#someone who will love you in all your damaged glory and etc etc

[nikoisme]

Okay so I rewatched Nimona again and I need to rant about a few things:

1.

This shot absolutely broke me. Imagine seeing a whole kingdom, something so grand and complex - built on the hate for you. Every single thing built on hate (watch the names of buildings, like Vanquisher Square and Slayer Aide). When Nimona (in her shadow form) is moving through the kingdom, you see her stumble on and then watch the Kwispy ad. The kids are saying "I killed a monster! I killed two!". Pair this up with Nimona's "Kids. Little kids. They grow up believing that they can be heroes if they drive a sword into the heart of anything different." Imagine hearing cheerful, happy ads with children - but they talk about how they will kill you. Little kids - the ones who are pure and innocent - are taught to hate you.

2. Gloreth. During Nimona's backstory scene, you can see that Gloreth always looks back before she makes any decision (before letting her hair down, before walking up to Nimona after seeing she's a shapeshifter). And when the village goes against Nimona, you can see that Gloreth is constantly looking at her parents, especially when they tell her that Nimona is a monster. She always glances back. Like she can't decide for herself, can't think for herself. Quite symbolic for how hate is taught (like I talked about above). (Also her name is literally Glory plus that -(e)th that was used in English in the past).

3. Ballister and Ambrosius' roles are quite symbolic. (For Nimona) Ballister represents your loved ones, family parents and their relationship with you. Ambrosius represents society, the government. That scene where Ballister presents Nimona the scroll is such an on point scene about your loved ones finding about the fact you're different (trans in this case). Just watch the dialogue closely. It was one of the last straws for Nimona - the pain of having the only person who cares about you suddenly turn on you. And then she goes into her shadow form - to end her life. And when Ballister sees Nimona he says "What have I done?". Represents the realization of parents about how much their words and actions actually mean.

Nimona tells Ambrosius "Come on, man. Do the right thing." Asking society to do the right thing by not hating and discriminating anyone who's different. Ambrosius says "What are we doing?". The realization of how damaging the hate of society is to an individual.

Ambrosius' design is light, while Ballister's is dark. Ambrosius is the pinnacle and peak of society's expectations (descendant of Gloreth). Ballister is the pure opposite, everything that breaks tradition and society's expectations.

And Ballister and Ambrosius' relationship is also interesting. You can see their motives when they act - Ballister acts out of feelings, morals and love. Ambrosius acts by law, tradition but also love. And their love might represent that society and every individual person can work and live together for the better.

4. Nimona's symbolism of shadow and light. When Nimona shifts, she does so in a form of light. She is a being of pure light. Her heart is made out of light. She often shifts to a child, someone innocent and pure. But her "monster" form is pure shadow. And she goes to pierce her heart of light through the sword. Represents that all the hate got to her - one can take so much hate before it gets to them, before it shapes them. Nimona pretty much acts cool about her shape-shifting: she spray-paints the dude who calls her a freak, unplugs the kid's toy about destroying monsters (destroying her), jokes about it etc. But it must have piled up over the course of 1000 years. And by destroying her heart, the only remaining source of light, she takes away the hope and love she had left. When she sacrifices herself, her remainings are little sparks of light. And in the end, when Ballister goes to their lair, it's a shadowy place. But he opens the windows, turns on lanterns - letting light pour in. Because Nimona was a person full of light, love and hope.

#nimona #nimona 2023 #nimona movie #i'm so normal about this movie I swear #but wow congratulations if you read till the end #i had to ramble #i thought about all of this while rewatching this

[ifishouldvanish]

(sorry, one more bc it's been on my mind for a long time)

I worry though, about... the dynamic. Can someone really find and bond with another through their grief and loneliness, without this grim depression they share becoming *worse?*

For me, personally, whenever I think about them... I think there's going to be a level of catharsis. They have something that would be very hard to find in another living being, and a certain love for humanity and the past that would be difficult to find among vampires, and this shapes them into shattered pieces which fit together. But would they still be able to find happiness? It kind of feels like they're two damaged clocks that have coincidentally been stuck on the same minute and hour hand. Would they be able to heal and move time forward?

Okay so like!!!!

I see it less about bonding over the shared grief itself and more about what their responses to that grief have exposed in each of them. Like, in the beginning and on the surface level, yes. It is the grief and loss and loneliness that brings them together. But they are foils!!! I'm telling you!!! They can learn from each other!!!

I've mentioned probably all of this before in scattered pieces across all my posts at some point but!! I think the lowest common denominator, the core of their dynamic, lies in how they seem to have established their senses of self.

Alucard struggles with how not to define himself by his father, and then having to define himself in opposition to his father. "Slave to our families' wishes" etc. And when that chapter of his life closes he's like, "welp, guess I'll just entomb myself here 🤷" until Trevor and Sypha are like "what?? Dude no??" And he's like "oh haha I guess you're right, I can uphold the legacy of the best parts of both of my parents!!" And they're like "ya!!" But then a month goes by without anyone coming round to say "hey!!! Share that knowledge with me!! Fulfill the role you've given yourself" and he is just... so fucking bored and unfulfilled?

He needed they-who-shall-not-be-named to come along so he could fill that role, needed Greta to come along so he could fill that role. He tells Greta about how rescuing others sort of fills a void for him/gives him purpose, which is honorable, yes. But like... It's also so sad imo?? This comfort in denying his sense of self? "I don't know what to do with myself, just gimme a shout if the world ever needs saving again"?? Like Alucard, honey, babygirl, sweetheart... you need to learn to live for yourself 🥺

Olrox on the other hand is... not selfish exactly, but he knows what he's about and he refuses compromise himself. You killed the only man I ever loved? Okay, then I'm killing you, and no, I don't care if your nine year old son witnesses it. You want the juicy story of why that boy is terrified of the big bad vampire? Okay, but you will learn about my humanity first so you can sit with your cognitive dissonance about it later. You think I'm just going to throw myself at your feet because you promise us all eternal night? How about you kindly go fuck yourself? You happily stump for Erzsebet because she promised you that she'll create a world that will allow you to relive your glory days? Couldn't be me!

Like obviously we have a much more limited viewpoint for Olrox because we know so much less about him and his past, but this is not a guy who's waiting for someone to give him a purpose. He acts alone, he doesn't play nice with others, he has his own agenda, and is even a little bit of a hedonist: investigating the relationship between the abbot and Erzsebet? Might as well fuck a hot monk while I'm at it. I said eat the rich, but I might as well look good doing it. You hate/fear me cause I killed your mom? Get over it already. You think the opera singing night creature is annoying? Well, I'm familiar enough with opera music to know he's actually reading you all for filth, so I think it's great!

I think at the end of the day, Alucard is a character who defines himself by others, not understanding why he still feels so empty and alone. And Olrox is a character who defines himself by his own terms, but in being caught between both human and vampire worlds has learned to push people away because he thinks he is better off that way. But by the end of the season, his worst fear is realized: I cannot do this alone. I am at the mercy of someone else's help.

But Olrox isn't like anyone else Alucard has rescued before. He's a fellow vampire. He's a fellow immortal. He's going to be around for as long as he is. And maybe, in that time, a little bit of that ego can start to rub off on Alucard. Maybe he can learn to live for himself without apology, without feeling like he has to atone for the sins of his father. Maybe, just maybe, he can learn to exist outside of the role of the mythical savior.

Because Olrox doesn't want one of those—heaven's no. He can take care of himself, thank you very much. But what if he could learn he doesn't always have to? Who better to restore his faith in the world than the guy who has his mother's conviction that all of this mess is worth saving so deeply ingrained in him that it's been the primary source of his identity for centuries?

I'm starting to ramble here so I hope this is coherent, but in conclusion: they would be so restorative for each other and look so hot together and that is why I believe in Alurox supremacy 🙏

#castlevania nocturne #Olrox #Alucard #adrian tepes #Alucard x Olrox #alurox

[trashcanalienist]

Alright fellas I watched the 3pac movie again and now that I've refined my thoughts I am going to share them (tornado warning)

Let's start with Miguel. Or really, with Nueva York. Beautiful, futuristic utopia, endless green grass and distant white skyscrapers against the blue sky, and for all of that there is not a single note of life within it. It's empty, just a hollow monument to "good", like Miguel himself. And like Miguel, its underbelly is dark and chaotic and unknowable - sunless tunnels cluttered with motorways and nothing else, the grinding gears of some unbearably massive machine that doubtless keeps the whole city running in its blind pretense of life, the gears of which visually threaten to crush Miles. Because Miguel O'Hara is a fucked up guy who is not only willing to be so violent against a 15-year-old child, but NEEDS to be. In true vampiric fashion (disclaimer: he's not a vampire) Miguel has an obsession beyond obsession, a predatory drive which must be fulfilled - but not for blood. For vengeance. Because he's already killed an entire universe of human beings. He's stolen a family he was never supposed to have, and then killed them all through his selfishness. And he has to make that someone else's fault. He has to be the Good Guy to live with himself, but inside he is the most detestable of monsters.

(Miguel and Uncle Aaron have a lot in common (inverted) especially with their emotional impact on Miles. He thought he could look up to both of them - but Uncle Aaron failed in regret, and Miguel seeks to amend his failures through more damage. Important that Miguel's theme is distorted synth, the same distortion which they used to create the Prowler theme)

Meanwhile Uncle Aaron acted the monster, but as Miles puts it he was a genuinely good guy underneath. He had no interest in being the kind of black man that Jeff is - slotting into white society, that is - and inevitably that got him pulled into being the Prowler. Everything's contained in what he said to Miles in his last moments. Every single Uncle Ben says the classic line, "With great power comes great responsibility", etc etc, telling Peter Parker to knock off the ego and be the kind of hero the city needs. But Miles is already that person. Uncle Aaron says "You're the best of us. You're on your way up. Just keep going."

Before he became Spiderman, Miles actively did not want to go to Visions Academy because he WANTS his ghetto friends, he WANTS his low-income Black Spanish life. He was perfectly happy to waste his intelligence and talent because he never figured he'd get anywhere to begin with. But now he's got a greater purpose in helping people, in being the best he can because no one else has the power to be Spiderman. When Uncle Aaron says "You're the best of us", he doesn't just mean their family. Miles managed to escape the pull of gang violence and the twisted honor-and-glory appeal of thug life and the oily black tendrils of poverty entwined around his legs. He shook off everything that we now know was supposed to be his destiny, and he has never looked back.

But in doing so he doomed Miles G to that very fate. The first movie didn't touch much on that aspect of urban blackness, likely because white audiences would not care. But now you love Miles! You ain't got a choice now! They tricked you, man!

42 Miles, or Miles G. Morales as he's credited, has experienced a greater loss with nothing to hold on to besides the structure of gang violence within a falling, burning city. His father is dead, both stripping him of that moral figure and discounting all the ideas that Jeff tried to instill into his son - because those are the beliefs that got him killed. If you don't wanna get killed, you better get some power and some respect, and never let go of either. Uncle Aaron, still the original Prowler, steps in as Miles G's father figure, making sure Rio's financially okay and not too stressed, reassuring her that "We're family". Family is everything, it's the only bond they have, and Miles G would do anything for his mother. Anything at all. The voice actor leans more into the Puerto Rican accent, rolling the R's and accentuating S's, whereas our Miles talks more black even when he's speaking Spanish - his father's absence, and his love for his mother above all else.

He's the man of the house now. He's gotta provide, and he's gotta take care of his mother. 15 years old, Miles G has design schematics for the current Prowler gloves posted on the wall of his room - it's a far more active part of his normal life than with our Miles, who keeps his Spidermanning entirely separate (for now). It's bleeding into his everyday, infecting his soul with every heist, collection, and murder that he carries out. It's not Uncle Aaron's fault. He loves his nephew, and without his father around, he wants the kid to have respect, to not have to work his way up from nothing, so he passes him the mantle. Uncle Aaron was undoubtedly drawn into that life by something similar. That's how the cycle self-perpetuates. The result is a 15-year-old kid with the eyes of a combat veteran.

Here is a kid who does not hesitate, who does not forget or make mistakes, who jumped into this life headfirst because he knows there is no other choice. For him there is no way out, and he is far from the only one.

Ain't no love in the heart of the city. Red light pouring in from the fires outside and the soul-death inside, the bloody inevitability, the need to protect themselves and their own because no one else will. This violence is the only pathway. Violent death will come whether or not you follow it. And staring into his own face and yet much older eyes, our Miles is just beginning to realize exactly what he's escaped and what Liv's collider portal doomed this kid and this world to, all because of a tiny little spider. And he has switched fates, as in the first film his Spidey-Sense started out as green and purple, then turned red and blue as he vibed with Peter. Over the course of a few seconds, we witnessed his destiny change. The colors of this interplay between worlds are green and purple, green and purple, the Prowler's colors.

And red, as Miguel tried to ensure that fate (execution) is carried out. Miguel blames Miles as the "original anomaly", yet he conveniently ignores the spider, or Doc Ock who brought it over and started this whole mess, or Kingpin who funded her. Miguel is willing to physically attack a black child for his own misplaced regret and self-loathing. Beyond that, I genuinely believe that if he had reached Miles in the Go-Home machine, he would have killed him. The madness in those ripping claws is not something stopped by the sudden softness of flesh. It's only Spider-Byte who stops him - she (black female tech-heavy Spiderman, vibed with Miles instantly on those principles and others) could have shut down the machine and trapped Miles. But he looked at her, and she saw that he was a terrified child, and she knew that Miguel is incapable of mercy or critical thought, and maybe she wanted to believe in him. So she hesitated, most important savior Time.

