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missmentelle · 3 years

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Would you say it's the same thing for ADHD? I was diagnosed as having 'traits of adhd' a few years back and always assumed it was more a reflection of the fact that i was diagnosed by a med student not being supervised who made some significant errors in the way she tested me as well as omitting what I thought were some significant observations from her writeup, but I've been wondering lately whether I am actually ADHD or not

It’s the same for all disorders - if a diagnosing professional wrote down on a psychology report that you have “traits of” a mental disorder, it means that they felt you did not meet the criteria for a full diagnosis at that time, most likely for one of five reasons:

You didn’t have enough symptoms to meet the minimum required for the diagnosis, or you were missing a key symptom that is required to make that diagnosis.

Your symptoms are not severe enough to warrant a diagnosis; they do not cause significant disruption or impairment in your daily life.

Your symptoms only occur in one specific context (eg. you have symptoms at school, but not at home, work or with friends), or your symptoms are a side effect of medication or intoxication.

Your symptoms have not been going on long enough to meet the criteria for the diagnosis, they don’t occur frequently enough to make the diagnosis, you have long symptom-free periods that negate the diagnosis, or your symptoms did not appear at an age consistent with the onset of that diagnosis.

You sort of meet the criteria for the diagnosis, but there is a different diagnosis that does a much better job of explaining your symptoms (this is sometimes listed as a “differential diagnosis”, rather than “traits of X”).

A report stating that a person has “traits of” a certain disorder or “features of” a disorder is actually extremely common. I’ve probably read more than thousand psych reports at this point in my career, and it’s quite normal for phrasing like that to appear on them. Usually, this is actually a sign that the person is being rather thorough - they are noting that they considered ADHD as a possible diagnosis but ultimately could not make the diagnosis for some reason or other. As I said, other reports may format this differently, and include a list of “differential diagnoses” in the conclusion - this is a list of diagnoses that they considered but ultimately ruled out for one reason or another.

Unfortunately, learning that you have “traits” of a disorder doesn’t really tell us much, especially without seeing the full psych report. Maybe you didn’t have ADHD then, but you have since developed it. Maybe you don’t have it and never did. Maybe you have some other sort of executive dysfunction or disorder that explains your symptoms, but it was missed the last time around. Maybe a diagnosis of ADHD was warranted back then, and still is. Maybe you only have ADHD symptoms in a specific context, which would make you ineligible for diagnosis but suggests there is something going on that needs to be addressed. I don’t know enough about your case to know for sure. All that I know is that the only way to be sure if you have ADHD - or any other mental disorder that you may be concerned about - is to seek a second opinion and get another assessment done.

(I’m going to give some clarification about what having “traits of” a disorder means for other readers who may have similar questions. You should know, though, that ADHD is actually slightly different than other disorders like BPD that you may have “traits of” - ADHD is a neurological condition that responds to medication, and if you are given ADHD medication when you don’t actually have ADHD, you are going to notice pretty quickly that you’ve been misdiagnosed. If you calm down and get more sleep while taking what is effectively speed, you can be pretty sure that ADHD is the correct diagnosis for you. People with other disorders like depression, agoraphobia, PTSD and BPD don’t have the same kind of litmus test available for their diagnosis.)

It’s important to remember that everyone has traits of at least one diagnosable disorder - most people will have traits of several. Some people are more easily distractible than others, some people have more trouble sleeping, some people are naturally low-energy or feel more intense emotions. If you browse through a copy of the DSM-V, you are going to find some stuff in there that sounds like it applies to you. Nobody has perfect mental health, especially in their teens and early 20s. But most people do not meet the criteria for the diagnosis of a mental disorder.

This is where we have to think critically about what a diagnosis actually is, why we do it, and what it actually means. Diagnosing a psychological disorder is not like diagnosing a medical disorder, where we can do some blood tests and scans and know exactly what a person has. Psychological diagnoses are always subjective, to some extent - we made categories to describe common clusters of behaviours and symptoms, and we decided where to draw the line between “someone who is just quirky” and “someone who needs formal psychological treatment”. Where exactly we draw that line has always been the subject of debate.

We could make it so that everyone who has any sort of mental health flaw at all gets diagnosed with a disorder, but that sort of defeats the point of diagnosis - if almost everyone on earth has a diagnosis, then a diagnosis effectively becomes meaningless. There’s no longer meaningful distinction between “someone with an overactive imagination” and “someone with treatment-resistant psychosis” - it all just gets slapped with the same diagnosis. It can also lead us to “medicalize” behaviours that might not need to be “medicalized”. After all, if we diagnose someone, we need to do something about that diagnosis. Diagnosing them means we’ve identified that they need some sort of treatment or intervention. But do all quirks in human behavior really need to be ironed out with treatment? Do we really want to build a world where everyone who falls outside a very rigid definition of mental health gets told that they have something wrong with them? Likewise, if we make diagnosis too restrictive, that’s not good either. Now we have the opposite problem - if we make the criteria for a diagnosis too strict and too narrow, we miss people who might seriously benefit from having treatment. If we say “you need to be severely suicidal before we can diagnose you with depression”, we’re going to overlook a lot of non-suicidal people whose depressive symptoms are ruining their lives, and who could be treated if we just recognized them as depressed. If we are only diagnosing and helping the most severe of the severe cases, we aren’t really making good use of the tools available to us and diagnosis once again becomes basically meaningless, because not having one is no longer a good indicator of whether or not you need help.

Diagnosis is a balancing act, and there are a lot of people who fall in kind of a grey area where it’s not totally clear if we should be diagnosing them or not. People are complicated, and they rarely fit neatly into categories. If we have a twenty-year-old girl who experiments with drugs, has a lot of short-term and casual dating relationships that end poorly, struggles to make and keep friends, and doesn’t really have a stable sense of who she is and what she wants, does she have BPD? Or is she just a normal 20-year-old? How would we decide? If we diagnose her, we might be pathologizing behaviour that isn’t really all that unusual for her age group, and making her feel like she’s defective for struggling with things that are pretty normal for someone her age to be struggling with; diagnosing her could make her believe that she’s incapable of healthy relationships, which could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand, if we don’t diagnose her, we could be missing the fact that she does actually have a fairly serious disorder, and depriving her of the chance to get life-changing treatment that might help her develop the healthier, more fulfilling relationships that she has been missing out on. We could be leaving her to deal with her destructive behaviours on her own, without having any of the language or tools she needs to disrupt those patterns.

If you’ve been assessed by a mental health professional and you have questions about how they reached the conclusions they did, I encourage you to ask questions and have an open conversation about your symptoms, possible treatments and needs. If you don’t feel that they have a good understanding of your case, I highly encourage you to get a second opinion on your diagnosis from another professional. Whenever possible, seek a diagnosis from someone who specializes in mental health - this should be a psychologist or psychiatrist (or in some cases, a neurologist), and not a general practitioner or family doctor (some family doctors can diagnose and treat basic depression, but even then, you should seek a referral to a specialist for further treatment and assessment). Also remember that diagnosis does not have to be a barrier to seeking therapy - anyone can get therapy, even if they do not meet the criteria for a psychological diagnosis, and everyone can benefit from seeking out a therapist to improve their coping skills, social skills, and general mental health. Hope this answers your question! MM

#Anonymous #AnsweredByMM

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justreadingfics · 5 years

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Looking For a Heartbeat (9/?)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Series Summary: You and Bucky used to be in a relationship. Feelings were hurt, you left. It’s been two years and you’re back. You both will handle the reunion well, won’t you?

Chapter Summary: You find some help.

Word Count: ~2.8K

Warnings for this chapter: mild angst, mention to mental health issues, poorly written therapy sessions.

A/N: @nedthegay was the beta again and helped so much! Thanks babe! Please, let me know what you all think. Links are ruining posts, so you can find the the masterlist link on my description.

Bucky takes a good look around his bedroom. This place brings back so many memories for him, most of them good if he’s going to be honest with himself. He has to give Steve that, joining the Avengers and coming to live in the Tower was the best decision he has ever made. Here he found a purpose in life, a way to somehow redeem himself by trying and doing some good. He found friends, set his relationship with Stark onto a better path, the same with Nat…

He met you.

And he also met Anna.

Not willing to give the doubts threatening to bubble in his head a moment's thought, he resumes packing up his bag. He has to do it. It’s the right decision. For all of you. Nothing else matters, not even the tug in his heart whenever he thinks of the look on your face when he told you he didn’t want to love you anymore…

A soft knock on the front door catches his attention, “Come in.” he says, grabbing a handful of socks from the drawer.

“Hey, there.”

“Hi,” Bucky smiles back at Anna when she walks into the room sporting a wide grin on her face. He loves seeing her that happy.

