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#someone tell me to stop and act right
b4kuch1n · 3 months
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IT ARRIVED IT ARRIVED IT ARRIVED
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DESPITE EVERYTHING DESPITE MY CHRONICALLY CURSED INTERNATIONAL MAIL PROBLEM I AM STILL THE ZONE RPG
#bakuspeech#and I guess this counts as#bakuspecial#ouuuuuu#my art! on cards! characters I kinda got to build with my visuals!!#also upon getting this which I had mailed to the senpai's place instead of mine in an effort to break the curse we immediately#ran a game. that was supposed to be short. but ended up extending past midnigt#AND had to stop for the night before act 2 even begins#but. its SO fun. the game pieces do just the right amount of heavy lifting for u that it frees u up to make up Real out there stuff#like. we ran a game on the browser version. and while it was also Really fun it got stressful to make stuff up#now if we're stuck we just pick up cards#and like. idk for kinda the first time really? I get the appeal of roleplaying with someone else#I'm usually such a control freak about the stories I tell lmao#with the visual aids in this set I get to imagine the character dynamics so much more easily#like this time around the senpai picked the scientist archetype#and he made that guy a white guy with some means who has been sending people to death to serve his science#and my character's an asian guy who was with a pest control service (yes I picked the trevor henderson character lmao)#who got drafted into the bureau and works as like cleanup/fodder#so immediately I got to go like oh so I hate your guts. and you condescend at me#which turned out to be a Very fun dynamic to roleplay lmao#throughout act 1 we've made this dynamic steadily Worse. one of them envies the other into oblivion#while the other can now communicate with No one except his mission partner#and we're gonna craft the second act as chase. a predator and a prey. gods. it was SO fun#its so funny both of them were touting to be smart or good at their job. and then they went into the zone and Immediately got fucked up#this game really gives u that satisfaction and fascination with like. when things go wrong in way too thematically fitting and messy ways#lmao my contract's fulfilled I do not have to talk this game up. its just really fun. man I enjoy that so much#sadly my pool of english speakers who can play this game with me is not big#I'll try and find time to run a few small games in the near future... maybe during lunar new year#I was over at the senpai's today to toast out birthdays lol. to get that out of the way we've been planning something like that for weeks#weve been both way too busy. with different sliding scales of uh. how pleasant that busy's been
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willowser · 8 months
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oh my god i have to actually stop i need to be forcibly put six feet in the ground BUT I THINK THERE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE this piece of gojo that is so painfully aware of how beneath him everyone else is. getou was his partner his friend someone he loved they were the strongest TOGETHER and now he's GONE and satoru is ALONE IN THAT. and he was surely raised !!!! being told !!!!! you are not a little boy you are not just anybody no you can't go outside and play no you can't have friends you are the end all be all !!!!! AND OVER TIME THAT'S CHANGED AND MORPHED into him wanting to be the strongest for those that are weaker than him and those that are beneath him but it's literally been ingrained into his VERY BEING that he is THE ALL MIGHTY ABOVE !!!!!!
and so even though his appreciation and respect has changed for those below him HE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE AWARE OF IT and i think THAT'S what makes him SO CRAZY BONKERS NUTS OVER LOVING SOMEONE !!!!!! do you know what i mean !!!!!! bc you. you are so tiny and small and weak and could be crushed like a liddol tiny bug do you get it !!!!!!! and now you are suddenly the epicenter of his heart !!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK !!!!! at least before he could trust getou to handle himself !!!!! BUT YOU !!!! it does not matter if you are a great sorcerer or not YOU WON'T BE ON THE LEVEL EVEN GETOU WAS !!!! COULD NOT BE ON THE LEVEL SATORU IS !!!!!!!!! HE'S ABSOLUTELY INSANE ABOUT IT HE'S CRAZY !!!!! DO YOU GET IT !!!!!
