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#somebody else made this joke but I lost the post so if you know please tell me!
utilitycaster · 1 year
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1/4 I want to preface this by saying that I'm not looking to convince you, nor do I expect you to agree. In fact, I'd like to hear a counterargument from somebody who is happy with how TLoVM adapted Vex and why the changes related to her character were good/necessary for the adaptation, bc as far as I see it right now, it easily could've been more faithful without additional screen time or significant changes made to TLoVM's story structure. So, what do you think of the criticism that her
2/4 backstory with Trinket is diluted by making her needing to be saved by Vax, him being the one to kill Trinket's mother and Vex reduced to just being helpless and then motherly afterwards. It takes what was originally a story about survival of a woman in terrible conditions and doing something kind along the way for someone else and turns it into motherly damsel in distress. The important character choice that she never even tells Vax (or anyone) how she got Trinket is also lost this way.
3/4 "Unproven ally, selfish and cruel" being cut from Saundor's speech when it affected her just as much, if not more so than "unwanted daughter". His words haunt her for over a dozen episodes later and she's worried she made the wrong choice during the fight by refusing his offer. It troubles her thinking that he was right and that she's endangering those she loves most, the family that she's chosen, and it's simply cut and reduced to her daddy issues. Her self-worth only revolves around the
4/4 men in her life. Her death isn't about her, only about how it affects Percy and Vax. Percy never apologizes to her for getting her killed, but he apologizes to Vax twice. She's never her own person with agency outside the men in her life, just a sister, just a love interest, just a daughter.
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I am going to answer this below. Against my better judgement I have included your four part ask in its entirety but for future reference, I would advise that if you wish to hear someone’s opinion, that’s fine, but it is better to ask it concisely rather than doing the equivalent of nailing a somewhat less antisemitic* 95 Theses to someone’s metaphorical door. Had you asked your original anon question as “I am not enjoying Vex’s plot in TLOVM- it feels very centered on the men in her life in a way I don’t recall it being in Campaign 1. You seem to be enjoying it, so could you tell me what you liked” this would be a much different and far more pleasant conversation.
Also I should note that you called me dumb and gullible in your ask this morning. And that’s fine, because I don’t know who you are or value any of your opinions, but it does make me disinclined to treat you with anything but bemused contempt, and indeed, I will do that.
Finally: gender and pronouns are not strictly connected and if you are a he/him lesbian or similar I redact this statement (though none of the others). But, if you are a indeed a man, as a woman being asked to give my opinion after you tell me yours, at length, which I did not ask for and indeed indicated that I hated it yet you reproduced it in full for a second time in my inbox, the irony of you handwringing that Vex (fictional woman)’s plot isn’t very Spice Girls Girl Power of them while insulting and making demands of me (actual human woman who exists and who’s already hinted extensively to the point of outright saying that I’m getting pissed off) is not lost.
*this post is not antisemitic other than the fact that I’m Jewish and I find it annoying. Do not cancel OP for antisemitism; I am making a joke.
Anyway. If you were looking for a good counterargument, and had the research skills my high school librarian taught, you might have come across this article which is a very good discussion of Vex’s arc, and I recommend you read it.
For my take, please see below the cut.
Here’s the thing about Vex. Her main relationships are with men. She is frequently bitchy, at times bordering on bullying, towards Keyleth - and it’s at its peak during the early Conclave Arc. She gets along well with Pike, but Pike is frequently absent during the campaign, and more importantly, friends are not going to reach the level of “twin brother who has literally been the only person by her side for much of her life and her sole confidant early in the campaign” and “man she’s deeply in love with and will one day marry." Her issues, meanwhile, are because her father treated her as less-than, and so she tried to become cold and perfect and powerful to ensure that never happened. Her story is extremely about how her personality is shaped by her relationships with men. It is dismissive of that story to claim otherwise. (And, for what it's worth, this is a very real story that many women can relate to and which frequently gets criticized in fantasy by people with a poor understanding of both women and genre, my two true passions, but that's a separate post.)
As for the Trinket story specifically, the fact that Vax helps rescue her is not the central part of the story; the central part of that story is her rescuing Trinket, and perhaps seeing herself in that motherless bear, which is maintained in the adaptation. We see Vex’s self-sufficiency elsewhere, in the “do not go far from me” sequence; but more importantly it’s not a “dilution” to have her need help to be rescued from a camp and then immediately rescue someone else. It’s in fact a fairly smart echo of the lesson Vex ultimately strives to learn, that it’s not weak to need or indeed ask for help. The fact that you see this as “motherly damsel in distress” says far more about how you see even the slightest hint of a teenage girl needing help as automatic damsel territory than it says about Vex’s depiction.
“Unproven ally, selfish and cruel” is something I’ve always considered to be specific to the broom incident. How is she an unproven ally in the series? This would require a setup that simply does not exist. Saundor’s words instead focus on what is ultimately the crux of their conversation; Vex’s possessiveness and her need for approval. He is intended as a dark mirror, of someone who never got the love they craved and so became a source of poison for everything around them. Saundor says quite a lot of words in their talk in Campaign 1, and as far as I can recall there’s no indication that those five you quoted are the specific ones that upset her rather than his whole “we’re not so different, you and I” (and the “unwanted daughter”, which, you know, he leads with) deal. He still hits those main points, and, in a hilariously unintentional pun, it seems that you cannot see the forest for the tree.
And as for her death: her death was always primarily about how it affected Vax and Percy, at least in the immediate aftermath. We see some of her recklessness, and some of the positives as well - how she responds to Keyleth and Vax’s relationship - in the show, but perhaps the single most defining moment of the entire Vox Machina campaign is in fact Vax making his offer to the Raven Queen, which he does because Vex dies. It is, in fact, relatively rare under any circumstances that someone’s death isn’t about their nearest and dearest’s responses. The Percy and Vax conversation is not only quite similar to the one they had in the campaign; we actually left off the part where Vex’s immediate response after her own death was to make Keyleth cry in order to understand why Vax was being weird, and then comfort Vax and give him the armor. With all due respect, how the fuck did you miss that Vex’s death in the Sunken Tomb was always almost entirely about Vax. I mean, I can't stand when people make Vex's life post-campaign about Vax's death, but Vax's life was in fact shaped almost entirely by Vex's death.
I don’t see any lack of agency, either. Vex is still making her own choices in the Feywild - in fact, rather than backed up by Vox Machina, she is alone for the Saundor fight while the others fight off his lesser tree goons, and she makes the kill despite her bow being broken, using nothing but her determination and wit. I am truly sorry for you that you apparently see this as nothing but love interest material, and that in general you seem to see a story that is about someone learning how to let herself rely on others and say “damn, that bitch seems to be relying too much on others.”
Anyway, in conclusion, what I think of the criticism presented in the posing of this question is that it relies on an analysis that one could perhaps magnanimously call “flat and superficial, but also demonstrating little to no understanding of the character’s arc in either the source nor adaptation.”
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pokecreature · 2 years
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(EDIT JULY 2022- THIS POST HAS SOME OUTDATED AU INFO!! I will likely make a diff post in the future w updated art and concepts!)
Here’s some art for my AU that my bf named the Lost AU! (Versions without masks are under the cut- I don’t want this post to be too long)
The basic concept is that Cilan and Cress both got sent to Hisui at the same time as Ingo- and somebody else also already made and posted abt an au where Cilan and Cress get sent to Hisui so please check it out here.
More information/art under the cut. Be warned, this post ended up being verrry long lmao
(also, Ingo and Emmet are wearing colored contacts to match their Pokémon)
Basic gist of how they got to Hisui is that Cilan, Chili, and Cress were celebrating their birthday in form of a sort of half-masquerade, where everybody wore themed outfits/masks but you still new who was who (Because of evil teams n stuff, it would just be too much of a risk to have everyone be anonymous)
Ingo is going around, delivering custom birthday cards to each of the triplets, along with a little trinket that he also made. It’s their 20th birthday, and they’ve had the gym since they were 15, so 5 years of being gym leaders is a pretty big milestone, especially for people who opened at such a young age. (At least he’s delivering cards and not releasing massive Pokémon into the place, like a certain smiling man in white that one year.) It’s my headcannon that Ingo makes small gifts and Emmet tries to be as extravagant as possible, because go big or go home right?
He gets to deliver the cards to Chili and Cress before he locates Cilan, and they get jumped by their respective siblings, and joke around for a moment before their Pokémon frantically run up to them.
Beneath them, a portal opens, and there’s only enough time for Ingo to shove Emmet, Chandelure, and Galvantula out and for Cilan and Cress to toss Chili and Simisear out, before they’re swallowed into the Distortion World.
None of them remember the time there (not yet) but they land in Hisui a few hours later (from their perspective). About Cilan;
He ends up landing in the Obsidian Fieldlands behind the Grantree Arena, along with Simisage, with no memories and the only thing telling him his name and how old he is being the birthday card in his pocket.
He immediately gets attacked, and Simisage saves him, but with no memories, he doesn’t know why. He ends up backing away when Simisage tries to approach and realizes that, oh shit, that’s his partner. He also has Simisage’s pokeball, which further reinforces the fact that they’re bonded.
He ends up finding a nice group of trees to live in (preferably away from what attacked him thank-you-very-much) and sets up a tree house of sort in one with a lot of branches
He stores his hat and mask in a part of a tree he hollows out, because for some unknown reason, he seems to have a survival knife
Lord Kleavor befriends him, and people only really find out about his existence until 2 years later, when an 8 year old Lian (pre Warden status) is visiting and ends up going too far past the Arena, and gets attacked by an Alpha Scyther; the very same one that attacked Cilan.
Kleavor’s Warden died trying to get Lian away because he lacked a Pokémon partner, and in a last ditch effort, Lord Kleavor runs off to fetch Cilan, who he knows is very good at fighting off wild Pokémon.
Cilan saves Lian with his battle prowess and it’s from that moment onward that the Clans know he exists. He ends up meeting some Diamond Clan members, along with Adaman, since he already knows Irida from the incident with the Scyther. After he successfully resolves an argument without making the fighting worse (he used to do it all the time with Chili and Cress) the Clans decide that he should be a mediator of sorts- and that’s what he ends up doing.
About Ingo;
He lands in the Alabaster Icelands, and tries to go ask about civilization, but his mask and eye contacts (along with his glowy eyes) make him look like a Zoroark, which causes anybody out in the storm to retreat.
This causes him to be unable to approach anybody, and the panicked words from Pearl Clan members about a Zoroark trying to approach humans causes Lady Sneasler, who had been visiting as Irida begged her to choose a warden, to go and investigate.
She finds Ingo, who at that point, had found Avalugg’s Legacy and was currently being attacked by the alpha Mamoswine, and saves him.
She rushes to get him medical help, and Gaeric, who had taken off after her, ends up rushing to keep up with her as she speeds as fast as possible to find out where Calaba is staying as the Pearl Wardens stay in the settlement for the night
Ingo gets help, and the people in the Pearl Clan notice the correlation between the cut in the sky above Coronet and his appearance. Many want to cast him out, but Irida refuses, and they have no choice but to listen to her despite her being 14 years old (18 by the time Akari arrives, she’s been leader since age 13)
Gaeric trains him in the art of survival and he and Irida develop a sort of sibling rivalry, with Gaeric as the eldest brother keeping them from actually committing murder
There’s something familiar to Ingo about the concept of teasing a younger sibling, and it’s kind of painful to think about for too long
Lady Sneasler chooses him as Warden about a year after he arrives, so by the time the Pearl and Diamond Clans find Cilan, he’s out in the Highlands, doing his own thing and caring for Sneasler’s kits, so he only vaguely hears abt a Mediator whose name he can never recall if told
About Cress;
He winds up landing on Prelude Beach with Simipour, and since this is two years before the Galaxy Team arrives, he ends up getting kidnapped by pirates
Some shit happens, and he, along with Simipour, overthrow the Captain, who had actually been holding his entire crew hostage and forcing them to work with him
Cress ends up having to kill him in order to win, and it’s a guilt he never lets go of, even if the guy’s own daughter thanked him for landing the finishing blow
He turns the purpose of the crew around. They end up becoming Bounty Hunters who only go after despicable people, and actually work to defend the innocent
The old Captain’s daughter, Lydia, who is Lenora’s ancestor, ends up becoming next in line to be the Captain, and as such, helps Cress with a lot of stuff, and actually kinda gets adopted as a sibling of sorts, and infodumps abt the history of different regions a lot
They have a special protocol for if somebody severely needs special protection, like if say, the equivalent of Cynthia were to be assassinated, then they’d come over and protect her until the danger passes
One day, Lydia comes into his office in a panic, waving a paper that holds the image of a man with blue hair, brown eyes, and a eeveelution partner.
And now for the maskless art! (also i literally have no idea why but when i view this post in my drafts the maskless art isn't grouped the way i want it to?? hopefully it posts itself normally, otherwise it's just going to be an uncompressed line of people) (also i am aware that Cilan's eyes are too far apart but i noticed it too late and now I can't change it, rip)
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luminarai · 3 years
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gandalf: .....yeah that’s fair
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Ordinarily I do not indulge in callout posts, unless a person's mental health might be in serious danger - and it's not a petty lie somebody made up, providing no screenshots, or simple ones taken out of context.
I have received multiple messages now, proving to me that the Hellsing Discord server 'The Hellsing Fanserver' lead by 'Artillery' is unfortunately a place people need to be warned about.
While everyone could assure me they do offer good scans of the Hellsing manga, the members of the server indulged in:
- Purposefully misgendering people
- Making fun of triggers, trans people and people with severe mental illnesses
- Purposefully using triggers against other server members
- Manipulating other people to use the triggers against the person they concern and shifting the blame on them afterwards
- Bringing explicit sexual themes to a server with minors
Afterwards they would celebrate their 'success', making fun of the people they hurt.
The so called 'trolling' (though I wouldn't dare to call such a hurtful behaviour this) was encouraged on the server, so I would deem it an unsafe environment for everyone whose mental health might be affected by such things.
Please be careful if these things concern you and please do not encourage such behaviour.
It's not only hurtful, it is downright cruel.
The invitations, though the links are expired.
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Here you see some of the accounts that were directly involved.
Please be careful.
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Discord Accounts
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I can only assume alts mean something like alternative accounts he and his friends created in order to do these things, engaging others on the server to do the same.
He then proceeds to share the success of the hurtful behaviour on before mentioned Discord server, commenting such:
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^ The “he” they are referring to is a demi girl. And yes, on the other server the pronouns are clearly stated and everyone is asked to respect them.
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He is downright admitting openly to have his friends manipulated other people to use the triggers against another person.
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(For context: A server members triggers were ‘Borderlands” and ‘Kingdom Hearts’.
He stated this trigger a few hours before and unfortunately the mod, after a sleepless night, was unable to memorise it during that time so ‘Abd’ took advantage of it.
Another mod quickly drew attention to her mistake and of course she apologised to the person she triggered and was forgiven.)
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Unfortunately many screenshots - involving the sexual advances and the 'making fun of transgenders' are missing due to the default ban option of the server, but several eye witnesses were able to confirm them.
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There was a person pretending to be a transwoman to make fun of transpeople (The person was introducing themselves like: ‘Hello, I am a man, my pronouns are he/him, but I wish to be a woman’ It didn’t sound very genuine to the trans people on the server), people making up all sorts of triggers to make fun of people who have triggers, a person pretending to be a kin, and people, who were trying to spread paedophilic messages with spreading the news that ‘age is just a number’.
And in case people still believe it was an accident:
They deliberately threaten people and plan to hurt them, while making fun of their triggers.
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I’m truly lost for words…
For everyone who didn’t know: It is not your place to judge triggers and for the love of God, please don’t make fun of them.
You don’t know the history behind them. It’s good if you have none yourself, it really is, but it shouldn’t make you blind to another person’s suffering.
And you certainly shouldn’t encourage other people to “hunt” people with triggers “down” and “go to war” against them.
Also the owner of server is openly hostility against lgbtq + people - especially trans people - , PoC and antisemitic jokes are the norm there.
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They too use nationalist-socialist symbols as emojis in their servers, so people who are triggered by such symbols should be careful.
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“Jew Alert”
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Blaming one group for the action of singular people should us remind too much of darker parts in history.