“Wanted to see if you needed any help?” Anna places her hand on the small of his back, “Is that all?” She asks, surprised, looking at the opened bag slouched on his bed.

“Pretty much.” He drops the socks inside the piece of luggage, before zipping it up, “I have everything else in the new place.” He sits on the end of the bed.

Anna follows him shortly, positioning herself by his side. She takes his hand into hers and enlaces their fingers together, “Good. I can’t wait to finally see your new apartment.”

He smiles tightly at her before adding, “Oh,I’ve talked to Steve already, he agreed on the time off.”

She chuckles and bumps her shoulder into his, “I have yet to see Steve denying you anything.”

He laughs quietly and gives her a wink.

“How did it go?” She asks in a more serious tone.

Bucky sighs, looking down at their joined hands. She doesn’t need to specify what she is asking about.

“Mostly well, I guess.” He shrugs, “There was a lot of honesty from both ends, at least.”

“I’m glad.” She uses her fingers to tilt his chin up and turn his face to hers again. A line forms between her eyebrows when their eyes meet, “Are you ok?”

“We kissed.” Bucky ignores her question in favor to let the information out of his chest.

“Oh…” Her smiles drops and she lets her hand fall on her lap.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, hating the momentary flicker of sadness in her expression.

“No,” Anna shakes her head, “It’s ok. It’s not like I wasn’t expecting it to happen.” Her lips press together, “I’m glad you told me, though.” She squeezes his hand.

“She said something that stuck in my head.”

“And what was that?”

“She said I will break your heart.” His voice comes out strained as he gives her a pleading look, “Will I, Anna? Will I break your heart?”

Bucky watches as she gets up and moves to sit on his lap, letting her legs fall to the side. He sure hopes he’s been able to conceal how his muscles went abruptly rigid. This kind of affection still seems odd coming from Anna. Or from any other woman who isn’t you, he suspects. But he knows time would change his feelings. It has to.

If she notices anything, she doesn’t let it show.

“We talked about this last night. I’m getting into this knowing exactly how you feel.” She wraps an arm around his neck, “You’re not making a fool of me, Buck. All I know is I love you so much and for so long…” She gently caresses his cheek, “I’m willing to try. There’s no deal breaker for me when it comes to you, remember that. Besides, I know you so well… You would never purposely hurt me.”

“Never…” He promptly answers, holding her waist in a tight grasp.

It doesn’t feel so odd anymore when she smiles and leans in, placing her lips on his.

~~~

The first 36 hours after your last talk with Bucky were spent inside your room, behind a locked door. While you stared at the diamond he had left with you, every single word that had been said replaying in your mind.

When you came back, you understood you wanted nothing else but to love him, to give yourself wholly to him, you also knew, no matter how heartbreaking it would be, the chances of him not wanting you back were high. That Bucky might’ve moved on from you in the two years you spent apart.

But nothing had prepared you for hearing his confession of love then hearing him say he didn’t want it anymore, that he didn’t want to love you because your love was a bad thing. But of course it made sense. You’re the one who turned that love into a bad thing. This was all on you.

From inside the fort of blankets on your bed, you heard the callings, the pleas for you to come out alternating from Steve, Nat, Wanda…

It turns out that recognizing you need help is easier than actually going to find it.

You expected Steve or Nat, but to your surprise it was Wanda who knocked the door down. She dragged you into the shower, combed your hair, filled your stomach up with some soup…. You could see a lot of Clint into her behavior and it inspired a glimpse of warmth in your damaged heart. She was the one who found the list of therapists inside the pocket of your jeans and scheduled the first appointment.

It wasn’t easy to get to where you stand now: sticking to one psychiatrist, attending sessions regularly, talking about stuff you didn’t talk about with anyone else, taking the meds… You went through three or four professionals in a period of less than two weeks and some yelling from your friends before you stuck to Heloise Baker.

She’s the psychiatrist you’ve been seeing for the past two months, since the last time you saw Bucky. A middle aged woman, something around 5’2, with long hair that she always keeps styled in a tight bun, whose solemnity contrasts her blue highlights and loose fitted t-shirts, jeans, colored crocs and the mouth full of sass she sports on a daily basis.

You suspect that what made her different is the fact that she never puts up with your shit. While the first few therapists tried to sugar coat your flaws and tell you sweet words of encouragement, Heloise always said something that helped you understand what could be behind the facts, the actions, the words, what you had the power to change and what you couldn’t, helping you find a way to learn to live with the things you absolutely had no power over. In short, she was incredibly blunt.

“So, tell me what’s new,” she asks from the chair in front of you, adjusting her bifocals around her nose.

“You’re aware our last session was three days ago, right? What could possibly be new?” You snap, surprising even yourself by the raspy tone.

“Ooo, alright, cranky pants.” Her eyes round as she releases an exaggerated puff and writes something on her little notebook, “The bad mood is still a thing, noted. Ok, tell me about the meds. You’ve been taking them for… let me check…” The flipping sound fills the room as she turns the pages in a swift pace, “…a month now, how are they making you feel? Any headaches, sleepiness, dizziness?” She tilts her head to the side, looking back at you.

“Ahm, all of that, actually. But they’re helping with the anxiety,” you answer, matter-of-factly.

“Let’s give it another week then, if the symptoms continue, we’ll talk about trying another prescription. But I think it’s important you stick with them, at least for now. How are you feeling today? And if you say just ‘fine.’ I will kick your ass out of my office.”

You lift an eyebrow at her, which she mimics, challenging you, “I don’t know. Bored?” You shrug exasperatedly, “There’s not much to do around here when you’re not working.”

“Oh, really? There’s not much to do in the most entertaining Tower of the World? Have you met Tony Stark, dear?”

You roll your eyes and let out a snort, crossing your arms in front of you. A few moments of silence goes by before you speak again, “It’s just… I miss him,” You sigh, lifting your eyes from your lap to see Heloise’s full attention on you, “There’s not a moment I’m not thinking about him. It’s funny.” A breathy laugh slips through your nose as you shake your head, “I’ve spent two years away from him, and now two months without seeing, hearing from him seems like it’s … I mean��too much.”

Heloise makes a humming sound before speaking, “When you left, it was your choice. Good or bad, it was your choice. You wanted to run away from him. You came back hoping for the exact opposite. You wanted to be with him and couldn’t. Maybe that is the reason why it’s harder this time.”

You unfold your arms and pick at your nails over your lap, keeping your eyes low, “Yes, it was my choice. Everything else is just consequences of the choices I made. The fact I keep picturing him with another woman, holding her, kissing her, making lov-” you trail off, biting your cheek, “is nothing but my choice…” you add with a whisper and look up at her.

“I remember something you told me you said to him the last time you two talked.” Heloise squints her eyes and places her pen on her lips, as she’s going through her memory to find the words, “You said something like your grandfather had done the best he could with what he had to raise you. Can’t you see the similarity here?” She points her pen at you, “What you did two years ago was the best you could with the resources you had. Was it shitty? Yes, it was. Did it make you suffer more? Yes, it did. But it was the best you could do and there’s nothing you can do now to change it, besides learning from it.”

You let the words sink in. Although they don’t do much to ease down the guilt inside you, they make a bit of sense. You did what you understood it was more appropriated at the time. Just like Bucky is doing now…

“How long has it been since you went out with your friends?” Heloise asks, taking you out from your thoughts.

“Ahm,” you bite on your lip, thinking, “I went out for an ice cream with Sam, like, two weeks ago?”

“Ice cream?” She grimaces, “You have an assignment, I want you out with a couple of friends tonight.” She shushes you when you open your mouth to say something back, “Have a drink or two. Real drinks, not some frozen bullshit. Even if it’s for 15 minutes, just do it. For now it’s only an annoying assignment, soon it won’t feel like it anymore and then, when you least expect, you’ll realize life goes on. Loving him still or not, you’ll keep living.”

You take in a deep sigh, not sure if the fact that you’ll keep living is good news at this point or not. But you’re in therapy after all, trying to get better. You should follow your therapist’s orders.

“Alright, deal.” You tap your hands on your thighs and get up. Another best thing about Heloise’s method is that she lets you on charge of when to finish the session. At least for now, “How much are you getting paid for this shit?” You narrow your eyes at her, with your hand on the doorknob, ready to leave.

“Probably a lot less than I deserve.” She mumbles under her breath, focusing on what she’s writing in her annoying little notebook.

You let out a chuckle before leaving the office.

~~~

A movie night at the Tower’s private cinema room. That’s the best you manage for Heloise’s assignment. She would kick your ass in your next session, but dressing up to go out is still unthinkable to you. She said it herself, it’s the most entertaining place in the world, so why go out?

