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#some straight people don't have the intellectual honesty
litgwritersroom · 2 years
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Idk if this is a uncommon request but can we get a AJ fic she didn’t deserve to be such a great character but get stuck in a bad season
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HELPING HAND
AJ/MC - 2400+ words - @crimswnred
Studious Riley is already over AJ and her jock antics before she even knows her. But she also has trouble telling people 'no'. So when her professor asks her to tutor A.J.... what could go wrong?
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Riley adjusted the backpack on her shoulders as she nodded to what the professor was saying. She should've known that it was a bad idea to offer herself as a class monitor but she needed the extra credit and there was no way she was going to write another fucking essay about legal studies – not if she could avoid it. Seb had warned her before about the bad side of being a monitor, himself being one. "He'll ask you for help with trouble, especially if the trouble in question is a jock."
But she took the spot because Professor Jake Wilson was her favourite. He was so smart, so intellectual and he never once in his life mistreated a student. Every single soul in Uni was in love with that man. He was so nice, so kind and if he wasn't married to Professor Savannah, he would surely get a lot of proposals.
The worst of it all was that Mr Wilson wasn't asking her. Not directly, he would never. He told her a little story about the local hockey team, of how they were finally showing what they came for with a winning strike now that the team's star had her chance to shine. Apparently, in his mind, the team's captain was some kind of local hero and it was such a shame she couldn't keep up with the classes.
In all honesty, Riley would've been fine with it if it wasn't for the minor detail that the team's captain was Anna Julia Jones and that Riley despised her. And don't you dare think it was just because AJ was a jock, because the reasons were never-ending. Firstly, she was noisy, loud, like a fucking puppy that loves to bark at birds or whatever. Secondly, she was a flirt, always with some cheesy lines to the girls. Thirdly, she was the reason Kelly Edwards wouldn't look at Riley.
She hated how Kelly would look at AJ as if she was anything but a Beach Barbie look alike. What was there to look at, after all? A muscled tanned 5'10 body? Dirty blonde wavy hair that looked great in a ponytail? Caramel eyes that were always gleaming with humour and a smile that wouldn't ever drop from her lips? A small, button nose that wrinkled when she made a joke?
Please, she wasn't even that hot.
"Riley?"
Professor Wilson's words brought her back to reality and Riley immediately snapped her dark eyes back to him. He smiled, sweetly, like he always did when he knew he was going to ask her the impossible. And she smiled back, as she always did when she was too afraid of disappointing him.
"Of course, Mr Wilson, I can help Miss Jones with her finals," Riley said, trying her best to not grind her teeth.
"Thank you so much, Riley!" The Professor said with relief stamped all over his face. "I'll send her your number."
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"You desperately need to learn how to say no."
By lunch, there were no texts from AJ yet, thankfully. If anything, she would decline the offer from Mr Wilson – at least, that was what Riley was hoping for. The hockey team's captain was known for being a little stubborn and having a big ego, so maybe accepting her help was something way too hurtful for her pride.
"I just don't wanna disappoint him," Riley sighed, looking at Iona, who was eating a salad next to her carefully, so it wouldn't ruin her perfect makeup. "I can't."
Iona rolled her eyes. "Please, you don't even like men! Plus, he's married."
Riley nudged Iona lightly on her shoulder. "Iona!" She gasped, making the blonde laugh. "It's not that, ew."
"Admit it, you finally had your straight awakening and the man responsible is your Economics professor!"
"Who had a straight awakening?"
The two of them looked up, meeting a grinning Seb. He left his black, dirty backpack over the table and sat down in front of them with a food tray before him. With a confused look in his eyes, he eyed the two girls.
"Riley, she's into Mr Wilson," Iona replied with a devilish smile.
"What?" Seb laughed before looking Riley dead in the eye. "I thought I was going to be your straight awakening."
"Shut up!" Riley roared, rolling her eyes. "I'm gay. G, A, Y, a lesbian. I like girls. Women!"
"That's great, 'cause same," Riley heard behind her, her smile dropping at the same time she turned.
There she was, Anna Julia Jones, biting down a laugh as if she had just heard the funniest thing ever in the middle of a library and Noah Alexander was working there – and god forbid if he heard a single sound coming from your mouth. Her sports jacket covered half her body and the cap with the Uni symbol barely let them see her dirty blonde hair.
Riley cleared her throat, feeling Iona shaking with laughter behind her. "Excuse me?"
"I like girls too." AJ nodded.
As if the whole Uni didn't know that already.
"I meant: what are you doing here?" Riley screwed her nose at her.
AJ sat next to her, taking the rest of the bench. She was taller than Riley expected and even more muscled than she remembered. She rested her elbow on the table and her hand on her palm, turning her body to face Riley.
With a teasing smile, she said, "Didn't Jake tell you?"