I know people with the same experience, that doesnt mean they should actively seek out ot destroy the mental health of all trans people, because one of them hurt them.
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Let the submitted texts speak for themselves.
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And just in case if anybody believes those are fake:
As soon as Satan saw them, he pmed another person:
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Those screenshots are real. They are not fake, like he claims they are and he admits that making fun of trigger and trans people was part of his “troll introductions”.
And just in case anybody is wondering if there are truly toxic trolls on this server? This is a submission I got:
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When the original is:
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Im sorry.
What they did should speak for itself, but don't try to add lies here. Lies that are obviously having their origin in the server itself.
If you still believe the attacks on this blog didn't come from the server:
This is what Artillery posted as soon as he found this post.
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After this the attacks started [as you can see here], so don't tell me your server is not responsible and keep your NSFW implications out of a server with minors and away from this blog!
Also you being an immigrant has nothing to do with the fact, that your server is not safe for minors, lgtbq+ people - especially transpeople - people with trauma and poc.
Even if you claims are real - your and your friends prejudices against the other groups remain.
Satan apologised openly and promised to take better care of people mental health.
The emojis however will remain, though we have been told they have specific channels for offensive jokes.
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“In our discussions with the tumblr group, we realized that the situation was far more complicated than we realized. There is a a third party, not associated with us or the tumblr group, who is deliberately spreading false information with the presumed agenda of causing drama and conflict between us. With this in mind, we've agreed the best course of action is to mutually end the escalation of conflict and apologize for what occured. Following that, I want to again make clear that nobody should be going after the tumblr group, their discord server, or anywhere other online spaces. We don't know where the tumblr trolls came from, but we do not support them. Their statements were racist, antisemitic, and violent. What we did in their server was wrong and a mistake. 
I want to personally apologize to a few specific people for what happened. Their server got raided, and during all of it we did not take their mental health into account, causing a lot of people to have panic attacks. Their triggers were invalidated, and people were manipulated. There were also a lot of innapropriate and offensive statements involved. While many things happened without my knowledge, it spiraled out of control because of the initial server raid, and I want to offer my sincerest apologies for that, and for everything else.”
Update:
He lied. He doesn’t regret anything.
Do you remember how he claimed he never ordered an attack on anybody?
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Yes.... that was a lie.
He did plan to attack, though one member - the one they would later throw out of the admin team stopped him from attacking more people.
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It should have given us red flags they would ban the only member from the team who was actively against the bullying.
And as we see here they did attack the second time as soon as the opportunity arouse when Artillery were sending people after us after saying we should suck his d*.
So he didnt learn a thing. Please survivors stay save.
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miss-smutty · 3 years
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A/N - I've literally been gone for months 😱😭 I've been so busy with my business I lost my writing mojo again. I'm sorry @swaggysposts you've waited so long for your request but here it is, I hope you like it.
Request- "How about Thor x reader wedding night....Having a wedding in the Avengers Facility with the Avengers.....And Tony letting them use his Malibu home for their wedding night....
The reader is a virgin and nervous about the whole sex thing.....Thor feels her nervousness.... Thor eases her nervousness by playing and dancing around in the Malibu Mansion and they do tequila body shots between each other and they have skinny dipping in the pool And they both get turned on and they have a intimate first time by Thor's sweet gesture 😍😍
Word count- 4,651 (sorry it's so long 🙊)
Warnings- Swearing, smut, unprotected sex
Taglist-: @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap
Posted: 29th April 2021
18+ only!!
Blushing Bride
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"3… 2… 1!" Everyone in the room shouted gleefully.  You reached down and threw your beautiful sunflower bouquet back into the crowd. Turning around to watch where it lands, smiling from ear to ear as you watch your girlfriends scramble to catch the falling flowers.
Nat clambers over people unapologetically, elbowing your cousin in the face as she reaches into the air and catches the bouquet with one hand. There's cheers as she arrogantly side-eyes the other girls shamelessly, you notice as she catches Bucky's eye from across the room, confirming the suspicions you've had for a while. Hopefully you'll get chance to question her about that later on.
You scan the room until your eyes lay on the person you were looking for - your handsome husband.
Thor can't take his eyes off of you, his beautiful bride, you blush under his stare and laugh when you realise the cliche of now being his beautiful blushing bride.
You've never seen him in a suit before and he looks completely ravishing, his broad frame filling out the navy blue, fitted suit, impeccably. He's talking to Tony and Pepper and by the way they all keep looking over at you, you realise you're the subject of their conversation.
"So, you're finally Queen Odinson" Tony greets you as you make your way over to join them, hitching up the long train of your dress. You feel like a queen in your exquisite wedding gown, the way it drapes on your curves perfectly. It's a little difficult to walk in especially with how clumsy you are but it makes you feel amazing.
"Wow, it feels so strange when you say that." You smile widely, reaching up on your tiptoes to kiss Thor's cheek.
"You've always been my Queen." His grin is equally as wide as yours as he wraps his arm around you, gazing down at you proudly.
"Don't mind us" Tony says sarcastically, rolling his eyes and then laughing when Pepper playfully hits his arm.
"Oh don't worry, we won't. I've been waiting for this day since… Forever" 
"I know, Thor what took you so long?" Tony jokes.
"I have wanted to make Y/N my Queen since the first moment I set eyes on her" Thor says seriously, Tony's rhetorical joke going straight over his head. 
"Yeah, we get it Point Break. Now I have a wedding gift for you both." 
"Ohh yes, you're going to love it" Pepper adds excitedly, clapping her hands together enthusiastically.
"We want to invite you to spend your honeymoon in our Malibu mansion, so what d'ya think?" Tony asks.
"Oh my god! No way! We'd love to." You exclaim, looking at Thor for his approval and squeeling excitedly when he nods in agreement.
"Good, now you better go mingle. I can see your mom shooting me daggers for hogging you both for too long" he smiled warmly. You reach up to kiss his cheek and wrap your arms around pepper tightly.
"Thank you so much you two, you're the best" you say excitedly.
"Yes we are and don't forget it" Tony laughs.
Thor takes your hand in his and leads you to the dancefloor to join your friends. As he wraps his arms around your waist he leans down to whisper in your ear.
"You look radiant, my love. I can't wait until we're alone" He says sincerely.
You feel a tightness in your throat at his words and quickly try to swallow it away, gulping nervously. You were a virgin and the thought of Thor having literally hundreds of years more experience than you, terrifies the life out of you. 
"Your brother looks like he's having a good time" you say sarcastically, changing the subject strategically when you spot Loki over Thor's shoulder. Of course he didn't look happy at all, stood in the corner on his own with a face like thunder.
Thor spins you around so he can see for himself, a smile tickling the corner of his mouth when he realises you were joking.
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"You know Loki, he can't stand anybody else being happy. Especially me. This must be torture for him" He laughs, the smile on his face crinkling the corners of his eyes as he gazes down at you. Your own cheeks aching from the smile that hasn't left your face for the whole day.
"Are you sad that the rest of your family and friends aren't here?" You ask, resting your head on his chest and feeling his heart beating.
"Of course not, my love. We will see them soon." he smooths his hand down the back of your head.
Thor had promised to give you your perfect wedding, everything you'd ever dreamed of and then later you would go to Asgard and have a traditional Asgardian ceremony too. The thought of it made you extremely nervous, you had no idea what to expect but imagined you would be surrounded by beautiful Gods and Goddesses and the idea of it made your stomach sink.
You danced the night away with your friends and Thor until your feet could no longer hold you up and you collapsed, exhausted into Thor's arms.
"I think it's time to get you home, my love" Thor whispers into your ear.
"I don't want it to end yet" you whine, clasping your hand to your mouth to stifle a yawn. The tiredness suddenly washing over you all at once.
"Don't worry, the night has only just begun" Thor said his eyes glistening with excitement. Butterflies flutter in your stomach with anticipation, nerves and excitement mixing together until you didn't quite know which was the most dominant feeling. 
                        *********************
You can't contain your excitement as you finally see  Tony's mansion set upon the cliffside, over-looking Malibu beach. The futuristic looking building with the glass walls is absolutely breathtaking, definitely everything you imagined Tony's house to be.
As you step inside the house the first thing you notice is how open and clean everything is. The glass wall runs the entire length of the room, it's like you could practically walk out into the sea.
"Welcome to your honeymoon home, Mr and Mrs Odinson. I am J.A.R.V.I.S and I am here to assist you with anything you may need during your stay." J.A.R.V.I.S says through the integrated speakers. 
"Oh my god!" You squeel.
"Who said that?" Thor asks looking around the room, confused. The look on his face is comedic but you stop yourself from laughing to save Thor from embarrassment.
"It's J.A.R.V.I.S" You answer shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly.
"But who is Jarvis? Are we not alone?" Thor asks, eyes wide, still scanning the room for an unseen person.
You giggle at Thors innocence. "I think it's one of Tony's intelligent system thingies, am I right J.A.R.V.I.S?" You laugh when Thor looks at you like you're mad.
"You are right Mrs Odinson, I am Just A Rather Very Intelligent System but you may call me J.A.R.V.I.S. Is there anything else I can help you with?" 
"Not right now, thank you J.A.R.V.I.S" 
"I don't like the thought of somebody watching us, especially on our wedding night" Thor gets that glint in his eyes again.
"He's a computer babe, I think we're safe." You chuckle light heartedly, gliding along the smooth marble floor to stand in front of the enormous window.
"Wow! I bet that view is beautiful in the daylight." You say, changing the subject. 
"Not even half as beautiful as you" Thor says as he comes up behind you and pushes your hair to one side so he can press his lips softly to your neck. Your hairs stand on end as he sends shivers through your entire body. You feel electrically charged by his touch, your body tingling with energy.
Thor feels your body go ridgid against him, he can sense your nervousness and does his best to calm you.
"Are you ok, my love?" He whispers softly as he strokes the goosebumps that have appeared on your arms.
You turn around to face him, placing your hands on his chest to reassure him but avoiding those piercing blue eyes.
"I'm ok." You lie.
"You are not ok, please tell me your worries" he lifts your face to look at him and you cave when you see that gentle, pressing look on his face.
"Fine." You sigh "This is my first time, but you… You've been with hundreds. No, probably thousands of women. How could I not be worried?"
"They will never compare to you" He smiles genuinely. You're not going to lie, the thought of him with even one other woman makes you feel slightly sick.
"You don't know that." Looking away again, unable to concentrate when you look into his deep blue eyes.
You didn't want to believe that he was being sincere, how could he be? Thousands of women, there's absolutely no way you could even slightly compare. Thinking about it was making you even more nervous, you had experience with other sexual things but you were still a virgin. Growing up with religious parents that had drilled it into you that you mustn't have sex until you were married. You knew it was possibly all bullshit, just another thing made up to control women but still there's always a chance it wasn't and you didn't want to take the risk of spending your afterlife in hell. So you'd been a good little girl and restrained yourself through the absolute torment of college and the multiple boyfriend's who had never been able to last longer than a couple of months before they dumped you or cheated on you. Then you met Thor, he was different to anyone you'd ever met and not just the fact he was an actual god - but he was a gentleman.
"I do because I have never loved anyone the way I love you." You look up at him slowly, smiling shyly when you catch his eye. The things he said definitely helped ease your mind a little.
"Just don't worry about it, ok my love? We'll take things slow." He adds, kissing your forehead.
"Ok… Now can we try and find some alcohol to loosen up a little?" 
"Do you not think you've had enough?" He asks, cocking his head to the side to examine your level of drunkenness.
"I think my nerves have sobered me up." You pout playfully, looking up at him through your lashes.
"Well then what are you waiting for? Let's find this alcohol." He grabs your hand and hurries through the room, dragging you along, laughing behind him. You have to run to keep up to him, his long legs making him much faster than you. 
"Oh my god, Thor. You almost pulled my arm out." You laugh stopping to catch your breath, the house so big that it took a lot longer than expected to make it to the kitchen.
You spied a hamper that had been left on the kitchen counter, behind Thor. A bottle of champagne with two flutes, some bottles of spirits and a huge crate of Thors favourite ale - Peppers idea you guessed.
"Wait! Stop!" Thors tone makes you freeze on the spot, the bottle of champagne ready to be popped in one hand.
"What's wrong?" You say, concerned. Is there a spider? Oh my god. You shake your hair and pat your body in a frantic manner. "Thor what is it?" he was just stood there looking amused.
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"Nothing. I just realised this is the first time that I've had you to myself all day. I need a kiss" he moves over to you with his lips pursed in an exaggerated way.
"You idiot, I thought there was a spider" you say, giggling when he grabs hold of you and wraps his arms tightly around your waist. He rubs his rough beard against your cheek playfully, making you giggle and squirm as his bristles tickle your skin. His hands are clasped around your stomach, lifting your feet from the ground, while you try and fail to get away from him and his tickling.
"Thor, stop. I can't breath." You laugh breathlessly. 
Lifting you up effortlessly, he sits you down on the kitchen counter and nestle's himself in-between your legs. Looking at him closely, you realise just how beautiful he is and how lucky you are that he's your husband. 
"What are you thinking?" Thor asks, making you realise you were day dreaming and lost in a trance when Thor spoke.
"I'm not telling you." You tease, closing your mouth tightly.
"You do know now we're married, you have to tell me everything" 
"Everything?" You probe.
"Yes, absolutely everything."
"Fine, I was thinking about how lucky I am to be married to you." You roll your eyes at how soppy you sound, you're not usually one for romantic gestures and Thor knows that. You find it hard to take a compliment and even harder to give one. 
Thor on the other hand, found it completely natural to take and give compliments. He did however have a lifetime to perfect it, so had a slight advantage. 
"I am the lucky one" Looking in your eyes confidently as he speaks, there was definitely no denying the way he felt about you "Now stop rolling your eyes and give me a kiss." 
Thor pulls your face towards him, his lips parting when they connect with yours. The alpha in him taking control of the kiss. You follow his lead heartily, your lips moving together in perfect synchronisation. 
The way you kiss easing your mind a little, your bodies moved together fluently like they were made for each other. The excitement began to rise in you, everything was so effortless when you were together. You know now you were silly to feel worried, that as long as you let your body do the work and don't over-think things, your love for each other will lead the way. Your bodies spoke to each other like old friends, it was just your damn mind that was the problem. Which is why you planned on shutting it up with alcohol, lots of alcohol. 
"Can we go see the pool?" You break away from the kiss too quickly, leaving Thor with his lips still pursed and eyes still closed. The adrenaline was taking over and there was no time to waste.
'Anything for you, my love." He makes his way towards the stairs that lead to the garden.
"Wait, let's take this." You say holding up a bottle of tequila, limes and a couple of shot glasses, then rummaging around the cupboards to find the salt.
"Tony certainly has good taste in liquor, how did he know tequila is my favourite? Or did you have something to do with this?" You ask Thor, the mischievous grin on his face already answering your question.
"Nothing to do with me" he lies, trying to look as innocent as possible.
"Are you trying to get me drunk Mr Odinson?" You say sultrily, smiling when you see excitement flashing in his eyes.
"Of course not Mrs Odinson, now come on let's drink." He takes your hand and leads you to the stairs, you have no idea which way to go but Thor's instincts seem to know the way. The house was so big you thought it would be pretty easy to get lost in it, you wonder how many rooms there are? How many bathrooms? You couldn't wait to explore tomorrow but tonight was all about you and your husband.
                              **************
As you turn the corner, the enormous infinity pool comes into view. From where you're standing the pool appears to stretch out into the ocean, you can't wait to see the view of the ocean in the daylight. The pool is illuminated with underwater spotlights and dimly lit, warm solar lights surround the edge of it. 
"Oh my god, this is amazing!" You stand with your mouth agape looking around you while Thor comes up behind you and places his hands on your hips.
"Shall we try it out?" He asks, whispering against your neck and making you shudder in the warm breeze.
"Yes! But first…" You dangle the bottle of tequila in front of Thor.
Thor pulls a couple of sun loungers out, lifting them into the air effortlessly, like he was moving a feather and not two big, heavy, wooden sun loungers. You swoon at the sight of him, his biceps bulging against the tight fabric of his suit. The thought of running your hands all over his naked body making you feel hot and bothered. How could this beautiful man be your husband?