Before we move on too far, back to Miguel and Miles. Miguel's fangs secrete a paralyzing venom - probably he was trying to incapacitate Best Vulture using that, although with the bestial transformation of his silhouette perhaps he didn't care if he ripped Vulture's throat out by accident. Regardless, he only seems to use this as the definitive way to End Fights. Miles has a similar ability in his venom blast or whatever he calls it. I swear the word "static" was in there somewhere. The difference is, Miles uses it as a defensive mechanism, not offensive (Armadillo guy aside). He uses it to get out of bad situations and continue the fight, to break down barriers and temporarily stun his opponents so he can break free and recover. We see him preparing to do this at the end of this movie, too.

Again, Miguel needs to view himself as the superior protector of all universes in order to pretend like his mistake is in any way acceptable. Beyond that, he blames Miles for it, so that he does not have to forgive himself/Miles, he can just eliminate the problem and pretend it's all over. Miguel the controller uses his ability as the be-all end-all, whereas Miles uses it as just one method among many in his arsenal.

Now. The only named black Spider who doesn't vibe with Miles is Jess Drew, but that's explicable by the following reasons. First of all, she's pregnant - Miguel destroyed his stolen kids by breaking canon, and neither Peter B nor Jess want to risk their own new families by going against Miguel's canon laws. Secondly, she's a black woman who is basically Miguel's right hand (within the fact that he cannot and will not ever trust anyone else with this "responsibility" he claims for himself), and there's not much to be gained from abandoning that, especially in context of the first point.

You know who does vibe with Miles?

HOBIE

MOTHERFUCKING 

BROWN

Hobie fucking loves Miles right from the start. He's only in the Spider-Society because he knows Miguel's insane and his actions and orders are inhumane and all kinds of fucked up. But Hobie's basically alone in that knowledge, as even Gwen still wants to believe that it could be a good thing, and so he's just infiltrating, learning more and stealing shit to recreate Miguel's technology without Miguel's restrictions. And when Miles comes along and starts speaking out against that shit, he loves it. He encourages it. And he uses Miles' distraction to slip off and put his own plan into action.

From the second he meets Miles he's looking out for the kid. Part of that's because he's true punk (incredible to see, especially with him being black and this movie being so commercialized by its marketing/sales teams) but part of it is that he recognizes Miles. Hobie probably also has a static venom ability, since he's the one who tells Miles that it works better using the whole hand (and reminds him, later, while everyone else is telling him to calm down or hang in there and only Hobie is still on his side telling him silently to fight back). It's possible even that since he used his guitar to break the forcefield barrier, and since it is not plugged in to anything but still makes electric guitar noises, that the guitar acts as a sort of amplifier for that power.

He never tells Miles what to think, he just encourages him TO think. And he's always there with his own laconic opinion to point out how fascist Miguel's little Spider Utopia is to anyone not a Spider - and anyone who disagrees with Miguel the Controller. More personally he indirectly asks if Miles has a safe home to go back to, and he STAYS THERE when Miguel's being a dick to a 15-year-old kid.

There's more to recognition than that, though. See, Hobie Brown also escaped the fate of becoming the Prowler. The original Prowler, since inception and for most of the comics' runs, has been a black man named Hobart Brown. Hobie as Spider-Punk is and always has been a subversion of the black male stereotypes that led to the creation of the Prowler (very normal and not racist name there by the way), and without losing any of his Blackness or masculinity or Black masculinity. Hobie and Miles have more in common than any other Spiders, because they've both beaten that expected fate of black men to fall eagerly into violence and gang warfare and criminal careers. And Miguel wants Miles to feel unworthy of that escape - he wants Miles to believe that he does not belong in a chosen betterment; that all he was ever meant for is poverty and wasted talent and endless violence.

But Miles won't let that happen! "I'ma do my own thing," and he's got that confidence in himself now. And Hobie's got his back cause things are finally moving, he's not alone in trying to dismantle Miguel's fucked up utopia with the gears of that great machine beneath grinding up anomalies and black children to keep it all running so flawlessly on the surface. Miguel lives in "Nueva York", he's never had to subvert much, the darkness within him is not that which he keeps at bay via that injection, it is the monstrosity which he lets fester and flourish under the name of "dedication". Miles comes in and disrupts that perfect lie in about ten minutes, he's already boiling and he won't accept a fate he does not want when he's already escaped it once before.

Hobie's been hanging around for some time, making himself appear lazy and carelessly destructive to hide his far greater intentions. As long as Miguel "just can't" with him, he's being underestimated, and as long as that is the case he is free to undermine and plot and replicate as much as possible. That's black intelligence. "Man like Miles!"

Good movie basically

#atsv #spiderman: across the spiderverse #3pac #hahaha #miles morales #spiderman #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #hobie brown #spider punk #aaron davis #the prowler #42 miles #miles g morales #prowler miles #jess drew #words i speak

[caemthe]

CHARACTER INFO SHEET

tagged by: @rexpyre (ty for tagging me!!! xoxxo <3) tagging: @corrchoigilt @zangyo @nvrcmplt @chikyodai @memovia @ofglories @holyrisen @creaturetaled @resolutepath

Name: Patroclus | Pátroklos Name meaning: Glory of the father Alias: Dear-to-Zeus, Great-hearted, Gentle, Strong, Brave, Master horseman Ethnicity: Greek

THREE HEADCANONS YOU’VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE: 

He would have been one of the heroic spirits who has been part of Chaldea's story since its early beginnings. More specifically, Patroclus would've been summoned as a rogue servant and later forged a contract with Chaldea's master during the Third Singularity: Okeanos. I think he would've made an interesting addition to the team.

Not a headcanon, but killing people in fits of rage was not that uncommon in the tales of Greek heroes. Depending on who the unfortunate person was, the hero would get away with a slap on the wrist or would have to go through an intense adventure to repent for their wrongdoings. But for Patroclus to have been exiled for killing another boy, it means he either: a) Killed someone of high profile, which I find unlikely since Pat was the prince of Opus so no other boy was as 'important' as him in his homeland. Or b) it was one hell of a scandal and there was only so much damage control King Menoetius could do so he had to do the right thing and exile his only son and heir. The fact that Menoetius sent his son to King Peleus for training shows that he greatly cared for him despite his wrongdoings. I find it very interesting that Pat's name means 'glory of the father' but, at the beginning, his actions were nothing to be proud of.

But I like to think that this was the event that made him wake up and become a better man. By the time he took part in the Trojan War, Pat exemplified the virtues and values desired for an ancient greek man: courage, self-control, liberality, magnificence, honor, patience, amiability. He had become a prudent and loved-by-all man that even had epithets like the great-hearted, gentle, brave, and, when he died, his brothers-in-arms were willing to risk it all to protect his corpse and give him a proper burial. By the end of his life, he really was the glory of his father. I'm obsessed with his character development!

THREE THINGS YOUR CHARACTER LIKES DOING IN THEIR FREE TIME:

Long walks on the beach

Spending time with his friends

Riding (horses) and driving

SIX PEOPLE YOUR CHARACTER LIKES/LOVES:

Achilles

Menoetius (his father)

His mother (Philomela, Polymele, Damocrateia, Periopis, or Sthenele, for some reason no one seemed to agree on the mother's name)

Myrto (younger sister)

Eukleia (niece)

Honorable mention to all the Achaean soldiers with whom Pat formed a close bond over the years fighting side by side, and not only admired him as a soldier but trusted him as a friend to whom they could show vulnerability and even cry before him.

TWO THINGS YOUR CHARACTER REGRETS:

Not being a better son: Already mentioned how he brought shame to his family due to his actions and had to face the consequences for that, but, besides that, to this day he regrets not being thankful enough, not apologizing enough, not saying I love you enough, etc.

The end: He doesn’t regret his actions close to the end of his life, he doesn't regret the way he died, he doesn't regret disobeying and going against what the gods had in mind, and he doesn't regret that he ended up hurting his loved ones. Because it was the right thing to do and, for his brothers-in-arms, he would do it again. But he regrets the fact that he didn't try harder to stop things from reaching that point of no return, that there was no other solution available, that maybe he could've done something and less people would've died because of his lack of action.

TWO PHOBIAS YOUR CHARACTER HAS:

Atelophobia / Fear of imperfection: But more specifically regarding his philotimo or ‘love of honor’. Philotimo is a person’s inner awareness of their dignity and pride that motivates them to fulfill their social responsibility and duty even if it puts them at a personal disadvantage. Honor is derived from doing things for others that are beyond one’s own self-interest, whether it be to their family, friends, or country.

I wouldn't really call it a phobia in Pat's case, but tied to the fear mentioned above is the fear of failure.

#pat. º ( lancer. ) #tagged. ° ( thank you! ) #hc. ° ( shooting star. ) #/ can you tell i got all the pat brain worms? can you tell im reading the iliad again? can you tell that -falls to the floor and cries- #/ long post

[varshnarsh]

What books did you read in January? What's on your reading list for February?

i read someone who will love you in all your damaged glory by raphael bob-waksberg (i give it a 2/5) and my body by emily ratajkowski (i give it a 4/5)! my goal is to read each thoroughly even if i don’t necessarily enjoy it for words i may not know, writing techniques to study, etc.

next up— the houseguest by amparo dávila and blow-up by julio cortázar (both short story collections), let me tell you what i mean by joan didion (essays by didion about her writing, life), nausea by jean-paul sartre (his first novel, philosophical), and the professor and the madman by simon winchester (about the creators of the oxford dictionary).

#a

[azeler]

idk if you have any ocs but. free space if you do tell us about them go

Okay so I have a lot of OCs mainly because one of my prime hobbies is making D&D character sheets for characters I'm never gonna play + I used to (sometimes still do but not as often) imagine stories in my head to get myself to sleep. But I'm gonna stay on the most recent characters and universes so I can stay coherent. Anyway :

First D&D characters :

Hawthorn - Half-elf, Light Cleric 11/Revenge Paladin 3, he's a vampire hunter who's been cursed by a vampire who bit his tongue when he was young, which made it black and sickly. For this reason, a nickname he got is 'Black Tongue'. He's absolutely, brutally angry towards any vampire he crosses, and will try to kill them at any cost. Terrifyingly powerful, he can do like, 130 damage per turn in optimal conditions (without using spell slots every turn).

His personal arc would be to go against a Dark Lord vampire, Strahd-style, only to be revealed that the lord is a Scourge, a lich type from Pointy Hat that resurrects into the body of their most hated enemy whenever they die. After killing it once, it'd come back to life by using their mentor/friend/etc., and would have to try to kill the vampire once and for all, knowing he's the next on the list if he fails.

Phull - Half-orc/Hexblood, Archfey Warlock 3. He's an orc who was kidnapped by a hag in his early childhood, and raised to become a hag, but he escaped eventually and found his way to the Court of Summer, where a kind fey found him and kept him under their wing, and where he lived for most of his teenage years. He then entered a contract with Titania, archfey of the Court of Summer, in exchange for service (and also top surgery). He then went on to travel the world. He's not really accepted by either orcs or hags, because he's visibly too much hag or not enough, and people don't like either of those too much in general, so even if he tries to be nice and agreeable, he often gets the blame if something goes badly. He tries to stay optimistic, though. (Huge trans vibes, yeah)

Raphael d'Argazzo - Human, Swashbuckler Rogue 3. Your stereotypical prettyboy mercenary/duelist, he comes from a relatively minor noble family, so he's a baronet, but that's one of those titles you can just buy if you're well-off, like his grandparents were. He's one of many siblings and cousins, and while things are going well with his family, it's clear he's not the one they brag about or stuff, just... a good kid, who spreads their name sometimes when does cool stuff, but nothing more.

His arc would involve him in the underworld to find a too-soon dead lover of his (and he had many, so that's saying something). To gain access and stay in the underworld, however, he'd need to pay a price, a price made of his memories. He'd be given a deck of cards, and each card would be a part of his memories (friends, lovers, family, glories, losses, etc.). A twist would be that he already had given up the memory of his love's death, but that also removed all his memories of her. The whole theme would be "you have to remember your mistakes. It will hurt, it won't be worth it, it will feel horrible, for the rest of your life, but that's the only way you'll be able to go forward".

Next is Kasneon the Great (Kas for short), statistically Brass Dragonborn, Draconic sorcerer 5, but in reality, he's a very young (120) Brass dragon (he kinda looks like tiny Rak from Tower of God, if you got the ref). He's very full of himself, as most dragons are, but it's very funny cause his physique does not match that heightened view at all. He also curses a lot (except when his mom's listening), so when someone finds him cute, he answers "I'm 120, motherfucker!"

Achleïs, human, Shadow Sorcerer 3. One of, if not the most wet cat sad backstory characters I've made. He comes from a bloodline cursed by an evil goddess who has to give up their firstborn to her, and it happened to be him :D Since he was like 7, he was forced out of his home and left to fend for himself, under the ever watchful eye of the goddess. He's extremely frail and weak, with dark eyebags, because of constant malnourishment and sleeping in the cold (literally 8 in both Strength and Constitution). He's a very good spellcaster, however, and can scare the shit out of most normal people (a good example would be using shadow sorcerer Darkness (which he can see through), Deafness then Inflict Wounds from a distance with Distant spell).

I also have something that is more a persistent idea than finished OCs, but I have a cast of characters that are all black activist figures :

It would consist of a Bard of Eloquence (for the obvious MLK parallel), an Oath of Justice (custom subclass) paladin (for the people in frontlines in protest and direct action), an Celestial Warlock grandma, who uses her faith to conjure miracles (because I fucking love gospel music and a singing grandma conjuring an angel is fucking dope), and finally, the only one that has a name and an arc is Aaron, a Rogue-or-Fighter/Sorcerer, with fire magic, who beats up cops and brings his friends out of jail, and over the course of the story learns to be more 'heroic' (he helps out, protect people he doesn't know, and learn that beating up cops is cool but also community building and communal action is necessary).