Jake, not Professor Wilson like anyone else. Jake. Just another reminder that she was better and more special than Riley.
"He told me you would text me," Riley folded her arms.
"Yeah but I thought it would be weird, so I just came to meet you!" She said, straightening up and displaying a hand for Riley to shake. "I'm Anna Julia but you can call me AJ, everybody does."
She looked at the displaying hand. Tanned with long fingers and short black nails. She reached for it, grabbing for a stiff shake, finding it surprisingly soft and callused, too delicate for a hockey player.
"I'm Riley."
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Anna Julia Jones couldn't keep the smile off her face.
Everyone had called her crazy and said the plan was naive if anything. It wouldn't work, no, actually, it would backfire so hard that she would be whining about it in a few days. Nicky was the most sceptical of them, promising AJ there wasn't a single chance that she would convince Jake of asking his best student to help her. And all that, for what, to get laid? It was foolishness.
But everyone was, oh, so wrong…
Because Jake, AJ's lovely brother-in-law, had given exactly what she asked first. It had been a journey to try and convince him she was having difficulties in Economics for a whole semester and that she wasn't just faking it – which, for the record, she was. It was even worse to lie right in Coach Mason's face during the tryouts, saying it was too hard for her to keep up with the class as she tried her best with training. 
And what a lovely coincidence it was that Jake and Mason were close friends and that AJ's older sister, Savannah, was over the moon with AJ's results during the season and would be devastated if her younger sister couldn't play anymore. And that Jake was a devoted husband. And who would've thought that Riley Atwood needed the extra credit? It was like destiny itself was on AJ's side on this – and not that she planned every single detail of this whole thing.
And no, not just so she could get laid.
But because Riley fucking Atwood was the most beautiful creature AJ had ever seen and just looking at her made her stomach flip. She had gorgeous dark green eyes that were always serious, a gleaming mocha skin that AJ dreamed of kissing and touching, lovely furrowed brows that were so fucking expressive and heart-shaped lips that were extremely attractive.
AJ got herself daydreaming of her whenever she could. Sometimes, her dreams were about beach dates and how beautiful her curly hair would look as the wind blew. Other times, in the middle of the night, AJ would think of kissing her lips, her skin, giving her tiny bites around her breasts and tracing a trail between her legs.
So lying wasn't a big deal. Not when AJ had never felt like this, not that strong. She was even ashamed of her player history, wondering if Riley was aware that she was probably the only LGBT woman AJ hadn't fucked yet. And if she knew, would she be able to see past it?
"It worked, it fucking worked!" She shouted, slamming the door open.
Bobby jumped on his seat, resting a hand over his chest right after. On the other side of the little house they shared, Nicky caught her eye and huffed with annoyance. He uncrossed his legs and then crossed them again before going back to take notes from the book on his side to the notebook in front of him.
“Someone’s in a mood…” AJ commented in a singing voice as she left her orange backpack on the couch and sat down next to Bobby.
“He’s studying,” Bobby explained as he scrolled on his phone. “You know, the thing you’re purposely avoiding to do.”
“Yeah, and it worked!” AJ squealed with happiness. “She’s going to tutor me.”
“This is gonna backfire so hard and blow up on your face,” Nicky said between his teeth as he turned on his chair to face them. “Bobby, tell her…”
Bobby turned to AJ with a smile. “She’s gonna figure it out and it’s gonna be terrible and you’re gonna cry for like a weak till you find your next lesbian obsession.”
“No, she’s not gonna find out unless one of you tells her,” AJ winked at Bobby before facing Nicky. “And you’re not gonna do that, right, Nicky?”
Nicky rolled his eyes, turning back to his notebook.
AJ shook her head, sinking into the couch. “You guys would get it if you saw her.”
“You sound like Bobby when he met the library guy for the first time,” Nicky remarked.
“Oi!” Bobby frowned. “Don’t drag me into this.”
“It was pretty funny,” AJ giggled beside him. “Oh, his voice is sooooo smooth.”
Bobby blushed, “That didn’t happen.”
“It did.” Both AJ and Nicky retorted at the same time.
Bobby was about to add something but the sound of the door interrupted him. AJ turned to face the door, watching as Genevieve made her way inside the shared house with a tired face and a sigh. She took her heels off and left her handbag over the kitchen table before sitting between Bobby and AJ.
Genevieve was a year older than AJ (and Bobby). She was lovely, the mum of their little group and also a med student, which was the main reason why she looked tired all the time. AJ hugged her from her side and Bobby did the same, them both squeezing her.
“All right, all right,” Viv giggled, patting them on their hats. “You look like cats.”
AJ was about to make a joke about it when a notification sound came from her phone. She bolted to her backpack – which was now fallen on the ground – and quickly grabbed it, her heart hammering in her chest.
"It's her!" She giggled, opening her phone.
Riley: tomorrow @ 4pm. library. don't be late.