You realised you still had your wedding dress on when you tried to bend to sit down on the low sun lounger. The tight fabric of your dress restraining against you, threatening to tear.
"Thor, will you unzip the back of my dress please? I need to take it off" you ask nonchalantly, stretching your arms behind you and trying to reach the zip. 
"What? Here?" He asks, his mouth agape as he watches you trying to undress.
"Yes, there's no one around for miles and I can't move in this thing" 
You can hear him gulp from where you were sitting, his Adams apple bobbing in his throat as he swallows back air. You take note of the way he tugs on the collar of his shirt, loosening it slightly. Were you making him nervous? You had to admit, it made you feel good to watch your big, tough man with years of experience become nervous at your words.
"And as hot as you do look in that suit, I think it's time to take it off." 
"What do you mean?" Thor looks shocked at your forwardness. The suprise on his face almost comical.
"Have you ever done a body shot?" You ask while he unzips your dress, teasing him and enjoying it more than you should.
"What is that?" He asks, his eyes drawn to you while you step out of your heavy dress, folding it carefully and putting it on the back of the sun lounger.
"Take off your clothes and I'll show you." You smile, standing confidently in the lingerie you bought especially for this moment - a lacy, ivory all in one.
The way his eyes lingered on your body made you feel like a goddess and that hungry look in his eyes made you want to rip his clothes off.
Thor took off his jacket hastily and paused while unbuttoning his shirt, looking up at you.
"I thought you were a virgin?" He looks hurt, like you'd been lying about being a virgin for all this time.
"I said I was a virgin, you know I have experience with other things." You lift your eyebrows at him and roll your eyes.
"You just don't seem very nervous anymore?" 
"Only because I'm comfortable with you Thor, I know I can be myself with you and there's no one better for me to have my first time with." You watch Thor's tension ease, the tightness of his arms relaxing. "Now lay back." You demand, unscrewing the lid on the bottle of tequila.
Thor lays back on the lounger with his arms resting behind his head, holding his neck up so he could watch what you were doing fascinatingly. The sight of his bare chest made you feel weak, the chiselled abs sent tingles through your body. You tried to push your thoughts aside while you concentrated on pouring a shot of tequila, your hands visably shaking and spilling some of the liquid on the floor. 
You place the cut lime into Thor's mouth, the juicy part facing out and pause to giggle at how silly he looks.
"Just hold it there, ok?" Thor nods his head, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
Grabbing the salt from the side of you, you carefully pour a trial down his torso, stopping when you get to the hem of his boxers but secretly wishing you could go lower. Your pussy clenches as Thor's abs tense, restraining against the tickling of the grains of salt against his bare stomach.
Your eyes remain fixed on his as you lean over Thor to lick the trail of salt from his torso, making your way down to the hem of his boxers slowly. You quickly pour the burning liquid down your throat before snaking your way up his body, making sure to grind yourself against him as you take the lime from his mouth, he groans and pushes himself into you desperately.
"Mmm…  Well that was..  arousing. Is it my turn now?" He's already getting up from the lounger, hastily waiting for you to take his place and lay down.
Thor straddles over you, barely waiting for you to lay back and get comfy before he's pouring the salt along the swell of your breasts. You're thinking about his improvisation when you're distracted by the sultry smile and glint in his eyes as he licks his full lips with the tip of his tongue. 
You don't have time to think before he's leaning over and licking the salt from your cleavage, he downs the shot and takes the lime from your mouth. You stare wide eyed at the almost other worldly speed of your husband - why the rush?
Thor sucks on the flesh of the fruit before throwing the skin to the side and leaning in to give you a sticky, citrusy kiss. Leaving your mouth parted and wanting more when he stands up, yanks down his boxers and jumps straight into the pool. The whole thing passed by in a blur and it took you a moment for your brain to catch up and process what was happening.
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You smile down at your husband in the water as he comes up to the surface and smooths his wet hair back from his face. He looks like a damn model, the water dripping from his face.
"Come on, the waters lovely." He urged.
All of a sudden you feel shy again, you know you're not going to be able to resist each other for much longer. Understanding now why Thor was so hasty, his adrenaline was in overdrive and come to think of it, so was yours. 
Your hands begin to shake and you don't know if it's from the cool breeze or the nerves. You're feeling a little reserved now, all your big girl talk fading now the moment is almost here. You pour yourself a couple more shots and down them both one after the other, hardly whincing as the liquor burns your throat.
Finally you bite the bullet and shimmy out of your lingerie, you try to do it sexily but the tight fabric clings to your skin making you clumsy. Still, when you look up shyly through your lashes, Thor is completely oblivious to your fumbling. The way his eyes have lit up when he watched you undress fills you with pride. One last shot for good luck before you jump into the pool to join him.
The cold water sends shocks through you, making you rise to the surface gasping for air. How the hell did Thor make it look so sexy? When you look like a spluttering fish out of water.
"Let me warm you up." He glides over to you, smoothly, moving through the water like it was his natural domain. Maybe you were trying too hard? Thinking about things too deeply, you need to calm down.
The feel of his strong arms around you instantly calm you, you wrap your legs tightly around his stomach. You can feel his cock growing against you and by the way he's biting his lip you know he's struggling to restrain himself.
Thor can feel the heat of your pussy so close to his aching cock, he wants to dive inside but knows he needs to go at your pace. His feet touch the bottom of the pool and he moves over to the edge, pushing your back gently against it.
You can feel his heart racing almost as fast as yours. He kisses you deeply, pushing himself against you. Your fingers brush against his cock making him moan in your ear. The size of him makes you even more nervous.
He kisses down your neck , your bodies grinding together. This is it.
"I want you now, Thor." You say breathlessly, panting his name while his lips press to the sensitive spot on your collar bone.
"Here?" He pulls away slightly to look at you, waiting for your approval.
"Yes" you moan, feeling the tip of his cock pressing against your opening eagerly. Your pussy ready to suck him in.
He eases in slowly. The size stretching your walls in an agonisingly pleasurable way. A breathless squeel escapes your lips making Thor stop suddenly.
"Are you ok? I'm not hurting you am I?" He stops, searching your face for an answer.
"Thor it feels amazing." You whine deeply, looking into his eyes with strong, burning love. It hurt slightly as his cock stretched you open - going where no man had been before. You were so glad you'd waited and that Thor was your first but you wish you hadn't waited this long to make love to Thor.
All that time wasted, when you could have been doing this all along.This is a whole new level of love, your bodies finally coming together as one. You feel emotional with the euphoric sensations of built up tensions. 
Thor is so gentle with you, stopping to make sure your ok as he gently thrusts himself into you. The slow pace making the pleasure even more intense as his length repeatedly hits your spot. You feel your face screwing uncontrollably as a unknown sensation rises through you, making your head feel dizzy. This new feeling feels amazing but it's something you've never experienced before. Is this normal? 
You try to push your thoughts away, reminding yourself to stay in the moment.
"Are you comfortable, do you want to go inside?" Thor asks, obviously seeing the turmoil going on inside your head.
"Please. Don't stop" You urge, hoping to feel that gripping sensation once more, desperate to explore it more.
Thor bites his lip as he carries on with his slow love making, trying more than ever to keep up the slow pace even though it is torturous for him. The way your tight walls cling to his length with ferocity, making it harder for him to contain himself.
"You feel so good" he says through gritted teeth, concentrating on the way your pussy grips onto his cock.
You're taking his cock so well, the pain has disappeared and all you feel is ecstasy. You're feeling confident that you can take more, you can let him take you freely.
"Thor, fuck me faster." You say shyly. You can see his eyes light up at your words, he was waiting so patiently for you to take the lead. Your eyes roll back as he gives you his full length, groaning into you as he grips onto your ass with both hands. The sensation takes over you once more and you ride it out, giving in to it as he continues thrusting into you faster.
"Fuck." He moans, you can feel his cock twitching inside of you as you release your orgasm, screaming out his name while his cock pumps into you.
You're both left panting, while you rest your head on his shoulder. You feel like giggling, is that normal? You're overcome with emotions all at once. This was without a doubt the most amazing feeling you have ever felt, you don't want it to stop. Lucky for you, your husband has the stamina of a god.
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spencerhotchner · 3 years
Text
Alternative {spencer reid}
Chapter 1 
summary: Since quarentine was announced, Y/N decided to rewatch all seasons of Criminal Minds. On a lonely night she wished she could be in that universe instead of this. What happens when she wakes up in 2008 in Quantico?
warnings: angst, a very confused reader, regular cm stuff and my grammar (if you find anything else pls lmk
word count: 2k
a/n: i have this idea while watching a movie about parallel universes and all, so i just wanted to try this out. it will be a 10 parts series! im not really sure about this, i think i kinda hate it but im posting it anyways lmao. i hope you gonna enjoy!
series masterlist
part 1 | part 2
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You woke up feeling dizzy and with a major headache. At first you thought it was because you drank a whole lot of wine last night but then you saw yourself in a room you never saw before. You stoop up quickly trying to understand where you were and how did you end up there. You were sure that you have never been in this place before, and it was scaring you that you showed up in there.
There was a mirror nailed to the wall in from of you almost forcing you to look at your own body, that made you notice that you were still wearing the same clothes from last night, but you weren’t home. Not being home was odd given by the fact you stayed there with your family and two friends you invited over, since there’s a whole freaking pandemic going on and you for sure did not want to get sick or get other people sick. 
“Did I get kidnapped?” you think out loud. “No, I just watch too much Criminal Minds.” you tell yourself, trying to calm down.
You reach for the face mask placed on the nightstand, getting ready to leave this random place and go home. You tried not to freak out when you realized your phone was gone and the only cellphone in there was probably as old as your grandmother. You dialed your moms number about five times and all of them went on voicemail, making you curse mentally. 
This can’t be happening. Not to me.
As soon as you leave the apartment you were in you realized you weren’t in your hometown, definitely not. It was crowded, like, really crowded and no one was wearing any face masks. Where did the freaking pandemic go? You wondered while you felt like a misfit for being the only one wearing it. 
“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” you ask an old lady walking by.
“You’re on Main Street, sweetheart.” she says.
“No, um, I mean the city.” you watched as the old lady looked at you with a funny face, as if she was calling you crazy on her mind.
“We’re in Quantico, dear.”
“Quantico?” you repeat, mostly for yourself then for her. The lady started at you like you were an alien. “Thank you so much, ma’am.”
The air started to go low on you, how did you get to Virginia, anyway? That was across the country from where you lived, Bellevue in Washington state. You started lost walking, trying to understand what the hell was going on. It felt like you were on a parallel universe, like you were in a dream but couldn't wake up and it sure felt very real. You stoped a jornal shop taking a lot at the last newspaper in there, trying to figure if something happened that you were missing. However, nothing reported there shocked you, what did, though, was the date. 
July 1st, 2008
You were about to ask someone about it when you bumped into a blonde woman, falling on the ground. As soon as you looked up, you almost chocked yourself. If the day was already weird, this was even weirder. A.J Cook was standing right in front of you with a concerned look. You couldn't really say anything, just staring at her like she wasn't real. It was weird seeing her in front of you after only seeing her through screens. 
“I’m so sorry!” she said as she offered a hand for you to get up. “Are you ok?”
“I- um, yes! I’m fine.” you san, getting the dirt out of your outfit. “I’m a big fan of yours! Wish I had my phone here to take a picture but- sorry.“ you stoped talking, realizing she probably doesn’t care.
“Big fan of me? Wow, howcome somebody’s a fan of me?” she sounds surprised.
“Well, you’re on Criminal Minds.” you say as it was obvious. 
She looked at you as if you were out of your mind. Not that you weren't thinking otherwise at the moment, anyways. 
“I’m on what now?” she asked.
Maybe you got confused and she was the wrong person, but she looked so much like her to not be her. If they were not the same person, then definitely twins. This was so weird, once again, you found yourself asking ‘what the hell’ mentally.
“You’re JJ, Jennifer Jareau, FBI Agent and all.” you say, trying one more time. “Behaviour Analysis Unit...”
“Yea, that‘s me.” she let a nervous laugh comes out of her mouth. “How do you know me?”
‘This is weird’ you thought. How does she not understand where you know her from? Literally Criminal Minds, like you said at first. ‘Maybe this is all a dream.’
“I saw you on tv” you try.
“Oh, I see! You like law enforcement?” she asks you.
“Oh yes, I’m in law-school to be a judge someday.” you answered. “The show, all of it just makes me wanna put all them bad guys in jail.” you say, laughing a bit. 
“The show...? What?” you hear her whisper, but decide to ignore it. “What’s the mask about?” JJ asks, making you look at her surprised.
“Um, covid-19?” you say like it’s obvious, because it is.
“Oh, sure...” she smiles as she says it, almost like she's only agreeing because she won't discuss it. “Great talking to you, really, but I gotta go, FBI duty calls.” she jokes.
You smile at her watching carefully as she picks up her phone from her pocket and pick up a call. That phone looked awfully old, like 2000’s old. Why would a famous actress have that kinda of phone? Then, you looked around trying to understand more about what was going on. It was all too out of place.
First, nobody wearing masks, not even a single person but you. Second, you were in a city in which is miles away from your own. Third, a famous actress acted like she’s nobody. And fourth, the date on the calendar said 2008.
If it wasn’t just impossible I would say I time travelled into Criminal Minds universe.
After standing there for literal 10 minutes trying to figure it out what you were going to do, you decide to go to the police department. After all, you may have been abducted, right? Because you didn’t have any knowledge of the place, you took quite some time to get there. As soon as you got there you sigh in relief, that has been quite a walk and damn, you were tired of this situation. 
“Excuse me, ma’am, can you help me?” you ask to the lady standing behind the counter.
“Sure, dear. What do you need?” she looks up at you, taking her glasses of her face.
“I think I might have been abducted?” you start. “I woke up in this random apartment.”
“Maybe you had a one-night stand.” she said putting back her glasses.
“No! I am sure I didn’t because first of all, there’s a pandemic going on, second of all I was in Bellevue in Washington state when I went to sleep.” you yell, involuntarily, desperate to make her believe in you. 
“Miss, I’m gonna need you to calm down or you will be escorted out of the building. You’re probably on drugs, there's nothing we can do for you.”
“Fuck you.” you say as you watch her face get all red.
Frustrated. That could define what you were feeling, scared and worried could do the work, as well. What were you going to do now? Go to the FBI to see if they could freaking understand why you simply appeared in Quantico? Didn't sound like a bad idea in your mind as you decided to just try it out. After all, you were already pretty screwed up, it would worth a shot.
You reached for your back pocket, hoping that the money you shoved in there more than a week ago would still be in there. Bingo! You pull out a 20 dollar bill out of it and the next thing you know you’re getting into a cab asking him to take you to the FBI. Now that’s something you never thought would happen. The travel was quite quick, in 20 minutos you were standing in front of that big isolated building. It looked like it was taken straight out of your favorite show, that was insane. 
The wind blew hard on you when you got out of the vehicle, making you shiver a little, that reminded you that you did not have any clothes nor money to buy more. God, you did not even have where to go. You didn't even get the chance to get into the building as a big man steps in front of you, blocking your way. 
“Miss, you're not allowed in this building.” he said without much expression. 
“But, sir-” you started, as you saw he was about to interrupt you, you go on. “Ive been abducted and I don't know where or how the hell did I get in here, I’m completely hopeless... Please.” you beg him.
He started at you for a couple of seconds, that felt like centuries for you, just to sigh at you.
“Ok, follow me.” he said. “Do not make me regret this.” 
“I-I won’t, sir.” you were quick to answer. 
The agent asked another man to cover up for him as he led me into the building. Once again you found yourself admired of how much it did look like a Criminal Minds episode in there, if you weren't totally desperate you'd be amused. Soon, you two were out of the elevator on floor 8, leading with the words Behavior Analysis Unit quite big. 
“Can you take her to Agent Jareau, please?” the man said to someone who passed by, who simply agreed. 
Now, that's a funny coincidence, there's actually an Agent Jareau in the BAU. 
You followed the woman with questioning trying to stay calm when you saw Matthew Gray Gubler sitting on a desk reading some book in Reid style, almost like he was Spencer himself. If you had any doubts you were going crazy, that was the final proof. You stoped walking, taking a stare at him and then at the Agent that stared a you like you were an alien.
