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#soil musings
kazeofthemagun · 3 months
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[I like how Kaze can just.. shoehorn himself into any setting or scenario and it be perfectly part of his whole running gag. The stark comedic contrast of this huge dark figure stoicly carrying on in the middle of the most bizarre scene you have ever witnessed. This man has seen so much weird stuff in Wonderland that he could probably visit like, the damn teletubbies and straight-facedly demand intel on Chaos. In Lisa's words, that's just the kind of guy he is.]
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ragnarokhound · 1 month
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((you don’t have to do both if you don’t want to, you can consider this one a back up / alt))
“If you don’t know where to go, you can always come here.” 💞
From this writing prompt list i reblogged in...november lmao fljdsjfa
anyway this grew legs and sprinted away the second I picked it up yesterday - clearly it just needed some time to proof lmao. Thank you for the ask, tauria!! From *checks watch* almost 5 months ago fjdslafjsa I will be cross-posting it to Ao3 in my new oneshot collection fic :)
Warnings for: Vague allusions that Ra's Al Ghul is a creep (what else is new), threats of gun violence, canon-typical violence
15. “If you don’t know where to go, you can always come here.”
When Tim arrived in Gotham this morning, he had no way of knowing that his day would end in Jason Todd’s bed. 
Frankly, he wasn’t really sure what bed he’d end up in— because his own certainly wasn’t an option right now. But If he had to pick, Jason Todd’s was somewhere near the bottom of whatever list he’d make.
He didn’t exactly plan on this, okay? 
But, uh. Let’s back up a little.
Tim knew his day was going to go to shit when he got back from the airport at 7 AM.
He had his driver drop him off two blocks away from his townhouse for the sake of caffeine at the hole in the wall place he likes. Wealthy CEO he may be, but a sixteen hour flight is still a sixteen hour flight and Tim is cursed with an inability to sleep in the air. 
Don’t ask. He’s tried. It doesn’t work.
So he wants coffee, and he wants a shower, and he wants his own bed. In that order.
With the first thing on his list acquired and blessedly burning his tongue, he managed to tug his brain cells together enough to realize that the building they’d passed that had been shrouded in tents and canvas was his building.
"What's going on here?"
The worker outside his building looks up from her clipboard, her face wrinkling into apprehensive confusion.
"Hello, sir. Can I help you?”
He hasn’t slept in roughly seventy two hours. He is not awake or patient enough for this.
“My name is Tim Drake. I own this building. What’s going on here?” He repeats.
The woman raises her eyebrows and looks down at her clipboard again. “Mr. Drake?” She questions, clearly expecting him to look like a grown-ass man and not a sleep-deprived college student coming home from spring break or whatever.
“Yes. Timothy Drake-Wayne. Why are you—” he tries to gesture with the hand still holding his suitcase handle, walking towards the tarps and tents erected around his townhouse with increasing trepidation, “—here?”
“I’m sorry sir, but you can’t go in there. Not for at least forty-eight hours.”
Tim stops in his tracks.
“Forty-eight—?”
“We've been scheduled to fumigate the property today.” She says it like she’s reading it out of a handbook. “It won't be safe to enter the building for at least forty-eight hours. You should have received prior notice. Uh. Sir.”
Tim's jet-lagged brain kicks into overdrive. 
Bruce hasn't made any disappointed noises about Tim’s perfectly normal work ethic lately so it probably wasn't a misguided attempt at benching him. And besides, rendering Tim’s apartment inaccessible is counterproductive on that front. 
Dick wouldn’t. They haven’t been exactly— great, lately but he wouldn’t. Besides, if he wanted to get Tim out of the house more, he’d show up to drag Tim out into the daylight himself. This is a little too roundabout for him.
It’s too much work to be Steph. She would think it’s funny, but there’s no way she’d follow through.
Damian might, but this doesn’t quite fit his preferred methods for making Tim’s life hell. It could be some cloak and dagger maneuver to leave him vulnerable, faking a complaint to the city so he’ll—
And then Tim thinks about the call.
The call he’d brushed off at fuck o’clock in the morning somewhere over Europe, too busy with another project. The call his secretary took for him instead. He thinks about the distracted confirmation he’d given to whatever it was she’d asked him about five minutes later. 
He also thinks about the form he signed about two weeks ago, before this last minute trip to Hong Kong had consumed his entire attention. The one with “Two Weeks Notice” stamped across the top. His stomach sinks.
“Today,” he repeats.
She looks apologetic. “Today,” she confirms. “And we just started about an hour ago. I’m very sorry, Mr. Drake-Wayne but—”
"No it's—" he says through gritted teeth, "fine. I'll just. Make other arrangements."
He does not make other arrangements. Though not for lack of trying.