That's all my recent D&D characters, the next characters are from a comic I wanna make called Harpy Story, a fantasy coming-of-age story at the edge between a magical forest and a village. I want the supernatural elements in there to be a bit about queerness but mainly about disability-

Evne, the protagonist, is a half-harpy, cast off from his people at a young age and left to die in the forest. He's rescued and adopted by a hag (the hag mother), and he lives under her wing all of his childhood. He has big wings (like, they go down to his feet) that he uses to fly- He's very nimble, energetic and gets attached quickly, but also prone to be judgemental or hold grudges.

Isaac, a human in the village nearby, is his love interest, and is the son of a priest that deals with the forest's supernatural inhabitants. Most people think that means chasing or banishing, but he simply talks with them and makes deals to keep his village safe. When Isaac gets older however, something happens (that I don't wanna get into detail because maybe some time I'll pull myself together and draw this).

I also have a custom D&D setting and a realistic world that I'm worldbuilding currently, but they're still pretty new and disparate, so I won't post them in there (maybe in another post, who knows).

#az talks #worldbuilding #d&d #az answers

[secretmellowblog]

Frodo/Sam hours ;_;

#lotr #samfro #overthinkinglotr #'don't go where i can't follow?' #thinking about Frodo's sea-longing again #also #thinking about how Into the West is from Sam's pov again #imagine loving and being loved like that #someone who will love you in all your damaged glory and etc etc #this is why they invented love #anyway catch me listening to Merelle and the Grey Havens theme on repeat #;_; #;______________;

[sepublic]

Kraid!

KKKKKRRRRAAAAAIIIIIIDDDDD

I was trying to avoid as much of Metroid Dread as possible to be surprised... But then I learned KRAID is back, in glorious HD as part of a mainline game and...

Oh, he’s beautiful!

Seriously, I’ve always wanted to see more of Kraid! Dude was one of the OG Space Pirates alongside Mother Brain and Ridley, who are present throughout the series; And as someone who is apparently Ridley’s Brother-in-Arms, I’m just really curious on what he could be like?

I doubt we’ll get much if anything in terms of personality, but that’s how Metroid games work anyway! Hopefully we get more lore on Kraid, how is he still alive? Does he have regenerative abilities, is he just really incredibly durable? An X-parasite imitation? Fake Kraid has grown up and this is Sclayd? Did the Chozo clone him, maybe even somehow resurrect him from a dead body, or even the afterlife considering their borderline mystical abilities???

Either way, that’s clever of the designers to have Kraid be restrained, as a meta explanation as to why he doesn’t just charge forward- Thus allowing the developers to start off with a traditional take on the Kraid fight... But since he manages to break an arm free in the trailer, the fight might progress and get more deadly, as Kraid becomes more free.

His neck brace will probably be the last to go, to show a sort of natural transition from the traditional style of Kraid fights, to a more modernized take and I am all FOR it! Everyone’s wondering if Ridley will return, but Kraid alone would MORE than make up for his absence, especially since Ridley is already so prevalent while Kraid has only gotten bread crumbs and the Brinstar Depths stage in recent years!

This is like a dream come true... And obviously Kraid is set up to fight Samus, but it’d be kind of neat to see an arc where him and Samus recognize a mutual enemy in the Chozo, and work with each other over it? Probably not, but I feel this would be more plausible than Samus and Ridley working together; A fun thought exercise I’d always entertained, but there really isn’t that personal vitriol between Samus and Kraid.

...I mean, there COULD be if Kraid takes Ridley’s death personally, but who knows, he might hold off on revenge just long enough for a practical escape! Regardless, I utterly adore just how gnarly and twisted this guy looks, it reminds me of Ridley’s Smash Ultimate renders that really modernize his look, breathe a new and alien life to it while still being the same! And the added, slimy body horror, borderline insectoid, like Smash Ridley!

But yes, I appreciate Metroid Dread taking the opportunity to be new, instead of trying to cater to the mainstream audience as an official return to pull them back, especially since we already had Samus Returns do that, especially with Proteus Ridley being thrown in! And with how Proteus was by far the best Ridley fight in the series, I can’t WAIT to see how Mercury Steam gives a new action to a Kraid boss battle!

And it looks like there might be a passageway behind Kraid that he’s guarding... Kind of like his previous appearances, I love Kraid being a giant guard dog- His girth and weight alone makes him an impenetrable wall! Plus he gives immovable object vibes, VS Ridley as an Unstoppable Force.

Ridley moves fast and aggressively leads the charge, while Kraid is less mobile, can’t even fit through most passageways; But holds down the fort and line of defense, tanking damage and shrugging it off compared to someone who heals from it!

Seriously, this is great seeing this under appreciated Space Pirate represented! I’ve always been salty about Meta Kraid being left out of Metroid Prime... And Kraid’s got a distinct identity of his own as one of the biggest bosses in the entire series by a long shot!

His big, colossal, green and chunky frame, that brutishness to Kraid, the size and brawn- It’s a nice contrast and foil to Ridley’ who is memetically huge in general, but from a relative standpoint averagely-sized as a boss, and MUCH scrawnier than the Awakened Behemoth; But he makes up for it wit speed and agility, flight, etc.!

Plus the concept of taking on a full-on Kaiju of the series, Metroid’s Godzilla... I always felt like there was a wasted potential to Kraid and how he stood out as a counterpart to Ridley’ more of the lumbering mountain to scale compared to the acrobatic Cunning God of Death! His Kaiju size, the way the ground could easily tremble from each footstep like Jurassic Park...

If Ridley is a Xenomorph, make Kraid into Godzilla and Rexy and every giant monster whose sheer scale inspires a horror based in awe, one that is huge and grandiose and demands attention and seizes all of it, gloriously basking in full view, in contrast to the more stealthy and subtle Ridley!

They’re both reptilian Space Pirates who debuted with the franchise, serve Mother Brain alongside one another as the two guardians to Tourian. And just like Ridley taking one of the recurring boss themes from Super Metroid and adopting it as HIS theme, Kraid seems to have done the same by Zero Mission!

Plus, Brinstar Depths, AKA Kraid’s Lair, is SUCH a metal soundtrack! It doesn’t necessarily apply to Kraid himself, but I feel like there’s an enigmatic personality hinted with the eerie, melodic tune of this theme... So as someone who’s tried to write him, mostly in my head;

What kind of person is Kraid? What archetypes and roles would he fit? As a more casual type of arch-nemesis, compared to the personal intensity of Ridley? A dumb brute, or smart in his own way? What personality and vibes would make Kraid’s Lair fit as a theme for him?

At the very least, I wonder if we’ll get Space Pirate lore, maybe even origins as to Kraid and Ridley’s species? They’re both huge dragons who took over Zebes... Could there be a connection between Ridley’s species and the Chozo? Will we get a bit of sympathy for Kraid, seeing him captured like an animal by the Chozo, perhaps to test experiments upon and clone?

Will Dread encapsulate the realization of just how much of a bigger scope villain the True Chozo are, experimenting on Kraid the way the Galactic Federation did with Ridley’s clone, another parallel between them? Will we explore the dark past of the Chozo, and a potential tragic look into Kraid’s species- So Samus has a better understanding of how her people have been terrible in many ways, even if that doesn’t at all justify Kraid the person’s actions?

Just... Imagine a storyline where Samus realizes that Kraid was made by the Chozo, or his species was, or they were genetically augmented or massacred, or something like that. Just a twisted moment of realization that explains but doesn’t justify. Which could lead to Samus and Kraid teaming up for a prison breakout at a pivotal moment, Kraid’s girth would make him a helpful ally.

Perhaps Samus could weaponize Kraid in the background to take the brunt of the True Chozo’s attacks, while she takes on the leader? Could he help with environmental terrain, blind to the background as a colossal feature of the environment, a kaiju briefly on your side?

Could we get a Kraid fight where he attacks from the background, instead of to the right? Will he ultimately die helping Samus- More for his own gain and revenge, but still? Maybe even leading to a reluctant salute from Samus as she recognizes them both as people captured, as experimented upon by the Chozo? Apologies for all of the fanon conjecture, my mind is racing...!

I think there’s SO much potential with Kraid and seeing him full, unadulterated HD glory... It’s glorious. It’s magnificent! This is a dream come true, and I hope Kraid finally starts to get the recognition he deserves! Even if he’s just A boss fight, I’m already sated and content here- And I can only imagine the new wave of fan content that will spawn for Kraid, as he’s recognized a defining moment of Dread!

Plus, I’d love to see people characterize and give lore to Kraid... All in all I am LIVING and in triumph here!!! I know I keep using this meme but

Literally this alone, just these shots... Are ALL I really want and need, in the end! Bless you Mercury Steam for this food, for breathing new life into this franchise while renovating what really needs it! I don’t even care if Kraid’s return is never really explained, I’m incredibly happy here!

This new design... It just FITS and works as a new, evergreen design for Kraid honestly! Compared to Ridley who is a lot more varied and arguably inconsistent, even with his Smash render... THIS is the new and definitive Kraid for me, now! I am having the time of my LIFE here!

Ridley the Cunning God has cheated death... is Kraid the Behemoth has reawakened!

(With the idea of Prime Kraid being reused for Metroid Prime 4... I’m wondering if we’ll begin to see an all new Kraid renaissance? 👀 More frequent content as Nintendo starts giving him and more appearances and attention, including in other media and advertising, alongside Ridley???)

#Metroid #metroid dread #kraid #Samus aran #speculation #ramblings

[saksukei]

prince joshua au

masterlist

you loved your job more than anything,, serving the king and his family as a knight, was an honor that wasn't bestowed upon many so you considered yourself lucky

the king was looking for a husband for his wonderful daughter,, and she had rejected so many princes

the king had then called on to some palm readers and soothsayers that had said that the ‘prince’ destined to be his daughter's husband is currently trapped in a tower

the king did more research and came in contact with a small country, who's king and queen had died and their own child, the prince, was locked in a tower guarded by a dragon

the king then appointed you to find the tower, rescue the prince who would marry the princess as a sign of gratitude and they could rule the smaller country together

you agreed obviously

you were cheered on by everyone as you embarked on the journey, alone, with nothing but your horse to listen to your mindless chatter

and honestly, everything was going well like the trip wasn't too tough it was just really long

when you finally reached the castle, instead of causing a scene and all to you know ‘slay the dragon’ you simply found a back way to get up to the tower

you opened the door and then you heard someone singing, “prince joshua?” you called out and the singing stopped

then you came across one of the most handsome men you had ever seen,,, he had black hair, the face of a Greek god with well toned arms and hE LOOKED MORE LIKE A KNIGHT THAN YOU DID??

“are you here to rescue me?” he asked, nonchalantly, as he flipped open a book.

“yes!” you answered, in an unusually chirpy tone.

“cool– get out of here right now because I'm not going anywhere,” he told you quite bluntly

and you were like ??? this mf I crossed half the fuckin land but this ungrateful bitch eye

“i'm sorry,,, but don't you think that I would be rather capable of escaping this shit hole if wanted too?” he hissed. “but I don't– because I don't want to escape and I don't need anyone's help either.”

“prince joshua, I understand what you mean,,, but the princess is waiting to marry you!” you replied.

“oh great– another stuck up princess who wants to marry me.”

“actually,, our princess is great. she's an absolute sweetheart and she's one of the finest bachelorettes in the country,” you explained.

“then why has she rejected,,, fifty other princes and wants to go after the one trapped in a tower?” he deadpanned.

“because–the palm reader said so,,, but this isn't important–”

“i don't need your princess– so just go away,” he told you.

after thinking for several minutes, you came up with a solution

“look how about this? you come back with me, meet the princess and if you like her you can marry her, if you don't, well– I'll help you escape back to this tower,” you suggested, finally catching his attention.

“how do I know you'll keep your word?” joshua asked, setting his book down.

“i am a knight, sir, loyalty is one of the few idiosyncrasies we can offer.”

“alright then,, I trust you– you better not let me down,,” joshua spoke as he grabbed a backpack with all of his belongings.

you used the same way to avoid the dragon and started on with your journey

at first,,, you truly thought joshua was some stuck-up prince but the more you spent time with him,, the more you realized that joshua was literally a gentleman who would be the perfect ruler of the country

he acted like an asshole before because he was sick and tired of people trying to rescue him and take all the glory

you understood his anger and ever since then joshua had been so sweet,,,

joshua wouldn't let you carry his bag, he'd make sure you were getting enough rest during the journey and one day he even offered to keep an eye out so that you could sleep

you on the other hand, taught joshua on how to light a fire etc and even some basic etiquettes,, cause I mean even if he was a prince he was trapped in a tower for so long

one time, you guys had stopped to stay by the river for the night and soon it was early morning and you woke up and saw joshua wasn't near you??

sO YOU PANICKED BEC OBVIOUSLY DID HE JUST RUN OFF BECAUSE IF HE DID THAT MF WAS IN FOR A RIDE

and you immediately ran around the place only to find him in the river,, waist deep into the water, except– he was half naked??

and boi where you shocked

cause joshua was so damn gorgeous

his perfectly chiseled jawline with that broad chest of his, his adam's apple poking out, his abs, his arms, his wet hair jUST HIM???

FUCKING MALFUNCTIONING

AND YOU WERE SO RED SO YOU JUST RAN BACK TO STOP YOUR HEART FROM RACING AND PRAYED THAT JOSHUA DIDNT SEE YOU BECAUSE JSJXJSISJSKSK HES SO HOT

you were lucky, because he didn't bring it up so you assumed he never noticed you standing there and gawking at him lmao

but all in all, you had fun with joshua he always managed to make you laugh but you could always have those late night talks with him

like when he asked you why you became a knight ,,,,,

“well, as a kid, when the knights would come back from winning the battle and the streets would be lined up with roses and people cheering from them, I knew at that point that, that was who I wanted to be.”

and he was like wow you're so cool omfg

also joshua gets impressed every time you hold your sword

HIS EYES LITERALLY LIGHT UP

he says he wants to learn how to use a sword too because he's a prince but he's really scared

you: josh hold my sword, it's literally not gonna do anything just hoLD IT

josh: wHAT IF IT FALLS ON MY FOOT AND SLICES IT OFF

and you were like I think staying in the tower for too long has lowered your IQ level

but you also told Josh that if he didn't like holding a sword, then he doesn't have to, because you were there to protect him with your life

and you didn't realize but Joshua was looking at you with HEART EYES

soon enough, reached the palace and you were kinda upset that you know joshua had to go and well,,, get married and part of you really wished it wouldn't work out

because you had bonded with him so well you just ,,,,, started liking him and it broke your heart knowing you couldn't have him

besides, he didn't reciprocate anything either so it'd be useless to even imagine

but when you told the king and queen and they met joshua

they were like ??? you didn't get the message??

and you were like what message??