“Is there something wrong?” she asks you. “Miss, are you ok?”
You were unable to answer for a few seconds when you finally opened you mouth, still trying to figure it out how to say what was on your mind without sounding completely insane.
“Is that Dr. Spencer Reid?” 
And that was all you’re able to say because as soon as you let his name out of your mouth he looked up at you, trying to somehow recognize you. You were sure, that time, that you never looked - and sounded - as insane as right now. 
“Yes, that's me.” he answers. 
His voice was the last thing you could hear before everything go black. Maybe you were finally going to wake up. Maybe. 
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bbygirldahyun · 3 years
Text
with something like this, there never feels like a right time, and i don’t know if i’ll ever feel well and truly prepared to talk about these things, but i’ll give it a shot. here is my experience with reza and the entire situation.
i say none of this with malice, and i would hope nobody else does either. nobody but those who were directly involved can understand, talking about this is hard, but it’s weighing me down not to. so please, don’t send anyone hate or interact with her at all. i just want to express what happened and move on.
i became friends with reza awhile ago, probably over a year ago at least if my memory serves me correctly. unlike many others in this situation, we were very close. we spoke nearly everyday. we have spoken on the phone, she has met my girlfriend over the phone, we shared a lot of personal things. we even talked about meeting in person at one point. so trust me when i say, this has brought me an intense amount of sorrow, loss, and guilt.
i know people throw around words like gaslighting and manipulative a lot, but i truly mean it when i say she manipulated many of us. she made me feel absolutely insane sometimes, like i couldn’t trust my own memories, perspectives, and experiences. what i said i thought happened never mattered. experiences i had with someone were never considered unless they aligned with her predetermined narrative. she would convince me i said or did things i didn’t, or at least didnt remember saying. she told people i was angry at her about something when i had no recollection of it. i’m not an angry person, i couldn’t imagine being truly angry and harsh with her ever.
it seemed every few weeks or months, she picked a new person to dislike and she wanted everyone else to dislike them too. she used to tell me frequently how nobody ever believed her about anything, so at first when she would tell me about not liking someone for some reason i always tried to validate her and believe what she said. i wanted her to know i was a good friend, i wanted to be a good friend. but the more it went on, the more i started to question things. people i didn’t know very well i easily believed what she said, because i’m very trusting. i had no reason not to trust her, really. but then it became people who were my friends that were the targets of her distaste.
if i ever had a small problem with someone, she blew it way out of proportion. of course all friends have issues, everyone has issues. so i would confide in her when other people i was friends with had upset me somehow, and she always responded with incredibly petty insults about the person whether it be their writing, their art, or about them as a person. it was very odd. but i learned very quickly i couldn’t ever defend any of my other friends, because that angered her severely. she has talked poorly about just about every single person on this website in this community, including her own friends. i know sometimes you just need a place to vent, i understand that, i’ve done that myself. but she was often rude, petty, and insulting about these people. it wasn’t just venting, it was true distaste and malice.
if she wasn’t responding with petty insults, she would become very intense about the situation. she would almost always instruct me to not trust that person anymore, or to cut them off, or even sometimes go as far as to “handle” the situation herself. another writer mentioned in their post that they were kicked from a groupchat because of her, and i was in that groupchat, and she did it simply because a joke that was made had upset me slightly. she took things from 0 to 100 in seconds, before i could even protest. sometimes when she did things like that, i felt perhaps that’s what friends did? i didn’t have many friends growing up, so i guess i didn’t really know. but it often felt as if she treated me like someone who couldn’t fight my own battles when really, i’m just not a fighter by choice. i’d rather talk things out, especially with someone who was a friend of mine who i cherish deeply.
i confided in her that i was very trusting and thought everyone had good intentions due to being autistic and taking what people say at face value. i told her that’s how i ended up in my abusive relationship, because i was too trusting. she told me she hated that anyone had done that to me, and then went and did it herself. she took advantage of the fact i can’t tell easily when i’m being manipulated. she attempted to plant seeds of distrust within me towards every single other friend i had, even my girlfriend. i spoke to her once about an issue my girlfriend and i had had a long time ago, and she immediately said in essence she didn’t think my girlfriend was good for me. this was one issue within a nearly 5 year relationship. it felt insanely isolating, to be told at every turn that anyone in my life was bad for me, except for her.
it’s also worthy of pointing that all of these people who she would talk so poorly about to me and to just about anyone who would listen, she is more than willing to turn around and kiss their feet when she lost all her friends. duckie was a particular target of hers in terms of her attempts to get me to cut my friendship off with. some of the things she said to me, i don’t even want to repeat, though of course i have told duckie about it. she has said nasty things about her, about me, about our entire friendship. and yet, the second she didn’t have her friends on here anymore, she was tagging duckie in a praising post, surely in the hopes somebody might take her side i can only assume. that really boiled my blood — all of those nasty words, only to turn around and do that. and duckie isn’t even the only one, she’s just the one i’m closest to who reza did that with.
she has accused so many of us of being clout obsessed or chasing clout. i am no professional, nor can i make claims with 100% certainty, but i would go out on a limb and say i’m fairly positive those accusations are heavy projection. many of her accusations are, to be frank. she has always been seeking “clout”, attention really, ever since the beginning. she used to tell me her biggest dream was to end up on one of those writer reccomendation lists and so it doesn’t surprise me at all that her supposed final straw with lu was being excluded from one, even accidentally. but of course, she’s certainly accused all of us time and time again that we’re obsessed with clout, that we’re all only friends with each other for clout. and it’s sad to me, that that’s how she sees friendship, a means for exchange. but it’s clear that’s how she treats friendships.
she also accused someone of copying art. now whether they did or not, i have absolutely no clue. but when she showed me the supposedly copied art, i told her i wasn’t an artist and i’m also pretty face blind so i wasn’t sure if i was the best judge of whether it was copied or not. she got very angry at me for not believing her, and i tried to reassure her i trusted her perspectives i just couldn’t make the call myself. this became a repetitive situation between us — her making an accusation, me trying to dispute or to even just deflect and move on in conversation, and she’d get mad at me or just straight up stop replying. it was exhausting.
the rumors she has spread about me and others on here are horrible. some of the things she’s said about me have me absolutely floored. there’s things i’d love to address, but i don’t want to throw the person who told me what she said under the bus. but what i will say, is she basically acts as if i’m incompetent without her. i hate to throw around accusing words, but in retrospect many of the things she did and said to me and things she’s said and done since ending our friendship feel incredibly ableist and infantalizing.
now onto what really brought all of this to head. i’m sure all of you have seen the posts referring her calling a trans poc a nazi, but that’s not my story to tell really. my story is what happened after. she dmed me in the midst of that situation to complain to me about the person she accused of being a nazi, and i essentially told her not to bring me in the middle of it. at the time they were both my friends, and i thought she was acting incredibly out of pocket. of course, she grew upset, but insisted she wasn’t trying to bring me into it. i told her i didn’t think her accusation was fair, she told me that this person blocking her was “proof” that they were a nazi supporter, and i basically told her that was quite a leap. we didn’t talk for awhile after that, until she reached out again saying she didn’t want to lose me as a friend and this very long, nice message. i told her i valued her friendship a lot and as her friend, i felt it was my duty to tell her she fucked up and that she should apologized. she admitted to me she knew she was wrong. she admitted it. but she said something like it was too late to do anything about it. one of our last dm exchanges was her saying i was the one person she didn’t want to lose. then she blocked everyone.
so when she tells people i blocked her, or i ended the friendship, or whatever, that’s not true. i didn’t block her until she blocked me. i was never mean to her, not even at the very bitter end. if she thinks i was a bad friend, by all means she can think that, but i tried my best day in and day out to be a good friend. i wanted to make things work so badly, i truly loved reza as a best friend, we had so many good memories together. it broke my heart to watch her behave that way and go on to behave how she’s behaved since. i thought she was better than all of that.
she’s thrown out all sorts of wild accusations towards nearly everyone on here, including claiming we’re all lesbophobic for not supporting her gofundme. this is where her hypocrisy becomes evident. her close friend who has since deactivated had made a post basically claiming that posting “a few words” isnt activism right in the middle of when many of us on here were sharing donation links of black people in need in the aftermath of the chauvin verdict, which reza reblogged. both reza and her friend shared their own gofundmes mere days after that post. i thought that was absolutely despicable. not to mention the amount of times she’s accused lu of being transphobic and a bad ally, or reblogged posts of her cis friend claiming lu is a bad ally, which just isn’t true in the slightest. lu is an upstanding individual, and truly the pinnacle of allyship in my mind. she doesn’t just reblog a post to look good, she’s truly an amazing and supportive friend. couldn’t ask for better than that.
reza is hypocritical in so many other, smaller ways. she attacked someone for simply watching a critical review of attack on titan but continues to stan groups and people who have problematic or questionable pasts or elements to them. of course, media has problematic elements and we can engage with that critically, but the problem is she seems to think only she can do that and other people are free game to jump on and make wild accusations about. she claimed softblocking people was dumb, only to softblock me herself days later. the expectations she places on others she feels no obligation to uphold herself.
she has made attempts to entice new writers into this community by promoting them, praising their work, and claiming they can be the biggest writer etc all the while on her twitter tweeting things to the effect of all the writing on hc tumblr is boring now, or twice fic isn’t as good anymore, dreamcatcher fics are better etc etc. it’s disgusting. she brought innocent people fresh to the community into this nonsense and the second they didn’t validate her entire pov she deleted everything relating to them on her blog, all her promotions, and tweeted she’ll never help a new writer again. it was horrible to watch how many people became involved in this messy web and got hurt because of it.
i want to end all of this by apologizing from the bottom of my heart to anybody who i was swayed into a wrong opinion of by reza, to anyone who i spoke on without realizing i was being clouded by her manipulation, and to all of my friends who she spoke so poorly about. i did everything i thought i could to defend the people i cared about, but as many others can attest to she’s incredibly hard to argue against. it’s painful, and sometimes i hit a point of exhaustion. i am so sorry. i am truly, truly sorry to anyone who has been hurt by this situation, by reza or any of her friends or anybody. it was terrible being stuck in that cycle of awfulness, and i feel so much guilt thinking that i could’ve ever contributed to her poor actions and words about others. i trusted her with so many private things and i regret it more than anything.
that’s the hardest part of this, that i trusted her with so much. i trusted her with many things i would hardly share with anyone else. i told her embarrassing stories, shared much of my traumas to her, told her about my sister and my family and my girlfriend and all of these personal things. she told me so many things in return, but i know who i am. i know i would never share any of those things, none of the embarrassing stuff or the private stuff, nor would i laugh at it even to myself. but i know who she is, and that makes me feel like someone who i can’t trust holds so many things i shared in comfort, a comfort i no longer have. it’s difficult to grapple with.
and reza, if you’re reading this and i’m pretty positive you will be — i hope you find peace within yourself so you don’t have to treat people this way. perhaps i’m too optimistic, too kind and too trusting and too easily tricked, but i would rather be that than live the way you have, paranoid and bitter inside towards everyone. i hope you find a way beyond that, and i mean that genuinely.
#me
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lochnessies · 3 years
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ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.
i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.
then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is
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there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.
edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive
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and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol
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and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).
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Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.
i don’t like where this is going…
She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.
so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s
Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.
“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok
And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad). 
yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with
Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.
don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.
Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace. 
????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself
The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?
this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl
Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.
i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.
The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.
literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.
This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system. 
i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.
I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.
or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.
Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society. 
and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?
Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.
yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.
Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.
it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.
like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.
I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious. 
i was talking to nilish and he said
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so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.
Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic. 
i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.
I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.
so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.
Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.
edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.
I love this character so much.
clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.
It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,
me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind
because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,
i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.
because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place. 
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that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of
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maliciouslycreative · 3 years
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How I played damage control to an anti in a small anime fandom and may have led to her ultimate downfall
I know I had a really nice write up of this at one point but oh well. I’ll spill more of the tea in this one because honestly the tea was so hot.
There are a few things that I have to give context to first. Gaia online was like THE mega forum of the 2000s, you made a little avatar and through posting and doing other activities on the forum you made money to buy clothes for your avatar. There were forums for everything but the fannish portions were really what drew in most of the people. The anime I was into was Beyblade. It was a shonen anime about fighting with tops that were possessed by the spirits of magical creatures. The story was honestly pretty average but the characters were fantastic and the fandom is to this day still one of my favourites. The series had a primarily male cast and didn’t even have a female lead until the second season. This led to the fanfic for the English fandom being about 70% canon/OC, 10 % canon m/f, and 20% slash. The most popular character in the English fandom was by far Kai Hiwatari, the loner badboy of the team.
Also before we get started I would like to add that one of my best friends was neck deep in this and the two of us were more or less fandom married. This is the same friend that I fake dated, had feelings for, and she nearly got me into kpop in 2011 so like if you haven’t read that story please read it too because it will give you a good idea of how stupid I am and how much of a fanfic I have truly lived. 
To set the stage I was 16, soon to be 17 when I joined the fandom and it was 2004. In September of that year I wrote a humour longfic that became an absolute smash hit and I found myself somehow fandom famous. It was around this time that I joined Gaia online. I made my little avatar and immediately went looking for the beyblade thread so that I could make new friends. I found the main thread, made my little introduction and at the end of it mentioned that I was a slash writer but I supported all ships. This is where I met C. She had declared herself the authority on Beyblade in these parts and I had just committed the crime of mentioning slash which was very obviously not canon and we did not discuss in this thread because we only discussed canon things. I was like well that’s a bit severe but like sure whatever I just want to hang out and have fun. 
Oh boy did I have no idea what I was in for. 
C was a year older than me and unfortunately that made her older than the majority of the fans at the time. Her favourite character was Kai, and she was not shy about talking about this fact. She stanned Kai above all other characters, and often at their expense. She was also a fanfic writer of a popular canon/OC series. Actually, she was so full of herself that she didn’t even call herself a fanfic writer, no her stories were in fact novels and were apparently very good. I never read them. But more on that later. 
Eventually the slash fans got tired of her being rude to us in the general thread so we made a Beyblade slash thread. There was a core of like 8 or so of us and we honestly had sooo much fun. When C would be too unbearable in the main thread the people from there used to come over to our thread and we’d chat with them about non slash stuff because we were honestly all multishippers and just wanted to have fun. We’d get comments like “wow, I’ve had more pleasant canon het ship discussions in the slash thread than the regular thread”. We never worried about C coming over and getting upset about comments like this because she refused to be associated with anything related with slash lmao. 
I tried my best to keep the peace between C, myself, and the rest of the fandom because ultimately I hate being in fandom drama. I just want everyone to have a good time. I’m a people pleaser. Unfortunately my newfound fame put me in the awkward position of being the most fandom popular person in our small community aside from C. Virtually every fan that read fanfics that came into our thread knew one of us or the other by reputation and C HATED this. Especially because people would come in to the thread, recognise me and go “oh my goodness I love your fanfics!” and I’d be super sweet with them and it’d lead into “I can’t believe how nice you are, I love you” which would lead to us crying at each other. This was not the kind of fan interaction that C got, no her fans were more kind that were there to praise her and worship her like a deity that had blessed them with some gift. Rarely did they tell her how kind she was. 
Back in the mid 2000s there were really commonly those commercials (usually by Christian organisations) asking people to sponsor say children in Africa or to help build schools or provide drinking water. You all probably know the ones; know the language that they used in those commercials. My fandom wife, who I suppose I shall call wifey because yes we were THAT couple back then, once said that C described her fics like those people described donating money to save the lives of Children in Africa. So we used to joke that her fics were so good they’d save lives in Africa. Looking back at it all, she almost had a very fundamentalist Christian approach to bringing people into her fanfics. She of course tried to get all the slash people into reading it. None of us read canon/oc fic mostly due to our poor treatment at the hands of their fans and creators. Getting fed up I one day told her that if she would read any one of my fanfics that I would read the entirety of her novels. Yes, I was willing to commit to read a couple 100k of canon/oc fanfic that I’d never touch normally if she would even read one of my 1k 1 shots. Heck, I had a fic even that shipped 2 minor characters so she didn’t even have to sully herself reading about one of the main characters. It was honestly a good deal in her favour. I kept this up until the day we all left the fandom. Sometimes I do wonder if her fics were even ¼ as good as she claimed, but I will never know because she refused to read my fics. 