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titsdelicate · 10 months
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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mars-ipan · 3 months
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look i love my asexual headcanons to death and what i’m about to say in no way discounts said asexual headcanons. with that disclosed i do not think aziraphale is a “virgin” (<- virginity isn’t real but you get my point) take one look at that angel and tell me he didn’t go to bacchanals i mean come the fuck on
#marzi speaks#i have no opinion nor do i care about whether people think crowley fucks. i think it’s funny if he doesn’t but i could see it either way#but aziraphale? while i don’t think it’s his favorite thing in the world you cannot tell me he never dabbled#bacchanals (and dionysian raves before that) seem right up his alley#plus there’s the fucking. ‘discreet gentlemen’s club’ (THE FUCKING HUNDRED GUINEAS CLUB??? SIR.)#and this guy lives in soho!!!! i mean truly#i don’t think he really seeks sex out or anything#i mean there’s those diary entries where he turns down the woman who essentially flashes him (and i believe a man later?)#so like he’s clearly not someone who really wants sex that much#but there’s no way in hell he never tried it at least once. he’s wayyyy too curious for that#i have a feeling he really stopped ‘trying it out’ after 1941 though. i feel like after he realizes just how deeply he feels for crowley#he’d like. feel Extra Weird about having sex with anyone else#especially bc he isn’t attracted to humans (perhaps beyond like aesthetic attraction)#but he’s definitely dabbled#crowley? could go either way. on one hand: demon. temptations. et cetera#on the other: he’s far less cool than he acts and while having sex isn’t necessarily cool it feels like smth he’d lie about to seem cooler#plus i doubt he’d ever really have any proper interest in humans. probably even less so than aziraphale#see this still coincides with the asexual headcanons. it’s chill 👍
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Response
Thank you to Jade/Lolthia @/edens-gemstone for replying to the previous post. I will make an exception in replying as yes, there was a part I forgot to add, which is additional evidence to prove that all your accusations in the comments below are completely false. Allow me to address them one by one.
At the end, I will include some follow-up questions to add additional context for other users.
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THE ACCUSATIONS
“Also you literally stalked my tumblr after this, rb posts about Adam that I wasn’t comfy being rb and possibly sent me harassing anons (idk for sure)”
I do not have a Tumblr. This account is made by someone else, posting on my behalf. But if you really are confident that it’s me reblogging these posts and sending harassing anons, post the blog and the anons. If you don’t know for sure, why did you post this? 
“You literally just… didn’t want me included because I wouldn't let you ship your OC with Ibara.”
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As seen here, this claim is completely false. I explicitly mentioned that I had no problems with the pairing, but asked them to let me know prior next time to ensure the RP is consistent. I may have vaguely talked about an original story I was writing with my OC and Ibara outside of RP, but within the context of the RP, I have clearly stated that I was fine with the direction Lolthia wanted. 
None of what they had mentioned was communicated to me at all before the start of the RP. They didn’t even acknowledge what I said, just responding with ‘well I figured it would be obvious’.
Lolthia’s behaviour here is consistent with their stated intention in the previous post: to RP not because they want to collaborate, but because they want other writers to expend time and effort to fulfil their self-ship fantasies, without giving as much in return. Therefore, they didn’t bother giving context, let alone asking if their RP partners were okay with it.
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“You even stopped our RP after getting mad about me dating Ibara.”
Lolthia stopped the RP themselves after I confronted them for ranting on their public blog about a communication issue they were unhappy with in this server.
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Someone alerted me that they were talking about their RP server on their blog. I was concerned about those in the server who were on Tumblr. As their RP partner, I requested that they delete it and talk to us first in the future. We then had the following conversation.
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The conversation ended with this rude remark and Lolthia proceeded to be inactive for a long time before starting the argument in the previous post.
“I got tired of constant pings asking me for stuff”/ “I… asked to stop being pinged because I was going through enough”
I need you to understand that you are the admin of the server. We needed your help to create threads to hold our RPs in. Instead of not saying anything when we pinged you only to throw a tantrum about it, why didn’t you pass the permissions or moderator roles to someone else, or at least notify us that you’d be inactive for a certain amount of time?