“the princess already found someone she liked and she's getting married in like a month–?”

and you were pissed more than you were happy

not because all this effort was for nothing but the fact that poor joshua,,, he might have been looking forward to this

so you talked to the king and queen and they said that joshua should go back to his country now

you left the room and started crying because you felt as if it was all your fault

“hey, are you okay?” you heard a voice behind you say,,,,, it was joshua

you wiped your tears, “y-yeah I'm good,” you managed to choke out.

and before you could leave, joshua wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest, where you broke down and told him everything

you especially kept on apologizing to him and said that you'd make everything right and even find him a princess if you have too

“its okay if the princess doesn't want to marry me,,,, cause I found my princess right here,” he cooed and you chuckled because he was so cheesy,, typical Joshua

“but still josh, I'll take you back to the tower and all,” you told him

“nope, no need too– I need to go back to my country and look after my people as well, I've done enough damage as it is.”

“right”

“are you going to come with me if I go?” he asked, hoping you'd say yes

“I'm a knight, i can't leave the country....” you answered.

and then Josh was like okay hollup I'll talk to the king and the queen

and boi went into the room where the king and queen were while you waited outside and they called you inside eventually

and the king and queen were like,, “we would like you to resign,,, so you can marry joshua and go rule his country.”

and you were like ??????HOW DID HE SWEET TALK THEM INTO THIS EYE

the king and queen said they'd like to give you an official good bye if you could stay for another two to three days and you and Josh agreed

Josh had to stay in one of the palace rooms

and it was 7am you were going to talk to joshua about something very important and you knocked and opened his room door

anD HE WAS STANDING WITHOUT A SHIRT

“o-oh my god,,,, IM SO SORRY!” you yelled, as you covered your eyes and bowed profusely

and Joshua chuckled, as he walked towards you, removing your hands from your eyes, eventually pining you against the door,,,

“darling– don't like act like this is the first time you've seen me naked,,,,, we both know you've been quite scandalous.”

#seventeen headcanons #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #seventeen x y/n #seventeen oneshot #seventeen hong jisoo #seventeen joshua #joshua #joshua seventeen #hong jisoo imagines #hong jisoo x reader #joshua hong imagines #joshua hong x reader #seventeen fluff

[theprofessionalpromptmaker]

found family trope but they’ve tried to kill each other at least once prompts please? love your blog!

Thank you! I hope these prompts fit your needs!

Person A is Person B’s best friend and works in secret as a dragon guard, someone with dragon blood who helps guard dragon nests. Person B is a hobbyist dragon slayer, who keeps their hobby secret because there’s controversy over it. Person B is all in it for the fame, so goes after the most aggressive dragons — which happen to be dragons guarding their nests. Then Person A and Person B run into each other in their appearance obscuring armor/uniforms when Person B attacks a nest that Person A is guarding, and an accident causes an avalanche which kills the dragon parent, stealing Person B’s glory, and orphaning the dragon egg(s). But their armors get removed/damaged during the avalanche and they realize who the other is. Person A, feeling responsible, takes the eggs home to raise on their own, and demands Person B — who they claim is also at fault — helps them care for the dragon babies.

Person A is an arms trafficker, but accidentally gets requested to move a weapon, but it turns out to be some super soldier/human experiment children, Person B+. Person A doesn’t feel comfortably trafficking living beings, and when an opportunity arises, takes Person B+ and tries to escape. But Person C, a guard from the lab, and Person D, a scientist, who both grew close to and protective of the children and defected from their organization that created the children, in order to go after them and try to save them. Person C and Person D runs into Person A and think Person A is trying to steal the kids for their own financial gain, and they get in a fight until the misunderstanding is worked out, and the three decide to guard the kids together.

Person A is an outlaw, always trying to get back at the royal family for killing their spouse and children, and one day attacks Person B, a child of the ruler’s carriage, not realizing how young Person B is. Person C, the bodyguard, fights to protect Person B, but Person A gets the upperhand, but withdraws when they realize how young Person B is and doesn’t feel morally okay with killing a child. So Person A, unsure what to do, decides to kidnap Person B. Person C goes after them, but the three end up bonding as apparently Person B’s royal parents aren’t that great, and Person C is aware, and Person A is really good with kids, and Person B reminds them of their own lost children.

Person A is an infamous bounty hunter. Person B is a teenage single parent of a small child that is extremely valuable and whose existence is a threat to certain groups. So Person B trains to become a bounty hunter/assassin to both make ends meet and get the skills to protect their child. But when Person A is sent to kill their child, the two wind up in a fight, but when Person A knocks Person B’s helmet/face guard off, they’re surprised to see Person B is basically a kid themself and their target is an infant. Person B manages to take their child and flees, but Person A quickly hunts them down with an offer: Person A will take Person B on as an apprentice, impressed by their skills, and will help them protect their child.

Person A was orphaned by a super villain, Person B, and has vowed revenge against them, but after working towards becoming Person B’s apprentice so they can eventually earn their trust and then kill them, Person B starts to treat Person A (who Person B senses has a ruthlessness in them) more like their own child than a henchman. Person A eventually does get an opportunity to attack Person B, but Person B, after hearing the whole story, is surprisingly chill with it, but feels Person A’s attempt on their life lacked polish, and so makes them their apprentice, with the promise that when/if Person A eventually kills them one day, they can inherit all that Person B has. But Person A, starting to see Person B as a parental figure, starts to second guess their initial goal.

Person A is a feared captain of a space pirate ship/crew, and Person B+ are their many crew members, but Person A has always told them that anyone who manages to kill them gets to be the next captain, so it’s always been a bit of a competition among Person B+. But Person A is also a caring and protective parent-like figure to Person B+, and so most of the attempts are halfhearted and the others foil any attempts that get too close (claiming it’s because they want to be the next captain and so protecting Person A works in their favor).

Person A is an officer in charger of catching highly wanted criminals, but Person B, a highly wanted criminal who’s surprisingly young but also hides their identity, keeps alluding Person A, making Person A give up taking them alive and start trying to kill them to capture them instead. But when Person B falls into their custody unexpectedly, due to still being a minor and in the foster care system, Person A isn’t aware who the orphan they’ve taken in is, until they catch Person B in their disguise/recognize an injury Person B has after a fight with their masked identity/etc. Person A isn’t sure how to handle the situation, but decides to keep raising Person B as normal and instead of trying to kill them, trying to get their ward to open up to them and hopefully Person A can steer them away from their criminal past time.

#Anonymous #plots and prompts #requests #group plot #found family au #science fiction au #fantasy au #cop au #criminal au #murder tw #pirate AU #space au #supervillain au #Orphan AU #adopted au #human experimentation tw #human trafficking tw #dragon au #bodyguard au #bounty hunter au #slayer au #disguise au #creative writing prompts #writing prompts #writing #prompts #creative writing #Mod Poss

[darrowsrising]

I’ve heard people say they think Roque should have had the redemption arc, not Cassius. I 100% disagree. I think Roque loved Gold and the Society too much and it wouldn’t have felt realistic that he switched sides. What do you think?

I saw some things about this on instagram (facebook is hell for Howlers, I got out of there fast), but not to this extent, but I'll adress this and some other things I noticed here and there.

People say that if Roque chose, when Darrow gave him the chance on that bridge, to join the Rising, he'd have gained redemption. I think that is not true at all - redemption is something he could have seeked after the choice, that's something people forget for one thing. Another thing is, Roque betrayed Darrow in the worst possible ways, but he also betrayed Victra.

Victra knew nothing of the Rising, but Roque enabled her torture, he sold her to be tortured, he betrayed her after telling everyone not to take Victra's loyalty in vain. He betrayed his friend...for his views. It's not just Darrow.

Also, people seem to think that it's Darrow who should gain forgiveness from Roque - extremely wrong! Darrow rejected friends and romances alike in Golden Son, but he did open up and tried to mend things with everybody, by the end. Unfortunately, Roque loved his ideals more than his friends. And that's the truth. Whatever Darrow did to Roque was nowhere as awful as what Roque did. Roque should have begged for forgiveness, not only to Darrow, but also to Victra (maybe Victra most especially), not the other way around. Who in the freaking universe sells his friends to the Jackal when said friends aren't 100% with them? If Roque didn't do it for his ideals, then he did it because he is a monster, but either way, fans don't get to make him pity parties for being poorly treated by the big bad Reaper. (He did it for his ideals, but I still wish he was eaten by Kuon hounds)

From here it gets interesting...

All that being said, Roque and Cassius aren't interchangable and Roque ain't no Cassius 2.0. Roque could never, ok? And that's not because I dislike him, it's just plain facts.

Actually @jasmin-au-bellona should smack you all for taking her hubby's name in vain.

Forgive them, Reaper, for they do not know what they are saying!

The thing is, Cassius was not an ally (at least not after Julian's killer was revealed to be Darrow), the bad blood was established and out in the open and, while Cassius had his very bitchy moments (very bitchy, 'no wonder Sevro hates you' bitchy), he never backstabbed and he never sold anyone to be tortured. What Cassius did was his duty as an Olympic Knight (which was wrong, but you always expected that of him).

Roque on the other hand was not only a member of the Augustus household (if your liege goes against the Sovereign, you are supposed to stay with your liege, though fuck House loyalty, too, that's not really important, it's just the way things go in universe), but he was a friend of Darrow and the rest. His own family never loved him, but they did. And they weren't 100% with him during the civil war, but that doesn't make Roque's actions right. At all.

Cassius' arc was not exactly a redemption, it was more like a walk towards the right way to be. But he took center stage enough times for it to feel natural. He had his beliefs shaken, he was stripped bare of any fight, he had to reevaluate his entire life and his very belief system.

Roque accepting Darrow's offer would have been anti-climatic to himself, because someone who betrayed his loved ones to fight for his lovers' killers for his ideals, wouldn't have given up those ideals with some Talk no Jutsu™️.

The reason Cassius' arc works is because, while he managed to explain away Julian's death - he blamed it on Darrow, refused to see the sickness of Society or his own unfair reaction to it, considering that Julian wasn't the only one to die - and he got everything he wanted from life as a young Gold Peerless from a proeminent family - an Olympic Knight cloak, someone to love, family around him etc. - it was all a sick illusion. Once the illusion broke, he made a choice dor himself, independent of what his family wanted or of what Society expected. He did the honorable thing, the right thing, independent of intrigue.

Roque was disillusioned with his own Color and never saw past that, not even in the final moments. His arc was a descend from gentle friend and shrewed ally to horrible enemy. He was a man who loved a lot, but he loved his Color too much, enabled their violence and excused it even when it was aimed at himself. Two thrids of the final book in and getting Roque to be with the Rising is not something that would make sense, not only plot-wise, but also character-wise. Because Roque's ways have been properly explored (like how he regrets it so when Gold blood must be spilled for the sake of their own Color, how he excuses their violence, how he appeals to his fellowes' Golden pride, how he actually believes everything he says, even when he says it in quite cringey poetry), taking him out of those ways, requires way more than a defeat. And a defeat is something no Gold can tolerate, that's why it made sense for him to take the Golds way out - he would not lose his honour alongside the battle.

Cassius' arc was an exploration of a good man, your typical hero, but priviledged by a vile Society. His highs and his lows were meant to bring him to the stage where he can shake off the expectations everyone put on him and do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do.

Basically, Roque could never. They are not interchangeable characters, they are not even similar characters, aside from the obvious similarities (Golds, rich, House Mars, bonded with Darrow at the Institute).

And not because he disgusts me, but because it just makes sense. For real, all bias aside, even with the second trilogy, Roque's arc ended when it should have, dragging it would have damaged the storyline. I mean, Roque is very well-written, but only someone like the Jackal could pull off an apperance in the second trilogy.

So, that's my opinion on the issue.

I can see Tactus having a redeption arc, Pierce Brown himself says he regrets killing him off. Because Tactus, unlike Roque, ever only sabotaged Darrow and the rest. He betrayed them, yes, but he never sold them off. He had the chance, but I think he couldn't bring himself to do that - just like he couldn't bring himself to piss on Darrow's present, or let him take on the gala full of people that dislike or disregard him alone, with no support. Hell, he was the first to tell everyone to fuking make the Reaper sit down, he dared them in a way that said 'mess with him, I'll butcher you before he even glimpses your way'.

But again, Tactus was set up for it, the push and pull he went through, the side he decided to stick to, and so on. Roque was never set up to change his views or at least fight alongside Darrow because of what he offered (for Tactus it was glory and acceptance and love he seeked and got from Darrow).

But that's another discussion...

Howl on!

#red rising trilogy #roque au fabii #poet of deimos #darrow au andromedus #darrow of lykos #reaper #cassius au bellona #morning knight #tactus au valii-rath #red rising #golden son #morning star

[jasontoddiefor]

Batfam Fanfic Rec Sunday!

I’ve decided to do something worthwhile with my 1400+ Batfam bookmarks, therefore I welcome you to my first Fanfic Rec Sunday. Every Sunday I guess I’ll recommend fanfictions for a specific theme, AU, trope, etc.

Feel free to request specific themes or AUs and I’ll do my best to search for fitting fanfiction!

