "adult." Deep down you may not acknowledge how much you crave to feel totally uninhibited and it can lead to you being impulsive and somewhat emotionally immature.

Fret not, we do not need to be held back by our childhoods. Just because you are an adult does not mean you have to "get over it" or "grow up." There are plenty of ways to be lighthearted or expressive without upending your life.

There could be a specific support group that you would benefit from.

How can you move past it

Do The Work (Oracle) + Intuition and Downloads (Oracle)

I am using The Angel Guide Oracle for this question.

I think many of you know what needs to be done. You may also have people making recommendations to you. Do The Work makes it clear that there is some serious work that needs to be done to complete this lesson. You may feel tempted to escape this work because it feels challenging but you are being encourages to stick it out.

(Some of you could be struggling with substance abuse or another form of addiction. So this is kind of a mini intervention with your spirit team).

Intuition and Downloads speaks of receiving intuitive messages from your guides. For some of you it could come through in your dreams. You are really being urged to trust the "psychic insights" you are receiving. Trust that you are being led to healing and the best possible outcome.

#hoodoo #spiritual awakening #spirituality #tarot community #pick a card #intuitive readings #tarot #oracle reading #oracle cards #spiritual community #pick a card reading #ancestor work

[animefeminist]

Ugly Things Cannot Be Loved: Penguindrum and the dilemma of Yuri

Content Warning: depictions of homophobia (condemned by the text); child sexual abuse; terrorism; poverty; cults.

Spoilers: Detailed discussion of all of Penguindrum.

Penguindrum is a challenging show, in all senses of the word. In it, Takakura Shoma, Kanba, and Himari, whose parents committed a terrorist attack out of economic desperation, confront others whose lives have been touched by systematic oppression over something called the Penguindrum, which they believe can magically transform their lives. Through these stories of survivors of abuse, child homelessness, and a terroristic cult fighting for the Penguindrum, Penguindrum indicts how society abandons the most vulnerable. In spite of this, Penguindrum is hopeful about our ability to heal from trauma together; most of its characters end the story having grown in some way, letting go of unhealthy attachments–Masako lets go of her attachment to capitalism, Shoma lets go of the guilt he feels about his parents’ actions. Most powerfully, Himari, the adoptive daughter of those same parents, fully accepts her past of homelessness and illness and embraces her adoptive family. At the climax of the show, Himari pulls her brother Kanba from the brink of replicating their parents’ act of terrorism, breaking the cycle of trauma.

This is not the case with Yuri, a Takarazuka star who suffered violent abuse at the hands of her father until she was rescued by her first love Momoka and the Penguindrum. In one of the most disturbing scenes of the show, Yuri, a closeted lesbian, graphically drugs and rapes Ringo, Momoka’s little sister, and then shows little-to-no remorse over the act. Ringo, on the other hand, seems to barely register the event, with her story moving on as if it had never happened. In the penultimate episode, the two meet, but only for Yuri to give Ringo her sister’s diary, without any acknowledgement of the horrific violence she inflicted. If it is a sign of remorse, it is wildly inadequate. Her act of violence against Ringo is left unresolved.

Yuri’s assault of Ringo is emblematic of how the tensions and arguable flaws in Penguindrum point to larger tensions and unresolved questions in our movements for transformative justice, abolition, and queer liberation. The struggle, if not impossibility, of finding true healing in the aftermath of trauma when the injustice that produced it has not ended is the tension that animates the show, and, I think, the work of organizing for justice.

Read it at Anime Feminist!

#mawaru penguindrum #penguindrum #ringo oginome #yuri tokikago #kunihiko ikuhara #articles

[scarlet--wiccan]

What would be your ideal dynamic for wanda and vision in a current comic? I like both characters and I appreciate their relationship in the past but I don’t like the thought of them being together again (not just because of Jericho but because of all the baggage). I wish they could be good friends. They have a history but it’s not who they are

Well, I definitely don't want them to get back together as a couple. There are many reasons, but in terms of Wanda's characterization, I think that it would undermine her growth and maturity.

Wanda's publication history is pretty clearly divided into two periods-- before Disassembled/House of M, and after. Her character, post-HoM, has been defined by regret and trauma in way that she never really had been before, with her primary motive becoming redemption. The traumatic events and the layers of sexism, ableism, etc. in her writing had been adding up for years before Disassembled, but that event took things to an unprecedented level of cruelty, in both the treatment of the character, and in the message it sent about... basically everything Wanda represents.

In my mind, the only way to move forward from that is to textually acknowledge and interrogate all of the ways in which that storyline was messed up. That still hasn't happened, at least not in a way that is fully satisfying to me, but writers have certainly tried. I think, for Wanda, the most important thing is to let her acknowledge the injustices that she was subjected to, and show that she has chosen to seek healing and restitution.

In other words, she needs to have a marked shift in growth and maturity. She cannot ever be the same person she was in the 70s, 80s, or even the 90s. To be clear, Wanda's redeemed herself several times over, but I believe that the weight of her experiences and the strength gained from her survival need to remain at the core of her characterization, especially for all of her recent magical prowess and personal victories over her past abusers-- namely Chthon-- to feel earned.

Obviously, it should be possible for a character to reunite with an old lover and lose all of their personal growth, but this is Marvel Comics. Characters cycle back to older character treatments, older relationships, even older personalities all the time. I mean, a huge part of the early Krakoa era was about gently resetting characters to their most evergreen iterations. That's fine, it's part of the medium, but I think Wanda needs to stay out of that cycle, and I just don't have faith that the writers and editors will be able to put her and the Vision together without giving into nostalgia, to say nothing of the M C U synergy.

I have loads of other objections, but here are the main two--

1) Wanda and Vision have a ton of recent baggage, from just the last decade. Vision was cruel to her in AvX; he went through something very heavy and traumatic with Virginia, which was also kind of messed up for Wanda; and— this is the big one— they were mutually raped in Secret Empire. The text does not properly acknowledge that fact, but that's because Secret Empire was a really fucked up book in the first place.

2) I think the fact that Wanda and Jericho's relationship never got any serious page time or development after Uncanny Avengers is a crying shame, and I think that it is in part due to racism. Breaking them up before they get their time to shine would be a huge disappointment, and I feel like doing it so unceremoniously just to pander to Wanda//Vision fans, let's be honest, would feel kinda antiblack. To me! I'm just saying!

Anyways, here's Vision, Wanda, and Jericho (& Clint!) having a lunch together in Avengers: No Road Home. They're pals, Wanda and Vision are friendly exes who care about each other a lot, but they're just very different people from who they were back when they were together. That is exactly how I want their dynamic to be written in the upcoming Avengers.

#vision #wanda maximoff #avengers #robintext #tw rape mention

[hualianff]

Our Time Will Come

(CW: Omegaverse, mention of r*pe)

Thinking about alpha half-brothers HC and SL. HC is older by two years and is insanely protective of his younger brother. SL admires HC with just as much vigor. 

Neither of them are mentally or emotionally stable. 

While their mother died giving birth to SL - something SL will always blame himself for - HC was conceived through rape. Thus, their mother’s death will always plague SL while HC lives with the knowledge that his mother never wanted him in the first place.

This never stopped their mother from loving them both.

The brothers grew up in an abusive pack that had very strict regulations in order to survive constant food shortages and the biting frost of the winter. SL’s father - the one their mother willingly mated and loved - died by saving all the food and water for his pups when HC barely reached age ten.

