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makima-s-most-smile · 8 months

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Trigun Maximum 7.1

Me: Okay, I rush quickly through the volumes to catch up.

Also me: *rambles your ear off*

Happy Days

Dunno, how that can be a happy day when the ships are nearly falling down. Don’t worry, they stay in the sky… for now.

And Rem’s obvious fear that is strong enough for her to take time to call the twins WHILE the ships have an emergency and Vash’ constant cautiousness make Knives worry, too. If the twins are such an exceptional appearance, why didn’t Rem wake the other watchers?

But Knives has more important things to do than worry! He seems intrinsically connected to the emergency at hand.

I… watched too many sci-fi-horror stuff. My first thought when seeing the hand was: ZOMBIES!

And ewewewewew, needle in neck. NOOOOOOO! EWWWWWWWWW! I am so icked out.

They have no brainwaves when being frozen. We learned that in the last chapter. So, they are dead. Imagine being nothing and suddenly… BAMM! You’re back! Cold as hell and need to act immediately. Fuckity.

Hi, Conrad! You look exactly like 150 years later. Tell me your skincare routine.

Three years. I shall make a note, this seems important.

Eh, typical crew banter. At least it is not like ‘98. Brrrr….

Knives, what did you do?

And the crewmembers are sus. Do they know? Why would they know? But they zoom in on something, maybe something that happened three years ago? But Rem lies. And suddenly that friendly crew banter seems less friendly and a predatory feeling added.

Rem does not accept. She thanks the crewmate, but she does not accept it! With the sus scene before it reads like Rem is shielding the twins from the crews knowledge. And it looks more and more like Rem is hiding something like fear and mistrust behind her friendly face. (Also, I think it is somewhat funny that Rem and Wolfwood act so similar. Both don’t truly lie, they avoid and distract.)

How did Rem not see Conrad not going into coldsleep? She had to be pissed at Knives at that moment to err like this! XD And we get the confirmation that Knives was the cause for the emergency and that’s why he is so locked onto his little tablet.

A year… later more to that.

I think Rem’s handling is a bit naive. She just wants to take the twins into coldsleep with her. That’s okay. But how does she think her crewmates other than Conrad will react? Does she have different pods for the twins? Isn’t there a high risk that one crewmate would see two more pods in use? Or does she want to take them in the same pod with her? Then they would be discovered at the next emergency. Conrad seems to be on her side, while not completely okay with her violating the rules, he tolerates it. And while in coldsleep, Rem is unable to act if some crewmate decides to… whatever.

Vash’ expression. He does not believe it immediately, but Knives makes him believe and trust Conrad’s words and in a peaceful existence. It is so weird to see Knives being the hopeful and excited twin. And in the current timeline, both are full of pain and despair. Just Vash is masking behind the smile he learned to wear.

I think of her like an echo, like the image of Conrad was one when Knives killed him. The twins do not know. They think of their little crush instead and need to check her pod first. They cannot discern if the image is real or not.

An abandoned, medical wing with a fresh, cut flower. A memorial for someone or something and it is taken care of. Maybe Rem or Conrad (since it seems he just went back to sleep) put it there. With the distrust for the other crewmembers, I doubt it was one of them.

Tesla, the name is not foreboding at all. Like Tesla the inventor without whom our day and age would not be possible, but who was duped out of his inventions, who was used up until he died poor and isolated. (The man loved pigeons and I know I would have vibed with him just for that)

Yeah, the subject… the dehumanised subject. The person being able to perceive, feel and hurt that is just a soulless subject. The subject that is able to speak! How did it take ONEHUNDRED days for someone to pipe up about the ethical questions of: Cutting the child up! I didn’t get it in the first read through, but she got tumours most likely because she was scanned so much. Do you know how much you need to be x-rayed for that to happen? Many, many, many times. Daily... And they did not care… Tesla was not able to perceive pain in their warped view.

We only see three of the five crewmates loom over Tesla. With the dispute and everything, we can assume that Conrad and Rem weren’t involved, but also weren’t able to stop it. Either because they weren’t able to get through to the other crewmates or being overruled.

The question of ethics is an important one for me. Even distancing myself from the horrible feeling I have about all of this and look at it more rationally, why did they do this? Yes, curiosity mixed with dehumanisation. But I mean not only that, aren’t there protocols and behavioural standards that they have to keep up? *points to Germany and Japan in the 40s* There is a reason those exist! The SEED project has to have rules for behaviour and for emergencies! How to act if something unforeseen happens! And human rights do not stop working just because you are in space. These people played god, they played with a lifeform! A lifeform they were able to perceive as conscious! There are so many things that can be tested without vivisecting her! And besides that, do they even have the training to do so? Their work is to keep the SEEDS ship on course… Sorry, but engineering stuff and ship stuff to VIVISECTION… that’s a far jump. What was even their goal in this? Because I don’t read any here. I just read someone ripping off the legs of a spider to see what happens. Understanding Tesla and her power is not their goal! There is no hypothesis, there is no thing they want to prove. Even the simple idea of: How does Tesla work/perceive stuff… Because for that… they could have talked and used tests that aren’t… *stares at the picture* ripping out her heart to see what happens. We see them use EEGs! Some close friends work in research. To make a study that contains humans they need to get through a dire evaluation process, and an ethics committee and more often than not they get denied because some wording is slightly off. Hell, they had to go through hell to get a study with pigeons approved! (granted… the pigeons were euthanized and their brains were cut up into small slices).

Tesla didn’t even reach her first birthday. That’s why it is so important that the boys are a year old to Conrad.

Even in death they did not leave Tesla whole. Her brain is separated and her angel arm, too. The rest of her body is torn apart and left floating in a tank like a medicinal specimen.

But I like these panels. “Someone just like us.” Interrupted by the very personification of grief and regret. Then Vash seeing what happened with Tesla.

Yeah… yeah…

What do you think? How long did Knives and Vash stay in the room, staring at Tesla in terror? Vash looks dehydrated and starved… How long did it take for Rem to look for them and find them, much less retrieving them.

Separate Ways

I… wouldn’t call that weakness, Rem… I know the wording is meant to resemble a prayer… but… Weakness is me binging on a chocolate cake, weakness is falling back into a bad habit, weakness is lashing out at someone in pain, weakness is letting someone step over your boundaries because you are too afraid of rejection. Weaknesses are things that make us fallible, that make us be at odds with each other and that make us imperfect, but still loveable beings. Weakness is not cutting up and killing an innocent child in slow motion. That was a continued active decision to be horrible. They did not reflect upon their actions at all.

“Forgive us in our weakness.” And Rem cannot ask for forgiveness for her colleagues. They aren’t the least affected by what they did, okay, Conrad. But asking for forgiveness is nothing you can do in proxy. And it should not be on the boys, too. They need to work through their pain and grief. The only person who could forgive is Tesla, but she is dead. Rem needs to work through her guilt herself, not that she is really good at it. Vash truly takes after her.

Oh, how the turn tables.

Vash goes full Knives. Understandable. Vash is the more cautious brother. Even then he was hopeful, it was always with Vash staying reserved and awaiting rejection. And with the last chapter of volume 6 in mind, his way of thinking gets constantly affirmed. Though the question is what changed from this little Vash to the adult Vash. Because adult Vash does not allow himself those thoughts, while he is rejected by humans most of the time. The thoughts are there, they make him and they make his behaviour. But he denies himself these at the same time, ignoring his feelings and hurts.

Vash going for the throat. Not unjustified, but still hot damn.

Rem was at least a bystander in Tesla’s death. Either she, Conrad or the both of them voiced the ethical questions, but it took 100 days until it was dire enough for it to be written in the report. But we don’t know for sure. Rem’s and Conrad’s involvement is kept in a pretty vague light. Maybe she even experimented on Tesla at the start? We can’t know. But we know it haunts her.

Interestingly, Rem’s grief is about herself. It is not entirely about Tesla, but her involvement in her death. It is about her not having enough power in any way to stop the crew. Adult Vash mimics Rem in this with his martyrdom. This whole situation of Rem’s guilt makes me think of the base ideas behind the Milgram-Experiment, Asch-conformity experiments and peer pressure, while the torture itself reminds me of the banality of evil. There are of course complicating factors here, like that in this situation there is no higher authority figure and we don’t get a code of behaviour, the isolation of the crew members and more.

I… pity Rem, I feel for her, HELL, I get how isolated she feels from her peers, how (from what we can gather) she was powerless to stop the torture. I feel the dilemma she was in, I feel for her. But at the same time I judge her for her words. While Vash is lashing out, he has points! How can he trust Rem right now? He knew of his otherness the whole time and now he was confronted with what happened to others like him. Rem hid that from him. Somewhat rightfully so with him being a child, but still… Vash does not know how she tried to stop this or if she tried to stop this at all! He doesn’t know her pain and this is not the moment in which it should be about her guilt. But she makes it about herself. Rem is there for them because of her guilt. She wants some kind of forgiveness for her being unable to protect Tesla. The twins cannot give her that. No one but herself can give her that. But having her guilt towering over their whole relationship makes it unhealthy and quite frankly Rem a bad role model. Rem hides herself from the twins, giving them an incomplete picture of a person to look up to. This lashing out from her is a rare occasion of showing her true self and I don’t believe adult Vash has a grip on the real Rem at all. He mirrors her, but he is unable to see that the role model he had is very unhealthy and ill.

In the end, Rem wants to do some kind of atonement for her involvement with Tesla (be it by being an active torturer, by being a bystander or being helpless to stop it) and she uses the twins to get it. I don’t think of her as a monster, but she was in no position to be a mother to the twins and it shows. She was an everywoman that got dealt a hand that was way beyond her abilities.

Peach! A peach is an interesting symbol. It can mean life and immortality. Considering the following scene starts with a peach and how impactful it was…

It is also interesting that they don't seem to talk really. Rem does not really open up there, she puts on a mask and tries to wittle down Vash to get him to eat. She doesn't help him through his pain like this. Ignoring the others position is not the way to help people.

Ugh, Vash sprouted the same thing to Wolfwood. It is so fucking judgemental. And like Vash’ similar lines in that talk (the other with the devil are total hits), these lines totally miss the mark. What about this is too light?! I know Rem says this, because she cannot help Vash with his trauma here. She wants to help Vash, she wants him to live and she is out of any helpful options. But those lines are so empty… It is the same with the typical depression sentences that people get: “Have you tried not being sad? You are just lazy. Other people have it worse than you.” They are voiced frustration, they are a cry of helplessness, but they are the opposite of helpful. They are without empathy. They deny validity to Vash’ feelings, they push them aside. And I hate that. Worse, these lines just make Vash’ mental state so much worse, which ends with this.

And this is the pivotal moment for Vash. He got his revenge. He got his anger out. And it is empty. Revenge is nothing, it leaves you a shell. His hurt clouded what and who he truly cares for. And now his action finally takes him out of his stasis.

And that’s why adult Vash tries to not kill/hurt in anger. Because it leaves you empty, it doesn’t solve anything. The person you hurt is gone, but you are still hurt. He learned it the hard way. Rem is the example of people trying to change, if people who hurt you are doing better by you. And because she did it, everyone else has to be able to do that, too. (Well, everyone is able to change, but not everyone will change, but that is Vash’ fallacy here, not mine.)

Oh, Alex is finally mentioned. Rem was so deeply depressed. Look at all the alcohol bottles. Alcohol as coping mechanism runs in the family -_-

Rem has been depressed, her loss made her. She should be able to emphasise with Vash in his stupor. But if you are that deep in it… getting out of it needs to come from yourself. You need to be wanting to get better, you need to get help in therapy or with medicine or better both. She cannot force Vash to get better. She should have known. (Sorry, but that is something close to my heart, I am miffed at Rem here!)

I like and I don’t like the blank ticket. For once it symbolises that you can start anew at any time. You can choose where to go, your past does not bind you down. But… for some people it does. The blank ticket only works if you are unbound by responsibilities, by community, hell, by money. There are limits. And Vash never got to understand that. Rem wasn’t there to teach him. Well, she was. But the lesson did not stick. Because, yeah, her ticket was blank, but he chose her responsibilities to all the people. She chose to try and save as many people as possible. She could have jumped into the rescue pod and flee with Vash and Knives, but she didn't, because her responsibilities bound her to this place. And I don't feel Vash understands that.

Oh, he knows.

He looks so dopey, I get cuteness aggression.

But with the chapter title in mind, this is where Vash and Knives drift apart.

King of loneliness

Front page showing Vash and Wolfwood. Nice.

Okay, we finally get more info. Nothing about if Conrad and Rem were part of the experiments in the beginning, but at least now we know who started opposing. And, yes, it is the right thing to inform Knives. I still feel split about it, since they are a year old, they do not have the emotional maturity to handle it/Rem has not the abilities to handle child trauma, but then again they are able to understand so much more, would hiding really work? Let them make informed decisions and they get to.

Making my rounds back to Conrad. That is why he wanted to stay with Knives, even after betraying him. Because that was his kind of atonement. He feels guilty for being unable to help Tesla, he projects that onto Knives, too. I groaned at him betraying Knives that late, but it makes sense. Giving Knives a new body, trying to help him, he was acting out of his guilt. Still massively stupid and in complete denial, but there is some sense in it.

Because that’s healthy… Rem and Vash feel something is off about Knives, maybe more than just the shock about Tesla. But they trust him. And he shows emotions, he cries. While he isn’t his chipper self, there is the old Knives. But is it just a mask? I am not sure. Towards Rem, maybe not, but Vash gets some more sinister vibes.

*stares at adult Knives, who hides his fear behind aggression and anger* Yeah, fear is completely pointless… Sure… No way you are going down the rabbit whole of genocide right now.

Again, NIghtow’s brilliant display of two different emotions in one face. Fear, sadness and hurt vs. anger and madness. The current Knives takes over the small, fearful kid.

*stares* Much rational, so emotionless, no fear at all. I always laugh at this sentence. He is so far gone in this moment...

Porque No Los Dos?

Those numbers… make no sense. If 802 of 1.000 ships got destroyed, then there would be 60 Mil casualties and 20 Mil missing due to the ships being still lost. Or are the missing persons just the people who aren’t known to have died or have been lost after the initial crash? And how many survived? We could at least take a shot in the dark and math an estimate of survivors..

Okay. 80 Million lost or death. Taking that the death toll and lost are both directly caused by ships lost/destroyed and not the aftermath.

802 +124 ships gone.

80M/926 would be people per ship.

Thus

80M/926*124

= People survived in emergency landings

around 10.713.000 survived the initial crash.

We know much death and strife followed until humanity stopped stumbling that much. So, I assume that the population took another downfall and is now back to where it was.

Knives, you are able to reflect enough that you did an oopsie by killing your sisters, too. But you are unable to understand that fear hides behind your anger or that you abuse Vash… Man…

Knives is not completely wrong about his assumptions about humanity as a gross. But that makes it so difficult to get through to him. Yes, his sisters are exploited, but he is a big cause for this. Should humans just give up and die? And he ignores the blatant devotion the plant engineer showed, he ignores how many of his sisters are well taken care off.

Did his sister truly merge of her own will? Or is it another moment of Knives ignoring others autonomy because he is so rational?

“And from that moment on, the world was plunged into chaos.” I… think it was chaotic before that… but yeah, rat in a corner-Knives is another level of deranged.

#trigun bookclub #trigunbookclub #Trimax 7.1 #why do I talk so much #I got emotional

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enneamage · 1 year

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hi i dont know how to start this so im just going to get right into it

i never understood why twitter got so mad at this clip ever since i saw it live i actually thought i was more good than bad? that might sound crazy but the fact as a 16 year old cis guy got called a lesbian and didnt go "ew im not a LESBIAN!??!" and actually thought about it for a second.

i think thats perfectly normal at that age to wonder that to wonder about your sexual and gender identity. hell i did and i think if i never did that as a teen i would have never accepted the idea of me being a trans guy.

now this brings me to the point of this essay. i think if twitter didnt have a shit party over that clip he would be more comfortable expressing himself femininity and accepting his bisexuality.

sure he doesnt have a problem flirting with guys as we've seen but they've always been less "masc" than his whole "big man" persona i think he finds it easier to flirt with guys (with the exception of ranboo of course) if he views them as more fem or even as a women perhaps

im not one to truthing him being trans or clem being real but im not against it. this also isnt me truthing him as being trans. i think cis people expressing femininity and masculinity is so important male or female (femininity and masculinity are ALWAYS put as things that go inherently together, but for some reason theyre never put as things that compliment eachother but thats a whole different topic)

but what do i really know? i dont have an audience of 12 million on youtube and 7 miliion on twitch i cant imagine that many eyes on you just waiting to judge you on your every move

Anon I admire the drive but I’m afraid you’ve sent this to the person who authored the “Tommy being Bi won’t fix him” post, so I must stick to my convictions on this one.

(As an aside, for those who don’t know, meet Clementine!)