She wasn’t all bad and a tyrant all the time. As long as people kept the conversations on track and didn’t come in to the thread saying things like “KAI IS SO HOT ND T3H BEST N I AM GUN 2 MARRY HIM” she stayed mostly civil. It was always hilarious watching InuYahsa or Naruto fans try to come in and bad mouth Beyblade because they’d unleash the dragon and C was great at chasing off undesirables in the thread. 
The real apex of goings on though on Gaia was the guild drama. So guilds were like exclusive themed mini forums within Gaia. Anyone could buy one and run it however they want, as long as it still adhered to Gaia’s ToS. C of course was the owner of the only Beyblade guild. The fandom wasn’t really big enough to support 2 guilds so we just kind of let it go. Technically she allowed people to post slash fanfics but like everything had to be explicitly tagged and there was absolutely no slash RP. Wifey and I controlled a handful of minor characters together in the forum RP and definitely used to try to push the boundaries a little bit. Some ambiguous flirting here, a stray comment there. It was such a fragile balance though because C was heavy on the ban button. The active portion of the guild was just people that were in the cult of C and worshipped her writing. 
Understandably the other slash fans and myself were getting disheartened by this. So we pooled our funds together and decided that we’d open a second guild that though it was run by slash fans we would welcome anyone into our ranks. We just wanted to have a fun place for everyone to hang out, and to hopefully run a few events out of. In hindsight, we should have seen what would happen. When we opened the guild, with me as the guild leader, it was like somebody blew up the whole dam protecting the delicate ecosystem we had cultivated. Every single person in the Gaia fandom that was not a zealous follower of C applied to be in our guild and left her guild. We of course figured that we’d attract some of the gen population but we did not expect to accidentally poach all of it. All of the moderators were getting messages from people thanking us for giving them a place where they could say whatever they wanted without fear of getting their faces ripped off or banned. 
C lost her shit. She was so mad that we went behind her back to ruin her guild. We literally had to show her posts in the very public slash thread that we had been planning this in public and that it was not to ruin her life. We just wanted a place where we could freely post slash. The two of us had some spicy comments back and forth and then she dropped an absolute bombshell on me. Since Gaia’s mail system is terrible I unfortunately no longer have exactly what she said but it was something along the lines of “Ok, you win. I’m going to close my guild.”. Us slash fans had never been doing this to win anything. We had never been competing. We just wanted a safe space to be ourselves. 
C never joined our guild. The fandom slowly faded out within the next year anyway. We weren’t getting new content so naturally people just drifted into other fandoms. C kept up with the main Beyblade thread for a lot longer than most of us but eventually that eventually faded into obscurity too. 
I learned a lot about fandom bullies from those days. But honestly the thing that stuck with me the most out of everything was that if you provide a positive safe space for people they will flock to it. It may seem like there are so many hostile people out there, but there really aren't. They're the minority but they just make sure that their voice is the loudest. The best way is to ignore them and just do your own thing. The bullies just want attention and if you don’t give it to them and prove to them that their opinion doesn’t matter to you then they’ll move in and find something else to yell at. 
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kaepop-trash · 3 years
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hello hello! i am immediately dropping an ask after reading your message. ;; i really loved unintended consequences! like that is sooo 10/10! may i ask for a sequel please? i am willing to wait. please don't feel pressured and take your time!! write it whenever you are ready. i have subscribed to you so i could just keep myself updated if you have posted it!
So I might not be able to squeeze a full-fledged sequel in. But I had an idea I found interesting enough to pursue and it will go under the miscellaneous tag. I don't usually write domestic AUs but seemingly this one writes itself a little too effortlessly. At 4k words, this one is hardly a drabble at this point. So I'm hoping this satisfies you. If I get more asks, I'll keep writing more "snippets" like this.
I hope you like this.
_
It was Friday.
Friday meant spending the weekend with Johnny. Friday meant a slightly better passage of time compared to the weekdays.
Johnny would wake up early, coaxing her awake with him to spend the morning drinking a cup of coffee till it was cold and talking about the week. Every achievement and frustration shared as the other listened and acknowledged every little detail.
Weekends were always a welcome relief, but with Johnny they were like a haven.
_
"I've had a fuck all day." Johnny groaned as he walked into her room. It was his turn to come to her apartment this week.
He walked in, roughly tugging his tie like it suffocated him. When his eyes landed on the bed he stopped his struggle.
(Y/N) lay on her stomach on her bed, in a t-shirt that belonged to him once upon a time. Her thighs remained bare, the rhythmic kicking of her legs making her ass bounce.
Johnny thought he would lose his mind.
"What happened?" She mumbled. Scrolling through her phone, her voice was distracted.
Johnny swallowed, the air in his throat suddenly too thick. He forced himself to look away, "A client messed up some paperwork and I lost a lot of money because of it." His jaw clamped tight at the memory again.
She put her phone down, turning over and sitting up. "Shit." She grimaced, looking up at him with careful eyes.
"Exactly." He groaned, running a hand through his hair.
He looked back at her after a moment, eyes raking over her frame, "When did you steal that?" He pointed to her chest, at the navy blue t-shirt he actually really liked.
"At some point." She shrugged. "Want it back?" She batted her lashes at him.
Johnny smirked, aware that she asked knowing what his answer would be. "Keep it." He scoffed, giving in. "It looks better on you anyway." He laughed when her lips stretched into a smile.
Johnny sighed, his smile faltering again.
"Want to eat something?" She questioned.
Johnny turned back to her, her knees digging into the mattress as she looked at him with soft eyes. He gave her a slow nod.
"There's some pasta leftover in the fridge. Unless you want something else. We can always order." She turned back to pick up her phone.
Johnny groaned, the sound making her turn back to him, surprised. He slid closer to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He raised a meaningful brow at her, rewarded by the tantalizing red her cheeks flushed with.
He waited patiently; she gave him a nod, her eyes fluttering down. Johnny smirked, it was a shy mood today it seemed. Something he would enjoy like any other mood she had.
"Lie down." He said softly, releasing his hold on her hips. She pushed back up the mattress, reaching up just enough for her calves to hang over the edge.
She kept his eyes on him as he pulled his tie off over his head and while he took his jacket off. Slowly, he folded the sleeves of his shirt. She bit her lip at the sight, leaving Johnny to revel. He knew she liked it when he did that.
"You better not be wearing a bra under that, baby." He walked up closer.
She slowly shook her head and Johnny felt all the blood in his body rush to his dick.
He groaned, "You like that don't you? My shirt brushing over your naked tits." When she nodded he felt himself twitch. "Words." He demanded.
"Of course I do." It was a simple declaration.
It drove him wild.
Almost too slowly, Johnny sat down on his knees. This was his favourite thing, he had realised over the course of the year and some they had been together. Being on his knees in front of her was something he could do every living hour of every day and still not get enough of it. He loved taking his time enjoying the view.
But today, Johnny was pissed. He wanted to hear her moans, he wanted to make her come undone fast and dirty so he could relish in the idea of it.
He hooked his fingers under the band of her panty, pulling it off swiftly.
"Somebody's uncharacteristically eager today." Her soft voice contrasted the jest of her sentence.
"What was it last time?" He questioned, earning her eyes on him. "Fastest I made you cum." He clarified, tilting his head to catch her eyes.
She bit her lip, chewing on the flesh before releasing it with a soft flick. "Ten minutes." She informed him.
"We'll do seven today. Set the timer." He ordered. Quickly she reached for her phone, doing what she was told. Johnny bit back a smile.
"If you lose you're buying dinner. I want Sushi." She pointed her phone at him.
A laugh left his chest— a breathless release. "Wretched girl." He huffed. "Fine. You have a deal."
"Go." She put her phone down. Head falling back immediately as he plunged two fingers into her without missing a beat.
"Always so wet for me, princess. You are always spoiling me." He hummed.
He reached down to flick his tongue against her clit, earning a moan from her. "And forever eager." He spoke against her clit, making her hips buck up and her hand fly to his hair. She gripped his root tightly, he groaned. She stuttered at the sensation.
Johnny wasted no time picking up pace. His tongue lapped at her bundle of nerves while he added a third finger, his rhythm brutal.
"Fuck, Johnny." She screamed, a rare occurrence that filled Johnny with so much pride that he only increased his persistence. When he grazed his teeth against her clit her legs started shaking, a string of his name leaving her lips as her back arched. When her fist loosened on his scalp, he sat back and reached for her phone.
"Six minutes forty-eight seconds." He beamed. "You owe me sushi." He dropped the phone back onto the bed.
"After that I'll get you the most expensive one." She spoke between gasping for air. Johnny chuckled, wiping his chin on the back of his hand and standing up to get rid of his clothes.
"Ready for more?" He questioned.
"Am I ever, Mr. Suh." Her chest heaved.
Johnny gazed down at her body; tracing the sight of the t-shirt raised till her neck, her skin covered in sweat and a single breast out from no doubt being inside her own palm moments ago. Johnny bit his lip.
"Sit up." His voice dropped so impossibly low. She turned her head to look at him, still heaving from his previous efforts.
She sat up, knees digging into the mattress. He came closer, peeling his t-shirt off her while he kept his eyes glued on hers. The next moment, her arms were wrapped around his neck and her lips were on his.
He put his palm on her back to steady the both of them, slowly pushing her back down on her back onto the mattress and hovering over her.
She swirled her tongue in his mouth, enjoying taking control of the kiss while his hands roamed over her body. When he pinched her nipple she gasped in his mouth.
Johnny didn't miss the opportunity to slide his tongue into her mouth this time, softly pushing her tongue back so he could do his own exploring. She let him, focusing her hands in his hair instead and drawing her nails down the back of his neck— something she knew he liked a little too much.
The sound of her phone ringing made her yank her head back so fast that her neck audibly cracked. She massaged her the muscle with one hand while she used the other to push him back.
"Leave it." His voice was breathless.
"That's the ringtone I have for my mother." She groaned, equally breathless herself. "She hardly calls. It could be an emergency." She sighed.
Reluctantly, Johnny moved back. She reached over to grab her phone as he lay his head on a pillow.
"Hello?" She questioned once she put the phone to her ear. "Yeah?" She answered some question on the line. Johnny put his arms under his head, amusement dancing in his eyes as he heard her try to slow her breathing from his craved pace. "You what?" She sat up straight. A quizzical furrow formed on Johnny's brow. "No of course I don't mind. It's just so sudden. How long?" She turned back to Johnny, giving him an urgent look and gesturing to get out of bed. He raised a brow but complied. "Alright. See you." Her voice was too cheerful.
When she hung up she sprung out of bed herself. "Get dressed!" She looked around the floor frantically. "My mother is in a cab ten minutes away." She whined.
For a second Johnny was too dumbstruck to move. When she threw his shirt at his face, he recovered, picking up the rest of his clothes.
"What's happening?" He asked calmly, hoping his demeanor would calm her down as well.
"I don't know. Jesus! She's so outrageous!" (Y/N) groaned. "She called me to tell me that she's going to Texas to meet that aunt of mine." She paused, looking up as she slid her t-shirt back on. "You know the one who's always sending me pictures of pregnant girls my age on Facebook?"
Johnny nodded.
"Yeah. That bitch." She groaned. Johnny bit back a smile. "So she's flying to Austin and her layover happened to be New York and it's 12 hours long so she decided to surprise me, apparently." She sighed. "Fuck." She groaned. "I can't believe this is actually happening right now." She groaned the second time.
"Okay." Johnny said. "I should go take a shower." He nodded.
She stared at him, blinking like a lost lamb. "You want to stay?" She questioned.
"Of course." He furrowed his brows, "Are you hiding me from her or something?" He joked.
"No." She said too soon, pausing. "Kind of." She winced.
Johnny seemed taken aback.
"It's not what you think!" She walked over to him. "I'm not, like, embarrassed of you."
"That sounds reassuring, (Y/N)." He scoffed.
"Hear me out!" She urged, "My mother cannot know I'm having sex outside the bond of marriage. She doesn't even believe in casual dating." Johnny gave her a questioning look.
She sighed, "She's the 'satisfied with nothing but the best for her children' kind of mom. She means well but she will make you uncomfortable if she sees you at my house at eleven at night. She's very reserved and it comes off as rude at times." She warned, speaking too fast— clearly nervous.
Johnny shrugged, raising two fingers to tug on her nose. "I can handle it. She's your mother after all."
"Johnny." She urged.
"Do you not want me to meet your mother?" He questioned bluntly.
"You know that isn't it." She sighed.
"Then I can handle it." He assured her again.
_
She was still reeling over the moment her mother walked into her apartment, the look in Johnny's eyes when she turned and introduced him as her 'friend' and the look in her mother's eyes when she noted her daughter's hesitation before she blurted the vague label out. If either of them had any reservations, they did not voice it.
That was how she ended up sitting at her dining table with Johnny beside her and her mother opposite them. Her mother gave him occasional glances, but to her credit stayed quiet.
"So, Mrs. (Y/L/N). I've heard that you're a fan of travelling. (Y/N) is always talking about the places you visit."
"Yes. Since my children are all grown up now, I'm trying to live a little before heaven calls." She told him. Johnny was caught off-guard by the response, so he blinked and gave her a nod. (Y/N) put a hand on her forehead.
Her mother put her cutlery down on the table, earning both (Y/N) and Johnny's attention. "What do you do, young man?"
"If you're going to ask him personal questions at least use his name." (Y/N) groaned at her mother.
"I'm an investment banker." Johnny sounded unfazed.
Her mother lifted a towel to wipe her lip, "So I have you to blame for all the money I lost last year?"
"If you would have asked me, maybe you'd have me to thank for all the money you made." Johnny gave her a grin.
He acquired his first pleasant smile from her mother, "In that case you must be good at what you do. How much do you make?" She questioned with a tone that one would use to ask about the weather.
"Mom!" (Y/N) exasperated.
"What?" Her mother turned to her with a non-committal glance. "If you're telling your friend about my travels then I'm sure you are close enough for me to ask that." She clicked her tongue at her daughter. "Isn't that so, Johnny?" She turned to him.
Yet again, he remained calm. "I make enough, Mrs. (Y/L/N). Especially to take care of the people I intend to and save some for the future." He reached for his glass of water, putting a hand on her thigh under the table.
To add to the impossible situation, her heart and her core both reacted. She wanted to wake up from this nightmare.
She kept her eyes on her mother as Johnny began tracing his thumb in slow strokes across her thigh, pushing under her shorts just enough. Then she saw it, the click of approval in her mother's eyes that seemed to make her chest relax from a hold she didn't realise she had till the moment.
"Not that your daughter needs anybody to take care of her." He glanced towards her, humour in his eyes that felt misplaced till he squeezed her thigh. She bit down on her lip. He seemed pleased, "She's quite capable of taking care of herself, as she insists." He turned away from her glare, back to face her mother, "Speaking as a friend, of course." He smiled politely.
Her mother glanced over towards (Y/N) and the paranoid side in her— the one only reserved for one's parents— wondered if there was even the tiniest chance that her mother could see under the table.
"And how long have you known each other?" Her mother continued her interrogation.
"We met at Sooyoung's wedding." (Y/N) added, needing to distract herself from the warmth of Johnny's hand. "Johnny is Doyoung's friend."
Her mother nodded, adsorbing the knowledge. She turned back to Johnny, bringing her elbows to the table and threading her fingers together thoughtfully. "And how long do you intend to be my daughter's friend?" She said as blatantly as she could.
The question was as thinly veiled as she no doubt intended. Her mother was, after all, the person she learned to be good with words from.
Johnny's hand slipped between her thighs and this time she almost jumped in her chair. "For as long as she'll have me. Longer if I can convince her otherwise." His words made (Y/N) turn to him, emotions bubbling up to her eyes. He turned to her, his own eyes full of meaning. For a second she forgot her mother was sitting across from them.
Her mother, on the other hand, watched the interaction with a keen gaze.
Johnny's hand left her thigh to find her hand, squeezing it with that gentle yet firm touch that never failed to reassure her about anything.
She turned to face her mom, "I love him." She confessed softly. Her mother's eyes seemed to go wide for a moment before she sat back.