In the post where we were planning an RP and pinged you - If your interpretation of ‘maybe they can come in later to keep the narrative consistent’ is us excluding you, that’s honestly a you problem, mate.
TO LOLTHIA/JADE
Only one of the claims you have made against me is correct. Yes - presently, I do not like you. But it’s not because you are whatever you identify as, or that you ship with a specific character.
I do not like you because you vagued your own server members, including myself, on your public blog. When I found out and asked you to edit out the mention of our server at minimum, you still had the gall to try to convince me it didn’t affect anyone but yourself.
I do not like you for insulting my friends and I as writers by saying we were ‘just an alternative to character.AI’ all along. And as people, by comparing us to the hate anons who had sent you death threats when we did nothing of the sort. Then, twisting the above into these accusations, without a shred of proof to go with them. 
I am a ROLEPLAYER. Ibara to me is no more than a character and piece of intellectual property.
You: 
Explicitly conveyed that your position was to use us to help you get validation for your alleged ‘relationships’ in a similar way to Character.AI.
Took out your jealousy towards other fandom members onto us, even getting emotional when we merely talked about and shared screenshots of characters you liked. 
When we didn’t give you attention to your liking, accused us of ostracising you and wanting you dead.
Threw a tantrum at us for pinging you for basic admin duties as the server owner, because it wasn’t attention or praise.
The only irrational one here is not myself, but you, and the hard evidence in these two posts is overwhelming.
I won’t be entertaining any further responses. Please be reminded that any attempt to post my personal information publicly will be met with action by me.
TO OTHER USERS
Q: Did you make both these posts and the document? 
No, these posts are follow-ups to the document containing evidence, made by a different person. 
Q: Why did you feel the need to engage them rather than leave the server?
We had already talked only amongst ourselves, ignored any vents they had and began our own server long before these events.
Engaging them was at first a personal choice to defend my friends, who had done nothing wrong. At the time, I was not aware that this was common behaviour for them.
The comparison between us and the death threat anons, which could affect my friends’ reputations, was the most compelling reason for me to attempt straightening this out.
Q: Why has this post been made almost a year later?
Yes, I do agree that from the looks of it, Lolthia’s actions are old news. After I was informed, I personally did not want anything to do with them, and decided to let it go.
However, recently, my friends in the same fandom spaces have not had the luxury of curating their own online experiences because according to them, they are constantly remaking blogs. Furthermore, it was not easy for them to work up the courage to make this post, as being wrongfully accused of wanting someone’s death is not easy for anyone. So, I decided to back them up with the hard evidence they lacked.
Thank you for reading. 
#ok to reblog#ok to rb#I may as well also say something in the tags (I am the one posting on someone else's behalf):#I myself hope this is the last post made on here as well. There is nothing more to add honestly.#This is honestly getting tiring. I know you will read this Jade one way or another. You will come across it.#If you have evidence for the contrary and can prove that you are in the right please do so (I already know you can't).#You will claim to be 'harrassed' but that is not our intention (anyone sending you harrassment or threats is not behavior we tolerate).#(Also no we are sending no one after you nor 'stalk your blog'. Don't act as if we don't have anything better to do... Because we do)#Let me tell you a secret Jade: You are NOT important. We only had enough of your behavior online since it does not change. At all.#It affects others - It affected us and it is affecting the communities you are in as well as a good portion of their members.#Please let it go already. But you can't. Because... As you said yourself 'Any attention is good attention'.#And some of your current mutuals will try to say 'it adds fuel to the fire'. This is not the intention in any way.#The only intention is to document Jade's online behavior and warn others. Because they have already gone too far.#This is to document and prove that they are no different no matter where they go. We only want to spread awareness.#It is not just me and the other person who are sick of it. Many others are sick of it as well. We want it to stop.