Tim has a handful of safehouses scattered throughout the city. He has options. He gets a taxi to the closest neighborhood, and nearly falls asleep in the backseat. The cabby has to knock on the glass divider to get his attention when they come to a stop. He grumbles and hauls his suitcase out of the backseat, and tips the man excessively.
Shower. Bed. Sleep. He’s so close he could cry.
Except when he finally rolls around the block, coffee half gone and trying to remember if this safehouse is the one with in-unit laundry or if he’ll have to haul his shit down to the laundry room, his building is a blackened husk with police tape all around it.
He stops on the sidewalk. He peers up at the window of his unit, squinting at the peeling black wood and shattered glass. He ponders whether two is enough data points to be considered a pattern. And whether he could get away with napping in the alley on this street or if that’ll end with him stabbed and robbed.
As he’s pondering, he catches sight of a passerby and stops him.
“‘Scuse me,” he says apologetically. “What the hell happened here?”
The guy looks up from his phone and takes in his rumpled clothes, his suitcase, and the scorched remains of his apartment.
“Oh, uh. Yeah, there was a big fire about a week back? Bad fire. Took out, like, half the block. Cops are saying it’s arson.”
“A week ago,” Tim repeats. The guy’s eyes widen.
“Oh shit, bro, did you live here?”
“I’ve been out of town,” he explains numbly.
“Dude, that sucks. And right in the middle of con’ season. Good luck finding a hotel!”
“Yeah,” Tim sighs as the guy walks away. “Thanks.”
The next safehouse he tries isn’t in much better shape. 
He remembers hearing about Freeze going on a rampage a few days into his trip, but he hadn’t realized another one of his places had been caught in the cross-fire. The cold burst the pipes, and now the whole place is undergoing renovation.
He hears all this from the crotchety old lady who lives in the next building over (her building needs renovation too, but will the city pay for it? Of course not, they weren’t ‘directly impacted by disaster’ so they won’t see a penny of relief funds even though their pipes are on the same line. Typical) and when he finally extricates himself from the conversation, it’s almost noon, his second cup of coffee is long-since empty and he’s at the end of his goddamn rope.
By the time he sees his next safehouse, he isn’t even surprised anymore.
“Does God hate me?” He asks the boarded up building. “Is this a punishment? What did I do? What the fuck did I do?”
He is 99% sure at this point that someone is burning his bolt holes. There’s a short list of people with the resources and the intel to do it, and while he’s not above ruling out the likes of Damian just yet, he seriously doubts anyone wearing a bat is behind this. 
Besides, Dick would have noticed by now if Damian were sinking this many resources into convoluted covert ops designed to make Tim suffer. Definitely. Probably.
Fuck it.
He goes around the back and hops on top of his suitcase to reach the clunky camera watching the back entrance. This building is on the shittier side, closer to Crime Alley than his other haunts; cameras break all the time around here. He’ll have it replaced after he’s a functional human again.
Reportedly, this building was tagged for ‘high toxicity levels’—  which is pretty typical for any building where fear toxin or Joker gas are found in any amount. They must have found a lot to condemn the whole building, but Tim is confident he’ll be fine. The airborne shit dissipates to safe levels within hours depending on the ventilation. If it was in the air, it’s long gone. Anything else needs to be injected to be effective.
Once the camera’s busted, he kicks out the boards and heads inside.
He drags his suitcase in after him, and mourns the shower he probably won’t be getting. The hall lights are out, and chances are the water’s been shut off along with the electricity. But at this point, he simply does not give a shit. All he wants are four walls and a mattress.
Leaning on the door to his floor to make it open, he stumbles out into the hallway—
And catches sight of the glistening curved dagger stabbed into the wall next to his door, the hilt gleaming green in the sinking sun.
“Nope,” Tim says, spinning on his heel and going back down the stairwell double time. “Nope, nope, nope.”
He is now 100% certain that the League of Assassins has been burning his bolt holes. Ra’s al fucking Ghul can eat his whole ass.
Seven blocks away, Tim sits on the sidewalk in front of a bodega and contemplates a third cup of coffee. The shittiest one yet.
See, here’s the thing.
The thing is, he has options.
He could go to the Manor. Or the penthouse. Or to Steph’s place. He’d have to answer some unnecessary questions like ‘Master Timothy, you know you can’t sleep on aircraft, why didn’t you sleep before your flight’ or ‘Tim, why didn’t you come here first, you know you can still come to me if you’re in trouble, right’ or ‘why did you agree to fumigate your fucking house, you loser, lmao’. (Stephanie is not going to let him live this down). 
He is absolutely certain that he would be welcomed in any of these places and after a completely undeserved amount of fussing, he could take a fucking nap and someone else would deal with the League bullshit for him.