I was not directly around for The Lesbian Moment, but I think I heard the gunshots down the street. I think it’s hugely under-emphasised how everyone was on the back of a world-changing mass death event spread out over the course of at least two years around that time, and the way that it (reasonably, all things considered) affected the way people handled stress. People were very sensitised to a lot of things, and it doesn’t surprise me that this would be a case where zooming out from what the problem was ‘supposed to be about’ would reveal a massive soup of situational stressors looking for a fracturing point to express themselves.

As thousands of people were all suddenly shoved online to share the same spaces, the social processes involved with creating norms and group standards had tons of gas thrown on them. It was going to be messy no matter what, people were electing scapegoats left and right to set social standards about what was and wasn’t acceptable. This is grim but important context (Tw), lockdown was horrific for rates of at-home physical and sexual abuse. Being a woman online in general is a state of psychological warfare against an objectifying culture. I remember talk about how his audience was divided even then, a group of lesbians were like “hell yeah we can let Tommy join /nsrs” and then another group were not even remotely okay with that even as a joke.

People were sensitised to feeling invaded in a time where lockdown had personal agency down to record lows, especially for teenagers and children. In a world where you have next to no agency or personal control over your circumstances, having a say in dominant moral narratives and the accepted behavior of people skyrockets in value, because you’re constantly in other people’s power. People were profoundly invested in the few square inches of control that they could/did have, so they were deeply reactive with it. A lot of pandemic reactivity was the behavior of people who felt over-activated and cornered, so while it’s possible to critique the outrage and take it apart on the terms that it presented itself on, it’s important to understand it as part of a whole as well.

👏 ON TO THE GAY SHIT

I feel like what goes into Tommy flirting with each of the men he’s flirted with in the past has been a little bit different. Tubbo seemed like possessive best friend claiming mushed into a straight lens with a side of teasing (I like girls, I like Tubbo, Tubbo is girl.) Ranboo was a fascinating intersection of girlfriend sublimation and flirtation to raise his self-esteem, also a bit of an apology for the not-so-passive-aggression from when it looked like Ranboo had “stolen” Tubbo. I wasn’t around for TimeDeo, but fuck it, that counts too. I don’t think that the majority of his homosocial flirting was to make himself seem more masc, especially with Ranboo. (I’ll spare you examples but that particular stretch has some moments.)

Tommy had a ‘playing toughguy’ problem when he was younger, and it contributed to some of his worst habits in terms of what came out of his mouth. I would have attributed a lot of this to his environment, the influences that he related to both positively (edgy youtubers) and negatively (macho schoolmates.) He was very teenage boy, but even then he had an off-beat streak that I impressionistically related to as more femme, even when he was being abrasive. Ever since being forcibly civilised through Wilbur and the forces of the internet he’s had much less of that, but his femme streak has stayed in some form or another, just evolving to fit what’s needed of him at a given time.

The rate at which Tommy being a cishet man comes up as a genuine issue that people feel compelled to try and see resolved is interesting, even as someone who occasionally feels it myself. Like there’s got to be something to unpack in that dynamic, that whatever behavioral issue he’s experiencing at a given time feels tied to his identity as a cishet male and something that can be revised if he had the right personal revelations. The issue is, I just don’t think it’s true, or at least wouldn’t make the difference that some people would want it to make. Some of his problems could even be tied up in his Englishness, and that’s straight up incurable. It’s hard for me to imagine that having a sexuality related revelation would make that big of a difference in the grand scheme of… him as a person. He’s got a lot of moving parts.

I do feel some frustration on behalf Tommy in terms of being a target of essentialist thought. He’s not allowed to be as camp as he probably wants to be because it comes off as offensive to gay culture, and he’s not allowed to be overtly femme because people are strict about policing gender expression right now if a given person doesn’t take on a certain label that corresponds with it. He’s assumed to have the worst intentions if he isn’t directly part of a certain group, and he really is clumsy with things that he doesn’t understand so he can be better off sometimes keeping his hands inside his box, but it’s still kind of sad to see the roundabout way that these binaries re-enforce themselves with someone like him. At the same time, try not to mourn over ‘what could have been’, because it’s still a form of essentialism to think that having traits more commonly associated with non-cishet identity would solve his problem-of-the-week, and there’s no guarantee that’s the case.

#Tw: Violence #tw: SA mention #Tw: Assault #Tw: Abuse #Brief mention but still worth noting for being so abrupt #As you can tell I’ve been thinking this topic over for a while #I want him to have Queer Freedom as much as the next guy but it’s not the vital jenga block that will knock the rest of him into place #Him being a sticky little man is his journey. His path #mageessay #since this is the spiritual sequel to the first one

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aitadinnerwex · 5 months

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Did you get a lawyer op :(

Yes, I have!! Sorry for going so long without any updates, but right now there's a lot of legal stuff going on and tbh? Most of it is kind of boring. My daughter talks to her dad on the phone, but is still mad at FIL and MIL. She's going to therapy in person every week. My ex is being very cooperative about the custody issue. I met K briefly and it was awkward (more on that under the cut)

I got in contact with a lawyer the day after I made my last post. I live in a state that does not recognize common law marriages, and my ex and I were never actually married. Add that to the fact that my home has been my daughter's primary residence for the last 3 years, and the fact that she's almost 12 and that's the age she has a say in who she wants to live with, and my lawyer assured me that in the eyes of the law I am currently my daughter's sole legal guardian. My ex would have a case if he wanted to fight for custody, but he doesn't. He just wants the arrangement we had before: I keep custody of our daughter, but she is free to come see him whenever she wants. He even offered to pay child support and help with my bills until she turns 18, but this I declined. I make more money than him and my own parents, while estranged and on the other side of the country, love their granddaughter and are more than happy to help financially.

We worked most of the legal stuff out on zoom calls, but one day we were meeting in person with both our lawyers to sign some legal stuff and K came with my ex. Some of you thought she must be younger than me and my ex because she sounded so immature, but y'all. She's older. Much, MUCH older. She looked like she was at least in her late 50s, which bleach blonde hair and yellow smoker's teeth. I don't wanna be petty or tear fellow my fellow woman down but... y'all. She looked like Donald Trump doing drag. Poorly.

Anyway, she stays quiet the whole time we discuss things with our lawyers. but she does keep one hand on the back of his neck kind of... grabbing him and massaging him? And the other hand is holding his hand in his lap, or occasionally stroking his thigh. In other words she was all over him. I can only imagine she was trying to show me that he was hers now or something, but I honestly couldn't care less. She can have him.

Before the meeting ended both lawyers asked if there were any questions and I admit, I got a little petty. I asked if I could maybe know even a little about K, because she was, ostensibly, going to be acting like a stepmom to my daughter if/when she decided to reconcile. K just gave me this death glare, but ex asked what I wanted to know and gave me short answers.

How old is she? 52.

How did you two meet? Church. (I doubt this, he hasn't willingly been to church since high school, but I didn't argue)

Why did K move in with ex at MIL and FIL's house after less a year of dating? None of your business. (Fair)

I asked a few other things too, mostly about my daughter and how we could more effectively coparent, and ex was helpful here and K continued to be silent (and handsy).

So, yeah. Court stuff is agonizingly slow, and talking to ex is like talking to a brick wall, but at least he's being a cooperative brick wall for now.

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literaticat · 9 months

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Do you have tips for new editors with social anxiety about getting submissions from agents? Reaching out with my wishlist almost always ends with a "let's have a phone call" and I don't feel comfortable doing that alone with strangers yet and haven't found a way to convey that appropriately. If I turn down the call I never hear from the agents again so I don't know what to do at this point :/

First, it's good that you are reaching out with your wishlist. If ever you are not sure about reaching out -- DO! We love to have that info! And if ever you aren't sure WHO to reach out to, I'd suggest looking at Publishers Marketplace or PW at deal announcements -- if there's something where you are like "hot damn, that sounds great, I wish I'd seen that in my inbox!" -- reach out to the agent to congratulate them, and tell them so! Here's a possible script of what that might look like:

"Hi {Agent's First Name},

We haven't met yet, but I'm a {your job title} at {great publisher}. I just saw your deal for {GREAT BOOK} in PW; that sounds terrific, congratulations! I'm always on the lookout for {that kind of book, whatever it was}, and it seems like we might have overlapping tastes, so I wanted to reach out and send my MSWL just in case it's useful for you. Fingers crossed we'll connect on something!

Warmly,

{you}

{your contact info/email sig}"

Now -- if they reply, "let's set up a call!" or something like that, which they might (because frankly, it's a LOT easier to target submissions appropriately if you've actually talked to somebody "beyond the MSWL") -- and you are like "yikkkkes oh nooooo", you have a couple of options:

a) Suggest a TEAM meeting. (Upbeat, something like "Oooh, that sounds great, should I see if I can pull together a little team meeting so we can catch you up on everything going on with the imprint?") -- They will probably be enthusiastic about that, because it is good for the agent -- they have a chance to meet more than one of you, which is faster/easier/more informative for them, and it's good for the team, bc then they all don't have to have individual meetings and get to "meet" multiple agents at once, and it's good for YOU, because you don't have to feel like you are alone trying to figure out how to talk to a stranger.

Then say to your boss, or somebody you like who is above you at your imprint, "Hey, such-and-such agency would love to hop on a call to talk about the imprint, our wishlists and stuff -- can we do a team zoom with a few of us and a few of them?" If they say sure, which they probably will, you're good to go; find a mutual time that works. You'll see how your other teammates talk on the call (spoiler, it's super easy, you're just talking about books!) -- and it might help you be more relaxed to know that you aren't alone in the spotlight. Once you actually have a "face to the name" and hear them talking about the books they love, they won't be a stranger anymore, and hopefully then you'll be getting submissions from them and going back and forth on email, and then voila, you have a new friend -- or at least somebody you aren't afraid of!

b. Be frank. "Honestly, I'm awful on the phone. But I'd love to meet up if you're ever around the office when I'm in and want to stop by and have a coffee!"

This will be understandable to most agents, we get nervy on the phone with strangers sometimes, too. :-) And if they DO ever take you up on "stopping by for coffee" -- which they probably WON'T in this day and age of nobody being in the office, but IF they do -- hey, just drag one of your editor friends along and make it a party, again it's better for ALL concerned to talk to more people, and no one person has to feel like they are carrying the conversation or put unduly in the spotlight. And it's just a coffee -- you all have something to do besides stare at each other (look at menus, decide what little treat to get, stir/sip, etc), and it's as short or as long as you want it to be. If you feel like you'll get weird, bring along a couple of your favorite books -- props will remind you what you are there to talk about (talk about those books!) -- and if you have extras, offer them if they seem interested. (Yay free books!) -- they'll love you. (And if THEY are weird, hey, you have something to gossip about with your editor friend afterward! LOL)

c. Make them an offer of something BETTER than a meeting. "Honestly, I'm awful on the phone. But I'm always more than happy to answer questions via email. And if you're ever torn about a submission and think something MIGHT be for be but you aren't sure, by all means send -- I'm happy to take a quick look and let you know if it seems up my alley or if it would be better for somebody else on my team!"

This is a cool response because we are DYING for somebody to just answer questions sometimes, or to be like "actually, I think so-and-so would be a better fit, you should try them" instead of sitting on a not-quite-right submission forever and never responding. Obviously if you think something is just a pass, you should just pass, that's fine, but if it is actually just not quite targeted correctly, it would be SUCH a boon for the editor to say so instead of just ignoring it or declining. That would teach us more about what to send you and what NOT to send you, and it wouldn't kill the entire imprint for that submission. (The hiccup with this response, though, is that then you'd have to actually respond if they DO email you, otherwise why'd you say you would?) ANYway, if you feel like you can deliver on being responsive in this way, SAY SO, because that means a lot and would encourage more submissions.

Hope that helps - good luck!

(And if you want to try it out, and maybe PRACTICE a call or a team meeting, feel free to email me - after all, I'm not a stranger, right?)

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knotmagickstudios · 1 year

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ADHD/Autism diagnosis as an adult, part 2

Part one with the background can be found here.

My GP arranged a referral to neuropsychology, and about a week later her office called with more info, and then emailed me a list of local providers. I didn't really know what to look for and didn't have the energy for research, so I just went down the list and made an appointment with the first office that a) picked up the phone b) was taking new clients and c) played nice with my insurance. It was about 5 offices I ended up calling altogether. I'm honestly shocked there were that many places, since there's only 1 office in Ohio that does adult assessments, and they really don't *like* doing adult assessments. They are really more set up to work with kids.

This is only one of the reasons why I didn't pursue a diagnosis in Ohio. The other is that some offices, in order to learn more about your childhood behavior, want to contact friends and family that have known you since you were very young. In my case, that wasn't an option. I'm no longer in contact with any non-family members who knew me before the age of 16, and as I mentioned last time, there's a lot of stigma in my family regarding mental illness and things like ADHD/Autism, so they would either refuse to talk to the doctor, or wouldn't give accurate responses.

Anyway, much to my surprise I only had to wait about 3 weeks to get an appointment. The office called and we made a total of 5 appointments. The first was blocked off for 2 hours for the initial assessment, and the 4 follow up visits would each be an hour. One session had to be in person.

Dr. B and I met over Zoom yesterday. He asked a lot of questions about a lot of different things. We started with the ADHD assessment, since that's what my GP wanted to look at because of my sleep issues. He asked what ADHD symptoms I thought I had, and I was honest: It wasn't on my radar as a possibility until recently. Most of my more ADHD traits have showed up in the past year, more as a result of my fatigue, just because it's so much harder for me to do or think anything when I'm tired. He asked about my energy levels as a kid, how they've changed as an adult, what my organization skills are like, how I manage (or don't manage) time, and things like that.

In the end, he said that if I have ADHD, it's a very mild case; I was a very active kid, but not in a disruptive way. According to him, he things the biggest problem I'm facing right now is low dopamine, but we're going to continue the assessments/follow ups.

We did talk about the possibility of medication, since low dopamine isn't really something that can be treated without it, especially because I'm so fatigued I can't be active. I stated that I don't want to start with a stimulant, at least right now, because of my sleep issues and the diagnostic processes. I want to leave that alone until I have more answers on what is going on physically. He agreed that this was the best move, and suggested two medications that are usually recommended for depression, and would piggyback off my current meds to hopefully raise my dopamine levels enough to where I have some energy and motivation back. But, we are holding off on any meds until appointment 3, when I see him in person. Appointment 2 will be the autism assessment, so once we finish that we'll have a better idea of where things are.

One thing I found funny was that my GP gave me side eye for 2 caffeinated drinks a day (chai latte in the morning and a Barq's rootbeer at lunch) because they are the only way I can stay alert enough to drive myself home from work and function as a human at the office.

Dr. B? "Well, if it's working, keep it up!" He also asked me if I crave carbs. I cackled. "Sir, I am of French descent. My wife will tell you I'll commit murder for good bread."

So now I basically have a prescription for lattes, baked goods, and chocolate, because they help raise my dopamine levels. And now I need "That's my emotional support latte" on a tee shirt. #unionstrong

I know my situation is pretty unique because I'm going through multiple diagnostic processes right now, but isn't every diagnosis unique to some extent? Everyone has some kind of extenuating circumstances, even if you don't realize it at first.

So that is basically where things stand right now. I have my autism assessment in a week, and I'm still waiting to hear back from rheumatology and endocrinology on when I can make appointments with them. As always, I am happy to answer any questions about this process, or my other conditions/diagnostic processes that I can.

#chronic illness #neuropsychology #adhd #autism #adult diagnosis

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ember-not-amber · 4 months

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I just watched “Journey to the Center of the Earth” (2008) starring Josh Hutcherson & Brendan Fraser and I have some thoughts about it!

• This movie has every single dialogue cliché ever😭 I was cringing a lot from the beginning to the middle of it

• The color grading is definitely a staple of the year this movie came out and you can just tell it came out in 2008 but I can see why this might be a comforting and nostalgic movie for ppl who saw this movie in their childhood bc “Peter Pan” (2003) is my favorite movie ever and one of the reasons is bc every scene is SO colorful!

• I didn’t like how the mountain guide, Hannah, was talked about by Trevor and Sean, i.e. when Sean called “dibs” on her like she was an object and not a human being. I’m not sure if he was calling dibs on being in a relationship with her or having sex with her but either way it’s gross especially since he’s 13 but Trevor didn’t tell him that he shouldn’t talk about a woman like that, he just told him that “he couldn’t call dibs because he’s 13” so he’s not so great either. It does not paint a good picture for what Sean’s character will be like in the sequel bc the only male figure in his life at the moment is encouraging him to objectify women and I know Sean gets a love interest in the sequel.

• I thought the b-plot of Hannah and Trevor getting together was stupid and another movie cliché of “a conventionally attractive man and woman are on a dangerous adventure together so they’re gonna end up together” and I didn’t really see much chemistry between them since there was barely any time for them to get to know each other so they could have chemistry bc most of their time was spent trying not to die and doing what they came there to do. I also don’t really see why Hannah would be attracted to Trevor since the only parts of his personality we’ve seen are him being a really smart scientist that knows a lot of cool stuff and he’s sad about his dead brother. We don’t really see the facets of his personality that would be necessary to judge whether or not he’d be a good romantic partner for her.