(”Oh, I’ve always wanted to read something like a Brooklyn 99 crossover!” ”I’ve got your back, young reader.”)

This week’s theme is Time Travel & Batman Beyond!

And I’ve got 28 amazing fanfics for you below the read more!

Have fun and don’t forget to leave these lovely writers a comment!

Title: A Gift to Cherish Summary: The wonderful thing about being hurdled through time and space is that Jason doesn’t have to deal with the fallout of not listening to Bruce. The awful, terrible, no good very bad part of hurtling through time and space is that he has no idea where he is. It’s all up to wormhole he was thrown into to decide where he gets spit out to. In which Jason is thrown into a future he never came back to, and gets to heal, just a little bit. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20226775

Title: A Good Place Summary: Damian Wayne is kidnapped and sent back years through time. Together, he and Father – who's only been Batman for a mere six months –must figure out how to return him to his own time. Over the course of the next week, Damian discovers that Mexican gangsters do not mess around, that social workers find Bruce annoying, that Bruce might be a little messed up, and that crystal chandeliers create the fondest memories. Oh. And Alfred has hair. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13515501

Title: A hundred miles through the desert Summary: Finding himself nearly three decades into the past hadn't been part of Jason's plans for the day, but he could manage. Having no idea how he got there, no clear path home and a recently orphaned Bruce Wayne determined to drag Jason into his search for his parents' killer - that might be a little more complicated. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18197330

Title: And They’re Only Getting Better Summary: 90's!Tim Drake wakes up in his Red Robin body. Exhausted from a YJ mission, he chooses to focus on getting through a normal day so as not to disrupt things for his future self. But, y'know, his way. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10522401

Title: A Time to Reflect Summary: Bruce finds himself stuck in the past, and while waiting for the league to pick him up, struggles to get along with his past self. Plus being in a practically empty manor is a bigger adjustment than he'd like to admit. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20156707

Title: Back to the Past Summary: Bruce is Robin, his dad isn't Batman though, despite how similar the outfits are. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17237258

Title: Careful what you wish for Summary: Sometimes, Batman can’t help but miss the time when Dick was the one and only Robin. In a world with magical imps, he should have known better. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15009647

Title: Choose - Lose Summary: Tim looked to the empty space where the time traveler had stood, a forgettable man with a forgettable face in a forgettable shabby brown suit, and had made his unforgettable offer. You can save him. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18320876

Title: Cocoa in April Summary: There are strict rules when it comes to time-traveling. But when Dick is faced with an adorable young Bruce when he's accidentally sent back to 1988, he can't resist a conversation. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16888914

Title: death sucks (and then you live) Summary: Red Hood is starting to put some serious plans in motion when he's attacked by a not-so-welcome blast from the past. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15532380

Title: Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep Summary: I am not here I do not sleep. Terry wants to say he's okay with cemeteries. But taking your kinda boss, kinda mentor, kinda surrogate father-figure to his creepy family cemetery does not make him feel good. He didn't realize just how much Bruce mourns. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19378990

Title: In my arms Summary: There was nothing he could do. Nothing he could change. Those were the rules of the past. Besides, babies cried all the time, even if this was less a cry and more of an angry wail from a little one pushed past its limits. But still. He should have been on his way. He likely would have been, had this been a different home. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20728655

Title: Innocence and experience Summary: What starts as a normal patrol ends up shaking up the world of Young Justice when a boy claiming to be a future Robin drops from the sky while chasing after a man in white. The Team struggles to deal with Damian and the future he represents all the while trying to return him to his rightful time. But for what purpose is this new villain in the past and can Damian and the Team stop him? Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9224534

Title: I Used to Be an Adventurer Like You, Then I Took an Arrow to the Knee Summary: Stephanie was just on patrol and now she’s stuck somewhere, sometime, with Bruce. They bleed and bond and mostly try to keep each other alive— you know, just a Tuesday. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16437716

Title: life, if well lived Summary: Jason wakes up from a time-travel mishap to find Thomas and Martha Wayne hovering over him. Just another day in the life, right? ...Not quite. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18378512

Title: Lost and Found Summary: Bruce is dying. Slowly, painfully. Not going out in a blaze of glory and defiance for a greater purpose. He's caving under the weight of his own age, under the damage he's done to his heart through the years. Terry can't be by his side constantly to do damage control. More than that, he can't watch it happen with no reprieve. But there's no one else. Terry needs help keeping vigil by an ill Bruce's bedside. But the old man had kids once, didn't he? Are the bridges he burned unable to be rebuilt? As he observes, Terry definitely starts to wonder how this family used to be. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12214692

Title: meet the robins Summary: sad little orphan bruce travels to the future and meets the family he’ll have one day :) too bad he can’t stay forever :( Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2685095

Title: Mint Chocolate Chip Summary: Summer vacations have been going on just long enough for Jason to start getting bored, when he gets an unexpected visitor. From the future. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18860545

Title: no one seems to go Summary: “Father,” Bruce mumbles, “I am something of an outlaw.” “Were you always this dramatic, son?” Thomas asks, the bed beneath them shaking as he shifts. “Alfred.” Bruce snorts, shaking his head. “Theatrics are his speciality, remember?” Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663957

Title: Of your own making Summary: Jason died. Then he came back, forty years too late. It takes time to adjust. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20211523

Title: One Big Batty Family Summary: In which Billy Batson and the McGinnis siblings join the present day Batfam. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1133567

Title: Oops I did it again Summary: "You're insane." Or possibly an insane dream from eating chili dogs before bed. Which one Jason wasn't sure since he had yet to pinch himself. "I'm a member of the longer existing Dead Robins Club that doesn't even give you a lousy shirt. Not shocking Jay." Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/936921

Title: Raisin Delight Summary: A year after Jason Todd dies, Tim Drake and Bruce Wayne take on the case when they notice strange occurrences in Gotham city. This has disastrous consequences, but so do most things that Tim gets caught up in, so what's new, really. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644082

Title: Realization Summary: Bruce makes a discovery while conducting a check-up on Terry. Takes place midway through the "Splicers" episode. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/377468

Title: Strange Manor Summary: Bruce let his eyes close to wallow for a moment in worry and fear for Jason. One second, two, three. He opened his eyes. Time to act. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13474308

Title: The Incandescent Rose Summary: Terry McGinnis (the new Batman) impulsively asks marriage proposal advice from his mentor and grumpy father figure Bruce Wayne. When the older man describes a proposal in which he had been yelled at and abandoned, Terry can't help investigate the matter by seeing some of Bruce's most knowledgeable friends and family members. This search prompts someone else into action. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19414228

Title: The Time Travel Problem Summary: Barry Allen and Clark Kent, follow Bruce around during a time travel mission through Gotham City's recent past. If only Bruce would stay focused. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21143081

Title: Younger Bruce, Older Jason Summary: Jason wakes up in the dead of night to an unexpected visitor. (Like you’ve never heard that one before...) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867975

#dc #dc comics #batman #batfam #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #terry mcginnis #Tim Drake #Damian Wayne #Stephanie Brown #batfamrecs

[softladyhours]

Eric Derekson x Touch-starved!Reader

Summary:  Eric notices that something might be up with Y/N. He immediately becomes the embodiment of ‘they must be protected at all costs!!’. Meanwhile, the feeling is mutual uwu

Pairing:  Eric Derekson x Gender Neutral Reader

Warnings: FLUFF, a lot of talk about pee at the beginning (?), innocent intimacy, and two (2) pining idiots

* * *

I FINALLY DID IT!!!! I don’t write a lot but I love this boy with every fiber of my being and my touch-starved self wanted to project so here we are lol.  Hope you enjoy it! If you do, feel free to like and/or reblog, but please do not repost without giving proper credit!! Thanks y’all and, as always, feedback is appreciated!

* * *

   Eric was really regretting his life decisions.  His big new years resolution was to stay hydrated, and he was doing really well!  But, pair this with a day full of back-to-back meetings at Egos Inc. and Wilford’s excitement for a weekly dinner engagement with a certain not-ego, and you end up with Eric’s current predicament: anxiously pee-dancing in silence outside of said not-ego’s only bathroom.

 “Oh, just hold it in until we get to Y/N’s!  They have a bathroom at their apartment and it’s only, what, a ten minute drive?” Wilford had insisted as he gently shoved Eric out of the office building’s doors and into the parking lot. ‌“I wanna get there before Dark eats all the hors d’oeuvres!”‌

 Of course, the eccentric journalist had neglected to factor in rush hour traffic (easily turning ten minutes into twenty-five at the very least) as well as the fact that, even after traffic, they were running an hour-and-a-half early.

 After no one answered their knocks at your door, Wilford used a spare key to let himself and Eric inside.  Most of the lights were off and it almost seemed as if no one was home, if it weren’t for the music blasting from the back of the apartment.  It wasn’t until then that Wilford thought to check his watch.

 “Oh my,”‌ his eyes widened before he facepalmed, chuckling at himself.  “I suppose I was a little too excited to see our dear Y/N that I‌ completely lost track of time–we’re much too early!”

 Usually, Eric would have been mortified at such a revelation, but he was a little too focused on his bladder and how he felt it was going to rupture at any second.  

 “Th-that’s nice, but can you, well… where’s the, the bathroom please?

 “Oh, right!  In the hall, first door on the left!” Wilford took off his shoes and plopped himself down on the sofa, getting comfortable.  Meanwhile, Eric rushed in the right direction, only to have his heart–and possibly his bladder–damaged beyond repair.

 As he approached, he realized with horror that light seeped through the crack at the bottom of the door and that the music that was coming from behind the locked door was barely masking the sound of running water.  You were taking a shower.  Terrified to intrude, he hurriedly checked the other three doors in the hall hoping for some kind of saving grace.  There was an office, a linen closet, and your bedroom.  Fighting back tears, he returned to the door of the only bathroom in the apartment. ‌‌ Even if he could gather the courage to knock you wouldn’t be able to hear him over the noise, so he settled for silently praying to any and all higher powers that you wouldn’t be too long.

 Twenty excruciating minutes later, the running water stopped and the music was turned down.  Desperate to not wet his pants, he timidly knocked.  The music stopped.  Silence.  He knocked again and spoke up.

 “Hey Y/N? It’s Eric and I’m really sorry to intrude but–”

 The door unlocked and swung open, revealing you in all of your towel-wearing glory.  It was all Eric could do to keep himself from throwing himself past you and towards your toilet.

 “Oh, hey Eric!  You’re early!  You really scared me for a second–”

 Not able to hold it back anymore he nearly yelled,‌  “I’MREALLYSORRYBUTIREALLYNEEDTOPEE!”

 A little taken aback, you finally processed his words and the obvious urgency and quickly stepped out of the bathroom,‌ ‌“Oh, of course!‌ I’m so sorry–” ‌

 He rushed past you, almost not noticing the wall of thick, humid heat as he entered the bathroom before slamming the door, unzipping his fly, and finally releasing the agonizing pressure.  As he finished his business he took a deep breath of relief.  That’s when he fully processed just how hot it was.  He was already sweaty and his shirt was already starting to cling to his torso.  It was suffocating.  And a little concerning.  

 Eager to get out, he washed his hands and opened the door, instantly meeting the relief of cool A/C.  Also you.  In a towel.  Oh yeah, that had happened.  He was suddenly grateful for the flush from the heat that probably (hopefully) camouflaged his actual blush.

 You were smiling and laughing a little. ‌ “Feel better?”

 He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck in nervous embarrassment.  “Yeah‌ I, I feel a l-lot better, thank you, uh, s-sorry about that.”

 You chuckled, patting him on the shoulder before moving past him to finish getting dressed, closing and locking the door behind you.

 It was the next day and Eric couldn’t stop thinking about you.  Well, to be fair, you had been on his mind a lot lately anyways, but he was still a little hung up on seeing you in a towel, to be honest. ‌And also your incredibly hot showers.  How did you not look like a lobster?

 “I don’t.”

 Eric looked up from his desk to see Google looking back at him, both parties visibly puzzled.  “Huh?”

 Google’s monotone voice replied, “‌I share no physical resemblance to a lobster, literally or metaphorically, nor do most people.”

 Eric’s cheeks heated up, realizing he must have been talking to himself.

 “Uh, sorry,‌ I-I didn’t mean to say that out- out loud,” he explained.  Google just shrugged before returning his focus to his computer.  Before he could stop himself, Eric found himself catching the search engine’s attention–on purpose this time.

 “Hey, uh Google?  I have a question…”

 “Yes?” Google asked, not looking up from his screen.

 “Why do some people take really hot showers?”

 The android sat up straight and turned to face Eric before reciting his findings: “An article from Lifehack.org says that ‘According to the researchers at Yale University, people who take a long-hot shower or bath may do so to subconciously ward off feelings of loneliness and isolation’.” ‌Looking unimpressed, he returned to his work.

 Eric felt a pang in his chest.  He wondered if you actually felt that way.  He tried to convince himself that you were probably fine.  But part of him couldn’t help but worry. ‌You were amazing! You didn’t deserve to feel lonely! And you weren’t going to.  At least, not if he had anything to say about it.  

  For one brief minute, his anxiety had vanished, replaced with an almost foreign sense of determination.  He picked up his phone and typed out a text, asking if you wanted to hang out after work.  He still didn’t know if he would actually confront you about the loneliness thing, but he could at least be a good friend and spend time with you and hopefully show you how much he cares.  Before he could psyche himself out, he pressed send.  Then that brief minute was over.  The impact of his anxiety made him want to puke.

 Meanwhile, you were in your apartment.  You had finished your work early and had just gotten home.  Exhausted, you decided you would have a quiet night in, with maximum comfort.  Feeling inspired‌ (and not wanting to try to relax surrounded by clutter), you quickly went around your apartment, doing a quick clean-up: throwing away those leftover soda cans, washing a few dishes, tossing some dirty clothes in your clothes hamper, making up your bed, etc.  After everything was fairly neat, you got ready for the most crucial aspect of relaxation.  A nice, hot bath.