And that’s the thing. There’s the rub.
No one should have to deal with the League bullshit for him. This is his problem. He’s not in a hurry to bring them down on anyone. Not even Damian.
With grim resignation, he reaches for his phone to try and find a hotel room (during a con’ weekend apparently, RIP) and maybe get a fucking handle on this whole stupid thing, when he hears:
“Hand over your wallet!”
He lifts his head slowly and finds himself looking down the barrel of a gun. A gun held by some guy wearing a ski mask in broad fucking daylight. There’s another guy next to him who’s watching the street. There’s a third guy somewhere behind him who he can’t see, but he can hear the scuff of his boots.
Sure. Why not. With the day he’s had, this might as well happen. He holds up his hands placatingly.
Tim contemplates his muggers. The guy with the gun is jittery, probably new to this, or hopped up on something. He keeps glancing between Tim and the bodega behind him, so they were probably planning a run on the till. Might have chickened out, or thought Tim was an easier target, an unexpected meal ticket plopped right in their path. Or they were already inside when Tim sat down, which wouldn’t bode well for his situational awareness seeing as he just came out of there himself.
The grinding gears of his tired brain keep getting caught on the fact that this is happening in the middle of the fucking day. Tim glances at the street corner and bites his cheek in frustration. Yeah, he’s smack dab in the middle of the Alley. Figures.
“Are you deaf or somethin’ man?” The guy with the gun is saying. “Hand over your fucking wallet!”
The other guy doesn’t seem as crazy-eyed. He’s nervous, though. He keeps looking around like he’s expecting Batman to materialize, to come whistling down the street like a beat cop.
“Dude, come on, it’s not fucking worth it,” he says, grabbing at the gunman’s shoulder. “We got the money, let’s fucking go.”
The third guy kicks over Tim’s suitcase. “Yeah, come on, Don, let’s just grab this shit and bounce.”
Tim can’t do anything. He’s not Red Robin right now. He’s Timothy Drake-Wayne, CEO of Wayne Enterprises, and he’s getting mugged in front of a bodega at two in the afternoon in a rumpled suit and tie and still toting his suitcase from his early morning flight. 
His hands are trembling from unspent adrenaline, too much caffeine, and not enough sleep. His eyelids are the heaviest they’ve ever been in his godforsaken life. His ears are ringing. He could knock all three of them down in less time than it takes to tie his shoelaces. But he can’t.
“Shut up, Johnny, look at him shaking! What’s he gonna do? If he doesn’t wanna get shot, rich boy’s gonna hand over all his fucking shit!”
“Hey, let’s just—” Tim tries to say.
Stars explode across his vision as Tim takes a punch he genuinely wasn’t expecting. He stares up at the blue sky for about half a second, more confused than anything else, before the gunman grabs him by the front of his shirt and hauls him up to shout in his face.
“What’s it gonna be, pretty boy?!”
Caught on the exhausted edge between vigilante training and the preservation of his identity, Tim is frozen. He doesn’t know what to do. He kind of wants to cry.
“Gee, Donny, what is it gonna be?” A fourth voice says, full of false cheer.
Tim blinks. So do the muggers. 
He knows that voice.
“Who the fuck—?” The gunman drops Tim, spinning around and into a fist. He tumbles down to the ground, out cold.
Everything happens pretty quickly after that.
Jason Todd is in civvies. He’s sporting a worn out looking hoodie and a pair of jeans that have seen better days. But his heavy boots are the same ones he wears for his uniform, and the kick he delivers to Johnny’s face is all Red Hood.
Almost in a daze, Tim watches him fight with the usual mix of seething envy and raw desire that rears its ugly head any time he gets to see Jason in action. He’s fast, decisive. Efficient. Beautiful. Tim wishes he had Jason’s skill. And he wishes— 
Well. He wishes a lot of things about Jason Todd.
Tim is pretty sure he and Jason are friends. Maybe. Probably. They’ve pretty much moved past the whole “replacement”, “zombie-dickhead” part of their relationship and have graduated to occasionally providing backup on ops that overlap in each other’s sectors, ganging up on Dick when they’re all in the same room, and maintaining a surprisingly steady stream of vigilante gossip to keep each other in the loop. 
So, ok, yes, due to the aforementioned, he’s pretty sure they’re friends. And also because Jason wouldn’t have stuck his neck out for him otherwise. He would have just let him get mugged.
Watching Jason fight is one of Tim’s favorite pastimes. But right now, Tim’s usual appreciation is soured by the gut-roiling embarrassment of being caught in this position by Jason of all people. His eyes itch. His cheek throbs. He’s so fucking tired.