• I thought the plot was very interesting around the middle to the end of the movie and it kind of made me want to read Jules Verne. The center of the earth in this movie reminded me a lot of the underground dinosaur world in “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs”.

• The CGI on the dinosaurs and carnivorous Venus Fly Traps was kinda bad, I could tell it was CGI. The T-Rex (or the Giganotosaurus as the wiki says) looked fleshy and pink, which was really weird since most of the CGI T-Rexes I’ve seen before have always been dark-colored and I don’t really like that it was that color. I think that the CGI for “Dinosaur” (2000) was more realistic-looking than this which is just crazy for a $60M budget movie! They must not have put the majority of the money into the CGI bc I can tell. But then again, the budget for “Dinosaur” (2000) was $127.5M but I still find it crazy that a movie that came out 8 years after “Dinosaur” doesn’t have at least the same quality of CGI.

• I liked the glow birds, they were pretty and cute

• The Muscovite fact was cool (unfortunately it’s wrong), I should have known that it would come up again later in the movie

• The jump scares were jump scaring, the scary, anxiety inducing scenes were definitely giving and they had me holding my breath without realizing it. The end of the movie was a great way to hint at a sequel when Trevor gave Sean a book on the lost city of Atlantis. The way that the movie transitioned into ending was… very reminiscent of a YouTube video bc of the way the footage zoomed out as a square against black which looked so cheap and cringe like a basic PowerPoint transition😭 I kind of liked the glow bird animation that showed up after that though. And the fancy credits were pleasant to look at.

This movie was very entertaining and I enjoyed it for the most part and I’m curious to see how the sequel compares.

#original post #journey to the center of the earth #journey to the center of the earth (2008)#josh hutcherson #movie review #sean anderson

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female-eren · 10 months

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I'm one of your male followers and I saw you were struggling to get inside the mind of a man who thinks he's good but ultimately misogynistic. Part of orbiting Radfem circles is coming to terms that I was this man in someways, and I now make a conscious effort to not enable or partake in misogyny when I can. So I can give you some personal experience on the matter:

- I never thought of myself as misogynist or outright thought that "women are inferior to men". In fact, I didn't really think about it at all. The assumption most men have is that we are already equal.

- There is no real mental effort to challenge things that are misogynistic. I think you might understand this from the perspective of having been a child and raised to just accept 'you do this because you're a girl.' Men don't think twice about just accepting that as to why they don't have to do something.

- I don't think most men go to interrupt women when they're speaking, I do think that tends to be men who are a bit more outwardly misogynistic, but they will dominate conversations, without really thinking. This is something I had to stop myself from doing.

- Again, there are some judgements I think men pass without analysis. If a woman is wearing a lot of make up, she might be treated better but she'll also be treated as probably not being all that intelligent as one who does not. I think in a self-professed "Good male" character, this is maybe something better to show and not tell. They probably wouldn't think it in their head.

- Same with men who act a bit more effeminate, I think some well-meaning men are more than happy to let them be theirselves but tend to think they're a bit strange for wanting to dress/act like that. If you want to analyse that further, it probably has roots in misogyny and homophobia.

- It's also not quite recognising other mens behaviour towards women as something bad. Obviously, if they're being outright misogynistic and saying a lot of horrible stuff, we'll know. But if it's something a bit more subtle, a lot of us won't pick up on it. Some do though and just don't say anything for fear of causing a rift in either a friend group/work mates (though this type of man isn't a good man in my opinion).

I can send some more your way as they come to mind but I hope this helps.

Thank you! One thing I've really noticed, in real life as well as on zoom calls etc is that men will speak over me. The worst example was a group project in a class where I was on a zoom call with only men, about 5 of us in total. I was never allowed to finish my point, unlike the others in the group. It wasn't until the oldest man (most respected) said I'd actually come with a better suggestion than him that I was treated like I had anything worthwhile to say by the others (the others were my age) and could actually finish my sentence in peace. I think that's something I'll incorporate. Also, the idea that if a woman is better than the men, she is "just as good as men". Definitely the points you brought up about not recognizing other men's behaviors. "He's just like that" or "he was just making a crass joke" etc. And also the casual judgements. I really don't want to seem preachy with this character, like super obviously make his behavior almost unnatural because I'm so obviously commenting on it as bad, but at the same time I want it to be at least somewhat clear that he is bad and that all men who are like him (aka the very average guy) are bad because the bar is so low.

Thanks for your message!

#male character #inspiration

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small-n-tall · 11 months

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Small to tall and back again

TW: Don't read if little, discussions of suicidal ideation

Coping with the mounting stresses of adult hood is messing with my head more than I anticipated. I've always had a fear of getting older, some of my earliest memories are me realizing I won't be a kid forever and I'll have to one day be an adult and do the things my parents do. I was panicked for days after I realized this.

I tried to take the advice that adults were giving me, to enjoy being a child because it all goes by so fast. I quickly realized they were right. I enjoyed the care free days of my childhood to the best of my abilities, though always with the pervasive anxiety of adulthood looming over me. This wasn't the easiest though, as there were stressors in my childhood I had no control over.

For a while I really didn't mind birthdays all that much, I did get gifts and things at least. My parents usually made them fun too. Around the age of 14-15 or so my feelings around birthdays started to change. They just began to stress me out. It just became an annual reminder that I was getting older and there was nothing I could do about it. People wanted me to celebrate but I was having a harder and harder time seeing the joy in it. I couldn't wrap my head around why anyone would want to be an adult. This was confounding upon itself as I learned more about the world, and the abuse suffered by nearly every person for the sake of profits and personal gains. I saw more flaws and horrors than I thought were possible and I started to spiral farther into depression. Around this time I started to plan to kill myself after HS graduation, simply out of fear of being an adult. I ended up taking SSRI's for about 5 years.

My teenage years I mostly remember fondly. I was able to break out of my shell more and developed my social skills that were lacking at the time thanks to high school, but that's not to say it was entirely easy. But I had a nicer go at it than others. If I wasn't 6'2" by the time I was 11 I probably would have been picked on a lot due to my idiosyncrasies.

COVID started when I was 17, nearing the end of my junior year. The rest of that year and the entirety of my senior year were over zoom calls. In a lot of ways I feel cheated out of the last of the good years of my life. But there's no one I can blame, it's just circumstance.

Much to my surprise, I turned 20 a few months ago. I didn't remind any of my friends that it was my birthday and thankfully no one remembered. I spent most of the day crying. I told them a couple weeks after the fact.

Since I didn't really ever plan to be an adult I'm having a very difficult time getting myself together in really any fashion. I've had a multitude of jobs, mostly retail, since graduation. None of which I have been able to hold down for more than a month or two. I'll just break down and cry and leave without telling anybody and block my bosses numbers. Usually the last check gets to me one way or another at least.

My parents understand that I'm pretty fucked up, though not the full extent of it I don't think, I don't think I do either. Thankfully they still tolerate me and let me live here but I don't know how long.

But here I am, I cry and age regress almost everyday. I hold onto my childhood teddy bear, desperately clinging onto a feeling I can hardly remember and dreading a bleak future.

Sorry if this is just kind of a dump with no real conclusive end. But thank you for reading regardless.

#age regression #age regressor #agere

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matadorofheart · 11 months

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anyway time to answer my own questions bc it'd be a little silly if i didn't huh

nu: carnival questions!

1. What got you interested the game? What kept you playing?

my friends were into it early on and finally dragged me in a couple months after release. i'm so reluctant to get into new media but i'm pretty sure i was in the midst of a Mental Health Moment(tm) and desperately needed a distraction so i picked it up on impulse one day.

i was most interested in olivine initially bc religious trauma vibes, but all the other characters CAPTURED me (also the horny obviously)

2. Who was your first SSR?

garu! and then i rerolled my account for zest for life and got buckeye miracle quincy

3. Who's on your home screen? Do you tend to stick to the same character/card or switch it up? Do you have Eiden onscreen with them?

currently rei's SR, but i usually tend to rotate between variations of quincy & whatever my current favorite event boy is

i don't usually have eiden on bc i like to zoom in and they don't both FIT but i like hearing his little exchanges with everyone

4. Favorite character?

quincy my love my heart my soul. blade is a close second

5. Favorite Eiden ship?

it's hard to choose between yakumo & blade, i'm usually not too invested in the canon ships but they are just,, so cute

6. Favorite non-Eiden ship?

blade/kuya/quincy they are hilarious and the angst potential is lovely

7. Favorite territory of Klein?

i'm biased bc of how much quincy (+ kuya) i write but the wood territory

8. Favorite chapter?

hm hmmmm. 10 was definitely SOMETHING and it was nice to see a bit of everyone even if they were in peril, also all of us collectively losing our shit was fun

9. Favorite event?

i'll be thinking abt astral duo for the next 5 years. but also forest carnival, not for the SSR boys but for one of the first blade + quincy interactions they're friends now 😭❤ army x blood x oath is up there too for the same reason

10. Favorite original SSR?

besides quincy. i really like blade's outfit

11. Favorite event SSR?

zest for life oli was my OG favorite and still holds a special place in my heart, also very fond of idol blade. school boy yakumo is also killing me recently

12. Favorite H scene?

in-story is probably either rei's or yakumo's, as far as the intimacy room goes i Love the astral duo scenes

13. Current level?

60, it's been ages but i miss the free energy refills for leveling up 😩

14. Most powerful unit?

i THOUGHT it was aqua bloom oli but apparently he's second to morvay's SR at 32k+ battle power i forgot i beefed him up recently for the trials

15. Least powerful unit?

edmond's N card at 704 battle power fjdksf, but as far as SSRs it's ice equilibrium dante at 954 bc i haven't bothered to level him up much i got my support cards

16. How many of your units have maxed out bonds, if any?

16 apparently, and i have like 10+ lingering on the last room rip

17. Do you strategize & focus on gameplay, or are you just here for the spice?

i came here for the horny but unironically got into the gameplay. i use guides a lot of the time bc i can't be bothered but sometimes i DO figure the harder levels out on my own and that's neat

18. Thoughts on the challenge events? (Sorcerer's Trials, Lost Relics, etc)

sometimes they're frustrating but i have fun with them! the rewards are nice and if i can't figure something out i know zerophos on youtube has my back 🙏

19. What's your favorite thing about the game overall?

i like that the relationship anarchy is simply canon. my romance repulsed ass wouldn't wanna deal with like, serious jealousy drama or "what are we" convos, it's not my thing. eiden calling his clan members "my buddies i hang out with" is the best thing in the entire game to me personally

20. Got any wishes for the future of the game? (Story, events, new characters, etc?)

rei sort of answered my prayers for some sort of medical man but i would LOVE a character who's like. an actual doctor. like a HEALER but not in the magic way. also if we ever get some sort of medical/hospital themed event i'll Die

#nukani Q&A

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momof2boysblog · 1 year

Text

Module 1 blog post

Communication Revolution

Revolution it self means a sudden or complete change. So a communication revolution means a change in how we share information or interact with each other. The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear communication revolution is technology as it has been advancing so much in the past decade or so. The biggest example of this is the recent pandemic the world just went through.

A Pew Research Center survey showed that 81% of Americans used video calls at least once since the pandemic and 17% reported that their digital interaction were just as good as personal ones. One of the major features of our pandemic was Zooms. Companies, teams, and even schools relied on zoom meetings for daily functions. Zoom sales grew 370% in the last three months of 2020 compared to the same time frame in 2019. The 'homework gap', students who had technology related issues preventing them from completing their work, was experienced by 49% of low income families. 26% of Americans worried about the cost of high speed internet. I myself had to adapt a new daily routine of going to my parents house for several hours a day for my son to do his school work and myself to complete my work from home.

Digital Natives

A person born or brought up during the age of digital technology and therefore familiar with computers and the internet from an early age is a digital native. The last decade or two has been the era of the internet. There are young children who can work phones, tablets, and ipads better than most older adults. My son was seven when the pandemic hit and before that he loved to play outside or with his toys. Since the pandemic where we relied on technology and screens he has been more of a digital being than ever.

A Pew Research Center survey showed 24% of teens constantly use the internet. The survey done in 2015 showed Facebook as the most frequently used social media with 71% of teens using this platform. The latest statistics show that Facebook continues to reign strong as the king of social media, with 2.93 billion active users in 2022. Older teens 15-17 say they use Facebook, while teens 13-14 say they prefer Instagram. 49% of teens from lower income families verses 37% of teens from higher income families use Facebook.

While social media platforms are being used and created everyday, they can affect your mental health and not in good ways. A study done by the Mayo Clinic in 2019 of more than 12,000 13- to 16-year-olds in England found that using social media more than three times a day predicted poor mental health and well-being in teens. Excessive use of social media can lead to depression and anxiety.

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itspdameronthings · 1 year

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I posted 5,989 times in 2022

453 posts created (8%)

5,536 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@garretthedlundarchive

@dameronscopilot

@giveintogarrett

@nowritingonthewall

@love-you-as-ever

I tagged 258 of my posts in 2022

#instagram - 111 posts

#triple frontier - 57 posts

#youtube - 49 posts

#writer wednesday - 31 posts

#oscar isaac - 30 posts

#spotify - 28 posts

#charlie hunnam - 27 posts

#garett hedlund - 27 posts

#benny miller x reader - 23 posts

#santiago garcia x reader - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 68 characters

#tegan when i say that your edits always improve my mornings by 500 %

My Top Posts in 2022:

See the full post

20 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

Gloomy day

Summary: Sorry for a sad entry for @writer-wednesday due to the subject matter of depression,and panic attacks. anyone that has issues with that. just read the other parts. This takes place in the Never letting you go universe. It takes place before ch 1 of the story. Deals with why Sunshine left her shift,and why Santi left the FBI. hope yall enjoy!

Gloominess of the world outside is how you feel inside. All you want to do is stay in bed. Don't want to get outside to enjoy the land of the living. Has been months since Santi left for his mission. Another job for the special agent Garcia. Sure both of you zoom chat,and chat on the phone. Not the same. Want to hold him in your arms. Never let him go.

Benny stays with you. Can't see his best friend like this. He knows how you miss Pope. Watching you from the doorway. Try not to fall apart around her. Stay strong. Will comes behind his brother, " sunshine hasn't gotten up at all? " Benny looks at him. Rubbing his face," no, just got home from work. Not much of a hello. She went to her room and cried. I know she is hurting. It's like I don't know bro. Remembering all the hurt she has been through her childhood, and now he is not here to help her." Will has an idea. Go over to you. Benny follows his lead. Both of them on either side of you. You lay your head on Benny's chest," so glad to have my best friends here with me. Don't know what I'll do without both of you. Something happened tonight. I had a panic attack. Thinking about how I'm not cut out for being a nurse." Benny kissed my forehead, " tell us what happened. Let us help you. We can." Will's voice filled the room," he is right little one. We can at least calm you down. Not leaving you alone. Just like old times. Being there when the chips are down." You told them about a trauma that was brought in. Same age and build like Santi. That caused you to break down.

Meanwhile half around the world. Santiago Garcia is working.Guarding an important person. Meaning being a body double for the person. Meaning wearing a kilt . Things he has to do to keep the person safe. Meaning dressing like him. All the while his mind is on a special person. His sunshine. How he missed you. The feel of you in his arms. Hate being away from you for long periods of time. When no one was looking . He got out his phone. Want to hear your voice.

Phone rings. Sound of the tone for whom the bell tolls. Caused you to crawl over benny to get your phone," santi! So glad you called! Miss you so much baby! Tell me that you are okay. Has been awhile since we last talked." Santi walks around talking to you about what stuff like the sites he has seen. Wishing he was with you. The sound of his voice you know something is not right. Wanted to stay strong for you. Santi sits down on a chair," baby girl, I know something is wrong. Tell me little one. What can I do." Rubbing your tears away from your eyes. Looking at your best friends near you, " had a bad night at work that's all. Also worrying about you. Fears that something has happened when you didn't call. " The call was interrupted by his boss telling him that they needed to go. Told you that he loves you so much. He too has his own fears. Want to leave this job. Walking past his fellow agents. Going into the other room packing up his stuff. Told them that he quit. He can't do this job anymore.

After the call. You lay back down. Feel your friends touch. Benny is asleep. While you and Will are still awake. He whispers, " Hate to see you like this. You are strong . Can get through this. Know why? You have that Miller strength in you. We aren't even related. We gave you that strength to withstand anything. Now you need to get some sleep. "

Santi boards a plane. Looking out the window. Knowing he would be back home. To you. He fears that he will scare you. Fears of the job are finally catching up with him. Needs you. His sunshine. Ray of hope to help him.

Next day. You got ready for work. Will left for work. While Benny stayed with you. Holds you close to him, " I'll drop you off at work. Call me if you need me to pick you up. Sunshine? I mean it call me" Hugging him close to you. Suddenly you feel something. Didn't want to let him go. Until it hits you. You have the same feelings for him. The same connection you and Santi have. You did call him. Half way from your shift. Had another break down. Drive you home. Telling you to rest ,and he would check on you later on. Soon as you walked upstairs to your room. Noticed something was not right. See a lamp on. Then you see Santi sitting in his old chair. Looking very lost.