 Getting some clean pajamas and underwear ready, you started the hot water running.  You grabbed your phone, to pull up your favorite relaxing playlist, when you got a text from Eric:

Hey, do you want to hang out after I get off work?‌‌  We could stay in or go out–whichever you prefer!

 Shocked, but not in a bad way, you think about it for a moment.  This seemed a little out of character.  Eric was almost a hermit unless someone else took the initiative–or unless one of the other Egos dragged him along.  You smiled to yourself at the thought.  

 You had been meeting Wilford and Dark for dinner every couple of weeks to maintain contact since, between your job and their lives at Ego Inc., life could get hectic.  Though, a couple of months ago, they had talked to you and, after your consent, started bringing Eric along.  They had explained his timidness and that they thought it would be good for him to get out of the house and hang out with someone whose face didn’t suspiciously resemble that of a certain famous YouTuber.

 And so you were introduced to Eric Derekson.  Wilford had teasingly warned you that Eric was almost as “heartbreakingly handsome” as he was, to which you just laughed.  Then you met him.  His shy, sweet nature had seized your heart strings and nearly yanked them from the muscle beating in your chest.  Pair that with his, frankly, beautiful face (and butt–no, you weren’t proud you had checked the man out but, to be fair, it’s a really nice butt) and you were smitten.  But you played it cool and, as the two of you got closer, he slowly seemed to grow more comfortable around you, which warmed your heart (and your face), but this proposition to hang out was still a milestone.  Especially if he meant just the two of you.  

 The thought made your heart flutter, but you pushed it down.  You couldn’t risk getting your hopes up.  Besides, before anything else you were his friend, and friends hang out together.  So you took a deep breath and typed out your response, deciding that you wouldn’t mind sharing your quiet night in with Eric.

That sounds nice!  If you want to come over to my place we can order pizza and hang out.  Maybe Netflix or something??

 Eric nearly passed out from relief.  You had almost immediately replied and one, you seemed happy (maybe even excited?) about the concept of hanging out and two, you wanted to stay in (he was terrified you’d be in an extraverted mood and try to take him out dancing or something–you had teasingly threatened to take him clubbing a while back–even though he knew you’d never do that to him, his anxiety still hated the possibility).  He sighed, releasing the tension from his body before arranging the time he would come over.  You had proposed six o’clock, knowing he got off work at five. ‌He agreed. ‌

 As he set his phone down, his face heated up and a new type of anxiety filled his system with butterflies, the good kind though.  He smiled to himself.  He really was excited to spend time with you.  You were so kind and gentle with him, but never condescending.  Stunning and confident, but never arrogant.  Not to mention he could just go on and on about your intelligence and sense of humor.  From that first dinner, he knew he was wrapped around your little finger. ‌Although, thankfully, he’s managed to not make too much of a lovesick fool out of himself.  So far.

 You were lounging on the couch look at your go-to pizza place’s menu when someone knocked on your door.  Getting up, you quickly unlocked the door to reveal Eric, looking as handsome and nervous as ever.  Smiling and greeting him, you opened your arms for a hug that he immediately accepted.  He had never been used to hugs before he met you, but he always enjoyed yours–you were a really good hugger.

 You pulled away and closed the door, leading Eric to the couch to sit and decide on dinner.

 “Ok, so,” you turned to him, “I have a coupon for two large pizzas, a couple of two liters and one of those dessert pizzas, what do you think?”

 Eric grinned. ‌ “‌That sounds amazing.”

 “Awesome!”

 You called the restaurant, ordering the feast.  Then, while waiting for your food to be delivered, you and Eric talked.  He caught you up on the Jims’ latest antics, you ranted about the drama at your workplace, and by the time the pizza got there, the two of you were giggling like idiots over who-knows-what.  As you set out the food on your coffee table and reaching for the tv remote, Eric spoke up.

 “You know, it’s really nice hanging out with you.  We never have time to talk like this.”

 Smiling at the sentiment, you replied, “Ditto,” making you both giggle.  “For real though,” you said, “I’m enjoying myself too.  You’re pretty cool, Derekson.”

 His cheeks started to tingle, but he fought off the blush.  He wanted to talk to you, seriously, before you could turn on the tv.

 “Hey, uh Y/N?‌”

 “Yeah?” You replied distractingly.  Suddenly you weren’t quite sure where you had left the remote and were scanning the coffee table and food packaging.

 “Can I- can I talk t-to you for a, a second?”

 You immediately stopped scanning upon hearing his stutter.  He rarely stuttered around you anymore so when he did, you took it seriously. You nonchalantly leaned back into the couch, sitting and getting comfortable, giving him your full attention.

 “Yeah,” your voice was a little softer.  “What’s up?

 His brow was furrowed and he couldn’t quite look at your face.  “Do you, uh, remember th-that time I‌ nearly wet my-myself?”

 You lips quirked, concealing the smile that wanted to spread across your face at the mental image.  You felt kind of bad, but it was really cute.  Not to mention his reaction to seeing you half-dressed…

 Your cheeks heated up, but you played it cool.  “Yeah, what about it?”

 He sighed. ‌ He didn’t seem nervous, which was odd, but more frustrated or confused.  “You take really, really hot showers.”

 Squinting your eyes, you gave him a puzzled look, trying to conceal your smile.  Realizing that sounded wrong, his anxious countenance returned with some stuttered apologies.

 “I-I meant that you, uh, you– when I went in th-the bathroom, it was really hot. Like, like suffocating!” 

 “Ah, okay,”‌ you were silent for a moment, not any less confused than before.  “So what are you getting at?”

 Eric’s blush darkened. ‌‌ “I just remember um… I- I uh…” he noticeably refuse to look in your direction now, trying to find his words.  You patiently waited–you could tell he was getting frustrated by himself.  After a moment, he closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

 “Apparently some people t-take really long, really hot showers to cope with, with loneliness and I‌ guess I- I just wanted to make sure that you were, that you’re okay.”

 You had no words.  He reluctantly opened his eyes to look at you, silently hoping with everything fiber of his being that, just this once, he didn’t screw up.  You looked at coffee table with an expression just a little too tense to describe as neutral.  Eric was about to apologize and try to salvage the night ahead when you relaxed your face, closing your eyes and sighing deeply.

 When you opened your eyes you turned to face him again.  He hadn’t noticed until that moment just how tired you looked.  Sure, you had the faint beginnings of bags under your eyes, but what shook him to the core was your eyes.  As you let your walls down, your eyes seemed to age a couple of decades within a few moments.  Where there was usually a sparkle had grown just a little too dull.

 “To be honest with you? I’ve been struggling a bit lately.”

 Eric could practically feel his heart start to fracture in his chest.

 You continued, “Like, it’s nothing major, but I’m just tired.  Things are starting to weigh me down more, if that makes sense…?”  You shifted, not entirely comfortable with admitting to hardship, but Eric stared at you intently, nodding slightly for you to continue.  Having anyone’s (but especially his) entire attention on you like this felt so intimidating and… intimate.  You weren’t used to it by a long-shot.

 “Really, I’m okay I just… I guess I’m a little lonely.  I didn’t realize what I was doing, with the hot water, I mean, until you said it, but yeah…” your voice faded off and your embarrassment started to color your cheeks.  “Part of it is that, I have really physically affectionate tendencies but I’m also really touch-starved.”

 Eric look confused.

 “Well, for one, I haven’t had a significant other in a long, long time and I’ve never really been in a touchy-feely group of friends before so, even though I love it and want it so bad–”

 “You’re not used to it,”‌ he finished your sentence.‌  “So… you get embarrassed.”

 “Precisely.”

 Eric nodded and muttered, almost to himself, “‌I get that.”

 Silence fell for a moment before you spoke up.

 “Thank you,‌ Eric.”

 He looked at you, confused.  “For what?”

 “For checking in on me,”‌ You replied, grinning in spite of yourself.  “I mean there’s not really much to be done, but I‌ appreciate it a lot.”‌  You grabbed a plate and loaded it with some pizza before trying to find the remote again.

 Eric watched you fondly, with a quiet “You’re welcome,”‌ before an idea came to his head.

 “We, uh, we could b-be cuddle b-buddies.”

 You almost didn’t hear him and it took a moment to process what he was saying.  When you did though, you were pretty sure a tomato would be jealous of your face’s shade of red. ‌When you turned to face Eric, though, he was about the same so that made you feel a little better.  He smiled at you nervously, awaiting your response.

 “Ok,” was all you could get out.

 He was a little shocked.  But definitely relieved. “Really?!” He mentally scolded himself for sounding too excited, but he couldn’t help it–he was!

 “Uh, y-yeah that sounds really good!”

 And so you finally found the remote while‌ Eric fixed his plate and after a quick, stutter-y deliberation, you turned on a movie.  You paused before looking at Eric, who was already looking at you.  You both smiled and giggled a bit, instantly relaxing the tense atmosphere a little bit.

 Turning your attention to the movie, you slowly adjusted so that you were sitting up, but leaning against Eric. ‌ He eased his arm onto the back of the couch behind you, allowing for a closer proximity.  Red as lobsters and so full of butterflies you almost couldn’t eat, the two of you watched the movie.

 As the movie progressed, you both started to relax and feel more comfortable.  Even though you were still having issues with normal breathing, it was so so so nice.  When you finished eating, you placed your dishes on the table and readjusted.  

 He ended up laying down with you laying on top of him, with you resting your head on his chest, near the crook of his neck while he rested one hand on your back and caressed your arm with the other.  You were so warm and soft in his arms, like a weighted blanket.  And he adored your occasional little sighs by his ear that would make his breath hitch, just a little.  And his shoulder was such a wonderful headrest while his heartbeat was so soothing to hear underneath you.  But every time he adjusted to wrap his arms around you a little more, your heart skipped a beat. It was the most calm, relaxed, and serene exhilaration you had ever experienced.

 After the movie ended, you quickly started another.  This time, when you thought it couldn’t get any better, he ended up spooning you.  He had grown comfortable with the new closeness surprisingly quickly and almost dragged you onto the couch, excited to hold you close.  This gesture alone made you nearly explode from happiness.

 He wrapped one arm around your waist and rested the other under your head.  He ended up absentmindedly rubbing your stomach while nuzzling his face into the back of your neck.  After you adjusted and were finally breathing somewhat normally again, you relaxed into the curve of his body and, before long, fell asleep.  Meanwhile, Eric felt like he could combust with joy.  He had yet to tell you exactly how he felt about you, but this new arrangement was definitely a huge step forward.  

   When he was sure you were asleep, he tentatively placed a soft kiss to the back of your neck before getting comfortable and falling asleep.

#eric derickson x reader #eric derekson #eric derickson #markiplier #mark fischbach #markiplier fanfiction #mark x y/n #markiplier x reader #mark fischbach x reader #markiplier egos #markiplier eric #markiplier egos x reader #egos x reader #egos #markiplier alter egos #eric x reader #fanfiction #reader insert #x reader #mark x reader #reader interactive #touch starved reader #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #also he!!!!!!!!!!!

[graciousheaven]

WHAT DOES FEAR DO TO US

Fear is a feeling we all experience in life. It usually streams from the uncertainty that gnaws our minds whenever we face a difficult situation or when there is a threat to our wellbeing and safety. Fear can also be induced by worry about the potential consequences our choices or decisions may have on our future - this is the fear of the unknown, triggered by the fact that we do not see the future, and no one knows what tomorrow has in store. Although human beings can make projections and plans, one can never affirm with certitude that everything will turn out exactly as planned. For the Lord alone rules over all He made - as the Scripture says, "You may make plans, but God directs your actions." (Proverbs 16:9). We never know what tomorrow will look like. But the one thing we do know is that every day brings its load of troubles.

Although suffering and hardship are part of our life, just the thought of these often fills people with fear and anxiety. But many people are unaware of the dangerous consequences fear can have on their lives. Knowing the damage that fear can cause to us, our Lord commands us not to let fear be part of our lives but to instead trust in Him. The Lord says in Isaiah 41:10, “Do not be afraid – I am with you! I am your God – let nothing terrify you! I will make you strong and help you; I will protect you and save you.”

Depending on their situations, people may experience different types of fear: fear of failing, fear of being criticized, fear of reprisal, fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection or persecution, fear of losing someone or something etc. Every type of fear can have a dangerous effect on our spiritual life. Sometimes people do things that violate the will of God by fear of others. It is usually the case when there is certain dominance and oppression going on: the oppressed does not have the freedom to do what is right because at any time they may get hurt either emotionally or physically by their oppressors. They fear for their lives and so choose to satisfy the will of these instead of obeying God's commands.

The Lord says in Matthew 10:28, "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather be afraid of God, who can destroy both body and soul in hell."

