#social interactions are weird enough

[griffincastle]

--

#Honestly I kinda miss when forums were a thing #This is in ref to *previously reblogged* because YEAH the other social media websites are flat out boring about CODZ #The way people interact with 'fandom' has lost all it's fun #That's only the fault of social media websites- not people #You cant modify your profile anywhere - follower numbers are public and create a fake chaste system... #and they have this weird fixation with limiting interaction of person to person??? The only interaction they want is person to Content #I mean there's nuance in this too though: like saftey concerns ofc #BUT you cant write essays on why you think Dempsey's favorite color is blue bc word counts limit you- #You can't make bad art or you'll get bullied off planet earth- #Everywhere else creates a 'who cares what you think' environment if you have fun bc you don't have followers #(Important for CODZ too bc if a YouTuber has an opinion everyone else will echo it without knowing what it even means #((Like 'Jugg is a crutch perk' omg shut uppppp. Tell me what that means. You get it to survive more hits?? DUH. IT'S A *PERK*. #...anyway. that's why I'll always see tumblr as > than any other website #Despite the flaws it's the closest thing to the forum/personal website days #And weirdly enough....twitter/tiktok/insta- the creatively limiting places- are the unhinged sites...

[alexkablob]

Other favorite bits from the Dorley reread: Lorna's Paranormal Investigator Arc™

#tfw you're the only normal trans girl in a story about a forcefem kidnapping ring #and you're dating your ''cis'' girlfriend who gets you hormones ''from the internet'' #and slowly noticing how there's things she's not telling you and how her and her friend group are all weird about the same things #and then one day your girlfriend's equally cis friend is tired and distracted and asks your girlfriend if she can use some of her ''pills'' #and they both briefly freeze and then awkwardly smooth the interaction over but you KNOW #your whole social circle is trans people you go to trans rights rallies on the regular you KNOW that social interaction #you know this cis girl just asked your cis girlfriend if she could borrow some of her estrogen and what the FUCK #and all the little things are adding up and you start digging and they're all connected to this one dorm on campus-- #and IS MY GIRLFRIEND IN A CULT??? #WHAT IS HAPPENING #you're infiltrating this incredibly foreboding institution and all these girls are smiling too evenly at you and trying to steer you away #and IS THIS THE STEPFORD WIVES??? ARE THEY GOING TO HUMAN SACRIFICE ME??? WHAT IS GOING ON #because that's what Dorley is like looking in from the outside #and then all the while you see from the other PoVs what she's up against: #just the stupidest most neurotic group of codependent trans girls who are flailing rapidly in a comedy of errors #trying to figure out how to tell you the truth without you freaking out #or without it sounding stupid as hell #they're so fucking stupid Lorna I cannot emphasize enough what a pack of idiots these girls are it is NOT a slick operation #dorleyposting

[winryrockbellwannabe]

im feeling the love rn (successfully interacted with 1 tumblr moot today)

#actually it was 3 and it was perfect and i love all my moots so much but whtv #keeping it relatable so i can reblog this everytime i talk to my beloved moots #(bc there's no way in hell im lucky enough to interact with so many of you all at one again so soon) #anywaysssss pls don't think im weird lol #aj rambles #*actually it was 4 interactions. damn #today im really social lmao

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#trying so hard so fucking hard to convince myself that the people i met for the first time last week do not hate me #and probably in fact don't think about me #because they saw me for less than 2hs while doing something else #and it's me the one that's heavily thinking about this #because i'm the one that entered an unfamiliar place and met unfamiliar people in an unfamiliar situation #i'm the only one who's going through everything i said and everything i did in excruciating detail as if i could change the past #while this people didn't notice me at all probably or maybe just thought i was a lil weird but don't know me yet #i'm trying so hard to continue going to this thing #one time isn't enough for people to form ideas about you or at least it's not enough time to cement those ideas #maybe i was a little awkward and misinterpreted some of the social interactions #but it's fine IT'S FINE #please brain just see it as fine #i need this PLEASE #angel talks #personal

[nexus-nebulae]

i. hate feeling like im so starved for social interaction that I'm forgetting how to speak to anyone at all. but because im forgetting how to speak im too scared to reach out to literally anyone