#Their actions affect others nowadays as well. Only last month there was yet another incident heavily affecting another person.#Why? Because Jade thought it was necessary to make a 'callout post'. Even though the situation was long over.#This should have been long over and everyone involved is trying to move on. But you Jade make it impossible. This has gone on far enough.#Not to mention having been exposed to your drama and graphic vents (which at least sound suicide baity) have also stressed me out.#I kept out of the drama but it was affecting my mental state as well. All because you manage to land yourself into so many controversies.#I moved blogs because I had enough of your shit. Seeing it day in and out does a lot to a person.#'But no one cares about me' - We do not wish you ill (that is the truth) but this has to stop somehow. You are not the victim here.#It's always others but honestly... Given how much shit you got yourself into maybe you are to blame. This isn't normal after all.#Maybe ask yourself what you are doing wrong. But you won't. You never will. You will paint us as 'the bad ones' here.#That's the only thing you know how to do. You cannot owe up to anything and you are proving it time and time again. Even now.#Why do you get defensive now and not when the document dropped? Because there is solid evidence for your bullshit. That's why. You know it.#Deleting because you will throw a temper tantrum? No. Forget it. But again if you have proof for your claims come forward.#To me personally if you wish. But beware: This is not the first time I have dealt with this bullshit. I know this behavior all too well.#You are pulling bullshit I have already seen. My advice is to just log off already and sort your problems out.#This is not the first time I dealt with your type. You show the pattern I honestly expect and you will react as I expect.
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treesbian · 5 months
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i am exhausted. just got yelled at for so so long to stop looking at and sharing what's happening in palestine. listen i know my self care is bad but that has nothing to do with me caring about palestine it'd be equally as bad if not worse if i didn't know the shit
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the-gayest-sky-kid · 5 months
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my brother keeps being a bitch on purpose and it's really not helping
#my therapist says hes probably doing to feel better about himself and it's like. fuckin hell dude#because like. look im not saying i dont poke fun at him either right#but i like go think i dont go below the belt in terms of shit???#like i love him im not going to call him genuinely stupid or ugly or anything.#hes good at math and pretty capable. even if he incinerated mac n cheese once and we had to get a new microwave#but he keeps going up to me like (aether) whats a×b? oh how do you not know that instantly? are you stupid?#its because (extremely personal issue) LOL (deep cutting personal issue again)#and its like look ive never been good at mental math stop being a fucking jerk over me not knowing fuckin 9×7 off the top of my head#and i keep telling him to drop it and shut up but its just spurs him on more because its funny to him#and he keeps bringing up other shit like being queer or being trans specifically because he knows its upsetting and its just fucking funny#he loves to say people with weird pronouns and think there's more than two genders should kill themselves because he knows it makes me angry#with him. and he knows im fucking queer. he knows our grandmothers queer. and he still pulls this shit#and i cant say anything because when i do i get a whole lecture about how hes my flesh and blood and i should treat him like such#and im the asshole for suggesting he act like it for once#i love my brother and im proud of his achievements but i cant keep fucking doing this#and i know its my fault because hes a stupid kid and going through typical middle school boy bullshit#and seriously getting hurt by whatever a middle schooler says is downright pathetic#but it fucking hurts to hear someone you held as a baby and defended say people like you should kill themselves#and it hurts to have them fucking push a topic that upsets you for their own amusement#swearing cw#aethers rants#cw vent#personal posts and stuff idk
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dope-hat · 8 months
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love it when i’m insecure so i portray a persona and everyone thinks i’m something or someone i’m not because i’m good at acting and then somebody gets to know the Real Me and they’re confused and disappointed and i’m faced with the fact that i am actually so deeply flawed and insane. love that!