At least there’ll be Wanda’s buttery popcorn and the ridiculously expensive bottles of sparkling wine Tony is adamant to have up for grabs. Your favorite combo for movies. You feel a tiny curl lifting your lips up at the delicious thought of the treat as you walk into the kitchen, where you see Wanda and Nat. The two avengers you managed to gather for the little rendezvous.

“Hey, everything set?” You ask, leaning your elbows on the balcony as you see Wanda busy with the popcorn making and Nat gathering bottles and glasses, the delicious smell of movies filling up your nostrils. .

“Almost,” Wanda answers with her back to you. Concentrated on the kernels popping on the stovetop.

“Have you decided a movie, yet?” Nat asks, separating three glasses and placing a bottle over the balcony.

“Ahm, no, we can decide it together there,” You smile before you frown, “Where’s everybody, by the way?”

“Vision is on a mission,” Wanda speaks, tilting her head back to look at you, “Tony is locked up somewhere in his penthouse with Pepper. Steve and Sam went out with Bucky and An-”She trails off.

The information hits your chest and there’s an awkward silence among you three, before Wanda speaks again.

“I’m sorry,” Her face scrunches up apologetically.

You don’t know what’s worse. The hurtful sting in your heart, or the pity written all over your friends faces.

After you shake your head and hand dismissively, you clear your throat, grabbing the bottle Nat has placed on the balcony, opening it swiftly. “So, they’re Bucky and Anna, now?” You speak more to yourself than to the girls, not looking directly at them, “Are they… a-are they living together?” you stammer while you pour some of the wine into the three glasses.

“Not that we’re aware of…” Nat shrugs and tightens her lips.

“Ok,” Wanda says a little too excitedly and turns around holding a huge bowl with popcorn, “Now, the final touch, Y/N’s absolute favorite: the butter!” After she places the deliciously smelling popcorn in front of you, she grabs the smaller bowl with melted butter and start pouring it down to blend it in.

“Oh, my God.” You shriek as your hand flies to cover your mouth, helping you hold back the rush of sickness threatening to run up your throat at the sight of the greasy yellow liquid.

You hate the frustration and confusion etching on Wanda’s face as she hurriedly backs away holding both bowls in her hands.

“Are you ok?” Nat narrows her eyes at you.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m so sorry Wands.” You remove your hand from your mouth to speak in a soft tone with Wanda, hating that you might’ve somehow offended her, “It’s just these fucking meds I’ve been taking… They help but they’re also a huge pain in my ass, I’ve been having constant nausea, sometimes I could sleep the whole day, my appetite is a mess… And today I realized they’re messing up with my menstrual cycle, as well.” You huff, missing the way Nat and Wanda exchanged widened eyes looks.

Feeling a little hush of nausea coming through again, you grimace and place a hand on your throat before you glance at the sparkles from the wine. Hoping them would help with your unsettled stomach you grab a glass and turn it down the liquid into your mouth.

“Spit it out!” Wanda and Nat shout, in unison.

As a good agent and avenger, it’s instinctive to immediately obey when someone tells you to not drink something, and you do what your friends say before asking, making a mess on the balcony “What? Why?” You use the back of your hand to clean the corner of your mouth.

The answer that comes next, once again in unison, makes it impossible for you to keep holding back the puke inside you.

“Because you’re pregnant.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes series #bucky fanfiction #bucky barnes angst #bucky angst #looking for a heartbeat

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eddisgon-blog · 5 years

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BERK ATAN? No, that’s actually EDGAR BONES from the MARAUDERS ERA. You know, the child of ENDER BONES and IRMAK BONES (NÉE KUNDAKÇI)? Only 29 years old, this GRYFFINDOR alumni works as an UNSPEAKABLE and is sided with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. HE identifies as CIS-MAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be RECKLESS, BELLIGERENT, and INTRANSIGENT but also TENACIOUS, JUST, and ASTUTE. — &&. ( CAMI, GMT, SHE/HER, 19. )

TW: death, child death, blood, alcoholism (vaguely)

yoho guess what, edgar is a reckless idiot who somehow has gotten even more reckless and yall are gonna have to put up with it! he’s also just as likely as harry to name his next kid albus so there’s that tidbit of info. his favourite colour is lilac. now here’s some worse info:

the child of relevant members of wizarding community AND purebloods, things could have gone much differently for edgar, but that’s a fact he’s taken long to comprehend. the role his loving family, that believed in him every step of the way, played is one of love for edgar, but not something he’d, until rather recently, attribute to the way his story goes - not the way his story ends. their values, their love, their care, his siblings; they were truly so important in the makings of him.

irmak and ender were a strong tree, with branches all around him for protection, softening every blow and fall. their safety and encouragement nurtured a deep desire within him to do whatever he set his mind to, regardless of the consequences. after all, if he tried hard enough, he’d get all of his wishes. as a child, edgar wasn’t learning how to fly a broomstick as fast as his friends and siblings, and he didn’t have any particular wish to take the heights, but his assumed failure only propelled him to try harder. for hours upon hours, he’d lose balance, fall to the ground and then get back up, knees dripping blood. his father found him at dinnertime, taking rounds around the house, conquering for the sake of conquering alone.

that tenacity never left the boy, determining his future within the gryffindor bravado, his push for better grades, his detentions and self-made heartbreaks, all because the riot in him would not let him stand still. hexes and kicks, edgar quickly became known as one not to anger, a likely future brutal auror, given his yearning for justice even after the smallest of infractions, like a group calling a muggleborn slurs after potions class - because the world was his to conquer, should he chose to, and he had nothing else to choose.

entitled, they called him. edgar always prefer to see himself as an idealist instead.

the moral code passed down by his family was instrumental in the shaping of who he became. eddie always knew wrong from right, and that certainty let him see the world as black or white, with no room for the indecisions his classmates exhibited, or the inconsistencies of the ministry, every newspaper headline contradictory with the previous. the world around him seemed to tip toe and edgar knew only how to slam in.

his ways kept him close with a variety of friends, but especially to the other rowdy ones, unafraid to speak their minds and go just far enough to be thrown in detention once more. his ways also cost him the biggest thing he’d been after all of hogwarts: the prefect badge.

II.

becoming an auror had a certain allure to it. an outlet for the flaming energy inside him, and for his yearning for justice, being a source of scenarios in which he could play the detective, a role he so enjoyed. training was brutal, however, and every day passed, his desire to live forever beneath a badge kept diming. edgar’s lack for motivation was noticeable, as if the light in his eyes had purely shut off, and his mates encouraged him to pursue other paths.

politics was out of the question, too grey for him. healing bored him to death (and he was never that great at herbology anyway). eddie considered journalism for a while, but the likely future of a dusty desk at the daily prophet, carrying out their at times sensationalist work, made him not want to read a newspaper ever again. but edgar couldn’t be adrift. he’d made damn sure all his life he was pushing himself to be the very best possible, edgar with a plan, edgar ready to make a dent on the world. to accept defeat would have very easily broken him.

after short stints in ministry offices (from clerk, which lasted all of four days, to secretary, security, forgotten offices who’d hire pretty much anyway with decent grades) he became a hit wizard. his intellect suffered, not through any fault of his coworkers, but due to it being so damn close to auror work, except he couldn't call the shots, not could he investigate, piece together the puzzles like he so loved. in the meantime, he’d sought direction in life elsewhere: that pretty girl from the bar just at the end of his street whose talks of muggle films and news had always kept him for hours, drink in hand, too enthralled to sip. he hated the trickery of politics but he could hear her explaining the iron curtain for hours. anna had stuck around through every change, knowing little of the context of it all. then a little more. and a little more. small breaches of wizard law, small TREASONS. he’d moved in with her, shown her a spell or two. in a few years she was meeting his family, watching his cousins fly in a broom, reading his newspapers with the moving images and scary news of impending conflict. (even marrying the fool, later down the line)

hit wizard work is brutal, and it began to show. despite being an outlet for his inner riot, it put him in vulnerable positions, and anna worried - that simply had to stop. especially when she became pregnant.

to this day, eddie isn’t certain who dropped his name in the department of mysteries - he suspects his father, or perhaps dumbledore, who’d begun seeing him more often (he did enjoy placing pawns in place, not that edgar would acknowledge such a grey-area) - the young man found a letter inside one of his kitchen cabinets. another later that day inside his pocket. he as being summoned, should he wish to go. an interview followed. for hours, edgar sat - lies, he paced around in excitement - solving puzzles, enigmas, philosophical debates; the stuff he left at hogwarts and at auror training. at last, something that brought that light back, filling him with interest. there were no limits, no bureaucratic doors closing - the questions were secret and so were his answers. the puzzle solver was hired the following day, circling through various sub-departments until he got settled doing research on the subject of death a year before the shift of time. the questions that troubled him the most involved immortality and the concept of a chronological finish line. he laughs at that now.