20 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

Watching you

Summary: This is the first time to write in the moonknight universe. Here is my sweet fic for @writer-wednesday Thanks goes to @autumnleaves1991-blog for the idea. you are the best. Steven finds a letter. trying to figure out who sent it.

Steven has a mystery on his hands. Last month he got letters from an unknown person. They were sweet and thought provoking. Telling him to have the courage to be like his brother. How did that person know that?

Few weeks ago:

Steven starts his day out the same way he does every day. Feed fish. Chat with his mum. Off to work he goes. On this day he sees someone new in the elevator. A pretty woman. She looks beautiful. Head in her book. Wanted to take a glance,but as soon he tried to get a look. Door opens. He falls on the floor. She continues to walk and read till she reaches the bus.

Marc noticed something was not right with Steven. He came in with a bruise, and looked disheveled. He yells, " Steven! Wtf! Are you okay? " looking up ," not really . Seen a vision actually. In the elevator, I fell on my face . " Marc placed his hand on his shoulder, " that's understandable. Tell you what. I'll help you to win this person. You know. Be dashing, confident." Backing away from his brother, " no offense mate. Last thing I need is to be like you. Hell! You can't have Layla forgive you for your mistakes. " That hurts. Yes, both of them had a tiff. They are still working on things.

Evy sits on a bench outside. Enjoying her lunch break. Nice to get outside since she has been in the stuffy museum air all morning. Giving tours of the Egyptian expo. Noticed the same person from the elevator. Noticed his name tag. She has noticed him from the moment she moved in. Scared to walk up to him. So she started to write a letter:

Hello,

You don't know me,but I noticed you the moment you entered the elevator. Wanna tell you that you are a cute individual. Also this morning I listened to you explaining the pyramids to the kids. Seems you know more about it than I. Enough of that. Also there is one thing. Don't let that twit of a boss walk over you. Learn to stand up to her.

Write to you again,

Putting the letter in an envelope. Sealed it. Soon she got home. Find his mailbox, and slide it in. Problem was. His last name. Perfect person to ask is the super she was seen chatting with that morning.

Present day:

Marc watches the screen. Scanning for unusual shit. More importantly, to find out who is sending his brother the letters. Ever since Steven received the letters. His mood changed. Smiles more. Something he hasn't done in a long time. Marc thinks he might know the person that has been sending the notes. He needs proof.

He casually strolls through the patio scanning the surroundings until he hears an interesting story. Coming from a woman. Sitting behind the tree," I'm telling you Amy, I think it's time to reveal myself to Steven that I'm the one that sent him the letters. Can't just watch from afar to see him blossom to a confident man. So what if he is a nerd? He is a nerd with a heart of gold. " marc smiles as he walks away. Part of him wants to tell him who the secret writer was,but he is gonna watch out for him. Make sure he doesn't get scared.

With encouraging words from Amy. Evy placed the note into his mailbox. Watching him reading it . Jumping up and down, " oye! I'm gonna meet my lady! Oh bugger! Can't go looking like I bloody fell out of bed!"

Dressed in a nice jacket and jeans. Flowers in hand with a box of chocolates. Looking at every woman that walks around. Thinking she might be the one. Till he felt a small hand on his shoulder. Looking up. Sees the very person he talks to on his breaks. Whispers, " Evy? What?" She smiles. Sits down next to him, " yes, it has been me the whole time. I Want you to see how special you really are. Like our chats about the Egyptian gods and stuff. You are cute, sweet ,and rather handsome. " he blushes . Taking her hand," oh love, how I wanted it to be you. No woman would pay attention to me like you did. Love to get to know you better. " Evy and Steven lean over to kiss till they hear a yell. Looking over his brother's body. Faced down," what the bloody hell! Marc? What are you doing here? Spying on me?" Spitting out grass from his mouth," for your information. I came here to see if you needed help. Since you don't. I'm gonna go. " Evy laughs," so you are the twin. One that watches my every move at the museum. Now the cat is out of the bag. I'm gonna say this. STOP WATCHING ME!!"

Months have gone by. Marc and Layla patched things up. Evy and Steven hang out together after work. Now when Steven and Evy pass by their mailbox. They smile. Thinking about how their relationship began.

23 notes - Posted May 6, 2022

Watch "Kings Of Leon - Beautiful War" on YouTube

youtube

@charnelhouse here is the video! Oh sexy benny Miller!

24 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

New Adventure

Summary: This story had a different vibe. Wanted to do a smut piece,but i thought i do a fluff piece for a friend that needs some cheering up.@autumnleaves1991-blog. this is for you. It is about a reader going through a rough patch in her career. All she wants is to find something new. What she finds. is a new friend.

Enough is enough. You couldn't take it anymore. What is the use for teaching the next generation if they won't listen to you. Always dreamed about being a teacher. Now that reality has set in. Sitting at your desk writing out the next week's lesson plans. Thinking this is useless. That is when you went to the principal's office. Not much of a hello from him," I can't do this anymore. So as of now I'm giving my notice. Done teaching students that don't want to learn. Done being treated badly!" Before leaving. The principal suggests you take a paid vacation. To clear your head. Heeding his advice. You thought about where you want to go.

Miller's farm is busting with activity. From mucking the stalls from hauling hay to feed the horses. Wiping the sweat from his face. William looks around. To see what else that needs to be done before heading into town to have a nice drink,and hang out with his brother, Benny who is finishing up with the barn details. Thinking about how he wished he thought about moving back to the farm after retiring from the army instead of giving speeches. Forgot how therapeutic farming was. Hard work to clear one's head,and help him cope with his personal life. Been five years since she left. One year since his friend's death. After listening to advice from a therapist. She requested for him to do something different. After visiting his parents. They thought if he and Benny would take care of the family farm. Couldn't say no to that.

After arriving at your destination. Taking a deep breath of fresh air. Made you feel better already. Thought it would be a good idea to get a bite to eat, before checking into a bed and breakfast. While you were waiting for your food to arrive. Noticed two handsome men getting out of a red ford pickup truck with an army and some kind of fighter logo stickers on the window. Trying not to stare too much. You went back to checking your messages mainly from your coworkers. Most of them were out of concern to few that were utterly rude! Slamming down your phone caught the attention of the brothers. Casually walking over to you. They sat down. Benny cleared his throat, " somethin wrong? By the looks of your attitude. Either you are at your wits end with someone or something. " taking a sip of your drink," if you must know. Both. Tired of my humdrum life. Need to get out while I can." Will smiles at you, " oh we can relate to that . By the way. I'm Will and this knucklehead is my brother Benjamin but everyone calls him Benny." You blush," I'm Y/N, but my friends called me cherry because I love eating them." Waitress brought over the orders,and sat there for along time talking about their lives.

Will was sweet enough to pay for your meal. Walk you to your car. Taking your hand," hope to see you again cherry. If you are not doing anything tomorrow. How about coming over to the farm. Could hang out or something. " looking into his dreamy,blue eyes," love but I don't know where to find you. " felt something in your hand. A napkin with his number and address. You smile. Knowing your vacation has started on the right track.

Benny noticed something different in his brother's demeanor. Actually smiling. Which is good. He knows it has to do with cherry. Made him smile too. At a stop light. Benny looked at his brother, " I know that look man. You like her. Admit it. Haven't seen you like this since her." Will looks out the window, " yeah, I do man. If you don't mind. Tomorrow? Can you take over some of the chores? I just might have a date."

Next morning you woke up earlier than usual. All you could think about is the new friends you made. Especially William. Couldn't stop thinking about him. Turned over to text him. Hoping he would answer back. Few seconds later, he texted you back. Asking how did you sleep. If you had breakfast yet. Texted him back that you haven't yet. Told you to meet him at the diner. He is coming alone.

Will comes downstairs whistling a tune. Putting on his shirt . Noticed Benny in the living room. Putting on his work boots and hat. Looking at will. He knows where he is going," have fun man,but not too much fun. " taking benny's hat off so he could hit him," get your mind out of the gutter man. You should heed your own advice. Since you have a date tonight?" Benny moans, " not a date man. Just hangin out. Besides, we aren't serious yet."

You are nervous and excited about meeting Will. While waiting for him. You looked at some job opportunities in town. Noticed a listing for a building for rent. Located not far from the diner. Might want to check it out. Reading about the building. Didn't acknowledge Will's presence when he touched your hand," whatcha readin?" You chuckle, " oh something. More like thinking about my new adventure." That peaked his interest. Leaning forward, " what kind of adventure cherry. Is this about what you told Benny and me last night about being done with teaching? " you nod," yes, iam. Can't go back to that life! I'm still young damn it! For the last year. I have been so unhappy. Not wanting to go to work. Just want to stay home.Enough is enough! Gonna call my boss to.tell him I quit!" Taking your hand, " if you want. I can help you. Heck benny too. With the heavy shit." You giggle as the two of you go over to look at the building.

Few months later. You finally moved into your new place. Will and Benny helped you move your stuff to the loft above the bookstore that is set to open in a week. After work. You come over to see Will. Even met his friends from the army. One evening. The two of you are sitting on a swing. Watching the sun setting. He lays his head on your shoulder, " wanna hear a secret? " looking into his eyes," if it is about me? Love to hear it." Reaching for your hand,and kiss your palm," wanna say that I'm glad that I met you honey. You made me smile again. With that being said. I want to say that.." Benny comes over to ruin the moment, " sorry cherry ,but I need your boyfriend. We have a cow that is about to give birth. " will kisses your forehead, " I'll be back. Don't go anywhere."

When he finally comes back. Found you asleep. Since it was getting late. Thought about it would be a good idea if you stayed the night. Carried you into his room. Laid you down. Being ever so gentle. Hold you close to him. Thinking about much has changed in his life. Things are brighter for him,and the same thing goes for you. Starting over is not a bad thing.

36 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Youtube

0 notes

oceanforblues · 1 year

Text

Things to ask Ashley

Can my mom go for therapy with manulife

My father died when I was 6 ish. My mum remarried about 7 years ago to this doctor man. But he’s not really capable of being a family man. He has autism and it never got treated. In fact all his life he was spiked and never really taught how to manage his symptoms. So at this age he’s around 65 but he doesn’t know how to act according to his emotions. Like for example he is from India and we’re from Bangladesh. He’s a very patriotic person in a sense that he even listens to political debates from back home. I don’t know if you know but those debates usually have people yelling at each other from across the room or over a zoom call. He enjoys watching that stuff. But the thing is because he can’t handle his autism he takes the energy and emotion from the debate and takes it out on us. For example you can ask him to pass the salt while he’s watching those shows and he will immediately say something like “I don’t understand why you people keep poking at me” or “oh my god wait one minute like I just said” even though you only asked him to pass the salt once. He doesn’t know how to handle himself or carry himself. He also smokes indoors. He doesn’t do it in front of my brother because he would lose it. He does it in front of me because as always I am the one who needs to be understanding and for some reason I need to the one to hold the secrets. I told my mum that either she tells him to stop smoking indoors or I don’t want him in the house. Because it’s my minimum requirement for someone who is sharing a space with us. My mum always says that we should consider it because we are not his blood and he feels like a stranger here. But until how long can we adjust? Have I not adjusted to the mood swings and bipolar ness? He smokes in the toilet which I don’t say anything. He smokes I’m the main bedroom. My only requirement is that he doesn’t smoke in the living room. I get my mums point and I get that at this age you can’t really change habits especially because he’s autistic but until when will they consider me and my brother?

Even with friends you know i always felt like a second option even though I put everyone as my first. Even now i always put my mum as first priority and her comfort is everything to me. But because of the way I speak to him and how I get upset at his shit habits she thinks I don’t care about anyone else but myself. She has said this to me that I don’t care about her or this family. How the fuck am I supposed to care when they are like this? When my mum literally wants to die and this man is more of a burden than someone at a vegetative state? I am stuck between wanting to care but I don’t want to go back to being the main like for this family. I don’t want to be the Cheeto piece holding the door in place. Fragile.

It feels like my mum is estranged from me at this point. She sounds like she’s living for the sake of living and not because she wants to live for me or even my brother. I know a lot of my problems will be solved if she went to therapy herself. But I don’t even know how to bring it up. Should I bring it up even? Or should I focus on myself and my own healing journey. But I can’t heal because the environment I live in is so chaotic and overall so unstable for my health.

It feels like my mom doesn’t really care what I do anymore. I could not be nursing and I could be doing something entirely different and she’s be indifferent about it. I feel like if she were to die tomorrow she wouldn’t be unhappy about it. It’s weird because I’m the one who craves connection with people all the time. I crave connections with friends, with family. I want us to be happy. But I feel like my mum doesn’t even want to get better or has the motivation to even take control of her life. And is it even my responsibility to help her heal to guide her?

I just feel like I have the most broken family out of everyone I know. It would make me feel at least a little better if I was close with my sibling but even he is estranged. I don’t think I did anything wrong. But I think he genuinely thinks I’m not capable of creating a bind with him because I’m the one yelling and trying to get people to function like a normal family. He thinks I’m probably too emotional to understand. I don’t know what he thinks but from knowing him it feels as though he looks at me in a condescending manner BECAUSE I’m emotional and have feelings.

Am I highly sensitive? I can’t stand some noises thag people make and it gives me literal migraines when it shouldn’t. Like I can’t stand people coughing. During exams when it’s dead silent and I’m trying to concentrate on my exam, I hate it when people cough or sniff their nose or even when a pencil falls. I also can’t stand people shaking their leg and mouth breathers. They give me literal migraines. I have to turn the other way when someone is shaking their leg because it messes up mt head too much.

0 notes

nctsworld · 3 years

Text

two nights, one you

✩‌ jaemin ‌x‌ ‌reader‌ ‌|‌ fuckboy!jaemin | strangers (who f*ck) to (brief) enemies to lovers | ‌10.9k

SUMMARY‌ ‌⇾‌ a last-minute one night stand gone awry is extended into two nights when you’re snowed in at the cute (but rude) stranger’s apartment on christmas eve. [loosely based on the movie, two night stand] // part of the x-mas in ncity collection GENRES ⇾ crack | smut | fluff WARNINGS‌ ‌⇾‌ ‌lots of bickering and dialogue, smut, oral s*x (f and m receiving), fingering, mentions of alcohol/drinking, swearing, bit of angst before the end, jaemin’s an asshole... or is he? RATING‌ ‌⇾‌ explicit TAGLIST ⇾‌ @infnteen

AUTHOR’S NOTE ⇾ it’s late (and long fsldkm), srysry but here it is! i hope the humour comes out in this and look away if falls flat zzz fingers crossed that i can finish the last two installments for this collection asap!

⇾ gif created by me, please don’t repost or share without credit!

Maybe it’s because it’s the evening of Christmas Eve Eve and you’re feeling more lonely than usual.

Maybe it’s due to the two glasses of wine you guzzled down in the span of fifteen minutes that get you buzzed.

Maybe it’s your prominent six-month dry spell and you’re in desperate need for some much needed rain in your drought.

Or maybe it’s just pure impulsiveness.

Regardless of the reasons, you’re aiming to get laid tonight.

It’s 9:45pm as you make the rounds on Tinder. You’ve used it in the past, searching for a relationship in vain, but haven’t used it much since you broke up with your last partner. Bringing the app alive again, you’re already bombarded by distasteful messages, off-putting one-liners and jokes, and swiping left more than you’d like.

You haven’t had a one-night stand before, but isn’t there anyone on here that is just a little bit attractive, nearby where you are, around your age, and is somewhat chivalrous about the topic besides saying DTF? Maybe you need to lower your standards if you want to get dicked down tonight.

But then, you land on him.

One Na Jaemin, 20 years old, and only four miles away from you.

Scrolling through his profile pictures and Instagram feed, you assume that he’s into photography, is on the athletic side from the various hobbies he partakes in, and he must be at least half-aware of his beauty because there’s the occasional pic that shows off his lean, toned arms, which, if you can be frank, is more flattering than the shirtless ones you constantly see. Oh, and he attends the same university as you.

The cherry on top? His bio is simple and upfront:

“Not up for anything serious, but always down for a good time ;)”

You swipe right without hesitation.

“It’s a Match!” flashes instantly at you. Your mouth swings open in disbelief.

Usually, you’d wait for your matches to message you and play hard-to-get, but not tonight. Tonight, you’re initiating and leading all the conversations, completely driven by your thirst.

Messaging Jaemin is a breeze. He types with more than half a brain, and he flirts, but it isn’t overwhelming or repulsive. Segueing the current topic, you drag your bottom lip upward as you send the following message:

so, hypothetically... if one were to have good time with you would tonight work?

Not even twenty seconds later and he replies with:

-wow, dont you go straight to the point -im impressed -but yeah -tonight works ;)

He’s quick to send his address.

-let me know when ur here and ill come get you out front!

Smacking your lips together, you squeal to yourself in the comfort of your home, excited to meet with him, but then a thought hangs over you—this feels a little too good to be true. Horrible scenarios run through your head, so your fingers dash across your phone’s keyboard:

tbh i haven’t really done this b4 so im kinda new to this is it ok if we video call or smth? gotta make sure you’re real and not a serial killer i’m sure you understand 😛

-for sure for sure -totally get it -ive had my fair share of fake girls and serial killers so i feel u 😛

Grateful for his consideration, you rush to rearrange your hair after you send him a Zoom link, hoping you look decent enough to not have him back off from his initial offer. He appears in the video call on his phone with the front-facing camera on a few seconds after you connect.