#i just want to like. chat with people every now and then #get any social interaction #because it's actually fucking up my mental health bad that I'm so alone constantly #but how the fuck am i supposed to make friends when i don't know how to have a conversation AT ALL #i need someone who's patient enough to basically hold my hand like a little kid to teach me how to talk again #but how do i FIND people like that when I'm already isolated #i can't ask people to help me meet more people so what do i do #I just want someone i can talk about my system and my interests to but i don't know how to speak so all I do is traumadump or infodump #i don't know how to find someone patient enough to deal with me and i can't just Ask People cause that's fucking weird #and the few times people do reach out even in a small way i dont know how to respond at all my mind just goes blank #what words do i even use i literally can't figure out how to form a normal sentence #nobody wants to deal with that especially when it's only talking through text

[threadsun]

Oh WAIT more silly Secret Sun Lore™: I didn't suspect I was bipolar until my roommate in uni watched me go into a manic episode and clean our entire dorm room top to bottom in half an hour (like fully scrubbing the floors and all) while rambling at top speed about how I'm probably immortal for the third time in like a month and was like "hey bro, you know that's not normal, right?"

#sunshine #he was very chill about it but was just like 'you know that's weird right man?' #and then I talked to a psychiatrist and she was like 'oh yeah you hit every criteria for bipolar type 2' #and now I'm on meds that mostly help :3c #but sometimes I still get a lil manic and then you get me rambling in the tags and thinking about everything way too much way too fast #but it keeps me in control of my impulses now #so I don't do or say things I regret later during manic episodes anymore which is nice! #now I'm thinking too much and too fast about social stigmas around mental illness #and how people worry about interacting with me when I'm manic #which is annoying because I'm still Me when I'm manic? What are people so afraid of? #like people will listen to me talk/watch me post when I'm manic like 😬 cause they expect me to feel embarrassed about it later #or like... not feel the same way as I do when I'm manic and therefore no longer mean what I said/posted? #but nah that doesn't happen when I'm medicated #I'm just Sun but like 5x speed and that's okay #I can be interacted with safely when I'm like this #like listen if I'm coherent enough to format things and correct all my spelling errors and stuff then I'm fine #if I wasn't okay then my posts wouldn't be readable #secret sun lore

[sunandmoonshow-unofficial]

DID is quite the disorder

#certified blood post #i want to interact!! i want to talk to people #but i cannot even feel secure typing in a way thats comfortable. i dont want to look 'weird' #perhaps that is more social anxiety than DID but my point still stands #vent post #<- not quite? but could be close enough to need that classification #there is also the fear that with all of the introjects from the show we will be deemed fake #i believe we make 5 and 6? if we are to be counted separately as rust and scarlet #rather than as one blood moon #actually i think i have an idea. this may take a moment! #for clarification: this idea is not a careless one! no need to worry

[coldvampire]

ngl. unconsciously disengaging from this website has been hdjfkg kinda good for my mental health overall? like yes im still dhdjfjf left out of a lot of stuff BUT i see it less so that means my feelings don’t get as hurt lmao. functionally that’s more or less the same thing probably?

going recluse isn’t what i ever want to do (& I didn’t even do it on purpose, just got busy and had a low social battery because of it) but aside from me being overall comfortable by myself, it just kind of seems like it’s where people are content to leave me. doesn’t feel great but it is what it is.

#not rly on discord servers for the same reason tbh #got tired of trying to interject my awkward attempts at participation #I mean people can still @ me but i just don’t have it in me for the server stuff #my social perception is low enough that I can’t tell what the right move is but high enough I know when I fucked up #idk if I’m just not built for larger groups or if it’s something else :( #wish I knew so I could work around it but it’s not exactly a perfect experiment #so w/e. I do kind of miss it a bit but I also feel like my absence doesn’t make a difference #which is a sad thought in itself but that’s how it goes #idk I think in general I’m in a weird spot where I make an impression but it’s never a vital one to the dynamic ? #I do sometimes doubt like. what I bring to interactions in general lately #doesn’t feel like much if I’m being honest. I mean I think I’m at least moderately interesting but djfjf who knows #weirdly settled with myself as a person but I’m thinking that cost is probably an isolating one #knowing a lot of people just never breaking past that surface level #sucks. not much else to describe it as. #idk I’m sure this is bad for me but I think I’ve kind of already messed up first impressions #it’s so stupid but I keep encountering the same dynamic of either we Click fairly quickly or we just don’t really at all #and I feel like that’s wrong of me bc I know some people need time but unless that initial click happens I just seem to falter?? #idk idk idk I guess lately it’s like I feel alone/lonely but I don’t feel like I’m wanting to return to anything #bc I never felt like I really had a place there to start with #weird feeling. very weird feeling. #logging back off now dhjfkf