We can also experience fear when exposed to a new environment. This is where uncertainty kicks in and fills our brain with fear – fear of the unknown - because we are concerned about the view other people may have of our person. The thought that our actions can be misunderstood by them or that they may not like us makes us tremble with fear. Do everything for God's glory and trust Him in all you do. Never be afraid of losing your face when you seek God's glory in what you are called to do. Psalms 25:12 tells us: “Those who have reverence for the Lord will learn from Him the path they should follow.” "Reverence for the Lord gives confidence and security to a man and his family. [...] Reverence for the Lord is a fountain of life." (Proverbs 14:26-27)

 There are also circumstances where, although the environment is not new to us, we may not be sure how others are going to interpret our actions; we have no clue how they are going to react towards us and fear surrounds us. This type of fear can sometimes lead us into wrongdoing. It is very important for us to always seek to do the will of the Lord and to trust ourselves to Him in order to avoid being caught in sinful actions. The Scripture says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and He will show you the right way.” (Proverbs 3:5-6). “With faithfulness and love He leads all who keep his covenant and obey his commands.” (Psalms 25:10)

One can experience fear - fear of death- when diagnosed with an incurable or deadly disease. Oftentimes, people give up fighting. No matter what you are suffering from, never give up the fight. The Scripture tells us: "Your will to live can sustain you when you are sick, but if you lose it, your last hope is gone." (Proverbs 18:14). People also experience fear when their beliefs or opinions are seen by others differently. Some people do not have the courage, for example, to affirm their faith in Christ because of fear of being rejected, insulted or persecuted. But as Christians, you should not let fear win you hearts. "For the Spirit that God has given you does not make you slaves and cause you to be afraid; instead, the Spirit makes you God's children, and by the Spirit's power we cry out to God, 'Father! my Father!' God's spirit joins Himself to our spirits to declare that we are God's children. Since we are his children, we will possess the blessings He keeps for his people, and we will also posses with Christ what God has kept for Him; for if we share Christ's suffering, we will also share his glory." (Romans 8:15-17). We should always look up to Christ our Lord - in Him we find peace and assurance, in Him we find joy and safety. Christ is the Hope of all glory. He tells us in John 14:27, "Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid."

We are not to fear the world or its threats and violence against us. Otherwise we may find ourselves seeking to please it and trying to conform ourselves to its standards. We must submit ourselves to the will of God and do what pleases Him even if that costs us our lives. Our goal is not to please the world but to live as God's commands us to; we are to seek his glory. So do not let fear steal your peace and drive you away from the right path. Be hopeful in the Lord at all times and trust yourself to Him and do not be discouraged by the way people treat you. The Lord our Saviour says through his Apostle Peter: “Even if you should suffer for doing what is right, how happy you are! Do not be afraid of anyone, and do not worry. But have reverence for Christ in your hearts, and honour Him as Lord. Be ready at all times to answer anyone who asks you to explain the hope you have in you, but do it with gentleness and respect. Keep your conscience clear, so that when you are insulted, those who speak evil of your good conduct as followers of Christ will be ashamed of what they say. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if this should be God’s will, than for doing evil.” (1 Peter 3:13-17). Our Lord also says in Matthew 10:38-39, "Those who do not take up their cross and follow in my steps are not fit to be my disciples. Those who try to gain their own life will lose it; but those who lose their life for my sake will gain it."

There are also circumstances where people experience the fear of being abused or disgraced and accept to do things that defile God's commands. People who struggle to counter the waves of emotional abuse that they constantly face for example experience fear in their lives; they are filled with anxiety. People also experience fear when facing a situation where there is a risk that things could escalate and potentially expose them to harm. This happens for example when there is instability where we live. We all experience fear many times in life, although our Lord told us not to worry. People often worry about their belongings or their lives. Our belongings cannot save us - we are not to depend on them or to envy anything that belongs to the world. Our Lord commands us in Philippians 4:8, "Fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honourable." For "the world and everything in it that people see and want is passing away. but those who do the will of God live for ever." (1 John 2:17). And there is nothing one can do to change the number of days allotted to them by the Lord. No one can oppose God's plans, whether these bring them suffering or rejoicement. Our destiny was set by the Lord our God long time before time even began. Fear can never make a change to it; it instead adds to our load of troubles. Paul tells us in his letter to the Philippians: "Don't worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking Him with a thankful heart. And God's peace, which is beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

It is always dangerous to let fear fill our heart: when people are afraid to stand for their rights for example, they let others stand in their way and sometimes accept to do things that contradict God's will. Take for instance someone in an abusive relationship - in this situation the choices of the abused are narrowed down and restricted to the sole expectations laid upon them by their abuser. In order to satisfy this, the abused may do things that violate God's commands. If you are a victim of bully, persecution or any form of abuse, remember what the Lord says. “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather be afraid of God, who can destroy both body and soul in hell.” (Matthew 10:28)

The Lord Almighty is the one to be feared. But the one thing many people fail to understand is what it means to fear the Lord.

When we talk about fear of the Lord, we need to understand that it is a healthy fear, not in the same sense that we fear a danger. It is about having reverence for the Lord, to honour Him by making sure that all we do, our thoughts and lifestyle are acceptable to God. It means to stand in awe of the Lord, to obey his teachings, to worship only Him, to honour his Holy name, to live for his glory because the Lord alone is God; He is holy and He created us for this purpose - to bring glory to his holy name.

Fear of the Lord keeps us in obedience to God's commands - as the Scripture says, "Whoever fears the Lord walks upright, but those who despise Him are devious in their ways." (Proverbs 14:2). A God-fearing person strives to please the Lord in all they do; they put their trust in the Lord and remain faithful to Him. They do not think up evil; instead, they align their actions, their deeds and thoughts with what the Lord requires of them. They avoid to do things that can stir up the Lord’s anger. They are confident and hopeful in the Lord; fear does not subdue their hearts.

The Lord knows what we are made of and what impact fear can have on our lives. He told us not to let anything terrify us and not to fear human beings like us. In John 14:27 the Lord says: “Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.”

Unfortunately, we often let fear overwhelm our hearts. There are times where we do not make good decisions because of fear. Fear influences our judgement and often leads us into wrongdoing. This happens for example when people worry about what others might say or think about them being in a specific situation: they do not want others to see their failure or their inability to afford something; they do not want to be judged or despised. As a result, they succumb to the temptation while trying to make things look attractive in the sight of others. The Scripture tells us: "It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe." (Proverbs 29:25)

Fear can also divert people from the path of life. We see people for example who are more concerned about their career or business that they have no time for Christ. People chase their dreams and spend zero time with God because they worry about tomorrow.

The Lord says in Matthew 12:34, "Do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings." Trust in the Lord at all times; seek his guidance and wisdom. 

Fear can restrain us or push us too early into action: there are moments where we act too early because of fear and mess things up and the impact is irreversible. Because of fear king Saul acted foolishly and sinned against God when the Philistines assembled to fight the Israelites at Michmash. Samuel had instructed Saul: "You will go ahead of me to Gilgal, where I will meet you and offer burnt sacrifices and fellowship sacrifices. Wait there until I come and tell you what to do." (1 Samuel 10:8)

"Saul was still at Gilgal, and the people with him were trembling with fear. He waited seven days for Samuel, as Samuel had instructed him to do, but Samuel still had not come to Gilgal. The people began to desert Saul, so he said to them, 'Bring me the burnt sacrifices and the fellowship sacrifices.' He offered a burnt sacrifice, and just as he was finishing, Samuel arrived. Saul went out to meet him and welcome him, but Samuel said, 'What have you done?' Saul answered, 'The people were deserting me, and you had not come when you said you would; besides that the Philistines are gathering at Michmash. So I thought, 'The Philistines are going to attack me here at Gilgal, and I have not tried to win the Lord's favour.' So I felt I had to offer a sacrifice.' 'That was a foolish thing to do,' Samuel answered. 'You have not obeyed the command the Lord your God gave you. If you had obeyed, He would have let you and your descendants rule over Israel for ever. But now your rule will not continue. Because you have disobeyed Him, the Lord will find the kind of man He wants and make him ruler of his people." (1 Samuel 13:7-14)

Many people experience a similar fate in their lives; not that of a dethroned king, but that of someone who rushes to find a rapid solution when troubles rush in. They do not have the patience to wait for the Lord to fight for them because they are afraid to lose. And by doing so they sin against the Lord and ruin all what God has in store for them. It is important for us to always draw a clear line between our fear and our judgment. What we see or think may not necessarily concord with the reality. We need to rely on the Lord for help whenever we face trouble; we should not let fear lead us to sin. One thing we must know is that the Devil likes to fill our minds with lies that strike our hearts with such feelings as fear, doubt and worry in order to make us lose faith in Christ.

The Lord says in Jeremiah 33:3, “Call to Me, and I will answer you; I will tell you wonderful and marvellous things that you know nothing about.” What a promise!

There are also moments where we take action to deal with a situation, but we do not choose the right time to act all because of fear. We steer the wheel to turn right or left way before we reach the turning point, which simply means the fear causes us to act too early, but later on when real troubles emerge we are unable to counter them.

Fear can also lead to passiveness in the face of a danger, which often has a painful outcome. We ought to know that even if our life is as stake we should never violate God's commands by remaining passive. When we abstain from doing the right thing because we want to remain alive, we sin against God. As the Scripture says, "Those who do not do the good they know they should do are guilty of sin." (James 4:17) And our Lord also tells us in Matthew 16:25, "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

There is passiveness when people abstain from taking action, although they are aware it would be the right thing to do. Passiveness in certain circumstances can be reinforced by the fear that any attempt to conform ourselves to the will of God may encourage our enemy to harm us. It is the case for example in any relationship where someone is in emotional distress because of the abuse they face, but are unwilling to take action because they may risk their life or that of their loved ones. They are afraid to do what is right in God's sight because they have been threatened or blackmailed by their abuser.

This situation also applies to any given circumstances where a person is forced to do unlawful tasks for someone else's benefit. The threats they receive increase the fear they experience. The abuser, knowing the vulnerability of their victim expose them to more harm and force them to do things that violate God's commands.

Whatever situation you face in life, always obey God's commands, keep your hopes in the Lord and trust in Him. Do not let fear lead you into damnation. As the Bible tells us, "Obey the Lord, and you will live longer. The wicked die before their time. The hopes of good people lead to joy, but wicked people can look forward to nothing." (Proverbs 10:27-28) "Happy is the person who honours the Lord, who takes pleasure in obeying his commands." (Psalms 112:1)

Fear can do us more harm than we think. We should never let the Devil strike our minds with his lies. Such lies fill our hearts with fear. We always need to remember what the Lord our God told us. There is no other remedy for fear but Christ - nothing in this life, no human being can dissipate our fear. Only in Christ can one find safety and comfort. Turn to Him for safety. The Lord our God says: “Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

The Lord rules supreme over all creation. The wicked may grow strong but the Lord destroys them all; no one is above his power. The Lord is constantly there to help us when we call to Him. When we put our trust in God, our fears dash away; they do not have a hold on us because our Lord surrounds us with his own peace. The Lord says: "Call to Me in times of troubles; I will save you, and you will praise Me." (Psalms 50:15) The Lord is our refuge. We need not fear any danger. Every day of our life brings its own challenges and it is only by trusting our Lord that we can overcome fear. Christ alone is our strength – when we are weak the Lord is strong; He fights our battles. He never lets us down – from his throne in Heaven, the Lord constantly watches over us. He knows our worries and all what we go through. When we humble ourselves and let his mighty hands guide us in life, the Lord Almighty drowns our fears and walks us through oceans waves; He fills us with confidence, hope, strength and happiness and surrounds us with peace.

Whether you are in a situation of uncertainty or there is a change required to reshape your life but you are filled with fear and anxiety; whether you are going through episodes of emotional distress, coupled with threats to your life and that of your loved ones; whatever trial you face in life, do not be afraid! Trust yourself to the Lord and He will always be with you – "The Lord is with you as long as you are with Him. If you look for Him, He will let you find Him, but if you turn away, He will abandon you." (2 Chronicles 15:2)

The Lord promised to always be with us if we honour Him and obey his commands. What a treasure!

As the Apostle Paul says in his letter to the Romans, “If God is with us, who can be against us? Who, then, can separate us from the love of Christ? Neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below – there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:31, 35, 38-39)

Never let people use you against your will to do dirty things because you are scared to lose your life. Have reverence for the Lord. Do not let fear imprison you and bring damnation upon your soul because you want to please men. "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot afterwards do anything worse." Says the Lord in Luke 12:4

Trust yourself to the Lord, honour Him and be faithful to Him. Seek Him, cry out to Him.

"Whoever goes to the Lord for safety, whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty, can say to Him, 'You are my defender and protector. You are my God; in You I trust.' He will keep you safe from all hidden dangers and from all deadly diseases. He will cover you with his wings; you will be safe in his care; his faithfulness will protect and defend you. You need not fear any dangers at night or sudden attacks during the day or the plagues that strike in the dark or the evils that kill in daylight. A thousand may fall dead beside you, ten thousand all round you, but you will not be harmed. You will look and see how the wicked are punished." (Psalms91:1-8)

“Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that He will lift you up in his own time. Leave all your worries with Him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

#danger of fear #do not be afraid #effect of fear #dangerous fear #fear of the Lord #fear the Lord #live without fear #how to fight fear #sermon on fear #sermon on tumblr #graciousheaven #what does the bible say about fear #what is fear

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #304

“she’s got a hold on me  /  maybe she is just what they want me to be”