“Hi,” you chirp.

A corner of his mouth lifts. “Hey.”

Okay, he’s definitely cuter in real-time than in his pictures.

“You know, I’m not gonna lie, but I lowkey expected to see a dick or something,” you joke in an attempt to dispel your nervousness.

“Same,” he chuckles, running a hand through his black hair.

Oh God, he’s not just cute—he’s devastatingly gorgeous.

“So, this is my place...”

Jaemin moves around with his apartment in the background, revealing his living room first. Envy prods you as you note the brick walls, high ceiling windows, and well-appointed furnishings.

Recalling his address, you ask, “How’d you get a place in the heart of the city?”

“Lucked out,” he shrugs. His phone shakes a bit as he’s still moving. “My friend slash roommate—who is at his girlfriend’s place tonight, so we have the place all to ourselves—his parents own the condo and they gave me a friend discount on the rent.”

He finally stands in one place and turns the light on to reveal a room. “And this is my bedroom.”

Nothing out of the ordinary. A desk table with a gaming set-up, in tow with a gamer chair, and a decently-sized bed beside a nightstand.

“Oh, and here’s my closet.” Jaemin’s on the move again as he opens his closet doors. “Just to make sure you don’t think I hide the skins of my past one-nighters in here.”

A bubbly laugh rises from you. “Okay, I didn’t think of that before, but now you’ve planted the seed in my head. Maybe you hide them in the other rooms.”

“Nah, my roommate would kill me if I did.”

Both of you laugh in unison, and you bob your head with puffed cheeks.

“Okay, it all seems very promising. I’m going to get ready and I’ll guess I’ll see you in a bit, Jaemin.”

“Sounds good,” Jaemin nods, then winks. Although you’re sitting down, he’s still able to get you weak in the knees. “See you soon.”

You end the call and rush to bundle up for the snow starting to come down outside. A twenty-minute train ride later, you’re at the front door of a rustic, industrial apartment complex. After informing Jaemin you’re outside, you glance up at the snowflakes falling from the dark pink-grey sky, anticipating for what comes next.

Sex with a hot guy, what can go wrong?

So, you must’ve jinxed it because the sex is...

Unsatisfying. Finished faster than you’d like it to be. Sadly, overall disappointing. If you had to rate it, three out of five stars, at best.

But hey, he came, and you sort of did, and it wasn’t the worst sex you’ve ever had. It half-quenched your dry spell.

And enough happened that it tired you out, leaving you passed out in the handsome stranger’s bed until morning.

In the morning, your eyes slowly flicker, unused to the foreign, sweet scent engulfing you in your bed. Correction: Jaemin’s bed.

Your eyes flicker faster as you glance through the almost wall-sized window. The snow hasn’t let up from last night. On the contrary, it seems like it’s snowing non-stop. You groan at the thought of going home in this weather.

The bed is without Jaemin’s presence as you reach for your phone on the nightstand. 10:36AM and a few notifications greet you. You rub your eyes and start combing through them, rising upward to sit up on the bed.

“Morning. You’re finally up.”

Peering up from your device, Jaemin’s standing by the door with folded arms. His plain sweater and sweatpants match the colour of his hair. The dazzling smile he gives is so contagious, you’re not even conscious of catching one too.

“Out you go.”

You blink.

Once, twice, and then you tilt your head as you stare blankly at him, uncertain if you heard him correctly.

After a few moments, because you’re not moving an inch, his smile dissipates and he cocks an eyebrow in expectancy. A serious expression rolls over his face.

Suddenly, Jaemin strolls to the side of the bed and hitches his thumb towards the door.

You definitely heard him right.

And he’s dead-serious.

You replay the video call from last night, dissecting how you thought he was nice and funny and—

Realization dawns on you.

Why would you expect anything more from a two-faced fuck boy?

Still awestruck by the situation, you’re still solid as a statue, so Jaemin takes matters into his own hands and grasps you by your elbow, casually dragging you from his bed like he’s taking out the trash.

“What the fuck?!” you screech.

“C’mon, let’s go. Out out.”

“My clothes, though!” you protest in the middle of the hallway. He sighs in frustration, scurries to the bedroom, and returns with a small pile in his arms, then continues to drag you to the front door.

“Are you always this pleasant with your guests the morning after?” you rage, putting on the rest of your clothes by the door. “You don’t even have the decency to offer me tea or coffee?”

“This was a one-night stand, not a bed and breakfast, sunshine,” he says as he watches you put your shoes on. He’s folding his arms again and leaning against the wall, his attitude dripping with smug. If he wasn’t a stranger, you’d punch it off his face. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were new to this, huh?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“It means you’re a borderline virgin who needs to toodle-loo, get going and gone because you’re overstaying your welcome as we speak.”

Finishing putting on your coat, you’re fuming as your jaw hangs at the personal jab over your skills in bed. Jaemin swings the door open and shoves you through it.

“But I’ll admit, it was still nice having sex with you!” he chimes with a sickening grin and a hand on the door.

“Aw, thanks asshole, wish I could say the same,” you sarcastically reply, resting a palm upon your chest.

He scoffs. “From what I heard last night, I think I can confidently say that you had a great time.”

Flashbacks replay in your mind of your screaming fest from underneath him. Little did Jaemin actually know—

“You know, for someone who I assume has many one-night stands,” you spit with squinted eyes. “I’m surprised you can’t tell when girls fake it.”

You must’ve hit a sore spot because he grinds his teeth and you could almost see the steam coming out of his ears.

Oh yeah, you’re definitely the winner in this fight.

“Okay, you know what, Merry Christmas and fuck you. Have a great life!”

“Fuck you, dickface. Wishing you a miserable Christmas!”

With a bitter smile, you flip him off as he slams the door in your face.

Carrying a basket filled with dirty clothes, Jaemin’s on the way down to the laundry room in the basement of his apartment with his shoulder scrunched up, squeezing his phone to his ear.

“Bro, she had the audacity to say that I didn’t make her come when she was screaming my God damn ear off—”

As he steps down the short flight of stairs and passes by the foyer area by the main entrance to the building, he notices you’re still here.

“Shit, uh, Jeno,” he mumbles. “I’m gonna have to call you back.”

He stuffs his phone into the pocket of his sweats and calls out to you as he strides closer. “Are you resorting to stalking me by my front door now?”

With crossed arms, you peer over your shoulder, eyes full of bitterness.

“Like I wanna be anywhere near you right now,” you grumble. You jerk your head towards the thick, wooden door. “It’s jammed from the snow.”

The laundry carrier shakes his head and places the basket onto the floor. “A little snow never hurt anyone. You’re probably just too weak.”

Stepping aside and holding out an arm, you signal for him to give it a try.

Jaemin twists the handle and, lo and behold, it doesn’t open. His forehead crinkles as he tries again and again, using more force each time.

Glancing through one of the partially frosted windows adjacent to the sides of the door, he notices the snow has piled enormously high, almost to the height of his chest.

“Well, shit.”

Reluctantly, Jaemin brings you back to his apartment. You’re technically his guest and if he left you in the foyer to freeze, trouble would surely come his way, whether it be in the form of his landlords (also known as his roommate’s parents) or the police.

Without a word, he settles a spoon in a bowl, a carton of milk, and a box of cereal onto the small kitchen table.

At first, you stare at it venomously in rejection, thinking you can easily last a day without any hand-outs from this son of a bitch, but your stomach roars ferociously three seconds later.

As you chew across from him, you enjoy the company of your phone over him, while he does the same but with a cup of coffee in hand.

After finishing your food, you adamantly place your phone down and lean back into the chair, boring holes into his head.

“Why are you such an asshole?” you seethe observantly.

“Why are you such a bitch?” he retorts, not pulling his gaze away from his phone.

“Because you started it,” you say slowly, stating the obvious.

“No, you.”

You sigh defeatedly at his childish behaviour. The weather apps predict the snow will (hopefully) die down by tomorrow morning, thus you’re officially stuck with him for the next twenty-four hours or so. Your hands rake through your hair.

“Whether we like it or not, the snow isn’t going away until tomorrow. Merry Christmas Eve to us, I guess.”

He’s still glued to his phone. You exhale another sigh.

“Since we’re not getting out of this until then, can we just...” You soften your voice. “Start over?”

His eyes are still on the screen, but from the way his shoulders tense and how he stops scrolling, you know he’s considering your proposition.

“At least call a stalemate over this.” You drift your hand in the air, gesturing between you and him.

Blowing out air and shaking his head, he rests his phone onto the table.

“Fine.”

He crosses his arms, imitating you, and the two of you sit there, staring at each other in a long silence.

One minute, to be exact.

You’re the one to break the silence game by running your hands over your face, letting out a hybrid of a groan and laugh.

“God, the fact that we had sex makes this kinda awkward, huh?”

Jaemin’s exterior melts slightly, letting out a snicker. He shrugs, “Then let’s just pretend that we didn’t have sex.”

“We can’t just pretend that we didn’t have sex,” you say, holding two upturned palms near your face.

“We did it, it’s done. I’ve seen your penis, you kicked me out, and you labelled me a prude—” You dart a finger towards him. “—which I am far from, by the way. All of those are pretty huge things.”

One of the corners of his mouth raises high. “Are you saying my penis is huge?”

“No, the implication of said penis is huge. Wipe that smirk off your face.”

He stretches an arm, holding an imaginary microphone to your face. “Do you deny that my penis is huge?”

Rolling your eyes, you swat his fist away. “What am I, on trial here?”

“Do you plead the fifth then?”

Annoyed, you roll your eyes again. Why do you get the feeling that you’re probably going to be doing this a lot more today? Another feeling tells you that if you don’t answer his question, he’ll probably pester you until you do.

You tilt your head side to side. “It’s... decently sized.”

“Bigger or smaller than average?”

“Perfect...” His eyes light up. “...ly average.” And a frown rolls over.

He squints his eyes accusingly at your sneer. “Are you lying like you did before about faking it?”

You scoff. “I wasn’t lying about faking it, and I’m not lying now about your average sized dick.”

Jaemin releases a disgruntled grumble and lifts his cup to his face. You notice he likes to take his coffee black and bitter, presumably like his heart.

“So, Miss I’m-Not-A-Prude-and-I’ve-Definitely-Had-Sex-Before.” His eyebrows perk up on the word definitely. “What’s your story? Why the last minute one-night stand?”

Shrugging your shoulders to your ears, you reply, “Haven’t had sex in a while.”

“When’s the last time you had sex?” he asks mid-sip.

“Half a year ago,” you respond nonchalantly, perching your chin into your palms.

Jaemin immediately chokes, almost spraying the coffee through his nose.

“Half a year?!” he gasps. It takes him a few hits to his chest to dispel the coughing. “Six months?!”

“Wow, you can count!” you exclaim in a condescending tone. You change the position of your hands so that your chin is now atop of the back of your curled fingers and tilt your head. “Can you also spell?”

“As a premed student, I can assure you that I am capable of doing both,” he says with a slight strain due to the coughing fit. The humble brag brings on another eye roll. Of course he’s a premed student with the attitude he wears.

“It’s just—” He clears his throat and swallows the last bit of coffee stuck in his windpipe. “—The last time I had a dry spell was for like, a month, tops.”

So the fuckboy gets laid way more on the daily than you expect. You’re torn between being envious over how much action he gets in comparison to you, or remorseful, since you’re now just one of the many notches on his bedpost.

No matter, sarcasm is always the best defence mechanism.

“Good for you, Jaemin. I’m sure you’re very proud of that.”

There’s an awkward beat. His head hangs for a moment while his thumbs stroke the sides of his cup. A strange pinch of guilt occurs. Did you overstep an unspoken line? But then he drags himself back to reality in a heartbeat.

Jaemin brings the cup to his mouth again, mumbling, “At least the sex on your part makes more sense now; you’re rusty as fuck.”

Completely aware of what he said, you trash your guilt entirely and narrow your eyes. “What did you just say?”

Following a long sip, he hums, “Mmm, nothing.” Soon after, he stands up with his cup.

“I’m gonna go game now. Feel free to watch Netflix on the TV and stay in the living room.”

As if you had anywhere else to go...

He begins to walk towards his room as you mutter under your breath, “I’m not a dog.”

“Says the bitch,” he pipes up, taking you by surprise.

“Thought we had a stalemate?!” you shout, leaning your head forward as you watch him entering his room.

“Doesn’t mean we’re on peaceful terms!” he sing-shouts.

The flinging of the closed door echoes throughout the apartment.

Regret surges through you. You just had to choose a fuckboy fluent in assholery and end up incidentally being isolated with him during a snow storm on Christmas Eve.

You wonder if you can handle being around him for the next twenty-four hours without killing him first.

During the afternoon, you’re on the living room couch, playing a show as mostly background noise while you’re on your phone. At one point, your phone unsurprisingly begins to die and you tread over to Jaemin’s door to ask for a charger and if you can also take a shower. He’s still annoyed by your existence, but at least he hands you a charger and lets you know where the extra towels are.

Stepping into the living room with the towel in your hand as you dry your hair off, you peer out the large living room window and see nothing but white engulfing the streets and buildings as far as the eye can see.

You pray the snow will eventually stop as soon as possible so you can head back home.

By the middle of the afternoon, Jaemin emerges from his bedroom and shocks you by plopping down on the opposite end of the living room couch from where you’re sitting.

“Bored?” you ask, eyes fixated on the TV screen.

“Nope,” he replies, popping the p as he says it. His slings his arm around the top of the couch.

“Gotta keep an eye on you in case you do something.” Turning away from the screen, he faces you and motions circles with his hand. “You’ve got a little crazy in you, I can feel it.”

You quickly glance over at him, but try to refocus on the TV. “Need I remind you that you’re the crazy one, dragging me out of the apartment right as I woke up.”

That compels him to turn his whole body towards you. “Well, you’re the one who wanted a last-minute one-night stand.”

You match his stance. “As if I’m the first girl in your bed to stay in the morning?”

“Actually, yeah.” He aggressively tilts his head to one side. “Most girls leave before I even get up. The other percentage don’t fight me when I ask for them to go, so it looks like you’re the odd one out.”

You press your lips together, refusing to admit that maybe he has a point, under the assumption that he’s telling the truth.

Jaemin twists his body back to the screen and adds, “I make it very clear on my profile that I don’t do morning afters, sweetheart.”

And you agree that his profile is clear about his intentions, but that doesn’t mean you can condone his shitty behaviour.

“Well, sorry that I expected just an ounce of respect instead of getting kicked to the curb after you stuck your dick in me,” you grumble, shifting back to the show and crossing your arms.

“Morning afters lead to attachments, and attachments lead to feelings, and feelings lead to relationships,” he says the string of words clinically, as if it’s a mantra that he lives by.

Your eyebrows knit together as you whip your head towards him once more, studying him.

“And what’s so wrong with that?”

Deliberately averting your gaze, Jaemin grates his tongue between his teeth, a slight tsk audibly heard, and his chin juts out. There’s definitely a story behind his ways. He huffs and changes the subject.

“Seriously?” He holds a hand out. “You’re watching this trashy show?”

Squinting your eyes at him, you could probably interrogate him further, but you decide otherwise.

“It may be trashy,” you concur, looking at the TV. “But it’s my trashy comfort show.”

Following an over-the-top acted out scene between the show’s main love interests, Jaemin shoots up from the couch.

“Yeah, no, I can’t handle this. Can we either put on something else or game or something?”

“Why don’t you go back to your room to game, Mr. I’m-Not-Bored?”

“Like I said, I gotta keep an eye on you,” he says while bending over in front of the TV, already setting up the Playstation. He tosses you a controller as he strides to his side of the couch again.

He mumbles to himself, “Need to make sure you don’t go crazy from the lack of human interaction.”

Either Jaemin is selfish and only looking out for himself, or he wants to make sure you’re not feeling lonely in a stranger’s home.

Likely the first reason, you deduce—because why would a guy like Jaemin care about a mere one-night stand?

Admittedly, you’re not the best at games, especially at fighting ones. You can comprehend the move lists, but you like to live by button smashing the controller and repeating moves over and over.

So it’s hilarious when you beat Jaemin every round with your surprisingly fruitful technique.

“Okay, this is bullshit,” Jaemin complains, sticking his tongue out in irritation. His ass is currently being handed to him on a plate again since you’re almost done killing his character off. “You must be lying to me; you have to be a pro player or some shit.”

Jaemin’s health bar is dangerously low as your character jabs his with a sword. He winces out loud and you snicker.

“Why do you think I always lie about everything?! Dude, you have serious trust issues,” you joke before you steal the opportunity to slice his character. One more hit and he’s done for.

“I do not! I just—nooo!”

You rise to your feet and pump your arms in the air, turning in circles in joy over yet another win.