the secrecy of his job was always the hardest part. eddie was never one to keep secrets, especially not when excitement ran through him, and he often spilled results and theories that had been found just because he couldn’t contain his excitement in.

sidenote: he’s a very gestural person. speaking for edgar means moving around, big physical gestures, arms flaying, a proper demonstration.

the conscience instilled in him in the past was raw energy when combined with his entitlement.the very same characteristics were what drew dumbledore to him, with a position in mind. edgar couldn’t say no to a side-job as a revolutionaire. there, along with his work, was a change to leave something of value behind. plus, he had personal skin in the game then. his future wife was a target, he was a traitor, his children heresy.

eddie had, as well, his experience as a hit wizard, which made him useful for field work. that same bravado and need to fix the world made him devoted with reckless abandon. dumbledore was a figure he worshipped, unable to see the flaws in their own plans. there was no way he could have made himself bigger of a target during the war, especially when it was not nearly as quiet of a fact as it should have been that he was an unspeakable, with access to untold knowledge - especially one his enemies looked for. a traitor who knew too much and was too damn stupid to keep that to himself. edgar was a man with lots to lose living in the shoes of a man with nothing to lose.

that very year brougth another major event besides new career, the order and his first child: the murder of his parents, in the very hosue he’d grown up in, the very hosue his younger sister still lived in. visibly freaking the mold, perhaps even called traitors, the bones were a proeminent thorn in need of ripping out, and edgar got lost in the confusion of the year. he let it fuel him, of course, but he didn’t allow himself to properly grieve, nor to be present for his siblings who also needed to grieve. from a young age he’d been told to walk away if he was angry, to not mix such a horrible feeling and family, and that’s just what he did. the world was broken and it burned him from inside out so he stepped away and dealt with it (poorly) on his own, a decision that came to haunt him the following year once the dust settled. he’d left them, the one promise edgar couldn’t have broken - they’d needed each other and he’d left. not that he’s apologised as of yet, all these years, but the shame of his decision comes to light at times.

III. (the death tw and child death tw applies very heavily in this whole part)

the future comes with many harsh truths to take in. they won, but not really. the world had barely changed, so what was the point of all the sleepless nights, all the wounds he’d healed, all the missions he’d led? what was the point of standing proud in front of the masked foes? what was the point of burying his friends one by one? what was the point of dying as his children cried upstairs?

those were the news that truly shock him. edgar knew he’d get himself killed eventually, even if he did his best to deny it. but reckless, he didn’t think they’d come for anna, or for his three children. he’d set up protections, just in case, of course - wards around the house and portkeys in specific places meant for emergency escapes - but how could have expected a terrified seven year old to remember where they kept the music box that would take her to grandma’s house? the futility of it all hit him like a wave.

edgar dug in as soon as he learned, damned be the questions his line of work had taught him to ask. time didn’t matter, not at all. what did was the bloodshed his story told. which friends wouldn’t have made it either. his sister, who’d survive only to have to fight the same war again, with worst odds. himself. his family. a bottle of firewhiskey next to the folders he’d gotten from ministry friends and connections. both vices, drinking and learning the painful details of the truth, were self-destructive tendencies he’d thought he’d long escaped. perhaps that was the bones curse, to always crawl back to whatever wrecked them even more in times of hurt.

every newspaper article, trial transcript and even the crime scene photographs he chased hell and below to get his hands on. it was addictive, to learn exactly how much he could blame himself, how much he could blame the war, and who he should exert vengeance on. by now, he knows how to draw a timeline of the event better than any auror on the case, minute by minute, victim by victim, player by player; as he obsessed over it for the first week and a half, non-stop.

they’d followed him for days, believing him to be a way to the prophecies they searched, or to answers they might seek. and to take down a traitor. a rebel traitor at that. he’d been too blind to notice. they’d chipped slowly at his wards. they’d broken in one wednesday night, at dinner time, shortly before anna and the children had gotten home. edgar didn’t see them there when he put away his coat, when he saw the bags of takeout on the kitchen counter, when he asked the eldest, dahlia, if she had homework to do. like rats in the walls.

he’d died downstairs. edgar broke a chair against the wall when he learned. he’d died downstairs, hand reaching up, head rested on the second step. after short but brutal torture, in which he seemed to have revealed more secrets than most whistleblowers, he still died downstairs, his moral sacrifice for nothing - but he was probably desperate, he thought, desperate to reach up, where anna, dahlia, oscar and oliver hid, from where he heard his son yell for him, from where he heard the toddler cry, from where he eventually heard anna scream in horror. even if he’d died upstairs too, he just wanted to be there, the last barrier between the world he’d brought upon his family and them. no matter how much furniture and vases she threw at death eaters, anna came to a wand fight ill prepared, and she was the first to go. the small one in her arms too. oscar followed, holding a shoe - it was the wrong one, the portkey shoe just a meter away. and edgar tried to run, to climb, but he remained downstairs, not nearly as close. dahlia was later, he read, assumingly because she was the hardest to find - underneath a bed.

three weeks. that’s all he had until then. if the time shift had happened three weeks later, he’d be dead.

the aftermath was a mess. muggle neighbours heard yelling and called the police while aurors arrived, but not soon enough to stop the confusing murder of a whole household from hitting local news. in 2029, it’s a cold case, has been for decades. but edgar had learned the truth wizardkind knew and he let him fuel him. after darkness, he bounced back with the flaming hope that made him join the order: he could change things. if he tried hard enough, harder than LAST time. if he just worked hard enough, edgar could fix this and forget there’s a grave with his name - but he can’t. ever since it happened, he visits it nearly weekly. it was looking old, nearly forgotten, like the world had moved on without him, without his family, without amelia, without his fallen revolutionary friends. he’s cleaned them up, put some flowers on them. you see, this time he’s actually a man with nothing to lose, nothing he hasn’t lost before.

no amount of puzzle solving can erase the fact that he should not exist right now - edgar feels very much alive, perhaps more than ever before, now that blinding rage courses through him and now that the past is past and he has nothing to lose by trying a new timeline. but another him, just a few WEEKS older, is bone and dirt beneath a tombstone in his hometown, so now he searches for answers.

edgar is driven by the riot in his head, still very much the son of the revolution, even if his war ended forty-eight years ago.

NOW who’s ready for some character paralels? shadow moon (american gods), luke bankole (handmaids tale), meredith grey (grey’s anatomy), steven crain (thohh), elijah bradley (marvel), quentin coldwater (the magicians), sabrina spellman (tcaos), jessica jones (mcu) ?????

#quantum intro #❛ v . | prophets are awfully quiet - it’s as if they know only of answers ; headcanons .#death tw #blood tw #child death tw #acohol tw

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laurarolla · 6 years

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Spiritual Successor: How Build Divers misses the most important parts of Fighters AND VR “Isekai” at the same time

So we’re about 10 episodes into the newest Gundam series, Gundam Build Divers, the third Build series (not counting the Gunpla Builders OVA) and a bit of a departure from the previous series. Directed by Shinya Watada, director of Fighters Try with experience across much of Gundam recently, and written by Noboru Kimura. Kimura has little experience with Gundam or mecha in general (mostly contributing to AGE), but he does have experience in a wide variety of works from sports anime to harem and isekai series to varying degrees, including the divisive Accel World (which I do like despite it’s flaws). On paper, these two seem like a solid choice to follow up on Build Fighters Try, directed by Watada and written by Yousuke Kuroda of Gundam 00 and My Hero Academia fame.

Unfortunately, that isn’t how things played out at all. The Prologue to GBD, released a few months before the series, is very much in the style of the various Fighters anime that had come before, and honestly feels like it could be the finale to a Fighters series we never got to see. However, from the first episode of the main series run, it’s clear just how far away from that series we really are. In fact, until episode 6, there are no real mentions of anything close to the more physical model fighting from the previous series, placing Divers in its own continuity until further notice. Thus, not a sequel but a spiritual successor. Going into the minutia of how fundimental things are different, like being in a VR game, creating a hub from a mix of Gundam Breaker and Phantasy Star for all the players, mission selection, video game stuff... all irrelevant to the Fighters comparison. Instead, we need to look at character and the sense of stakes. Or, moreover, the serious lack thereof.

Riku and Yuki both like Gundam, so there’s the minor point of having no newcomer in episode 1 to serve as the justification for explaining stuff to any new audience. Since Divers is clearly trying to stand on it’s own, this is a bit of an error. The bigger problem is in terms of motivation. Riku is on a quest of self-improvement, to become strong like the champion. His limitation is a basic lack of experience. That’s a far cry from Fumina’s inability to be supportive while still possessing her own strength, or Iori’s mental blocks preventing creativity in design or focus in battle. Yuki is basically a partner with not any real motivation, Momo is playing to have fun with her friends, and Koichi is working his way through finding love of Gunpla and Gundam after having lost it when his former hobby group fell apart. Of all these characters, Koichi is the one with the most interesting motive, and it’s basically solved by the episode after he joins the team.