How many foreign friends do you have? Only one that I know of that actually immigrated into America in their life. I think. In which countries do they live? She was born in Asia, either China or Japan. What was your dream birthday party as a kid? I either wanted to go to the skating rink or Chuck E. Cheese. Have you ever come up with your own game? As a kid, definitely. Whose hand did you hold last? Probably my niece's or nephew's if they were taking me somewhere. What was the last thing you planted? Habaneros, I think. Do you have a green thumb or are you all thumbs with plants? I don't really try with plants because I'm not interested in the maintenance. What or who was the last thing you gossiped about? Does telling your therapist about another person and what they do to stress you out count? lol Any books on your night stand? Wings of Fire: The Brightest Night. Would you ever consider going vegetarian? I was briefly one, but I had to introduce meat back into my diet because I just hate too many foods needed to keep me healthy without meat. I would love love LOVE to go vegan, but I just can't. When's the last time you helped a senior citizen somehow? Probably holding open a door for someone in a wheelchair. What's the most selfless act you have done? I don't know... Maybe letting my mother use all my Christmas and birthday money (which was a lot) to take care of bills to keep us from being evicted and losing the car. She was going to pay me back, but then cancer happened. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? No. What makes you feel lucky? The fact I have a roof over my head, food on the table, access to water... That kind of stuff. Never take it for granted. How many Lidls are there in your town? One. Last time you went to Ikea, what did you buy? I don't believe we've ever bought anything from there? But I wouldn't really know. How do you like your favorite beverage? Really cold in a can, heeeeell yeah. What's your big family secret? We don't really have one. What did you think you were good at, until you saw someone else do it? I remember thinking I was the "gifted" artist in school until I met my acquaintance Cailin in the 5th grade, lol. She is SO talented. What is something nice going on in your life right now? My partial hospitalization program is going well. I'm getting more comfortable with talking via things like Zoom, it's a good opportunity for me to socialize with like-minded people almost every day, and I ADORE one of the teachers so much so that I want him to be my normal therapist. I have never in the entirety of my life felt less judged and more cared for from any therapist before him, and it's almost supernatural how easily this man reads people. You could twitch a certain way and he picks it up. I'm ready for him to teach more of the sessions. What was the pinnacle of wealth to you as a child? The idea of owning one of those toy crane machines, haha. If I saw one in a store, I would like beeeeg for it. I remember I cried once when I came across one I adored, it was just too expensive, lol. I did eventually get a little one, I think. What's something that you hate, but can't live without? My meds. What skill do you not talk about, because you feel it sounds like bragging? I don't really brag about anything I think I'm good at because I feel bad about it and don't wanna emit a "better than you" vibe. Who's the worst person you've encountered on the Internet? Ahhh, a lovely "friend" nicknamed Shakes. God she hated me. If death wasn't a consequence, what would you try? Probably ride a motorcycle. I'm too scared to risk the possibility of crashing, and those wrecks are nasty. What's the dumbest thing you've heard someone say? There's this one video of a TV show host thinking the moon was a planet and it was just- What is the worst smell you can remember? This smell was forever branded into my memory as if it was fuckin trauma. When my late dog Teddy had a massive, infected cyst near his ~you know~ and also wore diapers because of incontinence with his age (also keep in mind he had a UTI we couldn't afford to fix, and that smells bad enough), changing the diaper he would wear overnight could, swear to God, be enough to make you puke. It literally came to a point that I personally could no longer do it. It sounds so so bad and selfish, and it probably is, but Mom had to do it before she left and came home from work; she's way less fazed by stuff like that than me. Yes, when we had the money, we got the cyst removed. What song gets better the louder it gets? Only like, every song I enjoy. The louder the better until it becomes obnoxious to others. What's the biggest inconvenience that does NOT ruin your day? Having to pee at like an unnatural frequency? haha What's something everybody should know how to do? Cook... which I don't know how to do. What is a great movie no one knows about? I'unno. I don't really know the success level of most movies unless you see stuff about it everywhere. What type of person could the world use less of? Rapists, pedophiles, monsters like that. What makes you tingle? I have this odd reaction to rubbing my hand while someone is holding it???? idk why????? What’s the best Wi-Fi name you’ve seen? Oh MAN, I wish I could remember 'em all. I've seen some goodies. What's easy to learn, but hard to master? God, it's pathetic that my immediate response is related to a video game, haha. Then again it's such a common idea that it's basically a meme in the World of Warcraft community. So, playing hunters in the game. They're argued to be one of the - if not the - easiest classes in the game that requires little to no skill, while as a hunter main, I disagree with the second part firmly. I don't know about the other specializations because I don't play them, but at least in beast mastery, it takes focus and thinking ahead to master your rotation for optimal damage and just to generally be a skilled player of the class. Not to mention you need to watch your pet(s), too. What's something you've changed your opinion on? Wow, LOTS. Tons of political ideas, like my stance on gay rights, transgender folks, etc... If you had a refilling bowl, what would you want it to contain? For some reason my mind immediately jumped to fresh strawberries. I'm picky with the firmness of fruit, so I won't eat them if they're older because ew. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? I mean this in the least creepy way possible, but Sara's house so we could actually hang out, Dad's house so I could see him more, and then uhhh South Africa to regularly see meerkitties. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? Oh, I dunno. I've got some for writers of other media, but I guess by "author," you mean this is for books exclusively. If you have caffeine late in the day, does it cause you to struggle with your sleep? Shit, I wouldn't even know because I essentially always have caffeine in my system. I don't believe it affects me. When you struggle to sleep, what do you do instead? Keep trying to sleep, or more common than not, I do exactly what you shouldn't do and get back on the laptop for a while. Who was the last person you spoke to for the first time? How did you come to speak to this person? My most recent therapist in the PHP. I love love love him. The therapists rotate the days they teach, and he was the last one I met. Are there any TV shows from your childhood that you still watch today? I'm not opposed to it if I actually watched television. Do you enjoy buying gifts for other people, or do you never know what to buy them? If I actually have the money to, omg yes. I honestly do think I create or buy very thoughtful gifts, and I just really enjoy reminding other people that I love and think about them. Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? My sisters, Mom, and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday dinner. That place has come to oust Olive Garden as my favorite restaurant, haha. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? Is this a programme you watch regularly? I believe it was this amateur cooking show called Nailed It!, I think it was, with my mom when I sat in the living room with her for dinner one night. Do you have a favorite documentary subject (eg. nature, celebrities, history, crime)? Absolutely animals. Does having to wear a mask stop you from doing anything, just because you dislike them or find them uncomfortable? Do not fucking talk to me if you're anti-mask. If I set foot in public, I'm wearing a mask like a goddamn considerate human being. Do you prefer zip-up or overhead hoodies? Overhead. I really dislike the appearance of zippers on them. If you have a yard or garden, how much time do you spend out there? N/A When was the last time someone bought you flowers? What was the occasion? I think it was the first time Tyler came to my house. This was quite a few years ago. When was the last time you stayed overnight away from home? Was this with friends, family or in a hotel somewhere? What was the occasion? Hell, I'm pretty sure I haven't slept over anywhere since the last time I was visiting Sara, which was like, two years ago. What’s your favorite period to learn about in history? What got you interested in this particular era? The Renaissance; I always found it to be an attractive subject, art being in its "glory days" and all. My Art History course in college really hooked me in. What is the smallest thing you lose your temper over instantly? Homophobic bullshit. What's a job that doesn't get enough respect? As others have said before me, teachers might just top the list. The shit they gotta put up with for so little pay... What did you take for granted until you visited another country? I've never left America, so I wouldn't know. Who is your favorite scientist and why? I don't have a favorite; I don't know nearly enough about any. Do you prefer emoticons or emoji? I'm from the emoticons era, so I'm biased, haha. How did you meet your pet? Roman was the kitten of one of my sister's mother-in-law's females. They have quite a cat problem and wanted to adopt the kittens out, and Mom knew I desperately wanted a cat, so there we go. One day when we were over there, she showed me the kittens, and Roman caught my eye instantly with his beautiful blue eyes. Venus, I "met" via the Morph Market, a reptile hub website for selling, as the name implies, reptiles that are generally morphs of their species. I was clicking through the genes, keeping my price ceiling in mind, and really fell in love with champagnes, and I thought Venus in specific was just absolutely beautiful. I officially met her as a little thing mailed to me, and she was and still is just the sweetest. I wanna point out that when I chose Venus, I hadn't the slightest idea that champagnes harbored "the spider gene," as otherwise I would have avoided adopting her and feeding the market. Regardless, I love her to death and wouldn't trade her out. Did/Do you have any PEZ dispensers? I did as a kiddo, yeah. Do you enjoy erotic stories? If so, do you read them or write them? No; they make me really uncomfortable. When writing RP, some scenes can get sexual, but I have my limits for sure and know when to stop writing and just time-skip. If you had to choose, which one would you rather have: a pet or a baby? Keep the baby away from me. Gimme a plains hognose or tarantula, please. ^Why did you choose the one you chose? I don't want kids at all but would love the mentioned animals as pets. Do you live with your parents or on your own/with a partner? I live with my mother. What's the car of your dreams? I don't have a "dream car." Have you ever witnessed something or someone die? Animals, yes. Has anyone ever told you that you snore or talk in your sleep? I don't snore, but I talk a LOT. Do you have any houseplants? No. Are you more on a laptop or a desktop computer? I only have a laptop, and I prefer them for portability's sake. If you could do absolutely anything, what would you like to do the most? Entirely leave behind my anxiety, probably. Or PTSD. Do you think your parents raised you well? Yeah. Dad didn't really take much part in "raising" us/enforcing rules and stuff, but hey, my sisters and I wound up being good people. Do you have a Facebook? Yeah. Do you know any of your neighbors? Definitely not well. We haven't lived here long at all. Does/did any of your relatives have an interesting, nowadays unusual job? I'm sure somebody does. Have you met your ideal partner yet? I think so. Have you had a serious relationship yet? If so, how many? Yeah, two. Do you enjoy books, magazines or comic books the most? Books. Are your parents old-fashioned or up-to-date about certain things? Dad is more old-fashioned I think, while Mom is pretty up-to-date. Do you or did you at some point keep a diary? I very briefly did on a few occasions. I always had a journal I wrote in during all my hospital stays. Have you ever upcycled trash into useful items? I remember I once followed this craft idea on Animal Planet where you turn a milk jug into a bird house. We never got any birds in it, though. Which color Skittle do you like best? The only right answer is red. What’s your favorite element? Of the classic four, fire. If you had your own radio show, what would it be like? YIKES, I don't want one. Don't make me talk in front of (through a radio or not) people. What has been the biggest surprise you’ve ever gotten? An "impossible" breakup over Facebook Messenger lmaoooo. Is there a holiday you can’t stand at all? There aren't any that I "can't stand," but I do hold at least some degree of dislike of ones bastardized by religion. It's disrespectful as fuck. Who is your favorite person in the whole world? My mom. Has there ever been an activity you became obsessed with? I was definitely obsessed with RPing in my early teens. Like, I ALWAYS wanted to be writing it. What has been the strangest place you ran into someone from your past? I can't think of an occurance. What is something people tend to come to you about? Anything related to English and grammar. If applicable, what's the furthest you've traveled because of a hobby? For purely a hobby, definitely not very far, partially because I can't drive or afford travelling via plane or whatever. Do you have souvenirs from other countries? If so, what and from where? N/A What do you do when someone is talking to you about something you don't care about? Pretend to be interested to avoid being rude. Do you have Photoshop installed on your computer? Yeah. Do you put lotion on after you get out of the shower? No, but I need to. Has anyone ever given you a promise ring? No. Do you have any bruises on you? Yeah, on my shin. When getting in Ash's van the other day, I hit it against the thing that helps you step up into the vehicle. Because of my muscle atrophy, I, and I am not kidding, can barely manage to absolutely yank myself up there. And mind you, her van isn't even very high up at all. My legs are just that damn weak. Any changes in appearance lately? Gaining weight is fucking lovely. Who was the last person to call you babe or baby? Probably a gal friend commenting on a selfie or something on Facebook. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Sometimes. Do you actually care about other's problems? Probably too much for my own good. Have you ever gotten a teddy bear from someone? Besides my mom, I don't think so.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''big bad wolf'' by in this moment

[noheroes-allowed]

1. the secret history by donna tartt (5)

2. the undocumented americans by karla cornejo villavicencio (3)

3. anxious people by fredrik backman (2.5)

4. a promised land by barack obama (4)

5. someone who will love you in all your damaged glory: stories by raphael bob-waksberg (5)

6. know my name by chanel miller

6.5. get a financial life: personal finance in your twenties and thirties / I will teach you to be rich

7. writers & lovers by lily king (3.5*)

8. maybe you should talk to someone by lori gottlieb (5)

9. scythe by neal shusterman (3)

10. her body and other parties by carmen maria machado (4)

11. the devil all the time by donald ray pollock (4)

12. the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde (4)

13. my dark vanessa by kate elizabeth russell (4)

13.5 bright dead things by ada limon / night sky with exit wounds by ocean vuong

14. if cats disappeared from the world by genki kawamura (4)

15. bunny by mona awad (4)

16. yolk by mary hk choi (3.5)

17. the hole by hye-young pyun (2.5)

18. in the dream house by carmen maria machado (4)

19. the death of vivek oji by akwaeke emezi (3.5)

20. before the coffee gets cold by toshikazu kawaguchi (4)

21. sleepwalking by meg wolitzer (5)

22. night film by marisha pessl (1**)

23. if we were villains by m.l. rio (5)

24. the invisible life of addie larue by v.e. schwab (4)

25. the truants by kate weinberg (4)

26. the ten-year nap by meg wolitzer (3.5)

27. all my puny sorrows by miriam toews (3)

28. the midnight library by matt haig (4)

29. the maidens by alex michaelides (3)

30. expectation by anna hope (4)

31. malibu rising by taylor jenkins reid (3)

32. the immortalists by chloe benjamin (3)

33. when we were orphans (3)

34. brave new world by aldous huxley (4)

35. the house in the cerulean sea by tj klune (3)

36. smoke gets in your eyes by caitlin doughty (5)

37. the seven husbands of evelyn hugo (2.5)

38. minor feelings by cathy park hong (4)

39. kim jiyoung, born 1982 by nam-joo cho (3)

40. a deadly education by naomi novik (3)

*so sad bc I was gonna give this 4 stars since I finally read a book that made me interested in the romance part and incorporates it well into the main character experiencing grief, growing old, etc. however, the last ~30 pages disappointed me. the entire time I loved the pacing (even though I thought my receipt was my bookmark and didn’t realize I had an actual bookmark so I accidentally read ~70 pages in the wrong place before realizing there was a section I didn’t read), but the very end was way too perfect for me. it lost that realism that had been so gravitating.

**such a waste of time. this book just drags on and on and on and the pacing was so bad. like it’ll go through every little action a character does and the story was so bloated that it just got so boring and characters would have multi-page long monologues just vomiting information like that’s not how a conversation works. also the main character was sexist and racist and I didn’t care at all what happened to him, character motivation was also lacking. the ending was also so bad, cannot understand why people like this book.

#remarks