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"So, yeah, knowing that, all you need to do is the regression analysis," Riley explained, tapping her pen against the book's hardcover.
AJ just nodded, already writing down the formula in her notebook. For someone that was failing the subject, she had caught up really quick. In less than 5 minutes, the question was already answered and the calculus was correct, shocking Riley – maybe the hockey captain wasn't that much of a dumbass.
"That's…" Riley cracked, incapable to believe her own words. "That's correct."
With a smile that was too sweet for Riley's liking, AJ nodded and turned back to her, so they could keep their study session going. But instead, Riley huffed, closing her book and resting her elbows on the table, narrowing her eyes as she steepled her hands together.
"What's your deal, Anna Julia?" she asked, to which AJ only responded with a confused look. "Why did you ask me for help?"
AJ tilted her head, her hair falling to the side like beautiful blonde cascades – not that Riley would notice it, after all, she was not that hot. "I told you, I'm failing-..."
"Why?" Riley pressed. "Why are you failing? You know the subject, you literally wrote down the equation and solved the exercise without needing me to explain it to you. So, why?"
AJ swallowed hard. Bingo. Riley was right, there was something behind that little theatre but what? What could she possibly want from her?
"Cause I wanted to go out with you."
Oh.
Well.
You could say Riley was not expecting that.
So she did the one thing that she could. She chuckled with nervousness. "What?"
"I like you and I wanna take you on a date."
"So you failed Economics?"
It wasn't supposed to sound that aggressive but it did and now AJ was screwing her face into a grimace and Riley's heart sunk.
Why did it sink? She hated jocks.
She hated AJ.
Wait, did she? Why?
Because AJ was a flirt that jumped around from bed to bed as if she was some kind of adult version of Tigger. Because she had probably slept with every queer woman on campus except for Riley. Because she was too loud with her group of friends that loved to joke mid-class. Because she thought she ruled that damned place just 'cause she knew her way around with a stick – no pun intended. And because she had slept with Kelly and Riley…
Well, Riley did not.
So yeah, she didn't like AJ. But did she hate her?
"Listen, AJ, you should focus on your finals…"
But AJ just scrunched her nose, crossing her arms and legs like a kid, making it very, very hard for Riley to not smile. "I'll do it if you go out on a date with me."
"AJ…"
"If not for me then for Jake." She straightened her posture, eyes focused on Riley, who had never seen her so serious. "I mean, professor Wilson."
Riley bit her tongue, trying to avert AJ's eyes but her own kept coming back as if they were magnets. She sighed, already feeling herself crumbling.
Iona was right. She definitely needed to learn how to say no.
"All right, I'm going out with you."
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louisagay-alcott · 3 years
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straight people who unquestioningly accept that “ellen has never existed” and are quick to applaud the fact that a lesbian has come to id as a man are not and never will be my allies. fuck off
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transmascjfk · 3 years
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i'm,, trans and hc chihiro to be a male..
i'm sorry, but i don't quite understand how that's transphobic. could you please explain how chihiro is transmisogynistic? (sorry if i come off as rude - that's not my intention and i genuinely just don't understand, though i would like to!!)
What is transmisoginy?
"Transmisogyny is a distinct category of transphobia in that transmisogyny mainly focuses on trans women and other transgender individuals who demonstrate femininity, whereas transphobia is a more general term, covering a broader spectrum of prejudice and discrimination towards transsexual and transgender individuals. Julia Serano states in Whipping Girl that "when the majority of jokes made at the expense of trans people center on 'men wearing dresses' or 'men who want their penises cut off' that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny. When the majority of violence and sexual assaults committed against trans people is directed at trans women, that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny." "
Chihiro is written to mock trans women, to say that in reality trans women are secretly men, she is a man who is weak and uses being trans as a way to escape her problems, this is a thing that is also said to trans men a lot, that theyre just trying to avoid the hard parts of being a woman by becoming a man. Even if the writters intended it to be like that or not (which they probably did because transphobia is a big thing that happens a lot, obviously) it's still transmisogynistic. Thats that on that
This is a pretty common transphobic trope actually, the "Turns out this one character was actually from the opposite sex??!!", theres more examples of this in other games outside Danganronpa.
But also her experience is pretty different from other examples, her experiences are way too similar with trans womens experiences.
This is mostly for the cis people who call her a crossdresser and refuse to change their mind, on it, sit down.
Written by a trans man.
Don't tell me whats transphobic and what it's not transphobic if you're cis. Just sit down and read.
Tw: transphobia, transmisoginy, death mentions and blood in the pictures.
The game implies a lot of stuff with her dialogue, it doesn't straight up says "I don't want to be a woman anymore, I'm a man" like everyone claims it does.