Years down the road, the brothers climbed the ranks of the pack, swearing to always have each others’ backs. 

When HC turned eighteen, he successfully killed his own father.

When HC turned twenty-two, he challenged their scum pack leader and won. 

In both these incidents, HC sustained grave injuries, including a permanently damaged right eye. Fortunately, he had SL to tend to his wounds and scent him comfortingly. 

HC and SL now lead the pack together. HC is nearing thirty, standing at a considerable 190 cm, as bulky and scarred as one expects a full-grown alpha to be. On the other hand, SL is shorter (187 cm) and thinner - though he’s yet to finish growing - and somehow has a set of straight, healthy teeth. He smiles more often out of the two, making him seem more approachable compared to HC.

In addition to trying to heal from childhood trauma, the brothers must figure out how to survive without torturing or neglecting their packmates - adamant on breaking the cycle of tyrannical leaders.

Because of the copious amounts of blood spilled due to neighboring packs trying to conquer their territory, the brothers gain their reputation as the “Crimson Kings.” No other packs want to risk their necks in an attempt to establish a cordial relationship with such violent wolves.

Except for one, apparently. 

All because of a certain head omega, XL. 

XL, whose parents are pressuring him to mate but XL will only mate with the one he chooses, which they exasperatedly agree to.

XL, who has had some pretty bad experiences with alphas who manipulate his kindness and end up trying to control him.

He’s just turned twenty-six, and is expected to mate and have pups as soon as possible. Because he’s waited and learned the ropes of pack leader since presenting, XL is already really noble in his position as head omega.

Not completely naive or untainted (read: unharmed), XL is a well-liked leader and co-pack counsel representative. Of course he will be the first one to invite the Crimson Kings to the annual winter celebrations held in Xianle pack!

(Ironically, XL knows what it’s like to be excluded.)

Ever the strategic leader, XL believes forming positive relations with the Hong Xue (红雪) pack will be beneficial for both sides.

Unsurprisingly, HC and SL are quite skeptical at first. Their pack has never been included in these sorts of things. Plus, they’ve never met XL before, unsure of whether his intentions are genuine or not.

Therefore, XL offers to travel to the Hong Xue pack to acquaint themselves.

The Crimson Kings can’t say no to that.

***

When XL finally arrives at his destination (accompanied by his trusted friends and advisors, MQ and FX), the Hong Xue pack leaders are there to greet him. HC’s and SL’s noses instantly twitch with interest…XL smells pleasantly sweet. Paired with his friendly smile, XL is so soft yet dignified; it makes them feel at ease, for some reason. 

HC and SL forgot what peaches smelled like before meeting XL. Because peaches have always been a luxury, which suggests that XL himself is…

XL is speaking now, marveling at the taller alpha with long, ink-black hair pulled back into a long braid, and an eyepatch fastened over his right eye; then, the alpha who shares similar features, but with shorter raven locks framing a sharply cut jaw, and a small fang peeking over his bottom lip. 

SL and XL instantly become friends. SL calls XL “Gege” not a day after meeting him and HC still addresses him as “Head Omega Xie.” Under FX and MQ’s distrustful gazes, the brothers treat XL with the utmost respect, ensuring his housing and meals are more than satisfactory. In exchange, XL discusses the hopeful future he envisions between their packs. 

“I wouldn’t dare claim that I am knowledgeable in how your pack functions, nor the history and culture that had shaped it into what it is today,” XL says, pausing his eating for a moment.

SL beats FX in placing another piece of meat onto the head omega’s plate (because FX had put a piece of meat on another certain omega’s plate beforehand), which he receives a nasty glare from the other alpha for.

“But I want to learn. I’m willing to take the time and effort to understand your pack. I hope…that is something you guys wish for as well.”

XL glances between the two pack alphas with shining, amber eyes. HC’s expression doesn’t confirm or deny XL’s statement, but his stomach drops upon spotting the dazed look on his brother’s face as the younger alpha eagerly nods.

“I can see that working out for us, gege,” SL says, smiling with both dimples on display. XL offers his own warm smile in return. 

“I’m glad, San Lang.” A pause. “Does Head Alpha Hua have any input he wishes to add?”

Unlike SL, who has always dreamed about finding the perfect partner to mate, HC never wanted to mate. Looking at XL’s gentle features, HC realizes it was less about wanting a mate and more about how he simply shouldn’t have one. 

After all, HC ruins everything he touches. Death and destruction follow him like a lost pup drawn to its ma. No one should have to witness how crazed the monster within him could get - just like his father.

His mother and SL deserved better. 

HC clears his throat before answering, “Like my brother, I’d be open to future negotiations with Omega Head Xie and the Xianle pack.”

A burst of tang - clementine ? - joins the underlying sweetness of peach. The brothers’ noses twitch again, in sync. Their own scents of blackberry and iron spike in response. 

The rest of the meal continues without a hitch. 

Until after, when FX pulls XL away and MQ confronts the pair of Crimson Kings privately. 

“What in the world has you two so high in the clouds? You know I’m-” MQ abruptly cuts himself off. “Feng Xin and I-”

“Are mated?” HC interrupts.

“Yeah, we can tell. Not like it’s hard…” SL adds, eyes flickering to the visible mating mark on the juncture of the omega’s shoulder. MQ sharply inhales at that. Just as he expected, but…

“So you can smell him?” MQ croaks out. HC and SL share a confused look.

“You mean gege?” 

MQ wordlessly nods.

“Of course we can. He smells like peaches,” SL informs, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. HC grunts in affirmation. 

MQ’s eyes widen, sheer shock written on his face. 

“You guys aren’t shitting me, right? Cause I swear, you fucking knotheads better not mess around with His Highness-”

“We have nothing but respect for Head Omega Xie,” HC states firmly. “We aren’t lying either. Anyone would be able to smell his scent.”

“No.”

The brothers blink once. Then twice. 

What?

“No one’s ever…I-I mean, he presented with a heat, so we know he’s an omega,” MQ shakily starts. “But we always thought he was…”

SL crosses his arms while HC tilts his head. 

“...scentless.”

Both brothers violently balk at that. 

Impossible.

#tgcf #heaven official's blessing #hualian #xie lian #hua cheng #san lang #cerdrabbles #omegaverse au #alpha hua cheng #omega xie lian #feng xin #mu qing #TBC

[jacquelinemerritt]

Diamond is Unbreakable: Episode 5 Review

Originally posted May 29th, 2016

Keicho’s father and the cycle of abuse.

“The Nijimura Brothers, Part 3” is the final episode in this storyline, and in it we are introduced to the emotional crux of the story: Keicho’s father’s monstrous nature. Thanks to a leftover “flesh bud” implanted by Dio in 1988, Keicho’s father has become a mindless green ogre who can regenerate from any wound, and Keicho reveals that his purpose is granting people Stands with the bow and arrow was so that he could find a Stand capable of actually killing his father, a quest that has been thus far unsuccessful.

Keicho’s desire to kill his father would seem to be a natural result of a typical cycle of abuse; his father beat him and Okuyasu as children, and it was only after Dio showed up that things became better for them, as Keicho’s father was now capable of providing for his family. The consequences of the abuse clearly still affect Keicho,1 however; growing up under his father taught him that violence is the only solution, and so he desires to use violence to “solve” the problem of his father, even going as far as to beat him into submission when he refuses to stop searching through a seemingly empty chest.