“Hey, little stalker,” Jason says suddenly, holding out an expectant hand in Tim’s face. The muggers are groaning on the ground around them. Tim isn’t sure when that happened. He might have zoned out. “Did you know that you had a stalker for a change?”
Tim flushes. “I resent that. I haven’t stalked anyone in years.” He takes the hand. It’s warm, and calloused, and big around his.
Jason laughs at him and yanks him to his feet. “Liar.”
Tim’s mouth twists into a scowl. He tries to glare at Jason, but he can feel himself swaying and Jason still hasn’t let go of him, and it’s ruining everything.
Also, lowkey, Jason is right. But in his defense, it is literally their job to stalk people, so.
“I haven’t stalked you in years then. Just other guys. Bad guys. Not non-bad guys. Fuck. You know what I mean. Whatever.” He pauses; recalibrates. “Had?” He asks.
Jason’s eyebrows inched higher and higher the longer Tim talked. Tim doesn’t blame him.
“Yeah. Had.” 
So much for the League, Tim muses.
Jason gives him a once over before tugging decisively on Tim’s wrist, easily grabbing the handle of his suitcase and starting to walk with both in tow, to Tim’s rising horror. 
“You’re coming with me, shortstack. What’s wrong with you? Are you drunk? You look like shit.”
Tim tries to yank his wrist out of Jason’s grip, but the asshole doesn’t budge. “I’m not drunk,” Tim snaps. “I’m fine. I’m just. I’m just… really tired.”
Jason stops abruptly, and Tim stumbles into his shoulder.
“I can see that,” he says, steadying Tim with an amused but ultimately sympathetic look. He loads Tim’s suitcase onto the back of a motorcycle that Tim literally just now noticed. 
God, he’s fucked. And not even in a fun way. 
“C’mon,” Jason says. “Don’t fall asleep on the way over— road rash sucks ass.”
They don’t talk on the way to— wherever Jason is taking them, but once they’re parked in a random garage and walking towards the elevators, the game of twenty questions begins.
“So why’ve you got League assassins after you, anyway? Piss in a lazarus pit? Push over the baby brat on the playground?”
“Ra’s al Ghul wants my body,” Tim says, dejected but resigned to this bizarre fact of his life. “Since I was seventeen, I’m pretty sure.”
Jason wrinkles his nose. “Ew.”
“I don’t think it’s a sex thing? But it could also be a sex thing.”
“Again. Fucking ew.”
“Yeah. Also I blew up a bunch of his shit and I think he’s still salty I got away with it.”
“Is that why you weren’t at the Manor?” Jason asks, herding Tim out of the elevator and down a long hallway. “Or anywhere but a random street in Crime Alley?”
Tim nods. “Yeah. They found all my safehouses, but— my mess. My problem.”
Jason thwacks him upside the head.
“Ow! What the fuck?”
“You’re the dumbest person on the planet.”
“Am not. B is on-planet right now.”
“Then you’re pretty fucking close,” Jason snarks, fishing out some keys and opening one of the apartment doors.
Tim scoffs at him as he’s pushed inside. “Oh, please. Don’t try to tell me you would let Dick swoop in and solve all your problems for you.”
Jason rolls his eyes, stepping into the side kitchen and popping open the freezer door of the fridge.
“Dickiebird can’t even solve his own problems,” he says as he rummages. “But maybe when I’m fucked up enough to let three nobodies robbing a fucking bodega get the jump on me, that’s a sign that, maybe, it might be time to call in the cavalry. Dick isn’t the only person who’s got your back.” He presses an ice pack to Tim’s face until he takes it himself, and keeps steering him through the apartment. “Just saying.”
Tim would protest with all of his very good reasons why Jason is definitely wrong here, but he’s too busy processing the fact that Jason has led him into a bedroom. With a bed. There’s a bed, with a mattress and pillows and blankets. Right there. Tim stares at it with lustful eyes.
Jason catches him staring. He rolls his eyes, but he’s sporting a small smile that Tim has the presence of mind to memorize. He walks over to a dresser and pulls out a big shirt and a pair of shorts that he hands to Tim.
“Look. If you don’t know where to go, you can always come here. No guarantees I’ll be always around, but, yeah. Mi casa es su casa, or whatever.”
Tim eyes him up, clutching the bundle of Jason-smelling fabric in his hands. “And you’d do that for me because…why, exactly?”
Jason flicks his forehead, a stinging reprimand. Tim hisses.
“Because, dumbass, you need help and I feel like it. And you don’t actually suck to be around, so shut up and be grateful.”
“Oh, yes,” Tim deadpans, rubbing at his forehead. “So grateful to be allowed the privilege of squatting with you.”
The thing of it is, Tim is grateful. But Jason doesn’t need to know that.