Built into these motivations are the characters’ personal stakes, but this is where the series crosses between Fighters and VR Isekai, failing both completely. In Fighters, the main struggle shifted from the duo of Sei and Reiji getting better and proving their strength and growth, to actual antagonistic characters fighting them and hurting people significantly. There are stories of corporate manipulation, brainwashing, de facto slavery, and even the existence of criminal mercenaries who specialize in crimes with toy plastic robots. That last one is a bit ridiculous, but hey, where there’s money to be made, right? Try is more of a standard sports anime, a team of underdogs rising up through the building of their skills and their friendship. Each character goes through a personal arc, and the antagonists are more personal foes or even just the player’s own emotional limitations (see the Fumina point above). It’s a different kind of show in some ways, but the focus on character growth and realistic stakes works, even if both stories pull a fast one by way of absurd final battle to save the world maybe because magic rocks. Diver’s main thread is regarding the Break Decal, a physical chip attached to a model kit as it is scanned that overpowers the unit activating it while causing massive system instablity AND wiping out the central data records of cheating to cover its tracks. Also it self destructs in the real world after being used. Huh.

So, in VR Isekai stories, much of the gravity of the narrative comes from the idea of questioning the divide between reality and virtual reality. I mentioned .hack in the prelude post to this, and the character of Sara does appear to be a low-quality version of Aura from that franchise, but I’m gonna give the show the benefit of the doubt on her. My issue is in regards to the lack of any serious gravity to the Break Decals. Basically, someone is encouraging the use of cheat devices to mess with the game and break it, going so far as to hire mercenaries (at least that seems to be what’s happening with the Throne trio), and so far, it doesn’t seem like the series is gonna really pull the trigger on real world consequences. As much as SAO is ragged on, and as much as I would love to see that series in OVA form from the perspective of the outside world dealing with a mass crisis of decentralized terroristic violence through VR headset, there were stakes in SAO for the real world characters and their lives. It may have been poorly communicated, but there were lives destroyed by that event, moreso than we could really have ever seen on screen. In .hack, the world exists in the aftermath of a computer virus that resulted in deaths and hacking is a capital crime, casting a greater weight on the incidents of people going comatose while playing a video game. In GBD, there is neither precedent for concern, nor real world weight to what is happening. The biggest issue I can see at this point is that it’s a bit late to start hinting at real world consequences now. We’re 10 episodes into a 25 episode series (based on the recent seasons of Gundam), and it feels almost like the Break Decal stuff is coming to a head without feeling like there are any real stakes in the story. It’s basically all virtual, no real, which really fails on the VR Isekai front.

So, yeah, the Divers are boring and there are no stakes to their story. Thus, by extension, the action has no weight and is a bunch of pretty lights and explosions, sound and fury signifying nothing. On the plus side, the mechanical design is nice, with seeing the AGE suits decoupled from that horrendous series being a real highlight to me personally. Chalk up another mecha design win for Takayuki Yanase. Additionally, the varied character designs do sell the MMO feel of the show, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t really love Rommel’s design as a Zeon cosplaying ferret with a seeming love of Votoms. Magee, on the other hand... well, I’ve been here long enough but let me point out that Magee is the first example of the “Okama” archetype/stereotype in Gundam history. And considering that it’s a pretty awful stereotype, I’d have really preferred they not do that.

I guess one could say that I should give the rest of the show a chance, but I’m a firm believer in the idea that you can tell how good a series will be, in most cases, by the first episode, and the rest of the show isn’t exactly challenging my expectations from that.

#gundam #gundam build divers #long post #gundam build fighters #.hack #sword art online #review #commentary

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writingamongtheroses-archive · 4 years

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Showtime, Chapter 5

@andiwriteunderthemoon, @the-starlight-chills, @ieppiq, and @fishymom-art

Pass the Tests

They waited for Ted.

Out in the hall, Liza could hear the animatronics eagerly talking among themselves. It was clear the trio was friends. She probably could’ve rolled her chair over to eavesdrop and see if she could make out some kind of pecking order or personalities or anything that could help her, besides Rex stealing her hat for no reason. Instead, she sat frozen in her chair, the back of her chair between her and the door. The ghost girl (Doll?) was seated on top of the cabinet, watching Liza and the present box. Together, they listened as the heavy footsteps drew closer.

Then Ted Bear himself was in the doorway and Liza stifled a scream.

He was the one who was in the best condition. Of course, he is, her mind whispered. He’s the brand face. Her scars started to ache as her fingers clenched the back of the chair. Her eyes lingered too long on the cruel brown ones aimed at her before golden eyes lowered in submission. They moved to her current protector, the Puppet in the box. Ted growled.

The others respectfully moved back so he was the only one in the doorway. They hung back as silent support behind him.

And all Liza had was a ghost girl and a tiny puppet in a cardboard box.

Dios mios, she was so screwed.

Ted took a step forward, jabbing a short paw-like finger. “You.” Liza squeaked. “I’ve been sick and tired of your idiocy, sweetheart,” The pet name was spat out like poison. “Been sick of you giving us trouble since the first night. I’m not made for running,” As he talked, she noticed there was a slight up and down motion to his fake fur, like he was panting. There was a winded note to his voice, she noticed in the way all trapped people did. It also looked like he couldn’t raise his left arm correctly. Liza was no genius. But she had been raised by the man who created these animatronics and she had done some mechanical tampering through the years.

Up close, she could also see the cosmetic damage on Ted.

She had to wonder if it hurt.

Ted’s rant was broken by a soft “Ted.” from Kitty. The bear spared a glance over his shoulder, much kinder and warmer than his glare at the night guard. “Look.” She pointed to the present on the desk. The bear followed her point.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. There was no twinkling music from the music box and the bow didn’t so much as give a shudder. There didn’t seem to be a need for it. Ted stared at it. The anger slid from shock back to greater anger and a bit of hurt. “Her?! Out of everyone, her!?”

“Excuse me?!”

Ted gritted his teeth. Liza wisely closed her mouth. She resisted the childish urge to squeeze her eyes in hopes that the nightmare would go away.

“What do we do?” Rex whispered. He was peeking out from behind Bun, who was staring at Liza. It looked like the pirate was examining her, especially focused on her scarf. Liza risked a quick look back. Doll had moved to be behind her, watching the proceedings with curious eyes.

“What can we do?” The captain said when it seemed like Ted wasn’t going to speak. “There’s no other choice. We’ve tried to reason with the Black Devil, but it’s not having any of it. Haven’t seen it like this in ages, since...you know. The other one.” All eyes turned to Bun and Liza felt what little remained of her patience snap.

“Reasoning?! You tried- no you did not!” All eyes returned to her, but the tidal wave of anger consuming her helped her ignore that as she scrambled off the chair. “You were going to kill me anyway until the puppet-guy-thing whatever,” She jabbed a finger at the box. “Stopped you! That’s not reasoning! You were going to ignore it!”

“She even understands us now…!” Rex groaned like the situation was an unfortunate burden the animatronics had to deal with. Or they were the victims of some great tragedy. Whatever it was, it stoked the flames of her anger.

“Watch your mouth, swabbie.” Bun hissed at Liza, eye plates downwards to give her a glare.

“N-No!” God, where was this coming from?

“Liza.” Doll said gently. When she glanced back, she had a mask of calm on. “Calm down.”

“I said NO!” She stomped her foot, feeling like a toddler having a tantrum. The animatronics could still kill her- Puppet was only three feet to their hulking masses. Liza grabbed the present box and hugged it to her chest. If this was her only shield, she had the right to hold it! Everyone went silent, staring at the box like they expected the Puppet to rise out and deal with her itself.

It did not.

Liza breathed in and out, trying to gain control of her temper and her heart rate. “I-I have ev-every right to t-talk! You guys, for two nights, have been trying to stuff me in a suit! I’m not an endoskeleton, which should be obvious to you if your AI is this advanced!” Crap, she felt tears prick at her eyes. “I’m not even metal!” Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry! “I mean, what kind of Hell is this place?!”

Rex cackled. “Be it ever so humble, home is home.” The others were less amused.

“We don’t appreciate that kind of language, Miss…” Ted paused, clearly not sure of her name.

“Dorado. Liza Dorado.”

Ted paused. There was a moment of silence where he just stared at her. It almost felt like he was stunned. Liza shifted awkwardly but before she could talk, he continued. “Dorado. We are a family-friendly establishment.”