The chest isn’t empty, however, and when Josuke notices this, he uses Crazy Diamond to reveal the true reason Keicho’s father desperately clawed at it: it contains the fragments of a family photo, a photo that upon being put back together causes Keicho’s father to burst into tears. Despite being unable to communicate and generally acting bestial, Keicho’s father’s primary concern is having a chance to look upon an image of the family that he once had, and that he once loved dearly.

Keicho is thus forced to see that his abusive father is a far more complex man than he had previously given him credit for, and it here that Okuyasu attempts to reconcile with him, and set him on the path to looking for a way to heal his father rather than kill him. Unfortunately, Keicho’s own abusive tendencies are shown he when he chastises his younger brother for being incompetent, as well as through his willingness to disavow him over something as trivial as touching the bow and arrow.

Before the brothers can conclude their conversation, however, Red Hot Chili Peppers shows up, and he decides to completely shatter the pacing of this episode, which had previously all been carefully building to Okuyasu confronting his brother.

Now, on a certain storytelling level, this makes sense, as the introduction of Red Hot Chili Peppers gives us the catalyst for events going forward, but the timing is completely ineffective, breaking off the only real interaction between the Nijumura brothers that we’ve seen over the last three episodes. The only saving grace of this moment is that it is used to add complexity to Keicho’s character, as he immediately shoves Okuyasu away and takes the fatal blow himself, saving his brother’s life.

What’s left of the episode is an ominous phone conversation between Jotaro and Red Hot Chili Peppers, as well as a moment where Okuyasu shows up at Josuke’s house to walk with him to school. As much as I love how adorable Okuyasu is in the last scene, these moments both feel completely out of place with the rest of the episode, and seem shoehorned in as setup for future episodes.

Rating: 4/5

If you enjoyed this review, consider supporting me on Patreon.

Stray Observations

That the plot of this episode is all about introducing an unexpected consequence to the defeat of Dio adds to the meta-commentary of this series being a follow-up unintended by Araki.

Perhaps it’s just me, but I don’t believe it’s an accident Dio decided to implant a flesh bud in the abusive father of two innocent children. It’d give him the ability to prevent their abuse from continuing and provide for the family financially, while still gaining an extra Stand user as a servant. Sounds like a win-win in his book.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo's bizarre adventure diamond is unbreakable #jjba #jjba diamond is unbreakable #jjba diu #diu #david production #davidpro #josuke higashikata #jotaro kujo #okuyasu nijimura #koichi hirose #DiU ep05

[sunlightsshadow]

Heal What Has Been Hurt Liveblog

hello and welcome to the first of 5 initial (but probably not Only) posts recounting my liveblogging of Heal What Has Been Hurt by @sunlitmcgee

ch1: and the universe said "I Love You"

c! tech did one (1) good thing and it was burning the egg

gogy mention/pos

its only ch1 and they've already gone DadMode. hasnt even even , talked to the boy yet/lh

XD :D

ch2:Flower Gleam and Glow

"weirdo mother hen guardian angel nanny thing." hehehe

moths moths moths moths moths

Clara :D

ch3: I've Been Ghosting Your Dreams

i wonder how tommy feels about warm rain

my browser crashed god dad is too powerful/j

ghostbur :DDD

oh i have so many feelings about ghobur

ch4:Come, My Child

not lots of thoughts just enjoying the domesticity of the bois

did enjoy the star freckles tho

ch5:Like A Busy Bee Taking Flight

"large purple man" thanos/neg

compass compass compass compass (im wearing my Your Tommy compass my bf bought me <3)

heheh dad said pogchamp

ch6:Flying Like a Bee, Black and Yellow Energy

hehe derivikat lyrics

xd dad god. why is that form even still in your rotation/lh

ranboo/pos. i love all Ranboos

hehehe time to sin!

c! techno/neg

xd having several children who are gods and can take care of themselves and having to focus your attention on the whole of creation is different than abandoning your litteral tiny children to go adventuring w a gladiator who hears voices

xd you could have shifted forms dont yell at them/lh

ch7:Cold. Why You Gotta Treat Me So Cold?

weird schlatt tubbo/neg nightmare tubbo/neg

GOD I hate exile

I am so emotional over them GODS

I need someone to be proud of me like xd is proud of tommy

I want a god dad. the yearning is strong

ch8: sweet like honey

any time someone writes tommy saying the phrase "ill be good" istg i feel my heart break

back sore, clue #1

micha 🥺

ch9: I Think You're All Insane

_beloved family/pos

PUFFY!!

every time i manage to forget the captain is dreams mom someone reminds me :/(/hj/nm/lh)

no more memory broke :D

am i using that emoji to much? i do not care<3

god enderman lore/pos

ch10: Deep In The Meadow

i also feel Okay. this is a good place to be

there is something so personal about tommy wanting to end the cycle of abuse and worrying he'll end up like the people who hurt him

good people have intrusive thoughts tommy:(

ch11:Here it's Safe, and Here it's Warm

hehehehe Wings also toms XD would never leave you :(

"you'll instinctively know" its not instincts if it hurts Philza

god i fucking love the personification of instincts. so much. its such a cool thing

ch12:Why, Tell Me, Father?

tommy has a perfect comfy bed and doesnt wanna move. mood

tommy is starting to heal and i love that for him/gen

how DID xd figure that out?

ive just decided just now while rereading that xd was too nice to phil

"you're still here" im gonna SOB

heal! emerald duo/neg

I wanna hug tommy :(

ch13:It's a Promise for Life Between Father and Child

what if i just [takes a white out pen to tommys trauma] look now hes just a lil guy! (someone do this to me)

[beats the doomsday bitches over the head with a stick] i will actually never be normal abt c!tommy

mmmm i should play omori

tinyboo. itty bitty

i dont wana read the interaction w technoooo [reads it anyways] its important

Ghobur! he back!

i think more people should let ghostbur get angry

ch14:How Would You Know?

idk how phil cant sense the Pissed Off aura xd must be giving off rn

in which xd is my spirit animal

:D(malicious)-XD

i like his hat :(

somebody please do this w my dad

ch15: Remember to be Patient

i am obsessed w instinct stuff. lil baby birb go peep peep

i was so lost in the euphoria of birb i forgot to have thoughts

ch16:Fold Up Your Wings, Close Your Eyes

WING TIME WING TIME WING TIME

"it's beautiful… except of course for the unholy screams"

xd " claws" and " adorable" are not generally words that go together

he is SAD the baby is SAD :(

what would xd do if tommy turned into an actual baby?

"its me?" AWWWW🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

hes a baby

i will kill any god for him

baby boy

precious

oh boo even *mentions* agere how did I miss that the first time? tommy is simply baby

ch17: See the Sunset

cant see glass<3

i want a cool space blanket (I have a non-binary flag space blanket tho :3)

I also like when things make click clack noises… am i birb?

I love hiiiiimmmmm

ch18:Nothing Could Tear Us Apart

they can both be clingy it's okay

i almost forgot to open my document when I started reading again

[wilbur voice] quackityyyyy

hes not even actually here but I'm lobe himb

hehehe lovey dovey qpps/pos

i adore my qpps and my bf

GOD i am not NORMAL about platonic soulmate clingyduo there is nothing normal abt my mind state towards them!