"Good. I was starting to think you wouldn't give me any grandchildren. You're my oldest! I want to see them before I die!" She scolded her.
(Y/N) blushed, "Mom!" She stuttered. "Don't say that, oh my god!" She groaned.
Johnny watched the exchange with amusement.
"At least you should have sense." Her mother turned to Johnny, "I'm not getting any younger." She shook her head, clicking her tongue.
"I will keep your criticism in mind, Mrs (Y/L/N)." He laughed.
"For fuck's sake." She turned her neck to Johnny, giving him an embarrassed frown.
"Don't curse (Y/N) (Y/L/N)! That isn't how I raised you." Her mother scolded her again, making her nod reluctantly.
"The mouth on this one, Mrs. (Y/L/N). Sometimes I'm surprised!" Johnny clicked his tongue with mock exasperation. She shoved his rib, making Johnny chuckle as he grabbed the table to not fall.
_
Johnny dutifully took the couch.
Despite her mother taking the guest room, he insisted.
(Y/N) lay awake on her bed, alternating between staring at the ceiling and scrolling through her emails. Her mother was set to leave at 6am. She lifted her phone to check the time: 4am. She groaned.
Getting out of bed was the only thing left to do after trying so long to fall asleep unsuccessfully. She padded her feet across the living room softly towards the kitchen. Johnny mumbled her name in his sleepy voice, making (Y/N) jump.
"Why aren't you asleep?" She whispered. When she turned to him, she had her answer. He was lying on his back, the end of his legs dangling over the armrest. She came closer, "I told you to sleep in bed." She sighed.
Johnny sat up, a small grin tugging at his lips. "Why are you awake?"
"Can't sleep."
"So you came to check up on me?" He tilted his head to look up at her.
"No. I was going to the kitchen because I finished my water." She rattled the container in her hand. It was the partial truth, she did intend to see what he was doing as well.
When Johnny pouted a breathy chuckle left her. She ran a hand through his messy hair affectionately, heart tugging when his eyes fluttered shut and he nuzzled into her touch.
"Do you want some hot chocolate?" She questioned. Johnny opened his eyes and nodded eagerly.
_
They sat in the kitchen with tired eyes, silently sipping their own cups. Once over, she picked them up to wash them up.
"I can't believe you actually got my mom to like you." She chuckled as she scrubbed the used cups. She heard him slip off his chair and walk up behind her, resting his head on her shoulder.
"I'm a very likable person." He mumbled, leaving a soft kiss behind her ear.
She hummed, "That is true." His lips wrapped around the shell of her ear— an odd gesture that she had come to find arousing as he kept doing it over time. "You got Sooyoung and my mother to like you. Undoubtedly, two of the most difficult women to please in my life." She distracted herself, laughing at her own words as she placed the last cup in the rack and wiped her hands on a kitchen towel.
Johnny let her go only to hold her again after she turned around, giving her a teasing grin.
"I got you to like me." He kissed her forehead, "After that the rest were easy."
Her skeptical hum made him laugh, brushing his lips against her temple.
She pouted, "I'm a little bummed that Friday is gone. I only get to really see you on the weekends." Tracing a finger over his chest, she tried to swallow her disappointment. Reminding herself that her that she hadn't seen her mother in a while.
"What are you talking about? We meet for lunch at least twice a week." He laughed.
"You know what I mean." She huffed, looking up to give him a meaningful look.
Johnny smirked, "Do I?" He tightened his hold on her waist, lifting her to the counter. "What do you mean, (Y/N)?" He hummed, standing between her legs. He stroked his thumb inside her thigh slowly.
She gave him a shake of her head.
Then a thought came to her at his words, making her frown.
"Were you mad today?" She knit her brows together.
Johnny cocked his head to the side, confused by the sudden question. "Why would I be mad?" His hand, much to her disappointment, stilled.
She blinked, lips slowly parting. "I called you my friend." She winced, shaking her head slightly like the memory was something she wanted removed.
He thought about it for a moment. "Initially, yes. I think more than mad, I just felt out of depth."
"You don't like feeling out of depth." She looked at him carefully.
"Very true. But I've come to accept it as a given with you, even enjoy the feeling sometimes." He smiled, his thumb restarting it's previous ministrations.
Johnny paused, his eyes dancing with a sudden delight that slowly seeped into his lips.
"You told your mom you loved me." He grinned, his tone sing-song and dripping with taunt.
"I do love you."
"Good. I deserve it," He licked his lips, "As your best friend." He earned the smack on his shoulder. He winced playfully.
"My real best friends will do worse if they find out you said that." She snorted. "How would Mark feel?" She clicked her tongue in jest, resting her arms on his shoulders.
"Please Don't talk about Mark while I'm standing between your legs." He groaned, her head falling back to laugh at the distress on his face. He leaned closer to her with a soft smile, "I love when you laugh like that. Like you really don't want to but it's funny anyway." He kissed the corner of her lip.
"That's exactly how I feel everytime you try to be funny, Johnny." She giggled.
He kissed her chin. "Please. I'm hilarious and you know it." He spoke against her lips. She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"If you say so." She mumbled before he kissed her.
Like all kisses with Johnny, it got heated fast. His tongue tugged on hers and his hand reached into her t-shirt to fondle her breast. It gave her a sense of victory, knowing that at least in a small capacity, he was also dying to touch her.
The weekdays without him was one thing, work had the terrible quality of keeping one's mind off most things. But to spend the Friday evening left high-strung was unacceptable.
She hooked her finger into the band of his sweatpants, pulling him closer. Johnny left her lips to journey down her throat with sensual licks.
"It's early Saturday and I still haven't been inside you." He mumbled against her throat. A mewl left her lips, a wordless acknowledgement of his observation. "We need to do something about this 'just weekends' thing." Johnny groaned.
She was too focused on the sensation of his thumb rubbing circles on her nipple to pay attention, giving him an unfocused nod. He kissed up her jaw to her ear, nibbling on the cartilage.
"Are you even listening to me?" He whispered into her ear.
"Of course." She said too quickly.
Johnny chuckled, an unconvinced hum leaving his lips and tickling her neck. The nerves of that side, from her neck to her leg jittered at the sensation. He hummed again just to feel it under his palm on her waist.
The sound of a door creaking open made him push back from her. Both of them breathing ravenously.
Johnny turned away, running a hand through his hair. She looked up at the clock in the kitchen, the arms telling her that it was six in the morning. She bit her lip, getting off the counter.
When (Y/N)'s mother entered the kitchen, Johnny was washing his face at the sink.
"Good morning." He said with a pleasant smile, "Would you like some coffee?"
Kisass, she thought.
(Y/N) scoffed, "You make me coffee, I'll make her tea." She cradled her face in her palm.
"You're up early." Her mother looked between them.
Their eyes met for a second.
Johnny turned back to her mother in a beat, "We were planning on dropping you to the airport." He leaned against the counter, nonchalant.
"Oh you don't have to do that!" Her mother laughed.
"I want to." He gave her a convincing smile.
(Y/N) rolled her eyes.
Unintended Consequences
135 notes · View notes
nct-lian · 3 years
Text
nct 127’s relation to lian
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TAEIL + LIAN: IL-LI
taeil used to wake her up for school when she was still a teenager :((
such a soft but overlooked duo
will appreciate each other forever and ever
lian teaches him roasts in english that he can say to johnny
remain each other’s hype man and woman
taeil was the first to suggest he and the other nct members react to the trailers of her dramas on video so they can boost them in popularity
promotes the HELL out of lian’s solo career over twitter
lian loves coming up behind him and just giving him hugs because he’s soft (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
they watch movies together a lot! but taeil has to come down to the fifth floor because lian hates it up on the tenth one
he was once able to grab her hand in an airport and they held hands the entire time :(( a few pictures went a little viral
they share hoodies NSHDHSHCJA
lian keeps bugging him to get an instagram
taeil will ALWAYS take her side in silly arguments she and the other members have sometimes
he makes fun of her height because she’s shorter than him-
he also used to help her with her homework :(
cried when lian went on her first date
“my child is growing up (´∩`。)”
had to do a background check on the guy before he even allowed him to come in contact with her again, though
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JOHNNY + LIAN: JOANN
johnny is her dad, period
no questions asked he is her father
will give her piggyback rides all the time
he was once woken up by her jumping on his bed and asking if they could go shopping
at 6:00 am
he actually got up, got ready and took her shopping but since it was so early, the stores were all closed
he took her out for japanese fluffy pancakes, though!
whenever lian is sick, johnny makes her his mom’s homemade chicken noodle soup recipe :((
speaking of johnny’s mom, she loves lian to death and always asks johnny if he’s taking good care of her
if they’re not being asked any questions or having to translate anything during interviews, they always whisper jokes in each other’s ears to try and make the other one laugh
because of how lian dies during the trailer of her new drama, johnny cried in front of twenty-two other men while they reacted to it
he was NOT embarrassed
“how are you guys not crying? this is so sad. what a cruel world we live in ໒( ˵ •̀ □ •́ ˵ )७”
kept screaming at lian’s “dream of you” performance video
“WHY ARE YOU ON THE GROUND DANCING LIKE THAT?!” “JISUNG COVER YOUR EYES-“
he once effortlessly picked up lian and moved her somewhere else because she wasn’t standing where she was supposed to be
everyone says that their ship name is something a white, suburban mom would be named. now nctzens pronounce joann like “joanne” ・x・
it was said on the zach sang show that johnny used to measure her height every month to see if she grows or not, and that’s the only reason why he has her height memorized
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TAEYONG + LIAN: LIYONG
has lost lian in so many airports it’s not even funny
“hyung, what happened to lian?” “oh, you have GOT to be kidding me-“
whenever he doesn’t see her he goes into panic mode and starts asking if anyone has seen his little sister
“about this tall with really shiny hair? her cheekbones are insane, i swear. OH OH OH SHE WAS WEARING JOHNNY’S HOODIE- you don’t know what johnny’s hoodie looks like.. okay, well thank you for your help.”
one of the first members that she was comfortable with
lian said that he was her role model :’(
as the leader, he’s always taking care of her and will not sleep until he knows for sure she’s eaten
because of how lian never participated in any of nct’s first bit of promotions due to being too uncomfortable around them, she was allowed to skip out on the viewings of their relay video letters
but she was still required to make one for somebody and that somebody was taeyong ˵ ຈ ︿ ຈ ˵
she said that she was glad he was her leader and that she hoped to become closer one day
he cried
declares that he will take care of lian till the day he dies
taeyong had yelled at lian’s former manager until he voluntarily quit working for her- he had found out that lian was being overworked to the point where she collapsed during their dance practice and he wasn’t okay with it
always cheering her on backstage when she performs solo
he always tries to include her in guiding the members for their dances because he knows how happy it makes her
instead of having her carry her glasses around with her, he does it instead :D
“nana, do you have to wear your glasses now?”
taeyong tucks her into bed every night he can ᕕ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)ᕗ
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YUTA + LIAN: YUN
totally doesn’t have feeling for her, yeah
yuta is obsessed and when i tell you he’s obsessed, he’s obsessed
did i mention obsessed?
he’s jealous of everyone :(
yun stans insist that the only reason yuta is so touchy with winwin and mark is because he’s trying to cover up his feelings for lian
bye if that’s true-
hyuck wanted to give her a hug (a rare occurrence) and yuta straight up just said,
“mine. go away”
i have proof guys :// johnny recorded it and literally posted it on instagram
lian died internally when yuta cut his long hair because she couldn’t put it into ponytails anymore :((
but his hair is growing back now so she’s able to do it again :)
yuta teaches her japanese every tuesday and thursday!
we don’t bring this up because it’s pretty embarrassing but,, when nct 127 were backstage before performing kick it, yuta asked doyoung (who was in a direction where he could get a clear view of lian’s face) if lian was staring at him
how do we know this, you may ask?
it was caught on camera and everyone made fun of him for a solid week straight
he’s caught staring at her from afar way too often for comfort
lian says that he’s very pretty
much like the other memebers that have instagram, he makes story countdowns that he posts about a week before lian plans to release her solo music
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DOYOUNG + LIAN: LIDO
another member of the lian protection squad
doyoung was the first to start calling her cupcake
it all started when doyoung was sick and lian made him cupcakes to make him feel better
will slap anyone who makes a flirty remark towards lian
was embarrassed for yuta when he asked if she was staring at him
said “no” and walked away
lian is the only one who ever shows him any mercy :’)
they have very similar taste in decor so they often go shopping together for things to put around the dorm
doyoung said that he spends the most time in lian’s room because it smells like vanilla all the time
he spoils her SO MUCH
like so much
half the plushies she owns at the moment were gifts from doyoung
has a tendency to watch over her and make sure she’s content at all times
“cupcake, are you hungry? i can make you some food if you’d like” “oppa, it’s 3:00am-“ “and?”
they take such pretty instagram pictures :((
at one point in time, doyoung was jealous of his older brother because lian used to crush on him a tiny bit :0
not because doyoung likes her or anything, she just couldn’t stop talking about how nice he looked in revolutionary love
disapproves of the staff giving lian such short clothing sometimes
“um, excuse me, she can’t wear that. are you crazy? go get her a new outfit, please”
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JAEHYUN + LIAN: JAELI
not many people bring this up because we know it’s honestly a sensitive topic :|
but he lowkey has deep feelings for her (he makes it so obvious sometimes it’s kinda disappointing to see how oblivious lian really is to it)
jaeli + yun love triangle anyways
jokes aside, though, jaehyun loves lian so so much
once cried to johnny about how he doesn’t know what to do and that he didn’t want to make anything awkward by confessing to her
makes sure to be near her as often as possible
once scared away a whole kim taehyung from talking to her during isac ╰[ ⁰﹏⁰ ]╯ (let’s pretend bts were there for 2019 pls)
“jungkook, keep your friend away, please :D”
didn’t work, though, because they ended up having a conversation later in the day either way
*in the 97’ liner groupchat* “HYUNG IM SORRY HE RAN AWAY I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DOl
it was uncalled for but what can you do amirite ┐(´~`)┌
lian pokes his dimples a lot and squishes his cheeks
just randomly hugs him but he’s not complaining
johnny isn’t picking sides but he became team jaeli after jaehyun broke into tears in front of him for the first time since they were trainees about how much he loves lian
sad,, i know
lian judges jaehyun for not sleeping with sheets
continues to believe he is not a human being, but a robot created in a lab
jaehyun smiles at her for no reason
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JUNGWOO + LIAN: LIWOO
an instant bond formed between them when they first met!
jungwoo learned a lot about her and has developed so many ways to deal with her anxiety :(
gave the staff a guide on how to keep her calm when he went on hiatus because he couldn’t be there with her
buys her colouring books because he knows that they calm her down well!
liwoo went viral and become a popular ship when lian accidentally changed the nct 127 instagram profile picture to a jungwoo icon
she got scolded but it was iconic orange haired jungwoo with a chain-
an untouchable duo when they do double aegyo
nctzens think jungwoo is her favourite member
maybe because lian said he was
“ “who’s your favourite member?” hmm i’ll have to say woo-oppa!”