Sulking, Jaemin eyes your little dance from his end on the couch, but as he watches you more, a feeling balloons in his chest. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Finally coming down from your post-win high, you spot an emerging grin from the corner of your eye, making you pause.

“What?” you eye him suspiciously.

Your suspicion pops the sensation in his chest and, like a fish out of water, his eyes widen and his grin melts away.

“Nothing, uhm.” He ruffles his eyebrows and palms the back of his neck, quickly facing the TV. “Let’s go one more round and then we can switch to another game—”

Suddenly, the TV and surrounding lights switch off. Both of you waver your eyes, anticipating for them to come back on, but they unfortunately don’t.

Jaemin rushes over to the window. When he swivels his head towards you, his face darkens.

“Looks like it’s at least the whole block. The streetlights are out too.”

Without another word, he dashes to the linen closet and brings back several blankets. He calmly explains that there won’t be heat since it’s connected to the electricity, so it’d be best to keep warm with the extra layers.

Not wanting to scare you, he doesn’t add the fact that due to the huge windows in the apartment, more unnecessary cold air will come in, but you’re already cognizant of it from your own logic and since the remaining heat dissolves rapidly.

You groan and retreat into the massive blanket over your shoulders, turtling your head.

You can’t believe you’re going to fucking die in this asshole’s apartment on Christmas Eve.

On the ends of the couch in your makeshift blanket jackets, both of you attend to your phones for a while.

From what people and the news outlets are saying, it’s not just the block, but the whole city grid is out. You frantically text your friends, giving updates on how you are and half-jokingly telling them that you’re going to die with your dreadful one-night stand. Some time passes and Jaemin tosses his phone off to one side.

“Well, since there’s nothing else to do and we should probably conserve our phone batteries—” You glance up at him from your phone and pout. Slowly nodding in agreement, you toss it aside too. “—why don’t we play a game of ‘I’ll-Give-You-Pointers-on-How-to-be-Better-in-Bed’?”

A smile burgeons on his irritatingly handsome face and your eyes roll. At this point, you wonder if the reaction is conditioned into you. “It’ll be my early Christmas gift to you.”

“Wow, so thoughtful, how could I ever thank you?” You drag the blanket closer to your chest in false gratitude.

You think for a serious moment if you really want to go through with this. Hearing Jaemin run his mouth on you unwarranted is already painful, but to give him the go-ahead to do so? Especially criticizing your skills in bed?

You blow out a sigh, noting the slightly visible cloud. You’re grateful Jaemin has thick, downy blankets.

Well, if you’re going to die, may as well know what went wrong, right?

“Fine, but if we’re playing this game, we have to say everything honestly and take the criticism we get.” You point a stern finger. “No rebuttals, just acceptance.”

“Wait.” Jaemin crinkles his face in genuine confusion as his hand peeks out from his blanket.

“You have things to criticize about me in bed?”

Your lips tremble before you burst into laughter. Displeasure is on Jaemin’s tight-lipped face as you laugh for a while, almost keeling over in your blanket ball onto the hardwood floor. “How conceited are you, oh, my fucking God?”

He slices his hand through the air. “I’ve never had any complaints—”

“Because you’re too busy focusing on your own orgasm, you selfish dickwad,” you say as your laughter dies down.

He sits in his snit for a few more moments until he gets over it.

“Fine, fine,” he huffs. Jaemin knows he’s not going to enjoy this, but he’s the one who suggested it. He can’t back out now. “Let’s just get this over with, you go first.”

With your blanket held by your chest, you hop off your end of the couch and shuffle over in front of him where he’s seated. Beaming, you begin.

“Let’s start with foreplay.” Jaemin’s eyes light up with confidence, thinking he’s at least decent with that. You crush his expression as your lips purse and you shake your head.

“Non-existent.”

“What do you mean?! I kissed you as you took off your clothes.”

You stick your free hand out from your blanket, extending your index finger.

“One: you only kissed my lips. You know, there are other parts of me to kiss, like, I don’t know, my neck, my arms, my shoulders.”

You extend another finger. “And, two: it’s weird to not help someone take off their clothes. Like you’re in a super rush to get somewhere or something—”

“We’re fucking!” he cuts in sharply. “This is a one-night stand, not a relationship.”

Closing your eyes and dropping your head, you pinch the bridge of your nose. You sigh in exaggeration.

“Thought we agreed no rebuttals...” you softly sing-say.

Jaemin’s head sinks a little into his blanket. “Sorry.”

Removing your hand, you shrug. “Maybe there’s some rule that I don’t know about one-night stands, so this could be on me.”

You start to aimlessly tread back and forth in front of him, dragging the blanket along too. “But fuck, foreplay is foreplay for a reason. You work your way up to the heat of the moment and it makes sex much better, regardless if you’re in a relationship with the person or not.”

“Next point.” You stop walking and direct your focus on him. Pointing your finger and looking him dead in the eye, you ask, “Do you know what a vagina is?”

He snorts with a simper. “Uhhh, is this a rhetorical question?”

“No, I’m legit asking,” you say with a raised eyebrow and snarky smile. “Because when you went down on me, all you flicked your tongue at was the outside of it, also called the labia if you didn’t know.”

“I’m premed, of course I—”

“Which is great! But you didn’t go any deeper nor did you go near my clit.”

You thrust your finger again. “Do you also know what that is?”

“Yes...” he groans with the flickering eyelids.

You swipe your arm through the air. “Maybe make use of it, and not only when you go down on girls. Even during sex, touching it is great.”

“And lastly,” you continue. “I’ll be honest here, you have a decent dick.”

Jaemin waggles his finger. “So you were lying before—”

“I wasn’t lying,” you retort firmly. “But anyways, you’ve got the stuff, but why don’t you put it to better use?”

With the following words, you attempt to gesture with your body and execute moves as graphic visuals. Jaemin giggles at the sight.

“Vary the speeds and the angle, don’t just slam it in me and go crazy fast from the get-go. Build up to the climax. Jesus, I couldn’t even get close to coming because you’re like a jackhammer from start to finish.”

When you finally finish, Jaemin’s giggles morph into hollow laughs. Frustration is blatant on your face, pondering if he even absorbed a single word you said.

After he calms down, he asks, “Are you done?”

You mumble, “Yeah, I think so.”

The two of you switch places. He shuffles onto his feet with his blanket while you sit back on the couch.

Jaemin pulls the blanket across the floor as he ambles. “Okay, your head game is decent—”

“Excuse you, my head game is strong.”

“Uh-uh, rebuttal,” he points out.

You sigh. Pinching your fingers together, you drag the invisible zipper across your mouth, then wave your hand, allowing him to resume.

“Your head game is decent. You definitely can deepthroat, but—” He mirrors you from before and extends his index finger.

“One: this happened only a few times, but your teeth scraped against my dick, which is why I assumed you were a borderline virgin.”

You fume silently at the accusation, attempting to not speak up with a heap of rebuttals. But he wasn’t wrong—if you teethed on his dick, that’s a classic virgin move.

“But that’s okay, because we already established that you’re just rusty.” Jaemin flashes you a fake comforting smile as he continues to pace. You flash him one back.

“And two—” He holds another finger out. “Don’t be scared to use your hands and stroke me. Give my dick some love. If it’s too wet, just wipe your hands on the bed or something.”

“Okay, duly noted,” you hum. “Next.”

“Don’t be scared to touch me.”

“I touched you so much during—”

He shoots you a glare. You roll your mouth inward, your lips disappearing instantly.

“Your hands were mostly on the sheets, which is hot, but guys like to be felt up too.”

The attractive individual peers up for a second, thinking to himself. “Even hotter when a girl feels herself up during the fucking, but that’s beside the point. Baby steps, just remember to touch the other person.”

Jaemin does a full-stop and faces you.

“And just... don’t fake it.” Distress is evident in his pout. You hate to admit it, but it’s a little cute. He raises an arm and jerks it in the air. “Why do girls fake it?”

“Because guys with egos like you can’t handle criticism,” you reply bluntly.

“What are we doing, having this conversation, hm?”

“We wouldn’t be having this conversation if it didn’t snow in and keep us here together.” You peel a hand away and gesture to the window. “If I walked out of here this morning, you would’ve just fucked the next girl the same.”

He defends himself, “Faking it just feeds our egos.”

“Yeah, well, if I told you afterwards that I didn’t come, what would you do?”

“Try to make you come in other ways?”

Shaking your head, you scoff. “Guys like you aren’t that considerate.”

“You’re right.” He assents, holding his pointer finger against his chest. “Because guys like me aim to please.”

A brilliant thought leaps in his mind and Jaemin gasps. You can only assume bad things from the wicked smile he sends your way.

“Why don’t we try it again?”

Perplexed, you squint at him.

“Try what again...?”

“Sex,” he says enthusiastically.

You blankly stare at him.

“You’ve gotta be joking,” you deadpan.

“I mean, there’s nothing else to do and it’ll keep us warm.”

You continue to stare at him until you groan.

“Oh, my God...” Your blanket droops a bit off your shoulders as you drag your palms across your face. “I cannot believe I’m stuck in this snowstorm with you out of all people...”

Sitting next to you, Jaemin persistently reasons with you. “Think of it also as another learning experience for the future partners we’ll have.”

“Yeah, if we don’t die first!” you shriek.

“We’re not going to die,” Jaemin replies in a mocking tone and a dart of his tongue.

Outside the window, the snow seems to have slowed down, but not by much.

God, Jaemin better be fucking right because you want to live to see another day.

“Fine,” you mutter and match his gaze. “But we have to be vocal throughout the whole thing. Say whatever’s on our mind.”

“Fine,” he agrees to your terms. He produces the same wicked smile again. “But can we film it then? So we can study it after?”

You fire him a death glare that melts his face off, even in the frigid atmosphere.

“I’m joking, I’m joking,” he says, waving his hand.

They say that jokes are half-meant true, but you think Jaemin fully meant it. Still in your blanket jackets, Jaemin snags your free hand and leads you to his room.

“You gotta give me credit for trying, though.”

“No.” You shake your head with an unwilling smile creeping on the edge of your lips. On second thought, maybe the joke was a little funny, but you still stand by your opinion that he’s the most annoying person in the world. “I don’t think I will.”

“Thank God Chenle has so many scented candles...”

On the edge of Jaemin’s bed, huddled by the blanket, you watch him light up several large jars, placing them on his nightstand and desk in hopes to brighten the room. It’s already late afternoon, but one could mistaken it for nighttime with the muddy sky due to the snow.

“Is Chenle your roommate?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin answers with a slight shiver, igniting the last candle near the bedside. He removed his blanket when he went to nab the matches and candles. “His girlfriend gets free ones from work, so she always gives him a shit ton, even though he never uses them.”

With a glowing hue against his face, he blows out the match. He makes his way to you, a cocky grin plastered on him, as he says, “Guess we’re making use of them now, though.”

Before you can even respond, Jaemin gets right down to business—sitting beside you on the mattress, he palms your face and drags you in for a kiss. You softly yelp, but immediately reciprocate.

The cover falls off your body as you reach to touch him, fingers drifting over his solid arms.

You don’t want to stroke his large ego, and maybe it’s because you haven’t had anyone else on you in a while, but Jaemin’s kisses are something else.

The cushiony pair of lips always executes enough pressure against your mouth, increasing and decreasing on command in perfect tandem and timing. His hands hover over your waist and the nape of your neck, fingers sinking into your hot skin.

His mouth trails downward the side of your neck. You crane your head back, indulging in his caresses as soft moans trickle out.

He gently signals for you to recline back and lay onto the mattress, moving the sea of blankets aside. Inclined on his elbow, almost atop of you, his cool fingers glide under your top layers, his thumb stroking against your stomach.

Pulling away from your body, he tugs on the ends of your clothes. You rise from the bed to better the angle for him to discard of them.

The hairs on your skin are standing on end from the frigid air, but you’re too focused on Jaemin’s mouth migrating over your upper arm and your bra-covered chest to care. Without notice, he stuffs a cup of the bra to one side and takes your bosom into his mouth.

Air’s seized from your lungs and your core contracts from the pleasure. Your fingers tug on Jaemin’s luscious locks and his free hand squeezes your unoccupied breast.

After a few twirls of his tongue and a gentle drawing of his teeth on the pointed tip, he mumbles hotly into your chest while he thumbs your other nipple, “Foreplay still non-existent?”

“It’s better, I guess,” you sigh with fluttering eyes. His chuckling reverberates against your cleavage, a sign of amusement from your obstinacy. A gasp pierces the room as Jaemin repeats his actions onto the other breast.

He aids you in taking off the rest of your clothes and, obviously aware of your goosebumps and shuddering, tells you to get underneath the blankets while he strips himself.

Under the toasty ocean of layers, despite how both of you are bare-boned and how easy it is to jump into the main act, Jaemin purposefully continues to prolong the foreplay. Side by side, your lips meld endlessly; your legs and hands are intertwined in an amorous pretzel.

Jaemin ensures he doesn’t leave any part of you untouched—the pads of fingers virtually graze over every inch of your body. Each grip and drag of his digits sends you in a frenzy. Your chest is pressed into him and your eyes are blinded with desire.

In the back of your mind, you think about how you were right about foreplay working up to the heat of the moment—literally, because you’re dripping, he’s hard, and you two have embraced so much that you don’t need the blankets anymore.

On the other hand, you wonder if Jaemin was right about skipping foreplay, because with every whisper of each other’s name, the intimacy rises immensely. You don’t know him, and neither him with you, but you’re both freely drowning in one another in a plane beyond the lust.

Although the room’s beginning to smell of a mix of all the scented candles, Jaemin hones in and drinks in your sweet aroma and your entirety behind his hazy eyes and already tousled hair. All of a sudden, one drag of his fingers over a particular sensitive spot on your body makes you giggle.

“I’m ticklish over there.”

“You mean right—” He drums his fingers over the area again. “—here?”

With a toothy grin, he generates more suffering from you and you begin to lively howl. Soon enough, you beg him to stop.

“You’re such an asshat, c’mon, let me live!”

When he ceases, his head hangs over yours and your gazes connect.

The same feeling blooms in his chest from before in the living room.

He gulps as his eyes waver over your face, unknowingly tracing your beautiful features and etching them into his memory.

Your starry eyes. Your glowing aura. Your everything.

You barely register the change in his expression because he quickly tramples on his moment of weakness by kissing you passionately.

Jaemin whips the blankets aside as he lowers himself between your legs. Your eyes are fixated on him, matching his stare, until he starts to devour you by swiping against your lustrous folds. Your back bows, and, following a few more licks, Jaemin makes a point of his knowledge of the vagina by spreading your lips and ravishing your pussy, tongue penetrating deeply.

Rippled moans release in harmony with your undulating chest. You swear you’re getting more wet, too wet, likely making it overwhelming for Jaemin, but he’s eagerly lapping every drop up.

“How’s that?” he inquires with a grin, hovering over your trembling nether lips. His mouth is evidently glossy, even under the dim lighting.

“Good,” you pant in the most nonchalant tone you can muster up. “Very good-ahhh—”

Jaemin kindly interrupts you by tonguing your clit as he fingers your sex deeply, shattering your fake indifference.

“Move your tongue up more,” you direct, creasing your eyebrows in despair. He follows your direction, and droning moans ensue.

Jaemin’s immersed in your pleasure, but also adding to his own. The more he laps up your wetness, the more he grinds his length against the bed, aching to be inside of you.

Your desire pulses faster, contracting tighter against his fingers, body winding tensely by the second.

“Fuck, Jaemin,” you whine, leaning your head to one side with a parted mouth. “I’m close.”

He draws back and temporarily replaces his tongue with his thumb.

“Good,” he pants, cocking his head to one side. His eyes are filled with determination. “Because I’m not stopping until you come at least two more times tonight.”

You exhale a light laugh. “That’s ambiti-ohgodohgod—”

His tongue works wonders on your clit once more, so much that he has to brace your bucking hips.

Okay, maybe Jaemin did learn a thing or two and actually listened to what you said during your critique.

But now it’s time to demonstrate to him what you’ve learned.

You don’t need much of a break to catch your breath, nor do you want to immediately freeze due to inactivity, so you pull Jaemin in for an intense kiss, tongue dipping into the remnants of your own nectar, then beckon for him to take your former place on the bed.

Perched on the bottom of your feet, you’re on one side of Jaemin, lackadaisically fisting his prominence. After a few strokes, you gradually swallow his inches, keeping in mind to relax your jaw and to not rush in order to avoid any potential teething. You do this to prove yourself worthy of giving head, but also in spite, because you absolutely do not need Jaemin to brand you a virgin again.

You read his quiet groans and his long fingers running lazily through your hair as a positive sign and advance further.

Carefully, you rest your tongue beneath the underside of his cock and bob your head, licking him until he’s sopping with your saliva. His grip in your hair grows in strength as his length reaches the end of your throat, his groans becoming more and more drawn-out.

A needy whimper leaves him as you suddenly withdraw. Dribbles of your spit follow, and you wipe it off with the back of your hand.

“How am I doing?” you glow in a pant, lazily stroking the doused shaft.

He simply nods with half-lidded eyes, barely able to look at you. “Yeah.”