"You were worth more than L'manburg ever was…" grrrrrr growl hiss its so GOOD

more baby birb🥺

ch19:Come out and Play

is he a demigod now?

bird time again!

i love instinct shit have i mentioned that?/hj

baby baby boy/pos

i was reading this the first time and I was just like. hes so small

i fuckin love my comfort chara using my coping mechanisms

And with that it's back to reading<3

#cass speaks #dsmp #heal what has been hurt #c!benchtrio

[letters-to--the-void]

an expression of thanks

how do you write a letter to someone you've never met -- someone who may never know of your existence? it's a question I've grappled with over much of the last year since discovering Sleep Token has changed the trajectory of my life. naturally, it follows that I feel a great deal of gratitude toward the band as a whole as well as the individuals behind the music.

Vessel, you'll probably never know who I am. we'll probably never meet; you won't see my face or know my name. just as you are meant to be an enigma to us -- a blank slate that serves only to portray the art as it is meant to be -- so many of us fans are to you. the intentional disconnect between the artists, the art, and the fans further divorces a rapidly growing fanbase from any sort of personal connection to those responsible for the gift of this music, and make no mistake; I respect the creative vision and intention behind this decision immensely. however, as someone who owes so much to this art, it makes it difficult for me to feel I can ever adequately express my appreciation for all this music has done for me.

without getting into too much detail, my early independent adult life has been challenging. I found myself in an unhealthy living situation, a job that takes advantage of me, and a relationship in which my boundaries and needs are neither acknowledged nor respected. every way I looked, I felt trapped between a rock and a hard place, and like a seedling growing through cracks in the pavement, I allowed myself to be stunted and forced into the shape of something I was not. I fell into a complacency where nothing really moved me; I was going through the motions day to day, no longer really feeling or caring about anything at all. I couldn't move myself to engage in the hobbies that once brought me joy; couldn't even find the energy to care.

one day I stumbled across Sleep Token. I'm someone who's always had quite a diverse but specific taste in music, an "I like what I like" kind of person if you will. I wasn't immediately taken with the songs that I sampled, but a couple days later I felt compelled to go back & listen through the entire discography, which is a rarity in and of itself as I've never been the type to even listen through an entire album, much less an entire discography. with each song, I fell a bit deeper until I was consumed by it.

yours is the first band to truly make me feel seen and understood; the first to communicate experiences and feelings in such a way that I knew there was someone else out there who had felt the way that I have. this music became a remedy for my tired existence. listening to some songs feels like picking at a wound, yet in a cathartic way. there is recognition of the fact that there is indeed a wound, but its very existence also suggests that healing is possible. other songs are a comfort like a hand upon the shoulder, reassuring you that all will be fine with time; the warm embrace of someone who cares, promising that they will be there to hold your pieces together when you inevitably break.

this art slapped me out of the sense of complacency and despondency I'd fallen into. it reminded me that I am alive and that there are still mysterious and beautiful things worth living to discover if only I can find the strength and bravery to fight long enough to see them. it told me that I am not alone in my struggles with mental health and toxic relationships; that I am worth more than the abuse and that I am capable of breaking the cycle. it taught me that everything is a cycle, but nothing lasts forever. I can repeat my lived experiences or I can create a new beginning. I can be who I've always been or I can become someone new; someone who is capable and deserving of more, someone who makes different choices and lives a different life.

I have a long way to go. I'm still stuck in a workplace that doesn't truly value me and partnered with someone who doesn't understand or respect me, but the difference is stark. I recognize and care that these situations aren't right for me, and I'm taking steps to rectify these issues. not only is this music now an incredible comfort and support to me, but I've met a lovely community of fellow fans, some of whom are now very close and incredibly dear to me and have proven to be a phenomenal support system. it's been a bit less than a year since I discovered Sleep Token but in that time frame, this music has inspired me to push my comfort zone, meet new people, and do things I otherwise would not have done. in fact, if someone had told me at the beginning of 2023 what the rest of the year would look like, there's not a snowball's chance in hell that I would believe them. ST's music has even reignited my love for music, which was something I was deeply involved with in my teenage years but got out of as I grew older, as we oftentimes seem to do with our teenage hobbies.

I don't know where I would be without this music, but there's a fair chance I might not be around to write such a letter. this art found me in my time of need. it sounds melodramatic, but I'd never discovered anything that gives me as much comfort, strength, and reassurance as this music. though I wish I could give so much more, I'm afraid that all I can offer is this simple thanks and my endless love and support for this project. please remember that you are precious, irreplaceable, and so very loved. your art is changing and saving the lives of many. never doubt your worth. I wish you all the best that life has to offer. as long as ST is around, I'll still be supporting, singing, cheering from the crowd... worshipping.

endlessly, gratefully yours.

[weird-kid-maxx]

The Lifeguard's Secret

Brought to you by Story Generator (Link).

Warnings: Mentions of ab*se, se**f-h**m, and other triggering topics. Please read with caution!!!

Third Person POV

Once upon a time, in the modern world, there was a young man named Lachie. He was a lifeguard at Bondi Beach, known for his bravery and dedication. However, behind his cheerful demeanor, Lachie carried a heavy secret.

Lachie lived in an abusive household, enduring physical and emotional torment every day. The scars on his body were hidden beneath his lifeguard uniform, but his teammates couldn't help but notice his change in behavior. He also played a part in the self-harm scars littering his body as well, but he couldn't stop.

One sunny afternoon, as they sat in the lifeguard tower, Reidy and Whippet decided it was time to confront Lachie. Concerned for their friend's well-being, they approached him gently, asking if something was wrong.

Lachie hesitated at first, unsure if he could trust them with his painful truth. But the genuine concern in their eyes made him realize that he didn't have to face his struggles alone. With a deep breath, he opened up and shared everything.

Tears streamed down Lachie's face as he recounted the horrors he endured at home. Reidy and Whippet listened intently, their hearts breaking for their friend. Their son, even. They offered their unwavering support and vowed to help him escape the cycle of abuse.

Together, they devised a plan to ensure Lachie's safety. They contacted the authorities, providing them with the necessary evidence to take action against his abusers. Lachie was filled with a mix of fear and relief, knowing that his life was about to change forever.

In the following days, Lachie moved into a safe house, with Whippet and his wife and kids, away from the toxic environment that had haunted him for so long. Reidy and Whippet stood by his side, offering him the love and support he desperately needed.

As time passed, Lachie's wounds began to heal, both physically and emotionally. With the help of therapy and the unwavering friendship of Reidy and Whippet and the rest of the team, he regained his strength and found a renewed sense of purpose.

Lachie's story served as a reminder to every lifeguard, new and old, at Bondi Beach of the importance of compassion and looking out for one another. His bravery in sharing his truth inspired others to speak up and seek help when faced with similar challenges.

And so, Lachie's journey from darkness to light became a beacon of hope for all who crossed his path. With his newfound resilience, he continued to save lives on the shores of Bondi Beach, now armed with the knowledge that he was never alone.

#bondi rescue australia #bondi beach #bondi rescue #australia #lachlan lachie mcarthur #andrew reidy reid #ryan whippet clark #lifeguards #bondi beach australia #sydney nsw australia #ocean #ocean view #oceancore #sea #waves #water #seascape #seaside

[storytimewithnova]

Shattered Promises: Love's Mosaic

Chapter 1: The Tragic Accident

Kuroo stood frozen on the side of the road, shock and disbelief coursing through his veins. His heart pounded against his chest, threatening to burst out from the intense pain it held. It felt as if the world had come crashing down around him, shattering into broken pieces.