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ihatebnha · 2 years
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I feel like Bakugo would death grip his chubby gf to his lap if she tried getting off of it after he pulled her down by her waist when they were out with his friends or something... It wasn't a planned meet but a bump in and they didn't know about Bakugo and y/n....
oh, he would LOOOL, and it's honestly making me laugh because I can really imagine it going so many ways.
is he pulling you onto his lap automatically and then realizing what he's done? Was the date interrupted and you had no where to sit once the squad wanted to join? Or is Bakugo just clingy and doesn't want you to leave once he realizes everyone has already seen him being all ooey gooey w/ u🥺
Dunno, but the thing about him is... whether or not you were prepared to announce your relationship at that exact moment, he had probably been thinking about it already AT LEAST... so while you're squirming around trying to make him let you go because you don't want him to be be upset... he's just sitting there refusing to let you go and glaring daggers at everyone in case they have shit to say.
They don't, of course, but are still somewhat surprised because big ol' bakugo being sweet with someone as cute as you... is a miracle LOL. everyone was rooting for him all along, so to find out it was actually true? Magic.
(tho I definitely think it's funny to think about the squad asking bakugo if he's dating you... and him saying no WHILE you're in his lap.
Kiri's like, "but... we just saw you guys kissing?"
and both you and bakugo are just looking at him, all... "no shit sherlock, take the hint" asdjkfjasdf)
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sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her
#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging#out with people but for it to be so fucking consistent is exhausting for ME#we don’t even fucking make plans that often it’s literally maybe once a fucking month if that#like you’re telling me somehow whenever we have plans that’s when you’re SOOOOOO exhausted ?????? but you left the house 39203 other times#to do shit that takes up way more mental capacity than sitting bat your house smoking weed for a while and catching up?????#i just don’t fucking get it dude i really don’t#if i make plans with someone and the day of i don’t want to anymore i always tell them right fucking away so they don’t spend all day waitin#around and planning their entire day around it just to get fucked over#idk i’m just frustrated and probably need to eat something and i’ll be less angry#i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day#we planned to hang out like i just think it’s unfair to me and i Have expressed this in general before so it’s like ok cool#thanks for taking my own feelings and time into consideration 🙄🙄😐#like i literally love and adore my friends more than life itself and it just hurts and is shitty when someone doesn’t act the same even tho#they’ve said the opposite idk#i genuinely hope i don’t sound like a dick right now bc i truly really understand when ppl are mentally exhausted or deal with chronic issue#issues* bc fucking SAME HERE I ALSO DEAL WITH ALL RHAT so it’s like idk i just don’t wanna sound like a dick i am just upset i’m not feeling#like i’m loved the same as i love people idk this always happens to me i feel like i just love too much and i over project and then when i#don’t get the same things in return i feel like people actually don’t like me or secretly are tryin to separate from me idk it’s shitty i#hate it so bad i want a normal brain this shitnfucking sucks#my brain is going too hard now tho i need to stop before i spiral for real right here right now on tumblr dot com
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tianshiisdead · 1 year
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My hairdresser didn't spend the entire hour telling me about how she would purposefully mess up the names of her Asian coworkers and make racist comments to their face as if looking for me to validate her actions, in between comments about how I looked like a little doll (baby talk voice), all while I sat there and couldn't move, for ppl to say depictions of racism in books are 'too blatant' or 'too preachy' 🙄🙄🙄
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I think one of the craziest things that a former object of my affection has ever said to me is “your boyfriend is just a less attractive version of me” like?? why would you say that?? are we still doing a Nick and Jess or are you just deranged?? 