You snicker at him in his breathless position, a prickle of pride running through your spine over the fact that you blew his mind as much as you blew his dick.

“Use your words, Jaemin.”

Teasingly, your fingers curl around his blunt head, soothing the sensitive tip and sending jolts throughout him.

“Fuck—” he pulls his bottom lip upward. “Awesome. You’re doing awesome.”

“Anything to critique?”

“Mm-mm,” he shakes his head restlessly. You revel a bit more in having the upper hand on him a little while longer. You grip him tighter and hasten your speed, leaving him gasping for air.

“Am I still rusty?”

“Nope, nope,” he croaks, voice rising to a whine. “Definitely not rusty.”

“You sure?” His cockiness has transferred over to you.

“Yes, yes—fuck, slow down, please,” Jaemin begs.

Granting his wish, you abate your rhythm and free his inches from your touch.

You wipe your hands on the sides of the bed while Jaemin rummages through the drawer of his nightstand and hastily rolls over the rubber over himself before he prepares to enter the body beneath his.

Recalling your advice, Jaemin mindfully starts off slow. You sigh blissfully in sync to his thrusts. He adjust himself, attempting another angle, and you draw in air between your teeth.

“There, there—“

Jaemin’s quick-witted and keeps at it, plunging a bit more vigorously. Out of habit, your hands grasp onto the bedsheets, but you wittingly attach them to his frame. Hands grazing his neck, his firm pecs, and his taut muscles.

“Touch-touch my stomach,” he orders in a hush.

You hands follow through and feel up the flexed valley of his abs. Feeling up evolves into desperate gripping and even the slight dragging of your nails.

“Your abs are so fucking hot,” you state thoughtlessly, eyes eating up the view alongside his cock disappearing in and out of you. “Jesus, fuck.”

“Yeah?” he rasps with that devilish smirk of his. God, you want to smack it off him, but not right now—not when you’re reaching euphoria. “You’re not just saying that?”

Oh, you’ve definitely stroked his ego now, but there’s no turning back. Truth spills from you on a whim.

“You’re a fucking masterpiece,” you gasp acutely.

You’re starting to wither away, yet, as if they have a life of their own, your hands drift away from him and find a new home atop your breasts.

“You make me feel so good, Jaemin...”

Jaemin’s eyes go wide. His mouth hangs at the lewdness of you touching yourself.

“Fuck, holy shit.”

His gaze doesn’t leave your ecstatic face or humming body for a second as you knead your breasts and tweak your nipples between your fingers. Your back arches further when Jaemin deepens his sweet, fulfilling thrusts. He’s holding himself back, not wanting to end this beautiful deed just yet.

The stimulation bursts over your body, both from your own doing and Jaemin’s.

You plead, “Faster, please, faster.”

And he complies, but he also rubs your bundle of nerves, causing a tight knot in you to build up and your shallow moans transform into heavy screams. You clasp onto his back and claw at the protruding shoulder blades.

“I’m-I’m—”

You clench, both with your core and your nails digging into him, but Jaemin’s unrelenting, capturing your second peak for the evening.

Instead of coming after you, he shockingly veers lower and closer to you and curbs his pace.

“Was that real?”

You respond with an exhausted nod. Oddly, the smile he shows this time isn’t arrogant, but warm and teetering the line of tenderness. His lips fuse with yours before they stray towards your neck. The passion stews as he sucks your tits, all the while lunging laxly into you.

With an obscene pop!, Jaemin removes himself from your nubs.

“Ready for the last round?”

His fast thrusts, hitting you precisely in the best spot, cloud your already weakened logic, deterring you from making any response.

Perspiration is blatant on both individuals. For him, his forehead glistens gorgeously with his damp hair. For you, the back of your bent knees are gluing together. Your bodies are about to pass out, but you both persevere until the end.

As you convulse and perish together in beautiful agony, coincidentally enough, the bulbs in the room and in the streets leap to radiance.

Together, you collapse onto the bed side by side, panting heavily and laughing.

“Told you we weren’t going to die.”

You turn your head to see Jaemin looking at you with a cheeky grin. In retaliation, you stick your tongue out.

By nighttime, it’s finally stopped snowing outside. However, the streets won’t be cleared until morning, at the very least.

But... you’re surprisingly okay with that.

In a turn of events, the sex inexplicably makes the two of you warm up to each other. There still is targeted banter and tension between you, lingering from before, but it’s less hostile and more playful.

During a fancy Christmas Eve dinner of microwavable pizzas, you poke fun at each other’s majors and discuss your respective hobbies in depth, especially his love for photography. Jaemin even asks if he can take a picture of you, claiming that the kitchen lighting actually looks nice on someone for once.

“Is that how you collect the memory of your one-night stands? Instead of hanging their skins in your closet, you sweet-talk your way and keep all the photos of them?” you joke, referring to the video call from yesterday night. It feels like an eternity ago, but snowstorms tend to do that.

He chuckles behind the camera as he snaps a photo of you scrunching your face cutely.

“Yeah, but you’re the first one who has clothes on,” he says, glancing down at the photo on the camera roll.

“Ugh, gross,” you cringe and take a sip of tea.

Jaemin doesn’t add anything further. He leaves out the fact that he never keeps any traces of his one-night stands, that you’re the first girl he’s taken a picture of in a while.

After a few hours of more talking and even some gaming with one another, sleep is much needed. Jaemin offers an extra toothbrush and a sweater and pair of sweats to sleep in. You’re facing each other on his bed, noses almost touching.

“It’s been a while since I haven’t had sex with a girl before I slept next to them,” he whispers, adjusting himself comfortably. The side of his face rests on his piled hands. “It’s kinda nice.”

You cover your mouth as you yawn, then lay your hand back under your head, reflecting the same position as Jaemin.

“You know, it might be my sleepiness talking, but maybe you’re not the worst person in the world to be stuck with during a snowstorm.”

A lovely chuckle echoes in your ear. “I’m glad you’ve had a change of heart.”

After a few moments, your eyes are fluttering to a close until he softly calls out your name.

“Hm?” you stir awake, but not by much.

“Do you...?”

Jaemin doesn’t know what’s gotten to him, doesn’t quite understand why the defences he built for so long are crumbling down in only a day of knowing you.

And yet, something urges him to give it a chance.

Blowing out a shaky sigh, he anxiously intertwines his fingers with yours. You hum softly at the action and a small smile blooms on your face.

“Do you want to go on a date with me sometime?”

“Hm?” His question doesn’t take you aback as much as you would be if you were fully awake. But even in your drowsy state, you have quips in hand. “Jaemin, the notorious fuckboy and serial one-night stander, wants to go on a date?”

“Yeah,” he replies gently, brushing your loose hair out of your face.

Another yawn. “I thought you said you don’t want feelings and relationships and all that shit.”

His fingers trace your pretty jawline and shrugs. “One date doesn’t mean we’re going to be in a relationship, I’m sure you know that.”

You pause for a good two seconds, but the two seconds feel like forever for Jaemin.

“Mmm, fine. One date, just one.” You barely hold up your pointer finger. “And only because it’s Christmas tomorrow. ‘Tis the season to be giving...”

Relief washes over Jaemin in the form of a smile. Embracing the blatant feeling in his chest this time, he plants a light kiss on your nose and wishes you sweet dreams, even though you’ve already fallen soundly asleep.

Sunlight pours over your eyes on Christmas morning.

Déjà vu peculiarly creeps up on you, but the only thing that’s the same as yesterday is waking up in Jaemin’s bed.

He’s next to you this time, deep in his peaceful slumber, instead of waiting for you to leave by his doorframe. The snow has finally stopped, and you think you hear the faint noises of snow plows outside. You inhale deeply and also notice the faded aroma from all the scented candles from last night.

The scenes of yesterday flicker across your mind. The incredible sex. The talking. The dinner. The interlocking of his fingers with yours.

The date he asked you out on.

You stare at him, watching him sleep with a sense of content.

Turning your body, you routinely check your phone, which is charging beside his. You have a slew of Merry Christmas texts from several chats and a few private messages from your friends.

Your attention falls on Jaemin’s phone when it lights up with a notification, likely texts from his friends and family too.

But that’s not what you’re focusing on.

Your heart sinks at the sight of his lockscreen.

It’s a picture of him and a girl kissing.

A twinge emerges in your chest and twists harder and harder.

Jaemin being a fuckboy, you can respect. People can do whatever they want with their lives.

But to cheat?

That’s unforgivable, and a true sin if there ever was one.

You scramble to dash out of there, careful not to make any noises in fear of waking Jaemin up. However, Jaemin’s sensitive to the sounds of the front door, so he rouses awake. His eyes flit open, noticing how you’re gone. He then sees his phone blowing up and adds two and two together.

With his phone in hand, Jaemin rushes to get on a coat and stuffs his feet into his boots, not giving a shit that he’s wearing his thin pajamas in the coldness. He’s bounding down the flight of stairs and onto the bright, white wonderland of the streets.

He swivels his head and catches sight of you almost past down the block, slowly trekking through the thick snow. Jaemin sprints, as much as he can, and hops towards you.

He yells your name, making others on the street turn, but you don’t. You continue forward without looking back.

“Wait! I can explain!”

You’re trying to gain speed, but cardio isn’t your friend. Thankfully for Jaemin, it’s a close friend for him.

“I don’t wanna fucking hear it, Jaemin,” you grunt, hearing the rapid crunching of his shoes coming closer. “Get lost.”

“No, listen to me for a second.”

The boyish man grasps you by the arm and turns you around. You throw his arm away from you and he holds his hands in the air, letting you know that he respects your space. He drops his hands and sees that you’re seething, even worse than you were when he kicked you out yesterday.

“How are you going to explain your lockscreen with you kissing your fucking girlfriend?! Hm?”

“Ex,” he pants in clarification. “Ex-girlfriend.”

Your eyebrows mesh together in utter confusion.

“Okay? That doesn’t make me feel any better, knowing that you’re still hung up on your ex.”

Jaemin shakes his head and rakes a hand through his hair. You note the large clouds he exhales and how he’s barely wearing any clothes. A tinge of sympathy passes through you, wanting to give him some of your clothes for extra layers, but you smother that quickly in your state of rage.

“I’m not hung up on her. Remember you asked me yesterday why I don’t want girls to stay the next morning?”

You cock your head impatiently, as if saying, “Yeah.”

“Well, I don’t want to attach myself to girls. I can’t. I...”

He lowers his head to one side. Shutting his eyes, a long puff emits from his mouth.

“She cheated on me.”

The snow plows in the distance can’t compare to the pumping of your heart in your ears. All the feelings you felt in the last day, but especially in the last fifteen minutes, jumble together in your head, making you feel uneasy and unsure of what to exactly feel or comprehend of the situation.

But you do know one thing, despite the fact that you two barely know each other, the pained look on his face is real—that this is the untold story behind his ways.

Jaemin lifts his head and holds out his phone for emphasis. “The lockscreen serves as a constant reminder that dating and feelings will and can fuck me up.”

Carefully, he steps a little closer to you and slowly cups your face in his shaking hands. You don’t pull away nor is there the same anger from moments before, so he daintily runs his thumbs over your cheeks.

“Until you showed me yesterday that maybe I’m willing to give it all another shot. Risk it all for fuck knows what, but you make it look like it’s worth it.”

He continues his ramble after adjusting some of your hair from the ongoing breeze.

“Sure, it’s Christmas today, but I don’t want you to say yes to going on a date with me just because it is. I want you to say yes because maybe you like spending time with me just as much as I like to spend it with you.”

You’re completely disoriented—your eyes are shifting everywhere but his eyes and your lips are quivering with no words coming out. He sighs understandingly.

“Look, I know you’re probably having second thoughts and you don’t have to give me an answer right now. Think on it for as much time as you need, but I want you to know that I genuinely like you and I want to go on an actual date with you.”

He peels his hand away from your face and raises it into the air as if taking an oath.

“I, Na Jaemin, the notorious fuckboy and serial one-night stander, will devote to monogamy once again if it means I can date you.”

His hands grab yours, kisses the back of them, and then he presses one kiss onto your icy cheek prior to walking away.

“Merry Christmas,” he says with a sad smile. “You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

Later that evening at your large family’s Christmas party, you take another dreadful gulp of your wine.

It’s the happy holiday season, but why does everyone feel the need to stick their nose in your dating life? Well, really, a lack there of.

“Why are you still single?” Layers of their voices resound the same question in your head. You take another swig.

Potential unsaid answers that you kept to yourself fly around as you swish the drink in your glass.

Because you choose to be.

Okay, not really, but it’s the easiest answer.

Because you haven’t found the right guy to get you back in the game.

What does that even mean? What makes the right guy even right?

The right guy? It’s someone who makes you laugh, someone who gives as good as they can take it, someone who wants you just as much as you do.

The cogs move in your head as you take one more sip before you finally come to the conclusion—

Because you didn’t find the right guy until last night.

Despite the mess of today and yesterday morning, you realize that Jaemin is... actually sort of sweet. Annoying, yes, but he keeps you on your toes. It’s a plus that he’s easy on the eyes, but it’s a bigger plus that he’s even easier to talk to.

And if he can find it in his scorched heart to trust you, you can find it in your heart to trust him too.

You quickly say your good-byes to your family and let them know you have other plans with friends tonight.

As the Uber rolls up to his apartment building, you realize you probably should’ve messaged him on Tinder, but it’s worth a shot to see if he’s home. Anyways, impulsiveness is a controlling entity, as evident from your Christmas Eve Eve’s adventure.

And in retrospect, perhaps Jaemin was the perfect pick of the crop after all.

Someone’s entering the building and lets you in behind them. You take the stairs two at a time and hear booming music coming from his floor. At first, you assume it’s from other apartments, but it’s all coming from one—his.

Without a thought, your knuckle taps the door.

A handsome figure that’s definitely not Jaemin opens the door. Behind him, you see a group of young men scattered around the living room, and some have a few girls tucked under their arms.

The man eyes you up and down with a spark in his eye. He’s not Jaemin, but he surely reminds you of him.

“And who might you be?” he asks.

“Who’s at the door, Jeno?” An unknown male voice hollers in a high pitch from the couch. He’s one of the guys with a girl attached to him.

You blink. “Uhm, I’m—”

“She’s with me!” Jaemin shoves the flirty stranger aside and tugs you by your wrist, making headway to his bedroom. He flips the light switch on and the door clicks shut.

“What are you doing h—”

You cut him off with a kiss.

An innocent one, at first, with hints of alcohol on each other’s lips. Your arms wrap around the other and the passion increases with the mingling of your tongues, each party tasting and confirming the specific drinks you both consumed tonight.

Jaemin forces himself to pull away and presses his forehead against yours. “Did you just come all the way here to kiss me, or...?”

“Maybe I came over to ask... if I can stay with you for another night?” you playfully ask, fingers intertwining behind the nape of his neck.

He chuckles heartily. His fingers sink into the sides of your waist. “Is my dick that great? The sex with me that amazing?”

“Mmm, that’s definitely a benefit,” you agree, fluttering your nose against his. “But I want more than that—“ You poke a finger to his chest. “—I want the man behind the dick.”

Your gazes converge, bringing you together as one.

“I want to go on that date with you. I want you, Jaemin.”

He flashes a megawatt smile that could compete with a million Christmas lights, but it fades suddenly and you’re unsure why he seems like he’s about to bawl his eyes out.

“That’s so beautiful, I might cry.” He brings a finger to his eye, pretending to shed a tear.

Oh, yeah—you’re definitely going to need to hire someone to constantly shove your eyeballs back into your sockets if you’re going to date Jaemin.

“Oh, shut up,” you whisper, yanking him in for another kiss.

Three dates later, including a memorable New Year’s Eve, you finally decide to rid of the Tinder app for good.

With his arm around you on his living room couch, Jaemin glances over your shoulder.

“Really? You’re finally deleting your Tinder?”

You snort in disbelief. “That’s gold, coming from the King of Tinder himself. When did you delete?”

He turns to face the television and shrugs coolly.

“Maybe I didn’t.”

“Wouldn’t put it past you,” you nod, eyes still on your phone.

“Nah, I’m kidding, I did.”

You sharply turn your head.

“No way. When?” you press with narrow eyes.

A shy smile emerges on Jaemin’s face as he picks his pants over his thighs.

“On the night of Christmas Eve, after you agreed to go on a date with me.”

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outforawalkb1tch · 3 years

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How to Adult from a neurodiverse perspective. Some tips might also be helpful for anyone with mental illness that makes adulting harder.

It's going to be hard but try to stick to a certain area when cleaning instead zip zooming around doing things here and there. It's going to be a lot more satisfying to have one thing done fully then multiple things partially done.

Go to an area in your home and put away x many things that are in the wrong area.

If I'm having an especially hard time staying on one task I'll either tell myself ok I'm gonna wash the dishes (or whatever task it is for you) for x many more minutes or x many songs before I take a short break.

I try my best to make cleaning tasks more game like like I'm not just picking up dirty laundry off the floor into the basket I'm playing laundry basket ball! Making little games like this for cleaning will help make cleaning fun and something you want to do.

Make sure your breaks are actually short put a timer on your phone if you need to.