“Yeah, ye better keep your language squeaky clean or ye face the jar!” Bun said with a wave of a hook.

“The jar?” A moment passed before realization struck. Liza blinked. “You...have a swear jar.”

“It’s mostly for the summer workers.” Kitty huffed, crossing her arms. “Those teenagers have such an attitude sometimes!”

She nodded faintly, still gaping at the new knowledge. “Okay...makes sense.” It was kinda charming, in an Addams Family way.

“And if you don’t have money for the jar,” Rex continued, malicious grin returning. “Ted’ll chase you down and wash your mouth out with soap!”

“Geez, either getting my mouth washed out with soap for some salty language or being brutally maimed for existing, I wonder which one’s worse?” Behind her, Liza could hear Doll stifle laughter. The sound gave her a little bit of confidence.

Bun snarled, and it disappeared. “Don’t be mistaking our tone, swabbie. There’s still a black mark on you. You could still be strung up and stuffed if you fail the tests.”

“Wha- Tests?! But I already got the job! I already got the job!” She aimed the last one at the box. Maybe when the bots left, she could try and wheedle information out of the Puppet. ‘Tests’ made it sound like it was holding something out on her.

“You’re not out of the woods yet, Dorado.” Ted snarled. He turned and stomped out of the room, the others making a path for him. Liza stared at his retreat before realizing that the others were staring too.

“I’ve never seen him like this before,” Kitty whispered. “Do you think he’ll be okay? I mean, this has happened before, but-”

“Aw, don’t worry sis!” Rex patted the cat on the shoulder. “Ted’ll come around. It’s not like we don’t know what to do if Liza here fails.” Despite the cheerful tone, the dog still snarled at the human. Liza frowned, grabbing the remote to press the down button for the door. “Wha- Hey!”

“It’s Elizabeth. Liza’s a nickname.” she shot as the door went down slowly. “And I want my hat back-!” Before the door finally settled, the hat smacked her in the face. “Gracias.” She waited at the door, listening as the group whispered amongst themselves before hearing their footsteps walk away.

She let out a gasp of air, collapsing in her chair and dropping her hat. Her world still hadn’t righted itself, but it was getting easier to swallow. Questions chased themselves around and around as she set the box on the desk and grabbed the tablet. Doll seized her chance and sat in her lap. Liza absently stroked her hair, staring at the box. How much trouble was she or the Puppet in because of its inaction?

The lid moved back, revealing the Puppet. It rose until it and her face were level. “That went...well.” The whisper came from between her ears. It was an odd feeling, but Liza held back her shudders. There was no need for her protector to think she was frightened by it.

“I’d hate to see what poorly is,” Liza said, shifting to get comfortable. Doll had no weight, but the cold feeling she brought sent pin and needles through her legs. When she looked up, Puppet was shaking its head.

“Do not take their retreat so lightly. They are upset by my decision- I do not blame them.” It gave a hum of thought. “Give them time. It’ll change.” The porcelain face moved, taking in the cramped security room with what looked like interest. “Things always change with time, Night Guard.”

“You keep calling me that,” Liza noted. “I...have a name, you know.”

A blank stare met her words. “No. This is your job.” The Puppet leaned forward, eerily close. It was close enough that she could’ve heard the bot’s inner workings.

There was nothing but silence.

“I will call you as you are. You will remain this way until you die, or otherwise.”

“Otherwise?”

“Each night guard was similarly considered. All of them were flawed. I allowed the animatronics to...dispose...of them.” The Puppet leaned back in its box. “It was kind to them.”

Logically, it was best to stay on the good side of the thing keeping her from a suit. But Liza was not known for logic unless it involved machines. Rafael said it was one of her most charming qualities, combined with her bravery. But she didn’t feel very brave.

She felt like she was going to throw up.

“Wha-What do you mean- you let the others dispose of them? How- they were humans!” Distantly, she noticed Doll turn more see-through like she was paling.

“No. They were adults.” The Puppet spoke like she was a very small child, making her bristle. There was a frantic whisper in her head to stop arguing with whatever this thing was. It reeked of power. Every action it did carried weight.

But she ignored the voice.

“Yeah, and that meant they were kids once too! I mean, what chévere man?! Where were you the first night? Why am I the golden girl all of a sudden?!” The anger that consumed her while talking to the bots came back, full of righteous fury for herself and the others before her. “What about the phone guy?! It sounded like he loved this place much more than I did!”

“This is not about love, Night Guard.” The Puppet’s voice was low, sending her spine through ice. “This is about justice.”

“Justice? On what?”

Her question was waved away with a careless flip of a hand. “Do not concern yourself with the details yet. Right now, it should be on creating and maintaining a positive working relationship with the others. Their aid will be invaluable if you can sway them.”

Liza sputtered. “Wa- You mean, play nice?! No way!” Despite her fear, she flipped the tablet closed without checking and shoved it on the desk. She crossed her arms.

“Alright. But know that my protection will be revoked and you will be disposed of.”

She stared.

“Better to just agree.” Doll whispered.

“...This is blackmail.”

“This is business.”

This time, she shuddered. What did she have to lose? A lot, apparently. For now, to stay alive, she had to make undesirable choices. She sighed. “Alright.” She held her hand out. For a moment, the two stared at each other. “Um...dude?”

“Yes, that is your hand.”

“No, um...I figured that we would shake on it? You know, like making a deal. You keep me from a suit, I’ll play nice?”

“Shake...on it?”

Liza resisted the urge to grin. “People do it when they’re making a deal or a promise. You give me your hand and we’ll make a promise. Like, I promise I’ll play nice with the killer bots and you promise that you’ll keep me from being murdered.” After a long moment, the Puppet mimicked Liza. They shook hands.

The Puppet seemed lost in thought when they finished, withdrawing into the box without another word. Though it did give Liza a strange, completive look before the lid closed and the music box started to play. It played twinkling notes softly for a few seconds before finally stopping.

“That was...weird,” Liza said finally.

Doll shrugged. “It’s old.” She said this like it was some type of explanation.

Even if it was old, who didn’t know how to shake hands?

That was such a little kid thing.

She waited in the office, making an absent note to start taking notes. Any bit of information could be useful to keep her arse from a suit. When six AM finally came, she walked slowly out. In the main dining hall, she couldn’t resist giving the bots on-stage the finger.

“See you tonight,” she grumbled out.

#heartbeat #heartbeat series #wip

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listdepot · 7 years

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Top 50 Supervillains: 15. Doctor Doom

Real Name: Victor Von Doom. Yes, Von Doom is a family name. His mother was Cynthia Von Doom. First Appearance: The Fantastic Four #5, July 1962 Powers: Genius, sorcerer, master hand-to-hand combatant. Commands an army of technologically advanced Doombots. Wears armor that grants him energy manipulation (including energy blasts) and force field generation.

Victor Von Doom’s life has been plagued by tragedy. Born to a tribe of Latverian Romani people, Victor lost his mother Cynthia at a very young age to Mephisto, an actual demon from literal Hell. When his father Werner was accused of killing the wife of a Latverian baron, the patriarch fled with his boy to the mountains, where he himself died from exposure while giving Victor his clothes to protect him from the cold.

Angered and bent on revenge, the young Victor returned to his tribe, gathered his mother’s occult instruments and began combining them with technology, where for years he used them to protect his people from the baron’s forces. His brilliance and ingenuity became the stuff of legend, eventually reaching the dean of New York’s Empire State University, who invited Victor to study in America. And that’s where the crazy stuff really begins

While there, Victor began a rivalry with friggin Reed Richards, who he took an immediate disliking to, partly because he hated meeting his intellectual equal and partly because Reed Richards is a dillweed turd and you can just immediately sense he’s a piece of crap. Having devised a machine that could speak to the dead, Von Doom denied any problems with it when Richards pointed out minor flaws in both the machine and his calculations and, when putting it to use, had it explode in his face, damaging him to a degree that is...contestable.

Some stories claim that it caused horrific damage to his once beautiful face, while Jack Kirby liked to believe that Doom’s own arrogance and egotism lead him to believe that a minor scar on his cheek made him inferior to others due to a slight imperfection (perhaps because slight imperfections caused the explosion in the first place). My personal favorite among these though is John Byrne’s interpretation where Doom’s overreaction to his scar caused him to frantically craft his infamous mask and donning it before it had fully cooled, burning him and thus truly ravaging his face into something that he can only show to his Doombots.

Regardless of the story, Von Doom was expelled from ESU and soon masked his face, forged technologically-advanced armor and full-on conquered his home country of Latveria, holing up in his castle as partly a ruthless dictator and partly an altruistic ruler (depending on who writes him), and once again swore revenge, this time on those he viewed as responsible for the explosion, namely Reed Richards. And from there, Doctor Doom was born.