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[ Alt text 1:
Chihiro Fujisaki: I'm going to get stronger...and accept who I am... ]
[ Alt text 2:
Chihiro Fujisaki: Strong enough so that when someone says "even thought you're a boy" I'll be okay. I'll get better! ]
[ Alt text 3:
Chihiro Fujisaki: I wrapped myself in lies. I'm weak. I want to destroy that version of me forever! ]
[ Alt text 4:
Chihiro Fujisaki: ... I want to change. ]
[ Alt text 5:
Chihiro Fujisaki: I have to change. I don't want to be weak anymore ]
She goes to Mondo not because hes masculine, but because she admires him and his strength. She never once says it's because shes a man or because Mondo is a man.
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[ Alt text 1:
Chihiro Fujisaki: Maybe talking to Mondo about it will help give me some courage... ]
[ Alt text 2:
Chihiro Fujisaki: I admire... your strength... ]
These dialogues can be read in two ways, the first one being the one the game tries the hardest to put in your head thats shes a man, all of this guessed by other people btw not what she herself says. Which is really transphobic, because she was written as a trans woman and then theyre like "uh no actually hes a man, because he was born as one but hes a coward so he started to dress as a woman to hide from his problems. Because thats what people do right? People who dress as their oppossite gender are so pathetic, specially men amiright? Ahaha"
Reading it in this way really weird, you're doing a lot of mental gymnastics because you would literally call her a trans woman with all of this if the rest of the trial, that consists of cis people assuming shes a man, didn't happen. And sadly you're following transphobic ideas by this. Because the canon is transphobic and transmysoginistic.
And the other way is just read what she says, that she just wants to be stronger and stop lying to everyone, basically about being cis, because shes not, shes amab (assigned male at birth) and thats probably what she said to Mondo, but most people when a trans person who already passes or is in their transition comes out many people tend to think "oh so youre your gender assigned at birth and not the one you claim to be?", because they don't get what being trans is and they think only "biological gender" is a thing. Basically, misgendering and invalidating the trans person.
I can guess all of this just because of how vague they decided to make her dialogue, not even showing how she tells Mondo about being amab.
What did she said to Mondo? "I'm trans"? "I'm a man"? "I was born a man"? We dont know, because they didn't show it and she died right afterwards and then everyone was like "Chihiro was secretly a man" to solve the case and thats it. A lot of people in the discourse get their information from Monokuma who isn't either Chihiro or even Mondo. Monokuma knows many things but he can't read minds to know if she was really trans or not, only she could say it but she died so she couldn't explain if shes trans or not.
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[ Alt text:
A youtube comment by Gail Frisbee, posted 4 days ago, this comment was edited by the autor. The comment says:
"It's honestly increible to me when people try to argue that a scene in which a female-presenting character gets their genitals groped and then is posthumously referred to as a male from that point on can't be transphobic just because that character calls themselves a boy in some other side content later. It's on about the same level of intellectual honesty as claiming that Quiet from MGS5 isn't really fanservice because she totally breaths throught her skin you guys.
As it turns out, if you really dig down deep into the lore, Chihiro is a fictional character and the same people who wrote the genital investigation scene also wrote the lines that character says in the game as well. It's a shocking twist, I know." ]
Her fears of being outed and people founding out her secret (being trans) or being transphobic is used as a gross big twist. A trans woman being used as a mockery of trans people? Great totally normal (/sarcasm)
Read this post made by a trans woman. I'll be using this only part but it's still a great read.
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[ Alt text:
So. There is a lot to unpack here, but I want to start with something that specifically hurts me as a trans woman, and that's how the game flippantly uses real world horrors trans people face as shocking reveals and twists. You can go down the list for "worst nightmares" of trans people incluiding:
Threatening to be outed against your wishes
Outing yourself to a trusted friend and being met with rejection, or worse, violence
Having your body and privacy examined and invaded
Having your deadname used and being misgendered after death, when you can't correct them ]
Now, let's go to her backstory for a bit. I will be using the wiki for this. (Which sadly uses he/him for her 💔)
" When Chihiro was a child, he became the subject of harassment and bullying. He was always told to "be a man" and that he was "so weak despite being a boy", and because of that, Chihiro slowly but surely began to develop a "weakness complex". In order to escape the bullying, Chihiro began to dress as a girl so that people wouldn't bully him as a weak boy. "
This doesn't sound like a normal crossdresser, this sounds like a trans woman who was bullied for being different when she was younger, like many trans people, and then she decided to transition because she's a woman, she wanted to be more feminine and stop being seen as a person shes not. Specially after so many people tell her to basically man up when she doesn't want that, because shes not a man.
Have you ever heard of the classic stories of "since I was little i knew i was different, i was a boy who liked playing with dolls and was more feminine than the rest" or "i used to be a tomboy when i was little, i had mostly male friends, i liked playing with car toys and was more masculine than other kids" coming from trans people? This just sounds as these types of stories to me.