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of your coming of age movie that never happens & your narrative non-narratives, shoutout to the arcs that’d be supposedly “worse” lmfao like posts about people-pleasers being like “i’m in my villain era” when it’s just consciously prioritizing themselves at all / noting when boundaries for their own wellbeing are being trampled, and the like. wherein i’m like, well i like talking to people i suppose, i can do the hours of monologue at a wall for one mode, got chatterbox mode, funny guy theatrical mode, etc, but in actuality also, i do not like talking to people lmao. the “yeah, that’s me” movie ending with another voiceover while upbeat music plays & you’re cheerfully walking along in 0.75x speed through some picturesque arena filled with socializing people like =) putting on headphones, turning up the volume, ignoring everyone, dodging people according to the berth one wants to maintain,

#i mean in person i like to be somewhere Parallel to other ppl; but there By Myself technically lol #i also am down for / enjoy spontaneous fleeting interactions w/randos but ofc only the actually good ones; which can sure be rare #and naturally Online interactions have a lot more flexibility than [not having that option] but even then. #like on just one point: being in a ''fandom'' like no thanks at all ever lol even when it comes to relatively niche things #j'etadore quantent being Just Me Posting To Myself. i absolutely do not want to talk to anybody about winston billions. #posts are scrolls i've nailed to a door to be perused if someone wants. take it or leave it; i've given it & left #meanwhile Not In Person chats aren't even enough lol like; need more Delay than a live chat; also too much to say just like irl anyways #gotta be down for short essays at w/e weird pacing & inadvertent caginess abt what ig other ppl would find matter of factly easy to share #i.e. like What Are You Doing? type ye olde facebook status prompt material. well that's a secret / weird / not entertaining enough isn't it #not like i think oh scoff i Should be popular likable & beloved lmfao like no ofc i Know i'm not gonna come off like that. l'autistique. #to be thusly is to be generally considered unlikable / disliked. i probably don't like interacting w/an nt rando too much either. #& w/the power of [adhd] it's like yeah sure i can be the chatty Fun But Annoying person lmfao But. rather than really being begrudgingly #tolerated until ppl are just more used to you / forgive the annoyances it's like no it's just the Annoying part lol beyond that it's like #well you're also somehow still too weird & quiet so worst of both worlds right. And ofc i have Other Traits aren't just for everyone. #some classic easy to embrace shit like bit of a hothead; argumentative; opinionated; stubborn; spontaneous; a hater; cagey....lmao #much of that For Fun but the [autistic Friendly] social cues don't get read that way. plus i Can be unfriendly too ofc lmao. get outta here #like a friend group seems charming & adorably heartwarming in theory until it's like oh god but drawing on all relevant experiences?? No #the third or fourth or nth wheel falling behind on the narrow sidewalk / talked over / finding a chair on the end & ppl dont notice ur here #lowering expectations even for exchanges that Do happen. ppl can enjoy the novelty of a lengthy exchange for like; a day #on the other side of that if what's initiated is like; Brief General messages i'm like oh god lmfao now Eye can't keep up w/this style #beyond that spontaneous shit is like oh god masking. oh god double empathy misinterpretations & being treated horribly b/c of it. #Recognizing & Respecting my actual experiences rather than hypothetical ideals like no i'm Not failing by Not putting myself in more damn #situations lmfao....if i stumble into good ones then great lol. sure have done that & i don't discount the Value therein at all #just sure like [points to the wisdom of e.g. autistic ppl talking abt having to be lonely but at the gain of looking out for / appreciating #themself] like Being ''Unlikable'' or having friends(tm) but not Really / the treatment is shit / you're having to mask a ton anyways... #sure can recall experiences like idk. ppl ''being nice'' & whether on purpose or not it's like actually I'm In Hell I'm In Hell lmfao #and then even if it's not on purpose it's like ah i can't actually talk to them abt it & that's not a great endorsement for the dynamic huh #or just noting like i'm duly accepted to be on the sidelines but what am i doing wrong lmao sweating How To Earn proper Normal participation #lot of anxiety & blaming oneself & it turns out like nah can't excise the Fault of autistic / adhd / cpstdness & you're fine actually #that was ye olde times more so but it's gradual & still fairly recent being like Oh Right. more accurate ideas re: Talking To Ppl At All....