If you can't take a shower or bath for whatever reason get two washcloths. Get one washcloth wet and soapy, wash yourself. Get the other washcloth just wet and go over yourself again. I would do this a lot coming home super late from visiting family and my mom would call this a rag bath.

Try your best to fold your clothes out of the dryer to avoid wrinkles so that no matter what your wearing you'll look better put together.

If you struggle with this I suggest getting a clothes steamer its like an iron except theres no ironing board to set up and all that jazz that comes with a regular iron. Just fill this baby up with water and use on your clothes while they're hanging and watch the wrinkles go away.

If your having a hard time washing your clothes all together get a fabric fabreze and spray it on your clothes. This isn't a replacement for washing them but it certainly helps the smell if you're stuggling to get your laundry done. Make sure its fabric though regular fabreze won't help your clothes as well.

If you have delicates that your afraid the dryer might ruin let them air dry by hanging them on the shower curtain rack. Or if you have the room to do so invest in something like this:

Make your bed every day. This is just a good habbit to be in. Along with that make sure to freshen your sheets at least once every 2 months. Having more than one pair of sheets also helps with this because even if you can't get to washing your current sheets you could always just replace them with a different clean sheets and get around to cleaning the other sheets some other time.

Vitamins are great just generally but especially helpful if your sensory issues make it hard to eat certain healthy foods.

When making important phone calls make sure you already have a pen and paper so you can write down things you need to remember on the spot, instead of either scrambling for a pen and paper or thinking you'll remember then forget. Also sometimes it is good to have a bullet point list if you need to remember what exactly to say to this person istead of going uhhh umm and such.

When someone tells you an important date for something write it down right afterwards. Writing it right on the calendar were I can see it works better than using the calendar on my phone for myself as I usually forget about it until the day of if its just on my phone whereas if its on my paper calendar I see it a lot since I check my calendar a lot but this might be opposite for you so do whichever one works better

If you have long hair learn cute hairstyles other than just a messy bun. Its fun to switch it up from braids to pigtails to spacebuns or whatever. I'm putting this as a tip because I have long hair and whenever I am having a bad hair day, my hair is greasy or just do not have the energy to properly do my hair I would always opt for the messy bun. But you know what ? That gets boring and there's no age limit on braids or whatever no matter whatever other people state. Plus imo braids hide greasy hair better than buns.

Remember to clean your skin, but also being to harsh with rubbing your face with the cleaner or picking at your face can actually cause more problems! You want your face to not be too oily but also not too dry.

You can tell if your getting enough water by your pee color if its clear or really light yellow your doing good on keeping yourself hydrated if its yellow or darker you need some more water.

Contrary to popular belief/s coffee and cigarettes are not breakfast, and they cost as much as a real breakfast would. Please eat real food instead of bean and sugar soup and nicotine.

Make a budget, ask for help if needed as budget making can be kinda confusing, but make a budget and stick to it. This one has made my life so much better. Be the "crazy" coupon lady if you need to be to stick to it. Be a stickler with the lights and water if you need to be to stick to it.

Speaking of budget the dollar store and the generic grocery store version of things are your friends. The dollar store is a go to for kitchen stuff, cleaning stuff, snacks, some self grooming stuff, and even some of there frozen food and pantry food is pretty decent. They also have plenty of other stuff so honestly if I need anything I usually check there first before another store. Whatever they don't have that I need I can usually find a generic cheaper brand at the grocery store and most the time its absolutely no different than the big brands!

Buy clothes that fit NOW. Don't waste money on clothes that are smaller for inspiration for losing weight. (Or vice versa if you're trying to gain weight) Its important to have fashionable clothes that fit you at the weight you are now because if you don't you'll be stuck in boring sweats and sad because of it. I know. I've been there.

#adhd tips #adhd stuff #adulting #cleaning #autistic #neurodivergent #life tips #adult tips #mental illness

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quirklessidiot · 3 years

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title : cigarettes and parfaits [4] pairing : older!nanami kento x younger!reader [13 year age gap, ft toji fushiguro] Genre: romance, fluff, slice of life, josei, angst, comedy, strangers to lovers au

Summary: you’re pretty sure you’d remember marrying a man 13 years older than you, right? Warnings: alcohol, smoking, mild smut, y/n making stupid decisions, cliche fluff, everyones a human-au so yeh non-canon stuff and everyone’s happy (periODT)

Notes: lil development right there HAHSHSHHS , yes tojis appearing soon guYS hddhdhdh thank u for ur patience ily all and yall stay safe and drink lots and ltos of water!! sorry for the late update!

Masterlist || taglist || [prev ; next] [updates; every saturday!]

You stare at the ring on your hand as you stand next to Nanami Kento in the grocery shop, you and him have agreed to see each other and go out once a week while fixing up the divorce papers.

Last week you both had gone to a cafe after work but had to end early since Yuuji had fell down the stairs (despite being athletic, the boy was awfully clumsy). This week, you both decided to do something mundane.

Grocery shopping.

“Hm, what does Yuuji think about this?” You asked, showing the man some bars of rice krispies, “He seems to be a sweet-tooth.”

“Sukuna is the sweet-tooth, Yuuji isn’t really picky with food.”

“Huh,” You hummed, “Sukuna seems so soft despite all the tattoo’s.”

Nanami rolls his eyes at your statement, “He’s just, as kids like to call these days, a nerd.” he retorts, taking the peanut butter off the shelf and carefully placing it in the grocery cart, “He enjoys mathematics and art,”

“Ah, hence the tattoo’s.” you thought out loud.

“I almost lost it when he went home a few months ago looking like that.” He sighs, running his hands through his hair, “It was a sign of rebellion, saying that he didn’t want to move to Tokyo.”

You chuckled, eyes on him, “Must’ve shot up your blood pressure, Kento.”

He clicks his tongue in dismay, the memory still fresh. Nanami Kento unlike what Gojo Satoru said was a very easy person to like and accompany. Ever since that ‘mild’ mishap two weeks ago, you’d have calls and little quick meet-ups aside from the once a week dates.

At times it felt like the little wedding at the Izakaya hadn’t happened, it was as if you were just going out with him.

Nanami Kento didn’t even have to try so hard to make you comfortable, he was just...there and everything just seemed right. He had easily fit right in with your routine.

You continue to watch him and he stops in the middle of his tracks, blinking heavily, “Ah,” he mumbles, placing a hand over his eye.

“Oh,” you paused in your tracks too, “Are you alright, Kento?”

“Just dust,” He mumbles, “It probably got in.”

You hold back a laugh, how mundane, “Here, let me…”

You slowly take his hand away from his face, his eyes shut tight, trying to hold in the pain from the dust getting in his eyes, “Do you mind bending down a bit lower, Kento?” you ask, “I’ll have to blow it out of your eye.”

Nanami follows your orders and bends down. You slowly cup his cheeks and lean in closer to his eyes and softly blow. You notice the slight twinge of his body, the reaction making you inwardly giddy, “Feel better?” you whispered.

The older man opens his eyes and only then do you notice just how close you two were with each other. For a moment, movement around you is slow and you don’t even notice Maki Zen’in standing right in front of you along with Yuta Okkatsu.

“Sensei?”

You finally snap back to reality when you hear that very familiar voice calling you out. It seemed like Nanami had been caught up in the moment too, “Oh,” You cleared your throat, letting go immediately of Nanami’s face and jumping back, “Maki-chan.Yuta-kun. What a surprise.”

The young girl narrowed her eyes while Yuta’s ears were evidently red, signaling that he felt very embarrassed to walk in on that moment, “Hi sensei.” Yuta greets, clearing his throat, “I-uh sorry about that, I told Maki to walk away and-”

“It’s fine, Yuta-kun.” You laugh, a bit nervous. What would happen if she told Yuji and Sukuna about this? You knew how Maki was sort of close with the twins, although she did not know who Nanami was, she may describe him and if the boys were smart enough to catch on with it, you’d be entangled in it pretty quickly and you weren’t ready to meet them as their ‘oji-san’s’ partner.

You were a bit nervous and it was showing.

Nanami takes quick notice of this and slowly wraps his fingers around yours, a small smile appearing on his lips, “Good afternoon, you must be my partner’s students.” he greets, the man had a way with younger ones, you could only imagine how he was as a father figure to the boys growing up, “It’s nice to finally put some faces on the kids that Y/N loves to gush about.”

Unlike your nervousness a while ago, this man is calm, cool, and collected. You almost envy him at how good he’s doing this.

“At least you picked someone better than Toji-ojisan.” Maki nods, “This guy looks actually more serious with life than him.”

You feel Nanami’s brow quirk up at what she just said.

“A-Anyways, Sensei…” Yuta clears his throat, “We’ll leave you and your boyfriend together. See you at Math class tomorrow!” He hurriedly grabs Maki’s wrist and zooms away at a speed of light. Leaving you two awkwardly standing there.

“Toji?” Nanami asks, curiously peering at you, “An admirer, I assume?”

“Megumi’s otosan.” You mumbled, embarrassed, “He likes to play jokes and all that. It’s nothing serious.”

“Hm.” he mumbled, a small dismayed look crossed his features and you wonder why, “If he does anything uncomfortable, you can pull my name out. I wouldn’t mind.”

“I’ll be sure to take note of that.”

You both continue your way down the grocery aisle, not even noticing that he still has his long hand wrapped around yours.

“Y/N-sensei…” Nobara drawled, placing her head on top of the wooden end of the mop, “How come we never knew you had a boyfriend?”

“Oi,” Megumi growled, “You’re supposed to be cleaning.”

“You’re just jealous that Y/N-sensei didn’t get to be your new okaasan.” Nobara bit back, putting her tongue out. You watched as the raven-haired boy chunk the blackboard eraser at her direction, a vein popping in his forehead.

“Stupid,” He replied, “I’d never let Y/N-sensei near the jiji.”

“What’s he like, Y/N-sensei?” Junpei asked, tapping his chin, cutting the argument short, “I heard Maki-senpai talking about him.”

You watch as Yuuji placed his head on his best friend’s shoulder, “Yeah, she was telling me how older he looked than you.” he exclaimed, you nervously gulped down. Yuuji sure wasn’t helping the situation at all.

“Well,” You chuckled, trying to remain calm and oblivious, “He’s nice and he has kids.”

“Ha.” Sukuna droned, stopping whatever he was doing, his punishment despite not being given any by Nitta was helping the cleaners clean for the whole week, much to his dismay, he had to follow or you’d be giving him a slip, “You’re dating an old man? I thought the reason why you didn’t date the Zen’in-jiji was because he was old and he had kids.”

“Oh.” you looked down on your books on the desk, embarrassed, “I don’t have a problem with kids. In fact, I’d love to meet them.”

“Wah,” Yuuji’s eyes were sparkling now as he hurried in front of you and placed his elbows on top of your table and head on top of his hands, “I hope I really get to meet someone like you, sensei.”

“Stupid, I doubt any sane person would want to go with you.” Nobara said across the room, making Yuuji glare at her and started teasing her.

You chuckled once again at their antics. Meanwhile Sukuna continues to stare at you, eyes narrowing especially at the ring on your ring finger. For some odd reason, it held quite the familiarity.

Yuuji likes to think that Nanamin is the best godfather out there, technically, he was like a father to them already. So he had always wondered why he never got married, he was sure that when they were out a few times, many women would crowd for their ojisan.

His father’s very close friend, Haibara-ojisan had mentioned one fleeting moment back when he was babysitting them that Nanamin was very secretive on who he liked that even he didn’t know if he’d ever been in a relationship.

But things were different these days, for the past two weeks, he’d have one day wherein he’d go home later than usual. It was odd to say the least and not like he minded really, they were high school kids after all since Nanamin hated overtimes.

He mentioned it to Sukuna but his twin just rolled his eyes and said, “Man probably needs to chase the bag or something, he technically is paying for this nice house and two freeloaders here.”

Yuuji doubted it though! Nanamin earned pretty well and he didn’t really need overtime since he was technically the boss or so he heard from Geto-ojisan a few nights ago.

So while he was making them some katsudon for dinner that night and Yuuji was doing some homework for your class, he decided to ask the question.

“Saaay, nanamin-ojisan…” he drawled, placing his pen down, “You’re coming home a lot later than normal these days…”

The older blonde turns to the younger twin, face still straight-lace and stoic, something that Yuuji was accustomed to, “Work has me by the neck.” he replies shortly.

“Every wednesday’s?” he quips, tilting his head to the side.

“Yes.”

“You aren’t dating anyone?”

Silence erupted between them, the only sound could be heard was the sizzling of the chicken on the pan, “What made you say that?” he asked stiffly and maybe, if Yuuji was ignorant, he wouldn’t have noticed the slight twitch of his brow but he wasn’t.

Yuuji prided himself to be an observant person, someone had said he could pass off to be a detective in the near future, he had the agility and the observation skills (sukuna said otherwise though and said he’d get himself killed if he were to ever enter that field)

“You sometimes have that weird look on your face when you look at your phone.” the boy pointed out, “But Sukuna says you’re just chasing the bag so maybe he’s right, he’s kind of the smarter twin after all.” he mumbles the last part with great disdain.

Nanami lowers the fire on the stove and places his hands on the counter in front of Yuuji, “What if I told you I was sort of seeing someone?” he mused, humoring the young boy.

“Are you really?” Yuuji’s eyes widened, surprised written all over his features, “What are they like, Nanamin-ojisan? Are they pretty? Do they know about us?”

“Oi what’s the noise about?” Sukuna’s raspy voice cuts through Yuuji’s excited one as he enters the kitchen, hair still wet from the shower and in house clothes with a towel hung on his neck.

“I told you Nanamin-ojisan was seeing someone!” Yuuji yelled, eyes sparkling since he was right this time, he quickly returned his gaze back to the older man, “When do we get to see them? Are they nice? How’d you guys even meet?”

“You’re seeing someone?” Sukuna spat, eyes wide in complete surprise, “How’d you even get someone to stay around with your uptight attitude?”

“Yah!” Yuuji yells, “Nananmin-ojisan is nice with women unlike you, no wonder girls are very scared to approach you!”

“Shut up,” Sukuna grumbles towards his twin then turns towards his godfather, “How the hell did you even meet?”

Nanami just shrugs, telling them they’ll know soon enough as he returns to his cooking. The boys seemed to dislike his answer though and continued to bug him. After cooking dinner and having their fill, he returns to his room and whips out his phone, a text message from you saying, ‘hey, the boys asked me about you earlier. They heard from maki-chan.’

The blonde wonders if he weren’t drunk, would he even consider doing this sort of thing? Dating was really out of the question, he admits he isn’t in the right place to go out with anyone especially with a young person like you.

He thinks he’s taking advantage of the power-dynamics since he’s older.

He doesn’t even deny how weird it was that you're still hanging around him especially when you had a far richer man as one of your admirers. Satoru may or may not have overhead Yuuji gossiping about you one time and your ‘relation’ with Megumi’s father, it was definitely a small world and judging from the Toji you had mentioned a few days ago, it wasn’t hard to connect the dots that it was actually Toji Zen’in, a member of one of japan’s high business clans.

He shakes his head before pressing the call button, it only takes a few rings until you answered, “Hey kento.” You greeted, “What’s up?”

He hears the sound of a whizzing electric mixer on the other line.

“Boys gave you trouble?”

“No,” he could almost feel the smile on your words, “They were just surprised I liked a man with kids.”

“I reckoned, Yuuji seemed to have caught up too in my side. Been asking why I’m going overtime.”

Silence settled between you two for a moment and Nanami wonders if you’re scared out of your wits. You might be backing out this deal after testing those waters, “Maybe you should tell me when I could meet them then? We wouldn’t want them to run into us during one of our outings or when we’re fixing up the divorce.” you replied softly.

“Hm,” he mumbled, “I’ll be sure to ask them about that. For a temporary setting, you sure take this matter quite seriously, Y/N.”

“Well, I did say I’d help you out.”

A small smile reaches his lips as he hears your small and shy voice. It seemed like having people to check up on you by the end of the day wasn’t so bad, after all.

taglist [if crossed out, i can’t tag u ; - ;]

; @coldbookworm ; @frankenstein852 ; @neavil ; @shephard17895 @kristineyoshaii ; @airybnb ; @okachansenpai ; @amortentiaxo ; @rinvtaro ; @franko-pop ; @kozutenshi ; @kaldoesthings ; @moonlitdabi ; @chococroissant ; @bleepop ; @kaldoesthings ; @moonlitdabi ; @chococroissant ; @pettybroccoli ; @nixxona ; @kiyoo-omi ; @omibaby ; @bokkunto ; @peccobagnaia ; @sangwoahbigbussy ; @inu-makki ; ; @megumiisee ; @softieelorelylove ; @azellianna ; @haruhuiii ; @restless-human67 ; @tsukkisfatsimp ; @taihjj ; @shayiswifey ; @roione

@Kurok1717 ; @hcn421 ; @shinhiromi ; @airybnb ; @katshuya ; @atsuhaya ; @donotcallagain ; @answerthesirens

#jjk imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #nanami x you #cigarettes and parfaits

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