The car that was supposed to carry his beloved Chibi-chan to the church was now a mangled mess. The blaring sirens of the emergency vehicles filled the air, drowning out Kuroo's anguished screams. The drunk driver who had carelessly smashed into their wedding day, taking away his happiness in an instant.

As the reality sank in, tears streamed down Kuroo's face, mixing with the rain that started pouring down from the heavens. The happiest day of his life had turned into a nightmare beyond his worst fears. He collapsed to his knees, clutching his chest, feeling as though his heart had shattered along with the car.

Chapter 2: The Healing Presence

Months passed, and Kuroo found himself drowning in a sea of grief and despair. It was during this dark time that Tooru, Shoyo's older brother, became an unexpected source of solace. Tooru spent his days at Kuroo's side, providing much-needed comfort and companionship.

Tooru would often come over to Kuroo and Shoyo's house, helping him sort through the memories that haunted every corner. He would listen patiently to Kuroo's stories about Shoyo, offering a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. Through their shared pain, a bond began to form between them.

Together, they visited Shoyo's grave, finding solace in the peacefulness of the cemetery. Kuroo looked into Tooru's eyes and made a silent promise to his beloved Chibi-chan. He vowed to keep living, to find happiness again, and to honor Shoyo's memory.

Chapter 3: Unexpected Love

As time went on, Kuroo and Tooru's bond grew deeper. They found solace and understanding in each other's company, and a spark ignited within their hearts. Kuroo, who believed he would never love again, found himself torn between guilt and the possibility of happiness.

Tooru, too, was struggling with his own demons. He had been in an abusive and toxic relationship with Iwaizumi for far too long. He made the courageous decision to break free from that toxic cycle, realizing that he deserved to find true happiness.

One fateful evening, Tooru confessed his feelings to Kuroo, his voice filled with vulnerability. He told him that he wanted to honor the promise he made to his baby brother and be there for him, even if it meant breaking his heart again.

Chapter 4: A Promise of Love

Kuroo hesitated, his heart torn between loyalty to Shoyo and the growing affection he felt for Tooru. But in Tooru's eyes, he saw a flicker of warmth and something he thought he had lost forever – love.

He took Tooru's hand in his, letting go of the guilt and pain that had consumed him for so long. Together, they made a silent vow to cherish each other and create a new path, one that would intertwine their broken pieces and heal their wounded souls.

Kuroo stood before Shoyo's grave once again, this time with a renewed sense of hope. He whispered under his breath, "In another life, my Chibi-chan, we will find each other again and make it down that aisle. Even if I have to break all tradition and drive you there myself."

As the wind gently brushed against Kuroo's face, carrying the echo of Shoyo's laughter, he felt a sense of peace. The broken pieces of his heart were slowly starting to mend, and he knew that with Tooru by his side, they would find happiness once again.

Chapter 5: Love's Resilience

Kuroo and Tooru's love story unfolded with both tenderness and resilience. They faced their fair share of challenges and obstacles, but their unwavering commitment to each other pushed them forward.

Tooru's decision to leave Iwaizumi was not without consequences. The toxic ex-boyfriend relentlessly tried to win him back, unleashing a wave of harassment and threats. However, Tooru stood firm, determined to protect himself and to build a future with Kuroo that he never had the chance to realize with Shoyo.

Kuroo, on the other hand, struggled with guilt. He often found himself questioning whether he was betraying Shoyo's memory by falling in love with his brother. Yet, with every passing day, Tooru's love and support comforted him, reaffirming that their bond was something separate, something new.

Chapter 6: A New Beginning

As their love deepened, Kuroo and Tooru decided it was time to start anew. They left behind the memories and the pain that haunted their old home and moved into a place they could call their own. It was a symbolic step towards healing and building a future together.

In their new home, Kuroo and Tooru created a sanctuary where love and joy thrived. They decorated the walls with pictures of Shoyo, honoring his memory and keeping him forever close to their hearts. Every now and then, they would share stories about him, keeping his spirit alive in their lives.

They also pursued their individual dreams and passions. Kuroo continued his studies in architecture, pouring his heart into creating beautiful structures that would stand the test of time. Tooru, on the other hand, found solace in art, pouring his emotions onto the canvas, creating masterpieces that reflected his journey of healing and love.

Chapter 7: Love's Legacy

Kuroo and Tooru's love not only became a source of strength for themselves but also inspired those around them. They became advocates for healthy relationships, raising awareness about domestic abuse and the importance of self-love.

Tooru shared his story of leaving an abusive relationship, empowering others to break free from toxic cycles. Kuroo, with his gentle presence and unwavering support, became a symbol of resilience and the healing power of love.

Their love story touched hearts and gave hope to those who felt broken and lost. Kuroo and Tooru became beacons of love, reminding everyone that even in the face of tragedy, it was possible to find happiness again.

Chapter 8: A Promise Fulfilled

Years passed, and Kuroo and Tooru found themselves celebrating their love once more. This time, they stood together at the altar, surrounded by friends and family who had witnessed their journey and supported them every step of the way.

As they exchanged their vows, Kuroo's voice trembled with emotions, "My beloved Chibi-chan, even though you are not physically here with us, your spirit continues to guide us. And today, as I marry your brother, I know you are smiling down on us, knowing that your promise has been fulfilled."

The room filled with tears of joy, as everyone present felt the weight of their love and the unbreakable bond that had formed among them. Kuroo and Tooru kissed, sealing their love with a promise to honor Shoyo's memory and live a life filled with happiness.

And as they danced their first dance together as husbands, the broken pieces of their past had transformed into a mosaic of love, resilience, and a future as bright as the sunrise.

Chapter 9: Embracing Life, Together

The years rolled by like a gentle breeze, carrying with them moments of joy, laughter, and love. Kuroo and Tooru navigated the twists and turns of life side by side, their love growing stronger with each passing day. They faced triumphs and tribulations as a team, never wavering in their commitment to one another.

Their love story became an inspiration, as they began counseling sessions for individuals who had experienced loss or abusive relationships. They poured their hearts into helping others rebuild their lives, offering guidance, support, and a glimmer of hope.

Amidst their advocacy work, Kuroo and Tooru found solace in their shared hobbies. They traveled the world, exploring breathtaking landscapes, immersing themselves in different cultures, and creating memories that surpassed their wildest dreams. Each trip, they left a piece of Shoyo's spirit in the places they visited, ensuring he would forever be a part of their adventures.

Chapter 10: A Legacy of Love

As they approached their twilight years, Kuroo and Tooru's love remained as resilient as ever. They had managed to heal the broken pieces of their hearts, building a life founded on love, compassion, and acceptance. Their relationship became a testament to the power of love's ability to mend the deepest wounds.

Surrounded by their loved ones, Kuroo and Tooru sat by a crackling fireplace, the warmth mirroring the love that filled the room. Their eyes twinkled with shared memories and a quiet contentment that comes from a life well-lived.

In that moment, Kuroo turned to his beloved husband, placing a weathered hand on his cheek. "Tooru, my love," he spoke softly, his voice carrying the weight of a lifetime together, "thank you for teaching me that love can mend even the most broken of hearts. Our journey has been filled with joy, sorrow, and everything in between. Now, as we embrace the golden years, I want you to know that I am eternally grateful for the love we have shared."

Tooru's eyes shimmered with unshed tears as he engulfed Kuroo's hand in his own. "Kuroo, my everything," he whispered, his voice filled with a lifetime's worth of love, "I am thankful every day for the incredible love we have forged. Together, we have overcome the darkest of nights and celebrated the brightest of days. Our love has become a beacon of hope for those who have lost their way. I am forever grateful for you, my love."