[toonfinatic]

Being autistic like ok here's my masking persona that i crafted. She's Normal. She's so normal, she looks at you with great concentration and she smiles widely and is energetic but not Too energetic. She's so good at staring at you. She is funny and she is so so so optimistic and she laughs at your jokes and she has the widest smile and she Looks at You because that's what nonautistics do. Wait why are you unnerved by her. Why are you still looking at me like i'm a weirdo, i'm MASKING as a NONAUTISTIC PERSON???

#the worst is being aware enough of social skills to SEE people uncomfortable interacting with you! #because they kinda notice that theres something odd. they know you are weird. your masking persona might be more nonautistic than you are #but that persona is still Weird #i dont mind it tbh. its just a struggle interacting with nonautistics at times #because they tend to find me odd no matter what

[wild-at-mind]

Any time a bird is in captivity of any kind without fail there’s someone who shows up and goes ‘:( so sad, it should be FREE!’ Which, I’m very aware of the problems with cagebirds, but someone does this every time including when the bird in question is very clearly a genetic freak of some sort. For example, a rescue aviary near me used to have a lovely fantail dove, who according to volunteers was extremely friendly and loved cuddles and sitting on people’s heads. She’s passed away now, sadly, but on the aviary facebook there’s an old video of her and someone has put one of those comments along the lines of she should be in the wild. But she was so visibly a product of human selective breeding it was unreal. She had a huge, bulgy chest and her neck was bent so far back that the resting position of her head was on her back. If her eyes weren’t on the sides of her head she wouldn’t have been able to see over her own chest. Not all fantail doves look like this, but this one was so extreme looking that they had a little sign on the aviary reassuring people she was alright. I just wondered where exactly this commenter imagined she would belong if all the birds in the aviary were released into the wild and somehow back into their ideal habitats. There’s nowhere in the world outside of in the care of humans where a bird looking like that would be remotely ok.

#i'm going to start saying 'oh how sad #it should be FREE :( ' when i see a dog #honestly i miss this sweet dove so much #you may wonder what her quality of life was like and tbh all signs pointed to 'fine' #pigeon fanciers and breeders of some poultry like the chickens with vestigial wings on their feet and those weird long tall ducks #get less scrutiny than dog breeders re health problems but also we are all just used to regularly encountering dogs that are genetic messes #with a bird it's a bit of a shock at first #but it's worth also remembering that the farm animals we eat are also genetic freaks #my only point really is that people are very very weird about birds in captivity of any kind #even a rescue aviary- they have 2 incidents in the past 20 years of people realeasing all the birds and then guess what they died #because most are tropical species and need the heater #they are as happy as possible in that aviary i think #many common cagebird species are flock birds and in this aviary they have their flock and social interaction #it's big enough for flying and they have loads of enrichment and can make as much noise as they want as it's in a big park #in a perfect world no one would breed genetic freak animals and there wouldn't be tonens of uncared for cagebirds that need homes #but we don't live in that world #forgot to say that the reason i say the dove's quality of life was probably fine was because of her behaviour and feather condition

[lovecatsys]

I hate feeling like an inconvenience because I don't cave in to the societal pressure to use hearing aids as a hard of hearing person. I have no desire to use them, especially not for the needs of the hearing people around me.

#i dont tell people im hard of hearing i just bullshit my way through 99% of social interactions outside of family #bc i am attuned to the voices of my family and im not around other ppl that much im kind of fine right now #but that wont always be the case... #i dont know enough ASL to interact in Deaf/hh spaces yet unfortunately #its just a complicated thing. #but my parents are very weird abt it

[wewontbesleeping]

came across another one of those videos that’s like “popular kid talking to the quiet kid”. and it kind of like. sucked my soul out of my body and made me remember exactly how it felt as a child who grew up sort of ostracized. and then. opening the comments and seeing all the other people who relate to it, and it’s like. oh! we all experienced this, and we grew up, and I think it felt like we were the loneliest people in the world at some point, but we were never alone! and now we’re adults! and I don’t know if it’s better but it isn’t worse!