Doom is, perhaps, the greatest of all of Marvel’s villains. He’s made more appearances than literally any other baddie in the company’s history. He’s a megalomaniacal master of both magic and technology whose lust for power is so great that he’s stolen the Power Cosmic from the Silver Surfer as well as the powers of the omnipotent Beyonder on two separate occasions. As such, he’s willing to take on and can almost easily best nearly every superhero possible. In fact, when DC and Marvel decided to create a create a sequel to a crossover of a comic where Spider-Man fought Superman, they opted to have “DC’s greatest hero” Superman against “Marvel’s greatest villain” and very quickly decided on using Doom for his star quality.

Yet, despite his ruthlessness and egotism, Doom is a man of honor. He will fight to protect his land and has rebuilt it following times of crisis because a flaw of Latveria is a flaw of Doom. He will mostly admit when he was bested. He will cry when the Twin Towers fell okay I’m sorry I need to show you this. Just look at this. Look at how dumb this is.

That’s literally Doctor Doom in tears from a Marvel comic book dedicated to 9/11 and while I like totally get why Doom would “mourn the random deaths of innocents”, he’s still Doctor Doom and this is still super poorly done and hamhanded. Okay anyway back to my article.

Doom is, as far as he’d like to believe, a man without flaws. He is without flaws because flaws killed his parents, flaws got him kicked out of Empire State University while Reed Richards succeeded, flaws blew up in his face, causing flaws to his handsome features. He has tinkered and experimented and forced any flaws out of him, creating a perfect ruler, a perfect scientist, a perfect magician, a perfect man. But there’s one glaring mistake Doom has never noticed. One big glaring problem known as Reed Richards. His obsession for revenge has consumed his life, seeking to crush the Fantastic Four and any who ally with them (aka pretty much literally every Marvel superhero). His world domination plans would be far more successful if he just focused on anything other than Richards.

Here, let me put it like this. Recently, the Multiverse was destroyed thanks to the collision of Marvel’s main Earth and its Ultimate Earth. Realizing this would happen early on, Dr. Doom, Dr. Strange and Molecule Man allied to harness the power of the Beyonders to create Battleworld, a patchwork planet comprised of realms across the Multiverse. Strange had reservations of handling all the power and allowed Doom to assume the role of a literal God Emperor. In Battleworld, God Doom is married to Richard’s wife Sue Storm, their children Franklin and Valeria are Doom’s children, Human Torch Johnny Storm fuels the planet as their sun, and The Thing Ben Grimm separates the monstrous outer realms of Battleworld as The Shield, a mountainous wall keeping the citizens of the world protected. Multiple variations of many characters exist across Battleworld (there’s like eight Wolverines, its ridiculous) but there are no other Fantastic Fours than the ones I mentioned. And there’s literally no Reed Richards.

But out in the Battleworld, a pod remained for three years that suddenly opened, containing some of Earth-616′s greatest heroes who survived the collision and destruction. Lead by Reed Richards, those heroes created the complete collapse in Battleworld. Three years of a recreated Earth, ruled by Doctor Doom, and the minor flaw of Richards was enough to bring it all down. When recreating the Multiverse, Richards, having been gifted the Beyonder’s powers, sought to make it exactly as it was for the most part (give or take a few errant remnants of other Earths now suddenly on 616), but with one major change.

When Doctor Doom wanted to make a perfect Earth, he made one without Reed Richards. When Reed Richards wanted to make a perfect Earth, he made one where Doom had no facial scars. The source of his anger and his thirst for revenge as an adult gone. Doctor Doom is a man of many faces, all twisted by his rage at the one man who hoped he could be cured of that one flaw that fueled his regrets and drive for power. Why he didn’t also do it for his friend that was turned into a horrible rock monster is beyond me but as nice of a move as it was, Richards is still a dillweed.

#supervillains

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pokefan531 · 4 years

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Star Wars Retrospective 2 - Prequel Trilogy