And as they shared a tender kiss, a sense of completeness washed over them. Their love had transcended time, proving that healing was possible, even amid shattered dreams and broken pieces. In that moment, they realized that their story was not just about their love for each other but also about the transformative power of love itself.

Epilogue: Love's Mosaic

The story of Kuroo and Tooru, titled "Love's Mosaic," became an enduring legend whispered in the hearts of many. Their journey reminded people that love could triumph over any tragedy, and that even in the face of shattered hopes, new beginnings were possible.

Their legacy lived on, not only through the memories shared by those whose lives they touched but in the countless lives that were mended as a result of their love and advocacy. The broken pieces that had once defined their lives had been transformed into a mosaic of love, resilience, and the unwavering commitment to never give up on happiness, no matter the obstacles.

And as the sun set on their lives, Kuroo and Tooru held hands, finding solace in knowing that their love story would continue to inspire future generations, reminding them that hope was always within reach, waiting to heal the broken pieces and create something beautiful.

[j-edwards]

Dad,

You don't deserve to be called that, but what else do I call you? Ross? Father? Sperm donor? I guess dad will have to do for now, just know that I don't hold the same meaning to dad as the general population does. How could I?

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this to you. Life update? Tell you how I feel? Call you out for being a shit dad? Fuck, I don't know.

I want you to hear from me, I got married. I have officially changed my last name, and in the eyes of the government, social media, and in my personal life, we no longer share a last name. I've been waiting 20 years to change my name and to have a last name to be proud of. No, you were not invited. We had a small ceremony of family and friends, and everyone who was there had a personal relationship to the both of us. You did not have that with either of us. You gave almost zero effort to get to know me, spend time with me, and love me as I am my whole life and you gave less effort into getting to know the man that I would eventually marry. You did not deserve an invitation, and I have no regrets about that.

I'm almost 30, I'm more than halfway through my last year in my 20s, and I've learned a lot. I learned about my undiagnosed mental disorders and how to cope with them. I've learned about my toxic and unhealthy habits and traits in relationships and how to shift my mindset to be more productive. I've started to heal, I started therapy, and I'm actively fixing what you broke, what you failed to even put together. I've put in an incredible amount of work, more work than if you just did your damn job right. But no, you couldn't break the cycle. You couldn't put your ego aside and admit you needed help to move past your trauma. Instead, you willingly gave me yours, and now I'm forced to deal with something that shouldn't be my responsibility. You have 5 kids, and you failed all of us, every single one. I have zero relationship with any of them, and with other facors aside, I blame you the most for that. I don't believe you're capable of love, to give or receive. I believe you are far too emotionally detached to even comprehend what unconditional love is.

More than 15 years ago, I told you I felt indifferent toward you, and that is still the same. I don't believe I love you, I think you took that away every time you failed to show up for me.

More than anything, though, I pity you. I feel sorry for you, I see through your tough guy act, I see past the cold, and I see a scared, sad, hurt little boy who was severely abused. Your abuse and your past was not your fault. Going to residential school was not your fault. Having your mom die while away at residential school was not your fault. What was your fault, was passing down your demons to innocent children who just wanted to be loved by their dad.

I think this letter is my final piece to you. I've spent far too many years contemplating this, but I believe open-ended communication is no longer beneficial to me. I don't believe you deserve a window into my life anymore. I don't believe you deserve to have a means to contact me. Not that it really changes all that much. You haven't reached out in years. I mean, you asked me what my birthday was a couple of years ago, but I don't believe that counts. It's a sad day when a child has to parent the parent, but it's even sadder when a little girl is just begging for her dad to show up. You are the reason I don't want kids. I fear turning into you, I fear my trauma would be passed on, and I don't believe that's fair. I could not live with myself if I had a child, and they felt how I felt because of me. I had to teach myself how to be loved and cared for by a man. A job that was supposed to fall on you, and instead I, again held that responsibility. I experienced trauma because I was never taught to be loved, not in healthy ways.

I hope for the sake of your younger children, you seek help one day. Renée and I are on our own now, were adults, but the younger 3 still have a chance of having a healthy relationship with you. You just need to heal yourself first.

Jess

[ideeyaah]

Breaking the silence..

As I look back on my life, I never imagined that sexual abuse would be a part of my story. I was just a child when a close family friend, someone I trusted, took advantage of me in the most horrific way. The pain and devastation that followed were beyond words. I was confused, overwhelmed, and felt so dirty about myself. I didn't know how to cope with the trauma that had been forced upon me.

In the aftermath, I found myself grappling with immense guilt. I blamed myself for what happened, thinking that if only I had been more careful or had said no, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. I spiraled into a dark place, engaging in destructive behavior, believing that I deserved to be punished for something that was not my fault.

But what hurt me the most was the realization that my family knew about the abuse all along. They chose to stay silent, turning a blind eye to my pain. It was as if my suffering didn't matter, as if it was something that would just go away on its own. This betrayal from my own family was a deep wound that took a long time to heal.

As the years went by, I tried to move on from the trauma. I buried the memories deep inside, trying to forget. But one night, a nightmare brought everything back to the surface. I woke up in tears, feeling the weight of the past bearing down on me. I reached for my Bible app, seeking solace in scripture, and it was then that I realized my aunt, who was sleeping beside me, had no idea about what had happened to me.

I couldn't believe it. How could my family keep something so significant from the rest of them? The feelings of betrayal, hurt, and anger resurfaced. However, in the midst of it all, I also realized that despite everything, I was still here, alive. God had spared my life through numerous suicide attempts, and I knew deep down that He had a plan for me.

Breaking the silence was not easy. It took immense courage to finally speak up about what had happened to me. I knew it was the right thing to do, not just for myself, but for others who may be going through similar situations. I wanted to be a voice for those who felt silenced and encourage them to speak up and seek help.

I realized that I didn't deserve to go through the trauma of sexual abuse. No one does. No one should suffer in silence, carrying the burden alone. It's time to break the cycle of abuse and start having open conversations about it. We need to take action and make a change in our communities, in our families, and in society as a whole.

To anyone who has experienced sexual abuse, please know that you are not alone. There is help available, and healing is possible. You are worthy of love, respect, and happiness, no matter what anyone else may say. It's okay to speak up, to seek support, and to prioritize your well-being. You are not to blame, and you have the right to reclaim your voice and your life.

In conclusion, sharing my story of sexual abuse has been a challenging but necessary step in my healing journey. It has allowed me to break the silence, to confront the pain and betrayal, and to take control of my narrative. I hope that by speaking out, I can inspire others to do the same and create a world where survivors of sexual abuse are heard, supported, and empowered. Together, let's raise our voices and make a difference. It's time to break the silence and create a safer, more compassionate world for a As I look back on my life, I never imagined that sexual abuse would be a part of my story. I was just a child when a close family friend, someone I trusted, took advantage of me in the most horrific way. The pain and devastation that followed were beyond words. I was confused, overwhelmed, and felt so dirty about myself. I didn't know how to cope with the trauma that had been forced upon me.

In the aftermath, I found myself grappling with immense guilt. I blamed myself for what happened, thinking that if only I had been more careful or had said no, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. I spiraled into a dark place, engaging in destructive behavior, believing that I deserved to be punished for something that was not my fault.