People also like to say that alter ego uses he/him pronouns and says shes a boy. Many trans people can misgender themselves for personal reasons too guys, she could've been trying to misgender herself because she didn't felt like she wasn't enough to be a real woman, this happens a lot to trans people. If people constantly tell you that you're not actually transgender or you just feel like you're faking it then you might actually believe it, thats were most "detransitioners" come from. And thats basically what they made her, a detransitioner.
Some of you might also don't get how shes trans because you think she doesn't perfect or exact trans stereotypes. Trans experiences can be similar on the feeling of not fitting in, dysphoria, etc. But trans experiences, stories, transitions and complete lifes can be very different, because we all (including cis people) live different lifes, experience, process and cope with things differently. So i can understand why you might not get her being trans coded at first, don't worry. But try instead of just not caring because you don't get it at the first try, to see what trans people say.
This whole discourse its mostly cis people talking over trans people about their own experiences (incluiding the dead trans coded characters experience) saying if theyre valid or not and denying stuff not wanting to learn anything, completely refusing to it because "In canon hes a boy" ok then in canon shes written in a transphobic way too but most of you don't care about that. You would rather call her a crossdresser than try to acknowledge how obviously trans coded she is and how thats used as transphobia.
The way most cis people act in this discourse is very transphobic to me to be honest, if you think you're a good ally but act like this then you should get more educated on the topic as a whole and about trans people too.
-the trans Chihiro flag to finish this up, she has a bit boobie! good for her! good for her.
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An HP ship plz ?💕 I don't mind any era so I let you pick a character in whatever ! Let's give 1st essential information : I'm a straight black girl, sorted slytherin but more like a slytherdor. my mbti is entp, and my zodiac : aries. ( sun in aries, moon in Sagittarius and rising in Capricorn) tall of 173cm with mid back black curly hair. My body is kind of tied between athletic and curvy shaped. I wear in general streetwear and tomboyish clothes but also decently revealing ones I think for society ? Like crop tops or skirt/dress but not the two at the same time ? If I show legs I don't expose my stomach for exemple.
I like sports, (my fav is 🏀) also food (im a gluton) and intellectual things like debating, MEMES, learning, languages. Also cards/video games. I often walk outside alone, play street-basket, eat or practice cooking, draw, write, learn about any subject or play videos games.
My personality is w/ no doubt well polyvalent, like I can be a lot of things in function of my mood. But I would say that im generally chaotic, playful, sassy, funny, intuitive, passionate, competitive and someone you wouldn't want to mess up with cause I will make you regret, i'm hot tempered and I think this is in my aura too cause 1st peoples find me intimidating despite they say I'm charismatic. However, i value honesty, courage, justice, loyalty, knowledge and independance. I'm quite prideful, fear failures, weakness, boredrom and fear to have fears if you know what I mean ?
I'm ambiverted and lean toward extravert (im 60%) I would say despite being picky about friends and don't trust easily. I'm ambitious, creative w/ rebelious tendencies, very smart ( a top student) but my attitude isn't and I give no fuck. Then just few anectdocts : I can be flirty but don't take very well come backs, im awkwardly shy after like a sort of weird tsundere but I don't yell baka ? Also I did like a lot of dumb things in my chilhood, if i'm a actual smartie I was sooo duumb before. Also naive and the betrayal of one of my "friends" changed me w/ something maybe people would define as cyber harcelement or hacking ? Strange story w/ popular kids AnYwAY. I think its all ? And yeah I like caramel and i want to speak various languages and study economics and world history.
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I ship you with Sirius! 
You guys would literally get along so well together! He was initially attracted to your unique sense of style, loving the way you stood out from a crowd and were not afraid to show a more tomboy-ish look. He can’t quite explain the way he interprets your look, but he is enthralled by the way you can rock a casual streetwear outfit and look effortless. 
ENTPs are notorious for keeping people on their toes, never falling short in terms of a creative comeback or reply. He loves the way you always challenge his views, offering an alternative perspective.Aries’ are known for being extremely passionate, paired along with your rising and adjacent signs is a recipe for some wild conversations. You often find yourselves speaking over one another, adding something new to the conversation. The rest of the marauders cannot get over how alike the two of you are, they literally can not get a word in edgeways when the both of you are together. They are grateful however, they know their friend has finally found someone who can keep up with his antics. With your astrological chart, you can be stubborn on occasion, Remus has definitely had to intervene when neither of you are going to change your opinion. You hardly get into serious arguments, both agreeing to disagree rather than continue being mad. 