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watchingwisteria · 2 years
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i literally don’t understand ppl who claim not to be fans of anything. they don’t wait until midnight for album releases, they don’t tune into their favorite show weekly for new episodes, they don’t go to movies on their premiere weekends, they don’t buy merchandise for their favorite things like… god that actually sounds fucking horrible i’m so sorry
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girlsmoonsandstars · 2 years
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thedreadvampy · 2 years
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sorry guys it's a traumadump time
#the thing is it's just a bit mindboggling to me how i know all this and yet#i was running scared from doing anything about blanket contraceptives until i was nearly 30#bc like. i started obsessively using condoms only after my abortion#bc. it's terrifying to try and every control over the sex you're having when you're used to the answer being no#like. i did not want to ask and be refused i wanted to keep pretending i was in control#when the truth is the majority of the time i wasn't#but if i just didn't look at how in control i wasn't. if i didn't ask for it to stop and i didn't ask to change anything.#i didn't have to know that someone didn't care whether i was ok. so i just didn't ask. for them to stop hurting me or to use condoms.#but getting pregnant was so horrific for me that demanding condom use became less scary than the alternative#still got pregnant 3 more times i think but my body dealt with it so it's ok#but like. the last time i got raped. like the time that made me put my foot down and say something has to change#and seek help and get therapy and deal with my trauma#like it only BECAME undeniable rape instead of grudging consent to unwanted sex when i said 'i don't have unprotected sex'#'if you have to have sex with me put on a fucking condom' and he didn't so i tried to prevent him so he physically forced me#and that's the fear coming true right? That's the REASON i hadn't wanted to ask before my abortion. that making that hard line in the sand#doesn't protect you it just makes the other person go mask off and hurt you more#SO TELL ME WHY#IT TOOK ANOTHER 4 YEARS AFTER THAT FOR ME TO ACTUALLY START WORKING TOWARDS ACCESSING HORMONAL CONTRACEPTION#this is also why it's so fucking upsetting that the implant really fucked up my periods so i was bleeding constantly#bc i finally acted only to find it wasn't a sustainable solution#right now I'm taking the Pill plus the implant to try and resettle my period#but tbh if it doesn't work after being on the pill temporarily i might just keep taking the pill#doctor said it's a good solution bc the pill manages the period disruption but the implant provides backup if you miss a day#red said
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pepprs · 2 years
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i don’t know how to explain that since march 2020 with each new horrible thing happening in the world i shrink further and further into myself and away from connection and hope
#i told that friend i would call them today but then i woke up 6 minutes after roe v wade got overturned. and i can’t call that friend. i#can’t even tell them why. i can’t even talk to my family or even look at them. i can’t even stand on my feet for too long or get anything#done. i can’t reply to any texts or act on any urgent emails. i can’t draw or play piano or do anything to destract myself. all i can do is#scroll and read and be very very still and very very quiet. i don’t even have the energy to cry#in December and February and may i had spells lasting days at a time of being unable to function because such horrible things were happening#all at once and i just couldn’t process it anymore. and it’s gonna happen over and over again more and more frequently and there truly is#nothing i can do to stop it without getting the energy back but every time i think im almost there something happens and i crash back down#all over again. really and truly preparing to leave for brighton was the beginning of the end for me and i don’t know if i will ever get#back to how hopeful and connected and whatever i felt. and living in lockdown all over again doesn’t help but i don’t have the strength to c#change that either. im just tired and everyone is walking all around me right now as i type this and im bristling and want to scream#purrs#delete later#not that i was at all like entirely hopeful or whatever and certainly not that things were good pre covid. but something happened when covid#happened and ever since it’s been like. relentless misery. strings of sad days. no end in sight#i think the best and most helpful things i could do wrt this specific issue are a) open my home to people#seeking abortions who can’t get them in their state / provide travel / resources for them to come here (i can contribute to travel funds#financially but need to learn to drive and find a place to live before i can offer space and transportation resources) and b) keep talking a#about reproductive rights / trying to educate ppl who are skeptical etc etc as someone who would not exist without them. and also c) keep#trying to build collective power and learn to become a better community organizer and open people up to the possibilities that arise when we#recognize ourselves as co-creators of our future and understand that the future is not fixed (which i think aoc said or something and i watc#watched smth on that last night that i think she was part of and it was encouraging to me). so i will try to focus on those things. but this#just has my head spinning so badly. i feel so unmoored. and it’s my job to be a beacon of hope but i feel utterly hopeless
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