Jason squawks, and before Tim can duck, he’s snatched Tim around the neck in a headlock. His arm is thick and doesn’t budge no matter how Tim shoves and kicks. The ice pack and the clothes go flying, and Tim just about dies. Jason is warm.
“Jason—!”
“Brat!” Jason crows, not giving an inch. “I paid for this place fair and square— you’re the only squatter here!”
“Blood money doesn’t count as square!”
“Tell that to half of Gotham, kid.”
“I’m trying to, thanks for noticing,” Tim says, finally wrenching himself free of Jason’s grip, stumbling into the bed and giving into its siren song. He sits down heavily on the edge, toppling over sideways and reaching pathetically for the fallen ice pack that’s just out of his reach.
“And don’t call me kid—” he complains, muffled by the pillow. It also smells like Jason. “You’re barely two years older than me.”
The cold ice pack is pressed into his fingers. He cracks an eye open to look, but Jason is just smirking at him, like he’s giving Tim the win. Ass.
“Coulda fooled me, shortstack.”
Tim rolls his eyes, and onto his back, toeing off his shoes and letting them clatter to the floor. He can’t tell if Jason’s bed is the best bed in the world, or if he’s just deliriously inventing things.
Frankly, Jason Todd’s bed is the last place he ever thought he’d end up, this morning or otherwise, so he’s never bothered to speculate. He does not have a contingency plan for this.
“Is there a reason you keep calling me short,” he complains, “Or will I just need to fill in the blanks myself?”
“Can’t help it. You’re just so small,” Jason coos. Tim props himself up on an elbow at that, raising a disgusted eyebrow.
“You don’t hear me constantly talking about how big you are.” 
Jason grins like he just won the lottery; Tim shuts his eyes the second it’s out of his mouth.
“Baby, you don’t know how big I am.”
He does, actually. Not in a creepy stalker way, just— there was this one time. A big rogue breakout at Arkham, all-hands on deck type of situation; Tim, Cass, and Jason were covering Poison Ivy in the park. Acid-spitting pitcher plants were involved.
And look, Jason’s tactical gear is fine in the day to day, but it’s not like any of them had time to prep a neutralizing agent, so when Jason needed his pants off, stat…uh. Well. Tim was right there.
He knows, okay?
“Alright,” he rallies, trying desperately not to replay the memory of Jason adjusting himself through his boxers. All of himself. “I walked right into that one.”
“Oh, trust me. You’ll know if you’ve walked into it.”
Tim scoffs, but he can feel how red his face is.
And the thing is. He says it without really meaning to. 
But he still means it.
“You gonna put your money where your mouth is, big guy?”
The change is immediate. Jason had been halfway out the door, but now he turns to Tim, giving him his full, undivided attention. He looks at Tim, laid out in Jason's bed, giving him a very slow once over. The scrutiny is at once nerve-wracking and thrilling.
“Thought you didn’t want my money,” Jason murmurs.
The temperature in the room spikes. If it weren’t for the slow throb of his bruised cheek, Tim would think that he’s already asleep and dreaming.
But he isn’t. He’s very much aware that he’s wide awake.
Tim swallows. “Well. It’s not your money I want.”
Jason’s grin is electric. 
He stalks over to the bed, and Tim is frozen like a rabbit, waiting to see what he’ll do next. Jason settles a knee on the sheets between Tim’s legs, looming over Tim and boxing him in against the mattress. Tim’s free hand reaches up of its own accord to tangle in the collar of Jason’s hoodie, and the cotton is softer than he expected.
Jason’s eyes rove over his face, dark and heavy. He catches Tim’s face in his hand, swiping his thumb lightly across the bruising hot ache of his cheekbone. He leans in deliberate and slow and—
—and stops about an inch away from Tim’s mouth.
“Get some sleep, babybird,” Jason teases, his breath puffing gently over the skin of Tim’s lips. “You can proposition me again tomorrow.”
“It’s, like, 3:30 in the afternoon,” Tim argues, breathless.
“Yeah, and your body thinks it’s 3:30 in the morning. You’re dead on your feet. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and go the fuck to sleep.”
Jason moves to rise. But Tim hooks a stubborn arm around his neck and pulls him down that last remaining inch. 
The kiss is— bad. At first. 
Tim basically smashed their mouths together to prove a point, and Jason muffles a surprised sound against Tim’s teeth. He lands heavily on top of Tim at an awkward angle, and he’s kind of crushing him. Tim refuses to let go, but— Jason doesn’t pull away.
Jason gentles the kiss instead, and Tim thrills. He levers himself up onto his elbow, wrapping an anchoring arm around Tim’s back. He finds a home between Tim’s legs, and he lets Tim kiss him until Tim's lips are tingling and his fingers go slack; until he can’t keep his eyes open anymore.