*cue jungwoo laughing at yuta’s face because he was that shocked*
they share secrets with each other so now they probably know the other like the palm of their hand
even though he’s off his hiatus, he still has to guide the staff members through lian’s little moments because sm staff suck at their job sometimes
they’re the two members who go grocery shopping together
more like jungwoo dragging lian to the grocery store with him but okay
jungwoo loves kissing her cheeks (〃▽〃)
their vocals mixed together are confirmed to be noises from heaven
lian misses his blonde bowl cut :/
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MARK + LIAN: LIMARK
leader of lian’s natural length hair committee
like when i tell you mark hates her extensions-
mark was the first friend lian was able to make in nct!
they bonded over canada and it was very rare to see them speaking in korean
mark goes into straight panic when he’s with her sometimes
has to remind himself they’re like siblings
lian ans mark covered “your eyes” by hoody and jay park during a vlive!
it was adorable :((
lian had him saved in her phone as “android user” but now she doesn’t know what to change it to
they had a fight in 2019
mark let’s her call him the weirdest freaking nicknames ヽ ( ꒪д꒪ )ノ
mars bar, markie, mork, marko
AND IN RETURN HE CALLS HER MARIJUANA-
he says it’s because czennies consider her to be addicting and since marijuana is addicting as well he thought it’d be a good fit
someone on twitter absolutely ENDED HIM though and wouldn’t stop making fun of him (;⌣̀_⌣́)
they can read each other’s mind just by looking at each other
“dude i hate this shit why does she keep asking us who we wanna collab with?” *cue lian laughing hysterically*
“what’s so funny (゜-゜)” — interviewer
Tumblr media
HAECHAN + LIAN: LIHYUCK
haechan makes fun of her kissing scenes in dramas
calls her short all the time
“lian give me a high five- oh haha nevermind it’s too bad you’re so short”
they’ve actually been so close to fighting each other and i’m not even joking
they’re the two members who fight the most out of all of them
but despite this, they love each other very much
hyuck says he’s the only one who’s allowed to make her mad
and if anyone else makes her mad he’d kill them
limark 2019 fight flashbacks where haechan kept threatening mark
there are actually moments when they’re clingy with each other-
haechan loves her hugs :((
like ??????? one minute they’re at each other’s throats and the next, they’re all lovey dovey hugging each other make it make sense ?????
lian could be speaking english and he’d say, “korean, please. i can’t understand canadian”
“shut up <3”
hello haechan cried and wouldn’t let go of her during her and mark’s graduation ceremony in 2018
she makes fun of him for it but never takes it too far
he goes to her for dance advice
during their nct 2018 weekly idol appearance when they were doing the random kpop dance thing, they beat everyone أ‿أ
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katierosefun · 3 years
Text
well, even though literally no one asked, am i going to do a whole analysis on how the red album is also lowkey about tcw? sure. sh, let me indulge 12/13 year old me.
state of grace:
our wonderful opening track. the lyrics “just twin fire signs / four blue eyes”—from this line alone, i think a lot about anakin and ahsoka and obi-wan, just because what color are their eyes? blue. check and mate.
but on a more serious level: “and i never saw you coming / and i’ll never be the same” speaks to how each of these characters’ lives were interrupted by the presence of the other. obi-wan certainly didn’t expect anakin to come into his life, and i doubted anakin ever expected ahsoka to come into his life.
“love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right” and “these are the hands of fate / you’re my Achilles heel” speaks to how this whole theme of love and how both raw and burning and ruthless love can shine in this specific universe. specifically anakin’s kind of love. additionally, the idea of Achilles heel...i’ve already discussed the parallels between Achilles and anakin and don’t feel like rehashing, but it’s def. worth noting.
“this is the golden age of something good and right and real”...golden age. the war was messy and terrible and shouldn’t have ever happened, but also, i think for that brief moment, disaster lineage was at least together.
red
look me in the eye and lie to me about how this song doesn’t sum up the exhilarating rush that must have been being around someone like anakin skywalker.
“losing him was blue like i’ve ever known / missing him was dark grey all alone / forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met / but loving him was red”: this entire refrain is about that kind of ruthless, very fiery-seeing-red-everywhere kind of sensation that comes with love. (or, as the song alludes, a kind of dangerous love.)
and if we’re talking about dangerous kind of love—“fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer / regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong”...thinking thoughts about how there must have been all these times for the people around anakin to clash heads. bro. what even is that.
“remembering him comes in flashbacks, in echoes / told myself it’s time now, gotta let go”. ha ha. you ever think about the people who live after order 66 and wonder what the hell happened to the person they loved. ha.
treacherous
alright, time to put on the anidala hat. this song is supposed to be all about loving someone and constantly feeling like you’re sliding down a slippery slope. a treacherous path—a reckless path—and yet, and yet, “i like it”.
the whole concept of these two being put in a whirlwind romance matches perfectly with these lyrics: “i can’t decide if it’s a choice / getting swept away / i hear the sound of my own voice / asking you to stay”. this mess of a relationship that probably shouldn’t have happened, but it happened, and now the only choice for these two is to hold on...bro.
i knew you were trouble.
ohhhh god, do i need to explain how this is an anidala song or—
“i was in your sights / you got me alone / you found me”,,,the fact that anakin skywalker really looked at padmé amidala after ten years and automatically went “i love her”. a part of me will always sigh and want to pat anakin’s head that please, please, please control yourself, but what am i supposed to do anyways—
but also, the way this song also addresses all the dangerous things that come with a love that probably shouldn’t have started / shouldn’t have been born with so many secrets. the damning / basically self-loathing lyrics like “the joke is on me” and “shame on me now” is honestly kind of sad, and while i don’t think padmé ever regretted loving anakin (and i’ve covered this so many times, but i think anakin and padmé genuinely loved each other), there was def. a sense of constant danger and fear that one day, all the secrets will come tumbling out / something’s going to happen. and all that ultimately bubbles over in revenge of the sith, right when padmé looks at anakin and just doesn’t see him anymore.
all too well
tbh, this song deserves a whole long post on its own, but i’ll try to be concise. i genuinely think this could be about any of the tcw characters / tcw pairings, but because it’s my post and my obsession, i’ll discuss the disaster lineage. there’s something so quietly sad about the line “but you still got [my scarf] in your drawer, even now” and how that speaks to how obi-wan has anakin’s lightsaber / how anakin has ahsoka’s lightsaber both as himself and as ahsoka after ahsoka left the order / after order 66. the fact that you still have a piece of someone you love(d), long after they’re gone...
the fact that this song is so full of memories and longing and aching and grief over a loved relationship. thinking about the lyrics “you tell me about your past, thinking your future was me” is especially sad because while i don’t think anakin was ever completely open about his childhood / past, i like to think he must have told some stories to obi-wan and padmé and ahsoka about happier moments—and you have to wonder what kind of future anakin saw for himself with his loved ones.
“maybe this thing was a masterpiece until you tore it all up” speaks to how for a rare, rare moment, we see anakin skywalker as the hero we’re all supposed to like—and we see how it all crumbles apart so fast.
“but you keep my old scarf from that very first week / because it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me” hits especially hard when you think about how vader still has ahsoka’s lightsabers, or the fact that everything goes “back to when i loved you so / back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known”...thinking. a lot about anakin and how the love he felt / received from his friends were real, realer than anything that palpacreep could ever give him. it was all real, and now they’re all memories.
22
okay, this is just a fun song so i can’t really apply it anywhere, but i like to think there must have been a birthday somewhere along the line / some kind of happy event where there’s some chaotic tcw fam shenanigans. ditching the whole scene and “end[ing] up dreaming instead of sleeping”...i like to think they must have had some kind of happy moment like that.
i almost do
this song honestly reminds me the most of anakin and ahsoka. do you ever think that ahsoka might have wanted to reach out to anakin at some point? how “it takes everything in me not to call you”—how she might wish that she could talk to him again but every time she doesn’t, she almost does. (and ha. this makes their S7 reunion even more painful.)
the whole “i bet you think i either moved on or hate you” and “i bet it never ever occurred to you that i can’t say hello to you and risk another goodbye” speaks mostly to that very same reunion. the fact that ahsoka and anakin leave so many things unsaid—the fact that ahsoka restrains herself, cites that reason for the fact that they’ll just catch up another time...when that another time never happens.
we are never ever getting back together
hahaa, i can’t quite laugh about this but also i can because i kinda made a crack edit of disaster lineage + this song over the summer, and it really is just a joke but also...lol vader + ahsoka + obi-wan, but more specifically ahsoka and vader in their reunion in rebels lol. they’re never getting back together, geddit? they “used to think [they] were forever” and “[sigh] he calls me up again and is like i still love you and like,,,this is exhausting, you know?” yeah, me too sis. 🙄
stay stay stay
okay, okay, okay, maybe going a little bit into crack-y happy tcw feelings, but all i’m saying is that i love the image of these dorks staying for each other, you know? the whole “you took the time to memorize me” and “all those times that you didn’t leave / it’s been occurring to me i’d like to hang out with you for my whole life” and “no one else is gonna love me when i get mad” makes me kinda soft but also sad knowing that one of the tragedies of tcw fam is that no one really stays.
the last time
highkey the whole clovis arc in season 6. but anyways, especially the lines about “this is the last time i’m asking you this / put my name at the top of your list” speaks a lot to me about this hunger (yeah, this is @ anakin) to be someone’s first choice. it’s about the anger and jealousy and dull pain of knowing that everyone else’s priorities are elsewhere (and that’s not their fault, but you still feel like it is).
but if we’re thinking about the clovis arc especially, i think a whole lot about anakin + padmé, as well as anakin and obi-wan, esp. in these lyrics: “you wear your best apology / but i was there to watch you leave” and “all those times i let you in / just for you to go again”. we know anakin and padmé were...going through it in this arc, but specially anakin and obi-wan’s conversation—the one where obi-wan’s trying to reach anakin? we see obi-wan briefly open up (ie. about satine!) and anakin quickly shuts it down, and when obi-wan leaves, we see the pain on both of their faces because this wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go.
but also, if we’re circling back to anakin and padmé’s relationship in this arc especially: the really, really painful lyrics about “this is the last time you tell me i’ve got it wrong” and “this is the last time i say it’s been you all along” and “this is the last time i let you in my door” and “this is the last time / i won’t hurt you anymore”...this arc truly explores just how deep the hurt can run when you have a secret relationship. how quickly love can blur into possession and jealousy and anger, and we see that in how anakin and padmé just...both crumble apart, especially in that one bit when padmé basically says she doesn’t want to see anakin for a little while. like. idk. it’s just sad, because this arc really showed just all the issues and problems within a relationship built on lies.
holy ground
oh god, what a fun song. but anyways, just to kick things off: “and darling, it was good / never looking down / and right there where we stood / was holy ground” speaks to a relationship that was good, even if it was wild and brief. which. disaster lineage.
the whole “i guess we fall apart in the usual way / and the story’s got dust on every page” and “i see your face in every crowd” vibe too—these idiots miss each other, and they probably see each other where they’re not supposed to. there was nothing unusual about their falling apart, of course, but something about this song compels me to think about how even in the grief and pain that ultimately drags ahsoka and obi-wan down especially, i think they still are fond of their happier memories with anakin.
also, “tonight i’m gonna dance for all we’ve been through” and “but i don’t wanna dance if i’m not dancing you” makes me a little sad because i think a lot about the fall of the empire and how the whole galaxy is out celebrating, but there’s a certain togruta woman who can’t completely celebrate because now she knows that. her whole family. really is gone.
sad beautiful tragic
this whole song is so tragic, but. anyways. more tragic disaster lineage vibes. the words “words, how little they mean / when you’re a little too late” makes me want to scream because i think a lot about how in rebels, ahsoka tells vader that she won’t leave him—not this time—and obi-wan crying that he loved anakin—the real tragedy here is that these were all words that anakin should have known deep down, but he didn’t, and they all felt late. their timing is terrible.
and “in dreams, i meet you in warm conversation” screams to me this one passage about how obi-wan dreams about anakin, although those dreams are anything but warm. but the idea of how obi-wan still dreams and how “time is taking its sweet time erasing you”—because in the kenobi novel especially, obi-wan explicitly struggles...a lot with anakin’s loss. he definitely gets...sad and tries to remember how the hell it all happened. he keeps pulling out anakin’s lightsaber and just. forcibly puts it away because he knows looking at it would cause just more grief and oh yikes.
the lucky one
ngl i forgot how fuckign good this song is,,,bro. anyways, i think this def. speaks to the og prequel trilogy trio especially, because i think they were all seriously going through with the whole...reputation thing. thinking mostly about how anakin, padmé, and obi-wan are all supposed to be these heroic / cool / beautiful figures who everyone’s supposed to look up to when in reality, they were all struggling with something. also lol the fact that obi-wan and anakin were both propped up as war propaganda figures in-universe because of palpacreep def. speaks to that whole “they’ll tell you now you’re the lucky one”.
and “they tell you that you’re lucky / but you’re so confused because you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used” and “you wonder if you’ll make it out alive” hurts the most, i think, just because how they apply to all those in prequel trilogy. anakin, obi-wan, and padmé—not to mention all the other jedi and the clones, oh god, the clones—were all fighting a war that ultimately didn’t matter, and they were all fighting a war that didn’t leave them as heroes. it just left them as pawns.
but i think if there’s any hope—any hope at all in this song, i think it’s in the last lyrics: “and they still tell the legend of how you disappeared / how you took the money and your dignity and got the hell out” reminds me the most of probably ahsoka and rex, or the people who survived the mess that was the clone wars. granted, rex didn’t exactly have the choice that ahsoka had, because she was the one who really made the big decision to look around herself and say “nope, i can’t be a part of this order”. she got the hell out.
everything has changed
hear me out, but i just think this makes for a cute anakin and ahsoka song, esp. their very cute beginnings. just like. as soon as they meet each other, both of them are ultimately changed. the fact that ahsoka has been noted to be the key to understanding who anakin is—the fact that it’s ahsoka’s relationship / interactions with anakin that ultimately makes him a better person because they’re siblings, your honor—yeah. very much the cute “all i know is we said hello”...the lyrics going on about “i just wanna know you better” and “your eyes look like coming home” makes me soft because. i think that while yes, they had their own rocky beginning, the difference between anakin and ahsoka’s relationship vs. anakin and obi-wan’s (rip i love anakin and obi-wan and i genuinely believe that obi-wan was the best teacher for anakin, and i think their bond is incredibly special, but.......boys please communicate better) is that i think anakin makes a really explicit effort to make sure ahsoka knows that like. he wants her around.
idk—i’m not saying obi-wan didn’t want anakin around! but i think one of the greatest tragedies of their relationship is that anakin always seemed to just. not click with obi-wan’s own demonstrations of love / i want you to be here messages. (the gambit duology goes a little more into this—only in those books, anakin and obi-wan actually talk a little about their feelings! which is nice!) but anyways, point being: anakin and ahsoka really looked at each other and were like “oh yeah. you’re my idiot now.” and i think that’s really cool of them.
starlight
oh god, this is kind of an anidala song but i also am tempted to say obitine song just because of that one line about “pretending to be a duchess and a prince” because,,,lol duchess geddit? and overall just think it’s really cute because. summer love!!!
but also, i do see this as an anidala song because “he was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me / don’t you dream impossible things?” because i see anakin as most certainly that dreamy-eyed boy who looks at padmé and is just. like that. (and we see a whole ton of that, esp. in aotc and how padmé initially is like “this is a terrible idea” and eventually winds up falling in love anyways, as one does.)
begin again
this song is odd because it doesn’t really give me overwhelming star wars feelings, but it does remind me a little bit of how ahsoka must have felt getting with the rebels crew. because i think ahsoka must have “watched it begin again” when she noted kanan and ezra’s interactions with each other, and i feel like when she’s with ezra, she sees a lot of the young padawan she used to be, and i think there must have been a point where she recognizes that “what’s past is past”. she’s watching everything begin again.
the moment i knew
this is another one of those songs that makes me sad about anidala because it seems like they’re always getting interrupted? the idea of being told that someone’s going to show but it might not happen because life (ie. war! there’s a war!),,,and still not being able to be really that sad about it in public makes me sad. just. i’m reminded of this one moment in tcw where anakin has to leave early because of something and just. the lyrics “what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show”—like, of course, we see anakin sneaking off, but i def. think in that one tcw episode, we get a glimpse of. how lonely life might be if you’re just. waiting for someone to come home, only to realize that they might not show.
come back...be here
ha....hahahahaa weirdly both anakin and ahsoka and obitine feelings? give me a second.
okay, so as for anakin and ahsoka first: “i can’t help but wish you took me with you” hits hard just because of the time anakin tells ahsoka that he knows what it feels like to want to leave the order. just. oh god.
and then there’s this bit of “this is when the feeling sinks in / i don’t wanna miss you like this” hits hard, esp. considering the whole utapau arc where anakin accidentally slips in ahsoka’s name. he misses her, and i don’t think he really wanted to show that—but it sinks in so hard and fast for him, and it hurts so much oh god
also, the “right when i was just about to fall”: i know that in this context, fall is supposed to mean falling in love, but. the fact that anakin is literally about to fall like,,,a few days after his reunion with ahsoka. i cry now!
as for obitine: ahahahaha. pain, esp. considering how they probably separated after their year on the run? thinking about how that goodbye must have been like—mostly thinking about how there’s so much history between the two. how strange it is that they “didn’t know each other at all”, and how they might have had “the feeling they could know so much without knowing anything at all”, and now i think about how both of them could have “stumbled through the long goodbye”. i think a lot about those years of separation and how satine confesses how she had been in love with obi-wan for a long time—and how that in itself...wondering how or when satine knew for certain that she had fallen in love with the young jedi who came to her aid. thinking about how her “falling in love in the cruelest way” is how that whole falling in love—and realizing just how in love she was—is so cruel, because like. you know. when you’ve been in love / are loving someone for like...ten years....that’s kinda intense ngl
girl at home
lol this song doesn’t really fit with anything star wars related because i don’t think anyone in tcw would actually cheat on their loved ones? still 100000/10 a bop of a song though, and i still think it’s one of swift’s more mature songs, 10000/10 recommend.