But what hurt me the most was the realization that my family knew about the abuse all along. They chose to stay silent, turning a blind eye to my pain. It was as if my suffering didn't matter, as if it was something that would just go away on its own. This betrayal from my own family was a deep wound that took a long time to heal.

As the years went by, I tried to move on from the trauma. I buried the memories deep inside, trying to forget. But one night, a nightmare brought everything back to the surface. I woke up in tears, feeling the weight of the past bearing down on me. I reached for my Bible app, seeking solace in scripture, and it was then that I realized my aunt, who was sleeping beside me, had no idea about what had happened to me.

I couldn't believe it. How could my family keep something so significant from the rest of them? The feelings of betrayal, hurt, and anger resurfaced. However, in the midst of it all, I also realized that despite everything, I was still here, alive. God had spared my life through numerous suicide attempts, and I knew deep down that He had a plan for me.

Breaking the silence was not easy. It took immense courage to finally speak up about what had happened to me. I knew it was the right thing to do, not just for myself, but for others who may be going through similar situations. I wanted to be a voice for those who felt silenced and encourage them to speak up and seek help.

I realized that I didn't deserve to go through the trauma of sexual abuse. No one does. No one should suffer in silence, carrying the burden alone. It's time to break the cycle of abuse and start having open conversations about it. We need to take action and make a change in our communities, in our families, and in society as a whole.

To anyone who has experienced sexual abuse, please know that you are not alone. There is help available, and healing is possible. You are worthy of love, respect, and happiness, no matter what anyone else may say. It's okay to speak up, to seek support, and to prioritize your well-being. You are not to blame, and you have the right to reclaim your voice and your life.

In conclusion, sharing my story of sexual abuse has been a challenging but necessary step in my healing journey. It has allowed me to break the silence, to confront the pain and betrayal, and to take control of my narrative. I hope that by speaking out, I can inspire others to do the same and create a world where survivors of sexual abuse are heard, supported, and empowered. Together, let's raise our voices and make a difference. It's time to break the silence and create a safer, more compassionate world for all.

#blog post #experience #healing #moving on #life

[djhasawildheart]

A Note About The End

It's hard to talk about a relationship in the past tense.

Especially when it was messy from the start that you worked to conceal that from most of the people in your life and didn't see was wrong.

Abuse takes many forms.

At the start of our relationship, I was blind to the fact that I was emotionally blackmailed into moving to Sacramento. After discussing the possibility of getting our own apartment together in June 2020, I was growing apprehensive about the move. I was laid off from Lyft, with a very generous severance package that allowed me to collect unemployment while I looked for remote work & protected myself from COVID. When we started talking about the possibility of living together, I was excited about being in the same place in a very isolated and scary time. When I raised my concerns about moving up there so soon, to an apartment I didn't have a hand in choosing, I was told - "If you don't move up here now, I don't think we can be together". The web of guilt, shame, and gaslighting was being woven before me, but I couldn't see it taking form. I decided to pack all my things and drive across the state into a new beginning.

Over the course of the next fifteen months, I didn't talk about the arguments, the gaslighting, the fights, the pressures, and the lies to those closest to me. I wanted to believe that these were things we could work through. I was unaware of the cycle of abuse I was navigating, until the pressure was too much to bear.

I don't think it serves a purpose to detail all of the abuse and violence. I have moved on, cut all ties of communication, and worked with my therapists to heal and truly lead a happier and healthier life than I had in many, many years. But I think it's important to say that I am a survivor of domestic violence and numerous forms of abuse, that manifested as financial, emotional, and sexual abuse. I was guilted into having sex & wasn't listened to when I tried to say no. My boundaries were frequently violated. Even saying that my boundaries were seldom respected feels like I'm trying to sugarcoat something that serves little purpose for my own good.

When I was getting help, I asked her not to contact me. She was trying to emotionally blackmail me at the start, eventually moving to fight her way to taking me home to heal her way. After I established my boundary over communication, I was texted over 100 times, voicemails piled up, and unwanted advances were attempted. She heard my request for understanding and respect for my boundaries while I healed and she laughed. She mocked me. It went from strained to a nightmare.

In the end, I did what was best for me. I had to - it was obvious from our conversations that I was the only one who wanted me to be healthy and happy for myself. Standing up for myself meant I couldn't be a pawn to her.

She broke off our engagement and broke off our relationship. She gaslit me to the very end, saying that I didn't give her a choice and that meant we might as well break up.

Three months later, she went from crying on the phone while saying she wanted to stay friends to saying she never wanted to speak to me again with a fire of fury in her voice. In the span of two days. The whiplash and gaslighting remained to the very end.

One of the reasons I haven't talked about this is pretty simple.

I made the choice to block her everywhere we were connected & I deleted every picture from our time together, along with our text chain. I knew that having the cleanest break would be best for me. But this meant that I couldn't refute her if she started sharing our conversations. And based on the way she was in the end, I wouldn't put it past her.

I know we have many shared friends from the Disney days. I felt it was important to write this. It was important to speak up for myself.

If you're in an abusive and violent situation, I would encourage you to reach out for help. Escaping such a situation can be devastating - it destroyed my life. But you can rebuild, you can heal, you can bounce back.

The bright side of your life blowing up is that it clears away everything - it gives you a clean slate to built back better.

10.24.2022.

[dereksmcgrath]

Masaoki Shindo’s story, and Caleb Cook’s localization, create an odd but welcome tone to a story that treats something as bizarre as dragon-puberty as normal as going to school.

Content warnings about online bullying and the alleged toxic behavior of Joss Whedon.

"Can't Blame Her,” RuriDragon, Chapter 6. By Masaoki Shindo, translation by Caleb Cook, lettering by Kyla Aiko. Available from Viz.

Caleb Cook has gotten so much shit that he doesn’t deserve. 

He was chased off of Twitter because so many dickheads despised any choices he made when localizing My Hero Academia. 

Sometimes it was translation choices that, yeah, aren’t necessarily my favorite (although that is a matter of whether the choices I saw by scanlators were actually accurate, rather than just what appealed to me personally and “sounded better”). 

And other times it was his supposed (and unproven) hate for Endeavor (which, even if he somehow hated a fictional character who was a wife-beater and an abusive father…the dude is fictional, and even then is a wife-beater and an abusive father–why are you taking the side of a fictional abusive asshole over a real-life non-abusive person?)

I say all of this not to stan for Cook’s work as a translator: it stands on its own terms, and I don’t think I’m in a position to judge the accuracy of the strict translation from Japanese to English, or localization choices made. I can definitely examine how I think the dialogue works or doesn’t work within a scene, and while a lot of that is based on the original text, a lot of it also owes to whether the translator can create dialogue that matches characters, tone, and situation.

It’s one reason Cook’s translation of Masaoki Shindo’s RuriDragon catches me off-guard. It’s not bad. It’s just that what starts from Shindo’s text is so everyday that it clashes, as is the point, with the story’s supernatural elements. 

The manga, now up to its sixth chapter, is about the eponymous Ruri learning that her unseen dad is a dragon and that she is starting to inherit some of his qualities, starting with horns and flame breath. It’s the typical story you have seen more than once, using supernatural changes to the body as analogous to puberty and expected social changes as children become teens and then adults. It’s not breaking new ground in that way, but then again, you could say similar stories like Blue Exorcist (“becoming a demon is like becoming a teenager”) and Turning Red (“becoming a rampaging kaiju red panda is like becoming a teenager”), overlooking what newness those stories brought (“here’s a whole mess of religious narratives mashed together,” “here is how what your parents thought was destructive is actually self-expression and can help heal a cycle of generational violence”). 