Somewhere between fifteen minutes and a small eternity later, Jason presses one more kiss to the corner of his mouth. He curls around Tim on his side, and Tim turns his face into Jason’s neck with a soft wondering sigh.
“I’ll keep it. Promise. Wait n’ see,” Tim mumbles. Jason snorts, but doesn’t budge, and Tim can hear his smile in his voice, lilted and lulling.
“Sure, babybird. I’ll wait. I got nowhere else to be.”
Tim is already asleep.
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fat-hedonistic-hogs · 27 days
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Future Android 18 being confused when her own body gets hit with the contingencies.
Bulma found some of Geros work but may have picked the wrong signal. Instead of activating the bomb she evacuated the bowels.
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[Warning like really gross]
"We'll see who's laughing now... I've spent months reverse engineering this kill switch! I'll see you in hell you damn blubbery tyrant!" Bulma cursed struggling to keep her mind and hand steady as she held a detonator in her hands. Without a second thought she'd push the button and carefully watch from her concealed hiding place amongst the ruined rubble of the trashed city waiting for the Android menace to expire. "Any second now..." Bulma though her mind filled with visions of all those they had lost up till now.
"BWOOOOOOOOORP! Fuck me these burgers are even better. I don't know what 17 was worried about, keeping humans alive to make food was the best idea I ever had." The futuristic and sadistic version of 18 belched as she sat atop a creaking and bending bench gorging herself on food she had collected from the various surviving settlements the androids hadn't torched in their path of destruction.
"I bet the pizza is ever better!" 18 snorted and huffed wiping away a smear of ketchup from her lips with a flabby arm before shoving her greasy pudgy sausage fingers down towards a pizza rolling the entire thing up like a burrito and swallowing it in one gulp.
"It... it didn't work?" Bulma though fearful she had made a mistake but a sudden change in the androids expression almost made her give up her position.
"Hhrk... Hnnng! Wha- whatsh happenin'?" 18 groaned and grunted as she clenched her chest and belly doubling over in her seat as sweat began to drip down from her forehead in thick greasy beads. Bulma knew it had to be the bomb! She'd get to watch the murderer suffer for everything she had done! Or so she thought... 18 didn't explode instead an ominously gurgling began to grow louder as she panted and wheezed. The blonde menace looked to be in pain as her face scrunched up and she leaned to the side hefting her elephant sized ass cheek off the bench and letting out an explosive
"BRAAAAAAAAPPPPP BLOOOOOOORT!!!!!"
Like a cannon going off the androids stomach unleashed an explosive burst of flatulence with her sweat stained jeans rumbling as her gas soiled the already ruined fabric and flooded the surrounding area with a rancid, rotten and brown tinted smog that almost made Bulma faint from the sheer horridness of the smell.
"Shit... whew... that was FOUL! I feel like I've been holding that in all day. Ah who am I kidding I've been full of it since I ate those deep fried dino tails." The crass and vulgar android joked unaware of the distraught scientist In hiding just aways away from her.
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"But... I had to work... I-I did everything I could..." Bulma said muttering to herself almost crying as she looked down at the remote in disappointment in herself and her work. "I failed..." she said tears now freely running down her cheeks.
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"Once I finish up this pile I bet those bakers down in south town have had long enough to make me another wedding cake, if not I might just blow them up... or their toilet whichever one comes first." Future 18 grunted letting out one last burst of gas before getting up and digging her fingers into the back of her jeans to pull the stained fabric up and over her exposed sweaty ass. Standing up however wad definitely a mistake as her stomach dropped and the androids face paled. Something inside her was jostled loose by her sudden movement and she didn't like where it was going.
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"Oh shit..." is all the Android got out before the flood gates opened and the fail safe Bulma had unintentionally triggered kicked in.
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"BLOOOOOOOOORT!"
18's bowels gave way and her jeans already ruined by her humid body began to bulge and sag as she emptied the contents of her gut Into her pants stretching the material out and sagging to the ground in a rancid beanbag sized boulder of filth. Her pudgy cheeks turned scarlet as she voided her bowels emptying everything she had consumed and digested in her cauldron of a gut in a matter of moments. This was the straw that broke the camels back and bulma couldn't keep it together anymore. It was a mixture of anger, sadness, disgust all at once and despite a breath sadistic grin at ruining the Android and humiliating the world's torment she quickly passed out when another explosive fart left 18's rear overwhelming her senses and singing her nose with the burning overwhelming smell.
With the last of mess sputtering out into her pants the Android stood in shock at what she had done. 18 sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before lifting a pudgy finger into the air and blasting the mound of half eaten food with a ki blast before flying off leaving a thick scent trail behind her and carrying her swaying sagging britches along with her. She left without a word...