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wielderofmysteries · 4 years
Text
Jace Beleren, Masculinity, and the Trans Experience
(This post is a Twitter thread I wrote in response to a Goblin Lore podcast episode called “Jace Beleren and Toxic Masculinity”.)
I feel I have a unique perspective on this topic as a trans man. Trans man Jace isn't my headcanon, but it's an interpretation I love. He's my favorite character of all time, and as a trans man, I feel like reading Jace's flaws as toxic masculinity isn't quite right.
There are several "pillars" of toxic masculinity that Jace doesn't have. He doesn't have the self-destructive emotional repression, worship of sex and violence, or desire to subjugate women and his peers that men who experience toxic masculinity have.
Even BEFORE Ixalan, Jace was an example of many positive masculine traits. He was curious and emotionally open. He wrongly believed he could make decisions for others, but he cared for people, wanted to protect them, and couldn't sit idly by when he knew people were in danger.
In Agents of Artifice, he financially provided for Kallist and Liliana, and in Magic Story invited the Gatewatch to live in his home. Jace wanted to heal Garruk, tried to stop his rampage and had a Hedron implanted in Garruk's shoulder to relieve the effects of the curse.
"I don't want to hurt you, Garruk."
"Lucky for me, I don't feel the same way."
"Garruk, this is not a fair fight. You've suffered enough. Please. Come with me."
[...]
Jace stood in thought. Garruk held him by the throat, could end his life in an eye blink, had already proven he was immune to Jace's illusions. Garruk laughed again. If Garruk was open to having friends, then Jace might have been a good one.
"You win," said Jace. "We will leave you alone. I will not seek you out. But please, if you change your mind, come find us on Ravnica. Something is still not right here. We can help you."
In "Revelation at the Eye" Jace tells Ugin that Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved, and that it didn't matter if killing the Eldrazi has consequences, there are real people on Zendikar fighting for their lives and he needs to help them.
"Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved," said Jace. "It's a place. It's somebody's home. And those people are out there, right now, fighting for their world and wondering if anybody's going to help them kill what's killing them."
He showed scenes of suffering, then—of families mourning the lost, of landscapes ravaged by Ulamog, of even the skies and seas teeming with the Eldrazi menace.
Ugin cocked his head. The hedron architecture of the chamber seemed to melt and flow, became a pattern of tessellating dragons mocking him from the walls.
"So certain," said Ugin, "and so young."
Ral Zarek tried to kill Jace and ruined his relationship with his close friend Emmara, but in "Project Lightning Bug", Jace forgives him. Jace is honest about his feelings with Ral even after Ral was openly rude to him.
"I don't remember home," Beleren said quietly, unbidden.
"What?"
"You talked about growing up in Ravnica. A lot of my memories from my childhood are gone. Chopped up in my head into a few impressions. Most of what I remember begins here, on Ravnica. I'll never have roots here the way you do, and I admit I'm off to other planes a lot. But I think of myself as Ravnican to the core, too."
In Kaladesh block he wanted Chandra to be able to confide in him, and didn't want to stay home when he heard she could be in trouble. He used his mind magic to help Nissa sleep when she had a sensory overload in the busy city.
Nissa looked up. Jace and Gideon were exchanging a look. Both glanced at her.
They stood as one.
Jace turned toward the coat room. "I'll head to Kaladesh. It should be easy for me to—"
Lavinia appeared in his path, one hand resting on the pommel her sword. "Again?" she said, in a weary, disappointed tone.
He frowned up at her. "You can't expect me to sit here and do paperwork!"
Across the streets, beyond the barricades, the Consulate's panharmonicons are still blaring "The Gremlin's Wedding March" at us on infinite repeat at double speed. They left them on all night, and after the moon set Nissa started crying, hands clamped over her ears.
[...]
Jace sat down with her. They talked a minute and his eyes flashed. She curled up in a big potted plant and didn't wake up until the sun fell on her.
But what does being a man mean to Jace Beleren? Well, take a look at his feelings towards Gideon. Jace saw Gideon as the male ideal. I think Jace admires (and is envious of) the way Gideon is a representation of positive masculinity.
Eyes widened, jaws set. They understood their task, he was certain of that. But were they actually prepared to perform it?
What would Gideon say?
Jace smiled. Of course.
"For Zendikar," he said, raising one fist in the air. It felt thin to him, lacking Gideon's armored fist, his baritone war cry, his iron conviction.
None of that mattered. The soldiers shouted as one voice, holding their weapons aloft.
"For Zendikar!"
Gideon is not violent or hypersexual. He's kind, not afraid to ask for help, a defender rather than an aggressor. The pillars of toxic masculinity are absent in both Jace and Gideon. So why does Gideon's mere presence make Jace insecure? I think that insecurity is dysphoria.
I'm only 5 feet tall. People treat me like a kid, think I need help, and certainly don't see me as a man because I'm very small. It feels bad knowing my looks don't inspire others or make them feel safe like big tall guys can.
Gideon is super tall, muscular, conventionally attractive. He's charismatic and a natural leader. Gideon's like a human lighthouse. Jace is average height, out-of-shape, often pale and sickly, and his telepathy makes people automatically distrust him.
It's easy to see why people follow Gideon's lead so easily rather than Jace's. As a trans man, I personally related to Jace's insecurity. He feels inadequate compared to Gideon.
"I'd rather stand," said Gideon.
Jace stood up. It was an error. He still had to crane his neck to look Gideon in the eye, and now the size difference between them was glaringly obvious. He hated feeling small. Hated it.
Jace wanting to lead the Gatewatch didn't come from a desire to dominate others and be an ~alpha male~, but from a desire for people to believe in him. What Jace really wants is to prove to himself and others that he's competent and that he can be trusted.
This vision appeared whenever the man was struggling at a task.
[...]
"Listen, you aren't really suited to this task. Let me handle it." The vision's voice was gruff but friendly.
It came off as condescending.
The man was annoyed.
"I can do it myself."
The hallucination sighed. "You and I both know you're not suited to this. Let me handle it, you go philosophize on the other end of the beach."
"I said I can do it myself." The man let his irritation reach his voice.
"No, you can't. I call the shots and execute, you stand to the side. That's how this works."
The man responded by throwing his hook at the hallucination. It went straight through the figure's eye and landed behind him on the sand.
The time he spends with Vraska is so good for him! I loved that [the podcasts hosts] talked about how he was finally happy to follow someone else's lead! He didn't need to be a leader, he needed someone to trust him. She respected and loved him and thought he was incredible for who he is.
Vraska looked him in the eye. "You're incredible. You know that, right?"
Jace returned her smile and felt his cheeks warming. "I do my best."
"Well, your best is incredible," Vraska said, turning toward the central tower and approaching a large gate on what appeared to be its back side.
Liliana never told Jace he was incredible.
Liliana would have scoffed. She would have made a dismissive joke, rolled her eyes, and called him a show-off. She would not bother to talk to him for days. She would consume the body of a demon with a crocodile's jaws and laugh over the sound of its flesh tearing off. She would do all sorts of things, but she would never call him incredible.
It was important for Jace to get that validation. Now he's not insecure about his appearance. It's not that he finally developed into someone who was caring. He was caring all along, but he was held back by insecurity about how others perceive him. He learned to love himself.
Despite all his good qualities and deeds he still felt insecure because it wasn't easy to visually see him as a "strong man". I think it's important to acknowledge positive masculinity even when the man in question isn't attractive or charismatic, and even if he makes mistakes.
As a trans person, Jace's experience reminded me of the struggle to "pass". It's frightening how easily insecurity can turn into toxic masculinity when you feel different from "real men". If you don't look the part, some people will just never acknowledge you.
Next to 'perfect' guys like Gideon, it's easy to see our own perceived weaknesses and shortcomings. Easy to feel resentment for it. But from this struggle comes the strive to be better men, to be confident in ourselves, and comfortable in our bodies.
There's SO much I wanted to talk about, like how Jace's trauma shaped his need for control, how the IRL gamer guys he was created to represent actually hate him, how he's a male victim of abuse by a female partner, etc but this thread is already terribly long.
TLDR; I think toxic masculinity as a reading of Jace is missing some perspective. The trans perspective. Not all insecurity men experience is toxic masculinity. Sorry I totally should have waited until part 2 was out, but I couldn't stop thinking about that episode.
There's a lack of trans men's voices in... basically everything, and this is something I think we should definitely be included in. I'm so grateful for the Vorthos community opening these kinds of discussions. Super excited for part 2 of the podcast!
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1990jeevas · 3 years
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Wanna infodunp bout sumthin? Plz do (respind whenever you wanna dont even worrg bout time here)
this has been sitting in my ask box for like a week now and im so sorry about that but also the last time i posted an info dump (which, for me, means bitching my ever loving heart out about the subject, because i genuinely find it incredibly difficult to speak fondly of things i enjoy without just going "yeah i think its neat!" essentially and then forgetting all the reasons why i like it) somebody came into my replies to break the dni i made in that post, invalidate my trauma and then say i was gaslighting them for stating my own opinion so um. yeah ive been a bit hesitant to say the least, considering hot takes are basically how i show my love for things :)
but, i have now decided to just post my least inflammatory take on one of my hyperfixations in response to this and then just. leave bc i dont wanna get into drama over my dumb little opinions again.
anyways, quick dni: dont even fucking touch this post if you're going to be aggressive with me, you don't use tone tags when making corrections or criticisms or you wanna just trash my opinion. ultimately people can do whatever they want, im just expressing my own annoyances as someone who has been in the IT fandom for awhile and has some complaints as a result (as im sure most other fans do lol)
moving on...rant time:
stan uris and richie tozier are canonically best friends in IT and the erasure of their friendship in favor of appealing to reddie fans is fucking gross and weird, especially bc stan is then chalked up to just some mean jewish kid who likes birds and is annoyed by richie 25/8 instead of having an actual fucking personality in every reddie fic just bc fans want so badly to make reddie best friends to lovers and its just?? yall can make reddie best friends to lovers WITHOUT erasing stan's canonical personality. yall can make them best friends to lovers while still acknowledging that stan and richie are canonically best friends and that stan canonically was an incredibly important person to richie.
this also goes for bill and eddie btw!! its just significantly worse with stan which reads Very Wrong when you take into consideration that fic writers always write bill denbrough as a sweet little white boy who everyone's at least a little bit in love with but then write stan as this rude jewish boy who's always mean and critical of richie for just being himself (and a lot of those "annoying" traits i see people make stan give richie shit about are adhd traits, which also rubs me wrong?? like why are so many NT fic writers so comfortable with calling my ND traits annoying) which isnt even canon?? like. canonically they poke fun at each other, they call each other names and say stupid shit but not to the extent of actually hurting each other because they are best friends and they know each other to the point where they know what boundaries the other has, they arent just making passive aggressive comments at the other and then going "it's a joke bro!" when/if the other gets upset.
also?? the trend of making "fix it" fics for IT chapter 2 where eddie is revived/doesn't die but stan does and is then only brought up in passing? not fucking cute. dont call it a "fix it fic" if the only "fix it" is you reviving a character for your fucking ship, especially when the other dead character is the BEST FRIEND of 1/2 of the ship? like. what. do yall just think richie getting married would somehow fix the fact that he lost the person that he was closest to? because, news flash, the person he was closest to was not eddie. they were very close friends, richie fucking loved the dude /p and /r, but stan was canonically his best friend and was canonically the person richie was closest to like?? what is not clicking omgggg
stanley uris is an incredibly fucking important character in IT and he is especially fucking important to richie goddamn tozier. you dont just get to ignore richie's best friend and write him into this mean jewish man box because his actual personality doesnt serve your ship like for the love of fucking god stan does not need to be there to create angst for your fics, he doesnt need to be there to make your hurt/comfort piece where you make stan borderline abelist just so richie can run and cry into eddie's scrawny little arms like im begging you to just write something where the hurt/comfort doesnt come from stan being a douchebag because canonically he was not one. he was a good fucking friend, he fucking loved richie and they got each others weird asses like nobody else did.
like. idk. ultimately yall can do what you want with ur fics i guess but also it's just fucking weird if you ask me?? and maybe that's just because im a dumbass richie kinnie who absolutely adores stan, but as somebody who loves reddie and reads reddie fics regularly, it is so goddamn annoying to only see my other favorite character written in to be mean, create angst or just be fucking dead time and time again when eddie is revived and then not even written accurately half the time bc he's not a fucking fragile dude who needs help all the time either, he's a shouty little cunt who know's he can be fucking dangerous if he wants to be and he doesn't hesitate to dish out some nasty ass comments if given the chance. just please for the love of god stop writing these characters ooc its killing me fr-
(btw i know most of this shit is just done by accident and its mostly done by movie stans who havent read the book, it's just still annoying to me, ya know? and this whole post is /nm, i just talk like this bc it's what comes naturally to me!! this is how i complain about literally everything, regardless of how big the issue is so dont take this too seriously pls)
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lavenderdaisyhoney · 3 years
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Pairing: y/n x any male character
Warnings: mentions of cheating, angst, heart break, break up.
A/N: K I’m sorry for this but I? I’m not sure what to do with it so I’ll post as is now and debate afterwards.
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“Y/N, I love you!” He screams while blocking your only exit out of the apartment.
What a joke. “Where is this love you keep talking about? I don’t see it. I can’t feel it. I can’t remember it. You’re always saying you love me but what does that even mean?”
“Y/N I-.” You stop him right there.
“No. Don’t. You don’t love me. You know how I know? You don’t hurt the people you love. No matter what.”
“One more chance. Please Y/N.” He pleads.
“No. I’m not going to wait here and continue to be hurt by you. I deserve better.” You know you’ve made your case when his shoulders droop and he moves out of the way.
“I’ve lost you, haven't I?” He whispers just as you’re about to step into the hallway.
“You lost me the minute you slept with somebody else.”
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creampuffqueen · 3 years
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I just want everyone to be aware: if you've joked about southerners deserving this weather and/or made fun of them for not knowing how to deal with cold, I hate you. You personally.
If I have to see another goddamn post making fun of southerners or insinuating that this was deserved, I'm going to fly off the handle.
Everyone claims to be tolerant and care about people until they can make fun of people from the south. The south. With it's majority nonwhite population.
We did not ask for this. We did not deserve this. This isn't "punishment". It's a tragedy. It's a tragedy that so many people are suffering, and so many people will die. So many people have died, and yet y'all have the audacity to say we deserved it?
The south isn't made for the cold. Our homes are built to release heat, keep us cool during our 100 degree summers. Our winters are mild. For god's sake, I was in shorts and a t-shirt on Christmas day. We don't own snow shovels, we don't have tire chains, we don't have the stuff for cold because we don't need it.
Making fun of the south for lack of cold tolerance is for people complaining that 50 degrees is freezing. Not for when 1.2 million people are without power and water, and people are actually freezing to death.
My family is lucky. We've got power, we've still got water in half of the house. We're warm and safe. But my siblings have lost power and are coming home, our friends have been staying with us for two days now, and my grandmother's house just flooded from a bursting frozen pipe. My cousins are staying in sleeping bags in front of their fireplace. My other grandmother, who is at-risk for covid, is having to stay in a hotel after her house lost power. Every single person in the state knows somebody who is holed up in their house, trying to stay warm.
To the northerners who have shared tips, advice, encouragement, etc: Thank you
To everyone else who is making fun of the actual death going on: please learn some basic fucking empathy.
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