With all of that in mind, yeah, RuriDragon has some similarities with Blue Exorcist and Turning Red. But in just six chapters so far, where being a dragon-child is not a source of angst and drama but just treated as normal, this story is satisfying what I would hope from come from it, and given how chill her mom and classmates are about Ruri’s significant changes, it establishes a compelling story, to see just how far Ruri can change her appearance, abilities, and even species before it overwhelms and those around her–or, how those strong familial and platonic relationships persist despite the significant changes she is experiencing.

And that contrast between the really bizarre changes a dragon-child is experiencing, and the calm and complacent tone of the dialogue, helps the series stake out its own brand of comedy and create something largely believable. 

The world of RuriDragon looks pretty much like our own. So, when characters are relaxed in their dialogue with Ruri, it feels believable. 

It probably benefits that manga because it’s not trying to tell some larger supernatural battle story we may expect in your typical shonen action series–at least for now. We’re just seeing Ruri return to school, lowering her guard, removing some of the icy demeanor she had even before learning about her new dragon abilities, and letting that metamorphosis be an ice breaker in conversation to form friendships that, hardly stopping once her unique condition becomes normalized, is letting people get to know her and like her for her personality. 

By avoiding a supernatural battle story right at the beginning, RuriDragon stands in contrast to other stories that, I think, have tried and failed to seem “realistic”: the Marvel Cinematic Universe is in this mess, having started with a flawed “grounded in reality” approach with Iron Man that, hardly making that story more palatable, just clashes poorly with how much more bizarre the stories want to get. (It’s disappointing how, in contrast, Arrow somehow shifting into “now Constantine is here” and “now the Flash is here” worked without compromising tone and actually benefiting by leaning into what has been called an American version of tokusatsu.) 

So, what does all of this have to do with the dialogue? Because my brain is cursed with reducing “funny dialogue,” “the Marvel Cinematic Universe,” and “school-based supernatural hijinks” to toxic creator Joss Whedon and his “Whedonverse.” 

Yuck. 

That’s not what Cook is going for in the dialogue, although it’s difficult to escape the shadow of what Whedon has done for how we imagine “the young people” talk. There’s nothing in RuriDragon that is too awkward to work, and I imagine the dialogue will retain longevity even as it is steeped in our current brand of slang and phrasing. Stuff like saying “def” instead of “definitely,” “can you not with that” instead of “could you not do that,” and “I dunno” instead of “I don’t know” are common enough without trying too hard to imitate young-people speech until it becomes artificial, already dated, or ahead of its time. 

But what also got me noticing the dialogue in this chapter is just how, well, not boring exactly, but calm and largely conflict-free it was in the sixth chapter. Yeah, Ruri’s friend admonishes her about being too friendly with boys in class when it comes to letting them touch her horns, but even that dispute is low-key rather than exaggerated drama. 

That sense of calm is on top of chapters that already showed how chaotic things could get for our main character: discovering flame abilities, controlling her ability, fear of returning to school, anxiety over trying to join a study group. 

Now we are in this relative peace in the story where I can’t say much happens in Chapter 6–which is ignorant on my part, because a lot happens. Yeah, it’s just characters talking about the weather–because by the end of the chapter we see it’s not the weather alone causing all that static cling and sinus headache for Ruri. Yeah, it’s characters asking to touch her horns and fixating on her appearance–because that anxiety persists about how she is different, even as Ruri and her classmates are mostly used to it all. Yeah, we spend a panel discussing Ruri’s new school outfit she swapped out–because she is still undergoing changes that are probably going to have bigger ramifications. Yeah, we pause the story in its tracks for an extended lunch between the students–because this calm is probably the last we get before whatever electricity coming off of Ruri is probably going to start big problems in the next chapter. 

And with the two-week break Shindo is thankfully taking, it’s that dialogue, and Cook’s translation choices, that help heighten that tension between what is scary about the unknown (especially for a teenager) and what is still so typical and "normal" in day-to-day experiences (such as having lunch and conversation with classmates). Those choices in story and dialogue help ease readers of RuriDragon towards accepting new information as it comes, which helps make Ruri's rather understated reactions to what has happened to her come across as not just funny but also understandable.

#ruridragon #shonen jump #viz #manga review #masaoki shindo #caleb cook #cw: cyber bullying #cw: joss whedon

[iwantofall]

Checkmate :')

This has been in the works for a while haha. Finally finished! Kudos to the OPPS for the inspo and support hehdbdnwnxjnsnsndnw (click for better quality..!)

#acedraws #digital art #artists on tumblr #rwby #fanart #art #comics #blake belladona #weiss schnee #monochrome #checkmating #i think monochrome is just so poetic and beautiful. #something about breaking out of cycles of abuse and healing together #choosing to love in the middle of war..... #the monochrome description in amity arena makes me cry #cherry if ur reading this i hope u had a nice rest n ur cool #z pls dont wake the child up

[dollymylove]

i go on and on about regina/emma on here but they put their whole braincell into all of regina’s (platonic) relationships. with emma they definitely fumble a lot more (mainly with her parents) which is aggravating since she’s the MC. but oh regina’s dynamics are a FEAST. 

regina and her parents have such pain woven into everything about them. cora is abusive and that’s undeniable yet regina loves her in a very heartbreakingly realistic way. she’s scared of her to the point of being willing to kill her yet craves her love so desperately she’ll willingly let herself be pulled into her manipulations. henry sr is someone who loves her more than anything but who is also an enabler. regina loves him like he’s the only good thing she has in her life but she doesn’t trust him when he says things like “you can be happy without revenge” because he’s never fought for her in the way that matters. they are the crux of everything she becomes, and it shows so clearly. 

regina and snow are arguably the HEART of the show. nothing exists without their interwoven journey. cora and rumple and even leopold put them in positions to hate each other. and they did! they saw each other at their most innocent, both of them still only kids, and they made each other bleed. their story is one of healing and it’s gorgeous how they came back together as the friends they could’ve been. regina was forced to become her legal family but there is something wonderful in how throughout their journey regina was given the agency to choose to be her found family. 

regina and henry oh how i could write sonnets about these two. regina broke the cycle of abuse. and it is glorious. there are moments where she slips, where things get murky, but she is not her mother. she forces herself to change the moment she realizes her behavior is starting to reflect cora’s. he is her truest love. even without her heart, she loves him so completely that she was able to break a curse with true love’s kiss. he taught her to love again and he is her everything. blood does not make a mother, only love. 

regina and rumple are about as fucked up as regina and cora honestly. rumple built her into the monster he needed to cast his curse just as cora built her into a ruthless woman who could give her a proxy-crown. but just like cora, there is a twisted affection in their mentorship. they try to kill each other without remorse, but he is someone who gave regina her freedom via power, and she won’t ever forget that. he is a twisted imp who cares for no one, but he is also this strange mentor-paternal figure (and thats why NO ONE not even the ACTORS were comfortable making them romantic). 

regina’s character is so stand-out because she doesn’t exist in a vacuum. her complexities are built from specific places, are due to specific people. and not just her romantic ties. you understand her on such an intimate level you cannot help but feel connected to her. there is a reason she’s remembered so fondly, and will continue to be remembered 

#regina mills #real tears in my eyes... she's so perfect