One of your favourite things to do is to explore the forbidden forest together. You both have a slight disregard for the rules and are constantly daring each other to push the boundaries of the rules. Every time you two go into the forest you manage to go deeper and deeper, both filled to the brim with fear. Neither one of you wants to admit that they are scared, both being Gryffindor/Slytherin, the rivalry is definitely clear! You love to challenge each other to new limits. But, he always makes sure you both keep one arm of hand on one another. Not only to reassure yourselves, but Sirius is protective. He often offers to walk in front of you, making sure the coast is clear before continuing your latest adventure. He knows you can look after yourself, but he feels it is his job to keep an eye on you, no matter how capable you are. 
Once you get to know each other more deeply, he can see you start to let your guard down. Seeing your personality start to open up is something that makes his heart soar, he might even get a bit cocky. Knowing that you are beginning to trust him is something he takes major pride in. You often share evening sneaking into each others common rooms, staying up til the early hours, just talking. Hands loosely intertwined, half asleep conversations, sharing the most intimate parts of yourselves to one another. You both have walls built up, therefore letting them fall is something you both cherish. 
The rest of the marauders are grateful you have joined their friendship circle, you instantly gained their respect and trust after seeing how you interact with their friend Sirius. Remus cannot believe they managed to find a female replica of their best friend. James is less surprised, he can see how well the two of you get along, the friendly banter and playful arguments is mesmerising to watch. They could not be happier for their friend, they seek to invite you whenever they go on a wild adventure, insisting you are just as much part of the group as they are, even if you were sorted into Slytherin. Although, you do possess some Gryffindor traits!
The song I associate with you guys would be ‘Love Me Two Times’ by The Doors!
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The last anon just seemed to me to be doing what you usually ask people to do in asks, i.e. cutting out the small talk and getting straight to the point. Yeah, they don't seem like someone I'd want to know in real life, but I'm not sure what was so creepy about them?
Addition to the last ask: I'm not so much criticising your response as genuinely wanting to know what prompted it, since I have a hard time understanding what other people consider "creepy"             
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I thought about whether I should answer this, not because there’s anything wrong with your question, but because of the prior factors; if this was a case of the internet stripping out tone, this would add insult to injury. However, I ultimately think it’s valuable to talk about what in this bothered me and why. After I post this, any further discussion on that anon will be closed. I will delete questions about it and will not be responding to replies/reblogs, because the only purpose they’ll be serving is pointless piling on. I do understand that my initial response seemed very harsh to some; I think the best thing you can do if you have concerns about my judgment is to unfollow or block me. I am not changing my mind.
So: the issues I had were primarily with the content. As you pointed out the actual style was fine; it was the behaviors they described that I found unnerving.
Last caveat: most tend to develop something of a danger sense for behaviors that they correlate with the person with that behavior potentially getting violent or manipulative, and it’s ultimately a personal/experiential gut feeling - what I find to be a red flag is not necessarily what you will find to be a red flag and vice versa. This person didn’t say anything that was itself explicitly threatening but the overall impression was not just “I don’t really like this person” but “I would feel unsafe if I were in a room alone with this person”. And again - I could have the complete wrong impression, especially since this is over the internet. It is, for lack of a better term, a vibe and not a logical conclusion, but I have learned not to ignore said vibes.
Said red flags: a lot of entitlement and just a general sense that this person thinks they are the hardest worker and that they don’t get what they deserve. The sentence that I think best exemplifies this is here: “As time passed and others who did the bare minimum got more recognition than me I got a lot less dedicated”. There’s a lot about their perfectionism and extremely high standards.
Second: the discussion of PC-culture being taken further than necessary is a delicate and nuanced one I don’t have time to go into here. I do think there are certainly people who go too far, a la the tumblr people who say that liking food from a different culture is appropriation. I also in general find that someone who uses the term SJW unironically and claims people are too sensitive nowadays is typically the kind of person who is mad they can’t use slurs without receiving criticism.
Third: A lot of this sounded really...clinical, I guess, is the best way to put it when dealing with people. Like, the whole reciprocation, and the way they analyze famous people’s careers for PR missteps. It just feels like they see people to be studied and used and perhaps tolerated. There’s nothing about like...how they engage with people and most of their references are to how they interact with people they dislike or what people can do to make them dislike them. There was also the bit about not getting hung up on always being right...but also defending the person who’s right even if they detest them. Now, facts are facts, that’s true, but most real-life scenarios are not an easy true/false binary - especially in a business environment - and yet I don’t get the sense this person accepts or believes that.
And fourth: I will admit to some of the flaws within this post myself - but they are flaws. Believing you are always the only competent person in the room is a sign you don’t respect people. Some people have short tempers - and that’s not a good thing! This part is probably the most subject to the limitations of the medium: they’re talking about how they are, not how they want to be, and in an MBTI typing that does come off a little differently than if we were talking in person and someone introduced themselves to me like this. It is unfortunately difficult, since I don’t have typing conversations in real life (I type people from what I see, not what they tell me), to separate my “wow if someone introduced me to themselves like this I’d be like ‘yikes’“ from the context of MBTI typing, where talking a lot about yourself is the point. Which brings me to the last point.