This time, I will do my retrospective on the Prequel Trilogy. Merry Christmas and may the holidays be with you. DISCLAIMER: This post will contain my opinions of the prequels. I am gonna be fair to the goods and bads on each three films. If you respect my opinion and understand my reasons about my retrospective and current thoughts of the films, I will appreciate it. No pure hate will be done on anyone involved in those films, and will be honest about the people and what I think they should've done. This is mainly about retrospective. To recap from my Original Trilogy posts, I played the games first before seeing the films in full length. Just to remind you, I did see Episode 2 in theatres first, before seeing any other Star Wars films. In late July 2002, I was in Peru for a trip. One day, I went to the mall in Lima. The mall looked nice, and it was mostly outdoors. The hallway and the eating area are all outdoors. I enjoyed looking around the mall with my family. Later, we said we're gonna see a movie. I didn't know at the time that I'm gonna see Star Wars, but when I sit on the seat in theater, I was waiting to see what movie it was. I didn't even ask, and the fact I have very basic Spanish skills. When I saw Star Wars logo on screen, that's when I realized we're watching it. Granted, this is my first time seeing a Star Wars movie in theater, but in the US, it's The Clone Wars movie, and The Force Awakens as a main film. The entire movie was in spanish, and I didn't understand much of it. Episode 2 came to Peru in July 2002 instead of May. I thought all the action scenes were interesting. I mainly focused on those scenes. I remember seeing the chase on Zam Wesell, The Kamino battle and negociations, Anakin fighting Tuskin Raiders, and the entire Battle of Geneosis. Also including the rest of the movie. I didn't realize the romance scenes because I watched it on unfamilar language, and filler dialogue. I would admit that they have a lot of them, but I still liked the action parts as a kid. My most memorable scene was Anakin vs Count Dooku because he cuts Anakin's arm off. I didn't notice much of CGI. I was a kid, but as of now, a lot of the CGIs don't really look terrible. Noticable, but not awful. There are exceptions like Dexter Diner scene and the hallway with Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu. I know there's more, but the CGIs, admittedly, didn't age well. It's more like PS3 and X360 graphics than PS2 graphics. PS2 graphics would be like Food Fight or Sharkboy and Lava Girl. As a kid, after seeing it, I had fun seeing it. It's common that you had fun after seeing a Star Wars movie in theaters, but it was new to me. I remember having Galactic Battlegrounds, and so I tried to recreate the battle arena of Geneosis. I think we had a good time at the mall. I don't know if any of my family didn't like it, but I know I did. By the way, I don't remember hearing people gasping for Yoda grabing his lightsaber. Fast forward to December, we brought Episode 2 to see it in English. I understand some of them, but still enough to know a lot about the movie. I saw it with my other family members who didn't came to Peru with us. I remember some dialogues like I HATE THEM!!!. I enjoyed seeing the action scenes again, especially Geneosis. Even as a kid, I knew they had filler dialogues. I still didn't notice the romance scenes being bad though, at the time. I do think a great scene that everyone mentioned is Anakin's anger on Tuskin Raiders, and as a kid, I thought it made sense. After seeing it in English, I decide to see the Geneosis segments again few days later. I'd admit, the lightsaber duel looks pretty cool, even now. It was the only Star Wars movie I have at the time, but I mostly play the video games like Star Wars Racer, Galactic Battlegrounds, and Rogue Squadron 3D. Fast Forward to Late 2007, I already mentioned about me playing Lego Star Wars 2, and seeing the OT. My cousin decides to show us all the movie on the visit. We saw the OT first, and then we saw Episode 2. We didn't go to Episode 1 yet. When I saw the movie again, I'm like, I remember the movie. I kinda had the same opinion as I has when I was younger, but I know much more about the movie, and I liked Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan and Count Dooku was well casted. I wouldn't want to fill my retrospective on Episode 2 more, so I'll move on to Episode 1 and 3. I saw Episode 1 last, so I'll move to Episode 3. My cousin played it. The first several minutes were pretty amazing. We get to see Anakin and Obi-Wan in more action. I thought General Grevious was just a villain. I knew he wasn't written as good as Count Dooku or Anakin, but his battle with Obi-Wan was satisfied enough to me back then. Even before all the memes, I quickly regonized the dialogues from the movie. The dialogues aren't as great as Original Trilogy, it was still better than the first two prequels. Seeing Anakin vs Dooku again made me feel like I really waited this long to see a sequel. I know it's random, but I used to remember enjoying their first duel. I find it interesting that we question ourselves during the movie about what happened. We do that a lot during our childhood. My favorite duel in the movie is Anakin vs Obi-Wan. In my first glance, we do see their acutal connections, and Anakin's perspective on the Jedis. We used to play with lightsabers to fight. I remembered the birth of Vader's suit, and even the Nooo. Back then, I thought it was fine, but I get that already it's not really good. I don't mind it, and I see it as a meme. I thought my first time seeing Episode 3 was exciting. I liked a lot of parts of the movie, and to an extent, I still do. It's funny how I think about the connections back then about the events from the prequels. I never felt there was any huge disconnections on continuity. Even to this day and during the backlash on the prequels, I never was against Episode 3. I thought it was tolerable and satisfying, but I'll discuss this later. Now let's go to The Phantom Menace and how I first saw it. My cousin's next visit brought Episode 1, and we saw it together. To be honest, we over-fun the visit because he brought his lightsaber and PSP with Lego Star Wars 2. I knew about the Pod race because of the video game. We played the movie, and we were having fun in our own terms. Wow, what a memory. We do see Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan slicing off the droids and stuff, and it was a pretty good start for action. I never knew about force speed that they used to escape from droidekas until six years later. Seeing Jar-Jar the first time, I thought he was little funny back then, but I never see him as my favorite thing nor really smart. I notice the political discussions, but in this visit, we somehow just talk over it, saying how the astestics looks cool. Later, we realized Jake Lloyd was playing as Anakin, and it's because our favorite movies back then was Jingle All The Way. We thought it was cool when we first watched it. Pod Racing was pretty exciting. It reminds me a bit about the video game. Let's get to the part where Battle of Naboo started. The three of us decides to play Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul and take turns, so we saw Duels of the Fate four times! Second one is when we start reenacting the characters. On our second to fourth time, we fast forward whenever it cuts to Jar Jar, Padme, or Anakin. It was very fun! It was. It was our favorite thing from the movie. We thought Darth Maul was a cool character and so as Duels of the Fate soundtrack. Back then, we never thought about Anakin surviving the space battle nor how unhelpful Jar Jar was in the battle because of this. After we saw the movie, we thought it was pretty good. Granted, it was actually not the best film, and even back then, we found the Original Trilogy even better. While we enjoyed all the movies back then, it was pretty fun to enjoy Star Wars. I did play the first Lego Star Wars a month after I got the second game. Since I went all through the prequel trilogy retrospective, let's discuss about the flaws and backlash that it went before. I discovered the backlash of it in 2012. I did see the 3D version of the Phantom Menace, which was almost as pointless as Solo, and I started to realize how the movie has problems with pacing and stuff. It wasn't really 3D, so it wasn't worth seeing. At first, I thought it was okay or not great. A year later, I do find more backlashes of the prequel trilogy, and some of the things made sense. Episode 1 was pretty monotone and didn't handle the politics discussions correctly. It has fillers that they could've trimmed out. I do see Jake Lloyd become a joke, and I do think he wasn't well acted, I knew it was the problem with the directing and choices. Jar-Jar was pretty dumb, and at that time, I never thought he's the worst character that anyone would say outside the fandom. Mine was Iris from Pokemon anime, and I used to proof she was worse than Jar Jar. I never blamed Ahmed Best for playing him. There was medi-chlorians thing, but I never did analysis on it. Episode 2 has the CGI and bad romance. CGI was used in most of the film, but many parts didn't look too bad. I get the Dexter's Diner scene and Green Screen with Obi-Wan, Yoda with hover, and Mace Windu, but the rest didn't seem that bad to be honest. In the last couple of years, I think the written romance made connections between Anakin and Padme really awful. I know the lines and directing made Anakin a cringe of a character, but I never blamed Hayden Christiansen. I thought he was a good actor, but I knew the production handled him poorly. I feel sorry for him for getting the hate. He was never mean or anything. He's done decent or good on other movies. I think he does a bit better in Episode 3 though. Episode 3, I honestly never understand how people see this movie as bad as the first two. I thought it did a lot better. I think it's not up there with the OT, but at least good enough for me to enjoy. I get the flaws of the movie, but I never understand it being really a terrible film. The flaws I can point out are the romance balcony scene, the pacing of Anakin becoming a sith, the Nooo Vader scene, or Padme's death explanation. I know people find General Grevious a weak villain, but I find him pretty okay. He's better in Clone Wars 2003 and 2008 one, but he's really best in the first one. The dialogues are somewhat monotone, but it wasn't as appearant, and many of them are memeable. Hello There. Your move. I got the High Ground! Not a happy landing. Ewan Mcgregor is my favorite protagonist actor of the trilogy. Obi-Wan seems pretty enjoyable. The CGIs in the film got better, but few places looks fake, but not really bad. Mustafar was a prop if you look at behind the scene stuff. Back to Hayden Christiansen, I thought he was pretty fine in this film and did better than episode 2, and I don't think the bad acting or directing are enough for him to win Worst Supporting Actor. Ian McDirmid was pretty good. The Yoda vs Emperor, I know many people find it pretty silly and I do understand, I don't really mind to be honest. I know Episode 3 is not as great as the Original Trilogy films, but I find it pretty satisfying. The things I found wrong in the backlash are few thing. First big one is George Lucas. Well, he got full control to make the trilogy, and did a lot on his own. While I do think some of his decisions are questionable, I never see him as a bad guy. Many people hate him for the prequels and Special Editions. I get it he doesn't do well on those. It goes out of hand on the hate. Many people hate on him so much that they made a song about him ruining their childhood. If you know the song and the lyrics, you know what I mean. I couldn't believe they made a song against him. That's where I found the backlash pretty brutal. The People vs George Lucas, I never seen it, but Mark Hamill did an interview in early 2017, saying how they were hating on him. Yeah, the backlash on George Lucas was pretty brutal especially since he's a creator who made the greatest franchise. I know not all creators are good people, but he had helped several people in the business. See Pixar and Lucasarts, and guys like Steven Spielberg. He had done decisions that isn't right, like special editions, but I don't think he really did anything harmful or insulting. My second thing that I find wrong with the backlash is taking it on actors. Jake Lloyd is a good example. I know you can critize the actors all you want, but don't see them as they purposely ruin the movies due to their acting or what they were told to act and say. Jake Lloyd got really bullied after Episode 1, and he ended up destroying his memorabilia and later committed DUI, and ends up in Mental Institution later on. Ahmed Best seems like a nice guy. I didn't know that even a voice actor can still get blamed even if not seen directly in the movie. He tweeted once about his suicide thoughts, but he decides not to. Thankfully, he attended Celebration 2019 in The Phantom Menace panel. Hayden Christiansen, I already mentioned him. Natalie Portman, I get that she's not really a good actress, but I don't think she's that bad of an actress. My third problem with the backlash is going against fans who enjoys the prequels. I met someone who likes Episode 1. He tells me why, and I never went against him for liking it. I never see those movies as really bad movies. I know this is a problem with the fandom since the hate on the prequels went strong in late 2000s (correct me). My former reviewer, Nostalgia critic, made 11 good things about the prequels. While his review was likable, he gives it a sense that people will go rage on him if he defends the prequels or say Hayden Christiansen is well casted. I don't watch his videos anymore, but that used to be accurate of how the hatedom was. The backlash declined somewhere in 2016 before Rogue One. I know they aren't perfect movies, but I can point out some things of what I liked about them. McGregor, McDirmaid, Christopher Lee, and Ray Park were pretty great playing their characters. My favorite protagonist is Obi-Wan. Soundtrack is amazing and it's really memorable. Lightsaber duels are really enjoyable. Some lines are memorable that they became memes. I know recently, people see this trilogy differently. I don't think the trilogy are generally a masterpiece, but it does vary by person who finds them enjoyable in any way. I'm just doing my retrospective and what I think about the criticism of the prequel trilogy. I do realize some of them are pretty fair. Episode 3 is enjoyable for me for its lore and story on multiple characters. I'm gonna include the fan edits. I recommend Hal 9000 fan edit of the prequel trilogy as a way to rewatch with several problems greatly reduced. I find his episode 2 fanedit pretty great. It did make it look like a substantial improvement that makes it watchable than the actual movie by cutting away fillers or bad scenes away as much as it can. Granted, with the cuts, few scenes that are cut can be questionable, like trimming away Qui-Gon's sense of Anakin or shortning Yoda vs Dooku to only using the force, but the fanedit is worth seeing. It add deleted scenes that made sense. I made a review of it last year, and it's pretty positive. I haven't seen his Episode 3 yet, but what I can say is that I would watch his fanedits to rewatch the prequels at the best way possible. Here's the question I'm gonna get asked since I post about the criticism. What about the sequel trilogy, especially The Last Jedi? I will cover the sequel trilogy once I see The Rise of Skywalker. It comes out this weekend, but I'm not sure when I could see it. I'll cover the history about those three movies. I am only covering the main films, not Rogue One or Solo. Once I'm done with the retrospective, I'll finally post my rank on all the movies made by Lucasfilm production.

#star wars #star wars prequels

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