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Roxy, why would Terezi say you mess so loudly?
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"Eeeh? T-rezi said that? ~hic~ I don't know! I'm totally clean honest! Got a gold star today and everything, she's just jealous I need less changes than he-hic~ Her!" Roxy giggled clearly inebriated as she sipped some rather strange looking milk from a large rubber tipped bottle. "Her and Vriska got bellies full of castor oil and I got to drink the good stuff~" she smirked patting her bloated belly with one hand despite her gurgling inside protesting.
There was a serious of trumpeting muffled blasts as Roxy drank her fill. The blustering bursts shook the nursery with Roxy not even bothering to squat or crouch as she began emptying herself instead she simply puffed up her cheeks and pushed. Her already flushed face grew even redder as her diaper sagged to the floor swaying down past her knees until it looked more like a bean bag chair than a diaper.
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"I got no idea at all why she'd say such a silly thing~♡." Roxy giggled letting her self fall back onto her massive rump with a loud "SPLAT!" She showed no qualms enjoying her mushy seat as she leaned back and continued drinking from her bottle.
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razzamataz · 1 year
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Turning into mist is my favourite fucking vampire trope of all time.
Like oooohh ahhhhhhh he’s water in the air what’s he gonna do what evil is he gonna commit.
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fat-slobby-hunks · 3 months
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All the pokemon guys must be so busy that none of them get a chance to use a toilet.
The only way to tell they've even done it is them grunting and then smelling slightly worse than before...
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"That happened ONE time! And only because that stray rock blast hit me in the gut! It's not like anyone noticed... they were too busy watching the fight!"
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solarisgod · 6 months
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One of these days, Micah will get the opportunity to gift more folks flowers
#𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ THOUGHTS . ›#𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ MICAH . ›#[ they did it twice in seven months writing them ]#[ on September and those flowers were grown by their consistent positive emotions / thoughts of that muse ]#[ Micah extremely enjoys nature a lot and finds special connection with it just as much with the sky and sea and space ]#[ and they are rather... squinty eyed - for a lack of better word - with how flowers are treated and used by humanity ]#[ for Micah themself they would be okay with gifting those flowers to others ]#[ if these flowers are given as grown right in the garden or spaces where they can get their direct soil and sunlight ]#[ but they don't like the idea of plants being taken away from their sources for the money ]#[ and they do get sad / upset when they pass flowers that are on sale at the stores and they're not being well taken care of ]#[ before they usually buy them so they can tend to them as long as they can before they wilt sooner than they should ]#[ anyways though yeah Micah have a thing since September where they can grow flowers based on their positive thoughts and emotions ]#[ and they do know their emotions and thoughts are the influence but they still have no idea why exactly they have this power ]#[ along with being able to heal their wounds entirely through said influences in mention ]#[ ANYWAYS I'm just saying. let Micah gift your muse flowers with their power 🌸 ]
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taralen · 7 months
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hot fuzz second
I've been doing alright, I think. Uh, I actually forgot to do something, and I hope I don't get dinged too hard because of it. HA. HA.
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I'm still paranoid about going to sleep. Almost nothing but nightmares or lucid dreams that feel too real for comfort. A nightmare where one of my loved ones gets robbed and or riddled with bullets? EXPERIENCE THAT NOW IN 4K HD 1080P!!!!
Haven't gone manic in another hot minute, but boy, do I feel it cooking. (uh oh)
My hand is cramping so badly from playing an MMORPG and drawing, moving between the two. I've never had my right hand cramp this bad.
One of my baby birds has grown with a twisted leg. I tried to correct it tonight, but the brace I made sucked, so I'm going to try again with something better. Also, the baby is named Twist because I am absolute [[dog shite]] at naming my birds. I named the little sibling Curious for their ..... obvious nature.
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I am absolutely not sober.
But is this FLOATING BLISS the [[candy]]?
Or a spearheaded delusion?
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I can't tell.
[[#$%^]]
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merchantofwhispers · 3 months
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[ I don't think I can ever put into words how much of a confusing woman Gemina is at the surface level. She is gentle, she craves love and adoration and warmth, but is also actively hostile towards people who try to give it to her -- viewing it often as something that will wind up harming her or themselves. In the same breath she will chase that harm to prove she is stronger than it.