With the exception of the PC-culture/SJW bit, which would be a red flag on its own, if only one of the other pieces were present, and perhaps not to the same degree throughout, I don’t think I’d have had the same reaction - it would have been closer to “oh I don’t think I’d like this person but whatever”. But all together it painted a picture of someone who doesn’t seem to care about other people at all - absolutely no interest in protecting their feelings*, not considering that perhaps they (the anon) doesn’t have the whole picture regarding someone’s recognition, not accepting any excuses (examples not given but like...while constantly fucking up is a problem everyone makes mistakes occasionally because they are real and fallible people, not automatons), not trusting anyone - they don’t want to lead because no one else can follow, but then they do lead because they need control...if I were on a hiring committee and someone gave off this impression, I wouldn’t hire them because a big part of competence is being able to work with other people. They strike me as a person with little respect for most other people, but who demands respect for themselves.
*I also considered not including this but I think it adds context. After I responded I got anon hate from this person and have blocked them on anon (so they can still read the blog and I don’t know their url, but they can no longer ask anon messages from that IP). I’m not saying this for sympathy. I’m saying this because if someone says “I think PC culture/SJW makes people too thin-skinned” and “I hate when people use excuses” and that any attempts to fool them is intellectual disrespect and then they blow up when you give your own honest opinion back to them...that is a strong, strong sign your gut feel about them was right. That is not someone who values honesty at all costs; that’s someone who values power at all costs.
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kmclaude · 7 years
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Then why not just ignore them and let them be idiot kids on their own?? I mean none of them tried to interact with you on that level, so they probably understand that you don't want that and were trying to avoid hurting you. I mean... You are the one who started this entire thing up again.
And you are the one continuing it so I’m not seeing your point. 
They posted it publicly which means there’s a chance I’d find it knowing how insulting it is and I’m allowed to have a reaction to it on my blog which you are free to unfollow at any time. Sorry it’s not the one you want though it’s the one we all knew I’d have. 
Like man, to be blunt in all honesty? Be grateful I’m taking this in stride considering y’all all know how insulting this is. It straight up disgusts me but hey, can’t stop you, and at least I’m laughing rather than going the fuck off ‘cause believe me, I know people who would not be as chill at all. As a friend said that I’m kinda misquoting: “It’s alarming to have someone appropriating your intellectual property.” Like... It’s very understandable why someone would not be cool with this stuff ‘cause it’s essentially glorified roleplay going above and beyond the boundaries of roleplay (and often using some rather troubling language that borders on if not totally appropriates the language of mental health.)
All I’m asking is if I gotta deal with this, I at least wanna see someone try to pretend they’re an amoral trickster demon who’s sole purpose is eating souls and wrecking people. I need a laugh.
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abigailabbyallen · 6 years
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oh hi there.
abby here.
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"me, doing what i do best: trampsing through the forest in long effluvious dresses like some sort-of Marie Antoinette-esque faux Bohemian will-o-the-wisp-ish Nietzschian Dionysian desperate hipster. but really, i’m just me, which isn’t much of anybody…not really. Guess the joke’s on me. Good one, abby…good one."
ok ‘abby,’ so what?! who am i and what do i do and why on-earth should you care?
ok, okay. honestly, you probably shouldn’t care. but, on the freakish off-chance that somebody out-there happens to feel, even just mildly intrigued, here’s a bit (ok, a bit more than a ‘bit,’) about what makes me totally amazing…
i’d call myself an amateur dabbler of-sorts in the epic pursuit of creating something, anything that feels actually meaningful, which seems increasingly difficult to achieve in this culturally divisive, label obsessed, social media skewed, generally soul shattered and straight-up surreally apathetic zeitgeist of our current national climate circa 2017-’18.
So i guess i spend most of my time trying to figure-out how to say something that’s relevant, that at-least feels important, that speaks to people in some emotionally real or soul-stirring way, that would resonate at a frequency that could be felt and so heard by a few finely tuned ears above the din of mostly angry static.
so. what does all that make me, exactly? personally, i’d say it makes me a dreamer, of sorts (quite possibly a delusional one, but still) a dilletante, an idealist, a bit of an agoraphobic hermit, and, once again: a dabbler in the arty-ish-esque pursuit of the visual, creative, and i hope one-day truly meaningful sort, mainly involving drawing, photography, and mixed-media manual mashups of the two.
i like art that shows its fingerprints; some lingering trace of the soul who created it (this “trace” would smell of pine needles, preferably. Or of a match, right-after after its been struck).
i love the way art can often bridge the gap of pleasantries and personna and politeness, to meet at a point where two souls can just sit quietly and reach an intuitive understanding. Whatever this is, this Soul Speak (so-to-speak. ha..)