#I hate those videos #but when it’s a Hot Girl doing it it does kind of feel good #weird girls grow up to be so hot and funny like that’s just the truth of the matter #ok I want to go make pasta #bc it’s bad enough thinking about social interactions I’ve had recently #but thinking about the interactions I had as a child #well! #I’m just going to tear my hair out instead thank you

[endelerie]

i have the odd feeling to share my every thought to someone but its the middle of the night so ur all i got tumblr i love you guys so sorry for the little vent

#no im not sleep deprived #im just very confused #and stressed #figuring shit out yk #like ibknow i have adhd #but this is more stressful than going though the adhd criteria #i was sure of that #im not as sure of autism #but its popping up more and more recently #and i really feel like i need to check it out #but at the same time i dont know enough about normal social interaction to know whats differebt about me #and its so stressful because i feel like i need every little detail to even consider that i might have autism #idk why but i feel like figuring out if i had adhd felt normal #like i was always meant to do that #but teying to figure out if i have autism kinda feels like im offending someone???? #idk #im so confused about all of this #i feep so weird about it and i dont know how to make this feeling go away #its so overwhelming #vent #autism #adhd #anyways my previous post was me asking for help soooo

[hauntedpearl]

.

#I'm thinking about like. how anxiety can cripple my articulation again like. when put on a spot. i don't feel like j express myself as well #as i can. and then i feel guilt over it especially when people end up picking irresolvable arguments with me because i feel like i #overexplain myself and the other party just straight up categorizes me as the Bad Person ahdgjskd which makes me more anxious aggsjddk #(yes this is about the thing i elft tumblr for in part but not fully. like ik it's been three months but it was v traimatizing lmao) #(like every time i start thinking about it i know im on the brink of an anxiwty attack again and then i just. shut down ahgshdke FUN IT'S #SO FUN!!!) #anyway. my point is. im very. like. careful with how i curate my space on other social media because i feel like there's ~ c l o u t ~ #involved and it's also some weird sense of obligation that i can't shake. i put it down to self-importance honestly bc i don't have a big #platform or anything but i feel like even the ability to influence someone in a small way is like. RESPONSIBILITY. #with tumblr i dont feel that responsibility. i don't actively follow people who are spouting hate or have beliefs which are honestly #really fucking outrageous. like. terfs can die i wouldn't feel bad. samr for racists lmao. or nazis. the usual fodder right #but i tolerate aphobia to an extent. bc *I'm* ace and ive interacted with the group #and most of them never actively say anything. the ones who do are ignored but others im like. i will take yoir jokes but nothing else.yk?? #it's a strange system but it's very stress-free for me and i curate it that way for whatever reason #even now i feel like I'm not expressing myself properly. like.. it's not about agreeing with a certain belief. it's about my personal level #of comfort/discomfort. and how much im able to tolerate from a person before i say enough is enough. #also i can't bring myself to like block people bc again weird problems but i curate carefully enough that that's never a problem for me #all this bc i saw some post about kids being afraid to consume certain media bc they're afraid of being ousted from their social circles & #LIKE YEAH. I MEAN. IT HAPPENS FR. AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL? SO??. #HMM ANYWAY. i don't even post desinatural anymore that used to be my thing it makes me so sad :( #personal lmao. #dony even reply to this this is Nonsense ™ #i have friends outside i am okay it's just a trigger so im ranting #bYE

[hevcrap]

I keep forgetting I'm not a woman.

#☢️ #like Okay I haven't 'been' one in a very long time however strangers have stopped immediately reading me as one which feels a little weird #it's nice to not start random interactions as a Woman don't get me wrong but it's still strange because that's all I've ever known. #If that makes any sense LOL. I feel like I no longer have an accurate view of a lot of men in my broader social circle because I'm viewed #as just one of 'the boys' like they are. I should specify the CISGENDER men around me oops #But I'm seen as enough of/often enough as a man that I get to be privy to locker room fart jokes and misogynistic jokes 😀 #Like okay dude let's keep laughing about how all women do x y and z when I'm standing here in a pushup bra and noticeable cleavage. #which is not to say only women have breasts blah blah blah but still you'd think someone would have noticed while trying to convince me to #go booze cruising with them and the guys on a weeknight #anywaaaayysss