I want her subtly as well as her abrupt decisions to speak for themselves, but I worry that sometimes that comes off as inconsistent writing rather than intentional character motivations. ]
#;ooc#my insecurity as a writer is showing#i think im harshest on Gemina as a muse as well because I rarely feel inadequete when writing nikolai and cinead#but then again their motivations are far simpler than Mina and their personalities are more easily portrayed#Neither Nikolai or Cinead make a point of trying to compartmentalize themselves or pretend to be something they are not#Gemina IS pretending and she IS traumatized and she IS trying to her damndest not to show how out of her depth she is#She struggles SO badly with her self image and her reputation and views herself as a necessary evil but she doesnt WANT to be evil#She never wanted to be evil.#She never wanted to kill..#She never wanted immortality or vampirism but once she had it she felt like she had to do something with it#especially with the power it gave her and coming off the backlash of being in an abusive engagement only to wind up with cinead#and god the abuse just kept repeating and she became more brazen and desperate and hitting back even harder#Gemina is a bad woman -- there is no doubt in that -- and she is brash and violent and horrible#but she is a victim herself; of her past - her own actions - the world#She is feminine rage and justice and toxicity and centuries of generational horror displayed into one single woman#She bleeds herself and those who cross her dry if only to hope that the blood will fertilize the soil beneath her feet in some VAIN attempt#to make the world a better place#but she IS a symptom of the horror she IS a part of the disease and a piece of her knows that#but she cant see the larger picture#in her effort to be good she has lived long enough to become the villain#and i fear... so badly... that I can never properly portray that to anyone who reads -- and im sorry for that
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thedustyshehnai · 2 years
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I look at my hands, soft and slender, contrary to the rough and rock hard soul I posses, and a thought slips.
My hands are mortal like me. My skin is mortal. Someday my hands will be pale and cold, and I’ll be six feet below earth. There will be a commotion. There will be a few people scattered around. Recitations of prayers and a few rituals. And I’ll be left all alone with the only companions being the graves beside mine. I’ll be one of them as well. Rains. Moist earth. Worms and birds. Summer sun. Winds. Grass. Butterflies.
I wonder if I’ll be able to watch them.
Moss growing around as insects feast on me. I feel as if I am a graveyard kind of person. My fate of being a corpse seems to be a very apt metaphor. My hands, have this glee of youth in them, and one day, some day, my hands will have dirt surrounding it, they will be still and discreet, as my heart will be. Death is absurd and yet so calm. Yet so beautiful. Grass and wildflowers will grow out through my organs and the veins will be the support of the vines.
I’ll be ever so still and evolving as time.
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kazeofthemagun · 4 months
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[Spotted this on an unrebloggable post, but this just makes me think of Kaze. And mid-show Kaze at Kumo.]
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arcxnumvitae · 1 year
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“A prickly cat? Really?”
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“Am I wrong!” Her voice took on a scolding tone, turning on its head which was supposed to be student and which teacher. “Especially with the way that you act with him! You give him a hard time for no reason and you know it, Laoshi!”
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“Hmph, and so what if I do? A little adversity never hurt a young human. If he truly wishes to be your friend then a little heckling should be nothing.” He was doing a little weeding, that was all!
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She was beginning to realize, for all his age, skill, and wisdom...
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Her teacher could be very childish.
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fat-hedonistic-hogs · 1 month
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18 filling her diaper to the point it drags behind her and defending herself that her bowels are sensitive cause of her baby.
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"BWOOOOOOOOORP! Can you blame me? I'm on my fifth spitfire dinomeat burrito. You try holding it in when it takes 30 minutes to get out of your chair let alone walk to the bathroom! Besides I'm not the only one... Urp~ Bulma's got a whole line of "capsule corp "maternity protection garments" on the way, she's giving us all free samples... even asked us to model for it... she's really taking this fake pregnancy thing seriously. I don't know what she's gonna do in nine months when these food baby's are due." 18 belched and blushed as she followed along with the pregnant women on the TV doing stetches and exercises that only served to loosen her bowels even more.
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protect-namine · 2 years
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speaking of spacetime stuff, I was actually just listening to the lost worlds series from the unexplainable podcast. it basically talks about the mysteries of life and space. for example: how did the moon get there? what happened to venus and mars? is it possible that advanced civilizations have appeared before us eras ago and we just don't know? because that begs the question... if humanity goes extinct, what artifacts are we leaving behind that will allow advanced civilizations after us to discover who we were and how our lives were like during our era?
and now we're getting jwst HD photos of space and WHO KNOWS what else it can discover in the future. I think it's so cool? I think when we're looking up to wonder if there's life in other places in the universe all we're really asking is what is out there? is life fundamental to the universe or is earth just really lucky? or do we need to re-examine what "life" means because it might not look the same elsewhere and that's why we can't find it?
idk man, space is just really cool you know
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sassmill · 8 months
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K I’m over the atmospheric river now
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an-undercover-bi · 1 year
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Just learned the fun cutting/digging tools I used to make during recess in elementary school are called handaxes.
Kids when left to their own devices without manufactured materials really just. Do acts of primitive creation, huh?
I love humanity.
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