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“i call this creature ‘the Being of Unbearable Lightness’…a winged yet tragically flightless creature typically seen fetally perched amidst the words or glimpsed wandering deeper in the subtext between, the lines of Milan Kundera’s ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being,” deep in the midst of an existential crisis, paralyzed by life’s seeming lack of meaning, held forever in-place by the great burden of being, and all of life’s just barely endurable beauty and hoping all fraught with subsurface knowing that it is all ever so fleeting- so we’re left half in awe half overwhelmed by the weight of these feelings of being alive and awake to our own fear and trembling, by the simple sound of our own heart’s beating, the sigh of our unspread wings impatiently heaving…. such unbearable weights both the beauty and sorrows of life can become , by such undeserved and immeasurable freedom, our brightness, our lightness our weightless capacity to rise-up in flight, it’s a light that, taken lightly- can both inspire and ignite us, but stared at directly with wide-eyed intensity, it becomes a dark sort of brightness- the kind that will bind us and blind us to the wings we have enfolded behind us, unseen afixed to our backs, and to that which has taken our sight and is holding us back; our capacity for flight kept just out of sight and beyond the brink of our wildest dreaming, and life instead becomes a picture of some living thing captured, a winged being whose chest is still heaving, whose heart is still audibly beating, emanating still a waning sort of fading light, living paralyzed inside a picture framed-in perfect still-life.”
anyway, i just think it is utterly crucial to the honesty and depth of empathy we seek to express and receive in this all-too-human exchange of hearts that beat just beneath the pristine surface in the ancient language that is the secret to all art–
something ancient, forgotten but infinitely innate hidden wisdom that’s held deep beneath the surface of mind, in the depths of every human soul, lost beneath layers of dreams upon blackness upon nightmares upon imaginings upon shadow-figures’ outlines traced in ghost-chalk, held beneath layer after layer of our heart’s bottomless, untamed and unknowable darkness.
and even-though i think We’ve mostly lost touch with-it, there is, every so often for just a little while, that unmistakably “other” sort of silence, that draws-forth our tentative visions from beneath the shadowy-netherrealms of our subconscious, and into the illuminated theatre of our mind’s interior.
Art has the capacity to capture and translate what we can only glimpse or guess-at through our mind’s eye, which is all one very long-winded way of looking at it. Mainly this was just me at my worst: being wordy and tangential in-attempts to sound extremely intelligent. My hoity-toity Stream-of-Unconscious-Gobiligook.
… my somewhat obscure/obscured Point-being: it’s all a matter of how you see things, and what you feel is the best way you can express something deeply and honestly.
And while I’ve seen so-much digitally created art that has taken my breath away ( i marvel at the artist who can look into that boundless techno-void of infinite creative possibility and bring that dream into the light of actual reality…) Because our current technology is pretty powerful stuff- pretty powerful, as in:
“ANYbody! even YOU! possess the power to become magical-God-like-omnipotent-creator-of-virtual-realities-from-pure-visionary-techno-void! All that’s required is some basic computer Know-How and the requisite digital dexterity in-order to press that ‘click’ button!”
But…speaking personally (with way fewer exclamation points) all this apparently very “basic” technology that My Generation is simply expected to have some magical, inherent understanding of,
or at least possess some innate potential for understanding,
or (at the absolute and very least) possess the intellectual hubris necessary to reassure myself that, while theoretically, i totally have all the inherent, intuitive and intellectual hutzpah necessary to develop a highly advanced & thoroughly complete understanding of ALL this technological hooey, if!
If …i felt like it,
the truth is? i DON’T.
Ergo? i DON’T.
instead, i choose to fill my head with whatever i find interesting, such as:
Legends, myths, and figures of ancient Icelandic lore,
apt metaphors and poetic similies that parallel the plight of moths,
Rhymes and imagery relating to the moon,
various metaphors, symbolism, allegories and what have you that embody the nature or capture some elemental facet of the meaning of illumination; including but not limited to such qualities as related to emanation, refraction, reflection, invocation, obfuscation, sfumato, chiaroscuro, projection, bioluminescence, phosphorescence, foxfire, prismatic bifurcation and so-on and so-forth,
other light-related Questions such-as, implications of what it really means to be the kind of thing known to have a particular propensity and/or the inclination to “shine,” …versus the very different sort of thing known for being inherently bestowed with that coveted capacity to emanate from within, i.e. To “glow.”
(This is all important stuff, people)
i also think a lot about eyeshine, a.k.a. “tapestra lucidem,” (i highly doubt that my spelling there is correct, just bytheby) but which essentially translates to mean “illuminated tapestry.” ...which is obviously pretty intriguing because the two things (eyeshine and illuminated tapestries) don't immediately strike-me as being in anyway related let-alone synonymous, so by its very definition alone this idea of eyeshine is weird, in that mysterious, spooky-beautiful & phantasmagorically delicious kinda way...
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